CHUCK'S ROUNDHOUSE: Breaker! Breaker! (1977)

If you are reading these words, I probably don't have to explain any of the following. Indulge me, please: Rising oil prices in the seventies led to the U.S. government enforcing a national speed limit of 55 miles-per-hour. This was very unpopular with long haul truckers, under strict deadlines to make big deliveries. The drivers would employ citizen band radio to inform each other of where to find the best prices, how to avoid the highway patrol, and other such things truckers would need to know. Rather unexpectedly, this would make truck drivers, of all professions, cool. These blue collar workers were now anti-establishment types, sticking it to the man and fighting the powers that be. Or maybe it was just because of the goofy trucker's slang used over CB air waves, full of baffling jargon specifically designed to confuse authorities, began to penetrate into the wider culture. It then, essentially, became the seventies version of a modern meme. Today, the kids say “Six seven!” Fifty years ago, they said “Ten four!” The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Also much like today, the ever opportunistic entertainment industry figured they could make a little money off the latest stupid fad. The pioneer of this new trucker-sploitation movement was a very silly, very catchy song performed by the mascot from a series of bread commercials. A blockbuster film franchise and a semi-popular TV show would follow in C.W. McCall's exhaust. However, plenty of low budget also-rans and sleazy knock-offs were also there to feed America's newfound appetite for big rigs. Filmmakers already catering to drive-in audiences with B-movies about rednecks and good ol' boys were more than happy to include a truck or two to take advantage of what was hot at the moment. 

Enter: Chuck Norris. The karate pro would claim, years later, that he had been offered other martial arts movies since getting kicked in the face by Bruce Lee. He turned them all down because, quote, he "wanted to do films that had a story and where the action would take place when it is emotionally right." Surely, the directorial debut of the composer of "They Saved Hitler's Brain!" would provide the kind of story-driven, emotionally nuanced film making Chuck was looking for with his star debut. Whatever the reason behind its production, "Breaker! Breaker!" would roll out into theaters two months before "Smokey and the Bandits" went into wide release. It was the right time and place, the low budget flick making a sturdy little profit and proving that Chuck could carry a whole motion picture on his burly, hairy shoulders.

When not practicing meditation, getting into bar room brawls, or perfecting that sweet Laurel canyon sound, J.D. Dawes is a truck driver by trade. He loans his little brother, Billy, his truck and lets him have a go at the family business. Billy is led by a deceptive C.B. broadcast into the obscure town of Texas City, California. Ruled over by the eccentric Judge Trimmings, whose maniacal whims are enforced by an alcoholic town sheriff, the village extorts and harasses any villages that pass through its boundaries. When Billy tries to escape, he's held captive. J.D. heads out in his van with a bitchin' eagle painted on the side in search of his brother. He tracks the trail to Texas City, where a local shoots the tires out of his vehicle. On his quest to rescue his brother, J.D. uncovers the criminal activities the town authorities are running and seeks to free those forced to live under their rule with all the spin punches and high kicks he can muster.

While “Breaker! Breaker!” was obviously trying to capitalize on the seventies trucker fad, the film is actually a weird-ass fusion of several different genres that were prominent in grindhouses and drive-ins. The film is set mostly in California. However, the sweaty faces, greasy overalls, poor dental hygiene, and exaggerated accents of the locals bring the deep south to mind. The antagonistic residents of Texas City – which, aside from the judge and the cop, include a wild-eyed mechanic swinging a tire iron – are clearly cut from the same cloth as the bucktoothed, inbred attackers of “Deliverance” and its many imitators. The narrative, of civilized outsiders stumbling into some savage hick town, brings these kind of killer redneck stories to mind. 

However, these kind of good ol' boys are also the heroes of the story. J.D. also meets an ambiguously mentally disabled younger brother of one of the locals, who also speaks with a stutter and is extremely friendly in that childish manner that typically characterizes patronizing depictions such as these. JD also shacks up with a local single mom. An earlier scene has our hero playfully participating in bar room brawls and getting pointers from his wild-eyed, cowboy hat wearing pal. (Played by none other than Jack Nance!) In its last half-hour, “Breaker! Breaker!” remembers its supposed to be a trucker movie. J.D. calls in his long-haulin' friends to smash their 18-wheelers through the buildings, vehicles, and armaments of Texas City's corrupt authorities. It's a joyful explosion of mayhem, scored to hillbilly banjo music and the inanest of inane C.B. radio chatter. This inexplicably makes “Breaker! Breaker!” both flavors of hicksploitation, in which the simple country folk are both hostile freaks attacking outsiders and underclass anti-heroes striking back at the cops, lawmen, and all other enforcers of the system that oppress them. 

This does not represent the end of “Breaker! Breaker!'s” eccentric mixing of genres. Judge Trimmings dresses like Boss Hogg but behaves almost like a cult leader, enrapturing his followers with his words and shouting condemnation at his enemies. You wouldn't have to change much to turn this into a horror movie, of weirdo backwoods rednecks sacrificing outsiders unlucky enough to stumble into their territory. Obviously, the story of a lone hero wandering into a beleaguered town to clear out the corrupt boss in control recalls “A Fistful of Dollars.” The climax even zooms in on Chuck's eyes, like he's in a Sergio Leone movie. Said climax is also a one-on-one showdown between the hero and villain, with roundhouse kicks and a broken liquor bottle standing in for six-shooters. This also draws attention to how the ramshackle wooden sets look like a western ghost back lot. 

That final fight, by the way, ends with a freeze frame of a horse leaping over a face. It is a melodramatically shot moment, that seemingly has little connection to both this specific scene and the movie around it. Which points towards the most endearing thing about “Breaker, Breaker!” It's fucking goofy. Trimmings is played by experienced character actor George Murdock, who invests the villain with far more sinister intent and diabolic style than the material called for. He also randomly quotes Shakespeare and seems to be having some sort of puppet-based romantic role play with a doll-obsessed woman in town. This plays out against ridiculous images like Chuck's shaggin' wagon, a number of underwhelmingly choreographed vehicle chases, or a random redneck emerging to fight Chuck with a pitch fork. The film somehow manages to repeatedly top itself in terms of silly bullshit and I, for one, welcome that. 

