Halloween 2016: October 6

Cellar Dweller (1988)

When you look at the sad productions Charles Band’s Full Moon Pictures squirts out today, it’s hard to remember that the company once produced easily digestible, simply entertaining horror snack food. Before the Full Moon days, Band’s Empire Pictures created similarly low stakes but highly amusing creatures features. It was a different time, when even the direct-to-video rip-offs were usually worth renting a couple of times. “Cellar Dweller,” the second feature from effects-supervisor-turned-director John Carl Buechler, easily falls into that category. If you had any doubt that this was a Empire classic, it’s even got Jeffrey Combs in it.

Whitney Taylor is an art student who favors comic books and monsters over Picasso and Pollock. This makes her an outcast among her artsy-fartsy peers. Despite this, she gets invited to an exclusive art institute. In the 1930s, the building was the home of Colin Childress, an illustrator of grisly horror comics and Whitney’s idol. Childress seemingly committed suicide after murdering a young girl. After Whitney digs up a mysterious book Childress owns, she learns this isn’t quite true. A spell inside the book brought the monster from Colin’s comic to life. Now, four decades later, the cellar dweller has returned.

John Carl Buechler’s previous directorial credit was “Troll” and he would go on “Friday the 13th Part VII” and “Ghoulies III.” These credits may not inspired much confidence but hear me out. “Troll’s” eccentric cast was one of its strong points. “Cellar Dweller” builds upon this. The art students each have a specialty, which defines them. Whitney is a novel character, a female horror fan back when those were rarer. Debrah Farentino is likable, charming without softening the character’s flaws. Brian Robbins is campy as Phillip, Whitney’s energetic and goofy love interest. (Despite that, Robbins plays the part as camp gay.) Miranda Wilson is especially memorable as Lisa, the performance artist. While the character could’ve been a broad stereotype, Wilson makes her a bubbly lady you miss when she’s gone. I also like Vince Edwards as the would-be mystery novelist who lives next door, who sometimes pretends to be a criminal for inspiration. Aside from Combs’ cameo, Yvonne De Carlo is the marquee name as the suitably strict dean of the institute.

A monster movie having characters you actually care about is a nice bonus but, let’s face it, not the main attraction. The titular being, he who dwells in the cellar, has a suitably comic book-y appearance. Half werewolf, half demon, he’s a hulking creature with claws, big teeth, muscles, and a pentagram carved into his chest. Fitting the four color tone, the murder scenes are similarly lurid. The Cellar Dweller tears people apart, yanking limbs away and knocking off heads. He then consumes the flesh afterwards. It sounds grisly but “Cellar Dweller” keeps things so light and breezy, that the violence is more fun then disturbing. The comedic tone allows the movie to get away with potentially silly stuff, like the monster talking or being defeated with liquid paper.

Perhaps we can also credit “Cellar Dweller’s” solid writing to its screenwriter. Don Mancini, of the previously reviewed “Child’s Play” franchise, wrote “Cellar Dweller” under the pseudonym Kit du Bois. Just like that film showed some subtle criticism of the toy industry, “Cellar Dweller” makes the art world its satirical target. Whitney’s interest in comics is dismissed by her fellow students, the snobby kids looking down on an art form they perceive as inferior. Yet Whitney’s illustrations are so powerful that they bring a literal demon to life. Her ability to draw pulpy comics is what saves the day at the end… At least until the unnecessarily downbeat final scene. Which implies a deeper reading of the story, about how art can consume you and seem more real then reality.

“Cellar Dweller” runs a meager 77 minutes and that includes a long credits sequence. The movie’s compact run time further captures its comic book inspiration. Buechler’s direction also frequently frames the film in the style of comic book panels. In other words, “Cellar Dweller” goes out of its way to look and feel like a classic horror comic. The result is a fun, if goofy, bit of eighties monster madness. After years as an out-of-print VHS wonder, “Cellar Dweller” recently go released on Blu-Ray so you can appreciate its glory in HD. [7/10]

The Cellar (1989)

Hey, how about a cellar themed double feature? Director Kevin Tenney has undeniable horror nerd cred. He began his career with “Witchboard” and “Night of the Demons,” two films I like quite a bit and cult classics in their own right. Instead of moving on to bigger things, Tenney got stuck making mid-budget horror flicks. Like, for example, “The Cellar.” Tenney didn’t even originate the project. Someone named John Woodward directed eight days on the film before he took over. Which is perhaps why “The Cellar” – disappointingly not an adaptation of Richard Laymon’s splatterpunk classic – does not represent the director’s best work.

Mance moves into a new house on former Comanche Indian land, in the South-West. Despite his new wife and infant daughter, Mance is especially concerned with Willy, his son from his first marriage. After staying on the ranch house for a while, Willy starts telling tales. He says a monster lives in the house’s cellar, connected to the watery sinkhole out back, and believes the creature is targeting his little sister. Dad doesn’t believe him but, of course, the boy is right. The local Indian medicine man and eccentric drunk know about the monster but their help may not be enough.

“The Cellar” has several ingredients that should appeal to me. Such as late eighties monster effects, a story about a kid in a scary world, and a plot important relationship between parent and child. But there are some problems. Chris Miller’s performance as Willy is not very good. He’s alright when acting like a silly kid but, when called upon to perform in serious moments, the seams show. Moreover, the relationship between the boy and his dad is less then charming. Patrick Kilpatrick plays the dad and, at times, he bonds successfully with the boy. Such when they’re playing with dynamite or goofing around with boxing gloves. Other times, it seems like he hates his son. There’s a lot of yelling. At the end, he locks the kid in a room with the monster. Ostensibly, he wants to prove that the boy is telling lies. In effect, it makes dad look like a huge prick. (So does the unintentionally funny scene where dad attempts to shoot a random crow.)

As a monster movie, “The Cellar” is a bit more successful. The strange creature is kept off screen for a while, the audience only catching glimpses of the critter. It’s quadrupedal, both hairy and scaly, with a head like a mosasaur. The design is pretty cool, even if you can tell it’s a puppet most times. The attack scenes are well executed. As the boy swings on a tire over the sinkhole, the creature attempts to grab him. Another young boy is not so successful in escaping. Later, he drags an incidental character into a pit, devouring him off-screen. The film’s last third is devoted to a fight between the boy, his dad, and the thing in the cellar. There’s some cool stunt here, involving an electrified fence and a spear. If you’re on the right wavelength, “The Cellar” is a decent eighties creature feature.

“Witchboard” and “Night of the Demons” were both slightly tongue-in-cheek horror features, sneaking some light-hearted humor in with their mayhem. “The Cellar,” meanwhile, is totally serious. The script ladles the Indian mysticism on a little too thick, with an egregious opening and closing narration about Comanche rituals. It also tries to subvert these stereotypes, in a cute scene where the medicine man makes fun of American Indian stereotypes. Far more effective is the film’s use of symbols. A magical spear and rabbit’s foot originally bound the monster. Separated, these items are less effective. A good moment has the town drunk explaining the spiritual significance of the rabbit’s foot, how it represents a magical sacrifice. I like this stuff. Less effective are the crows that act as bad omens. When they fly through a car’s windshield, causing the vehicle to ride off a cliff, that’s a little silly.

