Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Halloween 2026: September 16th

 
When it was announced that Blumhouse and James Wan would be producing a movie called “The Mummy,” I had assumed it was part of Blumhouse's on-going wave of reboots of the classic Universal Monsters. After all, the mummy is one of those characters. Director Lee Cronin is a hot, up-and-coming name in the genre, much the way the other filmmakers involved with these projects have been. However, at some point, I noticed something very odd: Universal was not involved in the production, nor distribution, of this “Mummy.” Instead, this was a Warner Bros/New Line Pictures release. In fact, shortly after teaser trailers started to come out for this film, Universal announced a third sequel to the Brendan Fraser/Rachel Weiz “Mummy” series. The director – still far from a household name, even among genre fans – would have his name amended to the title to further distinguish it from past “Mummy” films. The official Blumhouse account on the website formally known as Twitter would, in the days leading up to the April release, repeatedly clarify that Fraser was not involved in this film. This was, apparently, a source of confusion for test audiences. I assume the film began development at Universal before, for whatever reason, Blumhouse and team were allowed to take the project else where. I can assume Universal signed off on all this to some degree as “The Mummy” is a title that originated with them, even if the general concept of mummies obviously did not. Ultimately, “Lee Cronin's The Mummy” does not acknowledge the 1933 Boris Karloff film nor any of its sequels or remakes in its credits at all. 

It's certainly a particular case, leading some to wonder if cross studio sabotage or something wasn't in play here. It would seem to me that this was very much intended to be an edgy, modern revival of the classic film that, through various contractual shenanigans, had to sever all legal connection to that original... Though weirdly not quite changing its title, which you would expect to be the first thing to go. That I was thinking about this so much in the lead-up to the film's release seem to obscure what should be a more pressing issue: Namely, whether the film was any good. This was certainly a question after I saw the divisive reaction to this “Mummy.” The chief complaint, not dissimilar to what people said about Leigh Whannell's “Wolf Man,” was that this wasn't much of a mummy movie at all. Presumably, this was another factor in the film parting ways with Universal. Cronin's “Evil Dead Rise” impressed me enough to allow him the benefit of the doubt. Let me now consider this film, which is not a remake or reboot of past “Mummy” movies in any way despite the unavoidable feeling that it actually, most definitely is. 

Charlie Cannon and his wife Larissa are expecting their third child. The family, including eldest daughter Katie and middle son Sebastian, currently live in Cairo, Egypt, where Charlie works as a television reporter. After Larissa leaves for her own job one morning, Charlie is approached in the family garden by a mysterious woman who hands her a fruit. This would be the last time Charlie and Larissa would see Katie, their daughter disappearing. Years later, the family – which now includes eight year old Maud – are living in New Mexico with Larissa's mother. This is when they receive some shocking news: A plane carrying a black sarcophagus crashed in Aswan, Egypt. Inside the casket was a mummy... Who was a very much still alive Katie. Charlie and Larissa are overjoyed but years of apparent isolation have left Katie catatonic, physically twisted, and prone to violent behavior. It soon becomes apparent that something is wrong with their daughter. A detective in Cairo attempts to find out what happened to Katie, uncovering an occult conspiracy around the girl. Charlie and Larissa, and everyone else in the household, soon discover how much Katie has been changed.

Whatever other issues I have with Lee Cronin's “Lee Cronin's The Mummy,” I do think the film has an interesting initial premise and a decent first act. This is, at the start, the story of parents having to grapple with the unpleasant fact that their daughter is now a mummy. That is to say, something petrified into a suspended state – Katie seems to have aged very little during her time in the casket – and something that is dead. The family tries to treat the girl like she's going to get better eventually. That normal life will resume at some point. This ignores that her body and mind have irrevocably been altered, her limbs twisted, her skin grey, her face locked in a dazed expression. Parallels to a loved one developing a mental illness, chronic condition, or terminal disease are obvious. Before Katie is returned home, we see that her mom has preserved her bedroom perfectly during the years she was gone. Human beings have a tendency to cling to the past, to be unwilling to move on from what they love and admit that what's gone is gone. In other words: Katie is dead, the way all of us are going to rot and decay someday. Her family just doesn't know it yet. 

As a reinvention of the hoary cliché of a shambling corpse wrapped in bandages, that's a decent take. However, the longer this “Mummy” goes on, the more apparent it becomes that Cronin's script is not that concerned with subverting cliches. Midway through the film, Charlie consults an Egyptologist about bandages covered in ancient writing he peeled off his daughter's body. This leads to exposition about an ancient demon that corrupts the family and must be warded off with ritual and spells. This immediately stuck in my folklore nerd teeth. The classical Egyptians did not believe in demons, not in the Judeo-Christian sense. They had household spirits, guardian deities, and detested gods but not invisible bogeymen that crawled into living bodies. The villain of Cronin's “Mummy” is identified as "the Nasmaranian," an invention of the filmmaker. A little later on, the film features another exposition dump in the form of a forbidden VHS tape depicting profane rites. This has fast become a cliché in horror, last seen in “Bring Her Back” and “Together.” The footage has the ritual performed by people in wooden, undefined masks, which has become the standard uniform for weird cults in modern folk horror movies. Damn, Lee, you couldn't have put some Anubis masks or something in there? Some connection to the rich world of ancient Egyptian mythology? Which is unexplored in film and was absolutely obsessed with the separation of the soul and the body, the state of the flesh after death, and the associated rites? Seems like a massive missed oppretunity to me.

In its second half, it becomes clearer that Cronin idea of reinventing the mummy seems to amount to ripping off “The Exorcist” and “The Evil Dead.” Katie's voice is soon distorted into a demonic baritone. She says inappropriate things, a habit soon picked up by her siblings. There's levitation and vomit and a profaning of Christian symbols and a body tossed through an upstairs bedroom mirror. Not only is it all stuff we've seen before, it is reenacted in a listless fashion. Simply put, I don't find little kids swearing nor dodgy CGI telekinesis to be scary. Once the film turns more towards the idea of its villain spreading a malicious virus of corruption around the whole household, extending to the recently deceased, it feels like Cronin is reheating his “Evil Dead Rise” leftovers. That's when I noticed that this is Cronin's third film in a row about a loved one coming back “wrong.” Seriously suggesting that the guy doesn't have nearly enough ideas to earn having his name above the title. 

That Cronin is mostly regurgitating ideas from better movies is all the more disappointing. The guy is good at some things. Namely, the deployment of sickening gore and bodily mutilation. When Katie is first returned home, I actively wondered for a bit if actress Natalie Grace was under heavy make-up or had been completely replaced with a life-like puppet. Post-mummified Katie looks freaky as hell. The film packs in several teeth clenching moments. The showstopper involves a simple toe nail clipping going horribly wrong but a later bit, in which a scorpion takes a very direct escape route, also got a good reaction out of me. The film is full of blood and vomit, often projected into people's faces. A gut ripped open by a pack of coyotes is quite nasty. These moments are delivered with the kind of propulsive shock that the rest of the movie's attempts at scares lack. 

While the grisly violence is where Cronin's film excels, he's not able to establish the same ambiance of isolation that he did in “Evil Dead Rise.” You'd think the New Mexican desert location would achieve that but nobody seems to have much trouble getting back and forth from the home. Cinematographer Dave Garbett applies a piss yellow tinted color filter to far too much of the film, creating an increasingly dour mood with little energy behind it. Stephen McKeon's score hammers on the loud musical stings, which seems to foretell an increasingly reliance on tacky CGI before the end. The film's primary visual gimmick is a high number of split diopter shots. Their frequency begins to feel like a running joke quite quickly. The cast isn't bad, with May Calamawy as the detective giving a decent performance, but the familial drama in the story never feels natural. 

