Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Friday, May 20, 2022

Director Report Card: Michael Lehmann (1990)



"Heathers" didn't make any money but someone at New World Pictures must've liked the cut of Michael Lehmann's jib. I'm betting that someone was Denise Di Novi, the quirky producer who was also instrumental in getting Lehmann's feature debut made. Di Novi would also produce Lehmann's follow-up, an even stranger movie called "Meet the Applegates." Of course, New World was in the depths of bankruptcy and restructuring at the time. Lehmann's weirdo comedy would sit on a shelf for two years and not see theater screens until 1991. And even then just barely, as the film only made a little less than 500,000 dollars against its 5 million dollar budget. Despite its relative obscurity, "Meet the Applegates" has gone on to gather a small cult following

An American power company is currently cutting down large swathes of the Amazon rainforest, This disrupts a species of giant, highly intelligent, shapeshifting praying mantises called the Brazilian Cocorada. After discovering an English language text book, a family of four disguises themselves as humans and move to the small town in Ohio where the power company is based. Calling themselves the Applegates, they plan to sabotage the nuclear power plant and destroy the town. They present themselves as an ideal American family: Father Dick, mother Jane, teenage daughter Sally, and younger son Johnny. (Plus a dog named Spot.) Yet the Applegates soon find themselves distracted by the excesses of modern American society, forgetting their mission. This is bad, as the Cocorada Queen is on her way with an army of pissed-off bug people. 

It's honestly astonishing that "Meet the Applegates" managed to get made at all. If theater-goers found the premise of "a comedy about teenage suicide" alienating, I can't imagine anyone thought they would flock to a film with a set-up this weird. And this film was two million dollars more expensive than "Heathers" too! Di Novi must've been doing it for the art, as "Meet the Applegates" makes no concession to audience's taste. It is a bizarre comedy that revels in its own weirdness. The main characters have the goal of killing humanity. They behave badly, as does almost everyone around them. The film frequently pauses for extended sequences of grotesque body horror, as the Applegates' human forms shift into their buggy natural states. There's a key scene where a teenage girl gives birth to a squirming pupa, which then burst spectacularly, This is a movie that was only ever going to appeal to a limited breed of cult movie freaks. Which makes me thankful it exists at all.

"Meet the Applegates'" aggressive weirdness is obviously in service of cultural satire. The Applegates pattern themselves after every statistic they can find about American life, making themselves as "average" as possible. This leads to them resembling a 1950s sitcom version of a suburban family. The dad has an office job, mom cooks and clean, they have a white picket fence and a green lawn. This disguises the truth that they are hideous killer bugs. The film goes even further after that, as the Applegates quickly befall to every vice of modern life. Dick begins to have an affair with his secretary. Sally becomes addicted to spending, signing up for multiple credit cards and maxing all of them out. She eventually turns to booze and crime to cope. Johnny quickly starts selling and using drugs while Sally is immediately trying teenage sex and getting impregnated. The joke is obvious: That the "average" American family is, despite idyllic appearances, completely fucked-up. That something innate in our culture breeds and encourages this seediness.

This is not too dissimilar to "Heathers'" point, that the restrictive structures of American society inevitable leads to dysfunction and self-destruction. Yet, where "Heathers'" satire was focused and razor-sharp, "Meet the Applegates'" social commentary is a lot fuzzier. The people around the Applegates are presented as dunderheaded buffoons. The high school jock is a date-rapist, the town minister is a corpulent overeater, and their immediate neighbor is a bozo. Yet you can't help but notice that the Applegates are way more grotesque than anyone around them. When the outsiders are more depraved than the Americans, you're just making the outsiders look bad. Things get more muddled as the movie goes on, suggesting that the Applegates and the people in the town are growing fond of each other. Moreover, the evil energy corporation that should be the story's true antagonist is never developed much, leaving any clear point about the evils of capitalism hard to decipher. 

Muddled satire could, perhaps, be forgiven if "Meet the Applegates" was as funny as "Heathers." Sad to say, it's not. In fact, there aren't very many laughs here at all. There's a number of belabored gags that simply aren't very amusing. Such as the exterminator next door testing out a sonic frequency bug deterrent, which secretly torments the Applegates. There's a running gag about the mantises subsisting on a diet of trash and sugar, a potentially amusing bit of silliness that the film just dourly accepts as a matter-of-fact. "Meet the Applegates" is Lehmann's sole screenwriting credit, as he co-wrote the script with Redbeard Simmons, his "Beaver Gets a Boner" scribe. The two seem to find the act of presenting grotesqueness humorous enough, as the film largely has weird or gross shit happen without doing much of anything to make it funny. 

The film is at its most amusing when there's some sort of straight man to play off all the crazy shit happening. Such as when Greg, the exterminator neighbor, discovers a huge dead bug that used to be Spot the dog. His bemused reaction to something so unusual made me chuckle a few times. So did the sequence were the Applegates' averageness makes them the winner of a contest. The lottery runners arrive with the prize, just as the family is at their lowest moment, leading to a series of horrified reactions from the squares. Another such scene has a straight-laced border agent negotiating with the Cocorada Queen, who has taken the human form of a macho Dabney Coleman. I feel like the movie should've used the similarities between the already weird Applegates and normal suburban foibles for more laughs. There's a moment where an antenna-sporting Dick tries to initiate some insectoid sexy time with Jane and she is disinterested. It's clever and funny. The movie needed more stuff like that. 

