Halloween 2022: October 16th

Halloween Ends (2022)

When a series has been running for forty-four years, with countless fans around the world, you're never going to make everyone happy. David Gordon Green and Blumhouse's “Halloween” trilogy has been divisive all along. 2018's “Halloween” was mostly well received, though I thought it played things a little too safe. “Halloween Kills” was liked by some, hated by others, and struck me as intermittently effective but shapeless in other regards. And now the trilogy comes to an end with “Halloween Ends,” a movie even more hotly debated. Those that love it, think it's one of the best films in the series. Those that hate it, hate it so much they're demanding the movie be reshot. Now the time has come for me, just another horror nerd here on the internet, to weigh in. 

Four years have passed since the bloody Halloween night of 2018. Michael Myers has not been seen since but Haddonfield is still abuzz with debate and conspiracy theories around the killer. Laurie Strode, while attempting to write her memoir, decides to move on with her life. Her granddaughter Alison, now working as a nurse, seeks out romance with Corey Cunningham. Corey is a social outcast after accidentally killing a child following a Halloween prank. Persecuted by people in the town, Corey has an unexpected encounter as the end of October draws near: He meets Michael Myers and feels a bond with the aging murderer. Soon, Corey and the Shape are working together on a new murder spree. This causes quite a lot of conflict between Laurie and Alison. 

I know trauma is the biggest buzzword in the horror genre right now but Green's “Halloween” movies really are grappling with the effects horrible events has on someone's life. 2018's “Halloween” was about people still trapped in the trauma of Michael's original rampage. “Halloween Kills” was about the trauma a whole town felt afterwards. “Halloween Ends,” meanwhile, shows the different ways people move on from trauma. Laurie lets go and decides to live her life outside of Myers' shadow, even celebrating the holiday for fun. This is not so easy for the rare victims of the killer who have seen his mask and lived, who are consumed by the bitterness of their pain. Alison deals with it by doing probably the most reasonable thing: Getting the hell out of Haddonfield. And then there's Corey, a man who lashes out in bloody violence to express the feelings his traumatic life have left him with. 

“Halloween Ends” also presents another interesting question. Corey isn't like Michael Myers. He's not a seemingly normal kid who picked up a knife and stabbed his sister one night for no discernible reason. He's a socially awkward nerd brimming with anger and rage at the world that has abused him. There's no rhyme or reason to the Shape's killing, his victims chosen randomly. Corey, meanwhile, is focused specifically on the people who have hurt him. Essentially, “Ends” is dropping a more realistic version of a serial killer into a world where Michael Myers – the killer as avatar of unknowable death – exists. This raises the question of what evil even is. Is it a nebulous, outside force? Or is it something that lives inside us? Was Michael Myers born or made? Could any of us become a remorseless slasher killer given certain circumstances? 

The sequel does seem to want it both ways. There's a moment that suggest Myers' evil is a communicable force, that he spreads to Corey. Afterwards, Corey's eyes are repeatedly compared to Myers' infamous “devil's eyes.” Yet Green and his team also lean into the idea that the Shape could be more human than previously thought. Myers is referred to as “a man with brain damage” by a Laurie skeptic at one point, probably the most realistic explanation for his actions. “Ends” even embraces the fact that Michael Myers is pushing seventy now and isn't as spry as he used to be. All of this is in opposition to the last movie, which increasingly implied Myers is a supernatural force of evil. Yet just asking these questions in the thirteenth installment of a series that has been, more often than not, simply body count films is bold.  

Whether or not you find Corey – a hilariously mundane name for a murderer, that similarly makes you realize that "Michael" is too – compelling will vary wildly. He has a clingy mom, who gets weird about his girlfriend. He dances strangely and generally acts like a spaz in public. I can relate to all that. In contrast to the unmovable Myers, his competency at murder varies. Yet he's an interestingly grounded take on the kind of disaffected youth that become murderers in real life, with Rohan Campbell's performance really working for me. This stands alongside further strong performances from Jamie Lee Curtis and Andi Matichak. Both of whom are allowed to breathe and expand upon the personalities they've already shaped, while Curtis gets some impressive stuntwork too. Laurie Strode remains a fighter. 

Maybe this more character-driven approach is what's alienating some fans, who just want to see Michael Myers fuck people up. Taken as a straight-forward slasher flick, “Halloween Ends” is solid enough. The attempts to give the victims some personality was better executed in “Kills.” Here, the folks that get cut up are mostly assholes who have it coming. This includes a group of obnoxious zoomer bullies, Alison's philandering boss, and a sub-Alex Jones radio host. (This is when the outrageous Danny McBride dialogue, that sometimes bristled against the previous films' tones, is most apparent.) There's some likable style to the bloodshed. The most extended stalking sequence goes down in a junkyard and features some stylish carnage. The film is less bloody and elaborate than “Kills." You get the impression that the murder is not what most interests the filmmakers here. Green, and the burning score from John Carpenter and friends, still do their best to create some thrilling mayhem. 

Honestly, the thing that most surprised and impressed me about “Halloween Ends” is the sense of finality it brings to the series. There's no last minute shock to suggest the story might continues. The final set of shots are a brilliant callback to Carpenter's original. The the second word in the title is lingered upon before the credits run. Obviously, the franchise will continue, in one way or another. Yet I have to admire David Gordon Green for going in a more psychological direction with the final film of his trilogy, really attempting to do something different. I'm not surprised some folks hate it, people will debate the merits of this one for years to come, and that's fine. I, for one, found “Halloween Ends” to be an intriguing exploration of the themes Green has been working with since he first went to Haddonfield. I think it's the best of the trilogy and easily one of the best sequels in the entire “Halloween” experience. [8/10]

The Awful Dr. Orlof (1962)

Gritos en la noche

A few years back, I decided to watch my first Jess Franco movie. When I was first reading about Eurohorror way back in my youth, Franco was a name I heard mentioned often. The director gathered a passionate group of defenders over his long, prolific career. Yet his movies have also been dismissed as the most disposable type of sleazy Eurotrash. I found my previous excursion into Franco country to be somewhat interesting but also extremely trashy. For my second attempt, I figured I'd go all the way back to the beginning. That would be Franco's first movie which is also regarded as some as the first Spanish horror movie period. That would be “The Awful Dr. Orlof.” 

In France, at the turn of the century, someone is murdering young woman. Two separate men are spotted in connection with the crimes: A suave man in evening wear and a strange fellow with an ambling gait and unblinking eyes. The perpetrator is Dr. Orlof, a mad scientist who is using the skin and blood of beautiful young woman to heal his scarred daughter's face. The actual murderer is Morpho, a condemned killer that Orlof has hypnotized into being his slave. Inspector Tanner is on the case but, when he's slow to uncover the truth, his girlfriend Wanda decides to take matters into her own hands. 

