When Michael Bay and Samuel Fuller formed Platinum Dunes, they had the incredibly cynical objective of taking well-known eighties and seventies properties and making them as slick as possible for modern audiences, for maximum profits. Their first assault on good taste was the 2003 remake of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” fittingly one of the most cynical films ever made. But this naked cash grab worked, as the blasphemous “Chainsaw” remake was a big box office earner. For their second redo, Platinum Dunes at least decided to remake a movie that wasn't very good. I was somewhat optimistic, in 2005, that “The Amityville Horror” could be improved upon. My high hopes were misplaced, as the remake of "The Amityville Horror" manages to be even shittier than some of those sequels.
2005's “Amityville Horror” follows the same general outline as the original. Ronald DeFio, at the urging of demonic voices, murders his entire family at 112 Ocean Avenue, Long Island. One year later, the Lutz family moves in. At first, the family of five is overjoyed by are soon disturbed by bizarre, supernatural incidents. George Lutz is especially targeted by the house's evil spirits. The biggest differences is that the remake greatly downplays the religious elements. The Catholic priest is reduced to two scenes. The demonic activity is given the origin of real life historical figure Jeremiah Ketcham. Jody the demonic pig is changed out for a little ghost girl and the red room under the stairs becomes a more muted affair. The walls still bleed though.
Because subtly isn't in the Platinum Dunes glossary, their “Amityville Horror” embiggens the famous scares from the original. Now a tidal wave of flies burst from the air vents. Blood leaks from the wall at every given opportunity. The babysitter locked in the closest is now an extended sequence involving the ghost child. That spooky ghost girl is a new horror cliché added to the “Amityville” stew. The remake seems especially enamored of her, as she floats in the window, makes goofy faces, shows off her bullet wound, and vamps in the most obnoxiously loud ways possible. Because this was 2005, an element of gory torture horror is somehow inserted into this haunted house story. The red room in the basement has been replaced with Ketcham's torture chamber, where George gets visions of mutilated Native Americans and is then showered with blood.
While I'm doubtful the Platinum Dunes team ever thought much about this kind of thing, 2005's “Amityville Horror” does update the original's subtext in almost an interesting way. The original “Amityville” was all about the stresses of owning a new house, how a dream home can turn into a living nightmare through nickeling and diming you. The remake, meanwhile, is about how you never really know your new husband or stepdad. The kids are suspicious of George, uncertain if he can replace their dead dad. (Dead parents are, apparently, a reoccurring pattern in this series.) Once he comes under the house's influence, it's clear he's not fit to be their dad. This throws Kathy for a loop too, as her loving husband turns into an abusive jerk, who can't even perform sexually. If the remake had run with this, it might've been something interesting. Instead, these ideas are dropped by the abrupt ending.
It seems to me that the 1960s is when the international film market really opened up. English language pop culture icons – like Batman, the Beatles, and James Bond – became hugely popular all over the globe. Similarly, films from other countries start to filter into the United States to great success. As far as trashy genre fair goes, Japanese and Italian movies started to make an impact on the U.S. market. In 1966, MGM co-produced a quartet of science fiction films with Italian director Antonio Margheriti, about a space station called Gamma One. In 1968, MGM would take this idea – the space station renamed Gamma Three – to Japan. Partnering with Toei and director Kinji Fukasaku, the resulting film would be “The Green Slime.”
The crew of near-Earth space station Gamma Three includes the courageous Commander Rankin, the combative Commander Elliot, and nurse Dr. Benson, whom both men are pursuing. Soon, the space station becomes aware of a large planetoid on a collision course with Earth. An astronaut team, including Rankin and Elliot, are dispatched to explode the giant space rock before it crashes into the Earth. That would be enough story for most films but “Green Slime” is just getting started. A moss-like green sludge grows on the planetoid and sticks to an astronaut's suit. Aboard the space station, it grows into a one-eyed space monster who shoots electricity and consumes energy. It also multiplies rapidly, putting the whole station at risk.
Yet the love triangles are not the reason you watch old sci-fi movies like this. It's for the delightfully hokey special effects. The miniature effects are not up to the standard of what Toho was doing around the same time, the space station often looking like a toy on strings. Yet there's something charmingly retro about the sets, especially the sequences on the rogue planet's rocky, red surface. The titular green slime is the main attraction here. Their single red eye, dome-shaped heads, and whipping collection of tentacles are pretty neat looking. They awkwardly stumble around the sci-fi sets, sparks flying from their tentacles. Most amusingly, the Green Slime make a comical chirping noise everywhere they go. Undeniably cheesy, the monsters are nevertheless charming in their own way.
