“Keep my wife's name out of yo fuckin'...”
ZACK CLOPTON'S 2022 FILM RETROSPECTIVE!”
No need to get into why but I am simply glad that 2022 is over and that I survived it. I guess most people can agree with that sentiment. Sometimes, life is a journey full of love and achievements. Sometimes, it's a gauntlet that you merely traverse. If you come out on the other end with all your body parts, then that counts as a success.
In between all the crazy-ass highs and lows of this year for me, I did manage to see a lot of movies. Not as many movies as I saw the year before and, as 2022 rolls to a close, there's still so much left on my list that I didn't get to. Nevertheless, I still saw 108 movies, which is probably a lot by any traditional measure. All I can do is go into the next year and hope it's better. Before we can do that, I have to run through THE LIST, my ranking of everything new release I saw in the last twelve months. Let's begin.
FOUR STARS:
1. Pearl
Pearl wants to be seen as a star but is terrified of being judged. Ti West mirrors her love for the movies by meticulously paying homage to golden age cinema. The colors, bright and sharp, create a sense of unreality. Movies themselves represents an impossible dream for Pearl, an escape to somewhere else that she can never crossover to. The climax sees West creating tension with just the way the camera moves. Holding it together is a star-making performance from Mia Goth, her face the focus of "Pearl's" most unforgettable moments.
2. Moonage Daydream
A love letter to David Bowie and an attempt to distill his entire body of work into one propulsive two hour dose. Forgoing narration and focusing only on vintage concert clips, interviews, and other footage creates a structure that is as unique as Bowie was. Instead of focusing on a life-story structure, this attempts to explore many of the themes and ideas the rock musician touched on. It plays out like a swirling, intoxicating montage of sound and vision, a one-of-a-kind homage to a one-of-a-kind artist.
3. RRR
The manliest movie of the year, this is pure entertainment from beginning to end. The over-the-top action scenes continuously top themselves in terms of ridiculousness. A musical number/dance-off in the first half ranks among the most joyous cinematic moments of 2022. The bro-mance at the film's center is hilariously overwrought and amusing. Undeniably jingoistic, with its cartoonishly evil colonialist villains and ra-ra final song, but I admire its spirit. The three-hour run time sags a little in the middle but it perks back up for the absolutely bonkers finale.
4. Nope
“Nope” contains primal nightmare imagery, like blood pouring from the sky and the fear of being devoured. Hoyte van Hoytema's cinematography is both wide in scope. The theme of commodifying tragedy, the erased contribution black talent has made to film, and the assumption we can control unpredictable wild animals run throughout. It's also the story of two siblings learning to rely on each other again. That "Nope" is partially a statement on spectacle is fitting, with its creative reinvention of the flying saucer premise.
5. Three Thousand Years of Longing
A visually spectacular rumination on the value of storytelling, the effects of loneliness, and the nature of true love. It's impressive how this handles historical themes that stretch across the ages as well as very modern concerns, all while maintaining the feeling of a fairy tale. Tilda Swinton is perfectly charming and Idris Elba is exactly as enchanting as he needs to be. Their quirky courtship truly draws you in. The ending made me cry. George Miller is a master storyteller.
6. Turning Red
Anybody who thinks the amazingly specific sense to the setting, characters, and story is anything but a huge benefit to it is a dense motherfucker. I love so many of the animation quirks here, the details in the face. The influence of anime and manga led a special zing to several key moments. The relationship between the central four characters is totally delightful. The emotional climax to the mother/daughter story arc is extremely well done. Generally speaking, this is a really funny, beautifully animated, breezy flick. Oh, and the songs are really catchy too.
7. The Northman
Lots of movie purport to be about the futility of vengeance but Robert Eggers' latest really emphasizes that its hero sticking to a bloody, self-made destiny is a result of the patriarchal culture he was raised in. On one hand, this thoroughly demystifies viking culture, by showing the prevelance of slavery and with brutal violence. Yet the integration of everyday magic and folklore into the story is compelling as well. By the time we get to the homoerotic final duel, I was convinced this is the most metal movie of the year. Obviously, the visuals are super intense and the cast is fantastic, especially a very unnerving turn from Nicole Kidman.
8. Resurrection
All hail Rebecca Hall, for projecting the veneer of perfection as well as the absolute nervous wreck underneath it. That performance is what draws the viewer into this anxiety nightmare of a story, of a woman desperately trying to hold it together while the most venomously abusive scumbag – played with perfect quiet evilness by Tim Roth – reenters her life. What follows is a deeply unsettling descent, music and editing tightened to convey that tension, so it that never lets up until the final gasp.
9. Saloum
Invigorating genre hybrid from Senegal, which combines elements of action/adventure, crime story, and politic drama with supernatural horror rooted in African mythology. The script takes many unexpected twists. Fantastically specific dialogue, some of which is in sign language, brings these vivid characters even more to life. The special effects are inventive, the cinematography is colorful, and you can't wait to see where it's all going.
10. Everything Everywhere All at Once
What I loved about this is how it handles massive themes, like feeling insignificant in the vastness of the universe or the ripple effects of every choice we make, alongside highly personal concepts, like the power of kindness or love connecting us all. This is tied to an amazingly zany sense of humor, always throwing increasingly wacky sight gags while wildly creative instincts direct every aspect of the story. An ode to the sheer scope of Michelle Yeoh's talent and a rebirth for Ke Huy Quan.
11. Skinamarink
Captures a specific feeling, of being a child, awakening in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and being uncertain if the nightmare is over. Largely plotless and with few characters, this is a deeply unsettling extended stay in that nighttime head space that grows increasingly uncomfortable as it goes on. The analog aesthetic captures how we see in the dark but also roots this in a childish point of view of the world, which is also replicated in the frequently vague camera angles. A distressing announcement of a bold new voice in the horror genre.
12. Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes
An intoxicating visit to the place where dreams and reality blend together. A great setting, that's beautifully photographed, takes us into this moonlit world. The narrative bends between fiction and reality, past and present, as it captures the universal truth of men treating women unfairly. The perfectly chosen soundtrack draws us further into a visually captivating dreamscape. And just like a dream, it's over too quickly, making us wish we could have seen more.
13. X
A story about age and desire, which is smartly reflected in its visual adherence to a by-gone cinematic aesthetic. All throughout, there's this suggesting of a shifting cultural landscape. “X's” psycho-biddy desires the sexually free youngsters as much as she resents them. The decision to have Mia Goth play both Maxine and Pearl links these two characters in a meaningful way. These two women, separated by time and space, are both desperate to be wanted, to be touched and validated and loved. Ti West cooks these intriguing ideas into a flawlessly executed slasher story.
14. Mad God
If Hell is real, "Mad God" captures how it must look and feel. Every surface is caked with filth. Depravity and violence is everywhere. A moribund feast for the eyes, the intricacies of the visuals are spellbinding. Tippett litters the film with symbols and allusions. As “Mad God” winds on, the film suggests its world is stuck in an unending cycle of destruction and creation. That's when Tippett's fantasma started to loose me. Yet I simply can't deny that this is a one-of-a-kind film, a masterpiece of technical know-how and hand-crafted ingenuity.
15. Decision to Leave
Beguiling neo-noir who immediately hooks you with its quietly quirky characters and precise storytelling. You can't help but find the scenes devoted to the characters getting close romantic, even though we know she's a femme fatale with criminal intentions. The direction is imaginative, often playfully integrating us into the investigative scenes in a way that is very clever. Watching the clues snap into place are satisfying, especially once the devastating ending starts to formulate.
THREE AND A HALF STARS:
16. Halloween Ends
“Halloween Ends” shows the different ways people move on from trauma. Laurie lets go and decides to live her life. Corey lashes out violence to express the feelings his life have left him with. He is, essentially, a more realistic serial killer dropped into a world where Michael Myers exists. This raises the question of what evil even is. Taken as a straight-forward slasher flick, “Halloween Ends” is solid enough. There's some likable style to the bloodshed. Honestly, the thing that most impressed me is the finality it brings to the series.
17. The Batman
For the first time, Batman does the detective work necessary to earn his title. By rooting everyone’s motivation in a broken childhood, ome appreciated complexity is added to the Dark Knight. This isn’t a narrative origin for Batman but a philosophical one. Robert Pattinson's grunginess is palatable on-screen. Kravtiz’ Catwoman purrs with sensuality. Paul Dano plays the Riddler as a huge fucking nerd first, now a symbol of domestic terrorism. The standout action sequence is a freeway chase between the Penguin and the souped-up Batmobile.
18. Barbarian
Delights in continuously surprising the viewer. When you have an inkling of where things might be going, the script swerves again. The earliest scenes have a stillness to them, establishing the distance between the characters and a feeling of discomfort. Once Tess descends into the spaces under the home, “Barbarian” gets increasingly frantic. The crumbling infrastructure of the city contributes to the dreary mood. It gets laughs and gasps out of the audience in equal measure.
19. Old Man
Essentially a two-man play, with a cabin as basically the only location. The audience is never sure which of these guys is crazy. Adding to this suspense is just how isolated this feels. Stephen Lang hams it up to glorious, grotesque heights while an off-beat quality always floats under Marc Senter's performance, making it seem like he's hiding something. Themes about the existence of God, resentment of women, watchful eyes of judgment, and the lost of youth work their way out as these conversations move towards the increasingly surreal finale.
20. The Sadness
As long as this Taiwanese gore-fest is moving, from one sequence of sustained tension to “holy shit!” moments of intense violence and depravity, it's thrilling and entertaining. As nasty as events get here, I think the film handles them with as much taste as possible. While also including a few meaningful moments of character development or kindness during all the madness. There is a perverse sense of justice to the excessive bloodshed that frequently follows. Once the setting stabilizes to a hospital in the last act, it looses that head rush a little.
21. Fresh
Amusingly lurid and blackly comedic, some well placed plot twist keeps you hooked to this twisted tale. Sebastian Stan remains charming even after the depths of his depravity is revealed and Daisy Edgar-Jones is a heroine you can root for. The cinematography is stylized and the soundtrack is perfect. Only an unnecessary epilogue, that puts too fine a point upon feminist themes that where more subtly utilized up that point, stains this one.
22. We're All Going to the World's Fair
Accurately captures the feeling of loosing yourself in an internet-choked fog. Schoenbrun generates an unnerving atmosphere, largely told through laptop screens. Maybe the most unsettling moment in is simply a lingering Youtube clip of a person sitting quietly and looking at the camera. The tension arises from Casey's shaky sanity and Anna Cobb's performance is totally unvarnished.
23. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Any concerns that Raimi would be restrained by Marvel are put to rest. This sometimes feels like the most expensive "Evil Dead" movie ever. There’s way more exploding heads then you expect. The question of “What if?” is a good theme to nestle inside your superhero flick and it redeems the Stephen/Christine love story. The MCU is quickly approaching continuity lockout and self-congratulatory fan service. Despite some reservations, this is massively entertaining.
24. Deadstream
Combines the feeling of an eighties horror/comedy – fast-paced with grisly surprises – with a pitch-perfect parody of internet celebrity. Selling your souls to demons and being a Youtube influencer are pretty similar actually. The creature effects are creatively grisly and the livestream gimmick is well-done. Some may find the lead character annoying but I was amused by how he never stopped thinking about his own star status, even while being supernaturally terrorized.
THREE STARS:
25. Men
Harper is an everywoman and the film is a metaphor for the varying types of sexist abuse women endure every day. Garland makes it deeper with rich visual symbolism and links to English mythology. The characters are set-up as archetypal examples of male and female, locked in a conflict that dates back to ancient times. The movie stands on its own as a visual/audio experience, with gorgeous cinematography and a dreamy score. It's not until the final minutes when the movie falls into a series of grotesque images that are harder to justify.
