RECENT WATCHES: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

It's 2019 and I'm sick of “Star Wars.” I thought “The Last Jedi,” the previous entry in the Skywalker saga, was an exciting, beautifully executed film that dismissed all of the things I found irritating about the series. Yet most of the conversation surrounding that film has revolved around the vitriolic response a certain subsection of the fandom had to the movie. (At least some of which was generated by Russian propaganda bots, because that's the world we live in now.) Inevitably, this discourse has consumed all discussion surrounding the franchise, to the point where even the cast has felt the need to chime in. And now, the ninth and supposedly final film in this particular saga, “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker,” has seemingly been built around addressing these concerns. I might be sick of talking about “Star Wars” but I feel compelled to say my piece on this latest entry in the billion-dollar franchise.

In the aftermath of “The Last Jedi's” events, it's been revealed that Emperor Palpatine, the evil Sith lord that led the original trilogy's Galactic Empire, has been resurrected. From the legendary Sith home world, he has built a fleet of Star Destroyers outfitted with Death Star technology. Soon, Kylo Ren and his First Order are united with the Emperor. He is commanded to hunt down Rey, the last Jedi. Rey's friends in the Resistance soon follow alongside her, as they seek out the device that can lead them to the Emperor's world. The fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Just from a story perspective, “The Rise of Skywalker” is a mess. It often feels like J.J. Abrams' film packs in enough story for two franchise sequels. The first hour of “Episode IX” concerns the heroes chasing after various MacGuffins, some of which lead to other MacGuffins. At one point, a chart hidden within the hilt of a magical dagger leads Rey to the exact location of another plot device. Exposition arrives by the ream. Characters jump around locations quickly, to the point where the audience is baffled by their appearances. New superpowers are gained throughout the plot. Revelations are made concerning spies and then they are forgotten, the movie onto its next story beat.

The sequel reviving the Emperor from the dead within the opening scroll, instead of the actual movie, is emblematic of its many problems. Abrams is still obsessed with recreating the original trilogy's events. So we have to have an Emperor, even if “The Last Jedi” swiftly dealt with our Palpatine stand-in. It's not “Star Wars' without a Death Star, apparently, so an entire fleet of ships become mini-Death Stars. Eventually, the film's obsession with family bloodlines, magical powers, and ancient rivalries between space wizard sects consumes it. The last act is an incomprehensible mishmash of Jedi and Sith mysticism, the audience completely lost.

When it was announced that J.J. Abrams was returning to finish the trilogy he started, I instantly became worried he would undo all the most interesting ideas Rian Johnson introduced in “The Last Jedi.” As the cast started to bitch about the last movie, it became increasingly clear “The Rise of Skywalker” would attempt to win back the disgruntled fanboys who had already washed their hands of the series by this point. So, yes, the interesting idea that a galaxy far, far away doesn't revolve around specific bloodlines is tossed out. Rey's parents are someone important. The mystery box nonsense surrounding Snoke is revived, with the reveal that Snoke was basically Palpatine the entire time. Rose, a nice new character so hated by the toxic fans that they drove her actress off social media, is reduced to a minor role. The film even pauses to mock the Holdo Maneuver. It's exhausting and frankly disgusting that Disney, once again, was capitulating to the worst corners of the fandom.

If you believe that Kylo Ren is meant to represent that creed of “Star Wars” fan, “The Rise of Skywalker” even seems to have a special message for them. The main villain of the new trilogy, who has committed any number of atrocities in order to gain control of the galaxy, gets a hugely unconvincing redemptive arc. (Probably because the main villain of the original trilogy got a redemptive arc.) Via a dying hero interceding, a near-death experience, and the inexplicable appearance of a ghost, Kylo changes his mind about being evil. And just like that, all is forgiven. He even gets a romantic moment, so sudden and awkward it almost becomes hilarious. It is, to say the least, horribly messy. Adam Driver is a good actor but he can't overcome the ridiculous shortcuts and unconvincing plot twists the film uses to foster this change.

While the movie's flaws are impossible to ignore, “The Rise of Skywalker” isn't without its moments. Occasionally, “Episode IX” does feature the things I actually like about “Star Wars.” In their journeys through a number of different planets – including another desert planet, which I guess there are a hundred of in the galaxy – the Resistance heroes encounter a number of neat aliens, robots, and new cultures. The highlight of which is Babu Frik, a Mowgai-sized genius engineer, who speaks in adorably clipped dialogue. There's also a super cute new robot, in the form of the amnesic and cone-headed D-0. Among the other groups encounter are tapir-nosed desert dwellers and a group of First Order deserters living as vagabonds on one of the moons of Endor. It helps that J.J. Adrams, if nothing else, is committed to using as many practical creature effects as possible.

If nothing else, the new films certainly continue to have a likable cast. Some of the sequel's best moments revolve around just watching our friends have adventures together. There's something to be said for watching Rey, Poe, Fin and C-3PO wander through a mysterious, underground tunnel. Or a daring escape from a First Order vessel. Even if the script pushes her through the most ridiculous revelations, Daisy Ridley continues to deftly mix determination and vulnerability as Rey. John Boyega and Oscar Isaacs are still obviously having a blast. It's also nice to see Billy Dee Williams, who has lost none of his inherent coolness. Sadly, the movie can only cut around the Carrie Fisher-shaped hole in its heart for so long, as the use of old footage of her digitally inserted into new scenes is obviously awkward.

And, yes, the film does feature some cool visuals and neat action sequences. The psychic link between Rey and Ren results in a number of confrontations, one of which builds into a lightsaber dual, elements from different settings bleeding into each other. Another highlight is another dual across the surface of the Death Star's wreckage, giant waves crashing along side them. These moments certainly prove more interesting than the giant space battles, which grow increasingly chaotic and same-y by the film's end. The climax even feature that modern blockbuster cliché of a blue light shining up into the sky.

Ultimately, “The Rise of Skywalker” left me exhausted in the worst way a big effects movie can. Its plot is a jumbled mess. These sort of movies are suppose to distract me from the hellscape we live in. How the film goes out of its way to turn back the clock on so many of the previous entry's elements, all in the name of placating internet trolls, reminds me of all that stupid bullshit. Yeah, there's some neat creatures, some likable performers and a handful of interesting moments. But it's not enough to make me feel any less annoyed or baffled by the movie. Instead of ending on a triumph, the Skywalker Saga ends on the most confounding of shrugs. [5/10]

RECENT WATCHES: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

When Disney announced that they would be doing a series of “Star Wars” spin-off movies, a couple of projects were widely assumed. That Boba Fett movie, which just recently got a director. An Obi Wan adventure. And a young Han Solo movie. So when “Solo: A Star Wars Story” was officially announced, it was no surprise. Production, however, was far from smooth. Chris Lord and Phil Miller, the directors quickly becoming famous for turning bad ideas into inspired films, were fired while filming was all but complete. Ron Howard, who is not exactly well known for his overriding auteurist vision, was brought in to finish and re-film much of the movie. But you already knew all that. Is this Star Wars story one worth listening to?

In the time after the Galactic Empire came to power but before the Rebellion began their effort to fight back, a young boy named Han and his girlfriend Qi'ra live on the backwater planet Coreilla. After running afoul of a local gangster, they attempt to escape. Han succeeds, signing up with the Galactic army. Qi'ra is left behind. Three years later, Han deserts the army and joins up with a band of smugglers led by Tobias Beckett. Along with his new wookie friend, Chewbacca, Han is wrapped up in a scheme to steal hyperspeed fuel for the gangster, Dryden Vos. On the mission he will encounter familiar faces, new friends and enemies, and a very fast ship.

