Director Report Card: Michael Lehmann (1998)

6. My Giant

It might be impossible to imagine this now but, once upon a time, Billy Crystal was an actual box office draw. Here in 2022, Crystal's shtick is so stale that he seems like a relic of another era. And yet, for many years, Crystal was a popular comedian, propelled on the backs of cultural forces like “Saturday Night Live” and “Soap.” As the nineties started, he had two of the biggest hits of his careers, with “When Harry Met Sally” and “City Slickers.”  Even though Crystal had some box office disappointments throughout the decade, like “Mr. Saturday Night” and “Fathers' Day,” the star still had enough pull in 1998 to get a project greenlit. 

“My Giant” was, in fact, a passion project for Crystal. The movie was inspired by the friendship Crystal forged with Andre the Giant while filming “The Princess Bride.” He co-wrote the story with David Seltzer. In a bizarre turn of events, Crystal originally wanted to play the titular giant before being talked into being the shorter co-star. Michael Lehmann chose the film as the follow-up to “The Truth About Cats & Dogs” (and two more episodes of “The Larry Sanders Show”) for reasons I can only speculate on. Directing a movie with a beloved comedy icon and proven hit-maker probably seemed like a good idea to the director, following his first actual box office success. Alas, “My Giant” would not be as sure a shot as it seemed. Let's dissect this further.

Sammy Kamin is a sleazy talent agent. His wife is getting ready to divorce him, his son resents him, and the promising young actor he represents has just fired him. Lost in the Romanian countryside, he crashes his car. A massive pair of hands pulls Sammy from the wreckage and he awakens in a monastery. There, he meets his savior: A nearly eight foot tall man named Max. Impressed by the gentle giant, Sammy immediately tries to get him cast in the historical epic filming near-by. All Max wants is to be reunited with his childhood crush but Sam convinces him to try acting. Sam soon has Max traveling to America, to pursue performing, equally growing fond of and exploiting his new friend.

Probably the most interesting question “My Giant” grapples with is the same one that has always surrounded people born with extraordinary differences. When Sammy meets Max, he's blown away by his physical appearance and charming personality. He gives Max a path to see the world, to leave his home and become famous. At the same time, Sammy is using Max's unusual appearance as a way to make money. This comes to a head in the sequence where Max does a one-night stint as a pro-wrestler, where he's humiliated and mocked for his appearance. Considering the movie is inspired by Andre the Giant, one assumes this is Billy Crystal's opinion on how the pro-wrestling industry treated his friend. At least “My Giant” is self-aware enough to depict its protagonist as equally in awe of and exploiting his friend.

That's about the only really interesting thing “My Giant” does. Crystal might have set out to make a homage to his deceased friend – the film is dedicated to Andre's memory – but the film is ultimately not about its giant so much. Instead, “My Giant” occupies itself with Sammy Kamin's completely predictable character arc. He begins the movie as a complete heel. (And not the pro-wrestler kind.) He's obsessed with his career, neglecting his family. He uses Max's naivety as a way to further his own career. It's only after he becomes friends with the guy, and after he realizes Max is living on borrowed time, that he starts to behave responsibly. This is the standard story of a self-centered jerk defrosting and finding his heart again. 

Yet, as many ethically dubious things as Sammy does, “My Giant” is too chicken-shit to actually make him a proper scoundrel. Like all dads in a nineties family comedy, he's on the verge of divorce from his wife. He's never there for his son, who doesn't respect him. Naturally, both of these very relatable plot points are resolved in as sappy a way as possible. Because isn't a film about an eight foot tall man ultimately the story of a mediocre middle-age white guy about to leave his wife? One of “My Giant's” many failings is that it wants us to like Sammy too much, building much of the movie around his unremarkable plotline. Instead of running with the parts of its script that are actually interesting. 

That's because, no matter how much “My Giant” pretends it's about Max, this is ultimately Billy Crystal's project. The film begins and ends with him delivering pithy voice-overs, directly to the audience. He gets to throw lots of easy one-liners around, especially when faced with the monastery or Max for the first time. And, sure, one or two of these lines are worth a laugh. Yet it feels like Andre the Giant's extraordinary life probably could have inspired a pretty good film, if it actually focused on the giant. Instead, Crystal's ego prevails here. This is presumably why any director trademarks of Michael Lehmann are completely impossible to spot here. Crystal might as well have directed “My Giant” himself. 