All of “The Cellar” has that problem. Effective moments are off-set by odd performances, heavy handed scripting and occasional bursts of unintentional humor. This is a bummer as, with a few adjustments, “The Cellar” probably could’ve been a really entertaining eighties monster movie. It’s about half-way there already. Get different actors to play the two leads, dial back the Magical Indian stuff, and rewrite the father/son relationship and this would’ve been a hidden gem. As is, “The Cellar” is only worth half a recommendation. Maybe if an actual DVD release, along with some special features, ever surfaces, we’ll get a better glimpse at what went wrong. [6/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Ritual

Following “Bordello of Blood’s” poor box office showing, the “Tales from the Crypt” film franchise was over. Until, like one of the series’ famous vengeance seeking ghouls, the series came back to life when least expected. For some reason in 2001, production rolled on “Ritual,” a Jamaican set remake of “I Walked with a Zombie.” The film was first released overseas as a stand alone feature, the Crypt Keeper host segments clipped out. “Ritual” wouldn’t come to domestic DVD until 2006, with the Crypt Keeper’s scenes reinstated. I have no idea why these things happened at this time. “Ritual,” predictably, failed to reignite interest in the series.

Dr. Alice Dodgson makes a mistake, going against her boss’ orders and giving an experimental medicine to a sick kid. Subsequently, the kid dies. Still haunted by the incident and with few options, she takes a job in Jamaica. She’s been hired to help the young heir of a local estate, Wesley Claybourne. Wesley has come down with a strange neurological condition, causing hallucinations and erratic behavior. Wesley, meanwhile, believes he's under a voodoo curse. As Alice begins to develop feelings for Wesley, she realizes that something unusual is happening here.

The biggest problem with “Ritual” is that it does not feel like a “Tales from the Crypt” story. There’s some gore and quite a bit of sex. However, there’s no puckish sense of humor, no ghoulish revenge. The types of scares the film goes for are very different and much lamer. When people are affected by the voodoo curses, they have uninspired hallucinations. There’s little tension when the audience understands that these things aren’t really happening to people. Alice has fake-out nightmares, one involving giant spiders, which are groan inducing. The worst scene has a driver imaging poorly CGI’d tree branches ensnaring his car. This results in the first of two scenes where a vehicle ramps up a mound of dirt, flying through the air. “Ritual” isn’t smart enough to be mind-bending so its attempts at nightmarish, surreal horror come off as totally limp. Sometimes, “Ritual” doesn’t even put this much work into it and just has random shit flash on screen, accompanied by a shriek on the soundtrack.

As weak as “Ritual’s” attempt at scares are, they are still more interesting then the plot twists the film piles on in its second half. After everyone around her has seemingly contracted the same disease, Alice begins to realize that someone is poisoning them. Soon, she suspects Wesley’s brother of wrong-doing, a conclusion the audience came to immediately. In its final act, “Ritual” disappears up its own ass. The script piles on some more voodoo bullshit and another plot twist, revealing the true mastermind behind everything that happened. The film features one of those tiresome scenes where the villain explains their entire plan, and all the incidents in the film up to that point, in extended detail. I couldn’t give less of a shit about these things. The film is way too long already, so some of this probably could’ve been cut.

That “Ritual” kind of sucks is even more disappointing, as the film has a promising cast. Jennifer Grey, former dancing partner of Patrick Swayze, stars as Alice. While Grey’s attempt at pathos are unearned by the script, she has fun interacting with the other cast members. (It most also be said that the film delights in putting the still lovely Grey in various states of undress.) Tim Curry has a typically hammy role as a perverted veterinarian, which lets the actor play to his strength. When Kristen Wilson is playing her role as the wacky best friend, forcing Grey’s Alice into various exciting incidents, she’s energetic and charming. When the script forces her into more dramatic moments, she’s less interesting.

“Ritual” just doesn’t have that “Tales from the Crypt” magic. This is most apparent in the Crypt Keeper host segment. (Singular segment. There’s only one, at the beginning of the film. Some frankly embarrassing fake bloopers play after the credits but that doesn’t count as an outro.) They obviously used a different puppet. The eyes barely move, the neck never moves, and the mouth moves stiffly. It looks less like the real Crypt Keeper and more like one of those props you’d buy in a Halloween store. John Kassir does the whole thing in an ill-advised Jamaican accent too. I wish “Ritual” had been good because an on-going series of DTV “Tales” probably would’ve been fun. [4/10]

Lost Tapes: Vampire

I imagine expectations for a horror anthology on Animal Planet, a channel not usually associate with that kind of program, were very low. Even if season one of “Lost Tapes” was mostly shitty, the ratings were good enough to justify a second season. The show underwent some changes in its sophomore year. The educational sequences ditched the on-screen text and switched totally to expert talking heads, which was a big improvement. The second season obviously had a bigger budget too, as we would see far more of the monsters from now. The premiere, “Vampire,” would stray slightly from the cryptozoology concept… Though in a somewhat interesting manner.

After loosing his job, Dennis Redding has decided that house flipping is the best way to make some cash. He moves his wife, Sarah, and their son, Eddie, into a dilapidated old home. Dennis has decided to document the renovation with cameras placed all over the building. Sarah is adapting but Eddie hates the house. He hears strange noise in the wall, his stuffed animal vanishes, and claims a monster lives in his closest. Soon, mom and dad discover the boy isn’t just anxious about the new home. There’s a feral, rat-like vampire living in the walls of the house.

“Vampire” is one of my favorite “Lost Tapes.” When the writers decided to tackle vampires, they put a cryptozoological spin on the concept. This vampire is covered in hair, with an inhuman face, and attacks indiscriminately. It's more animal then undead. The episode even has a couple of creepy moments. Such as when the exterminator discovers the vampire sleeping in the walls, its ugly face appearing on his camera. Or when the vampire sneaks into Eddie’s room while he sleeps. Switching between the different types of cameras also makes the found footage angle a little less ridiculous. The conclusion is still somewhat silly. There’s way too many scenes of people running, the camera swinging wildly. How the monster is dispatched is unlikely, to say the least. Still, “Vampire” may very well represent the best attributes of “Lost Tapes.” [7/10]

Halloween 2016: October 5

C.H.U.D. (1984)

“C.H.U.D.” is a good example of a low budget genre flick that probably would have been forgotten if it wasn’t for its catchy title. The first time I ever heard of the movie was on, of all places, Geena Davis’ short lived sitcom. Chuds, as a proper noun, also cropped up on “The Simpsons” occasionally. A phrase like “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers” certainly brings undeniably tantalizing images to mind. Considering the age of outrageous horror titles would soon be over, “C.H.U.D.’s” title granted it a novelty factor, allowing the film to stand out among the eighties’ many monster movies. But does the movie live up to that title? That’s for me, the viewer, to decide.

Something is happening underneath the streets of New York City. People are disappearing. Many of the homeless folks that used to frequent Reverend Shepherd’s soup kitchen have turned up missing. Police detective Bosch’s wife has vanished as well. George Cooper, a photographer who has produced a series of photos about the homeless population in the NYC subway tunnels, soon investigates more closely. He discovers that mutated monsters stalk the sewers and tunnels, picking the defenseless off. But the Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers aren’t just man-eating beasties. They’re the result of industrial negligence.

Reportedly – according to Wikipedia anyway – “C.H.U.D.” was heavily rewritten during filming. This might explain why the story makes some odd decisions. There’s three protagonist that the movie rotates through. Is John Heard’s Cooper the hero of the story, the every man photographer with the independent wife who stumbles into trouble? Or is it Detective Bosch, who has a personal stake in the mystery? Both occupy equal amounts of screen time, both driving the story. While Daniel Stern’s Reverend might technically be a supporting player, Stern’s colorful performance and the scrambled script make the character as prominent as the others. It’s not until the last third that these characters start to interact. “C.H.U.D.” isn’t a bad flick but tighter writing would’ve seriously improved it.

