Halloween 2024: September 24th

Good Manners (2017)

As Boas Maneiras

We probably think of the werewolf as exclusively the domain of the myths of Europe. At the very least, when it comes to cinematic werewolf stories, we don't often encounter lupine monsters from outside the North American or European continent. Of course, legends about werewolves or creatures like them are prevalent all across the globe. People in every culture fear that, despite being pure at heart and saying their prayers at night, they may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright. Brazil is no different in that regard. The country has its own local variation on the wolfman premise, called the lobisomem. However, this has rarely been put to celluloid. Aside from a 1972 obscurity, the only other Brazilian werewolf movie is relatively recent. That would be “Good Manners” from 2017, which put a fairly unique spin on the familiar legend.

In modern day São Paulo, Clara applies to become a nanny for soon-to-be young mother, Ana. Despite her lack of references, Ana and Clara immediately form a bond. Soon, they become more than merely employer and employee or friends. Clara learns that Ana doesn't know who the father of her child is, that the pregnancy is the result of an unearthly encounter with a strange man. She also sees her sneak out at night in a trance, craving the blood of freshly killed animal. When Ana gives birth – dying in the process – the truth is revealed: Her child is a werewolf. Clara takes the boy in as her own, naming him Joel. She raises him under a strict meat free diet and locks him into a secret vault every night, in hopes that his beastly side will never be unleashed. Unfortunately, Joel is getting older and Clara is struggling to keep her son safe... Or, rather, keep those around him safe.

Most filmmakers would be content with telling a story about two women from wildly different social and economic backgrounds falling in love. And maybe one of them is pregnant with a werewolf cub, sure. “Good Manners,” however, is only getting started with that pitch. Once Ana gives birth, the lycanthropic infant tearing through her belly, this becomes an entirely different movie. The film is on the longer side, running two hours and fifteen minutes. You could snip off this extended prologue and still have a good, feature length movie left. It's clear that “Good Manners” is going for a novelistic approach, seeking to tell both its main plot and the incidents leading up to it. However, the result can't help but feel a little bit like two separate movies being mashed together. It's an odd narrative structure, a film having an additional act at the beginning of its runtime.

Going into “Good Manners,” all I knew is that it was a werewolf story of a nanny and her employer falling in love. The feminist werewolf movie is not a necessarily novel idea. There's been a surprising number of films about women casting off the shackles of heteronormative society and masculine expectations in order to embrace a rawer, animalistic version of femininity. Narratives like these are almost surely build up from the commonly embraced premise of monsterdom as a metaphor for queerness. “Good Manners” earns points for creativity simply for not following that trend. I do believe Clara and Ana being women and being in love is meant to further elaborate upon their statuses as social outsiders, Clara being a woman-of-color with no money and Ana being a single mother. The mere fact that queer women exists means stories like these, any type of story, deserve to be told about them. No justification more than that is necessary. However, it is frustrating that these two story threads are so ultimately disconnected. 

Eventually, “Good Manners” reveals the actual primary metaphor behind its werewolf premise. This is a film about the inevitable fact that all parents lose control of their kids someday, that no one can protect their child from everything. Clara has taken extensive steps to make sure Joel's werewolf side is never unleashed. She trims her son's nails and shaves his bodies whenever his wolfman genes start to kick in. The boy wanting to learn more about his birth parents, which has tragic consequences, begins with a sitter disregarding the dietary restrictions Clara gave her and letting the kid have a bite of steak. Beastly transformations has often been a metaphor for puberty. Joel is younger than most teenage werewolf but it's no mistake that these changes are happening right around this point in the boy's life. You can also see this as a veiled story of what happens when an adopted child starts to become curious about his origins. 

Writer/directors Marco Dutra and Jullana Rojas has claimed their film was inspired by classic Disney animation. In other words, “Good Manners” is meant to be a fairy tale of sorts. This is evident in the movie's visual palette, which favors bright colors over realism. However, it is most obvious in the various touches of magic realism sprinkled throughout the story. The encounter that resulted in Ana's pregnancy is depicted as a series of painted illustrations. Twice in the film, people burst into song with little prompting. The latter portion of the film seems to be set in the future, as an obvious (though nice) matte painting is used to depict a futuristic seeming mall. Any horror fan watching “Good Manners” is ready and willing to accept the werewolf story. However, that is truthfully only the main fantastical element in a film clearly focused on summoning a more otherworldly feeling.

Speaking of horror fans... How does “Good Manners” operate as a monster movie? At times, this feels like one of those dreary domestic dramas that decides to include some horror elements strictly to make itself more marketable. It's a well-acted drama, with Isabel Zuaa and Marjorie Estiano both giving strong performances as Clara and Ana. However, I get the impression that the filmmakers are more invested in their monster movie metaphor. Especially in the way the finale invokes the classical imagery of rioting villagers, chasing down the monster with torches and pitchforks. However, some clumsy CGI keeps “Good Manners” from being more effective as a horror film. Despite a chase through an empty shopping mall being relatively well done. 

Among the many faults a movie can have, being ambitious will always be one of the more minor ones in my eyes. “Good Manners” is a film with a lot of ideas, overflowing with thoughts on various social issues and phenomenon, on mythological archetypes and their deeper meanings. However, that it feels so much like a shorter film and its own sequel slammed together can't help but leave the movie with lumpy pacing. The result is a handsomely shot and wonderfully acted motion picture, that certainly puts a unique spin on the werewolf concept, without functioning as a truly smooth and satisfying experience. [7/10]

Survival Quest (1988)

Movies about camping trips gone wrong and terror among the scenic countryside existed before "Deliverance." However, John Boorman's 1972 classic cast a long shadow. Its story of city slickers being threatened during a scenic hunting trip, with its themes of challenged masculinity and survival among the rough terrain, directly influenced a number of films that followed. Coincidentally or not, the same era saw the rise of adversity-focused outdoor education programs, such as "extreme" backpacking and weekend boot camps. Basically, out-of-work drill sergeants, outdoorsman, and survivalist grifters realized they could make a decent penny dragging pampered city folks, who wanted to prove their "toughness," out into the woods for a few days. In-between the second and third "Phantasm" movies, indie horror auteur Don Coscarelli would get the idea to combine these two concepts. The result was "Survival Quest," which received little attention upon release in 1989 and not much more since then. However, the cult of Coscarelli is such that the film has always intrigued. Time to see if this one is a hidden gem or deserves to be left out in the wilderness. 