Lastly, what of those complaints that “Lee Cronin's The Mummy” is not much of a mummy movie either? I believe the premise of a mummified Egyptian corpse is wide enough to encompass a lot of ideas. After all, the 1933 film mostly features Imhotep minus his bandages. Cronin's film does indeed feature a mummified body, one wrapped in bandages too. However, this feels incidental to the demonic possession story the film is actually telling. Ultimately, this is more of generic folk horror movie, too cowardly to pull from actual folklore, wrapped around an incredibly underwhelming “Exorcist” wannabe. I'm forced to conclude that there's simply not much mummy in “Lee Cronin's The Mummy.”I don't know what secret sauce the guy had on “Rise” but it's been lacking in his other features. Considering the most successful and well received of the recent classic monster remakes – Egger's “Nosferatu” and del Toro's “Frankenstein – were highly personalized but nevertheless straight-forward adaptations of the material, maybe these archetypes do not need radical reinventions after all. [5/10]
 


 
Panna a netvor
 
In "The Epic of Gilgamesh," the titular warrior king has an enemies-to-best-bros arc with Enkidu. Enkidu is born as a horned, hairy wild man, who lives among the animals and acts as they do. A "sacred prostitute" named Shamhat is sent to lure Enkidu out of the wilderness. She successfully does so and, after two weeks of nightly love making, the wild man is civilized. He starts wearing clothes and everything. Yes, the idea of a beautiful woman soothing the savage heart of a wild beast, teaching him to clean his act up if he's going to spend a night in her bed, dates back to the earliest work of narrative literature. This is, quite sincerely, a tale as old as time. Passing through earlier iterations like Psyche and Cupid and Thabaton and Keibu Keioina, the story arrived in its most famous form in 1740s France. That's when Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve wrote the fairy tale "La Belle et la Bête," later further distilled by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont into the iconic version. Countless direct adaptations and interpretations have followed since. While many tellings veer towards the whimsical side of the tale, the fact that the Beast must be a beast links the story to the gothic monster tradition. One such adaptation to especially emphasize this element was made in Czechoslovakia in 1978, by master of the uncanny Juraj Herz. In Czech, the title is "Panna a netvor," which literally translates as "The Virgin and the Monster," but most copies go with the better known name. 

In this telling, the beauty is Julie, the youngest daughter of a merchant. After a shipment is destroyed by bandits while passing through the woods, her father travels abroad to sell the family's belongings. He asks his daughters if they would like him to bring any gifts back. His eldest two daughters, about to marry wealthy men, ask for jewels and pearls. Julie wants only her father to return safely and a single rose. Getting lost in the woods on his journey, , the merchant seeks shelter in a derelict castle. Inside, food and drink and treasures galore are offered to him by an unseen host... But when the man plucks a rose from the garden, he is accosted by the price of this manor, a victim of a curse that has turned him into a hideous amalgamation of man and hawk. When he explains that the rose is for his daughter, the beast asks for her instead. While the man refuses, a trade of hostages is still made. Julie arrives at the crumbling castle. The prince begins to court Julie from afar, unwilling to show her his monstrous face. Will Beauty fall in love with the Beast of her own accord or will he give into his blood lust for her?
 
Herz' take on the beloved fairy tales begins with images of horseback riders passing through a fog-drenched forest. The bandit attack that follows features a dramatic burst of flames and a bloody sword fight. A maiden flees from the chaos and encounters the Beast. At first, I wondered if this was our beauty but, no, he strikes her down with his fearsome claws instead. That is a clear establishing moment. Julie's poor, provincial town is introduced through a montage of animals being butchered. This further sets up a theme of consumption and transaction. Julie's greedy older sisters are only concerned with material things, eagerly waiting to marry rich men. Their father, after all in the business of trading and selling, is desperately anticipating the dowries. The Beast, meanwhile, is almost vampiric. He literally hungers for blood and must kill a deer to overcome his desire to tear into Julie's neck instead, with his raptor claws and hooked beak. The film's fantasy kingdom is a grim place, in which a need for flesh and gold drives everyone. 
 
Everyone, except for the girl. Julie is played by Zdena Studenková, whose wide eyes suggest a doe-like innocence. Her golden hair and glowing skin provides a light in the foggy darkness of this world. She is satisfied with simple pleasures and cares most of all about people. Her dreams are of a beautiful, kindly prince and the pure, euphoric love they share. Herz' "Beauty and the Beast" has that Eastern European, Soviet-era dourness to it but that is essential for the message being sent. This Beast is troubled, far more than most takes, but he strives to be better. When his Belle returns to her father and siblings out of loneliness, he decides that he truly is as unworthy of love, of grace, of forgiveness as he believes and surrenders to misery. But Julie does return to him, does accept him, because she can see the kindness within. There's a powerful line near the end of the film, that "Every woman has the power to make the man she loves beautiful." It's easy to dunk on any version of the "Beauty and the Beast" as a defense of rape culture. Sending the moral that girls should tolerate abusive men because they are really a nice, sensitive guy deep down. That the onus is on the Belles of the world to be beautiful and forgiving, to nurture brutish men into suitable husbands. Herz' telling gets at a deeper truth, that this is a story of the restorative power of love. That empathy, understanding, and kindness can change anyone, no matter how damaged or outwardly fearsome, into a better person. That these values are especially worth striving for in a world that often only cares about what it can get out of someone. 

It's a beautiful message, that love can change anyone. I'm not going to lie, I found myself relating to this Beast quite a lot. Herz' telling does include the castle servants being turned into the decor. However, instead of singing jaunty tunes, they watch ominously. They whisper to the prince, reinforcing every negative and self-hating thought he has. They urge him to kill and drink blood. That this is his nature and that being alone is his fate. When Julie's affection changes his claws back to hands, the voices mock him, saying he can't kill now and is accepted neither in the world of man or beast. Speaking as someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts of self-loathing his entire life, this strikes me as a worthy metaphor. Of any peace of mind or chance for self-acceptance being spoiled by the nagging fear that you aren't good enough, that you deserve to be alone. His beastly appearance is a manifestation of his self hatred and his crumbling castle represents him sinking deeper into suffocating despair. The kindness of a stranger, someone beautiful loving him and seeing his worth under the years of self-inflicted scars and isolation, saves him. Not to bring up my impending nuptials yet again, but that spoke to me. I saw a lot of myself in this moldering bird-beast, given a light in the dark by the love of a fair maiden. 

While ultimately optimistic, this telling resides soundly on the horror side of the genre.  The sets for the castle are detailed and beautifully realized but also heavy on the debris and ruins. The fog in the first scene reoccurs throughout, often blanketing the ground. The score is heavy on the deep rumble of a pipe organ. It creates an atmosphere that is often deeply foreboding but also suitably dream-like. Julie explores these wrecked remains like the protagonist of a dream, wandering through always with curiosity and never fear. The often striking images – the Beast's raven eyes starring through the portrait of the girl's mother – further that twin feeling. Of being transported to a surreal realm but also one of danger and uncertainty. Of going into the deep, dark woods but emerging into the light on the other side. 