Of course, the human characters aren’t the reason anyone rented “C.H.U.D.” back in the day. This is a monster movie and the monsters are the main attraction. “C.H.U.D.” is fairly coy with its titular creatures at first. We only catch a glimpse of a claw or a scaly back. This does a decent job of building suspense, as does the blinking Giger counters or scurrying sounds that precede the monsters. When the Underground Dwellers are revealed in all their glory, it’s an effective shock. The creature design, with their glowing eyes, bubbling skin, and pointed ears, are certainly memorable. By the end, “C.H.U.D.” has really doubled down on its monsters. The Chuds attack a dinner, chase the female lead through her apartment, kick down doors, attack little children, and scatter around the subway tunnels. Fun stuff.

Yet there is a subversive edge of “C.H.U.D.’s” cheap monster movie antics. Detective Bosch’s attempt to investigate the strange disappearances soon puts him in conflict with an agent of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. The Reverend is deeply distrustful of the government bureaucrats. By the story’s end, we discover that the mutated monsters are the result of radioactive waste being dumped in the subways and sewers. The NRC has been covering it up. By the end, the government baddies hope to wipe out the monsters and any responsibility they might have for the disaster. In other words, underneath its exploitation movie exterior, “C.H.U.D.” aspires to be a serious minded conspiracy thriller.

There’s some decent shocks in the flick, such as a dead dog appearing suddenly or blood spurting from a clogged shower drain. The monsters themselves have become mildly iconic, their glowing eyes being especially memorable. “C.H.U.D.’s” place in pop culture would lead to a 1989 sequel, with an equally awesome title. Among Criterion hoaxes, there have also been announcements of various remakes, neither amounting to much yet. While a remake likely wouldn’t have the original’s charmingly seedy setting or cool monsters, it would probably have a more focused script. That would be an improvement. [6/10]

Not of This Earth (1957)

A few days ago I reviewed “Attack of the Crab Monsters,” which Roger Corman produced independently through his Allied Artists company. Since Corman’s movies made their boffo box office through the cheap-o drive-in market, his films usually ran as double bills. “Not of This Earth” was the B-side to “Attack of the Crab Monsters’” supposed A-side. I’m not sure how these things usually worked, if the better film always played on the second half. However, that was certainly the case of “Not of This Earth,” which is a charmingly simple sci-fi/thriller and far better then the movie with the brain-eating crustaceans.

A strange man enters Dr. Rochelle’s office. He calls himself Mr. Johnson, speaks with an odd accent, never removes his sunglasses, and seems sensitive to loud sounds. He’s also highly anemic and adamant about receiving a blood transfusion. He eventually talks Nadine Storey, Rochelle’s nurse, into becoming his live-in medical assistant. Johnson, it soon becomes clear, isn’t human. He’s an alien invader, from a world that is slowly dying of blood poisoning. Johnson’s mission is to drain as much human blood as possible and teleport it back to his home world. Nadine quickly becomes his next target.

“Not of This Earth” takes a lo-fi approach to the alien invader genre. Mr. Johnson looks like a regular human, once you get use to his permanent sunglasses accessories. Neither space ships nor star armadas accompany him. His behavior, in many ways, resembles that of a serial killer. He stuns victims with his alien eyes and piercing psychic powers. Afterwards, he drains their blood with a device kept in a suitcase. Throughout the film, he invites potential victims into his home, such as a vacuum cleaner salesman or a trio of drunks. Yet Mr. Johnson has a clearly understood motivation. His goal is ultimately to save his species, his home world. He even possesses a strain of compassion, such as when he helps a female traveler also from his planet. The way this motivation is laid out can be somewhat clumsy. “Not of This Earth” relies a bit too much on telepathic communication in the form of voice over narration. But giving its villain a personality, even a little heart, makes the film stronger.

The film also keeps its cast fairly self-contained. Aside from Paul Birch’s memorable turn as the alien killer, there aren’t that many other characters. Beverly Garland, reappearing from the previous year’s “It Conquered the World,” stars as Nadine. Garland has a more down-to-Earth role here, allowed to show off her natural charm and grace. She’s especially cute when flirting with Morgan Jones, as her love interest. Jones’ part is not especially nuanced but Jones has some charisma of his own. I also like Jonathan Haze as Jeremy, the house servant Mr. Johnson hires. Haze has a rough and tumble appeal that makes the character more memorable then he would be otherwise. And watch out for Dick Miller as the vacuum salesman, bringing more details then necessary to the nothing part.

“Not of This Earth” isn’t packed with huge thrills for most of its run time. It’s a low key affair, its pleasures coming from the likable cast and the interesting story turns. However, in its final minutes, Corman ups the action. There’s a fist fight on a stair case and confrontations between our heroes and villain. Johnson’s stated weakness against loud sounds becomes important again. There’s even a car chase and an explosion. Because this is a 1950s drive-in flick, there’s a monster too. Johnson summons a floating bat-like creature (made from an umbrella) that crushes the head of one of the loose ends. While the critter plays a small role in the film, it’s still a pretty cool creation. It was at least cool enough to make it on the poster.

Further contributing to “Not of This Earth’s” hidden gem status is Ronald Stein’s surprisingly moody score and Corman’s occasionally striking direction. The entire movie is a good example of how Corman turned a small budget into an advantage. “Not of This Earth” has surprisingly been remade twice. The first time was by Jim Wynorski, who famously slotted Traci Lords, just retired from her porn career, into the lead role. The second time was in the mid-1990s, as part of a wave of Corman remakes produced for Showtime. I wonder if either of those are as much fun as this original? Either way, the original is an entertaining surprise for this monster fan. [7/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood (1996)

The first “Tales from the Crypt” movie must have done okay for itself. The next year, following the end of the television series, a second “Tales from the Crypt” feature rolled into theaters. As with “Demon Knight,” “Bordello of Blood” had little connection with the E.C. Comics the TV show adapted, aside from host segments featuring the Crypt Keeper. Instead, it was a more-or-less original horror story designed to follow the “Tales from the Crypt” spirit of sex, violence, humor, and ghouls. “Bordello of Blood,” despite that memorable poster, did not repeat “Demon Knight’s” success and seemed to bring the series to a pre-mature end.

Catherine Verdoux, the personal assistant to televangelist and mega-church pastor J.C. Current, has a no good brother. After he disappears, she stumbles into securing the services of Rafe Guttman, an eccentric private detective. Guttman uncovers a brothel located in the basement of local mausoleum. The brothel, by the way, is populated by vampires and run by Lilith, the queen of all vampires. Turns out, Verdoux’s boss also has a connection with the undead prostitutes. The three have to put aside their differences if they hope to stop the evil before it spreads.

The “Tales” series had the bad luck of attaching non-starting leading men to their films. “Demon Knight” thought Billy Zane was going to be the next big thing. “Bordello of Blood” is, of all things, a Dennis Miller vehicle. Remember Dennis Miller? The super smarmy, pop culture reference happy stand-up who rode the early nineties love of ironic detachment to brief fame, before somehow winding up on Fox News? Building an entire movie around Miller’s superior snark probably wasn’t the best idea, as he’s insufferable even in small doses. There are a couple of times throughout “Bordello of Blood” when you want to smack the smug out of Miller. His above-it-all attitude doesn’t favor the film, as horror/comedies usually succeed with sincerity. Still, Miller does get a few laughs. His lines about Mickey Rourke or Larry Flint made me chuckle.

