Halloween 2019: October 19th

Horrors of the Black Museum (1959)

Here's another title I first heard about in Stephen King's “Danse Macabre.” Hammer's monster movies were shocking and groundbreaking for their gore in their day. However, Hammer's films were also period pieces, set in a Victorian fantasy world distinct from but similar to the fantastical shadow realm of their Universal Monster predecessor. Low-budget production company Anglo-Amalgamated sought to bring British horror into the modern day with a trilogy of grisly horror/thrillers set in London as it existed then. While “Peeping Tom” is an undisputed masterpiece, and “Circus of Horror” is widely overlooked, 1959's “Horrors of the Black Museum” has carved out a cult following of its own.

A series of bizarre murders are sweeping through London. A woman has her eyes gouged out with a pair of boobie-trapped binoculars. A model is decapitated with a guillotine in her own bedroom. A shop keeper is stabbed to death by ice tongs. Crime writer Edmond Bancroft, famous for his lurid exposes on murder, is there to report on them all. Nobody suspects that's because he's responsible for most of them, hypnotizing his innocent assistant into committing the murders he then writes about. Bancroft draws his forms of execution from the black museum, his collection of famous murder implements throughout history.

“Horrors of the Black Museum” is essentially a slasher movie made long before the genre officially came into existence. The film is built around a series of elaborate murders. In the last act, a disguised murderer stabs a comely young woman. The murder scenes are not artlessly depicted. The guillotine scene features a cool P.O.V. shot right before the blade comes down. However, the novelty of the deaths are the main attraction here. The deaths are relatively gore-free, yet the circumstances – blades in the eyes, decapitation, head stabbed with tongs, a body stripped down to a skeleton in acid – were surely shocking enough on their own at the time. “Horrors of the Black Museum” reveals the identity of its killer early on, meaning it's not a murder mystery either. There's even a degree of sexploitation here, as a female victim parades around in a skin-tight dress and then lingerie before biting the dust.

As cutting edge and grisly as “Horrors of the Black Museum” must have been in 1959, it still comes off as charmingly hokey today. That Bancroft commits his crimes via a hypnotized proxy comes off as a ridiculous plot point, something you would've seen in a forties old dark house film. He even admits that a Jekyll and Hyde-style potion is utilized to further the transformation. When that assistant becomes a killer, he simply has paler skin and a bumpier forehead. In easily the film's silliest moment, a laser beam is used to dispel another enemy of Bancroft's. A perfectly white skeleton then puts in an appearance immediately afterwards. One can't forget that the black museum – a kitschy display of cheesy wax mannequins – is our titular location here. It's charming to see a movie pulled back and forth between two eras of horror.

It would seem, around this time, that Anglo-Amalgamated was trying to turn Michael Gough into a horror star akin to Christopher Lee or Peter Cushing. (He would also star in “Konga” for the studio two years later.) While Gough would remain more of a supporting player in horror history, “Horrors of the Black Museum” suggest he easily could've been a star more often. As the crippled and totally wicked Bancroft, Gough delights in hamming it up. He always seems to be taunting everyone around him. The Scotland Detectives, a shop owner, the people in line for his autograph: Each are targets for his silver-tongued scorn. Yet Bancroft's dark side frequently shows through. When raging at his girlfriend, Gough truly shows off how intimidating and unhinged it can be. Sinister and campy, Gough strikes a truly Price-ian figure throughout “Horrors of the Black Museum.”

When “Horrors of the Black Museum” was originally released in theaters, it came packaged with several William Castle-style gimmicks. First off, it was released in extra-wide CinemaScope. Secondly, the film was presented in “Hypno-Vista,” with a supposed actual magician supposedly actually hypnotizing the audience right before it began. Whether or not that actually works is unknown, though it's notable no one was hypnotized into committing a murder after the film's release. The film is most worth seeking out for Gough's wonderfully villainous performance and for a series of highly creative executions that gorehounds can still appreciate all these years later, even if the actual red stuff is mostly kept off-screen. [7/10]

Offspring (2009)

Jack Ketchum would begin his literary career with “Off Season,” a gut-curdlingly gory and insanely intense novel about a tribe of cave-dwelling cannibals – a modern-day Sawney Bean clan – terrorizing vacationers in rural Maine. The novel was so graphically violent that some book stores refused to stock it, decrying it as “pornography.” In time, “Off Season” would be regarded as a classic and as a landmark novel in the splatterpunk movement. Ten years later, Jack Ketchum wrote a sequel, “Offspring,” that might've been more refined in its construction and prose but lacked the original's visceral punch. And then, for whatever reason, that book got turned into a movie.

What made the decision to adapt the sequel over the original even odder is that the two book's plots are very similar. The group of cannibals, led by a vicious Woman, has returned to the town of Dead River, Maine. They are seeking infants to abduct, to raise as their own. The family targets the house of Amy and David, who recently had a child. Amy's friend Claire is visiting with her eight year old son, Luke. Her abusive ex-husband has followed them to Maine. He happens to pull in just as the cannibals lay siege to the home. Detective Chandler, who survived an encounter with the cannibals a decade earlier, is brought out of retirement to help.

“Offspring” was directed by Andrew van der Houten, who has mostly worked as a producer. (He previously produced “The Girl Next Door,” furthering the Ketchum connection.) Van der Houten shows little competence for direction. “Offspring” is a cheap, flat looking movie. The cannibals' costumes and make-up are especially comical appearing, with big poofy wigs and overly clean loincloths, resembling caveman Halloween costumes. The gore is often bright red and unconvincing. A scene of skewered limbs being roasted over a fire becomes laughable because the body parts are so rubbery looking. The overall visual presentation of “Offspring” is very flat. Scenes are brightly lit and broadly framed, the movie lacking much in the way of color or style. Further hampering things is a seriously annoying musical score, which is largely composed of discordant noise and loud siren sounds.

