Halloween 2018: October 23

Demons (1985)

Somehow, I've made it to the penultimate week of the Halloween Horror-fest Blog-a-thon without watching an Italian movie. It's past time to correct that. “Demons” is a popular cult classic of Italian horror. The film has a strong pedigree. Dario Argento, obviously the biggest director in the genre, produced and co-write. Lamberto Bava, son of the grandfather of Italian horror, had already made three feature films before this one. However, “Demons” would largely solidify his standing within the Italian film industry. The film was popular on video back in the day and remains well-liked even now. I think I definitely need to review this.

In Berlin, a new movie theater is having a secret, free showing. A mysterious man in a silver mask has passed tickets out to people all throughout the city. A divergent group of characters – film buff Cheryl, her friend Kathy, college kid George, a blind man, a pimp, two of his girls, an elderly couple – arrive at the Metropol. The theater is seemingly unstaffed but includes a big display in the lobby, with props from the new film: A motorcycle, a katana, a demonic silver mask. Once the lights go down, the group watch a horror film about demons taking people over. After one of audience members puts on the silver mask, she becomes possessed. Now an attacking monster, she passes the demonic virus to other people. Soon, the audience members are fighting for survival as the theater is plunged into hell.

It's tempting to read “Demons” as a meta-commentary on people's relationships with movies. As the secret screening begins, Kathy hopes that the film isn't a horror movie. That's exactly what it is. Most of the audience members, however, are happy to be scared. Of course, they all end up getting a little too scared. They quickly decide that the film is the source of this horror, suggesting commentary on how horror movies effect people, but this proves to not be the case. The nature of “Demons'” demonic invasion is left unexplained. We can only ponder on the significance of the forces of hell invading our world through a horror movie. The sight of horrors walking off the screen, breaching the promise of safety of the fourth wall and infect the auditorium, is rift with symbolic weight. But “Demons” isn't really interested in that.

No, Bava's film has much more modest goals. Instead, “Demons” is basically a re-packaging of the kind of zombie movies that swarmed Italian cinemas just a few years earlier. The demonic influence spreads via bites and scratches. People are usually killed by the attacks, before reviving as infected monsters. There's even a sequence of the survivors boarding up the walls and doors, definitely a cliché of the undead genre. The film's ending features a post-apocalyptic wasteland, highly reminiscent of Romero's trilogy. This connection is confirmed in another way. Despite constantly being called “demons,” there's no attempt to link the monsters with any religious element.

By saying its monsters are demons, instead of zombies, it allows Bava and his team to indulge in all sorts of crazy special effects. The transformation begins with grotesque body horror. Huge pimples grow on the skin, bursting with green slime. Once fully changed, that same slime spews from the mouth. New claws and teeth grow from the fingers and gums, placing the traditional nails and teeth aside. That's a nicely grisly element. So is a sequence where a mature demon grows out of someone's back. This kind of ingenuity extends to the way the demons are dispatched. That motorcycle and katana come in handy during the outrageous finale, which is certainly a satisfying appearance. There's also a surprise helicopter crash.

Aside from its outrageous gore and special effects, I think “Demon” owes its cult following mostly to its soundtrack. It's a pretty good collection of new wave and metal songs, with notable appearances from Billy Idol, Saxon, and Go West. Claudio Simonetti's score, with its mixture of gothic organs and electronic pumping, fits right in with this crowd. That style extends to the cast as well. A collection coke-snorting punk/new wave creeps, with names like Ripper and Hot Dog, enter the story halfway through. They mostly exist to add some sex appeal and pad the body count. The cast is pretty silly, especially Tony the pimp, with his ridiculously deep dubbed voice and campy dialogue. “Demons” certainly gains points for bringing the zombie movie into the glossy, sleazy eighties.

Not only are the effects and eighties fashion the main reason to watch “Demons,” they might be the reason the whole movie was made. The story is incredibly thin, no explanation ever provided for why these events are happening. Clearly this did not dissuade fans. The film was hugely popular in the international market. It spawned a direct sequel, “Demons 2,” a year later. After that, dozens upon dozens of films were released aboard with the “Demons” title attached, even though none of them had any official connection to the original films. Bava's original lives on as a favorite of gorehounds, horror nuts, and lovers of Italian sleaze. I don't love the film but can't deny that it's certainly entertaining. [7/10]

Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (2018)

I never thought the “Tremors” franchise would still be continuing, in more-or-less its original form, in 2018. I love almost all of these movies but never thought the public felt the same. This is likely because Universal is the last major studio still making films for the direct-to-video market. While this release tactic has been a boon for the “Chucky” franchise, the results for the “Tremors” have been... Less than stellar. Series creators Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson had nothing to do with 2015's “Tremors: Bloodlines” and, boy, did it show. Don Michael Paul, the director of “Who's Your Caddy?” and “Kindergarten Cop 2,” has become the new steward of the series. He would return to make this year's “Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell.” Though seriously unimpressed with the last one, my fidelity to “Tremors”-verse meant I had to give this one a look.

In Perfection, Nevada, famed graboid hunter Burt Gummer is trying to live his life but it ain't easy. He is suffering from strange headaches and now the IRS wants to repossess his home. That's when Travis, his obnoxious son introduced in the last movie, comes calling. Apparently, a glacial research team has discovered graboids in the frozen tundra of Canada. Burt is skeptical at first, believing the giant worms to only exist in warmer climates, but he needs the money. As the team fly into the isolated location, their plane is taken out by an Ass-Blaster. Now, Burt and Travis are stranded in the middle of nowhere, with monsters under their feet and nosy government agents at their back.

Unsurprisingly, Don Michael Paul's skills have not markedly improved since 2015. “A Cold Day in Hell” is just as uninspired by “Bloodlines” was. Paul's direction continues to feature lots of shitty shaky-cam, distracting crash zooms, and obnoxious handheld photography. The special effects largely rely on competent, if charmless, CGI. The uninspired and unlovable re-designs of the monsters seen in the last film are used again here. So the Graboid spin through the air for no reason and the Ass-Blasters have that lame vagina dentata mouth. The attack scenes lack creativity, humor, or intensity. The new characters, which includes the daughter of Kevin Bacon's Valentine, are forgettable and indistinct. The script features lots of annoyingly macho dialogue.

Despite the film having the interesting gimmick of graboids in the Arctic, don't think for a minute that Universal shelled out the cash to actually shoot in a snowy location. This was made in South Africa, just like the last one. Aside from the icy opening scene, there's nary a snowflake on the ground. The script attributes this to the unseasonable Canadian weather, which is also responsible for melting the permafrost that freed this strain of Graboid. This is a good example of how lazy "A Cold Day in Hell” is. The script soon degrades into our cast trying to hide from one singular graboid. The last act, devoted to capturing one of the beast alive, is utterly lifeless. There's no sense of narrative flow or pacing, the movie just clamoring awkwardly through its run time until the credits roll.

The only thing “A Cold Day in Hell” has going for it is Michael Gross. Gross has lived with the character of Burt Gummer for so long – twenty-eight years! – that he understands every facet of him. He could make the lovable gun nut, who rants about HAARP engineering graboid-based weapons and other conspiracy theories, charming in his sleep. The film doesn't heap scorn on Burt like the last one did, even if Jaime Kennedy's obnoxious mugging gets second billing. It does flirt with killing him off though. The plot involves him being infected with a graboid-born parasite, the result of being swallowed by one in part three. It's an interesting idea but the execution is lacking. This is a weak attempt to insert some pathos into the film and another excuse for director Paul to flex his annoying visual style, thanks to the headaches the parasite causes.

It's sad to me that the “Tremors” series has degraded to this. While the similarly direct-to-video second through fourth films weren't high art, Wilson and Maddock's pure enthusiasm for these characters and their world made them highly re-watchable. It's evident that the people currently in charge of “Tremors” have no such affection for the series. Even more frustrating is that it didn't have to be this way. Before “A Cold Day in Hell” was released, Kevin Bacon was developing a new television series. Despite airing the original television show, Syfy passed on the pilot. I don't know, maybe that sucked too. Yet I can't imagine it was lamer than this thing. [4/10]

3rd Rock from the Sun: Scaredy Dick

“3rd Rock from the Sun” was a nineties sitcom that nicely balanced critical enthusiasm, mainstream success, and cult popularity. Despite that, it seems like the show has largely disappeared from the conversation. It's not even shown in syndication that often anymore. I loved the show as a kid. When I revisited it with the dawn of the TV-on-DVD era, I expected it to be awful. Most shows I loved when I was younger were. Surprisingly, “3rd Rock” is consistently hilarious. The first four or so seasons are anyway. The series had a Halloween episode in its third season, “Scaredy Dick,” and I'm happy to report it's also pretty damn funny.