The titular Survival Quest is an Outward Bound style camping program, opened to people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. Led by a back-to-nature type named Hank Chambers, the program is designed to teach survival skills in the forests and mountains while fostering personal improvement and group bonding. One such trip is assembled for a weekend in the Sierra Madres. It's a diverse group, made up of youths, an older gentleman, a recent divorcee named Cheryl, and a quiet ex-con known as Grey. At the same time Hank is leading this gang into the mountains, a rival group of weekend warriors, led by Jake Cannon, are camping in the same area. What begins as childish harassment between the two groups soon becomes more dangerous, when both Hank and his competitor are seemingly killed by a trigger-happy protégé of Cannon. Determined to destroy evidence of their crime, the wannabe soldiers decide to hunt and kill everyone in Survival Quest. The campers will have to put aside their differences if they plan to make it back to civilization alive. 

Going into "Survival Quest," I was under the impression it was about a group of teenagers on such a trip, something like a coming-of-age version of "Southern Comfort." This isn't the case but I understand how people could get that impression. "Survival Quest" is an R-rated movie, with occasional profanity, some slashed throats, and brief nudity. (Via a lake bathing scene, not unlike a similar moment in Coscarelli's "Beastmaster.") Despite that, its tone veers more towards a boys adventure story than the brutality of "Deliverance." The characters seem a lot like teenagers, even if most of them aren't. There's farcical moments, like the practical joker of the bunch playing with a baby bear or a comical trust-building exercise involving falling off a building. These scenes clash badly with moments that recall Coscarelli's more blatantly horrific work. Roaming Steadicam shots, hunting knife murder, and a plot about individuals being picked off amid the wilderness makes "Survival Quest" feel a bit like a slasher movie at times. The movie also features shoot-outs and some pyrotechnics, making it an example of low-budget action filmmaking too. Instead of these competing tones complimenting each other, they co-exist uneasily. The result is a violent, quasi-horror movie that feels like it was made for kids. 

It is easy to see why Coscarelli would be compelled to tell a story like this. The "Phantasm" movies regularly feature its heroes cobbling together deadly inventions to defend themselves – as does his "Masters of Horror" episode – suggesting these kinds of improvised survival techniques are an interest of his. The "Phantasm" movies also indecisively rest between a kid-centric attitude and explicit content. That series largely gets away with it but centering in on adolescents on the edge of adulthood (And their overgrown, man-boy equivalents.) That creates a boys club type atmosphere, half manly bonding and half juvenile shenanigans. Though "Survival Quest" features ostensibly strong female characters – in the form of Traci Lind's Jade, who becomes the group's leader – it still feels this way. This is especially true of the subplot about Hank and Cannon being forced to work together. The two men often glare at each other, their faces pushing closer and closer. There are multiple scenes of them being shirtless together, covered in mud and blood. When combined with a standard arc of rivals earning respect for each other, and the script's hyper-macho posturing, the homoeroticism starts to become unavoidable. The men must rely on each other to survive. And who's to say what else two guys will get up to when left alone in the woods, ya know? 

"Survival Quest" probably would've been better if it had focused squarely on Chambers and Cannon's "Brokeback" weekend. That's largely because Lance Henriksen and Mark Rolston are two colorful performers that the audience can immediately latch on to. Henriksen projects a kind of uncle-like warmth, a cross between Grizzly Adams and Rambo that drops nuggets of wisdom in-between eating worms and cauterizing a bullet wound with a red hot knife blade. Rolston, meanwhile, goes way over-the-top as the cartoonishly evil Cannon, an asshole bully character that is easy to root against. These two parts speak to the overall archetypal characters in the film. The roles can be sorted into easily understood stereotypes: The old man, the woman eager to prove she's as tough as the dudes, the comic relief, the black guy. Grey, played by a mildly charismatic Dermot Mulroney, reminded me a lot of Napoleon Wilson from "Assault on Precinct 13" or Riddick, a seemingly heartless criminal whose skills make him a dependable asset in a dire situation. The villains, meanwhile, are all thinly developed caricatures that you won't mind seeing blown away. The cast is decent – a young, buck-toothed Catherine Keener is the other female in the group – but the characters are too many and too forgettable to become invested in. 

That's the story with "Survival Quest." A survivalist thriller directed by Coscarelli and starring Lance sounds like it should be a hoot. Every once in a while, it is, especially when focused on the reliable character actor stars or the grislier set pieces. However, weird tonal issues and a generic ensemble leaves the movie in the middle of the road. It wouldn't be long after this one that Coscarelli would return to the Tall Man and his silver orbs, where his demented creativity was put to better use. (By the way, Reggie Bannister has a brief part here as a helicopter pilot.) "Survival Quest" isn't totally without its moments but you're better off just watching "Southern Comfort" or "Surviving the Game" again. [6/10]

Shadows: The Waiting Room

"Shadows" was the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" of the middle seventies, assuming you lived in Britain anyway. The series aired spooky tales for kids on ITV from 1975 to 1978. I watched an episode two years ago and found it effective enough, so how about another one? "The Waiting Room" sees teenage brother and sister Gerry and Sue arrive at a creepy train station in a downpour. Having missed the last train, they decide to wait until the next car pulls in at 5:30 AM. The drafty, dusty waiting room – lit only by an oil lamp – is off-putting to the youths. Soon, a railway man arrives and claims to be a veteran of the Great War. He references another train arriving at 1:30 AM, which isn't on the schedule Sue consulted. As evidence mounts, the siblings soon realize they are caught in a ghostly re-enactment of tragic events that unfolded fifty years prior. 

As seems to be the standard across all the British genre programs I've watched this year, "The Waiting Room" is extremely modest in its production values and subtle with its ideas. Like the previous episode of "Shadows" I reviewed, it's confined largely to one location. Nearly the entire half-hour is devoted to the two teenagers talking amongst themselves or with their guests. The ghostly activity occurs without any banging of doors or loud scares. The railwayman is rather affable, if clearly still traumatized from his memories of the war. The sense of horror comes more from the teens realizing what is going on and the inevitable calamity you can feel approaching. It's easy to guess where these events are headed, especially once an incoming phantom train is referenced. "The Waiting Room" even goes so far as to utilize the cliché of the triggering tragedy occurring exactly fifty years ago to this night. 

