Zack Clopton's 2023 Film Retrospective

 

"So I asked my husband: 'How often do you think about...

...ZACK CLOPTON'S 2023 FILM RETROSPECTIVE?' 

To all reading this: Thank you for stopping by and giving my words a look. You are my friends and confidants. Thank you for caring about that greatest, most precious distraction of all: The moving image, movies and cinema, the great empathy generating machines. And thank you for caring about the things I have to say about them. I don't really know why I do this anymore but I guess I must get something out of it if I'm still at it. Know I greatly appreciate every eyeball looking at these words right now.

Say whatever you want about 2023 but I do think it was a pretty great year at the movies. I may be better equipped to talk about that than some folks, as I saw entirely too many movies this year. I saw 151 new releases in 2023, which is a new personal record for me. I'm not sure if I should be impressed or ashamed of that number. Nevertheless, as has been a tradition of mine for far too many years now, I present to you THE LIST of all the new releases I saw, in the order from my most to least favorite, with capsule reviews included. 

FOUR STARS

1. Godzilla Minus One

How do you keep going when you have so little left and a giant, radioactive dinosaur threatens to take even that away? "Godzilla Minus One" is all about the human drive to survive in the face of hopeless devastation. The loss of life and destruction around everyone is felt, allowing "Minus One" to more than earn its pathos. Koichi and Noriko's tale is unusually involving. The interaction between the entirely CGI Godzilla and the real actors is seamless. This is a Godzilla that is supremely pissed off. As thrilling spectacle, "Minus One" also takes the series to heights it's rarely reached before. Marrying a thoughtful and sentimental emotional story to an especially well done modern take on Godzilla action, “Minus One” proves to be a triumph. 

2. Sanctuary

Kink is where sexuality, desire, secrets, and psychological hang-ups meet and that's something “Sanctuary” understands acutely. Something is said about the balance of power in-between men and women and relationships as well. Mostly, though, “Sanctuary” is an intoxicating blend of comedy, eroticism, and mind-fucking. Margaret Qualley gives a titanic, screeching, hilarious performance. The direction, editing, and scoring draws you into the private world between these characters. The twisting screenplay ends up in a surprisingly heartfelt, but totally earned, location.

3. Evil Dead Rise

"Rise" does everything it can to make its cast likable. There's a specificity to these guys that you don't always get. I was doubtful an apartment could capture the same isolation that the original's cabin did. Yet they pull it off, largely by emphasizing how dilapidated the building is. The camera movements invoke the Raimi style without copying them. "Rise" isn't just a gore-fest. The movie is invested in creating a shadowy atmosphere. Not to say that this isn't insanely violent and determined to make the audience flinch. Yet that family protects and loves each other, and the ultimate corruption of that, provides the most meaningful idea.

4. Beau is Afraid

A movie of titanic mommy issues that totally reflects the anxiety-ridden mindset of its protagonist. A reoccurring term is "guilt." The final act makes it clear that Aster means this in the sense of the guilting mother, the most vindictive cinematic matriarch this side of Norma Bates. Every family unit is torn apart by compulsion and anxiety. Every tableau is precisely constructed. The appearance of a chained-up beast wraps up the movie's Freudian ideas in a burst of nightmare imagery. Maybe Beau is afraid precisely because he doesn't have any say in his own existence. Maybe that makes him a lot more like us than we'd prefer to admit. 

5. Asteroid City

Wes Anderson has gotten so good at doing his thing that he makes creating a great movie seem easy. The fine-tuned, meticulously crafted world of “Asteroid City” is utterly fascinating, frequently hilarious in its tiny details. The cast is full of great actors, young and old, giving it there all. This is easily Wes' funniest film in years, the soft-sci-fi premise allowing for all sorts of lovable absurdity. Yet the meta-fictional framing device tugs at your heart, as the film gets into the value of storytelling, how the artist processes pain, and where fiction ends and dreams begin.

6. Oppenheimer

Synthesizes a man's professional, political, and personal life into one propulsively paced experience. A post-mortem on the American tendency to emotionally distance ourselves from the bloodshed our empire unleashes and the sobering realization that this is impossible. Edited and scored in such a way as to generate significant suspense over historical events we already know the answers too. Jillian Murphy and Robert Downey Jr. are incredible. Christopher Nolan's most empathetic, psychologically probing film since "Memento."

7. The Boy and the Heron

Thank god we still have a master like Miyazaki around to gift us with these beautiful, detailed worlds. “The Boy and the Heron's” fantasy novel structure allows the director to reflect on themes like growth, acceptance, forgetting, ecological collapses, and archetypes Jungian and alchemic. Through it all, there's the unmissable sense of Miyazaki grappling with his own legacy and wondering if anyone can shoulder the burden. Of course, it's an absolutely gorgeous, incredibly creative fantasy as well.

8. Killers of the Flower Moon

An exhausting dissection of the mechanics of evil and a damnation of the system built by the murderers to facilitate their own crimes. (Which does not let the audience off the hook, as evident in the touching final scene.) Leo DiCaprio is perfect as the kind of buffoons who grease the wheels of this system, DeNiro is chilling as the operator of such malice, and Lily Gladstone wails in agony like no other. It goes without saying that the film looks and sounds brilliant while its epic runtime sails right on by. An ode to the Osage people and their will to survive and a condemnation of the bastards who tried to kill them. 

9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

In its third volume, the "Guardians" story has fully embraced the idea of misfits forming a makeshift family. The severity of Rocket's origins tells an important story about empathy. While biting the hands of corporations that pursue IPs and showing a bitter relationship with nostalgia, this is still a wildly entertaining and imaginative sci-fi/action spectacle. The High Evolutionary proves to be a fascinating villain too, addressing ideas of creation and the afterlife. Which is fitting, considering this is clearly the end of the road for these characters.

10. When Evil Lurks

There's a moment here that made my jaw drop. “When Evil Lurks” isn't just shockingly gruesome and intensely violent – even if those are the main words you could use to describe it – but the film does an excellent job of catching the audience off-guard but making seemingly harmless things the source of fear. As intense and sickening as this can be, there's also a thread of quiet humor. Ezequiel Rodriguez' performance escalates in panic in a compelling way, while giving us a sense of his history. Some of the most vile make-up effects I've seen in recent memory are on display here. I also a noticed a subtle commentary on our current era, with the way this invokes themes like disease, societal collapse, and the proliferation of firearms.

11. Master Gardner

One of those films that, at first, struck me as simply alright that I then couldn't stop thinking about in the days afterwards. Paul Schrader's latest about a violent loner journaling his way through the dark night of the soul is perhaps the most hopeful work of his whole career. “Master Gardner” is, fittingly, a tribute to people's ability to grow and change for the power and the redemptive power of love. Joel Edgerton's brooding performance slowly invites us into the character's troubled world. The glimpses we get at his past life hit like blast of blazing hit, in the face of the film's otherwise chilly distance. Raises some difficult questions and begs us to find our own answers and features one of the most meaningful musical choices of the year. 

THREE AND A HALF STARS

12. Knock at the Cabin

A concussive blast that reminds you M. Night still knows what he's doing. The tight, smooth cinematography immediately establishes a sense of unease, as the script gets right into things. Dave Bautista's ability to be both threatening and a soft-spoken empath has never been better used before. The tension keeps rising as uncertainty hangs in the air and the scenario grows grimmer. Unfortunately, the ball is fumbled when several themes are flatly explained and anytime the setting leaves the confines of the cabin. Still, this one provides a lot to chew on.

13. The Last Voyage of the Demeter

A Dracula movie that scratches a particular itch felt by old monster kid's like me. As the vampire picks off the crew members one by one, a sense of dread creeps in. Without sacrificing any of the things we like about the “Dracula” story in the name of grounded-and-gritty realism, “The Demeter” manages to find an angle of its own with which to approach this familiar tale. This remains committed to being a lean, mean, horror delivery machine in a decidedly old school fashion.

14. Sick

Unsurprisingly, John Hyams' intense violence, inventive camerawork, and tight editing is a great fit for a slasher. Unpretentious but likable leads and whip-sharp pacing engineers clever stalk-and-slash sequences, building a good deal of suspense. Just as in Kevin Williamson's “Scream,” the tension drains a little once the killer reveals a motive. But Hyams makes sure there are several great shocks in the last act. I don't think this is a deep examination of society's reaction to the pandemic but it does a good job of capturing those early, uncertain days of the lockdown. 

15. Infinity Pool

Darkly funny descent into depravity that begins as a straight-forward story about class division and privilege, before turning into a far more personal film concerning identity, failure, ego death, and rebirth. Along the way, there’s lots of wet gore, intense violence, weird sex, and drug trips. An against-type Alexander Skarsgaard maybe doesn’t work in the lead but a cackling, unhinged Mia Goth eclipses him anyway. I’m not sure it all holds together but it’s a fascinating trip. 

16. John Wick: Chapter 4

Elevates the preposterous world-building of the previous sequels to an operatic level. Four movies in, the “Wick”-verse has invested these honor-driven warriors trapped in an honorless world governed by arcane rules with real poignancy. Obviously, the action sequences are a never-ending escalation of grandness. There’s ten thousand ways to shoot a guy in the face and Chad Stahelski finds every one. John is constantly put in new environments that challenge his Uber-killer skills in different ways. Each set-piece is breathlessly brought to life with balletic cinematography and stunt work. Moreover, the utter love displayed for the cast of action veterans more than justifies the epic run time. 