The one thing “Breaker! Breaker!” never quite feels like is a martial arts movie, perhaps solidifying Norris' claim that he chose the project because it wasn't a mindless fight flick. Don't think that means there aren't plenty of high kicks and punches here. The script seems to inject an excuse for Chuck to fight some guys about every fifteen minutes, no matter how out-of-place it might seem. This builds to a joyously silly extended sequence midway through the film, where Norris battles his way through a succession of rednecks after the other. Though this was only his first starring role, J.D. Dawes does seem to be the prototypical Chuck Norris hero in many ways. He's a soft-spoken guy who is seemingly found by violent circumstances, rather than seeking them out. Though Chuck never puts on a cowboy hat or boots, his character undeniably has that kind of rustic, western hero energy. This stands at odds with his embracing of Asian mysticism. In fact, the character seems to be teaching zen yoga techniques to some of the random rednecks he meets at a truck stop before using his meditation skills to, seemingly, heal a wound later in the film. He's a cowboy, a karate master, a mystic and a warrior monk all at once.

He's also, like many heroes played by Norris and others, kind of gay. J.D. gets a female love interest and an implied romantic night with her, sure. At the same time, his need to find his little brother is what motivates the entire plot. To the point that he has traumatic nightmares about losing the boy. When he finally does rescue Billy, he softly caresses the kid's face before pulling him into an embrace I thought for sure was going to turn into a kiss. The bond between the two is also introduced with some on-the-ground, in-the-dirt roughhousing, that ends with both of their blue jean clad asses up in the air. Maybe these two are brothers in more of a communal sense, if you get my meaning. That's when you notice the contrast between muscular, hirsute Norris and the smaller, skinnier, hairless Terry O'Conner as the brother, making me wonder how in on the joke the producers were. Who knows what kind of stuff two strapping bucks might get up to during those long, lonely nights on the road? 

In other words, I went into “Breaker! Breaker!” expecting a standard seventies redneck car chase movie that starred Cordell Walker in the fetal stages of his career. Basically, “Convoy” but with Chuck Norris kicking people intermittently inserted. While that isn't an entirely inaccurate description of the film, it's also much wackier than I expected. This is the kind of fast and loose B-movie the seventies ran on, where the audience never misses the feeling that the filmmakers would randomly make up a new set piece every day. I mean that as a compliment, as it lends the motion picture a giddy, unhinged quality that makes it ridiculously entertaining for its entire runtime. The MST3k boys riffed on it recently for a RiffTrax special but I honestly can't imagine the film being funnier or sillier than it already is. In other words, quality drive-in entertainment. Zack says check it out. [9/10]

 

[THE CHUCK OF NORRIS: 3 outta 5]
[] Facial Hair
[X] Jumps or Kicks Through a Window or Wall
[X] Performs Spin Kick or Spin Punch to Enemy’s Face
[X] Shows Off His Hairy Chest
[] Sports Some Cowboy Getup

 

CHUCK'S ROUNDHOUSE: Yellow-Faced Tiger (1974)

Bruce Lee's unexpected death in 1973 would leave a number of his proposed projects unrealized. The most well-known is probably his TV martial arts western that may or may not have morphed into “Kung Fu.” The most notorious is the partially filmed “Game of Death,” which later emerged as a widely loathed hodgepodge. Unlikely to be mentioned is a project Lee supposedly intended to star in for Lo Wei, his “The Big Boss/Fists of Fury” director. “Yellow-Faced Tiger” was to be about a jaundiced martial arts master. It would eventually be filmed as “The Man Called Tiger” with Jimmy Wang Yu in the starring role. That original title, however, would later be reused for a different project of Wei's. Starring the much less famous Wong Tao, 1974's “Yellow-Faced Tiger” furthered the Lee connection by emulating “Way of the Dragon” and casting Chuck Norris as the bad guy. The movie remained in obscurity until the early eighties, after Mr. Norris had been established as a box office attraction in his own right. A U.S. distributor scooped it up, dubbed it, cut out twenty minutes, re-titled the film “Slaughter in San Francisco,” and stuck Chuck's name above the title. The movie immediately fell back into obscurity after that, subsequent VHS releases furthering the misleading claim that this was a lost Chuck Norris vehicle. Cult movie nerds, however, rarely forget. Recently, Eureka Films would give it a Blu-Ray that includes both the original “Yellow-Faced Tiger” cut alongside the abbreviated American edit.

Wong stars as Wong, a Chinese man born in Korea and raised in the United States. He is a cop and close with his partner, John, the two fighting crime with their mutual kung-fu skills. An attempted arrest results in John being beaten by thugs on the beach, Wong killing one of the attackers to save his friend. He is arrested and his badge taken away. Years later, Wong and John remain good friends. After witnessing a bank robbery, John is pursued into the backyard of the Chus, where he's killed. The crooked police chief assumes the Chus are connected and locks them up. Looking to avenge his friend and protect the innocent Chinese family, Wong starts to investigate the crime. He uncovers a web of corruption involving the San Francisco police force that leads all the way to the city's most powerful drug lord.

Depending on one's perspective, “Yellow-Faced Tiger” represents either an interesting melding of a few different cinematic styles or a desperate chasing of several trends at the same time. Setting a kung-fu movie in San Francisco, right away, shows an intent to have a more international appeal than most Golden Harvest productions. Teaming up Wong with the afro-ed Robert Jones was clearly an emulation of Jim Kelly in "Enter the Dragon," speaking to the crossover in audiences between kung-fu flicks and blaxploition movies. This is also rather evident in the film's funky soundtrack, heavy on the groovy bass and rolling rhythm. The choice in setting was possibly influenced by "Dirty Harry" as well, another film about a vigilante cop. That aligns "Yellow-Faced Tiger" with the noir genre a little bit. That connection is most visible in the movie featuring a few too many story lines on the hero's way to confronting the bad guy. The corrupt police chief, a time skip, references to drug running, and the subplot about an innocent family and their imperiled lawyer feel like attempts to put more narrative meat on the script's bones. While it is interesting to see how the film blends various elements that were floating around in pop culture in 1974, it's not the most successful fusion. John's story line never feels fully formed, the conspiracy is underwritten, and the legal subplot drags the pacing down. 

