Well, the time has finally come. JD and I have made the decision to end regular production on the Bangers n' Mash Show. There's a lot of reasons for this. Most boil down to burn-out and general feeling that the show has never been and will never be as popular as I wanted it to be. JD and I have been struggling with getting regular episodes out for most of the last year. Our heart really hasn't been in it recently. Thus, the decision to call it quits.
For the most part. In the episode, we explain that we'll continue to produce the occasional on-off special, like the Phantom Awards - which are coming soon! - and convention reports. Maybe a Nerd Vomit every once and a while.
As for the last episode, we mostly spend it talking about the various things we wanted to get to but didn't, the origins and history of the show, our experience making it, and thanking the fans. Really, that last part is essential.
To any Bangers n' Mash listeners here, thank you from the most sincere corner of my heart for the years of support.
Showing posts with label making promises I won't keep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making promises I won't keep. Show all posts
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Zack Clopton's 2016 Film Retrospective
“I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. I just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by...
ZACK CLOPTON'S 2016 FILM RETROSPECTIVE!!!”
2016 was a massive dumpster fire, personally and publicly. In America, it was a year characterized by a shit show of an election, which concluded with America electing a racist, sociopathic, clearly unqualified bag of orange dog shit president. Abroad, there was war and terror and global misalignment. A staggering number of creative, beloved people died and I'm counting my grandmother in that number. I was suffering from emotional burnout for at least seven, probably more, months out of the year.
I feel like Film Thoughts suffered from my bad mood. Looking at the numbers, I still posted more this year then in any prior year. Assuming you count my Harry Potter retrospective in November, I completed eight Report Cards, my best number since Film Thoughts' inception, in addition to several month long events. I launched a new feature in April, called No Encores. However, I personally feel like I let you guys down, as I didn't keep up with my other features throughout the year. At this point, all I can do is promise to do better in 2017.
I know we're all eager to move on but I have to look back one more time. At the movies, you see. For, as huge of a shit burger as this previous year was, the cinema still remain fairly strong. A number of films surprised me with how much I loved them. Even the disappointments usually held up to a baseline quality. It wasn't a great year for blockbusters but I dug up plenty of indie flicks to love.
In keeping with 2016 sucking, my yearly average of total new releases watched was the lowest it's been in two years. I topped out with 80. This is hugely disappointing for me but, I suppose, that's still a lot of hours wasted. Below is THE LIST, ranking every new release I saw in 2016 from most favorite to most hated. I worked hard on this so read it, goddamn it.
FOUR STARS:
1. Darling
A triumph of tone and a display for Lauren Ashley Carter. Her unforgettable eyes convey astonishing emotion. Her unraveling makes an ideal center of “Darling’s” storm. The black-and-white photography puts you in an exaggerated dream world. The editing is broken glass harsh, the sound design stark. The deliberate ambiguity immerses the viewer in this unsettling world.
2. Trash Fire
Richard Bates Jr. returns to his favorite subjects: Dysfunctional families, deviant sexuality, physical deformity. Add a dollop of religious repression and you've got a damn work of genius. The script walks a fine line, keeping the characters' caustic without making them unlikable. The cast is uniformly excellent while the story takes some genuinely shocking turns. See it!
3. Swiss Army Man
For all its bizarre humor – much of which is hilariously absurd and agreeably scatological – the film eventually reveals itself as a fable about the value of life, the power of friendship, and the difference between who we really are and what we want to be. Add two disarmingly charming lead performances and a brilliantly creative, homemade outlook to make a future cult classic.
4. The Handmaiden
Each perspective change takes you deeper into the film's world, the twisting tale constantly re-contextualizing its own events. Themes of class division and complicated thoughts on erotica serve a story ultimately about two bad-ass women besting those that oppress them. Brilliantly fluid direction and an impish sense of humor tie together a great cinematic experience.
5. The Neon Demon
Refn makes his point about modeling. Fanning's virtuous heroine absorbs its vile philosophies. This surface obsessed industry will consume those it desires. But it's an awfully pretty movie, often abandoning narrative for searing visuals. Within the symmetrical world, grotesque violence is introduced. This contrast with the attractive surface, showing ugliness lurking beneath beauty.
6. Green Room
A blood soaked punk rock thrill ride. Even the early scenes have a jittery unease, before the situation constantly escalates. The violence is brutal but blunt, the gore shocking the audience. Anton Yelchin panics well, Imogeen Poots is dryly sarcastic, and Patrick Stewart calmly orders executions. Through the unrelenting intensity, Saulnier sneaks in moments of humor or pathos.
7. The Nice Guys
Shane Black makes the most of the seventies setting, rolling together the environmental movement, porno chic, and, hilariously, anxieties about Richard Nixon and killer bees. The dialogue is highly quotable and hilarious, delivered by two great actors at the top of their games. Watching the plot unfold is so much fun, the film finding new ways to surprise and entertain us.
8. Kubo and the Two Strings
Laika pushes its house style to new levels, creating a visually immersive masterpiece. The film overflows with creative ideas, from dancing paper and giant eyeballs to leaf boats and monster skeletons. Beginning as a fantasy rich legend, it evolves into a fable about how we tell stories to keep our loved ones alive. It also, surprisingly, features some of the best action scenes of the year.
9. Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Ricky Baker is one of the break-out characters of the year, the center of this absolutely charming road trip movie. The film successfully switches genres – low-key comedy to backwoods adventure to chase picture – while staying hilarious throughout, finding new ways to make the viewer laugh. A consistently funny cast finalizes what is sure to be a future cult classic.
10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Absolutely the most fun I had in a movie theater all year. The superior sequel ditches the lame stuff from the first one, keeps what was good, and features amusingly over-the-top action.
Most importantly, it finally brings long awaited elements from the cartoon – Bebop and Rocksteady, the Technodrome, motherfucking Krang! - to the big screen.
THREE AND A HALF STARS:
11. Deadpool
Say what you will about the Deadpool character but this movie perfectly captures him. This is the part Ryan Reynolds was born to play. The action scenes are creative while the script benefits from a tighter focus. The film is packed start-to-finish with hilarious lines and scenarios. That chaotic humor characterizes the entire film, a hugely entertaining experience.
12. Elle
Michele is a very complicated character, as is the movie around her. She doesn't respond to her assault as a passive victim but rather a fully formed person, complex and thoughtful. Paul Verhoven directs the attack scenes with the brutality you'd expect of him, contrasting with the grace with which he makes the rest of the film.
13. The Monster
Extremely intense creature feature, putting two vulnerable characters into an increasingly bad situation. The pitch black direction helps up the suspense. The beast is primarily brought to life through practical effects, making it a visceral threat. The two lead performances root the viewer emotionally, making this as much a story about parenthood as a claustrophobic monster movie.
14. Zootopia
“Zootopia” has lots of laughs, great lead characters, some thrills, a few surprises, great animation, and a timely moral about the ways prejudice pushes us apart.. It's a buddy cop movie of sorts, the strong-willed bunny and the conman fox learning to love one another, with a surprisingly involving mystery. The titular city is an impressive creation.
15. Wiener-Dog
Themes about death, choice, and belonging wind through all four segments. Solondz’ script alternates between cruel and his impish sense of humor. Such as a hilarious intermission. The deeply ironic humor stands side-by-side with probing questions about the futility of existence. Yet his empathy for the suffering of damaged humans – and innocent dogs – grounds the stories.
16. Moana
An almost archetypal story of a princess rebelling against tradition, that leans a little too hard on Chosen One cliches, but is a lot of fun, beautifully animated, wonderfully performed, with some great songs. Maui is a lovable creation, hiding his insecurities behind a boisterous personality. Jemaine Clement as a glam rock crab monster is the clear highlight of the movie for me.
17. Star Trek Beyond
Returns “Trek” to its pulpy adventure roots. Focuses on characters and makes the smart decision to pair off most of the pivotal cast members, including Scotty with Sofia Boutella's exciting Jaylah. The villain's motivation is a bit contrived. The action direction is shaky at first but eventually makes way for some of the best ship battles in the franchise's history.
18. Emelie
Disturbing thriller that heads in increasingly creepy directions. The viewer is forced to watch, seasick, as another unnerving event happens. Sarah Bolger plays an eerily plausible sociopath while Joshua Rush is endearingly tough. The script packs the runtime full of memorable struggles and sickening reveals. This clever streak runs out before the end but I still enjoyed this one a lot.
19. I Am Not a Serial Killer
The less you know about this moody YA adaptation, the better. There's a big shock about a half-hour in that totally caught me off-guard. Max Records is a fascinatingly conflicted protagonist while Christopher Lloyd is both surprisingly scary and deeply sympathetic as the villain. The tension builds nicely throughout the film, to a low-key ending that still feels earned.
20. The Bronze
Hope Ann Greggory may be my favorite new character of the year. A foul-mouth, obnoxious, woman-child, the film clearly outlines the root of her anti-social antics, making the audience relate to her plight. Her vulgar dialogue is highly quotable and her bad behavior is frequently amusing. The addition of a great supporting cast and an unforgettable sex scene seals the deal.
21. Finding Dory
Seeing these characters again is delightful and the film is packed full of belly laughs. The new additions are equally lovable, especially the neurotic septopus. For an animated comedy, this is really tightly plotted with some satisfyingly big action set pieces. Because this is Pixar, there's also an equal amount of touching emotion.
22. Doctor Strange
Oh sure, the Marvel formula is present. The protagonist is a humbled asshole. The villain is forgettable, even with a talented actor in the role. Sequel hooks are overdone. Who cares? The cast is great, especially the perfect Cumberbatch and Swinson. The trippy visuals are a joy and the conclusion puts an interesting spin on the traditional showdown between good and evil.
23. Shin Godzilla
The strangest Godzilla movie yet, as much a satire about bureaucratic oversight as a giant monster movie. The pacing is odd, cutting between long talky sequences and scenes of massive destruction. Godzilla’s appearance is grotesque, staggeringly strong. Hideki Anno's direction is characterized by a documentary like urgency. A fascinating, powerful, at times frustrating film.
24. They Look Like People
Horror indie that puts the viewer into the brain of a schizophrenic, crafting foreboding voices and an enveloping, unnerving paranoia. When the explicit horror sequences appear, they're suitably disturbing. The funny lead performances cause the audience to become invested in the story. The “Is it or isn't it?” ending builds in intensity and leads to a surprisingly concrete ending.
25. Tower
By combining interviews with survivors and reenactments, this documentary helps the viewer understand what living through the Charles Whitman shooting must be like. The re-telling playing out in nearly real time contributes to this intense feeling. The animated approach adds a surreal layer, emphasizing how awful this event felt as it was happening.
26. X-Men: Apocalypse
Maybe the most comic book-y comic book movie yet made. It has the massive stakes and massive cast of a major crossover event. Despite the apocalypse promised in its title, the film maintains a free-wheeling sense of fun, constantly topping its previous huge set pieces.
THREE STARS:
27. Under the Shadow
Iranian horror flick that does the jump scare right, by building up a suitable atmosphere of dread and never revealing too much. It's not just the shadow the main character lives under but the tension of being in a war zone and stifling religious repression. This gives the monster at the center greater meaning, which is further supported by clever effects and good performances.
28. Hangman
Found footage horror flicks may be played out but this one is genuinely spooky. It directly comments on surveillance state concerns that most films just hint at. The acting from the observed family is effectively naturalistic. The killer is incredibly creepy, displaying some very disturbing behavior. The directors cook up some very unnerving scenarios.
29. 10 Cloverfield Lane
By deconstructing the “cozy apocalypse” genre, the viewer and characters question if they can trust Howard, before it’s reveal how unsafe he is. Winstead shows a real steel and on-her-feet ingenuity. Goodman is simultaneously avuncular, unstable, and sympathetic. Tension builds throughout, through board games and bunker doors, before an ending that catches you off-guard.
30. De Palma
Nearly two hours of Brian De Palma talking about his life, career, and his movies. And it's awesome. The director frankly discusses his successes, his failures, his influences, his divisive reputation among critics, his run-ins with censors, and some surprising insight into his personal life. Through it out, De Palma emerges as a self-aware, funny, down-to-earth kind of guy.
31. Pete’s Dragon
A real tearjerker, that approaches its story with a calm, understanding eye. The result is a story about growth and love, Refreshingly, there's no real villains in the story, only people too wrapped up in their own bias. Most importantly, Elliot is a super lovable dragon and a beautifully convincing special effect.
