Halloween 2018: October 3

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

Ray Harryhausen was, of course, a student of Willis O'Brien. Among O'Brien's many unrealized projects was a hybrid of the western and dinosaur movie. Originally entitled “Valley of the Mists,” the film would involve cowboys discovering a hidden valley in the Grand Canyon filled with dinosaurs. O'Brien would die in 1962, never completing his long-dreamed about dinosaur/western mash-up. Harryhausen, though, was determined to bring his late mentor's dream project to compilation. The now re-titled and reworked “The Valley of Gwangi” would roar into theaters in 1969. Creature features such as this having fell out of favor, the movie was not a commercial success at the time. Of course, Harryhausen devotees and dino-fans would later reclaim it. 

Set somewhere south of the Rio Grande, during the waning days of the wild west, the film follows Tuck, a would-be promoter of wild west shows. He meets up with T.J., an ex-girlfriend who is working as a stunt rider in such a show. T.J. has a bizarre new attraction likely to boost show attendance: A horse the size of a chihuahua. Local paleontologist Professor Bromley recognizes this as a prehistoric eohippus. A group of gypsies believe the horse is cursed and wish to return it the Forbidden Valley from where it came. Tuck, T.J., and Bromley follow them, discovering a valley full of dinosaurs. The cowboys soon capture an allosaurus and bring him back to the city, to be displayed in the circus. The dinosaur quickly escapes and goes on a rampage, as you'd expect.

By 1969, Ray Harryhausen had established himself as a master monster maker. “The Valley of Gwangi” would be his last dinosaur movie, following “The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms” and “One Million Years B.C..” The film represents the stop-motion animator at the top of his game. Simply put, “Valley of Gwangi” features some of Harryhausen's most fluid and expressive work. The combination of live action and puppetry is almost seamless. The dinosaurs all breath and move like living things. A pteranodon and styracosaurus are beautifully brought to life. Gwangi, however, is obviously the star of the show. The allosaurus' reptilian glare is sinister. His snapping jaws give him quite a bit of personality. Though Gwangi kills several people, an elephant, and two other dinos, Harryhausen still manages to bring a tear to your eye with the allosaur's death wails.

Story wise, “Gwangi” obviously resembles two of O'Brien's previous classics: “The Lost World” and “King Kong.” As in both of those, a creature is taken from a wild lost world, brought back to civilization, put on display, escapes, and causes carnage. All three stories even conclude by featuring a famous landmark. In the past, it was London Bridge and the Empire State Building. Here, it's the Cuenca Cathedral. (Which has apparently been transported to Mexico.) Yet these familiar themes still resonates. The paleontologist believes the dinosaurs should be studied. The cowboys want to exploit them for commercial purposes. The gypsies think human and dinosaur should never interact. They are, perhaps, the most correct group. Gwangi's final rampage proves that nature can never be controlled. Any attempt by mankind to do so will result in disaster.

Aside from the stop-motion dinosaurs, “Valley of Gwangi” has a pretty decent set of stars. James Franciscus, who I'll always think of the ersatz Charlton Heston in “Beneath the Planet of the Apes,”  stars as Tuck. Francicus is a likable lead, beginning as a bit of a rogue but ending as a wholesome guy. He has solid chemistry with Gila Golan as T.J. An interesting element of their romance is how their opinions of each other changes. First, T.J. wants to settle down and Tuck isn't interested. Realizing the dinosaur is a pathway to a big payday, he decides maybe the two do have a future together. Later, T.J. decides pursuing further fame suits her better. The two do not end up in each other's arms, suggesting their romance may be at an end. (Golan, by the way, was dubbed. Apparently her thick Israli accent seemed out of place in 1890s Mexico.)

Though directed by Jim O'Connolly, who previously made Joan Crawford psycho-circus thriller “Berserk!,” “The Valley of Gwangi” obviously belongs to Harryhausen. His fantastic dino effects are the main reason to see the movie. The movie around these creature is perfectly serviceable, even featuring a rousing score from Jerome Moross. But it's all about the dinosaur, especially the vicious but ultimately tragic Gwangi. I saw the trailer on a VHS compilation as a kid and it's stuck with me ever since, the way the titular dinosaur's name is whisper in a musical, eerie fashion.  [7/10]

Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1993)

During the direct-to-video boom in the early nineties, two genres really dominated the market place: Horror and action. Horror's evergreen appeal is easy to explain. The low budget, faithful fan following, and no need for big stars made horror well suited to the video market. Action has a similar appeal. The specification of the genre means even a wooden actor can become a marketable star. Though more expensive than horror, a decent action movie can be made pretty cheaply too. So the “Maniac Cop” series becoming a success on video makes a lot of sense, as it appealed to both audiences. Following “Maniac Cop 2's” video release, “Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence” would hit store shelves in 1993.

Some time after Matt Cordell's burial, he is resurrected once again by a voodoo priest. In the same span of time, Detective McKinney has befriended Officer Kate Sullivan, a notoriously tough female cop. Sullivan investigates a robbery at a pharmacy. She shoots the thief, Frank Jessup, but is then shot by the pharmacist, the criminal's girlfriend. Kate is left in a vegetative state while Frank survives, likely to profit from his story. McKinney is incensed by this and is determined to get to the truth. Cordell, meanwhile, senses a kindred spirit in Sullivan. The Maniac Cop decides to resurrect her as his undead bride. McKinney and the pretty physician he takes a liking to are caught in the middle of this.

Making a third film in the “Maniac Cop” series presents a few problems. Matt Cordell's story concluded in the second part. You can see these story hiccups, as the voodoo houngan never explains why he brings Cordell back. Either way, William Lustig and Larry Cohen delivered another fast-paced and moody horror picture. This is evident in the plot, which could have easily been subtitled “Bride of Maniac Cop.” Cordell, played once again by the magnificent Robert Z'Dar, is back to hacking up folks. He gets several slasher style set piece just to himself. Such as when he tosses a bum through the air, shooting him in the heart before he hits the ground. Or stalking scenes that weaponize both defibrillator paddles and a shock treatment machine. Hospitals can make atmospheric locations for horror stories. This is obvious in the scenes of Cordell hanging around the shadowy, industrial tunnels under the building or the gothic cathedral.

“Badge of Silence” is an easy-to-digest horror picture, with a padded out body count and creative kills. As an action film, it's a far more elaborate creature. Midway through the film, Cordell frees Jessup and his gang. This results in a bloody shoot-out in the hospital. McKinney shoots at them from underneath a covered gurney before doing a cool flip over a nursing station. As neat as that scene is, the film tops it in the last act. After a shoot-out in a church goes up in flames, the heroes drive away, the story seemingly wrapped up. That's when Matt Cordell, still ablaze, chases after them in a police cruisers. It's an insane, protracted sequence, obviously designed to top the lengthy burn stunt that the second movie concluded with. The car chase goes on for a hilariously long time, introducing as much twisted chrome and sparks as possible before finishing with a torn-off arm and a big explosion. Glorious.

