Welcome to the film-related musings, complaints, and comments of Zack Clopton, an amateur film-critic, scholar, and screenwriter. Featured here are Director's Report Cards, essays, and other reviews. Enjoy!
Last of the Monster Kids
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This year's holiday journey has taken me to some unexpected places. If it isn't obvious by now, I've been determined to catch-up with every remaining Muppet Christmas special I haven't seen this December. This journey comes to an end tonight as I watch what is, as of this writing, the latest holiday special to star Jim Henson's beloved felt creations. And it's a variety special with Lady Gaga. “Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” was supposedly born out of Miss Stefani Germanotta being a fan of the Muppets. This is what she says in the intro but I suspect that corporate synergy was the real reason. The special was aired before the release of both Gaga's third album, “Artpop,” and the most recent Muppets movie, “Muppets' Most Wanted.” Even knowing this, it feels like a particularly bizarre crossover. Do these two performers really appeal to the same audience? Regardless, ABC went ahead with the plan and it aired on Thanksgiving of 2013.
“Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” harkens back to the variety show format of the seventies series. In fact, this special has less plot than your typical episode of “The Muppet Show.” There's a thin thread running through some of the gags, in which The Lady Gaga and Kermit the Frog have some romantic chemistry, spurning jealousy in Miss Piggy. However, that really only occupies one or two sequences. Instead, this “Holiday Spectacular” will feature a song from Gaga and then a short sketch from the Muppets. The pop star and the puppets don't even interact that much, Kermit and the gang usually dancing around her a few times. They are mostly confined to their own skits. This is all the more baffling, as the couple of sketches where Gaga and the Muppets directly interact, such as when she asks them for suggestions for the finale, are actually pretty funny.
I guess now is the time when I admit I'm not really a fan of Lady Gaga's music. I don't think she has a bad voice, though I find some of her vocal inflections grating. This style of glammy pop music is, to my ears, incredibly overproduced. She sings six songs from “Artpop” and they all sound nearly identical to me. Most of them all have one word titles – like “Applause,” “Gypsy,” “Manicure,” or “Fashion” – and build their choruses around repeating those words. The shallowness of Gaga's music can only make her focus on outrageous costumes and stage antics, which we get a peek at here, feel like overcompensating. But this isn't really my genre, so what do you expect me to say? Gaga fans would probably find the shit I love totally tedious.
With this being my opinion, it's perhaps unsurprising that the most memorable songs are those featuring special guests. Elton John joins her for a duet of “Bennie and the Jets,” that is blended with one of her songs. RuPaul comes onstage for a number, which I found to be the least boring song here. Joseph Gordon Levvitt joins her for a performance of “Baby, It's Cold Outside” that switches the male and female parts. (A far more amusing reinvention of that song than some I've heard.) I don't know if Gaga's vocal stylings work for that number but it's an amusing bit. By the way, that's one of the few explicitly Christmas-related musical numbers here. Later, Miss Piggy does a version of “Santa Baby,” that turns into a decent comedy bit. I was really expecting a lot more holiday songs from this holiday special.
A few years before airing this special, Disney had success making the Muppets stars of a series of Youtube videos. The Muppet segments here feel a lot like those internet videos. The majority of them involve the puppety stars telling jokes or doing simple routine directly to the audience. The characters react to questions, about holiday travel or New Years resolutions. One or two of these got a laugh out of me but they are fairly basic, as far as these things go. Kristen Bell, for whatever reason, stops by for a few skits with Bobo the Bear that are inessential, to say the least. Like I said, I really don't understand the logic behind building this entire special around the juxtaposition between the pop star and these characters and only really having them play off each other a couple times. (And one of those has Pepe the Prawn sexually harassing Gaga.)
Ultimately, “Lady Gaga and the Muppets' Holiday Spectacular” falls far short of spectacular. The muppet content feels half-assed, as if it was written hastily in the days leading up to the special. While the Gaga stuff is just her promoting her new record, performing songs she was probably going to perform on television anyway. The special was not a rating's success, suggesting I was not the only one who thought this was a bizarre pairing. By the way, IMDb lists the special with a 103 minute run time but the longest version I can find online falls a little short of an hour. I can't imagine commercials added that much to the run time but I also can't imagine watching a longer version of this particular presentation. [5/10]
Rankin/Bass wasn't producing new programs by 1992, and was more-or-less defunct, but their holiday specials remained perennial favorites. “Rudolph” and “Frosty” still air on network television every year. Obviously, these brands were still profitable. This is when Broadway Video, otherwise known as Lorne Michaels' production company, got the rights to the original song... Not, it would seem, the classic Rankin/Bass holiday special. This did not stop Michaels and CBS selling “Frosty Returns” as a sequel to the original holiday special. In fact, to this day, the network almost always airs “Frosty Returns” right after the 1969 cartoon that ostensibly inspired it.
“Frosty Returns” is set in a small town called Beansboro, which is currently blanketed in snow. The kids are overjoyed by the snow day and a chance to play outside. Their parents are annoyed by the bad weather. On that day, aspiring magician Holly DeCarlo attempts to perform a magic trick on her friend, before a gust of wind blows her top hat out the window. She runs outside to retrieve it, to find that Frosty the Snowman has grabbed the hat instead. Frosty and Holly become fast friends. That's when a grumpy businessman named Mr. Twitchell introduces a new product: Summer Wheeze, an aerosol product that can instantly remove snow. Frosty, of course, sees this as an existential threat to his very existence. Frosty and Holly set out to convince the world that snow is good actually.
For everything that's unmistakably dated about it, the original Rankin/Bass “Frosty the Snowman” is also strangely timeless. “Frosty Returns,” meanwhile, feels very much like a product of its time. John Goodman, a hot property at the time thanks to the success of “Rosanne,” voices Frosty. Goodman's Frosty is definitely snarkier than Jackie Vernon's original. He doesn't even seem to be brought to life by the hat! Lorne Michaels being the producer insures that the cast is full of “Saturday Night Live”-adjacent performers. Jan Hooks voices Holly's mom. Andrea Martin is her mean old teacher. Brian Doyle-Murray – otherwise known as Bill Murray's brother and Mr. Vanderhoff from “Wayne's World” – is the bad guy. Another factor linking this special to its specific time and place is Mark Mothersbaugh's score, which sounds exactly like his background music for “Rugrats.”
