Film Preview 2023

There’s a line from a song I really like: “It was a good year because it was such a bad year, that this year could only be better.” That’s kind of how I’m feeling heading into 2023. Who knows what the next twelve months will hold but I can’t help but be optimistic because 2022 was one disaster after another. Just leaving behind a year full of stress, with no idea what events are before me, feels good right now. 

Something that always makes me feel good, that gets me excited about the forthcoming year every time, is thinking about movies. These top ten lists are usually made up of films that frequently do not get released in the chosen year, owing to the labyrinthine challenges of post-production and distribution. Lots of times, my most anticipated titles will squeak out with little fanfare, proving to be totally disappointing or overlooked. Sometimes, they never get released at all. (Still waiting for "Aztec Warrior," you guys!) Every once in a while, my most anticipated release of the year actually ends up being a great movie. It's all a bit quixotic and I suppose that is what's beautiful about getting excited about art.

Anyway, enough rambling. Here are.. 

My Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2023:

1. Megalopolis

As a movie buff, few things excite me more than the question of “What might have been?” Reading about projects that were announced but ultimately unrealized, especially those that fell apart because they were too ambitious, is fascinating to me. Among the most tantalizing unmade epics in cinema history is Francis Ford Coppola's “Megalopolis.” A generation-spanning science fiction story about an architect attempting to build a modern utopia, Coppola has been trying to make the project since the eighties. Numerous false starts have followed in the intervening three decades but now, “Megalopolis” has actually gone before cameras. Coppola was so determined to make the movie that he sold most of his wine fortune to self-finance it!

All of this alone is enough for “Megalopolis” to top my list of most anticipated titles for 2023. Yet the legendary director has also assembled a truly eclectic cast for this long gestating epic. Adam Driver is about the kind of star you'd expect to appear in something like this. And it's cool that Coppola is keeping it in the family by including Talia Shire and Jason Schwartzman. Yet the presence of Aubrey Plaza, Dustin Hoffman, and teen pop star Grace VanderWaal does nothing but intrigue me further. I don't know if this one will reach cinema screens before 2023 ends – filming just started and one expects post-production to be extensive – but I can't imagine any other film topping my list this year.

2. How Do You Live?

I'm going to be honest with you guys: I genuinely expected Hayao Miyazaki to die before completing “How Do You Live?” The anime master came out of retirement (again) to direct this adaptation of a classic Japanese novel in 2016, when he was already 75 years old. Considering the filmmaker still animates by hand and works long, grueling hours, “How Do You Live?” truly seemed to me an attempt by Ghibli to make sure that Miyazaki died doing what he loved.

Well, I guess it's still possible that the infamously grouchy genius animator could croak before the movie is released. Yet “How Do You Live?” does seem to be nearly complete at this point. It's done enough that a Japanese release date for next July has been announced, seemingly insuring that it's a real movie and not just a scheme to murder Miyazaki.

All joking aside, Miyazaki is one of my all-time favorite filmmakers so a new project from him is highly anticipated. Even if the few things we know about this story, a meta narrative that doesn't adapt the book but is instead about how the book changes the protagonist's life, makes it sound a little more insular than “Princess Mononoke” or “Porco Rosso.”

3. Eileen

She's a genuine movie star now but I first noticed Florence Pugh in “Lady MacBeth,” an excellently grim character study/thriller from 2016. That was director William Oldroyd's feature debut and now, after quite a long wait, his second film is approaching release. An adaptation of Ottessa Moshfegh's 2015 novel, “Eileen” follows a young woman working at a prison facility who develops a disturbing relationship with an older co-worker.

What really seals the deal for me on this one is its cast. Up-and-comer Thomasin Mackenzie plays the title character while Anne Hathaway is cast against type as Rebecca, the other half of this story. I love it when the usually sunny Hathaway plays weirdos or psychos! This is either going to be an awards contender or one of those indie titles that goes absolutely nowhere but I can't wait to see it either way.

4. Godzilla 2023

2023 is looking to be a good year for tokusatsu/kaiju fans. “Shin Ultraman” is finally coming out in America later this month. “Shin Kamen Rider” is set for release in Japan this spring. Babak Anvari is directing an actual sequel to "Cloverfield." There's even a new “Gamera” project being prepped for Netflix. But most exciting of all is Japan's undisputed King of the Monsters returning to his home land for a new feature film. This will be the first live action Toho-produced entry in the radioactive monster series since 2016.

The 37th Godzilla movie – fans have started calling it "Godzilla Zero" but no title has officially been announced yet – had been rumored for quite a while before it was finally properly announced last fall. Toho is still remaining tight-lipped on details at this moment. What we do know is that it's not a sequel to “Shin Godzilla” and that it's being directed by Takashi Yamazaki, a specialist in Japanese special effects films best known in the U.S. for “Returner.” (This is not Yamazaki's first brush with the Big G, proving he's a fan of the character.) Brief set reports from last year also suggest that the story will at least partially be set in post-war Japan, which is a cool idea.

Obviously, the only thing necessary to get me hyped for a movie is knowing Godzilla will be in it. But all of these details intrigue me further. It's currently set for a Japanese release in November, so who knows if it'll reach America before the end of the year. Hopefully, they won't leave us kaiju freaks waiting too long though.

5. MaXXXine

Film Twitter and the hardcore Letterboxd crowd have already decided Ti West is lame but I don't give a shit about that. “Pearl” topped my list of favorite films in 2022 and I loved “X,” the seventies set first entry in this trilogy of slasher flicks about porn and lonely, homicidal women. The threesome wraps up this year with “MaXXXine,” which moves the story forward into the eighties. 

I definitely want to see Mia Goth go psycho and get tragic again. Yet what West's visual approach to this project will be is honestly what most excites me. “X” frequently replicated the grimy 16mm look of seventies porn, while “Pearl” harkened back to Technicolor melodramas of the thirties and forties. Does “MaXXXine's” eighties setting mean it'll base itself on the shot-on-video smut of that decade? This is what I'm personally hoping for, if for nothing else than it'll look extremely cool and sleazy.

6. Blackout

One of Ti West's mentors is Larry Fessenden, who pioneered the low-key style that has come to define independent horror films in the last two decades. I've been a big fan of Fessenden for years. While he's very active as a producer and actor, with several notable projects coming up this year, he directs less often.

My favorite of Fessenden's projects have been when he's taken on classic horror archetypes, radically reinventing them in his own way. “No Telling” and “Depraved” more explicitly where his takes on the “Frankenstein” story, “Habit” was his lo-fi riff on vampires, while “Beneath” was his approach to the lake monster story. With “Blackout,” he completes this monster movie cycle by making his own version of the werewolf story. The plot concerns a Fine Arts painter who comes to believe that he's the hairy monster terrorizing his small town. Fessenden describes the film as a blend of a "naturalistic documentary-style" and the "mythological tropes of the werewolf story," that fuses "themes of contemporary society with classic monster movie clichés.”

Hell yeah! I can't wait to see this director put his stamp on this particular subgenre

7. El Conde

Speaking of weird, indie innovations on classic monsters! Pablo Larrain basically made two psychological horror projects out of stodgy biopic premises with “Jackie” and “Spencer,” both playing out as anxiety attacks put on film. Larrain commits fully to the horror genre with “El Conde,” which re-imagines infamous Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet as a 250 year old vampire who finally decides to end his life. Larrain himself is Chilean, so I imagine he has a personal perspective on this premise. By the way, sources describes this one as a comedy! Which only intrigues me further...

8. Wildwood

I don't know if a single one of Laika's movies has ever earned much money. I know for a fact that the studio's last two releases were full blown flops. Yet the studio's quirky stop-motion features, which often luxuriate in grotesque and serious themes despite ostensibly being for children, has captured a devoted cult following. Presumably following another influx of Nike money from Travis Scott's dad, Laika is returning this year with a new one.

“Wildwood” is an adaptation of Colin Meloy's children's novel, which imagines an elaborate fantasy world within the forest of Portland, Oregon. I have no doubt that such a setting will allow the Laika team's imagination to go wild in all sorts of wonderful ways. There's also a lovely voice cast here, including such notable names as Tom Waits, Jemaine Clement, and Richard E. Grant.

9. The Last Voyage of the Demeter and Renfield

I guess I'm not done going on about monster movies tonight. For classic horror buffs like me, 2023 is an especially exciting year. Universal Studios, the company really responsible for bringing the Classic Monsters that I love so much into this world, somehow is releasing two separate Dracula movies this year. It's practically a Drac-enaissance!

First off, releasing in April, is “Renfield.” From “The Lego Batman Movie” director Chris McKay, it follows the bug-eating henchman as he tries and get his vampire master to adapt to the modern world. Nicholas Hoult plays the title character, Awkwafina is his love interest, but the real catch is Nicolas Cage as the Count. The always busy Cage has a full docket of projects this year – a weird A24 thing, a Dadsploitation spoof, and a western are just some of his upcoming vehicles – but seeing him vamp it up as the world's most famous bloodsucker is the real attraction. Considering McKay previously made the lousy "The Forever War," “Renfield” will likely either be a disaster or an instant cult classic. It's been been described as an absurd gore comedy, so I'm hoping for the latter.

A more serious take on the Count coming this year is “The Last Voyage of the Demeter.” A script that's been circulating in Hollywood for over a decade, this is a feature expansion of the seventh chapter of the original book. That's where Dracula, in route from Transylvania to England, picks off the entire crew of shipping boat the Demeter over the course of a single night. Essentially, it's "Dracula on a Boat" and that's cool as fuck. 