The episode's A-plot involves Dick Solomon, the patriarch of the aliens-disguised-as-humans the series revolves around, being required to get a physical check-up to keep his job. He finds the doctor's examination room terrifying and repeatedly flees it. This comes to a head at the office Halloween party, where he encounters his doctor. He runs home, where Harry – the group's simpleton – believes he's encountered a ghost. The B-plot involves Sally – the alien military leader now living as a leggy blonde – and Tommy – the military intelligence officer now living as a teenage boy – house sitting Dick's girlfriend's home on Halloween. They do not understand how to hand out candy.

The main reason, I think, “3rd Rock” holds up so well is because of the cast. John Lithgow is hilarious. The sequence where Dick grows increasingly terrified in the doctor's office is a masterclass in physical comedy. Lithgow's face twists and bends in exaggerated ways, growing more scared at every minor sight. Lithgow pairs this childish streak with a misplaced sense of confidence, seen when he brags during the Halloween party or attempts to carve a pumpkin. He also plays excellently off French Stewart as Harry, another overgrown man-child with a hilariously expressive face. The two attempting to conquer the “ghost” builds to a hysterical last act.

The episode is also loaded with Halloween atmosphere. A good running joke are the characters misunderstanding costumes. Dick doesn't understand Mary's Dorothy Gale costume, Tommy and Sally dress as Sonny and Cher in bafflement, and Harry takes his “alien” costume very literally. The trick or treating subplot humorously dissolves into egg-related torture. The resolution to the ghost subplot is easily deduced but it's still funny to watch unfold. The episode saves that completely with a last minute twist. And, as always, the episode is packed full of hilarious one-liners and dialogue. I especially like the rebuttal concerning buccaneers. [8/10]

Aftermath (1994)

I first heard about Nacho Cerda's infamous “Aftermath,” weirdly, in the context of the notorious alien autopsy video. I saw some documentary about that ill-famed hoax, claiming a Spanish short called “Aftermath” was an influence on the style of the fake production. The title always stuck with me. Years later, I'd learn that “Aftermath” was well known for being an especially shocking and explicit horror film. Thanks to the internet, I was able to quickly track the film down. I found it a thoroughly disturbing but also oddly touching experience. That was probably more than ten years ago, so I figure I'm due a rewatch.

For those unaware, let me explain why “Aftermath” is so notorious. The film features no dialogue and little music. It begins with the the aftermath of a car crash, the sound of screaming brakes, a woman's death cries, and then footage of a squashed dog. From there, we see two morticians perform autopsies on two male corpses. Every detail of the gory procedure is shown. The one mortician seems aroused by the cutting of the flesh. Next, we see the dead girl from the beginning wheeled into the morgue. The same man, alone now, molests the corpse. He cuts it open before performing necrophiliac acts. This is also shown in graphic detail. Once he's done, he takes the dead girl's heart home and feeds it to his dog.

Sounds sick, right? Make no mistake, “Aftermath” is an utterly stomach-churning film. The gore is very realistic. The corpses look a little rubbery but their lifeless appearances are still disturbing. The meticulous way they are cut open, brains and hearts removed, before they shoved back together and stitched up, is utterly disgusting. And that's even before the explicit necrophilia. Despite the highly graphic content, I don't think Nacho Cerda was attempting to make a “shock” film. There's no joy in the sickening special effects or shocking acts depicted here. The movie's tone is somber, not confrontational. It watches these gross events with a sense of scientific detachment, the feeling coming off as very sterile.

The first time I saw “Aftermath,” the meaning behind its images struck me as obvious. The corpses, throughout the film, are unmoving and unresponsive. They do not care what happens to them. The autopsy and necrophilia are both depicted as elaborate rituals, meant to give meaning to the death. The violating mortician is, obviously, very passionate about this inert body. In other words: The living care a lot more about the dead than the dead do. This idea is still evident in the movie but Cerda is also making a more generalized point. The world will not stop for us when we die. Yes, “Aftermath” remains a powerful and very interesting motion picture, though an obviously difficult one to recommend. Funny enough, I found the gore much more disturbing now than I did as an edgy teenager. I guess I really am getting older. [8/10]

Halloween 2015: October 14

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)

Back in February, I watched and reviewed the “Tremors” movies. Full disclosure: I love this goofy, worm-filled franchise. The first three are nostalgic favorites of mine, re-watched countless times as a teenager, and I even really like the fourth one. So when “Tremors 5: Bloodlines” was announced, you’d think I’d be super excited for it, right? Not so. It wasn’t just the generic subtitle that concerned me. Or Jaime Kennedy’s co-starring role, for that matter. Neither S.S. Wilson or Brent Maddock, the men who created the series and oversaw every previous entry, were involved with this new one. Director Don Michael Paul’s previous credits did not fill me with a lot of confidence. Mostly, I just didn’t know if studios could still make fun, direct-to-video monster-fests. The movie doesn’t overcome these concerns.

In the years since “Tremors: The Series,” Burt Gummer has successfully confined the Graboids species to the North American continent. Or so he thinks. Filming on his new survivalist reality show is interrupted by news of an outbreak in South Africa. A larger, deadlier, prehistoric breed of Graboid and Ass-Blaster has been uncovered on the savannas. Burt and his new associate, Travis Welker, are hired to contain the beasts. As usual, the underground monsters have ways of surprising our heroes. Furthermore, Burt’s employees can’t be trusted either.

The secret weapon of the “Tremors” series, the reason people love these movies, has always been the characters. So it’s a disappointment that “Bloodlines” moves out of Perfection and leaves behind every character aside from Burt. Eleven years has passed and Michael Gross has aged a lot but he’s still game. Burt is as lively as ever. Watching him cackle with glee when trying out a new gun or monologuing to the camera in a mock-grim manner is still fun. Truthfully, just seeing the character again after such a long absence warms my heart. However, I wonder if “Bloodlines” could be more respectful of ol' Burt. There’s a few not-quite good natured jokes at his expense. One long scene has him locked in a cage. Under the African heat, he goes a little stir-crazy. The scene concludes with Gummer drinking his own urine and getting peed on by a lion. It’s an embarrassing moment, one that drags the entire movie down. It slightly undermines Burt’s credentials as a monster blastin’ badass, even if the rest of the film holds true to that vision.

Another charming evergreen element of the “Tremors” series has been the consistent monster designs. The Graboids, Shriekers, and Ass-Blasters were all cool looking. When brought to life with practical effects, they were convincing monsters. I’m sad to report that “Tremors 5” features no practical creature effects. This is an all CGI ride. Secondly, the movie focuses on a new breed of the creatures that is wildly different then what we’re used to. The Ass-Blasters' tri-segmented mouth is discarded in favor of an uninspired, vagina dentata deal. Its squatter body, backwards facing legs, and raptor claws aren’t very inspired either. It doesn’t help that the Ass-Blaster takes up most of the movie. When the Graboid finally shows up, it too has been widely redesigned. It’s prehensile tongues can now detach, slithering around like weird cobras. The Graboids are craggier, with more visible bones and muscles. For some reason, they spin through the air while jumping. And there’s no Shriekers in the film at all. Overall, the monster aspect is far less charming then in previous movies.

The “Tremors” series has a formula all its own. Each movie introduces a new monster. Burt prepares for one type of creatures only to be woefully unprepared for a different type. The rules of new creature are quickly established and the survivors use this information against the monsters. The beasties die in spectacular ways. “Bloodlines” doesn’t deviant from this established outline too much. Minor events referenced in the first act, like motorcycles, lightening storms, or electric shocks, become important at the end. Mostly, it’s that new character that changes thing. Jaime Kennedy, washed-up stand-up and former Randy, is an odd choice for a motorcycle riding, business savvy cool guy. Kennedy actually seems partially aware of this, subverting the character’s conceived coolness. He has okay chemistry with Gross, even if his constant name-calling gets old. The exact details of the relationship between the two characters is easy to guess, as the movie foreshadows it heavily. (The subtitle gives it away too.)