The attack scenes in “Offspring” aren't much to write about, most of the time. A sequence where the wild children corner the police officers, though featuring a moment of shocking violence, is treated no differently than anything else in the film. However, one moment in “Offspring” does stand out. The initial home invasion, the cannibal clan rushing into the building and beginning to kill brutally and at random, is the only time the cinematic “Offspring” comes close to equaling the intensity of Ketchum's prose. Despite running all of 79 minutes, the film squeezes in the majority of scenes from Ketchum's book, including the unnecessary subplot. It's amazing how short a book can seem once you cut out all the character insight and back story.

Adding to the amateurish feeling of “Offspring” is a largely unimpressive cast. Actors that are clearly talented, like Art Hindle as the former police officer, are given exposition-heavy dialogue that sounds deeply unnatural. Ahna Tessler and Amy Hargreaves never seem especially convincing as Amy and Claire. Even when being pawed at and chewed on by the cannibals, both actresses seem rather stiff and unnatural. The exception to the overall lackluster cast is Pollyanna MacIntosh as the Woman. Using mostly her body language, she creates a character that is a force of nature, a a powerful and terrifying wild woman that is strangely sensible even when leading her own offspring in a meal of human flesh. No wonder the sequels would focus on her...

By the way, remember earlier in the month when I was talking about the After Dark Horror-fest? The DVD collections were so popular at the time, there were even attempts to replicate them. There was the Fangoria Fright Fest in 2010. Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures would release the Ghost House Underground collection from 2008 to 2010. “Offspring” was part of the second wave. This is the general level of quality I associate with those direct-to-video horror series. In other words, not great. I'd recommend reading the book “Offspring” before watching the movie. Or read “Off Season” instead, which is even more disturbing and crazy. [5/10]

The Outer Limits: The Zanti Misfits

While I'm familiar with most of the well-known episodes of “The Twilight Zone,” I'll admit complete ignorance about that other famous sci-fi anthology series of the sixties. To nerds of a certain breed or age, “The Outer Limits” is as highly regarded as “Zone.” While the show appeared on TV during my youth fairly regularly, I never got a chance to watch a single episode. The series always appeared to me to be more hard sci-fi than the more magical realism-influenced “Twilight Zone.” Despite that, “The Outer Limits” is famous for the many bizarre aliens and monsters – referred to as “bears” by the series producers – that appeared during its two year run. While looking up the scariest episodes of the series, “The Zanti Misfits” seem to emerge as the favorite.

In “The Zanti Misfits,” the U.S. military is contacted by an alien civilization. The Zanti makes a demand of the country, telling, not asking. They have selected a stretch of United States desert as the new penal colony for their most depraved criminals. The only direction the Army is given is to stay the hell out of the assigned area. However, a pair of Earthly criminals crash into the quarantined area minutes after it's established. While they try and survive the strange aliens that now call the area home, the U.S. government sends in a representative to try and keep an intergalactic incident from occurring.

I can see why “The Zanti Misfits” made an impression on young monster kids watching back in the sixties. The bear-of-the-week is incredibly creepy. The palm-sized ants with humanoid faces clearly aren't real. But the creaky stop-motion effects that bring them to life only add to the nightmarish dream quality the creature have. (Not to mention the strange, buzz-like screams they make.) The scene where the Zanti reveals itself is among the most startling I've seen on any TV show. As the earthling thief pokes around a flying saucer, the Zanti suddenly leaps from the vehicle. After getting a good look at that horrifying face – grimacing and bearded, shoved onto an ant's head – the man's screams of terror are heard from off-screen. Even today, that packs a punch. The episode is all too aware of how disturbing the titular entities are, as the show veers towards full-blown alien invasion near the end.

While the monster attack sequences are clearly the high-lights, the rest of “The Zanti Misfits” functions pretty well. The obvious parallels between the intergalactic misfits and the human on-the-run crooks is a bit on the nose but a nice touch. There's a touch of a war thriller in the early scenes, as the military hopelessly attempts to de-escalate the situation. When that fails, “The Zanti Misfits” becomes a full-blown action movie. This stuff is not as effective, as rifles and grenades seem to be enough to fight off the giant ants, making humanity seem like it's not in such risk after all. The twist ending puts a little too fine a point on the episode's themes though, for my taste. Still, this definitely encourages me to take a look at more classic “Outer Limits” episodes. [8/10]

Critters: A New Binge: Party Time

In its third episode, “A New Binge” focuses even more on gaggy comedy than before. Despite getting grounded for fighting in school last time, Chris sneaks out to attend Dana's party. This does not go according to plan, as her asshole boyfriend continues to be a nuisance. Meanwhile, the commanding Crite gets closer to locating their target, while the other Critters reap chaos in the small town. Including showing up at the party and making things very awkward between Chris and Dana.

“Party Time” made me laugh more than I should probably admit. An early Gilbert Gottfried-assisted jump scare gets things off to a good start. From there, we have very silly gags about the Crites discovering internet pornography, smoking cigarettes, or disguising themselves as a cab driver. A really funny sequence has Charlie attempting to pick up every girl at the party and being rejected in increasingly colorful ways. There's even a pretty subtle gag about the dumb way white people spell the name “Courtney.” I'm not sure if I like the element of manufactured drama that is building between Chris and his crush or his mom but the goofball appeal of its fuzzy aliens is keeping “A New Binge” entertaining so far. [7/10]