Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Thursday, September 29, 2022

Halloween 2022: September 29th



Over the course of about a decade, Ti West made seven feature films and contributed to at least two anthologies. After such a prolific streak, it's understandable that the director would take a break of sorts over the last five years. I say “of sorts” because West was directing television during that time. As he made installments of "The Exorcist” and “Scream” shows, I was left wondering when he’d make another feature. Luckily, West has returned in 2022 with not one but two new theatrical releases, with a third film arriving next year. It seems the ever-economic filmmaker must’ve found a good partnership with A24, today’s leading provider of art house horror. The threesome would kick-off last March with “X.” 

In the summer of 1979, an aspiring filmmaker and his cast and crew heads into the Texan countryside to shoot a pornographic movie. Director RJ hopes to make something more artful than mere smut while Maxine – girlfriend to producer Wayne – hopes to become an adult superstar. As a filming location, they have rented a house on the property of an elderly farmer named Howard. The old man is unaware of the movie's subject matter. His reclusive wife, Pearl, seems entranced by Maxine and the cast however. Something inside Pearl has been reawaken by the nubile young bodies of the pornographers: A lust... For murder.

"X's" opening shot is framed by barn doors, suggesting the tight aspect ratio of the 8mm, no-budget porno of the day. This is just the first sign that West, a director always fascinated by the visual and pacing styles of retro filmmaking, is out to accurately recreate his seventies setting. The cast in "X" are gloriously unkempt looking, with body hair and facial imperfections. Sweat is everywhere. Supporting Tyler Bates' excellent score, full of willowy gasps that invoke sexual moans, is a number of era-approprite needle drops. An acoustic cover of “Landslide” is especially well used. The farm house is caked with brilliantly true-to-life dust and clutter, which is just one of many ways "X" invokes "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Yet West isn't simply aping a sleazy, seventies look to placate nostalgic horror nerds. "X" is a story about age and desire, which is smartly reflected in its visual adherence to a by-gone cinematic aesthetic. The elderly murderers long for the days of their youth, much the same way the film's very style longs for the horror genre's past.

The contrast in age between the killers and their victims highlights another aspect of “X's” time period. The porno chic era that “X's” heroes hope to capitalize on was a time when people where expressing themselves sexually in an open, fearless way. The film's lead actress, Bobby-Lynne, is sexually voracious and dating her black co-star, Jackson. Lorraine, the production's quiet boom mic operator and RJ's girlfriend, spontaneously decides to have sex on-camera. RJ freaks out about this, threatening to abandon the cast and crew at the farm house, which is just one way “X” speaks to the inevitable backlash to this era of open sexually expressive. Pearl calls Maxine a whore and religious sermons, speaking to the decadence and depravity of the world, play frequently in the background. All throughout the film, there's this suggesting of a shifting cultural landscape. Jackson is a Vietnam veteran, while Howard is a vet of an earlier war, for another example of the changing times – of the past resenting the present – that the movie is about.

Yet West is smart enough to not make the villains simply puritanical gatekeepers, killing young pornographers for violating their moral code. Pearl has a sexual appetite herself, that her husband discourages because of his weak heart. Her murders are partially inspired by the crew, first Maxine and then RJ, rejecting her advances. “X's” psycho-biddy desires the sexually free youngsters as much as she resents them. The camera often lingers on the wrinkly old bodies of Pearl and Howard, in contrast to the tight, toned bodies of the porn actors. These young people have freedoms Pearl's generation never had but they also have something we're all going to run out of someday: Youth. We, as humans, are always eager to hold onto and recapture our younger days, which is why Pearl's hunger for sex (and murder) randomly revitalizes at this point in time. 

The decision to have Mia Goth play both Maxine and Pearl links these two characters in a meaningful way. The dow-eyed Goth plays Maxine as a girl desperate to prove herself, obsessed with becoming a star. Her decision to become a pornographic actress, as well as her habit of sniffing coke throughout, can't help but make us imagine a sad end for her. Meanwhile, there's Pearl, a woman locked in a house in the middle of nowhere. She decorates her bedroom with rotting baby dolls, an audience that can't judge or mock her. Howard says Pearl has had troubles in the past. What happened to this woman to bring her to this point? “X's” final scene gives us more insight into Maxine's past and it becomes clear she's trying to escape repressive circumstances too. These two women, separated by time and space, are both desperate to be wanted, to be touched and validated and loved. 

