Halloween 2021: September 30th

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1988)

The end of the eighties was fast approaching. While the “Friday the 13th” films were still making enough to justify continuing the series, each new sequel was grossing less than its predecessor. Paramount went in search of more gimmicks to keep the same-old, same-old slaughter semi-fresh. Rob Hedden, who had previously written and directed several episodes of the Jason-less "Friday the 13th" television series, had a pitch that caught the studio's attention. He wanted to take Jason out of the woods and drop him into the big city, namely Manhattan. Hedden's original vision was ambitious, with sequences set around the Brooklyn Bridge, Madison Square Garden, the Statue of Liberty, and even Broadway. The final film, "Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan," would fall far short of this original plan.

Yes, before you talk about anything else concerning "Jason Takes Manhattan," you have to acknowledge one notorious fact: Most of the movie does not take place in Manhattan. "Jason Takes a Boat" would be a more accurate title, as the first hour is set on the cruise ship taking the teens of Crystal Lake from New Jersey to the Big Apple. Hedden's original script were deemed too expensive, his ideas chipped away at until a single sequence in Times Square remained. The rest of the movie was filmed in Vancouver-posing-as-Manhattan, with the majority of the story now taking place on that fucking boat. There's just no way around the sequel's title making a promise its actual contents can't live up to. Jason on a cruise ship could've been a fun premise in its own right but, by giving NYC top billing, the entire movie feel like a bloated first act with an underwhelming pay-off.

Even if Rob Hedden had been allowed to bring his original screenplay to life, I'm not sure it would've been any good. "Jason Takes Manhattan" has a baffling interpretation of its titular maniac. Throughout the film, final girl Rennie has psychic visions of Jason as a child. He reaches out from a bathroom mirror, peers through a porthole, and appears in a bedroom. This idea climaxes with the film's odd ending, where Jason speaks with a child's voice and has his flesh melted off, until the little boy remains. If Hedden was getting at anything with these scenes, about how Jason is just a scared little boy on the inside or whatever, it's not expanded on in any meaningful way. It's a half-formed idea executed in a dopey manner. 

And this is not the only baffling change to Jason the film makes. The sequel emphasizes the idea that Jason can "teleport" around his location to a ridiculous degree. This is a dumb pop culture meme. Jason knows his way around the woods, his victims don't, and that's why he can always surprise them. But the sequel seemingly makes it canon. Jason chases a guy up a ladder and then appears at the top of the ladder. Someone runs from him, into an abandoned building, and then Jason throws the guy out of the building, before appearing back on the ground. At one point, the killer spontaneously bamfs around a disco whenever his victim moves her head. I can't tell if the filmmakers thought this was funny or scary but it annoys the hell out of me. 

Really, the inconsistent treatment of Jason is just one symptom of "Takes Manhattan's" lackluster screenplay. Hedden's characters range from bland-as-hell to genuinely obnoxious. The film's human villain is Mr. McCulloch, the school's principal and Rennie's legal guardian. He's constantly hateful to the people around him, dismisses the teen's concerns, seems a little too into it when a student tries to seduce him, and is eventually revealed to have almost drowned Rennie as a child. He's a character you just hate looking at, which Patrick Mark Richman's cartoonish performance doesn't help. Another shitty person in the movie is Tamara, the resident mean girl. The way she uses sex appeal to manipulate the men around her, like the principal and videography nerd Wayne, plays like a gross sexist stereotype. There's a difference between cheering when Jason pulls off a cool kill and characters being so utterly despicable, you want them to die immediately. 

Most of the characters who aren't annoying are indistinct. In the deleted scenes, we learn that Miles is a champion high-diver but in the movie, he's just some dude with a dumb haircut. Other than her quickly overcome reluctance to snort coke with Tamara, what quirks does Eva (played by Kelly Hu) have? Some of the teens are such non-entities that the credits simply lists them as "Boxer" or "Crew member." This shallow writing extends to our heroes. Sean is the son of the ship's captain and has some daddy issues. The film tries to give Rennie a proper back story, as she has a phobia of water, two dead parents, and some interest in writing. Yet these ideas never go anywhere. Jensen Daggett and Scott Reeves' stiff performances make this final couple totally bland. The only characters in the movie that stick out are cool black guy Julius and rocker chick J.J. I really like the latter, because she has a fun energy and tries to help Wayne realize Tamara is a bitch. Naturally, she's among the first cast members to die. 

Truthfully, most everything about "Jason Takes Manhattan" is underwhelming. By hiring a television director to make their movie, Paramount got a sequel that looks like a late eighties syndicated TV show: The colors are washed-out, the lighting is overly bright, and the direction is flat. Fred Mollen's score is chintzy. The gore effects are a franchise low-point. The blood is watery. The guts are rubbery. The MPAA's grip on the film was so strong that a slashed throat produces no blood at all. Jason's rotten flesh looks spongey. His face reveal is also among the franchise's worst. His head is gray, lumpy, undefined, and has weirdly block-like mouth. It's awful. 

There are few bright spots here. The movie's languid, going-through-the-motions pacing perks up a little once we finally get to New York. If only because there's some novelty to scenes of Jason on the subway, in an all-night diner, or killing gang members. The film attempts some "Jason Lives!" style humor and it's mostly miscalculated. Jason's deadpan reaction to a hockey billboard or stopping to scare some punks feels totally out-of-character. But the scene where he knocks Julius' head off with a single swing is kind of funny. Hedden's direction does Kane Hodder no favors, making him look short and stocky, but the actor still brings some ferocity to Jason. I like the way he smashes a mirror or slams his head through a porthole. 

Truthfully, "Jason Takes Manhattan" is probably my least favorite film in the series. For all its obnoxious excess, "A New Beginning" was weird and fitfully funny. This film feels exhausted and artless in comparison. Audiences agreed – or were properly disappointed  that so little of the movie was actually set in Manhattan – and "Part VII" had the weakest box office of the series up to this point. The eighties were over and "Friday the 13th" had finally run out of steam with it. [5/10]

The Penalty (1920)

I guess I'm just in the mood for silent films recently. Yesterday, I watched a 102 old movie and, today, I watched a 101 year old movie. “The Penalty” was one of the films that established Lon Chaney as the master of make-up of the silent screen. To play the role of a double amputee crime boss, he tied his own legs up and hobbled around on his knees. The excruciatingly painful process showed the commitment Chaney was willing to go to create a realistic character. Upon learning this information in a documentary, years ago, I had to seek out the film. The only copy I could find at the time was a public domain disc with a horrendously bad electronic soundtrack. That made it tricky to enjoy the film. Luckily, I recently came into possession of the Kino-Lobor Blu-Ray release of the film, which is much nicer and prompted this re-watch.

A boy has his legs unnecessarily amputated by a novice doctor. Though the doctor insists the procedure had to be done, the boy knows the truth. He grows up to be Blizzard, the vicious crime lord who rules over San Francisco's underworld. The police send a female detective named Rose undercover into Blizzard's criminal empire. She gains his trust and plays the piano peddles while he works the keys. At the same time, Blizzard uncovers the daughter of the doctor who perform the surgery on him. He forces himself into her life, by posing for her latest artistic project: A bust of Satan. It's all a ruse for Blizzard to finally enact his grisly revenge on the man who took away his legs.