Despite “Tremors” always having its worm-tongue firmly in cheek, “Bloodlines” feels a bit too much like a typical monster flick at times. There’s a new batch of characters, like a female doctor, her love interest, and a little girl. A long sequence has them menaced by the Ass-Blasters. It chases through the building’s kitchen, in a scene hopelessly reminiscent of “Jurassic Park.” Really, there’s nothing compelling about the new cast and the movie’s attempts at straight horror are underwhelming. Don Michael Paul’s direction frequently employs shaky-cam and crash zooms. This is most obvious when a pair of unimportant side characters are eaten by the worms. The focus is on their faces, the camera trembling, the actors screaming, blood spurting off-screen. That protracted, laughable moment is only one of the overdone action scenes in the movie.

To say I was disappointed in “Tremors 5” would suggest my expectations were high for it. They weren’t. In some ways, I found the movie to be mildly entertaining. Just watching Michael Gross blasting worms again has an undeniable amusement value. The script is occasionally funny. To its benefit, the movie is never boring. However, “Bloodlines” does seem to miss the appeal of these flicks, doesn’t totally respect the source material, and feels entirely too generic at times. I suppose we should all be thankful it’s a numbered sequel and a direct continuation, instead of a remake. Yet I’ll be far more likely to rewatch one through four before I ever re-visit this one. [5/10]

Cherry Falls (2000)

In high school, I had a huge crush on this sardonic, slightly gothy girl named Karen. Imagine a real life Daria and you're about half-way there. Despite my best efforts, we were never more then friends and I often suspected she secretly hated me. Anyway, she was fond of quoting the line “You loose your spiritual virginity when you realize your parents are bigger hypocrites then your friends.” It would be some time before I found out that quote was from “Cherry Falls.” The very definition of a post-“Scream” slasher, the film was low on gore, starred television-friendly actors, was slickly directed, and delivered a meta-twist on the slasher genre. Despite those generic qualities, “Cherry Falls” is better then you’d think.

Cherry Falls is a wholesome, seemingly safe small town in suburban Virginia. That sense of safety is shattered when a serial killer strikes. Instead of targeting the promiscuous, virgins are the killer’s targets. This especially concerns Sheriff Markan, whose innocent daughter Jody has just dumped her grabby boyfriend. The sheriff makes the hard decision to announce the killer’s M.O. The high school students, in response, plan a massive orgy. Jody, meanwhile, investigates her family’s past, discovering an awful secret, sending on a collision course with the murderer.

Eighties slasher were usually exploitation films, the gore and titillation being the selling points. The late nineties slasher were more focused on slick thrills then anything else. Rarely was either type of film actually about anything. “Cherry Falls,” however, has some things on its mind. Our culture sexualizes kids at younger and younger ages while reinforcing the value and perceived innocence of their virginity. Pop culture tells them to have sex while also telling them that they will be devalued if they do. That’s fucked up. “Cherry Falls” seems slightly aware of this hypocritical double standard. A major thread in the film concerns Jody discovering that her father has a checkered past. The script makes the clear distinction that spiritual maturity and sexual innocence are far from the same thing. The killer’s genuinely disturbing backstory – featuring rape and child abuse – shows a similar fixation on teenage sexuality and “innocence.” “Cherry Falls” isn’t quite smart enough to make any sort of point but these issues are definitely floating around inside the film’s cortex.

As a slasher film, “Cherry Falls” is pretty light on the red stuff. The movie frequently cuts away from the murder scenes, which I suspect was more of an artistic decision then a censorship one. Despite the lack of gore, “Cherry Falls” is still reasonably successful in the horror department. The killer is obviously a man cross-dressing as a woman but the long black hair, mini-skirt, and red nails is still a memorable look. The most intense sequence is when the killer chases the heroine through an empty high school. The rock score drains away some tension but the frenzied, up-close direction still allows the scene to build decently. After the killer’s identity is revealed, “Cherry Falls” develops a likable loopy side. After telling the heroes to split, one minor character receives an axe to the head. The murderer shows up at the orgy party, slicing through the kids even after they’ve done it. One amusing scene has the fleeing teens crowded onto a staircase, busting through the banister in their frenzy. The film definitely has a funny, stylish edge to it.

Rounding out “Cherry Falls” is an above-average cast. Brittany Murphy was, too frequently, cast as dumb blondes or blandly sexy characters over her short career. This film has her against type, as a dark-haired, somewhat snarky protagonist. A notable moment comes when her boyfriend rebuffs her sexual advances. Jody’s parents are played by Michael Biehn and Candy Clark. Clark is basically a cameo but Biehn actually has a surprisingly meaty role. The scene where he subtly encourages his daughter to sleep around is uncomfortable, funny, but weirdly sweet. Biehn has to balance guilt, concern, and fear in his part and does so well. I also like Jay Mohr as the eccentric school teacher. Keep your eyes open for small parts from recognizable faces like DJ Qualls and Michael Weston.

“Cherry Falls” doesn’t reinvent the wheel. I can see jaded horror fans dismissing it outright, for its lack of gore and willingness to partake in late nineties clichés. However, I find the film to be a lot more likable, funnier, and more thoughtful then the many similar films released around the same time. Weirdly, “Cherry Falls” never got a U.S. theatrical release but still found a following from home video rentals and TV screenings. I have to say, the movie deserves it. [7/10]

Tales from the Crypt: Doctor of Horror

“Doctor of Horror” is one of the earliest “Tales” I can remember seeing, back when the show aired in an edited form on late night Fox. Richard and Charlie have recently been hired as security guards at a morgue. On their first night, they spot an eccentric doctor stealing a corpse. Dr. Orloff believes that the human soul is a physical gland and can be extracted from the body. The amoral Richard has no problem playing along with Orloff’s body snatching and surgery. The kindly Charlie, however, is disgusted by the experiments. When Orloff realizes that a soul can only be taken from a living body, Richard is soon indulging his desire for murder and vivisection. But neither expects what happens when a soul is successfully stolen.

“Doctor of Horror” holds up as an almost archetypal “Tales from the Crypt” episode. The story features macabre experiments, a psychopath, a grotesque zombie, and revenge from beyond the grave. The bad guys get what’s coming to them in especially grisly ways. Searching for a literal, physical soul is as good a motivation as any for a mad scientist. The performances are fun. Hank Azaria sports an exaggerated Pompadour. He sweats and rages in anger, a sociopath barely concerning his murderous fury. Travis Tritt, a once popular country western singer, adapts surprisingly well as the kindly, conflicted Charlie. Austin Pendleton is laid back in a funny way as the mad doctor. The episode also provides the oppretunity to see Ben Stein get his head bashed in. Larry Wilson’s direction is nicely energetic. He attaches his camera to the front of a moving gurney or peers up from well. The underground labs, crypts, and abandoned wells provide some nice spooky atmosphere. Aside from some unnecessary slow motion, it’s a good looking show. The dismembered zombie that shows up at the end has a novel, dripping design. The head is on backwards on a twisted, rotten body. The ending is especially ironic, even by the standards of this show. In short, “Doctor of Horror” is a classic “Crypt” episode. Even the Crypt Keeper’s barber-themed wraparounds are a blast. [8/10]

So Weird: Dead Ringer

The season nearly over, “So Weird” took the time to devote an entire episode to Jack. An old neighbor of the Philips family has recently passed away. Molly and Annie stop by and pick up a few things from the family yard sale. Among the items is a rotary telephone. Jack is shaken by the object. As a kid, he threw a ball through the neighbor's window and never confessed to the deed. The guilt still haunts him, years later. Soon, the old phone starts ringing. Jack hears the dead man’s voice and is attacked by strange images.