West cooks these intriguing ideas into a flawlessly executed slasher story. His camera moves sensually over the characters' bodies but also over their camera equipment or, in one scene, a suggestively shaped meal the group is eating. That's just a good example of how tightly shot and cut “X” is. It's murder scenes are suspensefully assembled, a man peering through a peephole being an especially notable moment. There's plenty of style to be had too, when a stabbing scene set to “Don't Fear the Reaper” creates some red-tinted visuals in a clever way. The presence of an alligator in a lake is nicely set-up in a dreamy earlier scene but still catches the viewer off-guard later. Like all quality slashers, tension rises as the cast is cleaved through and the audience comes to cheer for a heroine fighting off her attackers. A cow gutted on the open early on foreshadows an eventual fate while also presenting the film's dark, sensual fixation on the flesh. 

“X” can only be considered a proud return to the screen for Ti West. The deliberate, mumblecore-influenced style of his earlier movies has grown into something more polished and cinematic. He knows how to deliver on the crowd-pleasing elements slasher fans crave but hasn't lost his ability to generate the specific ambiance he specialized in. The film is brilliantly assembled, in terms of direction and production values, while digging at deeper ideas in a way that doesn't spoon-feed the audience. It's a damn fine slasher flick and a lot more, that excels at tickling the lizard brain while providing us with plenty to think about and wraps it all in some spectacular style. [9/10]


Jules Verne was a groundbreaking innovator that helped birth the science fiction genre as we know it. He also wasn't above paying homage to his influences. In 1867, he would write “In Search of the Castaways,” his take on the deserted island premise that was widely influenced by “Robinson Crusoe.” In 1870, Verne would write “The Mysterious Island,” which functioned as both a sequel to “Search of the Castaways” and “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” It was also another take on a story about castaways stranded on an isolated island. In 1961, Columbia – likely spurned-on by the success of Disney's 1954 film version of "Leagues" – would adapt this Verne sequel to silver screens. Ray Harryhausen was then hired to add a bunch of giant animals to it, pushing the film into the realm of sci-fi creature feature.

During the American Civil War, a group of Union soldiers escape a Confederate prisoners-of-war camp. The group, led by Captain Cyrus Harding, leap into a balloon as a storm rages through the area. The five men – which include Spillet, a war reporter, and Pencroft, one of the Confederate guards – are blown far out to sea. They land on a seemingly uncharted island. The features of this mysterious isle includes enormous animals, pirates, and an active volcano. The men manage to survive, even finding a duo of female castaways. They soon discover that Captain Nemo, of the legendary Nautilus, has been observing and assisting them. 

There's a reason why Verne's “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” is regarded as a literary classic while “The Mysterious Island” has been largely forgotten by history. It's not that good of a novel, with a heavily episodic plot that is littered with cheap deus ex machinas. Unfortunately, Cy Endfield's film adaptation decides to largely maintain that structure. In the book, it's eventually revealed that the items that castaways need keep washing up on the beach because Captain Nemo has been secretly helping them. In the movie, this is just implied and still doesn't explain why a pair of comely English ladies wash up too. The movie has a shaggy pacing, navigating from one incident to the next. Whether it be pirates, oversized critters, and a volcanic eruption, “Mysterious Island' simply limps from one set-piece to the next, without ever building much in the way of momentum.

“Mysterious Island” probably proves duller than expected because its cast never quite rises to the level of compelling. Michael Craig's Captain Harding is a standard, cocksure hero type. Michael Callan costars as Herbert, the younger officer who has to prove himself. It's a mildly compelling arc that is abruptly abandoned midway through the film. English actor Percy Herbert plays the confederate soldier, boasting an extremely strange attempt at a Southern accent. Of the women, Beth Rogan makes the biggest impression largely because she spends most of the movie in a home-made miniskirt. The film perks up considerably once Herbert Lom, as a studied and serious Captain Nemo, enters the story. Yet far too much of “Mysterious Island” is devoted to following an underwhelming cast playing forgettable characters.

If all of this is true, why is “Mysterious Island” regarded by some aging monster kids as a classic? It's entirely thanks to Ray Harryhausen's stop motion creature effects. The film completely comes to life any time Harryhausen's miraculous work takes center stage. The sequence involving the giant crab is fantastic fun, the massive crustacean's eyes and jaws twitching as it snaps huge claws at the humans. The way the critter is defeated, and then disposed of, is probably the movie's funniest joke. The screenwriters must've been aware of this, as they repeat that gag with the second huge monster the crew encounters. That's a prehistoric terror-bird, that looks a lot like a giant chicken. Again, it's another vividly animated beast that seamlessly interacts with the human cast. The best Harryhausen creation in the film is actually the giant bee. Its jerking wings and mandibles show an amazing degree of expression. I wish the enormous nautilus shell creature that randomly appears in the film's climax got a little more to do though. 