From what little I've seen of Jess Franco's movies, I associate his films with tacky crash-zooms and cheap production values. It clearly wasn't always this way. “The Awful Dr. Orlof” actually looks fantastic. The black-and-white photography is rich and immersive. The shadows are thick in the streets of Paris. The interiors of the laboratories and torture chambers are similarly stylish. There's at least one shot of a creeper in a top hat and cape, his shadow cast huge on a wall, that makes an impression. Franco's framing can be quite intriguing at times. There's a great shot of Orlof and Morpho carrying a casket up a hill towards their lair. There's some nice Dutch angles too, especially as Morpho attacks. It all adds up to some strong gothic atmosphere.

Aside from its black-and-white ambiance, the second most interesting thing about “The Awful Dr. Orlof” is its uncertain relationship with women. The premise of a deformed lunatic and a mad scientist killing beautiful young women for their skin certainly sounds sexist. The movie was notable in 1962 for its few scenes of nudity, which were often cut out depending on what country you were watching it in. Yet “Dr. Orlof” is a little more complicated than that. Wanda identifies the killer very early on, after just getting one good look at Orlof. Her words are ignored by her boyfriend and the police. She goes undercover in the dance hall where Orlof picks his victims. This might just be an excuse to get the lead actress – the beautiful Diana Lorys –  in a tight, skimpy outfit. It still makes the film a little more interesting than it otherwise would be, suggesting women weren't believed in the 1900s either.

What makes “The Awful Dr. Orlof” worth watching isn't its story. The premise is obviously taken from “Eyes Without a Face,” with Edgar Wallace's “Dark Eyes of London” also being an inspiration. Unlike Georges Franju's masterpiece, the deformed daughter isn't given much focus. In fact, she's barely a character at all, spending the entire movie in a catatonic state. The detective storyline is mostly used as an excuse for comic relief, with Tanner and his witnesses functioning as incompetent goofballs. Despite all the trappings it throws on, “The Awful Dr. Orlof” is basically a monster movie. Morpho, whose frozen face makes him look like an evil puppet person, is the murderous beast that turns on his master eventually. The film even includes a “Caligari”-inspired ending, where the sleepwalking killer abducts the beauty and takes a climatic dive off a tower. 

From what I've read, this kind of set-up – generic horror movie tropes with some stylish direction – is what Jess Franco excelled at. The director was clearly fond of “The Awful Dr. Orlof.” He made several semi-sequels and quasi-remakes featuring some of the same characters and themes. “Orlof” was a sizable enough hit to spawn a couple of knock-offs unrelated to Franco's work as well. The rich black-and-white photography and a few oddball touches – which includes a jazzy score – goes a long way towards distinguishing what is a standard collection of mad scientist/gothic horror clichés. But I'm a sucker for some bitchin' gothic atmosphere, so obviously I loved this. I'm happy to add weird ol' Morpho to my collection of freaky monsters. [7/10]

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: Tale of the Night Shift

“Are Afraid of the Dark?” – a show I've never been all that impressed with but retains a devoted cult following – would wrap up its original five season run with “Tale of the Night Shift.” Set in a hospital in the middle of the night, it follows a teenage volunteer nurse named Amanda. While deflecting the advances of pushy guy, Colin, she discovers empty packets of blood. Shortly after that, another teenage worker – a janitor named Felix – mysteriously ends up in the morgue. After which he's alive again and attempting to drink Amanda's blood. The teenagers are soon trying to survive against a shape-shifting vampire who has taken up residence in the hospital. 

“Tale of the Night Shift” has a great idea for a horror story. In a hospital, a vampire would have easy access to blood and immobile victims, who everyone expects to die anyway. There's plenty of hiding space for a coffin, in the spacious basements and such. As the son of a night shift nurse, I know how empty hospitals are at night and how draining the job is on the nurses. A vampire would be a good metaphor for that kind of pressure. The best parts of “Tale of the Night Shift” plays on these ideas, focusing on the shadowy isolation of a ward in the middle of the night. 

“Tale of the Night Shift” also, by the standards of this show, has a fairly scary villain. Giving the vampire the ability to assume the appearance of anyone leads to one or two alright shocks, while also catching the cast members off-guard. The bloodsucker also has a suitably grotesque appearance, with green skin, red eyes, and yellow teeth. Granted, some of the malevolence is drained once he starts to talk in a goofy accent. Yet just a look at that guy would probably be enough to scare the crap out of a five year old. The fiery mode of his demise is also surprisingly intense.

Sadly, the rest of “Tale of the Night Shift” is the typical kids-glove nonsense I expect from this show. The musical score is awful and clownish, drawing far too much attention to every moment. This is apparent in how the camera constantly cuts to the bite marks on people's necks. The acting is mostly goofy, especially from Jorgito Vargas as Felix. As you'd expect from a show for children, most of the bite is taken out of the vampire premise. As soon as the threat is dispelled, everyone returns to normal with no memory of what happened. I also find this show's continued focus on teenage romance really distracting. It's still too cutesy for me but a strong premise and an above-average villain still ranks this as one of the better “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” episodes I've watched. [6/10]

The Munsters: Herman's Raise / Yes, Galen, There is a Herman

“The Munsters” wrapped up its first season with more of what you expect. “Herman's Raise” has Lily asking her husband to request a pay raise at work. Instead, the owner of the funeral parlor fires Herman, information he tries to keep from his wife. He tries out a number of jobs but he can't stop Lily from uncovering the truth. In the awkwardly entitled “Yes, Galen, There is a Herman,” Herman finds a little boy with his head stuck through a fence on his walk home from work. After he helps the kid out, both are excited to get to know each other better. Neither the other Munsters nor Galen's family believe the stories of their encounter at first, prompting visits from both parties. 

The “Munsters” writers must've decided to use up all their remaining “What if Herman did [X]?” jokes at the end of the season. “Herman's Raise” features a typically ridiculous montage of Herman trying out various jobs, each one ending with people fleeing in exaggerated terror. The lengthiest scene is devoted to him working in a Chinese Laundromat. (Which features a not-exactly-sensitive portrayal of an Asian business owner.) That's a scene that just gets getting bigger and sillier, an escalation that admittedly got me to smile. Especially once Herman decides to quit and his later reaction to a ringing phone. Honestly, Grandpa's snide remarks about his son-in-law's intelligence probably got the most consistent chuckles out of me. You could always count on Al Lewis for those. This episode is also notable for John Carradine's first appearance as Herman's boss, which the veteran star puts some deadpan effect into.  