I often see this "Beauty and the Beast" referred to as a "gothic" telling of the story. That's most true in the literary sense, in the way the real world and the dreamy world of the subconscious blend together, in its archetypal characters, and in its distinctively old world setting and ambiance. In the modern sense, this might also be among the most spiritually goth movies I've ever seen. There's no eye-shadow or Siouxsie Sioux lookalikes but the co-lead is a literal black bird, lingering in the darkness and tormented by despair but longing for salvation via the love of a beautiful girl. What lonely teenager, too fond of old movies and old books and Dracula capes, couldn't relate to that? Grand stuff, in other words. I loved it. May all your beasts be tamed by their beauties. [9/10]



Leap in the Dark: To Kill a King

Two years ago, I was impressed with an episode of "Leap in the Dark." That's another partially lost British horror anthology show from the seventies, heavy on the haunted ambiance and influenced by local folklore. There's a surprising number of them! "To Kill a King" concerns Harry, a man living alone in an old seeming, largely wooden house. He seems to be an award-winning writer or poet. His career has been derailed by intense headaches and erratic moods, which he takes medication for. The spectre of a medieval maiden sings to him and he attempts to transcribe her words. When he shows what he's written to his visiting agent, it's all gibberish. When Harry's obnoxious sister visits, his voices and visions intensify. 

Both "To Kill a King" and "The Living Grave" were from the final, 1980 season of "Leap in the Dark." It shows how experimental the BBC was willing to get by this point. "The Living Grave" was a quasi-mockumentary that felt like a proto-found footage film at times. "To Kill a King," meanwhile, resides further on the art house side of the spectrum. It never explains itself totally. Harry is clearly some sort of writer and obviously quite troubled but the nature of what he's experiencing is vague. The ghostly woman is never acknowledged by anyone. The people around him often speak in looping, almost nonsensical sentences. At one point, the agent and his sister have a conversation without moving their lips. The climax sees the protagonist surrounded by persecuting presences, people and spirits and voices and words. They insult his abilities as a writer and his worth as a person, calling him an "it" that something must be done about. Is Harry a schizophrenic, haunted by ghosts, or simply dreaming?

A little background information provides some context. "To Kill a King" was written by Alan Garner, better known for his fantasy novels like "The Owl Service" and "Red Shift."  He also lived in a renovated medieval cottage called Toad Hall. Which "To Kill a King" seems to have been, at least partially, filmed inside. Garner has also publicly discussed his struggles with mental illness and manic depression. Knowing all this, the episode reads as largely autobiographical. Furthermore, it strikes me as a discussion of what being a writer is like sometimes. Harry receives words and sentences from beyond, transferred via the mysterious muse occupying the house with him. He struggles to get them out of his head and onto the page while maintaining their purity, something any writer can relate too. At one point, the ghostly woman beckons him into the woods. He's compelled to fish something out of a lake but what he comes back with, a stone covered with black sludge with a crude face carved into it, horrifies him. That's also what the creative process is like sometimes, digging into the depth only to come back with something so unformed and vile that the only reasonable response is to scream at it. A dozen other factors, internal and outside, all make what seems like the simple process of writing a thought down into an anxiety-inducing nightmare. 

Garner's writing is highly influenced by the forests, folklore, and Cheshire dialect of the Manchester neighborhood he grew up in. This is evident in "To Kill a King" too. Not only in the finely observed and almost musical dialogue. The opening scene establishes this ancient cottage as positioned between a railway and a massive satellite dish. (Another indicator that our protagonist is receiving broadcast from another world.) The camera focuses on the arcane symbols carved into the wood the home is made of. All of this suggests that Harry lives in-between the past and the present, at a nexus point of the modern world and the deep well of spirits and stories this land stores. It's really fascinating stuff, if a bit oblique but well acted and with enough creepy atmosphere to satisfy this horror fan. It's a potent observation of the sometimes nerve-wracking process of of telling the tales that rattle around in a chaotic head. [9/10]



 
Friday the 13th: Doctor Jack

The eighth episode of “Friday the 13th: The Series” seems to suggest that this show's heroes are instantly aware of any weird murder or strange event that happens nearby. The opening scene depicts a masked man slashing a street vendors throat with a scalpel before effortlessly cutting through a metal fence with the same tool. The next morning, the Curious Goods gang is immediately going through the store records to find a cursed artifact that matches this description. Sounds like this silver-bladed scalpel – that supposedly belonged to Jack the Ripper though I'm not sure how they would know that – that can cut through anything is the culprit. They quickly track the instrument to Dr. Vincent Howlett, a superstar surgeon who makes crowd-attracting spectacles of his operations. Howlett has recently been hired as a failing hospital. When Jack and the gang find him, a woman is attempting to murder the man. That's cause Howlett killed her daughter. Yes, the surgeon with the magical blade is also a serial killer, whose device will only heal patients on the operating table if it's also fed a regular supply of blood from murdered victims.

I'm starting to notice that the quality of any given episode of “Friday the 13th: The Series” is tied to whether it has a decent villain or not. If the Baddie of the Week is a scheming padre or the ghost of Uncle Lawrence, you're probably in for a good time. If it's a pop star with a cursed tea cup, not so much. Luckily, “Doctor Jack” has probably the best adversary the series has provided so far. Cliff Gorman plays Dr. Howlett as hopelessly conceited and sure of his own abilities, much to the annoyance of the hospital official he's working for. At the same time, his blood lust seems uncontrollable. The guy almost comes across like a murder junkie, killing not because he wants to but because he has to. It's still a wild rush for the slasher though. This means Gorman gets to play multiple juicy angles. He's an asshole doctor and a crazed knife nut. He's also a Dr. Jekyll who wants to help people tangoing with a Hyde that wants to destroy life, making him kind of sympathetic too. He's a source of tension during scenes when he's stalking a random street walker but also the uncertainty you see in his eyes is compelling. 

This episode also has two other things going for it. First off, it's heavy on the action sequences. There are two separate chases through the shadowy tunnels underneath the hospital, a good setting for a frenzied foot chase. The second chase features a neat visual gag, of the magic scalpel slicing a hole in a door. The other reason this episode is top tier is that it features multiple scenes of the heroes bullshitting information out of people. The scene where Jack and Micki trick the shifty owner of the knife shop into revealing pertinent information is a highlight for sure. It's easy to imagine a version of this show without the supernatural theatrics, that was just a straight detective series, heavier on scenes like this. That would honestly probably be a better show than “Friday the 13th: The Series.” However, this episode does gain a little bit of tension out of endangering one of the central trio in the climax. It goes in a very silly direction. Can you guess which surgeon is the only one that can save Jack? How that plot bends that way is quite absurd and sorrowed me a little on this one. Still, a fun episode of a program whose frequent ridiculousness sometimes charms me and sometimes annoys me. [6/10]


Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Halloween 2026: September 15th

 
2024 saw the release of Damian McCarthy's second feature, "Oddity." The heroine of that film was a blind medium who owned a rather Warrens-esque museum of cursed objects. Among them was the creepy stuffed bunny rabbit from McCarthy's debut "Caveat" and a haunted hotel call bell, which summoned a ghostly bellhop. While I don't know how eager McCarthy is to build a web of interlocking stories with his film or if these are mere cute in-jokes, his next movie also features a similarly dressed (if non-ghostly) bellhop and the same bell. That film would be "Hokum," which saw the filmmaker getting a bit more mainstream exposure, as NEON actually put this in a decent number of theaters this past spring. Now the film is on streaming and, whattayaknow, it has a properly autumnal setting making it all the more appropriate for my annual Halloween review marathon. 

