Halloween 2021: October 3rd

Friday the 13th (2009)

After "Freddy Vs. Jason's" decade in development hell ended and the movie opened to killer box office, it really seemed like "versus" movies were going to become the next horror trend. It was enough to finally get "Alien Vs. Predator" into theaters but most of these proposed crossovers – a Freddy/Jason rematch featuring Ash, Michael Myers fighting Pinhead, the incongruous match-up of Candyman and Leprechaun – would die on the vine. Instead, another fad would soon come to dominate the horror scene of the mid-2000s: Remakes. After Platinum Dunes' remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" became a massive hit, it was only a matter of time before New Line Cinema licensed its other horror icons to Michael Bay's production company. Likely in hopes of recreating past successes, Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, of "Freddy Vs. Jason," provided the script with Marcus Nispel, of the "Chainsaw" remake, directing. The new film was a hit with audiences but remains divisive among the ever-discerning "Friday the 13th" fan base. 

Instead of adapting any of the previous movies, Nispel's film smartly combines elements from the original four entries. The plot largely draws on “The Final Chapter,” as it concerns a group of young people partying on the edge of Crystal Lake while an outsider looks for his missing sister. Jason wears a sack on his head, as in part two, before receiving his iconic hockey mask. This is not the only shout-out to “Friday the 13th Part 3-D,” as the brute is also strung up in a noose later. The climax also has a final girl fooling Jason into thinking she's his mom, another shout-out to the second movie. There's also a brief prologue, in 1980, showing Mrs. Voorhees – played by a histrionic Nana Visitor – being decapitated and little Jason discovering her body. (Why she was on a rampage if her son was alive is a question we aren't meant to ask, as in the original.) Considering “Friday the 13th's” mythology has always been built on these things happening within the established slasher formula, it was smart of the remake just to mix these different ideas together. 

As someone who has always hated most of Platinum Dunes' remakes, I went into their “Friday the 13th” with extreme skepticism. The movie is certainly not free from the studio's trademarks. Each of the actors are model pretty. Bulging pectorals, six pack abs, breast implants, and perfectly clear skin are common features among the cast. Much like Nispel's “Texas Chainsaw” movie, the visuals here are both gritty and dirty while being incredibly slick. The camera work lapses into shakiness form time to time as well. Yet Nispel's “Friday the 13th” is superior to his “Chainsaw” because it has a sense of humor and sexiness to it. The movie delights in the naked flesh of both its male and female stars, with sweaty, extended sex scenes that approach genuine eroticism. That makes the insistence on the entire movie looking like a car commercial feel more justifiable. 

As for the humor, it emerges from the ridiculous characters. Swift and Shannon's screenplay makes no attempt to resist stereotypes. The teens slip easily into understood roles: The good girl and her sexually active counterpart, the horny couple, the stoner, the prankster, the black guy. The dialogue they trade – Lawrence pretending to be offended when one of the girls assumes he's into rap music or anything that comes out of Chewie's mouth – is bad. But in an endearingly dumb way. This is also true of the hick who gets overly familiar with a mannequin and a porno magazine. The shining example of this sincere but bungled attempt at memorable character is Trent. Trent is an asshole. He's needlessly antagonistic to everyone around him. The minute his girlfriend – the somewhat charming Amanda Righetti – walks away, he's fucking the stacked blonde. (And trading dreadful dirty talk.) Travis Van Winkle embodies the “rich douchebag” aesthetic. Whether the Jason fodder is terrible or entertaining is a matter of opinion, though they're all more interesting than the incredibly bland Jared Padalecki and Danielle Panabaker as the heroic siblings.

What also distinguishes 2009's “Friday” from Platinum Dunes' other horror films is that it's actually attempting to be scary. While the company's Leatherface flicks offered nothing but mean-spirited sadism and their “Amityville Horror” piled on the jump-scares, “Friday the 13th” is trying to build tension. A topless water-skier hides under a pier, hoping she is unseen while Jason stomps overhead. This is not the only time the characters hide while the brutish killer lurks near-by. While actual suspense is never quite generated, I appreciate the attempt to create some grim tension. This is matched with some truly ferocious murder sequences. Jason slamming his machete into a guy's head or driving a fire-poker through an eye is brutal. It's a meaner breed of slashery than what the franchise usually trades in, evident in moments when Jason slowly drives a screwdriver through someone's neck or slams a body down on an axe. Yet that fits the overall aggressive tone of this Jason.

Yes, this Jason is a pissed-off brute who will do anything to exterminate the kids on his land. He lays out bear traps, dangles a sleeping bags over fire, and uses a screaming victim as bait. Considering pop culture too often reduces Jason to just a backwoods lunatic, it's nice to see the remake invest him with such a cold cunning. He's also able to get the drop on his victims via a series of underground tunnels throughout the forest, a clever explanation. (Though I question the logic in a mineshaft being so close to a lake.) Derek Mears plays Jason as a brutal force of nature, who is utterly remorseless. Even though some hockey-heads accuse the film's Jason of being out-of-character, because he takes a prisoner, the movie has the utmost respect for its masked murderer. Nispel's direction makes sure he's never less than intimidating and there's a clear sense of awe around him and his iconic mask. 

Ultimately, 2009's “Friday the 13th” is severely dumb and needlessly mean-spirited at times. Yet some atmospheric shots of the camp at night, a bad-ass Jason, some funny moments, and clever murder scenes go a long way. The producers were eager to launch a franchise and the 92 million gross, against a 19 million dollar budget, seemed to make it likely... But squabbling between New Line and Paramount led to a sequel being shelved indefinitely. A new Jason movie would then go into endless turnaround, with new reboots (including an excellent sounding take from David Bruckner) always getting canned at the last minute. With an endless lawsuit now tying up the rights, it remains unknown when a thirteenth “Friday the 13th“ will emerge. Until then, the 2009 film provides a satisfying round of bloodshed that is equal parts slick, sadistic, and goofy. If nothing else, it could've been a lot worst. [7/10]

First Men in the Moon (1964)

I've written before about Ray Harryhausen, certainly the most beloved of the special effects artists of the golden age of Hollywood fantastique cinema. My favorite of the films Harryhausen worked on are the black-and-white rampaging creatures movies he made in the fifties. Yet the series of science fiction and fantasy movies he lent his Dynamation effects to in the years afterwards are also widely beloved among genre fans... Though some of them are better remembered than others. If “Jason and the Argonauts” is a towering classic that has been endlessly referenced over the years, “First Men in the Moon” is hardly mentioned at all, even among classic monster movie nerds. Let's see if we can figure out why that is?

In 1964, the combined efforts of the United States, the U.S.S.R., and England lands on the moon. The astronauts soon uncover an aged British flag and a hand-written note, mentioned a woman named Catherine Callender and claiming the moon for Queen Victoria. The government soon track down 99 year old Arnold Bedford, the late Miss Callender's husband. He tells a fantastical story of how, in the spring of 1899, he became friends with eccentric genius Professor Cavor. Cavor has invented a substance which, when applied to an object, removed gravity's effects upon it. He has built a spherical spacecraft and intends to use his “Cavorite” to take the vessel to the moon. Arnold and his wife Catherine, quite unexpectedly, join Cavor on this journey Upon landing on the lunar surface, they encounter a race of strange insect-like aliens whose intentions are difficult to decipher. 