17. Shin Ultraman

Instead of striving for photo-realism, the effects are highly stylized in service of capturing a charming artifice. This is further emphasized by cinematography that shoves the camera in bizarre places, in service of creating action scenes that function like animation or comics. That also means we have all sorts of bizarre monsters and strangely polite aliens for our hero to fight. Episodic in its plotting, clearly because this is cobbling together elements from a vintage TV show, and that does eventually lead to the pacing sagging near the end. Yet the characters are lovable the same way a TV cast is, the viewer quickly caught up in their quirks and chemistry. There's a little bit of the satire of bureaucracy that characterized “Shin Gojira,” even if this soon turns towards a more general theme about the value of human life. Also I love that groovy, retro score.

18. No Hard Feelings

Ribald in a refreshingly crass way without sacrificing the sincerity of its story, “No Hard Feelings” gets the belly laughs it's aiming for with several outrageous moments of physical comedy. This is largely thanks to Jennifer Lawrence, who goes for broke. Yet I was surprised that I found the emotional beats of the story just as involving as the humorous bits. You're actually rooting for these two by the end! “No Hard Feelings” is charming enough that I didn't even mind the typical rom-com, end-of-the-second-act schism between the couple. 

19. Orchestrator of Storms: The Fantastique World of Jean Rollin

A loving tribute to the singular visions of Jean Rollin. As someone fascinated with his films but largely unaware of his personal life, the insight into Rollin's childhood, obsessions, and friendships are enlightening. Not just a thorough examination of the director's filmography but an exploration of the themes and ideas that drove him. Rollin's determination to continue making his weird little movies, in spite of difficulties with financers and his health struggles, really shows what a lover of art he was. What really elevates this from a collection of talking heads are the touching recollections and amusing stories from the people who knew the man.

20. RoboDoc: The Creation of RoboCop

Takes Verhoeven's classic apart scene by scene, justifying its epic run time and giving you more information about “RoboCop” than you could ever require. Making-of docs this extensive allow you to appreciate the amount of skill and craft that goes into every minute of a movie, especially a great one. Plus, the hilarious behind-the-scenes anecdotes come often, from an energetic group of players that remember everything. (“Robo wants an Orea” is now part of my vernacular.) I wish it had touched more on the cultural impact and weirder, more obscure avenues of the franchises. Also, they should've used more of Poledouris' score over generic synthwave music.

21. El Conde

Gorgeous black-and-white cinematography makes this one of the year's best looking movies. The first act, which dryly sets up an alternate history where Augusto Pinochet is a vampire, in-between brutal violence and darkly funny satire, is fantastic. Once it settles into being a slightly comedic story of family in-fighting and finances, it becomes less interesting. The last third features enough twists to keep my attention, even if this is never as strong as when taking a poetic or epic approach to its vampiric subject. I'm not Chilean, so I can't reflect on whether this is a tasteful or tactful treatment of real life butchery though.

22. Landscape with Invisible Hand

An immensely creative, insightful, and dryly funny sci-fi metaphor about class boundaries between the haves and have-nots. The idea that aliens peacefully arriving on our planet would not result in a utopia but just exacerbate our current social-economic division feels all too plausible. The film uses that as the jumping off point to discuss a number of different ideas, all of which are fascinating. The lovable cast created fully realized character in a difficult situation. The enjoyably weird alien society is further emphasized by the theremin heavy score. 

23. Unicorn Wars

War is Hell... Especially when it's between unicorns and teddy bears! At first, this seems like a one-note sick joke of contrasting the cutesy character designs and colorful animation with extremely fucked-up violence. Yet this is a cotton-candy “Heart of Darkness” that digs deep into how religious rhetoric brainwashes innocents into becoming killers, how endless war is simply a ploy to keep the powerful in control. Moreover, the personal story of the teddy brothers caught in this conflict is shockingly deep, going into how fears of failures and resentment drives people. I knew I was sucked into this one when one scene made me gasp.

24. Cat Person

Accurately depicts the nightmarish world of modern dating by taking us into the protagonist's head, giving us a peek at her anxieties, fears, fantasies, and inner thoughts. You will definitely cringe during some moments, by design. This makes the escalation into a full-blown thriller in the second half very natural, the movie capturing that fear and insecurity well. Emilia Jones is perfectly charming in the lead role, the kind of protagonist you're willing to follow on this journey. The musical choice and visual symbolism is too on the nose, yeah, but it makes the right point. You can tell this is based on a six year old story, as the politics – especially evident in the subplot about fucking Reddit and the “Not all men!” ending – are a bit dated. I guess it proves that I'm part of the problem when my main thought here was “I might be an awkward dork but at least I'm not as clueless as this guy.”

25. Manodrome

The words “NoFap,” and “Men Going Their Own Way” are never spoken in “Manodrome” but the film is still acutely aware of the crisis of toxic masculinity facing America today. An inability to express any emotion besides anger, and replacing violence with intimacy, are pinpointed as the primary causes. Jesse Eisenberg's incredibly intense but quiet performance – captured by a past he's doomed to repeat – keeps the film's interior world vague, which the chilly, detached visuals mirror. This makes “Manodrome” a frequently disturbing thriller, with an oddly touching ending, but one that is difficult to engage with sometimes. 

26. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

You can tell the filmmakers delighted in playing in this world, as the cinematography varies between grand and highly energetic. The dialogue is frequently glib yet the script takes the character’s dilemmas totally seriously, giving this more pathos than expected. The heist movie structure is satisfying to watch snap into place. There’s way more practical special effects than I expected and even the CGI stuff is charming. Needed more Sophia Lillis though! 

27. Dream Scenario

Dryly funny, frequently absurd, weirdly menacing, and ultimately bittersweet deconstruction of someone literally becoming a living meme. The clever script runs with the idea, all too common in our internet culture, of someone's public perception being shaped by things completely out of their control. It does this without centering on the internet, allowing these ideas to flourish in a more esoteric direction. Nic Cage gets to both a nerdy everyman and indulge in some of his trademark Mega Acting, mostly through the well directed nightmare sequences. 

28. Holy Shit!

Single-location thriller that manages to keep escalating the craziness of its situation. This is most apparent in the last act when, every time you think our durable hero is out of the shit (literally), some even more severe threat appears. I admire how the purity of the film mostly staying within its Port-a-Potty setting and playing out largely in real time. Thomas Niehaus is a resourceful hero we can root for and Gedeon Burkhard goes nicely over-the-top as the perfectly hateable bad guy. The gore effects are properly cringe inducing, with only some shaky CGI besmirching that.

29. Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

Goes even further into the silver age comics/Saturday morning cartoon goofiness that made the first “Aquaman” such a hoot. Jason Momoa's bro-tastic take on Arthur Curry makes him an ideal foil for Patrick Wilson's stiff Orm, turning this into an amusing buddy cop adventure. The plot makes all sorts of absurd leaps and short-cuts, the script obviously haven't suffered multiple rewrites and reshoots. James Wan delights in playing with this massive budget, randomly mashing together elements from “King Kong,” “Star Wars,” and “Lord of the Rings” before throwing in a pee joke. The utter joy in the ridiculousness of the material – which includes a land-bound octopus spy, in one such example – propels this absurd popcorn muncher through to its finish line.

30. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Such a spectacle for the eyes that it borders on the overwhelming at times. The sheer level of artistic skill put into every inch of this motion picture is surely staggering. That display is matched in the music, score, and voice performances as well. The script definitely nails its themes of parenthood and choosing your own destiny a little too much. Yet I did find the scenes between Miles and Gwen and his mother extremely charming. I do wish this had an actual ending, as it feels like the credits roll just when the plot is truly ramping up. 

THREE STARS

31. Appendage

Turning negative self-talk, intrusive thoughts, and all the associated neuroses into a literal monster that grows inside you and tries to take over your life is pretty clever! This premise brings along some nicely grody body horror, lovingly brought to life with latex effects. “Appendage” is smart enough not to take itself too seriously, allowing the audience to buy in to its absurd touches. Spending a little more time with our protagonist before jumping into the horror elements would've really put this on an even higher level.

32. Totally Killer

Somehow manages to take its one joke – how a modern teenager would react to 1980s attitudes – and repeatedly get a laugh out of it. A lot of this has to do with Kiernan Shipka's performance, which is just on the right side of deadpan. A script full of surprisingly clever dialogue also goes a long way. The murder scenes are surprisingly brutal and the fight choreography is far better than was expected. I don't know if this goes for the level of heart it was yearning for, and the killer's identity is easy to guess too, but “Totally Killer” ended up being far more charming than I expected.

33. Give Me Pity!

One woman's mental breakdown filtered through the aesthetics of seventies variety specials. This deals with extremely personal themes of fame, vanity, self-loathing, hopeless ambition, and being a woman in a man's world. I'm sure I didn't understand it all but the results are too bizarre to ignore. Sophie von Haselberg's fearless performance, always vacillating between pathetic and hilariously deluded, centers this psychedelic nightmare. The songs are surprisingly catchy and the dance numbers are masterpieces of cringe comedy. 

34. Good Boy

Another twisting thriller that tackles the idea of women ignoring their instincts and the red flags after meeting a new guy. The script successfully leaves us uncertain where this bizarre scenario might be going. Despite a short run time, the film patiently waits to reveal its biggest twists at just the right moments. This puts the audience in the same place as the protagonist, wondering what the hell she's gotten herself into. This also allows some uncomfortable humor to coexist next to an increasingly uncomfortable tension, ending the film on a memorably depraved note. 

35. In My Mother's Skin

This is why you don't make deals with fairies, kids. Some strikingly macabre and unnerving imagery is created here, such as a fittingly placed decapitated head. Or the central image, of a long-tongued demon devouring a corpse. Recalling “Pan's Labyrinth,” this Filipino folk-horror engineers a fittingly unsettling atmosphere as its story goes to darker and darker places. It's nearly a hopeless story, though there's the smallest ember of light burning at the very end.

36. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Maybe it lacks the magic of Spielberg. However, “Dial of Destiny” does provide geriatric Indiana Jones with a fitting send-off. There's a layer of regrets to Harrison Ford's performance, that grows more evident as the film goes on. Mads Mikkelsen makes a compelling, conniving villain. I like that this one makes the points that Nazis never really went away and we should always punch them. The McGuffin is an intriguing one, leading to some exciting action, ancient temple set-pieces, and a surprising finale. And you know what? I even like Indy's new sidekicks in this.

37. Enys Men

Effectively eerie descent into a folk horror-tinged nightmare neither-space. Mary Woodvine carries such a feeling of regret on her face, which gives her so much more weight as a largely non-verbal protagonist. The grainy cinematography similarly gives this a tactile feeling, making it a much more vivid experience. As the perfectly assembled sound design grinds on, you feel more sucked into the chilly, isolated atmosphere. I didn't understand all – or most – of it but I was compelled the whole time. 

38. The Artifice Girl

Narrow in scope but ambitious in its ideas, this sci-fi chamber drama explores questions of artificial intelligence, the creation of life, parents' responsbilities to their children, the burdens we pass onto others, and the limits of independence. It does all of this through lengthy conversations and didactic dialogues between a quartet of characters. Yet the themes discussed here are compelling. The last act features a nice appearance from Lance Henriksen. Low budget, high-minded genre efforts like this is probably something we need more of. Even if the execution is awkward at times.

39. Swallowed

With a story and cinematography seemingly designed to make straight men uncomfortable, “Swallowed” is unapologetically queer in its themes and presentation. An undeniable claustrophobic tension arises as the situation goes from bad to worst, the characters dragged through a queasy night from hell. Jena Malone is desperate and unnerving as the intimidating drug dealer, while Mark Patton is terrifying as her flamboyant boss. Cooper Koch proves an unlikely horror hero you can root for in a film that takes several unexpected and stomach-turning twists. 

40. Fast X

Very self-aware of its status as the "Infinity Wars" of this franchise. You can argue the film's merits all you want bit I guess I got wrapped up in “Fast X's” doofy charms. Isolates its cast to four independent storylines and I found this split to work well. Dom's story line is by far the grimmest, Letty and Cipher's prison escape has its own joys, while Jakob and Brian's road trip feels like a 90s kids action flick. Jason Momoa gloriously hams it up as a bad guy who relishes his own fabulousness. The gravity defying action scenes are thoroughly amusing in their preposterousness. I can't undersell how much I enjoyed the war wagon scene with John Cena.

41. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Emphasizes the “Teenage” part the title. Whether you find the modern pop culture references fitting or annoying depends on your tolerance for zoomer antics. More often than not, I thought it was cute. The animation combines the fluidity of CGI with the personality of hand-drawn works while the character designs are lovably grotesque. This is, naturally, a great fit for some amusingly chaotic action and physical comedy. I found the script to be a little too linear in its construction. For long time Turtle Fanatics like myself, there's plenty of nods to the franchise's long history.

42. Cypher

I didn't even know Tierra Whack was a real rapper, causing the way this film blurs the line between fact and fiction to be especially effective for me. Conspiracy theories about secret societies brainwashing pop stars are nothing new but “Cypher's” integration of these ideas with modern social media pressures are a change-up. There's no denying that the mechanics of the record industry do resemble occult ritual sometimes. That “Cypher” puts such a focus on screens and being seen by an audience is an specially clever – and meta – addition to this pseudo-documentary. The story maybe reveals too many of its cards by the end though...

43. Unwelcome

A fusion of “Straw Dogs” and “Gremlins” with lots of folk-horror. Honestly, I can dig it. The leads are likable, their problems understandable but not lingered on too much. A quiet tension decently grows, as the city slickers unsuccessfully attempt to integrate with the hayseed locals. The Irish setting lends some lovely cinematography, further bolstered by some nicely unreal sets. Once the Redcaps – I always love it when underutilized mythological monsters appear in movies – show up, this becomes a gleefully gory creature feature. That is also evident in a last act that keeps going after the expected end point, more weirdness and goofy monster shenanigans being packed in before the credits roll. Still should've been called “The Little People” though!

44. Brooklyn 45

Ted Geoghegan has finally made a movie I actually like. By setting itself in a single location, utilizing special effects meant to bring the forties setting to mind, and starring a cast of adult character actors that look like normal people, “Brooklyn 45” sets itself up with modest goals that are easily exceeded. The themes, of justifying horrible actions and the cost of war, are plainly stated. Yet the story keeps you guessing, as you the limits of the supernatural plot keep expanding. The actors are always compelling and the execution frequently brings a grim tension to mind. 

45. Project Wolf Hunting

You watch the first half of this ultra-violent, super gritty Korean “Con Air on a boat” thriller and you think, “Yeah, this is a pretty good movie.” That's before, at exactly the one hour mark, the script takes a total left turn into sci-fi horror. Anyone can die and always in extremely painful ways. The more the movie adds to its backstory, the less interesting it gets however. Truthfully, the cast is far too large for any of the characters to really stick out. Yet the hyper-bloody, intensely choreographed action still makes this worth a watch.

46. Dark Harvest

Transposes the ancient ritual of human sacrifice, the blood of the young insuring the growth of the crops, into a midwestern small town, contrasting this folkloric custom with classic Americana. It's clear that this ritual serves as a system of control over the town's youth by those in power. Just in case this was too subtle for the viewer, the protagonist also gets involved in an interracial romance in 1963. Sawtooth Jack s brought to life through a clever mixture of practical effects and CGI. David Slade's direction sometimes veers too much towards the shaky. However, he knows when to focus on bloody mayhem.

47. Raging Grace

Comparable to 2022's “Nanny” but beats it at its own game, by committing harder to the horror atmosphere. The script delves deeper into the plight of an immigrant working as a nanny for a rich person, how it dehumanizes people and robs them of their heritage. It also adds a degree of humor and sentimentality, in the daily indignities of the job and the antics of the little girl. Max Eigenmann gives a soulful performance, especially interacting with the actress playing her daughter. The ghostly shenanigans are never properly explained, even if they are well done. I also liked the world music score. 

48. Sly

I could listen to Sylvester Stallone wax nostalgically about his life and career all day. The film forms a narrative arc around Sly's combative relationship with his father, sometimes to the minimization of other personal details. Such as his relationship with his own kids, including the late Sage Stallone. The autobiographical nature of Stallone's greatest characters provides another clear structure for the documentarians to explore. Even if a lot of the odder nooks and cranies are left out, suggesting this probably could've been longer. (What do you mean they don't ask him about “The Party at Kitty and Stud's?”) Still, the reflection in Sly's private life makes this more than worth a watch.

49. Power Lines and Palm Trees

Certainly a contender for the title of Most Depressing Movie of the Year. The naturalistic acting and quiet, intimate direction gives this the feeling of a documentary, that you are watching these things play out in real life. We can see the sad inevitability of Lea's situation coming but, because we relate so much to her, that doesn't make the betrayal any less heartbreaking. Which sets up a shattering final scene. A rough watch but a powerful one. 

50. Barbie

Successfully juggles being a zany comedy, a loving homage to a long-running toy line, a self-reflective critique of the Barbie doll's complicated cultural legacy, and a somewhat insightful look at feminism and the unrealistic expectations society places on women. The production design is strong, the belly laughs come consistently, and everyone is perfectly cast. Ryan Gosling is especially delightful, stealing every scene he's in and being at the center of an absolutely show-stopping moment in the last act. That musical number is so good that it actually causes the resolution to feel overly long and heavy-handed in comparison. 

51. It Lives Inside

Like most modern “elevated” horror, the script foregrounds the subtext. “It Lives Inside” is clearly about the question of assimilation that faces all immigrants coming to a new country. Yet the film is very committed to scaring the audience. Writer/director Bishal Dutta tries multiple techniques to make us jump out of our seats. In its last act, this even becomes a a straight-up monster movie, the Pishach assuming a toothy and slimy physical form. The movie gets the most important thing right: We care about the characters. Megan Suri and Neeru Bajwa ground each character, so that you understand where they are coming from. 

52. Lynch/Oz

A fascinating collection of video essays, many of which from respectable filmmakers in their own right, on the ways the films of David Lynch intertwines with “The Wizard of Oz.” A deep dive into the cultural legacy of “Oz,” the parallels between Lynch and other people's work and the classic, and the pop culture baggage of all of the above. The contrasting clips are put together nicely. The directors really dug deep into Lynch's catalog, pulling out references to his short films, paintings, commercials, as well as his well known stuff. A really interesting discussion of what all these different things mean, even if David Lowery's final segment ends the film on a less insightful note.

53. birth/rebirth

The odd partnership that forms between Marin Ireland's Rose – cold, hilarious, compelling – and Judy Reyes's Celie – an emotional raw nerve, deeply humane – is the heart that powers this modern “Frankenstein” variant. Watching them go about their experiments and raise a kid together, wondering about the inevitable tension and complications that will arise, is what makes this such a strong indie. It's a shame it doesn't have an ending though! 

54. How to Blow Up a Pipeline

The structure of this, how it drops the backstory of each character as the plan is already unfolding, is clever. It keeps the tension moving while also letting us know who these people are, while also keeping some backstory details secrets until they can make a bigger impact. The editing and cinematography are sharp. Notably, the film doesn't seem to entirely disagree with the ecoterrorists of its story either, an interesting twist for a thriller like this. I understand why it ends like it does though it still feels a little abrupt. 

55. The Passenger

A Manic Pixie Dream Girl story if the girl was a maladjusted older guy dragging the milquetoast hero along as he goes on a killing spree. Kyle Gallner makes for a charismatic, but still frighteningly unpredictable, psychopath. As Randy is forced to confront people from his past, there's always this tension in the air that Benson might snap again. Yet it's intriguing what is and isn't revealed about these guys. There's a character to the white trash locations in this go-nowhere town here that I recognize, emphasized by the fittingly detached cinematography. The second best Carter Smith film of the year but still well worth seeking out.

