OSCARS 2025: Dune: Part Two (2024)

There was a time when science fiction, horror, and fantasy were considered “low” genres, unworthy of serious critical consideration. It was the stuff of penny pulp novels, children's comic books, campy B-movies, and Republic serials. We have sort of, kind of moved past such prejudice, if only because this same material has long since been the grist for the hyper-popular blockbuster grinder. Some printed classics of these genres have become so respected, they are now consider pieces of serious literature. Which means cinematic adaptations of them have gotten award season attention, assuming they are epic enough. After “Return of the King” won Best Picture, it's easier to accept that a “Dune” movie could wrack up Oscar nominations and not only in the technical categories. Denis Villeneuve's “Dune: Part One” was so well received that the second half of this adaptation of Frank Herbert's sprawling sci-fi saga, “Dune: Part Two,” was more or less a shoe-in for a Best Picture nominee. I, on the other hand, am painfully indifferent – perhaps even a little hostile – to “Dune” in all its forms. But I like to review all the Best Picture nominees which means I'm shipping my ass back to Arrakis for completist's sake. 

And so we return to that desert planet, with its giant worms that poop the mind-expanding space cocaine the universe's economy depends on. Exiled prince Paul Atreides and his mom have been living with the Freman, the desert dwelling natives of Arrakis. They assist them in their war against House Harkonnen, the depraved noblemen who massacred Paul's family to consolidate control of the planet. The mystical conspiracy that resulted in Paul's birth rolls forward, the prophecy of him prompting a cosmic jihad against the empire beginning to take shape. Paul himself is uncertain about his destiny but desires revenge against the Harkonnens and the Empire backing them. Him and his mother rise through the ranks of the Freman, quickly becoming revered figures. A dangerous new threat, the psychotic Feyd-Rautha, is sent to Arrakis to crush the rebellion before it's too late. There's a lot more stuff happening but that's the gist. 

One of the reoccurring plot points of fantastical fiction is the idea of a prophesied "chosen one," a hero that will rise to defeat the evil empire and birth a golden age. Herbert's "Dune" is one of the stories that made this premise so archetypal. Which is funny, as "Dune" now plays like a deconstruction of this idea. Paul is indeed The Chosen One, the one the Fremen call "Lisan al-Gaib," an outsider that will master their ways and lead them out of oppression. To the faithful, everything he says and does is weighed with importance. When he picks a Freman name for himself, it's the humble desert mouse... Before Stilgar points that "M'uad'Dib" also means "He Who Points the Way." What makes Paul Atreides different from Harry Potter or Luke Skywalker is that he's all too aware of his great destiny. Paul's birth is the result of hundreds of years of engineering and planning by an arcane order of witches, who are so complete in their scheming that Paul is not their only candidate for a messiah. By choosing to accept his fate, Paul is also aware of how his words are going to launch a bloody Holy War across the galaxy. In other words, "Dune: Part Two" shows that the following of a great hero is exactly the same as a fanatical cult. That the changing tide history usually happens from detailed planning and not mythic fairy tales of good guys overcoming bad guys through plucky determination. 

A story that deconstructs the Hero's Journey while also appearing to be a standard example of it is very interesting. Or it would be, if "Dune: Part Two" wasn't so fucking boring. The second half of Villeneuve's adaptation doubles down on everything I found intolerable about the first one. Namely, a sense of crushing ponderousness. The weird religious rituals of the Freman and the Bene Gesserit are given a lot of focus here. Paul's mom drinks a magic potion to make her a holy leader, while Paul has psychic dreams and visions. The space witches scheme and scheme while arguing amongst themselves. Some lady does Tai-Chi with a baby sandworm, in a sequence that I am sure is of some importance to something. When not lingering on the rites of magical orders, the plot follows Space Politicians considering their options on how to manipulate events to grant them the most power. These two tendencies crossbreed in a last third twist that would surely be upsetting if these characters were anything but shallowly developed pawns in this game of epic chess. I know for the people invested in this universe and its centuries of convoluted history, all of this is absolutely fascinating. I, for one, am unable to get on-board with a work so concerned with its own importance that it drowns any recognizable human emotions in reams of ideas and concepts. 

That denseness is exactly what kept Herbert's book from being successfully adapted for decades, defeating great artists like David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky. Denis Villeneuve – not the kind of artist either of those guys are, in my opinion, though I do like him – defeats this in two ways: Meeting the source material on its own level, treating the epic legacies and power struggles of "Dune" with the seriousness the words demand. Secondly, he makes concessions to blockbuster filmmaking whenever he can. Paul and Chani's romance resembles an actual love story here, the two having chemistry and an emotional bond. Chani is giving a lot more agency in the story, challenging her lover's own plans. Focus is definitely given over to exciting action sequences too. While the Freman are attacking some Harkonnen vehicles and soldiers, there's a moment involving a rocket launcher that could be out of any military movie. The final boss of the first novel, Feyd, is introduced rather drolly on the page. Here, his first major scene is one of visceral gladiatorial combat. In general, there's a much more conscious effort made to include dazzling special effects and exciting action scenes, in order to alleviate the desert-like dryness of the writing. 

Ultimately, "Dune: Part Two" is most successful for me when paired with performers who understand how to work with material like this. Timothee Chalamet has brief flashes of humanity but mostly plays Paul's universe-rendering angst as petulant teenage whining. Javier Bardem had a twinkle or two in his eye as Stilgar, the leader of the Freman, but is also stuck in a role weighed down with all the pseudo-religious stuff. Zendaya approaches it exactly the same as the earthly drama of "Euphoria" or "Challengers," creating a visible disconnect her acting style and everything happening around her. Talented performers like Rebecca Ferguson, Leá Seydoux, and Florence Pugh are completely flattened by the mythic grandness of it all. 

Some people, however, emphasize the second word in the phrase "space opera." Christopher Walken plays the Emperor of the Universe like it's Shakespeare, theatrical but as lively as ever. Josh Brolin and Dave Bautista bring some blustering action movie toughness to their roles, a much needed relief. Lastly, we have Austin Butler. Looking like a Cenobite Billy Corgan and affecting the weirdest Stellan Skarsgård impression I've ever heard, Butler makes an absolute meal of every line or turn of the head he's given. He makes Feyd a hedonistic, unhinged, animal of a man and is without a doubt the single most entertaining thing in "Dune: Part Two's" nearly three hours runtime. 

Devoting so much of that belabored runtime to people whispering in hidden chambers or debating the balance of fate and power is why "Dune: Part Two" crushes me down to a material very much like sand by the time it's over. My ability to care is exhausted long before the end. That's a bummer, as an incredible amount of skill and artistry was put into this film. The special effects are fantastic, the floating space ships and massive earth-movers being properly alien feeling. The production design, make-up effects, and costumes all create an absorbing world on-screen. Any of the scenes set on the Harkonnen's home world, an entire planet of pasty goth bondage freaks it seems, are perhaps the most striking. Everything in this world is either pale and smooth like the resident's unsettling skin or black and cold like the material around them. Meanwhile, Greg Fraser ensures that the grand desert vistas of Arrakis are exactly as wide, sweeping, and striking as they should be. In other words, everyone involved in this film was determined to make this sci-fi world feel as real to the viewer as it is to the characters. 

I do admire that skill. Really, I do. If I had picked Herbert's books up as a self-serious teenage nerd, maybe I'd be as hooked on this world as all the Dune-heads out there. Alas, I used up all of those autism points on H.P. Lovecraft, Sonic the Hedgehog, monster movies and comic books. I'm tempted to say "Dune: Part Two" is too nerdy for me but the truth is I'm the wrong kind of nerdy for it. Congrats on everyone who worked on this movie. You did a great job and I'm sure some of you will receive some well-earned statues when Oscar night comes. Much like cocaine and the boundless light of Islam, it's just not for me. But, hey, we'll always have that hilarious popcorn bucket, won't we?  Look forward to hearing me make all these same gripes again when "Dune Messiah" is nominated for a shit ton of stuff in a few years. [5/10]

OSCARS 2024 LIVE BLOG!