I actually remember seeing “Dead Ringer” as a kid. At the time, it’s horror struck me as so fangless and corny, that I realized “So Weird” had passed the point where it could ever be good again. That’s right, this was the moment the show jumped the shark. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Truthfully, “Dead Ringer” is sometimes better then the season that surrounds it. Yeah, it’s supernatural elements aren’t very frightening. Jack feeling guilty for something as minor as breaking a neighbor’s window stretches belief. The ghost’s form of revenge, like dropping golf balls on Jack’s head and making an eye appear in a window, aren’t very threatening. However, “Dead Ringer” is actually attempting to be scary. Moreover, the show is tackling a serious theme: Guilt. The ending, which is slightly confusing, suggests that owning up to one’s action is the best way to push pass them. Mostly, it’s nice to see Jack take the lead for an episode. Patrick Levis is more then talented enough to carry the episode. His panicked performance actually makes it worth watching. Oh, it’s far from the creepiest episode of the series. Yet it’s much better then I remember, showing that the troubled third season actually improved some in its latter half. [6.5/10]

Bangers n' Mash 59: Tremors - Return to Perfection

Thus we reach the conclusion of my informal "Tremors" week. As you might have expected, my week of reviews were building up to a podcast episode about the series. I originally hadn't plan on posting my reviews of the films here... Yes, I really do sometimes just write reviews in order to mine them for podcast notes. It helps me if I organize my thoughts first. Yes, this amount of research and work goes in most every episode of the Bangers n' Mash Show. However, after utterly wrecking my brain on Oscar movies, I thought the fun-for-fun-sakes "Tremors" series would be a good way to bounce back from Oscar bloat. And why not?

Anyway, here's the podcast. In addition to the four films reviewed here, JD and I also discuss the short-lived TV series and the upcoming fifth film, which I'll probably review when it comes out in October. The episode is short too, coming in at a half-hour.



Here's the plan: Three episodes of the podcast next month, one of which will be a crappy commentary. Also, a new Report Card, a pretty big one. Unless there's some unforeseen disaster, this is the plan.

Recent Watches: Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)

Prequels are not usually well regarded in nerdy fandoms. On paper, learning more about a character’s past could be fascinating. However, more often then not, prequels just tell us things we already now. “Tremors 4: The Legend Begins” even saddles itself with a lame, generic subtitle. However, the title is actually apt in this scenario. The fourth film reveals that the events of the first film were not the first encounter with the Graboids. Considering the species is millions of years old, it makes sense that they would have squirmed out of the ground at some point before the early nineties. By going so far back into the past, “Tremors 4” brings something new to the series without sacrificing what makes it special.

In 1889, the small mining community of what was then known as Rejection, Nevada, was shaken. Numerous miners have died strangely, causing most of the townsfolk to flee. Essentially, only the Chinese family that runs the local shop, the hotel owner, an Indian and a Mexican, and a handful of miners are left in Rejection. Hiram Gummer, the mine’s owner, shows up to figure out what the heck is going on. Soon, the residents discover the monstrous worms responsible for the deaths. They have to band together to defeat the creatures, for the sake of their lives and their home town.

The “Tremors” series has always been based in Nevada, providing a western atmosphere. So making a film in the series that is literally a western isn’t a bad idea. The film has fun contrasting traditional western tropes with the expected Graboids shenanigans. The Chang family is shown to have roots in the town, filling the role of the traditional Asian shop owners. A telegraph plays a key role in one scene. Without concrete foundations to protect them, the main characters are more exposed to the monsters. One sequence has a Graboid slowly pulling thick wooden planks out of a building with its tongues. Most obviously, an old fashioned gunslinger, Black Hand Kelly played by veteran B-movie actor Billy Drago, is an important supporting character. His jangling spurs get him in trouble and, yes, we get to see a cowboy shoot at a Graboid. There’s a certain pulpy glee to that.

As established in my previous reviews, what makes the “Tremors” franchise so lovable is its cast of characters. Removing that cast presents a problem for “The Legend Begins.” I’m not a huge fan of the trope of a famous character having an identical ancestor. However, ‘Tremors 4” has fun with this set-up, while introducing a new batch of lovable characters. Michael Gross, by now the face of the franchise, returns as Burt Gummer’s great-grandfather. Hiram Gummer is the exact opposite of his great-grandson. He’s a foppish dandy, dressed in a fine suit and bowler hat with a gold stopwatch and diamond cup links. At first, he’s a boorish louse, even stealing the youngest kid’s cake. This gives Gummer an expected character arc of loosening up and no longer being a jerk. There’s even a protracted moment where he leaves town before returning at the very end, deciding to defend his new home. Yet Gross is great in the part and seems to relish playing a different sort of character. Hiram does not share his great-grandson’s love of firearms… At least until the movie’s incredibly charming final scene. (He does share his great-grandson’s affinity for redheads though.)

The supporting cast is fun too and equally full of fun callbacks to the franchise’s history. The Changs, despite not entirely rejecting Asian stereotypes, are a lovable bunch. Kid Fu Yien, played by Sam Ly, is probably the most fun of the lot. His conversations with Gummer are very entertaining. But I also liked the superstitious Lu Wan, played by Lydia Look, and her relaxed husband Pyong Lien, played by Ming Lo. Juan Pedilla may or may not be an ancestor of part one’s Miguel. Either way, he’s a fun character, especially his line about the Alamo. Sara Botsford as Christine has solid chemistry with Gross. Their slap-slap-kiss is fun to watch. My two favorite characters in the the film are Black Hand Kelly, played by Billy Drago doing his usual marvelous thing, and August Schellenberg as Tecopa, the town’s local Indian. Tecopa is a warm, pleasant presence and that’s mostly thanks to Schellenberg’s fatherly persona.

By this point in the series, it was tradition that each new “Tremors” movie feature a new form of the series’ monster. “Aftershocks” beget Shriekers. “Back to Perfection” beget Ass-blasters. “The Legend Begins” gets back to basic, featuring only the Graboids. Unlike the CGI heavy part three, the monsters are mostly brought to life through old fashion creature effects. (There is still some CGI but it’s not horribly distracting.) Referenced for the first time since the original is the worms’ pungent odor. The Graboids are given some fun stuff to do, like bursting through floorboards or dragging miners around. Despite its back to basic approaches, “Tremors 4” can’t resist throwing in something like a new evolution. We see baby Graboids, which are sort of adorable. They leap into the air like flying fish, snatching people’s limbs and pulling them under. This is one of the best sequences in the film.

“Tremors 4” climaxes with a showdown between the film’s heroes and the subterranean troubles. This is surprisingly intense, considering how low-stakes the movies always kind of are. It also extends the old west atmosphere. Because of its period setting, part four can’t dispose of the monsters with machine guns and high explosives. This requires some creativity on the writers’ behalves. One graboid is taken out with an enormous punt gun, which was a real thing. Another is dispatched with clever use of a long saw. Lastly, a good old fashion steam engine is used to finish off the final Graboid, but probably not in the way you’d expect.

I wouldn’t have guessed it going in but “Tremors 4: The Legend Begins” might be the second best film in the series. Its loads of fun and delivers on everything we expect from a “Tremors” movie. Yet it also does enough things differently, adding a sense of fun and creativity to the proceedings. As the series has done from the beginning, potential gimmickry is deflected by clever execution, a likable cast, and a sense of sincere fun. [7/10]

Recent Watches: Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)

By 2001, the “Tremors” franchise was well ingrained as a cable favorite. The movies were in constant rotation and probably did a-okay on video shelves. Four years after the last one, “Tremors 3: Back to Perfection” burst out of the ground. I remember the movie’s television premiere, on either the Sci-Fi Channel or the USA Network, and how it was a pretty big deal for my nerdy friends and me. We were big fans of the series up to that point and the third one only increased that fandom. The endless marathons just made me a bigger nerd. However, out of all of the films in the series, “Back to Perfection” holds up the least well.

As the quippy subtitle promises, the third film returns to the original “Tremors’” location, Perfection Valley in Nevada. After going on a Shrieker-hunting expedition abroad, Burt Gummer returns home, greeting some new and old friends alike. Unfortunately for our hero, a new batch of graboids have hatched. The government, declaring the worms an endangered species, move in to protect the critters. This goes spectacularly wrong, allowing the monsters to evolve further then ever before, into a new, especially dangerous airborne form.

“Back to Perfection” develops the story in some natural directions while also throwing in many callbacks to the original film. Burt Gummer becoming a much-sought-after monster expert makes perfect sense. The government becoming involved also makes a lot of sense. Perfection, NV has become a tourist trap, with fake monster tours and a big graboid sign out front. Most fun for me is how the Chang store has developed into Graboid central, full of all sorts of merchandise. From Dark Horse comic books (which poke fun at the company’s “Aliens vs. Predator” franchise and, sadly, don’t actually exist), to books, toys, pinatas, and – my favorite – a graboid hand puppet. In addition to returning to Perfection Valley, the film throws in small references to “Tremors” lore. Earl and Grady are said to have started the theme park they kept talking about last time. Rhonda, Kevin Bacon’s love interest, wrote a best-selling series of books about the graboids. Even Nestor, the ill-fated redneck from part one, gets a shout-out. His old trailer is a plot point!