Blizzard the legless mobster easily fits the character types Lon Chaney would become most famous for throughout his career. Like the Phantom of the Opera, he's a cruel and brilliant villain. Yet, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, there's also something pathetic about him. When his romantic advances towards the doctor's daughter are rejected, he's initially enraged. This only results in him falling to the ground and hobbling around as he attempts to regain his balance. Humbled by this humiliation, he quietly admits that no woman has ever loved him and apologizes for his rashness. Blizzard is another Gothic grotesque, who endears both fear and sympathy in the viewer. Chaney is, of course, magnificent in the part. His hyper-expressive face is especially well used when posing for the bust of Satan. With just a wicked grin, you totally believe that he's the perfect model for the job. (Blizzard, of course, relates to Milton's Satan, what with the choosing to reign in Hell and all that.)

After reading the above plot synopsis, you might be thinking “That doesn't sound much like a horror movie.” And you're right. “The Penalty” is mostly a crime drama. However, the film has just enough macabre elements to push it towards the marginal side of the horror genre. Blizzard's base of operations is outfitted with secret passageways and trap doors, a bit like Erik the Phantom's lair. Mostly, the horror elements emerge from Blizzard's endgame: He wants the doctor to chop the legs off the movie's boring hero and graft them to his stumps. If this movie was made in the next decade, this touch of mad science and disturbing horror definitely would've been the main focus of the film.

However, this movie was made in 1920 and that's very obvious at times. An extensive subplot involves Blizzard stirring up unrest among the Reds. As in, the left-wing workers of the area. Most of whom are explicitly stated to be immigrants! The movie never once suggests that this underrepresented and overworked class is, perhaps, totally justified in being angry. It's instead depicted totally as part of the scheme of the unhinged villain. Obviously, Blizzard's physical deformity represents his twisted mind. That's the kind of subtext that was common in all sorts of stories for decades but is now, obviously, grossly insensitive. Yet this is resolved with the kind of last minute plot twist you really only see in 1920s melodramas: It turns out Blizzard isn't evil, he has brain damage! Which the doctor then fixes, turning Blizzard into a practical living saint. I'm not sure, exactly, how this reveal is offensive but it definitely is. If nothing else, it's very awkward from a writing perspective.

Of course, the film's status as a silent melodrama means it also has a love triangle and an almost hilariously sappy finale, which restores a moral balance to this universe. On the plus side, “The Penalty” is also a Pre-Code movie, so its violence is surprisingly frank and there's even some brief nudity. “The Penalty” resembles “West of Zanzibar” a little but director Wallace Worsley - who would also make “Ace of Hearts” and “Hunchback” with Chaney – is no Todd Browning. I don't know how good “The Penalty” is when taken on its own merits, especially to horror fans. Lon Chaney's performance is so fantastic though that it really makes the entire movie work seeing. Chaney elevates everything around him and turns “The Penalty” into a minor classic. [7/10]

'Way Out: False Face

“The Twilight Zone” and “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” would both prove to be successful shows, so in 1961, someone at CBS had the idea to combine the two premises. What if we had a droll Englishman famous for his work in another medium – in this case, Roald Dahl – presenting different stories of horror and science fiction every week? The resulting show, “'Way Out,” was canceled after one thirteen episode season. The program quickly slipped into obscurity but ten episodes survive, surfacing on YouTube in recent years. Episode seven, “False Face,” is especially notable as an early writing credit for Larry Cohen.

“False Face” follows Michael Drake, a celebrated actor of the stage. His latest starring role is Quasimodo. In hopes of adding realism to his performance, he finds a real deformed man. A drunken vagrant who has lived a miserable life, largely because of his hideously deformed face, he agrees to Drake's idea only because he's paid. Drake models his own make-up after the man's face and gives a lauded performance... But notices afterwards that he can't remove the make-up. That his face has seemingly changed permanently. He attempts to find the man, facing the same sort of discrimination he did.

“False Face” is an easily understood moral tale. Drake is a rich man who considers the homeless as non-entities, not much more than objects whose services he can buy just as easily. When the deformed man is telling his tale of woe, Drake barely even listens. Cohen's script makes this point without getting too preachy about it. There's a certain grim inevitability to the easily predicted twist, the viewer's sympathy even lying with Drake before it's over. This is furthered by the tight, intimate visual style of the show. The acting is pretty hammy but the make-up is effectively grotesque. Dahl's wraparounds are amusingly sardonic, clearly aping the black humor of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents'” host segments. Even though its place in genre history is minor and obscure, I might check out more of “'Way Out,” based on the quality of this one. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Encipher

Here's the good news about episode ten of "Godzilla Singular Point:" It actually features Godzilla. Not a pupa stage that looks like some other kaiju and not a thirty second clip of him. The episode concludes with a sequence of Godzilla, in his final form, rampaging through Tokyo. There's even a pretty cool sequence of him charging up his Atomic Breath and blasting through several buildings, reducing them to molten slag in the process. The Ifukube theme blares, with a neat tribal chant added to it. It's really cool and I can't help but wonder why this cartoon show, that doesn't have to worry about realism or actors in rubber suits on physical sets, didn't do something like this at the beginning, instead of the end, of the season.

This isn't the only kaiju action in the episode. It begins with Godzilla, in his Gorosaurus-inspired stage, fighting a giant-sized Rodan. But that fight is over in about a minute, after Godzilla uses his ring-shaped breath attack to knock Rodan out of the air. There's also a sequence where an enormous Salunga escapes from captivity and wrecks a city in India. That scene concludes with the Diagonalyzer turning the Red Dust around the monster into giant spikes, an admittedly cool image. But it doesn't change the impression that Salunga is this show's Poochie: A much-hyped new character, that the show runners definitely thought was more interesting than the viewers, that ended up not doing much. 

Otherwise, it's business as usual. That means lots of rambling and dissecting of the incomprehensible science behind the show's fantastical events. Yun and Kato return to the house from the first episode, which they now realize is Aisihara's old home. They uncover more of the scientist's notes, which contains a number string that can be decoded into specific conversations Yun and Mei had, fifty years before they happened. It's already been established by now that Aisihara figured out how to use math to predict the future, so I don't know why this is treated like a big reveal. 

The one interesting bit of backstory we get in this episode is that Aisihara's home was attacked by a Godzilla during the war, which began his obsession with weird science. That's were the skeleton in the first episode came from. But because "Singular Point" is so incredibly obtuse, this encounter is recounted only in dialogue. Gee, it sure would've been cool to actually see these things happen! Did the people making this show not realize animation is a visual medium? Anyway, the Godzilla stuff was cool and that's the sole reason I'm still watching this nerdy bullshit. [6/10]

Halloween 2021: September 29th

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1987)

"Friday the 13th" remained a reliable money-maker for Paramount all throughout the eighties. Still, by the second half of the decade, box office receipts were steadily declining. After selling previous entries on gimmicks like 3-D, Jason's death, and Jason's return, the execs went in search of a new stunt to distinguish part seven. For years, I've heard rumors that "The New Blood" was originally meant to be the mythical "Freddy Vs. Jason" movie. That always sounded like bullshit to me, as Freddy had only appeared in two movies by the time part seven entered development. Yet "Crystal Lake Memories" and other sources confirmed it to be true. When New Line and Paramount obviously couldn't work something out, the studio went in search of a different new foe for Crystal Lake's resident maniac. 