Harvey Korman makes his second appearance on “The Munsters” but as a different character. He plays the child psychologist Galen's parents hire to address his supposed fantasies. Korman having increasingly shocked reactions to the Munsters' household, while speaking in a goofy accent, makes up most of the episode's second half. Other than that, this episode feels a little more shapeless than your typical “Munsters” installment. Herman's childish bond with Galen is cute, though the boy happily walking home with a strange man – literally a seven-foot tall Frankenstein – probably isn't something any child should do in real life. There's a long bit of the family watching Grandpa's home movies – stock footage from the Universal vault – which is unfortunately fairly lifeless. It's definitely something of a weak note to take the first season out on. [Herman's Raise: 7/10 / Yes, Galen, There is a Herman: 6/10]

After speeding my way through the first season of “The Munsters,” I think I can easily say that this is a comfort show for me. You always know what you're going to get when you watch one of these. The punchlines are predictable and the set-ups often contrived. Yet it's simply cozy for me. The characters, simplistic archetypes they might undeniably be, are just nice to spend time with. Ya know, I'm just saying, I'd love to visit 1313 Mockingbird Lane and hang out with Herman and the gang. I'm sure my reviews where not the most insightful. I find comedy challenging to write about in general and it's not like these half-hours give me much depth to dig into it. Yet I absolutely enjoyed it. I'll definitely be packing season two into next year's Six Weeks.

Halloween 2021: October 20th

Halloween Kills (2021)

When Blumhouse and David Gordon Green released their "Halloween" movie in 2018, they obviously had eyes towards doing a sequel. Once their effort was declared a commercial and critical success, everyone's focus turned towards advancing this Carparter-approved continuity in two new sequels. After some COVID-related delays, "Halloween Kills" is finally in theaters. (And on Peacock, for the six people who use that service.) The reaction has been mixed so far, especially from longtime fans. Speaking as someone who liked, didn't love, that last movie, I sat down in my theater seat last now with uncertain expectations towards Michael Myers' latest night of murder and mayhem.

After a flashback to 1978, "Halloween Kills" gives us More of the Night He Came Home Again. Laurie Strode is rushed to the hospital by Karen and Alyson, to mend the knife wound in her belly. Laurie survives... And so does Michael Myers, who busts out of the burning wreckage of Strode's home and resumes his killing spree across Haddonfield. Meanwhile, the survivors of Myers' original rampage —  Tommy Doyle, Lindsey Wallace, Marian Crane, and Lonnie Elam — are doing their yearly October 31st gathering to commiserate. Upon hearing that the Shape is back, Tommy riles up a vigilante mob to track Myers down and kill him once and for all. It's not long before this gets back to the Strode family, wrapped up once again in Michael Myers' murderous passion. 

Green's "Halloween" took a back-to-basics approach, designed to remind people why they liked these movies in the first place. The best parts focused on Laurie Strode confronting the lingering trauma from that night, forty years ago, and how it has affected her entire family. It was a movie about the Strode women and I really liked that. “Halloween Kills,” disappointingly, steps back from this. Laurie spends most of the movie in a hospital bed. Karen doesn’t have much to do until the end. Alyson is more involved but even she disappears for long stretches of the story. Jamie Lee Curtis is still gravely intense. (Though she’s given some of the sequel’s worst dialogue.) Judy Greer is still incredibly likable and Andi Matichak still shows a lot of promise. I simply don't know why the movie doesn't utilize them more.

In fact, “Halloween Kills’” focus often wanders off on a number of digressive episodes. The fans that hated the side characters in the last movie, like the sarcastic kid being babysat or the cops talking about their sandwiches, are probably the ones least pleased with this installment. Among the characters that wander in and out of the plot here are a married couple playing with a drone, a trio of obnoxious kids stealing Halloween candy, a pair on a Halloween date that meet Tommy in a bar, and the loving gay couple who currently live in the Myers' house. While these characters take up precious screen time, I can appreciate “Halloween Kills” adding some quirks and personality to these roles. Even if they ultimately just exists to up the body count. Many lesser slasher films just introduce warm bodies immediately before offing them. At least we get to know some of these characters a little bit before they die. Big John and Little John, in particular, are one of the more memorable elements of the sequel. 

Green's sequel delights in bringing back bit players from the original film and filling in missing gaps. “Halloween Kills” begins by depicting what happened after Myers disappeared off the Strode lawn. Bringing Tommy, Lonnie, Lindsey, and Marion Crane back are all interesting ideas... Yet Tommy Doyle's subplot is another element that disappointed me. Anthony Michael Hall gives a committed, fiery performance but he's central to a subplot that feels disconnected from much of the movie. Doyle riles up the population of Haddonfield into a violent mob. A lengthy section has Doyle's gang pursuing a completely innocent man throughout the hospital. This is clearly an attempt at social commentary. Doyle's campaign of violence depends on misinformation, mob mentality, and parroting a meaningless catchphrase. It's a clumsy attempt to reflect the American condition over the last several years. I'm sure we'll never be free of the spectre of Trumpism, especially in pop culture, but it feels like an extraneous addition to this story. In fact, it adds almost nothing to the film. 

No matter its flaws, “Halloween Kills” is an effective film in some ways. As a filmmaker, David Gordon Green's sometimes veer towards blurry shaky-cam but he generally has a strong visual eyes. Such as in moments where Tommy's face is bathed in red due to a blinking siren. As a slasher movie, “Halloween Kills” is certainly fantastically engineered. The murder scenes are intense and impressively bloody. Myers slashes through a crowd of firefighters, the camera sometimes assuming their perspective. An eye injury is pretty disturbing. A widely disliked character is disposed of in such a brutal fashion, that you find yourself questioning your own opinions as a viewer. Blades fly and blood spurts. The movie knows when to keep (its extremely graphic) gore largely off-screen.

Another thing is for certain: David Gordon Green and his co-conspirators understand the Shape better than any filmmaker since John Carpenter. Michael Myers is a completely unknowable force in “Halloween Kills.” He kills for no identifiable reason. His only objective is to return home. We get hints and peeks at his inner life. He remains obsessed with his mask, to the point where he will stop everything if it's removed or disturbed. His tendency to showcase his victims' bodies – such a cliché of the slasher genre that I've never really thought much about it – is another obsessive quirk of his. In one of the film's most clever touches, we even briefly glimpse Michael assembling a dead body into an “art piece.” While the film seems to be increasingly hinting at a supernatural explanation for why Myers is so immune to injury, nothing is outright stated. As in the best previous films, he is a symbol of death itself, that can never be totally understood or reckoned with.