Paul Henley plays Gerry as a whiny little brother, making him not the most likable presence. A teenaged, button-nosed Jenny Agutter is more palatable as Sue. Despite an irritating lead character, a predictable script, and ghostly activity so low-key it almost doesn't register, I still dug "The Waiting Room." This episode of "Shadows" really earns its name, as the location is almost impenetrable dark at times. What little sound design there is mostly appears as the wind howling outside, always an eerie touch. The ending is surprisingly downbeat for a children's program, definitely leaving the viewer with a slight chilly feeling. I guess that's an example of the English stiff-upper lip, isn't it? I can't imagine modern day kids sitting still through "The Waiting Room," or finding much value in it, but its dreary atmosphere worked for me. [7/10]

The Addams Family: The Addams Family Meets a Beatnik

Another very literally entitled episode begins with, having seemingly picked up the art bug from the last episode, Morticia painting a portrait of Fester. This family activity is interrupted by a crash from outside. A young man wielding a guitar has wrecked his motorcycle on the Addams' doorstep. A counterculture type named Rocky, he's at first horrified by the family's particular ways. However, their kindness and generosity win him over quickly. Turns out Rocky is the son of a millionaire industrialist and running from his dad's envisioned future for him. The guy also has a birthday coming up and, unaware of the acrimony between father and son, the Addams invite his dad to the party. 

Before the hippy absorbed their place in the pop culture recollection of the sixties, the Beatnik was the easily mocked youth movement of the time. "The Munsters" also did an episode mocking them, so clearly the Beatnik was an easy target for sitcoms in 1964. However, Rocky doesn't meet most of the stereotypes we associate with beatniks today. He doesn't wear a beret, write meandering stream-of-consciousness poetry, play bongos or appears to be high on drugs. All Tom Lowell, affable enough in the part, really does is throw around some goofy jive speak slang. Otherwise, he seems to be more of a generic biker type, without the grungy toughness we associate with that subculture today. Maybe to the Hollywood screenwriters of 1964, the Beats and the Hell's Angels might as well be the same thing. 

Anyway, "The Addams Family Meet a Beatnik" begins utilizing the standard structure of this show. Namely, an outsider comes into the Addams' household and is shocked by their weirdness. We get pretty standard gags about Gomez mistaking a bike chain for a flail, Rocky meeting Cleopatra and Thing, and ending up in the stockades for an injury. However, I'm glad the writers recognized that a counterculture type like this would probably befriend the Addams quickly. He especially bonds with Wednesday and Pugsley. This results in many cute scenes of the kids trying to cover for their new friend or not tell him about his upcoming surprise party. The episode concludes on an unexpected sentimental note, Rock's father coming to accept his son's individuality. Kind of a weird episode but I did chuckle a few times. [6/10]

Halloween 2016: October 7

House (1986)

After meeting William Katt last weekend, I decided it was time to revisit “House.” Directed by Steve Miner, after his two “Friday the 13th” sequels but before “Warlock,” the film has a small but passionate fan base. I know on the toy forum I hang out at, this one guy has been asking for a figure of Big Ben for practically a decade at this point. And obviously the film must have done okay for itself, since they made three sequels. For all of these factors, “House” is not a film you hear much about – assuming people are actually talking about this “House” and not this one, this one, or this one – but still has a reputation as a cult classic.

Successful horror novelist Roger Cobb’s life is in tatters. His wife, a popular television actress, recently left him. Their son mysteriously vanished several months ago, while swimming in the pool. His publisher is asking for another populist genre novel. Cobb, meanwhile, wants to finish a book about his time in Vietnam, an experience that still haunts him. His fans are weird. So when his eccentric aunt commits suicide, it’s another incident in a long line of misery. Cobb moves into his aunt’s old house, in hopes of finding some peace and quiet. Instead, he discovers that the house is haunted. That the ghosts – who have access to his memories and anxieties – plan to drive him totally mad.

“House” is actually a fairly dark story, about a man traumatized by war and the loss of loved ones. Roger Cobb is so lonely that, when his ex-wife calls him, he pretends that he’s having a big party. His feelings for that ex are far from settled. His best friend during Vietnam asked for a mercy killing but Cobb was unable to deliver. He has constant flashback to his son’s disappearance. Like all movie writers, he also has writer’s block. Despite this trauma-filled back story, “House” is a horror/comedy. A big reason the film pulls off this tonal balancing act is William Katt. There’s a certain lightness to Katt’s performance. He sets up boobie traps in the attic to catch a ghost, which involves him dressing in war fatigues and leaping around. Cobb shoots a ghost disguised as his wife, a scarring act. Immediately afterwards, there’s a comical scene where he tries to hide this from police. It works because of Katt’s comedic energy. Katt shines the most during a scene where he babysits a neighbor’s kid, a sequence equally funny, madcap, cute, and touching.

I suspect the main reason “House” resonated so strongly with a certain generation of horror fans is its gooey, novel monster designs. Though referred to as ghosts, the creatures are more like E.C. Comic style ghouls. There’s the thing in the closest upstairs. Its claws are sharp, arms long, skin green and covered in boils. An especially memorable creation is the old witch, a morbidly obese female that slaps garish lipstick on its grotesque face. Amusing, the witch just doesn’t stay dead, as even repeated dismemberment only slows it down. The last act is devoted to Big Ben, the zombified corpse of Cobb’s old war buddy. Partly skeletal yet still gushy, Ben has one empty eye socket and his intestines dangle from his exposed rib cage. There’s child-sized snatchers and a flying skull monster. “House” just piles on the crazy, cool monsters, each one suitable for a Fangoria cover.

“House” has a lot of fun with its concept, building upon the haunted house premise in multiple creative ways. There’s the expected poltergeist activity, with axes, sickles, and hedge clippers floating after Katt. The script utilizes this hovering instruments in a clever way, Cobb playing the ghostly activity against each other. The house is eventually revealed to be a portal to another world, outside of time and space. This is cleverly illustrated during a scene where Cobb falls into a seemingly endless, black void. Or when the door of the house is suddenly situated over a perilous cliff. “House” runs with this creative streak, making many of the scenes fun and energetic.

To this already appealing stew, “House” adds fun supporting performances from George Wendt as a nosy neighbor and Richard Moll as Big Ben. Miner’s direction also carries on the script’s creative spirit. Fred Dekker – of the similarly entertaining “Night of the Creeps” and “The Monster Squad” – did a pass on the script, which might explain some things. The result is a film that’s kind of perfect for the Halloween season. Spooky but funny, ghoulish but light-weight, fast-paced but thoughtful, it has everything an October traveler could be looking for in an undemanding eighties monster flick. [8/10]

It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958)

I first encountered “It! The Terror from Beyond Space” in a kid’s book about fifties sci-fi. I don’t remember who wrote it but I’m guessing Daniel Cohen? The titular terror was on the cover, painted in rust red, waving his claws at the reader and barring his teeth. Within the same book, the author laid out the popular theory that “It!” might have inspired “Alien.” Both films are about a murderous space creature loose on a space ship. (No official connection between the films have ever been confirmed.) That last factoid has kept “It!” from being totally forgotten, which probably wouldn't have happened otherwise. Maybe not fairly either, as the film is a goofy but entertaining monster flick.

