HORRORFIND WEEKEND 14 Con Report

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Director Report Card for this special horror convention write-up!

If you recall, last year I visited my first horror convention. Originally, the plan was for ever-present movie watching pal and podcast co-host, JD (Perhaps better known as Mr. Mash? Probably not.) and I to venture to Horrorfind Weekend, an annual con in local Gettysburg, Pa. That didn’t work out for a few reasons and I went somewhere else instead. However, this year, we planned ahead. JD and I were determined to make it out there, especially since the guest line-up was pretty awesome.

I was up there mostly to meet Mary Woronov, whom I was especially excited to see after my Paul Bartel write-ups earlier in the year. JD, besides just wanting to do the con experience for the first time, was pumped about meeting Doug Bradley, since he’s a pretty big “Hellraiser” fan. He was especially looking forward to getting Mr. Bradley to sign his “18 inch Pinhead figure.

The Wyndham is a nice hotel with a massive parking lot, which is positioned next to a huge movie theater. Horrorfind screens their short film festival there. Normally, my passion for indie film and new discoveries would have gotten me there but time was at a minimum this past weekend. The lay-out of the con was a little crowded, the conference rooms were small, and the hallways a little thin. Maybe it just seemed that way because this con was super busy all weekend, full of people. You could barely hear yourself think over the roar of the crowd in the meet-and-greet hall or dealer’s room.

We headed to the celebrity meeting room first. JD met PJ Soles first, who was as peppy and energetic as always. She signed his “Halloween” DVD multiple times and with “Totally!” She was very impressed by JD’s Pinhead figure. Generally speaking, the figure made JD something of a star Friday evening. He got multiple compliments about it and one guy went into a total Justin Bieber frenzy about it. (“Oh my God, has he signed it yet?!!”) Mr. Bradley, who prefers to be called Doug, wasn’t a jerk or anything. He answered our questions and seemed friendly enough. However, he was much more interested in the young girl sitting next to him then anything else. Apparently, Pinhead is quite the ladies’ man. Can’t say I really blame him.

Mary Woronov’s table was positioned next to PJ and Dey Young, a little “Rock n’ Roll High School” reunion. Mary was somewhat impressed when I told her I had watched all of Paul’s films. We mostly talked about Paul, how they met, what he was like. Mary said you couldn’t help but be his friend, he was that kind of guy. She too is excited for the Criterion Blu-Ray of “Eating Raoul” and agrees that “Death Race 2000” is his best film. (Also, that she’s in all of his best films and that “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills” isn’t headed to DVD any time soon.) I was a little disappointed to find out that the script for the unfilmed “Eating Raoul” sequel, “Bland Ambition,” apparently wasn’t very good. Miss Woronov was intelligent and dryly funny and I probably could have picked her brain for a few hours. She’s mostly new to cons but plans on doing more.

Ray Wise and Malcolm McDowell were the big headliners. Wise was well-spoken and very friendly. He described David Lynch as “meditative” and a man of habit, who ate the same thing for lunch every day. Paul Verhoven is a “wild man” and Wes Craven is a “cool, laid-back guy.” He didn’t have anymore insight into the mysteries of “Twin Peaks” then anybody else. Specifically, I wanted to ask him about playing a cross-dressing judge on a recent episode “Rizzoli & Isle,” which he described as a fantastic experience. Ray Wise is definitely an interesting guy and I liked him a lot.

Malcolm McDowell was a bit intimidating. I joked around that I thought every one with a British accent was evil until I was about six because he played so many villains. Maybe not the best opener? Either way, the guy sounds exactly in person like he does on screen and loves playing villains. He prefers voice-acting, calling it “easier,” and loves “Time After Time.” I had to ask about “Caligula.” McDowell said Tinto Bass, the director, was “weird.” Definitely means something coming from him. When I asked him about some of his exciting up-coming project, like “Excision” and “Monster Butler,” he said the latter has a fantastic script but getting the money is an issue. As for the former, he couldn’t even remember it. I’m sure that’s not a statement on the project’s quality so much as McDowell does a lot of movies. I wish the photograph was better. Blame JD for that.

I’ve mentioned before how much I like “Repo! The Genetic Opera,” despite myself, so I was interested in meeting Terence Zdunich. Before us, a trio of teenage girl ran up to get a picture with him, totally squeeing out the entire time. I heard one of them say “He touched my shoulder!” as she left. Inspired by that, I asked Mr. Zdunich how does it feel to be a “horror sex symbol,” my words, not his. His first response was “I don’t know, you tell me!” However, he’s definitely aware of the large amount of naughty fan art there is out there of Graverobber and complained that, in all the pictures he saw, his character is always the bottom, in words more explicit then that. So that was funny. I was happy to hear that “The Devil’s Carnival” is headed to DVD in October and everyone involved wants to do a second episode. The same goes for a “Repo!” sequel. However, Lionsgate owns that one and isn’t interested. Overall, Terence is really causal and fun. He was even responsive to JD’s request that he play Dracula in a movie.

 I was a little disappointed Count Gore de Vol didn’t remember meeting me before. I guess he meets a lot of people too. Still, he posed for an awesome picture. Dee Wallace was next. She just comes off as angelic. Good vibes radiate off of her. It’s obvious she loves meeting her fans. When asked if she is in “all the horror movies,” she responded with “No, but all of the good ones.” I wish I could have gotten a little more time with her but there was a line. Another Horrorfind regular, Bill Moseley, was next. That guy is super-talkative and chatted with us for about fifteen minutes, despite being obviously tired. He has no qualms about being type-cast as a horror actor, is a fan himself, and is frank that some of the movies he’s been in are “pretty crappy.” When asked about the upcoming “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” sequel, he said the parts he’s in “don’t suck.” Make of that what you will. Bill is cool. While I was there, JD chatted with Grant Cramer and Suzanne Synder from “Killer Klowns from Outer Space,” mostly because their table was somewhat unoccupied. They seemed very nice. That was it for Friday evening.

The second day started with a look at the car show outside. Lots of hearse out there, one Ecto-1, some of them pretty neat. After that, we did a thorough exploration of the dealer’s room. There was so much stuff. Notably, there wasn’t any bootleg DVDs. Must be a policy thing. There was a huge table from Synapse Films and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the two guys there are actually the people who run the company. I grabbed a copy of “Christmas Evil” from them, my favorite Christmas horror movie. A second DVD table, which also had some fantastic vintage posters, yielded OOP copies of “Brain Damage” and “The Beast Within.”

I was familiar with the Clay Guy through his website and it was cool to see his product in person. If the prices weren’t a little high, that Kolchak would have come home with me. I got some figures too, a brand new “Evil Dead II” Henrietta, a vintage Headless Horseman from McFarlane Toys, and a rare Mothman from Mezco, which was an especially cool find. There was so much home-made stuff there. A woman knitted superhero and zombie themed stockings as well as extensive costume-made cosplay. She was great. There were paintings, guitars, blinged-out chainsaws, brain soap, zombie dolls, Jason masks, home-made jewelry and stain-glass, lots of artwork in general, and all sorts of neat things. You really had to be there, I guess.

A big difference between Monster-Mania and Horrorfind that I notice was there was way more cosplay in Gettysburg. Beyond all the fans in leather jackets and bodices (So many bodices!), we saw two people on stilts dressed as demonic clowns. One guy wore a blue Luchador mask all weekend and said he was a “wrestler in training” named Kid-Y. I asked a guy dressed as Shaun how many times he had been asked “You’ve got red on you” so far. (Three times.) Not to sound too much like a perv, but there were a lot of beautiful woman there. The girl selling home-made vampire fangs was decked out in cape and bodice. A young lady I took to calling “Sea Girl” had some fantastic make-up. My favorite had to be the woman dressed in an impressive Catwoman costume. She wore it well.

Another big difference was the number and type of panels. Most were devoted to book readings by authors, of which there were a lot there. We only attended two panels. The first was a make-up competition which was pretty fun. The second was a “zombie survival” presentation. Going in, I figured it would be a general survivalist panel with some zombie drag stabled on to reel in the fans. I was about right and the presentation was really dry. I left about half-way through. The chairs were uncomfortable too.

 While JD stay there and supposedly argued with the windbag who ran the presentation, I got a few more signatures. Kim Darby was soft-spoken and very frail. She sat down the whole time because of bad knees and didn’t seem in the best of health. She said John Wayne was fantastic to work with. I’m sure she gets asked that question a lot. Hopefully she’s okay and will be with us for many more years to come.

