Halloween 2024: October 6th

Juan of the Dead (2011)

Juan de los muertos

When I first started to grow into an insufferable horror nerd in my teen years, obviously I fell in love with the films of the seventies and eighties. Of all the subgenres that had fallen out of popularity since then, the zombie movie was the one I most wanted to see revived. “Dawn of the Dead,” “Return of the Living Dead,” “Re-Animator,” “The Evil Dead,” and so on where the cornerstones of my obsession. Most unexpectedly, I actually got my wish. With the 2004 remake of “Dawn of the Dead” proving popular, a new wave of undead cinema would spring up in the middle of the decade. Zombies became so popular that, amazingly and unexpectedly, I quickly got sick of them. We haven't gotten a fresh approach to the subject since then. The power of the gut-muncher fad was undeniable though, the infection spreading to other countries. At the start of the next decade, the first zombie movie from Cuba would shamble onto our shores. My ambivalence to brain-eating flicks by then meant I never caught up with “Juan of the Dead” but I'd be remised to skip the Caribbean during this October trip around the world. 

Forty-something slacker Juan goes about his life in Havana, performing various schemes and criminal mischief to make cash. His cohorts include perverted best friend Lazaro, Lazaro's son California, flamboyant homosexual La China, and his hemophobic lover Primo. Juan hopes to impress his disenfranchised daughter, Camila, who is visiting from abroad. While out fishing one day, Juan and Lazaro come across an undead corpse. They dismiss it as a fluke incident but, soon, the city is overwhelmed by flesh-ripping zombies. The apathetic government blaming the violence on dissidents and the Americans, Juan and his gang see an opportunity: They set-up a zombie killing business, making money to take care of the recently revived. 

Writer/director Alejandro Brugués clearly delights in placing the zombie genre within the local color of Havana. Despite that, the characters from this socialist country approach the undead pandemic with a very capitalistic mindset. The most novel idea in “Juan of the Dead” is a group of opportunistic grifters seeing this apocalyptic scenario, not as the end of the world, but as a chance to make some dough. Juan and his friends are part of an underclass, struggling to make a living through usually underhanded acts. When zombie movies are too often weirdo survivalist fantasies, it's charming to see a group of characters approach it so cynically. This joke is elevated by Juan and his friends being mostly incompetent dip-shits, making up everything as they go along. They advertise their business with hand-written fliers, for one example. It's a genuinely clever approach to a well-worn premise.

The title of “Juan of the Dead” probably gives the impression that it's a Cuban response to “Shaun of the Dead.” I suppose the two movies are connected by their premise of slackers trying to survive a zombie outbreak. The two don't have much in common beyond that. Namely, as much as Shaun and Ed might've been arrested man-children, they remained likable, fully fleshed-out characters. Juan is a much more generic wannabe, his hope of winning his daughter over being his sole source of character development. His friends and partners never get that much, being nothing more than thinly sketched stereotypes. “Juan of the Dead” also has a crude, dude-bro tone that the comparatively cuddly “Shaun” avoided. Lazaro is sex-obsessed, masturbating in public at one point. La China is a broad stereotype of an effeminate gay man. It might not surprise you to read this is but one of many insensitive jokes directed at gay men. Only one scene manages to subvert this homophobic behavior in any sort of funny way. Otherwise, it's a lot of slurs getting tossed around. 

“Shaun of the Dead” also balanced its comedy between broader gags, razor sharp dialogue, deadpan delivery, and a surprisingly sincere sentimental side. “Juan of the Dead” doubles-down on the wackiness instead. This is fun, some of the times. A sequence where a rescuer appears, decapitating a whole crowd of zombies with a harpoon and a cable, is well done. That pays off in a good gag as well. An earlier scene, where Juan and Lazaro confront a zombified old man in an apartment, escalates in some amusingly silly ways. Another highlight involves an impromptu tango with a dead body. However, the film is sometimes too proud of its own outrageousness. When a heroine is doing kung-fu flips on a zombie, that feels too self-satisfied. The script's inability to build its characters' up means it never develops much of a heart. This pairs with a somewhat directionless narrative, the film feeling more like a series of gags strung together than a coherent whole as it moves towards an underwhelming climax.

