Welcome to the film-related musings, complaints, and comments of Zack Clopton, an amateur film-critic, scholar, and screenwriter. Featured here are Director's Report Cards, essays, and other reviews. Enjoy!
Last of the Monster Kids
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The novelty of setting a horror movie around Christmas is no longer enough to distinguish it. Grim spins were put on all the standard holiday traditions many years ago. There's more killer Santa movies than you can count, a dozen Krampus movies of varying pedigrees, and even a couple elf horror movies. Zombies, murderous toys, and demonic beasties have been added to the December movie tradition. One can't help but imagine a writer going down a list of Christmas activities and asking “Has anyone made a horror movie out of that one before?” I don't know, for a fact, if this is how Congolese/French-Belgium actor/filmmaker Patrick Ridgemont decided to make a movie about an evil advent calendar but one assumes. “The Advent Calendar” would be added to the canon of spooky holiday flicks this month when it premiered on Shudder.
Following an automobile accident, Eva was left a paraplegic. She's learned to live with her condition, finding work and even communicating with her senile father sometimes. At the beginning of December, her friend Sophie brings her a strange advent calendar from Germany. The calendar comes with several ominous rules and warnings, written from an entity calling itself “Ich.” Eva opens it up anyway, receiving several treats... And also unleashing a diabolic curse that she must see through to Christmas day. The evil inside the calendar slowly returns her ability to walk but only in exchange for increasingly grisly sacrifices.
Mythologies around the world are full of spirits and entities that grant wishes but only at a terrible price. We've certainly seen this idea crop up in horror movies over the years, with the “Wishmaster” series only being the most obvious example. “The Advent Calendar” follows in this tradition too. The entity possessing the box slowly returns Eva's ability to walk to her, at the cost of multiple people – including friends and loved ones – dying around her. Yet, as is sometimes the case with movies like this, “Advent Calendar” gets a little bogged down in its own rules before the end. The climax is an especially baffling attempt to find a loophole in the calendar's rule book.
Yet the lore eventually becoming convoluted is not the main problem with “The Advent Calendar.” Unsurprisingly, a movie about a killer advent calendar is – go figure – pretty silly. The first victim claimed by the box is a sleazy broker who assaults her. He dies when a toy replica of his car slides out of the calendar and is chewed up by Eva's adorable dog. This is not the last time the movie attempts to engineer thrills around the cute pooch. Later, the little guy also kills Eva's abusive boss off-screen. From the moment the box actually started talking to Eva, I figured “The Advent Calendar” was a pretty goofy movie. By the time Eva's closest friend is humped to death by her boyfriend, after he takes some Viagra provided by the calendar, the movie had drifted into the arena of total ridiculousness. “The Advent Calendar” plays these silly sequences totally straight too, suggesting this is either genuine unintentional B-movie humor or the most deadpan of horror/comedy.
“The Advent Calendar” is well assembled in a lot of technical ways. The cinematography is decent and features some colorful bisexual lighting. (Which is almost as commonplace in indie horror now as synth soundtracks.) The special effects aren't bad, as Ich is a suitably intimidating pseudo-cenobite monster. The performances are fairly sturdy, Eugénie Derouand at least being sort of compelling as Eva. But there's a problem with her too. About halfway through the film, Eva stops fighting back against the advent calendar. She accepts that these horrible things are going to happen to everyone around her and there's nothing she can do about it. In fact, she embraces it, even using a voodoo doll-like figurine the calendar provides to brutally murder a work rival. If an ostensibly still sympathetic protagonist has slowly become an unrepentant psychopath, that might be a scripting issue.
Ultimately, “The Advent Calendar” tackling its preposterous premise and ideas with nary a wink at the audience almost won me over. In an age where every genre picture is super self-aware, a part of me wants to treasure a goofy horror flick that some convictions behind its dumb-ass ideas. Yet the movie is ultimately not funny or spirited enough to make me a fan. It's also too long, stretching over the 85 minute sweet spot for a story like this. Aside from its central tchotchke of doom, “The Advent Calendar” is short on Christmas atmosphere too. As far as 2021's holiday horror offerings go, I guess I preferred it over “Silent Night” and “Black Friday,” though by a pretty small margin. [5/10]
I've mentioned this before but I went through a pretty big anime phase as a kid. It starred when my older sister's boyfriend brought over tapes of "Ranma 1/2" when I was probably too young to be watching them. Not long afterwards — I was in the second grade at the time — the DiC-produced English dub of "Sailor Moon's" first two seasons started to play in syndication. The show aired at six in the morning on our local WB affiliate and I would get up early every weekday just to watch it. To be frank, the leggy anime heroines awoke something in my seven-year-old soul. It's the first time I can ever remember being attracted to the female form, even though it was ink-and-pen and not flesh-and-blood. I wanted Serena or Amy or sometimes Raye and Lita (but never Mina!) to be my girlfriend, even though I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. A few years later, Cartoon Network picked up the show and began to air seasons previously unseen on American television. This included a handful of feature film spin-offs as well. Such as "Sailor Moon S: The Movie - Hearts in Ice," which just so happens to have a Christmas/winter motif.
The plot for "Hearts in Ice" isn't actually motivated much by Sailor Moon and her teenage superhero teammates. Instead, Luna — her talking cat advisor — gets things rolling when she's rescued from traffic by Kakeru, an astronomer obsessed with the moon. He has recently discovered a comet, containing an elaborate crystal, that has fallen to Earth. The crystal is a source of power sought by an icy outer space villain, who quickly takes the name Princess Snow Kaguya. She arrives in Japan and blankets Tokyo in snow and ice, while her Snow Dancer henchwomen terrorize the populace. That's when Sailor Moon and her fellow mini-skirted superheroines leap into action to save the day.
Though animated, "Sailor Moon" drew inspiration from Japan's Super Sentai program, the series that was adapted into "Power Rangers" over here. Like "Power Rangers," "Sailor Moon" featured lots of stock footage. The audience is greeted to each of the Sailor Scouts going through their transformation sequences, becoming nude silhouettes as their uniforms appear around them. Similarly, each of the planetary-themed superheroines have special attacks, which are also shown in breathless detail. The animation grain on these scenes are obviously different from the rest of the movie, making their status as stock footage apparent. If you don't find that stuff tedious, the strictly archetypal characters may grate on you. Serene/Sailor Moon is the best fighter, despite ditziness and a love of food being her primary characteristics. Amy is the smart one, Raye is the mean one, Lita is the goofy one, and Mina is the girly one. These thin character types might actually be a benefit to the movie, since the other Sailor Scouts — lesbian lovers "cousins" Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune, mysterious Sailor Pluto and Serena's daughter from the future, along with the movie exclusive characters — are also here, occupying a runtime that's only a little over an hour. It all flows smoother when you can pinpoint who these characters are quickly.