26. Hatching
A genre film where the subtext – a teenage daughter desperate to please her perfectionist mother, to the point of developing bulimia – and the text – girl cares for fucked-up bird monster – do not get in each other's ways. The puppetry and make-up effects are fantastically grotesque. The pastel suburban world is suitably eerie. It's cathartic when these tightly wound characters' go off. I wish the ending was less abrupt and the protagonist was a little more fleshed-out.
27. Watcher
“Watcher” builds a sense of isolation to create chilly unease, with a script that speaks to a specific fear women feel. The cinematography feeds into a feeling of being watched. That mood of uncertainty allows Chloe Okuna to create some startling sequences. Such as a frightening nightmare or an intensely uncomfortable encounter on a train. It all builds towards a climax of prolonged suspense, getting bloody and fierce in its final moments.
28. I Love My Dad
Patton Oswalt was the perfect choice for this, as he's great at seeming pathetic without ever being loathsome. That's good, as the desperate dad's actions borders sociopathy. There's lots of frequent laughs here, in the son's conversations with his “girlfriend,” and it moves towards an appropriately cringe-inducing – but ultimately poignant – conclusion. Good use of a laser tag anxiety attack.
29. The Menu
A frequently hilarious satire on artistic pretensions, compromise in the face of capitalistic systems, and about half-a-dozen different types of obnoxious rich people. The twisting screenplay keeps you hooked. There's some surprising insight into working in the service industry, especially in the oddly poignant ending. The direction and set design is meticulous. Ralph Fiennes is hilarious, terrifying, and pathetic in equal measure, leading a more-than-capable ensemble cast.
30. Kimi
Tense little thriller that makes great use of its limited locations, the camera moving smoothly through Angela's apartment and follows her around the streets of Seattle. The pros and cons of our current technology landscape are treated honestly, coming around nicely during the climax. Zoe Kravitz is a heroine you can root for and watching her outsmart those around her is deeply satisfying. The score and soundtrack picks are top shelf too.
31. When I Consume You
Another quirky, low-budget, heart-felt horror indie from Perry Blackshear. You get attached to the brother/sister relationship very quickly, making all the interactions that follow more meaningful. The lo-fi effects used to create the demonic villain are surprisingly creepy. The sudden injection of lore in the last act muddles an otherwise intense and kind of sweet story of sibling reconciliation and soul-sucking monsters.
32. Crimes of the Future
A proud return to the mutated flesh and kinky sex that defined Cronenberg's earlier films. Evolution has become a revolutionary act. What is art? Is it when you spill your guts for the amusement of strangers? What is sex? Is it when you poke around inside someone else? Cronenberg definitely enjoys exploring these fleshy ideas. A low budget holds back the grotesque body-horror though the cast are definitely on this oddball wavelength.
33. This is GWAR
Condenses everything you'd expect from a thirty year long career – inflating egos and creative personalities clashing, drugs and crazy stories on the road, censorship and controversy – but in a way befitting heavy metal's greatest pranksters. By which I mean it's consistently hilarious, powered by an unflappable youthful energy. Focusing on the people on the band, and their oversized personalities, also makes the inevitable loss much more meaningful. Plus, there's lots of fake blood and some of the real stuff too.
34. Speak No Evil
Weaponizes social awkwardness to unsettling degrees, as the social contract of politeness is pushed further and the hapless couple are forced into increasingly uncomfortable scenarios. The seasick feeling builds towards an disturbingly grim climax, which ranks high among 2022's bummer endings. There is a dark humor too, as you watch things spin out of control. I feel like this says something about Danish and Dutch society that my dumb American brain can't grasp.
35. Sissy
This is probably an indictment of the narcissistic social media influencer mindset. (And there’s good depictions of the dopamine rush getting likes gives you.) Mostly, I found Cecilia to be the most sympathetic serial killer in recent cinematic memory. Her tormentors all had it coming. That’s a dynamic that probably shouldn’t work but somehow, with Aisha Dee's traumatized performance and the campy score, it's successful... At least until a shaky last third that sets up an admittedly perfect final scene.
36. Bones and All
Clearly, being an “eater” is a metaphor for any sort of societal outsiderdom. (Being gay during the eighties only being the most obvious one.) The act of cannibalism is presented without judgment, the film veering towards a point about love and total acceptance. Watching the young lovers come together is sweet, supported by vulnerable performances from Chalamet and Russell. Yet the episodic, road movie structure makes it hard to get too sucked into this. This is most evident when it comes to the villain, played by a surprisingly terrible Mark Rylance. The score is good but I found the cinematography muddy at times.
37. Offseason
Makes the most of its foggy, storm season Florida setting, creating a seriously creepy ambiance early on. When combined with a “town with a dark secret” story, that bends in increasingly Lovecraftian directions as it goes on, I was sucked in to this one throughout. Jocelin Donahue gives a strong lead performance and there's some excellent use of Richard Brake. The novel-like structure is probably unnecessary but it does lend a little more introspection to this story.
38. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
In the sequel, Sonic is learning to superhero responsibility. He has adorable chemistry with Tails. Knuckles' transition from hero to villain happens too quickly but I was mostly satisfied with him. Jim Carrey hams it up to extreme levels. The second film is torn between comedy and sci-fi spectacle. This uncomfortable divide is most apparent in the live action cast. Why is precious screen time devoted to a boisterous bride? Ultimately, “Sonic 2” is at its best when integrating elements from the original games into its silly plot.
39. The Loneliest Boy in the World
Charming zombie-comedy that takes its premise to grotesque highs, skillfully maintaining the balance between obnoxious and meticulously retro camp. The influences are obvious – Tim Burton and John Waters being the most prominent – but the performance and likable characters kept me amused the whole time. It's a shame it barely has an ending, the conclusion coming utterly abruptly.