Many a fight movie has overcome a shaky script thanks to the quality of its action and its star's charisma. Don Wong Tao doesn't have the magnetic physicality or charm of Bruce Lee, who he is clearly called upon to imitate a few times. However, he's not bad either. He does a lot with an angry glare, conveying the hero's outrage at injustices going unpunished. He can't be as funny as the script needs him to be when shaking down witnesses but he otherwise does okay. He's also a competent fighter and the action in "Yellow-Faced Tiger" is solid throughout. His moves are fast and acrobatic. This really peaks during the last act, when Wong finally confronts the bad guy at his base of operations. There's an impressive mid-air double kick, a shovel being used as a melee weapon, a thug being kicked head over heels, and a few well done suplexes. While the final fight with Norris features a few awkward steps around a fountain, it still makes for a satisfyingly drawn out showdown. 

And what of Chuck? The "Slaughter in San Francisco" cut renames his character Chuck Slaughter while the original version only refers to him as "The Boss." Amusingly, some prints seem to credit Norris as himself, giving the impression that the karate champ had a side gig as a West Coast drug kingpin. He doesn't appear until over an hour into the movie and doesn't actually fight anyone until the finale, save for some random sparring practice. When asked to smirk wickedly behind big sunglasses, put a cigar out on a waiter's hand, or  make offers you shouldn't refuse, Norris does not seem that confident. The Boss' villainous attributes are more informed than detailed. However, a sequence where he unsuccessfully attempts to assault the female lead clarifies that this character is a real scumbag and not only one by reputation. There is indeed some novelty in seeing Chuck play a cocky rich bastard with no redeemable qualities. When operating as a physical force against the hero, he manages to be intimidating. I'd go so far as to say he does more actual acting here than he did in "Way of the Dragon," a role that didn't ask him to do much more than fight. 

The more widely available "Slaughter in San Francisco" largely excises the subplot concerning the Chu family and their attempts to defend themselves against a crooked system. This also links the movie to Bruce Lee's work, by adding an element of Chinese people and Chinese-Americans as social outsiders in a racist city. A local committee in Chinatown has to pool their resources to fund the Chu's defense team and the lawyer meets an unfortunate end as part of an organized cover-up. An innocent Asian family being accused by a white cop of being involved in an unrelated crime is clearly meant to comment on how the system protects the wealthy and persecutes the powerless, like racial minorities. The elder Chu tries to bribe the cop at first, knowing these guys only respect money but is still punished for not doing things the "right" way. This bends towards an unavoidable A.C.A.B. subtext. Wong is kicked off the force, turning in his badge, and that is when he really begins to protect the innocent and fight crime. The idea seems to be that true justice can not be served by an unjust system. Unfortunately, "Yellow-Faced Tiger" backs away suddenly and awkwardly from any bolder themes in its last act. The dirty chief is imprisoned, a good man takes his job. The cops arrive to restore order at the end, Wong being reinstated treated like a triumphant victory. It's a bummer that the movie takes aim at the status quo at first before seemingly changing its mind and deciding that the status quo is actually great at the end. 

Perhaps this last minute backtracking on the powers that be is an indicator of the time "Yellow-Faced Tiger" was made. Other indicators of that include everything else about the movie, most noticeably it's fashion, music, and interior designs. Which makes it pretty funny that, at the start of the eighties, some producers tried to sell this as a brand new movie. (Also, the subtitles show Wong referring to John as "Blackie," which definitely suggests to me that no Americans were involved in the writing of the dialogue.) The "Slaughter in San Francisco" cut is badly dubbed and I would recommend the original version if you get a chance to see it. I don't know how successful the film was in Asia. Don Wong Tao got top billing in a few other martial arts movies, mostly made in Taiwan, but his career doesn't seem like it took off to the degree that many of his contemporaries did. Clearly, it didn't do much for Chuck Norris' career either. However, taken on its own merits, it's a not-bad fight flick with some interesting elements to it. [6/10]

[THE CHUCK OF NORRIS: 3 outta 5]
[X] Facial Hair
[] Jumps or Kicks Through a Window or Wall
[X] Performs Spin Kick or Spin Punch to Enemy’s Face
[X] Shows Off His Hairy Chest
[] Sports Some Cowboy Getup

CHUCK'S ROUNDHOUSE: The Way of the Dragon (1972)

The cultural legacy left behind by Carlos Ray Norris, far better known as Chuck Norris, is a varied one. Within the world of professional competitive martial arts, he was a respected elder statesman. Experts in such matters seems to be regard him as actually a good fighter. For those within cult movie circles, he was the second of Cannon Films' go-to action stars, the bridge between the classic Americana school of stoic masculinity represented by Charles Bronson to the waxed and glowing karate camp of Jean-Claude Van Damme. For people who grew up watching too much television in the nineties, he might be a source of fleeting nostalgia as the star of an inexplicably long-running, cheesy cop show and endless Total Gym infomercials. 

Those a little younger than that probably best know him as an internet meme. Chuck Norris' later fame became inseparable from the farcical “Chuck Norris facts.” These exaggerated claims of bad-assery expanded so far outside of their target audience of irony-poisoned message board dwellers that most people don't seem to know that the joke was originally that everyone thought Chuck Norris was a ridiculous figure. He was so worthy of mockery and scorn that suggesting he could do anything as cool as what he did in his movies was a source of laughter. How soon we forget the Walker, Texas Ranger lever. The late Mr. Norris would mostly use that resurgence to express support for his shitty political and religious beliefs, cutting multiple ads endorsing Mike Huckabee for president. Which did very little to dissuade the notion that we should only be laughing at this clown, not celebrating him. 

But to me, he was always Dad. I mean, not really. However, my mom's taste in guys tended towards burly mountain man types, meaning Chuck Norris was her most prominent movie star crush for many years. I attribute this to her having access to HBO in the mid-eighties when she was single and lonely. While not usually a fan of cheesy shoot-em-up flicks, she had a fondness for his films because of his hairy-chested macho appeal and a slight willingness to make fun of himself from time to time. This led to many light-hearted jokes about how Chuck was my “real father” and how, surely, any day now would be returning to claim me. Alas, I don't think that's gonna happen now, ma! What this really meant is I grew up with the roundhouse kicking star being an unusually common presence in my childhood. All of which is to say that I have a fondness for the work of Mr. Norris that extends beyond just being a fan of eighties action schlock and watching people get kicked, sometimes through windows. 