32. Batman: Return of the Caped Crusader
Adam and Burt sound a little tired but this captures the spirit of the TV show well. The in-jokes – cameos from multiple Catwomen, call-outs to future iterations of Batman – are hilarious. The plot is the right kind of ridiculous, allowing for cameos from multiple villains and giving Adam West a chance to ham it up even more. Not all the jokes hit but, overall, this is really fun.
33. Siren
Expansion of the best segment from “V/H/S” has some interesting ideas, like the Satanic nightclub and memory-sucking leeches. The visual effects of the siren's song or a sequence without sound are inventive. Mostly, I liked how the film made its monster sympathetic without compromising her monstrous nature. Could've done without that epilogue though...
34. Holy Hell
Fascinating documentary about a cult made by former cult members. The film runs you through the experience: The infatuation with a spiritual leader. The joy of communal living. The slow realization that this man is a liar. The exit following sexual abuse allegations. The people who were there tell the tale, drawing the audience into a very strange, ultimately traumatic experience.
35. The Witch
A fantastic overall tone of dread and fear is generated. The director has an amazing grasp of tension. Several individual sequences, involving unfortunate babies or crows, are terrifying. The ending raises some tantalizing questions. However, I'm not sure it holds together as a whole. This one will require a second viewing. Black Phillip was awesome though.
36. The Corpse of Anna Fritz
Grisly Brazilian thriller that, by killing off its most reasonable character first, leaves the audience in a morally uncertain area. Who do you root for? The unrepentant rapist or the slightly remorseful rapist? A number of tense scenarios follow, the title character nearly escaping her captives several time. The shock ending features a blunt but totally appropriate action.
37. Sausage Party
Consistently produces chuckles and is occasionally hysterical. The film primarily has three jokes up its sleeve: An unending vulgar streak, which is sometimes amusing; absurd pop culture parody, which is often hilarious; and a crass satire of religion and cultural stereotypes, which is hit or miss. It’s uneven but worth it for the musical number, the orgy, and the Meat Loaf cameo.
38. Antibirth
Effectively captures the constantly stoned or drunk headspace of its characters. The increasingly nasty body horror is nicely gross, even if the more surreal attempts at horror don't quite succeed. The work of the lead actresses, especially a gleefully profane Natasha Lyonne and Meg Tilly, bring a lot of humor the proceedings. The plot is nonsense though the ending is enjoyably nuts.
39. Southbound
Each new segment in this horror anthology is better then the one before it. The grisly, hospital set black comedy is my favorite, along with the “girl band versus sitcom Satanists” story and concluding home invasion sequence. Patrick Horvath's “Jailbreak” has its moments but lacks a clear direction. The opening tale has some solid effects but not too much else going for it.
40. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
A “Star Wars” movie that emphasizes the war, tackling some complex themes while still delivering on blockbuster expectations. Lovable supporting characters like a wheezy Forest Whitaker, a warrior monk, or a sarcastic droid are more interesting then the flat protagonists.
It also clears up a long standing plot hole in the original.
42. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Yes, some fantastic beasts are on display. Sequences devoted to the interior of a magical suitcase, a horny rhino monster, or a size-shifting feathered serpent are the film's best. They're certainly more interesting then the generic evil wizard or the CGI destruction storm. Eddie Redmanye’s acting is as obnoxiously showy as ever but a lovable supporting cast makes up for a lot.
43. Tallulah
Uneven dramedy anchored by some great performances. Ellen Page is funny and melancholic, while Allison Janney provides reasonable banter. Watching the titular character enter bad situations and try to lie her way out begins as humorous but quickly becomes desperately sad. The film is powerful if a little scattershot, which the overly vague ending is a symptom of.
44. The Shallows
Preposterous thriller that features a psycho shark, an easily predictable character arc about survival, melodramatic direction, and a ridiculous climax. This isn’t a problem as the film quickly hooks the viewer. The shark makes an awesome adversary. The attacks are viscerally composed. Throw in an animal sidekick named Steven Seagull and you’ve got a pleasantly thrilling flick.
45. Captain America: Civil War
There's a dozen major characters. Several are prominent newcomers, such as a pitch-perfect Spider-Man, a contrivted Black Panther, and a super lame take on Baron Zemo. Not to mention the Accords subplot, which is mostly besides the point. The ending is too clever for tits own good. Yes, the cast remains awesome and the action scenes, especially that airport fight, are cool.
46. Nina Forever
This one runs with the metaphor of an undying relationship in a more sophisticated way then previous “zombie girlfriend” movies. The cruelness and grisliness of the dead girl is played up, as is how kinky a zombie will make your sex life. The meaning wanders off before the end but a handful of powerful scenes, clarifying the theme of grief, tie the movie together.
48. The Night Stalker
Can't quite shake its TV movie roots and the protagonist's kinky sex subplot is unnecessary. As a doorway into Richard Ramirez' mind, it's interesting and bolstered by an excellent Lou Diamond Phillips performance. (And a surprisingly sincere portrayal of Satanism.) The film eventually circles around to a powerful point about the power of influence in our lives.
49. Blair Witch
Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett grasps the scariest thing about the original – getting lost in the woods – and add lots more temporal displacement, gnarly gore, a fantastically claustrophobic sequence, and more likable characters. The film eventually overdoes the stick people and shows too much in its last act but this is a fine Hollywood boo show and a worthy sequel.
50. Ghostbusters
Takes a while to find its comedic rhythm. Wiig and McCarthy are fine but the supporting players shine. Kate McKinnon has a comedic energy all her own. Leslie Jones strikes me as the break-out talent. Chris Hemsworth plays an exceedingly eccentric simpleton. The ghosts look amazing. Slimer gets a girlfriend. Paul Feig’s direction is ill suited to an effects driven film.
51. Into the Forest
Survivalist drama that focuses on small but vivid character interaction and an acute sense of isolated atmosphere. Rachel Leigh Cook and Ellen Page's performances are thoughtful. The very slow pace hinders the film, making the bigger dramatic moments seem almost random. The final act reveals this as a feminist allegory, about escaping a crumbling, sexist society.
52. Hardcore Henry
As a series of high impact action scenes, this is initially and periodically thrilling, though eventually exhausting. The humor helps, especially a campy performance from Sharlto Copley. The unimportant plot is either satirizing video game cliches – including the misogyny – or playing them straight, depending on how much credit you're willing to give the filmmakers.
53. Sun Choke
Compellingly strange story about obsession, madness, and new age medicine. I wish the film exclusively focused on the bizarre relationship between Barbara Crampton as the abusive nurse and Sarah Hagan as the ill girl. Their scenes prove more compelling then _'s descent into abstract, overly vague craziness. There are still some effectively squirmy sequences of horror though.
54. I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House
Director Osgood Perkins creates a foreboding tone, making the film a compelling exercise in mood. Ruth Wilson's lead performance is fittingly twitchy. The voice over provides an appropriately novel-like feel, the film clearly getting at the interaction between reality and fiction. But I have no clue what the fuck any of it means and the pace is far too mellow.
55. The Blackout Experiments
Documentary about an extreme “horror attraction” that is more like a cross between elaborate performance art and a BDSM session. The interviews with “survivors” attempt to unravel the power of catharsis over trauma, even if you're mostly left wondering why anyone would subject themselves to simulated torture. The peaks into the Blackout experience are bracing though.
56. Justice League vs. Teen Titans
Watching the dynamics among the Titans is the most entertaining thing about this one, which is overall pretty forgettable. The script cheats, as you'd expect, to get to that titular fight but, like most of the action here, it's fun while it lasts. As hard as the story tries, it can't overcome Damian Wayne's inherent dickishness. That sequel hook is pretty inciting though.
TWO AND A HALF STARS:
57. Camino
Sticking Zoe Bell in a survival thriller was a smart idea, even if her transformation from victim to bad ass strains credibility. When focused on the violent, prolonged confrontations, the film meets its goals. However, the script eventually falls into a repetitive pattern, the musical score is distracting, and the artier touches seem disconnected from the rest of the film.
58. The Eyes of My Mother
Gorgeous black-and-white photography props up an intermittently interesting psychological horror narrative. While the stark sound design sometimes produces chills, the distant approach ultimately alienates the viewer. The glimpses we get into the deranged protagonist's mind are fascinating, as is the gnarly gore, but the shrug of a conclusion leads to a weak ending.
59. Lights Out
Expanding a short into a feature is tricky. The short’s visual gimmick is grafted it to a populist ghost story narrative. Sandberg stretches his techniques to their breaking point. It also struggles to build a mythology out of nothing. Diana's shadowy behavior is clearly a metaphor for mental illness. Any comment the film might have about how depression is decidedly shallow.
60. Suicide Squad
The narrative problems are serious. the pacing is all over the place, the visuals are ugly, and the soundtrack is intrusive.. Joker and Harley's relation playing out as a straight-up romance is hopelessly fucked up. Cast is decent, the action is solid, I laughed and had some fun. At the very least, it's better then “Batman v. Superman.”
61. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
Filters a number of popular ideas through Tim Burton’s sensibilities, drowning them in gothic atmosphere and quirky humor. Yet all the spooky touches, like stop motion skeletons, couldn’t disguise the stock parts script. Asa Butterfield is a snore. Eva Green displays a rakish smile but disappears midway through. Most of the peculiar children are just gimmicks.
62. Midnight Special
Beginning this chase story in the middle was a smart way to draw the audience in. Sadly, and despite the very talented cast, the characters prove too thin to be compelling. As the script shifts its focus from the cult to the boy's increasingly vague abilities, the audience's interest starts to drift. Some exciting visuals draw you back by the end, yet “Midnight Special” remains uneven.
63. The Jungle Book
Unlike previous live action adaptations of Disney cartoons, this does something different. The film features many of the flaws common in blockbusters – a “chosen one” story arc, over-reliance on CGI, distracting handheld direction, a sequel ready open-ending – but inspired casting choices, like Christopher Walken as King Louie and Bill Murray as Baloo, makes this worth seeing.
64. Phantasm: Ravager
Despite attempts to re-center the franchise around the fear of death, this is ultimately disappointing. Dangling plot points are awkwardly wrapped up. The mythology is briefly built upon but another sequel hook is in place of a definitive ending. Watching Reggie screw around and fight monsters will always be fun. But “Ravager” can’t stand up against fan expectations.
65. Last Girl Standing
I was with this horror indie, which discusses PTSD through a slasher film metaphor, up until its final twenty minutes. Before then, I appreciated the performances and the patient pacing, even if the attempts at horror movie shocks are undercooked. That twist cheapens the meaning of everything that came before and is mildly insulting to survivors.
TWO STARS:
66. Hush
The brilliant premise – a deaf/mute woman stalked by a Michael Myers-like killer – is quickly reduced to a gimmick, only being utilized in a few scenes. Director Mike Flannigan spoils this by having the killer reveal his face and talk. Which makes this a mildly compelling thriller about two strong personalities fighting. The performances are fine but the story quickly gets repetitive.
67. The Conjuring 2
Another handsomely produced James Wan ghost fest. He ramps the jump scares, loud noises, and spooky kids way the fuck up, This means genuine scares, sudden Crooked Man appearances aside, are rarely found. Aside from the Warren rhapsodizing and Catholic propaganda, it's also way too long. The atmosphere is okay but this is passable horror fare, at best.
68. Carnage Park
An extended act in homage that starts strong but eventually becomes directionless. The gore is impressive but, once the bank robbers get capped, this becomes an endless chase flick. While I enjoy Ashley Bell's performance, far too much of the film is devoted to her wandering the desert. The climax takes place in total darkness, leaving the viewer shrugging.
69. The Mind’s Eye
Low budget riff on “Scanners” that compensates for its lack of scope with an abundance of cheap gore. I appreciate the colorful direction and synth-driven score. The cast is loaded full of talented performers but the characters are thin and the lead actor is a bore. The script has few ideas, beginning as a chase story before becoming a series of repetitive fight scenes.
70. Regression
If you're familiar with the facts surrounding the Satanic Ritual Abuse hysteria, you can guess this one's twist ending. The repeated nightmare sequences are mildly effective but quickly loose their punch. The performances are hammy, even from usually reliable actors. All together, this is the text book definition of an underachieving, pseudo-intellectual thriller.