“Solo's” fractured production is quite evident in the film. It sometimes feels like three unrelated movies patchworked together into an uneven narrative. One of those movies is pretty good but the other two are extremely lame. The opening act, depicting Han's immediate origins and setting up his motivation for the rest of the film, is one of the lame ones. Never once, while watching the original “Star Wars” trilogy, did I wonder about the secret origins of Han Solo. The answers the prequel cooks up for these questions nobody has ever asked are deeply uninspired. Finding out Han Solo had a young lover that broke his heart does not compel me. Neither does the reveal that he learned to fly in the Imperial Army. The previously unknown meaning behind Han's last name is especially eye-rolling. The rhythm feels entirely off in the scenes set on Coreilla, giving the film a halting, jumbled beginning.

Once we get through the tedious prequel phase, “Solo” manages to turn into a pretty decent adventure flick. Uniting Han and Chewbacca, one of the few prequel elements that are actually satisfactory pulled off, helps a lot. Making the iconic duo part of a team helps motivate the plot. The interaction between this ensemble are a lot of fun, the new and old faces fitting into easily understood archetypal roles. Like the mentor, the smart-alack pilot, the embittered rival turned friend. Now Han is a young outlaw, on a mission to make his next big payday. The complications of an intergalactic crime plot – involving rival smugglers, fatal deadlines, gambling debts, and self-sacrifices – are much more interesting than learning how Han got his last name.

One of the biggest pressures facing a prequel to an iconic film like this are the new actors filling the shoes of the old ones. Nobody could replace Harrison Ford and Billy Dee Williams. However, “Solo” found some suitable facsimiles. Alden Ehrenreich does resemble a young Ford. He sounds a bit like him too. Ehrenreich's Han is funnier than Ford's, his lack of experience making him slightly incompetent. He nails the character's cockiness and smirking self-assurance though. On paper, Donald Glover seems like surefire casting as Lando Calrissian. He actually comes off as a little insecure in the early scenes. However, Glover soon gets a grasp on Lando's trademark coolness and while showing a little more vulnerable than Billy Dee's original.

Most of the new additions to the cast are likable as well. Woody Harrelson is obviously having a really good time as Tobias Beckett, Han's mentor. With that slightly dangerous glint in his eyes, Harrelson excels in the part of an experienced space outlaw. Emilia Clarke, an actress I still haven't been entirely sold on, play Qi'ra. Clarke does a good job of balancing the cuteness of a childhood friend with the sultry quality of a femme fatale. Thadie Newton is entertaining as Beckett's girlfriend and partner in crime, sharing a strong chemistry with Harrelson. Paul Bettany plays Dryden Vos, the film's villainous gangster with gnarly facial scars. Bettany can go from glad-handing to completely ruthless quickly, which works very well for the character.

The stuff I've always liked about “Star Wars” is the goofy or weird sci-fi shit. “Solo,” luckily, has quite a few good examples of this. Some of it is strictly peripheral. Like a night club singer who's partner is a head in a floating jar. My favorite part of “Solo” is the character L3-37. Played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the droid desires a robot uprising. She's introduced screaming at a battle bot match, where Clint Howard puts in his required cameo. Eloquent and extremely self-assured, L3-37 actively resents the humans around here. She believes Lando is in love with her but is trying to dissuade his advances. While on a mining planet, she successfully instigates a robotic revolution. All this stuff is great fun and represents “Solo” at its most creative and freewheeling.

As an action movie, “Solo” is pretty entertaining too. Inevitably, we see the legendary Kessel run performed on-screen. It involves Han piloting the Millennium Falcon through a spinning storm-cloud around a desolate world. There's some clever shots here, like when the ship is used to bat an attacking TIE Fighter away. The sudden appearance of a many tentacled Lovecraftian abomination is a great surprise too. I think the film's last act contains some pretty big problems but there's definitely some cool action there. A fight involving a fancy sword and a pair of laser-bladed brass knuckledusters is well choreographed. Sadly, a few of the action scenes, such as a blaster sortie on Kessel, are a bit shaky in their direction.

Sadly, once the heist is successfully pulled off, “Solo” collapsed into an utterly tedious last third. There's lot of dramatic reveals about certain characters, sudden new plot points dropped, and more double-crosses than you can keep track of. It's all horribly boring, born out of a need to make this simple heist movie into something grander and more epic. “Solo” contains its fair share of in-jokes, references to obscure lore, and sequel hooks. Yet a last minute cameo from a famous “Star Wars” villain is baffling, even if you're up-to-date on what that character's been up to recently. It feels totally forced-in, an unnecessary attempt to link the film to the wider “Star Wars” universe. A lot of “Solo” has that problem. It's hard to say if this is Howard, Disney, or Lord/Miller's fault. I'm more inclined to blame the former two.

Over its opening weekend, “Solo: A Star Wars Story” made over 172 million dollars. Which seems like an obscene amount of money to normal people like you and me but, because of “Solo's” massive 250 million dollar budget, the film has already been declared a financial failure. (Shooting the whole movie twice probably had something to do with that bloated budget.) This reception, and the film itself, has caused it to be wrapped up in the extremely dumb, current debate over the direction of the new “Star Wars” films. Who would have thought that George Lucas' silly space movies, and the sequels they've spawned, would become touchstones of the culture wars? But thus is life in 2018, a nightmare none of us will wake up from. As for the prequel itself, it is entertaining in fits and starts but doesn't quite come together as a satisfying whole. [6/10]

RECENT WATCHES: Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

There's no pleasing “Star Wars” fans. While the first two films in Disney's plan for yearly galactic adventures were widely liked, the dissenters have been loud. “The Force Awakens” was either the perfect way to revive interest in the franchise or too reverent of “A New Hope.” Some said “Rogue One” was an impressively grounded prequel to the original. Others said it was a reshoot burden, masturbatory act of fan service. Naturally, “Star Wars Episode VII: The Last Jedi,” the highly anticipated new entry in the Skywalker saga, has already produced hot takes of varying intensity, despite only being out a few days. Has new director Rian Johnson taken the series in a bold new direction or has he let all the air out of fanboys' balloons? Let me, a casual watcher with a general lack of interest in “Star Wars'” lore, decide.

Several months have passed since the destruction of the Starkiller base. Despite that victory, the New Order has the Resistance on the run. A cruiser carrying the rebellion's leaders is slowly being pursued by enemy forces. The heroes of the Resistance leap into action. Finn and a new friend sneak off to another planet, in a last ditch effort to get the Order off the Resistance's trail, while Poe makes his own move. Meanwhile, Rey stays with Luke Skywalker in isolation, trying to convince the exiled Jedi to train her. Luke fears Rey's powers, especially the connection she feels with Kylo Ren, who is only growing more conflicted and powerful.

There was some concern that, if “The Force Awakens” was so beholden to “A New Hope,” “The Last Jedi” would be an extended homage to “The Empire Strikes Back.” “Episode VIII” ends up feeling like the “Empire” of this new trilogy without being slavishly devoted to that film's formula. Like that seminal sequel, it does spread the characters across several locations, splitting the story up before bringing everyone back together at the end. Despite having about six protagonists spread across three or four locations, “The Last Jedi” never feels overstuffed or unorganized. Like “Empire,” this is also likely to be the darkest installment in the new trilogy, focused on taking the characters through the harshest part of their journey.

“The Last Jedi” also shows the series' established heroes struggling with their legacies. Leia does what she can to lead the rebellion, despite their enemy quickly closing in on them. Han Solo's death still hangs heavily over the head of his son and family. Luke, more than any other, finds himself wondering what his place in this new future is. Luke's failures, especially what went wrong with Ben Solo, weigh heavily on him. By taking the character into isolation, and having him ruminate on the failings of the Jedi Order, “The Last Jedi” forces fans to consider the importance of the series' iconic space religion. Moreover, it also gives Mark Hamill a fantastic chance to play a weary mentor, a lifetime of regards visible on his aged face.