I haven't done one of these action star retrospectives in, uhh, about nine years but I always had a really good time with them. Chuck has been on my list of careers to do a proper retrospective of since the beginning. Once you start watching through every movie one of the “Expendables” guys has made, you kind of have to watch all of them. Obviously, with his recent passing, now would be the best time to pay tribute to whatever merits Mr. Norris had as a performer, a screen presence, and a kicker of men. Like I have done in the past, I am ripping off my buddies at All Outta Bubble Gum. When writing about Norris' movies, they would sometimes include a list of trademarks Chuck often does in his movie. I'll be doing this too, so I'll be watching out for these tropes as I work my way through four decades of this guy.

[THE CHUCK OF NORRIS]
[] Facial Hair
[] Jumps or Kicks Through a Window or Wall
[] Performs Spin Kick or Spin Punch to Enemy’s Face
[] Shows Off His Hairy Chest
[] Sports Some Cowboy Getup

I don't know how much of “Walker, Texas Ranger” or “Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos” I'll be watching for this. Depends on how bored I get, I guess. Anyway, let's put on your action jeans and get kickin'. 

 

 

Of all the iconic faces and names in cinema, few have been as mythologized as Bruce Lee. In addition to being the most beloved and imitated martial artists of all time, he was a philosopher, a poet, a teacher, a roof top brawler against punk-ass Triad kids. Lee's screen presence and style was such that every movie he starred in essentially belonged to him. However, Bruce only officially directed two films and only completed one within his life time: Known in its native language as “Ferocious Dragon Crosses the River,” released in the U.S. after Lee's passing as “Return of the Dragon” and today best known as “The Way of the Dragon.” The film's overseas setting would show Lee's commitment to his belief that martial arts could have a place in any culture. To further that idea, he would cast an American karate champ he befriended as the movie's final boss, inadvertently launching another star's career along the way. 

Lee wrote the script for “Way of the Dragon” too and you can tell he didn't want to complicate matters too much for his directorial debut. It's a simple story. Tang Lung arrives in Rome, at the behest of Chen Ching-hua and her uncle Wang. Their Chinese restaurant has come under fire from local gangsters, who desperately want the land the building resides on for otherwise undisclosed reasons. The co-workers are skeptical of this “Chinese boxer's” prowess at first until he shows off his considerable skill by fighting off the mob enforcers. This infuriates the local boss, who sends more thugs, assassins, and bribes to get Tang out of the picture. When the martial artist continues to fight off their attempts, the gangster call in an American karate expert named Colt to escalate matters. The two men end up fighting to the death within the Coliseum, the entire reason, one suspects, the film was set in Rome in the first place. 

In addition to its standard “fighting to protect somebody's business from the mob” plot, “Way of the Dragon” is generally light-hearted in its approach. Lee introduces himself by gulping down four giant bowls of soup. This proceeds multiple moments where Tang Lung has to use the bathroom. The supporting characters are flatly ridiculous all around. There's a flamboyant, swishy Chinese middle man working for the baddies. Most of the other guys in the restaurant provide further comic relief. No attempt is made to flesh out the characters beyond their roles in the simple story. Chen not even getting enough distinction to classify as a damsel in distress. An attempt to add a little variety to the plot via a last minute betrayal doesn't quite land because the cast is so thinly sketched. 

As a visual storyteller, Lee does not exactly distinguish himself with “Way of the Dragon” either. The camera movement is sometimes shaky. The editing is occasionally choppy. Even when watching the meticulously restored Blu-Ray release, a few moments are a bit dimly lit. The non-fisticuffs scenes tend to drag a bit, the movie feeling rather slow at times. If not for the presence of, oh, the greatest martial arts star of all time, “Way of the Dragon” would probably be a pretty forgettable motion picture. Of course, Lee designs the film around his abilities as a fighter and star. That makes all the difference. His physicality, a wag of his finger, a sideways glance, is enough to intimidate his opponents. A sequence of Lee disrobing and stretching is enough to convey his superhuman fighting skill, to make him seem like a massive man on-screen. And once the punches start flying, “Way of the Dragon” becomes pretty damn impressive. To quote a man far wiser than myself, those cats really were fast as lightning. 

The sequences devoted to Lee kicking a sparring partner into a wall of boxes, fighting off a crowd with swirling nunchakus, or turning a simple mop handle into a powerful weapon hit with a quickness and power that would become the blue print for a thousand fight movies after this. That's where “Way of the Dragon” shines. I'm no Lee scholar but I know that fighting was more than just roughhousing for the star. You can see his philosophy expressing itself through these fight scenes. Strictly through body language, Lee expresses his Style of No Style, mixing different techniques and fast foot work to catch his enemy off-guard. The final bout with Chuck Norris is inter-cut with an innocent kitten watching, a placid contrast to the violent acts. Upon brutally dispatching his opponent, Bruce covers the corpse and prayers over it. There's a sense throughout that the film's heroes use violence largely as a defensive reaction to the more predatory forces against them.  

Why Uncle Wang's restaurant is so valuable isn't important. That the Chinese family are outsiders in this European land, however, is much more pointed. Lee faced discrimination both in Hong Kong and aboard for his mixed heritage. This theme informed “Fists of Fury” and reoccurs here as well, the foreigners persecuted by the locals simply for the crime of being outsiders. The contrast between the different schools of martial arts – especially Japanese karate against so-called “Chinese boxing” – is repeatedly referenced. When presented with the ruins of the ancient city, Wang Tung points out that it reminds him of the slums back home. Later, he's visibly unimpressed with Roman architecture. Lee's ego is almost as legendary as his fighting skills and it's difficult not to sniff that out here, in a story of Bruce single-handedly proving his mastery over everyone else around him. The final scene presents Tang as a mythic wanderer, going where ever he is needed to right wrongs. However, “The Way of the Dragon” also represents a cultural outsider standing up to the homogeneity of the land. No wonder these movies were so popular with urban black cultures in the seventies, despite the sole black character being a cartoonish bad guy.