But before we really get into the guts of "Part VII," I want to talk about this series' fucked-up timeline. The original takes place in 1979, as eagle-eyed fans have spotted dates in the background. Parts two, three, and four take place on subsequent days, explicitly five years later. So in 1984. After that, the series jumped ahead an indeterminate amount of time, Tommy aging from a young boy to an older teenager. Which puts us in about the late eighties or early nineties. "Jason Lives!" is sometime after that, usually accepted to be a year or so, putting the series into the Bush I era when reality was still wrapping up the Reagan years.

"The New Blood" begins with little Tina Shepherd killing her dad in a telekinesis accident on the dock of Crystal Lake. The film then jumps ahead an unknown amount of time but probably around ten years or so, as Tina is now a teenager. We see Jason under the water in this flashback, which means the majority of "The New Blood" happens around the start of the new millennium! This is hard to believe, considering the teens here are still rocking pastels, Crockett pants, and big hairdos. I don't think these kids know what the internet or a Pokémon is. It's easier to believe there's a weirdo time warp at the bottom of Crystal Lake than this movie happens during my high school years. Maybe this birthday party is retro-themed and these kids are really committed to the bit? Or maybe we can just accept the filmmakers didn't think this through, dismiss Jason's earlier appearance as a continuity error, and allow this film to take place in the decade it was obviously shot in. 

Anyway, none of that shit is important. "The New Blood" is often nicknamed "Jason Vs. Carrie" and that's about accurate. Like Sissy Spacek's traumatized teen, Tina's mind powers are triggered by emotion. Her attempts to raise her dear dead dad from Crystal Lake brings up Jason instead. This leads us to assume Jason somehow represents her trauma over her father's death. By using her psychic powers to fight Jason, she's learning to accept her strange abilities and overcome her grief. The movie tries to give this idea the proper treatment. Tina, played by an acceptable but unspectacular Lar Park Lincoln, does successfully reconcile with her dad to defeat Jason at the end. Yet it is, not surprisingly, pretty half-assed. Especially since Tina's dad is explicitly a wife-beater, which makes me think she was probably better off without him. 

The reason the sequel can't give Tina's arc any real depth is because it's a "Friday the 13th" movie and it has to introduce a dozen other youths for Jason to slaughter. Most of these kids are just bodies for Jason to destroy, with nothing much in the way of personality. Russell being a prep or Ben and Kate being the black couple is about par the course for this one. A few are a little more fleshed out. I like nerdy girl Maddie, who is so insecure that she completely redoes her look to get some male attention. The object of her affection is, for whatever reason, stoner David. (His attention is focused on the cute, redheaded but otherwise indistinct Robin.) Maybe she should've looked at sci-fi nerd Eddie, the sequel's most endearingly goofy character. If they had hooked up, perhaps she would’ve gained a little self-esteem and he would learn to respect women and not call them the c-word. I wish these sequels had the balls to just make characters like these the heroes, instead of generic hunks-of-meat like final boy Nick. 

"The New Blood" does do one interesting thing with its cast of victims. Jason, an inhuman zombie who kills on instinct by this point, isn't really the villain. Instead, Dr. Crews and Melissa are the real antagonists. Crews is Tina's manipulative psychologist, who drags her and her mom out to a pair of cabins on the lake. (I like to think it's the same homes from "The Final Chapter.") He's played with scumbag glee by Terry Kiser, otherwise known as the Bernie that weekend was at. Melissa, meanwhile, is the rich bitch mean girl who cruelly bullies Tina and manipulates Eddie. These are the characters in the film we really hate and it's satisfying when Jason weed-whacks or axes them. As much as I like Jason acting as a force of nature, weaving him in and out of the film to kill at random, the script cutting between the remaining characters gives the first hour of the movie seriously shaggy pacing. 

But why am I complaining about shit like character arcs and pacing in a "Friday the 13th" movie? That shows my priorities, not the movie's, are fucked-up. Truthfully, "The New Blood" is still highly entertaining. It understands that these movies are about Jason looking cool and fucking people up. The movie is directed by late great creature effects wiz, John Carl Buechler. And Buechler directs like an effects man. The murder scenes were severely cut back, so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of the MPAA. The uncut footage still survives, however, and it's glorious. A head crushing and sleeping bag smashing are fantastically over-the-top. Buechler makes sure Jason – rendered as a beautifully grotesque rotten zombie – always looks as cinematic and striking as possible. He mostly shoots Ol' Hockey-Head from low angles, to make him look as huge and powerful as possible. That's a great idea more of the sequels should've utilized.

The combination of strong direction, awesome make-up, and Kane Hodder's lumbering performance makes Jason more intimidating than ever. Which makes the last third, where Tina unleashes her psychic fury on the unstoppable killer, all the more exciting. Jason truly meets his match here. Tina electrocutes him, drops a porch on him, crushes his head with his mask straps, smashes a light fixture over his head, slams him through some stairs, shoots nail at him, and even sets him on fire. The sequel veering towards special effects-driven action mayhem is most evident in its decision to include a giant explosion. From a technical perspective, "The New Blood" is the most elaborate "Friday" yet. All of this stuff is executed beautifully and the movie earns a lot of points for its ambitions. I also like the synth additions composer Fred Mollen makes to the usual Henry Manfredini cues. 

I really enjoy the last half-hour of "The New Blood." Buechler turning "Friday the 13th" into an extended effects/stunts reel is probably a good approach, since that's basically what the movies were at this point anyway. I do wish it was a little tighter paced and invested a bit more time into its characters and mythology, like "Jason Lives!" did. Still, it's a good time for eighties horror nerds. The movie was divisive in the fandom for years, disliked largely by people who miss the series' grounded roots, but most have come around to it. If nothing else, it's generally agreed that this is the coolest Jason has ever looked. [7/10]

Eerie Tales (1919)

Unheimliche Geschichten

A couple of years ago, I reviewed “Waxworks,” an early example of an omnibus feature whose stories veered towards the macabre or uncanny. Yet that 1922 film wasn't the earliest horror anthology movie. In fact, it wasn't even the first horror anthology movie that starred Conrad Veidt! Robert Oswalt's “Eerie Tales” predates the more famous film by four years. (Which makes it 102 years old now.) “Eerie Tales” seems to be the first movie of this type ever made, meaning this is the humble well from which “Dead of Night,” Amicus, and “Creepshow” sprung. Despite its significant place in horror history, it's a movie not often discussed today. Let's take a look and see it we can figure out why.