“Maniac Cop 3” breaks with series tradition by letting the primary protagonist survive past the first forty minutes. Robert Davi, returning as McKinney, makes it to the end. He proves to be just as solid a lead this time, especially when playing up the hard-boiled cop image. The romance he forms with Caitlin Dulany's Dr. Susan Fowler is fairly random. However, Dulany and Davi have good chemistry, especially in a romantic scene in a locker room. Jackie Earle Hurley appears as Frank Jessup, getting sweaty and unhinged as the crackhead killer. He's a suitable mid-film villain, whenever Cordell is off-screen. Though Gretchen Becker as Officer Sulilvan exits the film early, she proves to be both likable and a solid action heroine, leaping across a roof and shooting goons.

The third “Maniac Cop” film had a troubled production. William Lustig's first cut was only fifty-five minutes long and he refused to shoot any further scenes. Another director handled the extra sequences. This might explain why many of the murder scenes, of Cordell picking off random people, feel somewhat disconnected from the rest of the story. (It also explains a few moments of gratuitous stock footage.) When Lustig's Blue Underground re-released the movie, he took his name off the movie and replaced it with Alan Smithee. Despite what the director might think of “Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence,” I actually love this movie. The action scenes are hilariously over-the-top and awesome. The horror stuff is solid and comfortable. The cast is having a good time. What's not to like? [8/10]

Darkstalkers: Everyone's a Critic

For its final episode, “Darkstalkers” brings back nearly every major character. Pyron's more powerful brother, Terramon, is flying towards Earth. Knowing that his brother will send him back home if he sees how badly he's fail, Pyron and his computer cook up a goofy scheme. He invites all the Darkstalkers he knows, both good and evil, aboard his ship. This is part of a plan to convince Terramon that everything is under controll. The resulting dinner party quickly goes awry through. Soon, both the good and bad Darkstalkers are working together to prevent Terramon from taking over the Earth and eating all the humans.

The American “Darkstalkers” ends things on an obnoxiously corny note. Pyron is reduced to a whimpering cry-baby, terrified and jealous of his older, more successful brother. The comedic scenes depend heavily upon characters acting goofy. Such as when Harry throws a cream pie at Bigfoot's face. Or Lord Raptor acting like a fool at dinner. The action scenes that follow, as the heroes and villains run around Terramon's ship, are immediately forgettable. Though Terramon is defeated at the end, through utterly ridiculous means, there's no sense of closure in this series finale. The characters carry on as if they'll have more adventures next weekend. The series' final moments are devoted to Anakaris belly-flopping on Pyron, which seems about right. [3/10]

After reading about it and seeing out-of-context clips for many years, I'm sad to say the American “Darkstalkers” cartoon is exactly as bad as I've always heard. The show was consistently poor throughout it's entire, thankfully brief run. The better episodes stood out more for their unintentional humor than anything else. It makes me sad to think that this shitty cartoon was probably some people's first, or only, exposure to the “Darkstalkers” cast. It's a shame too, as an on-going animated series is probably the best way to adapt a fighting game, as it would leave plenty of room to flesh out the large cast and explore the convoluted storyline. If nothing else, this series certainly adds to the “Darkstalkers” franchise's oddball legacy. If Capcom ever makes another game, maybe someone will try to make a movie or a Netflix show or something.

Forever Knight: Father Figure

“Father Figure” has Nick Knight considering another thing impossible for vampires: Fatherhood. After a shoplifting ten year old named Lisa witnesses a mob-land execution, she becomes the next target for the killers. With her helicopter pilot father out of the country for a few days, Nick decides to babysit the girl. Despite her occasionally bristling against his vampiric ways, Nick feels a bond with the child. It reminds him of a time, during World War I, when Lacroix and Janette adopted a homeless boy. Where he couldn't protect that child, he hopes to protect this one, which he has to do once the killers show up.

Introducing a cute kid into the equation usually reads as a desperate move for a TV show. However, “Father Figure” makes the premise work. Chantellese Kent is cute and likable as the kid, who is never too precious or annoying. (Even if she accidentally blinds Nick while playing with his automated shutters, leading to a fairly contrived climax where has to fight the assassins without his sense of sight.) The scenes devoted to her stumbling upon Nick's blood bottles or playing poker with Schanke are fairly adorable. The questions the girl raises in the immortal's mind, whether he would want to be a dad if he ever regained his mortality, are equally interesting. This is best summed up during a scene where Natalie pulls a bullet from his shoulder, the vampire briefly reflected in a mirror.

The flashbacks this time are also good. Once again, we see Nick bristling against his vampire cohorts even before the present. Watching Geraint Wyn Davies' concern for the boy grow, as Lacroix and Janette get more predatory, provides some interesting suspense. The tragic ending to the flashback makes the current situation more relevant. I also like the little mustache Wyn Davies wears in these scenes. The action climax might be pretty cheesy but this is still an above average episode. It also earns bonus points for the old Harryhausen movies the kid watches on TV and a prominently displayed “Battletoads” ad on a comic book.[7/10]

Halloween 2018: October 2

Robot Monster (1953)

In the annals of cult movie history, there are many notorious images. Even among the world of sci-fi/horror B-movies from the fifties, you could pick out any number of iconic moments. One absurd but simple sight has proven especially unforgettable: A man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet. “Robot Monster” has, for years, been considered one of the worst movies ever made. Through many late night television screenings – including, of course, an appearance on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” – the film has acquired a reputation as a cheesy classic. “Robot Monster” survives and endures, more-or-less, as an in-joke among classic horror and sci-fi fans. But how does this so-called stinker stand up an actual movie?

The civilizations of Earth have been destroyed. The planet is devastated. The human race is now an endangered species, with only eight homosapiens left standing on the world's surface. This is all the work of Ro-Man. A half-robotic invader, Ro-Man has destroyed humanity so his species can reap the Earth's resources. However, the last pocket of the human race remains trickier to wipe out than expected. A brilliant scientist has injected his entire family – his wife, teenage daughter Alice, younger daughter Carla, and young son Johnny – with a vaccine that protects against all disease. It also keeps them safe from Ro-Man's Calcinator Ray. The family attempts to survive, Alice finding love with another survivor, while Ro-Man grows more confused by his quest.

What exactly is a bad movie anyway? Is a film bad if it's production values are minuscule, its story incoherent, its acting wooden? Or is being boring the only real sin a movie can commit? “Robot Monster” certainly matches all the former descriptors. However, it is certainly not a boring movie. The film's stilted, bizarre dialogue is hilarious. Ro-Man proves to be a quirky, compelling villain. The titular robot monster is a dork. He's belittled by a domineering boss and outsmarted by children. Ultimately, he's defeated when he develops the emotions unique to the humans he was sent to destroyed. The film's z-budget world is oddly charming, with its bubble machines, sparking laboratory equipment, and Bronson Canyon filming locations.

“Robot Monster” has the same twist-ending as “Invaders from Mars,” which was released two months earlier. Both films, it turns out, are nightmares experienced by imaginative young boys. This goes a long way towards explaining “Robot Monster's” unique tone. Whether intentionally or not, the film accurately captures a dream-like atmosphere. The ridiculous mechanics of the plot – a single apeman destroying all of humanity? A cure for all diseases? – does seem like the kind of simplistic apocalypse a child would imagine. In order to disguise the tiny 50,000 dollar budget, quite a bit of stock footage is employed. Scenes of fighting slurpasaurs, stop-motion dinosaurs, and flying rocket ships often interrupted the movie. This only makes the movie resemble an odd dream, influenced by too many old monster movies, even more. The surreal sound design and operatic score, from a blacklisted Elmer Bernstein, cinches this particular feeling.