The tight continuity and fan-friendly callbacks aren’t the main attraction though. The secret weapon of the “Tremors” series has always been the lovable, memorable cast of characters. From his breakout performance in the first movie, Burt Gummer becoming the series’ de-facto hero was inevitable. It’s fun to see that his conspiracy theorist leanings haven’t soften any over the years. Plenty of old faces are back. Tony Genaro as Miguel and Charlotte Stewert as Nancy, always under appreciated bits of the “Tremors” ensemble, are back. I’m happy to see them, especially Stewert. The movie even went the extra mile and got Arianna Richards and Robert Jayne back, as the now adult Melvin and teenage Mindy. Melvin’s development into the despised penny-pincher of the group and Mindy’s tough and capable, if still girly, teenage girl act both work fine. The new additions to the cast are welcomed as well. Susan Chuang, as Walter Chang’s previously unmentioned niece, is a deeply convinced businesswoman, always looking for ways to expand her brand. She’d love Twitter. Even Shawn Christian as Jack fills the role provided by Val and Grady in the past.

The biggest stars are the monsters, of course. “Tremors II: Aftershocks” set a precedence. The strictly subterranean Graboids evolved into the speedy, above-ground Shriekers. “Back to Perfection” sees the monsters heading into the skies. The absurdly named Ass-Blasters are the next stage of evolution. The monsters (which the film, in a really funny moment, clarifies are NOT called Tremors) learning to fly is fairly ridiculous. Yet the plot mostly justifies it. Series creators S. S. Wilson and Brent Maddock, who directs this time out, are clearly fascinated by the monsters’ biology. They cook up a decent excuse as to why this happens, if not a how. See, the Shriekers grow wings and a self-propelled flight system so they can carry eggs to a new area. At the very least, monsters that fly with fart-rockets are a fun addition to the series. The Ass-Blasters, if we must call them that, look cool too, a more avian-like, stream-liked take on the pudgy Shriekers.

Like the rest of “Tremors” franchise, “Back to Perfection” is cozy, creature-filled fun. However, it’s easily the most flawed of the series. The special effects are the least consistent. Shaky CGI, which did not even look good at the time, is employed repeatedly. The Ass-Blasters are mostly brought to life this way. The lower budget is evident in other ways too. The government agents are killed off-screen. Most of the film takes place in a few, in-door locations. The plot is fairly derivative. The heroes have to adapt to a new set of monster rules. The ever-evolving graboids puts the usually-well-prepared Burt at a disadvantage. This has become a disappointing running gag, which can also be said for monster guts raining down on the heroes. “Tremors 3” mostly existed to set up the forthcoming TV series. Accordingly, the film feels too much like a TV show, in presentation and writing.

For its flaws, there’s still plenty to enjoy about the film. Michael Gross gets eaten by a worm but survives. El Blanco, the sorta’-friendly graboid mascot of the series, gets an introduction. The “Tremors” series’ endless, lovable, and innate creativity is still around but lower budgets and a same-old, same-old feeling is beginning to set in. If this is the weakest link in the “Tremors” franchise, I’d say that’s still a pretty good track record. [7/10]

Recent Watches: Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)

In the nineties, video stores were at the peak of their popularity. At the same time, the horror genre was experiencing a lull. These combined factors allowed unexpected genre successes to grow into straight-to-video franchises. That’s how they made ten “Puppet Master” movies. Knowing all this, it’s still surprising that a sequel to “Tremors” didn’t come until 1996. Originally planned for a theatrical release on the strengths of the script, the film suffered budget cut-backs, location shifts, and production turnarounds, explaining the six year delay. It’s just as well. Considering the first film found its audience through rentals and television screenings, “Tremors II: Aftershocks” was destined for the video market.

In the aftermath of the first film, Earl Bassett, Valentine, and the giant worm monsters of Perfection, Nevada, gained a level of fame. However, Valentine ran off and Earl squandered what exposure he achieved. Six years later, he’s bitter and washed-up. That’s when an oil company from Mexico, themselves having a Graboid problem, enlist Earl to clear out the pests. Teaming up with young buck Grady, geologist Kate, and old friend Burt, Earl heads to Mexico, hoping to make some cash monster-hunting. The Graboids have some surprises in store though, changing the game.

The first third of “Tremors II” is about as good a sequel as fans could have asked for. Putting Earl back at zero gives him a new goal. Instead of trying to make it out of this crappy town, he’s looking for that “second chance” at success and happiness. The change of scenery, from the American desert to the green rolling hills of Mexico, was a nice touch too. The early scenes, of Earl and Grady blasting worms with remote control cars, is a good time, recapturing the sense of Southern-fried fun the first film had. Series creator S. S. Wilson is in the director’s chair this time and maintains the original’s inventive streak. There’s plenty of fun sequences here. A graboid grabs a truck by a chain, dragging it around the area. One worm swallowed a radio, so his appearance is proceeded by muffled music playing from underground. A small, funny moment has an off-screen coyote meeting a nasty fate. One of the things that made the first one fun – a breezy sense of humor and a willingness to explore the central premise – makes this sequel fun too.

The cast was such an important part of the first “Tremor’s” success. There were some losses for this sequel. Kevin Bacon was never coming back, that was certain. Reba McEntire probably didn’t have any place in a straight-to-video monster movie either. Both characters’ absences are noted, the film writing them out in smart ways. Luckily, “Aftershocks” brings back several key cast members. Fred Ward steps into the lead role. Earl is as much of a cowboy as before, being introduced here by lassoing an ostrich. Ward has lost none of his rascally charm, easily carrying the film. Most importantly, Michael Gross returns as Burt Gummer. It’s good to see Burt again. His introduction, watching war footage on a TV while a graboid head is mounted on the wall, says so much about the character. He gets some of the funniest moments in the film, such as his repeated bitching that he was not properly briefed for this adventure and had no way to know certain details. Gross remains the franchise’s MVP.

Luckily, and surprisingly, the new characters introduced in “Tremors II” are nearly as charming as the returning cast members. To make up for the lack of Bacon, Chris Gartin as Grady is brought in. Though the relationship they have is similar, Earl and Grady have a different back-and-forth. Grady is a fanboy of Earl and Burt’s shenanigans and excited by the monsters and worm blasting. The age appropriate love interest introduced for Earl is Kate, played by Helen Shaver. Shaver is cute and, despite delivering some blatant exposition, remains charming and engaging. In the final lap, when the four main characters are banding together to survive the monster attack, “Aftershocks” creates the same ensemble-driven sense of whimsical fun and adventure the first had. (The cast is extremely tight. There’s less then ten actors credited on the film’s IMDb page.)

The biggest change part two makes is to the monsters themselves. And that’s a change I don’t know how I feel about. The Graboids are revealed as the first form in a biological life cycle. The giant worms violently give birth, exploding from the inside-out, to smaller two-legged monsters. Eventually dubbed Shriekers, these monsters have a completely different physiology then the Graboids. They’re small and bipedal, with a velociraptor-style physique. The iconic Graboid-style head is kept but the creatures’ navigated different. They seek by heat, with cool sensory organs on their heads. They reproduce quickly, spitting up babies after eating enough. It removes the film’s central gimmick, less “tremors” then “pack hunters.” The Shriekers are cool looking. Watching them explode or get torn apart is fun too. However, they aren’t as novel or engaging as the Graboids. The puppet effects remain top notch. Yet shaky CGI is used several times to bring the creatures to life. That hasn’t aged well. I admire the filmmakers for deciding to do something different. That change also makes “Aftershocks” a little less pure then the first.

Still, the movie is way better then a six-years-later, direct-to-video sequel had any right to be. The result is a little less polished but the film smartly keeps what’s important about the first film. That being the charm, a creative sense of fun, monsters, and a likable cast of characters. I’m a fan. This one was endlessly replayed on cable back in the day too. Like the first, I’ve seen it many times. Somehow, its small charms remain intact. [7/10]

Recent Watches: Tremors (1990)

The early nineties was the last hurrah for the traditional monster movie. By the end of the decade, the latex and robotic monstrosity, so beloved by fanboys like myself, would be entirely replaced with computer-generated creatures. Arriving in this environment was “Tremors,” a clever throwback to creature features released during the dying days of the slasher film. The film was a minor commercial hit upon release but would, through repeated cable airings (Seemed like the Sci-Fi Channel showed the movie on a near weekly basis at one point), develop a faithful cult audience. I’ve watched the movie a lot over the years. “Tremors” is the definition of a cozy summer favorite, a movie I can watch at any time and that always puts a smile on my face.