6:30 - Welcome to Film Thoughts' annual live blog of the Academy Awards ceremony! 

I started blogging the awards show - literally writing down my thoughts on this here blog and just publishing it as I go - in 2010. At the time, the idea of a "Live Blog," a running commentary on a live event, was still a relevant idea. Nowadays, we just post our thoughts on Twitter via our phones or whatever. However, I am committed to doing things the old way. Actually nobody has ever done it like this, so I guess I'm committed to doing things my way! In other words, for the six people reading this: Reload early, reload often to see more of my pointless observations throughout the night! This is as off-the-cuff as I get these days.

6:40 - Because my film nerdiness about film and my obsessive compulsive streaks roll into each other, I feel the need to watch every one of the nominated movies. I like to be informed, ya know! Maybe I do this - and, by extension, write these reviews - because I like to pretend I'm an Academy member or something. Following that logic, here's what I would vote for if I got a vote. 

Does it make me crazy that I put more thought into these than the people actually the Academy? Yes! Yes, it does!

6:47 - I have just been informed that Lupito N'yonga's win for "12 Years a Slave" was almost a decade ago! I am crumbling into dust!

6:51 - It seems Hulu is doing a tell-all documentary about Bon Jovi, presumably because we've run out of eighties rock bands to do tell-all documentaries about.

6:59 - Once again, the time of year where I have to endure Jimmy Kimmel has arrived...

7:05 - Another reason to hate Daylight Savings Time: The Oscars starting while the sun is still out feels wrong.

7:07 - This is a good opening montage but, all these exciting or inspiring clips flashing on-screen with exactly ONE shot from "The Zone of Interest" is pretty funny.

7:09 - Oh yeah, there was an Actor's Strike last year.

7:11 - I'm not drinking tonight but if I was I would take a shot every time there's a Barbenheimer joke.

Christopher Nolan smiling politely at the porn addiction joke. Okay, "Sillian" Murphy was a decent joke.

7:12 - RDJ's reaction shot was so much better than the actual joke.

7:13 - Messi! Yes, Messi is here at the Oscars!

7:14 - Jokes about "Killers of the Flower Moon" being long were old four months ago, dude.

7:17 - Achievement in Casting is a weird category to add when people have been begging for a Stunts category for years. But it's fine.

The jokes are leaning hard on reaction shots tonight.

7:19 - A.I. could definitely take your job, Jimmy. 

7:20 - That's nice to invite a bunch of teamsters and folks on-stage. Workers unite!

"Should we give out some Oscars?" Please, get on with it!

7:22 - So each of the acting categories are going to be introduced like this? This will result in a lot of awkward looking at teleprompters, I predict. 

7:23 - This category is Da'Vine's to loose, as far as I'm concerned. 

7:26 - I'm glad she won. Hopefully they don't announce the nominations like this for every category or else we really are going to be here all night. 

7:28 - That was a sweet speech and I like the shout-out to her publicist. 

7:33 - I don't think it'll happen but I'm so rooting for Paul Giamatti to win tonight. Look at him, he looks so happy to be here!

7:34 - I'm ashamed to admit that I would absolutely watch the Silver Oscars. Jesus, when will the hosts stop making jokes about animation only being for kids?

7:35 - The Animated Shorts category was pretty weak this year but rooting for "Ninety-Five Senses" or "Pachyderm!" 

7:36 - I do believe I said "War is Over!" was going to win in my reviews, obviously because it is the worst of the nominees! 

7:38 - Haha, you're not going to play Sean Lennon off the stage, assholes! 

I do think "The Boy and the Heron" will win and I'm fine with that. But I really did love "Robot Dreams." 

7:39 - Hayao Miyazaki is too damn cool for the Oscars. He doesn't give a shit. Why would he show up for this? Gotta love it. 

Can't wait to hear Billy Ellish's nominated strom. 

7:44 - I am still delighted that a movie as fucking weird as "Poor Things" got so many nominations. 

Did a 97 year old man write Kimmel's jokes tonight?

7:46 - This bit is fucking painful. 

It has no chance of winning but "May December" is my fave in this category. Considering the plagiarism controversy that started today, it'll be super awkward if "The Holdovers" wins.

7:48 - "Anatomy of a Fall" had a very tight screenplay, so I can't complain about it winning. 

7:49 - I missed that they played the "P.I.M.P." steel drum music as they walked on-screen. Awesome lol

7:50 - "American Fiction" is genuinely my pick for Adapted Screenplay. Also I expect it to win because it has the word "Fiction" in the title and Academy voters are very literal. Or they'll just give it to "Oppenheimer," I don't know.

7:52 - Didn't anyone else hear that banging noise from off-stage? Did Jimmy Kimmel fall off a ladder? Anyway, I genuinely don't understand why Hollywood doesn't function under the "15 four million dollar movie" philosophy Cord is rambling about here. 

7:54 - I do think the Billie song is pretty but I'm seriously rooting for "I'm Just Ken." I hope it doesn't get overlooked for being the silly option.

7:57 - No denying that Billie has got the rizz though. Like, I do not pay attention to pop music at all but I genuinely think she has an extraordinary voice. 

7:58 - Why are they making David Allen Grier stand in a random hallway? 

8:03 - I did enjoy the dissonance of the "Beetlejuice" theme starting over footage from "Past Lives."

8:04 - The Make-Up category is so weak tonight. I'm rooting for "Poor Things" since it's the only one tonight that isn't simply boring, realistic, old age make-ups. 

8:05 - At least they got that much right!

8:06 - Guy tells a good publicist joke and they play him off the stage! Typical. Wouldn't be upset if "Poor Things" sweeps both Make-Up and Production Design but I think "Barbie" will probably get it. Jack Fisk worked on "Barbie?!" 

8:08 - My predictions have been strangely on-point today and, guys, I'm scared. 

8:09 - Academy, you're never going to engineer a viral moment as good as Will Smith smacking someone. Stop trying! 

8:11 - Is that John Cena's actual body? Dude looks weird. This bit isn't great but as a precursor to Best Costume, that's a decent punchline. It's gonna be "Barbie," right? 

8:12 - Alright, so "Poor Things" is just going to sweep the technical categories? I'm not mad, just surprised. 

8:14 - Always kind of annoys me that the Academy makes time for dumb-ass skits but doesn't let people talk a little longer. But, at the same time, I do understand that people would probably ramble forever if they didn't do something. 

8:19 - The wins have mostly been on-point tonight - except for Animated Short, boooo - and the acceptance speeches have been fine. But, boy, the show itself has been slowwwwwww. 

8:20 - This makes me wish they still did all the Best Song nominations in a montage. Can you imagine this in-between the two "Barbie" songs? 

8:22 - What kind of hardcore rapping name is "Bad Bunny?" 

It has zero chance of winning but "Io Capitano" is so good. 

8:23 - Oh boy, I wonder how awkward "The Zone of Interest's" acceptance speech will be? Great movie though. 

8:25 - Kind of disappointed that Jonathan Glazer went for some "both-side-isms" with his acceptance speech. 

8:26 - The premise of this bit is pretty bad but Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling are selling it. The fact that they are honoring stuntmen really gives me hope they'll be preparing that for a proper category soon. 

8:32 - Okay, the AMC theater joke was solid. They do play a lot of commercials! 

8:35 - Sam Rockwell's beard rocks and it rocks well. 