Most fascinating, and most indicative of its child-like perspective, is the nature of the apocalypse in “Robot Monster.” The world as we know it has been destroyed and only eight humans survive. Yet the fifties atomic family unit remains. Johnny and his family all wear clean clothes. They've managed to make the blasted-out shell of a house a comfy home. Johnny still plays games with his sister, Carla. Alice and studly survivor Roy get married, having a quasi-traditional service and even a honeymoon. The family even has a television of sorts, a monitor they can use to communicate with Ro-Man and his superior. If “Robot Monster” was meant to accurately depict a post-apocalyptic world, this would all be ridiculous. Since the film is actually depicting a child's crude conception of what a post-apocalyptic world would be like, it becomes brilliant.

Yes, brilliant. “Robot Monster” is an intoxicating, dizzying fever dream of a motion picture. Running barely over an hour long, the film is a pint-sized blast of weirdness straight to the cerebellum. The story behind the film is nearly as compelling. The film was shot in 3-D, which you can see a little of in the finished product, and all in six days. Director Philip Tucker was only twenty-five years old. After getting cheated out of profits by the distributor and the disastrous reviews, Tucker attempted suicide. He survived and made ten more movies. Success! “Robot Monster's” gonzo, possibly accidental genius still shines sixty-five years later. [8/10]

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

According to the wise sages at Wikipedia, the first “Maniac Cop” did not gross more than its 1.1 million budget at the box office. The film, however, was obviously far more successful on VHS. We know this because it's two sequels were released straight-to-video. Yet this was during the late eighties and early nineties, when the video market was blooming. Skipping movie theaters did not necessarily meant a downgrade in production values. In fact, “Maniac Cop 2” is even bigger and badder than its predecessor. Director William Lustig – who made “Hit List” and “Relentless” between his two Matt Cordell adventures – doesn't just consider the sequel better than the original. He considered it the best of all his films.

Following the ending of the first “Maniac Cop,” which the sequel begins by re-capping, the New York Police Department just wants to forget the whole ordeal. Jack Forrest wants to go back to his normal life but his girlfriend, Theresa, isn't convinced Matt Cordell is dead. She confides this fear to police psychologist Susan. She's right, as the Maniac Cop rises again and resumes his murder spree. Quickly executing Jack and Theresa, Cordell soon teams up with Steven Turkell, a misogynistic serial killer. The police continue to deny that Cordell is the killer. Susan and her new ally, Detective Sean McKinney, are on the killers' trails.

If the first “Maniac Cop” could be described as a horror movie with some action elements, the sequel graduates to full-blown horror/action hybrid status. The film features some impressive stunt work. Cordell handcuffs Susan to a car door before the vehicle goes careening down a freeway, the stunt woman dangling alongside the moving car as it weaves in and out of traffic. After Turkell and Cordell bust into the police station, they escape in a prison bus. Cue a high speed car chase, involving lots of sparks and at least one exploding car. In its final act, “Maniac Cop 2” features its biggest, craziest stunt. Cordell is set on-fire and then remains on fire for several minutes. He grabs a few more victims, ablaze the whole time, before tumbling out of Sing-Sing prison. “Maniac Cop 2” must have grabbed some sort of record for longest full-body fire stunt. (And if you need anymore proof that this is a true eighties style action film: It's set at Christmas.)

While Matt Cordell was simply very hard to kill in the original, the sequel makes him an actual, super-strong zombie. This allows him to pull of crazier feats. Such as another impressive police station massacre, that begins down in the shooting gallery, continues through several glass doors, and ends with a guy thrown through five walls. It's not the only change the sequel makes to Matt Cordell. Though even more of an insane homicidal maniac, Cordell is given a tragic backstory. Turns out he was put away originally because he was close to uncovering corruption in city hall. Making the Maniac Cop a somewhat sympathetic character is an odd decision, as it makes the villain's motivation harder to read and muddies the sequel's thematic concerns.

“Maniac Cop 2” also begins by wrapping up any lingering plot points from the original, quickly killing off Bruce Campbell and Laurene Landon's survivors. (Campbell's death is especially embarrassing.) Two new protagonists step into the role. Robert Davi's Detective McKinney is a hard-boiled guy but committed to the truth, making him more likable. I also like Claudia Christian as Susan, a tough woman who doesn't loose sight of the human element. Leo Rossi is totally unhinged as the serial stripper killer who befriends Cordell. Michael Lerner is entertainingly caustic as the deputy commissioner. Standing in the middle of it all is Robert Z'Dar, still a towering and grunting force of shovel-faced power.

“Maniac Cop 2” ends by suggesting that any cop can become a maniac cop. However, the way the film goes about redeeming Matt Cordell, despite most of his murders being completely random, is really odd. Still, “Maniac Cop 2” definitely delivers on the crazy action and satisfying slasher shenanigans. It's hard to dislike any movie that features a flaming zombie cop and wraps up with a wonderfully campy rap song. I don't know if it's better than the original but it certainly delivers about the same level of entertainment value. [7/10]

Darkstalkers: Darkest Before the Dawn

Apparently in the American continuity, Demitri Maximoff is a relative of Dracula. Before the Count was staked, he instructed Demitri to seek out a crystal skull in South America. A hundred years later, using a dousing rod of all things, he finally finds it. The various good Darkstalkers with a personal grudge against Demitri – Bishamon, Hsien-Ko, and Donovan – sense his terrible new powers. They attempt to hunt him down and stop him before he achieves anything else. Felicia and Harry, as they usually do, get drawn into this adventure. The boy wizard's powers end up saving the day.

As the penultimate episode of the series, “Darkest Before the Dawn” does attempt to wrap up some lingering plot points. For a few minutes, it really seems like Demitri kills off his three biggest rival. Instead, he just traps them inside the skull and they're all freed at the end. Demitri isn't killed by the heroes either. He's merely humiliated and sent crawling back to Pyron. Harry Grimore becoming the ultimate hero of this series is pretty fucking disappointing but at least the boy wizard has now completed something resembling a character arc. That's more than Donovan got, as his side-story is left largely unresolved.

This being the American “Darkstalkers” cartoon, even a stronger episode like this has some baffling moments. Harry wins the day by summoning the spirits of his ancestors, gaining a bodybuilder's physique, and speaking with a digitally deepened voice. There's a hilarious scene where the crystal skull magically flies towards Felicia's car. Or a bizarre moment where Hsien-Ko flies through a swamp, singing an odd song. And another one when Donovan summons some sort of fairy godmother to free Felicia and Harry from a force field. I will give the show this much. It's animation has gotten slightly better as it's gone on, rising from absolutely abysmal to merely bad. The fight scenes are still super awkward and poorly framed though. [5/10]

Forever Knight: Dead Issue

“Dead Issue” has probably the most convoluted plot of all the “Forever Knight” episodes I've seen so far. A woman and her sadistic lover meet in his apartment. As he begins to choke her, getting too rough, an unseen man enters and kills the man. The problem with this case is that the woman is married to a previous police chief, an old friend of Chief Stonetree. Stonetree encourages Knight to drop the investigation, not wanting his friend's dirty secrets to be brought to life. Nick continues to pursue the case, coming into contact with an adult video store owner and eventually uncovering the truth.