David Slade, Marcus Nispel, and Neil Marshall have been attached over the years but “Troll Hunter/Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark's” André Øvredal – a more consistent director than any of those guys, truthfully – is the one to finally bring it to undead life. He's brought gangly monster-man Javier Botet along to play the Count, all but guaranteeing that this will be an especially gnarly take on Bram Stoker's creation. Sounds bitchin' to me! "The Demeter" is currently scheduled to arrive in August.

10. I Saw the TV Glow

If you're a female horror director who received a lot of buzz for her indie debut, 2023 is the year you're making your follow-up feature apparently. “Body at Brighton Rock's” Roxanne Benamin attacks the creepy kid subgenre with “There's Something Wrong with the Children.” Rose Glass, of "Saint Maud" fame, invites Kristen Stewart into the world of female body-building with twisted romance “Love Lies Bleeding.” Natalie Erika James proceeds “Relic” with the mysterious “Apartment 7A.” Alice Lowe's long awaited follow-up to "Prevenge," "Timestalker," doesn't sound like a horror movie exactly but it does involve reincarnation and the apocalypse. (The Soska Sisters are back too, with the kinky sounding “On the Edge,” but it's their sixth feature so I don't know why I mentioned it.)

All of these are exciting projects but the one I'm most looking forward to is “I Saw the TV Glow.” That's Jane Schoenbrun's sophomore effort, after the impressive “We're All Going to the World's Fair.” While that film was inspired by internet ARGs and creepypastas, this one sounds like it's taking a page from lost media fixations and “missing episode” stories like “Candle Cove.” I love that shit! Brigette Lundy-Paine, Billie from “Bill and Ted Face the Music,” stars which is another reason to get excited for this one.

Other Anticipated Movies:

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, The Flash, Shazam: Fury of the Gods, and Blue Beetle

Do to the ever-shifting chaos that is the behind-the-scenes drama at WB/DC these days, “The Flash” and “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom” are still forthcoming. The main anticipation point with “The Flash” right now is seeing how they're going to write around and reshoot this movie starring an absolute lunatic. Aqauman is my favorite DC superhero, so I loved the first one and am actually excited by part two. Even if lots of people – DC's top brass included – seem ready to write off this sequel to a billion-grossing blockbuster for some reason.

At the very least, “Shazam! Fury of the Gods” hasn't been delayed or sitting on a shelf for several years. The first “Shazam!” was a likable superhero flick and I'm definitely interested in the sequel. Though I wish they had actually pulled from the characters' comic book rogues gallery, instead of taking up some new villains for the movie... Even if Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu are cool additions. Finally, “Blue Beetle” is the most mysterious of these projects which makes it maybe the most intriguing. If nothing else, Blue Beetle is a character we haven't seen on the big screen before.

AND

Greek weirdo turned Academy Award nominated director Yorgos Lanthimos still has “Poor Things,” his oddball riff on the “Frankenstein” story that was number three on my list last year, awaiting release. Despite that, he's already in post-production on his next-next movie. With the impossible-to-Google title “AND,” the plot is being kept under wraps. We do know that Emma Stone and Willem Dafoe, also in “Poor Things,” will appear here as well. Whatever it's about, I bet it's going to be darkly satirical, unnerving, and funny in a strange way!

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, The Marvels and more...

I think 2022 was the year when superhero fatigue truly started to set in for me. It's not that I don't get enjoyment out of Marvel's superhero media anymore. I'm just a little tired of how they've taken over the world. If the threats of over-saturation are reasonable, that isn't stopping Disney and their associates. They've got three new entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe prepared for 2023.

“Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania” is up first. I enjoyed the small-scale approach Peyton Reed's first two superhero flicks had, which makes me sort of disappointed in the seemingly cosmic direction the third film is taking things. Even if the trailer is pretty cool looking. And there's definitely going to be some Micronauts references in this one.

Probably the most exciting of this year's MCU offerings is “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3,” if only because James Gunn's sci-fi misfits epics have both been great. It seems the director, before jumping boat to DC, has been allowed to bring this story to a natural ending. The trailer is already a tear-jerker. Nothing bad better happen to Rocket!

Probably the least exciting of these is “The Marvels,” even if Nia DeCosta is a talented filmmaker. “Captain Marvel” and “Ms. Marvel” were both fine but I can't say I loved either installments enough to be instantly hyped for the sequel. This year also sees the release of “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse,” which I'm sure will be visually stunning. (Plus the Spot is in it!) Oh yeah, Sony is also putting out “Kraven the Hunter” this year. I want to say that surely can't be any lamer than “Morbius” but, in my heart of hearts, I already know it can be.

The Bikeriders and The Iron Claw

Hey, who are some mid-level indie auteurs that have yet to crossover into the mainstream, despite some serious close calls? Jeff Nichols is reuniting with his “Take Shelter” muse, Michael Shannon, alongside other tough guy actors like Tom Hardy, Boyd Holbrook, and Norman Reedus in "The Bikeriders." These guys are playing bikers in the sixties this time, which sounds about right. Knowing what we do about Nichols' style, I'm betting this is more low-key character study than exploitation throwback. More “Easy Rider” than “Werewolves on Wheels.”

Meanwhile, Sean Durkin of “Martha Marcy May Marlene” and “The Nest” is going the biopic route with “The Iron Claw.” The chosen subject is the pro-wrestling dynasty the Von Erich clan, who have been going to the mat since the 1960s. Durkin's films usually specialize in existential anxiety, so I'm intrigued to see how he'll apply that to a true-life narrative. Plus, the world of pro-wrestling is decadent and depraved, so there's lots of opportunity for melodrama.

Beau is Afraid

Number four on last year's list, it feels like I've been looking forward to Ari Aster's "Disappointment Blvd." for a while now. I've been calling the movie that in my head for so long that the recent title change to "Beau is Afraid" is... Disappointing. That's also the title of a short film Aster made, which maybe points towards the direction this mysterious project – alternatively described as a "four-hour long nightmare comedy," the life story of an entrepreneur, and "a decades-spanning surrealist horror film set in an alternate present" – will go in. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing the always intense Joaquin Phoenix blend with Aster's anxiety-inducing style. 

Civil War and True Love

It's good to know that some sci-fi auteur still to get movies that aren't parts of multi-billion cinematic universes. "Civil War" comes to us from Alex Garland, whose reputation took a bit of a hit with last year's folk-horror mindbender "Men." (Though I liked it.) This is his third partnership with A24, who are calling the film an action epic. Kirsten Dunst and Cailee Spaeny, who is also playing Pricilla Presley in a biopic from Sofia Coppola this year, star.

I don't know if Garett Edwards is quite as acclaimed as Garland, though I loved his "Godzilla" and enjoyed "Rogue One." It sounds like Edwards is returning to his quirkier roots with "True Love," a sci-fi project with a top-shelf cast that includes Alison Janney and Ken Watanabe. The other thing these two movies have in common is that both plots are being kept top secret for now. 

Dungeons & Dragons

I've never actually played a game of "Dungeons & Dragons" in my life. Wizards 'n' shit aren't typically my genre and tabletop games have too many rules for my taste. Many of my friends do play D&D, so I've picked up on a few things over the years. I know what a Mimic and a Beholder and a Gelatinous Cube are, ya know? However, it's not a brand I have any attachment to. (Certainly not from the previous attempts to make movies out of it.) 

So why am I so excited for "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves," the latest attempt to turn the beloved RPG into a big budget movie? Well, the trailer, with its "Guardians of the Galaxy" style needle drops and cool CGI monsters, was pretty good. The cast is solid and the directors are acclaimed. I'm even intrigued by the promise that this is part of an attempt by Hasbro to turn their various toy brands into multi-media franchises. But I'm not going to lie to you guys. I just want to see Sophia Lillis play a cute demon girl. She even has a little tail! Sorry, I believe in Tiefling Tomboy Supremacy. 

The Dating Game

Initially, this thriller about that time a serial killer charmed his way into first place on a seventies romance-themed game show, right in the middle of his killing spree, was going to be directed by Chloe Okuno. Following an excellent "V/H/S" segment and the very creepy "Watcher," a buzzy true crime story starring Ana Kendrick seemed like the logical progression of Okuno's career. But now Okuno has left the project to make Netflix's next "Fear Street" movie and Kendrick is both starring in and directing "The Dating Game." That's a lot less exciting for me, even if I like Kendrick just fine. 

Doctor Jekyll

There have been multiple attempts over the years to resurrect Hammer Film Productions, the British studio whose colorful, bloody, cleavage-filled gothic horror flicks rocked monster kids' lives in the late fifties and sixties. The previous attempt had an okay run in the 2010s but fizzled out after snowy thriller "The Lodge." Now the brand name has been revived again as Hammer Studios Ltd. 

The first release from the new new Hammer is a genderbending twist on "Doctor Jekyll," in which Eddie Izzard's kind-hearted Dr. Nina Jekyll becomes the murderous Mr. Hyde. Presumably this will be a more socially aware, queer conscious take on the material than "Doctor Jekyll and Sister Hyde" was. I'm kind of doubtful any update to the Hammer formula can work in the modern day. But at least this follows Hammer tradition by being a twist on a classic Victorian horror character.