8:37 - Christoph Waltz pontificating about Ken... Now that's art. 

8:38 - RDJ was my pick and and I'm glad he got it. Long overdue and he's fantastic in "Oppenheimer." Maybe next year, Gosling. 

8:39 - "I'd like to thank my terrible childhood." Jesus, they should let Robert host. 

It's amazing how much control of the stage this guy just takes within minutes. Total movie star charisma.

8:41 - The dog was clapping... THE DOG WAS CLAPPING. 

8:46 - She totally killed him, by the way. I believe she did it.

Anyway... ARNOLD IS IN THE HOUSE!

They did both try and kill Batman. "Batman, you son of a bitch!" 

8:47 - GODZILLA GODZILA GODZILLA GODZILLA

YES YES YES YES

8:48 - Arnold saying the words "Godzilla" at the Academy Awards... Is this real life? Am I awake? How is this possible? 

8:51 - Are you going to play the "Godzilla" team off the stage? Fuck you!

8:52 - I figured "Oppenheimer" had it in the bag. Editing was a pretty strong category this year. 

8:53 - "Chris Nolan, you're cool too." Accurate! 

8:54 - "American Symphony" is destined to be a forgotten Oscar nomination and I wouldn't vote for it to win. But I do like this song! It's pretty, you guys. 

8:55 - The decision to play clips from totally unrelated movies over this song was an odd one though.

8:59 - "Maestro" was the most painfully Oscar-bait-y movie in a nomination slate largely devoid of it this year. 

9:00 - I am digging the orchestral version of "Barbie Girl." 

9:01 - It's almost impressive how every single one of Kimmel's bit are just flopping tonight. 

9:02 - I'm sure "20 Days in Mariupol" will win Best Documentary Feature, on account of its "importance." Even if the film made me feel uneasy in some ways. As for Documentary Short, I have no idea. "Nai Nai & Wai Po" probably. This is a decent bit, Kate is doing here. 

9:04 - "Island In Between" was my pick and I knew it had no chance of winning. "The Last Repair Shop" was pleasant, so I guess I'm fine with this. 

9:05 - "The Eternal Memory" was my favorite of this slate, by the way. Heartbreaking film. Not surprised it didn't win though. 

9:09 - If "20 Days in Mariupol" winning an Oscar has any effect on the people in Ukraine, then I guess that film will have served its purpose. I'm still not sure movies, even documentary films, have any power to actually change the face of global politics though. How far can "awareness" take us, ya know? 

9:13 - Has there been a harder movie in Oscar history to fit into the pageantry of the night than "The Zone of Interest?" It just resists any sort of celebratory vibes. 

9:14 - I would genuinely love to see "El Conde" win Cinematography but that won't happen lol. It was a black-and-white movie about vampires! Of course I loved the way it looked!

"Oppenheimer" is a fine second choice. I probably would've given the Silver Oscar to "Killers of the Flower Moon," personally. But Hoyte van Hoytema is long overdue. 

9:16 - The Live Action short line-up was... Not the best. Please, give it to "Henry Sugar" and not that "The After" or "Red, White, and Blue" garbage. 

9:17 - Really wish Wes Anderson could have been here to accept his first Oscar. I guess this makes up for "Asteroid City" getting snubbed! One of these days, he's going to win Best Director and Best Picture for his third or fourth worst movie. 

9:18 - When will the curse of Diane Warren be lifted from the Oscars? Anyway, here's to "Flamin' Hot," another addition to the list of truly random ass movies to get nominated just because Warren touched them. 

9:24 - The more I think about "American Fiction," the more I loved it. One of the better movies about the creative process that I've seen recently. 

9:25 - John Mulhoney completely outclassing Jimmy Kimmel within seconds. Just comes out, does a totally unrelated bit about "Field of Dreams," and fucking kills it.

9:27 - Anyway, I feel like "The Zone of Interest" kind of has to win Best Sound, right? I mean, sound is so pivotal to that film. But "Oppenheimer's" sound design is definitely powerful too. 

Alright, good.

9:29 - This got has a nice hat and nice side burns. British people wishing folks Happy Mother's Day has become a real reoccurring theme tonight?

It's "Ken" time, baby. 

9:30 - I've been a fan of Gosling for a while but, really, he managed to find such a total match for his particular charisma in Ken. He made that whole damn movie, in my opinion. 

9:31 - The choreography here definitely deserves some notice. Holy shit, is that Slash?! 

9:33 - It was a showstopper in the movie and a showstopper tonight. A highlight of what has been a very slow night. 

9:38 - So that "Wicked" movie looks bad, right? 

9:39 - I'm personally rooting for "Killers of the Flower Moon" to take home Best Score but I bet "Oppenheimer" gets it. 

9:41 - Billie Ellish won Best Song because "What Was I Made For" was the serious song from "Barbie," even though anyone who just watched the performances could tell you that "I'm Just Ken" is the one that always brings the house down. But what do I know? 

9:43 - This acceptance speech is pretty fucking cute though, not going to lie. 

9:49 - Time for the annual game to see who gets left out of the In Memoriam montage. 

9:51 - The Academy's insistence on not giving the viewers at home a clear look at what names are appearing on-screen continues to annoy the hell out of me. It's such an easy thing not to fuck up and yet they do, every year!

9:56 - Kimmel's jokes are extremely heavy on puns tonight. He's not even trying. 

Anyway, Nic Cage is here, motherfuckers!

9:57 - Jeffrey Wright is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors working right now. Would love for him to win. He won't though! Paul Giamatti winning would be so fantastic but I'm still kind of banking on Cillian getting. 

9:58 - "Would I have done that? Hell yes!" And that's why Nic Cage rocks. Anyway, Bradley Cooper suuuuuucks. If he wins, I'm going to scream! 

10:00 - Cillian is great, so I do not object to him winning. It's kind of crazy that he's never even been nominated before? 

10:03 - So "Oppenheimer" is sweeping now, right? Just like we all knew it would. I like it when Steven Spielberg talks. 

10:04 - All the film bros I knew in college are vindicated. Nolan has an Oscar now. 

10:06 - I know I've been complaining all night about how flat the show has been but, I'll say this much... Staring the show at seven has made the evening go by a little faster. Will the broadcast actually be shorter than "Killers of the Flower Moon?" We are getting dangerously close. 

10:10 - Emma Stone has really crept up the predictions as we've gotten closer to the Oscars. LIly Gladstone winning is not certain, though I still think the Academy passing over a chance to give an Oscar to a Native American for the first time is unlikely. We shall see!

10:11 - Anyway, Michelle... She did it! 

10:13 - I love Carey Mulligan, so it really shows you how fucking mid "Maestro" was that I'm annoyed that she even got nominated for it. 

10:14 - Oh shit. People on Twitter are going to be soooooo mad. 

10:15 - Alright, there's going to be a massive backlash against "Poor Things" now. It's still a really good movie! There's going to be an even bigger backlash against Emma Stone now. She's still great! Look at how fucking charming she is right now! Lily Gladstone is great but let's stop forming petty rivalries over this shit. 

10:18 - I can't believe people like Jimmy Kimmel still think they're going to stop Trump with dumb jokes. We are so past that point, Jimmy! We can't snark our way out of this one...

10:20 - Anyway, here's Big Al. Pacino still has it though. Oppenheimer Sweep! 

10:25 - I love that one shot of Bradley Cooper looking sad.

And we're ending the night on a lame cell phone joke. Kimmel really did suck all the air out of hte room, didn't he?

10:26 - Wait, excuse me, we end on a stupid reference to the fake Kimmel/Matt Damon feud. How dare you drag Messi into this!