In the far flung future year of 1975, the U.S. government sends its first shuttle to Mars. Soon afterwards, all but one member of the crew vanishes. A second rocket is sent to the red planet to investigate. The surviving astronaut, Col. Carruthers, is believed to have murdered the other men. He’s transported back to Earth to face trial. When questioned, Carruthers claims an alien creature killed the others. He’s not believed but that quickly changes when the monstrous creature stows away on the ship. Now, the astronauts have to survive the eight hour long trip back to Earth before It tears them apart.

“It!” was directed by Edward L. Cahn, a prolific maker of cheapie genre flicks who previously bought us “The She-Creature” and “Invasion of the Saucer Men.” Cahn didn’t always make good films but he was good at working within a small budget. “It!” looks really good for its small budget. The space ship setting, which was clearly only a few sets, is well utilized, Cahn making the unconvincing future location kind of sinister looking. It creates a decent sense of claustrophobia, the heroes trapped in a small space with the killer beast near-by. Cahn’s direction is effectively moody. More then once, he casts It’s huge shadow up on the wall, making the monster seem even more intimidating. The shadowy direction creates a certain spooky atmosphere. Considering “It!” isn’t much more then an old dark house story in space, the film being characterized by shadows and dark corridors is an appropriate decision.

Of course, the film can’t keep its titular monster off-screen forever. It is revealed early on, his growling face thrust out of the shadows towards the viewer. Maybe Cahn bathed so much of the film in shadows to disguise the goofy creature design. The chin of the actor playing It pushed out of the monster’s mouth, the costume designer creating too small a mask. The monster has a perpetual snarl, with big teeth, a pig nose and pointed eyebrows that are always angry. It’s three fingered, three toed, and bright green. Despite the exaggerated design, It is still an effective monster. He’s a blood sucker, draining all the fluids from his human victims. The creature is strong enough to heft grown men over head. He’s hard to kill, tanking grenades, gunshots, and even a bazooka. Moreover, the monster’s constant aggression makes him a threatening force.

Naturally, the version of 1975 presented in “It!” looks a lot like 1958. The men are all tough, stout-chinned scientist. The women are meek and subservient. The cast is not very notable, though I do like how badly everyone treats Carruthers at first. (Despite being a suspected murderer, he’s allowed full run of the ship.) By limiting its setting to a space ship, the film mostly avoids any embarrassing predictions about the future. There’s actually a lot of fun stuff inside the shuttle. One memorable scene has astronauts walking vertically along the outside of the ship. There’s plenty of cool shots of It tearing through various bulkheads and doors. The conclusion smartly uses the outer space setting, though the film stops just shy of kicking It out of the airlock.

I don’t know how much of a direct influence the film had on “Alien.” Aside from the premise of an intergalactic monster hiding aboard a ship, picking off the crew, I don’t see too much in common between the two. I don’t think the creators of “It” have an exclusive right to that concept. (“Planet of the Vampires” seems a more obvious forebear, in my opinion.) “It!” certainly doesn’t summon the same raw terror and alien geometries as Ridley Scott’s later picture. Monster kids being who they are though, “It!” has reappeared over the years as model kits, action figures, and comic books. The film is a fun creature feature, well shot with a decent amount of suspense, but not very much more. [7/10]

Masters of Horror: Incident On and Off a Mountain Road

When “Masters of Horror” was first announced, I thought it was the best ever idea for a horror anthology series. Born out of some awesome sounding dinner parties Mick Garris threw, the connecting fiber of the show was its directors. Some of the greatest horror filmmakers alive were invited to tell any stories they wanted, free from censors and executives, as long as it was an hour long and could be done on a television budget. “Masters of Horror” never quite lived up to that awesome idea. However, I was still glued to my TV every Friday during its original run, making the series a source of nostalgia for me. I’ve been wanting to review it for years and, now that I’m done with “Tales from the Crypt,” that time has finally come.

The first episode, “Incident On and Off a Mountain Road” was directed by Don Coscarelli and based off a short story by Joe R. Lansdale, making it a “Masters of Horror” two-fer. Ellen is headed down a country road for mysterious reasons. She encounters a crashed car, discovering the driver has been snatched by Moon-Face, a deformed serial killer. While running from the attacker, Ellen reflects on the tactics her survivalist husband taught her. After being captured and taken to Moon-Face’s backwoods lair, she realizes only her own instincts will save her.

It’s easy to see why “Incident On and Off a Mountain Road” would appeal to Coscarelli. The “Phantasm” films were full of home-made booby traps, similar to what Ellen cooks up here. She digs a pit full of spikes. Using the elastic in her underwear, she builds a small catapult. At first, the episode seems to play the survivalist shenanigans Ellen’s husband believes straight. The flashbacks are brightly light, compared to the stormy forest scenes. Yet every trap she builds ends up failing. It’s not until Ellen starts to rely on her own skills that she successfully fights off Moon-Face. This ironic turn becomes even darker once the final twist is revealed, showing her husband to be an even bigger bastard then previously assumed. (Considering what a boy’s club the “Phantasm” flicks are, it’s nice to see a female lead in a Coscarelli film.)

“Incident On and Off a Mountain Road” should also thrill backwoods horror fans. Moon-Face is an intimidating figure. He’s tall and bulky with metal capped teeth, yellow skin, and home made knives. His hidden cabin is littered with dead bodies. He has a fetishistic hatred with eyes, drilling them out of his victim’s sockets. The late, great Angus Scrimm also hangs out in the guy’s basement, as an eccentric captive who sings songs and tells tales. Seeing our heroine rise up against such a threatening enemy is satisfying, while the episode is filled with more then enough grisly thrills and horrorfic sights. It’s a solid story to start the series with. [7/10]

Lost Tapes: Lizard Man

In the second episode of season two, “Lost Tapes” covers another favorite cryptid of mine: The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp. Pets have been disappearing around Lee County, South Carolina. One such incident prompts a local news puff piece. A reporter, her cameraman, and a pair of firefighters head down into the sewer to locate an old lady’s missing cat. Down there, they discover the half-eaten carcasses of dozens of animals. The trail soon leads them to the Lizard Man, a half-human, half-reptile creature that pursues and attacks them.