The last celeb I talked to was Meg Foster. I’m glad I did. Meg was incredibly energetic. She had nice things to say about Sam Peckinpah (“No stories there”), Rutger Hauer (“Very funny”), and Gary Buesy (“Spontaneous”). Meg told some fantastic stories about baby-sitting Jake Buesy on the set of “Carny” and talked about her own son and family a lot. When JD asked about her costume on “Masters of the Universe,” asking if the crown was uncomfortable, she launched into an energetic speech about how the crown was the most comfortable part! When I told her my name she said Zack was a “beautiful” name and, when posing for the picture, she leaned in very close. I mean, make of that what you will. Either way, it was quite an intimate connection for only a brief meeting. She was probably my favorite of the celebs I met.

After browsing the dealer’s room a little more; JD snagged a really cool spray-painted LP with costume artwork of the Cenobites; we decided to head home. Not to bore you with personal details, but Gettysburg is a beautiful town and very easy to navigate. We stepped briefly into the Museum of Spiritual Investigation which was, to be truthful, kind of lame. It’s free though so can’t complain too much. On Friday, we got lunch at the Blue and Grey Bar and Grille which is pretty awesome. I got a burger with a hot dog on top of it while JD got a burger with peanut butter on top. Crazy, right? Both were surprisingly good. I’d also recommend Chinatown Kitchen, which is decent but the delivery is a bit slow. I can’t recommend Ernie’s Texas Lunch. The food was generic, if not awful, and the bathroom was filthy.

In short, Horrorfind Weekend 14 was a lot of fun, as expected. Conventions are definitely going to be an annual thing for me from now on, time and money permitting. I probably could have spent way more but still got everything I wanted. JD had a blast too, he assures me. Overall, I’d definitely recommend the con to any other horror fans, especially since there’s not a lot else going on in the Washington area as far as these things go. JD and I are hoping to make it out to Monster-Mania in Baltimore later this month. No guarantees, of course, but I really want to meet Asia Argento and Alex Winter, while JD is excited for the “Subspecies” reunion. We’ll see what happens with that.

Thanks for reading, of course. More stuff coming soon, I promise.

Halloween 2011: October 4

Ever-present movie watching pal JD joined me today to ring in the proper begin of Halloween season. He requested a vampire theme for some reasons, and, well, vampires were had.

Horror of Dracula (1958)
JD wanted to see this one when I told him that it concluded with a big throw-down between Dracula and Van Helsing. Indeed, one of the things that are so appealing to me about the Hammer horror films is how physical both Christopher Lee’s Dracula and Peter Cushing’s Van Helsing are. Early in the film, while his bride attempts to seduce Harker, instead of just telling the girl to back off, Dracula leaps over the table, grabs her by the arm, and tosses the vampire across the room. Cushing would graduate to full-on action star in “Brides of Dracula,” but he still remains pretty badass in this one, especially during the final confrontation with the count. (Compared to the Universal Dracula, where the Count is disposed of off-screen with a simple stake to the heart, it’s a quite a culture-shock.) Lee’s massive physicality is used to horrific affects as well. As the Count barges into Mina’s room, filling her door way, he backs her into a corner, onto a bed, and pushes her down. It’s an implicit rape and I’m shocked Hammer was able to get away with it.

While “Curse of Frankenstein” would really set the standard for Technicolor gore, “Dracula” still has the vivid bright colors. It’s almost more like a comic book then a movie, heightened reality. It’s as much a part of the Hammer atmosphere as the black-and-white Gothic fog is a part of the Universal series. It takes a while to get started, but it’s easy to see how this film revived and reinvented the classic monsters in the fifties. (8/10)

The Monster Squad (1987)
This is pretty much the perfect dude movie for JD and I. We can shout along with the best dialogue. We laugh during the hilarious bits, cheer along with the exciting parts. Cheese-covered junk foods are required while watching. It’s easy to see ourselves in multiple members of the cast. I’ve seen the movie multiple times but it never stops being awesome. If anything, it’s more entertaining with each repeated viewing. (We even provide our own one-liners. “That’s a wrap.” You guy’s know what I’m talking about.)

Something I noticed about the movie this time is that it’s pretty rough for a supposed kid’s movie. Dracula is really a vicious bastard here. He blows up a cop car, completely immolating somebody. (The black guy, obviously. At least he’s not the first one to die.) He has a trio of innocent schoolgirls locked up in his closet, in a moment that carries more then a few unpleasant implications. In a great scene, he walks down the street towards his desired target, decimating any of the cops that try to stop him with simple hand movements. Of course, he also blows up a tree house that he believed to be full of little kids. All of this is before screaming in a little girl’s face and calling her a “Bitch!” Dracula is always undeniably evil, but he’s usually not this mean. The movie’s tone is dissonant in other ways too. The Wolfman getting blown up is pretty gory for a PG rating. The Gillman does crush a guy’s head, albeit bloodlessly. And, of course, Scary German Guy sporting a concentration camp tattoo is unusually sobering. All of this occurring back to back with Wolfman’s nards and Dracula getting burnt with a slice of pizza makes for a bit of whiplash.

I don’t really mind though, obviously. The movie’s tone is actually perfect because it’s exactly the kind of thing a twelve year old monster fan would write, mixing the goofy, classic, and gory in equal measures. This is somewhat ironic since, when I was a twelve year old monster fan, I didn’t actually like “The Monster Squad.” I found it too campy and nitpicked little things, like monsters of divergent backgrounds being brought together with little or no logic. Now I realize it doesn’t really matter how the monsters came together or even why they’re together. The movie is about the classic monsters hanging out, not about why they’re hanging out. The movie is cheesy, campy even, enthusiastically so in spots. But now I get why that’s awesome too. You learn a lot with age. (9/10)

The Night Stalker (1972)
Since I did do a comprehensive “Kolchak” marathon last Halloween, I wasn’t planning on revisiting the series this season. However, JD requested a vampire theme tonight and had never seen the original “Night Stalker” movie, so we popped it in. (He thought it was too slow, by the way. He’s not use to seventies television.) I don’t have too much of anything else to say about this one that wasn’t said last year. Kolchak remains my fictional hero and, while this movie is very good, has a fantastic villain, and an intense finale, I contend that the Kolchak formula wouldn’t be perfected until the TV series. (7/10)


Countess Dracula (1971)
I really like the early seventies Hammer output. The company was experiencing diminished returns with their gothic horror films and, instead of switching to modern stories, just decided to toss some graphic sex and gore onto their traditional period settings. Basically an amplified version of their usual style. The company was still out of business by the end of the decade, but they did give us “Vampire Circus,” “The Vampire Lovers” and “Lust for a Vampire,” fantastically entertaining guilty pleasures. “Countess Dracula” comes from that same time period and, while it’s not as good as the above mentioned title, it has a lot of the same chutzpah. Of the few Elizabeth Bathory films I’ve seen, this is definitely the best. Ingrid Pitt maybe wasn’t a great actress, but she was always easy to watch in a film, and for more then just the obvious reasons. This is a strong leading role for her. The supporting cast is great too while the short running time, copious nudity and gore, and sadistic story make this a pretty tasty snack for horror fans. (Also, not technically a vampire movie, but close enough.) (7/10)

Halloween 2010: October 31 - HALLOWEEN

And so Halloween has come and gone again. My neighborhood doesn't get many trick-or-treaters and I'm a misanthropic social pariah who scorns party-like merry-making. So, instead of doing that stuff, on Halloween night I traveled down to the Winchester Alamo Drafthouse again, for a chance to met Count Gore de Vol. For those you don't know, the Count was the horror host in the Virginia area back in the seventies and eighties. Look him up, he's a cool guy. The day of local channel late night creature features are long gone but he continues his show on-line at his website. Read more about that below!

Anyway, on with the reviews!