Perhaps this is what happens when you try to write a script like "Heathers" but don't have someone like Daniel Waters behind the typewriter. Like "Heathers," "Meet the Applegates" touches upon a lot of controversial topics. Sally is unambiguously raped by the high school football star she thinks is cute, an ugly scene. The idea that the star athlete doesn't care about consent certainly deserves to be made but the inclusion here is mostly just uncomfortable. This is far from the only content that people would probably object to in 2022. After getting pregnant, Sally attends a support group for wayward girls... Where she begins a romance with a butch lesbian. This is presented as another way in which the Applegates have fallen from the American ideals they strive for. After Dick is caught screwing his secretary, they both get fired... And then the woman tries to blackmail him, the film depicting her as the villain in this situation. Most prominently, there's the matter of the mantis queen presenting as a mustachioed man, despite telling everyone she's female. I don't think the movie was intentionally making fun of trans people but the scenes of Dabney Coleman in drag sure haven't aged well. 

So "Meet the Applegates'" satire is uncertain, its laughs are few and far between, and some of its gags would get the cast and crew canceled in 2022. What does the movie have going for it? Those giant praying mantises sure are charming. Veteran eighties monster maker Kevin Yagher handled the make-up and creature effects. Yagher's creature designs don't exaggerate the features of a typical praying mantis much. The goofy pupils of the insect are maintained, as are their distinctive antenna and mandibles. The puppets' pinchers and bodies flop around as they move, in a way that can't help but be amusing. Honestly, the scene just devoted to the mantises being adorable goofballs are my favorite parts of the movie. When the Applegates go on a road trip and sit around a campfire in their natural state, chattering in their clicking language, I loved that. Or how the confrontation at the end with the other Cocorada involves spitting copious amounts of slimy bug juice. Showing the absurd contrast between these oversized human notions and traditionally insectoid behavior is a lot funnier than most of what the movie offers.

“Meet the Applegates” notably doesn't look as good as “Heathers” either. Mitch Dubin, a camera operator on that film, takes over as cinematographer and he's clearly not as talented as Francis Kenny was. There's one or two shots similar to the church scenes in “Heathers” but nothing overall as distinctive as that movie. “Applegates” does have the same production design as “Heathers,” Jon Hurtman. And that's very obvious. This film has the same exaggerated, slightly surreal style to its sets. The colors are bright. The angles are overdone. Everything is just a little off. This is a good fit for a story like this one. It's certainly a lot easier to handle the reality of giant bugs disguised as people if the costumes and sets around them are little larger than life already.

While there's a lot of things about “Meet the Applegates” that just aren't on-target, its cast isn't one of them. Ed Begley Jr. stars as Dick, with Stockard Channing as Jane. Both seem to be on the movie's bizarre wavelength. There's frequently something a little weird about Begley's energy as a performer. He's frequently had this style of putting on a fake smile and sounding slightly insincere, which makes him an ideal pick for the role of a giant praying mantis disguised as an average American dad. And Begley is always a fearless comedic performer. Channing, meanwhile, generates some laughs with her extremely dry approach to the material. This is most apparent when she turns to crime to support her spending habit. Cami Cooper and Bobby Jacoby – also seen in “Shocker” and “Tremors,” respectively – are both pretty good as Sally and Johnny.

Yet the supporting cast really steals the show more often than not. Dabney Coleman gives easily the funniest performance in the film. Coleman maintains the composure of a hard-ass military man, even when subjected to indignities like being in drag or having a suggestive banana in his pants. Also returning from “Heathers” is Glenn Shadix, who plays the nosy neighbor. Shadix's perpetually surreal delivery is also suited to a story as odd this one, that sort of magnified sense of authority bouncing off the story's absurdity's well enough. Shadix is even given a few posturing speeches, similar to the preacher role he played in Lehmann's previous film. 

“Meet the Applegates” as barely released in cinemas but did a little better on video and cable. I recall, years ago, seeing an advertisement for a Sci-Fi Channel screening of it. The strange premise always stuck with me and I've been curious about the movie for years. That curiosity only increased after learning the guy who made “Heathers” directed it. Truthfully, I want to like “Meet the Applegates” much more than I actually do. I'm glad a movie this fucking weird exist. I'm glad as much time, effort, and money was expended on bringing a story about giant praying mantises pretending to be human to life. In the abstract, it's perfect for my off-kilter sense of humor. In execution, it leaves a lot to be desired. Still, if this ever gets released on a fancy Blu-Ray, I would probably pick it up. (It's never been released on DVD and isn't legally streaming anywhere.) “Meet the Applegates” might not be all that successful yet I can't help but find it a little irresistible. [Grade: B-]

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