This kind of excessively girly, highly marketable, really goofy nonsense will not be for everyone. It's definitely not entirely for me, as I found stretches of "Hearts in Ice" pretty tedious. Yet, at its best moments, this is delightfully insane kiddy entertainment. I mentioned that Luna, a talking housecat, motivates the plot. What I didn't mention is that she develops a crush on Kakeru, actively lamenting throughout the film that they can never be lovers because he's a human and she's a cat. In addition to being the object of desire of a cat, Kakeru is also a lunatic. He believes fairy tales are literally true, that the Story of Princess Kaguya means there's literally a magical princess living on the moon. When his smoking hot astronaut girlfriend, about to become the first Japanese woman to go into space, tells him this is childish nonsense, he breaks up with her. Of course, they kiss and make-up by the end. And you're just left to wonder what other insane bullshit this guy believes in, that's going to threaten this relationship.
Part of why "Sailor Moon" was so popular on both sides of the ocean is that it appealed to both boys and girls. Girls loved the romance and the strong female characters. Boys loved the sexy character designs and ridiculous action. "Hearts in Ice" has plenty of both. There's a number of sappy scenes involving Serena and her boyfriend Darian, who is also the hero Tuxedo Mask, as well as Luna and Kakeru's subplot. The villainess shows off lots of cleavage and acts in a cartoonishly evil manner. But I do wish the action was a little more consistent here. Princess Snow Kaguya's "Snow Dancer" henchwomen make a very annoying trilling noise all throughout the movie. The villain is ultimately defeated via very corny aphorisms about friendship and true love. Overall, "Hearts in Ice" is a little too heavy on magical plot devices and superpowered weapons to be totally satisfying.
Part of why I maybe didn't enjoy "Hearts in Ice" more is my own thought. For nostalgia's sake, I tracked down the old Pioneer dub of the movie to watch. This was mostly composed of the same cast I heard on the DiC dub as a kid, so I figured I'd get a kick out of hearing these old voices again. That's why I used the name Serena, instead of Usagi, throughout this review. Yet this dub isn't very good, the voices mostly largely being grating and annoying. I probably should've watched the subtitled edition instead. This is what I get for giving into nostalgia. Either way, there is an undeniable kookiness to "Sailor Moon S: The Movie" that makes it an entertaining film. By the way, the sole Christmas element here is a cameo from Santa Claus, though the winter element still makes it suitable December viewing. [6/10]
Of all the early Adult Swim programming, "Sealab 2021" was somehow the most inexplicable to me. The Hanna Barbera superhero shows, which set the foundation for "Space Ghost: Coast to Coast" and "Harvey Birdman," were fairly well remembered. (And not just because Cartoon Network showed them a lot in the nineties.) And "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" was pure surrealism. But who the hell remembered "Sealab 2020," an animated mash-up of "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" and "Star Trek" that ran for all of 13 episodes in 1972? Someone at Williams Street sure did and they used that forgotten flop as the basis for the strangest workplace comedy ever aired. And since the year 2021 is now nearly the past, it seems fitting to revisit the program this holiday season.
Unsurprisingly, "Sealab 2021" puts an aggressively nonsensical spin on the aforementioned holiday season. Captain Murphy regales us with the story of Alvis Tide. That would be a winter holiday commemorating the birth of the hard-drinking, vengeance-seeking, gun-toting, ham-loving savior Alvis. Murphy is trying to put on a proper Alvis pageant but problems ensue. Safety inspector repeatedly interrupt, to point out the clear ways Murphy's actions are endangering people. Mostly, the other Sealab crew, namely Debbie and Dr. Quinn, proceed to criticize Murphy for his cultural insensitivity to the non-Alvist members aboard the vessal. But a miracle soon occurs.
One of the things I most admire about “Sealab” is how hard it would always commit to the bit. In “Feast of Alvis,” the show creates an incredibly in-depth parody of mainstream religion. The episode begins with a twisted perversion of the Nativity story, in which Mary is traded out for Delia, a “comely” young maiden that arrives with a group of young men. (None of whom claim to be the father of her child.) Bethlehem is switched out for a frontier military fort, the heavenly star with a glorious white comet, and the Three Wise Men with shamans from the local Native American tribe. (Who are not referred with such politically correct terms.) This bizarre spoof extends to other religions. There are references to “Krebs,” who celebrate an eight night festival and include Alvis themselves, as well as “Shiekrahs,” who fast for a whole month. It seems most major religions, and even wicca, receive absurdist revisions here.
The best thing about how this bizarre world-building is handled is how natural it is. Like all Adult Swim shows, “Sealab 2021” was extremely low budget. Its character models were recycled from the original show. Most of the animated here is devoted to the cast talking. Yet this is hardly a loss, as listening to these characters bicker about this ridiculous nonsense in a deadpan fashion is often hilarious. “Sealab 2021” knows to keep the absurdity constantly rising too. A buffalo, fires, and microscopic fecal matter all put in appearances. That's before the miraculous conclusion too. This kind of circular silliness may not be to everyone's liking but humor is subjective, of course. For me, “Feast of Alvis” is exactly the right kind of yuletide nonsense to tickle my funny bone. [8/10]
This year's holiday journey has taken me to some unexpected places. If it isn't obvious by now, I've been determined to catch-up with every remaining Muppet Christmas special I haven't seen this December. This journey comes to an end tonight as I watch what is, as of this writing, the latest holiday special to star Jim Henson's beloved felt creations. And it's a variety special with Lady Gaga. “Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” was supposedly born out of Miss Stefani Germanotta being a fan of the Muppets. This is what she says in the intro but I suspect that corporate synergy was the real reason. The special was aired before the release of both Gaga's third album, “Artpop,” and the most recent Muppets movie, “Muppets' Most Wanted.” Even knowing this, it feels like a particularly bizarre crossover. Do these two performers really appeal to the same audience? Regardless, ABC went ahead with the plan and it aired on Thanksgiving of 2013.
“Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” harkens back to the variety show format of the seventies series. In fact, this special has less plot than your typical episode of “The Muppet Show.” There's a thin thread running through some of the gags, in which The Lady Gaga and Kermit the Frog have some romantic chemistry, spurning jealousy in Miss Piggy. However, that really only occupies one or two sequences. Instead, this “Holiday Spectacular” will feature a song from Gaga and then a short sketch from the Muppets. The pop star and the puppets don't even interact that much, Kermit and the gang usually dancing around her a few times. They are mostly confined to their own skits. This is all the more baffling, as the couple of sketches where Gaga and the Muppets directly interact, such as when she asks them for suggestions for the finale, are actually pretty funny.