After a book shop owner locks up for the night, portraits of the Devil, Death, and a Prostitute spring to life. They read stories of the macabre to pass the time. In “The Apparition,” a man becomes smitten with a woman he meets in a hotel. When he visits her room, he's shocked to discovered it's empty. “The Hand” follows a man who kills his romantic rival for a ballerina, only to be haunted by the ghost of his victim. In “The Black Cat,” a drunkard murders his wife and entombs her in the wall, unaware he's walled up her pet cat as well. “The Suicide Club” has a detective investigating a secret society where playing cards decide who will live and who will die. Finally, “The Spook” has an aristocrat engineering a haunting to scare off a visitor trying to seduce his wife. 

Though undoubtedly a minor work in the history of the movement, “Eerie Tales” is a silent film still dripping with creepy German Expressionistic atmosphere. The first two segments especially benefit from this. The scene where Conrad Veidt discover his would-be girlfriend's apartment is desolate and abandoned is full of wispy shadows and slanting architecture. Another moment, where the woman's deranged ex-husband peers through a train window, is fittingly nightmarish. “The Hand,” meanwhile, similarly uses lighting and early cinematic effects to make rather ominous visuals. Like a ghostly hand poking out from behind a curtain or footprints appearing spontaneously in the snow. These segments open “Eerie Tales” on a strong note that the other episodes are unable to top.

In fact, the second half of this anthology starts to drag pretty quickly. This rendition of “The Black Cat” is a bit too slowly paced and lacks the insight into the killer's mind Poe's story gave us. If not for the memorable visual of the cat clawing its way out of the wall, it would be altogether forgettable. Similarly, “The Suicide Club” – loosely adapted from a Robert Louis Stevenson story – does not have the spookiness of the earlier stories. Its plot relies on a ludicrous plot twist and we never get a bead on any of the characters. Save for a neat set featuring some skeletons and a giant clock, and some cool shots of Conrad Veidt grinning evilly, it's probably the weakest segment in the whole film.

The only story in “Eerie Tales” not adapted from popular literature is its concluding episode. It was written by the director and that's bold of Richard Oswald, to put his name beside Poe or Stevenson. “The Spook” is a farce told in rhyming verse, which is admittedly something I've never seen in a silent movie before. It's the shortest segment in the film, with some goofy period costumes and an amusing pay-off. Even that story contains the spooky image of ghosts in black robes entering a room. Still, “Eerie Tales” is kind of long for a silent horror movie, with most prints running around 100 minutes. If I was going to cut a segment, it probably would've been this one as it doesn't quite fit the feature's connecting theme.

“Eerie Tales” does have a neat gimmick. The actors playing the three prominent figures in the framing device – Veidt as Death, Reinhold Schünzel as Satan, and Anita Berber as the Harlot – also star in each segments. From a modern perspective, the acting would be considered pretty hammy. Veidt and Schünzel vamp wildly anytime they express shock or fear. There's a lot of wide-eyed stares and expressive hand motions in this movie. Yet I find theatrical performances like this tend to suit silent movies, which are more dream-like than talkies by their very nature. In a sometimes comical horror film, this style is even more easily accepted. And if anyone can get away with an over-the-top silent performance, it was Conrad Veidt. His sinister smile and gazing eyes were made for the format.

Having more forgettable stories than good ones is probably why “Eerie Tales” has slipped into obscurity, even among cinema fans. It seems pre-1920s films just aren't discussed as much. Yet I found myself reasonably entertained by it. The spooky atmosphere of those first two episodes go a long way. So does the sight of Conrad Veidt camping it up as a gothy grim reaper. Director Oswald would create a loose sound remake in 1932, entitled “The Living Dead,” with “The Golem's” Paul Wegener stepping into the lead role. Even if “Eerie Tales” is fairly flawed, I'm intrigued enough to add that remake to my watch-list. The original has some spooky moments, enough to overcome its dragging second half. [7/10]

Thriller: The Cheaters

The sixties anthology series “Thriller,” hosted by the always astute Boris Karloff, is often overlooked but produced a few classic episodes. “The Cheaters,” based on a short story by Robert Bloch, definitely meets that criteria. The episode begins with a 19th century inventor creating a pair of spectacles from specialized glass. Upon putting them on and looking at his reflection, he went mad and killed himself. A century later, the glasses are rediscovered by a junk dealer. The glasses seemingly grant anyone who wears them the power to hear other people's thoughts. A series of individuals – the aforementioned junk dealer, an elderly old woman, and a man dressed up as Benjamin Franklin at a costume party – all discover people are plotting to kill them upon wearing the glasses. Soon, each one is struck dead too. At the finale, a man theorizes about the spectacles' ability and decides to try them on himself, with horrifying consequences. 

"The Cheaters" – the title seemingly comes from a sequence set around a poker game – is an anthology episode that is itself structured like an anthology film. We get three brief stories and even a framing device. (The episode begins and ends with people putting on the glasses and looking in a mirror.) The way the glasses' powers are depicted, by casting the actors' faces in shadows and having their thoughts play out as distorted echoes, is effective. There's an implication here that the glasses' ability isn't to make you privy to what people are thinking, as the inscription of “Veritas” – Latin for “Truth” – would have you assume. Instead, it seems the glasses curse the wearer to commit murder and then die themselves. Watching these three acts of violence play out, one after the other, gives you the uneasy feeling that all of this death could've been easily avoided. It's then followed-up with a hell of an ending, where a truly shocking sight faces the man who looks at his own reflection. I didn't entirely understand “The Cheaters'” ending but it's a chilling image to go out on. This is definitely the best episode of “Thriller” I've seen thus far. [8/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Erumpent

“Godzilla Singular Point” is starting to repeat itself. “Erumpent” – there's no way I'm not reading that title as "Elephant" – begins with Godzilla busting out of is cocoon, resembling his traditional form a little more. The JSDF drops some bombs until he encases himself in another cocoon and is removed from the story yet again. In a totally different location, Yun and Jet Jaguar attempt to fight off the horde of Kumonga while rescuing as many of the spiders' human captives as possible. In London, Mei goes to a video conference and attempts to explain her research about the Aisihara Catastrophe and super calculators. They then have to evacuate the London area, as Rodans begin to attack the city. 

I've given up on Godzilla doing anything important in “Singular Point” until the very end of the series. Instead, this show would much rather confuse and annoy us with its theoretical science and impossible lore. You know things are bad when the show devotes an extended scene to one of the characters attempting to explain what the hell is going on. This, of course, only managed to confuse me more. I've completely given up on understanding this show. “Singular Point's” unfailing devotion to its impenetrable ideas is best displayed in a moment here. In the middle of being chased by giant spiders, Yun gets a massive text message dump from Mei about whatever the hell she's learning. “Singular Point' then pauses in the middle of the action to focus on a lengthy text conversation in which its heroes dissect this pseudo-scientific nonsense in as dense a way as possible. Who fucking does that?