Ohm Bauman is a world-renowned author, struggling with the intended downbeat ending of his soon-to-be-finished literary trilogy. For inspiration, he decides to travel to Ireland, to the scenic hotel where his parents celebrated their honeymoon. He spreads the ashes of mum, the victim of a traumatic accident during his childhood, and da', who drank himself to death in the aftermath, in the neighboring forest while there. Ohm has also developed a depressive drinking habit of his own. After being regaled with the ghost story of a local witch who punishes naughty boys – and is said to inhabit the hotel's mysteriously closed-off honeymoon suite – and befriending a kind bartender named Fiona, Ohm attempts suicide. When he awakens, he is told that Fiona is the one that saved his life... And also that she has strangely vanished. Mal, the front desk clerk, and Fergel, the crossbow wielding groundskeeper, are eager to blame the disappearance on Jerry, the magic mushroom gulping vagrant who lives nearby. Ohm is not so sure and decides to investigate himself. With Jerry's help, he sneaks into the forbidden honeymoon suite right as the hotel is closing for the season. There, he discovers the macabre truth about Fiona's disappearance and that the child-snatching beldam whispered about earlier is no fable at all. 

While discussing "Oddity," I said that it utilized many of the same tropes and cliches currently prevalent in the folk horror style but did so a lot better than the dozen other films doing the same thing. This is also true of "Hokum," another story of an isolated and spooky old location in the foggy Irish countryside, awash in ideas from local folklore and generational trauma. For example, the otherworldly antagonist is called a Cailleach, a largely benevolent figure from Celtic lore that is usually described as a veiled, one-eyed giantess that shapes the mountains and rules over the wintry months between Samhain and Beltane. Her habit of dragging naughty boys to Hell with rusty chains and then castrating them seems to be the invention of McCarthy, a correlation of this hag figure with many others from across European folklore. Nevertheless, that is the kind of thing that seems out of the grimmer oral traditions of the old country. The same is also true of a protective circle drawn in chalk around someone's feet, a device McCarthy probably swiped from "Viy" that has its roots in many ancient stories. Once again, these elements act as seasoning on a film that isn't doing much anything new with scenes of a protagonist still scarred by a traumatic childhood now facing literal versions of his metaphorical ghosts after traveling to a dusty building. 

Tropes such as these aren't inherently bad though and McCarthy continues to show that he knows how to effectively deploy them. Colm Hogan's cinematography is moody and peering, furthering both the sense of isolation and being watched that is necessary for this story to work. The central setting, of that damned honeymoon suite, is an excellent example of precisely placed production design. Every speck of dust was dropped in an ideal place and the location is a fine setting for a ghost story. Each notable element – a canopy bed with an obscuring sheet around it, a bathtub full of black gunk, a malfunctioning dumbwaiter that drops down into a basement lit by flickering old lights – is nicely set up and then paid off for later sequences. A few reviews compared "Hokum" to video games like "Silent Hill" or "Clock Tower," in which the defenseless player must use the items littered around the setting to solve various puzzles and hide from the supernatural threat, and it's an apt comparison. The use of a clock with a bell ringing mechanism is a good example. It shows that McCarthy is an economic, clever writer and a disciplined, intentional director. "Hokum" clearly has the skills behind it to be a proper spook show and the film did cause a chill or two to run up my spine. The ambiance is effectively foreboding, the images nicely creepy, and the loud jolts and shocking images dropped in at the right times so as not to feel intrusive or excessive. 

The problem is, well, what McCarthy cooks up this time around his technically astute filmmaking is simply not as pants-wettingly scary as what he did in "Oddity." An ashen old witch looks alarming when twisting out of a hole in the wall or pressing her face against a transparent barrier. But it's not as evil as a wooden puppet man with his face locked in an eternal scream. The other ghoulies included here are the spectre of Ohm's dead mom and the googly-eyed, rabbit-eared host of an overly sinister children's program, which are especially noticeable steps down from "Oddity's" central oddity. Also as in his last feature, the supernatural entities prove to be more neutral or even helpful figures within a narrative where the living are much more malicious. I like how squirrely the flesh-and-blood bad guy is here. It strikes me as an accurate depiction of realistic evil, of a person who does not think of themselves as actively malicious but makes increasingly awful decisions out of a desire to delay responsibility for their own actions. I also think the film does a decent job of juggling its various supporting characters and subplots, the timeline jumping around a few times in a way that mostly serves the flow of the story and isn't too annoying. However, these moves were a little cleaner, a little fresher in "Oddity." It remains to be seen how many more times McCarthy can do these same tricks without it becoming tedious. 

Maybe the reason why I see "Hokum" as merely pretty good, as opposed to "Oddity's" very good, is that I had a harder time warming up to its protagonist's journey. Adam Scott plays Ohm as an icy, distant fella who is outwardly standoffish to most people he encounters. He's been made that way through a lifetime of guilt weighing down on his shoulders following that childhood accident. The film lays that idea down too cleanly, it being obvious from very early on that Ohm's encounter in the hotel will act as an exorcism of his lingering mental scars. The script further belabor this point with the story-within-the-story of a conquistador about to beat someone's inner child to death with a glass bottle. Frustratingly, I didn't find the link between Ohm's capital-T Trauma and the ghostly figures he later encounters to be all that compelling. It kind of feels like this arc of personal redemption and forgiveness was simply a clothesline McCarthy fashioned to hang his various jump-scare set pieces on. I didn't find the ghost mom or the Bunnyman that scary and I don't know if the eventual reason the script provides for why these things are here passes the sniff test for me. That's when "Hokum" starts to feel less like a story told straight from the heart and more like someone playing around with familiar cinematic cliches for their own sake. 

Nevertheless, I must conclude that "Hokum" is still very much My Kind of Thing. The film is set around Halloween and makes some excellent use of authentic looking old world Jack-O-Lanterns. (Maybe I would have dug this one more if Stingy Jack himself was the film's plucked-from-folklore baddie, instead of Frau Totenkinder's whiskey drinking cousin here.) It's scares are still potent and well orchestrated. The setting is suitably eerie. The cast is well chosen and the characters have enough texture to them to read as real beings. McCarthy clearly knows what he is doing and remains one to watch. Maybe he should leave the familiar folk horror trappings and elevated backstory to A24 for his next one but, at least for now, I am still vibing with what he is doing. [7/10]





When “Psycho III” under-performed at the box office, that was essentially the end of Norman Bates' murder spree. However, commerce finds a way sometimes. In 1990, Universal Studios was getting ready to open their East Coast theme park. To distinguish themselves from what Disney was doing in the same city, Universal Studios Florida would actually contain active sound stages. People could watch movies being made on the tram tour. A popular attraction at the Hollywood park was the facade for the Bates Motel and mansion. It made sense for the Orlando location to have a similar attraction. If you're going to build a new Bates Motel, why not film a new “Psycho” there too? Charles Edward Pogue's idea for a “Psycho IV” sounded a lot like what would be Robert Bloch's final novel, “Psycho House,” wherein the Bates Motel become a tacky tourist attraction. This was rejected in favor of a script from original screenwriter, Joseph Stefano. Mick Garris would sign on to direct and he had directed a lot of TV up to this point. That made sense, since “Psycho IV: The Beginning” was always designed to forego theaters and debut on Showtime. Inauspicious as these roots are, the film has attracted some fans over the years. 

Stefano's script disregards the previous “Psycho” sequels. (Though it also doesn't directly contradict them either, if that really matters to you.) Talk radio host Fran Ambrose is interviewing Dr. Richmond, a psychologist who has written a book about the phenomenon of sons murdering their own mothers. His fascination with this subject was spurned by his days studying Norman Bates. They get a phone call from a fella calling himself “Ed.” He tells his story, of being raised by his domineering and unhinged mother. The complicated feelings that developed in him, especially around sex, growing up with his crazy mom at the isolated hotel she ran. How this led to abuse, matricide, and a murderous alter-ego based on his mother that would emerge whenever he was sexually aroused. Yes, it's Norman himself, calling in to tell his story in his own words. This is motivated by something very specific. See, in his last visit to the mental hospital, Norman met and fell in love with one of his nurses. They got married and now, he's recently discovered, she's pregnant. Norman is terrified his child will continue his legacy of madness and is willing to kill to stop it, he announces live on the air. 