Andre the Giant's unique screen presence could not easily be replicated, for many reasons. To fill the titular role, “My Giant” went similarly outside the acting world. Romanian basketball player Gheorghe Mureșan, who really is seven feet seven inches tall, was recruited to play Max. Mureșan is not an actor. His line delivery is frequently stiff and awkward, further hindered by his thick accent. And yet there is something to be said for his performance here. The guy does have an easy-going, goofy charm. He seems genuinely delighted to be in a movie. He has decent chemistry with Crystal. The few times “My Giant's” emotional elements work is strictly because Mureșan brings a certain pathos to the role, largely owing to the fact that he really does know what life is like when you are especially tall.

Whatever comedic value “My Giant” has is also owed to Gheorghe Mureșan. The big kid enthusiasm he has enlivens a handful of scenes, such as when he squeezes into a tiny car or pretends to be an established movie star. Otherwise, the humor in the film rarely elicits laughter. Lots of Crystal's one-liners are hammy. There's several moments of broad slapstick that simply feel out-of-place. During Max's first day of acting, he gets drunk to ease his nerves. This climaxes when he unleashes a geyser of on-screen vomit. (One bottle of wine achieves this when, in real life, Andre the Giant could effortlessly consume massive amounts of alcohol.)  There's also some misplaced burp and fart jokes. Probably the comedic low point of “My Giant” comes early on, when there's a reaction shot form a stunned sheep. 

These moments of low-brow humor stick out even worst as the movie goes on and develops an unsightly sentimental streak. Once the story turns towards the revelation that Max only has so much time left, the film gets increasingly goopy in its emotions. There's more focus on reuniting him with his childhood crush, as well as Sam's dissolving marriage. The two storylines meet in a scene that might've been sweet in a different movie but comes off as utterly mawkish here. It's always a tricky tonal balancing act when a goofy comedy suddenly decides to get heartfelt in its last act. “My Giant” absolutely does not have the skills to pull that off. The big emotions the final scene tries to summon are in no way earned by the movie that proceeded it.

About the only pleasure “My Giant” really gives me is its strangest subplot. Sammy's estranged son is a big fan of Steven Seagal. The plot hinges around Sammy getting onto the Las Vegas set of Seagal's new movie. He convinces the producers to rewrite the script on the spot so that a Shakespeare quoting, heavily-accented giant is the villain. This strains belief but not as much as Steven Seagal being considered a major star in 1998. That was the same year Seagal made his first direct-to-video film, after increasingly diminished returns in theaters. Only a few years later, Seagal would totally disappear from multiplexes, rarely allowed to return ever again. Considering Seagal's raging ego, I can only imagine what hoops he made Lehmann leap through. Seeing Seagal try and act like a normal human being, much less deliver humorous dialogue during a phone call with Sammy's son, is far more surreal and entertaining than anything else in “My Giant.” One really can't help but assume that the film was written with another action hero in mind and Seagal was the first one that said yes. 

Aside from Vladimir Putin's favorite aikido instructor and his ropy attempts at comedy, there are a few other familiar faces in “My Giant.” In fact, the movie features some surprise appearances nearly as unexpected as Seagal. Dan Castellaneta – Homer Simpson himself – has a bit part as a production assistant. He's immediately recognizable to people who know what voice actors look like. Verne Troyer, a year before he became Mini-Me, has an even bitter part as one of the wrestlers Max grapples with. Sammy's extended family, during an embarrassing scene where Max joins him at dinner, includes Doris Roberts and Estelle Harris. Both play extremely Doris Roberts and Estelle Harris-like parts. Of the supporting cast, only Kathleen Quinlan as Sammy's wife gives a genuinely sweet performance. She's the primary reason a key moment in the last act is kind of cute, as opposed to totally stiff.

Unsurprisingly, “My Giant” was another box office flop for its director. It only made 8 million against a 20 million dollar budget. I can't imagine a premise this gimmicky, especially when attached to a star as hammy as Crystal, attracted audiences much. The reviews were even more unkind than the grosses. Critics largely trashed the film, with most agreeing that its sentimentality did not blend well with its broad comedic instincts. I actually like the movie a little more than that but agree it's a misfire. Crystal's career would snap back the next year, with the equally gimmicky but far funnier “Analyze This.” Gheorghe Mureșan, on the other hand, would stick to basketball and never attempt acting again. Who could blame him, as “My Giant” was an instantly forgotten piece of nineties pop culture debris. [Grade: C]