 

“First Men in the Moon” – not on the moon, as I often misremember it being – is most interesting as a sci-fi story about first contact between civilizations. Bedford and Cavor's approach to the moon men, known as Selenites, represents two very different ways of greeting new cultures. Cavor seeks a peaceful meeting, fascinated by the strange species, hoping to learn their ways and teach them his own. Bedford, on the other hand, immediately punches the Selenites and throws them off a bridge. Later, he begins to shoot them with the elephant gun his wife packed. It's been said before that any meeting between a primitive culture and a more advanced one will result in violence. “First Men in the Moon” boils that idea down to its two extreme, with its male explorers reacting with either total curiosity or unreasonable fear and violence. 

Unfortunately, every interesting idea “First Men in the Moon” has is undone by its frequently childish approach. The movie is badly hampered by a goofy sense of humor. Bedford is introduce to the cavorite after floating towards the ceiling, leading to some pratfalls. Cavor also has an unexplained love of geese. Later, Catherine sneaks chickens into the space sphere as a food, as they've been living off sardines the entire trip. But Cavor despises chickens. This leads to the bizarre image of the feathered fowls floating up through the sphere in slow-motion. There's also an embarrassingly broad sequence of the sphere getting tossed around space, heading towards the sun. (As always, sci-fi writers have no concept of scale.) The worst scene in the movie is, shortly after arriving on the moon, Cavor's space suit runs low on oxygen. He gets drunkenly giddy afterwards, Lionel Jeffires' performance becoming far too clownish in this moment.

Disappointingly, this lame humor is the focus of the movie's first half. The Selenites don't really appear on-screen until an hour or so into the movie. In several scenes, they are played by actors in relatively convincing rubber masks. The Harryhausen effects don't appear until a little while after that. Luckily, the last third features plenty of cool stop-motion effects. The Mooncalf, the enormous centipede-like creatures the Selenites hunt, are brought to life beautifully. There's a really cool sequence of a Selenite scientist reflecting through a looking glass, animated fluidly by Harryhausen. The finale features the chief of the Selenite, encased in a shimmering energy dome, interrogating Cavor with a distorted voice. That's a neat image. Aside from Harryhausen's typically excellent work, the movie also features some pretty cool production design. The Selenites build their underground city from crystals, making for some memorable images.

“First Men in the Moon” is definitely on the more marginal side of the horror genre. Those giant Mooncalfs, looking like an especially angry caterpillar, are fairly intimidating. Otherwise, this is a light-hearted sci-fi flick, probably mostly targeted at young kids. Relegating Harryhausen's stop-motion work to the backseat of the movie is definitely disappointing. Especially when obnoxious comedy and a slightly asshole-ish hero are in the front seat. All of these reasons and more are probably why “First Men in the Moon” is not mentioned as often as Harryhausen's other creature features from around the same time. [6/10]

Circle of Fear: Graveyard Shift

Last October, I watched an episode of “Ghost Story,” an obscure seventies horror anthology series, and enjoyed it. This year, I'm watching an episode from the second half of the series. That's when the title was changed to “Circle of Fear” and host Sebastian Cabot was dropped, in an attempt to improve ratings. “Graveyard Shift” follows Fred, a former bit player in horror movies who was forced into retirement after injuring his leg in a stunt. In order to provide for his pregnant wife, he's given a job as a night shift security guard at a soon-to-be torn down sound stage. He soon begins to hear and see strange things. His wife is affected by the haunting too, the characters from Fred's old horror movies seemingly targeting her... And their unborn child. 

The reason I singled out “Graveyard Shift,” out of the “Circle of Fear” batch of “Ghost Story” episodes, is because it stars John Astin and his real life wife, Patty Duke. Duke and Astin's obvious chemistry adds a lot more layers to their scenes together. Early moments of them cuddling and kissing gets you immediately invested in these characters, even if not much actual time is spent on their relationship. “Graveyard Shift” is essentially a story of a man in a mid-life crisis, forced to choose between his future as a father and husband or his youthful past as a star of monster movies, which comes to literal life. There's a decent amount of depth there, to the point that you totally believe Astin's character when he immediately takes the fight to the ghosts that threaten his family.

As for the supernatural element, it's just a little bit on the cheesy side. The premise, of a bunch of a fictional characters coming to life to protect the soundstage they were filmed on, is a really neat idea. The execution – which has a rubbery werewolf and a Halloween mask grim reaper rubbing shoulders as transparent spectres – leaves something to be desired. The program's co-producer William Castle drops by for a cameo, which is cool even if his character has some of the episode's worst exposition. There's also an interesting moment where a reel of film springs to life to wrap itself around Astin's legs. I don't know if “Graveyard Shift” is the best hour that could've been made from this material but it's still a fairly entertaining program. If you can excuse some of the stiffness and cheesiness that is inevitably part of any seventies television show. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Together

I've long since given up on “Godzilla Singular Point” coming to any sort of satisfying conclusion but here we are anyway. The season finale splits its story across two locations. In India, the kaiju Salunga attacks the SHIVA Compound. Deep underground, Mei and Pero-2 attempt to hack the Super Calculator and solve Aishihara's formula, before the Catastrophe begins. In Tokyo, Yun and Jet Jaguar drive into the heart of Tokyo. They plan to deliver the Orthogonal Diagonalyzer, stop Godzilla, and turn the Red Dust into its solidified form. Yet everyone is running out of time. Heroic sacrifices are made and last minute miracles are pulled off as the heroes fight to save the world.

By this point. “Singular Point” has abandoned any sense of forward momentum or character development in its story. When Yun's brother and grandfather seemingly sacrifice their lives to make sure Jet Jaguar makes it towards Godzilla, it means nothing. We no longer care about these characters, if we ever did in the first place. This is a show strictly about ideas, not people. There's no tension in the question of whether Mei and her robot friend can unravel the incomprehensible ball of physics at the convoluted plot's center. By this point, this shit is so far over anyone's head that it is indistinguishable from magic. The finale of “Singular Point” features time travel and a homage to a particular robot's Showa era size-shifting abilities. No matter how hard the script tries to justify this stuff with its nonsensical science, it can't disguise the fact that it's all a sloppy deus ex machina. 

Even in this climatic episode, Godzilla himself barely appears. It says a lot about how little “Singular Point” cares about the kaiju genre that Godzilla is just a lumbering plot device. He has no personality or sense of purpose. If he's meant to represent anything, about nuclear weapons or nature, it's lost among the show's endless technobabble. There are some neat action scenes here. Like Jet Jaguar fighting off some Rodans. Or a group of Kumonga existing as parasites on Godzilla's back. But the final fight is incredibly anticlimactic, as “Singular Point's” needlessly complex plot is resolved in a rushed, incoherent burst of information. This is a “Godzilla” anime where a cartoon dog piloting a cartoon boat backwards through time is more important than how much of Tokyo the giant monster has destroyed. 

