Halloween 2021: October 27th

The Columnist (2019)

De Kutthoer

I'm old enough, and have wasted enough of my life online, to see internet trolling evolve in disturbing ways. In the early days of the internet, trolling was, at worst, an annoying asshole trying to get a rise out of you. Sometimes, elaborate acts of trolling even resulted in delightful pranks. Of course, now that our internet lives and meatspace are irrevocably linked, “trolling” has become a malicious force of evil. Targeted campaigns of harassment ruin lives. Directed waves of misinformation sway elections and public opinion. Hate speech and fascism have been allowed to spread under the guise of “jokes.” Honestly, the landscape is such that I'm surprised that it took so long for someone to make a horror movie about murdering internet trolls. Even more surprising, an American filmmaker didn't get the idea filmed first, as “The Columnist” hails from the Netherlands.

Femke Boot is a successful columnist for a popular Dutch news website. While she got her start with simple, slice-of-life stories, her writing has grown more political... Which has, increasingly, made Femke the target of online harassment. Threats of death and sexual violence are directed towards her a hundred times a day on Twitter. People attack her appearances, her family, and use nonstop sexist language. When Femke realizes that her obnoxious next-door-neighbor is one of her online trolls, she impulsively kills the man. This begins Femke's career as a serial killer, targeting the men who make her life miserable, killing them, and snapping a finger from their dead bodies. Inevitably, her daughter and new boyfriend have to realize what is happening.

In a time where we've all known someone who has been hassled by some asshole online, if not being the hassled individual ourselves, there is something certainly cathartic about “The Columnist.” The constant feeling of unease the harassment she faces online makes Femke feel is symbolized by her neighbor always sawing and hammering away at his projects. When she knocks him off the roof, her writer's block breaks and she feels relieved. Her next target happily admits to the horrible things he said and sees nothing wrong with spewing such hatred at a woman. When Femke cracks him over the head with a frying pan, it definitely feels purgative. And why exactly has Femke done to engender such enmity? She's written columns about soft boiled eggs, sandwiches, and how it's fucked-up that St. Nicolas has a sidekick in blackface. 

Of course, suggesting someone deserves to die for saying horrible shit online is perhaps a bit severe. Even after trolls begin to spread a fabricated story about Femke being a pedophile. The cops are useless, suggesting Femke should just stay offline. After a close call during one of her murderous outings, that's exactly what she does. She cuts off her Wi-Fi and trades her smartphone in for an older model. It makes her a lot happier. But the horrible toll the harassment took on her mental health is hard to ignore. Her trolls live “rent free in her head,” as it were. And yet an innocent is inevitably caught up in Femke's rampage of revenge. “The Columnist” is observant enough to address the hypocrisy in its protagonist being hated simply for the things she's said; and her gender; and murdering people simply for what they've said. This ambiguity is smartly baked into the movie's genes and the whole thing is stronger because of it.

“The Columnist” is well produced in just about every way. Director Ivo van Aart and cinematographer Martijn Cousijn created a good look film. They often dress Femke in all white, as she sees herself as the good guy, which is a color that looks great when splattered with blood. The various murderous montages are extremely well organized. The image of severed fingers pop up in several amusing, unexpected ways. Enough tension is orchestrated through the various chase and stalk scenes. The cast is also highly capable. Katja Herbers is excellent as Femke. Funny in a dark way, but brimming with righteous fury at other times, she strikes the exact perfect balance. Claire Porro is also well utilized as Anna, Femke's free speech activist daughter, and Bram van der Kelen is properly conflicted as Steve, the horror author that becomes her boyfriend.

I don't believe one has been announced yet but I'll be really surprised if “The Columnist” doesn't get an English language remake eventually. One that probably wouldn't be as subtle or evocative, as those are emotions we don't do as well here in America. But the film's themes and ideas are awfully relevant to our modern world, especially here in the States, so I'm fully expecting it to happen. I also suspect that such a film would trigger a bunch of ranting Youtube videos and half-intelligible articles from the exact people “The Columnist” is taken target at.  Until that time comes, “The Colmunist” is a funny and well made motion picture that nicely has its cake and eats it too. [7/10]

The Shout (1978)

I love finding new, weird horror movies I've never heard of before. In our modern age, with the internet always turning up some bizarre hidden gem from yesteryear, this is easy enough. It's the reason why my watch-list has grown to colossal size. A decade ago,, this was a bit trickier. That's why publications like Fangoria were important. For its 300th issue, Fango published a list of three hundred essential horror movies. That was a large enough number to provide quite a lot of depth. But a fairly well-read horror nerd like I was familiar with most of the titles on the list. I hadn't seen all of them but I at least had heard of them... Save for one. “The Shout” was described as a dream-like horror film about Aboriginal magic, with John Hurt and Tim Curry in the cast. Alright, consider my interest piqued. The film was hard to find for many but now it's on Shudder, so here we go.