71. Don’t Breathe
The script uses the impoverished setting as dour window dressing on a standard genre story. The teen antiheroes’ behavior is excused and the blind man is one-dimensional, Stephen Lang giving an odd performance. Alvarez can set up a decent jump scare, involving a tenacious Rottweiler or cracking glass, but that’s all this surprisingly vapid jump scare machine has going for it.
72. Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Essentially, the film has its two heroes acting foolishly in order to make that titular fight happen.
Superman is self-loathing, Batman is a sociopath. Wonder Woman is cool but she's barely in it. Lex Luthor is obviously insane. Zack Snyder made this so it's dour, ponderous, sloppily plotted, misses the point of its source material, and is more concerned with cool visuals then reason.
73. The Invitation
I have no problem with slow burn horror but this takes forever to get to the point. The cast is too large, making it impossible to care about the characters or the theme of moving past loss. You can't get involved with the slowly bubbling tension for the same reason. The attack scenes, when they finally come, are satisfying but get capped off with a huge “fuck you” of an ending.
74. 31
A distillation of Rob Zombie’s style. He piles on the profane dialogue, white trash grotesquery, inane shock tactics, and in-your-face crassness. This is a bummer, as the film does feature a decent cast, including a disturbing Richard Brake performance. Add some obnoxious shaky-cam direction and a needlessly nihilistic ending to get a lame, deeply unpleasant viewing experience.
75. Nine Lives
Well, I laughed exactly once. Which was one more laugh then I was expecting. Yes, this is exactly as dire as you'd expect. It's mostly unfunny CGI cat antics with a bored sounding Kevin Spacey reading puns over them. The “selfish businessman learns to appreciate his family” is as cliched as can be and takes an off-puttingly morbid turn in the last act.
ONE AND A HALF STARS:
76. Cell
“Cell” presents its zombies in a ridiculous manner. They seize, gyrate, and release bizarre audio feedback sounds. How the zombies act shift from scene to scene. The climax borders on incoherent. It squanders more-or-less all the potential its premise has and doesn’t give a talented cast nearly enough to do. Instead, the movie quickly collapses into goofiness and clichés.
77. Holidays
One of the few anthologies were every single segment is a stinker. Like too many indie horror films of this type, several of the shorts are weird for weird's sake. Most of them, like Kevin Smith's pathetic Halloween segment, have little to do with their chosen holidays. The few that come close to being decent – Father's Day, Christmas – blow it with underwhelming endings.
ONE STAR:
79. Yoga Hosers
Whoever introduced Kevin Smith to pot needs a kick in the balls. The script combines a bunch of haphazard bullshit: Phone-obsessed protagonists who talk in obnoxious teen lingo, tired Canada jokes, incredibly annoying villains, random Satanists, painfully unfunny celebrity impersonations, yoga fighting, mean-spirited critic bashing, and an utterly nonsensical last act.
HALF A STAR:
80. The Greasy Strangler
Sets out to be the most aesthetically unpleasant film ever and largely succeeds. All the disgusting antics – grotesque nudity, close-ups of bodily byproducts – are in service only of obnoxious cringe comedy. The constant repetition of dialogue and intentionally wooden acting is as nearly stomach turning. But congratulations to the filmmakers for meeting in their simpering goal.
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Well, it's over now. Both the year and this retrospective, I mean. I know these lists are very long and, as always, I graciously thank anyone who has read through the entire thing. Words can't begin to describe how thankful I am for everyone who reads what I write or listens to what I say on my podcasts. Thank you all so much for being one of the things about 2016 that didn't blow utter chunks.
As has become the tradition by now, come back tomorrow for a list of the films I'm most anticipating in 2017. See you on the other side, dear readers.
ZACK CLOPTON'S 2016 FILM RETROSPECTIVE!!!”
2016 was a massive dumpster fire, personally and publicly. In America, it was a year characterized by a shit show of an election, which concluded with America electing a racist, sociopathic, clearly unqualified bag of orange dog shit president. Abroad, there was war and terror and global misalignment. A staggering number of creative, beloved people died and I'm counting my grandmother in that number. I was suffering from emotional burnout for at least seven, probably more, months out of the year.
I feel like Film Thoughts suffered from my bad mood. Looking at the numbers, I still posted more this year then in any prior year. Assuming you count my Harry Potter retrospective in November, I completed eight Report Cards, my best number since Film Thoughts' inception, in addition to several month long events. I launched a new feature in April, called No Encores. However, I personally feel like I let you guys down, as I didn't keep up with my other features throughout the year. At this point, all I can do is promise to do better in 2017.
I know we're all eager to move on but I have to look back one more time. At the movies, you see. For, as huge of a shit burger as this previous year was, the cinema still remain fairly strong. A number of films surprised me with how much I loved them. Even the disappointments usually held up to a baseline quality. It wasn't a great year for blockbusters but I dug up plenty of indie flicks to love.
In keeping with 2016 sucking, my yearly average of total new releases watched was the lowest it's been in two years. I topped out with 80. This is hugely disappointing for me but, I suppose, that's still a lot of hours wasted. Below is THE LIST, ranking every new release I saw in 2016 from most favorite to most hated. I worked hard on this so read it, goddamn it.
FOUR STARS:
1. Darling
A triumph of tone and a display for Lauren Ashley Carter. Her unforgettable eyes convey astonishing emotion. Her unraveling makes an ideal center of “Darling’s” storm. The black-and-white photography puts you in an exaggerated dream world. The editing is broken glass harsh, the sound design stark. The deliberate ambiguity immerses the viewer in this unsettling world.
2. Trash Fire
Richard Bates Jr. returns to his favorite subjects: Dysfunctional families, deviant sexuality, physical deformity. Add a dollop of religious repression and you've got a damn work of genius. The script walks a fine line, keeping the characters' caustic without making them unlikable. The cast is uniformly excellent while the story takes some genuinely shocking turns. See it!
3. Swiss Army Man
For all its bizarre humor – much of which is hilariously absurd and agreeably scatological – the film eventually reveals itself as a fable about the value of life, the power of friendship, and the difference between who we really are and what we want to be. Add two disarmingly charming lead performances and a brilliantly creative, homemade outlook to make a future cult classic.
4. The Handmaiden
Each perspective change takes you deeper into the film's world, the twisting tale constantly re-contextualizing its own events. Themes of class division and complicated thoughts on erotica serve a story ultimately about two bad-ass women besting those that oppress them. Brilliantly fluid direction and an impish sense of humor tie together a great cinematic experience.
5. The Neon Demon
Refn makes his point about modeling. Fanning's virtuous heroine absorbs its vile philosophies. This surface obsessed industry will consume those it desires. But it's an awfully pretty movie, often abandoning narrative for searing visuals. Within the symmetrical world, grotesque violence is introduced. This contrast with the attractive surface, showing ugliness lurking beneath beauty.
6. Green Room
A blood soaked punk rock thrill ride. Even the early scenes have a jittery unease, before the situation constantly escalates. The violence is brutal but blunt, the gore shocking the audience. Anton Yelchin panics well, Imogeen Poots is dryly sarcastic, and Patrick Stewart calmly orders executions. Through the unrelenting intensity, Saulnier sneaks in moments of humor or pathos.
7. The Nice Guys
Shane Black makes the most of the seventies setting, rolling together the environmental movement, porno chic, and, hilariously, anxieties about Richard Nixon and killer bees. The dialogue is highly quotable and hilarious, delivered by two great actors at the top of their games. Watching the plot unfold is so much fun, the film finding new ways to surprise and entertain us.
8. Kubo and the Two Strings
Laika pushes its house style to new levels, creating a visually immersive masterpiece. The film overflows with creative ideas, from dancing paper and giant eyeballs to leaf boats and monster skeletons. Beginning as a fantasy rich legend, it evolves into a fable about how we tell stories to keep our loved ones alive. It also, surprisingly, features some of the best action scenes of the year.
9. Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Ricky Baker is one of the break-out characters of the year, the center of this absolutely charming road trip movie. The film successfully switches genres – low-key comedy to backwoods adventure to chase picture – while staying hilarious throughout, finding new ways to make the viewer laugh. A consistently funny cast finalizes what is sure to be a future cult classic.
10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Absolutely the most fun I had in a movie theater all year. The superior sequel ditches the lame stuff from the first one, keeps what was good, and features amusingly over-the-top action.
Most importantly, it finally brings long awaited elements from the cartoon – Bebop and Rocksteady, the Technodrome, motherfucking Krang! - to the big screen.
THREE AND A HALF STARS:
11. Deadpool
Say what you will about the Deadpool character but this movie perfectly captures him. This is the part Ryan Reynolds was born to play. The action scenes are creative while the script benefits from a tighter focus. The film is packed start-to-finish with hilarious lines and scenarios. That chaotic humor characterizes the entire film, a hugely entertaining experience.
12. Elle
Michele is a very complicated character, as is the movie around her. She doesn't respond to her assault as a passive victim but rather a fully formed person, complex and thoughtful. Paul Verhoven directs the attack scenes with the brutality you'd expect of him, contrasting with the grace with which he makes the rest of the film.
13. The Monster
Extremely intense creature feature, putting two vulnerable characters into an increasingly bad situation. The pitch black direction helps up the suspense. The beast is primarily brought to life through practical effects, making it a visceral threat. The two lead performances root the viewer emotionally, making this as much a story about parenthood as a claustrophobic monster movie.
14. Zootopia
“Zootopia” has lots of laughs, great lead characters, some thrills, a few surprises, great animation, and a timely moral about the ways prejudice pushes us apart.. It's a buddy cop movie of sorts, the strong-willed bunny and the conman fox learning to love one another, with a surprisingly involving mystery. The titular city is an impressive creation.
15. Wiener-Dog
Themes about death, choice, and belonging wind through all four segments. Solondz’ script alternates between cruel and his impish sense of humor. Such as a hilarious intermission. The deeply ironic humor stands side-by-side with probing questions about the futility of existence. Yet his empathy for the suffering of damaged humans – and innocent dogs – grounds the stories.
16. Moana
An almost archetypal story of a princess rebelling against tradition, that leans a little too hard on Chosen One cliches, but is a lot of fun, beautifully animated, wonderfully performed, with some great songs. Maui is a lovable creation, hiding his insecurities behind a boisterous personality. Jemaine Clement as a glam rock crab monster is the clear highlight of the movie for me.
17. Star Trek Beyond
Returns “Trek” to its pulpy adventure roots. Focuses on characters and makes the smart decision to pair off most of the pivotal cast members, including Scotty with Sofia Boutella's exciting Jaylah. The villain's motivation is a bit contrived. The action direction is shaky at first but eventually makes way for some of the best ship battles in the franchise's history.
18. Emelie
Disturbing thriller that heads in increasingly creepy directions. The viewer is forced to watch, seasick, as another unnerving event happens. Sarah Bolger plays an eerily plausible sociopath while Joshua Rush is endearingly tough. The script packs the runtime full of memorable struggles and sickening reveals. This clever streak runs out before the end but I still enjoyed this one a lot.
19. I Am Not a Serial Killer
The less you know about this moody YA adaptation, the better. There's a big shock about a half-hour in that totally caught me off-guard. Max Records is a fascinatingly conflicted protagonist while Christopher Lloyd is both surprisingly scary and deeply sympathetic as the villain. The tension builds nicely throughout the film, to a low-key ending that still feels earned.
20. The Bronze
Hope Ann Greggory may be my favorite new character of the year. A foul-mouth, obnoxious, woman-child, the film clearly outlines the root of her anti-social antics, making the audience relate to her plight. Her vulgar dialogue is highly quotable and her bad behavior is frequently amusing. The addition of a great supporting cast and an unforgettable sex scene seals the deal.
21. Finding Dory
Seeing these characters again is delightful and the film is packed full of belly laughs. The new additions are equally lovable, especially the neurotic septopus. For an animated comedy, this is really tightly plotted with some satisfyingly big action set pieces. Because this is Pixar, there's also an equal amount of touching emotion.
22. Doctor Strange
Oh sure, the Marvel formula is present. The protagonist is a humbled asshole. The villain is forgettable, even with a talented actor in the role. Sequel hooks are overdone. Who cares? The cast is great, especially the perfect Cumberbatch and Swinson. The trippy visuals are a joy and the conclusion puts an interesting spin on the traditional showdown between good and evil.