“Demon Knight” was, more or less, a straight horror film with occasional moments of screwball comedy. “Bordello of Blood” bends in the opposite direction. It’s a total, gore soaked farce. Some of these gags are amusing. Miller storming into the brothel with a super-soaker full of holy water, reducing the vampiric hookers to blazing remains, has a certain giddy energy. Lilith invading Miller’s fantasy is sort of a neat moment. The film thinks of clever ways to yank hearts out, with tongues slithering down throats. However, “Bordello of Blood” borders obnoxious too often. The ghoul sent out to gather victims for the bordello is incredibly annoying. Corey Feldman, who plays Verdoux’s brother, painfully mugs after transforming into a vampire. The tone is very broad and cartoonish throughout, quickly wearing on the viewer.

Given its setting, the second “Crypt” film doubles down on the sex. Despite the number of breasts on display, the film is shocking un-erotic. There’s so much nudity that the audience quickly grows numb to it. The sex scenes are blankly shot and choreographed. What’s more limp is the flaccid attempt at commentary on religious hypocrisy. Yes, J.C. Current is a fraud. He’s secretly funding Lilith’s operation, in hopes of wiping out sinners. Meanwhile, his indifference towards his employees and love of money do not represent Christian values. Despite clearly painting Current as an asshole, he’s ultimately a hero, realizing the error of his ways and facing down the vampires. (Never mind all the deaths he’s indirectly responsible for.) Chris Sarandon, at the very least, is having a ball hamming it up in the part.

For every amusing attribute, “Bordello of Blood” has another element holding it back. Phil Fondacaro is funny as the man who summons Lilith. Angie Everheart, meanwhile, is hopelessly lame and noncommittal as the she-vamp. In truth, the framing device might be more entertaining. Seeing the Crypt Keeper bicker with a haughty mummy played by William Sadler is amazing. (I also like the soundtrack, full of heavy metal and dad rock.) A third “Tales from the Crypt” feature, entitled “Fat Tuesday,” was filmed. However, producer Joel Silver blocked its release for fear that it made him look racist. “Bordello’s” mediocre box office made it a moot point. In the end, the “Tales” trilogy seemingly ended abruptly, only two parts in. [6/10]

Lost Tapes: Hellhound

“Lost Tapes’” second return to the realm of the supernatural at least takes the form of a recognizable animal. “Hellhound” concerns a quartet of goth teenagers and a new inductee into their ranks. For the initiation ritual, Annabel and her friends drive Nora out to the local graveyard. The sole boy in the group records the trip for Annabel’s goth themed website. While the other goths are happy to have Nora, Annabel is hateful towards the girl, planning to pull a prank on her. After arriving at the cemetery around midnight, the five teenagers are attacked by a black dog with glowing red eyes and the stench of brimstone.

“Hellhound” is one of the few times “Lost Tapes’” half-hour format really works for it. As a feature length found footage film, this story would have gotten old fast. As a 19 minute bit of fluff, it’s just the right length. Annabel is a queen bee bully who mistreats Nora from the moment they meet. While her friends seem much nicer, especially the awkward Severin, they all go along with the stupid prank. (In a softly mocking turn, the narrator points out the goth kids’ dorky real names.) In other words, this is a “Tales from the Crypt” style story of bad people getting their just desserts. The graveyard setting contributes some decent atmosphere. The hellhound’s sudden appearance and loud barking produces some okay shocks. There are some typically dumb moments. The teens should have fled the cemetery far sooner then they did. With no reason for these events to be recorded, there’s a few too many scenes of people shouting at each other. But that twist ending makes up for a lot. The first season of “Lost Tapes” had some severe ups and downs but at least it ended on an above average note. [7/10]

Halloween 2016: October 4

Curse of Chucky (2013)

“Seed of Chucky” seemed to bring the story of Charles Lee Ray, America’s favorite homicidal doll, to something like a conclusion. At the very least, the murderer’s wife and child had reached turning points. Chucky’s saga was wrapped up enough that a remake, instead of a further continuation, was planned. (Remakes being the hip horror trend at the time didn’t hurt.) When development on the remake stalled after years of promise, series creator Don Manchini made an unexpected decision. A new sequel was made instead, one promising a return to the series’ horror roots after the increasingly comedic tones of the later sequels. Despite being released direct-to-video - usually the dying grounds for long running horror series - “Curse of Chucky” received enthusiastic reviews.

Nica, a paraplegic who recently dropped out of college, lives with her mother in a secluded country home. One day, a mysterious package arrives for Nica, containing a Good Guys Doll calling itself Chucky. That same night, Nica’s mother is found dead, seemingly of a suicide. Nica’s family arrives at the old house following the death: sister Barbie, brother-in-law Ian, family nanny Jill, and niece Alice. The young niece immediately takes a liking to Chucky. As night falls over the family home, more unusual deaths occur. Soon, Nica realizes what Chucky is. And the killer doll has a personal connection to the wheelchair bound girl.

Though slightly comedic, the first three “Child’s Play” films mostly went after scares and shocks. The fourth and fifth, meanwhile, evolved into absurdist comedies. With “Curse of Chucky,” the series circles back to serious horror, capturing a tone far darker then even the original film. The sequel is set inside an isolated house, full of old staircases, shadowy lighting, grey hallways and a rickety elevator. This moves the usually urban “Chucky” franchise towards gothic horror. Beyond the spooky setting, the gothic roots show in the script’s concern. Nica’s family is full of conflict. Barbie resents the favor her disabled sister courted from mom while Nica, in turn, resents Barbie’s condescending treatment of her. Ian suspects his wife is cheating on him… With Jill, the family nanny. He’s right. Chucky’s violence is motivated by old grudges. Secrets, shadows, and insecurities characterize the story, producing a far grimmer tone then you’d expect from a late period slasher sequel.

In truth, “Curse of Chucky” is by far the most sinister “Child’s Play” movie. The focus is not so much on the gory death scenes. Oh, they’re certainly here. Such as a grisly car crash decapitation, a face scorching electrocution, a butcher knife to the eye, a hatchet to the jaw, and numerous cuts and lacerations. Yet Chucky cracks fewer quibs. He’s angrier, telling a little girl there’s no God and treating his female victims with a sexist, sadistic attitude. More attempts are made to build suspense around the doll, frequently having him hiding in the house. He watches, waiting for the most devastating moment to strike. He enjoys scaring people. There’s a renewed interest in the living doll’s uncanny qualities, playing up just how damn creepy his plastic face can be. The darker script is matched by the creepier atmosphere. By the time the claustrophobic climax occurs, the audience is suitably on edge.

At first, “Curse of Chucky’s” connection with the rest of the series seems loose. Chucky’s face has, seemingly, been restored to a smooth plastic veneer. Why the doll is targeting Nica’s family isn’t immediately clear. Around the mid-way point, “Curse of Chucky” starts to pile on the fan service. We discover the killer doll has only covered the Frankenstein-esque stitches he acquired in part four. After eliminating her family, Chucky confronts Nica. This time, it’s personal for Charles Lee Ray, as he targeted Nica’s mother 25 years ago. We see the events leading up to Ray’s death in the original, Brad Dourif appearing on-screen for the first time in ages. Before the end credits roll (and after), even more familiar faces put in much appreciated surprise appearances. Sometimes, the sequel overreaches its continuity. Chucky delivers a little too much exposition at the end. The conclusion is slightly baffling. Yet I appreciate how Manchini presents a seemingly new story before revealing more and more callbacks to the series’ history.