What's most depressing about “Singular Point's” ending is that... It's seemingly not the ending! “Together” concludes by teasing the arrival of another iconic kaiju. By the way, that creature is brought to life through traditional animation. Several moments throughout “Together” abandon the gimmick of depicting the monsters with CGI. And it looks fine each time, making me wonder why they just didn't do that in the first place. Assuming the series is given a second season – I sincerely hope it is not – this ending is presumably the first of several teases before this creature actually does anything interesting. If it ever does anything.

Much like Polygon's CGI trilogy of “Godzilla” films, “Singular Point” doesn't actually care about Toho's iconic monsters or what they represent. Both “Godzilla” anime are totally preoccupied with their own deeply boring, utterly impractical lore. In some ways, I'm actually more disappointed in “Singular Point” than the Polygon movies. Those features were never going to be good, because they were about space elves or whatever. “Singular Point” actually had some promising ideas, some exciting sequences, characters that could've been endearing. Instead, everything is buried in an endless barrage of theoretical ideas that are interesting to the show runners and absolutely no one else. Whenever Toho tries to make another “Godzilla” anime, I hope they give it to someone who is actually invested in Godzilla and his monstrous gang and not just using them to tell some other story they wanted to tell. [5/10]

Halloween 2021: October 2nd

Jason X (2003)

“Jason Goes to Hell's” box office take – good, not great – did nothing to hasten “Freddy Vs. Jason's” journey to the big screen. Production was rolling along so slowly that Sean S. Cunningham, desperate to keep the franchise in the public eye, decided to do another Jason movie. A writers' round table was assembled and ideas were tossed around. Former Cronenberg effects guy Jim Isaac, who previously directed Cunningham production “The Horror Show,” really wanted to do Jason in the snow. Writer Todd Farmer, probably as a joke, suggested “Jason in Space.” By this point, the idea of franchises going into space as a desperate, last resort at relevance was already established. (It was already a skit on at least one sketch show.) Yet, the more everyone thought about the idea, the more they liked it. This was the beginning of “Jason X's” slow, embattled march to theater screens.

The most likable thing about “Jason X,” an amicably goofy motion picture, is that it mostly exploits its ridiculous premise to its maximum potential. “Jason X” does most of the things you'd expect to see in a “Jason in Space” movie. Jason rampages through a holodeck. He slices through a team of space marines and battles a super-charged android. Yet it's also amusing that, even four hundred years in the future, some things about “Friday the 13th” never change. Teens still do drugs, get in trouble, and have sex. In fact, the moans of youthful sexual exuberance is what awakens Jason from his centuries-long slumber. No matter its flaws, “Jason X” keeps the important stuff the same while shifting the surroundings around in fun ways. 

“Jason X” also features a lot of silly, self-aware humor. This was inevitable, as the premise of launching Jason into outer space is inherently ridiculous. This winking comedic streak mostly manifests itself as doofy puns. Someone is impaled on a massive screw and is said to have been “screwed.” Someone else is sucked through a grate into a space, quibbing that this “really sucks.” Before being run through, a space marine makes a dumb joke. These extremely obvious gags are paired with weirder jokes. Like a space stoner nearly forgetting his sliced off hand, an android's magnetic nipple popping off, or a student and her professors participating in some space bondage. I can appreciate kinky, surreal gags like this and they pair well with the dumber, more obvious humor.

The movie saves its most irresistibly fun spin on the slasher formula, and its best joke, for the last third. If you're making a movie that mashes-up sci-fi tropes with “Friday the 13th,” of course Jason is going to get a cybernetic upgrade. “Jason X” has malfunctioning nanites rebuilding the killer as a cyborg murder machine known as Über-Jason. The design is pretty slick, combining shining chrome with mutated flesh and black leather. It looks futuristic while still being identifiable as Jason. It would've been a great surprise for audiences but I can understand why New Line would splash the upgraded killer all over the posters and trailers. As “Jason X” was made in the post-”Scream” era of horror, it's naturally self-aware too. Über-Jason is distracted with a hologram of a stereotypical “Friday the 13th” scenario. It's such a fantastically dumb joke that you can't help but be amused by it. “Jason X” is having fun with its premise and wants to make sure that you, the viewer, is too.

This goofy streak of self-awareness extends to “Jason X's” cast of expendable characters. Even in the future, there's still recognizable archetypes: Like the horny couple, the tough black guy, the nerd, or the stoner kid. (Who is, somehow, not the character named “Stoney.”) Yet “Jason X” adds a reasonable degree of color to its 25th century Jason fodder. Lisa Ryder actually gives a decent performance as Kay-Em, the android who develops more of a personality as the film goes on. The robot's relationship with her nerdy creator, Tsunaron, is also kind of cute. Janessa, played by an amusingly bitchy Melyssa Ade, having a BDSM relationship with her professor is, if nothing else, something we haven't seen in this series before. I also kind of like the tough but funny Peter Mensah as Sgt. Brodski, the space marine who goes toe-to-toe with Jason. Also, one of the girls is left visibly traumatized by watching her boyfriend get murdered, which seems realistic. While lots of the characters aren't memorable, most of the actors are on the movie's wavelength. Only Lexa Doig, as heroine Rowan, is playing things weirdly stiff-lipped. 

In order to bring its futuristic setting to life, “Jason X” acquired a budget of 14 million dollars, far more than any previous “Friday the 13th” movie. This is sort of amusing, as the movie's flashiest special effects have aged the poorest. The CGI looks dreadful, especially when physical actors have to interact with it. The sci-fi sets surely weren't cheap but still only look a smidgen better than what they had on “Andromeda,” the TV show Lexa Doig and Lisa Ryder previously starred on. Yet it almost doesn't matter as the most important special effects are still top-notch. With his shaved head, bumpy flesh, and mad starring eye, Jason looks more militaristic and unhinged than in Kane Hodder's previous appearances. The gore, meanwhile, is fantastic. David Cronenberg, doing his old buddy Jim Isaac a favor, gets gloriously impaled in the first scene. A face frozen in liquid nitrogen and then shattered frequently ranks high on lists of the franchise's best murders. I'm also a big fan of a kill where Jason shoves his machete through a dude one way before pulling it out the other way. Good shit. 