Sadly, “Dead Issue” is a bit of a snooze. It's another episode that reveals too much, too early. At first, the cops assumed the wife killed the man in self-defense. We, the viewers, already know this isn't the case. While I like Gary Farmer as Stonetree, building a whole episode around him wasn't the best idea. His devotion to his old friend, and wanting to protect their secrets, are not terribly captivating. The episode doesn't pick up until the very end, when Knight and Stonetree confront the killer personally. The episode's theme, of women and their desires conflicting with the roles society insist on them, is a bit undercooked. Especially in the flashbacks, to a time during the Renascence where Nick met a model who was assaulted by her portraitist. [5/10]

Halloween 2018: October 1

Maniac Cop (1988)

I'm sure there are police officers that are decent people, guys who uphold the law, protect the innocent and serve the public trust. Yet the events of the last several years have made it abundantly clear that police brutality runs rampant in this country. That many cops are psychos with badges that are explicitly trained to see non-whites as less than human. Larry Cohen and William Lustig, it turns out, were ahead of the curve in realizing cops are not always heroes. Eight years after directing “Maniac,” Lustig would direct a similarly entitled script from one of the masters of American b-movies. The film would be a success, especially on home video, becoming the first part of a trilogy.

Someone is murdering random people on the streets of New York. This isn't just any ordinary psycho. Instead, the killer is dressed as a police officer. This creates a huge problem with the NYPD, as public trust of the police plummets, so they are quick to catch the perpetrator. The murders are quickly pinned on Officer Jack Forest, after his wife ends up dead. Detective Frank McCree, however, isn't sure Forest is the guy. He begins to investigate more and soon uncovers the case of Matt Cordell. A trigger happy cop, Cordell was put away in Sing-Sing Prison. He was quickly slashed to death by the crooks he put away. However, McCree begins to suspect Cordell is still alive and that he's the maniac cop.

Narratively, “Maniac Cop” has a bit of a problem. It's first act is structured like a mystery. Who is the Maniac Cop and where did he come from? While it's fun to watch Tom Atkins sleuth, this is ultimately not an especially compelling mystery. The way he uncovers the truth, by tracking a police woman who walks with a limp, does not show his detective skills as especially impressive.  After the truth about Matt Cordell is revealed, “Maniac Cop's” mysterious streak evolves into a tendency towards action theatrics. For its climax, the film throws in a car chase and a shoot-out or two. Which is a bit more fun than the detective-ing.

“Maniac Cop” is most successful as a horror movie. The intimate direction Lustig showed in “Maniac” has evolved towards something more atmospheric. The film opens with moody shots of Cordell suiting up and loading his weapons. The early attacks scene occur on the dark blue, night streets of New York City. The film plays the reveal of Cordell's weapon – a knife blade hidden in a billy club – for as much dramatic effect as possible. In the second half, when Cordell really goes on his rampage, a chaotic sense of mayhem overtakes the movie. The bodies pile up, as Cordell stabs, slashes, chokes, and tosses his way through unimportant extras. The movie's spooky direction peaks during the largely silent flashback, showing us Cordell's transformation from regular cop to maniac cop. He's attacked in the shower, throwing his attackers away, before being overwhelmed and cut to ribbon. Lustig leans heavily on the shadows and slow motion. When paired with Jay Chattaway's creepy synth score, it becomes surprisingly spooky.

William Lustig also assembled quite a cast of B-movie luminaries for “Maniac Cop.” Tom Atkins plays McCree. Like many of Atkins' roles, he's a fed-up cop that is determined to get the job done anyway. Nevertheless, Atkins' enormous charm and grit makes the part memorable. In a likely nod to “Psycho,” Atkins – the assumed star of the film – is offed halfway through. At that point, Bruce Campbell's Jack Forest becomes the hero. Forest is a bit of a thin part, leaving little room for Campbell's trademark humor. Laurene Landon is more likable as Forest's determined love interest. Of course, the late, great Robert Z'Dar plays Cordell. Z'Dar's massive frame and utterly distinctive face makes him an ideal fit for a lumbering, unstoppable killer. Even the bit parts are filled with recognizable faces like the gravelly-voice Wiliam Smith and a largely underused Richard Roundtree.

Though a simple action/slasher mash-up, Lustig and Cohen did sneak some social commentary into “Maniac Cop.” The film openly depicts police corruption. Despite being a “shoot first, ask questions later” type, the other cops refer to Cordell as a hero. The judge who sent him away, however, was black. Later, during a series of on-the-street interviews, a black man says that many of his friends have been killed by cops. Despite its simple and pulpy pleasures, “Maniac Cop” can't help but come off as very relevant. Maybe that's why Nicholas Winding Refn and John Hyams have been planning a remake for a while. Though Z'Dar will be hard to replace, that sounds like a good match. [7/10]

It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)

I have a huge deal of respect for Ray Harryhausen. Obviously, the man completely changed the fantasy, sci-fi, and horror genre with his groundbreaking effects work. For many, Harryhausen's name is synonymous with stop motion creations. Over the last few years, I've been watching the trilogy of black-and-white monster movies Harryhausen made for Columbia Pictures in the fifties. Completely unintentionally, I was watching this particular trilogy in the reverse order it was made. So, after covering “20 Million Miles to Earth” and “Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers,” I turn my attention towards “It Came from Beneath the Sea.”

Commander Matthew captains a U.S. submarine off America's Pacific coast. The sub is attacked by an unknown, but massive, creature. A huge mass of flesh is lodged in the propeller. The tissue is examined by expert marine biologists, Professor Lesley Joyce and Dr. John Carter. They determined the mass is from an enormous octopus, the creature brought up from the depths of the ocean by hydrogen bomb tests. The doctors are right. The octopus is attacking other ships and soon turns its tentacles on San Francisco.

It's not an completely unfair stereotype that fifties creature features were primarily composed of people standing around and talking, with maybe ten minutes of monster action. “It Came from Beneath the Sea” fits this accusation to a tee. This is a very talky monster movie. Carter and Joyce study the creature's remains in the lab. Joyce and Matthews argue/flirt. The scientist try to convince the military brass of the truth. Sailors, who were attacked by the octopus, alternate between admitting the truth or being accused of being crazy. They wait on the beach for the titular It to attack. I've got no problem with my vintage monster movies to be a little slow but “It Came from Beneath the Sea” feels a little unmotivated at times.

However, the monster scenes are pretty good. The giant octopus is not Ray Harryhausen's most personable monster. Compared to the snarling Rhedosaurus, the sympathetic Ymir, or even the wobbling flying saucers, the it that came from beneath the sea doesn't do as much. The octopus mostly sits at the bottom of the bay, its face and head fluttering and pumping. However, Harryhausen still makes the most of the creature. The scenes of the massive tentacles rising above the city –pulling down the Golden Gate Bridge, a clock tower, or snatching up vehicles– are a lot of fun. Even if the shot of the cephalopod holding the submarine during the climax looks a little silly.