And, of course, John Carpenter's music is fantastic. He even incorporates some new melodies into the traditional themes. A driving, synth score that kicks in after Alyson decides to go after Myers could've come right out of “Escape from New York.” Ultimately, “Halloween Kills” suffers badly from being the middle chapter of a trilogy. As is too often the case with stories planned out this way, it feels a bit like the filmmakers really only had enough story for one sequel but were determined to make two instead. Maybe Green and the gang will bring it all together with “Halloween Ends.” As it is now, “Kills” feels like it takes forever to build momentum and then ends abruptly after it finally starts to get moving. [6/10]

The McPherson Tape (1989)

Many years ago, I reviewed “Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County.” That was a television movie made for the UPN Network, that aired during the peak of nineties UFO fever, a found footage movie that came out right before "Blair Witch" popularized the concept. Surprisingly, “Incident in Lake County” was a remake of an even earlier movie from the same director. Made in the late eighties by filmmaker Dan Aliotto for all of 6500 dollars, it may very well be the first ever found footage horror movie. Originally entitled “UFO Abduction,” the warehouse containing the tapes caught on fire, meaning the movie was never truly released when new... But a few bootlegs did sneak out and circulated among UFO believers and conspiracy theorists, who mistook it for a genuine recording of extraterrestrial life. This is how “UFO Abduction” acquired the nickname “The McPherson Tape.” Obscure and hard-to-find for years, Aliotto's film was released on Blu-Ray not that long ago by the good people at AGFA.

The film follows the Van Heese family — not the McPhersons, despite the alternate title — who have gathered for the fifth birthday party of Michele, the daughter of Eric and Jamie. The party is documented by younger brother Michael, mostly so he can play with his new camcorder. Things progress normally up until the house looses power. The brothers go and investigate, soon seeing a strange light in the sky. Shortly after that, they spot short, grey, alien life forms standing outside a spacecraft. It's not long before the greys follow them back to the house, the family responding violently and the aliens tormenting them in turn. 

I can see why UFOlogists, when presented with a version of the film that clipped off the titles and end credits, could believe this was real. "The McPherson Tape" feels entirely genuine. The camera work is as rough and shaky as you'd expect from a teenager handling a home VHS recorder. While his family sits around the table, eating and talking, he fools around with the settings, randomly zooming into faces or plates. Aliottto had clearly read up on UFO lore when writing the film. The story was likely inspired by the Hopkinsville Goblins incident and several supposed aftereffects of alien encounters — such as an unexplained sick feeling or disorientation — are depicted. The acting is completely naturalistic. The sometimes stiff dialogue just comes off as the goofy way normal people act when you point a camera at them. 

In fact, Aliotto's film may be too realistic. The director replicated the experience of popping a random home movie into your VCR. Which means the movie, which is only a little over an hour, has multiple dull sequences. The brothers walk around in the dark, looking for a fuse box. They discuss their mother's alcoholism. There's far too many times when you can't see much on-screen and all you hear is Michael grunting. Even after the aliens make themselves known, "UFO Abduction" has its tedious stretches. Characters sit down to open birthday presents or play card games, in their dark and alien-besieged home. Most of these boring sections can be dismissed for accuracy's sake, though whether that particular excuse works for you is a matter of personal taste.

Despite its flaws and clearly amateurish production values, there is something deeply creepy about "The McPherson Tape." The aliens were played by children in black body suits and Halloween masks. Yet the crude camera work and picture quality often makes their limbs look disproportionately long. The aliens are only glimpsed fleetingly, causing the audience to scan the background for their presence. There's a lot of bickering and shouting in the second half. Yet it all reads as realistic. My family would certainly panic if we found aliens outside our house. Even the insistence on continuing the birthday rituals comes off as deeply scared people trying to restore a sense of normalcy. The abrupt, quiet ending leaves you with a slightly unsettled feeling. 

It's also interesting to note that "The McPherson Tape" maintains a lot of the common tropes of the found footage genre, even though there was no precedence for them. (It's hard to say if Aliotto was aware of "Cannibal Holocaust" or "Guinea Pig" in 1989 and neither of those are "pure" found footage movies anyway.) Michael's family ask him to put the camera down but he insists these events need to be documented, twenty years before "Cloverfield" featured almost the exact same exchange. "The McPherson Tape" is certainly raw. "Incident in Lake County" replicates most of what worked about this one while being considerably more polished. Still, this lo-fi effort has a creepy vibe that I can't quite shake. I sort of wish the definitive truth that the film was fictional was never clarified. The sense of not knowing if it was a "hoax" or not would make it even creepier. [7/10]

Creeped Out: The Many Place

We are now thoroughly in the modern era of horror anthology shows. "Creeped Out" is a British series geared towards younger viewers, which got a little international attention when it cropped up on Netflix. Each episode is narrated by the Curious, a masked collector of stories. "The Many Place" concerns a family who vacations in Queensland, Australia, not knowing it's the rainy season. Stuck in their hotel room, the three kids – teenager Nita, goofy middle son Jett, and youngest daughter Max – go exploring to fight off boredom. While inside an old elevator, Max presses all the buttons at once. This drops them off in a labyrinthine version of the hotel, where an eye-eating monster lurks. After Nita and Jett are separated from Max, they learn this floor is also a doorway to alternate universes. 

Horror shows for kids have come a long way since the days of "Goosebumps." "The Many Place" is actually effectively creepy at times. As someone who can get lost in hotels pretty easily, I found the sequence of the kids running through the endless, mirrored hallways of rooms fairly spooky. (The labyrinth nature of the story is cutely foreshadowed by photos of Celtic knots on the wall.) Much like the Minotaur in the Labyrinth, a creature called the Quinkan roams the endless halls of the hotel. The creature is mostly kept off-screen, his presence hinted more often than not, which is a nice touch. The episode even includes a couple of shout-out to grown-up horror movies. An elevator appears about to burst with a mysterious liquid, a likely nod to "The Shining." Funny enough, considering I just watched it the other night, “Picnic at Hanging Rock” is shouted-out. The titular rock formation is mentioned by name and the score is quoted several times.

In fact, “The Many Place” is good enough that I hardly recognized it as something made specifically for children. There's a moral. Nita is eager to grow-up, hitting on a boy at the hotel and being increasingly distant with her siblings and parents. The stress of being tossed around multiple universe causes her to break down, causing her brother to ask if Nita is really ready to act her age or not. However, this moral is organically cooked into the story and isn't too distracting. There is a creepy groundskeeper at the hotel, who explains the mechanics of the Many Places. Which probably could have, and in an adult series most likely would have, gone unexplained. Yet “The Many Place” is surprisingly potent, with an unnerving premise that is played entirely straight and wraps up with a nicely unsettling ending. Good stuff! I'm going to watch more of this someday. [7/10]

The Contraption (1977)

Here’s a creepy little short best known for playing as filler in-between late night movies on the USA Network. Starring "Rocky Horror's" Richard O'Brien, "The Contraption" concerns a man building something in a darkened room. He saws wooden boards, drills holes, sands corners. He hammers nails and hooks, blowtorches metal pipes together. It's only within the final minutes of this seven minute long film that we realize exactly what he's building and to what purpose. The short's single line of dialogue provides more context.