A lot of the criticism directed towards the character of Rey in the previous “Star Wars” movie was unfair. However, “The Last Jedi” does provide her with far more character development. Over the course of “Episode VIII,” Rey goes through her own dark night of the soul. In an act of Campbell-ian symbolism that Lucas will probably love, Rey literally crawls into a dark hole, confronting the darkness inside her own soul. She considers why she wants to become a jedi, in a way that frightens and encourages Luke. Daisy Ridley's performance has grown too. She gives a more complex, nuanced reading, the character struggling to realize a destiny she's only beginning to understand.

There's more notable change among the returning cast. John Boyega continues to be having the most fun among the new characters. This film sends Finn on some really amusing adventures. He has to grapple with some fame of his own, reaching the level of heroics he showed admiration for in the last film. Carrie Fisher projects an incredible sense of authority and strength as Leia, even getting a really neat moment solely to herself. Kylo Renn comes into his own as a villain, as Adam Driver discards the character's whiny aspects in favor of more inner conflict and a more intense of anger. Among the inhuman cast members, BB-8 gets one of the most satisfying action beats all to himself. I wish Oscar Isaac as Poe was given a little more to do, as the character remains primarily defined by his reckless rebel attitude.

“The Last Jedi” introduces some notable new names too. Laura Dern, whose overriding pleasantness is practically an internet meme by this point, appears as Admiral Holdo. Dern is soft-spoken but strong. That strength eventually builds towards one of the film's biggest moments, one that got several audible gasps from my audience. Benicio del Toro adds another eccentric and morally ambiguous character to his resume, with DJ, a space-hacker with some interesting thoughts on currency. Del Toro gives the character a stutter, which might have been a move too far. Obviously the break-out character of the film is going to be Kelly Marie Tran's Rose. Tran has a youthful energy that she injects into every scene. She also gets a weepie of a back story, one that is very touching, and gives her choice to fight the Order a special meaning.

In a year that also brought us far-out sci-fi visions like “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” and the latest “Guardians of the Galaxy” film, I'm happy to see Rian Johnson has returned the weirdness to “Star Wars.” The commitment to practical effects that was shown in “The Force Awakens” continues here, as there are many oddball aliens created through puppetry, latex, and rubber. Such as the bizarre elephant seal like creatures Luke milks on his world. Or the crystal-like foxes that inhabit the salty red planet in the last act. An especially stunning shot has the Millennium Falcon diving briefly into the planet's caverns, revealing a world of brightly colored tunnels. One of my favorite sequences in the film is set on a high-rolling casino planet, a nice subversion of the typical hives of scum and villainy we see in “Star Wars.” It's populated with all sorts of colorful, strange creatures. It's nice to see the franchise re-embrace this level of imagery.

“The Force Awakens” certainly had several moments designed to make viewers cheers, most of which costed on reintroducing beloved characters. “The Last Jedi” has at least one moment like this, where one of my favorite cast members from the original trilogy reappears in a really unexpected and welcomed way. Yet most of “The Last Jedi's” other fantastic moments are based on skillfully engineered action theatrics. I've already mentioned a scene weaponizes hyper-drive. Another involves Rose and Finn's escape from the casino, atop giant bounding creatures, a quickly paced chase that gets the blood pumping. Lastly, Luke Skywalker gets a huge action beat all to himself, one that gleefully pays off on years of expectations.

Yet my favorite moments in “The Last Jedi” are the ones seemingly designed to misdirect expectations. In the year between episodes VII and VIII, the internet became obsessed with the question of Rey's parents and the true identity of Supreme Leader Snoke. “The Last Jedi” answers these concerns bluntly and perfectly, completely subverting the George Lucas-ian habit of everyone knowing each other or being related. The film goes there, in a way I really didn't expect a new “Star Wars” movie to. That key moment also leads to a fantastic action sequence, one that seems inspired by action films like “The Raid” franchise, where Rey fights off the bad-ass looking Imperial Guards, in increasingly tight and brutal angles.

Unsurprisingly, the way “The Last Jedi” confounds expectations has not sat well with everyone. I guess if I was really invested in the Mystery Box approach J.J. Abrams brought to the last film, I might be annoyed too. Yet, with the exception of the fate of one major character, I found most of the film's twists and turns satisfying. This is the first time a “Star Wars” movie really surprised me. From the beginning, Rian Johnson seemed like an inspired choice to take the reins of the series. He did exactly what I hoped he would: Shake things up and go further, creating what is likely to be regarded as one of the best entries in the franchise. [8/10]

RECENT WATCHES: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

When Disney acquired Lucas Films a while ago, the Mouse Factory made its intentions clear from the beginning. They were going to get the most out of that billion dollars they spent. In addition to the sequel trilogy, the studio was going to make an apparently endless number of spin-off films. While movies revolving around fan favorites like Yoda or Boba Fett were rumored, the first of these so-called anthology films was destined to be “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.” The proposition of working in the “Star Wars” universe was apparently enough to lure Gareth Edwards away from one dream gig – the “Godzilla” sequel – to another. While some wondered if there was enough public interest in the non-Skywalker corners of George Lucas' universe, the box office receipts for “Rogue One” suggests Disney will be making these spin-off movies for a while.

Beginning weeks before “A New Hope,” Edwards' film follows the band of Rebellion soldiers who retrieved the plans for the Death Star, making the heroic campaign shown in Episode IV possible. The Alliance seeks Jyn Erso, the daughter of a scientist who has been kidnapped by the Empire to build a planet destroying weapon. Jyn is used to contact Saw Gerera, a Rebel extremist who has kidnapped a defecting Empire pilot carrying an important message. The message is from Jyn's father. He has built a secret, intentional flaw into this Death Star, giving the Alliance a chance to destroy the massive weapon. (This neatly clears up a long lingering plot hole in the original film.) Jyn, joining forces with a ragtag group of rebels, attempts to deliver this message to the Alliance's strongest fighters before the Empire destroys them.

The biggest benefit of the “Star Wars” anthology series is allowing filmmakers to play in this universe without being beholden to the franchise rules. We could get “Star Wars” movies in different genres, with less uncertain outcomes and more complex characters. “Rogue One” is, for example, a “Star Wars” movie that emphasizes the war. It shows the rebellion against the Empire from the perspective of the grunts in the trenches. Lives are lost. Loyalties are uncertain. Some characters are atoning for their crimes, as Jyn carries the weight of her father's actions. While hope is repeatedly mentioned as the film's theme, sacrifice strikes me as the more pertinent idea. Perhaps the hope stems from those willing to put their lives on the line to save millions more.

In his previous films, “Monsters” and “Godzilla,” Gareth Edwards showed an impressive visual sense. Edwards is excellent at placing elaborate CGI special effects in extra-wide frames. He shoots from the ground up, towards towering giants or outstretched landscapes. This visual sense is well utilized in “Rogue One.” An early shot shows Imperial troopers walking across a wide field of blowing glass. Later, a fleet of AT-ATs break through the fog, not unlike the MUTOs in “Godzilla.” These same tendencies make Edwards an ideal pick for “Rogue One,” a film set in a fantastic universe that focuses on grounded, ordinary individuals.

“Rogue One” shares many of the strengths of “Godzilla” but some of the flaws too. As in Edwards' kaiju epic, the most interesting characters tend to occupy the supporting roles. This isn't necessary a knock against Felicity Jones or Diego Luna. Jones has a brassy strength while also doing well during the emotional scenes. Luna, meanwhile, is good at inserting humor during some of the film's most intense sequences. Yet the supporting cast still proves the most interesting. Forest Whitaker layers his performance with wheezes and twitches but remains singularly sinister. Alan Tudyk practically steals the film as K-2SO, a sarcastic droid who doesn't make his resentment of humanity any secret.