10:28 - Anyway, as for the show itself... Kimmel really fucking sucked as host tonight! He just seemed like he did not want to be there! The presentation got off to an extremely slow start and the pacing never quite perked up from there. However, there were some great moments from presenters and especially winners. "I'm Just Ken" brought the house down and fucking "Godzilla" won an Oscar! I can't be mad about that. Overall, I would say the show itself was a bland affair but, as always, the Oscars broadcast is always worth watching for those special wins.

And now that the Oscars are over, I can't get back to watching trash! Thank you and good night! 

OSCARS 2023 LIVE BLOG!

7:50 - Welcome once again to Film Thoughts 14th Annual Live Blog of the Academy Awards broadcast! Will anyone get slapped this year? Will Anthony Hopkins inexplicably win Best Actor? Will the correct movie be announced when the Best Picture envelope is opened? Will I want to crush Jimmy Kimmel's head with a rock before the night is over? I can't definitively answer any of these questions assurdedly except for that last one, which is definitely "yes."

Anyway, they had a TikToker on the pre-show tonight, which sounds about right.

7:54 - My internet has been patchy all evening, so if I disappear screaming into the night, that's probably why. Assuming I don't do that for some other reason. Austin Butler's best friend is his agent, which sounds like Elvis' relationship with the Colonel. 

8:00 - My clock says it's 8 o'clock now but I'm seeing a bath tile commercial right now lol 

8:01 - So nice to see The Northman and Nope in this opening montage, two great movies that weren't nominated for anything some reason. 

8:02 - Oh wow, Jimmy Kimmel is doing the Billy Crystal "inserted into the movie" gag thing. This bodes well for the rest of the night! 

By the way, I plan on taking a shot every time someone says the words "Will Smith" or "slap."

8:04 - Alright, making jokes about the Nicode Kidman AMC ad will be evergreen. 

8:05 - Brendan Fraser is just going to be on the verge of tears the entire night, isn't he? And I totally forgot that Ke Huy Quan was in "Encino Man." 

8:07 - Hey guys, did you know that Seth Rogan smokes a lot of pot???

8:08 - If Spielberg wasn't prepared to listen to jokes about his mom cucking his dad, he shouldn't have made a whole movie about it. 

John Williams is almost as old as your jokes are, Jimmy. Hey-o!

8:09 - "Babylon" was good, Jimmy. Fuck you. 

Oh wow, we are doing Nick Cannon jokes? Jesus, this is going to be a long night.

8:11 - Oh, first joke about the Slap! Shots-shots-shots!

Everybody loved "Top Gun: Maverick" but me. But nobody gives a shit what I think. 

8:13 - Second joke about the Slap. But this one was pretty good. 

8:15 - We're already up to like six jokes about the Slap, by my count. You think Jimmy is burning through them all first? That cut to Andrew Garfield made me laugh. 

8:16 - If you don't finish your speech up in sixty seconds, Rama Raos will throw a jaguar at you. 

8:17 - The Rock looking bitchin' in a salmon tux while presenting Animated Feature. I'm glad they aren't making jokes this year about how much animation sucks. 

8:18 - Pinocchio seems to be the favorite to win but I'd love it if Turning Red or Marcel the Shell pull off an upset win. And then there's The Sea Beast, definitely a movie that exists. 

8:19 - Pinocchio is definitely not among my favorite Del Toro movies but I can never complain about that guy getting more statues. I'm glad he's letting the co-director speak first. 

8:21 - Very nice speech, GDT.

8:24 - ABC actually thinks people are going to stay up to 1:00 to watch American Idol.

8:26 - Payakun is going to do a belly-flop on Jimmy Kimmel after he makes a joke about Lo'ak. 

8:28 - Boy, they are really banging the drum for inclusivity tonight? Anyway, give Short Round his Oscar already, you bastards. 

8:30 - Brian Tyree Henry is actually great in "Causeway." He'd be my second choice if Ke Huy Quan wasn't such an irresistible choice. 

YES!!!!

8:31 - I got to meet Ke Huy Quan back in 2018 and now he's an Oscar winner, which is not something I would've guessed at the time. Here's proof:

8:34 - I love Jamie Lee Curtis but I probably wouldn't have even given her a nomination for Everything Everywhere All at Once. There's no way in hell it'll actually happen but Hong Chau is my favorite of these performances. If Angela Basset or Jamie win, those are definitely career achievement Oscars. 

8:37 - Well, Jamie Lee is definitely never coming to Monster-Mania now lol 

She should've worn the hot dog fingers to accept the statue. EEAAO is going to sweep, isn't it? 

8:38 - Hell yeah, Jamie Lee giving a shout-out to horror fans. Prom Night Gang rise up. Gosh, she's so damn adorable. 

8:40 - "Tell It Like A Woman," maybe the most random movie to ever be nominated for an Oscar.

8:42 - As far as deeply mediocre ballads that got nominated because Diane Warren wrote it, "Applause" is honestly one of the more tolerable... But that performance was the definition of over-singing. 

8:48 - Lydia Tar is nominated for her performance as Cate Blanchett. 

Another joke about the Slap! Why is Todd Price wearing a fedora? Does he have a mouthful of Big League Chew? 

8:49 - Very nice of Riz Ahmed to give some kudos to Questlove, who got totally steamrolled last year by everything that happened. 

8:50 - I really want All the Beauty and the Bloodshed to win. But if Fire of Love wins, I won't be too surprised. Overall, the Documentary Feature slate this year was very strong. 

8:52 - Okay... that was unexpected. The Academy voters really want us to know how much they hate Vladimir Putin, I guess???

8:54 - For the record I liked "Navalny" and I hate Putin too. But that wasn't my pick.

8:55 - Rooting for "An Irish Goodbye." A pretty weak slate in this category this year!

I know a lot of people in the one Discord server I'm in hated this one but I thought it was cute and funny. shrugs

8:56 - Happy birthday, James!

8:58 - Micky Mouse holding a gun to the Academy President's head, demanding them to devote time to this trailer. 

9:03 - Give the Oscar to Jonathan Majors' tuxedo jacket. 

9:05 - Cinematography is a real mixed bag this year. I think Deakins is the most talented of all these cinematographers, so my vote probably would've been for "Empire of Light" or "Tar."

9:06 - So EEAAO is going to sweep the big categories and All Quiet is going to sweep the technical categories? 

9:07 - I was really afraid they were going to make Donnie Yen tell a Will Smith joke. Create a Best Stunt Work category, AMPAS! 

9:09 - David Byrne in the hot dog fingers and Raccacoonie appearing made this song getting nominated worth it. 

9:14 - Whatever "The Prank Panel" is, it does not look like a real TV show.

9:16 - The fact that Samuel L. Jackson doesn't have a competition Oscar is motherfuckin' bullshit. 

9:17 - Make-Up is another kind of mediocre slate this year. I fully expect "The Whale" to win, as it's Most Make-Up. But the way "All Quiet on the Western Front" had like visible blood vessels and thinks of that nature through the skin makes it my pick. Amazing, subtle work. 

9:19 - Fully expect certain groups and people to be utterly outraged by this win. 

9:20 - Okay, Morgan Freeman is doing the bald look now. Okay. Alright. 

9:21 - That fade to black there is the kind of technical awkwardness that makes me love live television. 

9:22 - Not a single Loony Tune in this Ode to Warner Bros montage.

Bullshit Arnold GIFfrom Bullshit GIFs

9:25 - Alright, I'm glad at least one donkey was up on stage today. Bring out Eo next! 

9:27 - Get Paul Dano and Julia Louis Dreyfus to host next year. 

9:28 - I would probably vote for "Elvis" but I think "Wakanda Forever" is going to win Costume Design.

Yep.