The cast is solid. You might be tempted to cry nepotism but Fiona Dourif is quite good as Nica. By moving the series in a darker direction, Manchini has possibly created the first actually scary Chucky movie. That’s impressive, considering how goofy the franchise had gotten. “Curse of Chucky’s” more oppressive tone has revitalized interest in the killer doll. A script for a seventh film is ready, with both Dourifs intending to return. As much as I enjoy the giddy heights of the previous sequels, “Curse of Chucky” is a nasty, effective horror flick. I’d never thought I’d be a fan of a series that freaked me out for so many years but here we are. Bring on "Revenge of Chucky" or whatever it's called. [7/10]

It Conquered the World (1956)

As a kid, I rarely missed a chance to watch a documentary about the history of the horror and science fiction genre. Yes, that’s why I have such a deep well of genre related trivia/bullshit. My nerdiness goes that far back. Anyway, an image I would often see was the cone-headed Beulah from “It Conquered the World.” The creature is often trotted out as an example of cheese ball fifties monster flicks, especially those produced by Roger Corman and AIP. Despite my familiarly with clips from the film, I’ve never actually sat down and watched it. Well, that changes now!

Dr. Tom Anderson has made an amazing scientific break-through. He’s established contact with an alien intelligence. Using radio waves, he’s connected with an extraterrestrial creature from Venus. Yet Anderson, who is hateful of humanity, was chosen for a reason. After landing on Earth, the Venusian monster releases organic probes. They attack the people in the near-by town, psychically taking over their minds, turning brother against brother. The monster also disables the county’s electric grid. Only Dr. Nelson, a colleague of Anderson, seems wiling to stop the alien invader.

For “It Conquered the World,” Roger Corman seemingly combined two popular variation on the alien invasion genre. The film is sort of an “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” style tale of an insidious invasion. Beulah’s small, manta ray-like props sting the back of people’s neck. This assimilates the humans into the monster’s hive mind. “It Conquered the World” even directly addresses the Communist threat usually only hinted at in fifties sci-fi film. After the alien-controlled cops declare martial law in town, they blame the state of emergency on a Red invasion. While the movie features mind control and body snatching, Corman was also smart enough to toss in a giant rubber monster, maybe the most prominent horror/sci-fi trend of the day. The Beulah wrestles with the military and the heroes before the story concludes, awkwardly swishing its claws through the air and crawling across the ground.

“It Conquered the World” also features a few recognizable names among its main cast. Lee Van Cleef, years before he became an iconic star of spaghetti westerns, stars as the doctor communicating with the Venusian. The part is extremely thinly written but Van Cleef makes the guy seem genuinely unhinged. His misanthropy is exaggerated to the point that aligning himself with an alien invader seems utterly natural to him. Yet van Cleef still gets a juicy redemptive arc. Peter Graves, a decade before his star making role on “Mission: Impossible,” plays the more traditionally heroic Dr. Nelson. Graves brings a nice desperation to the part, showing Nelson as a guy willing to do whatever it takes to save the day. Beverly Garland, something of a cult icon already by 1956, plays Cleef’s put upon wife. Garland spends most of the film threating about her husband’s humanity hating attitudes. But when she gets on the radio to cuss out the monster? And eventually tracks it down with a shotgun? Yeah, that’s cool.

Honestly, I wish I liked “It Conquered the World” a little more. The movie is at this awkward place between being a camp masterpiece and almost being a genuinely good movie. The Beulah is a lovably silly creation. His squat body, perpetually grimacing face, cone shaped head, and long lobster claws result in a monster that waddles across the floor. Without its psychic powers, it would present no threat to anyone. The film concludes with the military confronting the beast, Van Cleef finally killing it with a blowtorch. The probe bats are less interesting though, despite a decent sequence where Graves fights one. For its B-movie charms, “It Conquered the World” also clearly possesses a tossed together, unfocused screenplay. Graves turns on his wife for ill defined reasons. Several scenes are focused on a bumbling solider.

Another indignity facing “It Conquered the World” is its inaccurate title. I guess “It Conquered a Small Town” isn’t as catchy. Roger Corman aficionados probably consider this one a classic of Corman’s particular brand of B movie. And the film is a classic, if just for its ridiculous but amusing creature. Sadly, the movie around the lovably absurd Beulah is not as compelling as that goofball creation. It’s a bit too slow, with uneven characters, and a story that never focuses on one primary point for too long. But, hey, that monster is great. [6/10]

Tales from the Crypt: The Third Pig

It’s hard to know if the “Tales from the Crypt” producers realized the seventh season was destined to be the series’ final one. Yet the unique nature of the final episode makes me suspect as much. In addition to being the last episode, “The Third Pig” is the only animated episode of “Tales from the Crypt.” The twisted cartoon retells the fable of the three little pigs. In this version, the industrial swine’s two brothers are a heavy smoker and an alcoholic. When the wolf knocks down their homes, they shack up in his house… And refuse to leave. Eventually, the wolf does kill the two other pigs. After a canine jury convicts him of the murders, the third pig touches upon a plan. He cobbles his brothers’ corpses together into a vengeance seeking Porkenstein monster.

“The Third Pig” was probably inspired by the popularity of “Ren and Stimpy” and other aggressively obnoxious nineties cartoons. The animated episode is packed full of R-rated content, with extra gory murder scenes and multiple sexual references. This is mildly amusing, even if the simplistic animation quickly grates on the eyes. The story is disappointingly pedestrian, shifting the Big Bad Wolf story into some very dumb and not especially funny places. More amusing is the episode’s voice cast. Bobcat Goldthwait plays the wolf as a frustrated killer, unable to match the fairy tale rhymes all the characters speak in. Cam Clarke – that’s Leonardo to you and I – plays the titular pig as squeaky clean, in amusing contrast to his brothers’ debauchery. John Kassir, as the Crypt Keeper, also provides a pretty funny story book narration. The Frankenstein monster comes out of nowhere, seemingly inserted to justify this story being told on a horror series. While “The Third Pig” has an undeniable novelty factor, it’s not as clever, goofy, or crude as it should have been. [6/10]

And that concludes my four year long journey to review every episode of “Tales from the Crypt.” At the end of this adventure, a few things remain clear. I still love John Kassir’s Crypt Keeper, with his high pitched chuckle and lovably dumb puns. The series formula, as predictable as it always was, proved surprisingly versatile, more often then not being entertaining. The series’ quality probably peaked around seasons two through four. The last three seasons were not as memorable, even though I enjoyed many episodes. Over all, the show’s place in cult/horror history is secure. I still like it a lot. Technically, my “Tales from the Crypt” experience isn’t quite over yet, as I will watch the two movies connected with the show. (I suppose I could review the spin-offs some day.) And now there’s talks of a “Tales from the Crypt” revival, probably coming next year. I’ll likely give the new series a look but, if Kassir isn’t back as the puniful Crypt Keeper, I doubt I’ll be too invested in it.

Lost Tapes: Death Worm

As season one of “Lost Tapes” nears its end, the show pulled from the more obscure corners of cryptozoology. This week’s supposed creature?: The Olgoi khorkhoi, perhaps better known as the Mongolian Death Worm. Two professional motocross riders race across the Gobi desert, competing in a contest to travel the scorching arena. They document their journey with cameras mounted to their helmets and ATVs. After getting lost in the dark, the two men are attacked by a subterranean creature that spits acid and generates electric shocks.