A mysterious man explains his story to an orderly at a mental institute. He tells the story of Anthony, an experimental musician who plays in a church to pay the bills, and his wife, Rachel. A stranger named Crossley wanders out of the dunes and inserts himself into their lives. He claims to have lived with Australian Aboriginals and mastered their magic. He claims he can enchant women, replace kidneys with stones, and perform a shout that kills anyone who hears it. Anthony is intrigued at first, considering Crossley merely eccentric, but soon learns his horrifying powers are real. As Crossley begins to seduce Rachel, Anthony must fight to regain control of his life.

“The Shout” is a film innately concerned with the power of sound. John Hurt is described as a musician but he seems more like a foley artist or sound designing to me. He rolls marbles around on a dinner trey, a microphone right atop it. He tosses a film canister down onto the keys of a piano, puts a fly in a glass against the microphone, and makes weird breathing sounds on his own. All of this establishes, early on, a disturbing and disorientating soundscape that characterizes the rest of the film. Adding to this feeling is that, aside from the opening song from Tony Banks, there's very little music in the film. The sound design is especially unnerving when we hear the scream. The film goes completely silent before Crossley unleashes that thunderous shout, which is fittingly deafening. “The Shout” is a film that really has you paying attention to what you hear.

It's fitting that “The Shout” engineers such an unsettling, dream-like atmosphere. It's premise is very much like a nightmare as well. The idea of a complete stranger inviting himself into your home – the two meet on the street and Crossley just follows him back to his house – and taking it over feels very much like a bad dream. Crossley occupies a room in their home, enchants Rachel, and steals Anthony's dog from him. Even his bicycle seems to rebel against Anthony after Crossley puts his spell on the household. Director Jerzy Skolimowski, best known for his Polish art films, creates a number of bizarre images too. Like Rachel crawling around on all fours like an animal. Or Anthony suddenly fixating on shoe-making and digging up stones and smashing them. “The Shout's” narrative makes sense on the same level a dream – which the Aboriginals based their magic and religion around – does. 

Stabilizing this experience is a trio of fittingly intense performances. Alan Bates as Crossley immediately strikes the viewer as a weirdo. Without much prompting, he'll launch into an anecdote about how he murdered his children. This is early in his relationship with Anthony and Rachel. Bates' performance carries this kind of freaky, unnerving energy with him throughout the entire movie. He's an unforgettable villain. John Hurt has a laid-back and relatable vibe in the early scenes before increasingly going to nervous pieces as the situation gets worst. Susannah York has an interesting dynamic to play, as she's disgusted by Crossley at first before falling under his spell. She's especially effective in the later half, making obscene faces and acting totally convicted of this bizarre man's power. 

“The Shout” concludes with feelings of madness, returning to the insane asylum setting and ending on a switcharoo image that you need to think about for a minute to understand. It's a film that casts a strange, unsettling power. Which is exactly what I hoped for when I first read about it all those years ago. The only thing about “The Shout” that disappointed me is that Tim Curry's role is pretty small. He only appears at the very beginning and end of the film, in a very subdued part. If you have patience for that odd and slow-paced type of horror that popped up from other countries sometimes, definitely give this one a look. [7/10]

Contamination (1980)

I'm sure scholars of Italian film would much prefer the country's cinematic output be remembered for its contributions to Neorealism and much lauded art house directors like Fellini and Antonioni. Yet for genre fanboys of my age, we associate Italy with intensely gory and frequently sleazy exploitation flicks. In the early eighties, Italy would become especially notorious for its rip-offs of American films. “Dawn of the Dead” beget “Zombie.” “Star Wars” birthed “Starcrash.” And “Alien” led to “Contamination.” Luigi Cozzi, who previously made “Starcrash” and a bizarre re-edit of “Godzilla,” would write a script called “Alien Arrives on Earth” after seeing Ridley Scott's classic. The project would be retitled “Contamination” before being retitled again as “Alien Contamination” in some overseas markets. The film would gain further infamy when the U.K. deemed it obscene and made it into one of the notorious Video Nasties. 

A shipping boat, strangely empty of any occupants, drifts into the New York harbor. A team is sent in to investigate and they discover a hull full of round, green egg-like objects. When exposed to heat, the eggs bursts open and spray body-exploding acid everywhere. The sole survivor of the team, NYPD Lieutenant Aris, is recruited by a secret government sector to investigate further. Led by Colonel Stella Holmes, a connection is quickly established between the eggs and a secret mission to Mars. The astronauts supposedly discovered a cave full of similar eggs. One of them, Hamilton, died in a plane crash while the other, Hubbard, had a mental breakdown. But Hamilton is still alive and running an operation out of Brazil, where he plans to ship the acid-spewing eggs all over the world. Holmes, Hubbard, and Aris form a team to stop him before its too late.