“Tremors” takes place in Perfection, Nevada, an ironically named little town in the middle of the desert. It’s isolated from the rest of the world and seemingly populated solely by a ragtag collection of rednecks, weirdos, and people passing through. Valentine and his heterosexual life partner Earl fall into the final category, as the would-be businessmen are headed out of Perfection. However, their vacation plans are interrupted by the mysterious deaths of several local residents. The responsible party is a suddenly emerged species of giant subterranean worms that sense by sound, sped through the dirt like rockets, and devour their pray with prehensile tongues. Now the dispersant population of Perfection has to work together to survive the invading monsters from below.

The biggest attribute “Tremors” has is it’s a super likable cast. Though Val and Earl are clearly the heroes of the picture, it’s an ensemble cast with a diverse selection of characters. Kevin Bacon, still poised for major stardom at the time, is amusing as Valentine, bringing plenty of roguish charm to the part. He has especially good chemistry with Fred Ward, another failed movie star who found better work as a character actor. Ward chums it up as a blue collar guy who dreams of being a cowboy and is constantly chastising himself for his bad language. The unexpected breakout character of “Tremors’ would be Burt Gummer, played by Michael Gross. Gross, still best known at the time as the ex-hippy dad on “Family Ties,” was cast against type as an extreme survivalist type. Gross is a blast in the part, making Burt’s extreme political beliefs and extensive firearm collection charming rather then off-putting. It’s not horribly shocking that the budding “Tremors” franchise would build itself around him. Reba MacEntire, still unproven as an actor at the time, is solid as Burt’s patient wife. Her best moment shows her talking Burt down from an argument. Reba is a natural in the part. A typically eccentric Victor Wong is great, as are Bobby Jacoby as annoying kid Melvin, Ariana Richards as new-age-y mom Nancy, and Tony Genaro as token Hispanic guy Miguel. The weak link in the cast is Finn Carter as Bacon’s love interest and the brains of the outfit, Rhonda. And even Carter is still pretty likable. The back-and-forth between the cast is really what makes “Tremors” shine.

It would be charitable to call “Tremors” a horror movie. Instead, its better describe as a monster movie, a distinct label. The underground dwelling threats of “Tremors” are a clever creation. There had been giant worms in fiction before, most notably in “Dune,” but we’d never seen a whole movie devoted to them as the primary threat before. Taking a cue from “Jaws,” “Tremors’ is cagey about its monsters at first. (It even uses “Jaws’” patented monster POV-shots at one point) In the beginning, we only see the aftermath of their attacks. Like a dead body stranded in a telephone pole, sheep sucked under, a decapitated head left in a field. The creatures are proceeded by a puff of dirt fired from the ground. The most traditional horror moment is when the worm sucks a car under the ground, the drivers still inside. They are clever creation and the movie bolsters them by treating them in a clever, interesting fashion. (Screenwriter S. S. Wilson specializes in clever creations like this, as in the short “Recorded Live,” “*batteries not included,” the “Short Circuit” movies, and, uh, “Wild Wild West.”)

When the beasties, later saddled with the goofy moniker “Graboids,” do pop their heads out, they are impressive creations. The prehensile tongues are topped off with nasty little heads, with mouths full of teeth. The movie, and the trailers and posters bolsters this, makes you think these are the monsters are first. Soon enough, the whole Graboid is revealed. They are giant worms, covered with feelers and topped off with a snapping, tri-sected mouth. They hunt by sound, a novel idea that lends itself to several suspenseful scenes. Cleverly, the film never bothers to give the Graboids an origin. They’re here now and that’s all that matters. Fans love these things and they really filled the “giant killer worm” niche all monster kids didn’t know they needed filling.

“Tremors” has a lot of good, funny ideas and uses most of them. The middle section creates some okay suspense, as the remaining residents of Perfection climb up on roofs and attempt to make as little sound as possible. The confrontation in Burt’s gun-filled basement is one of the best moments in the film, that escalates fantastically while giving us a great look at the monster. The Graboids aren’t just dumb monsters and prove harder to outsmart then expected. The finale, which has the heroes on a rock pitching home-made bombs into the desert, is a good time. That the film’s survivors constantly have to think up new ways to kill off the creatures shows how smart and inventive “Tremors” is capable of. It maintains that humor as it goes too, always being breezy and relatable. (My favorite line? “What’s that for?” “For my cannon,” stated matter-of-factly.)

Calling “Tremors” a masterpiece is presumptuous. It really isn’t. Instead, it’s a pleasant, funny, smart, well cast, easily rewatched creature feature. Considering its humble attributes, I’m surprised I’ve come to love this movie as much as I do. Really, some cool monsters, a decent cast, one or two funny lines, and some amusing ideas are all we monster fans ask for. That was enough to turn “Tremors” into a beloved cult classic. [8/10]

Halloween 2010: October 26 and 27

10/26/10

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Ripper”
This first episode honestly feels like it could have come at any point in the series. The only indicator that this is the premier episode is that Miss Emily appears playing a totally different character. I can’t decide wither that’s a good thing or not. Having the characters and their interactions so definitely established right from the beginning is a strong point, especially since Kolchak’s relationship with his office mates would wind up saving many weaker episodes. Once again, the story here is highly derivative of the first movie, with the way the police is defenseless to stop the monster and how Kolchak eventually faces down the threat on its own turf. The way the killer has been killing in cycles over the decades is also similar to the second film’s story. The scenes set in massage parlors are surprisingly gritty for the time period. Out of the first three monsters that directly attacked the police, the Ripper is definitely the least intimidating. However, the final scenes of Carl hiding in the closet from the killer are quite suspenseful and redeem the weaker aspects of the episode. “The Ripper” isn’t a great way to start the show, but it still a pretty good hour of television. (7/10)

10/27/10

Tremors 4: The Legends Begins (2004)
Probably the best sequel of the series. It’s a return to the style of the origin, in that the focus is solely on the community and the characters’ relationships. Also, the Graboids are the only monsters around, no Shriekers, Ass-Blasters, or any more silly transformations. (The movie still can’t help but introduce some new critters: Baby Graboids.) The film has kind of a slow start but, by the time the defending the town last act kicks in, it’s good stuff. The biggest problems here are the same problems I often have with distinct past prequels revolving around the established character’s ancestors. I find it hard to believe that gene pools are so consistent that Burt’s great-grandfather looked just like him and also had a thing for redheads. Or that the Chang’s store has stuck around since the 1880s.

One of the strongest aspects of the “Tremors” series is the characters. By going back in time, of course, we loose the characters. It is a weakness for the film. The monsters are portrayed pretty inconsistently here. How much sound they can hear varies and I find it hard that turn-of-the-century floorboards would give them that much trouble. Also, the awful smell is back for the first time since the initial movie. The special effects are definitely the best since the first film. The final shot is pretty funny. The movie is really relentlessly nice. It doesn’t have a mean bone anywhere in its body. (7/10)

Spike (2010)
I picked this off the shelves at Blockbuster strictly because it looked like a monster movie, and how often do we get those, especially in the DTV independent horror market? Alas, never trust a DVD cover, because this is more of a “Phantom of the Opera”-style gothic romance then a traditional horror story. It’s about a guy with some bizarre birth defect that causes giant spikes to sprout all over his body and his obsessive love for his childhood girlfriend. It’s not a bad idea, and not as far removed from reality as you’d think. (If the Tree Man can exist, I’d say this is well within the realm of possibilities.)

The story is ultimately too sympathetic to the monster. His submissive, erudite tone never makes him threatening or frightening. Ultimately, he comes off like kind of a whiny hipster. The rest of the cast isn’t developed very well. The movies biggest problems is its theatrical dialogue, that never sounds like the kind of thing that would actually come out of a human mouth, much less from a person that’s being living in the woods for a long time. The characters in the movie also seem to think bonking somebody over the head is the first, best solution to any problem.