The best films Harryhausen worked on balanced story, character, and his show-stopping Dynamation effects. Some of them, however, cannot build a compelling plot or cast around the bad-ass monster scenes. “The Mysterious Island” is probably the weakest of the Harryhausen projects I've reviewed thus far. It needed a much sturdier script and far more of Herbert Lom as Captain Nemo to be a real classic. Yet you simply can't overstate how fucking cool Harryhausen's contribution is. Those scenes essentially save the movie and briefly take a film that probably would've been totally tedious and occasionally makes it a highly entertaining motion picture. [6/10]



One Step Beyond: The Death Waltz

“One Step Beyond” distinguished itself from other anthology shows by claiming its fantastical tales were true stories. Even when they were obviously myths that had circulated far and wide. This is certainly the case with “The Death Waltz.” The episode is set during the Apache Wars of the 1860s. It follows Lillie, a vain general's daughter who enjoys toying with men's hearts. A young lieutenant named Eustace is hopelessly in love with her but Lillie prefers the more handsome Lieutenant Buchanan. Eustace leaves suddenly in the middle of the night at Lillie's urging, assuring her he'd march through Hell to return. He dies in an ambush. At a ball, soon afterwards, Lillie is happy to dance with Buchanan... And is stunned when Eustace appears.

The urban legend being adapted in “The Death Waltz” is more commonly known as the Dancing Devil story. In most tellings of the tale, the dashing beau that sweeps the maiden off her feet is revealed to be the devil himself when everyone notices his cloven hooves. The demon is then chased off, sometimes taking someone's soul with him. I guess the traditional story was deemed either too demonic or not suitably ironic for “One Step Beyond.” Instead, it becomes a ghost story of karmic revenge. Lillie thinks she can manipulate men however she wants but supernatural justice is visited upon her. The episode adds a decent layer of spookiness to its telling. Eustace's return is foreshadowed by his voice echoing through the night at Lillie. The final waltz, foretold in the title, is dramatically pulled off. 

“The Death Waltz” is probably most notable for being a pre-”Bewitched” starring role for Elizabeth Montgomery. It's definitely amusing to see “Bewitched's” Samantha playing a cold-hearted seductress who gleefully manipulates men. She's certainly the exact kind of character you like to see get punished for her crimes. It's a sturdy bit of ghostly fun, if largely undistinguished. The more of “One Step Beyond” I watch, the more I realize why it never really caught on. Host John Newman is always stone-faced and slightly sentimental, which compares negatively to the philosophical intoning of Rod Serling or the glib gallows humor of Alfred Hitchcock. Still, “The Death Waltz” is reasonable entertaining for fans of urban legends who can tolerate stodgy old TV. [7/10]





In “A Walk on the Mild Side,” Herman is stressed because Grandpa's experiments – an attempt to build an enlarging ray – are raising the household electrical bills. He goes for walks in the park at night to clear his mind before bed. When he's spotted by people, at the same time a mugger is attacking women, the police become concerned a fiendish monster is stalking the park. In “Rock-A-Bye Munster,” Herman and Grandpa eavesdrop on Lily and Marilyn while discussing babysitting the family doctor's child. The men misinterpret the conversation as meaning Lily is pregnant again. Lily also plans to buy Herman a car for his birthday, further confusing her husband with talks of an incoming surprise.

“A Walk on the Mild Side” balances some the central joke of the series with some delightfully goofy sight-gags. Obviously, Herman doesn't realize he's the monster in the park everyone is talking about. In fact, he dismisses a belief in monsters all together. When attacked by the police, he believes that's the mysterious beast, leading to an amusingly oversized reaction. Another moment, when Grandpa is working on his machine, causes the household objects to go berserk. That's the silliest scene in the episode and the one that got the biggest laugh from me. The police subplot features some good, goofy stuff – such as the police chief's habits with his pet bird or a loose ceiling tile – but concludes with an unfortunate cross-dressing joke. The plot wraps up in a nicely satisfying manner, even if the B-plot about Grandpa's growth ray never quite pays off.

While the third episode is more about the Munsters reacting with normal people, “Rock-A-Bye Munster” focuses entirely on interaction within the family. The episode gets a lot of mileage out of the ever-fruitful comedic device of a conversation with two meanings. Herman's baffled reactions to Lily's matter-of-fact statements, when he believes she's talking about their incoming child, makes for some wonderful laughs. The plot threads weave together nicely in the final act, where Herman mistakes the other boy's toy for his new child. Honestly, I'm impressed by how structurally sound the scripts for this old, goofy sitcom can be. There's also a very silly guest appearance from Paul Lynde, as the near-sighted doctor, and the episode concludes by introducing the beloved Munsters Koach. Cause what's a pop-art sixties TV show without a cool car? [A Walk on the Mild Side: 7/10 / Rock-A-Bye Munster: 7/10]

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