Christmas 2018: December 21st

The Bells of St. Mary's (1945)

Pubic taste changes. These day, the biggest film of the year is usually some special effects driven action extravaganza. In 1944, the highest grossing film of the year was “Going My Way,” a drama/musical starring Bing Crosby as a Catholic priest. The film grossed almost eight million dollars, about the modern equivalent of 114 million, and won seven Academy Awards. Public taste changes but something that's true was also true then. Massive box office hits are often followed by sequels. The very next year, Crosby's Father O'Malley would return in “The Bells of St. Mary's.” The sequel was also a huge hit, outperforming the original and becoming the highest grossing film in RKO's history. It would win one Oscar out of eight nominations. In the years since, it's required a reputation as a Christmas classic.

Father O'Malley arrives at St. Mary's, a Catholic parish that has seen better days. The buildings is on the verge of being condemned. This would force the kids living there to be transferred across the city. The impending closure weighs heavily on Sister Mary Benedict, the head nun in charge at St. Mary's. She's hoping they'll be able to move into the under-construction building next door but there's no guarantee the businessman who owns it, Horace Bogardus, will let them. Meanwhile, Father O'Malley and Sister Benedict butt heads over their differing approaches to taking care of the kids.

That “The Bells of St. Mary's” was such a blockbuster in 1945 really shows how different things were back then. The film is a slice-of-life drama with relatively low stakes. The parish being threatened with closure is the big dramatic concern in the story. Yet even this issue does not take up all of the film. Instead, much of “The Bells of St. Mary's” is simply about the day-to-day life in the parish. A boy is being bullied, so Sister Benedict teaches him how to box. A teenage girl is doing poorly on her tests, so Father O'Malley begins to tutor her. The only bit of melodrama at all comes when Sister Benedict is diagnosed with tuberculous. Even this is handled with a fairly gentle hand. This laid-back tone gives the movie considerably charm.

Another big factor in the film's favor is its two lead performers. Much of the film's box office success can be attributed to Bing Crosby, one of the biggest stars of the forties. Bing's winning screen persona is hard to deny. He plays Father O”Malley as someone who does things his own way but is always motivated by good reasons. Ingrid Bergman is similarly fantastic as Sister Benedict. Bergman brings total sincerity to the part, a woman who is unmovable in her own way as Father O'Malley is. The chemistry the two have is gentle, quasi-romantic, their conflict remaining gentle even at its most heated.

You could call “The Bells of St. Mary's” is a musical, though its not of the all-singing/all-dancing variety you associate this period with. I can recall any dancing in it at all. Instead, the songs emerge organically out of the story, usually occurring as Crosby and some kids gather around the piano. None of the music is especially memorable. “Aren't You Glad You're You?” would become a hit single for Crosby and it's, admittedly, cute. The title song is pretty, performed by Crosby and a children's choir. None of the music lingers in the memory though. There's certainly nothing here to compete with “Swinging on a Star” from “Going My Way.”

I seem to recall “The Bells of St. Mary's” getting shown on cable around Christmas all the time. The film certainly has a reputation as a Christmas movie. Yet it's actual seasonal content is minor. There's an absolutely adorable scene where a group of kids put on a nativity play. The spirit of giving does feature prominently in the last act. Otherwise, there's no Christmas trees, snow, Santa Claus, or any secular signs of the time of year. While inferior to “Going My Way,” “The Bells of St. Mary's” is still a deeply wholesome and genuinely delightful motion picture. [7/10]

John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together (1979)

My Mom loves John Denver. Growing up, I heard his music a lot. Since I was a kid, I've loved the Muppets. So, it goes without saying, that one of our favorite records to listen to around the holidays was “John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together.” Though I've heard the music many, many times throughout my life, I've never actually seen the television special these songs originated in. This is obviously because “A Christmas Together” has never been released on home video. Luckily, bootlegs copies and Youtube uploads have circulated freely. “A Christmas Together” is a variety special in the truest sense, as it's composed of musical numbers and comedy bits. What plot exists is about Denver trying to corral the Muppets, and Miss Piggy's ego especially, so they can put on a smooth show.