23. Shin Godzilla
The strangest Godzilla movie yet, as much a satire about bureaucratic oversight as a giant monster movie. The pacing is odd, cutting between long talky sequences and scenes of massive destruction. Godzilla’s appearance is grotesque, staggeringly strong. Hideki Anno's direction is characterized by a documentary like urgency. A fascinating, powerful, at times frustrating film.
24. They Look Like People
Horror indie that puts the viewer into the brain of a schizophrenic, crafting foreboding voices and an enveloping, unnerving paranoia. When the explicit horror sequences appear, they're suitably disturbing. The funny lead performances cause the audience to become invested in the story. The “Is it or isn't it?” ending builds in intensity and leads to a surprisingly concrete ending.
25. Tower
By combining interviews with survivors and reenactments, this documentary helps the viewer understand what living through the Charles Whitman shooting must be like. The re-telling playing out in nearly real time contributes to this intense feeling. The animated approach adds a surreal layer, emphasizing how awful this event felt as it was happening.
26. X-Men: Apocalypse
Maybe the most comic book-y comic book movie yet made. It has the massive stakes and massive cast of a major crossover event. Despite the apocalypse promised in its title, the film maintains a free-wheeling sense of fun, constantly topping its previous huge set pieces.
THREE STARS:
27. Under the Shadow
Iranian horror flick that does the jump scare right, by building up a suitable atmosphere of dread and never revealing too much. It's not just the shadow the main character lives under but the tension of being in a war zone and stifling religious repression. This gives the monster at the center greater meaning, which is further supported by clever effects and good performances.
28. Hangman
Found footage horror flicks may be played out but this one is genuinely spooky. It directly comments on surveillance state concerns that most films just hint at. The acting from the observed family is effectively naturalistic. The killer is incredibly creepy, displaying some very disturbing behavior. The directors cook up some very unnerving scenarios.
29. 10 Cloverfield Lane
By deconstructing the “cozy apocalypse” genre, the viewer and characters question if they can trust Howard, before it’s reveal how unsafe he is. Winstead shows a real steel and on-her-feet ingenuity. Goodman is simultaneously avuncular, unstable, and sympathetic. Tension builds throughout, through board games and bunker doors, before an ending that catches you off-guard.
30. De Palma
Nearly two hours of Brian De Palma talking about his life, career, and his movies. And it's awesome. The director frankly discusses his successes, his failures, his influences, his divisive reputation among critics, his run-ins with censors, and some surprising insight into his personal life. Through it out, De Palma emerges as a self-aware, funny, down-to-earth kind of guy.
31. Pete’s Dragon
A real tearjerker, that approaches its story with a calm, understanding eye. The result is a story about growth and love, Refreshingly, there's no real villains in the story, only people too wrapped up in their own bias. Most importantly, Elliot is a super lovable dragon and a beautifully convincing special effect.
32. Batman: Return of the Caped Crusader
Adam and Burt sound a little tired but this captures the spirit of the TV show well. The in-jokes – cameos from multiple Catwomen, call-outs to future iterations of Batman – are hilarious. The plot is the right kind of ridiculous, allowing for cameos from multiple villains and giving Adam West a chance to ham it up even more. Not all the jokes hit but, overall, this is really fun.
33. Siren
Expansion of the best segment from “V/H/S” has some interesting ideas, like the Satanic nightclub and memory-sucking leeches. The visual effects of the siren's song or a sequence without sound are inventive. Mostly, I liked how the film made its monster sympathetic without compromising her monstrous nature. Could've done without that epilogue though...
34. Holy Hell
Fascinating documentary about a cult made by former cult members. The film runs you through the experience: The infatuation with a spiritual leader. The joy of communal living. The slow realization that this man is a liar. The exit following sexual abuse allegations. The people who were there tell the tale, drawing the audience into a very strange, ultimately traumatic experience.
35. The Witch
A fantastic overall tone of dread and fear is generated. The director has an amazing grasp of tension. Several individual sequences, involving unfortunate babies or crows, are terrifying. The ending raises some tantalizing questions. However, I'm not sure it holds together as a whole. This one will require a second viewing. Black Phillip was awesome though.
36. The Corpse of Anna Fritz
Grisly Brazilian thriller that, by killing off its most reasonable character first, leaves the audience in a morally uncertain area. Who do you root for? The unrepentant rapist or the slightly remorseful rapist? A number of tense scenarios follow, the title character nearly escaping her captives several time. The shock ending features a blunt but totally appropriate action.
37. Sausage Party
Consistently produces chuckles and is occasionally hysterical. The film primarily has three jokes up its sleeve: An unending vulgar streak, which is sometimes amusing; absurd pop culture parody, which is often hilarious; and a crass satire of religion and cultural stereotypes, which is hit or miss. It’s uneven but worth it for the musical number, the orgy, and the Meat Loaf cameo.
38. Antibirth
Effectively captures the constantly stoned or drunk headspace of its characters. The increasingly nasty body horror is nicely gross, even if the more surreal attempts at horror don't quite succeed. The work of the lead actresses, especially a gleefully profane Natasha Lyonne and Meg Tilly, bring a lot of humor the proceedings. The plot is nonsense though the ending is enjoyably nuts.
39. Southbound
Each new segment in this horror anthology is better then the one before it. The grisly, hospital set black comedy is my favorite, along with the “girl band versus sitcom Satanists” story and concluding home invasion sequence. Patrick Horvath's “Jailbreak” has its moments but lacks a clear direction. The opening tale has some solid effects but not too much else going for it.
40. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
A “Star Wars” movie that emphasizes the war, tackling some complex themes while still delivering on blockbuster expectations. Lovable supporting characters like a wheezy Forest Whitaker, a warrior monk, or a sarcastic droid are more interesting then the flat protagonists.
It also clears up a long standing plot hole in the original.
41.
Edge of Winter
Conceptually,
this is great. The conflict between the redneck father and the
sensitive son discusses the ways masculinity has changed. Joel
Kinnaman is sympathetic but still dangerous as the unhinged father.
All of this makes it a bummer that the script is so predictable, that
the story escalates in such obvious ways. But, hey, a third of a good
movie is still something notable.
42. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Yes, some fantastic beasts are on display. Sequences devoted to the interior of a magical suitcase, a horny rhino monster, or a size-shifting feathered serpent are the film's best. They're certainly more interesting then the generic evil wizard or the CGI destruction storm. Eddie Redmanye’s acting is as obnoxiously showy as ever but a lovable supporting cast makes up for a lot.
43. Tallulah
Uneven dramedy anchored by some great performances. Ellen Page is funny and melancholic, while Allison Janney provides reasonable banter. Watching the titular character enter bad situations and try to lie her way out begins as humorous but quickly becomes desperately sad. The film is powerful if a little scattershot, which the overly vague ending is a symptom of.
44. The Shallows
Preposterous thriller that features a psycho shark, an easily predictable character arc about survival, melodramatic direction, and a ridiculous climax. This isn’t a problem as the film quickly hooks the viewer. The shark makes an awesome adversary. The attacks are viscerally composed. Throw in an animal sidekick named Steven Seagull and you’ve got a pleasantly thrilling flick.
45. Captain America: Civil War
There's a dozen major characters. Several are prominent newcomers, such as a pitch-perfect Spider-Man, a contrivted Black Panther, and a super lame take on Baron Zemo. Not to mention the Accords subplot, which is mostly besides the point. The ending is too clever for tits own good. Yes, the cast remains awesome and the action scenes, especially that airport fight, are cool.
46. Nina Forever
This one runs with the metaphor of an undying relationship in a more sophisticated way then previous “zombie girlfriend” movies. The cruelness and grisliness of the dead girl is played up, as is how kinky a zombie will make your sex life. The meaning wanders off before the end but a handful of powerful scenes, clarifying the theme of grief, tie the movie together.
47.
Elvis & Nixon
Interestingly,
neither the main actors go out of their way to mimic the historical
duo. Instead, Michael Shannon and Kevin Spacey are allowed to weird
it up as two of America's most surreal figures. The movie doesn't
have much else going for it – the script is a wisp, the supporting
characters are shadows – but two lovable performers having fun is
sometimes all you need.
48. The Night Stalker
Can't quite shake its TV movie roots and the protagonist's kinky sex subplot is unnecessary. As a doorway into Richard Ramirez' mind, it's interesting and bolstered by an excellent Lou Diamond Phillips performance. (And a surprisingly sincere portrayal of Satanism.) The film eventually circles around to a powerful point about the power of influence in our lives.
49. Blair Witch
Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett grasps the scariest thing about the original – getting lost in the woods – and add lots more temporal displacement, gnarly gore, a fantastically claustrophobic sequence, and more likable characters. The film eventually overdoes the stick people and shows too much in its last act but this is a fine Hollywood boo show and a worthy sequel.
50. Ghostbusters
Takes a while to find its comedic rhythm. Wiig and McCarthy are fine but the supporting players shine. Kate McKinnon has a comedic energy all her own. Leslie Jones strikes me as the break-out talent. Chris Hemsworth plays an exceedingly eccentric simpleton. The ghosts look amazing. Slimer gets a girlfriend. Paul Feig’s direction is ill suited to an effects driven film.
51. Into the Forest
Survivalist drama that focuses on small but vivid character interaction and an acute sense of isolated atmosphere. Rachel Leigh Cook and Ellen Page's performances are thoughtful. The very slow pace hinders the film, making the bigger dramatic moments seem almost random. The final act reveals this as a feminist allegory, about escaping a crumbling, sexist society.
52. Hardcore Henry
As a series of high impact action scenes, this is initially and periodically thrilling, though eventually exhausting. The humor helps, especially a campy performance from Sharlto Copley. The unimportant plot is either satirizing video game cliches – including the misogyny – or playing them straight, depending on how much credit you're willing to give the filmmakers.
53. Sun Choke
Compellingly strange story about obsession, madness, and new age medicine. I wish the film exclusively focused on the bizarre relationship between Barbara Crampton as the abusive nurse and Sarah Hagan as the ill girl. Their scenes prove more compelling then _'s descent into abstract, overly vague craziness. There are still some effectively squirmy sequences of horror though.
54. I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House
Director Osgood Perkins creates a foreboding tone, making the film a compelling exercise in mood. Ruth Wilson's lead performance is fittingly twitchy. The voice over provides an appropriately novel-like feel, the film clearly getting at the interaction between reality and fiction. But I have no clue what the fuck any of it means and the pace is far too mellow.
55. The Blackout Experiments
Documentary about an extreme “horror attraction” that is more like a cross between elaborate performance art and a BDSM session. The interviews with “survivors” attempt to unravel the power of catharsis over trauma, even if you're mostly left wondering why anyone would subject themselves to simulated torture. The peaks into the Blackout experience are bracing though.
56. Justice League vs. Teen Titans
Watching the dynamics among the Titans is the most entertaining thing about this one, which is overall pretty forgettable. The script cheats, as you'd expect, to get to that titular fight but, like most of the action here, it's fun while it lasts. As hard as the story tries, it can't overcome Damian Wayne's inherent dickishness. That sequel hook is pretty inciting though.
TWO AND A HALF STARS:
57. Camino
Sticking Zoe Bell in a survival thriller was a smart idea, even if her transformation from victim to bad ass strains credibility. When focused on the violent, prolonged confrontations, the film meets its goals. However, the script eventually falls into a repetitive pattern, the musical score is distracting, and the artier touches seem disconnected from the rest of the film.
58. The Eyes of My Mother
Gorgeous black-and-white photography props up an intermittently interesting psychological horror narrative. While the stark sound design sometimes produces chills, the distant approach ultimately alienates the viewer. The glimpses we get into the deranged protagonist's mind are fascinating, as is the gnarly gore, but the shrug of a conclusion leads to a weak ending.
59. Lights Out
Expanding a short into a feature is tricky. The short’s visual gimmick is grafted it to a populist ghost story narrative. Sandberg stretches his techniques to their breaking point. It also struggles to build a mythology out of nothing. Diana's shadowy behavior is clearly a metaphor for mental illness. Any comment the film might have about how depression is decidedly shallow.
60. Suicide Squad
The narrative problems are serious. the pacing is all over the place, the visuals are ugly, and the soundtrack is intrusive.. Joker and Harley's relation playing out as a straight-up romance is hopelessly fucked up. Cast is decent, the action is solid, I laughed and had some fun. At the very least, it's better then “Batman v. Superman.”
61. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
Filters a number of popular ideas through Tim Burton’s sensibilities, drowning them in gothic atmosphere and quirky humor. Yet all the spooky touches, like stop motion skeletons, couldn’t disguise the stock parts script. Asa Butterfield is a snore. Eva Green displays a rakish smile but disappears midway through. Most of the peculiar children are just gimmicks.
62. Midnight Special
Beginning this chase story in the middle was a smart way to draw the audience in. Sadly, and despite the very talented cast, the characters prove too thin to be compelling. As the script shifts its focus from the cult to the boy's increasingly vague abilities, the audience's interest starts to drift. Some exciting visuals draw you back by the end, yet “Midnight Special” remains uneven.
63. The Jungle Book
Unlike previous live action adaptations of Disney cartoons, this does something different. The film features many of the flaws common in blockbusters – a “chosen one” story arc, over-reliance on CGI, distracting handheld direction, a sequel ready open-ending – but inspired casting choices, like Christopher Walken as King Louie and Bill Murray as Baloo, makes this worth seeing.
64. Phantasm: Ravager
Despite attempts to re-center the franchise around the fear of death, this is ultimately disappointing. Dangling plot points are awkwardly wrapped up. The mythology is briefly built upon but another sequel hook is in place of a definitive ending. Watching Reggie screw around and fight monsters will always be fun. But “Ravager” can’t stand up against fan expectations.
65. Last Girl Standing
I was with this horror indie, which discusses PTSD through a slasher film metaphor, up until its final twenty minutes. Before then, I appreciated the performances and the patient pacing, even if the attempts at horror movie shocks are undercooked. That twist cheapens the meaning of everything that came before and is mildly insulting to survivors.
TWO STARS:
66. Hush
The brilliant premise – a deaf/mute woman stalked by a Michael Myers-like killer – is quickly reduced to a gimmick, only being utilized in a few scenes. Director Mike Flannigan spoils this by having the killer reveal his face and talk. Which makes this a mildly compelling thriller about two strong personalities fighting. The performances are fine but the story quickly gets repetitive.
67. The Conjuring 2
Another handsomely produced James Wan ghost fest. He ramps the jump scares, loud noises, and spooky kids way the fuck up, This means genuine scares, sudden Crooked Man appearances aside, are rarely found. Aside from the Warren rhapsodizing and Catholic propaganda, it's also way too long. The atmosphere is okay but this is passable horror fare, at best.
68. Carnage Park
An extended act in homage that starts strong but eventually becomes directionless. The gore is impressive but, once the bank robbers get capped, this becomes an endless chase flick. While I enjoy Ashley Bell's performance, far too much of the film is devoted to her wandering the desert. The climax takes place in total darkness, leaving the viewer shrugging.
69. The Mind’s Eye
Low budget riff on “Scanners” that compensates for its lack of scope with an abundance of cheap gore. I appreciate the colorful direction and synth-driven score. The cast is loaded full of talented performers but the characters are thin and the lead actor is a bore. The script has few ideas, beginning as a chase story before becoming a series of repetitive fight scenes.
70. Regression
If you're familiar with the facts surrounding the Satanic Ritual Abuse hysteria, you can guess this one's twist ending. The repeated nightmare sequences are mildly effective but quickly loose their punch. The performances are hammy, even from usually reliable actors. All together, this is the text book definition of an underachieving, pseudo-intellectual thriller.
71. Don’t Breathe
The script uses the impoverished setting as dour window dressing on a standard genre story. The teen antiheroes’ behavior is excused and the blind man is one-dimensional, Stephen Lang giving an odd performance. Alvarez can set up a decent jump scare, involving a tenacious Rottweiler or cracking glass, but that’s all this surprisingly vapid jump scare machine has going for it.
72. Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Essentially, the film has its two heroes acting foolishly in order to make that titular fight happen.
Superman is self-loathing, Batman is a sociopath. Wonder Woman is cool but she's barely in it. Lex Luthor is obviously insane. Zack Snyder made this so it's dour, ponderous, sloppily plotted, misses the point of its source material, and is more concerned with cool visuals then reason.
73. The Invitation
I have no problem with slow burn horror but this takes forever to get to the point. The cast is too large, making it impossible to care about the characters or the theme of moving past loss. You can't get involved with the slowly bubbling tension for the same reason. The attack scenes, when they finally come, are satisfying but get capped off with a huge “fuck you” of an ending.
74. 31
A distillation of Rob Zombie’s style. He piles on the profane dialogue, white trash grotesquery, inane shock tactics, and in-your-face crassness. This is a bummer, as the film does feature a decent cast, including a disturbing Richard Brake performance. Add some obnoxious shaky-cam direction and a needlessly nihilistic ending to get a lame, deeply unpleasant viewing experience.
75. Nine Lives
Well, I laughed exactly once. Which was one more laugh then I was expecting. Yes, this is exactly as dire as you'd expect. It's mostly unfunny CGI cat antics with a bored sounding Kevin Spacey reading puns over them. The “selfish businessman learns to appreciate his family” is as cliched as can be and takes an off-puttingly morbid turn in the last act.
ONE AND A HALF STARS:
76. Cell
“Cell” presents its zombies in a ridiculous manner. They seize, gyrate, and release bizarre audio feedback sounds. How the zombies act shift from scene to scene. The climax borders on incoherent. It squanders more-or-less all the potential its premise has and doesn’t give a talented cast nearly enough to do. Instead, the movie quickly collapses into goofiness and clichés.
77. Holidays
One of the few anthologies were every single segment is a stinker. Like too many indie horror films of this type, several of the shorts are weird for weird's sake. Most of them, like Kevin Smith's pathetic Halloween segment, have little to do with their chosen holidays. The few that come close to being decent – Father's Day, Christmas – blow it with underwhelming endings.
ONE STAR:
78.
Aimy in a Cage
Meet
Aimy, the year's most annoying new character. She spends the entire
movie screaming her head off and being as obnoxious as possible. The
rest of the movie is as in-your-face with its excessive weirdness and
abrasive writing. Yeah, the set design and music are kind of
interesting but that in no ways justifies the headache you'll get.
The shit I watch for Crispin Glover, I swear...
79. Yoga Hosers
Whoever introduced Kevin Smith to pot needs a kick in the balls. The script combines a bunch of haphazard bullshit: Phone-obsessed protagonists who talk in obnoxious teen lingo, tired Canada jokes, incredibly annoying villains, random Satanists, painfully unfunny celebrity impersonations, yoga fighting, mean-spirited critic bashing, and an utterly nonsensical last act.
HALF A STAR:
80. The Greasy Strangler
Sets out to be the most aesthetically unpleasant film ever and largely succeeds. All the disgusting antics – grotesque nudity, close-ups of bodily byproducts – are in service only of obnoxious cringe comedy. The constant repetition of dialogue and intentionally wooden acting is as nearly stomach turning. But congratulations to the filmmakers for meeting in their simpering goal.
-
Well, it's over now. Both the year and this retrospective, I mean. I know these lists are very long and, as always, I graciously thank anyone who has read through the entire thing. Words can't begin to describe how thankful I am for everyone who reads what I write or listens to what I say on my podcasts. Thank you all so much for being one of the things about 2016 that didn't blow utter chunks.
As has become the tradition by now, come back tomorrow for a list of the films I'm most anticipating in 2017. See you on the other side, dear readers.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Bangers n' Mash 57: The 2014 Phantom Awards
Guess what I forgot to do? Post the link to the most recent episode of the podcast! This actually went up on the 22nd. Since it was January, Mr. Mash and I did our yearly ritual: The Phantom Awards! Yes, that made-up award show I created to honor the sci-fi, horror, and fantasy films I most liked last year.
Here it is, the last day of January, and a second episode of the podcast will not be out within the next hour. Why do the Phantom Award episodes take so long to cut? I don't know, though I suspect it's because the format is rough fit between our usual, heavily planned style and our occasional, more free form episodes. And, guess what?, the episode I'm currently editing is similar! It'll be out next month, along with two other shows, if everything goes according to plan. It might not but it should. Probably. Maybe.
Here it is, the last day of January, and a second episode of the podcast will not be out within the next hour. Why do the Phantom Award episodes take so long to cut? I don't know, though I suspect it's because the format is rough fit between our usual, heavily planned style and our occasional, more free form episodes. And, guess what?, the episode I'm currently editing is similar! It'll be out next month, along with two other shows, if everything goes according to plan. It might not but it should. Probably. Maybe.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Bangers n' Mash 52: Night of the Demons
I didn't forget about you guys. If you're a regular follower of the blog, you probably notice that, after the Halloween Horror-fest Blog-a-thon concludes, I always take some time off. This short breaks are never planned. To be totally honest, I had wanted to get back in the swing of things on November 1st! Real life had other plans though. And, to be totally honest, after updating the blog daily for a month and a half, I was a bit tired of looking at a computer screen.
So tired, in fact, that I forgot to post the most recent episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show here. This actually went up on the 30th of October, making it an appropriate topic for Halloween. As promised, a number of the series I reviewed during the Six Weeks will be recycled for show topics. The first on the chopping block: Night of the Demons! Since it's the only other Halloween-themed horror franchise I can think of besides the obvious, both JD and I figured it would make a good seasonal show topic. We're also aware that it's a fairly niche topic, discussing a minor cult favorite, that won't appeal to most people. That's a risk we're willing to take.
Even though things sort of peaks around here during October, the year is not over yet! Last November, I filled in some blanks in my various Report Cards with a creatively entitled series called Catch-Up Week which, naturally, went on for seventeen days. I'm not doing that this year. However, I do intent to post some reviews of several new releases, some of them more new then others, that correspond to a number of directors or series I follow. I can't guarantee that this we come out daily but they will be coming over the next few days. Also, I hoping to squeeze in another Director's Report Card before December, and with it both Christmas and the end-of-the-year rush to see as much stuff as possible, rolls around. As always, I can't make any promises but these are the plans. See you soon.
So tired, in fact, that I forgot to post the most recent episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show here. This actually went up on the 30th of October, making it an appropriate topic for Halloween. As promised, a number of the series I reviewed during the Six Weeks will be recycled for show topics. The first on the chopping block: Night of the Demons! Since it's the only other Halloween-themed horror franchise I can think of besides the obvious, both JD and I figured it would make a good seasonal show topic. We're also aware that it's a fairly niche topic, discussing a minor cult favorite, that won't appeal to most people. That's a risk we're willing to take.
Even though things sort of peaks around here during October, the year is not over yet! Last November, I filled in some blanks in my various Report Cards with a creatively entitled series called Catch-Up Week which, naturally, went on for seventeen days. I'm not doing that this year. However, I do intent to post some reviews of several new releases, some of them more new then others, that correspond to a number of directors or series I follow. I can't guarantee that this we come out daily but they will be coming over the next few days. Also, I hoping to squeeze in another Director's Report Card before December, and with it both Christmas and the end-of-the-year rush to see as much stuff as possible, rolls around. As always, I can't make any promises but these are the plans. See you soon.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Bangers n' Mash 47: Turtle Power
Hey guys, how have you been? Seems like it's been a while since you've heard from me. Normally, long breaks between projects happen because I'm lazy, or my time is limited by work or something like that. Instead, about two weeks ago, my PC died. My personal computer is where I kept all my audio and visual projects. We tried a bunch of different things, like new video cards and ports, before realizing that the motherboard was shot. The computer was old so this was not a huge surprise. However, it wasn't the best time for it to happen, as I was in the middle of editing the below episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show, in addition to having a bunch of other stuff soon-to-be-released stuff in the oven. Luckily, my hard disks weren't harmed so, after quite a bit strum und drang, I was able to retrieve all of my stuff. Right now, everything is set up on my laptop (which is also, I'll add somewhat ominously, quite old.) and spread across several external hard drives. It's been a huge pain in the ass and a very uncertain time.
Anyway, that's why it's been two and a half weeks since an update. Hopefully, things will get back to normal now.
Since I devoted a week to reviewing all of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movies, it probably won't surprise long time readers that I decided to base a podcast episode around the same time. However, in the 72 minutes below, I went way beyond the TMNT films. JD and I discuss the original animated series in great detail, the other animated series in less detail, and a lot of the other oddball things related to the long-running multi-media franchise, like the comics, live action show, video games, and even the live musical stage show. It's a pretty good episode though I don't know if it was worth the wait.