“It Came from Beneath the Sea” has a solid cast, in theory. Kenneth Tobey, previously seen in “The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms” and “The Thing from Another World,” reappears as Commander Matthew. This was the third sci-fi creature feature Faith Domergue appeared in during 1955, along with “Cult of the Cobra” and “This Island Earth.” Both are fine, in their parts of a stern military captain and a sexy lady scientist. What doesn't work is their romance. At first, Matthew's romantic advances against Joyce are a little uncomfortable. Despite her telling him to back off, he repeatedly pursues her. This being the kind of movie it is, made during the time it was, she's eventually won over. The two end the movie kissing. However, from modern perspective, it's a little queasy.

Compared to the other monster movies Harryhausen would make around the same time, “It Came from Beneath the Sea” is a little anemic. The pace is a bit slow, the characters aren't as interesting, and the central monster is not as likable. Still, there's something to be said for those uniquely charming stop motion effects. Like the other two flicks Harryhausen would make for Columbia, this has its fans. Enough so that, fifty-two years later, there was a comic book sequel. By the way, I watched the colorized version –as that's what is streaming on Amazon– and it looks washed-out and sickly green. Stick with the black and white, if you can. [6/10]

Darkstalkers: There's No Business like Dragon Business

The American “Darkstalkers” cartoon reaches its most baffling point with “There's No Business like Dragon Business.” While out sledding with Hairball –a character we really didn't need to see again– Harry uncovers a dragon frozen in a glacier. The dragon, who talks with an effete accent, soon thaws out. The dragon is looking for the Holy Grail but is also extremely gullible. Meanwhile, Lord Raptor is starring in a dinosaur movie. After destroying the expensive dinosaur prop, he decides to track down the dragon instead. He quickly tricks the fire-breather into thinking Felicia and Harry are evildoers. Soon, all the heroes and villains end up on Pyron's ship. In his incompetence, Raptor activates the ship's solar system devastating self-destruct program.

Guys, I don't even know where to start with this one. “There's No Business like Dragon Business” is incredibly senseless, even for a series as consistently shitty as this one. Why is Lord Raptor starring in a jungle adventure movie? Why is the film set using a giant dinosaur robot? Why is there a random Arnold Schwarzenegger reference right after this scene? The dragon talking with a vaguely William Shatner accent is mildly amusing but very odd. There's a hilarious and disturbing scene where the Bigfoots spit out enough ice to create a huge dome. After Lord Raptor and the dragon begin to wreck Pyron's ship, things get even stranger. The computer sings a nonsense song. The zombie rock star raps, dresses in drag, and dances on the beach with a cartoon shark. It's one “what the fuck?” moment after the next. This show keeps finding new ways to impress me with its incompetence and sheer stupidity. [3/10]

Forever Knight: Hunters

Half-way through its first season, “Forever Knight” starts to focus some episodes on its supporting cast. “Hunters” begins with Nick and Schanke hanging out in the streets with Jim, an old friend of Schanke's. Jim is shot dead right in the street, shocking the other two. After a threatening letter is sent to the police station, it's discovered that Schanke was the intended target. Nick's partner goes into hiding. First, the hotel he stays in is exploded, causing Nick to hide Schanke in Janette's vampire club. Eventually, it's discovered that the nutcase obsessed with Schanke is an old friend from his Academy days.

“Hunters” is an episode that really jumps all over the place tonally. Schanke sees two friends killed before his eyes. After Jim is shot down in the opening scene, a beat cop is killed when the hotel is destroyed. (How Schanke survives the blast really seems impossible.) The finale, where the psycho hunts Schanke through the Academy shooting range, is also mildly tense. This contrasts against some very goofy scenes, mostly set around Schanke stumbling through Janette's vampire club or chatting with an elderly woman selling newspapers. Sometimes, however, I don't care about tonal consistence and both of these elements are equally entertaining.

The flashback portions of this episode are also really strong. Sometime during the Wild West days, Nick, Janette, and LeCroix were pursued by a trio of vampire hunters. These scenes show us a more savage side of Nick Knight, as he coldly executes the hunters. There's also some novelty to seeing the smoking vampires riding their horses through the day. Or being pinned down in an old shack by the hunters. While the story jumps all over the place, I still found myself liking this one before. [7/10]

Halloween 2018: September 30

Hell Fest (2018)

The horror event movie of 2018’s Halloween season is, obviously, the latest reboot in the “Halloween” franchise. And, yeah, sure, I’m looking forward to that. However, another slasher movie trailer caught my eye earlier in the summer. I can recall first hearing about “Hell Fest” quite a few years back, with “The Descent’s” Neil Marshall attached to direct. The project sounded cool but, as often happens in Hollywood, disappeared after the initial announcement. “Hell Fest” wasn’t dead though and was eventually directed by Gregory Plotkin, previously of “Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension.” Heading out of Monster-Mania today, JD and I decided to hit the movie theater across the street and give this one a shot based solely on the strength of that trailer.

Hell Fest is the hottest Halloween attraction for horror fanatics. Around the autumn season, the horror-themed amusement park – filled with spooky mazes, jump-scare filled haunted houses, and colorfully costumed performers – travels the country. A few weeks back, a young woman was murdered at a similar park. This does not dissuade a group of six friends. In order to get her used to her new town, Brooke invites her best friend Natalie out for a night of screams. Childhood nemesis Taylor, her boyfriend Asher, Brooke’s boyfriend Quinn, and a cute guy Natalie likes tag along. However, the night of safe scares is soon disrupted by a mysterious masked man. He begins to stalk Natalie and her friends. Soon, he’s killing them, their terrified death throes unnoticed in the scream-filled park.

“Hell Fest” is amazingly economical. The film runs 89 minutes, which is just the right length for a slasher film. That time is used wisely. Our characters are introduced within minutes. Not long after that, they have all arrived at Hell Fest. Most impressively, there’s no attempt by the film to be deeper than it need be. Natalie does not have some childhood trauma or recent tragedy in her past, like so many horror heroines these days. There’s no deep connection between Natalie and the killer. Brooke is not bitchy, the boyfriends are not annoying. Even Taylor, who is introduced as slightly bratty, proves incredibly likable. (Being played by the immensely lovable Bex Taylor-Klaus goes a long way. She steals the show.) The film is refreshingly free of melodrama, contrived bullshit, and gets right to the point. “Hell Fest” is the kind of back-to-basics horror movie I didn’t know was still released in theaters in 2018.

This approach is especially apparent in the killer. Referred to in the credits as the Other, he’s a very uncomplicated guy. There is no myth-filled back story, no deeper connection with his victims, no attempt at probing psychotical insight. We learn almost nothing about the guy and he’s identified mostly by his steel-toed boots. Even the absolutely brilliant final scene, a fantastic subversion of what we’ve come to expect, leaves us with very little information. He’s just a guy in a creepy mask, who hums “Pop Goes the Weasel,” and likes to terrorize teenagers in amusement parks. This lack of information does not make him any less scary. The Other brutally executes his victims – using mallets, knives, syringes – in squishy, creative, and intense murder scenes. He’s as swiftly efficient and fiercely direct as the movie around him.

