Director Report Card: Matthew Bright (2004)

4. Tiptoes

Sometimes, a movie so grossly miscalculated comes along that it can't help but become an object of morbid curiosity for a certain select of cinematic masochist. I first read about “Tiptoes,” the infamous motion picture were Gary Oldman plays a dwarf, thanks to Nathan Rabin's “My World of Flops” column. By that point, the movie's notoriety was already well established. Its baffling trailer had become a minor meme. The jokers at programs like “How Did This Get Made?” had already raked it over the coals. Since then, “Tiptoes” has become a target of mockery, scorn, and puzzlement by everyone with a blog, podcast, or Youtube channel dissecting “bad” movies.  

Simply put: How does a fiasco like this come to be? Moreover, how did a director like Matthew Bright, known for crazy and sleazy exploitation movies, become involved in such a project? It is, as is usually the case when a movie goes hideously off-the-rails like this, the fault of meddling producers. Bright first wrote the script back in the eighties as a wild sex comedy, supposedly inspired by his friendship with Herve Villechaize. (Whom he met while making “Forbidden Zone.”) The script would end up in the hands of John Langley, the millionaire creator of “Cops” and the neighbor of Bright's father-in-law. Langley and his wife agreed to finance the film. The minute filming began, however, they immediately started hassling the director, cast, and crew. After “Tiptoes” was shot, Bright was locked out of the editing room. His 150 minute director's cut was hastily reworked into the 90 minute version that's currently available. Knowing all of this, does that make “Tiptoes” any less perplexing an experience? 

The plot concerns Steven, a firefighter instructor who is about to marry his long-time girlfriend, Carole. That's when Steven is called away to a family meeting. Dwarfism runs in Steven's bloodline and he is, in fact, the only average sized person in his family. Even his twin brother, Rolfe, is short. Rolfe, currently on the outs with his temperamental friend Maurice, ends up seeking out Steven on his own and meeting Carole. Soon afterwards, Carole discovers that she's pregnant. Steven faces the likelihood that his child may be born a dwarf and struggles with his own insecurity. Meanwhile, his wife gets to know her brother-in-law better.

If you know nothing else about “Tiptoes,” you know that this is the movie where Gary Oldman plays a little person. There's no getting around it. Oldman stands on his knees and shuffles around awkwardly through most of his scenes, his unnatural gait explained with a cane. He's played by a stand-in, who is obviously a different actor, in wide shots. Often times, the film outfits Oldman with some hideously awkward prosthesis in close-ups. Such as an unconvincing hump or similarly unsightly fake legs. It's an utterly surreal sight that casts a dubious air over the entire production. When you have an award-winning thespian hobbling around on his knees like Dorf, looking up at other actors, it becomes impossible to take anything about the movie seriously.

Obviously, having a famous actor awkwardly waddle around on his knees to play the role of a dwarf is horribly ableist. Especially since all the other short characters in the film are played by people with actual dwarfism, making it clear that Oldman was just cast due to his fame. But Oldman playing Rolfe isn't offensive simply because it's clearly in bad taste. It's also insulting to the audience's intelligence, as it undermines the entire point of the movie. “Tiptoes” is, ostensibly, a movie about how little people are just like everyone else. They fuck and fight and drink and swear. They aren't cute little elves or freaks on display. They are human beings. And it's difficult to believe anyone making the movie actually thought that, if they decided the second lead was too important to be played by an actual short actor. That having an average sized performer, showing off his versatility by playing someone with a different body type, was more important than actually showcasing talented people who fall into that minority.

As utterly misguided as “Tiptoes” is, I think there is a good idea at the core here. It's not as if there's a lot of representation in pop culture for little people. They deserve to be depicted as flawed, fully formed human beings who do all the things everyone else does. When moving towards this goal is when “Tiptoes” most feels like a film from the director of “Freeway.” In fact, in its earlier scenes, this is a profanity-laced comedy full of outrageous shenanigans. There's a sexy lady dwarf that everyone seems to want to hump. Rolfe irately delivers profane monologues into a phone, after taking a severe beating. The film opens with the unexpected sight of two little people tearing down the road in custom designed motorcycles. A sex comedy starring little people is exactly the kind of crazy idea I'd expect from Matthew Bright.

While wacky comedy – or at least a humanistic depiction of people with dwarfism – seems like it would be the goal of “Tiptoes,” the film instead more frequently goes in the direction of maudlin melodrama. And this is most evident in the film's score. The music is credited to someone named Curt Sobel, who has mostly worked as a music editor. (“Tiptoes” is, notably, his final feature credit as a composer.) It's a score composed seemingly entirely of straining, yearning, emotional sweeps. Every semi-serious conversations the characters have are accompanied by swelling strings on the soundtrack. It's distracting, to say the least, and overpowers any sense of sincere emotion in the movie. The score is painfully generic too, feeling like a patchwork from a hundred TV Hallmark movies. When not occupied by Sobel's goopy music, “Tiptoes” soundtrack is ruined by exceedingly corny rock music.