As with any program in this style, you can split “A Christmas Together” pretty evenly into segments that work and segments that don't. The opening rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” a song I normally do not like, is used to introduce each of the Muppet players and their personality. It works pretty well at that, especially with the way Fozzie stumbles his lines. The scenes where Piggy attempts to seduce Denver are funny, as the pop star is clearly having a blast. The scene where Rowlf and Denver sing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is nicely stripped down. The finale, where the Muppets sing “Silent Night' in English and German while Denver explains its history, is pretty. The calypso rendition of “Christmas is Coming” is also high energy and likable.

There are definitely some clunkers though. A sequence near the end, telling the Nativity story, features the creepiest muppets this side of “The Dark Crystal.” A scene where Denver plays a tin soldier, leading up to Miss Piggy performing a romantic ballad, is a real clunker. The song is annoying and the physical comedy is not so hot. The song-and-dance number that occurs early on goes on for a bit too long. Quite a few of Denver's solo numbers are slow and maudlin. Even a duet with Kermit drags the pace way down. I'll admit to liking his reading of “Alfie the Christmas Tree,” a seasonal environmental poem Denver penned that eventually become a children's book my mom read to me many times.

I was disappointed that many of my favorite numbers from the “John Denver and the Muppets” album did not originate in this special. The renditions of “Little Saint Nick” and “When the River Meets the Sea” are classics. The album itself obviously had a far longer shelf life than the program that inspired it. Still, this is a fun little special that is clearly in the vein of “The Muppet Show” episodes it spun off of. It's doubtful an official home video release will ever arrive, so the hazy and scratchy Youtube rips will probably have to suffice.  [7/10]

Christmas 2018: December 20th

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

When “Bad Santa” was released in 2003, it became an unexpected hit. Audiences loved the raunchy humor but many critics responded to the movie's battered heart. It was the filthy holiday comedy people were apparently clamoring for. Considering the box office success, talks of a sequel began soon afterwards. I can't imagine Terry Zwigoff was interested and, after a while, it seemed like a follow-up would never be made. And it's not like “Bad Santa” was crying up for a part two anyway. Yet in 2015, thirteen years after the original, news broke that Billy Bob Thornton had signed on for “Bad Santa 2.” The sequel came out a year later to highly negative reviews and mediocre box office. Still, I enjoy the first one enough to wonder if the second one was worth seeing.

In the decade-plus since the original film, William Soke's life has not improved any. The once Santa, part-time thief, and full-time fuck-up squandered every good thing he was left with last time. Only Thurman, who has grown from a weird kid to a strange teenager, hasn't given up on him. After a failed suicide attempt, Willie receives a phone call from Marcus, his former partner who tried to kill him last time they met. The once elf talks him into a scheme to rip off a charity in Chicago. Upon arriving, Willie discovers his mother is the mastermind behind the heist. Even worst, he has to don the Santa suit again. Thurman follows along and Willie once again feels his blackened heart thawing.

I usually hate it when a sequel resets after the original, undoing all the progress the characters have made. Willie Soke remaining a miserable bastard, even after the transformative events of the original, seems in-character though. Someone like that isn't going to stop making mistakes. So “Bad Santa 2” has a license to be as vulgar, bleak, and hateful as the original. The dialogue remains utterly filthy. There's multiple crude sex acts, different bodily fluids, violence, booze, and nothing but bad behavior. Diminishing returns apply but the script's profanity-laden dialogue is still frequently amusing. As in the first, the story bends wildly so that normal people are willing to put up with an absolute scoundrel like Willie. This is taken to purposely absurd heights, when a female security guard's sexual interests line up perfectly with Willie's personality.

“Bad Santa 2” does repeat many of the first's greatest hits. There's still a scene of Willie responding with curses and bafflement when kids sit on his laps. Once again, he somehow seduces a beautiful woman – Christina Hendricks this time – and gets her to sexually degrade herself in a festive setting. Finally, Thurman somehow sees through Willie's combative exterior and reaches his heart. Somehow, that is still weirdly touching. Especially in a moment when the two end up in a laundromat, Willie actually showing some moral character. When contrasted with Willie's criminal mother, this builds towards a decent theme about the family we're born with and the family we choose. And Thurman is still such a bizarre character that watching the (vulgar but otherwise normal) characters react to him is still worth a laugh or two.