Here

"Here" has a neat premise, that plays with the perimeters of the medium in a way I like. The film is set in a single room and tracks everyone who has lived there over the decades, which includes Tom Hanks and Paul Bettany. Dampening my expectations for that neat set-up is that Robert Zemeckis is in the director's chair. Zemeckis had a great run in the eighties and nineties but his more recent output has been, to say the least, uninspiring. "Here" re-teams him with "Forrest Gump" screenwriter Eric Roth, which is a good or bad thing depending on how you feel about that particular movie. 

The Exorcist, Scream VI, and more...

It seems the box office success of the Blumhouse "Halloween" movies has really opened the floodgates, as far as revivals of horror franchise go. After putting his mark on Michael Myers, David Gordon Green looks to be doing more-or-less the same thing to "The Exorcist." This is also a direct sequel to the seventies original, that plans to launch a new trilogy and brings back a wizened female lead. (Ellen Burstyn in this case, though I imagine Linda Blair will show up eventually if they keep making these.) Danny McBride is even co-writing the script, where his penchant for creative profanity will presumably find a good home in the mouth of a demon-possessed child. I'm mixed on Green's "Halloween" flicks and "The Exorcist" is a much harder egg to crack but we'll see, I suppose. 

I guess the most high-profile horror sequel this year is "Scream VI," which shifts the setting to New York City and will hopefully include some "Jason Takes Manhattan" references, but these are far from the only ones. "Evil Dead Rise" got an upgrade from a HBOMax exclusive to an actual theatrical release, which I appreciate. "The Strangers" is getting a remake of some sort. Charles Band seems to have spent more than five bucks on a new "Subspecies" movie. Hell, even "The Mutilator" is getting a sequel! Truly, the Fangoria writers have a full plate ahead of them. 

Manodrome

About four years ago, Jesse Eisenberg starred in “The Art of Self-Defense,” a movie about an unassuming fellow being indoctrinated into a cult of toxic masculinity. It sounds like Eisenberg has made almost the same movie again with “Manodrome.” Oh, there are some differences. Here, Eisenberg plays an Uber driver and amateur bodybuilder. This cult is specifically a Libertarian toxic masculinity cult. Probably most importantly, “The Art of Self-Defense” was a comedy while “Manodrome” is described as a thriller. I loved the former movie so, honestly, I'm okay with this. Jesse Eisenberg should only star in deconstructions of toxic masculinity!

Final Summer, The Third Saturday in October and She Came from the Woods

In addition to getting a bunch of established horror franchises rebooted, it seems the success of the “Halloween” reboots have led to the slasher genre getting a boost in general. Body count flicks have always been common in the indie horror sector but we've got a surprising number of new slasher flicks this year intentionally devoted to invoking the subgenres golden age. “She Came from the Woods” is set in the eighties, with an ancient evil being unleashed at a summer camp. “Final Summer” is also set at a summer camp, though in the early nineties. “Jason Lives!” Thom Matthews is also in that one.

The most ambitious of these projects is from semi-notable director Jay Burleson: “The Third Saturday in October Part V” is pitched as a late entry in a long-running horror franchise based around a real life football game between Alabama and Tennessee's state universities. (My girlfriend from the actual deep south tells me this game practically is a holiday down there.) To take the joke even further, Burleson also made the “first” – actually second – movie in the imaginary “The Third Saturday in October” slasher series. I've got to admire the commitment to the bit here. Less retro is a movie I first wrote about last year: “Sick,” the pandemic-set collaboration between John Hyams and “Scream's” Kevin Williamson which has now been confirmed to be a slasher as well. 

Nightbitch

Maybe the strangest premise of the year belongs to “Nightbitch,” a film about a hurried suburban housewife and mother who randomly turns into a dog. That sounds like some weirdo indie film or offbeat horror film, especially with that title. Instead, it's a relatively high-profile project from Annapurna and Searchlight Pictures. It stars Amy Adams, is directed by “Can You Ever Forgive Me?/A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood's” Marielle Heller, and is based on a best-selling book. Honestly, that pedigree almost makes this sound like an awards season contender which is hard to imagine just based on the log line. 

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

It brings me no joy at all to report that I'm really not that interested in the fifth “Indiana Jones” movie. This makes me sad, as I grew up loving this particular franchise. The first two films are still some of my all-time favorites. I don't even dislike the fourth one the way a lot of people do. Yet the trailer for the fifth film left me feeling dispirited, not elated. Harrison Ford looks so frail. There's so much CGI, which takes all of the excitement out of the stunt work that characterized those original movies. Maybe I'm just worn out on nostalgia-heavy sequels. Maybe it's the lack of Spielberg in the director's chair that dampening my anticipation. James Mangold is a talented guy but... I don't know, man. Just not feeling it right now. 

Rebel Ridge

Jeremy Saulnier stumbled a bit with “Hold the Dark” but it sounds like he's getting back to the brutal roots of “Blue Ruin” and “Green Room” with “Rebel Ridge.” This is a socially conscious thriller about systemic injustices that is also described as an action movie. Considering the intensity of violence Saulnier brought to his previous films, I'm excited to see him bring that style to more elaborate action sequences. Now, if only the movie had been called “Red Ridge” instead and could've been the capper on his informal trilogy of thrillers with colors in the title...

Infinity Pool and Humane

The Cronenberg family is officially a dynasty now. David is making movies again after a long hiatus, though it looks like we're going to have to wait a while longer for the follow-up to “Crimes of the Future.” Son Brandon proved his success wasn't strictly nepotism with “Possessor” and now he has his third feature, “Infinity Pool,” coming out in just a few weeks. That one looks to continue to prove that Brandon has just as much talent for exposing surreal horrors and sexual deviance as his dad. 

And now Brandon's sister, Cailtin, is getting into the family business too. “Humane” is about a government sponsored euthanasia program, and the near-future environmental crisis that causes it, making a family dinner awkward. Sounds like the kind of thing the Cronenbergs would talk about around their own dinner tables! It remains to be seen if Caitlin has the talent of her dad and brother but I'm already willing to wager that she probably does. Especially considering she already has an accomplished career as a still photographer, having worked on films like “Room” and “Enemy.” 

Swallowed

Since making 2008's squirm-inducing killer vines feature “The Ruins,” director Carter Smith has mostly kept pretty quiet. He's directed some TV and music videos and a largely overlooked indie called “Jamie Marks is Dead.” Smith returns to the horror genre this year with “Swallowed.” This one has got a pretty cool premise, involving two gay men getting wrapped up in a drug smuggling plot that happens to involve parasitic insects as well. Jena Malone appears as a criminally unhinged dealer, so fuck yeah to that. This one played festivals last year and got strong notices, making me even more hyped for it.

Napoleon

A historical epic about Napoleon sounds exactly like the kind of movie Ridley Scott would make at this point in his career. You never know whether Scott will deliver something really inspired or if he'll just be going through the motions, though Joaquin Phoenix playing the French general does suggest this could be an example of Scott bringing his A-game. (Though the title is obvious as can be, but admittedly less obtuse than the working title “Kitbag.”) The film will reportedly focus just as much on Bonapart's tumultuous relationship with Josephine, played by Vanessa Kirby, as on his campaign to conquer Europe. By the way, Scott's daughter Jordan also has a new movie coming out this year, a cult thriller starring Sadie Sink and Eric Bana called “Berlin Nobody.” 

Silent Night

John Woo is another once cultishly adored director who maybe hasn't made a great movie in a while, though I hear his last few Chinese films were actually pretty good. Woo is returning to America this year with “Silent Night,” an action flick with an admittedly irresistible premise. It's a Christmas set revenge movie starring Joel Kinnaman and Kid Cudi but the real hook is that the film reportedly doesn't have a single line of dialogue in it, making the title rather literal. Considering elaborate action choreography has always been Woo's strong suit, that's a set-up that could really play to his strengths. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

The previous attempt to turn the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into a film franchise fizzled out after only two entries, though I think that was more because the first movie was so bad people didn't take a chance on the actually very entertaining sequel. That was six years ago, which is long enough that it's time for another reboot. “Mutant Mayhem” is different from all the previous theatrical TMNT movies in one important way: It's animated. Jeff Rowe and Kyler Spears, of “The Mitchells Vs. The Machines,” are directing. The best thing about that movie was its kinetic animation style and action sequences, suggesting they are a good fit for the Ninja Turtles. The production artwork we've seen thus far also suggest an embracing of the series' goofier side, which is always my favorite mood for these particular characters. 

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Wes Anderson is another prominent filmmaker who has two movies on the schedule for this year. While “Asteroid City” was still awaiting release, Anderson went ahead and shot another film. The ever-so whimsically entitled “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar” is another Roald Dahl adaptation, based on a short story about a guy who learns to see through solid objects. The typically loaded cast includes Benedict Cumberbatch, Richard Ayoade, Dev Patel, and Ben Kingsley. It's kind of amazing none of them have worked with this filmmaker before. Benedict Cumberbatch even has a name like a Wes Anderson character!  This one is expected to arrive on Netflix in the fall, after “Asteroid City” appears in theaters this June. 

Other Films of Note:

Barbie, Cocaine Bear, Creed III, Cuckoo, Elemental, Enys Men, The Expendables 4, Hypnotic, John Wick: Chapter 4, Kids Vs. Aliens, The Killer, Killers of the Flower Moon, Landscape with Invisible Hand, Master Gardener, The Meg 2, No One Will Save You, Oppenheimer, Palm Trees and Power Lines, Rich Flu, Saltburn, Showing Up, The Toxic Avenger, Unicorn Wars, Wish

Zack Clopton's 2022 Film Retrospective

“Keep my wife's name out of yo fuckin'...”