None of this stuff is bad on its own. In fact, I'm a fan of most of these people. Yet where the original “Frosty” is charming and cute, “Frosty Returns” is generic and forgettable. The animation style is also very much of its time, with slightly squiggly character design that look like they'd be at home on greeting cards. The same company that worked on this did some of the latter day “Peanuts” special and this is a bit like “Peanuts,” but stripped of all the eccentricities of Charles Schaulz. None of the jokes hit. There's only one song, “Let There Be Snow,” and it's totally forgettable. I think John Goodman is an okay singer but his work here is totally tuneless. Murray's villain is just horribly annoying too.
It doesn't help that the moral of “Frosty Returns” is kind of weird. Watching as an adult, I actually relate to the parents here. Traveling in bad weather is nerve-wracking and grown-ups don't get snow days most of the time. The most interesting thing about “Frosty Returns” is that Holly is voiced by a young Elisabeth Moss, which is kind of funny. As a kid, I hated “Frosty Returns” because it was such a pale imitation of the original. In addition to always airing alongside the 1969 special, it's also always packaged with it on DVD. I may now understand that it's not actually a sequel, despite the clearly misleading marketing. It's still pretty mediocre though. I think I would actually rather watch “Frosty's Winter Wonderland” before this. [5/10]
There used to be a novelty to the idea of setting a macabre story around Christmas. The contrast between the holly-jolliest time of the year and acts of violence was considered ironic or even transgressive once. Lest we forget, people picketed “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” But since we’re in the tenth year of the "Die Hard is a Christmas Movie" wars, I think that idea is officially old hat now. Holiday horror no longer resides strictly within the realm of low budget filmmaking. "Krampus" was a big budget movie and, this year, Keira Knightley has lent her star power to "Silent Night." In fact, "Silent Night" may be the bleakest Christmas movie I've ever seen.
Nell and Simon are hosting a Christmas gathering for friends and family, at their stately home in the British countryside. As everyone travels from far away to spend this holiday together, it becomes clear something is wrong. Everyone is edgy, the kids are swearing, and secrets from the past begin to emerge. There's a reason for this: A cloud of poisonous gas is slowly engulfing the entire planet, causing everyone who breathes it to die a horrible, bloody death. The British government has issued suicide pills to the entire country and everyone at the party plans to take them at midnight. But even dying is far from simple around the holidays.
I was told to go into "Silent Night" without reading much about it. I simply knew it was some sort of horror movie set around a Christmas gathering. Until it becomes apparent this is an apocalypse scenario, we are simply presented with a group — too large a group to keep track of, really — of characters... Miserable, unhappy characters being awful to each other. The kids are foul-mouthed little hellions. People say mean-spirited things about the other guests behind their backs. Taking typical holiday party stress and ramping it up to eleven, on account of the world ending, has potential. Yet everyone in "Silent Night" is so hateful, that you can't care if they live or die. You especially don't care when the in-fighting and arguments about past romantic entanglements inevitably begin.
"Silent Night's" premise does present an interesting dilemma. If you were in this same situation, what would you do? Would you take the pill and accept a peaceful death? Or would you risk the slim chance you could survive breathing in a gas that supposedly causes your innards to start bleeding all at once? Naturally, the characters do debate this themselves. Yet "Silent Night" is such a hopelessly bleak story, with such an air of futility and nihilism about it, that the question seems moot. All these characters, every last unlikeable one of them, are going to die. By the time the movie is showing us a child convulsing in agony as he bleeds to death, any interesting philosophical topics have been jettisoned in favor of being grim-for-grimness'-sake.
This nasty streak almost serves a purpose. "Silent Night" is, you see, a dark comedy. The characters are exaggerated for the sake of humor, I suppose. (Not that this stops the movie from also trying to play their fate for occasional pathos.) A handful of times, a sick sense of humor does successfully emerge here. Mostly thanks to the cast. When Matthew Goode, as dad Simon, has to repeatedly march down to the basement and back to retrieve supplies for the end times, his exasperation made me chuckle. Keira Knightley deserves some credit, for trying to keep spirits high and festive as armageddon closes in around her. "Silent Night's" script is mostly trite and empty but its stars do their best to make it seem worthwhile.
"Silent Night" annoyed me throughout but it officially pissed me off, right before the credits roll, by throwing in a half-assed suggestion that maybe things aren't as final as they seem. I have no problem with movies that are bleak or dark. But there has to be some justification for it, some reason to be around miserable people doing mean, stupid things in a hopeless scenario. "Silent Night" never provides that, ending up feeling like an empty act of half-sardonic provocation. Also, I can only assume the movie wasn't called "Last Christmas" because another flick got to that title first. [4/10]
In my previous review of a Muppet Christmas special, I talked about how the Disney acquisition of Jim Henson's beloved creations is controversial. The reactions to the various attempts to reboot the property in the last decade have been mixed, to say the least. Before the latest movies, sitcoms, and web-shows, Disney seemed almost disinterested in the franchise they spent 75 million dollars on. The corporation did almost nothing with Kermit and the gang until 2008. That's when “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” debuted. (On NBC, instead of the Disney-owned ABC for whatever reason.) It was the first of several TV movies starring the characters, which were easy to ignore and barely promoted. I certainly didn't see it at the time. Now it's time for me to catch up.
Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo are standing in line at the post office, on Christmas Eve. That's when they get involved in some shenanigans, accidentally grabbing three letters that are destined for the North Pole. One of those cards is from a little girl Gonzo has befriended. Against the wishes of Piggy, who is spending Christmas on a tropical vacation, Kermit and the guys decide to travel to the North Pole and personally deliver the letters. Much wackiness ensues as the Muppets go on a journey to the frozen reaches of the globe, on a quest to make sure some little girl's holiday isn't ruined. But their Christmas wish may be closer to home than anyone thinks...
I had a reasonably good time with this one. There's a good mixture of laughs and sentimentality here. The laughs range from wacky slapstick, like Kermit slamming his nose in the door, and more absurd gags, like a scene being fast-forward through. The expected celebrity cameos are integrated with the jokes nicely. Such as Nathan Lane as a deeply neurotic airport security guard, who has an amusing back-and-forth with Bobo the Bear. Or an utterly delightful Uma Thurman reappearing as a helpful travel agent. One of the most unexpected jokes has Beaker using a wishing machine to create a girlfriend for him (played by supermodel Petra Nemcova), who also speaks in his trademark beeping sound. Probably could've done without that self-serving Michael Bloomberg cameo though...