The main reason these jokes work at all may be because the cast remains so committed to the material. Billy Bob Thornton remains absolutely fearless in playing a deplorable son-of-a-bitch. Despite Willie Soke being one of the most despicable protagonist ever put to film, Thornton still manages to make the pathetic bastard oddly likable. Tony Cox is Thornton's equal in his ability to spit profane dialogue with such vigor. Kathy Bates, who is only seven years older than Thornton, seems especially game. She never quite gets at the same inner heartbreak Thornton brings to Willie but she certainly approaches the uncouth material with gusto. (Bates and Thornton are not the only Oscar winners to debase themselves here. Octavia Spencer has a small role as a prostitute.) Christina Hendricks definitely deserves better than this but there is a naughty thrill in seeing one of our era's defining sex symbols in such a lascivious role.

“Bad Santa 2” is obviously not as good as the first one, largely do to being so derivative. It does not have as much heart behind its foul-mouthed antics. While the original is an anti-good cheer holiday cult classic, the sequel is a fairly by-the-numbers affair. Yet the film still made me laugh plenty of times, so I'd say it succeeds as a comedy. [7/10]

Psych: Gus' Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy

After watching an episode of “Monk” the other day, it only seems right that I include some “Psych” in this year's Christmas marathon as well. The two shows aired together for years and, as both are about eccentric detectives, largely defined the USA Network's “Characters Welcomed” brand. It was a much sillier show than “Monk,” as the characters were broader and goofier, often exploding into madcap comedic episodes. Yet that wasn't a complaint, as “Psych” had a strong cast, of both actors and characters, to root even the wilder antics in honest personality. The show had consistently awesome Halloween episodes but also touched on Christmas a few times too. The first of which was “Gus' Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy.”

As Christmas approaches Santa Barbara, families are coming together. Shawn and his dad join Gus' family for dinner. That's when Shawn learns that Gus' parents have always considered him a bad influence. The same day, it's discovered that their next door neighbor – mean old man Mr. Fuller – has died mysteriously. Though initially assumed to be a suicide, it's quickly discovered that Fuller was clobbered to death with a hammer that belonged to Gus' dad. While Gus assures everyone of his dad's innocence, Shawn tries to uncover the real killer using his fake-psychic powers of deduction.

The main appeal of “Psych” was the adorable friendship between Shawn and Gus. The two busts each other's chops constantly but are the truest of bros. Their interaction here includes a hilarious reenactment of “The Tell-Tale Heart,” which escalates fantastically, and Gus getting into Shawn's personal space as he attempts to investigate. One of the main thrusts of this episode is Shawn's shock at learning Gus' parents don't approve of him. Helping this plot point go down is the stellar guest casts as Gus' parents. Ernie Hudson and Phylicia Rashad perfectly balance being overbearing and loving.

While the murder mystery is mildly amusing, including Shawn's typically energetic breakdown of how it happened, what I really liked about this episode is how it touched on different family traditions. Shawn and his dad, played by a perfectly crotchety Corbin Bernsen, try to guess what each other's gifts are before opening them. Shawn claims not to be fond of this tradition but clearly enjoys it. The B-plot involves Lassiter, the SBPD's hard-ass and Shawn's frequent foil, inviting himself to (Shawn's love interest) Juliet's family gathering. Her Scottish family have a number of traditions, which Lassiter attempts to force himself into. The most amusing of which is the way he deconstructs the kid's assemble of a Nativity scene.

Though the show takes place in sunny California, “Gus' Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy” does pile on the Christmas atmosphere. Decorations are present throughout. There's a big family dinner, of course. The episode begins with Shawn passing gifts around the police station. There's a highly amusing chase scene set to a rock version of “Jingle Bells.” They even put a Christmas-y spin on the opening credits and theme song.  In other words, it's a good episode and fits in with the holiday season nicely. [7/10]

Christmas 2018: December 19th

A Christmas Tale (2008)

In America, foreign language films, especially those made in Europe, have a reputation as being dour, down-beat, and pretentious. It's not a totally unearned distinction. Not because they don't make movies of all types in Europe. It's because the European films that get the most critical praise on this side of the ocean tend to fit that description. So when I heard there was a French Christmas movie from 2008, I was not surprised to see it considered among the most depressing holiday viewing. The film was even released by the Criterion Collection, seeming to confirm its status as a heavy, important movie. Watching Arnaud Desplechin's film, I was surprised that it has more in common with American Christmas movies than expected.