“Death Worm” may be the best episode of “Lost Tapes’” first season. The relationship between the two racers is nicely established. We get a good grasp of the guys’ bro-mance and hints at their lives outside racing. It’s obvious both care a lot for one another. The monster is actually creepy. We only get glimpses of the Death Worm as it slithers through the sand. The worm’s presence is hinted by an electric humming on the soundtrack, a nicely foreboding element. The script mixes it up, including both the worm’s supposed acid spitting and electrical abilities. We get to see the former up close, as a bloody gash forms on the one man’s skin. Lastly, the image of people pulled beneath the sand, screaming for mercy, borders on genuinely unnerving. While not avoiding the show’s cheesy aspects – the educational sequences really push it this time – “Death Worm” is easily the most effective episode of “Lost Tapes” thus far. [7/10]

Halloween 2016: October 3

Seed of Chucky (2004)

By 2004, the Chucky series had transferred fully from slightly funny horror films to absurdist comedies. This tonal shift reached its peek with the fourth sequel, “Seed of Chucky.” Yep, Chucky and Tiffany became parents. With the latest film, series creator and screenwriter Don Machini was moving behind the camera for the first time. The film was his directorial debut. Some fans would say “Seed of Chucky” took the comedic elements too far and the sequel wouldn’t be as successful as the previous entries. Yet, I have to admit, this level of gory silliness is right up my alley.

Five years after slithering out of Tiffany’s plastic womb in the final minutes of “Bride of Chucky,” the off-spring of the murderous dolls is having an existential crisis. Living in the Britain as a ventriloquist’s puppets, he wishes to connect with his missing parents. After seeing news of a movie about Chucky being produced in America, he travels across the globe. He uses magic to bring Chucky and Tiffany back to life, who then name the child Glen. The parents argue over how to raise their progeny. Meanwhile, the two perilous play things conspire to impregnate movie star Jennifer Tilly, who is starring in the Chucky film within this Chucky film.

Glen is, for all intents and purposes, the sequel’s protagonist. The film opens with the doll’s nightmare, a brilliantly shot first person scene devoted to Glen committing murder. Yet Glen, while awake, harbors no violent desires. Manchini’s script gifts the character with a number of bizarre quirks. He constantly pisses his pants. Due to the “Made in Japan” lettering on his wrists, he occasionally adopts Japanese attributes. His eyelid twitches when frightened. Most prominently, Glen’s gender is undecided. Chucky wants a boy. Tiffany, meanwhile, wants a girl and calls the child Glenda. Later in the film, Glenda manifests as a separate personality, a murderous doll clad in a platinum blonde wig. Hobbit actor Billy Boyd voices Glen with his flighty accent, bringing warmth and humor to the role. When playing Glenda, Boyd adopts a hilarious Southern accent, playing the murderous alter ego as a Betty Davis-style psycho biddy.

Yet gifting Chucky and Tiffany with a timid, transgender child is only one of “Seed of Chucky’s” hilariously off-beat decisions. The film is, more or less, a comedy about the doll’s incredibly dysfunctional relationship. After being revived, the two celebrate by decapitating a random dude and kissing in a fountain of blood. However, Tiffany quickly decides to give up murder, a decision Chucky is against. She undergoes a twelve step program to break her addiction to slashing, leading to several hilarious moments. Such as a phone call to the spouse of a former victim or a panicked call to a help hotline. Chucky, meanwhile, sneaks behind his wife’s back and kills. Despite her objections, Tiffany frequently slips up and murders anyway. The death scenes are ridiculously over the top in their gore, with a Britney Spears look-alike driven off the road, John Waters’ face melted with acid, and Redman’s intestine spooling onto the floor. Yet watching the two killer dolls bicker and negotiate marriage is far more entertaining.

Telling the story of a gender fluid doll trying to find his place in the world and the tribulations of being married, psychotic, and made of plastic wasn’t enough for “Seed of Chucky.” Manchini also throws in a meta twist, opening up opportunities for Hollywood satire. In addition to voicing Tiffany, Jennifer Tilly also plays herself... Who is also starring in a movie about Chucky. Tilly’s duel performance is fearless. The fictional Tilly is struggling with her diet and is worried her career is flat-lining. She’s willing to sleep with rapper-turned-filmmaker Redman just to get a role in his Biblical epic. The Hollywood satire is pretty crude and the parallels concerning virgin birth are tenuous. The subplot works best when played for maximum absurdity. Tiffany the doll is, in fact, a big fan of Tilly. While Tilly discusses some strange events with her agent, Tiffany hi-jacks the phone call. Later, she attempts to correct the actress’ life decisions while asking for an autograph. Numerous references to “Bound” are dropped. It’s often hilarious and Tilly shows no shame, embracing the script’s self-awareness.

Not all of “Seed of Chucky’s” goofiness succeeds. A late film kung-fu fight pushes things too far. The puppet effects are the less convincing of the series, with an early shot of Glen running being especially awkward. The script is surprisingly ambitious but its themes about gay acceptance and the pressures of being a woman in Hollywood never combine into a coherent point. Manchini’s direction is sometimes a little flat. Yet “Seed of Chucky” is still a delightfully silly gore comedy, letting the lovably murderous dolls graduate to full-blown characters with neurosis, anxieties, doubts and fears. [7/10]

From Hell It Came (1957)

From time to time, I’ve mentioned the hours I used to spent on the SciFilm.org message board. When the topic of ridiculous horror movie monsters came up, which it did with some frequently, “From Hell It Came” was almost always mentioned. In truth, “From Hell It Came” has become something like an in-joke among fans of cheesy fifties monster movies, the film being remembered for its incredibly goofy monster. The title and its image of an angry faced tree creature have always stuck with me. Now the time has come for me to experience “From Hell It Came” myself.

A team of scientists have traveled to an island in the South Seas. They hope to save the natives, from a plague sweeping the island, with their modern medicine. However, the islanders’ superstitious chief is suspicious of the American’s science. The chief has recently executed the tribe’s prince, penning a murder he committed on the innocent boy. Before having a knife driven into his heart, the prince threatens to return from beyond the grave for vengeance. This threat comes true. The prince is reborn as the Tabanga, a tree monster that grows from the ground and seeks out those that wronged him in life.

Fifties sci-fi monsters don’t get much sillier then “From Hell It Came’s” Tabanga. First off, the name is goofy, the nonsense word being repeated often. The concept of a walking, murderous tree is, at the very least, not as threatening as space invaders or giant insects. The suit used to bring the Tabanga to life is comical. It’s so stiff that the actor inside can barely move. When the script calls upon the tree creature to pick people up, the camera has to cut around the suit’s inability to bend over. Most silly is the bug-eyed, pug-faced expression the monster always wears. The film’s treatment of the Tabanga is as ridiculous as its design. The Americans dig the creature up by the roots and perform successful surgery on it, reviving the monster with blood transfusions. When the tree monster wanders off the lab table, nobody seems that startled. The Tabanga disposes of its victims in such a nonchalant manner. He quietly carries them to quicksand or a cliff, stiffly dropping them to their doom. When defeated, it falls backwards like a stunned goat.

The utterly ridiculous monster is not “From Hell It Came’s” sole source of hilarity. The cast is small, mostly composed of the four scientists and a handful of natives. Since “From Hell it Came” was a low budget production from 1957, the monster stuff only occupies about ten minutes of the film’s meager hour and change run time. Instead, the script fills time with banter between the four scientists. These scenes are packed with unintentional comedy.  Linda Watkins plays a Cockney accented colleague to Tod Andrews’ scientist hero. She awkwardly hits on the other guy, makes belabored references to living in the U.K., and blathers endlessly while running from the monster. Andrews and Tina Carver’s heroine have a romance. What’s suppose to play as cute banter instead seems belligerent and hopelessly cheesy. Furthermore, the script’s attempt to justify the clearly magical monster’s existence with talks of “radiation” is baffling.