ZACK CLOPTON'S 2022 FILM RETROSPECTIVE!”

No need to get into why but I am simply glad that 2022 is over and that I survived it. I guess most people can agree with that sentiment. Sometimes, life is a journey full of love and achievements. Sometimes, it's a gauntlet that you merely traverse. If you come out on the other end with all your body parts, then that counts as a success.

In between all the crazy-ass highs and lows of this year for me, I did manage to see a lot of movies. Not as many movies as I saw the year before and, as 2022 rolls to a close, there's still so much left on my list that I didn't get to. Nevertheless, I still saw 108 movies, which is probably a lot by any traditional measure. All I can do is go into the next year and hope it's better. Before we can do that, I have to run through THE LIST, my ranking of everything new release I saw in the last twelve months. Let's begin. 

FOUR STARS:

1. Pearl

Pearl wants to be seen as a star but is terrified of being judged. Ti West mirrors her love for the movies by meticulously paying homage to golden age cinema. The colors, bright and sharp, create a sense of unreality. Movies themselves represents an impossible dream for Pearl, an escape to somewhere else that she can never crossover to. The climax sees West creating tension with just the way the camera moves. Holding it together is a star-making performance from Mia Goth, her face the focus of "Pearl's" most unforgettable moments. 

2. Moonage Daydream

A love letter to David Bowie and an attempt to distill his entire body of work into one propulsive two hour dose. Forgoing narration and focusing only on vintage concert clips, interviews, and other footage creates a structure that is as unique as Bowie was. Instead of focusing on a life-story structure, this attempts to explore many of the themes and ideas the rock musician touched on. It plays out like a swirling, intoxicating montage of sound and vision, a one-of-a-kind homage to a one-of-a-kind artist.

3. RRR

The manliest movie of the year, this is pure entertainment from beginning to end. The over-the-top action scenes continuously top themselves in terms of ridiculousness. A musical number/dance-off in the first half ranks among the most joyous cinematic moments of 2022. The bro-mance at the film's center is hilariously overwrought and amusing. Undeniably jingoistic, with its cartoonishly evil colonialist villains and ra-ra final song, but I admire its spirit. The three-hour run time sags a little in the middle but it perks back up for the absolutely bonkers finale. 

4. Nope

“Nope” contains primal nightmare imagery, like blood pouring from the sky and the fear of being devoured. Hoyte van Hoytema's cinematography is both wide in scope. The theme of commodifying tragedy, the erased contribution black talent has made to film, and the assumption we can control unpredictable wild animals run throughout. It's also the story of two siblings learning to rely on each other again. That "Nope" is partially a statement on spectacle is fitting, with its creative reinvention of the flying saucer premise.

5. Three Thousand Years of Longing

A visually spectacular rumination on the value of storytelling, the effects of loneliness, and the nature of true love. It's impressive how this handles historical themes that stretch across the ages as well as very modern concerns, all while maintaining the feeling of a fairy tale. Tilda Swinton is perfectly charming and Idris Elba is exactly as enchanting as he needs to be. Their quirky courtship truly draws you in. The ending made me cry. George Miller is a master storyteller.

6. Turning Red

Anybody who thinks the amazingly specific sense to the setting, characters, and story is anything but a huge benefit to it is a dense motherfucker. I love so many of the animation quirks here, the details in the face. The influence of anime and manga led a special zing to several key moments. The relationship between the central four characters is totally delightful. The emotional climax to the mother/daughter story arc is extremely well done. Generally speaking, this is a really funny, beautifully animated, breezy flick. Oh, and the songs are really catchy too.

7. The Northman

Lots of movie purport to be about the futility of vengeance but Robert Eggers' latest really emphasizes that its hero sticking to a bloody, self-made destiny is a result of the patriarchal culture he was raised in. On one hand, this thoroughly demystifies viking culture, by showing the prevelance of slavery and with brutal violence. Yet the integration of everyday magic and folklore into the story is compelling as well. By the time we get to the homoerotic final duel, I was convinced this is the most metal movie of the year. Obviously, the visuals are super intense and the cast is fantastic, especially a very unnerving turn from Nicole Kidman.

8. Resurrection

All hail Rebecca Hall, for projecting the veneer of perfection as well as the absolute nervous wreck underneath it. That performance is what draws the viewer into this anxiety nightmare of a story, of a woman desperately trying to hold it together while the most venomously abusive scumbag – played with perfect quiet evilness by Tim Roth – reenters her life. What follows is a deeply unsettling descent, music and editing tightened to convey that tension, so it that never lets up until the final gasp. 

9. Saloum

Invigorating genre hybrid from Senegal, which combines elements of action/adventure, crime story, and politic drama with supernatural horror rooted in African mythology. The script takes many unexpected twists. Fantastically specific dialogue, some of which is in sign language, brings these vivid characters even more to life. The special effects are inventive, the cinematography is colorful, and you can't wait to see where it's all going.  

10. Everything Everywhere All at Once

What I loved about this is how it handles massive themes, like feeling insignificant in the vastness of the universe or the ripple effects of every choice we make, alongside highly personal concepts, like the power of kindness or love connecting us all. This is tied to an amazingly zany sense of humor, always throwing increasingly wacky sight gags while wildly creative instincts direct every aspect of the story. An ode to the sheer scope of Michelle Yeoh's talent and a rebirth for Ke Huy Quan. 

11. Skinamarink

Captures a specific feeling, of being a child, awakening in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and being uncertain if the nightmare is over. Largely plotless and with few characters, this is a deeply unsettling extended stay in that nighttime head space that grows increasingly uncomfortable as it goes on. The analog aesthetic captures how we see in the dark but also roots this in a childish point of view of the world, which is also replicated in the frequently vague camera angles. A distressing announcement of a bold new voice in the horror genre.

12. Dawn Breaks Behind the Eyes

An intoxicating visit to the place where dreams and reality blend together. A great setting, that's beautifully photographed, takes us into this moonlit world. The narrative bends between fiction and reality, past and present, as it captures the universal truth of men treating women unfairly. The perfectly chosen soundtrack draws us further into a visually captivating dreamscape. And just like a dream, it's over too quickly, making us wish we could have seen more.

13. X

A story about age and desire, which is smartly reflected in its visual adherence to a by-gone cinematic aesthetic. All throughout, there's this suggesting of a shifting cultural landscape. “X's” psycho-biddy desires the sexually free youngsters as much as she resents them. The decision to have Mia Goth play both Maxine and Pearl links these two characters in a meaningful way. These two women, separated by time and space, are both desperate to be wanted, to be touched and validated and loved. Ti West cooks these intriguing ideas into a flawlessly executed slasher story. 

14. Mad God

If Hell is real, "Mad God" captures how it must look and feel. Every surface is caked with filth. Depravity and violence is everywhere. A moribund feast for the eyes, the intricacies of the visuals are spellbinding. Tippett litters the film with symbols and allusions. As “Mad God” winds on, the film suggests its world is stuck in an unending cycle of destruction and creation. That's when Tippett's fantasma started to loose me. Yet I simply can't deny that this is a one-of-a-kind film, a masterpiece of technical know-how and hand-crafted ingenuity.

15. Decision to Leave

Beguiling neo-noir who immediately hooks you with its quietly quirky characters and precise storytelling. You can't help but find the scenes devoted to the characters getting close romantic, even though we know she's a femme fatale with criminal intentions. The direction is imaginative, often playfully integrating us into the investigative scenes in a way that is very clever. Watching the clues snap into place are satisfying, especially once the devastating ending starts to formulate. 

THREE AND A HALF STARS:

16. Halloween Ends

“Halloween Ends” shows the different ways people move on from trauma. Laurie lets go and decides to live her life. Corey lashes out violence to express the feelings his life have left him with. He is, essentially, a more realistic serial killer dropped into a world where Michael Myers exists. This raises the question of what evil even is. Taken as a straight-forward slasher flick, “Halloween Ends” is solid enough. There's some likable style to the bloodshed. Honestly, the thing that most impressed me is the finality it brings to the series.

17. The Batman

For the first time, Batman does the detective work necessary to earn his title. By rooting everyone’s motivation in a broken childhood, ome appreciated complexity is added to the Dark Knight. This isn’t a narrative origin for Batman but a philosophical one. Robert Pattinson's grunginess is palatable on-screen. Kravtiz’ Catwoman purrs with sensuality. Paul Dano plays the Riddler as a huge fucking nerd first, now a symbol of domestic terrorism. The standout action sequence is a freeway chase between the Penguin and the souped-up Batmobile. 

18. Barbarian

Delights in continuously surprising the viewer. When you have an inkling of where things might be going, the script swerves again. The earliest scenes have a stillness to them, establishing the distance between the characters and a feeling of discomfort. Once Tess descends into the spaces under the home, “Barbarian” gets increasingly frantic. The crumbling infrastructure of the city contributes to the dreary mood. It gets laughs and gasps out of the audience in equal measure. 

19. Old Man

Essentially a two-man play, with a cabin as basically the only location. The audience is never sure which of these guys is crazy. Adding to this suspense is just how isolated this feels. Stephen Lang hams it up to glorious, grotesque heights while an off-beat quality always floats under Marc Senter's performance, making it seem like he's hiding something. Themes about the existence of God, resentment of women, watchful eyes of judgment, and the lost of youth work their way out as these conversations move towards the increasingly surreal finale.