"The Contraption" is a brilliant work of sound design and imagery. In extreme close-up, we see the device being assembled. Every sound is thunderous and huge, the sawing of the boards and the whirling of the tools filling your ear. Yet it's incredibly precise too, playing out almost like a strange symphony. Even when he pauses to take a drink of some booze, the gulp-gulp sounds are audible. We also hear the solitary drip of a leaky faucet in the background, with the only music being warbling theremin sounds. All of this establishes a keen atmosphere of isolation. Whatever this man is building, he's toiling at it in darkness, all alone. Just that says a lot about his obsessive, depressive state of mind.

Director James Dearden, who also made the equally effective "Panic," provide visuals that give us just enough information. The close-ups on boards, saw blades, metal pins and nails are expressive but mysterious. A shot from inside a metal coil is especially evocative. It all leads up to a grim reveal, a bit like a dark punchline. Yet the cumulative effect is as much spooky chill as dark humor. And there's Richard O'Brien, looking more avuncular and nerdy than ever, right in the center of it. Cult movie poetry. Somebody really needs to clean up Dearden's shorts and give them a proper digital release, as I'm tried of watching blurry, VHS rips of such quality films. [8/10]

Halloween 2018: October 22

We're are headed into the home stretch of Halloween now. Welcome to the penultimate week of the Six Weeks! I realized recently that I forgot to share with you pictures of this year's Halloween Mood Table, a tradition started by Dinosaur Dracula. This year's centerpiece is a bitching carnivorous plant prop I bought from Michael's back in August. Naturally, I added lots of toys, books, DVDs, and nick-nacks to it as well. Perhaps I've done better work in the past but I think it turned out pretty well. Anyway, on with the reviews!

Halloween (2018)

It's 2018 and we've got a new “Halloween” movie. As production on the new film rolled forward, it's as if the universe was intentionally trying to keep me from getting too hyped. Blumhouse producing the movie certainly made sense from a financial perspective but that studio does not always produce quality art. David Gordon Green directing was a bit of a question mark, as the naturalistic drama/stoner comedy auteur had little experience with horror. The decision to remove all the sequels from continuity was potentially freeing but also somewhat frustrating. Jaime Lee Curtis returning to star was certainly neat but also threatened to make the new movie a re-trend of “Halloween H20,” one of the better sequels. Okay, John Carpenter doing the score was a big deal. Or maybe I was just telling myself these things so I wouldn't get overly excited. Well, the movie's out now and I can make up my mind.

Green's “Halloween” includes a few shout-outs to some of the sequels but it really does act as if nothing after Carpenter's original film happened. It's been forty years since Michael Myers rampaged through Haddonfield on Halloween night. The Shape has spent all that time in an institution, unresponsive. In all that time, Laurie Strode has been married and divorced twice, mothered a child, become a grandmother, and alienated everyone around her with her paranoid, survivalist habits. On the 40th anniversary of his crime, Michael is being transported to a new facility. That's when the bus crushes. The evil is free and, just as Laurie has feared all these years,  he comes after her daughter and granddaughter.

Early within 2018's “Halloween,” there's a shot of Michael Myers' shadow cast huge on a wall. This is fitting, as the new “Halloween” is really all about the shadow Myers has cast on the lives of those around him. The violence of that October night ruined Laurie Strode's life, causing her to retreat into her trauma and build literal and psychological defenses around herself.  This, in turn, traumatized her daughter, Karen, who has never really connected with her mom. Myers' new doctor, Dr. Sartain, has become obsessed with understand Myers' evil. Even a group of true crime podcasters, a potentially interesting subplot that just ends up padding the body count, have clearly become obsessed with the crime. The ripples of the Halloween massacre are still felt forty years later, the trauma of those wounds never truly healing.

The sequel/reboot is also about three generations of Strode women. Jamie Lee Curtis brings a different approach to depicting Laurie's PTSD than she did in “H20.” She has weaponized her trauma, becoming a cold survivalist that prioritizes defense over every thing else. Curtis is commanding, intimidating, and even turns into an effective action star by the end. Judy Greer, who is practically typecasted as supporting moms in flashy genre films, plays Karen as a more practical woman. Her attempts to reach out to her mom have failed so many times over the years that she's given up. Yet Greer also makes it clear that she loves her mom. Greer even gets a fantastically satisfying action heroine moment to herself. Andi Matichak, a relative newcomer, plays Allyson, the granddaughter. Matichak has a likable, mischievous side, making for a convincing every-teen that the audience can root for. If it wasn't immediately apparent, the film's final shot makes it obvious that this “Halloween” is as much about healing the broken familial bonds between the three women as it is Michael Myers' latest rampage.

I've yet to catch up with David Gordon Green's earlier works, only being familiar with his pot-fueled comedies. (From what I've read, “Undertow” sounds like the most direct stylistic precedence to this film.) Green and his co-conspirator, most notably co-writer Danny McBride, are obviously fans of the original. Green works to recreate Carpenter's autumnal warmth and colors. He also replicates the infamous steady-cam shots, in effective long takes that focus on Michael Myers grabbing the nearest weapon and exterminating the closest target. Over all, Green directs towards a grim atmosphere. Myers is often seen lurking in the background of shots, committing violent shots just out of ear and eye shot. Aside from a few ill advised lapses into shakycam, it's an effectively directed movie.

Unlike many of the sequels, 2018's “Halloween” is clearly more focused on suspense than elaborate death scenes. There are many moments of drawn-out tension. Michael attacking a young woman in a bathroom is a sequence that builds suspense via repetition. Alyson being stalked though the backstreets of Haddonfield is well done. This is most apparent in the brilliant last act, where Laurie searches her fortified home for Michael. In-between the creaking floorboards, jumping at shadows, and the ominously placed mannequins, it's a fantastically orchestrated conclusion. For you gore-hounds: Don't worry, the film does indulge in some splattery specials effects, thanks to a stomped head.