Now that I've got all my shit back together, work can continue here at Film Thoughts. I've started work on a new, very exciting Director's Report Card, which I hope to start posting before the end of the month. I've also got a few loose reviews here and there too All of these things will be released before the Very Special Time of Year that will start next month. Y'all know what I'm talking about. As always, more stuff coming soon.
Anyway, that's why it's been two and a half weeks since an update. Hopefully, things will get back to normal now.
Since I devoted a week to reviewing all of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movies, it probably won't surprise long time readers that I decided to base a podcast episode around the same time. However, in the 72 minutes below, I went way beyond the TMNT films. JD and I discuss the original animated series in great detail, the other animated series in less detail, and a lot of the other oddball things related to the long-running multi-media franchise, like the comics, live action show, video games, and even the live musical stage show. It's a pretty good episode though I don't know if it was worth the wait.
Now that I've got all my shit back together, work can continue here at Film Thoughts. I've started work on a new, very exciting Director's Report Card, which I hope to start posting before the end of the month. I've also got a few loose reviews here and there too All of these things will be released before the Very Special Time of Year that will start next month. Y'all know what I'm talking about. As always, more stuff coming soon.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Bangers n' Mash 46: Dracula Through the Ages
July went by quickly, didn't? I apologize for the lack of updates here of late. The month has been extremely hectic. I'm hoping to turn that around this month but I probably shouldn't make promises.
Anyway, here's the latest episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show. There was some talk about vampires on the Facebook recently which is coincidental but appropriate. In this episode, JD and I discuss the greatest of all vampires: Count Dracula, himself. We mostly focus on the Hammer films but squeeze in a few other notable Dracula flicks. It's a good episode.
Like I said, more stuff coming soon. Hopefully.
Anyway, here's the latest episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show. There was some talk about vampires on the Facebook recently which is coincidental but appropriate. In this episode, JD and I discuss the greatest of all vampires: Count Dracula, himself. We mostly focus on the Hammer films but squeeze in a few other notable Dracula flicks. It's a good episode.
Like I said, more stuff coming soon. Hopefully.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Bangers n' Mash 38: Witches
If it wasn't immediately apparent, my podcast co-host, Mr. Mash aka JD, is a dear friend of mine. I can honestly say he's my best friend, probably. The two of us have a lot in common and our mutual love of horror and comic books has given us enough material for 38 episodes of the Bangers n' Mash Show. (And will certainly provide enough material for many more.)
However, it's fair to say I'm a much more serious film fan then JD is. There are many genres I've explored that my co-host wouldn't be willing to. Silent cinema, for one. Foreign language films for another. I've tried to make in-roads but haven't had much success. It's frustrating. Living in the part of the country I do, (Here's a hint: It's rural.) I wish I had more friends interested in the same weird shit I like. Anyway, one of the topics I've been trying to break to Mr. Mash without much luck is Italian horror. I know it's not for everyone but I continue to believe that, if he gave the sub-genre a try, he would find some things he'd like.
For a while now, Mr. Mash has been wanting to do an episode about witches. It's a personal fetish of his. I don't mind using that word "fetish" because the attraction is pretty blatantly sexual for him. I can say this because I'm fairly certain no one will read this. JD has got a serious thing for chicks with special powers, whether they be supernatural or psychic in nature. Thus his life-long crush on Jean Grey and Willow from "Buffy." Feel free to read into that all you want.
Anyway, I was resistant to this for a while simply because I didn't think there were truly that many witch movies worth discussing. However, after thinking on it a bit I realized I could use this as his gateway into Italian horror. Dario Argento's Three Mothers trilogy feature, of course, a brood of evil witches as their antagonists. "Suspiria" also happens to be one of the most highly regarded Italian horror films of all time, if not the highest regarded. The experiment was, well... Not hugely successful but I think I have piqued his curiosity a little. Maybe we'll try some Fulci or Bava in the future? Maybe.
As for the episode itself, it's not our best effort. My brain was a bit scattered on the day we recorded and a lot of editing was required to cover up my stuttering and tripping. Secondly, I made the mistake of discussing several films my co-host hadn't seen in succession. I don't know what our tiny fanbase thinks but listening to myself drone on isn't the easiest or most entertaining thing to edit. It certainly took a lot of energy out of the show. That's also the reason why this took so long to get out. (Though the first episode coming out late in the month and me then rushing out the next episode is more or less standard protocol around here.) We'll do better next time. Probably.
Anyway, I'll put up another Godzilla review in a few hours so feel free to ignore this if you aren't a listener.
However, it's fair to say I'm a much more serious film fan then JD is. There are many genres I've explored that my co-host wouldn't be willing to. Silent cinema, for one. Foreign language films for another. I've tried to make in-roads but haven't had much success. It's frustrating. Living in the part of the country I do, (Here's a hint: It's rural.) I wish I had more friends interested in the same weird shit I like. Anyway, one of the topics I've been trying to break to Mr. Mash without much luck is Italian horror. I know it's not for everyone but I continue to believe that, if he gave the sub-genre a try, he would find some things he'd like.
For a while now, Mr. Mash has been wanting to do an episode about witches. It's a personal fetish of his. I don't mind using that word "fetish" because the attraction is pretty blatantly sexual for him. I can say this because I'm fairly certain no one will read this. JD has got a serious thing for chicks with special powers, whether they be supernatural or psychic in nature. Thus his life-long crush on Jean Grey and Willow from "Buffy." Feel free to read into that all you want.
Anyway, I was resistant to this for a while simply because I didn't think there were truly that many witch movies worth discussing. However, after thinking on it a bit I realized I could use this as his gateway into Italian horror. Dario Argento's Three Mothers trilogy feature, of course, a brood of evil witches as their antagonists. "Suspiria" also happens to be one of the most highly regarded Italian horror films of all time, if not the highest regarded. The experiment was, well... Not hugely successful but I think I have piqued his curiosity a little. Maybe we'll try some Fulci or Bava in the future? Maybe.
As for the episode itself, it's not our best effort. My brain was a bit scattered on the day we recorded and a lot of editing was required to cover up my stuttering and tripping. Secondly, I made the mistake of discussing several films my co-host hadn't seen in succession. I don't know what our tiny fanbase thinks but listening to myself drone on isn't the easiest or most entertaining thing to edit. It certainly took a lot of energy out of the show. That's also the reason why this took so long to get out. (Though the first episode coming out late in the month and me then rushing out the next episode is more or less standard protocol around here.) We'll do better next time. Probably.
Anyway, I'll put up another Godzilla review in a few hours so feel free to ignore this if you aren't a listener.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Bangers n' Mash 34: The Films of Quentin Tarantino
If you're wondering why my Oscar coverage has stopped dead, this is why. Well, this and other reasons. For those lucky enough not to leave on the east coast, you missed out on a massive snow storm that kicked everyone's asses and more or less dropped productive production around here down to zero. That's the real reason my Oscar coverage has halted. Hopefully I'll get back to that by tomorrow. No guarantees, as always, but let's hope.
Anyway, here's a podcast episode about the films of Quentin Tarantino. As you might have guessed, I used my report card reviews as notes, meaning many of the points I bring up here will sound familiar to those who have read my reviews. Whatever, I'm a pragmatist. At least when it comes to film scholarship.
Anyway, here's a podcast episode about the films of Quentin Tarantino. As you might have guessed, I used my report card reviews as notes, meaning many of the points I bring up here will sound familiar to those who have read my reviews. Whatever, I'm a pragmatist. At least when it comes to film scholarship.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Christmas 2013: December 23
This Christmas Countdown thing has been a complete fucking disaster. There were so many Christmas-related things I wanted to watched, established film classics, animated TV specials, obscure holiday-related TV episodes, Christmas-themed horror films, all sorts of things. Instead, I’ve managed to sneak in a few cartoons and that’s it. What can I say? The end of the year is a busy time for me. And don’t even mention that the month is merely over and I still haven’t squeezed a podcast episode out, much less two. The pressure is on, is what I’m saying. Anyway, here’s some stuff.
The Snowman and the Snowdog (2012)
I was completely unaware of this. While out doing some last minute Christmas dinner shopping yesterday, I found this one on the DVD shelves at the check-out lane. At first, I assumed it was a repackaging of “The Snowman” but upon closer examination, nope. It’s a brand new film, a sequel to my all-time favorite holiday special. Looking at the DVD case, I noticed that the film was only “based on the characters by Raymond Briggs” and had no direct involvement with the original author. Consider me skeptical.
“The Snowman and the Snowdog” gets one very important detail right. It maintains the hand-drawn animation of the original, retaining the colored-pencils-and-paper style of the first film. The edges are much smoother but, visually, there’s a strong sense of continuity. I was also kind of worried at first that the characters were going to start talking which, thank god, is avoided. As with “The Snowman,” this is a silent production, only music and visuals.
“The Snowdog” opens with an emotional gut-punch. A mother and son move into a new home during the summer time, accompanied by an old, much loved dog that has clearly seen better days. The next scene we see is a pan around a silent home, a carved jack o’lantern sitting in the sink. Outside, mother and boy shovel the last bit of dirt on a fresh grave, an empty collar and beloved ball placed on the mound. The original “Snowman” was a children’s film partially about lose. Since the death of a pet is the first lost most children will deal with, this seems like a logical place to take the material. Establishing the place, setting, and emotional weight so quickly is an impressive feat.
Disappointingly, this is a sequel and has to fulfill certain story obligations. During that winter, after the first snow fall, the young boys find a familiar scarf, hat, bits of coal and even a dried-up tangerine under the floorboards. He also finds a photograph of another little boy with a happy, smiling snowman. Gathering up the little snow in the backyard, he builds a new snowman, slavishly copying the original seen in the photograph. This works as a metaphor for the film’s commitment to the proven formula. That night, the Snowman magically springs to life. The two explore the suburban home for while before the boy and the snowman magically take to the sky, flying through the night. The flight takes them to a gathering of other living snowmen, climaxing with a meeting with Santa Claus. The next morning, the boy discovers the melted remains of the snowman, falling to his knees in sadness.
There are differences. The boy also builds a little dog out of snow, fashioning floppy ears out of old socks, the pet joining him on the night’s journey. A sprawling suburban neighborhood has been built around the old farm house. This leads to a magic-propelled flight through urban London. Instead of riding a motorcycle, the Snowman pilots an airplane. The gathering of snowmen escalates into a fairly uninvolving sleigh race. This is all just set-dressing for a familiar story. Attempting to directly emulate the original’s iconic scenes was a grave mistake. The new score is nice but Andy Burrow’s “Light the Night” is no “Walking in the Air,” this version ‘s flying sequence lacking the magic of the original.
Similarly, the meaning of the ending is completely changed. The little boy has lost his dog but, through the magic of Christmas, gains a new puppy. This film isn’t about the relationship between the boy and the snowman but rather the boy and the dog. So the Snowman’s inevitable fate lacks the same emotional significance. And Santa magically turning the Snowdog into a real dog kind of undermines the point, don’t you think? All in all, “The Snowman and the Snowdog” isn’t bad. It’s a valid effort and by no mean’s disrespectful. However, at the end, my suspicions were confirmed. “The Snowman” was a complete story. It didn’t need a sequel. [6/10]
Frosty the Snowman (1969)
Might as well keep the snowman theme going… If the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials were the Avengers, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” would be Iron Man and “Frosty the Snowman” would be, I suppose, Thor. If you don’t grasp what I mean by that awkward pop culture analogy, let me elaborate. “Rudolph” remains the most popular of the studio’s seasonal output and was their first. “Frosty,” meanwhile, runs a close second in popularity. It usually airs directly after “Rudolph” or on the next night. The two character’s status as the studio’s most popular characters was solidify when Rankin/Bass chose them as the twin stars of its sole foray into feature length Christmas programming. Which brings my confusing Avengers analogy full circle. (Though, disappointingly, Frosty never punched a giant snake monster in the face.)
Anyway, the point of my rambling introduction is that “Frosty” was the studio’s most blatant attempt to recreate the success of “Rudolph.” The latter might have introduced the device of a formally semi-popular singer narrating the story but this program set the standard. Both were closely adapted from beloved Christmas songs. Both feature Santa Claus in supporting roles. The biggest differences are that “Frosty” strays from the studio’s iconic stop-motion animation, instead being told through traditional animation.