“Jason X” was completed in 1999 but remained unreleased until April of 2001. This was due to a regime change at New Line, that saw an in-coming exec burying an outgoing exec's pet project. Naturally, this meant the film was not supported by the studio and “Jason X” ended up with the worst box office take of the entire “Friday the 13th” franchise. Yet, in the two decades since its release, “Jason X” has become something like a cult classic. Novels, comics, and action figures were spun-off from the sequel. Though it remains divisive among “Friday” fans, these days I see more people defending the film than disparaging it. “Jason X” embraces its own dumbness in a way that is best described as charmingly goofy. I get why some turn their nose up at “Jason X's” dubious joys but I declare the film a good time. Oh, and by the way, fans eventually made that “Jason in the Snow” movie themselves. [7/10]

Equinox (1970)

The story behind “Equinox” is almost definitely more interesting than the film itself. In the late sixties, teenage monster kids and budding special effects artists Dennis Muren, Mark McGee, and David Allen decided to make a movie. Pooling their resources – which included a loan from Muren's grandfather and a friendship with effects pro Jim Danforth – they managed to assemble a 6500 dollar budget. Made on weekends over the course of two years, and partially shot in Muren's backyard, “The Equinox: A Journey Into the Supernatural” ran a little over an hour. The trio would sell the movie to Jack Harris, producer of “The Blob.” Harris hired experienced editor Jack Woods to recut the existing footage and shoot some new scenes to expand the film, whose title was now simply “Equinox,” to feature length. The movie became a cult classic and Muren and Allen went on to long, award-winning careers in special effects. 

It's a great story and one that totally eclipses the movie itself. But what is “Equinox” about? A reporter attempts to interview David, a college student who recently went mad. David recounts his story: Along with his friends Jim and their girlfriends, Susie and Vicki, they went into the woods to look for their missing geology professor, Dr. Watermann. What they found was a wrecked cabin, a mysterious appearing castle, and a cackling old man protecting a strange book. The book is full of strange symbols and arcane writing. An ominous park ranger named Asmodeus pursues the youth and attempts to seduce Susan. The quartet soon learns that Watermann used the book to summon demons, which still rampage through the woods. The teens try to use their newfound knowledge of the occult to protect themselves from the forces of evil.

“Equinox” shows the strange turning point the horror genre was at in the sixties, when it was made. The plot concerns itself with topics like demonology and devilish entities, predicting the wave of Satanic horror that would become popular in the next decade. Yet “Equinox” most resembles the cheesy, monster-filled B-movies of the fifties. This is most apparent in its cast of characters. David and his friends are the most clean-cut, aw-shucks, golly-gee youths imaginable. Even though they are looking for their missing professor, they still stop to have a picnic in the woods. The appearance, and then disappearance, of a castle doesn't seem to phase them. Nor does a cackling lunatic handing them an obviously evil book. Even after a dead body and monsters start appearing, David and his friends stay upbeat, remain focused, and are generally corny as hell. Susie even says “Oh gosh, I dropped my cross!” at one point.

Even after being cleaned-up and recut by Hollywood pros, “Equinox” is still a crude presentation. All the dialogue and sound was dubbed-in in post, which is very obvious. The length and style of the actors' hair changes all throughout the run time, depending on whenever the scenes were shot. It's obvious which scenes were shot by Woods, as he has a wildly different visual style. Muren's scenes are wide and simple, while Woods' features more close-ups and frantic camera movements. (His scenes are also sexier than the squeaky-clean plot Muren engineered.) “Equinox” is most crude in its writing. Whether a result of being recut after the fact, or because it was primarily made by teenagers, “Equinox's” plot is incredibly unimportant. The film's events are best summed up as “monsters, demons, and other weird shit appears in the woods, thanks to an evil book” and that's about it. 

Yet despite its excuse plot and crude production values, there's still something kind of charming about “Equinox.” The special effects are, indeed, pretty impressive. The ape-like monster that appears prominently in all the advertising material is an expressive, well-designed beast. There's also a flying devil and a landlocked squid monster, which are equally impressive. I even like the scenes where the stop-motion creature interact with the actors. A green-skinned giant, played by an actor in caveman-like animal skins, is not as cool but still an effective sequence. Asmodeus is kind of an interesting villain too. All these scenes were inserted by Woods, the director himself playing the clearly malevolent park ranger. A demon trying to seduce and corrupt these squeaky clean kids is an interesting development. 

I first saw “Equinox” a long, long time ago on late night AMC. I thought it was just a crappy B-movie back then. When the movie was later added to the Criterion Collection, I was confused. At the time, I didn't know the movie was made by the special effects artist who would be a founding member of ILM, work on “Star Wars,” and win six Academy Awards. It's also often supposed that “Equinox” was an influence on “The Evil Dead,” which seems likely. There's a tinge of Lovecraft to the story as well, especially considering Howard Philip's pen-pal Fritz Leiber plays the professor. I still don't know if “Equinox” is a good movie, per say, but I have much more appreciation for its charms now. As an overgrown monster kid myself, I admire the spirit and craftsmanship of the film. Even if the behind-the-scenes story is far more compelling than the finished product. [6/10]

Night Gallery: Cool Air

Some people like “Night Gallery” and some consider it an inferior follow-up to “The Twilight Zone.” Yet I keep coming back to the show, so I guess I'm in the pro column. “Cool Air” is, of course, adapted from the Lovecraft story and was penned by Rod Serling himself. Serling changes the unnamed narrator into a woman but otherwise remains fairly faithful to the story: During a blistering hot summer, Agatha befriends eccentric Dr. Munos. They talk often of how mankind can resist death. Munos always keeps his apartment at a cold temperature, with an elaborate refrigeration device. When the make-shift air conditioner breaks down, Munos desperately attempts to keep his room cool. Agatha, who has fallen in love with him, soon uncovers the man's horrifying secret.

Lovecraft had no use for romance but turning “Cool Air” into a love story is actually a really good idea. It changes the meaning behind the narrator's nostalgic recollection of events, which Serling smartly maintains. Considering Munos has a dead wife in his past, it feels like these characters are trapped in a repeating cycle of their loved ones dying. Even though anyone familiar with the story – and even people who haven't read it – know where this is going, it's still a chilling payoff. The way “Cool Air” slowly builds to its final reveal is effective, the intensity escalating. Barbara Rush and Henry Darrow are excellent in the lead roles, while supporting roles from Beatrice Kay and Larry J. Blake add some additional color to the story. Overall, this is easily the best episode of “Night Gallery” I've seen so far. [8/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Explorer

In its penultimate episode, “Godzilla Singular Point” continues to move its subplots into place in the drollest way possible. In India, Mei and the other scientists finally meet SHIVA: The Super Calculator powered by Archetype that is going to cause the Catastrophe, I think. As the device warps reality around it, the scientists work to save the world. In Japan, Yun and Goro move Jet Jaguar closer to Tokyo and prepare for their final battle with Godzilla. The Orthogonal Diagonalyzer is delivered to them and they plan to use it to stop the kaiju and the spread of the Red Dust, which is changing the plant life around the city. 

Hey, do you know what this episode of “Godzilla Singular Point” is missing? Godzilla! Aside from his roar in its final minute, the titular character is once again absent from this show. The season is about to end and “Singular Point” is still fucking around! Instead, the episode tries to build tension by setting up the fight with Godzilla. Similarly, the news that the Catastrophe is drawing closer than ever before should excite the viewer as well. As is the sight of Salunga breaking through its restraints and approaching SHIVA again. However, this show has long since been consumed by its own bullshit. I don't care about these characters anymore. And I certainly don't care about the pay-off to all the who-gives-a-shit hard science fuckery. 