As absolutely aggravating as “Singular Point's” focus on its own bullshit is, this show has just enough cool kaiju stuff to keep me from totally hating it. The sequence of Jet Jaguar fighting off the Kumonga is fairly exciting. There's a well animated moment where the robot spins through the air, slicing through the spiders as they attack. The Rodan attack in London is mildly suspenseful, as Li attempts to rescue a cat in the middle of the monster attack. I wouldn't do that but I can understand why someone else might. I recently learned “Singular Point” was written by an actual physicist, which might explain the show's general structure. Lure the viewer in with the promise of monsters doing cool shit and slowly tease out all the neat ideas the series actually has, while bogging every other minute down with this hard sci-fi bullshit. The final image of this episode seems to suggest “Singular Point” may be arriving at its point soon but, frankly, I'm skeptical. [5/10]

Halloween 2021: September 28th

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives! (1986)

“Friday the 13th: A New Beginning” still opened in first place at the box office but it dropped off steeply in its second weekend, ultimately grossing eleven million less than the previous installment. (Which was still a substantial profit against its 2.2 million dollar budget.) While there are a number of explanations for this – the perceived quality of the movie, people annoyed that part four wasn't really the final chapter, the general decline of the slasher genre – Paramount execs zeroed in on one complaint: The lack of the real Jason Voorhees. The studio made sure audiences knew that the next “Friday the 13th” definitely had Jason in it. The subtitle announced his return and the entire trailer was built around this resurrection. The resulting film remains a fan favorite and is widely considered one of the best in the series.

The director hired to revive the Hockey Masked One was Tom McLaughlin, previously of clever zombie flick “One Dark Night.” McLaughlin has admitted to not really being a fan of the slasher genre. He also figured, after five movies, the series had slipped into self-parody anyway. For these reasons and more, McLaughlin decided playing “Jason Lives!” for laughs was the best approach. The humor often leans on the fourth wall. Characters, once or twice, reference being in a horror movie. A caretaker asks what kind of sickos enjoy this stuff like while looking directly into the camera. A scene is cut in such a way that it appears children are calling someone a fart head. There's even a little bit of social commentary, when a group of businessmen on a paintball trip – including an aggravated, macho type – are incensed that a woman is allowed to play among them. They all wear bandannas with the word “Dead' right before Jason strikes them down. 

The goofy humor goes hand-in-hand with “Jason Lives!” embracing the improbable. Jason Voorhees is resurrected via lightning bolt, in one of several nods to Universal's “Frankenstein” films. This turns him into a super-strong zombie that can do pretty much anything. He lobs off three heads at once. He shoves a girl into a wall, perfectly imprinting her face into the metal. Jason performs other impossible feats like bending a man in half, effortlessly ripping out Horshack's heart, and triumphantly emerging from a wrecked RV. The movie acknowledges Jason's superhero-like standing among fans by slotting the killer into a riff on the James Bond gun barrel sequence early on. It's an amusing choice. Turning Jason into a zombified super-slasher is such a natural decision for the series that I'm shocked it didn't happen until part six. 

As much humor and exaggerated scenarios are in “Jason Lives!,” what really makes the movie work is that McLaughlin and his team take the titular murderer totally seriously. C.J. Grahams, a 6”2 former marine, brings a Terminator-like intensity to the role of Jason. His stiff posture suggests an unmovable object and he is properly intimidating. The movie also respects the mythic quality of its iconic villain. There is a quiet, contemplative scene where Jason's legend is recounted. Tommy Jarvis' master plan to defeat Jason involves returning him to the place he originally “died:” Under the waters of Crystal Lake. There's an intuitive, mythic quality to that method of defeat which I really like. Jason is a legend, both inside and outside the movie, and it's nice to see the film acknowledge that.

Precisely because “Jason Lives!” takes the hockey masked maniac so seriously – even allowing him to be something of a comedic straight man, who doesn't know his own strength – it even generates some actual suspense. Raising the stakes considerably is that the camp actually has children in it now. There are actual, terrified and vulnerable kids around as Jason is knocking off the councilors. One of the movie's best moment has Jason stomping into the campers' cabin as they sleep, hovering over a terrified little girl's face. By investing a degree of actual suspense into the story, it makes Jason and Tommy Jarvis' final battle on the burning lake tenser than it otherwise would've been. 

The truth is “Jason Lives!” is stronger than other “Fridays” because we actually care about some of the characters. Tommy, now played by “Return of the Living Dead's” Thom Matthews, is obsessed with Jason. But he's also a normal young man, who reacts with surprised delight when an attractive girl pushes his face into her crotch. Said girl, the rebellious sheriff's daughter, is played by a capable Jennifer Cooke. The chemistry she shares with Matthews powers an otherwise implausible romance. Other likable characters include Sissy, an upbeat and personable councilor, and Cort, a lovably doofy himbo. You're actually sad to see some of these guys go. Even the drunken gravedigger is kind of fun to hang around with!

“Jason Lives!” is not just about slaughter. In fact, most of its graphic gore was heavily trimmed by the rating's board. This neutered otherwise cool effects like the aforementioned triple decapitation. It's got humor and a little bit of heart and also some really nice cinematography. McLaughlin claims gothic horror as an influence and you can see that in the film's images. Such as the iconic shot of Jason putting his hockey mask back on and turning towards the camera. Or an equally lovely first-person perspective sequence of the maniac shoving a spear through a windshield. The night's are beautifully blue-black here, lending the entire film a – dare I say? – classy feeling. If nothing else, “Jason Lives!” is definitely the best looking “Friday the 13th” movie.

Perfectly accompanying the film's self-aware sense of humor is several songs from hair-metal era Alice Cooper. Cooper's own tongue-in-cheek mixture of cartoonish gore and classic horror tropes makes him a perfect match with “Friday the 13th .” Injecting a little humor and some slick visuals into “Friday the 13th” did earn “Jason Lives!” some of the franchise's best reviews. (Though the movie still holds only a 46% on Rotten Tomatoes.) It's also widely beloved by the fanbase, with the film usually residing in the top half of any fan's personal ranking of the films. I think I prefer the harder edged thrills of part four or the decidedly un-self-aware camp of part three. But there's no denying “Jason Lives!” is a lot of fun. [7/10]

Bluebeard (1944)

I will always associate John Carradine with horror films, even though he worked across many genres over the course of his sixty year, 354-credit career. He's probably just as associated with his many western roles as his monster movies. Even working in horror movies, it was rarely in starring roles. Dracula was but one of the headlining monsters in Universal's “House of” movies. He might have gotten prominent billing in the various low-budget schlock shockers he did late in his career but was almost never the star. Among Carradine's few, macabre leading roles is 1944's “Bluebeard.” The actor himself would single this low budget production – made by the notoriously thrifty Producers Releasing Corporation and shot in all of six days – as one of his favorite roles.

Sometime in the early 1900s, the streets of Paris are haunted by a killer. As more bodies of young women are fished out of the Seine, the papers have dubbed him “Bluebeard.” Dressmaker Lucille is cautious of the murderer but is still charmed by Gaston Morrell, who performs popular puppet operas in the park. The two are smitten with each other and he hires her to make some clothes for his puppets... But Morell is actually Bluebeard. Also a popular painter, he murders his models after doing their portraits. When one of his paintings is recognized as Bluebeard's latest victim, the police begin to circle in on Morell. What will become of Lucille when she discovers her new boyfriend's murderous habits?