10/31/10:

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Youth Killer”
What makes this episode a good one is seeing Kolchak mingling among the dating world. The premise is basically Vincenzo wants a traditional story about swingers and, while investigating it, Carl naturally stumbles onto some supernatural mystery. I wander if the writers were running out of ideas once they decided to retrofit Helen of Troy into a paranormal murderer. Once again, what ends up saving an episode with a weak premise is Kolchak typically wily reaction to a series of guest stars. An early scene with Kathleen Freeman is really funny, even if its completely extraneous. One of the most interesting things about this series is how Carl always lacked a love interest of some sort and this scene confronts that head-on. Later on, Carl milks a Greek cabbie for information about mythology. It’s a stretch, as far as story writing goes, but it’s also a funny scene, once mayonnaise becomes involved. Vincenzo trying to maintain a healthy life-style adds an especially funny subplot. The sequence of people growing older in minutes are pretty effective. The climax, which involves Kolchak going into Helen of Troy’s temple and just smashing shit, is sort of subversively funny. He then manages to outsmart the Greek gods. The epilogue is cute, with Kolchak directly addressing the audience. Again, this maybe isn’t the best story but still manages to be an entertaining episode. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Sentry”
I don’t know if the writers and producers of this episode realized it would be the final one of the series, but I can imagine the writers just throwing their hands up, after sorting through all the other monster ideas, just shouting “Let’s just have him fight a fucking dinosaur!” I know McGavin had mixed thoughts concerning the show, expressing his frustration over it becoming a “monster-of-the-week” show instead of a darker look into the paranormal. The fact that he acts opposite his wife in this one suggests to me that they just wanted this last episode to be a casual, easy-going event. Starting the story in media res was a smart decision and adds some excitement and tension to a some what ho-hum story. The creature design is hopelessly unconvincing, looking more like an overgrown gecko then any sort of monster. Recently deceased Tom Bosely shows up for a small supporting role. The underground setting does add some nice atmosphere, especially in the final confrontation between Carl and the monster, in a dark cave lit by only a flickering torch. The way he goes up against authority figures trying to stop his story throughout is definitive of the series’ main themes. Carl’s final-final speech about running away from unknown fears is a pretty good note to take the series out on. I guess I would have liked a more final note to end things on, but obviously this will have to do. It’s not the strongest episode, but the series did manage to pick up in quality before the end, after a slump in the middle. (6/10)

Psycho (1960)
I read Robert Bloch’s original novel this month and decided that I needed to revisit the movie in order to compare and contrast. This is a pretty straight adaptation and the changes Hitchcock made were improvements. There are two big changes. First off, Marion’s boyfriend, Sam Loomis, is very cold and distant in the novel, overly practical to the point of uncaring. Their relationship is redesigned right from the beginning of the movie as deeply passionate and physical. Also dropped is the chance of romance between Sam and Lila suggested at in the book. The other big difference, which you probably all ready know about, is the changes made to Norman Bates. A fat, balding, alcoholic, blatantly unpleasant character in the book is played by the boyishly handsome Anthony Perkins and made deliberately sympathetic, almost to the point of deconstruction. This is naturally in tune with Hitchcock’s potentially amoral plan to make the audience root for a deranged psychopath, a desire that would also crop up in “Frenzy” and in the unfinished “Kaleidoscope.” I’d say the movie is just slightly better then the book, a fine piece of pulp, because it doesn’t lay down the cards concerning Bates’ madness quite as early or as obviously.

As for the movie itself? I doubt there is any other genre film (or film in general) that has been studied, imitated, picked apart, or read into more then this one. Is “Psycho” still scary, when everything about it is common knowledge? The shower murder is still one of the greatest horror sequence ever put to the film, and is easily still unsettling. It’s such a brilliantly shot and edited moment. Arbogast’s murder is also finely constructed to be as unexpected and disorientating for the audience as it is for the character. I also love the opening credits, which feel remarkably modern even forty years after the fact. After reading the book, I love the way Marion’s internal conflict about her actions are shown on her face. It seems foolhardy to point out any flaws with “Psycho,” widely, and rightly, consider one of the best films of all time, but I think the voice-overs added throughout are unnecessary. And the heavy handed exposition of the end brings the pace to a complete stop. (Though I was startled to see Simon Oakland looking so young after watching “Kolchak” all month.) Maybe “Psycho” can’t shock the way it did originally, but you’ll be hard pressed to find a better made movie. (9/10)

Every Other Day is Halloween (2010)
So it’s true. Meeting the director and stars of a movie does directly affect your opinion of a movie. “Every Other Day is Halloween” is a pretty solid documentary about the career of Dick Dyszel, better known to DC area kids of the seventies and eighties as Count Gore de Vol and/or Captain 20. All of that was before my time, naturally, but I have been a fan of the Count’s online show for a while. The movie is fascinating and entertaining as long as it focuses on Mr. Dyszel, a naturally charismatic figure even to this day. Later on, it shifts focus to other member of the internet Horror Host Underground, and the movie begins to drag a bit. I would have liked to have seen more footage of Count Gore handing candy out on Halloween night or filming his show in his basement. I hope there’s more of that candid footage on the DVD.

But, you know what? You feel like a real jerk for criticizing a film after talking to the people who made it, especially when those people are really really nice. After a screening of the film at my local Alamo Drafthouse, I ended up chatting with the Count, director Curtis Prather, and fellow horror host Karlos Borloff in the lobby for about a half hour. These are really some of the friendliest, amicably chatty people I’ve ever met. We talked about the artistic and business side of film making, the perils of independent short making, recent zombie movie “Colin,” and all sorts of stuff. Mr. Prather also runs the Spooky Movie Festival in DC, and invited me to participate in next year’s festival. (I hope to be there.) It was a fantastically fun evening. Dick, or The Count I suppose, was really willing to talk about anything and offered a wealth of advice. I got a signed poster, a signed DVD of the movie, and Mr. Borloff also gave me a free DVD of his show “Monster Madhouse,” which I have not watched yet but the footage I saw in the movie made it look like great fun. I was just overwhelmed at how nice these folks were and what a wonderfully fun time I had this evening.

So, if you get a chance to see “Every Other Day is Halloween,” please give it a look. Absolutely see it if you remember watching Count Gore de Vol’s show or if you even have a passing interest in the horror host world.

The Mothman Prophecies (2002)
This was probably the first “grown-up” movie I ever saw in the theater. The year this came out I was obsessed with the Mothman phenomenon, as it was my local monster and I was naturally as monster crazy as any other fourteen year old boy. (The cool ones, anyway.) I had poured over the book again and again before watching the movie and was a pretty big John Keel fan. Anyway, I was disappointed at the film at the time because it wasn’t slavishly faithful to the book. (I was one of those kids.) At the time, I remember finding a number of sequences in the films effective but that the movie didn’t really work as a whole. That opinion stands for the most part. The director ends up padding a lot of the film with odd stylistic decisions. The pace is very dreary, slow-paced and introspective. It’s not really about the Mothman. It’s not even really about Indrid Cold or the contactees. Instead, it’s got some big questions about fate and faith. More then anything else, this is the story of a man getting over the death of his wife. Not exactly the paranormal expose I was hoping for at the time, but the movie is to be admired for sticking to its guns. The movie does have some fabulously creepy moments, like just about any of John and Indrid’s phone calls. Richard Gere’s performance is kind of a mixed bag but Laura Linney’s excellent supporting turn makes up for it. The monologue about her dream is one of the highlights of the film. The other highlights is, naturally, the climatic collapse of the Silver Bridge. It’s an intense, extremely well made sequence. These two scenes lift the whole film up. Adapting a nonfiction book into a fictional film must be a strange process and it’s probably because of that, that the movie has something of an episodic feel. Ultimately, I don’t know how I feel about them altering John’s story so drastically. Still, this is an easy recommendation. (7/10)

Waxwork (1988)
Is this movie any good? I ask this question because I legitimately like this movie. This is strictly because of nostalgia. I saw this around thirteen and, as a monster-nuts modern teenager, I liked it a lot. It’s a monster mash taken up to eleven, featuring just about every type of monster you’d want. It’s got that and it’s got plenty of gore, some sleazy sexual content, and plenty of good nature stupidity. This really does feel like it was scripted from the ramblings of a twelve year old. The plot is convoluted and barely makes sense. The lead character is an abrasive, selfish asshole. The teenagers in this movie dress like it’s the fifties and act like rejects from eighties sitcoms. It plays like the mostly unfiltered brain droppings of a hyper-active twelve year old raised on monster movies and bad television. (They turn the Marquis de Sade into a pirate.) If I didn’t know for a fact that it actually existed, I’d think this movie was something one of my middle school friends made up off the top of his head. It feels that unhinged and slapped together.

It’s got all the stupidity of that age with little of the energy or spark. A vampire gets impaled on wine-bottles, there’s exactly one shot of swooping “Evil Dead” style camera movement, and a midget gets fed to a pot-slash-Audrey-II. But that’s about it as far as stupid-awesome qualities go. The only thing keeping it from being total Bleeding Skull level late eighties trash are the quality of the special effects. The monster make-up is, with a few exceptions, quite good. The Werewolf and the Mummy get two major sequences and both of them look really cool. Also, David Warner hamming it up as the bad guy adds another layer of fun. The Indestructible John Rhys-Davis shows up to for exactly one scene.

