Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Saturday, October 5, 2024

Halloween 2024: October 5th



How well known is Herschell Gordon Lewis outside the realm of sicko horror fans? Probably not all that much. The outrageous, if deeply unconvincing, gore of his movies and the strangely hypnotic quality of his slipshod productions makes his work, one imagines, utterly unappealing to anyone without a taste for Z-budget trash cinema or an interest in the history of American exploitation films. However, the fans of Lewis' bloody anti-masterpieces do include some high-profile filmmakers. John Waters including a clip from “Blood Feast” in “Serial Mom” probably introduced a lot of people to the Godfather of Gore. Similarly, an entire generation likely learned about H.G.L. when Diablo Cody had Juno watch “The Wizard of Gore” and declare it better than “Suspiria.” If any Lewis production has penetrated the wider cultural zeitgeist, the way the demented villains of his films have penetrated the bodies of so many victims, it's probably that one. I was underwhelmed by “Wizard of Gore” when I went through my own edgy teenage era and have never revisited it since, unlike the other Lewis movies I actively enjoy. More than enough time has passed for me to reconsider this one and determine if I think it's better than “Suspiria” too or if Juno MacGuff was a fucking idiot. 

A stage magician named Montag the Magnificent begins to attract quite a following because of his grotesquely violent performances. Montag takes volunteers from the audience and brutally dismembers them right on stage, before everyone's eyes. Afterwards, the people the viewers saw horribly murdered appear totally fine. However, the ghastly wounds Montag's “illusions” wreak on his victims have a tendency to catch up with them a few hours later. Talk show host Sherry Carson becomes fascinated with Montag. She drags her boyfriend, journalist Jack, to see his act several times. The two begin to wonder if Montag is himself the murderer or if his violent act is merely inspiring a copycat psychopath. Sherry ultimately invites Montag onto her talk show, exposing a mass audience to the Wizard of Gore's phantasmic violence.

Many horror films, over the years, have been accused of being nothing but an excuse for a series of elaborate, gory special effects sequence. This is usually an extremely unfair statement to make but it's actually fairly accurate when it comes to Herschell Gordon Lewis movies. With “The Wizard of Gore,” a director who never had much in the way of pretenses abandons even those. The meat of this motion picture – if you'll excuse a pun – is made up of Montag's bloody on-stage executions. He chainsaws a girl in half and hammers a spike into another girl's head until her eyeball pops out. Sword swallowing becomes a gruesome display and an industrial hole punch machine is applied to human flesh. Each of these gore scenes are accomplished largely by tossing fake blood and animal intestines onto the actors. As always, the effect is sickening if laughably unrealistic. The fake heads or body parts used could never be mistaken for the real thing. 

Usually, the crudeness of Lewis' gore effects are an indicator of the overall quality of his productions. The shotgun blunt editing, awkward framing, wooden acting, surreal dialogue, overwhelming musical scores, and incoherent scripts frequently combine to make accidentally charming oddball experiences. The director had been making movies for a decade by the time he got to “The Wizard of Gore,” at least his thirty-first directorial credit. Lewis' skills hadn't improved much in all that time but, hard as it is to believe, “Wizard of Gore” is probably one of his more polished productions. The framing is mostly on-center. The editing is not too inept. The musical score never drowns out the dialogue. The scenes of heroine Sherry and her boyfriend talking feature baffling dialogue that quickly becomes hilarious, to the point that it feels intentional. “The Wizard of Gore” certainly still contains that perversely charming anti-charisma that defines the filmmaker's best work. Compared to “Blood Feast” though, it functions more like a real movie! Lewis clearly learned something from “A Taste of Blood,” keeping the tedious scenes of people talking in boardrooms to a minimum. 

When I first saw “Wizard of Gore” as a teenager, it having less shoddy production values than Lewis' other movies was actually a mark against it. My taste have, indeed, evolved some in the years since. “The Wizard of Gore” is still a fascinating excursion into H.G.L.'s inexplicable story logic. There's a meandering subplot about Montag stealing bodies from the graveyard and morgue, usually depicted in red-tinted dream scenes I think, that never go anywhere. The exact mechanics of the villain's powers are never defined. No motive for his murderous actions is established. The script is largely composed of repetitive dialogue scenes, as the heroes bumble towards having some sort of confrontation with Montag. A reoccurring image of blood dripping from hands is the script's best attempt at foreshadowing and it doesn't make any damn sense at all. The result is as stupefying and mesmerizing as Lewis' best – or “best” anyway – movies are.  The gore auteur was never after more than making a quick buck but, sometimes, that accidentally resulted in art of some kind. 