56. Suitable Flesh

A loose Lovecraft adaptation, a tribute to Stuart Gordon, and a homage to nineties erotic thrillers. “Suitable Flesh” does an admirable job of accurately capturing these looks and feels. There's a dedication to giving the audience some flesh, some blood, and in a quick-paced package. The soul-swapping premise presents a tantalizing sense of discomfort with the human form. Heather Graham has a certain shakiness to her, an anxious shade to even her most committed moments, that makes her well-suited to someone swept up in a bizarre conspiracy. 

57. It's a Wonderful Knife

For a movie assuredly conceived as a title first and a screenplay second, this isn't bad. Michael Kennedy's script has to set-up a similar amount of narrative legwork as Frank Capra's classic. This definitely feels a bit top-heavy, overwhelming viewers with an excess of characters and storylines right out of the gate. Luckily, Jane Widdop is a likable lead with an adorable energy. The focus is more on stylishly displayed violence than gouts of blood. All the ingredients of a cult favorite are here... Which makes it odd that I didn't like the movie more. Honestly, that rushed first act and Justin Long's irritating performance really put me off.

58. Divinity

More genuinely weird than most would-be cult classics, “Divinity” is obsessed with bodies and presenting them on-screen. The self-consciously artsy-fartsy presentation – gotta love that 35mm black-and-white photography – includes lots of unexplained odd behavior, sweaty sex scenes, retro technology, heady themes, and vague cosmic touches. It starts to get repetitive by the time the anti-aging drug-fueled orgy starts. But the anime-style fight scene with pulsating muscle monster, created via stop motion animation, won me back. What's it all mean? Fuck if I know...

59. Sympathy for the Devil

A typically unhinged performance from Nic Cage provides this with a decent degree of tension, especially when compared with Joel Kinnaman going as hard into milquetoast mode as possible. The colorful photograph and cramped locations are well used. The story feels like it never quite arrives at its location, especially once the climatic twist becomes obvious to the viewer. Still, there's a solid hour in the middle where this becomes a decent little thriller. 

60. The Adults

My favorite part of this is how these troubled siblings communicate mostly through private in-jokes and long-running bits, that clearly annoy the hell out of everyone else and sometimes themselves. That seemed realistic and specific in a way that was meaningful. The trio of central performances are obviously the main reason to watch this, with an (as always) utterly adorable Sophia Lillis proving once again that she's a star. Michael Cera, ever indecisive as a leading man, gets a half-formed and fairly dull character arc here, wrapping up in a shrug of an ending, but I think I liked it anyway. 

61. Sick of Myself

A dryly funny dive into the mind of a malignant narcissist, obsessed with making everything about herself. That ironic detachment is what keeps you watching, and laughing at “Sick of Myself,” since the characters are obviously pretty repulsive. The layer of body horror in the movie, the flesh growing more warped and bloody as the story goes on. The fantasy sequences show this as a proper indictment of the fame-chasing mindset, even if it results in an ending that doesn't hit hard as it could. 

62. My Animal

In the admittedly narrow subgenre of femme-focused, Canadian werewolf movies, this doesn't top “Ginger Snaps.” But it's not bad either. The bisexual lighting and pulsing synth score provides the right kind of ambiance. The lead performances are strong and the script is thoughtful, giving this LGBT+ coming-of-age story a lot of substance. There's a genuine sense of eroticism to the stylized love scenes. You're going to have to be patient for the lycanthrope action, though the pay-off is well-done enough. (Even if the werewolf remains off-screen the whole time.)

63. Oink

As someone who has always thought pigs were adorable and with a weakness for stories of kids bonding with their pets, this one was destined to charm me. The stop-motion animation has a charmingly uncanny quality to it, which is emphasized by the super tactile character models. The titular piggy is adorable, even when he's shitting and farting everywhere. That gross-out humor is focused on more in the manic last act, which doesn't work as well as the more sentimental earlier scenes. Still, this is definitely the best Dutch stop-motion family film I've ever seen.

64. Jethica

The idea of a stalker pursuing a woman even after his death is frightening but “Jethica” goes in a more existential direction with it. The focus on the quiet isolation of the wide, flat New Mexico desert points in a more low-key direction. The relationship between the two women is often quiet, their silences saying more than their dialogue often does. This is in contrast to the lisping pursuer, who rarely shuts up. Will Madden is fittingly creepy, even if the rules regarding the ghosts are silly. The slow start, meandering ending, and seventy minute runtime makes this feel like a short padded out to feature length but there's some interesting ideas in this one.

65. Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva

A more polished sequel with better acting and snappier pacing than the original, while maintaining a realistic mystery that draws you in and some deeply creepy found-footage chills. Much is suggested and little is shown, which makes the hinted-at mythology far more beguiling. The emptiness of the desert, and the isolation of the characters, produces another tense finale that thankfully doesn't reveal too much. Only a disappointing cliffhanger ending keeps me from loving this. But I'm definitely on the hook for “Horror in the High Desert 3.” 

66. The Blackening

My whiteness makes my opinion on this inessential but: Pretty funny! The cast has a great rapport and manage to keep the dialogue consistently amusing. The references to horror tropes and black pop culture might be overdone but everyone keeps it fast-paced. Like a lot of spoofs, this starts to loose steam in the second half, the gags getting sweatier. The reveal of the killer's motivation is especially limp. However, the script cleverly pays off on several jokes set-up in the first half.

67. Satan Wants You

Not quite the definitive documentary on the Satanic Panic that I was hoping for, as the focus is primarily on the “story” behind “Michelle Remembers,” and the expansions outside that focal point feel unsatisfying. Nevertheless, this is a fascinating dive into why that book was written, the people who did it, the forces that promoted it, and the fallout of its publication. The interviews with those closest to events are the most insightful, though I wish there was more that. The recreation of the supposed events are in debatable taste, though very well done. 

68. Otto Baxter: Not a Fucking Horror Story

When so many films about people with mental disabilities take a patronizing tone, this one is honest about Otto Baxter's complexities. He's a funny, creative, and insightful person. He also has boundary problems, harassing a few women around him. I also appreciate how Otto copes with his condition through horror movies, interpreting the world through the lens of being a “monster.” I can relate to that. Also, his foster mom is a complete angel.

69. Smoking Causes Coughing

Absurdist parody of tokusatsu shows that then segues into one of the strangest horror anthologies I've ever seen. Mines a lot of awkward laughs by contrasting this fantastical set-up with mundane concerns and existential despair, alongside lots of general weirdness. This pairs well with the lovingly recreated retro aesthetic. The equally detached and sarcastic tone veers right up against obnoxious but, at only 75 minutes long, this hardly overstays its welcome. 

70. Showing Up

Takes great pains to capture the daily frustrations an artist feels, in a world where art is not valued and nobody thinks an artist's time seriously. It considers what responsibilities we must balance, in-between doing what we need to live and doing what we need to want to stay alive. Michelle Williams is totally unrecognizable as a dowdy sculptor. Kelly Reichardt's direction is observational and quiet. So quiet that the film is gripped with an unerring slowness that makes it difficult to get into at times.

71. Sisu

Shears its premise – “How Many Nazis Do I Have to Kill To Get My Gold Back?,” essentially – down to the bare bones as much as possible. Our action hero is so monosyllabic he doesn't speak until the final scene. The plot is little more than him encountering, running from, and killing the bad guys. Yet the film takes utter glee in executing its villains in as brutal a fashion as possible, the scenarios getting more outlandish as the film progresses. Lots of interesting backstory is hinted at through visuals and silence, while the wide, flat Finnish landscapes convey a certain desolate atmosphere. There's not much to it, ultimately, but sometimes a bad-ass hero killing some Nazis is all you need.

72. The Third Saturday in October

Surpasses its “sequel” by downplaying the corny humor and focusing on capturing the vibes of a weirdo, regional horror film from the seventies. It mostly succeeds at this goal by creating oddball characters who trade unexplained in-jokes while hanging out in authentically shaggy dens. The cozy synth score and intentionally shaky direction also helps. The southern setting creates a likable backdrop and the diverse cast leads to some subtle commentary on race. The leads are compelling, especially Darius Willis as the avenging father. Ends with a limp, inevitable climax but is otherwise one of the more successful retro-style slashers I saw this year. 

73. Thanksgiving

“Thanksgiving” attempts to move slasher tropes into the modern age, by keeping the structure but pairing it with modern technology. In some ways, the script plays things straight. The supporting characters are ridiculous yet the stock parts heroes are treated seriously. As satisfyingly gruesome as the mayhem is, it falls short of the original trailer. There's an unsteady push-and-pull between crafting an outrageous experience for gore hounds, a black comedy, and something more palatable to mainstream tastes. The result is a film that peaks early and never lives up to its full potential.

74. Elemental

Pixar tries their hand at a romantic-comedy and it's not half-bad. The chemistry between Ember and Wade is genuinely sweet. That allows many routine moments – the big romantic gesture to win her back, for example – feel a lot more earned. It helps that the conflict that inevitably breaks the two up is based in something more meaningful, the push-and-pull of wanting to please your parents but also live your own life, than the contrived melodrama usually seen in this genre. The animation is also lovely and the Element City setting allows for some clever sight gags. As a discussion about being a foreigner assimilating into a big city, I'm not sure the film has anything clever to say though.

75. Talk To Me

A modern update of the tradition of spiritualism. Whether you read this as a direct metaphor for drug addiction or not, “Talk to Me” is an effecting portrayal of teenage isolation. The musical score is intense and the cinematography creates an unsettling ambiance. The Philippou's also know how to execute some genuinely shocking gore. Yet sometimes one misstep is enough to totally loose a viewer, a rather contrived event in its last third being the only time the film feels too clever for its own good. That put me off a film that was otherwise a potent dose of dread. Nevertheless, I do admire the craft on display.