40. Prey
Placing a “Predator” story in pre-coloniel America changes the meaning of the franchise's trademarks. Not one minute is wasted, as everything set up in the first act comes back later. Amber Midthunder makes for a compelling lead. She also has great chemistry with her little dog. The CGI effects are not up-to-snuff but the Feral Predator looks cool. The action scenes are a little over-choreographed. Yet it's easy to forgive when the movie piles on some gnarly gore.
41. Jurassic Punk
The classic story of a self-destructive genius. Steve “Spaz” Williams' chaotic spirit and his willingness to do things differently is exactly what made him a digital effects pioneer. It's also what costs him professional connections. There's no doubt the guy is a character and hearing stories of his mischievous days at ILM is a highlight of this doc. You feel his frustration as his bosss take credit for his work and there's a sad humanity in watching his downfall. This probably could've stood to be longer, delving more into Steve's career and personal life.
42. V/H/S/99
A solid addition to the found footage franchise. “Shredding” is probably the weakest of the segments. The teens are simply too unlikable. Things improve with “Suicide Bid.” Seeing the protagonist panic inside the coffin is suspenseful. “Ozzy's Dungeon” captures a specific, nostalgic feeling in purpose of disturbing and sickening the viewer. “The Gawkers” does the best job of capturing the year 1999 and I could relate to this level of douchy, teen boy horniness. We wrap up with “To Hell and Back,” which has a flippant approach to damnation.
43. Strange World
Drawing inspiration from the pulp sci-fi magazines of the early 20th century, there's some wonderfully well thought-out world-building here. The anti-fossil fuel message is delivered in a clever way. The father issues at the story's core are not as novel, though well-handled. The comic relief is mostly terrible though, despite the voice cast doing an admirable job. And it's neat to have a Disney cartoon with a gay main character.
44. A Wounded Fawn
Shot on grainy 16mm, Travis Stephens' latest is a feast for the eyes with colorful visuals and precise production design. This is fitting, for a story steeped in classic art. Stephens and his team cook up wild imagery, my favorite being a wood stove turning into a dragon. As it descends more into Greek mythology influenced surrealism, it becomes less compelling. While the thematic concerns, Josh Ruben playing another representation of toxic masculinity, feel a bit old-hat.
45. Wendell & Wild
Henry Selick insures that this looks cool as possible, fun spooky vibe inhabiting every frame of these hand-made, stop-motion worlds. Kay and Peele are hilarious and lead a talented voice cast, backed by a bitching Afro-Punk soundtrack. The convoluted story feels like it was adapted from a long-running comic, throwing many crazy ideas at the audience in a plot that can't quite focus on any one of its wild premises.
46. Out There Halloween Mega Tape
As in the first “WNUF,” Chris LaMartina shows an uncanny ability to replicate the look and feel of nineties junk television. Some of the fake commercials presented here are indistinguishable from the real thing but others are more blatantly comedic. Sometimes, the lack of funds runs into the movie's desire for realism. Taking aim at media accountability, the surprisingly grim finale suggests that maybe it wasn't a good idea that nineties pulp TV encouraged lunatics so much.
47. Violent Night
Too impressed with its own outrageousness at times. The glib violence, colorful vulgarities, and in-your-face characters stand in stark contrast to the Santa/little girl bonding, which plays out with nary a wink. The film is most entertaining when embracing gleefully over-the-top action. The creative team definitely had fun juxtaposing wholesome Christmas traditions with the most violent executions they could conceived. David Harbour is believably holly jolly in some regards, as well as a creditable action lead.
48. My Father's Dragon
It took me a while to decide whether I find the titular fire-breathing creature cute or annoying. Eventually, I realized he was adorable, much like everything in the latest lushly animated fantasy from Cartoon Saloon. The story smuggles heavy but universal themes into a plot that seems simultaneously too simple and convoluted. This is an issue effecting the whole film, as it seems too slight in many ways – practically every animal is another cute sidekick – but over-invested in its own lore. But it sure is pretty, no denying that.
49. The Leech
A clever dark comedy about pushing the limits of Christian charity. It’s an easy story to relate to, of wanting to help someone but also wanting to protect your own sanity. There's a nice layer of ambiguity too, the script slowly revealing that saintly David is not all he appears to be. The film shows all of its central trio slipping into depravity and instability, making this more complex than just a story about uninvited guests driving you nuts. Yet “The Leech” does loose its footing the more it slips into hallucinatory horror.
50. History of the Occult
The restrained black-and-white cinematography and aspect ratio set up some nice shocks later in the film, when those established rules are broken in some surprising ways. The ideas of occult interaction and parallel universes are interesting, even if they dovetail with a less compelling political corruption plot. The newsroom setting doesn't leave room for the most detailed characters though.
51. Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio
An anti-fascist “Pinocchio” that leans towards a general anti-war message, themes of fathers and sons, acceptance, the perils of show business, religion, and the value of life. It's an overstuffed film that still can't move past the episodic plotting endemic to this story. The art style is great, the fairies and angels are cool, the all-star voice cast is professional, but the songs are totally forgettable.
52. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
David Blue Garcia manages to make a decent-looking movie. The oppressive sunlight of Texas shines through. Leatherface as the enraged avatar of an alienated working class, striking back at rich kids, is in-keeping with this franchise. The Sally Hardesty subplot has little effect on the story. As for Lila's backstory, a survivor of a school shooting, I wish they hadn't gone there. For the most part, this is a goofy slasher flick and the butchery is well-executed. Garcia adds some suspense to the splatter.
53. The House
The tactile quality of the stop-motion animation goes a long way towards creating an uneasy feeling, especially in the creepy first segment. The second story bends more towards dark comedy, especially once a song-and-dance number starring beetles and grubs begins, but it still has a disquieting ending. The third tale is surprisingly hopeful, an absurd metaphor about moving on with your life that is nice but does end things on a bit of a weaker note
54. Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm
Marries the typical edgy “Aqua Teen” absurdity with surprisingly sharp satire about Amazon and its
anti-union policies. The Bezos stand-in being so insecure ranks among the funniest jokes. There's lots of ridiculousness, in the form of bizarre aliens, a llama-shaped rocket ship, circular dialogue, and these insane characters being their usual petty selves. At only 75 minutes, this is the right length and only the Mooninite interludes drag.