The main element of novelty in “Hell Fest,” other than seeing such a true eighties throwback in 2018, is its amusement park setting. The titular Hell Fest is not just window dressing. The haunted mazes are utilized well, the killer often ambushing his victims in dead ends. Or utilizing the surroundings to disguise himself. The setting also allows the killings to take place in a populated area largely undetected. The final girl sees the first murder committed but believes it to be part of the show. Later, she’s corner by several people wearing the same mask as the murderer, each of them park employees. The scariest scene in the movie takes place in a cramp and dingy bathroom, the skuzzy but commonplace location adding quite a bit of realism to the suspenseful moment. It doesn’t hurt that Hell Fest looks like fun, with some really cool costumes, props, and a cameo from Tony Todd as the master of ceremonies.

“Hell Fest” looses a bit of momentum in its last third, after a guillotine-themed set piece fizzles out in a disappointing way. There’s also a little bit of shaky-cam, here and there. However, that awesome final scene and a genuinely likable cast makes up for a lot. I had a blast with “Hell Fest,” a meat-and-potatoes slasher that does almost everything exactly the way it needs to. If you clipped out the cell phones, the modern slang, and some fancier touches, this easily could’ve been made in 1982. If it had, I bet it would be as cultishly beloved as other stand-alone slash classics like “The Burning” or the similar “The Funhouse.” Though likely to be overshadowed by the new “Halloween,” I beg slasher fans not to sleep on this one. “Hell Fest” is a pure throwback blast. [8/10]

Race with the Devil (1975)

One of the things I love about seventies exploitation cinema is its pure willingness to do anything to make money. If two different types of movies were popular with the same audiences, reason dictated that a combination of those genres would be doubly popular. This is how we got blaxploitation westerns or kung-fu spy movies. Around 1975, devil movies like “The Exorcist” or “The Omen” were big money makers. Meanwhile, car chase flicks like “Two Lane Blacktop” and “Vanishing Point” were also profitable. Around that time, some smart producers decided to mash up these two types of stories. The result was “Race with the Devil,” the world's first car chase/devil worshiper movie. Naturally, this unique combination has attracted a cult following.

Roger, the successful owner of a motorcycle shop, is invited by his best friend, Frank, on a road trip. Frank has just purchased a fancy new RV. Along with their wives, Alice and Kelly, they decide to head on a road trip from Texas to Colorado. They forego a traditional camp grounds to park in a clearing for the night. Under the full moon, Frank and Roger spot something unusual. A group of masked people gather around a fire and strip a woman nude, performing some sort of Satanic ritual. The woman is then stabbed to death. Frank and Roger are spotted, fleeing the scene while being attacked by the cultists. The quartet continues to drive on but are still pursued by the Satanists, whose connections go deeper than expected.

“Race with the Devil,” if you'll excuse the pun, depicts the vacation from hell. Despite the title, there's very little racing in this film. Instead, there's a lot of unexpected pit stops and emergency layovers. Early in the film, Frank describes the RV as a home on wheels, so stop-offs for food or bathroom breaks are unnecessary. This illusion of self-reliance is shattered quickly. Frank and Roger frequently have to rely on mechanics, cops, and librarians after being chased by the Satanists. The film also violates these institutions. The family soon begin to suspect that everyone – the sheriff, the handyman, the gun shop owner, the friendly couple at the RV park – are part of the Satanic conspiracy. This quickly creates a sense of unease, our protagonists being totally without a safe haven, wondering if anyone or everyone could be their pursuers.

Director Jack Starrett previously made two motorcycle movies, “Run, Angel, Run!” and “The Losers.” (As well as blaxploitation flicks, “Slaughter” and “Cleopatra Jones.”) Despite this pedigree, Starrett holds off the motor vehicle theatrics. Save for an early gag of Satanists dangling off the back of the RV, he focuses more on building slow simmering tension. In the last third, however, “Race with the Devil” explodes into car chase shenanigans. Trucks and cars smash into the RV, trying to run it off the road. An exploding pick-up truck careens off a bridge. An impressive stunt shows a vehicle driving on two wheels for an extended period of time. The effective climax of the film has a shotgunned car impressively spinning, roof over wheel, three times before hitting the ground. These stunts are all the more impressive, since they come from the era before CGI. Car stunts can't help but be more exciting when you know real people are driving real vehicles.

Aside from its tense chills and twisted chrome, “Race with the Devil” has fans because of its leading men. This was Peter Fonda and Warren Oates' second movie together, after acid-western “The Hired Hand.” Oates and Fonda have an easy-going chemistry, the two being believable as best friends. Oates' tough guy exterior is well suited to Frank, who gets more angry and aggressive as their nightmare goes on. Fonda, surprisingly, projects an everyman feel as Roger, a guy clearly in over his head who only gets a bead on the situation after it's too late. Loretta Swit and Lara Parker are a little underwritten as the guys' wives, though likable enough.

If you're looking for traditional Satanic devilry, there's less here than expected. The one ritual we see is pretty fun, a nude girl lifted into the air and stabbed by a dude in a spooky mask. (Her breasts are partially obscured by the flames, insuring the PG rating.) Aside from that, you'll have to wait until the downbeat ending for more shots of robed cultists and burning fires. The movie is more focused on dead dogs and surprise snake attacks. Despite that, “Race with the Devil” is an effectively tense horror film with some cool car stunts. Fans include Kevin Smith, who drew from this one for his own “Red State,” and Drew McWeeney, who wrote a remake that came close to getting made in 2005. [7/10]

Darkstalkers: Samurai's Honor

Episode ten of the American “Darkstalkers” cartoon serves two purposes. Donovan is hunting Demitri. The “wizard” catches up with the vampire just as he attacks a family. Donovan runs the bloodsucker off before he kills Amanda, the little girl. The girl is cursed into a state of catatonia by the shock. Through some magical bullshit, Donovan and Amanda are bonded together. He calls upon Felicia and Harry to help. On the trail of the vampire once more, Donovan is soon facing off against Bishamon, the cursed samurai serving Pyron against his will.

Despite the title, “Samurai's Honor” is as much about introducing Amanda as explaining Bishamon's backstory. Amanda is this show's half-assed take on Anita, Donovan's video game sidekick. In the games, Anita is brunette, a powerful psychic and Donovan's greatest link to his humanity. She also carries around a headless doll, Wednesday Addams-style. Amanda is blonde, mute, carries a knock-off Godzilla plush, and has no powers at all. Despite the many differences, the little girl still softens Donovan's asshole personality. The cartoon doesn't handle this in an interesting or intelligent manner but it's something.

After floating around the series for a while, we finally figure out what Bishamon's deal is. As in a game, he was a noble samurai until being cursed by a demonic blade. The cartoon also maintains his dead ghost wife, Orin. Unlike the game, Bishamon's heroic personality still shines through even now that he's a monster. (And it seems just the sword, instead of the whole armor, is cursed.) As he fights Donovan, the hunter attempts to reach the samurai's inner goodness. Naturally, the episode ends with Bishamon's curse being lifted and the samurai joining the good guys. The cartoon also adds a whole bunch of bullshit about Bishamon being betrayed by a shogun and transforming into a bell.