“Lizard Man” is another “Lost Tapes” episode with a very scattered script. Seems like over half of the episode is composed of people calling out for the cat – weirdly named Mr. Smithers – and walking endlessly through the sewer tunnels. When the monster appears, it’s in quick burst, usually resulting in a black screen and sudden screams. Splitting the story between the firefighters and the news team was a mistake, as the episode is constantly cutting between the two POVs. The reptilian monster kills the news reporter, in a mean-spirited story turn, making you wonder why they were in this story in the first place. The conclusion is also disappointingly final, the one firefighter clubbing the Lizard Man to death with an axe off-screen. The “expert” interviews including a typically feckless Loren Coleman talking about moss covered sasquatches, an actual biologist laughing at the idea of a lizard man, and a lady bringing up the reptilian humanoid theory. The brief glimpses we get of the monster are pretty cool, I give this episode that much. [5/10]

Halloween 2014: October 22

House (1977)
Hausu

Nobody in America had heard of “Hausu” until a few years back. When you said “House,” everyone thought of the William Katt movie or the TV show. An art house re-release and a Criterion DVD quickly brought “Hausu” to the forefront of avant garde cinema. Unlike most films you associate with the term “avant garde,” it is highly energetic. It’s a film that must be seen to be believed. To see it is to experience a film that makes the work of David Lynch and Alejandro Jodorowsky look coherent and calm in comparison. It is also, perhaps, the most Japanese thing ever created.

You might not know from watching it but “Hausu” actually has a very straight-forward story. Gorgeous' father, several years after her mother’s death, is remarrying. This enrages the selfish, spoiled teenage girl. Six friends had planned on going on a trip with their teacher but he has to canceled. Instead, they join Gorgeous at her Auntie’s home. Unbeknownst to the schoolgirls, Gorgeous' Auntie is a ghost, powered by a demonic white cat. Her house comes to life, devouring each of the girls, the old aunt’s age rejuvenating with each causality. The story is simple enough. It’s the execution that makes “Hausu” unlike any other movie ever made.

Director Nobuhiko Obayashi has made many films but “House” is the only one to receive wide exposure in the U.S. So I have no idea if his other movies are this fucking weird. “Hausu” is up-front with its unusual style. The film begins with a cartoon logo before transitioning to a shot of one of the girls posing like a ghost. This seems to be mocking typical haunted house movies, which “House” most definitely is not. The skies are bright red and obviously artificial. Repeatedly, the movie draws attention to the fakeness of its sets. A train, brought to life through animation, leaves the station. Inside, the girls wave to the rainbow in the sky, which looks like it was drawn by a grade-schooler. The camera irises in and out on objects repeatedly. The scene splits in two or swirls around during transitions. Slow motion and erratic cutting is utilized repeatedly. At one point, the camera follows a girl’s blinking eyes. At another, it bounces back and forth, in tune with a metronome. Several flashbacks are saturated in purples or reds. We watch from a watermelon’s perspective as it is lowered into a well. One jarring cut has a man eating noodles enter the scene suddenly, soon accompanied by his talking pet bear. Keep in mind, none of these creative choices are related to the weird shit happening in the story. “Hausu” was directed, edited, and composed by a madman.

Aside from its bonkers creative style, “Hausu” distinguishes itself from other haunted house movies by making everything in the house a threat. Most of the danger is signaled when the white cat’s eyes flash green. When this happens, craziness is soon to follow. The watermelon in the well is replaced with a decapitated head. The head floats through the air, vomits blood, and bites one of the other girl’s on the ass. Later, a girl is attacked by floating pillows and bed sheets. Even later, the same girl is found inside a clock, bright red blood oozing from its gears. Floating logs attack one girl, tearing off her skirt. Near the end, that same girl is devoured by a lamp shade, her dismembered legs spastically kicking through the room. Another one of the girls is claimed by a mason jar with sharp teeth. The house’s walls and windows go nuts, seemingly laughing. A random mummy appears. A giant face, or just its eyes or lips, float through a room. Maybe the most notorious moment in “Hausu” has a piano coming to life and eating its player. Her fingers are snapped off, which she doesn’t seem to mind. Her friend goes crossed-eyed, a skeleton dances, and Melody is sucked into the piano. Her limbs twitch wildly as they're crunched. Her naked, dismembered body floats over the piano and comments on how naughty it is being. This is only a fraction of the crazy shit you’re going to see in “House.”

A movie like this might be difficult to follow. Luckily, the characters center us. Each one of the girls is named after their defining characteristic. Gorgeous is defined by her good looks. The house consumes her when she looks in a mirror, her face cracking apart as punishment for her vanity. Fantasy is frequently lost in her own mind. One moment has her fantasizing about the teacher rescuing her, swooping in on a white horse. The sequence is edited like a movie trailer. Prof is the smart one. You can tell because she reads books and wears glasses. Sweet is, well, sweet. She cleans house and takes care of everyone. Mac is obsessed with food and is always snacking. (Her name comes from stomach and also, I suspect, “Big Mac.”) Her friends say she’s fat but she looks the same size as the rest of them to me. Melody’s specialty is music. She’s the one who gets eaten by the piano. My favorite of the girls is Kung-Fu. A martial art expert, every time she leaps into action, an upbeat musical sting plays. She dives dramatically through the air. She fights a chandelier, a telephone, a door, a wall, shoes, the aforementioned mummy, and Gorgeous after she becomes a ghost. She also looses more and more clothing as the story progresses. At one point, she poses with a parasol, a sequence that makes me laugh like crazy even if I do not understand it.

Then there’s the weird shit in the movie that has seemingly nothing to do with anything. The teacher attempts to rescue the girls at the end. On the way to the house, he’s stopped by the man selling watermelons. The man turns into a cartoon skeleton. The teacher flees to his car, screaming about bananas. The next day, he has transformed into a pile of bananas. Earlier in the movie, he fell into a bucket and, via stop motion animation, rides the bucket down the street. Among the insanity, there are singular moments of odd beauty. After the house eats a few of the girls, Auntie begins to dance. She disappears into a refrigerator before reappearing in the rafters, doing an odd dance. She munches on a hand, drops goldfish into their bowl, and is joined by a dancing skeleton. The white cat leaps onto the piano, its meows playing in tune to the song. At one point, Gorgeous walks through the fog-strewn garden, juggling white balls of light. I have no idea why these scenes are in the movie but they’re memorable nevertheless.

If you look pass the craziness, “House” seems to be saying something about Japanese society. Auntie became a ghost when her lover was drafted in World War II and dies. (This information is given to us in a silent movie-style flashback.) In the present day, the Aunt is an old woman, confined to a wheelchair. As the young, vibrant teenage girls arrive at her house, she literally eats them one by one, adsorbing their life force. Gorgeous, meanwhile, seems to become a ghostly clone of her late mother. The women of the past are tied to traditional roles as wives and mothers. The women of the future, meanwhile, can be anything, like musicians, kung-fu experts, or even fat! In “Hausu,” the restrictive paths of tradition come to literal life, killing off the girls that dare question the roles society has chosen for them. Or, maybe, it’s all a bunch of dada bullshit and I’m reading too much into it. Either could be true.