55. On the Count of Three
Gradually, I found myself getting attached to the two dysfunctional characters that lead this movie. Jerrod Carmichael is quietly hilarious as a man who slowly regains his will to live. Christopher Abbott gets more manic as the day goes on. The episodic story bends in some nicely absurd directions, while the poignant element only grows stronger as it goes on. I feel like there definitely could've been a little more meat on these bones but I'm glad I watched it.
56. Flux Gourmet
Admittedly, this satire of artistic pretensions and the relationship between food and sex amused me more than Peter Strickland's previous art house fantasmas. He definitely finds the repeated use of the words “flanger” and “balling,” not to mention the description of gastrointestinal agony in Greek, funnier than I do. Yet the peculiarities of the performances – Asa Butterfield's Flock-of-Seagulls-inspired doofus especially – and the absurd details it cooks into its world of food-based performance art got me to smile from time to time.
57. Black Glasses
Dario Argento returning to the genre that he defined. I was surprised at how charming the central relationship proved to be, how sympathetic it was to the sex worker's plight and her recent blindness. The themes of motherhood, light and darkness, and animals are interesting too. The stalk-and-slash sequences are decently stylish, even if it descends into Modern Argneto tackiness eventually. The electronic score is pretty groovy too.
58. The Black Phone
The young cast is talented and Ethan Hawke makes a perversely sinister villain. The seventies setting adds a nice vibe. The colorfully profane dialogue is amusing, though does nothing to dissuade the idea that Joe Hill is a pale imitation of his father. This is especially evident in the subplot about the psychic sister, which does nothing but dilute the suspense by cutting away from the basement. Scott Derrikson's direction is hammy and his addiction to jump scares further undermines a good film that could've been tighter and more tense.
59. Slash/Back
Kids on bikes versus insidious alien threat flick that benefits from the specificity of its setting. It wears its influences on its sleeve but the shambling, squirming monsters are still suitably unnerving, leading to some tense attack scenes. Watching the characters bicker and come into their own is adorable, which makes me wish the cast was a little less wooden and the dialogue a little less cute.
60. PussyCake
Enjoyably goopy and gory Argentinan zombie flick that adds a dose of cosmic-horror and further weirdo mutations to the infection premise. The filmmakers The cast is goofy and outrageously dressed, even if they are never really distinct as character. The plot leaves a lot of things vague but it's fun to watch this march through, and often subvert, the expected beats of the genre. I do wish the rock band aspect was exploited a little more.
61. Night's End
COVID is never mentioned in this clever indie horror flick but the discomfort of the pandemic era, represented by a main character too afraid to leave his own home, who has to psych himself up just to awake in the morning, is nicely captured. Told mostly via video chat session, the script flows like a conversation. The attempts at scares range from the effectively subtle to the flashy. Geno Walker is a compellingly squirmy lead. Some special effects in the last act are janky.
62. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story
Committing fully to the bit, Eric Appel's film never wavers from its goal of satirizing rock biopic cliches in the most outrageous fashion possible. Just when the main joke starts to wear itself out a bit, the movie lurches towards a delightfully unexpected and nutty action movie parody. Daniel Radcliffe plays it straight and the murderer's row of cameos are amusing. It's way too long though and maybe needed more of Al's trademark irreverence.
63. You Are Not My Mother
Rather clearly, a movie about living with a bipolar parent but does try its damnedest to be scary too. Director Kate Dolan creates a dreary atmosphere throughout. The droning score increases this feeling. There’s some great October 31st ambiance in the final act. A strong set of performances seal the deal on a film that’s handsome, tense, and with a well researched backstory.
64. Dual
Not as sharp a satire as Riley Stearns' previous films, even if it's tackling clear injustices in the medical and justice industries. Yet understanding of the absurd remains strong here, leading to a number of extremely dry and weird jokes that I found amusing. Karen Gillan, unsurprisingly, is a good fit for this style of comedy. Things get weirder and more contemplative in the last third, leading to a strangely downbeat and unsatisfying ending.
65. She Will
Another indie horror flick characterized by moody ambiance, forested isolation, surreal asides, vaguely explained folklore, and thematic musings on womanhood and toxic masculinity. What elevates this one a bit is a plum starring role for Alice Krige, who is at her best when digging into the catty dialogue. Watching her form a friendship with her nurse is among the film's highlights. Malcolm McDowell is also well utilized in his few scenes.
66. Thor: Love and Thunder
Themes of arrested man-children that characterize Taika's films come to their inevitable conclusion: Thor starts the next stage of his life. The amount of jokes in the first half of is overwhelming. The more the focus turns towards Thor and Jane's relationship, the better it gets. Unfortunately, the scenes devoted to Jane's cancer do stick out. Christian Bale brings a lived-in weariness to Gorr. In fact, he might be too compelling. It's hard to argue with the conclusion that the Gods need butchering. Some of the visual effects are surprisingly shoddy at times.
67. The Munsters
Any fears that Rob Zombie would grunge up “The Munsters” are dispelled within minutes, as he is painstakingly faithful to the TV show. Zombie is so faithful, that he even replicates the sleepy pacing of a sixties sitcom. His “Munsters” often feels like a series of loose gags barely strung along, moving towards a low-key climax and abrupt ending. Yet the searing color choices and cartoonish visual touches, alongside an utterly committed cast, still makes this live-action cartoon amusing more often than not.
68. Jurassic World Dominion
Much like our world, this one is teetering on ecological disaster. It's not dinosaurs we're afraid of but corporate greed. There's this feeling running throughout that we have to save the world for the sake of our kids. "Jurassic World Dominion" is still very flawed. Its story is a tangled web of events that are spread thin over multiple subplots. New characters are hastily introduced before disappearing. This still functions like a well-oiled thrill machine, filled with breathlessly orchestrated action sequences that escalate in intensity.
