It was 2002. I was thirteen and really getting into collecting toys based on horror movies. At the time, MacFarlane Toys' Movie Maniacs line was the gold standard for horror collectibles. (I've written about this before.) I was reading a gaming magazine that had an article about that year's Toy Fair. It included a list of what characters were represented in the fifth wave of Movie Maniacs. Among recognizable names like the Terminator, Sarah Conner, Jason X, Wishmaster, and “Legend's” Lord of Darkness, was the Tooth Fairy. I had no idea who this was! That's because, I would soon discover, “The Tooth Fairy” was a movie that hadn't been released yet. The film wouldn't be released until 2003, by which point it had been re-titled “Darkness Falls.” The monster had been completely redesigned, no longer resembling the action figure MacFarlane released. The movie itself was quickly forgotten as well. Yet I've reviewed all the other movies represented in the Movie Maniacs toyline, so I feel compelled to weigh in on “Darkness Falls.”
In the New England town of Darkness Falls, there is the legend of Matilda Dixon. An old woman who used to give children gold coins in exchange for theirb aby teeth – earning her the nickname the Tooth Fairy – she was horribly burned in a fire and executed for a crime she didn't commit. Now, her ghost returns for vengeance. As a boy, Kyle saw the ghost of Dixon murder his mother. As an adult, he barely sleeps and surrounds himself with flashlights, as the light drives Dixon's ghost away. His childhood crush, whose little brother is also terrified of the dark after seeing the Tooth Fairy, contacts him. He returns to Darkness Falls, determined to save his friend's sibling and confront Matilda Dixon once and for all.
The thing that bugs me the most about “Darkness Falls” is how little investment it actually has in its villain, despite pretending otherwise. The opening few minutes establishes Mathilda Dixon's backstory, which bares more than a passing resemblance to Freddy Krueger's. Yet this information is never brought up again! Dixon wanting revenge on the town is the thinnest of motivation. The rest of the movie is focused entirely on Dixon attacking in the darkness and being warded off by light. Her connection to the Tooth Fairy myth does not matter. Dixon's dental fixation is mentioned only once after the first scene and never elaborated on. Tying the villain in with a childhood icon is a cheap gimmick. “Darkness Falls” might as well be about the Easter Bunny or Punxsutawney Phil.
“Darkness Falls” was, seemingly, a troubled production. Originally, the Tooth Fairy was to remain off-screen until the climax. The studio demanded the creature appear on-screen as often as possible. This was around the same time the Tooth Fairy was redesigned, from the evocative fallen angel-like creature the toy was modeled after to a generic cloaked ghost in a spooky mask. In addition to “The Tooth Fairy' and “Darkness Falls,” the movie also cycled through titles like “Don't Peek” and “Fear of the Dark.” Considering the run time is only 74 minutes without credits, I suspect a lot of footage was cut too. “Darkness Falls” was a modest box office success but, despite the studio clearly hoping Matilda Dixon would become a horror icon, no sequels followed. The scariest thing about the movie is that Chaney Kley died in his sleep a few years after its release, eerily paralleling his role here. There have been other attempts to retrofit the Tooth Fairy into a horror character since this one that have also failed to penetrate the cultural zeitgeist, suggesting there's no demand for the idea. [5/10]
Roger Corman more than proved his abilities as a director, with the evocative and atmospheric Poe Cycle, in the sixties. Yet you can tell, especially in his early credits, when he was really feeling a film and when he wasn't. "Teenage Caveman" was made and released in 1958, Corman's fourth film that year and his 21st since he began directing four years prior. It was filmed under the title "Prehistoric World" and made to fill out the back-half of a double-bill headlined by "How to Make a Monster." Perhaps to match that one's adolescent themes, and to connect it to the Teenage Monsters triptych, A.I.P. retitled the motion picture. Corman protested this choice but clearly he didn't have time to complain too much, when he had another project – "She-Gods of Shark Reef" – to direct that year and several more to produce. What do we think of this more forgettable Corman experience now?
In a world of dinosaurs and monsters, a society of humans reside in caves and live in constant fear of the environment around them. The tribe's leader is known as the Symbol Maker. He preaches an ancient law, to avoid crossing the river for fear of offending an avenging god. The Symbol Maker's teenage son challenges this law and ventures outside the caves, with a group of other teenage cavemen. This angers an older member of the tribe, who attempts to dispose the Symbol Maker. The boy encounters danger and secrets outside the caves.