Something that really makes “Letters to Santa” stand out is that Disney got the legendary Paul Williams – who also cameos as Santa's head elf – back to write the songs. While none of the music here is on the level of Williams' work for “A Muppet Christmas Carol” or the original movie, it's still pretty good. “Delivering Christmas” is upbeat and energetic, starting the special on a good note. Just like he did in the original movie, Williams smartly gives Gonzo the slower number, “I Wish I Could Be Santa Claus.” The climatic “My Best Christmas Yet” has the sixties Phil Spector Christmas sound, with rising choruses and some trembling sound effects in the music. As always, Williams' lyrics are diverse and clever and his melodies are soulful and surprising.
Even within the annals of Muppet history, “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” is a minor affair. Most of the reviews on Letterboxd are negative, so I don't think it's especially well regarded. Apparently an 88 minute long extended version was included on the DVD but only the original television cut – which runs 50 minutes – is streaming anywhere. I feel like the short version is the superior cut, as this would probably get laborious at feature length. However, I liked it well enough. It's a cute and funny and the songs are pretty good. I don't ask for much more than that from my holiday specials. [7/10]
The Jim Henson Company and everyone else involved with the famous felt creations these days are very aware of the nostalgic connection people have between the characters and the holidays. There's been multiple Muppet Christmas specials and movies made over the years. Right before the characters would be sold to Disney totally, the Henson Company would partner with NBC to create the first feature length television film featuring the characters. The awkwardly entitled “It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie” would debut on November 29th, 2002.
In the days leading up to the holiday season, Kermit and the other Muppets are preparing a big Christmas show at the Muppet Theater. This is when they receive some bad news: real estate agent Rachel Bitterman is threatening to foreclose on the theater unless the bills can be paid off. This is part of a villainous plot by Bitterman to buy the theater and destroy it. When her scheme is seemingly successful, and the deadline passes without the money being paid, Kermit is despondent. This is when an angel named Daniel approaches him and offers to show Kermit a version of the world where he was never born. The frog quickly sees the impact he's made on other people's lives.
“It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie” does not represent the Muppet franchise in its proudest moment. This television film could not be more of an artifact of 2002 if it tried. Its 100 minute run time is packed full of references to then-recent popular culture. The holiday stage show is an extended parody of “Moulin Rouge.” There's a similarly long-winded sequence built around the live-action version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” This follows a lengthy spoof of the Crocodile Hunter, in which a crude proximity of Steve Irwin chases Fozzy Bear. (One imagines the part was written for Irwin but he couldn't/wouldn't participate.) There's a long gag featuring the cast of “Scrubs.” “Fear Factor,” Ricky Martin, Spongebob, Riverdance, Cirque du Soleil, Miss Cleo, and Carson Daly are all mentioned by name. It's a bit exhausting, and embarrassing, to see these thirty year old classic characters so eagerly chasing stuff that was popular at the time.
Even more disappointing is that these lame pop culture references seems to be what qualifies as jokes here. There are few genuinely amusing moments in this movie. A bit where Fozzy has to cross a hallway full of security lasers, only to realize he left the bag of money on the other side, made me chuckle. So did a series of jokes in the beginning goofing on O. Henry. Not only are their few decent jokes here, a lot of the humor feels... Kind of inappropriate? Pepe the Prawn, nobody's favorite muppet, attempts to romance Bitterman. And it just comes off as sexual harassment after a while. (Joan Cusack, admittedly, does her best to wring laughs out of the material. Even when stuck with a lame kung-fu movie inspired scene.) A later gag, where Skeeter appears as a go-go dancer, feels similarly off-putting in an uncomfortable way.
I guess “It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie's” lack of inspiration should be obvious, since it's yet another holiday movie inspired by “It's a Wonderful Life.” Yet this stretch of the movie still features the most memorable moments. Such as a likably absurd gag of Beeker working as a beefy bouncer. David Arquette is also mildly amusing as the angel who sticks up for Kermit. The quality of guest stars are underwhelming. Matthew Lillard has a bizarre role as a French director. Whoopi Goldberg plays God, Mel Brooks voices a talking snowman, while William H. Macy, Kelly Ripa, Molly Shannon, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog stop by for cameos. There's also a forgettable song, written by Desmond Child of all people.
Whether Disney has done right by the Muppets since acquiring them is a hotly debated topic. Yet one can't help but look at a lackluster affair like “It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie” and think the franchise probably needed re-calibrating at the time. The film is most memorable for the bizarre implications eagle-eyed viewers picked up on. The World Trade Center is still standing in the alternate universe where Kermit was never born. The obvious explanation here is that the movie was filmed in early 2001 but... It raises some disturbing questions nevertheless. Wondering how Kermit the Frog is responsible for 9/11 is way more interesting than anything that actually happens in this limp, forgettable holiday special. [5/10]
I most associate the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials with the sixties and seventies. That’s when their most iconic films, like “Frosty” and “Rudolph,” debuted. Yet the studio kept cranking 'em out into the early eighties, to increasingly diminished returns. That is when "The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold" premiered. Like all of the later Rankin/Bass specials, it has a completely psychotic plot. Also like all the other latter-day specials, it was forgotten instantly after it first appeared. But the internet never forgets and I made a vow to watch all these stupid things, so here we are.
A young sailor named Dinty Doyle is stranded on a phantom island off the coast of Ireland. There he uproots a pine tree, freeing the spirit of Old Mag the Hag, a vengeful banshee. See, banshee must be willingly given a piece of gold before Christmas Day or they'll turn into a stream of tears. Doyle learns this from Blarney Kilakilarney, the patriarch of a blended family of gold mining/shoemaking leprechauns. They were also isolated on the island after pissing off Mag, generations ago. Blarney devoted himself to protecting the gold, following a schism from his leprechaun wife many years back. Dinty will, unknowingly, undo all this conflict with dumb luck.
I'm sure the above plot synopsis sounds deranged but "The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold" is actually a little less insane than previous Rankin/Bass specials. Most of the 24-minute runtime is devoted to Blarney explaining the backstory to Dinty. This gives the special a slow pace but at least it's fairly focused. It doesn't digress but it's not very entertaining either. Most of the special is devoted to the leprechauns perpetuating cartoonish Irish stereotypes and singing forgettable songs, about gold or shoes. The most amusing thing about this one is how stupid Dinty is. After being repeatedly told the banshee tricks people by changing her appearance, he comes across a beautiful maiden on the beach. Even after the banshee sheds her disguise, he's still confused.