I guess now is the time when I admit I'm not really a fan of Lady Gaga's music. I don't think she has a bad voice, though I find some of her vocal inflections grating. This style of glammy pop music is, to my ears, incredibly overproduced. She sings six songs from “Artpop” and they all sound nearly identical to me. Most of them all have one word titles – like “Applause,” “Gypsy,” “Manicure,” or “Fashion” – and build their choruses around repeating those words. The shallowness of Gaga's music can only make her focus on outrageous costumes and stage antics, which we get a peek at here, feel like overcompensating. But this isn't really my genre, so what do you expect me to say? Gaga fans would probably find the shit I love totally tedious.
With this being my opinion, it's perhaps unsurprising that the most memorable songs are those featuring special guests. Elton John joins her for a duet of “Bennie and the Jets,” that is blended with one of her songs. RuPaul comes onstage for a number, which I found to be the least boring song here. Joseph Gordon Levvitt joins her for a performance of “Baby, It's Cold Outside” that switches the male and female parts. (A far more amusing reinvention of that song than some I've heard.) I don't know if Gaga's vocal stylings work for that number but it's an amusing bit. By the way, that's one of the few explicitly Christmas-related musical numbers here. Later, Miss Piggy does a version of “Santa Baby,” that turns into a decent comedy bit. I was really expecting a lot more holiday songs from this holiday special.
A few years before airing this special, Disney had success making the Muppets stars of a series of Youtube videos. The Muppet segments here feel a lot like those internet videos. The majority of them involve the puppety stars telling jokes or doing simple routine directly to the audience. The characters react to questions, about holiday travel or New Years resolutions. One or two of these got a laugh out of me but they are fairly basic, as far as these things go. Kristen Bell, for whatever reason, stops by for a few skits with Bobo the Bear that are inessential, to say the least. Like I said, I really don't understand the logic behind building this entire special around the juxtaposition between the pop star and these characters and only really having them play off each other a couple times. (And one of those has Pepe the Prawn sexually harassing Gaga.)
Ultimately, “Lady Gaga and the Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” falls far short of spectacular. The muppet content feels half-assed, as if it was written hastily in the days leading up to the special. While the Gaga stuff is just her promoting her new record, performing songs she was probably going to perform on television anyway. The special was not a rating's success, suggesting I was not the only one who thought this was a bizarre pairing. By the way, IMDb lists the special with a 103 minute run time but the longest version I can find online falls a little short of an hour. I can't imagine commercials added that much to the run time but I also can't imagine watching a longer version of this particular presentation. [5/10]
Rankin/Bass wasn't producing new programs by 1992, and was more-or-less defunct, but their holiday specials remained perennial favorites. “Rudolph” and “Frosty” still air on network television every year. Obviously, these brands were still profitable. This is when Broadway Video, otherwise known as Lorne Michaels' production company, got the rights to the original song... Not, it would seem, the classic Rankin/Bass holiday special. This did not stop Michaels and CBS selling “Frosty Returns” as a sequel to the original holiday special. In fact, to this day, the network almost always airs “Frosty Returns” right after the 1969 cartoon that ostensibly inspired it.
“Frosty Returns” is set in a small town called Beansboro, which is currently blanketed in snow. The kids are overjoyed by the snow day and a chance to play outside. Their parents are annoyed by the bad weather. On that day, aspiring magician Holly DeCarlo attempts to perform a magic trick on her friend, before a gust of wind blows her top hat out the window. She runs outside to retrieve it, to find that Frosty the Snowman has grabbed the hat instead. Frosty and Holly become fast friends. That's when a grumpy businessman named Mr. Twitchell introduces a new product: Summer Wheeze, an aerosol product that can instantly remove snow. Frosty, of course, sees this as an existential threat to his very existence. Frosty and Holly set out to convince the world that snow is good actually.
For everything that's unmistakably dated about it, the original Rankin/Bass “Frosty the Snowman” is also strangely timeless. “Frosty Returns,” meanwhile, feels very much like a product of its time. John Goodman, a hot property at the time thanks to the success of “Rosanne,” voices Frosty. Goodman's Frosty is definitely snarkier than Jackie Vernon's original. He doesn't even seem to be brought to life by the hat! Lorne Michaels being the producer insures that the cast is full of “Saturday Night Live”-adjacent performers. Jan Hooks voices Holly's mom. Andrea Martin is her mean old teacher. Brian Doyle-Murray – otherwise known as Bill Murray's brother and Mr. Vanderhoff from “Wayne's World” – is the bad guy. Another factor linking this special to its specific time and place is Mark Mothersbaugh's score, which sounds exactly like his background music for “Rugrats.”
None of this stuff is bad on its own. In fact, I'm a fan of most of these people. Yet where the original “Frosty” is charming and cute, “Frosty Returns” is generic and forgettable. The animation style is also very much of its time, with slightly squiggly character design that look like they'd be at home on greeting cards. The same company that worked on this did some of the latter day “Peanuts” special and this is a bit like “Peanuts,” but stripped of all the eccentricities of Charles Schaulz. None of the jokes hit. There's only one song, “Let There Be Snow,” and it's totally forgettable. I think John Goodman is an okay singer but his work here is totally tuneless. Murray's villain is just horribly annoying too.
It doesn't help that the moral of “Frosty Returns” is kind of weird. Watching as an adult, I actually relate to the parents here. Traveling in bad weather is nerve-wracking and grown-ups don't get snow days most of the time. The most interesting thing about “Frosty Returns” is that Holly is voiced by a young Elisabeth Moss, which is kind of funny. As a kid, I hated “Frosty Returns” because it was such a pale imitation of the original. In addition to always airing alongside the 1969 special, it's also always packaged with it on DVD. I may now understand that it's not actually a sequel, despite the clearly misleading marketing. It's still pretty mediocre though. I think I would actually rather watch “Frosty's Winter Wonderland” before this. [5/10]
It's been a few years since I've reviewed a "Silent Night, Deadly Night" movie. You can credit this to my inability to get a Christmas marathon rolling and not because I don't enjoy these movies. I actually love the first one and the second film is, if nothing else, wildly entertaining. "Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out" does represent the tedious low-point of the series. Yet it must've sold well on video, as a fourth installment in the Christmas horror series would arrive in 1990, the very next year... Sort of. Let us attempt to unravel the case of "Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation," another challenger for the title of strangest sequel in a long-running slasher movie franchise.
A woman bursts into flames above a Chinese butcher shop and jumps to her death. Kim, who is stuck editing personal ads for the the Los Angeles Eye, wants to write a story about the event. When her boss — as well as her boyfriend, who also works for the paper — discourage her from investigating, she does it in her own. She comes across Fima, a woman who runs an occult book store and leads an all-women cult of Lilith worshippers. As Christmas draws closer, Kim is pulled into the cult and forced to participate in disturbing rituals... Which involves enormous bugs and a murderous transient.