Oh yeah, and a whole room fills full of blood too. If this review came off as me just summarizing the crazy crap that happens in “Hausu,” I apologize. There’s really no other way to respond to this movie. Is it a good movie? If by “good” you mean completely unique and utterly demented then, yes, it is a good movie. Most movies have one good idea. “Hausu” has about a thousand. It’s not really coherent but it is mesmerizing in its audacity and bat-shit craziness. Watch it and be amazed, baffled, and inspired. [8/10]

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

“Bubba Ho-Tep” was a movie I knew I had to see as soon as I read about. The premise was too bizarre to be missed. Elderly Elvis versus a soul-sucking mummy? And starring Ash himself, Bruce Campbell? There was no way I was missing this. When I did see the movie, upon its DVD release some time later, I was surprised by how touching and sincere it was. This wasn’t a “Sharknado”-style fake-camp product cynical of its viewers. It was real movie with things to say about the human condition. In the years since then, “Bubba Ho-Tep” has remained a favorite even if its faded from movie fans’ minds a bit.

“Bubba Ho-Tep” is, indeed, about a geriatric Elvis fighting an evil mummy. In the seventies, sick of the empty joys of fame, Elvis Aaron Presley switched places with the best Elvis impersonator in the world. Not long afterwards, the imposter Elvis died of a drug overdose, leaving the real deal with a case of mistaken identity. Now an old man, his mobility stymied by a broken hip, the King resides at a Texas nursing home. He discovers that an ancient mummy, landed in that area through equally unlikely circumstances, is killing the residents of the home, sucking their souls out their assholes, and shitting them down the communal toilet. Teaming up with an elderly black man who claims to be John F. Kennedy, Elvis has to take care of business.

There’s a lot to love about “Bubba Ho-Tep” but its most charming attribute is the lead performance. Bruce Campbell has never been lauded for his acting chops. The dude can take a hit and spew a one-liner like nobody’s business. As far as dramatic range goes, his has always assumed to be limited. Here, he gives a four-dimensional performance. Campbell manages to imbue a monologue about the growth on the end of Elvis’ dick with a certain meloncholey. He’s an old man, at the end of his life, burdened by years of regrets. The heavy make-up he’s under doesn’t dissuade his expressive abilities any. The actor maintains a pitch-perfect impersonation of the character throughout the whole film. Amazingly, he never stoops to parody, instead playing Elvis as a fully formed human being. It helps that Campbell has amazing support from Ossie Davis, a lauded thespian who speaks utterly ridiculous dialogue here in a totally straight manner. Both Campbell and Davis are amazing and I’m certain “Bubba Ho-Tep” wouldn’t have worked at all without their committed performances.

They don’t make a lot of movies about old people. We like to see young, attractive, pretty people in our motion pictures. In “Bubba Ho-Tep,” the elderly are hidden away so as not to bother anyone. After they pass, their bodies are not treated with any dignity or respect. At one point, a corpse is dropped on the ground by the careless orderlies. When Elvis’ roommate finally dies, his daughter seems totally disinterested in the man’s life, willfully throwing away his possessions without a moment’s notice. Presley's interior monologue states these themes bluntly. When the same girl bends over, giving the old man a clear view of her underwear, it’s because he is a complete non-entity to her. That’s part of the cruel joke of “Bubba Ho-Tep.” The mummy is targeting the elderly because no one notices, or cares, when they die. Because they’re slow, easy prey. Considering the nursing home is full of American legends like Elvis, JFK, or the Lone Ranger, it’s a pretty biting indictment about how the elderly are treated.

Yet “Bubba Ho-Tep” is also about those legends having one last adventure. When the mummy kills its victims, their souls are lost forever. Protecting his fellow rest home occupants gives Elvis a renewed purpose in life. Like a lot of things in the film, this is frankly illustrated. At story’s start, Elvis hasn’t had an erection in two decades. After frying a giant scarab on a space-heater, his soldier stands up at attention again, much to the shock of his nurse. Elvis and Jack formulating a plan against the creature isn’t played like a serious life or death scenario. (Though it is.) Instead, it’s like two old guys, rediscovering a zest to life for the first time in forever. The image of Elvis, his white jumpsuit stretched over his bloated body, lurching down a hallway against a walker triumphantly is funny. It’s also honest. As outwardly comical as their appearance might be, these guys are on a heroic quest. Maybe the film’s greatest strength is that it approaches its utterly ridiculous subject matter with abject sincerity. The ending, when the King realizes his time on this Earth is up, and how the universe responds, is genuinely touching.

For such a tiny film, “Bubba Ho-Tep” also strings along a surprisingly deep mythology. Through a brief, visual flashback, we learn that the mummy wasn’t even respected in his day. Like Jack or Elvis, he’s a fallen idol too, a once-important figure that is now forgotten and ridiculed. His visual presentation points to this as well. The mummy does not wear a regal Egyptian head dress but a gaudy, dime-store cowboy get-up. The fates of Elvis and JFK brilliantly twist American legend. The contract that would have allowed Elvis to switch places again with the real deal is destroyed in a sudden trailer fire. JFK was dyed black, the hole in his head filled with sand. It’s implied in the film that neither man are who they claim to be. That impersonator Sebastian Haft fell into a coma and awoke confused, believing himself to be the real Elvis and concocting a wacky story to justify this. That Jack is just a crazy, old man. You can choose to see the movie that way. It’s open to interpretation. Speaking strictly for myself, I believe both men are the real deal. The film means a lot more if they are.

“Bubba Ho-Tep” is another movie I could go on about forever. I haven’t even mentioned Tyler Bates’ beautiful score, Coscarelli’s simple but stylish direction, or the ribald humor and frank dialogue – a trademark of writer Jon R. Lansdale – that is organically incorporated into the film. It’s a surprising deep motion picture, especially considering its outward appearance. That’s appropriate though. People misjudged the characters in the film as well, discounting their real human thoughts because of their goofy appearances. [9/10]

There Are Monsters (2008)

I first read about “There Are Monsters” on a list of terrifying horror shorts freely available on the internet. I’ll be the judge of that! Set on a snowy Canadian day, a man goes to the store to get some ice cream for his wife. The woman at the store acts strangely, has an implacably wide smile, and her fingers are covered in blood. Friends come over for a party later that night, each one reporting similarly strange encounters. The man then notices that his wife is acting strange too.