“Bluebeard” was directed by Edgar G. Ulmer. Back in 1934, he made “The Black Cat,” one of the greatest horror films of a decade that had no shortage of great horror movies. By the forties, Ulmer had been ejected from the studio system and was making low-budget quickies for PRC. Even in this environment, Ulmer could be counted on to produce some striking visuals. Long stretches of “Bluebeard” aren't much to look at but the film occasionally throws in a memorable sight. Such as Notre Dame looming behind Carradine through a window, the famous cathedral looking like sketchy lines. A shot of Carradine brooding in his studio, the shadows of his puppets over top him, is also pretty cool. The film gets more visually expressionistic as it goes on, especially the climatic rooftop foot chase. (Though the overly dark, scratchy public domain copy I watched makes it hard to appreciate that.)

“Bluebeard” is also interesting for being an early serial killer movie. We know from early on that Gaston is the infamous Bluebeard, as we see him strangle his girlfriend after growing attracted to Lucille. It seems portrait painting triggers his murderous streak but he attempts to quit the killing lifestyle for her. Yes, this is a surprisingly sympathetic portrayal of a deranged killer. There's even an extended flashback sequence of him explaining his compulsion, which are rooted in a romantic rejection by his first muse. Hence why portrait painting sets him off. Carradine stares insanely while strangling his victims, the camera lingering on his deranged eyes. Yet his performance is mostly soft-spoken and frustrated, with moments of desperation. It's not the portrayal of a mad strangler you'd expect in 1944.

“Bluebeard” has a lot of obvious strengths but it still feels like the cheap programmer it ostensibly is. The police investigation element of the film is wholly uninvolving. Since we already know who the killer is, there's no intrigue involved in the investigator. Scenes devoted to determining whether the girl in the portrait was one of Bluebeard's victims drag on. A moment wherein a former model is questioned in court, to farcical results, feels especially meandering. The guy they have playing the detective, Nils Asther, is deeply uninteresting. A subplot about Gaston's art agent being aware of his hobby also feels largely unnecessary. I guess what I'm saying is “Bluebeard” is quite interesting, even bold for its time, when its a grim horror/drama about a man compelled to kill. When functioning as a more traditional detective story, it degrades into tedium. 

After this film, Edger G. Ulmer would make “Detour” for PRC, a subversive film-noir masterpiece that easily overcomes its low budget roots. You can't quite say the same thing for “Bluebeard.” The novelty of a movie that attempts to probe the mind of a compulsive killer, made way back in the forties, certainly goes a long way. Ulmer's direction is stylish and Carradine is excellent. Yet the movie is not able to overcome its status as a routine programmer, with a little too much puppet opera in it, made to fill the bottom half of a double bill somewhere.  Still, it wouldn't surprise me if this one gets re-evaluated someday, probably after it gets probably cleaned up and restored by a boutique DVD label or something. Most of the public domain releases out there look pretty lousy. [6/10]

One Step Beyond: If You See Sally

Last September, I watched an episode of “One Step Beyond” – the first American anthology series to claim its tales of the uncanny were based on true stories – and it was pretty good. So here's another one. “If You See Sally,” from the series' 1960 season,  concerns an older married couple living in the American south. Their youngest child, Paul, recently died in a boating accident. The father, in his grief, blames their teenage daughter Sally for the death. She runs away from home and tells her mom to put an ad in the newspaper, telling her to come home, whenever her father forgives her. Five days later, she reads that ad. Leaving work, she catches a ride home with a long-haul trucker. A storm breaks out and the truck crashes but Sally pulls herself from the wreck. That's when, bleeding and dizzy, she hitches a ride with another driver. This man's life is about to change forever.

From the beginning, I assumed “One Step Beyond” based its stories less on quote-unquote “true” accounts of the paranormal and more often on urban legends. This is obviously the case with “If You See Sally.” From its opening minutes, I correctly guessed the episode was an adaptation on the world famous “Vanishing Hitchhiker” legend. Yet, as far as variations on a familiar story goes, this is a decent one. Specifically setting the story in the American south adds some folksy charm to the rendition. The opening scene, of the father forcing the daughter out, is fittingly poignant. So is the idea of him finally forgiving her and asking her to come back home. The final scene, when the familiar twist in this oft-told tale arrives, proves touching without being sappy. This is definitely a supernatural story that veers more towards the heart-touching than the creepy but I still liked it. It's a shame that the copies of “One Step Beyond's” episodes floating around online are of such poor quality. This show needs a proper restoration. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Graftage

“Graftage” begins with the JSDF ready to face off with Godzilla. The kaiju fires his atomic breath at the ground, incinerating a large chunk of the city... And is then encased in a giant cocoon and doesn't do anything for the rest of the episode. Meanwhile, the Red Mist spreads across the ocean to England. Professor Li takes Mei to a massive library full of nothing but Aishihara's notes, with the hope that she'll be the first person to decipher them. In Japan, team Jet Jaguar investigate a Manda that has mysteriously died on a beach. This leads them to what appears to be an enormous spider's nest. That's when a brood of giant spiders – known as Kumongas – attack them. 

I'm officially annoyed by “Singular Point's” obnoxious habit of teasing something cool happening and then immediately pulling back. I think over these first eight episodes, we've gotten exactly two minutes of Godzilla doing anything. This habit has officially begun to feel like trolling. Here, we get a genuinely impressive sequence of Godzilla firing his atomic breath that then takes him out of commission for God knows how much longer. At least the sequence with the Kumongas is kind of fine. Watching Jet Jaguar slice away at the giant spiders is entertaining and you feel like the characters are genuinely in danger here. While I've generally liked “Singular Point's” redesigns of the famous kaiju, I'm not crazy about its take on Kumonga. It looks more like a crustacean than a spider, enough so that I thought it might be Ebirah at first. 

And what does “Singular Point” occupy itself with when not handing out quick bites of monster mayhem? Yet more technobabble, of course! In this episode, Mei becomes convinced Aisihara predicted some sort of super calculator that could predict the future. Or something, I'm not quite following it. There's yet more discussion about the properties of the Archetype molecule, this time involving minor supporting characters whose names I'm not bothering to learn. There's even a random stop-off at the post office! I swear to god, this show has its priorities all fucked up. I did like the scene where Jet Jaguar, now inhabited by one of Yun's A.I.s, plays games with some kids on the sidewalk. That was cute. Definitely the highlight of another frustrating episode of this frustrating series. [5/10]

Halloween 2021: September 27th

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

It must've played like the hackiest of stand-up routines even in 1985. Jason was so hard to kill that he even survived "The Final Chapter," a film marketed entirely around him finally dying for good. But commerce would not be denied and "Friday the 13th Part IV" made 33 million dollars against a 2.6 million dollar budget. Thus "A New Beginning" was conceived. With Jason dead, it was decided to focus Part 5's story on a shock-shelled Tommy Jarvis, the script constantly toying with the possibility that he may become the new killer. Yet the film still has to feature a murderer in a hockey mask, because what was "Friday the 13th" without that at this point? These competing impulses resulted in a film that pleased few fans. "A New Beginning" is usually regarded as the weakest of the "Friday" franchise. Though, as with all these films, some folks have appeared to defend it. 