The Vuillard family has baggage. Abel and Junon's first child, Joseph, was diagnosed with leukemia at six years old. Abel and Junon would conceive three more children – Elizabeth, Henri, and Ivan – all in a desperate attempt to provide Joseph with a bone marrow donor. It didn't work and the boy died. Though Abel and Junon have done everything they can to hold the children together, resentment has emerged among the siblings. As Christmas approaches, Junon receives news that she has leukemia as well. The siblings, their kids, spouses and girlfriends, gather in the family home in the days before the holiday. The old wounds open again, especially once it's discovery that Henri is a marrow donor for his mother.

Despite what I had read, “A Christmas Tale” is not an excessively dour film. In fact, it's about as upbeat as a movie about someone being diagnosed with cancer can be. Instead of a French mope-fests, it's actually a naturalistic drama about the tension that arises with family get-togethers. Elizabeth and Henri resent each other, the siblings getting into arguments – and the brother even getting punched at one point – several times. Elizabeth's son Paul is mentally ill, his condition weighing on his parents. There's unresolved romantic tension between Ivan's wife and his cousin. All of this is depicted as normal side effects of a large family, with a lot of history, getting back together. There's even quite a bit of humor, when Henri makes a midnight escape or constantly mixes up his nephews.

More than anything else, “A Christmas Tale” is largely a showcase for its accomplished cast. Mathieu Amalric, who I only know from his milquetoast villain turn in “Quantum of Solace,” is fantastic as Henri. He's a drunken screw-up but with compassion and a sincere desire to be forgiven. If anything, his qualms with his siblings are pretty reasonable, considering how they treat him. Catherine Deneuve is steely as Junon, the unflappable matriarch that doesn't let anything hold her back much. Anne Cosigny conveys how deeply wounded Elizabeth is. While the Ivan and Simon's subplot is the film's least essential, it's no fault of Melvil Poupaud and Laurent Capelluto. Even the supporting roles, such as Emmaunelle Devos as Henri's girlfriend, have a fair bit of wit and humor.

I have no familiarity with Arnaud Desplechin's other films. However, it's apparent from this one film that the director has a distinct visual style. The family's history is portrayed through a lightly animated sequence, something like a shadow puppet show. Through the film, he uses smoky silent-movie style irises to create a nostalgic and warm mood. Characters speak directly into the camera and each of the siblings get moments to narrate. One scene even utilizes a DePalma style split screen. More often than anything else, Desplechin's camera peers into the tight interiors of the home, making the audience feel the intimacy of this family gathering. While a largely simple story of sibling rivalry and family tension, Desplechin sees plenty of opportunities to make a visually notable experience.

“A Christmas Tale” ends on a note of uncertainty, Junon's – and the family's at large – fate unresolved. Despite that, I found “A Christmas Tale” almost life-affirming. Despite all the in-fighting and complications, these people do love each other. This family interaction is the real Christmas tradition at the center of “A Christmas Tale,” as gift-giving and setting up the tree are largely meant to provide the characters a chance to talk. The film is well crafted, with strong performances, and some interesting themes on its mind. While it's likely too long and too heavy for most Christmas marathon, it is an interesting inclusion to the holiday film canon. [7/10]

The Little Drummer Boy, Book II (1976)

I wasn’t much of a fan of Rankin/Bass’ “The Little Drummer Boy,” finding it off-putting in a lot of ways. However, it was an early Christmas special for the company. By the mid-seventies, the half-hour original must’ve become some sort of seasonal favorite. That’s when, eight years later, a sequel was produced. “The Little Drummer Boy, Book II” picks up minutes after the end of the original. After playing his drum for the newly born Christ child, Aaron the Drummer Boy decides to join King Melchior on a journey. Melchior is meeting with Simeon. He’s a bell maker who envisioned the arrival of Christ and made a set of giant silver bells to ring in the Passion. When a group of greedy Roman centurions take the bells as tax payments, Aaron and his animal friends head off to retrieve them.

“The Little Drummer Boy, Book II” is marginally better than the original. Asking what happened to the Little Drummer Boy after the end of the song is an interesting question. Having him go off with one of the kings is as good an answer as any. The resulting plot does not strike me as Biblically or historically sound. Simeon is a lost prophet of early Christianity, I guess. When you remember Jesus was literally a newborn at this time, ringing out huge bells to announce his arrival must’ve confused a lot of local people. But neither Christmas carols nor Rankin/Bass specials were meant to stand up to much scrutiny.