But the movie isn’t charming like a lot of other films from the same era. There’s a weird mean-streak of casual misogyny running under the whole thing and it features the worse Dracula this side of Al Adamson. Anthony Hickox is part hack, part mediocre schlock slinger, with an obvious fanboy love of the genre fighting to get out of him somewhere. Ultimately, the final sequence, in which just about every monster you’d ever care about get plucked down into one room to fight it out with a group of pitchfork, torch wielding monster fighters, makes the whole damn mess of the movie worth seeing, if just because, yes, it is awesome, in the same way the stories and games my friends and I cooked up when we were twelve were awesome. Is this movie any good? No, not really. Do I like it anyway? Kind of. (7/10)

So that was my Halloween experience this year. I'd say it was a major improvement over last. I had more fun this past weekend then I think I've had during the entire month of October in years. I watched 77 movies and 22 television episodes. My main goals for this month were to watch all of "Kolchak" and finish the George Romero report card, both of which I accomplished. I'd say this Halloween was a success in every way.

I'll see you guys again soon, with my next report card. But as for everyone else, see you again next year! Hope it's even better then this one!

Halloween 2010: October 30

Yesterday was busy, as far as Halloween festivities go. First thing, my mother and I carved our Jack-o-lanterns. She made a surprisingly gruesome puking pumpkin that turned out surprisingly well. I carved a more traditional jack-o-lantern. I wanted to cut a Jason mask design but that proved a little more complicated then I had time for.

That night, after working all afternoon, I headed directly to the Apollo for a midnight screening of "Rocky Horror" with my hetero-life-partner JD, which you will read about below.

10/30/10:

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Knightly Murders”
This is a very dense episode. They pack a lot of characters and conjecture into this one. John Dehner is hilarious as a grandiose speaking police captain. He makes a nice contrast with the usually antagonistic police captains that butt heads with Kolchak. Carl also bumps into a flamboyant fashion designer (who name-checks David Bowie for some reason), a noisy butler, a jittery museum curator, an old man far too willing to talk about his younger days, and a couple running a store that sells family crest. (that name-checks Queen for some reason. Lots of seventies rock references around this one.) That’s a lot of guest stars and tails for Carl to talk to and follow. Maybe they were just trying to stuff up a flimsy story but I enjoyed following the mystery, convoluted as it might be. As for the mystery itself… The animated suit of armor has always been an odd horror cliché for me. I think the only reason you see it every once in a while is because people like to trot out maces and lances as modern day murder weapons. That certainly seems to be the reason it was chosen for this episode. I like the gag of Kolchak stinking of perfume for the entire second half of the episode. Despite some obvious flaws, I liked this one a lot. It builds and builds to an intense final confrontation, where Kolchak finds himself completely outmatched against a physical threat. The way the monster is dealt with is the only disappointing aspect here. (8/10)

“It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!”
Faith is on my mind a lot this Halloween. Considering how Schultz used the Linus character as a mouth-piece for his religious views before, it’s hard not to view some subtext into this special. It’s been denied, but you can clearly interoperate this as being about atheism vs. faith. (Or a mocking of the devoutly faithful. Or, as Kindertrauma put it, conformity vs. nonconformity.) Watching this for the uptenth time, I noticed how episodic this is. It’s clear that the writer is better versed in writing daily comic strips then a half-hour special, because this is clearly broken up in skits with clear set-ups and punch lines. Only one or two sequence feel extended enough not to fit into a daily comic strip. Though, when each strip is this cute and funny, you can’t really complain. This is a traditional for so many for a reason. (8/10)

“The Rocky Horror Picture Show”
Last night was my first time experiencing a midnight screening of this. (I got branded with a “V” and marched up on stage for my troubles. At least I didn’t get spanked on the ass like my friends.) I was a big fan of RHPS a few years ago, and still love the music, but grew out of my fandom, mostly do to my feelings concerning the Rocky Horror crowd, who I’ve come to find overly cliquey and kind of sadly pathetic. However, I can’t say any of those thoughts bothered me last night. Standing in a long line, in the middle of the night, in the cold, with a bunch of like-minded, clearly nuts people, you just get caught up in the feeling of fun. That I managed to convince some young hottie dressed as Columbia to stick a plush toy dolphin into to her cleavage for me really made the night. Anyway, this was a complete blast, no lie. You can’t even really compare watching the movie at home by yourself with the midnight experience, in a cramped theater, full of people, yelling, laughing, throwing crap, fully interacting with the movie on-screen. I understand now that’s its not the movie itself so much as the midnight experience that causes such a devout fan following. People, especially lonely people, must be eager to revisit that feeling of belonging and unspoken brotherhood that permeated this event. I can’t blame him. The two become inseparable after a while. One by itself is never as good again. Probably because of all this, I ended up enjoying the movie a lot more then I usually do. It’s pretty much a given that I’ll be back next Halloween. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Legacy of Terror”
I’m sure viewers of the series back when it was new were all wondering when “Kolchak” was going to get to The Mummy. It was the one major horror icon it hadn’t covered yet. The use of Aztec mythology instead of Egyptian adds an interesting variation to the idea. Of course, the mummy doesn’t even show up until the very end of the episode, probably also a wise decision. The opening murder is certainly a striking set piece. Having watched so much of this show in such a small time period, I’ve come to realize that just watching Kolchak go about the business of investigating the story, bumping into the guest stars of the week, and then fighting the monster at the end, is really effortlessly fun. Darren McGavin was so incredibly good in this part. Maybe “Legacy of Terror” isn’t the strongest episode but I can’t say I enjoyed it any less then the best episodes of the series. It handles the story in a really entertaining way. The sports stadium make is a great location for the final scene and, surprisingly, Erik Estrada actually does some acting in his guest role. The Mummy make-up, sparingly used, is actually one of the better creature design of the series. (7/10)

Halloween 2010: October 29

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Demon in Lace”
This one has a great supporting cast. Keenan Wynn as an antagonistic police captain is the best. Kirstina Holland is also quite good as an enthusiastic college reporter that develops a friendship with Carl. Crazy as it sounds, if the show had continued, I wouldn’t have mind seeing her come back as potential love interest. Holland and McGavin have good chemistry. You’ll also want to watch out for Mortica Addams and the voice of Frosty the Snowman among the minor parts. The episode certainly offers a different take on the succubus legend. I’m not sure if the wild variation on that legend was just the writers cooking up a version friendly to 70s TV or an intentional deviation. Either way, it works. Up until the final few minutes though, were things get seriously silly. Still, I liked this one, pruney face old woman demon included. (7/10)

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)
You mind be wondering why I gave this one a second view, considering how negative my previous review was. Well, that was a while ago, before I really grew to appreciate eighties trash-horror. The guys over at The Bodycount Continues really love this movie so I decided, if it was good enough for them, it must be good enough for me, right?

Well, I don’t know. I still don’t think much of this one. It’s obvious the director really had no interest in the previous “Friday the 13th” films. This one doesn’t feel anything like the films before or after it. The atmosphere it does have is one of sleazy eighties cheese, which does have its charms. The biggest issue is the characters, which are even more nondescript then is usual for these films. There’s stuttering kid, new wave girl, a brunette, a couple defined solely by their desire to screw. The final girl is completely bland and undefined. Tommy does almost nothing until the end. Often, characters, like the anachronistic leather jacket wearing hoods or the coked-up couples, are introduced just to be killed minutes later. The redneck retard son and his mom are easily the most despicable, obnoxious characters in the entire Friday mythos. Reggie and Demon are at least amusing but even they have the same, over-the-top shrill tone as everyone else does. Complaining about characters in a “Friday the 13th” movie might seem counterproductive but, I don’t know, is it too much to ask for?

This is the third or fourth time I’ve seen this movie and, only now, do I realize that Tommy is meant to be a red herring, hence his lack of presence throughout the movie. It is that obvious, right from the beginning, who the killer is suppose to be. Roy makes a wholly unthreatening killer.