Stefano may have been dismissive of “Psychos” 2 and 3 but he does find an interesting continuation of their themes anyway. Those follow-ups touched on the idea of whether someone like Norman Bates can be forgiven for his crimes. Most of all, by himself. In “The Beginning,” we see Norman's self-loathing extend to his very genetics. This is not such an unreasonable fear, in some regards. Research has continuously shown that our brain health often is predicted by the chemical imbalances and mental frailties in our parents. Might the same genetic tendencies that made Norman so susceptible to mental breaks, so willing to kill, be passed on to his child? “The Beginning,” by delving into Norman's past, also makes it clear that nurture probably has more to do with molding your kid into a psycho than nature. The flashbacks seem to insist that Norman wouldn't have grown into a murderer if his mother had not been so horrible to him. However, it is hard to see that from within the cage of your own mind. Are we doomed to repeat the past simply because of certain factors in our blood? Norma Bates was a monster and she made Norman into a monster. Are the odds that the next generation will be a monster too unbeatable? 

This is a decent foundation to build a “Psycho” follow-up on. It plays on Norman Bates' status as both a villain we fear and someone not beyond sympathy because of his backstory. A lot of cats have weird moms who foist emotionally incestuous scenarios on them. And any of us having kids are anxious about fucking them up. Unfortunately, Stefanio's script does not approach either of these ideas in a subtle or even-handed manner. "Psycho IV" has some properly cringe inducing moments in its flashbacks. Such as Norma, afraid during a thunderstorm, insisting her teenage son sleep with her and his body having certain biological reactions from being close to warm skin. However, other scenes seem to directly foreshadow the killer Norman will become. His mother insists on him wearing her dress as punishment for being aroused, standing him before a mirror and mocking him. She beats him and, when he asks why, she flatly explains that she's taking unrelated anger out on her son. This is before she lays down, in grandly stated but flat words, that having a child ruined her body and life. Her asshole boyfriend tries to encourage him to box, a chance to show off physical superiority disguised as male bonding. He ends up calling the boy a girl instead. Such on-the-nose scenes are paired with laughably baroque dialogue. I can believe that an unhinged, isolated biddy like Norma Bates might say "making wee-wee" but it sure does drain the tension from a scene. So do other awkward lines like "me and my trusty umbrella" or "Good toast!" 

Any prequel is hassled by inevitably setting up events we already know. That doesn't make the premise of delving into Norman Bates' childhood and seeing how he was formed into such an infamous killer without merit. Stefano's script does make sure to depict the relationship between the boy and his mother as more complicated than simply symbolic castrations stacked atop each other. Norman's mom wasn't always horrible. He has happy memories from his childhood. The disastrous codependency of their relationship wouldn't have formed if Mother's cruelty wasn't balanced by sweet devotion to her son as well. Unfortunately, Stefano's script never quite delves into the complexities of that. We see all the ways Norma very specifically set up her boy's murderous paraphilias. We see the inappropriate ways she acted around the boy, insisting he rub her down with scented water on a hot day. The incestuous feelings such actions could grow in a teenage mind, shown when he uses the peep hole for the first time to spy on Mom and Chet, are a reaction to that. 

But sometimes the film has Norma just be a crazy bitch for no reason, such as when she starts to tickle her son at his father's funeral and then chastises him for laughing. Moreover, for as much as Norman talks about his mother, we never learn much about his equal love and loathing of her. He talks about a mother being a boy's best friend and him being forced into the role of man-of-the-house at a young age. Yet his devotion to her is treated as a matter of fact. Norman did love his mother. He would not have felt such tremendous guilt over murdering her, such that his mind fractured into a facsimile of her, if he didn't. The script's attempts to describe this mostly appear in mawkish scenes like a recollection of a childhood picnic that ends in Norman saying "sometimes little boys feel like giants." A cheesy line that script then congratulates itself for. 

Writing that is both heavy-handed and frustratingly shallow infects all portions of the film. I like how CCH Pounder plays the radio host, as too curious and sympathetic to Norman to end their phone call. However, the dialogue in the recording booth is some of the corniest in the film. That plot thread also just disappears before the last act. While Norman's wife plays a pivotal role in the story, we never get any insight into her mind. What attracted her to such a notorious figure? That she went off birth control without telling her husband, well aware that he dreaded the idea of having a child, is glossed over. But that's kind of a crazy person thing to do too, ya know? The script repeatedly can't show us good reasons why women were repeatedly attracted to Norman. We see a teenage hook-up that ends in drag and stabbing – cause that's how Norman has sex, did ya know? – and a date with an older woman – cause she reminds him of his mom, right!!! – that also concludes with homicide. Both ladies seem pretty into Norman before he goes nuts. I guess women had fewer options in the forties and fifties but depicting Norman as charming or predatory would've made more sense. Here, it's like sexy ladies just keep throwing themselves at him, unknowingly baiting Mother to kill. It's a weird way to frame things. Norman Bates is sympathetic but let's not excuse his actions either. 

I like Mick Garris as a genre historian, fellow fan, and enthusiastic organizer of worthy retrospectives. But, God bless 'em, he's not a filmmaker of the quality of Alfred Hitchcock. Garris, true to form, is highly reverent of the original. This is the first "Psycho" sequel to use Bernard Hermann's famous melodies, which it does often and gratuitously. It treats the iconography of the original with awe and some of the cinematography, especially the scenes set in the shadowy studio or Bates' kitchen, is decent. However, whenever the film has to create suspense, it becomes apparent that this one does not have the same grasp on tension or visuals as previous Bates outings. That is especially clear during the laughably bad finale, where Norman is haunted by visions of his past victims. In those sequences, "Psycho IV" most reveals itself as a cheesy TV movie, a late-in-the-game cash-in designed to coast on an iconic name a little bit longer. Only a single scene, the gruesome way Norman's poisoning of mom and her boyfriend plays out, has any grim power. Probably because it's the only time the prequel balances Norman's dedication and hatred of his mother in any interesting way. 

That mawkish quality is evident in the performances too. Perkins' tendency towards melodramatics is on full display. Olivia Hussey was a grand dame of theatricality and that is well suited to an explosive personality like Norman Bates' mom. However, she can't overcome how unconvincing some of this writing is. Henry Thomas is okay as little Norman but mostly does a passable impression of a young Perkins. This one has its fans and it's a less egregious extension of the "Psycho" brand than "Bates Motel" was. However, I found the script and presentation ultimately let down an intriguing premise. [5/10]



Horror Theater Unbalance: A Mummy's Love
 
The production company started by Eiji Tsuburaya has mostly occupied itself over the decades with various versions of the “Ultraman” franchise. While not every show Tsuburaya Productions has made features some sort of superhero fighting giant monsters, most of them do. One exception is “Horror Theater Unbalance,” a 13 episode anthology program that aired in 1973. The series seems mostly forgotten in Japan, which means its incredibly obscure here in America. The only episode that is easily found with subtitles is the first, “A Mummy's Love.” That's probably because it was directed by Seijun Suzuki, who has garnered a global cult following for his weird yakuza movies. I still haven't watched much “Ultraman,” much to the chagrin of my fellow kaiju bros, and haven't liked the Suzuki movies I have seen. But let's give this one a shot anyway. 