If Green's “Halloween” has a major flaw, it's the film's inability to make us care about many of Michael's new victims. Alyson's friends are a thinly sketched lot. There's the horny baby sitter, her dopey boyfriend, Alyson's asshole boyfriend, and his chubbier brother. Though I like many of the sequences they star in, especially one involving a motion activated floodlight, they are not especially involving characters. The attempts to make the teens relatable and quirky come off as overdone. You could remove their scenes from the movie and loose very little. Green and McBride's comic relief is sometimes feel out-of-place as well, though the smart-mouthed kid Vicky is babysitting steals the few scenes he's in.

After the grotesque excesses and wild divergences from series lore of Rob Zombie's films, this is exactly the kind of movie the “Halloween” series needed. The countless in-jokes and call-backs – which includes Carpenter's naturally excellent score - remind people of the “Halloween” they've always loved. The movie around those callbacks is well-done, a handsome affair that is effective, even if it doesn't do anything especially new or interesting. The new film leaves the door wide open for further sequels. It's already made a boatload of money, making that continuation very likely. If this film's success leads to a wave of similarly respectful, if slightly unambitious, reboots of other seventies/eighties slasher franchises, that would be just fine for me. [7/10]

The Ghost of Yotsuya (1959)
Tokaido Yotsuya kaidan

I regret to inform you, dear readers, that Halloween is almost here and I haven't watched a single Japanese film yet. Time to change that! And what's more Japanese than the spooky ghost girl with long black hair? This archetype has a mythological precedence, the onyro or yurei, but was popularized in the modern age by a play called “The Ghost of Yotsuya.” Enormously successful upon debuting on stage in 1825, this popularity would not end with the rise of cinema. Since 1912, the play has been adapted to film at least 24 times. The most highly regarded of these adaptation seems to be the 1959 version, produced by Shintoho Studios and directed by Nobuo Nakagawa. I previously enjoyed Nakagawa's “Jigoku,” so decided to give his earlier horror pictures a look.

Set during the feudal period, “The Ghost of Yotsuya” follows a ronin named Iemon. He wants to marry a woman named Oiwa. When her father refuses, he murders her. However, after being married to Oiwa for a short time, he grows bored. Sick of being poor, he begins to pursue Ume Ito, the daughter of a rich lord. Before he can marry into the prosperous family, he must deal with his current wife. He poisons Oiwa, with a concoction that brutally deforms her face too. He also murders Takuetsu, a masseur who had a crush on Oiwa. On his wedding night to Ito, Iemon is haunted by the ghosts of Oiwa and Takuetsu. They will have their revenge.

This is only the second of Nakagawa's films I've seen but themes are starting to emerge. Like “Jigoku,” “The Ghost of Yotsuya” is a simple morality tale. Iemon, played by a steely Shigeru Amachi, spends the entire movie being a huge asshole to everyone around him. After murdering Oiwa's father, he's prompted by his sleazy friend Naosuke to murder his future brother-in-law. From there, he immediately goes about treating Oiwa awful. When she asks if he'd remarry were she to die, he answers bluntly in the affirmative. This is the kind of guy that has no problem plotting to marry another woman when his wife is at home but still gets jealous about her having a male friend. He's a scumbag and the supernatural punishment that's visited upon him by the film's end is more than deserved. This theme of deserved revenge runs throughout all of “The Ghost of Yotsuya,” as Iemon and Naosuke are constantly promising to avenge the murders they committed. Even the ghost of a snake he killed earlier in the movie comes back to haunt him.

It takes a while for the film to get to the haunting, as Iemon's crimes must be depicted. However, the wait is worth it.  “The Ghost of Yotsuya” is a surprisingly grisly film. While murdering Takuetsu, Iemon chops off the man's arm. Oiwa's scarred face, starring between stringy hair, is nasty to look at. At one point, the ghost's corpses emerge from a river, turning all the water to blood. The sequence where Oiwa appears on Iemon's wedding night, her eerie voice proceeding her appearance, puts a creepy spin on that cliché of a ghost tricking someone into attack the living. The image of her ghostly form, clinging to the roof of his bedroom, is a spooky sight.

Nakagawa's direction turns the story's stage roots into an advantage, setting the film primarily around interior rooms. These tight rooms and locations make the hauntings more intimate. Filmed in Technicolor, “The Ghost of Yotsuya” is surprisingly warm at times, such as in a scene where Iemon and Naosuke plotting before a glowing sunset. As the haunting becomes more intense, Nakagawa's direction bets more creative.  At one point, while a ghostly red sheet floats in the air, Iemon stumbles into a room totally composed of doors. Oiwa and Takuetsu swing suddenly into frame, still tied to the sliding door. The colors get turned way up in these scenes, Nakagawa employing the same extreme greens and reds he would use next in “Jigoku.”

I'm not an expert in Japanese culture so can only speculate why this story had such a powerful grip on the country's imagination. (Or why this particular type of ghost would become so wide spread.) I have no familiarity with the many other versions of this story. However, Nakagawa's rendition would be hard to top. The film creates many spooky images, such as Oiwa's ghost walking through a misty swamp or cradling her child in a foggy landscape. The film has perhaps too many subplots, as Naosuke's storyline is mostly unnecessary. However, I found this to be an effectively eerie ghost story. [7/10]

Batman: The Brave and the Bold: Shadow of the Bat

The association between Batman and Halloween is inescapable. Being among the most popular superheroes, he's also a perennially popular Halloween costume. Beyond that, with his demonic appearance and frequently Gothic adventures, he's among the spookiest of the mainstream superheroes. He's associated with bats, obviously, and bats are associated with vampires. So there have been a number of stories where Batman fights vampires or even becomes one. “Shadow of the Bat,” the second episode of “Batman: The Brave and the Bold's” third season,  pays homage to many of these stories. While out hunting Dala with Jason Blood, Batman is bitten. He soon becomes an extremely powerful and evil vampire himself. The now corrupted Dark Knight soon begins to hunt his Justice League friends aboard the Watchtower Satellite.

Though not an official Halloween episode, “Shadow of the Bat” is definitely among “Brave and the Bold's” spookiest moments. Minutes after turning into a vampire, Batman begins to feed on the supervillain, Black Mask, who is also appropriate for the Halloween season. Upon entering the Satellite, he invites the Justice League – the Justice League International line-up, by the way – to a Dracula-esque dinner. Afterwards, the Dracula connection is continued, when he scales the outside of the ship's hull. Among Batman's new powers is the ability to turn into mist, a horde of rats, a giant wolf, and a grotesque bat monster. Most of the Justice League are transformed into zombie-like minions, who proceed to tear Martian Manhunter apart. We even see his dismembered arm tossed across the room! I can imagine this scaring the piss out of really young kids.