I’m actually rather fond of the adaptional changes made to the source material. Unlike “Rudolph” or the other, previous specials, “Frosty” doesn’t take place in a fantasy land. It’s set in a normal town, starring normal school kids, which look to be in the six-to-nine range. We found out why there had to have been some magic in that old hat, since it belonged to a washed-up, foolish magician. The half-hour’s non-snowman protagonist is a young girl, which also changes things up a bit. The animation is primitive but has aged fairly well, thanks to the cute character designs. Unlike “Rudolph,” this isn’t a proper musical, meaning no extra songs drag the story down.
Honestly, that story is the weakest element of the special. Nobody seems much alarmed by a snowman springing to life, save for yet another stereotypical Irish cop. Frosty’s intelligence is handled inconsistently. One minute, he can’t count higher then five. The next, he knows what the North Pole is, how to read a thermometer, and is aware of his own mortality. The magician’s pursuit of the girl and the snowman seems like a bit of an overreaction. Secondly, little Karen herself doesn’t think twice about jumping aboard a refrigerated train car. Nor does any adult notice the stowaways. Finally, Santa’s sudden appearance at the end is a major deus ex machine. He brings Frosty back to life, robbing his sacrifice of any meaning, and quickly punishes the villain. That villain, a goofy comic relief character, isn’t particularly intimidating either.
Watching as an adult, the most endearing thing about “Frosty” is probably its voice cast. Jackie Vernon’s big doofy voice embodies the character, making him lovable despite his flaws. Veteran voice actress June Foray is especially good as Karen, and a number of minor supporting characters, making you really care about the little girl. It’s weird to think that there are whole generations of kids who only know who Jimmy Durante is through this special. Anyway, “Frosty the Snowman” doesn’t quite live up to its nostalgic status but isn’t bad. [6.5/10]
I was completely unaware of this. While out doing some last minute Christmas dinner shopping yesterday, I found this one on the DVD shelves at the check-out lane. At first, I assumed it was a repackaging of “The Snowman” but upon closer examination, nope. It’s a brand new film, a sequel to my all-time favorite holiday special. Looking at the DVD case, I noticed that the film was only “based on the characters by Raymond Briggs” and had no direct involvement with the original author. Consider me skeptical.
“The Snowman and the Snowdog” gets one very important detail right. It maintains the hand-drawn animation of the original, retaining the colored-pencils-and-paper style of the first film. The edges are much smoother but, visually, there’s a strong sense of continuity. I was also kind of worried at first that the characters were going to start talking which, thank god, is avoided. As with “The Snowman,” this is a silent production, only music and visuals.
Disappointingly, this is a sequel and has to fulfill certain story obligations. During that winter, after the first snow fall, the young boys find a familiar scarf, hat, bits of coal and even a dried-up tangerine under the floorboards. He also finds a photograph of another little boy with a happy, smiling snowman. Gathering up the little snow in the backyard, he builds a new snowman, slavishly copying the original seen in the photograph. This works as a metaphor for the film’s commitment to the proven formula. That night, the Snowman magically springs to life. The two explore the suburban home for while before the boy and the snowman magically take to the sky, flying through the night. The flight takes them to a gathering of other living snowmen, climaxing with a meeting with Santa Claus. The next morning, the boy discovers the melted remains of the snowman, falling to his knees in sadness.
Similarly, the meaning of the ending is completely changed. The little boy has lost his dog but, through the magic of Christmas, gains a new puppy. This film isn’t about the relationship between the boy and the snowman but rather the boy and the dog. So the Snowman’s inevitable fate lacks the same emotional significance. And Santa magically turning the Snowdog into a real dog kind of undermines the point, don’t you think? All in all, “The Snowman and the Snowdog” isn’t bad. It’s a valid effort and by no mean’s disrespectful. However, at the end, my suspicions were confirmed. “The Snowman” was a complete story. It didn’t need a sequel. [6/10]
Might as well keep the snowman theme going… If the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials were the Avengers, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” would be Iron Man and “Frosty the Snowman” would be, I suppose, Thor. If you don’t grasp what I mean by that awkward pop culture analogy, let me elaborate. “Rudolph” remains the most popular of the studio’s seasonal output and was their first. “Frosty,” meanwhile, runs a close second in popularity. It usually airs directly after “Rudolph” or on the next night. The two character’s status as the studio’s most popular characters was solidify when Rankin/Bass chose them as the twin stars of its sole foray into feature length Christmas programming. Which brings my confusing Avengers analogy full circle. (Though, disappointingly, Frosty never punched a giant snake monster in the face.)
Anyway, the point of my rambling introduction is that “Frosty” was the studio’s most blatant attempt to recreate the success of “Rudolph.” The latter might have introduced the device of a formally semi-popular singer narrating the story but this program set the standard. Both were closely adapted from beloved Christmas songs. Both feature Santa Claus in supporting roles. The biggest differences are that “Frosty” strays from the studio’s iconic stop-motion animation, instead being told through traditional animation.
Honestly, that story is the weakest element of the special. Nobody seems much alarmed by a snowman springing to life, save for yet another stereotypical Irish cop. Frosty’s intelligence is handled inconsistently. One minute, he can’t count higher then five. The next, he knows what the North Pole is, how to read a thermometer, and is aware of his own mortality. The magician’s pursuit of the girl and the snowman seems like a bit of an overreaction. Secondly, little Karen herself doesn’t think twice about jumping aboard a refrigerated train car. Nor does any adult notice the stowaways. Finally, Santa’s sudden appearance at the end is a major deus ex machine. He brings Frosty back to life, robbing his sacrifice of any meaning, and quickly punishes the villain. That villain, a goofy comic relief character, isn’t particularly intimidating either.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Bangers n' Mash 21: A Nightmare on Our Street
If you've been wondering where the hell I've been the last few days, I've been working on this thing:
Yes, another episode of the much neglected, unpopular YouTube podcast-hybrid thingy. Mr. Mash and I recorded this episode about two weeks ago. It's taken this long to get out for a few reasons. First off, the source audio was over two and a half hours long and, as previously established, I've got to edit every single tiny little thing so we don't sound like complete morons. Secondly, I've actually been busy with, I know this next part will shock, real life! A shocker, for certain!
So anyway, that's why I haven't been working on the Wes Craven Report Card. I'll get back on track with that soon. And this is sort of related, isn't it? "A Nightmare on Elm Street" episode is actually the first request we've ever gotten. We had planned on doing one eventually anyway but the request made me decide to get to that topic sooner. I belatantly recycle my notes from the review I wrote here, so some of the rambling here might sound familiar to readers.
Anyway, we'll crap out another Nerd Vomit episode real quick so we can make our "two episodes a month" quota I arbitrarily enforce on myself. The next two won't take as long. Probably.
Yes, another episode of the much neglected, unpopular YouTube podcast-hybrid thingy. Mr. Mash and I recorded this episode about two weeks ago. It's taken this long to get out for a few reasons. First off, the source audio was over two and a half hours long and, as previously established, I've got to edit every single tiny little thing so we don't sound like complete morons. Secondly, I've actually been busy with, I know this next part will shock, real life! A shocker, for certain!
So anyway, that's why I haven't been working on the Wes Craven Report Card. I'll get back on track with that soon. And this is sort of related, isn't it? "A Nightmare on Elm Street" episode is actually the first request we've ever gotten. We had planned on doing one eventually anyway but the request made me decide to get to that topic sooner. I belatantly recycle my notes from the review I wrote here, so some of the rambling here might sound familiar to readers.
Anyway, we'll crap out another Nerd Vomit episode real quick so we can make our "two episodes a month" quota I arbitrarily enforce on myself. The next two won't take as long. Probably.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Bangers n' Mash 20: Nerd Vomit with a Vengeance
It's my birthday and here's a new episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show.
Here's our second Nerd Vomit episode this summer and our third overall. You might as well call this one the "Man of Steel" episode, as that's what we talk about for most of the recording. As we did with "Iron Man 3," we recorded some pre-show thoughts as well as our first impressions of the film after seeing it. This would have been far more relevant if it had gone up a week ago but, you know me. I've got to edit like crazy. (And it shows.) So here's us discussing a week old movie like it's still brand new.
Aside from Superman, we cover all sorts of topics, from Bruce Lee, the Loony Tunes, Alan Moore, Akira Kurosawa and William Shakespeare, not to mention a heaping helping of Nerd News! But it all comes back to Superman. We'll only do one more Nerd Vomit this summer, I promise. And horror next time! Seriously!
Concerning this blog specifically, I have two large Report Cards in the work. Hopefully, I will start posting one of those within the month, though no guarantees. Odds are good that you won't see me again until July.
Here's our second Nerd Vomit episode this summer and our third overall. You might as well call this one the "Man of Steel" episode, as that's what we talk about for most of the recording. As we did with "Iron Man 3," we recorded some pre-show thoughts as well as our first impressions of the film after seeing it. This would have been far more relevant if it had gone up a week ago but, you know me. I've got to edit like crazy. (And it shows.) So here's us discussing a week old movie like it's still brand new.
Aside from Superman, we cover all sorts of topics, from Bruce Lee, the Loony Tunes, Alan Moore, Akira Kurosawa and William Shakespeare, not to mention a heaping helping of Nerd News! But it all comes back to Superman. We'll only do one more Nerd Vomit this summer, I promise. And horror next time! Seriously!
Concerning this blog specifically, I have two large Report Cards in the work. Hopefully, I will start posting one of those within the month, though no guarantees. Odds are good that you won't see me again until July.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Bangers n' Mash 18: Dracula (1931) Commentary
I consider not even posting this one. The idea behind this was two-fold. First off, our commentary on Frankenstein, a filler episode we recorded back in March, has proven to be one of our most popular episodes. Secondly, I knew I couldn't get another "real" episode out in May and commentaries are easy to record and edit, since they, by their very nature, can't be edited very much.
That second part proved problematic. JD had a little bit of a cold and was coughing and sniffling throughout. Secondly, there was some sort of construction going on next door, so occasionally you hear some ambient banging and squeaking from next door. And then there's just the general fact that this is barely edited, so expect lots of "ums," 'you knows," "likes," stammering, off-topic rambling, and incomplete thoughts.
So sorry for the shitty episode. We'll do better next time, promise.
That second part proved problematic. JD had a little bit of a cold and was coughing and sniffling throughout. Secondly, there was some sort of construction going on next door, so occasionally you hear some ambient banging and squeaking from next door. And then there's just the general fact that this is barely edited, so expect lots of "ums," 'you knows," "likes," stammering, off-topic rambling, and incomplete thoughts.
So sorry for the shitty episode. We'll do better next time, promise.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Director Report Card: John Carpenter (2010)
Ten years is a big gap between films. There has been a handful of unrealized announcements over the years: A Nicolas Cage action film. A cop thriller that was going to be both a movie and a video game. None of these came to fruition. For a long time, it seemed like John Carpenter was never going to direct another movie. And then, out of nowhere, “The Ward” was announced. By all accounts, those two “Masters of Horror” episodes got Carpenter interested in movie making again.
Sadly, the general reception for “The Ward” was lukewarm. The J-horror sounding premise and pretty girl cast didn’t exactly excite me from the beginning. So I went into the film with muted expectations. By the time I got around to seeing it, everyone knew this wasn't Carpenter's proud return to cinema. Ultimately, I kind of liked it, with a lot of reservations. Maybe it was just the low expectations. It’s far from the director’s best movie but not without its own charms.
The story is fairly unremarkable, the kind of thing we were seeing a lot of in horror through the last decade. A 1960s mental hospital full of skinny white girls has a dark secret. A vengeful ghost is haunting the titular ward and slowly widdling away at the cast of said skinny white girls. Kristen, the feisty new arrival, is determined to get to the bottom of things and has no problem challenging the sinister hospital staff, who are clearly in on things. It’s a sexy horror version of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” practically.
More disconcerting then the unremarkable story is the movie’s over reliance on jump scares. There are a lot of them and they are all very loud. Constantly throughout the movie, things jump out of the corner of the screen, always accompanied by a very loud shriek on the soundtrack. It happens over and over again. Carpenter has proven to very skilled at creating a lingering atmosphere of dread. One of his movie’s relying so much on cheap, frankly annoying, jump scares is a bit shameful.