The first half of “A Mummy's Love” is devoted to telling the folk tale at its center. It concerns a Buddhist monk who is buried alive, in hopes of achieving enlightenment. He holds a bell and rings it as he's entombed alive. A few centuries later, a student of Buddhism hears the ringing and digs up the grave. Inside is the now mummified monk, still ringing his bell. The student gives the mummy food and water, his body slowly returning to normal. However, the mummy – soon nicknamed Josuke – doesn't seem to have found enlightenment in the tomb. He acts like a drooling simpleton, eats meat, and seems most interested in pursuing sexual relations with women. While Josuke finds a widow to shack up with, she tires of his indefatigable lust soon and kicks him out. Afterwards, Josuke becomes a menace in town, harassing every woman he finds. The second half of the story concerns the framing device, about the ailing professor telling this story and his recently widowed assistant, whom he seems to harbor similarly lusty feelings for. 

After a cordial introduction from a narrator in a chair, “A Mummy's Love” is further introduced by a skeleton, warning us that it is a shocking tale. Despite that opening, the tone here seems more farcical than frightening. After being uncovered, the mummified corpse is tossed around like a beach ball. He's mocked by people in town. The scene of him and the only woman willing to sleep with him going at it for nearly a week is obviously a gag. There's a weird shot of Josuke sticking his ass out while wearing a loin-cloth and his overall behavior would probably ruffle the feathers of disability representation organizations today. The second half of the episode is more ominous but in a sad way, concerning the young woman's inability to move on from her husband's death. This proceeds an ending as characterized by frustrated sexual desires as the rest of the episode, that is also quite ambiguous and unexplained. 

In other words, this is a weird one. If this episode is any indication, the series' title is apt. The tone is clearly unbalanced while the content is nutty enough to suggest the creators were quite unbalanced too. The main thematic thrust of the story seems to revolve around the protagonist's frustration at Josuke, despite having died and been resurrected, not having become enlightened. Instead, it would seem that a 200 year old case of blue balls is a much more powerful force than achieving nirvana. A desire for companionship and sex drives all the characters here, suggesting we live in a world of the flesh and not of the spirit. I'm not sure it all comes together but it's certainly not forgettable. In other words, it seems Suzuki barely restrained the eccentric qualities that got him black-listed for a decade when working for television. [6/10]


 


Friday the 13th: The Great Montarro
 
Considering it does not seem to be an especially common profession, stage magicians are unusually well represented in fiction. “Friday the 13th: The Series” tries its (slight-of) hand at this common trope with “The Great Montarro.” After a well respected illusionist is found killed by his own stage gimmick, a competition opens to find a new magician to take up residence at the theater. Jack suspects one of them has a cursed artifact, a trick box of mysterious origin. While he poses as an escape artist, Micki and Ryan snoop around. The eventual winner of the contest is The Great Montarro and he seems very suspicious, especially since people keep dying around him. As with all stage magic, not everything is as it seems. 

As far as mysteries go, “The Great Montarro” is not the most coherent. Maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention but I was never sure what goal exactly the villain of the week was pursuing. Much less what made it so valuable to kill multiple people over. One of the victims we see is a man disguised as a woman, a bit of gender-fuckery that seemingly has no narrative purpose. The mechanics behind this week's cursed artifact also left me a little confused. It would seem that whoever gets placed inside the box will be impaled by the falling swords in place of the magician. What there is to be gained from doing this, I must have missed. The episode rolls along at a fast enough pace, with enough exciting sequences, that I only found myself asking these questions as I assemble this review. 

It's okay though. Before every season of television became an eight-to-twelve hour long movie, TV shows were just about hanging out with some lovable dip shits every week. I guess “Friday the 13th: The Series” has successfully seduced me as, six episodes in, I'm finding myself simply enjoying spending time with Ryan, Micki, and Jack. Chris Wiggins really excels at getting to be a theatrical, slightly pompous, but always self-effacing goof. Which means stage magic is right up Jack's alley and gives his actor a fine chance to do what he's good at. Louise Robey as Micki gets to wear fancy outhits while John D. LeMay as Ryan gets to snoop and investigate. In other words, everyone is having fun and it leads to some elaborate set pieces. I seem to recall, from “Crystal Lake Memories,” that “Friday the 13th: The Series” was somewhat controversial at the time for its violence. This episode is a bit on the bloodier side, surely one of the other limited ways the eponymous film series actually influenced this otherwise unrelated TV spin-off. [6/10]


Monday, September 14, 2026

Halloween 2026: September 14th

 
On the page, she was less of a character and more of a plot device. In chapter 22 of Mary Shelley's novel, Victor Frankenstein's creation demands his “father” make him a companion. At the last minute, Vic gets the jitters and tears the un-animated flesh homunculus apart. That was the extent of the character's original appearance. When William Hurlbut very loosely adapted the story to cinema in 1935, she was at least given a pulse, a swan's hiss of a voice, and an iconic hair-do. Her screen time also maxed out at about four minutes and she was still without name. She was The Monster's Mate in the credits. On the marquee, and in the public consciousness, she'll always be The Bride of Frankenstein. As men often do, we became enamored despite only getting a glimpse. Despite the briefness of her roots, the Bride has often reappeared alongside her groom. Sometimes she gets a name of her own too, like Eva or Pandora or Lily. Feminist readings of Shelley's work are, obviously, common. This has lead to many attempts to provide such a reading of a character who has always been known as an extension of a man. A big budget attempt arrived in March of 2026, emphatically entitled “The Bride!” Some accused it of being a fiasco, others admired it, a few said it was a future cult classic. Obviously, as a bit of a “Frankenstein”-head myself, I was waiting to formulate my own opinion. 

In 1936 Chicago, the spirit of Mary Shelley possesses a gangster's moll named Ida. She is pushed down the stairs, snapping one leg and dying from a blow to the head. Not long afterwards, Frankenstein's monster seeks out a doctor named Cornelia Euphironius. He asks of her to make him a companion, after being alone for a hundred years. They dig up Ida's body and reanimate her. She has only brief remains of her memory and is furthered scattered by Shelley's spirit continuing to randomly speak through her. Frank tells her that she's his bride. After some jerks assault her outside a night club, the monster gruesomely murders the men. The reanimated corpses are now fugitives. Their bond grows as they travel the country. They see a bunch of movies starring Frank's favorite song-and-dance man, Ronnie Reed. Ida, now convinced her name is Penelope, accidentally triggers a revolution of feminist rage. Sometimes, they kill some more people. A detective named Jake Wiles, along with his hyper-confident secretary Myrna, pursue the monsters. He has a connection to Ida's past, which the newly christened Bride will soon uncover herself. 

Most of the negative reviews of “The Bride!” high-lighted the film's biggest swings. The movie quite sincerely begins with Mary Shelley's ghost announcing herself as the author of “Frankenstein.” Multiple visions or dream sequences are featured. Sometimes these will roll over into the stated reality of the film without warning. There are multiple musical numbers. Sometimes featuring willfully anachronistic song choices, at least two of which are songs already associated with “Frankenstein.” The climax is a slo-mo shoot-out. It is, to say the least, bold. It is also a lot. The performances are pitched at Nic Cage-ian levels of over-the-top from the first minute and never really calm down. The dialogue is laced with screamed profanity. There are several frantic monologues. When violence and sexual assault occur, it's graphic. The script rarely stops to give the audience much time to catch up with some of its narrative choices and the thematic ideas are often endlessly jumbled atop each other. The film is coming at you so hard, all the time, that the result is both impressive and embarrassing for everyone involved. 