I don't think I'm making any observations here that haven't been previously made a hundred times. One assumes that the relative small size of Lee's output, when compared to its massive influence, makes these the most studied and overturned of any kung-fu movies. “Way of the Dragon” is a sluggish, fairly goofy movie except for when the fists start to fly, at which point it becomes electrifying. Lee's titanic presence is unmistakable and his charisma could not be chained by shadowy direction or mediocre dubbing. As the world's introduction to Chuck Norris, “Way of the Dragon” is also pretty interesting. That final fight is legendary for good reason, the bodies in movement being almost poetic before the killing blows become brutal. While Chuck doesn't have much to do besides glower and kick – he doesn't show up until the movie is nearly over – the fact that he makes an impression in Lee's own movie is a feat on its own. [7/10]
 

[THE CHUCK OF NORRIS: 2 outta 5]
[] Facial Hair
[] Jumps or Kicks Through a Window or Wall
[X] Performs Spin Kick or Spin Punch to Enemy’s Face
[X] Shows Off His Hairy Chest
[] Sports Some Cowboy Getup

OSCARS 2026 LIVE BLOG!

6:50 - Welcome again to Film Thoughts' annual live blog of the Oscars ceremony!

Much to my eternal shame, I have not seen all the nominees this year. I fell short by one, not having time to squeeze in The Lost Bus. Hopefully that doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the show tonight.

Having said that, this is still what I would vote for in each category, if I was an Academy member. 

6:55 - I wonder if Conan is going to make any awkward jokes about actually being in a nominated movie this year? Honestly, I hope he does more acting. 

7:02 - Hopefully this will be the only Aunt Gladys related gag tonight. 

7:03 - Okay, excellent dummy joke. And alright, Conan as a CGI cartoon character is pretty funny. 

7:05 - That bit went on a little too long but I enjoyed it. 

7:07 - See, one of the great things with Conan is, even when he tells a lame joke, he can turn it around with a silly delivery. 

7:08 - Me and the missus have been cracking jokes about how much our brain sees the word bologna whenever we see the word "Bugonia." 

7:10 - I would go see "CAPS LOCK"

7:12 - See, this is why Conan is a class act. There's not a joke about how nobody watches the Doc Shorts, the humor goes in a totally different direction. "Little Sad!" Except the donkey one. 

7:14 - What was with that split second shot of the camera shaking? Wow, the joke writers at the Oscars are still doing "TFW" jokes. 

7:17 - Fifteen minutes into his Oscars hosting gig, Conan O'Brien actually did get serious. 

7:19 - Okay, Conan's fake Oscar being delivered by a falcon was funny.

7:20 - It would seem like Amy Madigan is the favorite to win though Fanning would be a nice surprise. 

7:22 - Yay, for horror representation at the Oscars! She is accepting the award in front of the foyer of a Chinese restaurant. 

7:24 - "Thanks to all the dogs!" Awww, I like that. 

7:30 - I thought they were going to a comment section joke but this is okay too.

7:31 - Will Arnet has been hitting that bronzer. 

7:33 - Let me reiterate once again that I am a registered "KPOp Demon Hunters" hater. But the odds of "Little Amelie" pulling off an upset wasn't great. 

7:35 - The first unsuccessful play-off attempt of the night. I'm rooting for "Retirement Plan."

7:36 - I guess if we are going by the measurement of the Academy awarding the Most and not the Best than I guess "The Girl Who Cried Pearls" makes since in this category. Definitely had the most visually elaborate animation.

7:38 - I thought we were going to commercial but here's a musical number instead. 

7:40 - I like the swag the banjo lady here has. 

7:41 - Well, this was an honest attempt to re-create one of the best moments from a film last year and, uh, they tried. 

7:48 - Kylie Jenner's embarrassed smirk during the Bum Drum bit was amusing. Also, "Lawnmower Man" clip at the Oscars! Boy, they are still rolling with the Bum Drum thing, aren't they? 

7:51 - Anne Hathaway should do comedy more often. I was hoping "Frankenstein" would win Best Costumes just for that dress Mia Goth wore in the flashbacks. 

7:53 - Did her mic cut out for a second or did she say something really offensive? 

7:54 - I was rooting for "The Ugly Stepsister" but "Frankenstein" probably did have the best make-up, so I'm fine with this.

7:56 - Just wouldn't be an Oscar ceremony without as many awkward play-offs as possible! 

8:00 - So I've been saying Paul Mescal's name wrong the whole time. 

8:03 - The joys of live television, cutting to Delroy Lindo while someone else is still talking. 

8:06 - The P.T.A. Witness Protection was a good joke. "And I have one before you!" 

8:12 - Matt Berry shouting out Basil Rathbone, you love to see it. 

8:13 - There's definitely some Greek tragedy to Kamial Nanjami completely fucking up his face and body to get the superhero bod for a franchise that never panned out. 

8:15 - I want to reiterate how stunted I was that this year's Live Action shorts were mostly not depressing!

Okay, a tie in Live Action Shorts? That's never happened before. Hopefully, "The Singers" tied with "Friends of Dorothy" or "Jane Austen's Period Drama." 

8:17 - I wasn't crazy about "Two People Exchanging Saliva" but the filmmaker is actually in the Oscars Death Race Discord server I'm in and gave us a few shout-outs, so it's neat that they won. 

8:18 - Boy, the joys of live television are really showing up tonight. That abrupt cut to Conan on the side of the stage was an extraordinary moment. 

8:20 - Best Supporting Actor doesn't seem to have a clear cut front runner, so we'll see how this goes. I'm rooting for Delroy. 

8:22 - Sean Penn's biceps didn't want to be here. 

8:28 - Conan's white tux, that's a real humdinger. They are doing a few too many bits tonight though. 

8:32 - Robert Downey Jr. wore his Doctor Doom suit to the show tonight. 

It's actually insane that this is the first Oscar Paul Thomas Anderson has won. 

8:38 - Damn, the bits have mostly been very bad tonight. All the pithy banter in the world could not sell this one. Hopefully this will not be Ryan Coogler's only time on-stage tonight. 

8:44 - Mel Brooks burying both Carl and Rob Reiner just wasn't right.

8:46 - Probably for the best that they cut off Billy Crystal reading off Reiner's films at "The American President." 