You'll notice that the above plot description has nothing to do with past "Silent Night, Deadly Night" movies. Part three had already abandoned the controversial Santa killer angle and "Initiation" strays even further. Clint Howard plays a character named Ricky, the mentally ill homeless man that acts as the witch's servant. Whether he's meant to be the same Ricky that Bill Moseley and Eric Freeman played is not clear. The only reference to the previous films is when Clint watches a clip of the third movie on television. In fact, Christmas plays only a small role in the sequel. "Initiation" was directed by Brian Yunza right after he made "Society." Rumors persist that the film's script was actually salvaged from an unmade sequel to that movie. This has never been confirmed but the story here, of a secret circle that does bizarre body-bending, certainly has more in common with "Society" than "Silent Night, Deadly Night." The disconnect with the other entries is such that this was released under the title "Bugs" in the U.K.
If "Initiation" isn't a "Silent Night, Deadly Night" sequel, what is it? This is a kinky, gross-out horror movie that contains a number of interesting ideas. Kim and Doug, her boyfriend, are introduced having enthusiastic sex. Yet sex is the only way he can relate to her. Similarly, none of the staff at the newspaper take her seriously, strictly because of her gender. Fima's coven, meanwhile, is built for woman, by women. They worship Lilith and special attention is drawn to Adam's first wife's refusal to lay under him during sex. Naturally, this foreshadows a later scene where Kim ties up Doug and jumps on top.
This is far from the only way these pagan themes influence the story. Spirals, the oldest of all human symbols, reoccur throughout the film. Kim was raised Jewish and, when she points out to Doug's very Christian dad that Christmas rituals are based on pagan ones, he's extremely offended. Fima — whose name sounds like "feminist" — seems to harbor some lesbian attraction to Kim. All this suggest "Initiation" is a movie all about women breaking free from the regressive, patriarchal, and explicitly Christian traditions of American society to embrace older beliefs that actually value women.
If all of that sounds a little ambitious for a low budget, quickie horror sequel, it is. "Initiation" does not blend these ideas into a coherent whole. Doug is, at best, an insensitive boyfriend. His dad is a real asshole and ends up strangled with Christmas lights, during one of the more traditional "Silent Night, Deadly Night" moments. Yet the coven converting Kim are still the movie's villains. They manipulate Kim's mind and inflict all sorts of horrifying rituals on her. The worst of which has Ricky donning a phallic mask and raping Kim. I'm not quite sure what that has to do with the coven's feminist beliefs. The film's themes are confused and its story is frequently incoherent, as the scenes of Ricky killing people and the spontaneous human combustion seemed tossed in.
And what about those giant bugs? Fima believes that Lilith was the serpent in the Garden of Eden, which makes her the patron spirit of everything that creeps and crawls. No snakes appear in the movie but it's loaded with slimy beetles and grubs of varying size. The film seems obsessed with shoving its oversized creepy crawlers in and around people's face. Kim eats a beetle, vomits it up, and later gives birth to an enormous worm through her mouth. Screaming Mad George provides the vivid special effects, creating twitching giant larva and crawling huge beetles. Later, slime gushes from Kim's womb, encasing her legs in a cocoon that bends her body like rubber. The finale features a "Society"-like moment where fingers become tendrils. It's creative and disgusting. As someone with a slight bug phobia and hang-ups about food, a moment involving worms and spaghetti triggered my gag reflex. "Initiation" definitely earns points for its creative application of rubber, latex, and slime.
The cast is decent too. Neith Hunter is a creditable lead, Maud Adams is convincing as Fima, and Clint Howard is appropriately unhinged as Ricky. "Silent Night, Deadly Night 4" has long disappointed fans looking for more ho-ho-homicide. Being set in L.A., there's not even any snow on the ground. But unsurprisingly, its feminist themes have won it some reappraisals in recent years. I would say the movie is absolutely a mess. The gross-out feels self-serving sometimes. Yet it's definitely interesting, with lots of wild ideas on its mind. If nothing else, it's certainly more compelling than the sleep-inducing third film in the series. Ambition and creativity count for something, even if "Initiation" can not assemble its themes into a coherent whole. [6/10]
I think, every time I've tried to do one of these Christmas marathons, I always include a piece of Batman-related media. I can't help it that, as a child of the nineties whose first exposure to the Dark Knight was through “Batman Returns,” I associate DC Comics' Caped Crusader with the holidays. I'm not the only one, as the beloved “Batman: The Animated Series” did several Christmas-themed episodes throughout its run. In 1997, the show would be relaunched for the Warner Brothers network, changing its name to “The New Batman Adventures” and shifting to more exaggerated character designs. Though it was still recognizably the same program, with most of the cast and crew returning. The very first episode of this slightly new “Batman” cartoon was Christmas themed, the series kicking off with “Holiday Knights.”
“The New Batman Adventures” wanted to focus just as much on the wider Bat-Family as it does Bruce Wayne himself, which is probably why “Holiday Knights” actually tells three stories. The first, set on December 22nd, has Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy sneaking into a Christmas party at Wayne Manor. Under the mistletoe, Ivy plants a mind-controlling kiss on Bruce, forcing him to take the girls on a holiday shopping spree. On December 24th, Barbara Gordon runs into Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya at a department store, who are tracking a holiday shoplifter. When the crook is revealed to be Clayface, Gordon slips into her Batgirl costume to help out. Finally, on December 31st, the Joker plans to activated a deadly sonic-based weapon in the center of Gotham as soon as the bell strikes midnight. Batman and Robin sweep in to save the New Year.
Harley Quinn is about as overexposed as a comic character can be right now. And her bisexual relationship with Poison Ivy is also front-and-center these days. “Holiday Knights” was an early step in both of these phenomena. It reminds me why both were so delightful. Harley's wacky personality compliments Ivy's eco-terrorist habits. Here, she has a minor rant about Christmas trees. And there's no denying that there's a fun, sexy, energy to the mischief they get up to here. The episode makes sure to include a montage of them trying on different outfits. (And introduces both of them in their pajamas.) This is certainly emphasized by the stylized direction. They might break the law but nobody really gets hurt and they sure have a lot of fun doing it.
The second segment is not as much fun, though it's not bad either. Bullock as a grouchy Santa Claus, forced to interact with kids, produces several funny moments. Such as his conversation with a girl whose dad is in prison. The way Clayface reveals himself, having been disguised as four separate little boys that combine into his single form, is pretty cool. The light-hearted sexiness from the first story also continues here, as Renee Montoya wears an elf costume with a very short skirt and Barbara changes into her costume in the middle of the store. The action scenes are creatively animated though the way Clayface is defeated is kind of underwhelming.