Disney has prided itself on the diversity in “Rogue One's” casting. This is, after all, a big budget tent pole release starring a woman. A Mexican, black, Pakistani, and two Chinese actors fill the other major roles. The last two are of particular interest to me. Donnie Yen, long established as one of the biggest Hong Kong action stars, finally seems like he's breaking through to the American market with this one. He plays Chirrut, a blind swordsman-style mystic who prides himself on his bond with the Force. It's a good fit for Yen, showing his quiet humor, monk-like grace, and aptitude for ass-kicking. Jiang Wen is equally impressive as Baze Malbus, Chirrut's platonic life partner. Unlike his warrior monk friend, Baze prefers a massive machine gun. Wen plays off of Yen excellently, the pointed but friendly banter between the two being a high-light of the film.

As an action movie, “Rogue One” doesn't disappoint either. Edwards emphasizes the war movie tone with an early battle on a desert planet. It's a close-quarters fight, taking places between tight corridors. The audience feels the impact of the explosions, as insurgents stumble off walkways and blast through walls. The second big action scene takes place in a downpour. The constant rain helps up the tension for what is ultimately a stand-off. That build-up pays off nicely, amid bombings and dying confessions. The film's entire latter half is set on Scarif, the tropical planet containing the Death Star plans. It's an effective climax, with a compelling climb up a tower as its key sequence. Yet the men on the ground, fighting and dying, center the big conflict.

Another reason the “Star Wars” anthology series is an exciting proposition for long time fans is that it allows us to revisit characters we haven't seen in a while. “Rogue One” features brief cameos from C-P30, Walrus Man, and Admiral Ackbar's entire race. Somewhat controversially, Disney hasn't even let the boundaries of death and age keep them from using certain characters. Yes, Peter Cushing has been, somewhat appropriately, Frankensteined back to life. While the CGI used to recreate Moff Tarkin is eerily convincing, Disney weirdly didn't get a pitch perfect sound-alike. Most prominently, “Rogue One” gives “Star Wars” fans something they've been wanting to see for years: Darth Vader, being a bad-ass and tearing shit up. I suspect the gratuitous Vaderation at the end might have been the result of a reshoot, as it occurs after the story is essentially over. But there's no denying that it's an immensely satisfying sequence of brutal violence.

Some have been happy to declare “Rogue One” superior to “The Force Awakens.” Some have even called it the best “Star Wars” movie since “The Empire Strikes Back.” I think it's too early for sweeping declarations like that. However, it has been quite some time since the series has attempted to tackle complex themes, while still delivering on blockbuster expectations. Gareth Edwards is getting good at that, even if weak protagonists continue to be an issue of his. Ambitious, occasionally powerful, and uniformly well made, “Rogue One” certainly exceeds any expectations. [7/10]

Bangers n' Mash 80: The Inevitable Star Wars Episode

It's the last Bangers n' Mash episode of the year! I originally intended this to get out a lot sooner, closer to "The Force Awakens'" release, but end-of-the-year obligations kept me behind. The raw audio file for this episode was two hours and eleven minutes. Yes, you could have watched a "Star Wars" movie in the time it took us to record this. Disappointingly, we talked so much about the seven actual movies that we didn't have much time to discuss the "Holiday Special" or the "Ewok" movies.



Come back tomorrow for my annual year-end retrospective, in which I'll list every new release I saw in 2015. On the 1st, I'll be posting my 2016 Film Preview. Happy New Year's Eve and thank you so much for another great year at Film Thoughts!

Recent Watches: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

When Disney bought the rights to “Star Wars” for a billion-with-a-b dollars, the announcement was followed by a plan to crank out a new “Star Wars” movie every year until the heat death of the universe. Not only would we be getting a new trilogy, the legendary episodes seven through nine, but various stand-alone movie, exploring side stories and characters. Furthermore, George Lucas would have nothing to do with the new movies. In the months leading up to “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens,” J.J. Abrams promised a return to the original trilogy’s style. Basically, Disney and all involved where determined to give people more of what they want. They would continue the story, respect the originals, and wash the bad taste of the prequels out of everyone’s mouth. Surprising absolutely no one, “Episode VII” has been a massive success, already on the way to becoming 2015’s highest grossing release after only a few days. Perhaps more surprisingly, considering how fickle fans can be, most everyone has loved “Episode VII.”

Out of the ashes of the Galactic Empire, the New Order has arisen. A more dangerous and fanatical faction, they have attempted to enforce the reign of Sith lord Snoke over the galaxy. With their new weapon, the Starkiller, rule is in their grasp. The heroes of the First Star Wars have solidified into the Resistance. Out of obscurity, two heroes will rise. A Stormtrooper with a conscience and a scavenger from a desert planet will encounter the old heroes, helping the battle against the First Order.

“The Force Awakens” is nothing but reverent towards the original “Star Wars” trilogy. Its new cast of characters fit roughly the same archetypes as those in the original. The original cast is treated with the same respect that the fans give them. This is fitting, since “The Force Awakens” was made by fans. “Episode VII” holds “A New Hope” in such high esteem that it practically remakes it. The First Order serves the same function as the Empire. Despite winning the previous war, the Rebels are still a grounded, make-shift team fighting a bigger enemy. Both films feature a black clad, Sith villain. Both feature a giant, planet-busting war machine with an easily exploited weak point. In both movies, we visit a bar full of crazy alien creatures. Episodes four and seven both have a mentor dying. Perhaps it shouldn’t be shocking that “The Force Awakens” has been so well received. It blatantly emulates a movie people already loved.

This is what J. J. Abrams does. “Super-8” was a mash-up of Steven Spielberg’s most beloved eighties classics. Abrams’ “Star Trek” films filled themselves up with call-backs to the series’ history, when it wasn’t outright ripping it off. Abrams’ total devotion to “A New Hope” is as much a weakness as a strength. The decision to create another planet-destroying super weapon made me roll my eyes. The Starkiller is just like the Death Star but four times as big and able to spew multiple death rays. Mysterious master villain Snoke fills the same role as the Emperor, a powerful evil with long-reaching plans. “The Force Awakens” also continues the tradition of “Star Wars” villains that look cool but do noting. Captain Phasma has been heavily featured in advertising and merchandising. A female villain should be a big deal in the still male-centric “Star Wars” universe. Yet Phasma has a handful of scenes, contributing very little to the overall story.

Further evidence of “Episode VII’s” complete loyalty to the original trilogy can be found in its two protagonists. Finn is the Stormtrooper who switches side. He’s clumsy but brave, inexperienced but enthusiastic. Rey, meanwhile, grew up on a desert planet and longs for both spiritual advancement and adventure. Both are natural pilots. Mash these two characters together and you’ve got Luke Skywalker in “A New Hope.” This doesn’t stop either character from being likable. John Boyega, who already has a following from “Attack the Block,” personifies youthful exuberance. He displays a lot of humor and an innate likability as Finn. Daisy Ridley, meanwhile, has a captivating screen presence as Rey. The character’s inclination towards machinery is a nice touch. Both are great additions to the “Star Wars” legacy and I fully expect each actor to become big stars.