TWO AND A HALF STARS:
69. Carter
The action scenes are some of the most bonkers I've ever seen, elaborately choreographed melees and vehicle chases that are followed by breathless, impossible camera work. The free fall shoot-out, fight that leaps between three cars on a freeway, and a battle that starts on a train and moves to several helicopters are my favorite. Yet the plot is an incoherent mishmash of conspiracy theories, espionage double-crosses, sci-fi plot devices, and rage zombies. The characters have no identity at all. The result is a movie that is a careening roller coaster ride that frequently pauses for shit nobody cares about.
70. Bitch Ass
Cleverly covers up its obviously low budget with sometimes clever visual gimmicks. The premise is simple – essentially a 'hood movie mash-up of “Don't Breathe” and “Saw” – though the board game aspect is amusing. The cast is talented, little things being done to enliven the characters. A narrative shift, and unnecessary plot twist, in the second half threw me off and the movie never quite recovers. And it needed more of Tony Todd's horror host persona.
71. Hellhole
At first, I found the approach here really refreshing, tackling a possession movie from a skeptical angle that depicts the secret sect of priests as nothing but unhinged fanatics running an elaborate hoax. When this perspective is applied to end times prophecies, the film takes a really fascinating turn... Sadly, that proceeds an ending that throws it all the way in favor of a bunch of demonic imagery. Yeah, it looks cool but I wish the film had stuck to its guns.
72. The Eternal Daughter
Uses the visual language of an old English ghost story – that means lots and lots of fog – to tell a deeply personal tale about grief, regret, and a massive amounts of Mommy Issues. Tilda Swinton, in a dual role, gives the deeply vulnerable and intuitive performance you expect from her. There's some dark comedy thanks to an unwelcoming hotel staff. Yet this is one of those indies that tries to compensate with an extremely slow, thin story with lots of ambiance. And that only goes so far, even when this is clearly touching on some meaningful material.
73. Something in the Dirt
Conspiracy theory kitchen-sink story that manages to sink countless ideas into one semi-coherent story of two friends coming together and then falling out, getting sucked deeper into their own paranoia. This is probably my favorite Benson/Moorehead joint so far, which means its still over-long with too many digressive episodes and overcomplicated for its own good. Did that documentary framing device add anything to this story at all?
74. The Princess
The amusing premise – what if “The Raid” starred a fairy tale princess? – is enough to keep this entertaining for a bit. The fight choreography is quite good and Joey King seems to be doing a lot of her own stunts. (Whether you find her a creditable action heroine is debatable.) Unfortunately, the writing is so thin, and its “girl power” feminism so shallow, that the pace falters quickly. The CGI is not very good and Dominic Cooper is directionless as the hammy villain.
75. Scream
A slightly winking but otherwise straight example of the “requel” trend that is much happier to nod at the familiar than do anything new, the last act rants about an entirely different matter. All the supporting characters are more interesting than the protagonist. Melissa Barrera's Sam is saddled with the sequel's most melodramatic arc. Whatever flaws the directorial team bring to the material, they do excel at gory mayhem. The stalk-and-slash scenes are well executed. A competently assembled motion picture that is resistant to change.
76. Significant Other
The first half of this is pretty good, when it's focused on Maika Monroe having an increasingly uncomfortable camping trip with her (kind of clueless but mostly normal seeming) boyfriend. Once the sci-fi/horror element takes precedence, it falls apart into something unseemingly campy that jives badly with the quiet tension of the earlier scenes. Nevertheless, Monroe's performance – especially the way she brings on an anxiety attack with just her words – keeps this afloat. Also, pleasantly unexpected appearance from a shark.
77. After Yang
There's a spectacular sequence about forty minutes into this, showing the way the most ephemeral memories can stick around and define your life. The film has a lot to say about connections, family, love, and how memories are formed. Yet it is so incredibly, painfully, glacially slow. The performances are so muted, they almost become inhuman. You can imagine a visions of this that leans more into the absurdity – a robotic family member being treated like an old cellphone – but instead it's just maudlin and quiet the whole time.
78. The Silent Twins
Considering Agnieszka Smoczynska of “The Lure” directed this, it's not surprising that the dream/hallucination sequences – at least one of which is song-and-dance number set to a pop song – are the highlights of this film. Here's another 2022 film with a weird stop-motion element. Sadly, the facts-based drama around these scenes is rather dreary, a sprawl of under-explained bad behavior and unfortunate happenstance. The lead actresses are good but their odd accents are extremely distracting.
79. Glorious
Never lives up to its outrageous premise. J.K. Simmons is nicely deadpan as the voice of an eldritch abomination from beyond. Ryan Kwanten is fittingly schmoey as the protagonist. There's some decent jokes in the first half-hour. The Lovecraftian elements are well utilized. Yet, even at only 79 minutes, the film has to resort to surreal digressions and circular plotting to get to feature length. The twist ending is highly predictable and kind of insulting.
80. Dragon Ball Super: Super Heroes
Nowadays, I find “Dragon Ball's” focus on super forms, fighting techniques, and magical rites utterly dry. While the CGI animation is stylish, the last act's descent into endless fight scenes, with ever-increasing threat levels and more special moves, gets tedious. This franchise has been going on for so long, that the sheer number of characters -- and the film's need to include as many as possible -- is overwhelming. Having said that, Pan is adorable, the comic relief is amusingly wacky, and at least one of the new additions to the cast is a lovable goofball.
81. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Essentially attempts to move the first film's supporting cast into the protagonist role, an unwieldy solution that creates an unsteady story that is always shifting focus, centered on an ensemble that is weighed down by grief. This is also one of those Marvel sequels that are burdened by having to set-up future adventures. The cast do their best and Namor is given the introduction he deserves.
The photography is often way too dark and the action scenes are also needlessly muddy.