At least, that was what Lewis always claimed anyway. If you watch enough of his films, you see that he was more creatively invested in his horror movies than his statements to the contrary imply. “The Wizard of Gore” contains what I think might be an attempt at themes. Montag's grandiose monologues, delivered with some actual campy flair by Ray Sager, go on and on about the nature of reality and fantasy, of performance and genuine action. This leads towards an incoherent, and quite funny, non-twist that sums up the movie's frequent dream-like atmosphere. However, Lewis was clearly going for something here. How Montag's supposedly fake acts of violence then result in real acts of violence seems like loose commentary on the nature of filmmaking itself. Moviemaking presents fake images to the viewer as if they were real, which Montag does to his own audience. That the villain is hypnotizing all his customers into seeing something other than objective reality is comparable to how the moving image tricks us into believing the unreal, if only for a second. Moreover, the magician's criticism of people being drawn to watch violent acts feels like biting-the-hand comments directed at the sickos who watch the director's films. Despite his clear lack of aesthetic talent, all of this suggests Lewis was extremely self-aware. 

That thematic thread has made “The Wizard of Gore” one of the better reviewed of Lewis' gore movies. It also led to a shockingly pretentious remake, which I'll probably have to review some day because Crispin Glover hams it up as Montag. The first time I watched this one, I was definitely into it more for the unintentional laughs than the ruminations on the nature of reality, fantasy, violence, and movie-making. As an adult, these ideas do tickle my brain. When wrapped up in the usual lack of plausible special effects, narrative coherence, or sturdy visuals, it makes “The Wizard of Gore” as bewitchingly inscrutable an experience as anything else the Godfather of Gore unleashed on the world. “Two Thousand Maniacs” is more coherent in its ideas, “Something Weird” is crazier and “Blood Feast” is funnier. Still, “The Wizard of Gore” ranks up there as one of the director's more brain-itch-inducing films. Better than “Suspiria?” Fuck no, what kind of crack was Juno smoking? But I did like it. [7/10]



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Not a lot of horror movies come out of what we, as Americans, think of as "the Middle East." There is, without a doubt, a cinematic legacy in the Persian Gulf. Iran, in particular, has an active and healthy film industry. Iranian art dramas often play festivals and get picked up by global distributors. This still only represents a small fraction of the commercial filmmaking done in the country, most of which is rarely exported. Horror usually falls under that banner. That means the handful of Iranian genre films that do exist are difficult to find, much less with English subtitles. A few examples have made it over here though. Probably the most acclaimed Iranian horror film is Bahman Farmanara's 1979 folk tale, "Tall Shadows of the Wind." Made in the midst of the Islamic Revolution, the film was quickly banned by the government and remained obscure for years. Rediscovered by scholars more recently, the film has had many repertoire screenings. A DVD with subtitles must've been released at some point and that print – a bit dark and washed-out but watchable – circulates on the usual corners of the internet. 

The residents of an isolated village in the Iranian countryside erect a scarecrow at the edge of town. They assign mystical beliefs to the sentry, praying to it to protect them. Abdullah, the town bus driver, has engine trouble one day. He wanders up to the scarecrow and, casually, draws a face similar to his own on it. Afterwards, people around town report having frightening encounters with the scarecrow. It is said to appear in the shadows, causing women to have miscarriages, driving the elderly to madness, and forcing some to perform bizarre rituals. The village is soon paralyzed with fear of the entity. Abdullah and his friend, school teacher Mohammad, remain skeptical. With everyone else too frightened to stand up against this supernatural overseer, Abdullah takes it upon himself to stop it. 

Early on in "Tall Shadows of the Wind," there is a long sequence of lingering shots of the castle overlooking the village while sounds of people chanting play over it. This immediately establishes an eerie atmosphere. We never see the scarecrow actually move on-screen. Instead, it simply appears in different locations. Its presence is suggested with shadows or far-off sounds of something moving. This removes any campy element from the premise. Instead of being a cheesy killer scarecrow movie, this becomes a chilling depiction of how madness and fear can grip a community. The supernatural entity doesn't murder. Instead, it terrorizes the psyche. An old woman is driven to get up and walk, a bundle of sticks on her back, for no reason. A young girl brings it water, while another couple is awoken in the night by the idol stalking outside their home. This is a terror that is inexplicable. Nobody knows where it came from or how to stop it. To Abdollah, all he sees is a figure made of sticks and discarded clothes. Everyone else in town imbues this symbol with an ominous meaning and it drives them all towards madness.