This is what happens to a sci-fi story is so concerned with theories and ideas: You loose sight of the human element. The cast members are now just plot devices, moving the story towards its conclusion. There's an attempt to humanize the material. Jet Jaguar, who is now exclusively babbling like a toddler, plays with some moths. (A far too late reference to you-know-who.) Pero-2 nearly suffers a fatal fall and then appears again, on-screen, in its adorable cartoon dog form. All of this feels like miscalculated comic relief, an attempt to add some levity to a story that has long since been eaten alive by its own bullshit. Listen, this is a Godzilla cartoon with no Godzilla in it and extensive conversations about branching timelines and temporal distortion. Only one more episode of this garbage show left. [3/10]

Halloween 2021: October 1st

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

When “Jason Takes Manhattan” earned less than any of the previous “Friday the 13th” movies, Paramount decided they were out of the Jason business. Yet the series had still made a lot of money. This is probably why Sean S. Cunningham, who had since moved into producing full-time, decided to scoop up the rights to the series he originated. Upon acquiring the Jason character – but notably not the “Friday the 13th” name – from Paramount, he immediately went to New Line Cinema with the intention of making that “Freddy Vs. Jason” movie. When Wes Craven decided to return to the “Nightmare” franchise, it put the crossover on hold. (The first of many roadblocks that production faced.) Cunningham didn't think the lucrative “Jason” brand should stagnate during this time, so a new “Friday” movie moved into production. But Cunningham doesn't actually like horror movies, so he hired Adam Marcus – his son's best friend and a self-professed horror expert – to direct. The film industry really is all about who you know. This was the first of many odd decisions made throughout the production of “Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.”

In the multiple interviews he's done on the subject, Adam Marcus makes it clear that he wanted “The Final Friday” to break with series' tradition. He didn't want to set the movie in the woods, around a camp. He didn't want the characters to be teenagers. He didn't want sex to equal death. Though he denies saying it, Sean S. Cunningham supposedly didn't want the hockey mask in the movie either. This, to me, suggests a lack of respect for what “Friday the 13th” is. You can also see this attitude in the way “Jason Goes to Hell” disregards the series' existing mythology – Marcus claims “Friday the 13th” didn't have a mythology before him – in favor of a bunch of stupid bullshit. A simple campfire story now involves demonic possession via body-swapping monster, a cursed family bloodline, a magical dagger, and the convoluted rules therein. I don't object to these ideas in-and-of themselves but I'm not sure why they're in a “Friday the 13th” movie.

Marcus obviously hoped to elevate “Friday the 13th” above its simple slasher movie roots. His movie is about grown-up characters with adult problems, like who is going to look after their baby. It shows how capitalists, diner owners and TV journalists, look to profit off Jason's legacy of murder. He wanted his movie to be bigger, which is why there are elaborate shoot-outs. Such as a gun fight in a diner, filled with slow-mo, and the hero leaping out of his handcuffs. Marcus also wanted to make a post-modern Jason movie for the self-aware nineties. So he has characters make references to smoking pot and having premarital sex. He includes cameos from famous props from “Evil Dead,” “Creepshow,” and “The Birds.” It all comes off as a slightly desperate attempt to make “The Final Friday” cooler than it actually is.

As high-minded as Adam Marcus was about “Jason Goes to Hell,” he still failed to create anyone as charming as the goofballs in parts three or four. In fact, the cast members in “The Final Friday” are pretty obnoxious. The diner selling Jason burgers is staffed by a rotund woman who vomits profanity, great character actor Leslie Jordon as her creepy boyfriend, and her equally annoying son. Marcus clearly thought Creighton Duke, the bounty hunter pursuing Jason, was bad-ass. In reality, he's needlessly sadistic – breaking someone's fingers for no reason – and forced to cough up exposition. Steven Williams, as Duke, clearly doesn't take any of this shit seriously. (Tony Todd, someone who could've made this dialogue genuinely ominous, was somehow turned down.) In theory, the movie's hero being a bespectacled nerd is interesting but the execution – which has him turning into an action hero – blows. Most of the cast, including final girl Jessica, are forgettable, no matter how much the movie attempts to build them up.

There was definitely ways to expand “Friday the 13th” outside the usual slasher boundaries. I think “Jason Lives!,” with its comedy and tinges of gothic horror, and “The New Blood,” with its telekinetic finale, did just that. “Jason Goes to Hell,” however, feels very disconnected with the series' history. Most of the movie's attempts at horror play like gross-out non-sequiturs: A coroner is compelled to eat Jason's heart. A body melts into goop. A worm-like demon squeezes out of someone's neck and then slithers up a dead woman's skirt. A naked old man is tied down and has his face shaved. There was a way to reinvent Jason for the nineties that didn't involve turning him into a weird little snake demon that swaps bodies by crawling down people's throats.

What makes this all the more frustrating is that the parts of “Jason Goes to Hell” that function more like a regular “Friday the 13th” aren't half-bad. The opening scene has a lone female driving out to Camp Crystal Lake, stripping down, and being pursued by Jason. This is all a set-up by the FBI to exterminate Jason, via machine guns and high-power explosives. You could've built a whole movie around the government hunting Jason and it probably would've been pretty cool. A sex-and-slashing scene, shot during reshoots, features softcore humping and some pretty inspired gore. When Jason is finally reborn near the end, he's beating the shit out of the hero and bursting through floorboards. I'm not a huge fan of the make-up here – Jason's flesh is weirdly orange and bubbly – but these scenes satisfy in a way that most of the movie simply does not.

Despite the subtitle, there was never any illusions about “Jason Goes to Hell” being the character's final cinematic outing. All of the movie's convoluted nonsense was, ostensibly, set-up for the then-forthcoming “Freddy Vs. Jason.” Freddy's glove dragging Jason's mask down to Hell was a cliffhanger that strung fanboys along for a decade. There's a reason that ending was, for years, the only thing about “Jason Goes to Hell” anyone talked about. Why fans seemingly never bring up the entry's weird deviations from franchise lore. The film has some nasty gore and a few stand-out moments but ultimately feels disconnected from everything we associate with the “Friday the 13th” series. [5/10]

I Saw What You Did (1965)

I'm fascinated with the gimmick movies of William Castle, probably because they seem so alien. Until the rise of the Alamo Drafthouse, I never experienced much showmanship when going to the theater. As a kid, going to the movies meant sitting in a black box inside my local mall or multiplex, watching something that I could see at any other town in America. So the idea of skeletons swinging through the theater or joy-buzzers hidden under the seat seems utterly thrilling. By the mid-sixties, Castle's backers were discouraging him from using gimmicks. He greatly resisted the idea. “I Saw What You Did,” his 1965 release, was first promoted by setting up a special phone number people could call and installing enormous plastic telephones in theaters. Supposedly, the hotline was abandoned after being swarmed by pranksters. Castle then promised to install seat belts into theaters, to prevent scared patrons from fleeing. Sources vary on whether or not this idea was followed through on.