As for the episode itself, it's full of the animation error, underwhelming action, and bizarre superpowers I've come to expect by now. An especially embarrassing moment gives the audience a peak at Bishamon's tightie whiteies. I will give the show some points for actually depicting Demitri as a bloodsucker. Then again, the episode looses major points by opening with a solid five minutes of stock footage, reused from the first episode! Harry is also especially obnoxious here, constantly belittling and teasing Amanda. Felicia also eats cat food in this one. Gee whiz. Anyway, it sucks. [4/10]

Forever Knight: Dead Air

“Forever Knight” seems weirdly fond of radio D.J.s. After LeCroix's gig as a disc jockey in the pilot, we now have an episode about a more sympathetic radio talk show host. Dr. Christina Noble, a former psychologist who now hosts a steamy call-in show, gets a disturbing phone call. On air, a man seemingly kills a woman. The cops, including Nick and Schanke, quickly uncover the victim. It happens again the same night. Nick and Christina form a friendly relationship, the doctor explaining her greatest failure: How a former patient was released under her watch and then proceeded to kill his mother. Christina and Nick quickly begin to worry that this same boy is responsible for the string of murders. 

As a mystery, “Dead Air” is pretty disappointing. Only one suspect is introduced and he, naturally, turns out to be the killer. The motives behind the killings, a bunch of mommy issues, are fairly derivative and uninteresting. Schanke is not the only one to reference Norman Bates. The conclusion is disappointing, with Nick showing up and the bad guy offing himself by accident. Despite these flaws, “Dead Air” is a decent episode. Diane Cary is likable as Dr. Noble and has a good rapport with Geraint Wyn Davies. Nick and Schanke also have some funny bits together, as the vampire's partner listen to the sleazy radio show as a guilty pleasure. Aside from the routine plot and a useless montage of Nick sitting on his apartment floor, it's a decent enough episode. [7/10]

Halloween 2018: September 28

I'm at Monster-Mania in Baltimore this weekend, so you may not get some updates tomorrow. However, you will get some tonight. Here's today's round-up of horror entertainment:

Maniac (2012)

Usually, when a horror classic is being remade, it's strictly because of commerce. The rights holders to some older film believes they can cash in on whatever name recognition the original property may have, knowing that will sell the product regardless of the remake's actual quality. This is how we ended up with redos of obscure titles like “April Fool's Day” and “Prom Night.” Occasionally, however, a movie will get remade because a filmmaker is passionate about the original. Such was the case with 2012's “Maniac.” William Lustig wanted to remake his film and sought out Alexandre Aja, a huge fan of the original. Aja would write the script, handing directorial duties to friend and protegee Frank Khalfoun. Elijah Wood, also a big fan of the original, would star. This passion for 1980's “Maniac” is very evident in 2012's “Maniac,” making it one of the best horror remakes in recent memory.

2012's “Maniac” follows the plot of the original fairly closely. Frank Zito is still a deranged serial killer and child of a prostitute. He still murders women, scalps their corpses, and nails the bloodied wigs to mannequins. He still finds himself developing a romantic attraction to a photographer named Ann. Several key sequences – such as the subway chase, the grisly ending, and several lines of dialogue – are maintained. However, there are notable changes. The location has shifted from New York to L.A. Frank now owns and operates a mannequin shop. He often picks up his victims through dating websites. Ann's photography is more artsy-fartsy than fashionable. Most obviously, Khalfoun's “Maniac” is primarily shot from Frank's perspective.

Shooting “Maniac” almost entirely in a P.O.V. style is not just a slick visual gimmick, helping to distinguish this horror remake from the countless others. The original “Maniac” took us into Frank Zito's disturbing world. The remake takes us even further. We more intimately see his home, where he converses with his mannequins as if they were alive. Sometimes, he even sees them talking and moving. We see him scrub his knuckles bloody. He's haunted by visions of his mother and frequently suffers from migraines. He experiences hallucinations, placing himself inside a movie. If William Lustig's “Maniac” sought to take us inside a deranged killer's head, the remake accomplishes that goal in a more literal and even more disquieting fashion.

Khalfoun's remake is far more sympathetic to Frank. Among his mannequins is one of himself as a child. Deep inside, he's still that abused little boy, something emphasized during his death scene. We get several shots of Frank imaging everyone is staring at him, making his discomfort in public apparent. The remake makes it increasingly clear that Frank's murders are the result of a warped sex drive. During a date, a feisty redhead stripes down for him. As they are getting intimate, Frank strangles her. More emphasis is put on him calling his victims beautiful, leering after their bodies. His impotence is signaled by a nightmare, where he imagines himself as a mannequin from the waist down. The only time the movie takes us outside Frank's head is during the murder scenes, allowing the viewer to experience the orgasmic ecstasy of the kill.

Furthering this sympathetic reading is Elijah Wood's performance. Wood never diminishes Frank's status as a brutal killer or total creeper. However, he does make us understand why Zito is like this. Wood's casting also makes the romance with Ann a lot more believable. Elijah Wood is a lot more attractive than Joe Spinall. The remake has Ann expressing interest in Frank first, by photographing his mannequin shop. That connection over mannequins – soulless things that look alive but aren't – creates an actual foundation for their relationship. It's also way more plausible that an artistic type would be interested in a weirdo like Frank Zito, as opposed to Caroline Munro's strictly wholesome portrayal of the character in 1980.

No matter how sympathetic “Maniac's” take on Frank may be, this still functions as a brutal horror movie. It's easy to see Khalfoun taking some pointers from Aja in the attack sequences. Some are stomach churning in their nastiness. Such as Frank tying down a naked victim and slicing her back, before scalping her. Or a scene bringing the ankle slashers urban legend to mind, where Frank hides under a car and savagely cuts a victim's Achilles's tendon. Yet the film doesn't just rely on shocking gore. There's definite a sense of suspense during the long stalking scenes, especially the recreation of the subway chase, which is just as tense here as in the original.

Another positive element of 2012's “Maniac” is a gorgeous synth score from French electronic artist rob. The low throbbing synth of the soundtrack effectively underscores the tension and discomfort of Frank's life. 2012's “Maniac” may be one of those rare remakes that are superior to the originals. It doesn't have quite the same sleazy charm but it's a fantastically acted, beautifully orchestrated and brilliantly scored movie. Frank Khalfoun, previously of Christmas-set slasher “P2,” would next make the dreadful “Amityville: The Awakening.” Hopefully his next feature, Blumhouse produced thriller “Prey,” will be closer in quality to this one. [9/10]

Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

A lot of people are afraid of spiders. There's a few reasons for this. Very few spiders can actually kill people, though some can deliver nasty bites. With their eight legs and multiple eyes, spiders can certainly look strange or alien. Mostly, I think spiders scare people because of their tendency to crawl into places were we don't expect to see them. And, hey, their webs make awesome set-dressing for haunted houses. Because of all this and more, there have been many horror movies starring spiders. Lots of these blow the arachnids up to enormous size. This, however, is unnecessary to make the creepy crawlers unnerving. 1977's “Kingdom of the Spiders” would become a cult classic thanks to William Shatner and 5000 real tarantulas.