Despite being a brand new addition to the “Star Wars” series, some characters from “The Force Awakens” have already emerged as fan favorites. And one of them isn’t even human. BB-8 adapts R2D2’s domed droid design to an all-terrain sphere. The design is clever but, more importantly, BB-8 is a full fledged character. By tilting his head and softly beeping, he conveys an amazing array of emotions. His best moment has him flashing an improvised thumbs-up. BB-8 is adorable and awesome, improving every scene he’s in. Poe Dameron, meanwhile, is the movie’s Han Solo figure. (Beside Han Solo, that is.) He’s a hot-shot pilot and wears a cool jacket. He’s also a loyal soldier and friend. Oscar Isaac, also primed to break onto the A-list, gives an entertaining performance.

The advertisement for “Episode VII” that didn’t focus on BB-8 focused on Kylo Ren. The new villain is patterned after Darth Vader with his black suit, concealing mask, and reverberating voice. As widely mocked as the tri-bladed light saber has been, it’s an image that certainly caught people’s attention. While Kylo Ren has his mask on, he’s an intimidating figure. He can stop blaster rays in their path, tosses people around with the Force, and tears shit up with that light saber. When the mask comes off, Ren is… Adam Driver. I’ll admit Driver is a performer I just don’t get. He’s sweaty, nasally, and petulant. Ren’s backstory plays into Driver’s most irritating aspects as an actor. Even during the big action finale, Driver is irritating and whiny. Maybe Kylo Ren should keep his mask on for “Episode VIII.”

As much attention as the new characters have gotten, “The Force Awakens” also reunites us with the major players of the original trilogy. Han Solo and Chewbacca have the biggest role. The script puts Solo into a similar role as the first film, a rogue ready for a redemptive cause. Ford seems to be having a lot of fun, smiling and joking around. Chewie, meanwhile, gets extra attention, his animalistic groans packed with even more emotion. Leia, now promoted to general, mostly has a supporting role. Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford still have solid chemistry though. C-3PO’s reappearance is a funny moment. Neither Luke Skywalker nor R2D2 have big roles, though both are treated with a certain grandeur. Heck, the movie even brings back Admiral Ackbar!

Naturally, this “Star Wars” film has to include a war among the stars. As far as action sequences go, the climatic shoot-out in space doesn’t make much of impression. The Millennium Falcon running through a down Star Destroyer is cool but brief. Though Poe Dameron’s climatic attack on the Starkiller sticks in my mind, the space combat is fairly forgettable. Instead, it’s the more personal action bits that stick out to me. Poe and Finn’s dramatic escape from the enemy base, which has a Tie-Fighter firing its weapons inside a tight location. Finn and Rey running across the desert, buildings exploding around them, generates some decent suspense. Chewbacca gets a fantastic action beat all to himself. The wookie unleashes his fury with his trademark blaster and some well-placed bombs. The best action scene is the final light saber duel. It escalates nicely, trading off between three different characters. We see what the purpose of Kylo Ren’s extra blades are. This moment is the true climax, a culmination of the events the entire movie had been building towards. It’s also nicely shot, taking place in a snowy forest, the trees and ice being well utilized.

Another thing I liked about “The Force Awakens” is how funny it is. Unlike the prequels, all the laughs here are of the intentional variety. John Boyega shows off a considerable skill for physical comedy not seen in his previous roles. The actor is good enough that the audience can laugh at Finn’s pratfalls but it doesn’t make the character grating or annoying. An extended funny moment involves Han and the new cast evading some nasty fellows inside a ship. The solution to this problem, involving giant monsters rampaging through the tight corridors, provides some solid laughter. (One thing that’s disappointing about this moment is it’s the sole appearance of Iko Uwais, bad ass star of “The Raid.”) There are other, small moments of laughter. Such as a pair of Stormtrooper’s responding to Kylo Ren’s anger or an encounter between the heroes and Captain Phasma. Compared to the stately, suffocatingly strict prequels, it’s great to see a “Star Wars” movie that can loosen up a little.

In the months leading up to the film’s release, J.J. Abrams’ promised the new film would rely on practical effects, a blow-back to the excessive CGI of the prequel trilogy. There’s still a lot of CGI in “The Force Awakens,” of course. Most of the space fights are digital and two major characters are brought to life through motion capture. On the other hand, most of the background creatures and machines are purely practical. Many of the aliens seen hanging around Jakku or Moz’ bar are created through puppetry and make-up. There’s no CGI Akbar here. Though this is as much pandering to fans as anything else, it also does a good job of rooting the film in reality. Unlike some of the outrageous locations and creations of the prequels, “The Force Awakens” seems more real.

I’ve been tip-toeing around spoilers in this review. If you’re avoiding them too, you should probably stop reading now. There are some major shake-ups in “The Force Awakens.” An iconic character dies, in a scene that is built with importance. It’s a well done moment but one, I suspect, that has more to do with the actor wanting out then with the story’s needs. Another returning character has a very small role, which is slightly disappointing. (Though presumably, he’ll have more to do in future installments.) The reveal of another character’s true parentage genuinely caught me off-guard. Many of the supposed “leaks” pointed in another direction. Another character’s parentage is left ambiguous but easy to assume, unless there’s a big misdirection happening.

Ultimately, “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” is an extended act of fan service. J. J. Abrams essentially made a movie that would please as many fans as possible. This is as much a flaw and a strength. Yet, sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with giving people what they want. “The Force Awakens” is a lot of fun. Who knows where this new trilogy will take us. Right now though, this galaxy is off to a good start. [7/10]

Christmas 2015: December 2

When “The Phantom Menace” came out, a lot of “Star Wars” fans got a rude awakening. They probably thought anything associated with the “Star Wars” name would be great, until faced with the horrors of Jar Jar Binks and adolescent Darth Vader. Long time fans of the series made this discovery – that the “Star Wars” label is not necessarily a sign of quality – decades earlier. “The Star Wars Holiday Special” was the second sanctioned bit of “Star Wars” media, premiering only a year after the original movie’s release. The special was such an unmitigated disaster that, despite being associated with a hugely successful and popular brand, it aired only once. An official home video release has never been approved. George Lucas has expressed a desire to smash every copy with a hammer. Harrison Ford disavows any memory of it. Bootleg VHS copies, recorded from the original broadcast, where passed around convention tables for years before the internet made it available to everyone. Eventually, the special’s notorious awfulness made it an in-joke among sci-fi nerds. And now the time has come for me to experience “The Star Wars Holiday Special.”

In the middle of the Star Wars, the traditional Wookie holiday of Life Day occurs. On his home world, Chewbacca’s family – composed of his wife Malla, his son Lumpy, and his father Itchy – wait patiently for his return. Life Day is so important to Chewie that Han Solo drops everything to help his pal travel across the galaxy and reunite him with his loved ones. The Empire is seemingly aware of this and put a blockade around the planet, hoping to catch the two rebels. Meanwhile, while Chewie’s family waits for his return, they watch various intergalactic programs on their space television.

I watched “The Star Wars Holiday Special” with a spiked glass of eggnog gripped in my hand because there was no way I was watching this shit sober. Even with some liquid reinforcements in me, it was difficult to complete all ninety minutes. About a third of the special is in unsubtitled Wookie. Long scenes are devoted to Lumpy, Malla, and Itchy lumbering around their home. It doesn’t help that the wookie suits, created by a young Stan Winston, are unintentionally horrifying. Lumpy and Malla’s human-like eyes, starring beyond weirdly still masks, quickly become unnerving. The TV movie has no conception of pacing. Lumpy activates a hologram device. Footage of dancers, jugglers, and musicians in bizarre costumes appear on his table, tumbling and playing instruments. Grandpa Itchy straps himself into a dream-generating machine. Diahann Carroll appears to him, in a silver dress, dancing and singing against a psychedelic backdrop. Her erotic pleas arouse the wookie. Tortured, bemused shouts of “Why?” or “What the fuck?” are the only rational responses. There’s no need to assume that “The Star Wars Holiday Special” was made by people indulging deeply of cocaine. Its content assures us of that.