Teenage girls Libby and Kit often spend long amounts of time chatting on the phone. When Libby has to baby-sit her younger sister, she talks Kit's dad into allowing her to spend the night. The two girls amuse themselves by prank calling people. Eventually, they touch on the idea of calling people and ominously whispering “I saw what you did and I know who you are.” One of the people they pull this cruel joke on is Steve Marak, who has just stabbed his wife to death. Eager to dispose of the body and being blackmailed by his neighbor, Marak is set on edge by the call. He plans to meet up with the teen girls, who are blissfully unaware of the danger they're in.

Despite its grim premise, “I Saw What You Did” opens with a chipper montage of the two girls talking on the phone. In fact, most of the movie is devoted to the girls being giggly together. They joke around, while hanging out and playing their irresponsible game. Being teen girls, love and sex are often on their mind. After hearing Steve's manly voice, Libby seriously hopes to meet up with the older man for a romantic rendezvous! This idea is focused on so much that it made me a little uncomfortable. Were the screenwriters being creeps or did high schoolers really get hot for married men in the sixties? Even if the teen girl antics are a bit much to handle some times, Andi Garrett and Sara Lane are charming and delightful in the roles.

Weirdly, when it's not being a cutesy coming-of-age story about two teen girls watching a mischievous younger sister, “I Saw What You Did” is a dark and violent thriller. Castle inverts “Psycho's” most famous scene by having Steve drag his wife into the shower and stab her to death. There's a surprisingly brutal ferocity to this sequence. Castle pays tribute to “Diabolique,” another movie that influenced his entire career, in a scene where Steve tries to bury his wife's body in a large suitcase. You can also see low-key Hitchcockian themes in the subplot about the neighbor blackmailing him into becoming her lover. Joan Crawford, reteaming from Castle after the superior “Strait-Jacket,” gets top-billing for this part despite it being a supporting role. Crawford does bring a real desperation to the role.

Mature themes like lust and manipulation, and bursts of violence, co-exists alongside teen girls telling jokes about a pet goat. This awkward tonal back-and-forth is best represented by “I Saw What You Did's” final scene. Steve tracks Libby down to her home and a tense confrontation follows, where the man finally realizes he's been scared by a sixteen-year-old. Finally, he attacks her in the family car and you wonder how grim this movie really is going to get. It's the most intense moment in the film... And after it's neatly, cleanly wrapped up, the movie ends with the overly upbeat and peppy theme music playing. 

Despite the inconsistent tone, “I Saw What You Did” did kind of work for me. The lead actresses are appealing and have strong chemistry. There's enough foggy atmosphere, in the last third especially, to make me feel cozy. As seen in Castle's other movies of this era, the black-and-white photography is crisp and clean. Despite being among Castle's more forgettable features, “I Saw What You Did” has a dynamite premise. This is probably why it was remade for television in the eighties, starring two of the Carradine brothers. It was nearly remade again more recently. Though I don't know how this story could work in the age of caller I.D.s and cellphones. [6/10]

The Outer Limits (1964): Demon with the Glass Hand

When I was a teenager, I casually mentioned the film “The Omega Man” to my dad. He proceeded to ask me if “that was the one with the guy who has a robot hand. And when he finds all his fingers, he can think.” I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, though I knew he was definitely not “The Omega Man.” It took me a couple of years to figure out this was not an old movie my dad remembered. Instead, he was talking about an episode of “The Outer Limits.” Entitled “Demon with the Glass Hand,” it's often regarded as one of the best episodes of the entire series. A big reason for this is probably because the episode was written by the legendary – and legendarily grouchy – Harlan Ellison. 

“Demon with the Glass Hand” concerns Trent, a man with no memory of anything before the last ten days. His left hand – which is also a high-tech computer – is missing three of its five fingers. Once all the fingers are located, the computer will have complete information about Trent's mission. He soon discovers he's been sent into the past following a war a thousand years in the future. He's being pursued by the Kybans, the alien race humanity will battle some day. The Kybans are searching for an answer as to why all of humanity, except Trent, completely vanished one day. As they chase him through an abandoned building, and he bonds with a woman he finds there, Trent hopes to recover his fingers and discover the truth about himself.

Ellison's original story for “Demon with the Glass Hand” was complex, spanning across the country. “The Outer Limits” producers informed him that a story of such scope was outside the show's limited budget. It's painfully obvious that “Demon with the Glass Hand” is an abbreviated version of a much longer plot. Exposition is heaped on us in quick burst. There's details about a plague in the future that's barely expounded on. Far-out science, like a “Time Mirror” or converting people into electricity, is abruptly dropped on us. It's all a bunch of nonsense. A lot of it is simply to justify the episode's low budget. Everyone traveled from the future to the past so this can be said in modern day L.A. The Kybans look like people, instead of aliens, because monster make-up is expensive. The villains disintegrate into nothingness if the medallions around their necks are yanked off, so they can be cheaply disposed of. 

Even if “Demon with the Glass Hand” is about fifty percent sci-fi gobbledygook, it doesn't really matter. The episode unfolds like an intense dream. The script's ridiculous sci-fi concepts feel very much like the kind of things you'd accept at face value in a dream. Yanking their necklace off making the aliens disappear, a talking robotic hand, or the “aliens” being guys in eye shadow invoke the free-association dreamscapes of the unconscious mind. And being pursued by malevolent forces, for reasons not understood, is the definition of nightmarish. The concluding twist also feels like the denouncement of an unsettling dream. The visual language of this hour is pure film noir, composed of deep shadows obscuring tense faces squinting in limited light. The harsh angles and escalating staircases of the Bradbury Building have never looked more surreal. I can see why this made an impression on my dad as a youth. “Demon with the Glass Hand” is an intense and singular hour of television. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Relaunch

Five and a half hours into “Godzilla Singular Point” and this show has finally completely lost me. “Relaunch” is an episode devoted almost entirely to gathering existing subplots together. Mei arrives at SHIVA in India, meeting a bunch of familiar faces that have been floating around the main story. She's led deep within an underground cavern, underneath an ancient temple. In Japan, Yun and Kato uncover the original Godzilla skull from the fifties being taken into a secret compound. The next day, they take Jet Jaguar towards Tokyo, which is currently being decimated by Godzilla and the Red Dust. That's when the A.I. inside the robot starts to reboot in various ways, developing a child-like personality. 

I think “Relaunch” represents “Singular Point” totally disappearing up its own singular point, if you get my meaning. The usual incomprehensibly dense scientific babbling is intact here. I think phrases like “Singular Point,” “Super Calculator,” and “Orthogonal Diagonalyzer” are now completely meaningless to me. If they ever had any meaning in the first place. On top of this bullshit, the episode piles on another distinct type of bullshit. References to William Blake, the Bible, Aladdin, Hindu mysticism, and the overwhelming power of math also occur in this half-hour. I was so completely set adrift by this one that I was wondering if I had accidentally watched an episode out-of-order. 