Rounding out the film’s suite of unintentional hilarity is its deeply racist portrayal of Pacific Islanders. First off, they’re all played by clearly Anglo actors, wearing grass skirts and spray-on tans. They speak in stilted English. Their lives are ruled by superstition. Many of them are in constant opposition to the English-speaking doctors, the villainous chief plotting to murder the intruders. The natives that aren’t planning to kill the Americans are in awe of their advanced science. At the end, an islander even asks one of the scientists to become their new witch doctor. Early on, the heroes discuss how primitive the islanders are, how annoying their drum playing is. The movie really goes out its way to paint anyone who isn’t white as stupid and backwards, if not outright evil. It’s offensive, yeah, but so over-the-top it adds to the film’s comedic value.

I’ve heard some refer to “From Hell It Came” as a boring movie. I guess I can see that, as the plot basically circles back on itself until the conclusion comes. Yet something ridiculous or amusing is happening nearly every minute of the movie. Whether it’s the horribly insensitive portrayal of other races, the dumb ass scientist heroes, a random cat fight, Tina Carver’s goofy sounding screams, or the Tabanga’s frozen face, “From Hell It Came” had me laughing more often then not. And, hey, the movie is barely over an hour, meaning you won’t waste much time watching this lovably dumb flick. [7/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Ear Today… Gone Tomorrow!

The penultimate episode of “Tales from the Crypt” focuses on Glenn, an over-the-hill safe cracker whose skills are suffering because of his hearing loss. Glenn owes a local mob boss quite a bit of money and has nearly been killed by him before. However, the gangster’s moll takes a liking to Glenn. She recently had a cat’s corneas surgically attached to her eyes. Glenn sees her doctor, receiving an owl’s auditory system. He plans to rip off the crime boss but, this being “Tales from the Crypt,” it doesn’t quite work out for him.

Plot wise, “Ear Today… Gone Tomorrow!” takes too long to get to its point. The central story gimmick of animal parts being attached to human parts doesn’t appear until the half-way point. Until then, the episode is about Glenn being threatened with violence or seduced by the mistress. These elements are violent and sexy, respectively, but not very distinct. Once the gene splicing begins, the episode gets a lot better. The cat lady coughs up a fur-ball while in her death throes. Glenn grows an owl’s face, the feathers and beak bursting through his skin like it was an egg shell. Robert Lindsay is entertainingly sweaty as the safe cracker while Gretchen Palmer has a natural sex appeal as the cat woman. It’s a shame the second to last “Tale” takes so long to get going, as its positive elements are easily recommendable. [6/10]

Lost Tapes: Mothman

Mothman is my local monster and my all time favorite cryptic. Which means I had certain expectations the first time I watched the “Lost Tapes” episode devoted to him. Likely to distinguish itself from the earlier Owlman episode, “Mothman” is a period piece. Set in the days before and after the Silver Bridge collapse in 1967, it follows Roy. After seeing the Mothman outside his house, Roy became obsessed, constantly going down to the Ohio River, feeling a sensation of dread emanating from the location. Following the tragedy, Roy is suspected of destroying the bridge by the FBI, who record their interviews with the man.

“Mothman,” disappointingly, barely holds onto the found footage gimmick. During his interrogation by men in black, the episode flashes to images of the Mothman or the Bridge. By cutting between the different footage, it totally shatters the illusion. Christopher Stapleton is quite flat as Roy, certainly not selling the character’s mania well. Building such a cheesy episode of TV around a real life tragedy like the Silver Bridge collapse is in questionable taste. The event lamely happens totally off-screen, signaled by a crashing noise and the camera shaking. “Mothman” also has a fairly thin script. Basically, there’s no more story here then the husband becoming obsessed with the creature, the bridge collapsing, and Roy being interviewed afterwards. About the only thing worth recommending about the episode is a brief sequence where Roy encounters the Mothman in the trees. It’s creepy, a black shape coming into frame before Roy becomes too frightened to move. I wish “Mothman’ had more moments like that and fewer stationary shots of a guy talking. [5/10]

Halloween 2016: September 30

I am currently in Baltimore for Monster-Mania 35, these updates coming from my hotel room. So there will be no updates tomorrow, the Halloween Horror Fest Blog-a-thon resuming on Sunday. Don't worry. A written convention report and podcast episode will be published soon afterwards. See you on the other side, Halloween faithfuls, and Happy October.

Bride of Chucky (1998)

After “Child’s Play 3,” Don Machini and most everyone else involved assumed the Chucky franchise was over. But “Scream’s” surprise success in 1996 brought with it a renewed interest in everything slasher related. The killer doll would return to life with “Bride of Chucky.” In addition to the new title, Charles Lee Ray would gain a new look, a girlfriend/wife, and the series would totally shift in tone. While not well received by every fan, “Bride of Chucky” would become the most popular entry in the franchise. It may very well be my favorite of these films, thus far.

Tiffany Valentine bribes a police officer, which she then murders, to bring her the tattered remains of a particular Good Guy Doll. Before Charles Lee Ray died the first time, Tiffany was his girlfriend. She’s carried a torch for all these years. After stitching the doll back together, Tiffany revives him. Not all is well though between the two homicidal maniacs and, following an argument, Tiffany ends up inside her own plastic doll body. Chucky remembers a MacGuffin that can restore him to human life, buried with his body. The two murderous playthings hitch a ride with a pair of runaway teenage lovers, traveling across the country and leaving a body count in their wake.

As the title indicates, “Bride of Chucky” ditches Andy Barclay and his childhood phobias. The sequel also abandons all pretenses of being a horror film. Instead, the script turns towards absurdist and often meta comedy. An opening scene features the trademark weapons of other famous slashers. Later, one of Chucky’s victims resembles “Hellraiser’s” Pinhead, a connection the doll comments on. “Bride of Frankenstein” is referenced throughout, sometimes to bittersweet effect. While relating his story, the doll admits that it would take “three or four sequels” to do it justice. When not making cute references to the genre, “Bride of Chucky” is full of amusing silliness. Chucky and Tiffany make chitchat while a victim is smothered to death. Later, a lover’s quarrel about dishes explodes into violence. Martha Stewart becomes a reoccurring joke. The two dolls even toke up at one point. The film takes its premise to its logical conclusion, giving us an intimate look at Chucky and Tiffany’s wedding night.

Considering Brad Dourif has always made Chucky a weirdly relatable character, the franchise’s graduation to full-blown comedy is a natural move. Dourif is just as adapt with absurdist humor as he is with murder-related one-liners. But what of Tiffany, Chucky’s bride? She’s played in human form by a voluptuous and scantily clad Jennifer Tilly, who is perfectly in tune with the film’s goofball wavelength. Tiffany is just as murderous as her husband but also carries with her a romantic streak. Such as when she considers a drive-through wedding chapel sweet. Or when she actually roots for the heroic human lovers. In other words, she makes an amusing foil for the cynical, selfish Chucky. The two are a match made in Hell. Tilly, meanwhile, is just as good a voice actresses as Dourif is.

“Bride of Chucky” would be the break-through English film for Hong Kong action auteur Ronny Yu. Yu brings a stylish approach to the sequel. Much of the scenes are set at night, adding a moody, foggy atmosphere to the feature. Befitting someone who cut his teeth on action films, Yu fills “Bride of Chucky” with creative carnage. A man receives a face full of nails. In a moment stretched out for maximum absurdity, Chucky blows up a friggin’ cop car. Tiffany literally smashes a glass ceiling, sending shards down on the couple below. The film even concludes with a car chase and crash. The use of CGI is sometimes overdone, such as in a dramatic dive from an exploding RV. Yet Yu’s stylish direction makes ‘Bride of Chucky” a good looking film while matching the screenplay’s gleefully silly tone.