I actually like the premise of "A New Beginning." Of a seventeen year old Tommy, still reeling from hacking Jason to death years earlier, being in a halfway home for troubled teens. This could've been a way to explore trauma, survivor's guilt, or at least introduce some colorful supporting characters. The film sort of does this but in the most half-ass way possible. Tommy has a couple of nightmares or hallucinations, of Jason looming ominously in the background. How Tommy feels about this, beyond being terrified, is never examined. This is because Tommy, as played by John Shepherd, is practically catatonic. When he isn't staring, with wide-eyed intensity, he's having violent outbursts directed at whoever triggered him. Tommy also isn't in most of the movie, making it hard for us to relate to or understand what he's going through. 

The reason Tommy is kept distant, violent, and obviously disturbed is because “A New Beginning” is attempting to create a mystery here. Much like the original, part five wants to be a whodunit. Also a lot like the original, the script completely fucks that up. There are a number of colorful supporting characters but none are convincing red herrings. While the obvious implications is that Tommy has donned the hockey mask now, you never believe it. That's because there's never any doubt about who our Jason impostor is. The minute Roy the paramedic sees the chopped-up body of Joey, and reacts to the sight with an over-the-top expression of shock and grief, it's obvious he's the killer. Even if the twist wasn't so obvious, it would still be a bullshit ending. Because would we even recognize this random paramedic if the movie didn't make sure we remembered him so vividly?

Most of the grievances directed at the movie hinge on the “imposter Jason” reveal. The movie promises us Jason and then gives us some random dude in a hockey mask, inevitably resulting in the feeling that we've been cheated. Yet this isn't the main reason I think “A New Beginning” puts so many people off. The movie's supporting characters are utterly grotesque. Early on, we meet a developmentally disabled young man – played by the guy who molested Corey Haim – whose quirks are immediately obnoxious. He's then violently hacked to pieces by a ridiculously angry young man, whose eyes bulge out of his head with rage. Shortly afterwards, we meet a backwoods mother and her son, who is also ambiguously on the spectrum. She screams colorful profanity at everyone and later chops up a chicken after fondling it. The son, meanwhile, rides around on a motorcycle while screaming in the most annoying manner possible. So many of the characters in the film are like this. An orderly, later axed while snorting some coke, makes fun of Tommy for no reason. Roy's partner is similarly mean-spirited. 

It's often been said that, in the “Friday the 13th” movies we root for Jason to kill everyone, but “A New Beginning” takes this too far with these annoying characters. Yet the sequel's cavalcade of grotesques are so over-the-top that it eventually kind of wins me over. Look at two key cast members: Demon, played by Miguel A. Núñez Jr. and his unique fashion sense, and his little brother, Reggie the Reckless. Demon is such a bizarre, ridiculous guy that him referencing enchiladas, and the horrible diarrhea it gives him, ranks among his least strange behavior. He sings a bizarre song with his girlfriend before Roy impales him. Reggie, meanwhile, gets a heroic sting on the soundtrack after running the killer over with a tractor. It's all so goofy and weird that I suspect humor was the intended effect. Why else do a pair of anachronistic greasers, who also have unnecessarily profane dialogue, wander into the story just to be killed? 

It's possible director Danny Steinman – previously of “The Unseen” and “Savage Streets” – just had a weird sense of humor. According to “Crystal Lake Memories,” he was also a raging coke-head during the entire production. This explains a lot about “A New Beginning's” manic atmosphere. There's more nudity than in previous installments, a frantic horniness characterizing these moments. (Steinman was also a former pornographer.) This coked-up energy extends to the visual design. Steinman often bathes scenes in neon light. When not doing that, he goes heavy – maybe way too heavy – on the thunder and lightning. Multiple murder scenes are punctuated with bizarre crash-zooms. That might've just been a way to conform to MPAA demanded cuts. Yet it also feels like a deliberate creative choice, that probably seemed like a good idea to a guy on his fifth or sixth line of the night. 

“A New Beginning's” ambiance of excess is also noticeable in the sheer number of kills. While previous “Fridays” topped out at fourteen murders, part five packs in over twenty. Many of these characters are so incidental that, when their dead bodies tumble out of cars or are found spiked to a tree, you don't even remember who they are. Of the deaths, some are especially grisly. Garden shears shoved into eyes, a head squeezed with a leather strap, or a road flare shoved down the throat are amusingly fucked-up. Yet too many of the deaths involve simple machete stabs or meat cleaver swinging. (Some of these forgettable executions can probably be blamed on the MPAA.) It is a little hard to believe the ferocity of these slayings when the faux-Jason looks so scrawny... And so unlike Roy the paramedic, who was played by the beefy Dick Wieand whereas the masked “Jason” was mostly played by wiry stuntman Tom Morga.  

Like most “Friday” fans, I hated “A New Beginning” the first time I saw it. Not just because I thought the Roy twist was dumb but because I found the movie utterly obnoxious. Over the years, I've grown fonder of the movie's dumb-ass instincts. While most of the characters are unmemorable, especially the totally indistinct final girl, I kind of like some of the other victims. Like New Wave girl Vi, who does a hilarious robot dance in her bedroom, or stuttering Jake, who is just trying to get some attention from the girl he likes. “A New Beginning” is definitely too crass, too greasy to be easily embraced. It's still an inglorious attempt to keep the story going. However, I do think it's a little better – or at least more entertaining – than its reputation implies. I'm not sure I'd consider myself a full-blown fan but I do kind of enjoy hanging out in this fucked-up world for ninety minutes. [6/10]

Nightmare Castle (1965)

Two years ago, as part of a concerted effort to bring more Barbara Steele into my life, I watched and reviewed “Castle of Blood.” At the time, I noted that I had, in the past, confused that movie with “Nightmare Castle.” It's an understandable mistake to make. Both are black-and-white Italian horror films, made only one year apart from each other, in which Steele vamps around a spooky, shadow-filled gothic manor. (And, like that movie, it's also in the public domain.) In fact, “Nightmare Castle” resembles a few of the films Steele starred in around the same time. Like in “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock,” it sticks the actress within a gaslighting plot involving depraved science. It also recalls “Black Sunday,” by having Steele play both an innocent maiden and her evil undead lookalike. Despite these derivative elements, “Nightmare Castle” has earned a smattering of decent reviews on its own merits.

A mad scientist by the name of Stephen Arrowsmith marries Muriel, a rich baroness. After discovering she's having an affair with the gardener, he tortures both of them to death. In the process, he learns that Muriel has willed her entire fortune to Jenny, her sister who was just released from an insane asylum. Arrowsmith – who uses his twisted experiments to restore the youth of Solange, his servant and lover – hatches a plot: He marries Jenny and, with Solange's help, attempts to drive her insane. Once Jenny's locked away again, the riches will be all his. Yet, as Jenny lives in the castle where her sister died, she begins to feel Muriel's presence... And it might not all be part of her husband's fiendish scheme.