The final segment includes a starring role for Mark Hamill's Joker, who is as fantastically entertaining as always. Since the show was under less strict censorship demands on WB, compared to Fox, the Joker actually gets to murder people and wield a realistic gun. His scheme, handing out Joker masks to everyone in the crowd, and his mime-like henchmen are nice touch. I wish Batman and Robin had more to do in the actual story, besides just participate in the token action scene. The final scene, where Batman and Commissioner Gordon meet in a dinner, is wonderful though. “Holiday Knights” is a bit uneven but still a pretty amusing bit of superhero-influenced holiday cheer. [7/10]
Dick Van Dyke is one of those pop culture figures that is widely beloved because, by most accounts, he's a genuinely delightful human being. That sense of fun and joy, the sheer thrill he gets out of acting goofy on-camera being the way he makes a living, is evident in everything he does. This propensity for light-hearted antics was best displayed in Van Dyke's groundbreaking and still influential fifties sitcom. He would parlay that success into a series of film roles. Outside of appearances in iconic features like “Mary Poppins” and “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” most of these leading man moments would be commercially unsuccessful and quickly forgotten. Which is surprising, considering Van Dyke's pure likability. Let's take a look at one of those projects, 1967's “Fitzwilly,” (which just so happens to be a Christmas movie) and see if we can answer why this is.
Claude Fitzwilliam is a butler for a rich old lady nicknamed Miss Vicki. Except Miss Vickie isn't rich, as her millionaire dad left all of 150 dollars to her. Her wealth is an illusion maintained by Fitzwilliam and the rest of the staff, who keeps their employer unaware of the truth by pulling off a number of swindles and cons. This carefully balanced lie is threatened when Miss Vicki hires Juliet, an observant young woman, to be her secretary. Fitzwilly decides to throw Juliet off the trail by romancing her but the two actually end up falling in love. How will this affect the gang's biggest scheme yet, to rob Gimbels department store on Christmas Eve?
In "Fitzwilly," Dick Van Dyke plays probably the most adorable con artist ever put to film. Yeah, he's a thief and crook but he's doing it all to make a little old lady happy. He's only ripping off businesses, not people, so it's pretty easy to forgive him for any moral trespasses here. All the thieving is framed as comedic set pieces. Such as the stand-out sequence in the film, where his team arrives at a marketing exhibition and pack up a tent display and just walk out with it. Or an amusing bit where he cons his way into buying a fancy piano. Van Dyke, of course, is completely charming in the role. It's easy to imagine him pulling off elaborate crimes like this, just through the pure power of his winning smile and disarming demeanor.
Starring opposite Van Dyke is Barbara Feldon as Juliet. This was Feldon's feature film debut, though she was already a veteran of television by this point. From the minute she walks on-screen, wearing a turtleneck sweater and sexy librarian glasses, you can't take your eyes off her. Feldon is perfectly capable of matching Van Dyke witty repartee. The love story is improbable but the two have such an easy-going chemistry together that you can still enjoy it. I'm also glad that the script allows Feldon to figure out what is going on about halfway through, instead of trying to stretch the deception out for the rest of the movie. That would've really strained plausibility.
In fact, the entire cast is quite good. John McGiver, with his distinctly gravelly voice, is well utilized as a former minister with sticky fingers who feels continued guilt over his role in this crimes. John Fiedler, Piglet himself, has an amusing small role as one of the sellers Fitzwilly swindles. Both of these plot points — as well as a reoccurring band of Boy Scouts with some unorthodox beliefs — come together for the manic climax at the crowded department store. Watching the chaos of the Christmas shopping season escalate, as Fitzwilly and his gang pull off their convoluted scheme, is definitely worth a laugh or two.
"Fitzwilly" never quite produces belly laughs. I don't know if that's what it was going for. However, the movie has such a relaxed, charming ambiance to it. Everyone involved here was so clearly having a good time and that feeling spreads to the audience. It's a wacky but low-key comedy that is extremely well-cast. It's a film that is perhaps best described as amicable. (The score from a young John Williams — so young he's credited as "Johnny Williams" — certainly helps along this vibe.) That makes it a good addition to anybody's Christmas movie marathon, as this is the kind of year when you just want to hang out with friends anyway. I'm glad I caught up with this one, it's cute. [7/10]
In the eighties, Rankin/Bass Productions would find something other than festive holiday specials to occupy their time. The studio would produce popular Saturday morning cartoon shows like "Thundercats" and "Silverhawks." (As well as some not-so-popular ones, like “TigerSharks” and “The Mini-Monsters.”) This would be the company's biggest success of the decade but they didn't leave holiday cheer totally behind either. In 1985, they would adapt Frank L. Baum's "The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus," an otherwise stand-alone novel with ties to his “Wizard of Oz” universe. This would also be the final Animagic Christmas special the company would make, as they ceased all active production two years later.
Since Balm provided the plot, at least the studio's team can't be blamed for "The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus'" story being full of nonsensical fantasy bullshit. The plot concerns the Council of Immortals meeting in the forest of Burzee. They have gathered to determine the fate of Santa Claus, a mortal man. Their leader, the almighty Lord Ak, regales the Council with Claus' life story. How he was a foundling discovered in a blizzard, giving to a lioness to raise. How a fairy raised Claus and Ak, and many other magical mentors, taught him their ways. Soon, Claus would become determined to spread joy via toys to children the world over. It is not a quest that will be easy.
While the Christmas specials are their most cherished output, Rankin/Bass also had their hand in animated fantasy adventures like "The Hobbit," "Flight of Dragons," and "The Last Unicorn." You can't help but notice a lot of that energy seeping into the holiday side of things here. The opening credits scene includes a whole litany of fantastical royalty with bizarre names and titles. Fairies and other magical beings occupy the plot. The scenes of Lord Ak flying a young Kris Kringle around the world, showing him the ways of man, have a certain mythic status to them. Yet the heavy high fantasy trappings are often exhausting. Such as a lengthy digression in the middle of the special, where a race of toy-snatching, semi-invisible ogres declare war on Ak and his comrades. When you have an elaborate battle scene, which includes sights like a dragons being turned into pillars of flames or hideous monsters being shrank down, I really had to ask what any of this has to do with Santa Claus.
Part of why “The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus” is a little frustrating is because Rankin/Bass already did an origin story for St. Nick. While “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” provided a strictly whimsical explanation for many of the Jolly Old Elf's quirks, this one continues down that path of convoluted fantasy storytelling. Santa has a polyglot elf sidekick that names many of his invention. His reindeer are provided by another grouchy elf, with a lizard tail for some reason. He sneaks in through the chimney because of those aforementioned monsters. Christmas trees are tied up in this too. Because the story is so wrapped up in these fantasy elements, the Christmas traditions feel almost besides the point at times. And the special never explains the red suit or how he can deliver all those presents in one night either.