A better score would have helped the film immensely but it's hard to imagine “Tiptoes'” script, at least as presented in this chopped up version, successfully generating pathos. Steven's character arc revolves around his fear that his child will be born a dwarf. He spends most of the story inactive, fearful of events he seems powerless to do anything about. When Carole even considers getting an abortion at one point, a serious topic a movie this light-weight is not prepared to handle. As the film goes on, it twists in more ludicrously melodramatic directions. When the child is born a dwarf, Steven freaks out and punches a wall in the hospital room. The script constantly feels drawn towards muted, high-strung conversation and bold acting out like that. It's hopelessly histrionic.

Even if you didn't know for a fact that “Tiptoes” was originally much longer, it would still be obvious that the movie was messily chopped up inside the editing room. Several subplots are raised and then never resolved. What of Maurice's ailing health or his love affair with Lucy, the girl he picks up at the beginning of the film? The average-sized benefactor for a little people assisting charity Steven's family runs – played by David Alan Grier, returning from “Freeway II” – is discovered to be sleeping with a member of the family. This is never brought up again. The amount of time between Steven and Carole getting married and her delivering the baby passes in the course of a few scenes. That “Tiptoes” was hacked to pieces is most obvious in its hilariously abrupt ending. There's an argument, a character walks out, and two other characters kiss before a sudden fade to black. It's a conclusion seemingly designed to make the viewer shout “What the hell was that?” 

What differentiates “Tiptoes” from a lot of other ill-conceived bad movies nobody cares about is its A-list cast. Matthew McConaughey, in-between “Reign of Fire” and “How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days,” stars as Steven. McConaughey seems as confused as everything else about the movie. He delivers most of his dialogue in a hushed, trembling whisper. There's not much of the all-American charm that McConaughey built his career on. His character arc is seemingly that of a man, embarrassed about his family of dwarfs, learning to overcome his insecurities and love his brother. This is left incomplete by the butchered run time, so Steven just seems like an asshole who hates short people for deeply petty reasons. When compared to Oldman, who vamps in a weird voice, McConaughey's performance seems even more confused and uncertain.

As confused or embarrassing as their performances are, it's hard to feel too bad about McConaughey and Oldman agreeing to do a movie like this. At least they got top-billing and big roles. However, Kate Beckinsale – right before “Underworld” made her a household name – and Patricia Arquette are stuck in deeply pedestrian supporting roles. As Carole, Beckinsale is tugged around by the whims of the script. Her growing relationship with Rolfe feels totally undeveloped. Her feelings towards her own child are relegated to a few scenes. Arquette, meanwhile, plays some sort of hippy manic pixie dream girl. She's enchanted by Maurice and forced to put up with his bad moods and... That's it. Much like McConaughey, both actresses seem utterly confused about what to do with this material. 

It may prove unsurprising to read that the most confident performances in “Tiptoes” are from the actually short actors. Michael J. Anderson and Ed Gale – better known as “Twin Peaks'” Man from Another Place and Chucky's stunt-double – are natural seeming in the roles of Steven's father and a family friend. Obviously, the biggest aspect in the film's favor is Peter Dinklage, long before “Game of Thrones,” as Maurice. The character is obviously inspired by Bright's old friend, and Dinklage's idol, Herve Villachez. Like the late Villachez, Maurice is temperamental, outspoken politically, loves women, suffers numerous illnesses, drinks to dull his pain, and is fond of firearms. Dinklage's French accent is pretty campy but Dinklage still steals every scene he's in. It's easy to imagine a less awkward, perhaps less compromised version of “Tiptoes” which starred Dinklage in Oldman's role. 

The making of “Tiptoes” was a frustrating, painful experience for Matthew Bright. He took his name off the script, going by the dismissive pseudonym “Bill Weiner.” The only reason he's credited as director is, as a non-member of the Director's Guild, he couldn't remove his name. He also publicly trashed the producers during a festival screening. Bright's 150 minute director's cut still exist and is, supposedly, superior to the butchered cut. Perhaps, if it's ever released, “Tiptoes” and its director will be vindicated. Yet it's hard to believe that a film like this, with a gimmick this miscalculated and a story this surreal, could succeed on its own merit. As it exists in its current form, “Tiptoes” is a disaster, a baffling car wreck that must be seen to be believed. [Grade: D-]

After a hellish production like “Tiptoes,” it's unsurprising that Matthew Bright fled from Hollywood. Burning all his bridges in public the way he did probably didn't help his career any. While “Freeway” remains a cult favorite, Bright's other films have yet to be reevaluated. It's a pretty interesting set of films though, frequently showing a subversive intelligence behind their outrageous content. Perhaps if that rumored director's cut of “Tiptoes” ever surfaces, and turns out to be a significant improvement over the current version, it'll lead to more interest in his film career. Until then, I'm glad I went on this strange, twisted little trip through a unique director's filmography.