You'll also notice very little of this has to do with Christmas. There's a late appearing musical number devoted to Christmas, that attempts to squeeze in as much holiday activities as possible in two minutes. Yet December 25th remains mostly a plot device here. Considering St. Patrick appears — as the pope-like King of the Leprechauns — this special may be better suited to March than the end of the year. The stop-motion animation is fairly smooth by the standards of eighties television. And there's one moment, involving a monstrous face, that made me laugh. Otherwise, "The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold" is insufficiently holly-jolly and utterly inane. [5/10]
It's been a couple of years since I tried to do a Christmas movie marathon in December. It almost always goes off the rails quickly, as the end-of-the-year is a hectic time for me. However, I've thought about it for a while and decided to give it another shot here in 2021. No guarantees this will last more than three days but here we go anyway: Film Thoughts' 2021 Christmas marathon.
There have been so many different adaptations of Charles Dickens' “A Christmas Carol” over the years, that you could easily watch one every day of December and still have some left over for next year. I've reviewed most of thewellknownadaptations of Dickens' classic tale of ghosts and redemption over these various scattered Christmas marathons. Yet I've rarely considered which cinematic “Carol” was the first. There had been several adaptations of the story throughout the silent era, all of which were shorts of varying length and several of which are lost. The first feature length sound version of Dickens' oft-told tale was made in Britain in 1935. Despite its historical significance, this “Scrooge” is rarely discussed. Let me see why that is.
As I do anytime I discuss a version of Dickens' story, I have to acknowledge that there's no point in recounting the plot. Instead, it's far more productive to discuss how this “Scrooge” is different from all the others. Director Henry Edwards and screenwriter H. Fowler Mear maintain much of Dickens' dialogue. However, they excise many well-known episodes from the book, such as everything concerning Scrooge's childhood. The Ghost of Christmas Past sequence focuses solely on his relationship with Belle. A long sequence is devoted to the royal Christmas party, highlighting the class division of the 1800s. This is also, I believe, the only version of “A Christmas Carol” where we actually see Tiny Tim's corpse. However, this “Scrooge” is probably most notable for what it doesn't show. Three of the four ghosts are left largely off-screen.
One of the main reasons I wanted to check out this particular iteration of “Scrooge,” aside from its historical significance, is that Wikipedia points out that its visuals were heavily influenced by German Expressionism. The film is not quite the “Caligari”-style variation on Dickens' tale that I hoped for. However, the shadows are quite heavy here. This Scrooge's London looks quite bleak and dark indeed. The decision to leave most of the ghosts off-screen create several intriguing visuals. Marley is rendered totally as a voice. The Ghost of Christmas Present appears a shimmering silhouette. Most atmospheric is The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, depicted only as the shadow of a pointing finger on the wall. Scrooge's face is always framed by this shadow as he watches the visions of the future. The scenes where Old Joe pass around the dead Scrooge's possession is so shadowy and sinister, it really feels like something out of a horror movie.
Any cinematic “Carol” is really only as good as its Scrooge. Sir Seymour Hicks had played Scrooge multiple times on-stage before committing his take on the character to celluloid. It's a very grouchy version of the famous old miser. In the early scenes, Hicks' Scrooge barks and coughs at the charity collectors. Short and wrinkled, he strikes the viewer as a rather toad-like Scrooge. Hicks is more convincing as an ill-temptered old man than he is as a redeemed one. The scene where Hicks begs to be shown no more of his past is not convincing at all. His Christmas morning bliss feels less than natural. Only a brief shot of him crying while overhearing Tiny Tim singing made me feel any emotion.
Generally speaking, this “Scrooge” feels rather rushed. It cuts out enough of Dickens' story that many sequences feel underserved. The Christmas Past scenes sail right by. The Christmas Present scene includes an odd digression of sailors celebrating on a boat but excises the Children of Ignorance and Want. The future scenes are better handled but the film's conclusion is oddly truncated. This version of Scrooge never actually meets with Tiny Tim in-the-flesh, deeply cheapening whatever affect the boy's condition had on the old man. This is one of the rare adaptations to focus more on the earlier scenes of urban decay in 1840s London, than on the supernatural visitations that make up the story's meat.
Ultimately, this “Scrooge” simply can't summon up emotions, like the best versions can. While Hicks makes for a compelling Scrooge, the character's transformation is never keenly felt by the audience. Downplaying the supernatural in favor of the historical setting, while ramping up the spooky visuals, was a novel approach. In effect, it just removes most of the stuff people actually like about this story. Despite being the first feature adaptation, this one's obscurity is probably owed to its general mediocrity. The 1938 version would overshadow it, which was then overshadowed by the 1951 adaptation. (Still the best of the classic Scrooges, in my opinion.) The film is in the public domain so, naturally, can be found for free on any number of websites. Most of the prints are of rather poor quality, with even the best available copies being overly dark. [6/10]
As I've said in the past, the Muppets and Christmas are synonymous for me. Their version of the “Christmas Carol” was an annual presence in my childhood VHS player. I assume the connection is true for other people, as Jim Henson had been creating holiday specials starring his trademark creations since the seventies. In 1995, the Henson Company would put together another half-hour of holiday cheer, designed to air in prime time. “Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree” was based on an apparently beloved children's book by Robert Barry, with Kermit the Frog being added as a narrator. Produced by Nabisco, the star-studded production aired on CBS on December 5th, 1995 and has been rarely re-broadcast since then.
Mr. Willowby is a very rich man and, every December, he has the perfect Christmas tree brought into his home. Unbeknownst to the man and his butler, a family of mice have stowed away inside the tree. The rodents are searching for their own perfect tree. Willowby has his butler saw off the top of the too-tall tree and tosses it out... Which is then picked up by a family of bears, who use the tree in their own holiday traditions, before removing the top portion of their tree. Onward, the cycle goes, passing through different families, before the mice are finally presented with a tree that is just the right size for them.
Fitting enough for the season, “Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree” is a movie about holiday traditions. Mr. Willowby's tree erecting ceremony is only the event that sets off the chain reaction. His upstairs tenet, a Swedish woman, explains her St. Lucia Day festival to Baxter, the incredulous butler. The bears have their own odd holiday tradition, licking honey pots clean that they hang on a tree. This leads to a very odd sequence, of owls singing strange songs as they go through their own December pattern. All of this proceeds, of course, the mice family doing their own Christmas thing. And each party thinks their Christmas tradition is the most perfect one and they are right, of course. Every family has their own way of celebrating.
“Mr. Willowboy's Christmas Tree” was produced a year before “Muppets Tonight!” started out and the special has a similar visual approach. The sets are limited and the direction is often stationary, feeling a lot like a variety show. This approach does leash the ingenuity of the muppet performers a little bit. The bear sequence rather clearly features several men in suits. Yet one can not underestimate the appeal of the Muppets. The puppetry work adds an inherently likable quality to all their scenes. The sequences set inside the mice's little homes or crawl space are really adorable. Kermit's screen time may be limited but the jolly frog is always a welcomed face.