There’s also a subplot involving a pair of wacky lesbian wandering the forest that doesn’t really go anywhere. Considering the short run time and the director’s previous work mostly consisting of short films, I’d say, cut out that subplot, and this would become a pretty solid forty minute short. This is, generally, a well-made film, very nicely shot, especially considering what was probably a tiny budget, with some potentially good performances and, at the very least, the seed of a good story. While I can’t really say I liked the movie, its creative team has some definite talent. (Film Thoughts favorite Justin Paul Ritter is also thanked in the credits. So, you know, there’s that. The reviews on Netflix are also hilariously mean-spirited and acidic.) (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Mr. R.I.N.G.”
Another one of my first shows, which I saw during Trio’s “Brilliant but Canceled.” It’s actually one of the weaker episodes. Mr. RING isn’t much of a threat and the extended scenes of Kolchak talking to him are a bore. How the robot is dealt with is pretty anticlimactic and disappointing. However, once again, Kolchak going out and following leads, rubbing people the wrong way, and generally making a lovable nuisance of himself are the highlights of an episode. I do like Carl’s confused opening narration. This episode strays from the formula and is one of the weakest of the series. Coincidence? (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Primal Screams”
Another weak episode. Mostly because the mystery unfolds in a really droll way and the creature itself is pretty silly. Carl confronting the creature in the red subway tunnel is an atmospheric sign that almost immediately gets silly again when Kolchak tries to make friends with the monkey. The confrontations with the police are pretty amusing. I really hope the rest of the series picks up before it ends. (5/10)

Honestly, why isn't there a "Tremors 5" yet? Is it because the TV show failed (And kind of blew?) I know those movies were pretty big hits in the video and cable market when I was a teenager. I feel those movies filled a void. Not just because there cool monster movies and we don't have enough of those, but also because they were (mostly) family friendly. There isn't a lot of quality kid-friendly horror out there today and, you know, the kids have to start somewhere. I guess if the series had continued, it only would have gotten sillier, introducing more variations on the title beasties. But I'd probably still watch. I obviously love these movies for some reason. (My idea for "Tremors 5?" Graboids vs. dinosaurs. Don't tell me that wouldn't be cool.)

Halloween 2010: October 24

Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
My blatant nostalgia for this series will really start showing now. These movies used to be on constant rotation on the SciFi Channel back during my early teens and I watched them over and over again. Smart things part three does: 1. Make Bert the lead character. While he always seemed like the type that worked better as a sparingly used supporting man, Michael Gross really makes the most of his opportunity here. 2. The supporting cast. 3. Getting the government involved in the story, not in a paranoia cover-up way but in a supportive way that drives the story. One of the things I always really liked about these film si that the monsters are not only public knowledge but exploited and sold. 4. El Blanco. He’s basically the Slimer of the series, a former threat that quickly became a harmless mascot. Things part three does that aren’t so smart. 1. The Ass-Blaster. I thought the Shrieker was a pretty big departure for the series but letting the monster take to the air is getting really good. 2. The effects. Hand puppets galore! Shaky CGI! 3. The gag of a monster blowing up and the intrails raining down on the heroes has gotten old. Flaws, and their considerable and all, I still sort of love this movie. (7/10)

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
I saw the anime movie a few years ago and thought it was pretty underdeveloped. (Haven’t read the manga or seen the series.) But I do understand why this would get adapted before better known, more successful series. The appeal of a Japanese schoolgirl chopping up monsters with a big samurai sword is universal. But, man, this is a shitty movie. The fight scenes are so ridiculous and over-the-top, but also serious and self-important. “Ramping” is abuse to such a degree that it would make Zack Synder look subtle. Everything is exaggerated but stylistically hollow. Bits are stolen from “Kill Bill,” “Wanted,” and the “Blade” films, to start. The saturated comic book look just ends up making the movie look even more unreal. Nothing ever has any weight. This isn’t real fighting, just people jumping around inside a computer. The rest of the movie feels similarly empty. The introduction of the general daughter is an obvious, and unnecessary, attempt to appeal to American audience. The ending is inconclusive and anticlimactic. The fake blood is really fake looking. I liked the gravelly voice fedora guy. Just to think, Ronny Yu could have directed this… (4/10)

Halloween 2010: Catch-Up

While I was doing my Romero report card, I was, naturally, watching other stuff. What I've really been working on viewing, was the original "Kolchak: The Night Stalker." I love this show. People uses the term "Monsters of the Week" show like its a bad thing. As a horror nerd obsessed with the various archetypes, icons, and myths of the genre, I love anything that revolves around exploring those concepts, especially in new, modern ways. Honestly, I'd take the simplistic pleasures of the Monster of the Week show, in comparison to the mythology heavy genre shows that are popular now. Those shows inevitably wear me out by focusing so tightly on a continuing story.

"Kolchak" is pure comfort food for me. It's like curling up with a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa. Most of my movie watching takes place late at night. These two effects combined have the unfortunate side-effect of putting me to sleep in the middle of an episode. So, I'll only post reviews of the episodes I made it through, hence why they are so completely out of order.

Mini-Reviews:

The Night Stalker (1972)
Something about the Kolchak character really resonates with me. He is similarly brave, rushing headlong into god knows what terror, but also somewhat cowardly, hiding and screaming in terror. He was a full-on cynic, critical and dismissive of most people around him, but also always in search of “the truth,” no matter the cause. This first film showed them still figuring out the character’s angles. Kolchak living with a girlfriend or staking a vampire right in front of police seems to contradict his later protrayels, but his gritty narration is on display and the genes of the character are laid down here. If nothing else, Janos Skarsky is a great villain, a frightening vampire from an era when a vampire in a modern setting was still a novel idea. This is certainly one of the best made-for-TV horror films. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Zombie”
The big difference between the movies and the TV series is the importance of its supporting cast. Kolchak and Vincenzo’s chemistry is one of the most consistently satisfying elements of an often mix-bag series. The eventual addition of Updyke and Ms. Emily to the cast added other appropriate foils to play Carl off of. As for this episode, it’s the show at its scariest. It’s an unique take on the zombie mythology, and the title monster is certainly one fo the most physically imposing of the series. It’s final is also really intense, with Kolchak, one again, confronting the monster in its lair. (8/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be…”
I’ve always had a hard time getting into this one. The science-fiction based monster never fit in as well as the more traditional creatures. The story doesn’t exactly come to a statisfying conclusion either. The strongest point about this one is the great guest cast, including the first appearance of the Ghoul and Dick Van Patten. (6/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Vampire”
This episode is pretty derivative of the first movie, in a lot of ways. With her constant screeching, the vampire doesn’t make the most threatening of nemesis. The giant flaming cross at the end is a nice visual but Kolchak getting away with staking a vampire in front of the authorities twice strains believability. This one also suffers by removing the office cast from most of the episode.
(5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Firefall”
Have I mentioned how much I love the opening sequence for this series? The way it starts out light and cheerful, how it perfectly sets up the Kolchak character by having him carelessly throw his hat, and then slowly gets darker and darker? And then gets literally darker at the very end, as the paranormal premise of the show is subtly made apparent? Anyway, this is a good episode. It provides a creative threat for Carl to deal with (I love how threadbare he gets as he goes without sleep) and wraps it up in an interesting, though slightly obvious, mystery. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Devil’s Platform”
Definitely the show at its silliest. It’s nice to see Tom Skerrit show up, but the supposedly limitless powers the devil provides him seem pretty limited. The devil dog is a pretty silly element, as is how Kolchak ends up saving the day. Honestly, the devil isn’t a vampire or a Bigfoot. You can’t really just kill it and be done with it. And, really, considering what kind of character Carl is, it seems odd that he should confront the devil and not ask any of the big questions that brings with it. (4/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Bad Medicine”
This is one of the first episodes of the series I can remember seeing. So, even if it’s a flawed episode, I have some fondness of it. The monster, an immortal Indian shaman, makes for an exciting monster of the week, especially as played by Richard “Jaws” Kiel. However, his obsessions with jewels is rather silly and the way he’s dealt with rather unconvincing. The show also leans on bringing in guest stars as exposition spewing experts pretty hard in this one. (And would again in the future.) Still, I like it. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Spanish Moss Murders”
Probably my favorite episode of the series. Yes, the monster springing from a comatose man’s subconscious is a bit of a cliché now, but the bayou boogieman is flat-out the scariest monster from the show’s entire run. Also, extremely effective is the final scene, when Carl confronts the monster in its sewer lair. When Kolchak’s familiar straw hat gives him away, it’s a good example of how this show so effectively combined laughs and thrills. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Energy Eater”
This would probably be a weaker episode if it wasn’t for McGavin and guest star William Smith having such good chemistry. The guest stars usually weren’t this involved with the story, usually only showing up for a scene or two, but Smith is an important component here. The monster being an invisible, building-wide threat is an interesting take as well and this show’s conclusion is surprisingly pleasant. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Horror in the Heights”
Another episode that prospers greatly from pulling from obscure mythology. The Rhakashi, a cannibalistic demon that takes the shape of its victim most trusted friend, is a really powerful idea and one the show pulls out extremely well, even with the cheesy seventies effect. Cliché as it is, the Jewish community the episode takes place in also allows for a number of great guest stars and some colorful character writing. Definitely an above average outing. (8/10)