Pleasant Verde Valley in Arizona seems like an idyllic small town. The town is preparing for a local celebration. Veterinarian Rack Hansen has managed to create a nice life for himself, taking care of his niece and his brother's widow. That's when animals around the town begin to mysteriously die. First a calf, then a dog, then a full-sized bull. Hansen sends the results to the local university. Diane arrives to tell him that spider venom is responsible for the deaths. The two soon discover that swarms of angry, unusually venomous tarantulas are crawling around Verde Valley. It's not long before the entire town is taken over by the pissed-off arachnids.

“Kingdom of the Spiders” falls into several subcategories of horror that were popular in the seventies. The film takes a little from “Jaws,” as the Mayor of the town downplays the threat because he doesn't want to delay a local event. Like many ecologically-themed horror pictures, pollution – pesticides specifically – are blamed for changing the tarantulas into killers. At times, the film seems like a low budget attempt to replicate the disaster movie trend. There's a sequence where the town is swarmed by the spiders. We see people fleeing, many falling to the ground, covered in spiders. A cop is even crushed by a falling water tower. (These scenes resemble, and predate, “The Swarm” from the next year.) The last act, devoted to the cast hiding in a local bar, trying to keep the spiders out, reminded me a lot of “Night of the Living Dead” as well.

Derivative as the film's plot may be, “Kingdom of the Spiders” is elevated by one detail. Using real tarantulas goes a long way. Director John “Bud” Cardos – who would go on to make “The Dark” and “The Day Time Ended” – throws in a few spider P.O.V. shots. However, the shots of real spiders crawling around amass are way creepier. In one scene, spiders emerge from the cockpit of a crop duster, swarming over the pilot. One effective shot shows a horde of tarantulas crawling under a little girl's feet as she sits on a swing. Spiders drop from a busted ventilation shaft, falling over an actress' head. Later, Shatner descends into the basement, where spiders cover the light bulbs and burst out of windows. If you're afraid of arachnids, “Kingdom of the Spiders” getting so up-close and personal with the eight legged beasties will certainly make you squirm. And if you're sympathetic to the critters, the movie might bum you out. Many tarantulas get squished during the ninety-minute run time.

“Kingdom of the Spiders” owes much of its infamy to its leading man. William Shater starred in this film during the years after “Star Trek's” cancellation, around the same time as “Big Bad Mama” and “The Devil's Rain.” Despite his hammy reputation, Shatner comes off as likably down-to-Earth here. (Though we do get some classical Shatnerian overacting during some of the spider attacks.) Considering the actor's real life love of horses, I imagine he enjoyed playing a glorified cowboy. The movie gives Bill two women to romance, Diane and his brother's widow. This romantic scenes are surprisingly cute. Though the spider invasion ends up resolving the love triangle, making the earlier scenes devoted to it feel superfluous.

Another thing to like about “Kingdom of the Spiders” is its final image. After surviving their hellish night, our protagonist look out the window. They see the entire town covered with spider silk. That's a fittingly haunting and spooky image to take the film out on. Though its budget and goals are modest, “Kingdom of the Spiders” does a good job of exceeding both. The film's cult following grew further thanks to frequent airings on cable television in the eighties. With the only previous DVD release being a shitty pan-and-scan transfer, the recent upgrade from Scream Factory was much appreciated. [7/10]

Darkstalkers: Aliens Keep Out

“Aliens Keep Out” has a convoluted and senseless plot, even by the standards of the American “Darkstalkers” cartoon. After a confrontation with Donovan, Rikou returns to Atlantis to relax. Morrigan and Bishamon ambush him, quickly capturing the curiously attractive fishman. Pyron is so pleased by this, he travels to Earth. Pyron landing on the South American continent awakens Huitzil, an ancient robot tasked by Quetzacoatl with sacrificing any aliens that step foot on Earth. Rikou, Morrigan, and Bishamon team up for the good of the whole planet. The Computer on Pyron's ship informs everyone that, if he's not returned within a few hours, the ship will explode, taking most of the solar system with it. The Computer recruits Felicia and Harry, for some reason, to help with this. Got all that?

The American “Darkstalkers” cartoon is known for its wild divergences from canon but “Aliens Keep Out” really takes the cake. In the games, there's a whole army of Huitzils and they are all Pyron's minions. Pyron is also among the most powerful characters in “Darkstalkers” lore. Here, he's overpowered by Huitzil, spending most of the episode crying like a baby. Bishamon, who has yet to get much character development, is portrayed here as a honorable samurai. He's cursed to be evil and longs for a dead wife, a plot point introduced randomly. This is very different from the games, where Bishamon's evil armor turns into a bloodthirsty sadist. The creators of this show apparently confused Rikou with Aquaman, as he's given the ability to communicate with and control aquatic life. He's also given a high-tech airplane, called the Sky Fish, that appears in one scene out of nowhere.

Beyond these baffling changes, “Aliens Keep Out” is probably one of the more entertaining episodes of “Darkstalkers.” That's mostly thanks to it being completely nuts. Its plot is baffling and nonsensical. Once again, Morrigan's abilities shift from episode to episode. Here, she can seemingly manipulate matter to her will. Scott McNeil's increasingly sarcastic and put-upon performance as Rikou is the ideal reaction to all the stupid bullshit happening here. Though his backstory and personality has been completely altered, Huitzil gets one of the better redesigns. He even gets to keep some of his special attacks. There's a weird homoerotic subtext between Pyron and his Computer, as the A.I. seems like a clingy girlfriend. Later, Harry reprograms the Computer to have a sultry female voice. The animation and action is still garbage but, I'll admit, I was entertain but this maddening episode. [6/10]

Forever Knight: I Will Repay

“Forever Knight” once again sees its hero wrestling with the ethical implications of being a vampire. Natalie's previously unmentioned brother, Richard, accompanies her to the police station. Just as he arrives, an angry perp grabs a cop's gun away. Richard is shot and fatally wounded. With her brother dying, Natalie asks Nick to transform him into a vampire. After hesitating, Nick goes through with it. This makes Knight recall a time, centuries ago, where he brought a leprous woman over to the dark side. Like that incident hundreds of years earlier, things go horribly wrong. Richard fancies himself a vampire vigilante and quickly goes mad with power.

The first half of “I Will Repay” is more interesting than its second. The debate between Natalie and Nick is compelling, because both of them are right. She has good reason to want her brother to live, as he has a wife and daughter. Nick, however, knows making new vampires is always a problematic endeavor. Once Richard is turned into a vampire, things quickly begin to go in a more typical direction. Richard becomes an insane vampire seemingly within the span of one night, using his powers to kill a local mob bosses. Naturally, Nick has to stake him in order to protect Natalie. The most interesting aspect of this plot twist – Richard's wife learning about vampires – is wiped away by Nick hypnotizing her at the end. “I Will Repay” starts promising but ends on an underwhelming note. [6/10]