The direction in this movie is really weird, especially the rough zoom-ins on people’s faces as they’re murdered. Many of the scenes in the house and forest have an odd, unrealistic feel to them, as if they were shot on a sound-stage. The movie does have plenty of nudity. The hedge-croppers-in-the-eyes chick has some nice ones. There are one or two decent kills, though too many are cheap machete stabs. “A New Beginning” isn’t as bad as I remember it being, but it is as awkward, off-center, and generally stupid. I can see the camp appeal here, but it’s not the good kind of down-home cheesy camp I like, but instead a mean-spirited, mid-eighties kind of “Different Strokes” camp that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. (5/10)

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
I really love this movie. First off, Angela, as presented here, might be one of the most sympathetic and generally likable slashers around. Sure, the viewers are usually on Jason’s or Freddy’s side, but Angela is different. Most slashers are either vicious unrepentant psychopaths or mindless brutes killing for vague, Freudian reasons. Angela just wants to make camp a nice place. She’s something of a tragic figure, clearly chewed up and spit out by the world and now she’s trying to reassemble her reality into something that’ll make her peaceful and happy. Of course, that just happens to involve killing anybody who rubs her the wrong way… She’s so delightfully demented, but there’s something sad about her too. Pamela Springsteen is perfect in the part.

This movie is also a hilarious satire, not only of eighties slasher, but eighties pop culture in general. All of the kids are named after the member of the Brat Pack. Angela’s revulsion to sex seems to go along with Regan era attitudes, though she herself is obviously a lesbian, clearly in love with Molly. (The scene where Angela, in her frumpy nightgown, tells Molly they’re all alone in the cabin together and that they “can still have fun,” is Angela’s awkward way of hitting on her.) “Just say no!” even gets a name check. Further more, the whole premise of Pamela Springsteen, who probably weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, killing an entire camp full of older women, adult men, and wily kids is sort of hilarious and subversive in and off itself. Of course, the scene directly poking fun at the Big Two is fantastically sly too.

The gore is great and supports some truly creative kills. The outhouse murder might be the grossest kill in any slasher film. The movie is also loaded with sex and nudity. (Valerie Hartman should be inducted into some sort of Horror Nudity Hall of Fame. She must be nude for half of her screen time.) About the only negative thing I can say about this is the non-conclusive ending is pretty weak… and it’s way too short! We need more Angela! (9/10)

Halloween 2010: October 28

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Trevi Collection”
A pretty good episode despite several goofy moments. Kolchak’s office banter is stronger then usual. The mystery is actually pretty involving. It was surprising to see Kolchak get tricked for once. (Naturally, a pretty woman smiling at him was all it took to throw him off.) When a show is as formulaic as this one, it’s nice to see it willing to throw a few twists into the mix. Another interesting element here is Kolchak being pursued by the mob tough buys. The aftermath of them wrecking the INS office is a really funny moment. As for the goofy moments? I remember being kind of creep out by the moving mannequins the first time I saw this, but now that comes off as really silly. Equpally silly is the floating knife, Carl swinging a mojo bag around like it’s a magic shield, and the way the witch is dealt, which is hard to take seriously. Still, after two weak episodes, this one held up nicely. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Chopper”
It’s not surprising to find Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale’s name in the opening credits here. The Headless Horseman being remodeled as a headless biker is exactly the kind of darkly whimsical element Zemeckis use when he’s at his best. The episode does drag a bit in the middle (The funeral scene is a pain to get through) and, while you can tell they tried, the central idea of the monster was a little beyond their budget. The motorcycle element does lead to a number of exciting attack scenes. Carl’s confrontation with the monster is actually the least exciting action scene of the episode. The new police chief giving Kolchak a hard time provides some great amusement, as does Carl’s chemistry with the widow. (7/10)

Dead of Night (1945)
An extremely British movie. I guess it wasn’t until the Technicolor Hammer films of the late fifties that British horror stop being so damn drool. The movie is credited with popularizing the horror anthology as well as the killer dummy bit. (As well as Hoyle’s Steady State theory) There’s a reason all anybody talks about in reference to this is the dummy sequence.

The framing story introduces a lot of characters quickly and, even then, doesn’t use all of them. The first story, about a race car driver’s brush with death, is over so quickly it doesn’t really register. The second tale is a traditional ghost story set around Christmas time. It does successfully capture the feel of those ghost stories but fails completely in being scary. The third story, about a cursed mirror, takes a long, long time to get to its pay-off but does okay once it finally gets there. The fourth story is by far the worse. It’s a comical tale about ghost and golf that feels incredibly long, revolves around an annoying pair of characters, and just repeats its central gag over and over until something resembling the punch line comes.

After all of this, we finally get to the ventriloquist dummy. The terror the dummy inflicts is purely psychological and solely upon his master. The final twist of the story comes as quietly and uninterestingly as anything else in the film. The resolution to the framing story is the only moment the movie comes close to being creepy and the twist ending is clever, if expected. Like the Quatermass films before it, this is another highly respected piece of early British genre film that I really couldn’t get into. (5/10)

At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964)
The Coffin Joe films aren’t exactly like anything else around. This first film, in particular, Brazil’s first horror film, was made in something of a vacuum. It’s so wonderfully weird. It’s both hokey and brutal, sacrilegious and superstitious. Hokey in that the movie is covered with traditional horror clichés and they are all created in the cheapest forms possible. Black cats, foggy nights, toy hooting owls, paper mache skulls, cackling witches.

The movie is brutal in that its violence and gore probably would have been groundbreaking at the time (If anybody in outside of Brazil had seen it, obviously.) Fingers are cut off, people are brutally whipped, eyes are gouged out. There’s also a rape, albeit off-screen. The movie is a lot nastier then what was common at the time. What’s really crazy about all this though is Coffin Joe himself. He’s a sadist, murderer, rapist, general bastard to everybody, and the thing that horrifies the townspeople the most? He’s an atheist. In this small, improvised Brazilian town, religion clearly gives the people hope and here’s Coffin Joe, going around, yelling about how there’s no God, no ghosts, no spirits, no devil, only now, only “the continuity of the blood,” as he calls it.

What’s really dissonant about the film is its beliefs. Coffin Joe is our protagonist and, it’s clear that Jose Mojica Marins sympathizes with him. (I’ve often wondered how many of Joe’s beliefs Marins shares.) However, after spending the entire movie screaming about how ghosts don’t exist, those ghost do appear and Joe does indeed pay for his crimes. It’s a schizophrenic tone and one of reasons while the movie is so delightfully bizarre.

Also contributing to the charm is the micro-budget cleverness on display here. The director didn’t have the funds to create a ghost, so he just painted glitter directly onto the negative around the actor. It’s a bizarre, totally effective moment. After having mostly watched the myriad of Coffin Joe sequels and spin-offs this film spawned, it’s interesting to return to the original. In the sequels, Joe is obsessed with finding the perfect woman to father his perfect son with, to continue his continuity of the blood. In the third, recent, sequel, it’s becomes less about extending his life via child, and more about continuing his dark, Satanic legacy. The seventies era spin-offs are sleazier, more surreal, not as cheap but somehow cheaper looking, and turned Coffin Joe into some sort of netherworld dwelling spectre, a chronicler of strange tales. Here, he holds down a steady job, has friends, and doesn’t mention his Nietzsche-like quest to father a perfect offspring once. (He’s eyes also go bloodshot any time he flies into a murderous rage.) Anyway, “At Midnight, I’ll Take Your Soul” needs to be seen to be believed. (8/10)



Cornered! (2009)
A really fun addition to the slasher-comedy fold. It’s got a small colorful cast, all closed up in a single location, who are slowly picked off by a vicious killer one by one. It’s a classic slasher set-up. The characters actually get some pretty decent development too and have a nice repour with one another. The movie isn’t a wall-to-wall gore fest, but when blood does show up, it’s used in clever, nastily creative ways. This movie makes the kills it has count. The dialogue is pretty funny throughout and there’s a sense of absurd fun running under the whole thing. The identity of the killer is fairly obvious right from the beginning. (Hint: It’s the biggest name in the cast.) The ending is also a little meaner then I think they should have gone with. This is the fun kind of little slasher fare we don’t really get enough of any more. (7/10)

Candyman (1992)
I really love this movie for a number of reasons. I’ve always had an interest in urban legends and this movie gets deep into that. It’s all about the power of myth and is an incredibly creative modern update on the ghost story idea. The direction and, especially the music, are fantastically atmospheric. Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd both give phenomenal performance. (Considering the range, subtlety, and quiet command of presence Todd shows here, it’s sort of a shame that he’s basically reduced to turning in one-note cameos in the B-horror market.) It’s scary too. The death of the psychologist is a great horror moment. Read this brilliant Kindertrauma article for an even deeper study of the film. Basically, any film that generates that level of intelligent discussion is probably great, and I think “Candyman” certainly qualifies as great, one of the best horror films of the nineties, if not the best. (9/10)