The result is a horror film where the horror is vague, more implied than shown. While that might've been tedious in lesser hands, Farmanara establishes a dream-like ambiance early on. "Tall Shadows of the Wind" is an often quiet film, devoted to people having soft conversations in dimly lit interiors. This is contrasted with an expressive score, that switches between creeping melodies and more bombastic sounds. The film seesaws between these two modes, quiet and hysterical, in the way a nightmare can suddenly change for reasons that can't be understood. Cinematographer Ali Reza Zarrindast often places the actors as small figures in large landscapes, against the flatness of the desert or the wide blue sky. Other times, slow tracking shots are used. Combined, it makes the characters feel like insignificant pawns in a larger game that are always watched by an omniscient force. It goes a long way towards further establishing an ominous tone, where otherworldly powers loom over the common folk. 

Nearly every plot synopsis I can find of "Tall Shadows of the Wind" mentions that it is a direct allegory for the political situation in Iran when it was made. More than one source claims the film is largely a critique of the Pahlavi monarchy that ruled the country before the revolution. There are apparently specific references and criticism of Shi'ite beliefs, which also got the movie banned by Khomeini's government. The film is based on a story by Houshang Golshiri, an Iranian author arrested at one point for his communist beliefs. Naturally, as a dumb-ass American who didn't live through these geopolitical events, most of this stuff went over my head. The climatic dream sequence, of people clad in red marching against the black dressed scarecrows, definitely strikes me as symbolism I lack the cultural context to grasp. However, some themes are universal. "Tall Shadows of the Wind" is about entrusting in something to protect you, only to have it turn against you in time. The same power the people of the village grant the scarecrow, by believing in its abilities, also allows it to terrorize them. This is a scenario recognizable to anyone with a minute's awareness of history. Those we entrust to keep us safe have a bad habit of abusing that trust. "Tall Shadows of the Wind" is about what was happening in Iran in the late seventies, yes. "Who watches the watchmen?" is still a sentiment anyone can understand. 

"Tall Shadows of the Wind" is also a prime example of folk horror. I discovered the film thanks to the "Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched" documentary, where a lot of people probably heard of it for the first time, I bet. Aside from clearly being rooted in specific cultural beliefs of the time and the place, the film is rich with the rural, isolated feeling that exemplifies the subgenre. A community imbuing a scarecrow with ominous powers through their belief in it is an act of mass folk magik. And scarecrows always seem like pagan idols to me, crucified figures looming over the harvest. I guess what I'm saying is... No, I did not understand everything about "Tall Shadows of the Wind." If I did have the cultural knowledge and experiences to grasp what the film suggests, the narrative approach would remain vague and detached. Simply taken as a work of poetic, foreboding mood, it is a compelling and chilling film. Its themes of power, community, and rebellion speaks to anyone. An HD restoration exists, hopefully meaning a proper physical release with all the bells and whistles isn't far off. (This seems like the kind of title Criterion would prioritize.) I'm glad I watched the film, an effective and eerie experience, and now I'm eager to search out some other Iranian horror flicks. [7/10]



Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper

"Freddy's Nightmares" was not a consistent show, not in quality or construction. Freddy Krueger only acted as a host to the series' stories... Except in eight episodes, which feature him directly involved in the plots. Most installments presented stand alone tales... Except for eleven, that operated as sequels to earlier ones. Finally, nearly every "Nightmare" was split between different tales... Except for two, which devoted a whole hour to their premises. "Sister's Keeper," the seventh episode of the first season, breaks all three of these rules. It follows Lisa and Merit, the twin daughters of the guy Freddy sought revenge on in the series' pilot. Neurotic Merit continues to have nightmares about Freddy, so much that she's spent some time in a mental ward. Popular Lisa simply wants to move on her with life. One day, feeling bad for Merit, the two twins switch places. The sisters also sometimes share physical sensations and dreams. Once Lisa begins having nightmares about Freddy too, the sisters decide to work together to banish the killer once and for all. Will it be enough?