“Contamination” may have been an attempt to ride “Alien's” coattails but it doesn't have much to do with that movie... Not its plot anyway. No, “Contamination” is obviously a rip-off of “Alien's” poster. This entire movie revolves around pulsating eggs that burst open but never features the alien lifeforms contained within. (Making you wonder why the movie insists on calling these polyps “eggs.”)  Okay, the cave sequence and the bodies bursting apart are also taken from “Alien” Yet that only represents one part of this rip-off's particular DNA. The title was originally ear-marked for a knock-off of “The China Syndrome” before being passed onto this project. That explains why the movie bends towards an earthbound conspiracy. The opening scene was obviously inspired by “Zombie.” Its globe-hopping plot and romantic heroes vaguely recall Bond. A scene devoted to Hamilton planting an egg outside of Holmes' shower even brings giallo to mind. “Contamination” is an oddball mish-mash of several different movies.

Of course, “Contamination” is nowhere near as good as any of the movies it is emulating. In fact, it's quite awkward at times. The movie's script relies heavily on exposition. The first half of the movie is largely devoted to its characters hanging out in a secret lab, discussing things happening off-screen that are not shown. Eventually, the focus turns to the incredibly dumb interaction between the three leads. There's an attempt at a love triangle. The alcoholic, depressed Hubbard literally smacks Holmes around at one point, which she seems to enjoy. Later, while tied up together, Aris and Holmes confess feelings to each other. It's all hilariously dumb but still not the most amusingly stilted scene in the film. That would be when an egg is placed inside Holmes's bathroom, a sequence that drags on for so long that any suspense is immediately drained out of it.

As hilariously goofy as “Contamination's” plot is, none of this is the reason people remember the movie. The gore effects brought it infamy. The scenes of people exploding from the inside out, fake blood and entrails flopping all over, are intense and suitably lurid. There's also a scene of a lab rat exploding, which is pretty funny. Those eggs are less convincing, looking more like over-sized avocados than alien lifeforms. The movie's plot grows more bizarre as it goes on, weaving in telekinesis, mind control, shoot-outs with minions in white hazmat suits, and global conspiracies. The most absurd reveal is that of the alien mastermind: a tentacled, giant cyclops in a dark basement. (That recalls the tunnels of “Alien's” Nostromo.) This final boss pushes “Contamination” to its slimiest, most ridiculous moments yet.

“Contamination” is not all squishy special effects and unintentional laughs. Parts of it are quite tedious, such as a lengthy sequence set in a coffee factory or devoted to Brazilian locals dancing. The movie's score is provided by three of the four members of Goblin. The music is largely derivative of their work on “Dawn of the Dead,” with some moments of blooping synth even being quite embarrassing. Yet the main theme is still a brooding, pulsating prog rocker. “Contamination” is equal parts boring, gross, and goofy. I could never call it a good movie yet there is something endearingly cheesy about this gore-soaked knock-off. The ridiculous parts will linger in the memory and the boring parts will fade, meaning I'll probably look back on it with fondness. [6/10]

The Last Prom (1980)

As part of last year's Halloween Blog-a-thon, I reviewed a couple British Public Information Films that crossed over into horror due to their gruesomeness. I found each one to be a bracing, impressive experience. So this year, I figured I'd try out an American educational film designed to scare the shit out of young people. “The Last Prom” follows a group of teenagers, each excited to participate in the final prom of their high school experiences. All through the party, they drink and celebrate. They leave early, in search of more exciting thrills elsewhere. The driver is drunk and crashes his van into a tree. All the teens die horribly. We witness the aftermath of the wreck and the pain that tears through the community, in the wake of their senseless deaths. 

Bleeding Skull recommended “The Last Prom,” saying it has a slasher-like ambiance. This is somewhat true... But not really a pro. “The Last Prom” reminds me of the tedious early parts of the really bottom-of-the-barrel eighties slashers, stuff like “Final Exam” or “Honeymoon Horror.” All the performances are extremely stiff and cartoonish, the characters coming off as total caricatures. There's no attempt to build any tension or dread from the teens' inevitable dates with destiny. Though made in 1980, the film has a maudlin, fifties-style atmosphere to it. It feels old-fashion in a way that's antiquated, not-charming. Only a goofy scene of the kids trying on their prom tuxes and dresses made me chuckle.

About the only way “The Last Prom” proves interesting at all is its matter-of-fact treatment of death and destruction. After the crash the entire short is building up towards, the film grimly watches as the dead bodies are emptied out of the car. The teens' faces resemble chopped-off ground beef now. The movie ends on the closed-casket funeral for one of the girls. It's not stark and disquieting on the level of “Apaches” or “The Finishing Line” but it proves far more interesting than the rest of the short. The film is partially presented as a newscast and told largely in flashback, furthering the feeling that it is a stiff and maudlin experience. While the British Public Information films I watched hoped to entertain and educate, education was clearly the only goal here. [5/10]