Halloween 2010: October 26 and 27

10/26/10

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Ripper”
This first episode honestly feels like it could have come at any point in the series. The only indicator that this is the premier episode is that Miss Emily appears playing a totally different character. I can’t decide wither that’s a good thing or not. Having the characters and their interactions so definitely established right from the beginning is a strong point, especially since Kolchak’s relationship with his office mates would wind up saving many weaker episodes. Once again, the story here is highly derivative of the first movie, with the way the police is defenseless to stop the monster and how Kolchak eventually faces down the threat on its own turf. The way the killer has been killing in cycles over the decades is also similar to the second film’s story. The scenes set in massage parlors are surprisingly gritty for the time period. Out of the first three monsters that directly attacked the police, the Ripper is definitely the least intimidating. However, the final scenes of Carl hiding in the closet from the killer are quite suspenseful and redeem the weaker aspects of the episode. “The Ripper” isn’t a great way to start the show, but it still a pretty good hour of television. (7/10)

10/27/10

Tremors 4: The Legends Begins (2004)
Probably the best sequel of the series. It’s a return to the style of the origin, in that the focus is solely on the community and the characters’ relationships. Also, the Graboids are the only monsters around, no Shriekers, Ass-Blasters, or any more silly transformations. (The movie still can’t help but introduce some new critters: Baby Graboids.) The film has kind of a slow start but, by the time the defending the town last act kicks in, it’s good stuff. The biggest problems here are the same problems I often have with distinct past prequels revolving around the established character’s ancestors. I find it hard to believe that gene pools are so consistent that Burt’s great-grandfather looked just like him and also had a thing for redheads. Or that the Chang’s store has stuck around since the 1880s.

One of the strongest aspects of the “Tremors” series is the characters. By going back in time, of course, we loose the characters. It is a weakness for the film. The monsters are portrayed pretty inconsistently here. How much sound they can hear varies and I find it hard that turn-of-the-century floorboards would give them that much trouble. Also, the awful smell is back for the first time since the initial movie. The special effects are definitely the best since the first film. The final shot is pretty funny. The movie is really relentlessly nice. It doesn’t have a mean bone anywhere in its body. (7/10)

Spike (2010)
I picked this off the shelves at Blockbuster strictly because it looked like a monster movie, and how often do we get those, especially in the DTV independent horror market? Alas, never trust a DVD cover, because this is more of a “Phantom of the Opera”-style gothic romance then a traditional horror story. It’s about a guy with some bizarre birth defect that causes giant spikes to sprout all over his body and his obsessive love for his childhood girlfriend. It’s not a bad idea, and not as far removed from reality as you’d think. (If the Tree Man can exist, I’d say this is well within the realm of possibilities.)

The story is ultimately too sympathetic to the monster. His submissive, erudite tone never makes him threatening or frightening. Ultimately, he comes off like kind of a whiny hipster. The rest of the cast isn’t developed very well. The movies biggest problems is its theatrical dialogue, that never sounds like the kind of thing that would actually come out of a human mouth, much less from a person that’s being living in the woods for a long time. The characters in the movie also seem to think bonking somebody over the head is the first, best solution to any problem.

There’s also a subplot involving a pair of wacky lesbian wandering the forest that doesn’t really go anywhere. Considering the short run time and the director’s previous work mostly consisting of short films, I’d say, cut out that subplot, and this would become a pretty solid forty minute short. This is, generally, a well-made film, very nicely shot, especially considering what was probably a tiny budget, with some potentially good performances and, at the very least, the seed of a good story. While I can’t really say I liked the movie, its creative team has some definite talent. (Film Thoughts favorite Justin Paul Ritter is also thanked in the credits. So, you know, there’s that. The reviews on Netflix are also hilariously mean-spirited and acidic.) (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Mr. R.I.N.G.”
Another one of my first shows, which I saw during Trio’s “Brilliant but Canceled.” It’s actually one of the weaker episodes. Mr. RING isn’t much of a threat and the extended scenes of Kolchak talking to him are a bore. How the robot is dealt with is pretty anticlimactic and disappointing. However, once again, Kolchak going out and following leads, rubbing people the wrong way, and generally making a lovable nuisance of himself are the highlights of an episode. I do like Carl’s confused opening narration. This episode strays from the formula and is one of the weakest of the series. Coincidence? (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Primal Screams”
Another weak episode. Mostly because the mystery unfolds in a really droll way and the creature itself is pretty silly. Carl confronting the creature in the red subway tunnel is an atmospheric sign that almost immediately gets silly again when Kolchak tries to make friends with the monkey. The confrontations with the police are pretty amusing. I really hope the rest of the series picks up before it ends. (5/10)

Honestly, why isn't there a "Tremors 5" yet? Is it because the TV show failed (And kind of blew?) I know those movies were pretty big hits in the video and cable market when I was a teenager. I feel those movies filled a void. Not just because there cool monster movies and we don't have enough of those, but also because they were (mostly) family friendly. There isn't a lot of quality kid-friendly horror out there today and, you know, the kids have to start somewhere. I guess if the series had continued, it only would have gotten sillier, introducing more variations on the title beasties. But I'd probably still watch. I obviously love these movies for some reason. (My idea for "Tremors 5?" Graboids vs. dinosaurs. Don't tell me that wouldn't be cool.)

Halloween 2010: October 25

My friend JD naturally joined me for another movie marathon today. Before settling in for a night of spooky sights and screams, we also stopped by My Little Horror Shop, a really fantastic local place. As unlikely as this is, but if they're are any readers in the Winchester VA area that still haven't checked this place out, you really need to.

Witchboard (1986)
As far as late eighties supernatural slashers go, I rank this one pretty highly. It has a legitimately interesting mystery, some actual character development for its cast, and very good pacing. The swooping, “Evil Dead”-style direction adds some tension to the attack scenes. The cast is pretty awful, admittedly. (Even if Tawny Whitesnake provides some fantastic eye-candy.) It’s really different from the rest of the horror output we’re us to seeing from this time, while also belonging completely to that decade. (7.5/8)

The Exorcist (1974)
There really is so much to say about this movie. First off, having just watched “The Omen” the other night, its fun to compare these two devil flicks. While Satan pretty much reigns supreme in “The Omen,” “The Exorcist” is much more hopeful. It’s a straight-on tug-of-war between good and evil throughout the whole film. Freidkin’s use of subliminal images is so successful. Moreover, this movie is really scary. I’m not exactly sure why or how it pulled it off, but many scenes continue to be legitimately unnerving. I honestly think the sound design has a lot to do with it, maybe more then anything else. As the countless rip-offs showed, it’s not so much a little girl getting possessed and vomiting pee soup that is disturbing, but add a truly odd, ravaging, clicking soundtrack and it becomes weird. How great are Max Van Sydow and Jason Miller? It’s sort of interesting to know that Sydow was only in his fifties but really pulls off being much older and frailer. I do prefer the Theatrical ending to the Extended cut, but the Spider Walk scene makes that cut very much worth owning. (Ouija boards seems to have unintentionally become the theme of the night.) (9/10)

Fright Night (1985)
Charley Brewster is really a nerd. Something I picked up on this time is his car. It’s a nice model, but suffers from a splotchy paint job. Even when he’s trying to be cool, he comes off as a total dork. Something the upcoming remake has all ready fucked up, is Amy. Amy actually looks like the kind of girl that would date a massive nerd like Brewster. I mean, in the opening scene, she’s wearing overalls, for Christ’s sakes. Making her resemble Jerry’s old love is a good idea. Being a vampire, Dandridge could obviously get any girl he wants (And does get much hotter woman throughout.) So why would he go after Marcy Darcy if for no other reason then to spite Brewster?