20. The Sadness

As long as this Taiwanese gore-fest is moving, from one sequence of sustained tension to “holy shit!” moments of intense violence and depravity, it's thrilling and entertaining. As nasty as events get here, I think the film handles them with as much taste as possible. While also including a few meaningful moments of character development or kindness during all the madness. There is a perverse sense of justice to the excessive bloodshed that frequently follows. Once the setting stabilizes to a hospital in the last act, it looses that head rush a little. 

21. Fresh

Amusingly lurid and blackly comedic, some well placed plot twist keeps you hooked to this twisted tale. Sebastian Stan remains charming even after the depths of his depravity is revealed and Daisy Edgar-Jones is a heroine you can root for. The cinematography is stylized and the soundtrack is perfect. Only an unnecessary epilogue, that puts too fine a point upon feminist themes that where more subtly utilized up that point, stains this one.

22. We're All Going to the World's Fair

Accurately captures the feeling of loosing yourself in an internet-choked fog. Schoenbrun generates an unnerving atmosphere, largely told through laptop screens. Maybe the most unsettling moment in is simply a lingering Youtube clip of a person sitting quietly and looking at the camera. The tension arises from Casey's shaky sanity and Anna Cobb's performance is totally unvarnished. 

23. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Any concerns that Raimi would be restrained by Marvel are put to rest. This sometimes feels like the most expensive "Evil Dead" movie ever. There’s way more exploding heads then you expect. The question of “What if?” is a good theme to nestle inside your superhero flick and it redeems the Stephen/Christine love story. The MCU is quickly approaching continuity lockout and self-congratulatory fan service. Despite some reservations, this is massively entertaining.

24. Deadstream

Combines the feeling of an eighties horror/comedy – fast-paced with grisly surprises – with a pitch-perfect parody of internet celebrity. Selling your souls to demons and being a Youtube influencer are pretty similar actually. The creature effects are creatively grisly and the livestream gimmick is well-done. Some may find the lead character annoying but I was amused by how he never stopped thinking about his own star status, even while being supernaturally terrorized. 

THREE STARS:

25. Men

Harper is an everywoman and the film is a metaphor for the varying types of sexist abuse women endure every day. Garland makes it deeper with rich visual symbolism and links to English mythology. The characters are set-up as archetypal examples of male and female, locked in a conflict that dates back to ancient times. The movie stands on its own as a visual/audio experience, with gorgeous cinematography and a dreamy score. It's not until the final minutes when the movie falls into a series of grotesque images that are harder to justify. 

26. Hatching

A genre film where the subtext – a teenage daughter desperate to please her perfectionist mother, to the point of developing bulimia – and the text – girl cares for fucked-up bird monster – do not get in each other's ways. The puppetry and make-up effects are fantastically grotesque. The pastel suburban world is suitably eerie. It's cathartic when these tightly wound characters' go off. I wish the ending was less abrupt and the protagonist was a little more fleshed-out.

27. Watcher

“Watcher” builds a sense of isolation to create chilly unease, with a script that speaks to a specific fear women feel. The cinematography feeds into a feeling of being watched. That mood of uncertainty allows Chloe Okuna to create some startling sequences. Such as a frightening nightmare or an intensely uncomfortable encounter on a train. It all builds towards a climax of prolonged suspense, getting bloody and fierce in its final moments. 

28. I Love My Dad

Patton Oswalt was the perfect choice for this, as he's great at seeming pathetic without ever being loathsome. That's good, as the desperate dad's actions borders sociopathy. There's lots of frequent laughs here, in the son's conversations with his “girlfriend,” and it moves towards an appropriately cringe-inducing – but ultimately poignant – conclusion. Good use of a laser tag anxiety attack. 

29. The Menu

A frequently hilarious satire on artistic pretensions, compromise in the face of capitalistic systems, and about half-a-dozen different types of obnoxious rich people. The twisting screenplay keeps you hooked. There's some surprising insight into working in the service industry, especially in the oddly poignant ending. The direction and set design is meticulous. Ralph Fiennes is hilarious, terrifying, and pathetic in equal measure, leading a more-than-capable ensemble cast.

30. Kimi

Tense little thriller that makes great use of its limited locations, the camera moving smoothly through Angela's apartment and follows her around the streets of Seattle. The pros and cons of our current technology landscape are treated honestly, coming around nicely during the climax. Zoe Kravitz is a heroine you can root for and watching her outsmart those around her is deeply satisfying. The score and soundtrack picks are top shelf too.

31. When I Consume You

Another quirky, low-budget, heart-felt horror indie from Perry Blackshear. You get attached to the brother/sister relationship very quickly, making all the interactions that follow more meaningful. The lo-fi effects used to create the demonic villain are surprisingly creepy. The sudden injection of lore in the last act muddles an otherwise intense and kind of sweet story of sibling reconciliation and soul-sucking monsters. 

32. Crimes of the Future

A proud return to the mutated flesh and kinky sex that defined Cronenberg's earlier films. Evolution has become a revolutionary act. What is art? Is it when you spill your guts for the amusement of strangers? What is sex? Is it when you poke around inside someone else? Cronenberg definitely enjoys exploring these fleshy ideas. A low budget holds back the grotesque body-horror though the cast are definitely on this oddball wavelength.

33. This is GWAR

Condenses everything you'd expect from a thirty year long career – inflating egos and creative personalities clashing, drugs and crazy stories on the road, censorship and controversy –  but in a way befitting heavy metal's greatest pranksters. By which I mean it's consistently hilarious, powered by an unflappable youthful energy. Focusing on the people on the band, and their oversized personalities, also makes the inevitable loss much more meaningful. Plus, there's lots of fake blood and some of the real stuff too.

34. Speak No Evil

Weaponizes social awkwardness to unsettling degrees, as the social contract of politeness is pushed further and the hapless couple are forced into increasingly uncomfortable scenarios. The seasick feeling builds towards an disturbingly grim climax, which ranks high among 2022's bummer endings. There is a dark humor too, as you watch things spin out of control. I feel like this says something about Danish and Dutch society that my dumb American brain can't grasp. 

35. Sissy

This is probably an indictment of the narcissistic social media influencer mindset. (And there’s good depictions of the dopamine rush getting likes gives you.) Mostly, I found Cecilia to be the most sympathetic serial killer in recent cinematic memory. Her tormentors all had it coming. That’s a dynamic that probably shouldn’t work but somehow, with Aisha Dee's traumatized performance and the campy score, it's successful... At least until a shaky last third that sets up an admittedly perfect final scene. 

36. Bones and All

Clearly, being an “eater” is a metaphor for any sort of societal outsiderdom. (Being gay during the eighties only being the most obvious one.) The act of cannibalism is presented without judgment, the film veering towards a point about love and total acceptance. Watching the young lovers come together is sweet, supported by vulnerable performances from Chalamet and Russell. Yet the episodic, road movie structure makes it hard to get too sucked into this. This is most evident when it comes to the villain, played by a surprisingly terrible Mark Rylance. The score is good but I found the cinematography muddy at times.

37. Offseason

Makes the most of its foggy, storm season Florida setting, creating a seriously creepy ambiance early on. When combined with a “town with a dark secret” story, that bends in increasingly Lovecraftian directions as it goes on, I was sucked in to this one throughout. Jocelin Donahue gives a strong lead performance and there's some excellent use of Richard Brake. The novel-like structure is probably unnecessary but it does lend a little more introspection to this story.

38. Sonic the Hedgehog 2

In the sequel, Sonic is learning to superhero responsibility. He has adorable chemistry with Tails. Knuckles' transition from hero to villain happens too quickly but I was mostly satisfied with him. Jim Carrey hams it up to extreme levels. The second film is torn between comedy and sci-fi spectacle. This uncomfortable divide is most apparent in the live action cast. Why is precious screen time devoted to a boisterous bride? Ultimately, “Sonic 2” is at its best when integrating elements from the original games into its silly plot.

39. The Loneliest Boy in the World

Charming zombie-comedy that takes its premise to grotesque highs, skillfully maintaining the balance between obnoxious and meticulously retro camp. The influences are obvious – Tim Burton and John Waters being the most prominent – but the performance and likable characters kept me amused the whole time. It's a shame it barely has an ending, the conclusion coming utterly abruptly. 

40. Prey

Placing a “Predator” story in pre-coloniel America changes the meaning of the franchise's trademarks. Not one minute is wasted, as everything set up in the first act comes back later. Amber Midthunder makes for a compelling lead. She also has great chemistry with her little dog. The CGI effects are not up-to-snuff but the Feral Predator looks cool. The action scenes are a little over-choreographed. Yet it's easy to forgive when the movie piles on some gnarly gore.

41. Jurassic Punk

The classic story of a self-destructive genius. Steve “Spaz” Williams' chaotic spirit and his willingness to do things differently is exactly what made him a digital effects pioneer. It's also what costs him professional connections. There's no doubt the guy is a character and hearing stories of his mischievous days at ILM is a highlight of this doc. You feel his frustration as his bosss take credit for his work and there's a sad humanity in watching his downfall. This probably could've stood to be longer, delving more into Steve's career and personal life.

42. V/H/S/99

A solid addition to the found footage franchise.  “Shredding” is probably the weakest of the segments. The teens are simply too unlikable. Things improve with “Suicide Bid.” Seeing the protagonist panic inside the coffin is suspenseful. “Ozzy's Dungeon” captures a specific, nostalgic feeling in purpose of disturbing and sickening the viewer. “The Gawkers” does the best job of capturing the year 1999 and I could relate to this level of douchy, teen boy horniness. We wrap up with “To Hell and Back,” which has a flippant approach to damnation.