Aside from the spooky vampire element, this episode is worth seeing for the way this version of the Justice League interacts. Fire and Ice have a super cute moment as they're going to bed, Ice admitting she has a crush on Aquaman specifically because he smells like fish. This always outrageous version of Aquaman gets a bad-ass moment, when the alien fish aboard the ship tell him something is wrong with Batman. Booster Gold is a bragging asshole but in a delightful way. Martian Manhunter ends up saving the day, when he changes the Satellite's orbit to rotate into the sun's path, melting Batman and the his ghouls. There's also a very effective flashback, when Batman enters J'onn's mind and we see how his wife and daughter died.

Over all, this is a pretty kindertraumatic episode, I'd say. The ending does wuss out, of course. Batman really hasn't been turned into a vampire and then burned to ash, along with the rest of the Justice League. It was a horrible nightmare, caused by Dala's vampiric (but not contiguous) bite. Still, this is definitely a fun and off-beat episode of easily the most fun and off-beat animated version of this characters. The opening segment, by the way, features Batman and Robin in Tarzan-style loincloths and the appearance of Bat-Ape, so it's awesome too. [8/10]

Alone Time (2014)

Here's another horror short recommended to me by the internet algorithm. “Alone Time” follows Ann, a young woman working in New York City. Her office job is soul-crushing. She feels isolated in her tiny apartment. So, for the weekend, she decides to go on a hiking trip. She buys an instant camera from a gas station on the way. Getting in touch with nature, being out in the wild, is calming for her. She loves the serenity of the lake and forest. When she returns home and has her photos developed, she witnesses something terrifying.

“Alone Time” is about as simple as a short film can get. There's no real dialogue, the protagonist's name only being revealed in the end credits. The story is told entirely visually. Through simple shots of her lonely apartment, or her tense trips on the subway, we get a sense of the woman's isolation. Similarly, through an excellent use of sound design, comparing the noiseless forest with the congested city, we get a sense of how relaxing her trip is. “Alone Time” saves its sole horrific element until the very end but it's a good one, expertly depicting the violation of safety and privacy that the title hints at. Scarier yet, “Alone Time's” opening seconds informs us that this short is based on a true story. Director Rob Blackhurst has made a number of other shorts and two features as well, which I think I'll have to check out now. [7/10]

Bangers n' Mash 29: The Halloween Franchise

What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving then to listen to a pseduo-podcast episode about a series of horror movies set on Halloween?



Naturally, this episode was recorded back in October. A number of work and personal life commitments made the editing progress a long, complicated one, which is why this is up nearly a month late. It also means we missed an episode in our "two episodes a month" schedule I self-imposed on myself. It's not a horribly big deal since, compared to last year, the Bangers n' Mash Show has managed to have a semi-regular release schedule. Still, it's a bit of a bummer knowing we'll be an episode short for 2013. Anyway, yes, we discuss the "Halloween" series, re-purposing the reviews I wrote for this years Halloween Horror-fest Blog-a-thon as notes. But you probably guessed that already.

Secondly, YouTube came down on this one for music copyright. I figured a line of dialogue from a film would be safe. Apparently not. That's why there's a minute of silence before we discuss Rob Zombie's remake. YouTube also tried to edit out "Mr. Sandman" from the end there but did a half-ass job, which is why the sound quality for that very final segment is so shitty. From now on, I'll just avoid using copyrighted music. I probably should have figured this out already.

IN OTHER NEWS: I know updates are always sporadic, I mean more so then usual, during the last two months of the year. That's what Catch-Up Week was designed to counteract. Speaking of which, you probably thought Catch-Up Week was over, right? Nope. There's one more film I'm hoping to review and release before the end of the month, stretching a single week to nearly three. Similarly, another Bangers n' Mash episode should be out before the start of December. I'm not promising anything, but December is probably going to be a very busy month for Film Thoughts. Hopefully. STAY TUNED!

Halloween 2013: October 24

Halloween II (2009)

Despite its mixed and at times vitriolic reaction, Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” was financially successful. It was one of the few big hits for the fledgling Weinstein Company. A sequel was immediately commissioned. Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo of “Inside” fame circled the project for about a year before the Weinsteins finally convinced Zombie to come back. Zombie’s “Halloween II” was quickly written and shot, the Akkad heir giving Zombie full reign to do whatever the hell he wanted. The result was a highly uneven and deeply unpleasant film.

After a highly condensed remake of the original “Halloween II” turns out to be just a nightmare, we join Laurie again a year later. She has been left deeply traumatized by the events of the first film, suffering emotional outburst and screaming profanity. This puts a strain on Sheriff Bracket and Annie, whom she lives with. Michael, despite taking a .357 to the face, also survived that night. For the last year, he has lived in a barn, his mask rotting away, eating stray dogs, and killing anyone stupid enough to mess with him. Dr. Loomis has written another book and become a total asshole, a facile shallow celebrity cliché. As another Halloween approaches, Michael and Laurie are both haunted by bizarre visions of Michael’s dead mom, his younger self, and... A galloping white horse?

The first Zombie “Halloween” film worked best when Rob followed his own muse. His attempts to recreate Carpenter’s classic were less successful. You’d think Rob completely owning a sequel would work out for the best, right? Wrong. “Halloween II’ is grotesque, vulgar, senseless, completely divorced from the source material, and a Rob Zombie movie through and through. This is evident early on when paramedics crack jokes about raping Lynda’s corpse. After an inexplicable collision with a cow, we are treated to a solid two minutes of the driver bleeding from the mouth and repeating the word “fuck” over and over again. In extended close-up, we see Laurie’s bones get set, her wounds clean out, all in sickening detail. Zombie indulges his love of extreme violence, over-the-top profanity, and crude sexual references, far pass the point of acceptability.

The grotesque quality extends to the characters. Laurie Strode is not only unrecognizable compared to the original, she’s completely unlike the character from the last film. She too gets a minute of repeating “fuck.” She screams, swears, pops pills, swigs beers, dances on tables, and raves about parties. She spends the whole movie in a state of emotional distress, her breakdown only growing worse. By the time she finds out that she’s Michael Myers’ sister, she’s gone totally bonkers. Her screaming, nerve-wrought confession to her shrink pushes far pass the audience’s patience. Scout Taylor-Compton’s limited range can’t convey Laurie’s over-exaggerated distress. The audience can’t relate. Worse yet, we can’t like her either. It’s screaming, ranting protagonist is perhaps “Halloween II’s” biggest issue.