8:48 - Someone standing up right in the way of the camera as the In Memorium montage starts. The technical gaffs tonight have been frequent. 

8:49 - I'm glad Udo Kier didn't get left out of the montage. 

8:54 - Also glad they didn't leave out Cary-Hirouki Tagawa, my boy Shang-Tsung.

8:55 - Boy, whoever is responsible for the microphones and sound tonight should probably not get brought back to this job next year. 

8:59 - Did they just cut to commercial in the middle of Babs finishing a sentence? Tonight's show feels like it's dragging on. 

9:02 - Wow, I'm impressed it took them this long to slip a zoomer/6-7 joke in there.

9:04 - ABC/Disney getting that cross-brand synergy in there with a Grogu. What is with the timing being so severely off tonight? 

 

9:06 - Shout-out to "The Lost Bus," the movie that fucked up my Oscar Death Race this year. Curse you, Paul Greengrass!

9:10 - "Do the hand thing, baby! 

9:14 - Oh no, I dozed off for a minute, woke up, and Jimmy Kimmel was hosting the show. I must be in a nightmare. 

9:16 - Man, I was really rooting for "The Devil is Busy." "All the Empty Rooms" does seem to be a little like the Academy's speed.

9:19 - Aside from it just being my favorite of the noms, it would be neat if Tig Nitaro won an Oscar. And again, inexplicably, the anti-Putin doc wins. I hate the guy too but the Academy really fuckin' hates that guy. Kimmel cracking jokes about the Melania doc, when it would not be eligible for the show this year, Jimmy! Sloppy. 

9:28 - I still have never seen "Bridemaids." What the hell is up with the sound tonight?

9:30 - "This bit has been going on a little too long." That describes all the bits tonight.

9:32 - "Sinners" obviously had the best score but "Bugonia" would be an acceptable alternative for me.

Also acceptable for them to just give it to the best score.

9:34 - Jesus Christ, what are these bits?????

9:36 - Not exactly passionate about it but "F1" was my pick for Best Sound, so that's nice. 

9:38 - I thought they were going to say "Welcome the President of the United States of America" and uhhhhh that would be awkward. 

9:43 - Woo doggy, this might not be the most boring Oscars broadcast I've ever seen but it's definitely not one of the better ones. 

9:46 - Is everybody being held at gunpoint while they read off these bits? Jesus. Also, not to be rude but Bill Pullman is looking weeeeeird. 

9:49 - Matt Berry pronounces "Demi Moore" exactly the way I would expect him too. And Miss More is wearing a giant feather duster tonight.

It's got no chance at winning but I'm rooting for "Train Dreams." '

9:50 - "Sinners" had great cinematography though, so I can't complain about that. 

9:55 - Ya know, man, I just don't get it. What about "Golden" makes it better than every other K-pop song out there? Just not my genre, I guess. 

9:57 - "Scan the QR code on your screen" ORRRRR you just put all the performances in the broadcast, you fuckin' hacks. 

10:03 - Javier, I knew you were based. 

10:04 - I figured "Sentimental Value" would win International Picture. Out of a lot that I wasn't crazy about, I suppose "The Voice of Hind Rajab" was my top pick. 

10:08 - Oh Lionel Richie, I didn't think you ever went away!

10:09 - There is a part of me that thinks it would be hilarious if Diane Warren actually does win this time. 

10:10 - The fans of this movie are about to get even more annoying now. 

10:12 - "I would like to thank.." BLARRPBRRRAPPP!!!! That made me laugh harder than any of the actual jokes tonight. 

10:15 - Doesn't matter how many years go by, anytime I hear someone say "Zendaya," my brain mentally fills it in to "...is Meechee."

Anyway, Coogler gang, rise up. 

10:17 - I love Paul Thomas Anderson but he should've won this award long before this for much more worthy films. When was the last time he had a coke night with Tarantino, I wonder?

10:20 - Ethan Hawke does deserve the Best Comb-Over Award. Will Timmy Shallot get or MBJ? Let's see. 

Michael B. was my pick from the get-go so I'm glad he turned out victorious. 

10:23 - Delroy Lindo definitely has the best ascot tonight. 

10:26 - Adrien Brody doing a Turbo Tax commercial is a good reminder that, in-between his two Oscar wins, he was starring in shit like "Giallo" and "InAPPropriate Humor." 

10:28 - Even Conan is like, "Jesus, can we please get this over with?" 

10:29 - Buckley feels like the only person in this category with real heat. Nice peroformance. Byrne would be a nice surprise. 

10:31 - I like Buckley's accent. "the arRRRRt."

10:33 - One more category, let's get this oveeeeeer with. 

10:34 - I kind of like how friggin' tall Nicole Kidman looks. 

10:36 - Well, there you, nobody how close it begins, the Academy will not nominated a horror film unless they can trick everyone into thinking it's a "psychological thriller."

10:38 - The cat, the most important thing in the room.

10:39 - I really loved Conan's hosting gig last year but this ceremony suuuucked. Too awkward to be serviceable, too boring to be memorable and entertaining. Few inspiring wins. Is that it? Are we done? Hot damn. Let's go to bed. Love you guys! 

Oh wait, there's more. 

10:40 - Ooooh this is an unfunny "One Battle After Another" bit! 

Good night, everybody!

OSCARS 2026: Viva Verdi! (2025)

 

Hey, have you thought about opera lately? Probably not! I feel most people would agree that this particular style of singing and storytelling hasn't been a part of the cultural zeitgeist for a few hundred years. Nevertheless, the bel canto apparently has enough shooters that a recent tossed-off comment from Timothée Chalamet seems to have genuinely damaged his chances at winning an Oscar right in the final days of his campaign. He said that “no one cares” about opera and ballet anymore. That only a niche audience of hardcore supporters are still passionate about these art forms and he fears cinema might go down that same road. What makes the backlash all the more ironic is that a movie about opera is nominated for an Academy Award this year. “Viva Verdi!” is easily the most obscure of 2026's selected features, another Best Song nominee that was greeted with shrugs of confusion. Disinterest in its nominated song is such that the Academy has preemptively cut it from the broadcast. Almost as if the producers know that opera does not appeal to a mass audience or something! Nevertheless, “Viva Verdi!” itself is still out there for our consideration. Let's put all the chatter aside and discuss the film itself. 

