RECENT WATCHES: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

It's 2019 and I'm sick of “Star Wars.” I thought “The Last Jedi,” the previous entry in the Skywalker saga, was an exciting, beautifully executed film that dismissed all of the things I found irritating about the series. Yet most of the conversation surrounding that film has revolved around the vitriolic response a certain subsection of the fandom had to the movie. (At least some of which was generated by Russian propaganda bots, because that's the world we live in now.) Inevitably, this discourse has consumed all discussion surrounding the franchise, to the point where even the cast has felt the need to chime in. And now, the ninth and supposedly final film in this particular saga, “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker,” has seemingly been built around addressing these concerns. I might be sick of talking about “Star Wars” but I feel compelled to say my piece on this latest entry in the billion-dollar franchise.

In the aftermath of “The Last Jedi's” events, it's been revealed that Emperor Palpatine, the evil Sith lord that led the original trilogy's Galactic Empire, has been resurrected. From the legendary Sith home world, he has built a fleet of Star Destroyers outfitted with Death Star technology. Soon, Kylo Ren and his First Order are united with the Emperor. He is commanded to hunt down Rey, the last Jedi. Rey's friends in the Resistance soon follow alongside her, as they seek out the device that can lead them to the Emperor's world. The fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Just from a story perspective, “The Rise of Skywalker” is a mess. It often feels like J.J. Abrams' film packs in enough story for two franchise sequels. The first hour of “Episode IX” concerns the heroes chasing after various MacGuffins, some of which lead to other MacGuffins. At one point, a chart hidden within the hilt of a magical dagger leads Rey to the exact location of another plot device. Exposition arrives by the ream. Characters jump around locations quickly, to the point where the audience is baffled by their appearances. New superpowers are gained throughout the plot. Revelations are made concerning spies and then they are forgotten, the movie onto its next story beat.

The sequel reviving the Emperor from the dead within the opening scroll, instead of the actual movie, is emblematic of its many problems. Abrams is still obsessed with recreating the original trilogy's events. So we have to have an Emperor, even if “The Last Jedi” swiftly dealt with our Palpatine stand-in. It's not “Star Wars' without a Death Star, apparently, so an entire fleet of ships become mini-Death Stars. Eventually, the film's obsession with family bloodlines, magical powers, and ancient rivalries between space wizard sects consumes it. The last act is an incomprehensible mishmash of Jedi and Sith mysticism, the audience completely lost.

When it was announced that J.J. Abrams was returning to finish the trilogy he started, I instantly became worried he would undo all the most interesting ideas Rian Johnson introduced in “The Last Jedi.” As the cast started to bitch about the last movie, it became increasingly clear “The Rise of Skywalker” would attempt to win back the disgruntled fanboys who had already washed their hands of the series by this point. So, yes, the interesting idea that a galaxy far, far away doesn't revolve around specific bloodlines is tossed out. Rey's parents are someone important. The mystery box nonsense surrounding Snoke is revived, with the reveal that Snoke was basically Palpatine the entire time. Rose, a nice new character so hated by the toxic fans that they drove her actress off social media, is reduced to a minor role. The film even pauses to mock the Holdo Maneuver. It's exhausting and frankly disgusting that Disney, once again, was capitulating to the worst corners of the fandom.

If you believe that Kylo Ren is meant to represent that creed of “Star Wars” fan, “The Rise of Skywalker” even seems to have a special message for them. The main villain of the new trilogy, who has committed any number of atrocities in order to gain control of the galaxy, gets a hugely unconvincing redemptive arc. (Probably because the main villain of the original trilogy got a redemptive arc.) Via a dying hero interceding, a near-death experience, and the inexplicable appearance of a ghost, Kylo changes his mind about being evil. And just like that, all is forgiven. He even gets a romantic moment, so sudden and awkward it almost becomes hilarious. It is, to say the least, horribly messy. Adam Driver is a good actor but he can't overcome the ridiculous shortcuts and unconvincing plot twists the film uses to foster this change.

While the movie's flaws are impossible to ignore, “The Rise of Skywalker” isn't without its moments. Occasionally, “Episode IX” does feature the things I actually like about “Star Wars.” In their journeys through a number of different planets – including another desert planet, which I guess there are a hundred of in the galaxy – the Resistance heroes encounter a number of neat aliens, robots, and new cultures. The highlight of which is Babu Frik, a Mowgai-sized genius engineer, who speaks in adorably clipped dialogue. There's also a super cute new robot, in the form of the amnesic and cone-headed D-0. Among the other groups encounter are tapir-nosed desert dwellers and a group of First Order deserters living as vagabonds on one of the moons of Endor. It helps that J.J. Adrams, if nothing else, is committed to using as many practical creature effects as possible.

If nothing else, the new films certainly continue to have a likable cast. Some of the sequel's best moments revolve around just watching our friends have adventures together. There's something to be said for watching Rey, Poe, Fin and C-3PO wander through a mysterious, underground tunnel. Or a daring escape from a First Order vessel. Even if the script pushes her through the most ridiculous revelations, Daisy Ridley continues to deftly mix determination and vulnerability as Rey. John Boyega and Oscar Isaacs are still obviously having a blast. It's also nice to see Billy Dee Williams, who has lost none of his inherent coolness. Sadly, the movie can only cut around the Carrie Fisher-shaped hole in its heart for so long, as the use of old footage of her digitally inserted into new scenes is obviously awkward.

And, yes, the film does feature some cool visuals and neat action sequences. The psychic link between Rey and Ren results in a number of confrontations, one of which builds into a lightsaber dual, elements from different settings bleeding into each other. Another highlight is another dual across the surface of the Death Star's wreckage, giant waves crashing along side them. These moments certainly prove more interesting than the giant space battles, which grow increasingly chaotic and same-y by the film's end. The climax even feature that modern blockbuster cliché of a blue light shining up into the sky.

Ultimately, “The Rise of Skywalker” left me exhausted in the worst way a big effects movie can. Its plot is a jumbled mess. These sort of movies are suppose to distract me from the hellscape we live in. How the film goes out of its way to turn back the clock on so many of the previous entry's elements, all in the name of placating internet trolls, reminds me of all that stupid bullshit. Yeah, there's some neat creatures, some likable performers and a handful of interesting moments. But it's not enough to make me feel any less annoyed or baffled by the movie. Instead of ending on a triumph, the Skywalker Saga ends on the most confounding of shrugs. [5/10]