Ultimately, whatever charm “Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree” only goes so far. The narrative is repetitive and the audience quickly deduces in what way. The music is similarly repeated, the special only having one song it plays different variations of throughout its short run time. The non-muppet cast is an oddball collection of performers. Robert Downey Jr., around the same time he became notorious for his drug problems than his acting ability, plays Mr. Willowby as a wide-eyed fop that strings together made-up words. Leslie Nielsen gets one or two laughs during the St. Lucia Day scene, taking it straight. Stockard Channing puts on a not-totally-convincing accent as the Swedish woman upstairs. Despite a lot of factors in its favor, “Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree” is a little too slight to be worth a recommendations. [6/10]
I went into Halloween with no plans beyond watching a ton of horror movies and reviewing them, like I always do. At the last minute, I was called upon to help a friend with handing out candy to trick-or-treaters. This necessitated me throwing together a costume with literally some random stuff I had lying around my house. The result was an extremely hodgepodge Frankenstein costume. Dealing with the neighborhood kids, in search of candy, is always delightful. I'm a softie for that kind of stuff. After wrapping up there, I returned home and got back to the final day of the Halloween Horror-fest Blog-a-thon. October 31st only comes once a year, so I have to make it count. On with the reviews!
Among hardcore Muppets aficionados, there is much debate around whether or not Disney has done right but Jim Henson's iconic felt creations in recent years. The 2011 theatrical reboot was moderately well received, though a vocal minority insisted it missed the spirit of Henson's work. The 2014 sequel was both a creative and box office shrug though. The attempt to retrofit the characters into a modern sitcom structure the next year was widely despised. The recent Disney+ series, “Muppets Now,” started out alright but degraded into mean-spiritness too quickly, in my opinion. Yet Disney is determined to keep this brand alive and, this year, rolled out what is somehow the very first Halloween special to ever star the characters.
It's Halloween night and the Muppets are throwing a big party. Gonzo the Great has other plans, however. He's been invited to an exclusive night at the Haunted Mansion. Fifty years ago, his hero – a magician called The Great MacGuffin – disappeared while inside. Nobody is said to be able to survive a night inside the structure. Gonzo, being the impossible-to-frighten weirdo he is, looks forward to such a night. Pepe the Prawn tags along, under the mistaken assumption that this is a celebrity-packed Hollywood party. Both of them will encounter many strange things as they stay overnight inside the Haunted Mansion.
“Muppets Haunted Mansion” earns points for maintaining the variety show structure of the original seventies TV series. This is an hour full of puppetry, songs, goofy humor, and celebrity cameos. The story structure is very loose and allows for a number of gags. There's even an extended homage to the reoccurring ball room dancing sketch from the old show, where random couples around a dance floor crack silly puns. Among the special guest stars, I don't recognize a lot of them. But Will Arnett, as the “Ghost Host,” and Yvette Nicole Brown, as a smart-mouthed limo driver, have mildly amusing small roles. The list of blink-and-miss-them cameo is a random hodgepodge of names like Danny Trejo, Pat Sajak, and the sadly late Ed Asner.
From the title on down, it should be obvious that “Muppets Haunted Mansion” is an extended act of corporate synergy. This is a special meant to advertise the Haunted Mansion attractions around the world in various Disney parks, as much as it is to remind audiences that the Muppets exist. The narrative roughly follows the structure of the ride itself, taking Gonzo and Pepe through the graveyard, into the stretching room, and featuring the famous wall paper and “Doom” Buggies. The Hitchhiking Ghosts and “Grim Grinning Ghosts” naturally appear as well. Though Kermit and the gang are technically absent from the story, the famous Muppets play various roles throughout the Haunted Mansion ride. So Fozzy is mashed up with the Hatbox Ghosts, Piggy with Madame Leota. Kermit appears as a ghostly master-of-ceremony, with Rowlf as an organist. Honestly, I was kind of impressed with the sheer number of Muppet cameos they sneaked into this one. Characters from the original show, “Muppets Tonight!,” and the movies drop in for brief appearances.
As for the special's actual entertainment value, it starts out strong. Pepe, a character I'm otherwise not crazy about, does produce some decent laughs with him continually confusing between the Haunted Mansion and a regular party. This does lead to an amusing cameo from John Stamos, of all people. A running gag about a skeleton and mummy that can't quite get the timing right on the dramatic sound effects made me chuckle. The Electric Mayhem, appearing as Piggy's spectral band, complaining about needing more break time was another solid joke. Yet this special probably only should have been a half-hour, as its energy seriously sags in the second half. An extended sequence devoted to Pepe being married to Taraji P. Henson, as a murderous bride, feels belabored. Gonzo getting a lesson in friendship doesn't have much dramatic weight and the monster-filled chase scene that follows is limp. Also, a joke about a screaming goat was funny once but is repeated several times.
Despite definitely being uneven, “Muppets Haunted Mansion” does rank among the better “Muppets” spin-offs in recent history. It was clearly mostly shot on green-screens, which might just be a reality of COVID era production. I would've liked a little more Halloween ambiance, though I guess that would've distracted from Disney pimping their theme park attraction. I'm also still adapting to Matt Vogel as the voice of Kermit, who still strikes me as too nasally. The special itself made me chuckle a few times and kept me mildly diverted for most of its runtime, which I suppose is all we can ask for from something like this. I certainly hope this is a predecessor to more Muppet Halloween specials and that they work out some of the pacing bugs in future installments. [6/10]
Most of the attempts to emulate Universal's iconic series of monster movies were made by low budget studios. I've definitely gotten the impression, from retrospective documentaries and books on the topic, that other studios thought they were above the horror genre. But I guess the second wave of Universal Monster flicks, in the late thirties and forties, must've made enough money that even Universal's biggest rivals took notice. A year after "The Wolf Man" came out, 20th Century Fox would release their own version of the werewolf legend. 1942's "The Undying Monster," when it's infrequently mentioned, is usually regarded as a handsome take on classic horror tropes.
Stately Hammond Hall, along the cliffs of the foggy British countryside, is home to a curse. Centuries ago, the Hammond lord is said to have sold his soul to the devil, emerging once a generation to sacrifice the latest heir. The modern Hammond family – including Oliver and his sister Helga – regard this as nothing but a superstition, though Hammond men do tend to die young. While out on the rocky cove, Oliver and a female friend are attacked by an unseen beast. Kate falls into a coma, Oliver is injured, and his pet dog is torn to pieces. Scotland Yard detective Robert Curtis arrives to unravel this mystery, find the killer, and resolve the case of the Hammond monster once and for all.