For “Viva Verdi!,” filmmaker Yvonne Russo and her team spent several years among the residents of Casa di Riposo per Musicisti. Also known as simply Casa Verdi, this is a rest home and retirement community for older opera singers and musicians. Founded in the late 1890s by Giuseppe Verdi, he designed it to be a “shelter for elderly singers who have not been favoured by fortune.” The work continues to this day, the neo-Gothic building giving the aged singers and musicians a place to live and also to teach the next generation. Russo's camera mostly focuses on a few reoccurring faces: Former singer Claudio Giombi, Japanese immigrant Chitose Matsumoto, the walker dependent Anthony Kaplen, and a few others as they go about their days. Despite their advanced ages, they all continue to sing or play.

"Viva Verdi!" is fairly standard in its construction for a documentary. Most of the film is made up of interviews with the residents of the home, cut together with photos and footage from across their long careers and personal lives. This supported by fly-on-the-wall recording of daily life in Casa Verdi, with occasional pauses to explain the building's history. While nothing groundbreaking, there is a lot of value in hearing people simply tell their stories. Giombi emerges as the film's main character, a boisterous and colorful man devoted to his wife and his art form. When he opens up a suitcase and retrieves photos from across his career, the candor and joy he expresses is something to see. Matsumoto's life story is also a fascinating one, a Japanese woman who fell in love with opera so totally that she happily moved to Italy to dedicate the rest of her life to the profession. I also greatly appreciate that the film highlights not only the star singers but also the musicians.  A drummer, a violinist, and more get to tell their stories too. 

Opera singing is, to me, one of those talents that might as well be a superpower. I genuinely do not know how the human body can produce such resonating, powerful sounds. The level of training required to make your lungs and larynx bend so extremely must be staggering. Imagine my surprise when I saw such reverberating melodies come out of the mouths of old men and women in "Viva Verdi!" A memorable moment sees a former opera singer apologizing for her voice breaking, when I'm impressed she was able to make those sounds at all. Most of the residents of Casa Verdi are in their eighties and nineties. We see one resident having her 103rd birthday. Despite their advanced ages, most of the individuals interviewed in the film seem quite energetic and spritely. The suggestion, it would seem to me, is that pursuing your passion and doing what you love is a good way to keep yourself feeling young, even as your body starts to fail you. 

This, of course, is inevitable. We see Kaplen leaning on his walker and describing how he gets around a lot slower these days. One elderly man mourns his wife, who preceded him in death, and longs for the time they are reunited. "Viva Verdi!" ends, not exactly surprisingly, with epitaphs for several of the characters seen in the film. Despite the end being near for most of these men and women, the air around "Viva Verdi!" is not of solemnness but of celebration. Celebration of the lives of these artists and what they've accomplished, and still accomplish, and celebration of the music and art they all love.  The nominated theme song is entitled "Sweet Dreams of Joy" and carries along that feeling of effervescent excitement and glee. That's what I see more of in this film than anything else. 

I'll be honest with you, guys. I know almost nothing about opera. "Viva Verdi!" didn't exactly teach me much about the complexities of performing this style of singing, of the different types, genres, or placements in the theatre. Most of the historical segments focus on the history of Casa Verdi itself, describing the man who spearheaded its creation and his reasoning for doing so. This was based in a love for the people who performed his music and for the music itself. Which does not function exactly as a rebuttal to Chalamet's statement. We do see a younger generation learning this craft, meaning opera as an art form will continue. The film's overall obscurity and the advanced ages of its figures does suggest that the popularity of opera is dwindling. I don't know how to reverse the latter condition but the firmer has been somewhat resolved by "Viva Verdi's" producers. They quickly responded to its nomination by getting the doc on digital platforms as promptly as possible. Me and all the other Oscar Death Racers really appreciate that. [7/10]

OSCARS 2026: Arco (2025)

From my position as a lowly nerd here in the United States, French science fiction has always meant something very specific. In the world of comic books, French artists like Jean Henri Giraud and publications like “Metal Hurlant” pushed forward visually innovative, graphically intense, and creatively detailed work. On the cinema side of things, filmmaker Rene Laloux would gain a cult following with surreal, wildly expressive animated films like “Fantastic Planet” and “Gandahar.” I don't know how many people are keeping that tradition alive today. We certainly don't get too many imports of that nature over here. However, we did get a prominent example this year with “Arco.” Thanks to a heavy advertising push from U.S. distributor NEON, which includes a star-studded dub of debatable quality, the film has gotten a lot of attention. That includes nominations for a Golden Globe and an Academy Award. 

The film begins nearly 900 years in the future. Environmental disaster has led humanity to living in elaborate elevated structures in the clouds. Robotics have been outlawed but technology has still advanced to a fantastical level. This includes the ability to travel through time, which people do casually via flying rainbow-patterned suits. Time travel is off-limits to children but Arco Dorell, a ten year old boy, is still eager to experience it. He steals his older sister's flight suit, the gemstone that powers it, and sets off for the distant past. He arrives in the year 2075. In this time, humanoids robots perform most basic labor. Increasingly violent weather sees people living in domed cities. While her parents are away for work, young girl Iris is left with the family's robot butler to tend to her infant sibling. That is when she discovers Arco, who has crash-landed in this time and requires a new crystal to return home. The two youths grow closer, soon pursued by a mysterious trio of criminals and a local robotic police force, unaware of the circumstances surrounding Arco's arrival. 

While never quite as wild looking as “Fantastic Planet,” “Arco” does feature some impressive visuals. Befitting a narrative so concerned with rainbows, the colors are exceptionally vivid. The film delights in putting as many flashy colors next to each other as possible. The trio of buffoonish antagonist all wear shiny, single color suits and prismatic sunglasses. The bright colors are paired with fluid animations, the characters moving in an expressive and stylized manner. This is further emphasized by the film moving at a higher frame rate than is traditional, making the movements more dynamic and striking. That “Arco” looks so darn nice is good, as it did take me a while to adapt to the particular character designs. Giving everybody such full, defined lips was a bit of an odd choice. 

