RECENT WATCHES: V/H/S: Viral (2014)

The first two “V/H/S” movies garnered a lot of attention among the horror movie press. The praise was not universal but both movies certainly had a fan following. Off the back of the especially critically acclaimed “V/H/S/2,” it only made sense for Bloody Disgusting Productions to move forward with a third installment. “V/H/S: Viral” would ostensibly operate under the same premise as the previous two entries. Up-and-coming genre directors would each make found footage horror stories, caught on tape. Yet the third installment would loose the thread a little by focusing on cellphones and viral videos over VHS tapes. The resulting film would receive largely negative reviews. 

The framing device is called “Vicious Circle,” It follows a man chasing a sinister ice cream truck through L.A. after it grabs his girlfriend. Along the way, disturbing videos are distributed among people's cellphones and cause further violence. “Dante the Great” is a mockumentary about a stage magician whose cloak gives him actual magic in exchange for human flesh. “Parallel Monsters” concerns a man who builds a portal to a parallel universe in his basement and discovers the terrifying differences for himself. “Bonestorm” has kids making a skateboarding video heading to Mexico and stumbling upon the undying worshipers of Santa Muerte. 

The framing devices are usually the weak links in the “V/H/S” movies but “Vicious Circle” is especially worthless. The story is incoherent. How or why the ice cream truck is spreading the violent videos and making people go crazy is never answered. Another unanswered question is why the protagonist is recording anything that's happening. Director Marcel Sarmiento, previously of “Deadgirl,” cheats by cutting between multiple cameras. This results in bizarre digressions. Like a backyard barbecue that features a dog with a fork in its head and ends in an explosion. Or a deeply sleazy moment about a pornographer shooting a video in a taxi cab, which becomes violent. None of these incidents link to the main story.  The segment ends with a pathetic attempt to link this framing device with the first two films. Sarmiento's direction is largely sloppy and only a segment where someone gets dragged behind a car, tearing his feet off, makes much of an impression. 

“Dante the Great,” from Gregg Bishop of “Dance of the Dead” fame, also doesn't commit much to the found footage premise. It plays out more like a television true crime documentary. Except when it cuts to the secret tapes Dante made, of his cape – or the monster that lives inside – killing various people. It has a very silly premise to overcome, of a malevolent piece of clothing that eats people. It's also hard to imagine a stage magician being as hugely popular as Dante is here. The acting is quite exaggerated from everyone involved, with Justin Welborne being especially annoying as Dante. About the only thing the film has going for it is some clever special effects. Dante shattering people's limbs or teleporting individuals are conveyed on-screen in a seamless way. That's kind of cool.

“Parallel Monsters,” at the very least, is better than the first segment and the framing device. Director Nacho Vigalondo – best known for “Timecrimes,” though he's done a number of interesting films – usually brings an interesting layer of perversity to his films. That's definitely on display here, as the dimensional traveler stumbles upon some sort of bizarre sex ritual. The best part of the segment is how it slowly reveals just how disturbing this universe is. The reveal of the residents of the alternate universe's exotic genitalia is sickly funny and mildly shocking. However, the story is tricky to follow, the viewer clearly only getting a brief glimpse at something bigger and weirder. It's also slowly paced, making it seem twice as long as it is. At least Vigalondo sticks with the found footage premise, even if he can barely justify why it's there. (The scientist is documenting his discovery, though he still should've dropped the camera a lot sooner.)

“Bonestorm,” if nothing else, has a decent justification for its found footage status. The skateboarding teens having cameras strapped to their helmets as they stumble into danger. “Bonestorm” is also easily the highlight of the sequel. Directors Aaron Morehead and Justin Benson, the guys behind “Resolution” and “Spring,” have some good ideas. The modern urban legend of Santa Muerte is a good basis for a horror story. The skull-faced cultists' blood catches fire as it leaves their body. No matter how much they're cut apart, they always rise again. The robed undead also sing creepy noises, providing a spooky atmosphere to the chaos. The gore effects are creepy and varied. The boys are largely obnoxious but “Bonestorm” is still the most energetic and thrilling of the film's segments.

The overall quality of “V/H/S: Viral” was so underwhelming that the producers even decided to remove a segment. “Gorgeous Vortex” from Todd Lincoln – director of the thoroughly mediocre “The Apparition” – was cut from the initial release, though it would surface on the DVD. Whether “Gorgeous Vortex” was axed because it sucks or because it fully abandons the found footage premise is unknown. It's dialogue free and near plotless. It's seemingly about a female serial killer being stalked by Slender Man-like entities, glimpsed in the sole found footage-like parts of the segment. Lincoln directs it like a lingerie commercial, as it features countless glamorous shots of tall, skinny women always in their underwear. (They are always eroticized, even in death.) Some of the visuals – like a vending machine full of high heels that are then burned – are especially baffling. The hard-to-follow story descends totally into incoherence at the end, with the appearance of a random monster. Anyway, it's bad.

“V/H/S: Viral” was so bad, I seem to recall the producer claimed it wasn't the real third “V/H/S” but merely an unsuccessful spin-off. Why it turned out this way is easy to determine. Stepping back from found footage horror in 2014 was understandable, since the subgenre was undeniably burnt out by then. Yet this was not the series to do that with, since the entire premise is built around old video tapes. When this is combined with a mediocre slate of directors, no wonder you got an underwhelming sequel. Only the Moorehead/Benson installment and about half of the Vigalondo segment managed to be any good. 

“V/H/S: Viral's” reception would largely kill the series' momentum. A short-lived series adaptation, which premiered on Snapchat of all platforms, received exactly zero attention. The producers have seemingly learned from “Viral's” failure. The upcoming “V/H/S 94” will re-instate the original's retro aesthetic. Simon Barrett, David Bruckner, Radio Silence, and Timo Tjahjanto are all returning in various capacities. That sounds a lot more promising than this whimper of a conclusion. [5/10]