As baffling as the wookie antics and halting musical numbers are, they are not the most painful parts of “The Star Wars Holiday Special.” The special was produced by variety TV specialists. Thus, the story (as it is) frequently cuts away to unrelated bits of dumbness. Harvey Korman appears in various bits, usually seen playing on the wookies’ televisions. In one, he plays a grotesque alien equivalent to Julia Childs, stumbling through a painfully unfunny recipe. Later, Korman appears as a malfunctioning android, sputtering and shaking through a disturbing broadcast. The lengthiest digression takes place in the cantina in Tatooine. Bea Arthur appears as the bar owner. She mingles with the aliens there, many of them familiar to “Star Wars” fans. (Korman appears again, as a creature who drinks through a hole in his head and hits aggressively on Bea.) She cracks the lamest jokes imaginable before the Empire shuts the place down, resulting in an incredibly languid musical number. Arthur and Korman, to their credit, are never embarrassed by this stupid shit. The long stretches of musical weirdness are just confounding. The attempts are comedy actively hurt.

Truthfully, I was hoping “The Star Wars Holiday Special” would have more moments of unintentional hilarity. Oh, there are laughs of the unintended variety. Harrison Ford simultaneously keeps a straight face while making his complete contempt for the material known at all times. The way he chokes out lines about wookies and Life Day made me roar with laughter. Carrie Fisher’s wide-eye musical number makes the actress’ preference for snow – and not of the Hoth variety – all too apparent. The Jefferson Starship rock song is groovy in the kind of way that amuses. The Life Day celebration is weirdly somber, the wookies raising candles over their heads while wearing red robes. It contrast badly (nicely?) with the insane bullshit happening around it.

The cartoon interlude is frequently singled out as the only appealing part of the special. True, it’s the only segment that actually has a moving plot. Han and Chewie crash the Millennium Falcon on a jello-like planet. While looking to retrieve them, Luke meets up with Boba Fett. He’s unaware that Fett is an agent of the empire. Also, there’s something about a virus that causes sleep… The animation is weirdly fluid, characters stretching in odd ways. The character designs exaggerate the real life actors in very odd ways. At least Boba Fett does something in this short, as opposed to the entirety of “The Empire Strikes Back.” Lucas has made his approval of this cartoon sequence known by sneaking it onto the trilogy’s Blu-Ray release. And, yeah, I guess it’s pretty good, especially compared to everything around it.

The best part about “The Star Wars Holiday Special?” Due to the arcane rules that determine such things, it’s technically canon! The special is as much of an endurance test as I have heard. It is nineties minutes composed of complete tedium, utter madness, and the worst kind of pseudo-humor. Yet it has to be seen to be believed. Where else are you going to see ten minutes of wookie sitcom shenanigans? Follow-up question: Where else would you want to see it? But that’s besides the point. “The Star Wars Holiday Special” is awful. It’s a complete train wreck. Like a train wreck, it’s also fascinating. Watching it shake apart, totally collapsing in spectacular fashion, is captivating in its awfulness. Truthfully, the only thing else I can really say about it is… Happy Life Day! [3/10]

Director Report Card: George Lucas (2005)

6. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Everything that has a beginning has an end. When “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” came out, it was the end of an era. It didn’t matter that the previous two prequels were mediocre and perceived as such. “Star Wars” was and is a genuine pop culture phenomenon and, as far as we knew at the time, this was going to be the last “Star Wars” movie ever made. That alone warranted a huge amount of hype, maybe even more then what proceeded “The Phantom Menace.” When “Episode III” received easily the best reviews out of the entire prequel trilogy, it only seem to confirm fans’ anticipation. Time has passed and there’s a new “Star Wars” movie just around the corner. Now, the opinion of “Revenge of the Sith” is less unanimous.

The galaxy is gripped by war. The war between the Galactic Senate and the Separatist Armies has drained the resources on both sides. Senator Palpatine has been granted more and more power. When Chancellor Palpatine is kidnapped by the Separatists, Jedi Knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi are sent in to rescue him. A relationship between Skywalker and Palpatine begins to form. Anakin is haunted by nightmares that Padme, his pregnant wife, will soon die. Palpatine lures Anakin over to the Dark Side, with a promise of powers that will allow him to prevent this premonition from coming to pass. With Skywalker by his side as his new apprentice, Palpatine reveals his master plan: To destroy the Jedi order and rule over the galaxy as an all-powerful Emperor.

Since the beginning of the prequel trilogy, George Lucas has been insisting that the entire “Star Wars” cycle is the story of Anakin Skywalker’s rise, fall, and redemption. If one takes this idea seriously, then “Revenge of the Sith” is the fall part of the cycle. Anakin succumbs to the Dark Side for all too human and understandable reasons. He fears death and loosing the ones he loves. Instead of accepting the Jedi’s mystic belief about accepting death and moving pass loss, he is consumed by them. “Star Wars” has never been an especially deeply emotional series. It botches in some other ways too. Yet “Episode III” is built upon some sturdy, strong ground. The film also shows the rise of the Empire, setting up the original series by chopping away all the fat that clogged up the last two pictures.

Before we can get to the truly compelling stuff about Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side or the destruction of the Jedi, we have to first get on with all that business about wars and stars. Large portions of the film are concerned with the same intergalactic battles and political hand wringing that characterized Episodes I and II. The opening battle scene has the camera swooshing around Anakin and Obi-Wan’s star ships as they cruise through a crowded, CGI battle field. The escape from the ship is full of dramatic dives down elevator shafts and yet more droids being sliced through with ease. Once again, the light saber duels are too acrobatic, fighters swirling their blades around in an unnecessary ways. Or spinning through the air in ridiculous manners. There’s far less focus on the Separatist Army and Galactic Council, as if even George Lucas was growing tired of such matters.

Since this is a “Star Wars” movie made after 1983, there’s a gimmicky element to the movie. As always, Lucas is deeply invested in introducing new characters, vehicles, and aliens that can be made into toys. General Grevious had previously been introduced on “The Clone Wars” animated series. Within the movie, he’s a wheezing, towering robot who spins pilfered light sabers around like a cyclone. Like Boba Fett or Darth Maul before him, Grevious is another visually compelling but kind of useless villain. His role is rather small, his contribution to the plot is minimal, and his death scene lacks impact. There are robe-wearing droid sentries, grappling hook guns, and spinning wheel vehicles that seem unlikely to function. Obi-Wan spends a large portion of the battle riding a giant lizard that makes an annoying noise. All of these things make bitching action figures but limp characters. Further fan pandering comes when the Wookie home planet is visited. A whole race of shaggy bigfoots is fine. Chewbacca appears, as seemingly the only original character that hasn’t shown up in some form yet. Yet I wonder if this stop was necessary.

“Episode III” roots itself in some honest emotion and features some satisfying pay-off, correcting some flaws of the previous two episodes. Yet one major problem remains intact. Hayden Christensen continues to be a massive weenie. Even after a movie that ends with him becoming the most iconic cinematic villain of the last century, Christensen is still not convincing. His performance evolves in new, awful ways. Anakin grows from the petulant, whining teenager of “Attack of the Clones’ into the dull, constipated adult of “Revenge of the Sith.” The opening scene, where Skywalker scraps robots off Kenobi’s space-jet with his space-jet, Christensen seems visibly bored. After killing a man in cold blood, he acts more confused then shocked. He brings no pain to Anakin’s descent, making the character seem more self-assured then conflicted. His fears, grief, and pain comes across as gassy whining.