And Jerry is a fantastically petty character. While other vampires might be ancient, unknowable evils, when pissed off, Jerry destroys Charley’s car, tricks and fools the police and his friend, and then kills some bouncers in a dance club. He’s was the perfect vampire for the eighties. Maybe it’s easy to read the actor’s personal life into his performance, but Evil Ed is totally gay. He jokes about giving Charley a hickey, wears a woman’s wig at one point, and, when Jerry tries to talk him into becoming a vampire, gives Evil a speech about how nobody understands him. Reading too much into it? Possibly, but the subtext is pretty blatant. I love Charley’s hilariously clueless mom and when wasn’t Rodney McDowell fantastic? Chris Sarandon’s performance is completely over-the-top (“Ami-AH!” is a running gag with me and my friends.) and his death scene if fantastic. This is a vampire that’s actually hard to kill. I also love that instead of just turning into a regular bat, he turns into some sort of monster-bat the size of a Doberman. Basically, I like this movie a lot. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it my favorite vampire movie. (9/10)

Phantasm (1979)
First off, I think this movie might have more “Oh shit!” moments then just about any other horror film. In-between the sphere in the head, the graveyard nightmare, the midget in the bushes, and that final scare, this one has got scares in spades. What’s maybe most endearing about this film is its truly homespun feel. This really does feel like a bunch of friends just getting together to make a movie. (Probably because it pretty much was.) That slapdash feel both works for and against it. In the for column, it leads to an appropriately dream-like pacing, as pretty much any crazy idea Costerella had was thrown into the mix, from yellow blood, to evil jawas, to alien-flies, and much more. It also works against the film for much the same reason. (Just were the hell did the Tall Man’s thug come from? I guess the Tall Man can’t run a mortuary all by himself but him hiring someone seems pretty silly. Imagine the job interview…)

But it’s a smart movie too. Just read John Kennith Muir’s excellent essay about it in “Horror Films of the 1970s” in which he smartly deconstructs the symbolism. As the nightmare of a young boy, the movie is ultimately about that boy’s fear of death, abandonment, and equal revulsion and curiosity about sex. I suspect this was mostly unintentional on the director’s half but, whatever, it works. So “Phantasm” is a crazy, truly unique slice of homemade late seventies horror. “If this one doesn’t scare you, you’re all ready dead” indeed. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Werewolf”
The werewolf here is maybe the goofiest monster make-up from the entire series. (Which is saying something.) He looks less like a traditional werewolf and more like Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy (which I guess isn’t completely illogical, but still…) That the camera freeze frames during his attacks for some reason just calls more attention to the weirdness here. Despite the goofy monster, Kolchak’s interaction with the cruise passengers and captains almost makes up for it. This probably has the funniest dialogue out of any episode. It also features drowning as a way to kill the werewolf, something I’ve certainly never seen before. Hey, how about a Kolchak/Werewolf crossover? Surely that fanfiction exist! (6/10)

Halloween 2010: October 22

The Omen (1976)
This movie also holds a special nostalgic quality for me. It was the first “adult’ horror film I ever watched, at the tender age of twelve. (I was a late bloomer.) The movie seriously freaked me out at the time. Having had the idea of the apocalypse drilled into my head by my fire-and-brimstone Southern Baptist grandmother for most of my childhood, the premise of the movie felt frighteningly real. And, I think, that childhood mindset, were you only half-understand the true implications, is really the best way to view this one. The film creates a profound sense of dread, one that sent me spiraling into deep existential despair when I first saw it.

Watching it now as a mostly-agnostic adult, I interpreted the story in a totally different way. This is as much a movie about the fear of parenthood as it is one about the Antichrist. “Kids are the devil” is one of the, I suspect, unintentional messages of the film. And, while this is obviously a movie dealing in religious paranoia and Christian fear, there’s something oddly Atheistic about this one. Less in the literal sense of “God never existed in the first place,” but more in that late-seventies “God has abandoned us” mindset. Satan is presented throughout as the clear victor, as powerful as the Christian God but obviously more active in our world. This is really a relentlessly grim film. After all, the best possible outcome to the story involves a father murdering his adopted son. Antichrist or not, that’s a pretty terrifying concept.

On a technically level, it’s brilliantly crafted. Donner’s direction and the editing are pitch perfect and Goldsmith’s music is rightfully legendary, truly one of most ominous, disturbing film scores ever composed. You can also trace the modern day “Final Destination” films specifically, as well as a great deal of later supernatural slashers, directly back to this movie. (9/10)

The Night Strangler (1973)
Better then the first movie. Kolchak’s character and personal voice are more definitely established. His interaction with Vincenzo and the supporting cast is juicier. The mystery is more intriguing. The Seattle Underground provides an incredibly atmospheric setting. Carl spends more time investigating, reporting, and encountering the monster in an up-close-and-personal way. The supporting cast is great, featuring terrific turns from Wally Cox, Scott Brady as a fantastically confrontational police chief, and the gorgeous Nina Wayne.

The only way it pales in comparison with “The Night Stalker” is that it’s just not as scary. The restaurant sequence is the only real nail-biter. The script is also largely derivative of the first film, especially when the police shot harmlessly at the monster and how Kolchak ends up confronting the villain in his lair. (Granted, pretty much every story involving Kolchak follows almost that exact same formula.)The way the Alchemist info-dumps a load of exposition on us at the end is also pretty lazy. But as the car-ride final sequence shows, I found this one to be considerably more likable and relatable then the first film. (8/10)

Halloween 2010: Catch-Up

While I was doing my Romero report card, I was, naturally, watching other stuff. What I've really been working on viewing, was the original "Kolchak: The Night Stalker." I love this show. People uses the term "Monsters of the Week" show like its a bad thing. As a horror nerd obsessed with the various archetypes, icons, and myths of the genre, I love anything that revolves around exploring those concepts, especially in new, modern ways. Honestly, I'd take the simplistic pleasures of the Monster of the Week show, in comparison to the mythology heavy genre shows that are popular now. Those shows inevitably wear me out by focusing so tightly on a continuing story.

"Kolchak" is pure comfort food for me. It's like curling up with a blanket and a cup of hot cocoa. Most of my movie watching takes place late at night. These two effects combined have the unfortunate side-effect of putting me to sleep in the middle of an episode. So, I'll only post reviews of the episodes I made it through, hence why they are so completely out of order.

Mini-Reviews:

The Night Stalker (1972)
Something about the Kolchak character really resonates with me. He is similarly brave, rushing headlong into god knows what terror, but also somewhat cowardly, hiding and screaming in terror. He was a full-on cynic, critical and dismissive of most people around him, but also always in search of “the truth,” no matter the cause. This first film showed them still figuring out the character’s angles. Kolchak living with a girlfriend or staking a vampire right in front of police seems to contradict his later protrayels, but his gritty narration is on display and the genes of the character are laid down here. If nothing else, Janos Skarsky is a great villain, a frightening vampire from an era when a vampire in a modern setting was still a novel idea. This is certainly one of the best made-for-TV horror films. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Zombie”
The big difference between the movies and the TV series is the importance of its supporting cast. Kolchak and Vincenzo’s chemistry is one of the most consistently satisfying elements of an often mix-bag series. The eventual addition of Updyke and Ms. Emily to the cast added other appropriate foils to play Carl off of. As for this episode, it’s the show at its scariest. It’s an unique take on the zombie mythology, and the title monster is certainly one fo the most physically imposing of the series. It’s final is also really intense, with Kolchak, one again, confronting the monster in its lair. (8/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be…”
I’ve always had a hard time getting into this one. The science-fiction based monster never fit in as well as the more traditional creatures. The story doesn’t exactly come to a statisfying conclusion either. The strongest point about this one is the great guest cast, including the first appearance of the Ghoul and Dick Van Patten. (6/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Vampire”
This episode is pretty derivative of the first movie, in a lot of ways. With her constant screeching, the vampire doesn’t make the most threatening of nemesis. The giant flaming cross at the end is a nice visual but Kolchak getting away with staking a vampire in front of the authorities twice strains believability. This one also suffers by removing the office cast from most of the episode.
(5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Firefall”
Have I mentioned how much I love the opening sequence for this series? The way it starts out light and cheerful, how it perfectly sets up the Kolchak character by having him carelessly throw his hat, and then slowly gets darker and darker? And then gets literally darker at the very end, as the paranormal premise of the show is subtly made apparent? Anyway, this is a good episode. It provides a creative threat for Carl to deal with (I love how threadbare he gets as he goes without sleep) and wraps it up in an interesting, though slightly obvious, mystery. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Devil’s Platform”
Definitely the show at its silliest. It’s nice to see Tom Skerrit show up, but the supposedly limitless powers the devil provides him seem pretty limited. The devil dog is a pretty silly element, as is how Kolchak ends up saving the day. Honestly, the devil isn’t a vampire or a Bigfoot. You can’t really just kill it and be done with it. And, really, considering what kind of character Carl is, it seems odd that he should confront the devil and not ask any of the big questions that brings with it. (4/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Bad Medicine”
This is one of the first episodes of the series I can remember seeing. So, even if it’s a flawed episode, I have some fondness of it. The monster, an immortal Indian shaman, makes for an exciting monster of the week, especially as played by Richard “Jaws” Kiel. However, his obsessions with jewels is rather silly and the way he’s dealt with rather unconvincing. The show also leans on bringing in guest stars as exposition spewing experts pretty hard in this one. (And would again in the future.) Still, I like it. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Spanish Moss Murders”
Probably my favorite episode of the series. Yes, the monster springing from a comatose man’s subconscious is a bit of a cliché now, but the bayou boogieman is flat-out the scariest monster from the show’s entire run. Also, extremely effective is the final scene, when Carl confronts the monster in its sewer lair. When Kolchak’s familiar straw hat gives him away, it’s a good example of how this show so effectively combined laughs and thrills. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Energy Eater”
This would probably be a weaker episode if it wasn’t for McGavin and guest star William Smith having such good chemistry. The guest stars usually weren’t this involved with the story, usually only showing up for a scene or two, but Smith is an important component here. The monster being an invisible, building-wide threat is an interesting take as well and this show’s conclusion is surprisingly pleasant. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Horror in the Heights”
Another episode that prospers greatly from pulling from obscure mythology. The Rhakashi, a cannibalistic demon that takes the shape of its victim most trusted friend, is a really powerful idea and one the show pulls out extremely well, even with the cheesy seventies effect. Cliché as it is, the Jewish community the episode takes place in also allows for a number of great guest stars and some colorful character writing. Definitely an above average outing. (8/10)