43. Strange World

Drawing inspiration from the pulp sci-fi magazines of the early 20th century, there's some wonderfully well thought-out world-building here. The anti-fossil fuel message is delivered in a clever way. The father issues at the story's core are not as novel, though well-handled. The comic relief is mostly terrible though, despite the voice cast doing an admirable job. And it's neat to have a Disney cartoon with a gay main character. 

44. A Wounded Fawn

Shot on grainy 16mm, Travis Stephens' latest is a feast for the eyes with colorful visuals and precise production design. This is fitting, for a story steeped in classic art. Stephens and his team cook up wild imagery, my favorite being a wood stove turning into a dragon. As it descends more into Greek mythology influenced surrealism, it becomes less compelling. While the thematic concerns, Josh Ruben playing another representation of toxic masculinity, feel a bit old-hat. 

45. Wendell & Wild

Henry Selick insures that this looks cool as possible, fun spooky vibe inhabiting every frame of these hand-made, stop-motion worlds. Kay and Peele are hilarious and lead a talented voice cast, backed by a bitching Afro-Punk soundtrack. The convoluted story feels like it was adapted from a long-running comic, throwing many crazy ideas at the audience in a plot that can't quite focus on any one of its wild premises. 

46. Out There Halloween Mega Tape

As in the first “WNUF,” Chris LaMartina shows an uncanny ability to replicate the look and feel of nineties junk television. Some of the fake commercials presented here are indistinguishable from the real thing but others are more blatantly comedic. Sometimes, the lack of funds runs into the movie's desire for realism. Taking aim at media accountability, the surprisingly grim finale suggests that maybe it wasn't a good idea that nineties pulp TV encouraged lunatics so much. 

47. Violent Night

Too impressed with its own outrageousness at times. The glib violence, colorful vulgarities, and in-your-face characters stand in stark contrast to the Santa/little girl bonding, which plays out with nary a wink. The film is most entertaining when embracing gleefully over-the-top action. The creative team definitely had fun juxtaposing wholesome Christmas traditions with the most violent executions they could conceived. David Harbour is believably holly jolly in some regards, as well as a creditable action lead.

48. My Father's Dragon

It took me a while to decide whether I find the titular fire-breathing creature cute or annoying. Eventually, I realized he was adorable, much like everything in the latest lushly animated fantasy from Cartoon Saloon. The story smuggles heavy but universal themes into a plot that seems simultaneously too simple and convoluted. This is an issue effecting the whole film, as it seems too slight in many ways – practically every animal is another cute sidekick – but over-invested in its own lore. But it sure is pretty, no denying that. 

49. The Leech

A clever dark comedy about pushing the limits of Christian charity. It’s an easy story to relate to, of wanting to help someone but also wanting to protect your own sanity. There's a nice layer of ambiguity too, the script slowly revealing that saintly David is not all he appears to be. The film shows all of its central trio slipping into depravity and instability, making this more complex than just a story about uninvited guests driving you nuts. Yet “The Leech” does loose its footing the more it slips into hallucinatory horror. 

50. History of the Occult

The restrained black-and-white cinematography and aspect ratio set up some nice shocks later in the film, when those established rules are broken in some surprising ways. The ideas of occult interaction and parallel universes are interesting, even if they dovetail with a less compelling political corruption plot. The newsroom setting doesn't leave room for the most detailed characters though.

51. Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

An anti-fascist “Pinocchio” that leans towards a general anti-war message, themes of fathers and sons, acceptance, the perils of show business, religion, and the value of life. It's an overstuffed film that still can't move past the episodic plotting endemic to this story. The art style is great, the fairies and angels are cool, the all-star voice cast is professional, but the songs are totally forgettable. 

52. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

David Blue Garcia manages to make a decent-looking movie. The oppressive sunlight of Texas shines through. Leatherface as the enraged avatar of an alienated working class, striking back at rich kids, is in-keeping with this franchise. The Sally Hardesty subplot has little effect on the story. As for Lila's backstory, a survivor of a school shooting, I wish they hadn't gone there. For the most part, this is a goofy slasher flick and the butchery is well-executed. Garcia adds some suspense to the splatter.

53. The House

The tactile quality of the stop-motion animation goes a long way towards creating an uneasy feeling, especially in the creepy first segment. The second story bends more towards dark comedy, especially once a song-and-dance number starring beetles and grubs begins, but it still has a disquieting ending. The third tale is surprisingly hopeful, an absurd metaphor about moving on with your life that is nice but does end things on a bit of a weaker note

54. Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm

Marries the typical edgy “Aqua Teen” absurdity with surprisingly sharp satire about Amazon and its 

anti-union policies. The Bezos stand-in being so insecure ranks among the funniest jokes.  There's lots of ridiculousness, in the form of bizarre aliens, a llama-shaped rocket ship, circular dialogue, and these insane characters being their usual petty selves. At only 75 minutes, this is the right length and only the Mooninite interludes drag.  

55. On the Count of Three

Gradually, I found myself getting attached to the two dysfunctional characters that lead this movie. Jerrod Carmichael is quietly hilarious as a man who slowly regains his will to live. Christopher Abbott gets more manic as the day goes on. The episodic story bends in some nicely absurd directions, while the poignant element only grows stronger as it goes on. I feel like there definitely could've been a little more meat on these bones but I'm glad I watched it. 

56. Flux Gourmet

Admittedly, this satire of artistic pretensions and the relationship between food and sex amused me more than Peter Strickland's previous art house fantasmas. He definitely finds the repeated use of the words “flanger” and “balling,” not to mention the description of gastrointestinal agony in Greek, funnier than I do. Yet the peculiarities of the performances – Asa Butterfield's Flock-of-Seagulls-inspired doofus especially – and the absurd details it cooks into its world of food-based performance art got me to smile from time to time.

57. Black Glasses

Dario Argento returning to the genre that he defined. I was surprised at how charming the central relationship proved to be,  how sympathetic it was to the sex worker's plight and her recent blindness. The themes of motherhood, light and darkness, and animals are interesting too. The stalk-and-slash sequences are decently stylish, even if it descends into Modern Argneto tackiness eventually. The electronic score is pretty groovy too.

58. The Black Phone

The young cast is talented and Ethan Hawke makes a perversely sinister villain. The seventies setting adds a nice vibe. The colorfully profane dialogue is amusing, though does nothing to dissuade the idea that Joe Hill is a pale imitation of his father. This is especially evident in the subplot about the psychic sister, which does nothing but dilute the suspense by cutting away from the basement. Scott Derrikson's direction is hammy and his addiction to jump scares further undermines a good film that could've been tighter and more tense. 

59. Slash/Back

Kids on bikes versus insidious alien threat flick that benefits from the specificity of its setting. It wears its influences on its sleeve but the shambling, squirming monsters are still suitably unnerving, leading to some tense attack scenes. Watching the characters bicker and come into their own is adorable, which makes me wish the cast was a little less wooden and the dialogue a little less cute. 

60. PussyCake

Enjoyably goopy and gory Argentinan zombie flick that adds a dose of cosmic-horror and further weirdo mutations to the infection premise. The filmmakers The cast is goofy and outrageously dressed, even if they are never really distinct as character. The plot leaves a lot of things vague but it's fun to watch this march through, and often subvert, the expected beats of the genre. I do wish the rock band aspect was exploited a little more.

61. Night's End

COVID is never mentioned in this clever indie horror flick but the discomfort of the pandemic era, represented by a main character too afraid to leave his own home, who has to psych himself up just to awake in the morning, is nicely captured. Told mostly via video chat session, the script flows like a conversation. The attempts at scares range from the effectively subtle to the flashy. Geno Walker is a compellingly squirmy lead. Some special effects in the last act are janky. 

62. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

Committing fully to the bit, Eric Appel's film never wavers from its goal of satirizing rock biopic cliches in the most outrageous fashion possible. Just when the main joke starts to wear itself out a bit, the movie lurches towards a delightfully unexpected and nutty action movie parody. Daniel Radcliffe plays it straight and the murderer's row of cameos are amusing. It's way too long though and maybe needed more of Al's trademark irreverence.

63. You Are Not My Mother

Rather clearly, a movie about living with a bipolar parent but does try its damnedest to be scary too. Director Kate Dolan creates a dreary atmosphere throughout. The droning score increases this feeling. There’s some great October 31st ambiance in the final act. A strong set of performances seal the deal on a film that’s handsome, tense, and with a well researched backstory. 

64. Dual

Not as sharp a satire as Riley Stearns' previous films, even if it's tackling clear injustices in the medical and justice industries. Yet understanding of the absurd remains strong here, leading to a number of extremely dry and weird jokes that I found amusing. Karen Gillan, unsurprisingly, is a good fit for this style of comedy. Things get weirder and more contemplative in the last third, leading to a strangely downbeat and unsatisfying ending.

65. She Will

Another indie horror flick characterized by moody ambiance, forested isolation, surreal asides, vaguely explained folklore, and thematic musings on womanhood and toxic masculinity. What elevates this one a bit is a plum starring role for Alice Krige, who is at her best when digging into the catty dialogue. Watching her form a friendship with her nurse is among the film's highlights. Malcolm McDowell is also well utilized in his few scenes.