What makes “Relaunch” a truly useless half-hour is that it features almost no kaiju action, even by the meager standards of this program. Godzilla briefly fights a Manda in the opening scene. Jet Jaguar springs out of its stupor to impale a Rodan closer to the end. That's about it. Otherwise, this is a half-hour of “Singular Point” circling around its own needlessly convoluted plot and masturbating to its own bullshit science. You know things are bad when you're actually relieved that an episode doesn't feature any close up of text messages. I officially hate this now. The only reason I'm still watching this program is because I made a commitment to review all of it. [3/10]

Halloween 2021: September 30th

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1988)

The end of the eighties was fast approaching. While the “Friday the 13th” films were still making enough to justify continuing the series, each new sequel was grossing less than its predecessor. Paramount went in search of more gimmicks to keep the same-old, same-old slaughter semi-fresh. Rob Hedden, who had previously written and directed several episodes of the Jason-less "Friday the 13th" television series, had a pitch that caught the studio's attention. He wanted to take Jason out of the woods and drop him into the big city, namely Manhattan. Hedden's original vision was ambitious, with sequences set around the Brooklyn Bridge, Madison Square Garden, the Statue of Liberty, and even Broadway. The final film, "Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan," would fall far short of this original plan.

Yes, before you talk about anything else concerning "Jason Takes Manhattan," you have to acknowledge one notorious fact: Most of the movie does not take place in Manhattan. "Jason Takes a Boat" would be a more accurate title, as the first hour is set on the cruise ship taking the teens of Crystal Lake from New Jersey to the Big Apple. Hedden's original script were deemed too expensive, his ideas chipped away at until a single sequence in Times Square remained. The rest of the movie was filmed in Vancouver-posing-as-Manhattan, with the majority of the story now taking place on that fucking boat. There's just no way around the sequel's title making a promise its actual contents can't live up to. Jason on a cruise ship could've been a fun premise in its own right but, by giving NYC top billing, the entire movie feel like a bloated first act with an underwhelming pay-off.

Even if Rob Hedden had been allowed to bring his original screenplay to life, I'm not sure it would've been any good. "Jason Takes Manhattan" has a baffling interpretation of its titular maniac. Throughout the film, final girl Rennie has psychic visions of Jason as a child. He reaches out from a bathroom mirror, peers through a porthole, and appears in a bedroom. This idea climaxes with the film's odd ending, where Jason speaks with a child's voice and has his flesh melted off, until the little boy remains. If Hedden was getting at anything with these scenes, about how Jason is just a scared little boy on the inside or whatever, it's not expanded on in any meaningful way. It's a half-formed idea executed in a dopey manner. 

And this is not the only baffling change to Jason the film makes. The sequel emphasizes the idea that Jason can "teleport" around his location to a ridiculous degree. This is a dumb pop culture meme. Jason knows his way around the woods, his victims don't, and that's why he can always surprise them. But the sequel seemingly makes it canon. Jason chases a guy up a ladder and then appears at the top of the ladder. Someone runs from him, into an abandoned building, and then Jason throws the guy out of the building, before appearing back on the ground. At one point, the killer spontaneously bamfs around a disco whenever his victim moves her head. I can't tell if the filmmakers thought this was funny or scary but it annoys the hell out of me. 

Really, the inconsistent treatment of Jason is just one symptom of "Takes Manhattan's" lackluster screenplay. Hedden's characters range from bland-as-hell to genuinely obnoxious. The film's human villain is Mr. McCulloch, the school's principal and Rennie's legal guardian. He's constantly hateful to the people around him, dismisses the teen's concerns, seems a little too into it when a student tries to seduce him, and is eventually revealed to have almost drowned Rennie as a child. He's a character you just hate looking at, which Patrick Mark Richman's cartoonish performance doesn't help. Another shitty person in the movie is Tamara, the resident mean girl. The way she uses sex appeal to manipulate the men around her, like the principal and videography nerd Wayne, plays like a gross sexist stereotype. There's a difference between cheering when Jason pulls off a cool kill and characters being so utterly despicable, you want them to die immediately. 

Most of the characters who aren't annoying are indistinct. In the deleted scenes, we learn that Miles is a champion high-diver but in the movie, he's just some dude with a dumb haircut. Other than her quickly overcome reluctance to snort coke with Tamara, what quirks does Eva (played by Kelly Hu) have? Some of the teens are such non-entities that the credits simply lists them as "Boxer" or "Crew member." This shallow writing extends to our heroes. Sean is the son of the ship's captain and has some daddy issues. The film tries to give Rennie a proper back story, as she has a phobia of water, two dead parents, and some interest in writing. Yet these ideas never go anywhere. Jensen Daggett and Scott Reeves' stiff performances make this final couple totally bland. The only characters in the movie that stick out are cool black guy Julius and rocker chick J.J. I really like the latter, because she has a fun energy and tries to help Wayne realize Tamara is a bitch. Naturally, she's among the first cast members to die. 

Truthfully, most everything about "Jason Takes Manhattan" is underwhelming. By hiring a television director to make their movie, Paramount got a sequel that looks like a late eighties syndicated TV show: The colors are washed-out, the lighting is overly bright, and the direction is flat. Fred Mollen's score is chintzy. The gore effects are a franchise low-point. The blood is watery. The guts are rubbery. The MPAA's grip on the film was so strong that a slashed throat produces no blood at all. Jason's rotten flesh looks spongey. His face reveal is also among the franchise's worst. His head is gray, lumpy, undefined, and has weirdly block-like mouth. It's awful. 

There are few bright spots here. The movie's languid, going-through-the-motions pacing perks up a little once we finally get to New York. If only because there's some novelty to scenes of Jason on the subway, in an all-night diner, or killing gang members. The film attempts some "Jason Lives!" style humor and it's mostly miscalculated. Jason's deadpan reaction to a hockey billboard or stopping to scare some punks feels totally out-of-character. But the scene where he knocks Julius' head off with a single swing is kind of funny. Hedden's direction does Kane Hodder no favors, making him look short and stocky, but the actor still brings some ferocity to Jason. I like the way he smashes a mirror or slams his head through a porthole. 

Truthfully, "Jason Takes Manhattan" is probably my least favorite film in the series. For all its obnoxious excess, "A New Beginning" was weird and fitfully funny. This film feels exhausted and artless in comparison. Audiences agreed – or were properly disappointed  that so little of the movie was actually set in Manhattan – and "Part VII" had the weakest box office of the series up to this point. The eighties were over and "Friday the 13th" had finally run out of steam with it. [5/10]

The Penalty (1920)

I guess I'm just in the mood for silent films recently. Yesterday, I watched a 102 old movie and, today, I watched a 101 year old movie. “The Penalty” was one of the films that established Lon Chaney as the master of make-up of the silent screen. To play the role of a double amputee crime boss, he tied his own legs up and hobbled around on his knees. The excruciatingly painful process showed the commitment Chaney was willing to go to create a realistic character. Upon learning this information in a documentary, years ago, I had to seek out the film. The only copy I could find at the time was a public domain disc with a horrendously bad electronic soundtrack. That made it tricky to enjoy the film. Luckily, I recently came into possession of the Kino-Lobor Blu-Ray release of the film, which is much nicer and prompted this re-watch.