“Episode III” is the first “Star Wars” movie to be rated PG-13. (Considering the current state of sci-fi/action flicks, it is unlikely to be the last.) This is a break from the previous films’ PG ratings. On the page, “ Revenge of the Sith” is no more violent then the earlier movies. Limbs are still cleanly, bloodlessly hacked away with light sabers. Robots, spaceships, and droids die harmlessly in explosions or via laser blasts. However, the film’s treatment of violence is different. There’s a cruel streak to what happens. This is basically a kids’ movie that has the main character murdering children. When Anakin strikes down the Separatist warlords, the camera lingers on their pain as he wantonly cuts them down. When the Jedi Order is exterminated, the murders are focused on, the heroes of the Republic betrayed by their friends. One Jedi is gunned down. Another is cruelly exploded. The violence is not especially explicit. But it has weight and effect, driving home a point.

Hayden Christensen’s lead performance may be a joke. As with all of the prequel films, the quality of the other actors are all over the place. Natalie Portman mostly worries for the men in her life, her ability further strangled by Lucas’ stiff dialogue. Samuel L. Jackson seems barely interested in the material. Other supporting turns are better. Ewan McGregor embraces his inner swashbuckler, imbuing Obi Wan with an adventurer’s spirit the movie needed more of. His cocksure performances is the most interesting thing about the movie’s overly long battle scenes. Frank Oz turns Yoda into a fully formed character with only his voice. Christopher Lee, though his role is small, still brings plenty of dignity and grace to the part.

One actor clearly dominates the film. Ian McDiarmid has had to hide his sinister intent under a smile in the last two films. His master plan fulfilled, McDiarmid can cut loose as the Emperor. Boy, does he ever! He decimates the scenery, screaming about “unlimited POWAH.” Even when buried under the Emperor’s make-up, he hams it up furiously. I don’t know if it’s a good performance. It’s certainly not a subtle one. Yet it’s definitely an entertaining one and enlivens whole portions of the film.

Though “Revenge of the Sith” has its problems throughout, the film comes together for a truly satisfying last act. The Republic as we know it is destroyed. The Emperor assumes power. The Jedi is hunted down and exterminated. Anakin has committed fully to the Dark Side. The newly christened Sith Lord even neatly handles the dangling subplot of Padme. All that is left are two fights. Anakin and Obi-Wan duel over a lava planet. They leap on moving platforms over the molten magma, not unlike video game characters. In the Senate, Yoda and Palpatine come to blows. Seeing the two elderly master fight is surprisingly powerful. These are strong characters, unleashed, pulling no punches. I especially like Palpatine tossing around the floating platforms or Yoda shrugging off Force Lightning. Anakin and Obi-Wan’s fight is less visually dynamic. However, I admire the film taking its time. The fight goes on for several minutes, going in all sorts of angles. While Christensen’s performance is typically flat, Ewan McGregor brings some much needed gravity to the scenes.

“Revenge of the Sith” could have easily been titled “The Birth of Darth Vader.” The movie grants Vader’s creation the proper weight. We see Anakin’s visceral transformation, his skin burning off from the lava’s heat. (Never mind that the heat would have roasted him alive long before this.) Strapped to a table, his surgery is painful, Skywalker screaming in pain. Vader’s mask being lowered onto his face is given the attention this obviously momentous occasion needs. He rises from the slab, like the Frankenstein Monster. A low key version of the Imperial March plays on John Williams’ score. He breathes through his iconic breathing apparatus for the first time. Anakin Skywalker is dead. Darth Vader lives.

And then the movie undermines the drama of this sequence with some unintentional comedy. Yes, I’m talking about the “NOOOOO!” scene. Such an overwrought dramatic cliché being inserted into such an effective sequence sinks the scene. There are other moments of unintentional humor in “Episode III.” Stumbled or awkward lines bury key scenes. “Killing younglings!” Or “To me, the Jedi are evil.” The audience shouldn’t laugh when a hero becomes a villain. Or when children are killed. The writing of George Lucas makes both of these things so.

What perhaps saves “Revenge of the Sith” is a strong sense of dramatic ironies and parallels. Early on, Palpatine tells a story about his Sith Master, Darth Plagueus. He mentions how his lord conquer death for everyone but himself. Likewise, Anakin ends up bringing about the events he worked so hard to prevent. Originally, the film was going to include a scene where Palpatine informs Anakin that he created him, manipulating the Force to lead to his birth. In other words, he’s his father. That would’ve been distracting and relegating the revelation to subtext is ultimately more effective. As Padme gives birth, squirming on the operating table, Anakin’s transformation into Vader happens on a different operating table. These are two births of different types. In the film’s final minutes, two people look ahead to different futures. Vader and Palpatine glare at the under-construction Death Star, foreshadowing the Empire’s reign. Meanwhile, Uncle Owen holds a baby Luke in his arms, the sun rising before him. An empire rises while a new hope looms in the distance.

“Revenge of the Sith” is easily the best film of the prequel trilogy. Many of the ridiculous story decisions of the last two pictures are dealt with. The story builds a satisfying, dramatic scenes unseen in the last two movies. There are still problems, mainly in the acting and dialogue sections. Yet it successfully concludes one story while setting up another. This is probably not anyone’s ideal conclusion to the epic “Star Wars” cycle. But Episodes I and II prove that it could have been a lot worst. At times, it’s even pretty good. [Grade: B]

As a director, George Lucas seems more-or-less retired. Disney owns "Star Wars" now and is determined to release as many new films as possible. Lucas himself has been kicked upstairs, his own creation taken away from him. It's actually kind of sad. He created something that millions of people love dearly but eventually became incredibly bitter about that fanbase. Though he occasionally mentions wanting to return to making small, experimental movies, I think the odds of seeing "Directed by George Lucas" on a movie again is extremely unlikely. "Star Wars" will continue on without its father.

Thus concludes my retrospectives for both Lucas and "Star Wars," at least until that new one comes out. I've got some more stuff planned for November so stick around. 

Director Report Card: George Lucas (2002)

5. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

The reaction that faced “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” was mixed, to say the least. But it’s not like Episode II was never going to get made. “The Phantom Menace” was, predictably, a huge box office event, becoming the highest grossing film of year and racing all the way up to the second spot on the all-time highest grossing chart. Whether or not George Lucas learned anything from the first prequel’s response is debatable. When you’re as successful or popular as Lucas is, you’re probably shielded from most criticism. “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” would face nearly as much criticism as its predecessor and suffers from many of the same problems. Yet I’m confident in saying it’s the superior of the first two prequels.

In the decade since the last star war, the politics of the galaxy have grown even hotter. A separatist army threatens to break away from the Galactic Republic and plunge the galaxy into civil war. Someone within the separatist movement wants Padme Amidala of Naboo, now the planet’s senator, dead. Obi-Wan, now a Jedi master, and Anakin, now his arrogant if powerful apprentice, are sent to protect her. Obi-Wan’s investigation of the assassin leads him to a planet where a clone army has been created, uncovering a conspiracy. Anakin, meanwhile, falls deeper in love with Padme and makes an awful discovery about his mother.

A complaint I had about “The Phantom Menace” is that its plot was needlessly complicated compared to the elegant simplicity of the original trilogy. Well, “Attack of the Clones” isn’t much better in that regard. There’s still a two-prong conspiracy at work here. You see, Senator Palpatine is also the Sith Lord, who is secretly funding the separatist movement. As a politician, he gathers more and more power in response to this conflict. A villain benefiting from a war he himself creates is an interesting idea. Unfortunately, “Attack of the Clones” does not take a direct A-to-B route to get there. There’s some false leads, with the Trade Federation still floating around along with some other shifty, corporate organizations. A more concise writer then George Lucas probably could have made this plot work. In his hands, it's jumbled and often difficult to follow.