66. Thor: Love and Thunder

Themes of arrested man-children that characterize Taika's films come to their inevitable conclusion: Thor starts the next stage of his life. The amount of jokes in the first half of is overwhelming. The more the focus turns towards Thor and Jane's relationship, the better it gets. Unfortunately, the scenes devoted to Jane's cancer do stick out. Christian Bale brings a lived-in weariness to Gorr. In fact, he might be too compelling. It's hard to argue with the conclusion that the Gods need butchering. Some of the visual effects are surprisingly shoddy at times. 

67. The Munsters

Any fears that Rob Zombie would grunge up “The Munsters” are dispelled within minutes, as he is painstakingly faithful to the TV show.  Zombie is so faithful, that he even replicates the sleepy pacing of a sixties sitcom. His “Munsters” often feels like a series of loose gags barely strung along, moving towards a low-key climax and abrupt ending. Yet the searing color choices and cartoonish visual touches, alongside an utterly committed cast, still makes this live-action cartoon amusing more often than not.

68. Jurassic World Dominion

Much like our world, this one is teetering on ecological disaster. It's not dinosaurs we're afraid of but corporate greed. There's this feeling running throughout that we have to save the world for the sake of our kids. "Jurassic World Dominion" is still very flawed. Its story is a tangled web of events that are spread thin over multiple subplots. New characters are hastily introduced before disappearing. This still functions like a well-oiled thrill machine, filled with breathlessly orchestrated action sequences that escalate in intensity. 

TWO AND A HALF STARS:

69. Carter

The action scenes are some of the most bonkers I've ever seen, elaborately choreographed melees and vehicle chases that are followed by breathless, impossible camera work. The free fall shoot-out, fight that leaps between three cars on a freeway, and a battle that starts on a train and moves to several helicopters are my favorite. Yet the plot is an incoherent mishmash of conspiracy theories, espionage double-crosses, sci-fi plot devices, and rage zombies. The characters have no identity at all. The result is a movie that is a careening roller coaster ride that frequently pauses for shit nobody cares about.

70. Bitch Ass

Cleverly covers up its obviously low budget with sometimes clever visual gimmicks. The premise is simple – essentially a 'hood movie mash-up of “Don't Breathe” and “Saw” – though the board game aspect is amusing. The cast is talented, little things being done to enliven the characters.  A narrative shift, and unnecessary plot twist, in the second half threw me off and the movie never quite recovers. And it needed more of Tony Todd's horror host persona. 

71. Hellhole

At first, I found the approach here really refreshing, tackling a possession movie from a skeptical angle that depicts the secret sect of priests as nothing but unhinged fanatics running an elaborate hoax. When this perspective is applied to end times prophecies, the film takes a really fascinating turn... Sadly, that proceeds an ending that throws it all the way in favor of a bunch of demonic imagery. Yeah, it looks cool but I wish the film had stuck to its guns. 

72. The Eternal Daughter

Uses the visual language of an old English ghost story – that means lots and lots of fog – to tell a deeply personal tale about grief, regret, and a massive amounts of Mommy Issues. Tilda Swinton, in a dual role, gives the deeply vulnerable and intuitive performance you expect from her. There's some dark comedy thanks to an unwelcoming hotel staff. Yet this is one of those indies that tries to compensate with an extremely slow, thin story with lots of ambiance. And that only goes so far, even when this is clearly touching on some meaningful material.

73. Something in the Dirt

Conspiracy theory kitchen-sink story that manages to sink countless ideas into one semi-coherent story of two friends coming together and then falling out, getting sucked deeper into their own paranoia. This is probably my favorite Benson/Moorehead joint so far, which means its still over-long with too many digressive episodes and overcomplicated for its own good. Did that documentary framing device add anything to this story at all? 

74. The Princess

The amusing premise – what if “The Raid” starred a fairy tale princess? – is enough to keep this entertaining for a bit. The fight choreography is quite good and Joey King seems to be doing a lot of her own stunts. (Whether you find her a creditable action heroine is debatable.) Unfortunately, the writing is so thin, and its “girl power” feminism so shallow, that the pace falters quickly. The CGI is not very good and Dominic Cooper is directionless as the hammy villain. 

75. Scream

A slightly winking but otherwise straight example of the “requel” trend that is much happier to nod at the familiar than do anything new, the last act rants about an entirely different matter. All the supporting characters are more interesting than the protagonist. Melissa Barrera's Sam is saddled with the sequel's most melodramatic arc. Whatever flaws the directorial team bring to the material, they do excel at gory mayhem. The stalk-and-slash scenes are well executed. A competently assembled motion picture that is resistant to change. 

76. Significant Other

The first half of this is pretty good, when it's focused on Maika Monroe having an increasingly uncomfortable camping trip with her (kind of clueless but mostly normal seeming) boyfriend. Once the sci-fi/horror element takes precedence, it falls apart into something unseemingly campy that jives badly with the quiet tension of the earlier scenes. Nevertheless, Monroe's performance – especially the way she brings on an anxiety attack with just her words – keeps this afloat. Also, pleasantly unexpected appearance from a shark.

77. After Yang

There's a spectacular sequence about forty minutes into this, showing the way the most ephemeral memories can stick around and define your life. The film has a lot to say about connections, family, love, and how memories are formed. Yet it is so incredibly, painfully, glacially slow. The performances are so muted, they almost become inhuman. You can imagine a visions of this that leans more into the absurdity – a robotic family member being treated like an old cellphone – but instead it's just maudlin and quiet the whole time. 

78. The Silent Twins

Considering Agnieszka Smoczynska of “The Lure” directed this, it's not surprising that the dream/hallucination sequences – at least one of which is song-and-dance number set to a pop song – are the highlights of this film. Here's another 2022 film with a weird stop-motion element. Sadly, the facts-based drama around these scenes is rather dreary, a sprawl of under-explained bad behavior and unfortunate happenstance. The lead actresses are good but their odd accents are extremely distracting. 

79. Glorious

Never lives up to its outrageous premise. J.K. Simmons is nicely deadpan as the voice of an eldritch abomination from beyond. Ryan Kwanten is fittingly schmoey as the protagonist. There's some decent jokes in the first half-hour. The Lovecraftian elements are well utilized. Yet, even at only 79 minutes, the film has to resort to surreal digressions and circular plotting to get to feature length. The twist ending is highly predictable and kind of insulting. 

80. Dragon Ball Super: Super Heroes

Nowadays, I find “Dragon Ball's” focus on super forms, fighting techniques, and magical rites utterly dry. While the CGI animation is stylish, the last act's descent into endless fight scenes, with ever-increasing threat levels and more special moves, gets tedious. This franchise has been going on for so long, that the sheer number of characters -- and the film's need to include as many as possible -- is overwhelming. Having said that, Pan is adorable, the comic relief is amusingly wacky, and at least one of the new additions to the cast is a lovable goofball. 

81. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Essentially attempts to move the first film's supporting cast into the protagonist role, an unwieldy solution that creates an unsteady story that is always shifting focus, centered on an ensemble that is weighed down by grief. This is also one of those Marvel sequels that are burdened by having to set-up future adventures. The cast do their best and Namor is given the introduction he deserves. 

The photography is often way too dark and the action scenes are also needlessly muddy.

82. Gone in the Night

A good example of a mystery that's more involving the less it reveals. The opening set-up is creepy enough. Once this becomes a weird romance, utilizing Winona Ryder's unique charm and the gravelly chemistry she has with Dermot Mulroney, that works kind of well. The flashback heavy structure intrigues at first. After we get a good idea of where this is going, it starts to falls apart and clatters towards a messy, preposterous climax and vague denouncement. 

83. Hellraiser

The biggest mistake is needlessly junking up Clive Barker's elegant mythology. Riley leaping between depression and mania make her hard to relate to. The other characters are boringly bitchy. The Cenobite designs are clever. In the final twenty minutes, this “Hellraiser” finally develops a pulse. Yet it's all strangely dispassionate, the new film's good qualities dragged down by a maudlin pacing and overly gloomy mood.

84. The Cursed

I wanted to like this one more than I did simply because its foggy, gothic atmosphere appeals to me so much. The script offers a clever reinvention of the werewolf mythology, basing it in the xenophobia that would have been all too common in this time and place. (And flips the “gypsy curse” trope on its head.) Sadly, the film depends on the worst cliches of modern indie horror. The pace is glacial, all the dialogue is spoke in hushed whispers, the characters are vague, and there's too many jump scares. Worst of all, the creature effects are done with mediocre CGI and obscured with shaky camera-work. 

85. The Apology

The story is largely a two-hander, mostly devoted the heroine and villain talking out their feelings. The direction is even rather stage-like, which does breed some intimate intensity. Yet screenplay veers towards the didactic at times. This clearly isn't just a thriller but a story about men deflecting blame their own vile actions. The performances start out overheated but slowly won me over. Needed more Christmas ambiance though!

86. Bodies Bodies Bodies

The whodunit angle admittedly kept me hooked, while the pay-off is by far the biggest laugh in a dark comedy largely devoid of laughter. There's one likable character in a cast of Gen-Z caricatures designed to be despicable. The use of buzzwords, as shorthand for shallowness, frequently made me roll my eyes. (Though a character denying shooting someone while literally holding the smoking gun was kind of funny.) If most of your murder-mystery suspects are going to be intolerable narcissists, you should really up the gore.

87. The Found Footage Phenomenon

Documentaries like this need to either be thoroughly comprehensive or dig deep into the meanings behind these cinematic trends. This one doesn't quite do either. In the last third, the focus turns towards the technical difficulties of shooting found footage, the least interesting thing about it. A random crop of directors are interviewed here, causing forgettable or even bad films to get undue attention. Honestly, a longer interview with Alexandra Heller-Nicholas – a insightful academic and well-spoken genre historian – probably would've been better. 