First off, “There Are Monsters” isn’t terrifying. The camera is constantly moving which is distracting and annoying. Several times, the photography goes out of focus. Meanwhile, the dialogue is unnaturally vulgar and frequently overdone. During the ten minute run time, we never get a bead on any of the characters. The encounter with the odd woman at the store manages to build some unnerving energy. I like the subtle hints dropped in the background, little tidbits about the Large Hadron Collider and astronauts going crazy in space. The ending of “There Are Monsters” is especially lame. Nothing is revealed or resolved and any tension the film manages to build is sacrificed for a lame jump scare. You have my permission to skip this one. [5/10]

Halloween 2014: October 21

Evil of Dracula (1974)
Chi o suu bara / Bloodsucking Rose

Japanese genre films are usually cranked out on a yearly basis. Anytime there’s a break of a year or more, you always wondered. I don’t know why “Evil of Dracula” was produced two years after “Lake of Dracula,” Michio Yamamoto’s previous vampire film. That “Evil” would wind up being the last in the series, and the last feature film Yamamoto would direct for that matter, suggests that Japan’s interest in Western style bloodsucker flicks had dried up. It’s usually considered the weakness entry in the Bloodthirsty trilogy as well. I’ll be the judge of that.

The psychology teacher at an all-girls school, Dr. Shiraki, has noticed some strange things. The night of his arrival, he stays at the home of the academy’s principal. That night, Shiraki discovers two strange, pale women in the basement, blood running down the one’s neck. Instead of fleeing like a reasonable person, Shiraki continues on to the school. He quickly befriends a trio of girls, Kumi, Kyoko, and Yukiko. Strange things begin to befall the girls. A man comes for them at night, biting their necks, turning them into undead slaves. Shiraki tries to protect the girls while uncovering the secret of the vampire, the school’s principal, and how he connects to an ancient legend in the area.

“Evil of Dracula” is sexier and bloodier then Yamamoto’s preceding vampire films. The vampire villain makes a habit of biting his female victims on the breasts. Early on, we see a lady vampire, her nipples visibly poking through her night gown. Unlike the first and second film, this one focuses heavily on weeping wounds and dripping blood. The most graphic sequence in the film involves the vampire’s bride laying the nude body of a girl on a table. She stabs her in the neck, blood spraying all over the girl’s body and the room. After draining the girl, the vampire apparently cuts off her face and wears it, though the actual skinning is left off-screen. Despite seemingly being gratuitous, the graphic content plays in the trilogy’s overarching themes. In “Lake of Dracula,” the vampire was a symbol of unrestrained sexuality, a threat to the chaste, nervous heroine. Here, the vampire is an authority figure at a school, preying on his female students. The biting scenes bring to mind seductions or, in one case, flat-out sexual assault. Maybe adding more gore and sexing it up were just ways to attract audiences but at least it’s consistent with the other films.

The focus on gore and nudity means “Evil of Dracula” is not as atmospheric as the other flicks. However, it does have its moments. The best scene in the film involves Shiraki’s one faculty friend telling him about the local legend. During the days when Christianity was banned in Japan, a missionary sneaked into the country. When he was found, he was tortured and forced to renounce his faith. Sent to walk the desert (Japan has deserts?), he was eventually forced to drink his own blood to survive. Now a vampire, he kidnapped a teenage girl from the near-by village, taking her as his bride. This sequence is shown in flashback, a Caucasian man wandering the desert in glorious wide-shots. It’s an interesting origin for a vampire and a good twist on the lore. There are other expressionistic touches. After being bitten, a white rose the girl owns turns red. A vampire is photographed biting a victim. After the photo is developed, the woman is seen by herself.

However, “Evil of Dracula” is a lot slower then the already deliberately paced “Lake of Dracula.” There’s a lot of sleuthing and scenes of nobody believing our hero. The teenage girls are all claimed until only the teacher’s love interest, Kumi, is left untouched. After seventy minutes of slowness, the film finally picks up some. A lightening storm crashes outside when Shiraki confronts the vampiric principal in his lair. Another intense fight scene ensues, the vampire tossing the hapless human through windows and banisters. This time, the vampire is dispatched when a red hot fire poker is shoved through his chest, a gory, exciting set piece. As he is struck dead, his bride falls to the floor too. As they die, their hair turns white. Their skin melts away, until both are only skeletons. With their dying breathes, the two vampires reach out and hold hands, suggesting that even the most monstrous creatures are capable of love.

Even if it’s not as creepy or exciting, “Evil” is as well-shot as the other films in the trilogy. One shot of a vampire bride leading someone through the woods, the night foggy and dark, is quite lovely. The cast remains solid. Toshio Kurosawa is a likable hero. The chemistry he has with Mariko Mochizuki is strong enough for the viewer to overlook how creepy it is that a teacher is dating his student. The only returning cast member from “Lake of Dracula” is Shin Kishida. Though the character is different, he plays both vampires in a similar manner. Both are silent, imposing, and wear a bitching black cape. Riichiro Manabe’s score is definitely the weakest of his scores, as its focuses too much on noisy experimentation The music is generally shrill.

Though obviously the weakest of the three films, there’s still some interesting stuff going on inside “Evil of Dracula.” All three of Yamamoto’s films are intriguing for bringing such a distinctly Eastern sensibility to usually Western material. None of them are like your typical vampire flick and each one contains something special. The films aren’t widely available in the U.S. but I’d say each one is well worth tracking down. [6/10]

Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)

I like Don Coscarelli. Obviously, the guy’s style and creativity is what powers the “Phantasm” series and makes it so much fun. Another side of the same card is that, re-watching the entire series, it has become clear that the guy is making it up as he goes along. Even though part three ended on a cliffhanger, and resolved very little, the director admitted that he was out of ideas. When “Phantasm IV: Oblivion” did roll into production, only four years later, it seemed mostly motivated by Coscarelli discovering some unused footage from the original. I can’t remembered if “Oblivion” (Or “OblIVion, if you insist.) was advertised as the final film or not. If it was, I bet fans were pissed off.

“Phantasm IV: Oblivion” essentially tells two stories, running side-by-side. Following the events of “Lord of the Dead,” Mike and Jody flee into the desert, the boy unsure of his destiny. Once he’s in the middle of nowhere, the Tall Man confronts Mike, seemingly insistent upon rearing him as his protegee. Mike resists this, despite the beckoning of his back-from-the-grave brother. Meanwhile, the Tall Man lets Reggie live, following his seemingly final fate at the end of part three. The ice cream man heads into the desert too, exploring the wasteland. Pursued by the Tall Man’s forces, he attempts to rescue his friends and stay alive.