The other returning characters undergo serious changes as well. Michael spends large portions of the film unmasked, Tyler Mane with a full beard looking a lot like his director. He wears a ratty hoodie and hides out in the woods. He is motivated by visions of his dead mother, determined to reunite his family in death. He grunts with every stab and, in the video release, even speaks. This is Michael Myers in name only. Dr. Loomis is completely unrecognizable. He is the biggest asshole imaginable, chewing out his beleaguered assistant, demanding obscure tea, and pulling tasteless publicity stunts. Loomis wantonly exploits the victim’s tragedy, something the film hammers into the ground. The doctor’s sudden, last minute change of heart is sloppy writing at its worse. For his part, McDowell hams it up, nearly saving the whole thing. Only Brad Doriff and Danielle Harris, both more comfortable in grounded roles, give good performances.

Zombie’s extreme visual style overwhelms the film. Laurie and Michael share surreal visions. These dreams are overdone and obnoxiously directed. What does a table full of pumpkin-headed ghouls have to do with “Halloween?” Why is Laurie buried by her mother in a glass coffin? The siblings sharing dreams have no justification. The white horse symbolism is so out-of-place and meaningless, the movie needs to justify with a pre-credits info card. Miss Myers’ extended appearance exists mostly so Sheri Moon can be in the movie, I think. The surreal elements are deeply out of place, incredibly distracting, and very annoying.

The violence is unnecessarily brutal. Michael decapitates someone with a shard of glass. The most nauseating sequence is when Myers stomps a man’s head to pulp. He repeatedly smashes a stripper’s face into a mirror, the carnage unnecessarily focused on. He brutally stabs countless people. The violence is sickening and lingered on. Everyone cries out in agony as they die, suffering. This extends far pass fun slasher gore and into the realm of gratuitous, I hate to say this, torture porn.

The new characters aren’t very good. Laurie has a new batch of friends that exist to be slaughtered. Harley loves to party and sleep around. Angela Trimbur overdoes it. Brea Grant is slightly better (and very cute) as Mya, who at least feels sympathy for her friend in-between rounds of cursing and partying. Worse yet are the additional victims added to up the body count. Numerous redneck assholes hassle Myers, prompting their deaths. Why would anyone threaten someone who looks like Michael Myers does in this movie? A pair of hicks assaults him on the road, each one a human cartoon. The residents of a strip club are even worse. The owner is possibly mentally disabled. His partner is a hateful bastard. The stripper is exploited and abused. You wonder if Zombie even wants you to like these people. Special guest stars include Howard Hessleman, Margot Kidder, Richard Biehle, Chris Hardwicke, and, most bizarrely, “Weird Al.” Yes, it’s as distracting as it sounds.

“Halloween II” is nihilistic and depressing. It ends with most of its character’s dead, without solace, satisfaction, or catharsis. You come to hate its character’s quickly, the visual style is oppressive, and the violence is far too ugly to be entertaining. John Carpenter’s traditional theme doesn’t appear until the end credits, signaling the film’s total disconnection with the rest of the series. No wonder a third/eleventh installment has stalled. Rob Zombie has made a film so uncompromisingly weird and punishingly ugly that no one would want to follow it up. [4/10]

Teen Wolf (1985)

When people complain about the “Twilight”-ifaction of the classic monsters, I like to point out that Stephenie Meyer did not invent this phenomenon. Cinema isn’t that old a medium. It was only about thirty-so years old when the Universal Monsters came along. It was only twenty-some years later when pop culture overexposure had watered the original horrors down to TV sitcoms, kid cartoons, and breakfast cereals. You can’t trace a path from Lon Chaney Jr. hunting maidens on the foggy moors to Taylor Lautner turning into a big shiny husky without passing through “Teen Wolf,” a fondly remembered bit of ridiculous eighties nostalgia.

The premise is hacky, Hollywood, high concept writing at its best/worst/burst. Scott Howard is a high school student who’s not quite a loser but definitely isn’t cool. He plays, poorly, basketball for his school’s poor basketball team. His friends are weirdoes obsessed with van-surfing who can only get into the good parties by promising to bring booze. His object of desire, the hottest girl in school who is also a drama student somehow, is way out of his league. All of this is confounded when Scott finds out he’s a werewolf. While horrified at first, the powers that come along with the transformations quickly make Scott the most popular kid in school. But, ah, the screenplay implores us, will Scott learn to accept himself for who he truly is?

If that plot synopsis didn’t clue you in, “Teen Wolf’ is an exceptionally dumb movie. Co-written by Jeph Loeb, a frequently terrible comic writer who gets a life-time pass for “Commando,” the movie takes place in that bizarro high school world that only exists in 1980s comedies. One of Scott’s basketball teammates is a big fat guy clearly in his thirties. Even the perpetually youthful Michael J. Fox looks a bit too old for this. Jerry Levine plays Scott’s best friend, Stiles, a really bizarre creation. Aside from the van surfing, he wears obnoxious t-shirts and MCs inexplicable party games, one of which involve two people in their underwear, tied up and covered in whipped cream. The entire premise hinges on the student body finding a kid turning into a werewolf to be the coolest thing ever. That strikes me as somewhat unlikely. Despite this being made in the mid-eighties, the film parodies “Saturday Night Fever” during the prom scene.

Despite its general dumbness, “Teen Wolf” manages to mildly amuse at times. Released the same year as “Back to the Future,” Fox is as charming as ever, making his bizarre character a likable every-kid. Even when Scott’s sudden popularity is suppose to turn him into a huge asshole, Fox makes him immensely likable. Occasionally, the movie’s lame humor catches up with its wacky premise. The basketball couch delivers rambling, heart-to-heart speeches that are in no way helpful. James Hampton is delightfully dead-pan as Scott’s very patience father. The asshole principal subplot pays off nicely. Susan Ursitti is also over-qualified as Scott’s childhood friend. You know the two of them are going to end up together and it’s clear she loves him. However, Ursitti and Fox have great chemistry and she’s likable enough to make the obvious plot mechanics less clunky.

Like all ridiculous high school stories, “Teen Wolf” tries to play its deeply inane premise for drama in the last act. The school turns on the wolf and Scott is forced to prove himself at the final basketball game. It makes the preceding stupidity seems even more stupid in retrospect, no more so then when an overdone ballad plays over the slow-motion end-credits. The werewolf make-up isn’t very good and, considering the tiny budget, it’s no surprise that there’s only one on-screen transformation. The storyline involving Scott’s crush, her douchebag boyfriend, and the drama teacher is terrible. The sometimes homophobic dialogue will probably make you wince. “Teen Wolf” is an occasionally entertaining stupid kid’s movie that’s a bit too raunchy for kids. Aside from a terrible cartoon show and a terrible sequel, the movie would also lend its title to a terrible MTV supernatural romance soap-opera, bringing the “Twilight’ connection full-circle. [6/10]