However, “Episode II” is mostly a superior film to “Episode I.” First off, it utilizes its cast much better. In the previous episode, Ewan McGregor was mostly wasted as the teenage Obi-Wan, relegated to a supporting role that left him with little to do. “Episode II” elevates himself to a lead role. Left to his own for most the film, McGregor gets to be a man of adventure, investigating leads and being a general bad ass. Speaking of bad asses, Samuel L. Jackson’s Mace Windu is actually given something to do. The last act has the Jedi master swinging a purple light saber around in the middle of the action. Best of all, Christopher Lee is brought into the “Star Wars” fold. Lee easily overcomes the ridiculous name he’s given. Lee brings an unbelievable dignity to the part of Count Dooku. Lee was always respectable, even in the lowest of material, and this film allows Lee to lord over lots of people. A legendary figure, Lee’s presence elevates the entire movie around him.

While some actors that were underutilized last time get more to do this time, there’s still a major problem. Many established names auditioned for the role of Anakin Skywalker. Ryan Phillippe nearly got the part, while Lucas reached out to Leonardo DiCaprio at one point. Instead, an unknown named Hayden Christensen won the role. Christensen has one of the most obnoxious screen presences I’ve ever seen. From his first scene, Christensen is whining. The character is meant to be an arrogant teenager. The writing is too good in this regard, as the audience frequently hates Anakin. Even after loosing his mother, and massacring a village of Sand People in his grief, Christensen isn’t believable. He always comes off as petulant and irritating. Christensen has never gone on to much of a career probably because he’s so fucking annoying in this movie. It’s hard to believe that Darth Vader, ruthless leader of the Imperial army, started out as this wienie.

While “Attack of the Clones” was generally better received then “Episode I” but one aspect was heavily criticized. While Anakin and Padme are left on Naboo, their romance blooms. Or it’s suppose to anyway. The romance in “Episode II” is embarrassing. If Hayden Christensen’s attempts at emoting rage or arrogance is bad, his attempts at being a romantic lead are even worst. Then again, I don’t think anyone could make Lucas’ attempts at romantic dialogue work. Natalie Portman, a wonderful actress who looks wonderful in a series of elegant gowns, also stumbles under the terrible dialogue. “I don’t like sand” is the most infamous example of Lucas’ attempt at romantic dialogue. When Anakin starts talking about how he burns for Padme, I actually think that’s even worst. Anakin frolicking with some sort of space cow is supposed to be charming but is just uncomfortable. The entire subplot is like that, making the audience cringe in the worst way. The romance is utterly impossible to believe.

In “The Phantom Menace,” the many references and call-forwards to the earlier/later films were often distracting. C3PO’s random appearance was only the most egregious. “Attack of the Clones” does a slightly better job with this. The fans adore Boba Fett despite the fact that he never did anything interesting in his movies. “Attack of the Clones” has another Fett, Jango Fett, Boba’s father. Unlike his son, Jango actually does something. He gets to blast people with his ray gun, fly through the air on his jetpack, and faces off against monsters and jedi. The second episode also shows the origin of R2D2 and C3P0’s partnership. Threepio is incorporated into the film in a far more organic way. The puns and buffoonery he gets up to are embarrassing. However, the scenes between the two droids are actually quite charming and amusing.

Some origins, however, are harder to rate. The very first “Star Wars” movie featured an off-hand reference to the Clone Wars. For years, fans wondered what in the world that could be. “Attack of the Clones,” naturally, expounds on this. And not in the most satisfying way. First off, we learn that the Clone Wars is called that because the victorious army was made up of clones. That’s odd. Aren’t wars usually named after who the aggressor was? Secondly, the origin of that clone army is a bit strangled. Basically, the clone army became the empire’s stormtroopers. And each one has Jango Fett’s face, a frankly bizarre screenwriting decision I can’t justify. It’s not as ridiculous a reveal as Anakin building C3P0 in his bedroom or the midi-clorians but it definitely creates some pauses. (Oh, we also find out how Luke got an Uncle Owen, for all that’s worth.)

Mostly, “Episode II” is better than “Episode I” because it has far better action. The second prequel is just as CGI heavy as the first, if not more. However, the effects have aged a lot better. You can actually believe the various CGI droids, monsters, and vehicles exist on the same plain of reality as the human actors. (There’s also less kiddy bullshit, excluding Obi-Wan’s odd trip to an alien diner.) Take, for example, the early scene of Anakin and Obi-Wan chasing an attempted assassin through Corusant. It’s an exciting sequence, the characters diving between moving vehicles and careening around buildings. Unlike the super-safe action in “The Phantom Menace,” there’s actually a bit of danger and excitement in these scenes. Obi-Wan’s duel with Jango Fett is even better, as the characters dangle over the ocean in the pouring rain. The following space chase is also effective, as the bounty hunter’s mines clip through an asteroid field.

Proof that Episode II utilizes its effects way better comes near the end. After Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme are all captured by the bad guys, they’re put in gladiatorial combat against a trio of monsters. Unlike the ridiculous CGI creations in “The Phantom Menace,” these creatures feel alive, having weight and character. They’re just generally neat too. One is a dinosaur-like beast, his facial markings resembling an executioner’s mask. The other is a giant praying mantis-like crab creature. The final one is a weird rat/tiger monster. Watching the heroes survive and dismantle these beasts is loads of fun. Natalie Portman in the tight white uniform, which is quickly torn away, had the same effect on a new generation as Carrie Fisher in the iron bikini did on the previous one. The sequence later explodes into an all-out war between the Jedi and an army of battle droids. After years of hearing about how bad ass the Jedi Knights were, actually seeing them in mass combat is a satisfying sight.

As much fun as those sequences are, “Attack of the Clones” eventually degrades into too much combat between zeros and ones. The human element is removed entirely as we’re treated to long sequences of droids, battleships, and clone troopers firing at each other. By the time the weird tanks on giant wheels roll in, any semblance of humanity is once again gone. Just minutes ago I was having fun with this stuff. Now, it’s a heartless CGI orgy of destruction. “Attack of the Clones” is actually the longest of all the “Star Wars” movies and these scenes could have easily been clipped. What are you gonna’ do? Also weird are the rough zooms Lucas utilizes a few times. Since all of these films are homages to old Hollywood sci-fi serials, I’m not sure why he would employ a thoroughly modern technique like that.

The ultimate bit of fan service in “Attack of the Clones” occurs near the end. Count Dooku easily beats back Obi-Wan and Anakin. After he’s been such an annoying jerk throughout the whole film, it’s satisfying watching Christopher Lee beat the shit out Hayden Christensen. The movie even makes that silly Force Lightening a creditable threat. Out of the shadows waddles Yoda. For the first time, we see the wrinkly, green muppet pick up a light saber. We see why Yoda is such a respected warrior. He leaps and spins through the air, fighting off the Sith Lord’s abilities. Some people have criticized the sequence as ridiculous or comical. When I saw “Episode II” in theaters, people were cheering. Hate me for it but I still think it’s awesome. It’s the kind of silly, unaware fun these prequels maybe needed more of. I especially love how, right after the sword fight, Yoda hobbles back off with his cane.

The dialogue is still stiff, bloated, and quotable for all the wrong reasons. The romantic subplot is a tumor that drains the entire film. Hayden Christensen is woefully unprepared. The plot is still self-serving in complications. On the plus side, the CGI is incorporated much more cleanly. The action is exciting and focused. The characters are given more to do. Jar Jar has less then ten minutes of screen time. Comparing “Attack of the Clones” to “The Empire Strikes Back” won't do the prequel any favors. Yet it’s still a major step up from “The Phantom Menace.” Maybe George Lucas can learn… [Grade: B-]