The movie has a general lack of the classic Carpenter style. Few of his trademarks are present. There’s a single tracking shot midway through. Unsurprisingly, it's one of the best scenes in the film, a joyous little dance number that shows the cast coming together in a realistic, unobtrusive way. Carpenter didn't even contribute to the score. Instead, Mark Kilian provides music that is forgettable when it isn't bashing you over the head.Despite these problems, I found myself liking the characters. Each one of the girls, while potentially a cliché, still proves to be interesting. I’ve never been a fan of Amber Heard before. I usually find her tough girl act to be tiresome, but it works here. The authorities actually do seem to be up to something which gives her reason to struggle. She is quickly position as the strongest of the girls and becomes their protector, giving her a good reason to struggle. Moreover, Heard plays nicely off the other girls. Eventually, a real sense of sisterhood forms among the cast.
Lyndsy Fonseca as the bookish Iris was probably my favorite. She’s definitely the friendliest of the girls, the first one to open up to Heard. However, she can't mask her nerves and anxiety, adding depth to both the character and the performance. I also liked Mamie Gummer as Emily. She’s also a deeply neurotic character but instead covers her insecurities with a stand-off-ish personality. Gummer successfully portrays someone whose defensive traits are just barely concealing a mental breakdown. She’s deeply protective of the other girls and doesn’t want to stick her nose in anything that will stir up problems. Danielle Panabaker as the slutty Sara and Laura-Leigh as the deeply traumatized, infantilized Zoey both have a lot less material to work with. However, both actresses do a good job with what they’re given.
The most notable thing the movie is that each girl manages to be memorable, likeable characters. “The Ward” is an ensemble movie the same way “The Thing” is. Deceit, suspicion, and paranoia threaten to tear the group apart but a strong leader and an outside threat makes them pull together, at least for a little while.
Honestly, the mixture of likable characters and some effective atmosphere got me to like the movie. As the film builds to its climax, as Kristen eventually finds herself the last girl standing, the movie builds up a decent pitch. The ghost is closing in and our heroine has to fight alone. This is classic stuff, right out of "Halloween." Nothing new or exciting, sure, but I was enjoying myself.
And then… The movie hits a brick wall in the form of an obvious, obnoxious twist ending. I’m beginning to wish that a movie could tell a tale about psychosis and multiple personality without delving to any cheap narrative trickery. Honestly, even then, I was giving this flick a lot of rope. I kept thinking, “Okay, movie, I’ll let you have your more-then-a-little-dumb twist ending, as long as you just go quietly and settle on a calm, emotional conclusion.” Nope. Here’s one more really, really stupid jump scare and: Credits. Sigh.
I’m not a Carpenter apologist. I don’t consider myself one anyway. “The Ward” legitimately charmed me in many ways. I don’t consider it a failure, even with obnoxious jump scares, a bombastic musical score, and a bad twist ending. Can a film have all of those things and still be enjoyable for the majority of its run time? I don’t know if this is the triumphant return to the screen we had hoped for from John Carpenter, but it’s not a bad return. Let’s hope his next film meshes better. [Grade: B-]
We had hoped "The Ward" would break the trend of John Carpenter getting attached to a project and then nothing coming of it. Nope. "Fangland," another vampire novel adaptation, was suppose to roll right after "The Ward." It didn't. "Darkchylde," an adaptation of some crappy nineties comic book nobody remembers or cares about, looked ready to go at one point and then... Nothing. Most recently, he's talked about wanting to turn the video game "Dead Space" into a movie. I'm not holding my breath.
And maybe that's for the best. I like the guy and, perhaps, I've given some of his later films a wider berth then most. But it's clear at this point that Carpenter is unlikely to produce another masterpiece, hope though we might. Maybe graceful retirement is a viable option after all.
That took a lot longer then expected. Why did it take me three months to finish up one report card? If you hadn't figured it out, it's because I started this before having all the reviews written. Turns out, that's not a great way to drive up my creativity. No more of that stupidity in the future. I won't start posting a Director's Report Card until I'm ready. Despite this, I do have some stuff in the bag. You'll see me again soon. I promise.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Bangers n' Mash: Toy Movies
This actually went up on the Tube on the 15th but I'm just now posting it here because the podcast post tend to be the least viewed here on my blog. Should the Bangers n' Mash Show ever get it's own website, I'll stop posting here. But for the time being I'll continue.
Anyway, the topic was toy movies, movies based off of action figures, board games, trading cards, items and concepts generally considered toys. This mostly means me ranting at length about the shitty "Transformers" movies. We recorded this episode to coincide with the release of "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" but, because it takes me about two weeks to edit the shit out of the base recording, this didn't get release until a few weeks after people had stopped caring about that movie. The next episode, similarly, deals with a topic that was relevant two weeks ago. It will be out soon, promise.
Anyway, the topic was toy movies, movies based off of action figures, board games, trading cards, items and concepts generally considered toys. This mostly means me ranting at length about the shitty "Transformers" movies. We recorded this episode to coincide with the release of "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" but, because it takes me about two weeks to edit the shit out of the base recording, this didn't get release until a few weeks after people had stopped caring about that movie. The next episode, similarly, deals with a topic that was relevant two weeks ago. It will be out soon, promise.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Bangers n' Mash: Frankenstein (1931) Commentary
We had a real episode planned, one about a topic that I've been wanting to get to for a while and is relevant to current entertainment news. However, neither of us were quite ready for that one so instead we threw something together quickly.
A lot of other podcast cover commentaries for films, some of them doing it exclusively. Watching and talking over one of our favorite films, one that's important to our show's history, I tried to get some decent information and observation in there. While we suceed some times, we frequently fell back and simply pointing out stuff on the screen we've never notice before and wandering wildly off-topic to subjects like Illuminati symbolism (sarcastically), X-Men, Sonic the Hedgehog, other classic Universal monster movies, and unrelated shit like that. Also, if you ever wondered what an almost totally unedited episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show would sound like, now you know. That is, mostly with a lot of silence, hmm-ing, haw-ing, aww-ing, umm-ing, uncompleted half-formed thoughts, and unrelated bullshit. So if you want to know what it's like to watch a movie with two lisping nerds, watch along with us! Real episode next time, promise.
A lot of other podcast cover commentaries for films, some of them doing it exclusively. Watching and talking over one of our favorite films, one that's important to our show's history, I tried to get some decent information and observation in there. While we suceed some times, we frequently fell back and simply pointing out stuff on the screen we've never notice before and wandering wildly off-topic to subjects like Illuminati symbolism (sarcastically), X-Men, Sonic the Hedgehog, other classic Universal monster movies, and unrelated shit like that. Also, if you ever wondered what an almost totally unedited episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show would sound like, now you know. That is, mostly with a lot of silence, hmm-ing, haw-ing, aww-ing, umm-ing, uncompleted half-formed thoughts, and unrelated bullshit. So if you want to know what it's like to watch a movie with two lisping nerds, watch along with us! Real episode next time, promise.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Bangers n' Mash 8: Ghost Stories
So here's another episode of the podcast nobody likes or listens to that was recorded back in July and I'm only now getting it out. This time JD and I discuss many different films about ghosts, hauntings, and paranormal encounters, while also recounting some personal stories of our own.
The next one definitely should not take as long, unless there's some other fucking disaster which there probably will be. Anyway, thanks for not listening or paying any attention to this shit whatsoever.
The next one definitely should not take as long, unless there's some other fucking disaster which there probably will be. Anyway, thanks for not listening or paying any attention to this shit whatsoever.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Bangers n' Mash 7: Holy Podcast, Batman!
Here's the most recent episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show. It's only, what, two months late?
Obviously, the episode was recorded the day after the midnight screening of "The Dark Knight Rises." Why it took nearly two months to edit and mix the audio, I don't have a good answer. As it is, here's two mush-mouthed nerds mumbling about some Batman related shit.
The next one won't take as long, I promise. Also, there's another Director's Record Part coming real soon. So, you know, look out for that.
Obviously, the episode was recorded the day after the midnight screening of "The Dark Knight Rises." Why it took nearly two months to edit and mix the audio, I don't have a good answer. As it is, here's two mush-mouthed nerds mumbling about some Batman related shit.
The next one won't take as long, I promise. Also, there's another Director's Record Part coming real soon. So, you know, look out for that.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Bangers n' Mash 4: Vampires Don't Sparkle
I don't know if I mention this before but the plan with the Bangers n' Mash Show originally, my podcast/vidcast thingy done with my buddy JD, was to release a show twice a month. A weekly release schedule I knew was beyond my means for a number of reasons, but I figured two episodes in thirty days was not only plausible but reasonable.
I guess I was wrong cause it seems like we've fallen into a groove of one episode a month, which is probably unacceptable. But at least it's sort of consistent. There will probably be another this month though. (And soon, I'm hoping.)
Anyway, this month's(?) episode concerns vampire cinema of the non-sparkly variety. It's a spoiler and profanity heavy episode and the sound is rather inconsistent. (JD mumbles.) There's little music. We'll do better next time, I promise.
I guess I was wrong cause it seems like we've fallen into a groove of one episode a month, which is probably unacceptable. But at least it's sort of consistent. There will probably be another this month though. (And soon, I'm hoping.)
Anyway, this month's(?) episode concerns vampire cinema of the non-sparkly variety. It's a spoiler and profanity heavy episode and the sound is rather inconsistent. (JD mumbles.) There's little music. We'll do better next time, I promise.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The Bangers n' Mash Show Episode 3
So here's the much-delayed newest episode of my continuing experiment in audio-adventures, the Bangers n' Mash Show. In this episode, Mr. Bangers (myself) and Mr. Mash (JD) discuss a nerdy passion of ours: Superhero movies.
The reason it took nearly a month to get this episode up is because there was some issue with the program I use to record my audio. Originally, there was over three hours worth of audio recorded for this one. However, something happened, and a big chunk of audio, about an hour, vanished. That's why we only discuss the first two X-Men movies instead of the whole franchise.
The next one won't take as long. I promise.
The reason it took nearly a month to get this episode up is because there was some issue with the program I use to record my audio. Originally, there was over three hours worth of audio recorded for this one. However, something happened, and a big chunk of audio, about an hour, vanished. That's why we only discuss the first two X-Men movies instead of the whole franchise.
The next one won't take as long. I promise.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Lo, changes!
So, I don't know if anybody noticed... I seriously don't know if anybody noticed, but, over the last month, I've gone back and changed up the blog a bit. It was a long overdue overhaul, in my opinion.
First off, I added a sidebar with links for all the completed report cards, director or otherwise. That's another long overdue addition, honestly. I've also added sidebars for my yearly retrospectives and my Halloween write-ups. Those three features, I feel, form the foundations and heart of Film Thoughts. Depending on how next Feburary goes, I might add a sidebar for my Oscar coverage as well. I've also thrown in an updated list of potential future report cards and a label cloud, because why the hell not?
As for those early report cards, they're rough. I personally don't think my skills as a reviewer became any good until around the Star Trek report card. But I've kept those around for historical value and for those with any interest.
Beyond that, I've gone through and spell-checked everything and updated labels. I've boosted the font size for all articles. I've also went through and fixed all the HTML and formatting fuck-ups, some of which were just damn shameful. Over all, the goal here was to make Film Thoughts a more readier, appealing, and accessible blog.
Moving to the future, I've got a number of nearly completed report cards that will be posted soon. I've also decided on a few new features in order to keep the blog alive in-between report cards. This new material is forthcoming and soon. I PROMISE!!!
First off, I added a sidebar with links for all the completed report cards, director or otherwise. That's another long overdue addition, honestly. I've also added sidebars for my yearly retrospectives and my Halloween write-ups. Those three features, I feel, form the foundations and heart of Film Thoughts. Depending on how next Feburary goes, I might add a sidebar for my Oscar coverage as well. I've also thrown in an updated list of potential future report cards and a label cloud, because why the hell not?
As for those early report cards, they're rough. I personally don't think my skills as a reviewer became any good until around the Star Trek report card. But I've kept those around for historical value and for those with any interest.
Beyond that, I've gone through and spell-checked everything and updated labels. I've boosted the font size for all articles. I've also went through and fixed all the HTML and formatting fuck-ups, some of which were just damn shameful. Over all, the goal here was to make Film Thoughts a more readier, appealing, and accessible blog.
Moving to the future, I've got a number of nearly completed report cards that will be posted soon. I've also decided on a few new features in order to keep the blog alive in-between report cards. This new material is forthcoming and soon. I PROMISE!!!
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