As I said above, “Nightmare Castle” is extremely similar in story to “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock.” (Which I reviewed last September.) Both movies cast Steele as naïve women being manipulated by evil old doctors, who are trying to drive them crazy within the walls of a spooky mansion. The difference is that “Nightmare Castle” is totally open about this plot point from the beginning, instead of trying to build a mystery around the question of whether Steele's character is imagining everything or not. We see Arrowsmith kill Muriel in the beginning. We see him conceive of his sinister plot and we see him carry out certain parts of it. “Nightmare Castle,” instead, draws suspense from the question of whether Jenny is just caught up in her husband's wicked plan or if something supernatural is going on as well. It's a pretty clever way to spruce up a storyline that we've seen before. 

Of course, the plot in a movie like this is almost secondary to the real reason people like me watch it. Does “Nightmare Castle” feature Barbara Steele, looking gorgeous and fiery-eyed, wandering around a spooky old building? As soon as I knew the answer to that question is “Yes,” I was satisfied. “Nightmare Castle” does not have the level of powerful gothic atmosphere we saw in “Castle of Blood” or “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock.” This is probably because director Mario Caiano mostly made spaghetti westerns or peplum flicks. He didn't have the mastery of shadowy photography that Antonio Margheriti or Riccardo Freda did. Yet “Nightmare Castle” still features plenty of cool shit. A nightmare sequence, where Jenny experiences her sister's affair being discovered but Arrowsmith is depicted as faceless, is the film's highlight. A shot of Steele entering a dark room, the candelabra she carries slowly lighting it up, is fantastic. In the last act, as the supernatural elements become clear, Caiano turns up the lightning and rain, allowing the titular castle to be bathed in contrasting bursts of shadow and light. It's cool shit.

Steele, of course, is fantastic. As Muriel, she's absolutely wicked, mocking her husband even as he tortures her. When she reappears as a ghost with a brutally deformed face, obscured by her mane of raven hair, Steele plays her as even more delightfully evil. As Jenny, Steele is a blonde innocent, often clad in a diaphanous nightgown. Those eyes of her's – which can be described with many different words but “iconic” most of all – peer through the night in wide-eyed intensity. Watching Steele gravitate between these two poles, finding a middle ground between them near the end, is highly entertaining. Paul Muller and Helga Liné are also entertainingly over-the-top as the utterly vile villains. I even liked Marino Masé as the good guy doctor brought in to pacify Jenny, even if he's playing easily the most boring character in the film.

“Nightmare Castle” contains enough bizarre plot points to keep the audience surprised. The exact nature of Arrowsmith's mad science veers more towards alchemy than cutting-edge technology. The movie's opening barrage of torture is also a bit more explicit than I was expecting. Ultimately, “Nightmare Castle” probably ranks low on the totem pole of Steele's gothic shockers. Yet it still satisfied my desire for Exactly This Type of Thing, so I can't complain any at all. Caiano made two gialli (and a Nazisplotation movie too) but mostly stuck to the usual Italian exports of cowboys, Vikings, and gangsters. But I think he did a decent job in this territory. And if you're going to watch the movie, seek out the Severin Blu-Ray, as a lot of the public domain cuts floating around YouTube and the usual places are missing twenty minutes. [7/10]

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Breakdown 

While “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” is certainly a classic anthology series, many of its episodes fall just outside the horror genre. Luckily, there's lots of lists of the best episodes floating around which pointed me towards “Breakdown.” The seven episode of the series' first season, and one of a handful directed by Hitch himself, it concerns Mr. Callew. A high-ranking movie executive, he cruelly fires a long-time employee over the phone while on vacation. The man breaks down during the call, which disgusts Callew. As he's driving home, he wrecks his car during a jail break. He's left paralyzed, wedged between the steering wheel and his seat. Trapped inside his own body, Callew does everything he can to alert the people around him to the fact that he's still alive.

The best thing about “Breakdown” is the grim tension its presentation generates. The episode is almost entirely without music, Joseph Cotton's voice-over narration and the natural noise of the area filing out the soundtrack. When the sole movement Callew can manage – his finger tapping against a piece of metal – becomes a plot point later, that choice becomes especially important. Cotton has to be commemorated too, for managing to give a decent performance here despite his face being unmoving throughout most of the episode. 

What doesn't work about “Breakdown” is that its lead character is, very intentionally, an asshole. This half-hour is about humbling Mr. Callew. The story bends in somewhat unlikely directions, as escaped convicts wandered by his car and pillage his body. This rich man is slowly stripped of everything he has, to the point of emotional exhaustion. At which point “Breakdown” comes full circle... Yet I still feel like Mr. Callew didn't properly learn his lesson. Hitchcock went for compassion when a more gruesomely ironic ending probably would've better suited the material... Or perhaps watching too much “Tales from the Crypt/Creepshow” has rotted my brain. Despite its flaws, “Breakdown” is still a very well-done half-hour. And Hitchcock's droll, sardonic host segments count for a lot too. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Omniarch

After watching seven episodes of the show, I think I've figured out the formula used to create "Godzilla Singular Point." The series is made up of three or four components: attempts to explain the show's fairly straight-forward lore with the most convoluted, theoretically scientific gobbledygook possible; unimportant side characters intoning vaguely or pseudo-poetically about what's happening; and brief moments of genuinely entertaining kaiju theatrics. The mysterious fourth component is kind of cute or charming interactions between the characters but it appears less frequently. Let's break down how "Omniarch," the show's seventh episode, follows this trend.

In this episode, we learn that the red dust that accompanied the monsters is Archetype, the impossible molecule that seems to be the plot device driving the whole story. It's also what is allowing the kaiju to live in our world. The Godzilla bones seen in the first episode are broadcasting the mysterious song also from the first episode. This song, somehow, contains a mathematical formula that predicts the future. All of this, in fact, was predicted sixty years ago by this oft-mentioned but yet to be featured Professor Aisihara guy. More hard to understand phrases are introduced: such as the titular Singular Point, the fourth dimensional breakthrough that I think is causing kaiju to enter Earth. There's also the Orthogonal Diagonalizer, some sort of theorized device that looks a lot like the Oxygen Destroyer and can change the properties of the red dust/Archetype.

Got all that? Cause I sure as fuck don't. As if this shit wasn't hard enough to understand, Yun and Mei and other characters have to endlessly dissect this impenetrable jargon. When that's not happening, we have mentions of something called SHIVA, mysterious characters whose names I can't even remember doing shit mysteriously, and wannabe philosophical conversations that compare the show's events to the Book of Revelations. I just feel like none of this nonsense was necessary to tell a story about a dimensional rift allowing giant monsters to invade Earth.

That leaves us with those rare moments of Kaiju doing cool shit, otherwise known as the sole reason I'm still watching this show. Godzilla kills a Manda and splatters its blood across the Tokyo skyline. He emerges onto land, changes into an amphibious form resembling Varan... And then the episode never gets back to that plot point for the rest of its runtime. Meanwhile, Jet Jauguar gets another upgrade that includes a spear made from Anguirus' horn, which is pretty cool. Lastly, Salunga continues to climb out of the underground research facility but is captured again. It's harder to care about that monster because he's more entangled in the show's incomprehensible science. (And he's just not as cool as the others.) Anyway, I've given up on "Singular Point" ever satisfying me but there's only six episodes left, so I guess I'll finish it. [5/10]