9:29 - I'm an easy mark for people dedicating their award wins to dead parents so this speech is Good In My Book. 101 years old is a great run. 

9:30 - OH SHIT NAATU NAATU TIME!!!

9:32 - YES DANCING WITH THE SUSPENDERS YEEEAH

9:33 - The scene in "RRR" where all the English ladies push their boyfriends and shout "GO AWAY" in unison made me believe in God. And then Ram taking a fall so his buddy could win the dance contest made me certain God is real. 

9:35 - I hope Ron Perlman was paid well to participate in whatever this stupid advertising campaign is. But I know, in my heart, that he wasn't. 

9:38 - Okay, the "Room tone" joke made me chuckle. 

9:40 - Gotta admit that the boardcast tonight has been pretty slow and boring and also low-key exactly what I want the Oscars broadcast to be. If it wasn't for all this promotional shit, I'd be fine with all of this so far. 

9:41 - And now introducing the two sexiest people in the world. 

9:42 - "All Quiet on the Western Front" is fated to win but "Close" is my personal choice. The Best International Feature slate this year is extremely strong. 

9:43 - I like this guy's accent. 

9:50 - "The Fabelmans" is so good. I want it to win Best Picture. Another joke about the Slap. I don't appreciate the jokes about the show being too long because they don't want to cut shit.

9:51 - "Haulout" probably won't win but I really want it to. 

9:53 - At least the mildly racist "Strangers at the Gates" didn't win. That lady wore her best suri and everything and they are just trying to play her off the stage. So fucking rude! 

9:54 - The Boy Etc. was extremely not good. Literally everything else would be preferable.

"My Year of Dicks" was robbed!!!  

9:56 - I can't tell if Charlie's inarticulate rambling is cute or hilarious or annoying. His dog is in a hotel, you guys. 

9:58 - And now presenting a close-up on Lady Gaga's face. 

10:00 - The Oscar broadcast invoking MTV Unplugged for some reason tonight. 

As far as Lady Gaga power ballads go, "Hold My Hand" is pretty good. But I swear to god, if "Naatu Naatu" doesn't win... 

10:01 - The ode to Tony Scott is very classy though. I appreciate that. 

10:03 - Very bold of the Academy to push all the stupid-ass skits to the commercial breaks this year...

10:06 - Hugh Grant's scrotum face just walked away with this entire show, I think.

10:08 - "Babylon" is my pick for Production Design but I don't think most people liked that movie. 

10:09 - It's a great night for German accents. 

10:11 - "Babylon" and "Banshees" both had excellent scores. In fact, all five of these are really good. 

10:12 - Wow, "All Quiet on the Western Front" and "EEAAO" really are going to sweep tonight. 

10:22 - Holy shit, "Cocaine Bear' is at the Oscars. And it sounds like Elizabeth Banks has been up all night doing cocaine. 

10:23 - This is officially my favorite terrible gag at the show tonight.

Not to be a dick about this but I thought the visual effects in "Wakanda Forever" were, as the kids say, "mid."

10:24 - "The Way of Water" winning Best Visual Effects was a slam dunk. 

10:26 - "We need to thank our..." BWONNNG

Die in a grease fire, Jimmy. 

10:27 - Wow, she's so uncomfortable.

When the people on Twitter are getting bigger laughs than the host...

10:30 - Like this is pretty and all but, seriously, if they snub "Naatu Naatu," I will never stop raging. 

10:32 - Okay, actually, I think I hate this song now. If it wins, I will DEFINITELY hate it now. 

10:36 - The amount of vitriol directed at EEAAO on Film Twitter has recommitted me to spending less time on Twitter. Like, I get it if it's not your thing but the sheer intensity of the hatred is fucking weird.

10:37 - FUCK YEAH JAMES HONG 

10:38 - "Nerds who sit in front of their computers all day, otherwise known as writers." Accurate. 

10:40 - The Daniels winning Original Screenplay and then Spielberg getting Best Director is a compromise I'm willing to entertain. 

10:42 - Okay, see, how can you hate these sincere nerds? They seem really nice! I'm glad they won. 

Feels like "All Quiet..." has Adapted Screenplay at this point. I probably would've voted for "Glass Onion." 

10:43 - They went with the political choice, I guess. "Women Talking" is good. Did the Mouse force the Oscar voice over lady to say "One Magic Christmas" is a "Disney classic?" 

10:46 - "A special appearance from Lenny Kravitz" feels like a threat. 

10:50 - See, I didn't like "Maverick" but you don't see me being a dick on social media about it. 

On behalf of a grateful nation, we thank you for blowing up that power plant build by... Some country.

10:51 - Every single joke Jimmy is telling tonight is a fucking flop.

Got the feeling "All Quiet" is going to walk away with the Sound award but that's the category I must think it deserves. 

10:55 - You're welcome, "Top Gun: Maverick" Sound Guy. 

NAATU NAATU TIME YOU FUCKERS DON'T JERK ME AROUND

10:56 - YES YES YES

10:57 - Oh my god, yes! Fuck yes! The Best Song winners should always have to sing their acceptance speeches. 

10:58 - Beloved star of "The Fanatic," John Travolta. 

10:59 - If I become a famous film industry person and then die and get included at the Oscars In Memoriam montage, please do not let Lenny Kravitz sing over my name. 

11:01 - Angelo Badalamenti was a real one. Miss him. 

11:06 - Lots of great editing on the slate this year! I feel like EEAAO will get it and deserves it but almost any of these choices would be fine by me. 

11:09 - That was your second movie, dude? Holy shit. 

11:11 - Last chance to give that plucky newcomer Steven Spielberg an Oscar tonight. 

11:12 - I like these guys. They seem nice and they make good movies. 

11:14 - "I will love you no matter what." See, he loves his son! I like that. He's nice! It's okay. 

11:19 - Outlaw Jimmy Kimmel 

11:20 - I mean this with all due respect, ladies: You look very nice tonight. 

11:21 - Austin Butler would've gotten my vote, if they allowed me to vote. But I'm still kind of rooting for Fraser. 

11:23 - Didn't really like the movie that much but I'm glad he won. It's a great come back story. He's earned that award. 

11:24 - Gosh, I'm getting tears in my eyes from this acceptance speech. He's really having emotions right now. I just want to give him a big hug, you guys. 

11:26 - I kind of want them to give it to Andrea Riseborough or Ana de Armas just to see how folks would melt the fuck down over it. But in all seriousness, it should be Blanchett. 

Wow, uh, they really went with the moment right before the rape scene for de Armas' Oscar clip? Uh okay. That's a choice. 

11:28 - I can't, in all good conscious, be mad about Michelle Yeoh winning an Oscar. Even if I'd have ranked her like third on my personal ballet. It was a really good performance in a movie I liked a lot! But, once again, I feel like this win is more of a career achievement award than anything else. 

11:31 - "The movies are BACK, y'all" is the big uniting theme tonight, it seems. 

11:32 - We need some more of Harrison Ford's dgaf attitude tonight. He's too invested. 

11:33 - Not a single surprise tonight in any of the big categories. 

11:34 - "Everything Everywhere All at Once" would not have been my choice for Best Picture but I enjoyed it a lot. And it getting Michelle Yeoh, Ku Huy Quan, and James Hong up on the stage together is pretty neat. 

11:37 - It's amazing how relatively smooth the broad cast goes when you don't try any stupid bullshit like cutting winners out of the show or not performing all the songs! Normal people will say this was boring and it was boring but I'm a movie nerd so I liked it. 

Thanks to anyone who has read my bullshit this month. It's over! 