My Soul to Take (2010)
I wouldn’t call this the return-to-form we were hoping from Craven, but I did end up liking it a lot more then expected. I really cared about the characters, something that was completely unexpected. The movie is melodramatic in spots, but the goofiness reminded me of Craven’s output in the early nineties, like “Shocker” and “The People Under the Stairs.” Yes, it’s silly, but in an endearing sort of way. (7/10)

The Mummy (1959)
First off, it was a smart idea to remake the Kharis story instead of the original, Imhotep storyline. Secondly, the English atmosphere goes an extremely long way. Without that, this would probably be a completely routine exercise, but that London fog adds so much. Finally, Cushing and Lee are, naturally, fantastic. Even if he doesn’t have any speaking lines, Lee does a lot with his eyes and body language. And, of course, Peter Cushing is as badass as ever. The way he goes at the moment with a spear is one of the most memorable moments here. (8/10)

Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964)
A pretty weak sequel. It feels very cheap, from the cakey mummy make-up to the cheesy Egyptian props and settings. The story of immortality and brotherly rival is at the very least different. This is also fairly gruesome for its time period. (The mummy stomps on a guy’s head at one point, squishing it. Yes, it’s off-screen, but still pretty nasty.) Still, you get the impression nobody was really invested in the material here. (6/10)

The Mummy’s Shroud (1967)
Man, I thought the last one was weak. Part three feels even more routine and tired then part two. And, yeah, even the mummy design is a step-down from the lousy effects in “Curse.” The white wrapping makes him look like a bad Halloween costume. “Under Wraps” had a better looking mummy. I think it was a really bad idea for Hammer to set any of their Mummy films in Egypt. They just didn’t know how to make sand dunes creepy. (5/10)

Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)
I like a lot of Hammer’s offerings from the early seventies. They were sexier, more modern, and more daring then some of then the increasingly tired sixties output. This story is completely unexpected. A tale of reincarnation gone evil, it takes a number of surprisingly twist and turns before ending up at its chilling ending. (An ending that brutally subverts the title’s expectations.) Valerie Lennon is gorgeous, by the way. The cleavage-exposing Egyptian get-up they have her wearing is fantastically sexy. (7/10)

Carnival of Souls (1962)
I also caught this one as a midnight showing at the Apollo. I was really hoping the late-night, old-building setting would add a lot but it, sadly, didn’t. Yes, it drags a bit in spots, but this movie is a classic for a reason. It really is just as much an art film as it is a ghost story, and you can read so much into its themes and subtext. The final scene at the carnival are hypnotic, the stuff of nightmares. (9/10)

Night of the Demons (2010)
This one had me from Linnea Quigley’s cameo on. It’s certainly bigger and bolder then the original, but not in an intrusive way. It effectively rumps up the story for modern audiences. I like the characters and the creature effects. It’s trashy, anything-goes tone is what really works here. Very few recent horror films capture the tone of eighties exploitation films as well as this one did. See it for all the great cleavage on display, if for no other reason. (7/10)

Tremors (1990)
Nostalgia is one of the main things that drive me as a movie fan, obviously. I loved the “Tremors’ movies when I was thirteen. They’re such cool monsters and the desert setting really causes the series to stand out among other creature features. Its such a clever premise too, taking the “land shark” idea and really running with it. The film starts out with a good idea and then plays with it throughout. This first movie also features a fantastic ensemble cast. Kevin Bacon is goofy as heck but it’s really Fred Ward, Michael Gross, Reba McIntyre, and especially Victor Wong. Sure, it’s barely horror and the series would become even less horrific as it went on, but this is a good time. (7.5/10)

Horror Remix: Halloween
It was fun to revisit the original “Night of the Demons” after watching the remake recently. Honestly, as a film, it’s a little too well-made, well-liked, and creative compared to the usual Horror Remix fare. Luckily, the evening was saved by the rest of the program. What we saw of “Primal Rage’ made it look gloriously misogynistic and unhinged. “Hack-o-Lantern” dragged a bit at the end, but you can’t really undersell the value of gravelly voice Satantic grandpa or the delirious hair-metal, laser-eye-shooting devil woman rock video dream scene. Finally, “Hollowgate,” a hilariously inept, completely bonkers escapee from late eighties shot-on-video hell, wrapped the evening up on a fantastic note. It’s a shame that this is the last Horror Remix of the year but it’s a good note to take the season out on. (8/10)

Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)
A decent follow-up. First off, it was a great idea to bring Fred Willard and Michael Gross back. While the cast here is nowhere as strong as the original, Helen Shaver is a pretty decent addition. I like how the heroes of the first film became something of celebrities in-between films. I’m not sure how I feel about the Graboid’s metamorphosis. It shakes (har) the premise up but, at the same time, I’m not sure it makes sense that giant worms change into raptor like, heat-sensing, pack monsters. The early CGI has not aged well at all either, even if the practical effects are still great. Still, it maintains the first’s sense of fun. (6/10)

Let Me In (2010)
A really admirable remake. As too be expected, it’s not as quiet as the original. The one or two additions they made to the vampire character were questionable and there’s some unforgivably shoddy CGI. However, the heart of the story is maintain and this version is, in some ways, darker then the original. Owen is certainly a lot creepier and perverted then the original’s Oskar. It handles the issue of Abby’s gender fantastically, by the way. The two young actors are also great, maybe even better then the original’s performances. It was also wise to ct out some of the original’s subplots. The pool finale here is definitely inferior though, and feels a bit tacked on. And, yeah, I got a total nerd boner when the Hammer logo popped up. It’s not an essential remake but it’s an intelligent, faithful, and in some ways superior, treatment of the material. (8/10)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Seeing as how this always pops up in books about the best horror films, I was kind of disappointed to see a film that was more offbeat thriller or dark comedy then straight-up horror. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford are fantastic here. (Ironic, that Crawford plays the calm one here, consider how crazy she supposedly was in real life.) The movie rears up against camp as Davis gets crazier and crazier and I found most of the subplots extraneous. Blanche, despite playing a helpless victim for most of the story, does show herself to be more passive-aggressive then expected by the end. The ending is really strange though appropriate. It’s surprising that such an off-beat film would be a hit and wind up inspiring an entire wave of “hag horror.” But it is an entertaining film, an interesting take on sibling rivalry and washed-up fame. (7/10)

Willard (2003)
A really criminally underrated film. It was the film that made me the huge Crispin Glover fan I am today. He so perfectly captures what it’s like to be an awkward, isolated nerd. I really can’t praise his performance enough. The set-design for the film is also brilliant. The old house is so perfectly brooding. The accordion driven score is great too.

The story is a really mixed bag. Yes, Willard progression from bullied, to bully is handled perfectly, and the film rightly shows him becoming what he hates. The way Ben leads a rat rebellion against his human oppressor is pretty silly though and overdone. Willard’s love for Socrates also pushes believably. It gets creepy, which I suppose is the point, but creepy in a way that’s not plausible. The inevitable revenge story feels far too formulaic. R. Lee Ermy is hilarious, doing his typical schtick, but it would’ve been nice if the movie had made Mr. Martin more then the one dimensional villain he is. Love interest Kat is similarly underdeveloped. (And badly acted.) Socrates’ death is heartbreaking though and the breakdown of Willard’s home situation works far better. The new ending is emotionally sweet but definitely thematically wrong. I really love the performance and ideas at the heart of the film and wish the rest of it was as strong. However, this flick really deserves a much bigger cult following then it has. It begs to be rediscovered on DVD. (Also, this is a completely superior remake of a cheesy, surprisingly hard-to-find older movie.) (8/10)