76. Meg 2: The Trench

A thoroughly preposterous motion picture. Each story turn is more unlikely than the one before. The characters are one-note and goofy, with utterly cartoonish bad guys and fairly obnoxious comic relief. (The fact that I couldn't tell who was returning from the first one and who was new says a lot.) Several scenarios are stolen directly from better films. The cinematography is sometimes murky and the action editing frequently choppy. But listen: Jason Statham jet-ski jousts with sea monsters. There's a brawl between a giant shark and a giant octopus. Dumb-ass one-liners and ridiculous action theatrics abound. This is pure brain-dead pop corn entertainment. Honestly, all I could hope for and more.

77. Beaten to Death

Australia's proud tradition of brutal genre films set in the outback continues. Punishingly violent from start to finish, “Beaten to Death” thrusts the audience right into its gritty, grimy, blood-soaked world of pain. We're dragged along as the everyman protagonist suffers more abuse, including a truly flinch-inducing eye gouging. The non-linear story structure tells us what we need to know only when we need to know, an effective device. I knew better than to trust the seemingly hopeful ending though... Also features maybe the “best” vomiting scene of 2023.

78. Cocaine Bear

Fittingly goofy horror-comedy that makes the titular drug-addled ursine into something of a lovable anti-hero. It’s impossible not to find the floppy-eared, coked-up black bear kind of charming. Largely because most of the human characters are cartoonish doofuses you don’t mind seeing brutally torn apart. The movie definitely delights in creatively ripping people to shreds. Yet the protagonists are sympathetic and even tie into a cute little theme about parenthood.

79. Sharksploitation

A deep dive – excuse the pun – into shark cinema that is fairly all-encompassing in its scope. Early shark movies are covered, alongside all the greatest hits and the many “Jaws” rip-offs. I actually learned some things here, about the way Syfy Channel and the Asylum crank 'em out and exploitative sharkumentaries. The last third, where they talk to conservationists about sharks' importance to the environment, is the kind of thing you've seen a hundred times though. But this is worth seeing for some good Roger Corman interviews and an actual marine biologist responding to rumors of megaladons surviving into the present day. 

80. Slotherhouse

Turns out the entertainment value that can be derived from an adorably shitty sloth puppet is surprisingly high. As is usually the case with motion pictures like this, “Slotherhouse” is funniest when playing as much of its absurdity as straight as possible. The fewer jokes the actresses are telling, the better. This basically looks and feels like a Hallmark movie when not focused on the murderous, furry goofball, which includes flat photography and mannered acting. Yet I laughed far more than I expected over these ninety minutes. Contains a surprisingly sincere message against exotic pets and using animals for social media clout. 

81. Attachment

Yeah, it's another domestic drama – this one about a woman dealing with her new girlfriend's traditionalist Jewish mother – with a horror element slowly sneaking it... But this is less dour than that implies. In fact, there's a good amount of quiet humor and the central couple is really charming. The possession stuff is unambitious but you care enough about the characters to get sucked into it. The queer/religious stuff is also conveyed very subtly. 

82. Shin Kamen Rider

This hits the ground running, racing right into its sci-fi plot like a bug-themed superhero on a rocket cycle, throwing multiple villains and backflip-filled, brain-splattering action scenes. This kind of hyper-stylized violence is contrasted with operatic character arcs, multiple scenes devoted to characters talking out their backstories and emotions with each other. The latter aspect takes center stage in the second half, causing this to loose some of its outrageous pep going into the climax. While the other “Shin” films were fairly accessible to newcomers, this one might be better appreciated by “Kamen Rider” veterans

83. There's Something in the Barn

A movie about culture clash, specifically about Norwegians goofing on American culture, resulting in many broad gags about gun-ownership and lutefisk. How amusing you find “There's Something in the Barn” depends on how funny you think elves being wacky little assholes are. I find it pretty amusing, myself. Despite how knowingly goofy this is, I did find myself actually caring about the characters and its unusually sincere themes about peaceful co-existence.

84. The Royal Hotel

The lowest-key of thrillers, where all the tension is mined out of the all-too-commonplace microaggressions between men and (in this case, woefully outnumbered) women. There's never any cathartic release to this tenseness, making this more infuriating than suspenseful. Yet a uniformly strong cast keeps the audience watching, wondering where exactly this might be going. “Not much of anywhere” is the answer, though the skill on display in the filmmaking makes it a trip worth taking anyway. And it goes without saying, by this point, that the isolation and vastness of the Australian outback always makes for a disquieting setting. 

85. Shazam! Fury of the Gods

The balance between flippant superhero shenanigans and heartfelt coming-of-age drama that made the first “Shazam!” surprisingly good is lost here. In between juggling such a large cast and a frequently convoluted story full of mythological lore, the needs of the characters usually feel lost. “Fury of the Gods” is entertaining almost in-spite of these flaws, largely thanks to the quick wits of the younger cast members, dialogue desperate to get laughs out of the audience, and a surprise appearance from some fucked-up monsters. 

86. Hollywood Dreams and Nightmares: The Robert Englund Story

You watch docs like this for the anecdotes and there's some fun ones here. Such as how Mr. Englund gained his love of acting or an interaction with a long-haired biker. However, if you watch a lot of DVD special features, read books, or go to horror conventions often – as I do – you've probably heard the majority of these stories before. Robert is an incredibly charming presence but long stretches of this movie are just people singing his praises, which doesn't make for the most insightful experience. 

87. Renfield

Frequently feels like a horror-ified attempt to replicate the “Deadpool” formula, in how it combines sometimes unbearable dialogue with bloody action scenes. The movie is at its best when contrasting the horrific circumstances with a more mundane setting. Best exemplified when Dracula casually sips on a blood and eyeballs martini. There’s more practical effects than expected, which gives a little more heft to the mayhem. If anything holds this nutty genre hybrid together, it’s a cast enjoying themselves.

88. Subspecies V: Blood Rise

Ted Nicolaou did his best to replicate the feel of the original. “Bloodrise” comes off like a highly condensed adaptation of a sprawling novel. Yet it captures the ennui of living an endless life. As close as the script comes to being bogged down by melodrama, Radu being immensely powerful but incredibly lonely remains compelling. That he's been chasing Denise Duff for 700 years re-contextualize the first four movies. I'm admittedly grading on the steep curve of “modern day Full Moon” but “Subspecies V” proves to be a surprisingly effective capstone.

89. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

"Quantumania" does disappointingly move away from the previous “Ant-Man” movies' smaller scale. It's harder to get an idea of scale when everything around the characters was created in a computer. Yet weird sci-fi settings bring their own joys. The father/daughter relationship remains the emotional heart of the film, helping ground a far-out story. A lot of other characters are left underserved. Long stretches of exposition interrupt the flow of the story. Kang serves well enough as an antagonist but it remains to be seen how he'll measure up in future appearances.

90. Kids Vs. Aliens

Jason Eisner's potty-mouthed dialogue, exaggerated characters, and neon-soaked visuals goes right up to the edge of being annoying. Luckily, the young actors are clearly having a great time and the script provides us with heroes we can root for and a bad guy we really hate. Despite only running 75 minutes, the film feels packed full of gory sight-gags and escalating set pieces. That does make the abrupt, non-conclusive conclusion more disappointing though. 

TWO AND A HALF STARS

91. The Pope's Exorcist

Junk food horror that, at the very least, doesn't take itself too seriously. Russell Crowe's “that's-a spicy meatball!” accent strikes the right balance of theatrical camp early on. All the scenes with the possessed kid are hilarious and I feel like that's intentional. The movie piles on the trashy antics – and boldly steals from “The Exorcist” – until it basically becomes an action movie in the last act. It's either funny or offensive that this acknowledges the Catholic Church has done evil shit but then explains a demon did it. 

92. Bottoms

The film dives right into its hyper-vulgar, exaggerated world which takes some getting used to. Not offense to the super talented cast but I think more likable leads would've won me over faster. Or Ruby Cruz should've just starred! The script, which essentially takes the offensive structure of a eighties sex comedy and makes LGBT teens the heroes, is amusing. Also, the action scenes are surprisingly well-done. I'm still not sure this is funny enough to justify how obnoxious it can be at times but I think I was into it by the end. The teacher processing his divorce needed a bigger role. This really would've prospered from a heavy metal soundtrack, as opposed to the electro-pop thing they went with.  

93. The Marvels

Lives and dies on whether its central trio is interacting on-screen. Iman Vellani's clear enthusiasm is impossible not to get caught up in. The scenes devoted to the three Marvels mastering their powers together, or just bantering are the obvious high points I'm always a fan of inserting musical numbers into non-musical and that scene, no doubt, enlivens the middle act. But this is a sad return to the days of forgettable Marvel villains. Similarly, the plot rarely justifies its own existence. Some of the action sequences are fun, as they play off the characters' abilities. Other times, "The Marvels" feels like so much CGI slop.

94. V/H/S/85

Bruckner's wrap-around features gnarly effects, even if wondering about what's going on is more interesting than the reveal. The gory deaths in “No Wake” and “Ambrosia” make an impression. Yet both segments never deliver on intriguing ideas. Honestly, “God of Death” didn't need to introduce any supernatural elements. A link to Aztec mythology is when the segment goes off the rails. “TKNOGD” wears its ideas on its sleeves but the combination of fucked-up violence and VR nostalgia works well. “Dreamkill” can be distressingly vicious. Yet these intense moments are contained within a trite story. Ultimately, “V/H/S/85” has a few stand-out moments but I'm not satisfied with any of the individual episodes.