While Chucky and Tiffany are clearly the stars of the show, the murderous doll having long since graduated to villain protagonist status, the human cast proves surprisingly likable. Katherine Heigl stars as Jade, the girl running away from a control freak uncle. Nick Stabile is her hunky boyfriend, Jesse. Heigl and Stabile play the material one hundred percent seriously, becoming the straight men to the quipping dolls. Gordon Michael Woolvett is amusing flippant as the couple’s gay best friend. John Ritter, of all people, appears as the asshole uncle. Ritter is very amusing, playing up his mean side. The film happily invites comparison between the teen lovers and the killer dollies, which is another layer of the script’s good-natured comedic streak.

There has always been an element of comedy in the Chucky film. After all, a small doll bringing down grown adults has always been slightly ridiculous, something the previous films would comment on from time to time. By embracing this humorous undercurrent, “Bride of Chucky” successfully revived a series once thought dead. (Yu would next revive two other eighties horror stalwarts, with the equally loopy “Freddy vs. Jason.”) The movie made me laugh a whole bunch, as it keeps the kills and quips coming quickly. [8/10]

Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

By the time he made “Attack of the Crab Monsters,” Roger Corman had already directed eleven films. Keep in mind, all of those were produced between 1955 and 1957. The notoriously thrifty and prolific Corman was already an expert at churning out cheaply produced and highly profitable exploitation flicks. “Attack of the Crab Monsters” would be another big hit for him, made for all of 70,000 dollars and grossing over a million at the drive-in market. This kind of success might make you think that the film is some sort of overlooked, B-movie classic. Not quite. Occasionally, a movie about giant radioactive crabs that eat people and adsorb their minds is just as silly as it sounds.

This is the plot, as far as I can decipher. Scientists touch down on an obscure island for two reasons. First off, they are there to study the affect of radiation on the local animal life. Secondly, they’re looking for the previous expedition team, who vanished without a trace. Soon, the motley crew of geologists and biologists get grisly answers to both questions. Giant crab monsters, mutated by nuclear testing, have taken over the island. The same crustaceans have a bad habit of devouring people’s brain, adsorbing their minds in the process. How will our intrepid heroes survive such an insidious threat?

I’ve got no problem with “Attack of the Crab Monsters” being silly. Silly monster movies from the black and white era are my bread and butter. The movie’s ramshackle script is what bothers me. Minutes after touching down on the island, a man ducks his head below the waves. When his body is pulled back up, his head is missing. Gee, you’d think that would be a clear sign that something unusual is up? That our heroes should probably turn back? Nope, they sally forth. Later, people think nothing of strange sounds outside, choosing to dismiss them as wind. Characters disappear and reappear from scene to scene. What the crab monsters plan to do in retaliation against the human invaders also shifts frequently. In one scene, they threaten to blow the island up. In another, a mother crab monster is about to give birth to a whole brood of similarly deadly creatures. In yet another scene, the crabs declare that they will chip away at the island’s foundation, sinking it into the ocean. It’s pretty clear that the film’s plot was made up on the spot.

Which probably didn’t matter much to Roger Corman. After all, he wasn’t in the game to tell coherent stories. He wanted to make a buck. Corman contributes the film’s success to its outrageous title and unforgettably ridiculous monsters. Most B-movies would simply feature giant, radioactive crabs. Corman, meanwhile, mixed it up. Yes, the crab monsters are half human. Every victim they kill is adsorbed into a hive mind. As strange as that sounds, it’s nowhere near as odd as the crab monsters talking. Yep, the crustacean critters psychically speak with human voices, luring victims out into their claws. In one scene, a defeated crab monster vocally chastises the protagonists, letting them know he can grow back his limbs but they can’t. As dumb and hastily assembled as the film is, you’ve got to give Roger points for creativity.

“Attack of the Crab Monsters” only runs a little over an hour long, which is the right length for a film this done. This being a 1950s B-movie, there are quite a few scenes of characters standing around and talking. In truth, there’s very little action here. Several times, the heroes attempt to shock the crabs to death with electricity. Yet the attack scenes are so poorly organized that the effort barely registers. Honestly, a lot of the crab attacks happen off-screen, the audience simply hearing someone scream as they get crunched. Only once or twice does a human interact with the shelled monstrosities. The conclusion is especially underwhelming, a foot chase that leads into an unimpressive sacrifice.

Famously, the titular monsters were constructed from paper mache. It’s said that, in several scenes, you can see the feet of the operators underneath the crude puppets. I wish I liked the movie more. It’s premise is completely nuts but the execution varies between incompetent and boring. Aside from the goofy designs of the monsters, leading lady Pamela Duncan is what I’ll most remember about the movie. Her shapely body is clad in various tight outfits throughout. Corman prodigy Jim Wynorski wanted to remake the movie, seeing potential in its concept, but Roger wouldn’t let him. Apparently, the B-movie baron is fond of this one. That’s a fondness I can’t share. [4/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Confession

I might have mentioned once before about how, for a brief period, “Tales from the Crypt” aired on Fox in a heavily edited form. I can definitely recall seeing “Confession” on that network. The episode revolves around two individuals. Jack Lynch is a hard boiled detective, currently pursuing a series of gruesome serial murders. Someone has been leaving the bodies of prostitutes, sans heads, around the city. Lynch believes he’s found a suspect in Evans, a screenwriter of violent and sexually explicit horror films. During an intense interrogation, it becomes apparent that both men have their secrets.

“Confession’s” script is pretty easy to predict. Not long after appearing on screen, the detective boasts that serial killers often carry souvenirs of their murders around in public. Lynch, meanwhile, always lugs a bowling ball bag around. Gee, I wonder what could be in there? Yet “Confession” is still entertaining, thanks to its cast. Eddie Izzard is amusingly sarcastic as the screenwriter, who frequently boasts of his research skills and industry success. (In a cute meta joke, Evans’ first credit is an episode of “Tales from the Crypt.”) Ciaran Hinds is, meanwhile, likably sweaty and intense as the detective. Watching the two play off each other is rewarding. The writer, occasionally, is more knowledgeable about serial killers then the cop, which leads to several nice moments. It’s a game of wits between the two men and both actors give fun performances. You can see the twist coming but “Confession” is still worth watching. [7/10]

Lost Tapes: Skinwalker

“Lost Tapes” enters the realm of explicitly supernatural monsters with “Skinwalker.” College student Andy Miller returns to his childhood home, a ranch in the Utah countryside. He has two goals. First, he plans on recording the trip, in order to show his girlfriend back on campus. Secondly, he hopes to reconnect with his dad, who is still bitter about the boy abandoning the family business. Dad has lost several sheep to a coyote recently. While hunting for the hungry canine, Andy and his father encounter something very strange. Events which are captured on the boy’s camera.

“Skinwalker” represents “Lost Tapes’” best and worst tendencies. A brief scene devoted to the men driving, surrounded by eerie howls, is genuinely creepy. The required scenes of panic, when Andy runs while swinging his camera, actually ratchets up the tension. The conflict between father and son is standard stuff but slightly more grounded then “Lost Tapes”” usual drama. (Amusingly, Andy’s dad repeatedly asks him to put the camera down.) Sadly, “Skinwalker” still features some goofy moments. All the titular monster does is kill a sheep and traipses around in a wolf skin, which isn’t very scary. The episode’s ending is underwhelming, barely qualifying as a conclusion. Actual experts on Indian mythology are interviewed during the educational segments. Which is fine. But the decision to repeatedly insert stock footage of a growling werewolf is strange. So is the episode’s attempt to connect its story with Skinwalker Ranch, a location of dubious credibility that actually has little to do with skinwalkers. [5/10]