Still, “The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus” is worth seeing for a few things. The traditional cutesy Animagic character designs are abandoned for more anime-esque character designs. (That the animation for these special was done in Japan has never been more apparent.) This is paired with stop-motion animation that is smoother and more detailed than maybe you'd expect. It's impressive how far Rankin/Bass and their team came, in that regard, over the course of its existence. The songs are pretty forgettable though, with only a number sang by children about the cat toy Santa carved them being all that memorable. If nothing else, “The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus” is less inessential than the few Rankin/Bass holiday specials that proceeded it. It's weird, in a sort of interesting way, instead of a sort of boring way. Let that be the epitaph of this particular Christmas special tradition. [6/10]
Christmas traditions are so ingrained in modern American culture. From the moment kids are old enough to know, they are introduced to Santa Claus. Even if you don't put up a tree or decorate with lights, you probably exchange gifts with someone. Yet, despite what certain people in our society would want us to think, America did not invent Christmas. The holiday and its traditions have permuted around the globe in all sorts of interesting ways. For one example: The Russian equivalent of Santa Claus is called Ded Moroz or Morozko, which roughly translate as Father Frost. (And shares some similarities with the English legendary figure Jack Frost.) Father Frost is the figure of many Russian stories and fairy tales. In 1964, one of those stories would be adapted by Soviet filmmaker Alexander Rou into a feature film. And thirty-three years after that, an English dubbed version of the film would be mocked on “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” This episode would quickly become a fan favorite.
“Jack Frost” concerns Nastya, a beautiful young maiden. Nastya's wicked stepmother abuses her and heaps praises on her own daughter. While out doing another tedious chore in the woods, Nastya encounters Ivan. Ivan is a super-strong but haughty young man and he immediately falls in love with her. After being turned into a bear by a mushroom fairy, and subsequently turned back after he learns to be more kind-hearted, Ivan goes in-search of Nastya. By then, her cruel stepmother has left her to freeze to death in the woods. She's rescued by Father Frost but is turned to ice after touching his scepter. Ivan arrives just in time to rescue her. Along the way, he runs afoul of a band of thieves and Baba Yaga, the infamous witch of Russian lore.
Some things were definitely lost in translation, and the goofy English dub does the movie no favors, but it's fair to say that “Jack Frost” is a movie that contains many unusual sights. The set designs and costumes are actually quite good. The special effects and photography, however, have many quirky touches. Ivan turning into a bear happens in a hilariously sudden manner. Baba Yaga summons a horde of murderous tree monsters to attack Ivan, who leap through the air in an amusingly awkward manner. That wonderfully artificial quality reappears when the old witch flies through the air on her mortar and pestle. Even this is not the strangest sight in the movie, which belongs to a pig being transformed into a living sled. Crude effects, like the film being sped up or run backwards whenever Father Frost does something magical, look fake as hell but are unquestionably charming.
If you doubt all those bizarre sights – plus Russian Santa Claus – can be combined into a coherent narrative, you'd be right. Yet there's actually a reason why “Jack Frost's” plot is such a tangled web of weirdo events. The film actually combines a number of different myths and stories into one plot. Only the plot thread of an old woman with a beautiful stepdaughter and an ugly daughter, who are left in the snowy forest and encounter Father Frost, is from the titular tale. Ivan's encounter with Baba Yaga in her chicken hut, where he tricks her into falling into her own oven, is from another story. You might not be surprised to hear that heroes named “Ivan” are a commonly reoccurring element in Russian fairy tales. Men turning into bears and little mushroom guys are as well. “Jack Frost” can't weave all these ideas into a decent paced story but, as a student of folklore, it's fascinating none the less.
A movie as goofy and weird as “Jack Frost” certainly provides ideal material for “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” This is a really funny episode, full of a number of memorable riffs. Mike and the bots seem to especially delight in giving voice to the film's many animals, having them comment on the events in absurd ways. The bots typically react to the film's absurd events with dry quips and pop culture references. Their line about how Nastya's choice in men are always either “gay or bears” always gets a bit laugh out of me. The host segments are amusing as well. There's a great bit where Mike ends up acting as an improvised therapist for Brain Guy and Professor Bobo. I appreciate a winding dissertation on Russian pop culture and deadpan reactions to Crow becoming a bear and Servo becoming a cute girl. Gags about Riverdance or Yanko Smirnoff are dated as can be but still made me chuckle.
The “MST3k” version of “Jack Frost” is probably a little more tolerable than its original form. From what I've read, most of the songs in the original Russian version were cut out of the Sci-Fi Channel broadcast. Considering the movie, in this form, already has some pacing problems, I can't imagine some songs would help. (What songs are left are still in Russian, for whatever reason.) Still, even without Mike and the Bots, “Jack Frost” would be an absurd and fascinating peek into another culture's winter tradition. With them, it becomes a frequently hilarious 100 minutes of weirdo television. [7/10]
Quite a few years back, I reviewed “The Night of the Meek,” traditionally thought of as the Christmas episode of “The Twilight Zone.” Yet there is another holiday-themed episode of Rod Serling's iconic anthology series, albeit on the more marginal side of December. The general plot of “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” is summarized in its title but to go into more detail: An army general awakens in a nondescript room. A clown, a ballerina, a bagpipe player, and a hobo also reside in the room. Seemingly the only way out is above, the walls opening up as they stretch towards the sky. None of them have any idea who they are or how they got here. The general still feels compelled to find a way out, as all five of them attempt to figure out what is going on.
“Five Characters in Search of an Exit” represents “The Twilight Zone” at its most existential. Sartre's “No Exit” was certainly an influence and our five characters, soon enough, suspect they are in Hell. In fact, in its first few minutes, the characters cycled through half-a-dozen possible explanations for their situation. Are they dead, in a dream, or part of some sort of experiment? I think philosophy majors could look at this half-hour and come up with a hundred different readings. By acknowledging that this entire scenario is open to interpretation, “Five Characters” becomes an absurdist nightmare that draws attention to its own absurdity. The episode presents a weird, hopeless situation and invites the viewer to think up their own explanations and deeper meanings.
All five characters are dressed in instantly recognizable costumes, bringing with them specific roles and traits. The general is determined to find answers and a way out. He repeatedly tries practical solutions to this surreal problem. The clown continues to perform ridiculous stunts and tell jokes, no matter how inappropriate it might be. The ballerina is fragile and soft-spoken, the hobo is happy to sit back and not do anything, and the bagpiper is resolved to play his bagpipe. These characters are all archetypes, forced to play a role that has been assigned to them by someone else. This also makes the episode a potent metaphor for how authors write their characters or fate itself.