95. The Outwaters

What exactly is happening in “The Outwaters” is left vague but what it's doing is attempting to replicate a personal encounter with terrors beyond human comprehension. In order to convey a mind-altering experience, this pushes found footage as far as it can. This means long stretches are devoted to a handheld camera fumbling through the dark. Whether or not you find “The Outwater's” almost experimental relationship to visual coherence compelling or irritating will depend on taste. There are definite unnerving moments. Yet I never cared about these characters. Without a sense of personality to ground the audience, the second half feels like weird shit happening for no reason.

96. Blood

Variation on the vampire concept, in which a single mom takes care of her bloodsucking little son. Michelle Monaghan gives it her all, in the role of a mom at the end of her rope. The film deserves some kudos for resisting the campy allure of the “vampire kid!” premise for as long as possible, though it does succumb to schlockiness by the end. The visuals are dreary, the overarching tone is one of smothering grimness, and the script is not subtle about its metaphors. Probably needed to be either a bit more “elevated” or a lot trashier. 

97. The Creator

Summarizes all of Gareth Edwards' strengths and weaknesses as a filmmaker. On one hand, this looks damn good. The cinematography has a vast, epic quality to it. The special effects and production design are fantastic, creating a lived-in version of the future that seems plausibly connected to our current world. On the other hand, the characters and story here are as stock-parts as can be. Charismatic as John David Washington is, he can only do so much to elevate a hero with yet another dead wife and baby to motivate him. You never feel anything for him or his relationship with his surrogate robot daughter. The themes and subtext are as warmed-over and obvious as can be, the movie essentially saying nothing about mankind's relationship with robots or each other.

98. Silent Night

Turns out telling a story without dialogue, even a revenge-driven action movie like this, is harder than it looks. There's some really cool physical stunts here, such as a body tumbling down a staircase or a body slam through a wall. Yet the editing is frequently overdone and the theatrical images veer towards the campy sometimes. More than anything else, the dour mood here drains much sense of forward-momentum. So does saving most of the action for the second half. Joel Kinnaman is well cast as a desperate, strung-out revenge junkie though the movie's portrayal of the Latino community is not exactly sensitive. Also needed way more Christmas ambiance. 

99. Consecration

A good example of an otherwise decent film let down by a disappointing ending. It's not that the climatic reveal is even bad, as it satisfactorily explains some things. However, the visual language and story leaps used to convey these ideas come off as hopelessly corny. Up until that point, “Consecration” was a mildly compelling mystery with some decent foggy atmosphere. Christopher Smith is good at that. And nuns are scary, ya know? It's weird that this stars Jean Malone, forced to do an accent, instead of an actual Scottish person though.

100. No One Will Save You

Manages to make the classic gray aliens creepy again, with the twitchy body horror and giving each E.T. their own superpower. This is committed to scaring the audience, with constant attacks and well orchestrated jump-scares. (Further supported by an excellent sound design and score.) Unfortunately, I was disinterested in the emotional story, yet another rumination on grief. Brian Duffield's “Spontaneous” was driven by dialogue, so writing a film with no dialogue was a bold decision. Yet this ends up making the movie harder to get invested in. When random people are acting crazy, under Martian influence, it becomes clear that there aren't many ideas to continue this story. (Which is further evident in the baffling ending.)

101. LandLocked

Featuring the filmmaker's own childhood home movies, this is clearly a deeply personal project. The ideas floating inside are fascinating, such as ruminations on toxic nostalgia, a decaying home as a physical retreat into old memories, and regrets and guilt manifesting as a charred ghost. However, the characters are played too vaguely for us to really latched onto them. While an occasional eeriness is captured here, thanks to the analog recordings, a largely static pacing makes you impatient for a point that never quite arrives.

102. Satanic Hispanics

One of the more tonally inconsistent horror anthologies I've seen recently, swinging wildly between goofball comedy and grimmer stories. The gory final segment is probably where the film peaks, while I also enjoyed the silly Halloween-set vampire sequence. Demian Rugna's segment has a few good moments but doesn't hold together as a whole. The penultimate episode starts out fine enough but gets progressively wackier, in a way that didn't totally work for me. The witchcraft themed story is by far the least essential, and least coherent, of all of these. 

103. The Retirement Plan

Allowing lovable, tough guy character actors to do their thing goes a long way. Nic Cage hams it up as a raspy drunk assassin coming out of retirement. Ron Perlman gets to be a strangely warm palooka, Jackie Earle Harley is a twitchy psychopath, and Ernie Hudson is a solid sidekick. Unfortunately, this is directed like an unusually violent episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger” and the action scenes too often brings community theater to mind. It turns into more of a traditional action flick as it goes into a belabored last act, removing much of the humor.

104. Huesera: The Bone Woman

About halfway through this, it's revealed that the seemingly straight-laced protagonist was actually a punk rock lesbian in the past. This makes “Huesera” a movie about an outsider integrating into heteronormative culture. Oh yeah, a ghost shows up a few times too. Yes, this is another dour social issues drama that does the bare minimum to qualify as a horror movie. One or two moments are effective but the creaky, bone-cracking, contortionist thing is way overdone. Natalia Solian gives a decent performance but the folk horror elements are half-assed. 

105. 65

Frustrating how not-quite-there this is. The premise is dynamite, Adam Driver is a compelling enough lead, the dinosaur attack scenes are decently orchestrated, and the special effects aren't bad. That old standby, of a weathered warrior bonding with a precocious little girl, should hit me right in the heart. Yet “65” keeps its characters too distant to really draw us in. The narrative is too predictable. The reveal that our hero is actually an alien should have been held-off on longer, to make the twist that he's on Mesozoic Earth a bigger surprise.

106. Blue Beetle

An attempt was made to invest this with a personal vision. The focus on familial love, and especially the way Jamie's family continues to participate in the plot well into the third act, is intriguing. There's some commentary on gentrification and social/racial boundaries in our culture. Xolo Mariduena clearly has the star factor and George Lopez steals several scenes. Yet the superhero origin story is undeniably rushed, Jamie's personal bond with the scarab never becoming clear. The extraterrestrial elements are hopelessly vague. Dropping the villain's entire backstory at the end was weird. It's obviously derivative of other cape movies, with “Iron Man” and “Spider-Man” being clear influences. The Bug Ship was cool. 

107. She Came from the Woods

Of all the throwback slashers from this year, this is the one that comes the closest to capturing the look and feel of an actual eighties movie. By which I mean it's about sixty percent tedium, forty percent cool stuff. There's some decent surprises here – the inciting act of violence, an unexpected kiss – and a few funny jokes. (“Pizza time is over, motherfucker!,” a demon kid on crutches.) However, far too much of this is devoted to the overly large, mostly annoying cast swearing at each other. If you had cut this down to the ideal slasher runtime of 87 minutes, it would've been tighter. Some foggy atmosphere and a shadowy camp fire story proves the director has the juice though, so hopefully his next movie will be better.

108. Five Nights at Freddy's

“Five Nights at Freddy's” greatest weakness is how the script tries to squeeze in as much lore as possible. The result is an awkward pace. Yet “Freddy's” can be effective. Whenever the machines move off-camera works for me. The highlight is when intruders are picked off one-by-one, largely because the excellent effects add a realistic heft to the robots. Emma Tammi makes an overall good-looking movie, with the derelict location feeling fittingly unkept. The only time "Freddy's" made me roll my eyes are during the extensive dream sequences. The film indecisively dangles the animatronics in-between figures of fear and misunderstood softies. Moments like a playful montage reminds me that this is a movie for eight-year-olds.

109. The Creeping

“Ghost as stand-in for lingering generational trauma” is one better ham-fisted horror movie metaphors I saw this year. Narratively, there's nothing here we haven't seen before but “The Creeping” has a solid enough haunted house atmosphere for its first hour. Even if the scare-factor is all downhill after that strong opening. Unfortunately, the script feels the need to overexplain everything. That, combined with some really lousy CGI, ends this on a sour note. Gotta kind of respect the ballsiness of seriously putting a sheet ghost in a horror movie in 2023 though...

110. The Sacrifice Game

When most Christmas horror movies are slashers or anthologies, “The Sacrifice Game” goes in a slightly different direction. This is unmistakably a twist on the home invasion movie. The murderers are a bit too exaggerated to take seriously. Does earn points for working the anxieties of its time period into its script. Unfortunately, a narrative turn half-way through isn't as compelling, largely because the mechanics of its demonic ritual are explained too much. That last act features some really goofy attempts at scares, via monsters leaping into frame or a very mouthy villain.

111. The Third Saturday in October Part V

This starts really strong, accurately capturing the look and feel of the middle “Halloween” sequels and other slasher films of that era. There's some nice autumn ambiance, the Southern setting adds extra flavor, and the two final girls are likable. However, it totally looses that spark in the second half. The watery gore effects and single location forces a feeling of cheapness to the forefront. The focus shifts to the annoying characters. An uncertain jokey quality takes over and the killer is revealed to not have a gimmick at all. Oh well.

112. Living with Chucky

For the majority of its runtime, this plays out like a fairly standard retrospective documentary, the kind that used to be DVD special feature. It gives us some fun, behind-the-scenes tidbits without going especially in-depth about this long-running franchise's production. It's only in the last half-hour, when director Kyra Gardner reflects on her personal connection to these films and their cast and crew, that this becomes really interesting. Kind of have to wonder why the whole movie wasn't about that.

113. The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster

Laya Deleon Hayes gives a wonderful performance, showing the kind of movie star charisma that doesn't often come along. Unfortunately, the movie around her is not up to that standard. The jumpy editing and preoccupation with jump-scares dampens my interest in this. Some of the supporting actors are terrible. The script has some smart observations about living as black in America – maybe too many, as the themes rarely build towards a recognizable point – but these ideas rarely align with the Frankensteinian premise. The ending is a jumbled mess.