If the funky, silly, but undeniably fun tone “The Green Slime” is going for wasn't immediately apparent, the movie has a wonderfully ridiculous psychedelic theme song that plays at the beginning and end. The groovy guitars and melodramatic wails of “Green slimeeeeeeee!!!” are simply unforgettable. When I first saw “The Green Slime” on late night television – maybe the ideal way to see it – that theme song stuck with me more than even the lovably goofy monsters. The American cut runs a brief 89 minutes but, amusingly, the Japanese version is even shorter. Apparently it cuts out the love triangle and focuses exclusivity on the creature feature action. Never let it be said that Japanese genre filmmakers don't know what side of their bread is buttered. [7/10]
Another important but often overlooked predecessor to “The Twilight Zone” – debuting nine months before it – is “One Step Beyond.” The anthology series ran for three years on ABC, from 1959 to 1961. “One Step Beyond” would distinguish itself from other fantastical anthology shows by claiming all of its stories were based on “true” accounts of the paranormal. (This makes it something of a predecessor to the later, and equally full-of-shit, “Beyond Belief.”) Each episode was directed and hosted by John Newland, who would grimly introduce each story with a documentary segment before the scripted scenes started. The show is almost forgotten today though I can recall seeing it on television rarely when I was a kid, probably owning to its semi-public domain status. Once again, I looked up the highest rated episodes of the show to make my selection. I decided 'The Clown,” from season two, sounded like a good choice for the Halloween season.
“The Clown” begins with Tom Regan and his young wife, Nonnie, entering a bar. Tom is so insanely jealous that Nonnie so much as looking at another man can drive him into a rage. A carnival happens to be in town at the exact same time the couple get into a fight. Nonnie ends up befriending a mute clown named Pippo. When Tom catches Pippo and his wife innocently talking in his trailer, he stabs the girl to death. Pippo is left locked up, waiting for the cops to come. Yet Tom sees Pippo ominously looming behind him every time he looks in the mirror, the grinning clown drawing closer every time.
Some have suggested that this episode might've inspired Stephen King's “IT.” I don't know about that – there's certainly plenty of other killer clown stories King might've drawn from – but I can say for certain another prominent storyteller was influenced by this episode. “Mirror, Mirror,” Martin Scorsese's episode of “Amazing Stories," was obviously inspired by this one. Several moments, like the clown appearing in the rear-view mirror of Tom's car, where directly ripped for the later episode. Scorsese did the same idea a little better but Pippo the Clown is way creepier than the fedora-clad villain the later director dreamed up. [7/10]
Since “Silence of the Lambs” was a major pop culture phenomenon in the early nineties, it's unsurprising that so many cop shows would draw inspiration from the famous film. “Forever Knight,” naturally, was not above this inclination. During a shoot-out with some drug dealers, Tracy Vetters kills an attacker. The same night, the gruesome evidence of a serial killer – a murdered call girl, her dismembered body left on the beach – is discovered. Nick meets with a famous incarcerated serial killer, known as the Mortician, to pick his brain about this copycat. Still traumatized by the death, Vetters uses her three days of leaves to go undercover at the escort agency in find the killer... Which is exactly what happens, as she's soon abducted by the madman. Using the tips from the other killer, Nick hopes to track down the copycat before it's too late.
A plot about a cop killing someone in the line of duty plays really differently today than it did back in 1995. Still, “Trophy Girl” is the first time I think I've actually been interested in Tracy Vetters. Her guilt over the death causing her to personally try and track the killer represents her being more active and less whiny than usual. Though this growth is more than a little undermined by her immediately being grabbed by the guy and spending the rest of the episode tied up. The scenes where Nick interacts with the Mortician, played by experienced Canadian television actor A.C. Peterson, are a little more compelling. The serial killer immediately recognizes Nick as fellow brother in bloodlust. A subplot about the killer reaching out to his “fans” through message boards is amusing, if only because it presents the internet as a new novelty. (The identity of the Mortician's biggest fan is easy to guess, though a decent reveal.) The final act is a little more gruesome than expected, as it features several decapitated heads in jars. I think this is probably going to end up being one of the better episodes of “Forever Knight's” third season. [7/10]
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