Sometimes, the film's full-throated belief in its own ideas left me staring in disbelief. Such as whenever Mary Shelley's ghost interacts with the title character, which usually results in her spitting out loosely linked words. One of those aforementioned dance numbers has the main duo being backed up by the people around them going into bone-crunching, spasmodic gyrations for no particular reasons. Other times, I found myself enjoying the film's unbalanced amalgamation of various thirties film genre. Frank's love of classic musicals is a cute reoccurring detail, the ultimate outsider imagining himself as a smoothly moving star on the screen. The film most finds its footing when the monster couple emerge as undead Bonnie and Clydes, road tripping across depression era America and causing trouble whenever it suits them. Jessie Buckley and Christian Bale's theatrical vamping can sometimes be overbearing, both performers very aware of how much Acting they are doing. Penelope Cruz, meanwhile, is operating on the exact right level of stylized camp as a fast-talking, hyper-observant “His Girl Friday” type character. Maybe Maggie Gyllenhaal should have just made the whole movie about her instead. 

If “The Bride!” was just an overly ambitious mash-up of Frankenstein, classic gangster flicks, and old-time musicals high on its own supply, it would probably have been better received. However, Gyllenhaal's film also had to be a grand feminist statement. By which I mean, the film contains a half-formed subplot that is basically “Joker For the Ladies.” Ida/Penelope seems able to intrinsically or psychically feel other women's trauma. This leads to a scene of her listing off grievances in a crowded dance hall. It seemingly inspires women all over the country to paint their faces and tongues like her ink-splotch pattern and go on violent rampages against men, while screaming out catch-phrases and slogans taken from Ida's ramblings. It's another willfully anachronistic element in the film, as it's difficult to imagine a Fourth Wave Feminist uprising like that appearing in 1936. Much the same way “Joker” featured its murderous clown protagonist inspiring indiscriminate violent protests that did not seem to have any actual political ideology or rationale behind them, this subplot comes across as vague gesturing at broad social injustices. In this case, Women Be Persecuted, that has no depth nor any actual scruples behind it.

We can tell that “The Bride!'s” womanly rage is, if not insincere, at least poorly thought out. From the moment the Bride and Frankenstein meet, he is constructing their past together. He invents stories about how they met, how they got married, their sex lives, and more. He's been lying to her and manipulating her. When Ida discovers this, she's understandably upset and decides to call off their relationship... Before the last act essentially sees her take him back through a convoluted series of events. This dovetails with the detective subplot, which has Peter Sarsgaard – Gyllenhaal's husband, it must be noted – apologizing for all his past grievances against specific women and women in general. The way that thread resolves itself feels like one long asterisk on the movie's man-hating philosophy. Yes, personal and social boundaries between men and women are very complicated. Where love and desire fit in throughout true equality between the sexes and reparations against the historically awful treatment of women is a lot to consider. At the same time, stopping your diatribe against the mass abuse of womankind to insert a few “#NotAllMen!” moments feels curiously wrongheaded. 

Then again, “curiously wrongheaded” is probably an apt description for “The Bride!” overall. In addition to all its other high-minded ideas and various pastiches, I think the movie is also a meta-textual riff on the creation of “Frankenstein” itself. Making Mary Shelley a character suggests that the story of “Frankenstein” exists as both a fictional narrative and a real event within the film's universe. Light spoilers here, possibly: I think the ending of implies that somehow the knowledge of these events was sent back in time and inspired the writing of the novel in the first place? It's not very clear. Tie these weird narrative swings together with the bizarre tonal shifts, ruminations on men and women that are both way too obvious and contradictory, and a general tendency for the movie to be nutty or abrasive a lot of the time... It's not surprising many critics were simply baffled by “The Bride!” At the same time, I can't entirely dismiss the movie simply because it is so bold and so specific. Gyllenhaal had Some Thoughts and Feelings and this motion picture is an expression of them. It is confused mess, the kind of campy spectacle that begs people to hate it, but I can't dismiss it either. [6/10]


 

“Psycho” becoming a multi-media franchise is kind of funny, when you think about it. It's a story of murder and sex, considered so shocking and upsetting in 1960 that it nearly changed the direction of horror single-handedly, and based on an extremely gruesome true crime case. How does that end up on lunch boxes and doing cross-band synergy with Hello Kitty? However, the facade of the hotel and Bates house have been part of the Universal Studios tram tour since 1964. While the theatrical “Psycho” sequels were a little more respectable to the legacy of the original, this cannot be said for all the cinematic extensions of the Bates brand. In the late eighties, “The Hitchhiker” creator Richard Rothstein would attempt to build a similar quasi-anthology show around “Psycho's” most infamous landmark. The pilot was poorly received and NBC burnt it off as a TV movie in the summer off-season of 1987. I'm fascinated by ill-conceived spin-offs of beloved properties, which meant I obviously had to write about this.

Well, everyone knows Norman Bates was paroled in 1983 and resumed his stabby shenanigans shortly afterwards. What “Bates Motel” presupposes is... Maybe, while institutionalized, he would befriend a young psycho-in-training named Alex West. The two would become so close that, after his passing, Norman would will the family hotel and home to this guy. With Norman's ashes in hand, Alex heads to Fairvale fully intending to honor his late friend's wishes. He learns that, in addition to the reputation of Norman and his mom's murders, the motel is also said to be haunted. He instead finds a struggling actress named Willie squatting in the derelict hotel. The two misfits become pals and Willie helps Alex re-launch the business. That's when a suicidal woman named Barbara arrives and rents the room, encountering some ghosts of her own.

The role of black comedy within Alfred Hitchcock's work has often been discussed and analyzed. Grim as “Psycho” is, it too has shades of a puckish sense of humor within it. This makes the idea of a comedic “Psycho”-inspired series not as unexpected as it sounds. However, that doesn't explain the logic behind the decision to turn “Bates Motel” into a full-blown farce. And not like a good, Marx Brothers farce either. The tone throughout much of “Bates Motel” is that of hacky, eighties sitcom buffoonery. Billie is introduced in a colorful chicken mascot costume, a gag that comes back several times. Billie's aggressively eccentric shenanigans includes dropping a plate while making meatloaf and leaving the shards of porcelain in with the meal. An earlier scene has a pair of bums – Buck Flowers and Carmen Filip, forever type-cast – attempting to drink the urn of Norman's ashes, mistaking it for a liquor bottle. The opening montage establishes a flippant tone, aggravatingly self-aware of its own corniness. This is consistent throughout, resulting in a “Psycho” spin-off that feels like an episode of “Three's Company” or something. 