The first thing you're going to notice about “The Undying Monster” is how gorgeous it is. Hammond Hall is an atmospheric location, full of chilly stone hallways and fireplaces that cast ominous shadows. At one point, the camera is even situated behind the flames of the fireplace, watching Helga and Oliver in front of it. The banisters, enormous windows, and wooden spires of the interior provide all sorts of interesting sights for the camera to peer around. Outside the castle are rocky flats that are, naturally, blanketed with wispy fog. There's a tomb as well, with elaborate statues of knights and a wolf-like creature. (That, for whatever reason, has prominent breasts.) All of this is captured with moody direction that goes heavy on the shadows. Whenever people or monsters are sneaking around the darkened rooms, “The Uncanny Monster” settles into an absolutely delicious groove of classic horror ambiance.
It's such a mystery, in fact, that I sometimes wondered how long I'd have to wait for the monster to show up. The movie sets up plenty of red herrings. The family servants are sneaking around and making ominous comments, suggesting they definitely know something. Helga's husband, a scientist himself, intentionally destroys evidence at one point. A surprisingly acrobatic fist fight in the tomb reveals another potential suspect. By the time a minor character dies off-screen – one of only two deaths in the whole movie – “The Undying Monster” is starting to feel a little on the dry side. Luckily, the movie does not wuss out with a “Scooby-Doo” ending like so many old dark house flicks. It makes us wait but there is some satisfying, if subtle, monster action in the last ten minutes. Even if it's then capped off with some laborious exposition.
Director John Brahm would go on to make “Hangover Square” and the 1944 version of “The Lodger,” proving he had a real knack for classy and atmospheric horror. Both of those movies starred George Sanders, who was the studio's original pick to play the detective role in this film. He flat-out refused and it is, admittedly, hard to imagine Sanders in the role. “The Undying Monster” basically gets by on its incredible mixture of shadows, fogs, and castle setting. As a mystery, it's a bit long-winded. As a monster movie, it plays things a little too close to the chest. Yet I'm a sucker for black-and-white ambiance, meaning I still enjoyed this one a lot. It's definitely among the best Universal Monsters knock-offs I've seen. [7/10]
In the realm of B-movie barons, Sam Katzman is not as widely beloved as your Sam Arkoffs or Roger Cormans. Yet Katzman carved out a steady career for himself throughout the thirties and fifties. At Monogram Pictures, he helped crank out westerns, jungle adventure movies, serial, and the occasional thriller. In the forties he made countless programmers for Columbia. Yet what really endeared Katzman to genre nerds was a sextet of monster movies he produced in the mid fifties. After “Creature with the Atom Brain” – which I reviewed last Halloween – and “The Werewolf” came “Zombies of Mora Tau.”
Off the Mora Tau coastline of Southern Africa, there is a legend. A ship hulling diamonds sank off the coast a hundred years ago, after stealing them from an African temple. Every attempt to salvage the diamonds have failed, because the zombified crew members of the ship still roam the jungles and seas. George Harrison is determined to get those diamonds and has brought along a professional diving team to help. His team, led by heroic diver Jeff, soon runs afoul of the zombies of Mora Tau. Jeff develops a romance with Jan, the great-granddaughter of the ship's captain. When she's endangered, by the ever-encroaching undead threat, he has to make a choice over whether the diamonds or her safety is more important.
“Zombies of Mora Tau” is notable for a number of reasons. It is, as far as I can tell, the first movie to feature underwater zombies, predating “Shock Waves” and Fulci's “Zombie.” It's also a zombie movie that has more in common with “Night of the Living Dead” than “White Zombie.” These shambling, hostile corpses are all automatous, with no voodoo master to lead them. In fact, there's no mention of voodoo at all. The characters standing up against a horde of undead attackers also predates “Night” and all its imitators by ten years. Their condition is even communicable, though there's no biting. While the image of blank-faced zombies wreathed with seaweed is memorable, they aren't much of a threat. They are easily frightened by fire and can be taken down by a single bullet. The heroes fight off the animated corpses with relative ease. It turns out, if you take away the rot and the cannibalism, your typical zombies just aren't very scary.
“Zombies of the Mora Tau's” importance to the undead genre, as a bridging film between “I Walked with a Zombie” and George Romero, is also not the first thing I noticed about it. The main thought I kept having while watching it tonight was “This is the whitest movie about Africa I've ever seen.” It's unavoidable. This is a movie ostensibly set in Africa without a single character of color. Presumably, some sort of local magic is responsible for animating the zombies, for installing the curse, but all of that backstory happens off-screen. All the zombies are white. All the heroes and villains are white. Even Jan's grandmother is a little old white lady, living off the coast of Africa. It's just really funny to me that this movie attempts to float on the mystical reputation of “Darkest Africa” without bothering to include even a token black character.
Yet I don't think the future of the zombie genre or narrow-sighted racism is what were on the producers mind with this one. Instead, “Zombies of Mora Tau” is basically “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre” but with zombies. All the men who have pursued the diamonds, who have followed the greed in their hearts, have ended up dead. Harrison's all-consuming hunger for the diamonds ends up getting his girlfriend – played by “Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman's” Allison Hayes – turned into a zombie too. He has to choose between his love and his greed. Guess which one wins out. Ultimately, the film's hero is defined less by his bravery and daring than by his willingness to realize that this treasure is not worth it. An act of selfless heroism is what saves the day and breaks the curse. It's easy to see this coming but “Zombies of Mora Tau” is still most interesting when focusing on what motivates these men.
All in all, “Zombies of Mora Tau” is a B-movie totally typical of its time and place. What makes it funny is entirely unintentional. What makes it ahead-of-its-time was completely unplanned. Sam Katzman would soon move onto “The Man Who Turned to Stone,” “The Night the World Exploded” and his most notorious production: “The Giant Claw.” Katzman's prolific career would continue well into the sixties but he would rarely touch on sci-fi/horror again after these projects. I'm not surprised this one was gained a cult following of sorts, accounting to the handful of things that's interesting about it. Yet this was mostly struck me as a pretty droll B-flick. [5/10]
Horror was going through an interesting time in the early seventies. The gothic horror films that defined the genre for decades were falling out of favor. Yet the harsher forms of exploitation horror that would become the new normal was only beginning to take shape. You were seeing these two styles bleeding into each other, in the gorier and sexier Hammer horror films of that period. Or films that took a more psychological approach to supernatural premises. Before “The Exorcist” became the new standard, “Rosemary's Baby” was briefly the template for a string of films that explored broken psyches from the inside out. It was during this time that a peculiarly entitled cult classic named “Let's Scare Jessica to Death” was released.