If you're reading this, you probably already know the episode's twist ending. It's what provides “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” its dollop of holiday content: The characters are dolls in a donation bin for a Christmas charity. The deafening banging noise the quintet hear is the result of the near-by bell ringer. It plays like an ironic punchline to a meandering joke. Or the sting of the sun shining in your eyes as waking. Yet Rod Serling's teleplay even finds pathos in this unlikely reveal, zeroing in on the tears running down the ballerina's face. Because as helpless and meaningless as their circumstance seemed, all five characters will find their purpose in a child's arms. And what could be more Christmas-y then that? And now you can even buy action figures based on this episode, bringing the cosmic joke of that reveal full circle. [8/10]
There used to be a novelty to the idea of setting a macabre story around Christmas. The contrast between the holly-jolliest time of the year and acts of violence was considered ironic or even transgressive once. Lest we forget, people picketed “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” But since we’re in the tenth year of the "Die Hard is a Christmas Movie" wars, I think that idea is officially old hat now. Holiday horror no longer resides strictly within the realm of low budget filmmaking. "Krampus" was a big budget movie and, this year, Keira Knightley has lent her star power to "Silent Night." In fact, "Silent Night" may be the bleakest Christmas movie I've ever seen.
Nell and Simon are hosting a Christmas gathering for friends and family, at their stately home in the British countryside. As everyone travels from far away to spend this holiday together, it becomes clear something is wrong. Everyone is edgy, the kids are swearing, and secrets from the past begin to emerge. There's a reason for this: A cloud of poisonous gas is slowly engulfing the entire planet, causing everyone who breathes it to die a horrible, bloody death. The British government has issued suicide pills to the entire country and everyone at the party plans to take them at midnight. But even dying is far from simple around the holidays.
I was told to go into "Silent Night" without reading much about it. I simply knew it was some sort of horror movie set around a Christmas gathering. Until it becomes apparent this is an apocalypse scenario, we are simply presented with a group — too large a group to keep track of, really — of characters... Miserable, unhappy characters being awful to each other. The kids are foul-mouthed little hellions. People say mean-spirited things about the other guests behind their backs. Taking typical holiday party stress and ramping it up to eleven, on account of the world ending, has potential. Yet everyone in "Silent Night" is so hateful, that you can't care if they live or die. You especially don't care when the in-fighting and arguments about past romantic entanglements inevitably begin.
"Silent Night's" premise does present an interesting dilemma. If you were in this same situation, what would you do? Would you take the pill and accept a peaceful death? Or would you risk the slim chance you could survive breathing in a gas that supposedly causes your innards to start bleeding all at once? Naturally, the characters do debate this themselves. Yet "Silent Night" is such a hopelessly bleak story, with such an air of futility and nihilism about it, that the question seems moot. All these characters, every last unlikeable one of them, are going to die. By the time the movie is showing us a child convulsing in agony as he bleeds to death, any interesting philosophical topics have been jettisoned in favor of being grim-for-grimness'-sake.
This nasty streak almost serves a purpose. "Silent Night" is, you see, a dark comedy. The characters are exaggerated for the sake of humor, I suppose. (Not that this stops the movie from also trying to play their fate for occasional pathos.) A handful of times, a sick sense of humor does successfully emerge here. Mostly thanks to the cast. When Matthew Goode, as dad Simon, has to repeatedly march down to the basement and back to retrieve supplies for the end times, his exasperation made me chuckle. Keira Knightley deserves some credit, for trying to keep spirits high and festive as armageddon closes in around her. "Silent Night's" script is mostly trite and empty but its stars do their best to make it seem worthwhile.
"Silent Night" annoyed me throughout but it officially pissed me off, right before the credits roll, by throwing in a half-assed suggestion that maybe things aren't as final as they seem. I have no problem with movies that are bleak or dark. But there has to be some justification for it, some reason to be around miserable people doing mean, stupid things in a hopeless scenario. "Silent Night" never provides that, ending up feeling like an empty act of half-sardonic provocation. Also, I can only assume the movie wasn't called "Last Christmas" because another flick got to that title first. [4/10]
In my previous review of a Muppet Christmas special, I talked about how the Disney acquisition of Jim Henson's beloved creations is controversial. The reactions to the various attempts to reboot the property in the last decade have been mixed, to say the least. Before the latest movies, sitcoms, and web-shows, Disney seemed almost disinterested in the franchise they spent 75 million dollars on. The corporation did almost nothing with Kermit and the gang until 2008. That's when “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” debuted. (On NBC, instead of the Disney-owned ABC for whatever reason.) It was the first of several TV movies starring the characters, which were easy to ignore and barely promoted. I certainly didn't see it at the time. Now it's time for me to catch up.
Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo are standing in line at the post office, on Christmas Eve. That's when they get involved in some shenanigans, accidentally grabbing three letters that are destined for the North Pole. One of those cards is from a little girl Gonzo has befriended. Against the wishes of Piggy, who is spending Christmas on a tropical vacation, Kermit and the guys decide to travel to the North Pole and personally deliver the letters. Much wackiness ensues as the Muppets go on a journey to the frozen reaches of the globe, on a quest to make sure some little girl's holiday isn't ruined. But their Christmas wish may be closer to home than anyone thinks...
I had a reasonably good time with this one. There's a good mixture of laughs and sentimentality here. The laughs range from wacky slapstick, like Kermit slamming his nose in the door, and more absurd gags, like a scene being fast-forward through. The expected celebrity cameos are integrated with the jokes nicely. Such as Nathan Lane as a deeply neurotic airport security guard, who has an amusing back-and-forth with Bobo the Bear. Or an utterly delightful Uma Thurman reappearing as a helpful travel agent. One of the most unexpected jokes has Beaker using a wishing machine to create a girlfriend for him (played by supermodel Petra Nemcova), who also speaks in his trademark beeping sound. Probably could've done without that self-serving Michael Bloomberg cameo though...
Something that really makes “Letters to Santa” stand out is that Disney got the legendary Paul Williams – who also cameos as Santa's head elf – back to write the songs. While none of the music here is on the level of Williams' work for “A Muppet Christmas Carol” or the original movie, it's still pretty good. “Delivering Christmas” is upbeat and energetic, starting the special on a good note. Just like he did in the original movie, Williams smartly gives Gonzo the slower number, “I Wish I Could Be Santa Claus.” The climatic “My Best Christmas Yet” has the sixties Phil Spector Christmas sound, with rising choruses and some trembling sound effects in the music. As always, Williams' lyrics are diverse and clever and his melodies are soulful and surprising.