My Soul to Take (2010)
I wouldn’t call this the return-to-form we were hoping from Craven, but I did end up liking it a lot more then expected. I really cared about the characters, something that was completely unexpected. The movie is melodramatic in spots, but the goofiness reminded me of Craven’s output in the early nineties, like “Shocker” and “The People Under the Stairs.” Yes, it’s silly, but in an endearing sort of way. (7/10)

The Mummy (1959)
First off, it was a smart idea to remake the Kharis story instead of the original, Imhotep storyline. Secondly, the English atmosphere goes an extremely long way. Without that, this would probably be a completely routine exercise, but that London fog adds so much. Finally, Cushing and Lee are, naturally, fantastic. Even if he doesn’t have any speaking lines, Lee does a lot with his eyes and body language. And, of course, Peter Cushing is as badass as ever. The way he goes at the moment with a spear is one of the most memorable moments here. (8/10)

Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964)
A pretty weak sequel. It feels very cheap, from the cakey mummy make-up to the cheesy Egyptian props and settings. The story of immortality and brotherly rival is at the very least different. This is also fairly gruesome for its time period. (The mummy stomps on a guy’s head at one point, squishing it. Yes, it’s off-screen, but still pretty nasty.) Still, you get the impression nobody was really invested in the material here. (6/10)

The Mummy’s Shroud (1967)
Man, I thought the last one was weak. Part three feels even more routine and tired then part two. And, yeah, even the mummy design is a step-down from the lousy effects in “Curse.” The white wrapping makes him look like a bad Halloween costume. “Under Wraps” had a better looking mummy. I think it was a really bad idea for Hammer to set any of their Mummy films in Egypt. They just didn’t know how to make sand dunes creepy. (5/10)

Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)
I like a lot of Hammer’s offerings from the early seventies. They were sexier, more modern, and more daring then some of then the increasingly tired sixties output. This story is completely unexpected. A tale of reincarnation gone evil, it takes a number of surprisingly twist and turns before ending up at its chilling ending. (An ending that brutally subverts the title’s expectations.) Valerie Lennon is gorgeous, by the way. The cleavage-exposing Egyptian get-up they have her wearing is fantastically sexy. (7/10)

Carnival of Souls (1962)
I also caught this one as a midnight showing at the Apollo. I was really hoping the late-night, old-building setting would add a lot but it, sadly, didn’t. Yes, it drags a bit in spots, but this movie is a classic for a reason. It really is just as much an art film as it is a ghost story, and you can read so much into its themes and subtext. The final scene at the carnival are hypnotic, the stuff of nightmares. (9/10)

Night of the Demons (2010)
This one had me from Linnea Quigley’s cameo on. It’s certainly bigger and bolder then the original, but not in an intrusive way. It effectively rumps up the story for modern audiences. I like the characters and the creature effects. It’s trashy, anything-goes tone is what really works here. Very few recent horror films capture the tone of eighties exploitation films as well as this one did. See it for all the great cleavage on display, if for no other reason. (7/10)

Tremors (1990)
Nostalgia is one of the main things that drive me as a movie fan, obviously. I loved the “Tremors’ movies when I was thirteen. They’re such cool monsters and the desert setting really causes the series to stand out among other creature features. Its such a clever premise too, taking the “land shark” idea and really running with it. The film starts out with a good idea and then plays with it throughout. This first movie also features a fantastic ensemble cast. Kevin Bacon is goofy as heck but it’s really Fred Ward, Michael Gross, Reba McIntyre, and especially Victor Wong. Sure, it’s barely horror and the series would become even less horrific as it went on, but this is a good time. (7.5/10)

Horror Remix: Halloween
It was fun to revisit the original “Night of the Demons” after watching the remake recently. Honestly, as a film, it’s a little too well-made, well-liked, and creative compared to the usual Horror Remix fare. Luckily, the evening was saved by the rest of the program. What we saw of “Primal Rage’ made it look gloriously misogynistic and unhinged. “Hack-o-Lantern” dragged a bit at the end, but you can’t really undersell the value of gravelly voice Satantic grandpa or the delirious hair-metal, laser-eye-shooting devil woman rock video dream scene. Finally, “Hollowgate,” a hilariously inept, completely bonkers escapee from late eighties shot-on-video hell, wrapped the evening up on a fantastic note. It’s a shame that this is the last Horror Remix of the year but it’s a good note to take the season out on. (8/10)

Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)
A decent follow-up. First off, it was a great idea to bring Fred Willard and Michael Gross back. While the cast here is nowhere as strong as the original, Helen Shaver is a pretty decent addition. I like how the heroes of the first film became something of celebrities in-between films. I’m not sure how I feel about the Graboid’s metamorphosis. It shakes (har) the premise up but, at the same time, I’m not sure it makes sense that giant worms change into raptor like, heat-sensing, pack monsters. The early CGI has not aged well at all either, even if the practical effects are still great. Still, it maintains the first’s sense of fun. (6/10)

Let Me In (2010)
A really admirable remake. As too be expected, it’s not as quiet as the original. The one or two additions they made to the vampire character were questionable and there’s some unforgivably shoddy CGI. However, the heart of the story is maintain and this version is, in some ways, darker then the original. Owen is certainly a lot creepier and perverted then the original’s Oskar. It handles the issue of Abby’s gender fantastically, by the way. The two young actors are also great, maybe even better then the original’s performances. It was also wise to ct out some of the original’s subplots. The pool finale here is definitely inferior though, and feels a bit tacked on. And, yeah, I got a total nerd boner when the Hammer logo popped up. It’s not an essential remake but it’s an intelligent, faithful, and in some ways superior, treatment of the material. (8/10)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Seeing as how this always pops up in books about the best horror films, I was kind of disappointed to see a film that was more offbeat thriller or dark comedy then straight-up horror. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford are fantastic here. (Ironic, that Crawford plays the calm one here, consider how crazy she supposedly was in real life.) The movie rears up against camp as Davis gets crazier and crazier and I found most of the subplots extraneous. Blanche, despite playing a helpless victim for most of the story, does show herself to be more passive-aggressive then expected by the end. The ending is really strange though appropriate. It’s surprising that such an off-beat film would be a hit and wind up inspiring an entire wave of “hag horror.” But it is an entertaining film, an interesting take on sibling rivalry and washed-up fame. (7/10)

Willard (2003)
A really criminally underrated film. It was the film that made me the huge Crispin Glover fan I am today. He so perfectly captures what it’s like to be an awkward, isolated nerd. I really can’t praise his performance enough. The set-design for the film is also brilliant. The old house is so perfectly brooding. The accordion driven score is great too.

The story is a really mixed bag. Yes, Willard progression from bullied, to bully is handled perfectly, and the film rightly shows him becoming what he hates. The way Ben leads a rat rebellion against his human oppressor is pretty silly though and overdone. Willard’s love for Socrates also pushes believably. It gets creepy, which I suppose is the point, but creepy in a way that’s not plausible. The inevitable revenge story feels far too formulaic. R. Lee Ermy is hilarious, doing his typical schtick, but it would’ve been nice if the movie had made Mr. Martin more then the one dimensional villain he is. Love interest Kat is similarly underdeveloped. (And badly acted.) Socrates’ death is heartbreaking though and the breakdown of Willard’s home situation works far better. The new ending is emotionally sweet but definitely thematically wrong. I really love the performance and ideas at the heart of the film and wish the rest of it was as strong. However, this flick really deserves a much bigger cult following then it has. It begs to be rediscovered on DVD. (Also, this is a completely superior remake of a cheesy, surprisingly hard-to-find older movie.) (8/10)