Jessica and her husband, Duncan, move to the picturesque countryside. Jessica recently has been released from a mental hospital and Duncan hopes the peaceful setting will sooth her nerves. Jessica, meanwhile, is plagued by fears that she is still loosing her mind. Along with their friend Woody, they discover a woman living in the house. Named Emily, she's young and vivacious, both men immediately attracted to her. Jessica also uncovers that Emily bares an uncanny resemblance to the children of the people who lived in this house, and supposedly drowned, a hundred years ago. This is just the first of many strange things Jessica notices, that makes her fear she is going crazy again. Yet something even more horrifying is happening here.
The film's title, selected by Paramount against director John Hancock's wishes, is flippant. But “Let's Scare Jessica to Death” really is about a woman on the verge of dying of fright. Jessica is scared of loosing her mind. She's scared of letting people know she's scared. All throughout the film, we are privy to Jessica's thoughts. She's constantly harassed by troubling ideas, that her husband is attracted to another woman. That she's going mad again. These thoughts, played in quick bursts of echoing voice-over, are paired with Jessica's concerns anyone will notice her nervous state. Zohra Lampert's performance, from her stiff but jittery body language on down to her sad smile, conveys this unsteady mental state.
When it becomes impossible for Jessica to disguise her fragile mental state, we learn why she's so eager to keep this information a secret. Jessica is surrounded by men totally unprepared to help her. Duncan seems disgusted by his wife's mental illness. When he suggests sending her back to New York, back to her doctors, he seems inconvenienced. When Jessica's pet mole is discovered killed, and she's understandably distressed about it, Freddy looks at her with a mixture of pity and disgust. But not sympathy. Both men seems totally preoccupied with the sexually available Emily. Jennifer desperately needs help. She needs someone who will listen to her, who will take her pain seriously. Instead, she's around men who are too selfish to even consider how Jessica is feeling. When Duncan inevitably becomes a monster that pursues Jessica violently, it's simply the film literalizing the cruel indifference he already feels towards his wife.
The possibility that Jessica is going insane does seem very real. As a horror movie, “Let's Scare Jessica to Death” has an eerie quality. Since so much of the movie takes place inside Jessica's head space, it's hard to say how much of the weird things she sees are actually happening. A common psychological symptom is paranoia. Is this why Jessica sees the townsfolk as so hostile to her? Or are the particular scars that each of them carry a clue that something strange is happening? By the last end, the film has engulfed us totally in Jessica's unsteady perspective. This allows it to get increasingly horrific. Dream-like images, of dead bodies emerging from the water, or knife-wielding vampires stepping into a room while she sleeps, become more common. “Let's Scare Jessica to Death” ends on a totally inconclusive note, leaving us lingering in that unsettling mental space.
Bizarrely enough, “Let's Scare Jessica to Death” was originally conceived as a horror/comedy about how much hippies suck. Director Hancock would completely rewrite the project. Some people still see it as a commentary of the death of the hippy movement, which was happening in real time in 1972. Others see similarities to Sheridan Le Fanu's “Carmilla,” in the idea of a vampiric young woman infiltrating a household. (Though “Jessica” noticeably lacks the lesbian content that would make “Carmilla” notorious.) Unsurprisingly, most modern readings discuss it as a movie about a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It still has a spooky power to it, with Lampert's fragile performance at the center of it. [7/10]
As I discussed some last night, the last decade has been an amazing time for formally obscure horror movies to be rediscovered. I've seen a lot of the one-off eighties oddities I discovered during my college slasher binge reappraised. Thanks to slick new Blu-Ray presentations, overlooked films like “The Slayer” and “The Burning” are slowly becoming beloved. “Silent Madness” is one I figured would never receive such a treatment. For years, rumors circulated in the retro-slasher fandom that the movie's rights were wrapped up in complicated legal issues. Or that its owners owed money to the mob. But anything is possible here in the future and Vinegar Syndrome recently gave “Silent Madness” the prestige treatment, even releasing the long flat movie in 3-D.
Dr. Joan Gilmore works for a Californian mental hospital. The staff is hopelessly corrupt and, due to budget cuts, they've begun releasing unwell patients that have been deemed no threat to society. They intended to release the harmless John Howard... Instead, they set violent psychopath Howard Johns free. Johns immediately begins to murder people, on his way back to the sorority house where he went on his first rampage twenty years ago. Joan teams up with a record keeper named Mark, in hopes of finding Johns and stopping him before he kills again. Yet the hospital dispatches a pair of sleazy orderlies to cover up the mistakes and make sure Joan's story never reaches the press.
In many ways, “Silent Madness” is a paint-by-numbers slasher flick. It's blatantly emulative of “Halloween.” It follows a killer who committed a crime years ago, escapes a mental hospital, and returns to the scene of the crime to kill again. He also likes to leave dead bodies in surprising places. Howard Johns doesn't even wear a cool mask. He's just a pasty-faced dude in work pants. Yet there's something reliably entertaining about “Silent Madness'” commitment to formula. About its blooping, synth-farts soundtrack. The way Johns' killing spree was spurned by a sexual humiliation, the way the twist ending has someone chastises women for being “slutty,” feels like the movie acknowledging the psycho-sexual undertones of the subgenre. The murder scenes are clever, especially a moment involving a barbell being tossed through a window. The stalking scenes are tense, such as Johns' face appearing reflected in an arcade game's screen. Or the extended chase through the air vents of the college.
There's a lot of colorful elements to “Silent Madness,” both literally and figuratively. Director Simon Nuchtern paints extended sequences in bright reds or electric blues. The 3-D element comes off as pure camp now. A spinning claw, a sledge hammer, a nail gun, and spurting blood from a tightened vice all fly towards the camera. Sometimes, the 3-D effects are even rendered in primitive animation. To match the colorful visuals are a cast of memorably bizarre characters. The fat town sheriff speaks with an effeminate lisp as he spits creatively profane dialogue. The sorority girls play “Dragon's Lair,” do inverted aerobics, and pose for erotic photography for each other. Joan and Mark's romance is even kind of cute.
What truly cements “Silent Madness'” status as a minor slasher classic – a slashic, if you will – is its subversive social commentary. The reason Howard Johns' hospital has to release so many patients is do to government budget cuts. This, of course, was a very real problem facing the mental health facilities in the eighties. Instead of the hospital's operators admitting they made a horrible mistake, they deploy the two sleaziest orderlies in the world to cover it up. And by “cover it up,” I mean murder Dr. Gilmore. These guys might just be included to boost the body count. When they get a pneumatic drill to the head, it's satisfying. Yet it fits the film's commentary on how those in power inevitably abuse it. It's even implied that the inhumane treatment he received in the hospital made Howard Johns more dangerous than he was already.