114. Distress Signals

Strips the story idea of someone lost in the woods down to its bare essentials, many long scenes focused solely on the fragile protagonist as she tries to hobble back to civilization while shouldering an injury. The result is slow but suitably isolated and unsettling in its best moments. Sadly, this is not sustainable and the movie eventually has to elaborate on Caroline's backstory – tedious – and introduce someone for her to grapple with. Which results in a clumsy last act, a less interesting pay-off to that promising beginning. 

115. The Wrath of Becky

An improvement over the first “Becky,” if only because it leans more into the absurdity of its “Psycho teenager versus Neo-Nazis” premise. Unfortunately, the script is still unbearably smug, with annoying voice overs, fantasy sequences, and terminally online dialogue. The script is entirely predictable and the ending – another set-up for a sequel – shows that the antifascist elements of the movie are just posturing. Sean William Scott is a convincing villain but I'm still not sure Lulu Wilson is in her element in this role.

116. King on Screen

There's some amusing anecdotes here, mostly from Frank Darabont talking about the making of his films or some footage of Stephen King on the set of “The Green Mile.” Otherwise, this is a fairly shallow – and not even all that comprehensive – run through the many screen adaptations of King's work. His reoccurring themes are considered but never examined too deeply. This is especially true of King's sometimes problematic tropes, like the Magical Black Man. Ultimately, this amounts to directors raving about how much they love King's work, a greatest hits reel for fans of the writer and his work, with a totally unnecessary framing device.

117. Scream VI

As with the previous entry, this makes motions towards a new direction while just continuing to eat its own tail. Despite what the characters say, “Scream VI” isn’t about anything other than the “Scream” franchise. Most of the narrative misdirects are easy to predict. The half-assed nods towards social commentary are minor variations of part five’s invoking of toxic fandom. This pretends to have an “anyone can die” structure but it’s always obvious which characters will survive. Yet I will say this: The directors know how to engineer intense stalk-and-slash scenes.

118. Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham

Mashing up Batman and Lovecraftian horror is a great idea but this falls short of those ambitions.  Like a lot of these direct-to-DVD DC animated features, the script here feels rushed. There's an obvious desire to squeeze in so many elements from the comic book – Two-Face! Poison Ivy! Etrigan the Demon! Green Arrow! – that it feels like none of these characters really get their due. Bruce Wayne seems to spend most of this one brooding, while ominous prophecies get laid on the audience. The finale does feature plenty of squid monsters, even if the animation is fairly bland and there's no real attempt to actually grapple with the ideas of cosmic horror. 

119. Stan Lee

An admittedly shallow history of divisive figure Stan the Man. This only treats Lee's self-promoting habits and tendency to steal credit in the most softball of fashions. However, the documentary is granted a  lot of energy by primarily using Lee's own words, which are naturally incredibly entertaining. This probably needed more peeks into his personal life – his wife seems delightful – than anecdotes about the creation of comic book characters we've all heard a hundred times before.  

120. Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

In the oddly specific subgenre of “teenage girl turns into mythological creature as metaphor for puberty and resolves mother issues,” this has nothing on “Turning Red.” The story is entirely predictable, the humor can get a little manic at times, and the soundtrack is intrusive. Yet it's cute in its own way, with expressive character animation, lots of eye-popping color, and a handful of honest chuckles. 

121. Signal 100

Reminded me of the days when low-budget, ultra-violent, and tonally uneven flicks like this were making their way over here all the time. The mass suicide scenes are sometimes goofy but always brutally violent. That charm only goes so far though, as the large cast of thinly defined characters and largely shapeless plot gives us little to latch onto beyond the outrageous murder-suicide scenes. You especially start to feel this during the extended conclusion. Added half-a-star for the death-by-helium suicide. 

122. Influencer

The narrative bones here are good but there's just not much meat on them. The twist that comes twenty minutes in is what I figured the whole movie was going to be about, so that was clever. What follows never generates much suspense, however, and the film is never that interesting again until right before it abruptly ends. Cassandra Naud's performance is decent but no insight is ever provided into why she does these things. Also has pretty much nothing to say about influencers or internet culture.

123. The History of Horror and Heavy Metal

There's about a half-hour in the middle of this documentary, where the shared influences and philosophies of these two genre are discussed, that is fairly interesting. Otherwise, this is a not-especially-in-depth rundown of the histories of horror and metal. Large swathes of the film are made up of metal musicians simply talking about their favorite horror movies, which is fun but not super informative. It's all wrapped up in a frankly embarrassing fictional framing device. 

TWO STARS

124. Naga

The beginning of this feels like the Saudi take on “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” and all its imitators, following a slightly annoying couple driving into the desert for a fun trip that turns into a nightmare. And that's promising, to see another culture's take on such a specifically American trope. Yet following the (fitfully intense but choppily shot) attack by a zombie camel, “Naga” becomes a different kind of movie. This is an “After Hours” night-from-Hell movie, of our incensed protagonist wandering from one infuriating encounter to the next, unable to fulfil simple tasks like finding a phone character or buying a cake. Before too long, that degrades into weirdness-for-weirdness' sake abstraction and gross-out visuals. I'm sure there's some cultural specificity to this story that goes over my dumb American head. 

125. Peter Pan and Wendy

Jude Law does enough interesting stuff as Captain Hook, almost to justify the movie saddling him with a route origin story. The film does a lot of stuff like that. Such as draining everything interesting out of Peter Pan by putting him through a thoroughly workshopped character arc, girl-boss-ifying Wendy Darling, and and foregrounding much of the story's subtext. Sun-bleached lighting and a piss yellow filter over everything, combined with clumsy attempts to add depth to these shallow green-screened environments, makes this one of the ugliest Hollywood movies I've seen this year.

126. Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls

Many elements here ostensibly appeal to me. Such as the adorably exaggerated monster effects, a visual approach that reminds me of a nineties board game commercial, and Jeffrey Combs in an eye patch. Yet the script is obnoxiously proud of its reference heavy dialogue. Just mentioning Gadget Hackwrench or ALF isn't a joke! Moreover, Onyx is an obnoxious character, with his warmed-over pathetic man-child personality and incredibly annoying vocal inflections. To find out this is based off a ten year old viral video is not surprising, as it operates at exactly that level of “le epic bacon” humor. The movie did prompt me to re-watch the “I Would Do Anything for Love” music video – still rad as fuck – so I guess that's in its favor.

127. Strays

One of those comedies with no faith in its own jokes. There are decent gags in “Strays.” A neurotic dog in a cone who can't howl, the canines responding to normal stuff with typically overdone panic, or parodies of other talking dog movies are good examples of solid jokes. Yet the film will often repeat these gags, sometimes immediately afterwards, to quickly diminishing returns. You can clearly see a standard narrative arc has been applied to this loose collection of sketches, which results in some deeply unmoving attempts at serious moments in-between all the bad words and jokes about dog dicks, dog shit, and humping.

128. Where the Devil Roams

This is the second of the Adams' films I've seen and I think their narrative-light, vibes-based style of horror just isn't for me. I found this more tolerable than “Hellbender,” if only because the 1920s setting has some novelty and the slow degenerations towards silent film-style photography was a neat visual gimmick. The sideshow setting and road trip story are underutilized, the pacing is crushingly slow, the anachronisms are needlessly pretentious, and the runtime grindingly winds down as the film repeatedly circles a handful of barely realized themes on the way to a laughable ending. 

129. Haunted Mansion

Making a Raimi-esque spookablast for kids isn't the worst idea. There's brief moments here, when the dusty set design or gallery of ghostly images take center stage, that it almost works. However, the entire enterprise is let down by a truly by-committee script. The character arcs are laid out so far in advance, as to sully any sense of surprise. Every plot turn is set up in the most laden way possibly, frequently via intrusive ADR. (Which still isn't as intrusive as the baffingly overt product placement.) Eventually, it degrades into the clearly bored cast stumbling through uninspired, video game style set-pieces. 

130. The Exorcist: Believer

“Believer” doesn't pile on the jump scares too much in its first forty minutes, taking time to establish a conflicted protagonist. Once the girls disappear, I was genuinely intrigued to see where it might go. Where it was going, inevitably, is a pale imitation of the original. Most of the possession business is uninspired rehashes. The truth is the sequel simply doesn't have the complexity of the original, going with a much simpler message about religious solidarity. At least the cast is decent, though Ellen Burstyn doesn't seem especially interested to be here.

131. Night of the Hunted

It's become increasingly clear that Franck Khalfoun is a one hit wonder. “Night of the Hunted” immediately makes us loose sympathy for our heroine by showing her having an affair. The initial sniper attack is well-done and there's some grimy tension in the early going, as she hides from the unseen shooter. Unfortunately, once the killer opens his mouth, this becomes an unbearable slog of half-formed political both-sides-isms. The villain rattles off every right-wing talking point possible while our protagonist has no conviction behind her own words. And it just drags on like that until the gory conclusion. Should've been a short! 

132. We Might Hurt Each Other

Lithuania's first attempt at a slasher movie feels like it takes forever to get moving. The film goes for a naturalistic approach with establishing its characters, which results in none of them being all that distinct. Once the Jason Voorhees lookalike shows up forty minutes in, some stylish direction and okay stalk-and-slash sequences perks things up. Considering we don't care that much about the cast, the The attempt at a twist ending is extremely predictable. 

133. Sorcery

Please know I always go into international films with an open mind but, seriously... When people set out to make a “folk horror” movie, they do know they don't have to be paced like a glacier, right? “Sorcery” is an interesting dive into the 1700s witchcraft subculture of an obscure corner of Chile, exploring these ideas and rituals in about as realistic a manner as you could. (Though not to the point of ambiguity.) But it's so slow, so deliberate, so chilly, that it's hard to get too invested in anything that happens outside of an anthropological perspective. 