OSCARS 2023: Causeway (2022)

One hesitates to say anything bad about Jennifer Lawrence. She is, after all, one of the most successful actresses of the modern era and, ostensibly, still is a beloved, popular star. And yet... Like so many critics and film fans, I was blown away by Lawrence's performance in "Winter's Bone." However, most of her acting after ascending up the Hollywood A-List has seriously underwhelmed me. Her work in big franchise films, like "The Hunger Games" and "X-Men" series, often veered into the somnambulant. Meanwhile, in increasingly lame awards bait, she began to grotesquely overact. I think I officially stopped being a Lawrence fan after her shockingly terrible performance in "American Hustle." It didn't help that her #Relatable antics quickly started to feel overbearing after a while. After several busy years, Lawrence would kind of disappeared. The actress herself would admit that she wasn't really giving those blockbuster roles her all and decided to be more choosy with her projects from now on. Lawrence's 2022 comeback project — if you can say that a still very famous person like her truly ever went away — was "Causeway." An Apple TV exclusive, the emotive drama would be primed as a major awards contender at one point before largely vanishing from the conversation. However, the Academy did end up giving the movie a surprise nomination. Not for Lawrence but for her co-star, Brian Tyree Henry.

Lawrence stars as Lynsey, a U.S. military veteran. While deployed in Afghanistan as a dam engineer, her Jeep was exploded by an IED. This would leave Lynsey with a traumatic brain injury, that left her physically crippled for a time. While still traumatized and heavily medicated, she moves back into her childhood home, reigniting old issues with her mother and absentee brother. Struggling to put her life back together, she naively hopes to get well enough to return to the military. Along the way, she forms an unusual friendship with James, a local mechanic with a tragedy of his own in his past.

"Causeway" is, if nothing else, a return to the aesthetic of "Winter's Bone" for Lawrence. (Who also produced, with Lila Neugebauer in the director's chair.) By which I mean it's an incredibly understated drama with humble goals, about real people in difficult situations. In fact, "Causeway" might be a little too understated. It's a very quiet film, with no use for histrionics. The troubled history Lynsey has with her mother is only hinted at. Her sexuality —she's gay — only comes up once, a topic that probably could've been explored a little more. Her relationship with her brother, a drug dealer and addict, is only expounded on through dialogue. In fact,  almost the entire movie is composed of people sitting around a suburb of New Orleans, talking about their lives. While most Oscar dramas are overlong and bloated, "Causeway" runs a svelte ninety-two minutes. Yet this is a film that might've benefited from a little more time. We feel like we only get a peek at these characters' lives sometimes, the movie giving us a beguiling but somewhat vague idea of who they are and what they've been through. 

However, I must applaud "Causeway" for being committed to its theme of recovery and what that really means. We get the impression about Lynsey that she mostly defined herself by her role in the military. (Another idea that could've been expanded on.) For her, recovery means getting right back to the place she was before her injury, which means deploying again. Yet it quickly becomes clear that this won't be easy. Sometimes, her hands shake and she drops things, an occurrence in one of the best scenes in the film. She argues with her doctor about medication, fearful that she's on too much yet having side effects without it. James, meanwhile, is an amputee from a horrible car wreck, which left serious emotional scars too. For both these people, there is no returning to their old lives. "Recovery" means finding some sort of peace with the changes in their bodies and with the lives they've tried to leave behind. The typically quiet — some would even say underdone — conclusion to this arc is, nevertheless, touching in its own way.

If "Causeway" has a frustrating tendency of keeping some of its ideas too interior, it does still manage to be a showcase for Lawrence and Henry's acting prowess. The way Lawrence subtly trembles with fear while driving for the first time since the incident is effective. Her body language, controlled and determined not to appear vulnerable, does a lot of lifting here. It's absolutely a return of the quiet, concise talent we saw in "Winter's Bone," even if it feels like Lawrence is trying to fill out a character that was left underwritten by the script. Henry, meanwhile, does largely steal the show. He's immediately charming, having an affable chemistry with Lawrence from their first moment together. He plays a seriously good guy, who does his best to protect people who need it, even if they don't want to admit that. Both performers get fantastic monologues, describing their accidents in gripping detail, in singular, sustained shots, that suggest both have lived with this pain for quite a while. The emotional climax of the film comes a little early, when the two jump into the pool together. (There's a lot of water imagery in the movie, connecting with the titular metaphor that never quite comes together.) Lynsey and James end up getting into an argument, the tension often felt between them rising to the surface. It's the only time the carefully guarded emotion in "Causeway" really expresses itself and it's a cathartic, powerful moment.

"Causeway" can't be an altogether satisfying experience. The subplot about Lynsey's brother is resolved in an especially half-assed manner. It feels like the movie ends just when it's starting to get going. I know, I complain when Oscar movies are too long and too melodramatic. Here comes a movie that is short and quiet, while tactfully handling serious, real world issues in a mature and reflective way. And I still bitch about it. But there has to be some sort of middle ground between the two poles. I'm glad Jennifer Lawrence is back to doing this style of acting in this style it movie. "Causeway" is definitely a good, thoughtful film that I would recommend. Yet I think, with a few changes and a little expansion, it really could've been a lot more than it is. [7/10]

OSCARS 2022 LIVE BLOG!

7:45 - Welcome to Film Thoughts' 13th Annual Live Blog of the Academy Awards ceremony!

Has there ever been an Oscar season more chaotic, more fraught with stupid controversary, than this one? You had numb skulls out there arguing that movies that already made a billion dollars weren't rewarded enough by the Academy. You had Sam Elliot shooting his mouth off about "Power of the Dog." 

Of course, the most insulting of all the controversies this year are the ones the show producers themselves created. A few years back, ABC talked the Academy into cutting several categories from the live broadcast and introducing a "Best Popular Movie" award, both as desperate attempts to raise the ratings of the show. This year, they actually went through with it. Eight categories designed to celebrate the gifted artisans and craftsman that make movies possible and the short filmmakers who only get this one moment in the spotlight have been removed from the live broadcast. The award was given out before the show and edited versions will air during the broadcast. I really thought enough people in Hollywood would protest this that the people in charge would change their minds but they are really going through with it this year. 

Meanwhile, the Academy also introduced a dumb-ass Twitter poll thing that was immediately mobbed by insane fans and lunatics, meaning that Amazon "Cinderella" movie you've already forgotten about and whatever random shit Johnny Depp were in last year could win an award of some sort. Or them inviting TikTok influencers to the show or not inviting Rachel Ziegler at first. All of this bullshit.

If you're looking at this screen, you know all of this already. It's such a dishonorable, hideous series of events, so against the spirit of what the Academy Awards are meant to represent, that I seriously considered skipping watching the show altogether. But these monstrous changes were not the idea of the Academy themselves but rather of the ABC producers, who are desperate to bring up ratings for a show that only caters to a niche audience of film lovers. So technical categories are being pushed the margins to make room for a bunch of stupid bullshit. Yet I just can't quit the Oscars, so here we are. Hopefully, once this year's broadcast tanks even harder than the ones before it, ABC will just say "fuck it" and let the Oscars be 

And none of this is mentioning the fact that, across all the major categories, there's almost no clear front-runners. "The Power of the Dog" or "Belfast" were the likely Best Picture winners going into this Oscar season but now "CODA" has emerged as a possible dark horse winner. There's almost no clear choice in the Best Actress or Supporting categories. 

So I'm fully prepared for this year's broadcast to be a complete and total fiasco. Here we go, I guess.

7:54 - And apparently Hans Zimmer and "Dune" won the Best Score Oscar. I haven't seen the winners in the other seven categories yet. Sure would be nice if they just broadcast those with the rest of the awards!

7:56 - Jesus, I hate that I have to scroll through Twitter to try and see whose already won. Apparently "The Windshield Wiper," the worst of the Animated Shorts, won in that category and "Dune" is, unsurprisingly, sweeping the technical categories. Again, why am I finding out this way!!!!

