People say these movies are critic proof and perhaps they are. However, I can't imagine that Universal execs didn't notice that the more negative reviews seemed to correlate to slightly less massive box office. Perhaps seeking a fresh perspective, a new director would board the series for the fourth or seventh entry. Gareth Edwards, already experienced with saurian CGI mayhem from directing 2014's "Godzilla," would take the wheel with "Jurassic World Rebirth." The generically subtitled follow-up wouldn't truly change much, reaction wise. "Rebirth" fell just short of making Universal another billy but still grossed a Dreadnoughtus sized amount of money. Critical reception, meanwhile, concluded this is merely the least shitty follow-up. I've enjoyed all the "Jurassic World" movies, presumably because I have no taste, so I went into "Rebirth" with few ideas as to what my reaction might be.
It turns out Earth's current climate and the hyper-industrial era are hostile to dinosaurs. "Rebirth" sees all the thunder lizards unleashed on the world in "Dominion" mostly going extinct again. The prehistoric creatures only survive in the balmiest areas of the globe, human travel outlawed in these regions. Pharmaceutical corporation ParkerGenix needs genetic material from three of the biggest dinosaur species – the aquatic Mosasaur, the land-dwelling Titanosaurus, and the airborne Quetzalcoatlus – to perfect a heart disease killing drug. Mercenary Zora Bennett is promised an absurd amount of money to lead the extremely dangerous mission to retrieve these resources. Paleontologist Henry Loomis and old friend Duncan Kincad accompany Zora on this journey. They travel to Île Saint-Hubert, the now abandoned Caribbean island where InGen kept the mutated dinosaurs too ugly to display in the main park. Along the way, the team picks up a family – fisherman Reuben, his daughters Teresa and Isabella, and Teresa's boyfriend Xavier – stranded by a Mosasaur attack. The boat is taken out by hostile dinos as they approach the island, making an already perilous adventure riskier. Zora and the others try to survive, grab what they need, and make a last minute escape as the island reveals more deadly dino secrets.
Universal invited David Koepp, writer of the original and most beloved film in this franchise, back to pen "Jurassic World Rebirth." He is given sole credit for the script but it's fairly obvious that "Rebirth" was actually written by committee. On-screen titles explain the current state of this dinosaur-infested world, before the cast repeats this information in laborious expositionary dialogue. The main dramatic conflict of each principal character is also explained in broad conversations early on in the film. Zora is traumatized by the death of her partner and missing the funeral of her mom. Duncan reveals a ruined marriage and deceased child in his back story during the same talk. Reuban is unimpressed with Xavier, who will prove his worthiness throughout this journey. There's never any doubt about which members of the party will become dinosaur chow. Do you think the overly confident big game hunter, Ruby Rose-like crew member, French speaking mechanic, and cartoonishly evil Big Pharma stooge have much chance of making it to the end?
Scarlett Johansson smiles big and looks pretty in a role that otherwise asks very little of her. The rest of the cast play their roles with the cartoon simplicity demanded of the meager script. Likewise, the origin story of the latest biggest, baddest threat to grace the series feels like something that would appear in a low-effort cartoon series. Koepp attempts to cook a bigger theme into the story, about personal responsibility in making the world a better place when profit-hungry mega-corps rule everything. This results in a handful of dialogue exchanges, the most climatic of which being the most flatly and obviously stated. Every element of "Jurassic World Rebirth's" narrative was designed so that even the most clueless rubes in the audience – or folks dispassionately watching while scrolling TikTok – can follow what is happening.
"Rebirth" does deserve credit for not going out of its way to remind viewers of the original film. This is not a "legacy sequel" burdened with shout-outs to the older, better movies. In fact, the latest "Jurassic World" most reminds me of something else entirely: Video games, specifically classic survival-horror titles. There's a clear check list of objectives for the heroes to achieve, gathering DNA from three of the dinosaur species. The successfully filled capsules float down towards the characters like power-ups falling from the sky. The cast progresses through different settings and scenarios, as if they are playing through levels. Each location contains their own environmental gimmicks: Shooting a monster from the deck of a speeding boat, repelling down a mountain side, crawling through subterranean tunnels. Different threats are found in each location, with the T-Rex wading through the river area and the massive pterosaur occupying the cliff side. Locations like an ancient temple, a rickety gas station, and an abandoned lab filled with tubes occupied by deformed fetuses are the kind of areas you'd expect to navigate with a controller. There are puzzles for the heroes to unravel too, such as freeing a vessel from an elevated wench or opening a locked gate. A box of flares might as well have a green arrow floating overtop it. Scarlett Johansson crawling around and shooting dinosaurs truly reminded me of playing "Dino Crisis," while the last act features a monstrous final boss worthy of a "Resident Evil" title.
The impression "Jurassic World Rebirth" gives is of a risks-free blockbuster rushed through production by a studio needing to fill a summer release slot. Gareth Edwards has already proven he can make a movie like this and is fine with producer-mandated reshoots too. The execs wanted a cute, Baby Yoda-like mascot character they could sell toys of and so an adorable dinosaur sidekick meets up with the cast's youngest member. The script was written not to express a natural story but to get thrill-hungry viewers from one exciting set piece to the next. It is the definition of what Martin Scorsese called "theme park" movies.