A boy has his legs unnecessarily amputated by a novice doctor. Though the doctor insists the procedure had to be done, the boy knows the truth. He grows up to be Blizzard, the vicious crime lord who rules over San Francisco's underworld. The police send a female detective named Rose undercover into Blizzard's criminal empire. She gains his trust and plays the piano peddles while he works the keys. At the same time, Blizzard uncovers the daughter of the doctor who perform the surgery on him. He forces himself into her life, by posing for her latest artistic project: A bust of Satan. It's all a ruse for Blizzard to finally enact his grisly revenge on the man who took away his legs.

Blizzard the legless mobster easily fits the character types Lon Chaney would become most famous for throughout his career. Like the Phantom of the Opera, he's a cruel and brilliant villain. Yet, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, there's also something pathetic about him. When his romantic advances towards the doctor's daughter are rejected, he's initially enraged. This only results in him falling to the ground and hobbling around as he attempts to regain his balance. Humbled by this humiliation, he quietly admits that no woman has ever loved him and apologizes for his rashness. Blizzard is another Gothic grotesque, who endears both fear and sympathy in the viewer. Chaney is, of course, magnificent in the part. His hyper-expressive face is especially well used when posing for the bust of Satan. With just a wicked grin, you totally believe that he's the perfect model for the job. (Blizzard, of course, relates to Milton's Satan, what with the choosing to reign in Hell and all that.)

After reading the above plot synopsis, you might be thinking “That doesn't sound much like a horror movie.” And you're right. “The Penalty” is mostly a crime drama. However, the film has just enough macabre elements to push it towards the marginal side of the horror genre. Blizzard's base of operations is outfitted with secret passageways and trap doors, a bit like Erik the Phantom's lair. Mostly, the horror elements emerge from Blizzard's endgame: He wants the doctor to chop the legs off the movie's boring hero and graft them to his stumps. If this movie was made in the next decade, this touch of mad science and disturbing horror definitely would've been the main focus of the film.

However, this movie was made in 1920 and that's very obvious at times. An extensive subplot involves Blizzard stirring up unrest among the Reds. As in, the left-wing workers of the area. Most of whom are explicitly stated to be immigrants! The movie never once suggests that this underrepresented and overworked class is, perhaps, totally justified in being angry. It's instead depicted totally as part of the scheme of the unhinged villain. Obviously, Blizzard's physical deformity represents his twisted mind. That's the kind of subtext that was common in all sorts of stories for decades but is now, obviously, grossly insensitive. Yet this is resolved with the kind of last minute plot twist you really only see in 1920s melodramas: It turns out Blizzard isn't evil, he has brain damage! Which the doctor then fixes, turning Blizzard into a practical living saint. I'm not sure, exactly, how this reveal is offensive but it definitely is. If nothing else, it's very awkward from a writing perspective.

Of course, the film's status as a silent melodrama means it also has a love triangle and an almost hilariously sappy finale, which restores a moral balance to this universe. On the plus side, “The Penalty” is also a Pre-Code movie, so its violence is surprisingly frank and there's even some brief nudity. “The Penalty” resembles “West of Zanzibar” a little but director Wallace Worsley - who would also make “Ace of Hearts” and “Hunchback” with Chaney – is no Todd Browning. I don't know how good “The Penalty” is when taken on its own merits, especially to horror fans. Lon Chaney's performance is so fantastic though that it really makes the entire movie work seeing. Chaney elevates everything around him and turns “The Penalty” into a minor classic. [7/10]

'Way Out: False Face

“The Twilight Zone” and “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” would both prove to be successful shows, so in 1961, someone at CBS had the idea to combine the two premises. What if we had a droll Englishman famous for his work in another medium – in this case, Roald Dahl – presenting different stories of horror and science fiction every week? The resulting show, “'Way Out,” was canceled after one thirteen episode season. The program quickly slipped into obscurity but ten episodes survive, surfacing on YouTube in recent years. Episode seven, “False Face,” is especially notable as an early writing credit for Larry Cohen.

“False Face” follows Michael Drake, a celebrated actor of the stage. His latest starring role is Quasimodo. In hopes of adding realism to his performance, he finds a real deformed man. A drunken vagrant who has lived a miserable life, largely because of his hideously deformed face, he agrees to Drake's idea only because he's paid. Drake models his own make-up after the man's face and gives a lauded performance... But notices afterwards that he can't remove the make-up. That his face has seemingly changed permanently. He attempts to find the man, facing the same sort of discrimination he did.

“False Face” is an easily understood moral tale. Drake is a rich man who considers the homeless as non-entities, not much more than objects whose services he can buy just as easily. When the deformed man is telling his tale of woe, Drake barely even listens. Cohen's script makes this point without getting too preachy about it. There's a certain grim inevitability to the easily predicted twist, the viewer's sympathy even lying with Drake before it's over. This is furthered by the tight, intimate visual style of the show. The acting is pretty hammy but the make-up is effectively grotesque. Dahl's wraparounds are amusingly sardonic, clearly aping the black humor of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents'” host segments. Even though its place in genre history is minor and obscure, I might check out more of “'Way Out,” based on the quality of this one. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Encipher

Here's the good news about episode ten of "Godzilla Singular Point:" It actually features Godzilla. Not a pupa stage that looks like some other kaiju and not a thirty second clip of him. The episode concludes with a sequence of Godzilla, in his final form, rampaging through Tokyo. There's even a pretty cool sequence of him charging up his Atomic Breath and blasting through several buildings, reducing them to molten slag in the process. The Ifukube theme blares, with a neat tribal chant added to it. It's really cool and I can't help but wonder why this cartoon show, that doesn't have to worry about realism or actors in rubber suits on physical sets, didn't do something like this at the beginning, instead of the end, of the season.

This isn't the only kaiju action in the episode. It begins with Godzilla, in his Gorosaurus-inspired stage, fighting a giant-sized Rodan. But that fight is over in about a minute, after Godzilla uses his ring-shaped breath attack to knock Rodan out of the air. There's also a sequence where an enormous Salunga escapes from captivity and wrecks a city in India. That scene concludes with the Diagonalyzer turning the Red Dust around the monster into giant spikes, an admittedly cool image. But it doesn't change the impression that Salunga is this show's Poochie: A much-hyped new character, that the show runners definitely thought was more interesting than the viewers, that ended up not doing much. 

Otherwise, it's business as usual. That means lots of rambling and dissecting of the incomprehensible science behind the show's fantastical events. Yun and Kato return to the house from the first episode, which they now realize is Aisihara's old home. They uncover more of the scientist's notes, which contains a number string that can be decoded into specific conversations Yun and Mei had, fifty years before they happened. It's already been established by now that Aisihara figured out how to use math to predict the future, so I don't know why this is treated like a big reveal. 

The one interesting bit of backstory we get in this episode is that Aisihara's home was attacked by a Godzilla during the war, which began his obsession with weird science. That's were the skeleton in the first episode came from. But because "Singular Point" is so incredibly obtuse, this encounter is recounted only in dialogue. Gee, it sure would've been cool to actually see these things happen! Did the people making this show not realize animation is a visual medium? Anyway, the Godzilla stuff was cool and that's the sole reason I'm still watching this nerdy bullshit. [6/10]