82. Gone in the Night
A good example of a mystery that's more involving the less it reveals. The opening set-up is creepy enough. Once this becomes a weird romance, utilizing Winona Ryder's unique charm and the gravelly chemistry she has with Dermot Mulroney, that works kind of well. The flashback heavy structure intrigues at first. After we get a good idea of where this is going, it starts to falls apart and clatters towards a messy, preposterous climax and vague denouncement.
83. Hellraiser
The biggest mistake is needlessly junking up Clive Barker's elegant mythology. Riley leaping between depression and mania make her hard to relate to. The other characters are boringly bitchy. The Cenobite designs are clever. In the final twenty minutes, this “Hellraiser” finally develops a pulse. Yet it's all strangely dispassionate, the new film's good qualities dragged down by a maudlin pacing and overly gloomy mood.
84. The Cursed
I wanted to like this one more than I did simply because its foggy, gothic atmosphere appeals to me so much. The script offers a clever reinvention of the werewolf mythology, basing it in the xenophobia that would have been all too common in this time and place. (And flips the “gypsy curse” trope on its head.) Sadly, the film depends on the worst cliches of modern indie horror. The pace is glacial, all the dialogue is spoke in hushed whispers, the characters are vague, and there's too many jump scares. Worst of all, the creature effects are done with mediocre CGI and obscured with shaky camera-work.
85. The Apology
The story is largely a two-hander, mostly devoted the heroine and villain talking out their feelings. The direction is even rather stage-like, which does breed some intimate intensity. Yet screenplay veers towards the didactic at times. This clearly isn't just a thriller but a story about men deflecting blame their own vile actions. The performances start out overheated but slowly won me over. Needed more Christmas ambiance though!
86. Bodies Bodies Bodies
The whodunit angle admittedly kept me hooked, while the pay-off is by far the biggest laugh in a dark comedy largely devoid of laughter. There's one likable character in a cast of Gen-Z caricatures designed to be despicable. The use of buzzwords, as shorthand for shallowness, frequently made me roll my eyes. (Though a character denying shooting someone while literally holding the smoking gun was kind of funny.) If most of your murder-mystery suspects are going to be intolerable narcissists, you should really up the gore.
87. The Found Footage Phenomenon
Documentaries like this need to either be thoroughly comprehensive or dig deep into the meanings behind these cinematic trends. This one doesn't quite do either. In the last third, the focus turns towards the technical difficulties of shooting found footage, the least interesting thing about it. A random crop of directors are interviewed here, causing forgettable or even bad films to get undue attention. Honestly, a longer interview with Alexandra Heller-Nicholas – a insightful academic and well-spoken genre historian – probably would've been better.
88. Science Friction
Confirms what we've all suspected: That cable pseudo-science documentaries take quotes from legitimate scientist wildly out-of-context. As an expose on that admittedly niche topic, this is a detailed examination of how and why this happens. As a movie, it's deeply uncinematic, not being much more than a series of interviews intercut with clips from the offending shows.
89. Master
“Master” is a drama about race that does the bare minimum to classify as horror. Every interaction Gail and Jasmine have with white people is packed with micro-aggressions, racist presumptions, and patronizing comments. There are some effective horror sequences, such as a moment in a public shower, that effectively create the feeling that an otherworldly force is closing in on the young heroine. Yet these two elements never converge in a meaningful way. Story threads aggravatingly remain unresolved.
90. Smile
The unholy offspring of the modern “elevated” horror fad and an early 2000s J-horror remake. You see this in the rather desperate attempt to create a chilly atmosphere paired with dumb-ass jump scares every fifteen minutes. The thuddingly obvious theme of “trauma” is outright explained to the audience by the end. I would almost be offended by the depiction of mental illness as a communicable disease if the movie didn't get increasingly goofy. Half a star for the dead cat reveal, the kind of hysterical trashiness this needed much more of.
TWO STARS:
91. Lightyear
Rather than a colorful throwback to classic sci-fi adventures or a homage to toyetic 90s cartoon, “Lightyear” is a rather dour, visually drab story about regrets. This clashes badly with the typical comic relief sidekicks you expect in a Pixar movie and the nostalgia-baiting throwbacks to classic Buzz lines and moments from the original “Toy Story.” A time travel twist midway through is completely baffling and robs the movie of a compelling villain. The adorable but dead-pan robot cat sidekick steals the movie and a pair of zero gravity action scenes are properly thrilling.
92. Monstrous
Christina Ricci as a jittery 1950s housewife protecting her son from a slimy lake monster would be enough for most movies. Instead, this one pursues half a dozen narrative red herrings. Does the boy have psychic powers? Is he a ghost? Is this some sort of “Babadook”-style fable about parental resentment? Is it all a drug-induced hallucination? When the reveal comes – via the one clever touch in the movie – it can't help but be massively disappointing and weirdly sappy.
93. Crabs!
Exceptionally dumb horror/comedy and it's almost charming. Murderous horseshoe crabs make an amusing substitutes for Gremlins. When not given self-aware dialogue, the teen leads are likable. The kaiju-filled finale is ludicrous but its heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, an obnoxious Eastern European character that the filmmakers seem to think is hilarious – he even sings the theme song! – that constantly kept me from enjoying this one.
94. Piggy
Miserablist horror/drama that seems to delight in humiliating its plus-size protagonist. It's hard to feel like the film is on her side when every scene is devoted to making her unhappy or drawing attention to her body. This feels especially true about the dreary climax, which feels like a sick joke. Laura Galan gives good performance and there's some mild suspense but I'm not sure the film really has any point at all to make about bullying, having shitty parents, or societal pressures on teenage girls concerning physical appearance.
95. The Rise of the Synths
By focusing on synthwave musicians simply talking about their genre, this documentary never finds a compelling thesis. It harps on 80s nostalgia over and over without finding any deeper meaning. The backwards structure, beginning in the modern day and going to synth's origins, also skews the structure in the least interesting direction. John Carpenter's narration is cool but frequently divorced from the rest of the film. Those framing devices are trying way too hard and seems to distract from what might've made this project interesting.