“Juan of the Dead” has a number of funny moments, many of which are born from its amusing premise. There is something to be said for a zombie movie where the “heroes” are such depraved, nasty little con-men. However, the film can't maintain that energy and its cast of character never truly come to life. Despite its middle-of-the-road quality, “Juan of the Dead” did provide a great launching pad for Alejandro Brugués' career. He's contributed to several anthology features and television shows, which feels like a result of his name ending up in Mick Garris' rolodex. Weirdly, he hadn't directed another proper feature until just this year, when the long delayed “The Inheritance” finally came out. At least two more horror films have been made in Cuba since then, though none have attracted the level of attention this one did. It's a bummer that Brugués' film is closer to forgettable also-rans like “Undead” than genre-defining cult classics like “Shaun of the Dead,” because it is cool to see Cuban culture represented in this way on-screen. [6/10]

Killdozer! (1974)

If you search the internet for fun-to-say nonsense compound word “Killdozer” in 2024, most of the results will be about Marvin Heemeyer. If you don't know, that was a muffler repair shop owner who, in 2004, transformed a bulldozer into a home-made tank and rampaged through the town of Granby, Colorado. This was Heemeyer's elaborate revenge for several petty property disputes. Building an enormous death machine in your garage is a rare real world example of unhinged supervillainy but that hasn't stopped Heemeyer from becoming an idol to a certain breed of right-wing anti-government weirdo. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that asshole. Sixty years before all that happened, prolific sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon wrote a novella called “Killdozer,” about a bulldozer that kills people. Thirty years after that, the story was adapted into an ABC Movie of the Week. Probably owing to that perfectly schlocky title, the film has remained a minor cult classic since then. 

Eons ago, a meteor crashes to Earth on an isolated island. In the modern day, a construction team is deployed to the island. Head foreman Kelly and bulldozer operator Mack unknowingly uncovers the space debris. Mack strikes the meteor with the blade of the bulldozer, a blue light overtaking the equipment. Mack is electrocuted by the event, the bulldozer emitting a weird humming noise. Following that, more bizarre accidents unfold around the motorized equipment. Kelly is hesitant to believe it at first but, as more of his men are killed by the dozer, the truth becomes unavoidable: A malevolent intelligent has taken over the machine and is determined to wipe out everything living on the island. 

To be totally frank, it's an idea that a little kid would have. How often do you see children playing with toys of trucks and construction vehicles, imbuing them with personality? And how often are those personalities basically dinosaurs? What I'm saying is, there is something within the human psyche that sees a smoke-belching piece of growling machinery – that wrecks everything in its path with a massive serrated blade – and goes "Monster!" "Killdozer!," from the punctuated title on-down, does everything an early seventies television budget can to follow through on this idea. The killdozer has reflective headlights that work as eyes, blinking ominously at several points. The roar of the engine stands in place for otherworldly vocalizations. As a little kid would, the movie gives the possessed Caterpillar a villainous cunning too. One of the first things our humble killdozer does is crush the only two-way radio on the island. Many critics have derided this motion picture as having a ridiculous set-up, which is technically true. However, I can't help but feel those writers have lost touch with their inner six year old boy, who picks up a plastic bulldozer and immediately growls as they smash a wall of blocks with it. 

The film shows fidelity to that child-like premise in other ways too. Sturgeon's story features a convoluted backstory for the titular adversary, involving an ancient war in Earth's pre-history and aliens made of pure energy. The film dismisses all of that. The bulldozer hits a magic rock, becomes self-aware, and immediately goes on a killing spree. No further explanation is necessary. The way the plot progresses from there also feels like what a seven year old boy would cook up. Essentially, the Killdozer separates the group of workers and kills them off one-by-one, until only two remain. There's little in the way of suspense or narrative flow to it, the script simply moving from one set piece to the next. The movie is a lot like its mechanical villain in that sense, rolling on and crushing what is in its path with little forethought beyond that. The proper climax of the story involves Killdozer and a steam shovel facing off, which is also what a small child would do. The contrivance cooked up to kill the monster is as nonsensical a solution as you'd expect from a kid too. 

It's hard to doubt that the creative team – including director Jeremy London, kicking off a long career in television – were unaware of how silly the movie is. There's a definite sense of camp in the script. The characters are all exaggerated macho men. They grouse, drink, bullshit about women and their past adventures, and shed manly tears when one of them die. The latent homoeroticism of a bunch of hard men getting sweaty together all day is further emphasized by the total lack of women anywhere in the movie. Sorry, ladies, killing a killdozer is man's work. The cast is filled with grizzled character actors, doing their thing. Neville Brand plays a folksy mechanic named Chubs, Robert Urich is the fresh-faced newbie that goes first, and Carl Betz is the grumpy weaver of unlikely yarns. Cowboy actor Clint Walker is the only one who gets anything like a character arc, as his foreman is a recovering alcoholic. It's a plot point that never amounts to much. However, I am not beyond the simple joys of watching the stone-faced Clint and a red-necked Brand stare longingly into each other's eyes in-between scenes of an evil bulldozer smashing shit. 