I've only previously seen “Silent Madness” as a blurry, grainy VHS rip. Vinegar Syndrome did a great job of restoring the movie. Even if the edges of the frames still appear distorted, which I think might be a side effect of the movie being in 3-D. “Silent Madness” is often dismissed as a generic slasher flick, which is not entirely unfair. You might only be able to appreciate movies like this after you've seen another fifty movies just like it. The things “Silent Madness” does well become readily apparent when you see how many similar do these same things poorly. I'm happy I can retire my bootleg of this one. I maintain that it's a gem. [7/10]
Films that deal with the macabre, the extreme, the gothic, and the horrific still struggle to gain critical respect. This is true even in 2021. Genre bias is a hard thing to overcome. And yet maybe we are making progress. Because, this past year, a horror movie that contains quite a lot of extreme images won the Palme d'Or, the highest prize at that most prestigious of film festival, Cannes. Julia Ducournau's “Raw” certainly made an impression but her follow-up, “Titane,” has received an even more rapturous reception. If a body-horror filled, future cult movie experience like this going all the way to the top isn't a sign that maybe horror can be awards bait now, I'm not sure what is.
When Alexia was a little girl, her father wrecked the family car. The following surgery has a titanium plate placed into her skull. She's left with a nasty scar and a fixation on automobiles. She grows into a disturbed adult who works as an exotic dancer at auto-shows, where she can indulge her sexual fetish for hot rods. She's also a serial killer, who has left a trail of dead bodies across France. When it looks like the police are close to identifying her, she disguises herself as a long-since missing boy. The boy's father, a firefighter captain named Vincent, accepts “Adrian” as his son. Alexia's attempt to carry off this deception are compounded by one very unusual factor: Her latest mechanophiliac tryst has left her pregnant.
“Titane” is a movie that defies all expectations. I intentionally read as little about it as possible before seeing it, as I was told going in blind is the best measure. This is absolutely true. At no point in the film's 108 minute run time did I have any idea what was going to happen next. Well, that's not entirely true. I knew this was the movie where someone fucked a car. Yet even that scene unfolded in a far more bizarre fashion than I anticipated. “Titane” consistently surprises you by mixing extreme violence and sexual deviancy with sentimentality and raw emotion. The story takes multiple wild swerves, the premise seemingly changing several times. Elements of what you'd call “magic realism,” though peppered with far more horrific body horror than that term usually implies, weave in and out. It is the most unpredictable, and most satisfyingly baffling, motion picture experience I've had all year.
It's fitting that “Titane” is constantly shifting gears and surprising its audience, as this is a movie all about transformation. The inciting incident of the auto accident totally changes Alexia's life. It changes a car from an mundane object into something sexually desirable. Her decision to go undercover and assume a new identity has her changing her body. She binds her breasts and pregnant belly, shaves her head, and breaks her nose. Yet Vincent accepting her as his son causes her perspective on life to change too. A normal pregnancy is a drastic physical change too, which the film accurately recreates... And then takes even further, because this lady got impregnated by a car. The film's touches of “Tetsuo”-like body horror, motor oil and shining chrome appearing in places where those things definitely should not be, is only the most obvious type of transformation in the story.
Paradoxically, as much as “Titane” is a movie about bodies changing, it's also a story about people who only know how to be one type of thing. Vincent, played with heart-rending sincerity by Vincent Lindon, is obsessed with masculinity. He injects steroids to maintain a youthful, muscular physique. He bonds with his “son” by slam-dancing and picking fights. Alexia, meanwhile, is totally baffled by her new lifestyle at first. As Adrian, she's usually silent and blank. During a key moment, she performs her strip tease while in her masculine persona. Both of these characters are striving to be something else but are held back by preconceived notions. Vincent is vulnerable and desperate to love, yet still fixated on a macho image. Alexia wants to be accepted but still only knows how to express herself with sex or violence. Both of these characters will have their perceptions challenged before too long.
Through all its twists and turns, “Titane” is nothing less than utterly compelling. Ducournau's direction is extremely fierce. An extended sequence depicting Alexia's violent hobby is punishing and graphic. The violence in this movie hurts. That includes the skin-crawling body horror. While comparison to Cronenberg's “Crash” are inevitable, Cronenberg is cool and lifeless as polished steel. “Titane” is hot and warm like exposed flesh, bursting with emotion. Its final images are of acceptance and compassion. Both Lindon and Agathe Rousselle, as Alexia, expose themselves physically and emotionally. This is a film where the stabs to the head and the soft kisses on the cheek hit with equal intensity.
We already know that “Titane” is France's submission for Best International Feature at next year's Academy Award. A decade ago, it would've seemed impossible that a movie this transgressive, this graphic and wild, could get a Oscar nomination in any category. Yet consider this: “Parasite” won the Palme d'Or and would then go on to win the Best Picture Oscar, defying all previously held expectations. Using this same very scientific formula, I can now declare that this movie where someone fucks a car is going to win Best Picture next year. In all seriousness, “Titane” is an absolutely spellbinding movie. I was totally absorbed and blown away by every minute of it. By no means a traditional horror film but nevertheless an amazing one to conclude my Halloween season with. [9/10]
In many ways, it feels like this Halloween has been an especially low-key one. Not just for me but the whole world. I guess we are still easing back into the normal flow of things after 2020. No haunted attraction or corn mazes were visited. Fewer pumpkins were carved than usual. Yet I still did everything I could to make the Six Weeks of Halloween special. Lord knows, I packed in as many movies and TV shows as I think I possibly could. Feelings of burn-out and "why the hell am I doing this?" did occasionally drift into my head.
Yet a moment occurred earlier tonight. (Or last night, more accurately.) I was standing out in the cold, in my Frankenstein mask. I saw the flashlights of trick-or-treaters approaching the house, from further up the road. The wind kick up and the fog machine blasted another round of mist into the air. I was surrounded by pumpkins and giant novelty skeletons. "I love this time of year," I found myself thinking with a massive smile on my masked face. Thank you for that gift, Halloween. Thank you for reminding me why this time of year is special. I'll miss you, Halloween. And, as always, I look forward to meeting you again in another eleven months.
And to anybody alive out there in Internet Land, thank you for reading. Thank you for going on this journey with me. The Autumn Country closes its gates for another year, except it never really goes away either. Good night and safe travels.