Previous times I've watched "Freddy's Nightmares," I've found it to be an exceedingly lackluster series. Shooting on grainy video tape made every episode look incredibly cheap, a perception further bolstered by usually underwhelming special effects. Too often, the show's dream-centric set-up led to stories ending in incoherent ways. All of these factors are evident in "Sister's Keeper." The script indecisively juggles multiple concepts. The idea of the twins sharing sensations, some sort of "Corsican Brothers" situation, comes and goes from the story. Twin sisters switching places is a clever set-up. (I actually knew sisters in high school who did that exact thing from time to time.) Lisa being so cruel to Merit so often makes it hard to imagine she'd willingly switch places with her. All of these ideas are dropped by the final act, which focuses on the girls sharing dreams and teaming up to stop Freddy, an emotional connection not earned by anything that has come before. 

Meanwhile, every attempt "Sister's Keeper" makes at scaring the viewer comes off as utterly inept. There's some nice colorful lighting in the nightmare sequences, undermined as it is by the shitty video quality. The dream scenes themselves, however, come off as more comedic than anything. Merit dreams that the guitar playing foot fetishist with a crush on her turns into Freddy, a hysterically goofy scene. He's jumping around, shredding on a flying V. It's so goofy! A moment of Lisa getting tossed down the stairs at school by the dream Merit is having about Freddy is similarly awkward. A bed sheet coming to life and holding Merit down is not exactly terrifying. The finale features Freddy's arm extending outwards to grab both sisters, which looks incredibly rubbery and shitty. I've made this comparison before but "Freddy's Nightmares" genuinely did have the production values of an eighties porno as well as the stilted, uncomfortable, and unprofessional look and feel of one. 

This is especially evident in the acting. I don't want to be a dick about this but Gry and Hili Park are simply dreadful as Merit and Lisa. Their delivery is monotone and every attempt at emoting comes off as stiff. That the writing is bad certainly doesn't help. Robert Englund can make campy gold out of the thinnest straw but he seems uncertain here. It doesn't help that the main character is named Merit. What the hell kind of name is that?! They repeat it, over and over again! Exactly one scene is good. Freddy appears in Lisa's bed and mocks her virginal sister for her lack of experience and jealousy of her more popular sister. That has Krueger playing on the fears and insecurities of his teenage victims, which is what he's always done best. Otherwise, "Sister's Keeper" is an embarrassing, tedious hour of television that will only interest die-hard Fred Heads. Which I guess I must be, as I keep watching this show despite knowing it's bad. [4/10] 



The Addams Family: Morticia the Breadwinner

Every iteration of the Addams Family is fabulously wealthy but "Morticia the Breadwinner" is an episode that suggests their resources have their limits. Uncle Fester reports to Morticia that stocks are crashing all over Wall Street. Concerned for the family's financial stability, she organizes everyone to cook up side hustles in order to bring in some extra cash... Without informing Gomez, who has become stuck on the idea of buying up a failing train company in a swampland. After every other plan the other Addams present doesn't get far, Morticia unknowingly ends up in a bid to sell her own shares in the train company to her husband. 

Considering the overall absurdity of the Addams' ridiculous wealth – a prior episode saw them attempting to spend billions on their own space program, while another suggested Gomez has priceless diamonds laying around – it's difficult to take the idea of them running out of savings too seriously. This premise is clearly an excuse to create more wacky interactions between the Addams and more traditional folks. Such as a very broad scene where Wednesday and Pugsley open their own version of a lemonade stand, selling hemlock to an unsuspecting passerby. Or Granmama offering beauty tips to saloons. It's the main joke of the series, the Addams doing their macabre thing when normalcy is expected from everyone outside the family, simply going in a slightly different direction than usual. 

By far the strangest of these attempts is Fester and Lurch trying to start an "escort agency." At first, I figured this phrase must have meant something different back in 1964. Surely, these characters on this goofy old sitcom weren't discussing talking up prostitution? Later scenes make the implications clear. Fester practices celebrity impersonations to impress his "dates" – which goes about as well as you'd expect – while a pair of ladies later refer to them as "gigolos." All I can assume is that audiences at the time were deeply naïve about what paying someone to spend time with you actually entails. Obviously, the fact that the clients of any sex work are overwhelmingly going to be men wasn't going to occur to anyone back then. Instead, this episode puts the mental image of Uncle Fester doing some rough trade into our brains before moving onto the next set of gags. 

In general, it's a weird premise for an episode. Especially considering Gomez has, in the past, been delighted by his financial endeavors failing. Most of this idea, especially Morticia refusing to tell her husband about it, strikes me as deeply contrived. Having said all that, I did laugh a few times. Such as Fester practicing his dynamite skills on the family safe. Or the cute result of Morticia's attempt to start a fencing instructional course. Granted, this is another episode that ends with a phone call but at least we see both sides of the conversation this time. [5/10]


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