Taken on its own, the special is mildly entertaining. Zero Mostel is amusingly hammy as Brutus, the boisterous and sarcastic leader of the centurions. His big music number, describing how currency replaced trade, is admittedly damn catchy. Aaron proves a very passive protagonist here, as he basically just follows the more important characters around. His animals, which thankfully do little of their creepy dancing, are the ones that actually save the day. With far less story than the original, this sequel just breezes by. That’s not a complaint. While an unnecessary sequel to an inessential original, “The Little Drummer Boy, Book II” is a totally painless watch. [6/10]

Christmas 2018: December 18th

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman (2000)

Rather notoriously, two movies named “Jack Frost” were hitting video stores around the same time. Despite the identical titles and similar living snowman premises, one was a sappy family film and the other was a gory horror/comedy. While the family film probably had a wider cultural reach at the time, owing to it actually playing in theaters, only the goofy horror movie got a sequel. The gloriously subtitled “Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman” would hit video shelves at the dawn of the new millennium. Writer/director Michael Cooney and some of the same cast would return along with the killer snowman, suggesting people genuinely wanted to make this sequel.

A year has past since serial killer Jack Frost was transformed into an animated snowman and went on a rampage through the small town of Snowmonton. Though Frost was seemingly melted with antifreeze, Sheriff Sam Tiler is still traumatized by his memories of the killing spree. In hopes it'll get his mind off things, his wife suggest they head to Hawaii for a Christmas vacation. Sam reluctantly agrees, joining his friends for their island honeymoon. But the sheriff is right to be worried. Government agents recover Frost's remains, attempts to weaponize his powers, and end up resurrecting the mutant frost golem. Now with a psychic link to Tiler, he follows the family to Hawaii and begins killing anew.

The first “Jack Frost” was a knowingly ridiculous movie. If the subtitle wasn't indication enough, the sequel ramps that silliness up even further. This is most apparent in the film's ludicrous collection of characters. FBI Agent Manners returns from the first movie, played by a different actor and sporting an eye patch. Every time he exits the screen, he's followed by a dramatic musical sting on the soundtrack. The hotel staff includes an exaggerated Jamaican guy, a British fellow in a pith helmet he makes repeated references to fighting wars in India, and Captain Fun. Captain Fun is a responsible for getting everyone in a party mode, with tactics like costume parties and snowball fights. These goofy characters indicate the kind of cartoony tone “Jack Frost 2” is obviously after.

The first film clearly did not have a very high budget, which is most evident in the lack of snow on the ground throughout most of it. The sequel seems to follow this lead at first. In the first half, Jack Frost appears largely via voice-over and P.O.V. shots. Or a carrot being dragged along the beach. Halfway through, however, Frost makes it snow in Hawaii. He's massacring a whole party. Much of the film's latter half focuses on Frost's snowball-shaped offspring, a very silly plot twist that turns the sequel into a super-cheap “Gremlins” knock-off of sorts. There's even some (admittedly extremely crude) CGI. The movie was clearly saving its budget for its second half.

“Jack Frost 2” does have a demented creative streak. Those nearly indestructible snow-babies – which get squished in waffle irons, swarm victims, and chug booze – are a totally unexpected digression. They admittedly kind of take over the movie but, just when you're sick of their cute-but-deadly antics, papa Jack Frost comes roaring back. Otherwise, the gore effects are even more cartoonish than last time. Jack actually kills someone but changing into an anvil and falling on them. There's an effective exploding head and repeated deadly uses for a carrot. He even shapes into a box at one point, capturing and crushing someone. The highlight of the sequel is when Jack crashes a party, turning a snowball fight deadly. Though mildly amusing throughout, this is the only time the sequel actually made me laugh from its audacity.

Despite teasing a third installment with a typically ridiculous mid-credits scene, there would be no further adventures for Jack Frost. That's probably for the best. I'm not sure what else you could have done with the premise beyond this sequel, which manages to be both somewhat lazy and surprisingly ambitious. (Though the Christmas aspect is mostly in the background, which is not surprising considering the tropical setting.) It's totally brain-dead and will admittedly only appeal to a certain breed of weirdo. Yet I definitely did have a good time with this frosted sequel. I guess what I'm saying is, if you're going to see one killer snowman movie, see “Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman.” [7/10]

Into the Dark: Pooka!