88. Science Friction

Confirms what we've all suspected: That cable pseudo-science documentaries take quotes from legitimate scientist wildly out-of-context. As an expose on that admittedly niche topic, this is a detailed examination of how and why this happens. As a movie, it's deeply uncinematic, not being much more than a series of interviews intercut with clips from the offending shows.

89. Master

“Master” is a drama about race that does the bare minimum to classify as horror. Every interaction Gail and Jasmine have with white people is packed with micro-aggressions, racist presumptions, and patronizing comments. There are some effective horror sequences, such as a moment in a public shower, that effectively create the feeling that an otherworldly force is closing in on the young heroine. Yet these two elements never converge in a meaningful way. Story threads aggravatingly remain unresolved.

90. Smile

The unholy offspring of the modern “elevated” horror fad and an early 2000s J-horror remake. You see this in the rather desperate attempt to create a chilly atmosphere paired with dumb-ass jump scares every fifteen minutes. The thuddingly obvious theme of “trauma” is outright explained to the audience by the end. I would almost be offended by the depiction of mental illness as a communicable disease if the movie didn't get increasingly goofy. Half a star for the dead cat reveal, the kind of hysterical trashiness this needed much more of. 

TWO STARS:

91. Lightyear

Rather than a colorful throwback to classic sci-fi adventures or a homage to toyetic 90s cartoon, “Lightyear” is a rather dour, visually drab story about regrets. This clashes badly with the typical comic relief sidekicks you expect in a Pixar movie and the nostalgia-baiting throwbacks to classic Buzz lines and moments from the original “Toy Story.” A time travel twist midway through is completely baffling and robs the movie of a compelling villain. The adorable but dead-pan robot cat sidekick steals the movie and a pair of zero gravity action scenes are properly thrilling. 

92. Monstrous

Christina Ricci as a jittery 1950s housewife protecting her son from a slimy lake monster would be enough for most movies. Instead, this one pursues half a dozen narrative red herrings. Does the boy have psychic powers? Is he a ghost? Is this some sort of “Babadook”-style fable about parental resentment? Is it all a drug-induced hallucination? When the reveal comes – via the one clever touch in the movie – it can't help but be massively disappointing and weirdly sappy.

93. Crabs!

Exceptionally dumb horror/comedy and it's almost charming. Murderous horseshoe crabs make an amusing substitutes for Gremlins. When not given self-aware dialogue, the teen leads are likable. The kaiju-filled finale is ludicrous but its heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, an obnoxious Eastern European character that the filmmakers seem to think is hilarious – he even sings the theme song! – that constantly kept me from enjoying this one. 

94. Piggy

Miserablist horror/drama that seems to delight in humiliating its plus-size protagonist. It's hard to feel like the film is on her side when every scene is devoted to making her unhappy or drawing attention to her body. This feels especially true about the dreary climax, which feels like a sick joke. Laura Galan gives  good performance and there's some mild suspense but I'm not sure the film really has any point at all to make about bullying, having shitty parents, or societal pressures on teenage girls concerning physical appearance.

95. The Rise of the Synths

By focusing on synthwave musicians simply talking about their genre, this documentary never finds a compelling thesis. It harps on 80s nostalgia over and over without finding any deeper meaning. The backwards structure, beginning in the modern day and going to synth's origins, also skews the structure in the least interesting direction. John Carpenter's narration is cool but frequently divorced from the rest of the film. Those framing devices are trying way too hard and seems to distract from what might've made this project interesting.

96. Black Adam

Compiles elements from superior superhero movies. The Justice Society are rendered as Marvel knock-offs. The script is all ass-backwards, asking us to care about a friendship we've seen no evidence of, revealing an origin halfway through, and introducing a new villain in the last act. The Rock's charisma is chained to a dour, indestructible killer who randomly bonds with a kid. The final blow is an over-reliance on slow-mo ramping, creating muddled action sequences. 

97. Morbius

Goes out of its way to remind us that its title character isn't a bad guy, which drains the vampire premise of much of its tension. The special effects leave a lot to be desired, the CGI stretchy faces looking goofy. The film doesn't do a good job of clarifying Morbius' superpowers in general. Jared Leto is hopelessly miscast, Morbius acting as an extension of his wannabe messiah act. Over-the-top Matt Smith is at least having fun. The homoerotic subtext, when placed alongside the superhero melodrama, can't help but translate to campy laughs. 

98. Mickey: The Story of a Mouse

Exactly what you'd expect from a documentary about Mickey Mouse made by Disney. As a history of Walt, his studio, and its mascot, this barely scratches the surface. As an exploration of Mickey's status as a pop culture icon, it's mildly diverting. Occasionally, this is will pause for a legitimate (though never scathing) critique. But mostly it's 90 minute corporate self-congratulation, of people talking about how great Mickey and Walt are. Dull, in other words. 

99. DASHCAM

Rob Savage's follow-up to “Host” shows the same special effects ingenuity, creating some clever scares and over-the-top gore. Unfortunately, he picks an annoying character to be his protagonist. Annie Hardy, a MAGA loving, anti-vax, COVID denialist who constantly spits unfunny “funny” dialogue makes this a tiresome ride. And her politics have no effect on the story! The plot gets increasingly outlandish as it goes on, the viewer's interest sinking before the abrupt conclusion.

100. King Knight

The intentionally stilted dialogue gives “King Knight” a jerky rhythm. The aggressively weird characters only exists as collections of grotesque quirks. This makes the cast more annoying than endearing. (You know things are bad when Andy Milonakis is one of the *better* appearances.)  The central conflicts are the pettiest grievances, such as goths versus preps. This renders funny ideas – a talking pine cone, Ray Wise as Merlin – totally inert. The wiccan angle is mildly novel.

101. Soft & Quiet

We know cartoonish bigotry exists and simply portraying it on-screen isn't enough. The shock value inherent in the premise of “white women are capable of vile beliefs” seems to be the reason this exists, as evident in its best moment: A shot of a racist pie that reveals what these people are. After that, it's a miserable slog as we watch terrible people be terrible. The only novel insight is that these women hate each other as much as they others. Intergroup tension could've been focused on more, to generate more thrills, but instead this just follows awful events as they unfold. The one-shot gimmick is neither distinct nor compelling. The performances are good, I guess, but you're going to hate all the principal characters.

102. Disenchanted

One of those sequels that lazily flips the original's premise, this time sticking cynical, modern humans into a fairy tale style setting. Turning the protagonist into a wicked stepmother cliché derails the one truly likable character this has, also forcing the script to focus on the less interesting, younger lead. The songs are shockingly forgettable and even the traditionally animated scenes look phoned-in. Amy Adams and Maya Rudolph give it their all and the production design is nice.

103. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

The overwhelming focus on family secrets and tragic backstories causes this epic to more closely resemble a soap opera. The pace is glacial. Dialogue-heavy exchanges set up sequences, which then play out with little suspense. None of the new characters are interesting. Mads Mikkelsen can't breathe much malevolence into Grindlewald but is an improvement over Depp. The movie does a better job of incorporating the fantastic beasts into its story. Yet this still feels like a mandatory stop on a long journey that nobody is invested in making. 

104. Hellbender

Combines nearly every insufferable trend in modern indie horror into one intolerable motion picture. Vague, self-involved mythology is used to prop up a story where barely anything actually happens. The attempts to build atmosphere boils down to bored, lifeless actors whispering in dark rooms. Freaky, transgressive imagery is tossed at the viewer in an attempt to shock us but it comes off as more empty theater. And here's some shitty CGI effects too. Some of the songs and the vomit swapping scene were cool.

105. Funny Pages

It really sits wrong with me that the main character is the only semi-attractive, actually talented person in a world full of freaks, who are utterly grotesque in appearance and personality. What follows feels like a Todd Solondz movie without the empathy or a Terry Zwigoff movie without the jokes. Grows increasingly directionless as it heads towards a mean-spirited climax. I kind of get what they were going but ends up being an uncomfortable watch with not much rewarding about it.

106. Christmas Bloody Christmas

Half-ass attempt at yuletide mayhem that doesn't utilize any of its holiday or robot gimmicks in meaning ways and represents Joe Begos' style at its most self-indulgent. Nearly the entire first half-hour is devoted to self-consciously vulgar dialogue and the rest rips off “The Terminator.” When you don't care about whether these people live or die, it's hard to be too invested in anything that happens. The gory special effects aren't too impressive either.

107. Hocus Pocus 2

One of those dreary comedy sequels that limply re-enacts the gags from the first movie. If there's any greater ambitions than to remind people of the original, they are smothered under a screenplay that's been work-shopped to death. The new heroes are never well defined, Becca never coming to life and her friends are even thinner. Worst yet, “Hocus Pocus 2” spreads its time over several subplots. There are generally too few laughs here. 

ONE AND A HALF:

108. Chip 'n' Dale: Rescue Rangers

A dead-inside product that is masquerading as a celebration of the medium, ultimately about the evils of bootleg merchandise. The traditionally animated characters are created through incredibly cheap looking cell-shaded CGI. The unexpected cameos are pretty much the only jokes. Much of the comedy relies upon totally inert banter between the two chipmunks. Being ironic and self-referential about shitty, hacky writing doesn't make it any less shitty or hacky.