Maybe that is the lowest goal film can aspire to as an artform but I, for one, enjoy a good theme park ride. And "Jurassic World Rebirth" does provide those kinds of thrills. The family trying to escape the mosasaurs as their boat is wrecked is an intense thriller. The race with the same sea monsters, as ScarJo hangs perilously off the side of the boat, is extremely well engineered. The Quetzalcoatlus is a formidable and unique threat, the mountainside location making for a dynamically executed sequence. Hiding from the snapping, winged raptors in a grungy convenience store presses all the right buttons to engineer suspense. The highlight of the film involves the T-Rex stalking the Delgados through a riverbed, including a fantastic shot of the massive predator's jaws pressing through the material of an inflatable raft or squeezing its head between gaps in a rock wall. Edwards manages to bring along some of the grandeur he showed-up off in "Godzilla" too. The sequence devoted to the enormous Titanosaurs, with their coiling and whip-like tails, is a properly sweet moment of peace in the middle of the film. The Distortis Rex – the latest example of the Hollywood kaiju phenotype – shows the same fantastic sense of scale and misty awe-and-terror Edwards displayed in his previous monster movies.
I must conclude that "Jurassic World Rebirth" is, unquestionably a corporate product. It is designed to raise shareholders' stock value, to do nothing but distract audiences enough that they go to the theater and pay for tickets. It is meant to further the value of the "Jurassic" brand in the public consciousness and to keep fans flocking to the merchandise and theme parks. Whether that means the definition of whatever the internet has decided is "slop" today is up to debate, I suppose. I prefer the term "schlock," which is far more affectionate. "Rebirth" is definitely schlock and, as far as the value of what I paid for my ticket goes, I believe it is schlock that gave me money's worth. Maybe I truly do have no taste. Perhaps I am but a simple soul that only needs to see some dinosaurs ripping shit up on-screen to be satisfied. The script is weak and the characters are flat but the special effects are excellent, the thrills come fast, and it is all delivered in a smooth package that keeps the dino-action coming at a fast enough clip. [6/10]
Universal invited David Koepp, writer of the original and most beloved film in this franchise, back to pen "Jurassic World Rebirth." He is given sole credit for the script but it's fairly obvious that "Rebirth" was actually written by committee. On-screen titles explain the current state of this dinosaur-infested world, before the cast repeats this information in laborious expositionary dialogue. The main dramatic conflict of each principal character is also explained in broad conversations early on in the film. Zora is traumatized by the death of her partner and missing the funeral of her mom. Duncan reveals a ruined marriage and deceased child in his back story during the same talk. Reuban is unimpressed with Xavier, who will prove his worthiness throughout this journey. There's never any doubt about which members of the party will become dinosaur chow. Do you think the overly confident big game hunter, Ruby Rose-like crew member, French speaking mechanic, and cartoonishly evil Big Pharma stooge have much chance of making it to the end?
"Rebirth" does deserve credit for not going out of its way to remind viewers of the original film. This is not a "legacy sequel" burdened with shout-outs to the older, better movies. In fact, the latest "Jurassic World" most reminds me of something else entirely: Video games, specifically classic survival-horror titles. There's a clear check list of objectives for the heroes to achieve, gathering DNA from three of the dinosaur species. The successfully filled capsules float down towards the characters like power-ups falling from the sky. The cast progresses through different settings and scenarios, as if they are playing through levels. Each location contains their own environmental gimmicks: Shooting a monster from the deck of a speeding boat, repelling down a mountain side, crawling through subterranean tunnels. Different threats are found in each location, with the T-Rex wading through the river area and the massive pterosaur occupying the cliff side. Locations like an ancient temple, a rickety gas station, and an abandoned lab filled with tubes occupied by deformed fetuses are the kind of areas you'd expect to navigate with a controller. There are puzzles for the heroes to unravel too, such as freeing a vessel from an elevated wench or opening a locked gate. A box of flares might as well have a green arrow floating overtop it. Scarlett Johansson crawling around and shooting dinosaurs truly reminded me of playing "Dino Crisis," while the last act features a monstrous final boss worthy of a "Resident Evil" title.
Maybe that is the lowest goal film can aspire to as an artform but I, for one, enjoy a good theme park ride. And "Jurassic World Rebirth" does provide those kinds of thrills. The family trying to escape the mosasaurs as their boat is wrecked is an intense thriller. The race with the same sea monsters, as ScarJo hangs perilously off the side of the boat, is extremely well engineered. The Quetzalcoatlus is a formidable and unique threat, the mountainside location making for a dynamically executed sequence. Hiding from the snapping, winged raptors in a grungy convenience store presses all the right buttons to engineer suspense. The highlight of the film involves the T-Rex stalking the Delgados through a riverbed, including a fantastic shot of the massive predator's jaws pressing through the material of an inflatable raft or squeezing its head between gaps in a rock wall. Edwards manages to bring along some of the grandeur he showed-up off in "Godzilla" too. The sequence devoted to the enormous Titanosaurs, with their coiling and whip-like tails, is a properly sweet moment of peace in the middle of the film. The Distortis Rex – the latest example of the Hollywood kaiju phenotype – shows the same fantastic sense of scale and misty awe-and-terror Edwards displayed in his previous monster movies.
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