What is happening now was always destined to happen.
It must have been 2007 or so when, perusing the personal website of a fanfic writer I had a weird fixation on, that I stumbled across a website run by a fellow calling himself Kernunrex. At the time, he ran a little blog on which he would write about movies. This usually took the form of two series: Chronocinethon, where he would watch and write about every movie a director made and the Six Weeks of Halloween. In other words: I owe this random dad of two from Michigan my entire internet blogging career. He inspired me to finally start formulating my thoughts about movies into semi-coherent reviews.
Eventually, Kernunrex would turn his blog strictly seasonal, focusing only on the Six Weeks of Halloween in the month and a half leading up to the greatest horror holiday of them all. It's been nearly ten since we've last seen hide nor hair of this man. However, the Six Weeks of Halloween – watching and writing about as many horror movies and TV shows as possible during the aforementioned time period – is a tradition I have clung to fiercely in all that time. I say this every year but this silly blogging project – which, as far as I can tell, only one other person on the internet does anymore – has become a central part of my seasonal activities. Truthfully, it might be the main way I celebrate a time of year that I don't simply love but gets me feeling philosophical and spiritual in all sorts of pretentious ways.
Times change, however. Life evolves. We sometimes lose track of beloved hobbies as responsibilities and demands grow. This, I have no doubt, is why the inventor of the Six Weeks vanished off the internet. It is why most of the people I followed online nearly two decades ago aren't doing much in cyberspace anymore. It's the reason why I haven't updated my blog much this year. And so, the time has come for me to formally announce that I am no longer partaking in the Six Weeks of Halloween...
...that's because I'm devoting two whole months to it instead.
Yeah, so, seventeen years ago, Halloween somehow wasn't as big a business as it is today. Maybe it's because of retail stores sneaking holiday decorations in sooner and sooner in the year. To the point that Halloween feels like it starts in July some times. Maybe it's because, all of us living in more insulated online enclaves these days, have intensified all of our passions. It is thoroughly understood that Halloween isn't merely one day anymore. It is, in fact, a lifestyle. Many people live in the Halloween mood all year round. People are so passionate about sharing their love of all things spooky and scary that it was unanimously decided some time ago that one month wasn't enough time to contain our celebration of the season.
This made my rebellious decision to tack two extra weeks on to the month of October seem hopelessly passé now. For years, I've been wondering if I had the time and energy to devote all of September and October to my Halloween Horrorfest Blog-a-Than. This nagging sense that I was not giving it my all as a Halloween Nerd during this most holy of times was unavoidable. Well, we are finding out if I can truly make a two month long run of it this year. This change was inevitable and only my insistence on clinging to tradition has kept me from doing it sooner. The Six Weeks of Halloween are dead. Long live the Nine Weeks of Halloween.
Obviously, I wouldn't be heading into two whole months of horror binge-eating without a plan. As always, I've got plenty of ideas. For the last few years, I've been subjecting myself to one of those horror franchises that have had weirdly long runs despite nobody talking about them much. In previous years, this meant toiling through all the "Amityville Horror" sequels, the "Paranormal Activity" series, and the "Wrong Turn" and "Pumpkinhead" follow-ups nobody asked for. In 2024, I am finally crossing the horror fandom Rubicon by watching what is likely the first such series most fans of a certain age think of: Yes, I am watching all of the "Children of the Corn" movies. Oh yeah, get ready for some hardcorn cornography this September!
Since I'm throwing caution to the wind and turning all of September into a horror marathon too, I've got room for another theme I've always wanted to handle: A tour of the world via horror movies. In other words, I'm going to watch macabre and grotesque films from as many different countries as I can. Some of these places, like Italy or Japan, have been regular destinations for me over the years. Chances are good I'll be making multiple stops in those locations. Others will be my first trip there, broadening my cinematic palette by sampling a horror picture from a country I've never done a cinematic journey to before. I've currently got forty different countries on my list to explore right now. I might try and sneak a few more in before All Hallows Eve arrives too... Either way, I'm planning on hitting as many continents and geographical regions as I can. Gonna be reading a lot of subtitles soon!
Other themes abound. I can't tell you what about the current state of the world has this on my mind but I've decided to revisit that topic that haunted the nightmares of every child of the eighties: Nuclear annihilation! Does that count as horror? I'm saying it does. Society crumbling in the wake of a nuke detonating over our country sounds pretty damn horrifying to me! I've got a ton of other shit on the docket too. Some newer releases, lots of old and familiar faces, a round-up of episodes from a bunch of different anthology shows. After completing “The Munsters” last October, it seems only natural to start watching the original “Addams Family” television series as well. Plus the latest seasons of "Creepshow" and "Chucky." Maybe some short films too. I'm going hog wild this year, I tells ya! Who knows what weird shit I'll get into.
As I am on the precipice of going full-on horror crazy for 61 straight days, I suppose the most important question to ask is... Why? Why is this important to me? Why do I carry on like this every year for an ever-dwindling audience of readers? First and foremost, I like it. I think about it all year round, always mentally tinkering with what my Halloween watchlist will consist of. Most of all though, Halloween makes me feel alive. That is somewhat ironic, considering this holiday is meant to celebrate the dead. Maybe that's why I'm like this. I feel more kinship with the ghosts and ghouls, the zombies a-moldering in their graves, more than I do among the living. Is there just something bent with me? A glitch in my programming that causes my heart to sing when the fog rises and the nights get cold and the black bats fly o'er the full moon?
I don't know. I've been trying to answer the question of what exactly the hell is wrong with me my entire life. I've long since learned to embrace it, rather than fight it. I belong to the witches on their broomsticks, the howling in the night, to the bubbling cauldrons and grinning gourds and candied corns. I belong to them and they belong to me. The high lords of the harvest dance in my heart. The Autumn Country flows in my blood, even after a vampire sucks it all out. I am a child of the night. I am a devil. I am a ghost. I am every creepy-crawly, wet and warm thing lurking under a rock. We all are, this time of year. Hallowe'en unites us all in the rot, in the macabre longing for the tomb. If we can not laugh and dance and shriek triumphantly in the face of the call of the void, how do we know we are even alive?
Fall back, Apep. Sing, Osiris! Oh Lord Samhain, we answer your call. The Great Pumpkin and Halloween Jack and Scary Godmother await in the courtyard. He Who Walks Behind the Rows stalks the fields once more. Let the ritual begin! Hallowe'en is upon us NOW.