Even within the annals of Muppet history, “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” is a minor affair. Most of the reviews on Letterboxd are negative, so I don't think it's especially well regarded. Apparently an 88 minute long extended version was included on the DVD but only the original television cut – which runs 50 minutes – is streaming anywhere. I feel like the short version is the superior cut, as this would probably get laborious at feature length. However, I liked it well enough. It's a cute and funny and the songs are pretty good. I don't ask for much more than that from my holiday specials. [7/10]
Carrie Fisher was beloved for many reasons. Princess Leia made her a pop culture icon, nerd royalty, and a groundbreaking sci-fi heroine. Fisher's post-Leia career had her becoming a beloved writer, who was frank and catty about her own life. Of course, before any of that, Fisher was already part of a Hollywood dynasty. Her mom was beloved actress, singer, and dancer Debbie Reynolds. Her father was Eddie Fisher, one of the biggest pop stars of the fifties. While Reynolds' acting career was long-lasted and included many classics, Fisher mostly stuck to singing... But there are some exceptions. Reynolds and Fisher made one movie together, a 1956 musical called “Bundle of Joy.” It's also set around Christmas, which is why I'm reviewing it today.
J.B. Merlin and Son's is a fancy department store on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. The "And Son" is Dan Merlin, who is doing his best to impress his dad and drive up sales. Meanwhile, Polly is an overeager clerk who has been fired for selling too many hats. (Which necessitates too many returns.) As she returns to her apartment, she finds a baby on her front stoop. She tries to give the child to an orphanage but they are convinced the baby must be her's. They contact Dan, who hires back the "young mother" and returns the baby to her. Shenanigans ensue as Dan and Polly form a relationship and take care of the child.
"Bundle of Joy" is a remake of a 1939 feature called "Bachelor Mother." I've never seen that one, so I have no idea how closely this remake follows it. Yet it's hard to imagine any version of this story having enough meat on its bones for a feature film. The idea of a young woman trying to convince everybody that a baby isn't hers, as she inevitably grows fond of the tyke, has potential. Instead of focusing on that relationship, "Bundle of Joy" has the adorable red headed moppet being traded back and forth between various parties. The film attempts to occupy its runtime with subplots about dance competitions or tension between Dan and his dad, especially once the old man becomes convinced the child is his grandson. None of these story threads come together in a satisfying way and the film's narrative, ultimately, feels shapeless and directionless.
In fact, the titular bundle of joy is never anything more than a plot device. It's hard to get attached to the kid when he never does much beyond the occasional, cutesy reaction shot. The film works best when the infant fades into the background and the focus turns towards Dan and Polly's relationship. Fisher and Reynolds, unsurprisingly, have wonderful chemistry. The sparks that fly between them are strong enough that it makes a scene where he repeatedly fires and rehires her, as bosses dating employees is against the rules, cute instead of creepy. A largely dialogue-free scene, where Polly tries on expensive outfits Dan has bought her, is probably the film's best sequence. It depends solely on the clear physical attraction the two have. Another highlight is when Polly attends a party while pretending to be a Norwegian princess with a limited grasp on English. Debbie Reynolds looking glamourous and speaking gibberish Swedish Chef talk is amusing.
As a musical, "Bundle of Joy" is largely forgettable. The opening number, which Fisher belts out while moving through the busy shopping center, has a decent energy to it but nothing in the way of memorable melodies or lyrics. "All About Love" has Fisher serenading some employees around a piano, which features half decent choreography. "I Never Felt This Way Before" is probably the musical highlight of the film, as it features Reynolds softly singing to the baby while Fisher does pratfalls in the background. I have no recollection of the other songs at all and I just watched the movie a half-hour ago. "Bundle of Joy's" music just doesn't stick in the mind at all.
The behind-the-scenes trivia is probably more interesting than the movie itself. Reynolds was pregnant with Carrie during filming, which had to be cleverly shot around. Director Norman Taurog was developing Alzheimer's, which led to him frequently repeating direction or forgetting scenes. Fisher would later admit the film was bad and did little acting afterwards. Reynolds got a Golden Globe nomination for the film, so I guess it wasn't a complete loss. By the way, the holiday content is fairly marginal. Santa Claus and Christmas decorations appear prominently in the first scene but rarely anywhere else. There's a sequence set around a New Years party but that's short-loved. I guess there was really no reason for me to watch this one at all! [5/10]
Gremlins: Recall (2017)
I don't normally watch fan films. This is not meant to besmirch the people who make them, who are often passionate and talented people. It's just there are so many movies out there to see, that it's hard to give time to unofficial productions. Yet occasionally one comes along that grabs my attention. Since "Gremlins" is one of the few holiday classics I make an effort to watch every year, and there will probably never be a "Gremlins 3," the news of a professional looking "Gremlins" fan film piqued my interest. "Gremlins: Recall" was directed by Ryan Patrick and released online in 2017.
The ten-minute short begins with an intriguing idea: It seems Mr. Wing's grandson has gone corporate and found a way to take the Gremlin out of the Mogwai. People can now buy Mogwai that aren't sensitive to sunlight, won't reproduced when wet, and won't turn into gremlins if fed after midnight. That's the idea anyway. But things are starting to go wrong, forcing the Wing company to send men out to collect — and exterminate — the defective Mogwai. Our principal setting is an all-night dinner during the holidays. Claire is a young waitress who meets a Wing truck driver and bounds with Trink, a little white Mogwai in his truck. When she gives the Mogwai in the back a milkshake, she unknowingly unleashes some Gremlins into the dinner.
"Gremlins: Recall" is, first off, a very professional looking film. The cinematography is solid, the use of color is fittingly atmospheric, and the acting is decent. A generic synthwave soundtrack stands in for the expected Jerry Goldsmith themes but I still appreciate the effort. (And there are some holiday standards on the soundtrack too.) The creature effects are less seamless. The Mogwai don't move much and the Gremlins are stiffer, rubberier, and overall less expressive than in the actual "Gremlins" films. But, for a fan prediction obviously working with limited resources, it still looks pretty good. The scene where Claire melts a Gremlin with a heat lamp is definitely a highlight.
And I think "Recall" has a strong premise for a "Gremlins" sequel. Claire is sympathetic to animals and forms a bond with the abused Trink. The idea of a corporation treating living things like objects is a strong thematic foundation and even continues some of the concepts from the second movie. Katherine Rodriguez is also a likable lead. "Gremlins: Recall" plays like the beginning of a longer story, ending where a feature would only just get going. I suspect Patrick made the short partially as a pitch to Warner Bros., should they ever decide to make an actual "Gremlins 3." I don't know if he's the perfect filmmaker for the job, considering there's none of the manic humor here that is essential to “Gremlins.” But if WB refuses to give Joe Dante the necessary freedom to do another one his way, they could do a lot worse than hiring someone who is clearly passionate about the series and committed to using practical effects. [7/10]