8:00 - Here we go. 

8:01 - Starting with Beyonce in a desperate attempt to seem relevant. 

The tennis ball colored gowns is an... interesting choice. 

8:03 - Every attempt tonight to talk about the Magic of the Movies is going to be soured by the fact that the showrunners didn't care enough about the editors, cinematographers, and other artisans that MAKE ACTUAL FILM POSSIBLE to show them winning live. No, I'm not going to stop bitching about this all night.

8:05 - The bejeweled garter is a nice touch.

8:06 - Well, that was a better opening than an Amy Schumer monologue. 

8:07 - "Where movie lovers unite to watch TV." Alright, that's a good jab, Wanda. 

"Representing black women" as long as they aren't editors, composers, or cinematographers. 

8:09 - I saw "House of Gucci" and nobody got snubbed for that mess. 

8:10 - The Oscars: We're telling jokes about how little we actually watch movies!

8:11 - This is definitely a better use of our time than giving cinematographers their statues. 

8:12 - Sean "Diddy" Combs, definitely here for some reason!

8:14 - Didn't Amy Schumer get canceled for joke theft? 

8:15 - "I didn't see any of them." How many jokes are there going to be tonight about how the Oscars doesn't actually care about movies?

8:16 - "Don't look up reviews." Okay, that was a decent jab. 

8:17 - Aaron Sorkin totally deserves every dunk he gets. 

8:19 - Seventeen minutes into the show and we are finally getting to the first award. Yes, this was definitely a better use of our time than letting the Short Filmmakers and Cinematographers win. (Dune apparently swept.) 

8:20 - Anyway, I think DuBois is going to win but I think I'm rooting for Dunst. 

8:21 - Good performance, good for her. I'm glad this represents another instance of two different performers winning awards for playing the same character. 

8:23 - That was a nice speech. What is with the weirdly close angles on her face?

8:24 - We Didn't Nominated Bruno but we're going to perform it anyway. 

8:26 - Looks like "Dune" won Best Score, Best Editing, Production Design, and Best Sound. "Tammy Faye" got Best Make-Up, which is definitely a case of Most Make-Up winning over Best Make-Up. "Queen of Basketball" won Best Short, which is nice, even if it wasn't my pick. 

8:28 - Looks like "The Long Goodbye" won Best Live Action Short. ("Please Hold" was so much better.) Did Riz perform his rap as part of his acceptance speech? 

8:30 - I don't know who this guy is. I barely know what "Euphoria" is. This stupid skit was definitely a better use of our time than giving out awards on this award show.

8:32 - Don't give up hope, Jason. "Aquaman 2" comes out next year. 

8:34 - These speed-run versions of the cut categories are not exactly seamless. 

Yes, that beloved classic of cinema... "White Men Can't Jump???"

8:36 - I'm rooting for "West Side Story." Incredible camera work.

8:38 - I kind of figured "Dune" was going to sweep the tech categories. 

8:44 - So letting people tweet about the cut categories and then presenting Chop-Slapped versions of the acceptance speeches during the show done to accomplish anything besides drain all the suspense and excitement from long stretches of the show? Anyway, I didn't know Lusia Stewart from "Queen of Basketball" had passed away. That's a shame. 

8:45 - "CODA" was a cute little movie but I really hope it doesn't win Best Picture.

Also, is Rachel Ziegler really short or is this guy really tall?

8:46 - "Free Guy:" A movie that got nominated for an Oscar for some reason. 

8:47 - "Dune?" More like Doing a Sweep of the Tech Categories. 

8:49 - Hi, Tony Hawk! I don't know why you are here either!

8:50 - I hope the James Bond montage has a string of clips of him drinking and smacking women. 

8:51 - They left out the slide whistle from that "Man with the Golden Gun" clip, really underselling the magnificence of that moment. 

8:57 - I do like this song a lot but "Waiting for the Miracle" was my fave number from "Encanto." 

9:00 - I like these dancers. 

9:01 - So glad they are celebrating the mediocre Disney live action remakes, instead of the actual voice actresses. 

9:02 - I know "Encanto" is going to win but "Luca" is my fave of this lot. 

9:04 - Every single person in Columbia, this award is for you!

Oh yeah, this stupid thing. The "Moment That Make You Cheer" Twitter poll thing. Looks like the Snyder Bros rallied and got that painful "Justice League" recut some recognition. 

9:10 - "BoxBallet" was hilarious and adorable. "Beastia" was disturbing and powerful. And the Academy gave the award to "Phone Bad: The Motion Picture."

9:13 - A pre-taped skit/advertisement for the Academy Museum is definitely a much better use of our time than giving out awards during this award show. 

9:15 - How much longer is this sketch going to last? 

9:17 - First genuine and adorable moment of the night. 

9:18 - Honestly, Best Supporting Actor is not a great line-up this year. I'm rooting for Kotsur, I think he'll win, and he's the best of the lot this year. But I don't know if Hinds, Simmons, and Plemmons really earned their slots. 

9:20 - Though I do enjoy Kodi Smit-McPhee representing skinny, pale, weird guys in "The POwer of the Dog," speaking as a fellow skinny, pale, weird guy. 

Signing his name after opening the envelope, that was classy. 

9:23 - See, this is a Cheer Moment. If everything else is fucked-up about the Oscars this year, at least they aren't trying to cut acceptance speeches short. 

9:24 - Also, for all the talk about wanting the show to be shorter this year, the pacing has been absolutely painful.

9:29 - Damn, I love Simu Liu's suit. 

"DRIVE MY CAR" GANG ASSEMBLE! BEEP BEEP YEAH!

9:31 - Hell yes. "Drive My Car" deserved it, though "The Worst Girl in the World" was a close second, in my opinion. 

9:32 - Oops! He wasn't done yet, you guys!

9:33 - "Four Good Days" was pretty meh and, uh, I love Reba but this song is generic as can be. Better luck next year, Diane Warren. 

9:40 - It feels like they blew the dancers budget on the opening Beyonce number. The other two song performance thus far have been weirdly subdued. 

9:41 - I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over the Academy deciding a six minute advertisement for their fucking museum was more important than giving the short filmmakers their moment in the spotlight. What a goddamn travesty. Also, "Please Hold" should've won.

9:43 - I fucking love Lupito's glasses. 

I don't know if that was a genuine slip or scripted but it made me laugh. Also, Costume Design is the one category where I think "Dune" really deserves it. (Which probably means it won't win here, lol)

9:44 - Told you so! That is so like the Academy to give Best Costume Design to the movie that's literally about the fashion industry. 

9:47 - First play-off of the night! Took them a while to get to that point. I liked her speech too.

9:48 - John Leguizomo should host the Oscars. 

9:49 - Disney outright apologizing for not submitting the break-out pop hit from "Encanto" for Best Song with this. Also, has anyone noticed that the sound mixing has been all fucked-up tonight? 

9:50 - A wild rapper appears! Got to love the gull of the Academy cutting categories from the broadcast and then changing "We Don't Talk About Bruno" into a celebration of their own show. Jesus Christ...

9:55 - what the fuck is this

why are BTS here??? What even is this broadcast? 

9:57 - Wanda Sykes is not bringing her A-game tonight. These sketches are fucking murdering me. 

9:59 - LICORICE PIZZA GANG RISE UP!

10:00 - "Belfast!" Ugh, no. I spit on you, Branagh! 

So many great films nominated in this category and they gave it to the most middle-of-the-road shit possible. 

10:02 - I'm rooting for "Drive My Car" in Adapted Screenplay but, like, it's gonna be "Power of the Dog," right? 