134. Run Rabbit Run

Maybe it's just because this is also an Australian film but “Run Rabbit Run” seems beholden to “The Babadook.” The overstressed mother, the child acting inappropriately, even the creepy children's book are present... The difference is this one lacks a dread-filled ambiance and compelling lead. In fact, Sarah is quite unlikable, especially in how she treats her daughter. The film waits until the second half to reveal its secrets, leading to a vague feeling lasting far too long. We then get a series of endings, none of them proving more satisfying than the last.

135. Dark Nature

Honestly, I'm almost amused to see the lamest clichés of older indie horror join forces with the worn-out clichés of our modern “elevated” horror wave. Like monster movie clunkers of old, the creature is kept off-screen for most of the run time, even including multiple point-of-view shots. Once it does appear on-screen, the beastie is kept in the shadows. But like every A24 wannabe, the script is loaded down with heavy-handed themes of trauma and feminine empowerment. This includes a frankly embarrassing scene where the protagonists stop in the middle of running from the monster to regurgitate these topics. Throw in some lame jump scares, a super slow first act, and maudlin hallucinations and you've got a by-the-numbers experience

136. Wish

"Wish" attempts to show off its animation but the CGI/traditional combo feels more awkward than smooth. The story approaches its theme of wishes as literally as possible. Shockingly heavily plotted but also featuring weird gaps in its own logic. Asha is "quirky" in very superficial ways., her sidekicks constantly spit pithy one-liners, and Magnifico is too shallow a villain. Each song wants to be a breakout pop hit, not so much fit the emotional needs of any given moment. I can't escape this feeling that “Wish” was designed to be a corporate product first and an entertaining movie second. 

137. Expendables 4

Looking on the bright side, Iko Uwais does cool stuff. His big fight with Statham is probably the high-light of the movie. Tony Jaa also brings some much-needed energy to his scenes. Otherwise? This is mostly a Lee Christmas solo movie, defeating the purpose of the ensemble cast. The direction is marred by some truly atrocious green-screen. The reveal of the main villain couldn't be more obvious while the other plot twist is lazily deployed. Megan Fox is off-tone, 50 Cent doesn't seem to know why he's here, and the old guys clearly don't have their hearts in it. Most of the movie is set on a boat. The disheartening death throes of a franchise that rarely lived up to its potential. 

138. The Boogeyman

You know something is middling when you think ““Mama” did this better." Rob Savage can engineer a decent jump scare but all the clever bits are in the trailer. The grief element of the script could not be more warmed over and half-hearted. The monster is another hairless spider monkey creature that are so common these days. The plot – only about 1% is taken from King's classic short story – is entirely predictable. The lead actresses are decent and a much better movie could have gotten a lot more mileage out of their chemistry

139. The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Jack Black’s lovelorn take on Bowser is the highlights of a paint-by-numbers kids flick. Mario – a hideously miscast Chris Pratt – is given a routine arc of gaining his father’s approval. Everyone has a standard arc, of similar parental disappointment or overcoming cowardice. (Wasting an otherwise perfect Charlie Day as Luigi.) I guess this is better than girl-boss Peach, so hyper confident you wonder why she needs Mario at all. The animation is well-done but the action scenes depend too much on slow-motion, the climax is shockingly free of stakes, and almost all the humor is totally lifeless.

140. The Price We Pay

Genre hybrid that combines an unremarkable crime thriller with a slasher-inspired tale of horror. The script is needlessly profane and the cast makes little attempt to ground the goofy characters. As this goes on, you get more glimpses of Ryuhei Kitamura's style, in the form of fast-paced editing, some occasionally creative camerawork, and graphic gore effects. Yet exploding heads and a hulking she-beast who gets more deformed as things go on can only do so much to elevate a thin, cheap, unlikable story.

141. M3GAN

The latest attempt to wrap up anxieties about A.I., corporate misuse of private information, and kids having too much screen time into a horror flick falls short. Gemma treats her plot device niece poorly. This makes attempts to create pathos between them unconvincing. Everyone else is cartoonishly awful. This leaves M3GAN herself to root for... But she doesn't have the attitude of Chucky. The attempts to make her scary, via body contortion or jump scares, are uninspired. The decision to cut this down to PG-13 means I can't even enjoy it as a campy slasher flick.

142. The Black Demon

I've seen lamer shark movies but that doesn't mean this is good. The special effects are shockingly decent and a sequence involving a diving bell is schlocky fun. Otherwise, the script is deeply insecure about its creature feature premise. Attempts are made to elevate the material by adding elements of Aztec mythology, corporate maleficence, white people threatened by scary ethnics, and a thuddingly obvious environmental message. Yet nobody thought to actually develop the characters, which range from largely unlikable to strictly archetypal. Kind of warms my heart to see that people are still ripping off “Jaws'” score though...

143. Cobweb

I'm a slut for Halloween atmosphere but sometimes you need more, guys. Yes, “Cobweb” does feature some nice October ambiance. Philip Lozano's cinematography is good, with some nice shadows and askew camera angles. The film isn't as heavy on obnoxious jump scares as it could have been, despite a dumb-ass nightmare sequence. The normally reliable Lizzy Caplan hideously overacts. The last third is outrageously gory and ladles on the contortionist horror. The nature of this villain, essentially, excuses all of the parents' horrible behavior as a necessary evil. Trying to justify child abuse for the sake of a twist ending really rubs me the wrong way.

144. Transformers: Rise of the Beast

An attempt to streamline the Michael Bay "Transformers" style into something that isn't an affront to human decency. Which is to say that "Rise of the Beast" still has a plot with several confusing leaps, a story that is both sloppy and full of contrived lore, and a disturbingly bloodthirsty Optimus. At least the action scenes are coherent and it's not three hours long. You can tell the script was trying to invest the human story with some heart but it still feels anemic. The Maximals are given practically no personality. Surprisingly, Peter Davidson's bro-tactic take on Mirage is one of the better parts, even if the comic relief is still often corny. 

145. DaliLand

One of those biopics that makes the unforgivable decision of focusing not on the titular historical figure. This is all the more egregious when Salvador Dali, one of the most interesting people to ever live, is sidelined in favor of an incurably bland audience surrogate. The script can't even sell a meaningful arc for this guy, leaving us continuously wondering why we're watching. Ben Kingsley is pretty good as Dali, when the film actually focuses on him. 

146. The Flash

Captures the spirit of a comic book crossover event in all the worst ways. Barry's personal arc – which could have been, and occasionally is, touching – is repeatedly sidelined by the needs of this multiverse spanning story. There's no way around Ezra Miller, from his twitchy ticks to his goofy running posture, being horribly miscast. The comic relief is utterly eye-rolling in its awkwardness. The movie picks up speed once Keaton's Batman and Supergirl are introduced, on the way towards a messily choreographed and rushed climax. The hubris of studios chasing shared universes climaxes here with a movie seemingly designed to deliver in-joke cameos more than anything else. 

147. There's Something Wrong with the Children

One of these days, filmmakers will learn that kids saying mildly inappropriate things in whispery voices isn't scary. The characters are decently realized in the opening scenes but, the minute this started to pull the tiresome twist that maybe the main character is schizophrenic, everyone turns into massive assholes. From there, the movie rolls through contrived melodrama on its way to a preposterous last act. It's all a dumb metaphor for the pressures of parenthood. The synth score is good, though it needed more Carpenter-style melodies and less ominous blorping. 

ONE AND A HALF STAR

148. Follow Her

“Follow Her” becomes a different movie every ten minutes and each one is insufferable. This is most enjoyable as an erotic thriller pastiche but that's just a brief mode in-between slasher throw-backs and meta-commentaries on filmmaking. More than anything else, this is an incredibly indecisive satire on live-streaming culture, social media clout, and constantly being filmed. Yet it's never decided if the heroine is in the wrong or an innocent victim. In fact, the deliriously messy script can't seem to decide if it's taking aim at OnlyFans, Twitch, or Youtube. Aside from all of that, the performances are hammy, the characters are annoying, the jump-scares are obnoxious, and the shiny digital cinematography is lousy.

149. Dicks: The Musical

Most of the jokes are people screaming, doing annoying voices, fitting in profanity and crude double-entendres whenever possible, and gratingly repeating those gags. As this goes on, it grows more desperate to offend. Anyone watching this is volunteering for a tasteless experience so who are these guys trying to shock? Nathan Lane is the only person in the cast who can make this kind of screeching, obnoxiously self-aware camp even remotely entertaining. And he gets some big help from the Sewer Boys, the obvious highlight of the film. All the songs pretty much sound the same though Megan Thee Stallion's number isn't bad.

150. Final Summer

Looking on the bright side, there's some decent nighttime photography in this micro-budget slasher pastiche and the killer wears a cool mask. Unfortunately, there's little else to recommend here. I've seen slashers with less tension before but few come to mind. Some attempts is made to flesh out the characters but bland performances and a script with little focus prevents the viewer from getting attached to them. The minimal gore was surely a budgetary decision but it ends up contributing to the lack of thrills here. Add it together and you get a listlessly paced affair that never captivates for more than a second.

ONE STAR

151. Kill Her Goats

Do three models – I hesitate to call them “actresses” – wandering around a house in various states of undress qualify as a movie? The creators of “Kill Her Goats” certainly seems to think so. On-screen titles are used to establish characters and set-up the plot, which is odd considering the film barely has either of those things. This is ostensibly a slasher film but most of the gore occurs after the fact. The dialogue is inane, the editing is dreadful, the cinematography is lecherous, and there are three separate endings. I'd say I hoped Kane Hodder – playing the (goofy looking) killer, of course – got a decent paycheck out of this but I kind of guess he didn't.