“Arco” pairs its brilliant colors with some imaginative science fiction settings. 2932 is so far off in the future that it allows the filmmakers to create truly fantastical technology. There are those cool sky structures, sloping straight lines with vegetation and homes build into them. People sleep in special cones of light that cause them to float. I do wish more of the movie took place in this time, where we could have seen more far-out ideas executed. That doesn't mean the slightly more contemporary 2075 setting doesn't also include some neat ideas. While Iris' parents are away, they communicate with her via life sized, interactive holograms. The everyday presence of robots is an interesting one, speaking with a voice that blends both parents and being powered by heart-shaped ports in their chest. I like that Mikki, Iris' family robot, is both so committed to protecting his charges but also a somewhat glitchy oddball who doesn't relate totally to human kind. 

The film's ideas are imaginative but not too hard for the viewer to understand. This is reflective of how “Arco” pairs its science fiction premise with a more universal, simple idea. Despite being from different eras, Iris and Arco have a lot in common. They both feel unseen by their families. Her parents are always away and his status as the youngest excludes him. We only get a brief peek at Iris' life at school but she seems to be a bit of an outcast. Arco, stranded in a time that isn't his own, is similarly on his own. These are two lonely kids who, in each other, find someone who can finally understands them. The film gently bends towards a precocious romance between them, without overdoing it. An amusing detail includes one of Iris' classmates also having a crush on her, which the girl seems totally unaware of that. 

Unfortunately, “Arco” is one of those movies with an interesting premise and a strong beginning that can't nail the last act. The film's antagonists are never truly fleshed out. They aren't a very serious threat, bickering among themselves and stumbling more often than they succeed. The English dub goes so far as to have Will Ferrall and Andy Samburg (plus, inexplicably, Flea) voice them, making it clearer that we aren't suppose to take these goofballs seriously. A race against time creates some high stakes for the finale but the film falls increasingly into a series of mostly farcical chases. The first time the movie does this, the trio's van flipping all around as it plummets down a hill, I was a amused. By the time everyone is outrunning a whole horde of robots through the winding halls of a high tech facility, it starts to feel a bit much. The story then concludes on an oddly low-key note, an epilogue taking up more screen time than was probably advisable. 

I would have preferred to watch the film with its original French audio. The English dub is distracting at times. I like Natalie Portman and Mark Ruffalo but neither seem that committed to the material, once again a studio making the mistake of favoring big name actors who might not have much experience with voice work over performers more suited to these techniques. Despite that and a second half that doesn't totally work for me, “Arco” is still a lovely, creative, and often touching adventure. I look forward to what director Ugo Bienvenu does next. The film arose out of his sketches, which proves that his imagination is a strong one. [7/10]

OSCARS 2026: Cutting Through Rocks (2025)

International cinema is vital because it gives us a window into the lives of other people from other country. If you're an American, like me, you probably do not have a very accurate understanding of far away places. Looking at art from another country, if nothing else, gives you a peek into how people over there see themselves. To the average American, I imagine they perceive Iran as nothing but endless stretches of desert, dotted with little villages. Popular conceptions like this is why it's easy for my government to convince its populace that it's fine to drop bombs on this place. Iran has a thriving film industry though. Another reminder of this is “Cutting Through Rocks,” a nomination for Best Documentary Feature that gives us a fly-on-the-wall perspective of a tiny corner of Iran and the struggles that go on there. 

The film, from directors Sara Khaki and Mohammadreza Eyni, concerns Sara Shahverdi. She is the first woman elected to the town council in her small village. She has a passion for riding motorcycles and often goes right to the homes of people seeking her help. She is especially focused on helping the teenage girls in her town, many of whom are forced into marriages to older men before they are even 18. The village has many traditionalist men in it, who are aghast at the idea of a woman holding a position of leadership in the town. Eventually, the authorities go so far as to make Sara undergo a DNA test to prove that she isn't a man in disguise. Despite these challenges, she continues forward on her journey to help others.

 

Sometimes, a documentary only needs an interesting subject to succeed. Sara Shahverdi quickly establishes herself as a real character. The opening scene has her pulling down an old gate, an on-the-nose metaphor for the way she confronts the barriers put before her head-on. She cruises around on her motorcycle, wearing sunglasses, and teaches other girls how to ride and operate the machines. When she is at a council meeting, eating with people and casually sitting in their homes, it gives the impression more of someone hanging out with friends than a government matter. Basically, Sara Shahverdi being a town councilwoman strikes me a bit as if your cool aunt got elected to a minor position of power. She's tenacious, passionate, calm, considerate, and personable. Cool lady, I would say. 
 

The Academy almost always nominates documentaries that touch on important social issues, effecting countless people all over the world. “Cutting Through Rocks” is one of those too. Unsurprisingly, Shahverdi is often challenged by the men in her town. One guy has a loud argument with her right on the street, following her back to her car. On another occasion, they are harassed by a group of men as Shahverdi and her friends ride on their bikes. In the last act, when accused of being a man bringing women back to her home for improper reasons, Shahverdi is led into an office by a machine gun carrying guard. She's outright told to stop being so active, that it is not suitable for a woman to do so. The topic of teenage girls being married off comes to a head in a scene where another town councilman is confronted by a young woman. He outright states that he sees no problem with this tradition and suggests the girl before him – she looks 13 – should get married soon herself. It's infuriating. 

While “Cutting Through Rocks” has a compelling central heroine and points a camera at some distressing traditions, the film is also almost painfully slow. There's little music throughout. The camera crew stands back and watches these sometimes mundane interactions and meetings. Scenes dispassionately flow into each other, at a tortoise's pace. There's little editing, the captured scenes playing out in real time more often than not. It's not that these moments aren't interesting but it progresses so slowly. Watched at the end of a long day, I'll admit I was fighting sleep a little bit. I suppose what I'm saying is that “Cutting Through Rocks” needed more motorcycle riding. 

Ultimately, I'm glad I watched “Cutting Through Rocks.” Shahverdi seems like a brave woman, passionate about helping others and determined to personally enact positive change in her home town against long-held traditions. I admire that a lot. I'm glad she got this spotlight. I do wish the film was a little punchier in terms of pacing. Nevertheless, it is an interesting film and probably a valuable, for exposing more eyeballs to a culture and challenges that they might not think about otherwise. I hope Shahverdi and those around her aren't effected by the actions of America's military. [6/10]