10:03 - Also, I didn't like "Dune" that much but this is probably the one category I might've voted for it in because they managed to turn that impossible to read book into something commercial and palatable for normal people.

10:04 - "CODA" won and I really hope it's not going to sweep because... It's a cute and harmless film, please don't make me hate it. 

10:06 - I love how the Academy went out of its way to find a reason to give "Spider-Man" an award and it came in fucking fourth place because Johnny Depp, Camilla Cabella, and Zack Snyder have absolutely psychotic fanbases. 

Oh apparently, they haven't announced the winner yet but I'm still pretty sure that's what is going to happen.

10:12 - Cutting Best Original Score from the broadcast was especially egregious, when they've made such a big deal about music tonight.

Also, ignore all the dumb-ass Twitter nontroversary around "Licorice Pizza." That shit is brilliant. 

10:13 - I didn't like the "No Time to Die" theme the first time I heard it but it's really grown on me over subsequent listens. In fact, I think it's now my favorite of the nominees. 

10:16 - This feels like the first musical performance tonight that wasn't fucked-up in some way, but that's probably because Billie Ellish knows what she's doing. 

10:19 - "Our final hour." That felt like a threat. 

10:22 - Joe Walker's acceptance speech sounds delightful. Would've been nice if we could've seen it in full!

10:23 - Ya know, "The Last Duel" was actually pretty good! Better than the Ridley Scott movie that actually got nominated this year! Yet another fucking joke tonight about how people don't care about movies. This is infuriating. 

10:25 - "Breathing raw dog." Okay, that made me laugh. 

10:26 - Oh awesome, the sound just cut out on my TV. 

10:27 - Did anyone else experience the sound cutting out just now or did I briefly clip out of reality?

10:28 - Also, it has no chance of winning but "Attica" is the best of the Documentary Feature nominees tonight. 

10:29 - "Summer of Soul" winning is fine and kind of a nice surprise. But apparently, Will Smith genuinely got mad at Chris Rock and threatened him lol and that's why the sound cut out for a minute. Moment of the night!

10:30 - Anyway, Academy Award Winner ?uestlove

10:32 - Questlove seems as confused by what just happened as much as everyone else. Lol, P. Diddy is going to work it out. And you know he's a real movie lover because he's on the "Godzilla (1998)" soundtrack. 

10:34 - Here's my thoughts on montages at the Oscars: I watch this show to see people win awards and to see spontaneous moments like Will Smith swearing out Chris Rock live on television. So not only do I feel shit like this drags the pace to the halt, it adds nothing to the show.

10:35 - But, hey, nice to see Francis Ford Coppela! Can't wait for "Megaopolis!" 

10:36 - R.I.P. to Robert Evans, whose memoir inspired one of my favorite Patton Oswalt bits. 

10:39 - Oh, is it time to see who didn't make it into the In Memory montage?

10:40 - Get close enough to the screen so I can see who the fuck we're remembering, Oscar!

10:41 - Aww, that was a nice tribute to Ivan Reitman from Bill Murray. Sonny Chiba gets a shout-out!

10:42 - Did I forget that Marvin Van Pepples passed away?

10:43 - Jamie Lee Curtier and a puppy paying homage to Betty White. That's nice. His name is Mac N' Cheese! 

10:46 - Anyway, I hope Will Smith wins Best Actor now to prolong the awkwardness of this night. The magic of live television, everybody!

10:49 - So is Power of the Dog going to get completely locked out tonight? It's crazy how that went from the BP front runner to this in the span of a week. 

10:51 - Anyway, "Dune's" Production Design was excellent but that funhouse in "Nightmare Alley" was so good. It got my imaginary vote based on that. 

10:52 - So, wait, did Van Morrison not get invited? They just aren't performing the "Belfast" song tonight? 

10:53 - I was hoping he'd show up and it would be really awkward and I'd have an excuse to share this again. 

Better luck next year, Diane Warren! But Billie is winning again next year for the "Turning Red" soundtrack too...

10:56 - Welcome to the stage, the star of "Sizzle Beach U.S.A.!" What is Kevin Costner's opinion on "The Power of the Dog's" depiction of the western? 

10:57 - Okay, this rambling introduction is for Best Director. Jesus, Kevin Costner still doesn't know how to pace something...

10:59 - Is this going to be the only Oscar "Power of the Dog" wins tonight? Starting to feel that way. This has been a weird fucking night lol

11:00 - "Thank you, Kevin. That was very dramatic." Jane spitting straight fire. Just don't ask her about the Williams sisters...

11:02 - From someone on Facebook: "They had to cut all the technical awards bc Kevin Costner speaks so slowly."

"Brought to you by crypto.com" jfc

11:05 - If ABC wants the ratings to be better next year, just have Will Smith smack somebody randomly at the end of every hour.

11:06 - "The 28th anniversary of Pulp Fiction" crumbles into dust

11:07 - Alright, I'm an easy mark for "Pulp Fiction" homage, so I enjoyed that sketch.

11:09 - Okay, yes, I'm still rooting for Cumberbatch to win Best Actor.. But what if Will does win now? Wouldn't that be awesome???

11:10 - Oh shit, it's happening. 

11:11 - "A fierce defender of his family" lol

11:12 - People on Twitter are apparently genuinely mad at Will Smith tonight because nobody appreciate spontaneity anymore. 

11:13 - And now he's rambling about "disrespect." Oh man, this is awkward. 

"I just spit on TV." Okay, this is officially The Best Oscars now.

11:14 - Every single person in the theater and at home are incredibly uncomfortable. 

11:17 - The slap is all anyone is going to be talking about tomorrow, lol, but I want everyone to know that Will's win tonight was a career achievement award. "King Richard" was forgettable Oscar bait. This was a retroactive win for "Ali." 

11:20 - There's no way this evening is coming back from that but, hey, "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" won Best Make-up.

11:21 - Amy Schumer's first decent joke tonight. 

11:22 - And then immediately killed the energy of that joke... What the fuck were those random shout-outs to the Ukraine and the trans community about? The Academy is going all-in on awkwardness tonight. 

11:24 - Tony Hopkins is a better comedian than Amy Schumer. 

11:25 - I'm glad Anthony Hopkins dropped in to remind us "Hey, you thought last year's ceremony was awkward, didn't ya?"

Anyway, I'm rooting for K-Stew in Best Actress and the way this night is going, maybe she'll get it.

11:27 - And here's another "We're sorry" win tonight. Jessica Chastain is a wonderful performer but her acting in "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" was weird and off. The entire movie was tonally uneven. This is a win for "Zero Dark Thirty."  

11:29 - But at least "Being the Ricardos" didn't win...

11:30 - As America slides towards full-blown fascism these days, it's hard for me to feel too impressed when celebrities go on speeches like this.

11:32 - Lady Gaga's tux looks fucking amazing. 

11:33 - Alright, will it be a big upset? As if this night could get any stranger. 

11:34 - Yep, sure did.

11:35 - What a weird fucking night this has been.

Listen, "CODA" winning has taken it from being a pleaseant little movie that most people will remember fondly to this vastly overrated thing that will be looked back on with scorn. They fucked up.

11:37 - A middle-of-the-road indie weepy winning Best Picture is just the ideal ending to this completely chaotic night.  

11:39 - By the way, tonight's show still ran longer than last year's. So cutting eight categories from the show did absolutely fucking nothing. 

11:40 - I don't even know what to say about tonight's show. Started out extremely badly, with so many obviously bad decision, before a totally titanic moment of utter chaos derailed EVERYTHING in the second half and absolutely nothing could be done to get the night back to normal after that. The fact that the winners were all over the place and the night was full of upsets just goes in line with that. THis will forever be known as The Chaos Oscars. 

11:41 - Anyway, Happy Oscar Season! Haha!