In other words, "Killdozer!" pairs its limited resources to limited ambitions. The result is a modest success. Watching a killdozer crush pipes and other vehicles is a simple pleasure. The entire movie is over in seventy minutes too, ensuring the standard presentation and bare minimum of suspense is less of a problem. Such a short runtime makes this feel like a dumber episode of "Night Gallery" that picked up an extra fifteen minutes somewhere. It's what "Duel" might have been, if someone less talented than Steven Spielberg had directed it. (The two films share a stunt coordinator.) I can see why the critical establishment dismissed this as merely another troth full of made-for-TV slop but also why the bored kids who watched it never forgot it. The legacy of "Killdozer!" includes a Marvel Comics adaptation with a hilarious cover, a rock band taking its name, and numerous references on "Mystery Science Theater 3000."  I'm surprised the film was never featured on that show. It would've fit right in. Anyway, isn't all of that much more charming than some libertarian shit heel with a grudge, a vision from God, and an excess of concrete, steel plates, and guns? Eh, maybe, maybe not. [6/10]

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Dream Girl

I barely watched "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" as a kid and feel as if I missed the boat on what a lot of people consider a pivotal piece of gateway horror. So I keep returning to the series, despite being underwhelmed by it more often than not. "Tale of the Dream Girl" concerns brother and sister Johnny and Erica, who work together at a bowling alley. While cleaning out his locker after work, Johnny finds a girl's class ring and slips it on without thinking. He soon finds he can't remove the ring. Next, he starts to have dreams about a beautiful girl in a letterman jacket named Donna. It's not long before he starts to see her in his waking life too. Donna beckons to Johnny to come with her. Erica discovers that a girl named Donna Maitland, who looks just like Johnny's dream girl, died when her boyfriend's car stalled on train tracks and she ran back to retrieve her ring. Is an otherworldly seductress trying to take Erica's brother away or is something else happening here? 

"Tale of the Dream Girl" is probably the best episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" I've seen thus far. That might be because, instead of going for hokey kid-friendly scares, this episode is seeking something more melancholic. Donna's ghost is alluring, not grotesque, and Johnny is as drawn to her as he is unnerved. The dream scenes are effectively odd, especially when the two meet at the bowling snack bar which has transforms into a fifties-style diner. When the backstory of Donna is revealed, the episode starts to feel like an old school teenage tragedy ballad or a classic ghost story, a fitting tone to capture. 

There's a twist ending, one that I'm not sure entirely makes sense. However, it fits the thematic point of the story: This is ultimately a tale about closely bonded siblings growing apart as they get older. Johnny is pulled away from Erica by a beautiful girl his own age. And how common is it for siblings to drift away after the older one discovers romance? It also helps that the lead performance are better than the campy style this show usually employs. Fab Filipo – who would go on to play Buffy's most forgettable love interest – and Andrea Nemeth have decent chemistry together and seem to invest the material with some sincerity. The result is a fittingly sad but bittersweet half-hour with just enough spooky atmosphere to give the young ones' the shivers. Are there more episodes of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" like this? [7/10]

The Addams Family: The Addams Family and the Spacemen

The same night Pugsley is launching some missiles, the Addams Family decides to do a midnight snail hunt and picnic. On the radio, they hear reports of unidentified flying objects in the area. At the same time, the Mysterious Space Objects headquarters – a government agency watching out for and attempting to communicate with extraterrestrials – receive news of UFO sightings near Cemetery Ridge. Two officers, Hinckley and Gilbert, are deployed to investigate. Naturally, they quickly find the Addams and assume them to be the Martian visitors. The Addams make the same assumption of the military men, especially after they use a bizarre language the operation's head researcher has cooked up. The misunderstandings only get wackier from there. 

"The Spacemen" at least finds a new angle from which to approach this show's primary joke. The MSO men are confused and frightened by the Addams' habits but have to continue to be polite and accepting, for the sake of intergalactic peace. The Addams, meanwhile, are responding to what they see as strange behavior in a similar way. This two-way misunderstanding does provide a handful of chuckles, such as when Gomez attempts to communicate in the invented Martian language. It ends in a predictable fashion, especially in an overly broad scenes where the same stock footage of Kitty Cat descending the stairs is utilized. At least Tim Herbert and Jimmy Cross are decent straight men as the officers. Vito Scotti – who previously appeared in "The Addams Family Meet the VIPs" and "Art and the Addams Family," as totally different characters – does a funny German accent as the division's eccentric head scientist. He also says "Shalom" to Lurch, so at least we know he isn't one of those German rocket scientists... 

As I've observed many times, this show is funnier when it stays within the Addams' world. The scenes of the family on their night time picnic sees the puns flying fast and loose. There's a whole sequence built around the pleasures and perils of "moon bathing." Cousin Itt is back in this episode, dancing to radio static and developing a good rapport with Lurch. It's interesting that this show reliably gets laughs out of basically nonverbal characters, isn't it? Oddly, despite that being the obvious implication, the show never outwardly stays that Pugsley's rockets are the cause of the UFO reports in the first place. Not a bad episode but I did think "The Munsters'" version of this same premise was slightly funnier. [7/10]