It is a very odd tone to attach to what is ostensibly a sequel to one of the all-time great horror films. It is far from the only odd choice made here. The perspective “Bates Motel” series would have featured something like a “Fantasy Island” or “Love Boat” type set-up. While Alex and Billie would presumably be reoccurring characters, a new motel guest every week would bring with them a new B-plot. This element of “Bates Motel” doesn't appear until the movie is half-way over, after nearly an hour devoted to Alex buying and refurbishing the motel. The result is a lumpily paced film that randomly introduces a new story in the last third. The plot itself is of debatable merit. Khrystyne Haje is a suicidal woman whose depression manifests more as bursts of moping, that quickly turn around when people are nice to her. She encounters a group of partying teenagers with a strangely fifties style about them. It's obvious immediately that these kids are ghosts, youngsters who took their own lives and have returned from the great beyond to convince someone on the edge to do otherwise. The script approaches a very morose premise with nothing but a detached sentimentality, making it clear that a depression so crushing that someone considers ending themselves was not being taking very seriously. Sling-shoting from the slapstick comedy of the first half to the maudlin, if deeply insincere, melodrama of the second is baffling

I suppose one must also consider the validity of the premise, of the Bates Motel becoming a nexus point of supernatural activity. I mean, stupider premises have supported longer running shows. However, a nostalgic party of ghostly teens does seem like an odd companion piece to a story of serial murder and repressed sexuality. The other horror element of the film does feature a approximation of Mrs. Bates, wielding a knife. The conclusion of which is rather “Scooby-Doo”-ish, in both execution and resolution. Whether Alex and Billie could support a weekly series is also questionable. The recently passed Bud Cort, with his diminutive form and bug eyes, could easily bring an air of weirdo menace to the part. Instead, he plays Alex as almost childish in his naivety, such a pure soul that it's weird when you remember the character is already a murderer. Lori Petty plays Billie and it's the typical kind of role you got Lori Petty for. The character is a textbook Manic Pixie Dream Girl, existing only to uplift a socially awkward guy. Petty's always charming eccentric energy is a plus though. A scene where the two share a kiss is one of the few moments when I feel like I was watching actual human beings in “Bates Motel.” 

One cannot be surprised that “Bates Motel” would fail to go to series. The entire film is so stiflingly ill-conceived that I'm a little surprised it made it to air at all. I was left being reminded of the “Star Wars Holiday Special,” a made-for-TV spin-off of a beloved and highly influential film franchise that, rather than attempt to adapt the original's tone to the medium, sticks it within the crushing constraints of then television cliches. It even ends with a fourth wall break, furthering the campy TV artifact atmosphere. Perhaps some musical numbers or unsubtitled Wookie shenanigans would have enlivened this. Unlike that notorious piece of television, Universal has made no efforts to suppress “Bates Motel's” existence. It used to re-air on the Sci-Fi Channel with some regularity and has remained in-print on DVD. And eventually someone did launch a successful “Psycho” TV show named “Bates Motel,” though it was more connected to the film. Now, whether I would rather watch this again or endure more serialized genre television tedium is a question I would rather not consider... [3/10]
 

 
Dead of Night: Return Flight

 
Another partially lost BBC horror short-runner from the seventies, the two episodes of “Dead of Night” I previously wrote about are among the eeriest horror television I've ever seen. “Return Flight” is the last of the series' installments know to still exist. It concerns Captain Hamish Rolph, an airline pilot whose wife has recently died. On a late night flight, he must suddenly steer the plane to avoid colliding with another plane... He seems to think it was a WWII bomber but that couldn't be possible, could it? His boss and friend Frank Warley tries to check on Hamish's mental health. He longs for his dead wife, resents his absent daughter, and is nostalgic for his brief days as a pilot in the war. He's also having reoccurring visions of events from the Blitz, as if the past is interrupting the present. Further investigation shows that a landing strip used to exist near where Hamish had his incident. This has deadly consequences. 

From the episodes that remain, it is clear that “Dead of Night” represented an extremely British style of horror story. Namely, one that favored foreboding atmosphere over any loud shocks or visceral thrills. The chills “The Exorcism” and “A Woman Sobbing” generated existed almost entirely in the realm of implication. Both episodes created an unsettling feeling by focusing in on a protagonist's journeys. They also made the limited settings of a British television budget work for them, creating an enclosing sense of isolation. “Return Flight” is similarly low-key in its attempts at scares. This is an hour mostly devoted to people standing around in rooms and talking. There are no attacking ghosts or obviously disturbing visions. The horror of the situation does not reveal itself until the final scene, which is delivered with the same understated dryness that you expect from those Brits and their stiff-upper-lips. 

Peter Barksworth gives a good performance as Hamish, subtly conveying the complicated mixture of grief and bitterness his wife's death awoke in him. Like many an older gentlemen, he longs for his youth. In particular, he longs for a glorious wartime experience he never got to live out. The war ended right after Hamish got drafted, denying him the chance to kill Nazis or die on the battle field. It's an interesting idea but “Return Flight” is sadly too understated. We are not fully allowed into the protagonist's mind. We only get brief mentions of his absent daughter. Or of how the memory of his wife's first husband hung over their marriage. The script is mostly about other people talking about the man's history. The episode would've done better to actually show us these things. Or, at least, give us more of a peek into the lonely life the man is now living. 

Also in keeping with the style of BBC ghost stories, “Return Flight” never outright explains the circumstances of what is happening. Clearly, this is a story about the past lingering around and refusing to stay dead. This was also true of “The Exorcism” and “A Woman Sobbing,” both tales of past spirits taking control of or beckoning to the living. (From what information we have about the lost episodes, it sounds like this was true of most of “Dead of Night.”) However, those scripts married the premise to themes of class inequality or feminine isolation. “Return Flight” can't quite make the same point about boomer idealization of the golden age or the scars World War II left on London. The result is an installment where it feels like nothing much happens, delivered in such a manner as to feel dull. A little bit of tension rises in the lead-up to the final note, getting at the idea of professionals trying to stay calm and not panic as the situation begins to spiral out of control. Exactly what you would expect the feeling on an airplane about to drop out of the sky to be. “Return Flight” needed more of that. [5/10]



Friday the 13th: The Series: Hellowe'en
 
Every TV show with even a little bit of a spooky vibe about it should do at least one Halloween themed episode. “Friday the 13th: The Series” got to it pretty early, by the fifth broadcast. Ryan throws a Halloween party in the antique's shop. Micki is a little uncertain about having so many people In the building but is reassured that all the evil objects are safely kept in the vault. Jack entertains the guests before some trouble-makers sneak into the aforementioned vault of evil. They awaken a ghastly presence: The ghost of Uncle Lewis. He tricks Micki and Ryan into grabbing a pendent that makes his spirit flesh. With the assistance of a mischievous imp sidekick, Lewis or the demon impersonating him attempts to fulfill a diabolic ritual before the sun rises. 

Five episodes in was definitely too early for “Friday the 13th” to set a story within its own collection of horrific artifacts. The heroes haven't been collecting them for that long! Despite that, Curious Goods is the best location the show has and I don't blame the producers for wanting to take advantage of that. The place looks cooler yet when decked out for a Halloween party. Once again, the scenes of Jack simply vamping in a silly costume and intoning about some bullshit like Tarot or Arthurian lore is the most entertaining element of the show. A shot of a glowing crystal ball or fog billowing across the location's floor, while Jack-O-Lanterns and costumed revelers are near-by, is this show reaching “The Haunted Mansion” levels of corny Halloween vibes. I approve of that. 

Unfortunately, “Friday the 13th: The Series” does not build the entire episode around its Halloween party premise. In fact, that side of the story and most of the October 31st energy is abandoned once Uncle Lewis' ghost shows up. I like the idea of the show centering its nebulous collection of threats around a single villain. Uncle Lewis immediately turning evil after coming back as a spirit seems to run counter to his crisis of conscience in the first episode. I do enjoy R.G. Armstrong getting a chance to ham it up a bit. This is the sole credit of Victoria Deslaurier, the short actress who plays the demonic little person. She's having a good time but I always feel a little bad when a small person gets cast as some sort of fantasy creature. There are some amusing shenanigans in this one, such as when Micki almost gets cremated alive. Jack and Uncle Lewis' ghost have a chant-off at the end, which made me chuckle. I do like how the final scene builds on the lore a little – Jack was in love with Lewis' wife – and ominously points towards the impending Friday the 13th as some sort of climatic event. [6/10]