The duel plots of “Phantasm IV” are seemingly there to please fans of the low-key horror of the original “Phantasm” and fans of the crazy action of the sequels. Of the two story lines, Reggie on the road is outwardly the most entertaining. Reggie Bannister developed, nicely, into a middle-aged, atypical action hero. An early wrestling match with a demonic road cop is surprisingly physical, with Reg being beaten brutally by the monster before it goes up in flames. As is expected by now, Reg also picks a babe up on the road. His attempts to sleep with her are rebuffed once again, providing some decent laughs. And because this is “Phantasm,” that babe turns out to be a Tall Man sleeper agent, packing sentinel spheres in her breasts. The scuffle in the hotel room, where Reg fights off two spheres at the risk of his limbs, is entertaining and visceral. In the last act, when Reggie loads his quad-barrel shotgun and slips on his ice cream vendor suit again, is pure fanservice. Watching the guy blasts dwarf monsters again is so worth it. Bannister is clearly having a ball.

However, the second part of “Oblivion” provides some interesting things too. Isolated in the desert, Mike begins to search his memories, grappling with his newly-discovered status as an otherworldly being. These sequences are where the long, lost scenes from the original are utilized. It’s a bit hard to wander where some of them would have fit in. Yet they’re fascinating anyway. We see the Tall Man arrive in Mike and Jody’s small town for the first time. An especially mean touch is that the evil mortician runs over a poor little dog. We see the Tall Man strung up in a improvised noose, dangling from a tree. He temps Mike into cutting him down, which fits in with the film’s overall conflict. The final scene of Mike and Reg riding down the street in his ice cream truck, towards an uncertain future, was amazingly prescient too. I’m still not a fan of Mike actually being from the same dimension as the Tall Man. The scenes of him testing his psychic powers or writing up his will aren’t the most compelling. Yet I appreciate Coscarelli’s attempt to recapture the more dream-like tone of the original film.

Most tantalizing for “Phantasm” phanatics is some of the long-awaiting answers “Oblivion” provides to some of the series’ long-lingering questions. We discover that Jody’s sudden appearance was not through his own will. Turns out, he’s a servant of the Tall Man too. He was brought back by the villain to help further direct the events of the plot. It’s a rickety retcon but one I’m willing to go along with. The best part is that “Oblivion” gives the Tall Man a definitive origin. Turns out, he started life as Jedidiah Morningside, a humble, Civil War mortician. Fascinated by science, Morningside built a crude, dimensional gateway. The old man step through and… The Tall Man returned. It’s about as vague an origin as the series could have provided but I like it. It’s in keeping with the franchise’s style. It gives us an idea of what happened without explaining everything in clear detail. Seems right.

While “Oblivion” finally clarifies some long-standing issues, other parts of it are more frustrating. We still don’t know what Mike is exactly. Did he always have a sentinel for a brain? Or did he undergo a change in the gap between sequels? Why exactly is the Tall Man still pursuing him? Why did the villains’ goal seemingly shift at some point? Most pressingly, what does all of this mean? The most frustrating part of “Oblivion” is it’s ending. Jody is, finally, definitively, dead. Mike’s attempt to use his powers to stop the Tall Man doesn’t work. (Because of course it doesn’t.) The villain strikes a killing blow, yanking the gold sphere out of Mike’s head and leaving him for dead. Reggie heads through the dimensional fork, pursuing the villain and hoping to save his friends. Once again, the story ends on a cliffhanger. It’s not satisfying or beguiling. Mostly, it’s just annoying.

For many years, it was assumed that non-ending was the last we’d see of the world of “Phantasm.” Considering how up there in age he’s getting, there was always this lingering fear that Angus Scrimm would die before a fifth film got made. And then, last year, out of nowhere, came the announcement of “Phantasm V: Ravager.” I’m keeping my expectations measured. The film was shot quickly, cheaply, and without Coscarelli behind the camera. Surely, at this point, the filmmakers realize this is there last shot at a “Phantasm” movie and will wrap things up. Or, maybe, something less definitive would be more in keeping with the series’ style. It’s hard to say. Until we know for sure, “Phantasm IV: Oblivion” is an interesting but frustrating entry in the series. [6/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Curiosity Killed

“Curiosity Killed” is another mean-spirited episode of “Tales from the Crypt” that probably wouldn’t work without its great cast. A bickering old married couple, along with their better adjusted friends, head out on an ill-conceived camping trip. While Cynthia and Jack snipe at each other, Harry and Lucille dig up a secret in the swamp. Lucille’s dad, it turns out, was a voodoo priest who discovered the secret to eternal youth. A strange plant, when harvested from a corpse and grown in the moonlight, produces a youth-restoring sap. At first, Jack seems keen on sharing it with his long-suffering wife. Then he changes his mind, determined to spite Cynthia again. Revenge, and ironic punishment, ensues.

As I said, “Curiosity Killed” is a nasty half-hour of television. The elderly couple bicker, viciously yelling at each other. At first, especially when their screaming overlaps, this is kind of funny. After a while, it becomes annoying. The characters are so hateful to each other that there’s not a lot for the audience to like. The way the story plays out, with Cynthia poisoning the others, drinking the youth potion, and then being mauled to death by a dog, is fairly ugly. The lead female, hateful though she may be, is seemingly being punished for regaining her beauty. However, the cast helps a lot. Margot Kidder, buried under a heaping load of old age make-up, convincingly plays a bitchy old woman. Kevin McCarthey is very entertaining, the actor’s usual glee shining through his nasty behavior. “Curiosity Killed” is a bit of a sour note to end the otherwise decent season four on. This’ll be the last of the Crypt Keeper I’ll see this Halloween which is a bummer. I like the guy. [5/10]

2 A.M.: The Smiling Man (2013)

I still don’t know how to feel about the concept of “creepypastas.” Crowd-sourcing horror stories to the internet has produce a lot of crap and some pretty stupid subcultures. However, there have been some gems in all the debris. “2AM” is adapted from such a story called “The Smiling Man,” which was supposedly based on a true story. A man walks home through his dark neighborhood in the middle of the night. Walking down the sidewalk, he sees a strange man, dragging his heels across the concrete, with a huge smile on his face. At first, he laughs the stranger off. However, when the Smiling Man runs after him, the encounter becomes frightening.

“2AM” is real short, clocking in at just under five minutes. That’s the right time for a simple, creepy story. The short plays on real life fears and its easy to put yourself in the position of the main character. I mean, what would you do if some weirdo started running after you on a dark street? The movie captures the panic of that moment well. The sound design, especially the Smiling Man scratching his shoes across the street, is very well done. I really like how, after the protagonist turns his back on the stranger, we hear his feet quickly running towards him. There’s some distracting shaky cam in the middle section, the music is heavy-handed, and the ending is slightly goofy. That said, “2AM” is well done and generates some decent chills. [7/10]