96. Black Adam
Compiles elements from superior superhero movies. The Justice Society are rendered as Marvel knock-offs. The script is all ass-backwards, asking us to care about a friendship we've seen no evidence of, revealing an origin halfway through, and introducing a new villain in the last act. The Rock's charisma is chained to a dour, indestructible killer who randomly bonds with a kid. The final blow is an over-reliance on slow-mo ramping, creating muddled action sequences.
97. Morbius
Goes out of its way to remind us that its title character isn't a bad guy, which drains the vampire premise of much of its tension. The special effects leave a lot to be desired, the CGI stretchy faces looking goofy. The film doesn't do a good job of clarifying Morbius' superpowers in general. Jared Leto is hopelessly miscast, Morbius acting as an extension of his wannabe messiah act. Over-the-top Matt Smith is at least having fun. The homoerotic subtext, when placed alongside the superhero melodrama, can't help but translate to campy laughs.
98. Mickey: The Story of a Mouse
Exactly what you'd expect from a documentary about Mickey Mouse made by Disney. As a history of Walt, his studio, and its mascot, this barely scratches the surface. As an exploration of Mickey's status as a pop culture icon, it's mildly diverting. Occasionally, this is will pause for a legitimate (though never scathing) critique. But mostly it's 90 minute corporate self-congratulation, of people talking about how great Mickey and Walt are. Dull, in other words.
99. DASHCAM
Rob Savage's follow-up to “Host” shows the same special effects ingenuity, creating some clever scares and over-the-top gore. Unfortunately, he picks an annoying character to be his protagonist. Annie Hardy, a MAGA loving, anti-vax, COVID denialist who constantly spits unfunny “funny” dialogue makes this a tiresome ride. And her politics have no effect on the story! The plot gets increasingly outlandish as it goes on, the viewer's interest sinking before the abrupt conclusion.
100. King Knight
The intentionally stilted dialogue gives “King Knight” a jerky rhythm. The aggressively weird characters only exists as collections of grotesque quirks. This makes the cast more annoying than endearing. (You know things are bad when Andy Milonakis is one of the *better* appearances.) The central conflicts are the pettiest grievances, such as goths versus preps. This renders funny ideas – a talking pine cone, Ray Wise as Merlin – totally inert. The wiccan angle is mildly novel.
101. Soft & Quiet
We know cartoonish bigotry exists and simply portraying it on-screen isn't enough. The shock value inherent in the premise of “white women are capable of vile beliefs” seems to be the reason this exists, as evident in its best moment: A shot of a racist pie that reveals what these people are. After that, it's a miserable slog as we watch terrible people be terrible. The only novel insight is that these women hate each other as much as they others. Intergroup tension could've been focused on more, to generate more thrills, but instead this just follows awful events as they unfold. The one-shot gimmick is neither distinct nor compelling. The performances are good, I guess, but you're going to hate all the principal characters.
102. Disenchanted
One of those sequels that lazily flips the original's premise, this time sticking cynical, modern humans into a fairy tale style setting. Turning the protagonist into a wicked stepmother cliché derails the one truly likable character this has, also forcing the script to focus on the less interesting, younger lead. The songs are shockingly forgettable and even the traditionally animated scenes look phoned-in. Amy Adams and Maya Rudolph give it their all and the production design is nice.
103. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore
The overwhelming focus on family secrets and tragic backstories causes this epic to more closely resemble a soap opera. The pace is glacial. Dialogue-heavy exchanges set up sequences, which then play out with little suspense. None of the new characters are interesting. Mads Mikkelsen can't breathe much malevolence into Grindlewald but is an improvement over Depp. The movie does a better job of incorporating the fantastic beasts into its story. Yet this still feels like a mandatory stop on a long journey that nobody is invested in making.
104. Hellbender
Combines nearly every insufferable trend in modern indie horror into one intolerable motion picture. Vague, self-involved mythology is used to prop up a story where barely anything actually happens. The attempts to build atmosphere boils down to bored, lifeless actors whispering in dark rooms. Freaky, transgressive imagery is tossed at the viewer in an attempt to shock us but it comes off as more empty theater. And here's some shitty CGI effects too. Some of the songs and the vomit swapping scene were cool.
105. Funny Pages
It really sits wrong with me that the main character is the only semi-attractive, actually talented person in a world full of freaks, who are utterly grotesque in appearance and personality. What follows feels like a Todd Solondz movie without the empathy or a Terry Zwigoff movie without the jokes. Grows increasingly directionless as it heads towards a mean-spirited climax. I kind of get what they were going but ends up being an uncomfortable watch with not much rewarding about it.
106. Christmas Bloody Christmas
Half-ass attempt at yuletide mayhem that doesn't utilize any of its holiday or robot gimmicks in meaning ways and represents Joe Begos' style at its most self-indulgent. Nearly the entire first half-hour is devoted to self-consciously vulgar dialogue and the rest rips off “The Terminator.” When you don't care about whether these people live or die, it's hard to be too invested in anything that happens. The gory special effects aren't too impressive either.
107. Hocus Pocus 2
One of those dreary comedy sequels that limply re-enacts the gags from the first movie. If there's any greater ambitions than to remind people of the original, they are smothered under a screenplay that's been work-shopped to death. The new heroes are never well defined, Becca never coming to life and her friends are even thinner. Worst yet, “Hocus Pocus 2” spreads its time over several subplots. There are generally too few laughs here.
ONE AND A HALF:
108. Chip 'n' Dale: Rescue Rangers
A dead-inside product that is masquerading as a celebration of the medium, ultimately about the evils of bootleg merchandise. The traditionally animated characters are created through incredibly cheap looking cell-shaded CGI. The unexpected cameos are pretty much the only jokes. Much of the comedy relies upon totally inert banter between the two chipmunks. Being ironic and self-referential about shitty, hacky writing doesn't make it any less shitty or hacky.