Much like "Day the World Ended," no matter how different from American society of the time this setting may be, "Teenage Caveman's" fantastic world still reflects 1958's values. The animal skins and simple fabrics the characters wear are all very clean and symmetrical. Despite the salacious poster art, everyone stays mostly covered up. The women are still subservient to the men and, in fact, contribute next-to-nothing to the story. Corman throws in a half-assed Cold War parallel of some sort. The dark-haired villain is fearful of all outsiders, stoning a stranger to death that comes to the cave entrance. The youthful hero thinks forging connections with other cultures is worthwhile. While this is certainly a nice moral to include, the film tells it with all the subtly of a club-wielding neanderthal. In fact, this very thin conflict between its hero and its villain is what occupies most of "Teenage Caveman's" admittedly brief 65 minute runtime.
The movie has an extended twist ending that is easy to predict, though it at least explains why primitive man is co-existing alongside "dinosaurs." The movie is probably most notable as an early starring role for Robert Vaughn, who plays the "teenage" caveman at a very mature looking 26 years old. Vaughn later called the film one of the worst ever made. Roger Corman was more charitable, saying he thought the movie was "pretty good" but would've been better had he had more time and money. I would call "Teenage Caveman" pretty lame and fairly dull, save for an unintentional chuckle or two here and there. [5/10]
People keep reassuring me that “Freddy's Nightmares” wasn't a complete piece-of-shit series. And because I love the idea of Freddy Krueger as a wise-cracking horror host, I keep giving it additional chances. An article recently singled out “Safe Sex,” the season one finale with a script by David J. Schow, as the best episode of the entire show. The first half of “Safe Sex” concerns Dana, an awkward nerd who is in-lust with shapely but gruff goth girl, Caitlyn. She's more interested in guys like Freddy Krueger. Dana's erotic dreams soon take on a sinister quality. After his inevitable encounter with the razor-gloved one, his friend Nicholas attempts to pursue Caitlyn. She's more preoccupied with meeting up with the hideously scarred man of her dreams, who is far more frightening than she anticipated.
Both segments of “Safe Sex” have good ideas. In the first half, Dana and his clueless friend consult a Pick-Up Artist style book about how to trick women into falling in love with you. Dana tells his psychoanalyst that he doesn't want the “girl-next-door” type, which is why he's so interested in Caitlyn. Yet he's only enamored of the version of her that exists in his head, not the real person. In his dreams, metalhead Caitlyn becomes a blonde bimbo seductress. A horny nerd learning that women have inner-lives that you need to actually respect if you want them to sleep with you is a good foundation for a horror story. So is a fawning serial killer fan-girl learning that the psycho she idolizes, as a symbol of nonconformity, would just see her as another warm body to slice up.
More than anything else, “Safe Sex” just looks and sounds like shit. The musical score is largely composed of shrieking metal guitar riffs, which is extremely distracting. I don't know if it's just the copy I watched but the sound mix is also garbage. Sometimes, you can't even hear the dialogue over the music and sound effects. The show, shot on video tape, looks washed-out and grainy. Robert Englund hamming it up, both in and out of the host segments, only has so much appeal when paired with such mediocre material. It doesn't help that Freddy is given some truly mediocre gags, like writing “oh yeah” in blood in Caitlyn's sketchbook. Like he's the Kool-Aid Man or something. I'm beginning to suspect that “Freddy's Nightmares” was not a good television show! [4/10]
After making “Transfer,” David Cronenberg wouldn't take long before he got to work on a second 16mm short film. “From the Drain” concerns two fully clothed men, sitting together in a bathtub. The first man attempts to make conversation, while the second one smiles in a nervous fashion and repeatedly points to the bath drain. The first man complains about always being “paired up” with men like this, while alternatively describing himself as a veteran or as administration at some sort of mental hospital. The smiling man claims a plant-like tendril resides in the drain. After talking more, the first man convinces the second to trade places with him. That's when the vine-like tendril emerges from the drain and strangles him to death. The first man throws the second's shoes into a closest, full of shoes, suggesting he's done this many times before.
“From the Drain” is a clear and notable improvement over “Transfer.” The rough visuals and unsteady camera work of that one is not as noticeable here. While the verbose conversations in that movie rambled on with no clear point, “From the Drain's” absurdist dialogue at least lends itself to a surreal type of comedy. The strangeness of the initial situation – why are these two guys sitting in a bathtub together? – makes the viewer more receptive to the odd humor here. That the first man, played by “Transfer's” Mort Ritts, is so incensed by the second is kind of funny. The acting is still pretty ropy and theatrical but it suits the material more this time.
Of course, Cronenberg fans will probably be most interested in this because of its bizarre, monster movie ending. Considering Dave's first commercial movie also featured a deadly critter slithering up out of the bath drain, “From the Drain” does feel like more of a proper Cronenberg movie than his other student films. The ending doesn't otherwise fit the body horror themes that defined the director's work but it is still distinctively his. And, perhaps, it will make you look a second time at your shower drain. [7/10]
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