Blumhouse and Hulu's “Into the Dark” feature length anthology series premiered back in October without much fanfare. I reviewed the first episode, which wasn't without merit, but even horror websites didn't seem all that impressed with the first two installments. (I haven't caught up with the November/Thanksgiving feature, “Flesh and Blood.”) However, the December/Christmas episode, “Pooka!,” got some positive reviews. Not coincidentally, this is the first “Into the Dark” chapter to be made by a qualified horror filmmaker. Nacho Vigalondo's career has been uneven but his films are always interesting.

Wilson, a struggling actor, moves to L.A. to get away from a troubled past. He eventually scores his first gig. Wilson has been hired to be the in-costume performer of Pooka. That's the hottest new toy of the holidays, a teddy bear that unpredictably repeats what you just said. Wilson isn't sure about the gig, especially since the suit gives him weird vibes, but it pays well. It also gives him a chance to romance Melanie, a pretty real estate agent. However, he begins to have nightmares about the Pooka suit. Which soon transforms into bizarre hallucinations. He forms a disturbing bond with the suit. When the whole toy line is recalled, Wilson's life truly falls apart.

From its opening minutes, “Pooka!” sets out to create an unnerving atmosphere. The titular toy is well designed. It's cute enough that kids would believably want it. There's also something kind of creepy about it, with those wide eyes that flash red and blue randomly. That juxtaposition, between the cute and the creepy, is successfully built on to create an unsettling atmosphere. Throughout most of “Pooka!,” there's this uncomfortable sense that things could go wrong at any minute. As that nightmarish tone continues, Vigalondo throws more casually surreal sights at us. Such as the Pooka suit sitting in a coffee shop or mysterious banging noises that shakes a Christmas tree.

By establishing this creepy ambiance, the audience is left on-edge for whatever fucked-up imagery Vigalondo throws at us. And there's a lot of that in “Pooka!” Wilson's nightmares are very unnerving indeed. They start as malevolent but explicable, with the Pooka suit springing to life and wrecking his apartment. Something cute becoming corrupt is a reoccurring theme in the episode. As the nightmares continue, Pooka continues to behave badly. He performs sex acts, sets fire, vomits blood, smokes lightly. In the most shocking moment, a child is even endangered, the severity of which we never learn. Vigalondo does a good job of keeping us off-guard and throwing freakishness at us when it's needed.

While “Pooka's” functions well as a surreal creep-fest, its story isn't very concrete. The audience is eventually left wandering what the point of this nightmare is. If Wilson's anxieties about employment or relationships will solidify into something meaningful. Or if the film is taking shots at toy fads like Furbys or Pokemon, both of which Pooka resembles. Surely the Pooka – which shares a name with a mischievous fairy spirit in Celtic mythology – has some deeper significance? Instead, the film's denouncement explains everything in the least interesting way possible, a twist that is well trotted ground. It ends up feeling like a bit of a cop-out.

Still, “Pooka!” is an appropriately spooky bit of holiday horror. There's a decent amount of Christmas trappings. A tense stalking scene occurring in a Christmas tree lot, for example. The cast is solid, with Nyasha Hatendi being a fittingly squirrely as the lead. Mostly, it's Vigalondo's grasp of atmosphere and tone, and the creepy looking title entity, that makes “Pooka!” worth seeing. I doubt it'll become a regular part of my Christmas horror marathons but I think I will continue to check in on “Into the Dark” throughout the year. I'm curious what they'll premiere in August or September, months without any real holidays to latch onto. [7/10]

Christmas 2018: December 17th

The Great Rupert (1950)

Being someone who is both old and watched way too much TV as a kid, I'm aware of performers who were popular during my grandparents' days without actually being exposed to them. Like, for example, Jimmy Durante. I certainly recognize Durante's trademarks: His bulbous nose, his particular speech patterns, his mangling of aphorisms. At the same time, I don't think I've ever actually seen one of Durante's movies, with the exception of his narrator role in “Frosty the Snowman.”  Turns out this is not Durante's only Christmas-related credit. He also starred in 1950's “The Great Rupert.” Upon hearing that George Pal did the stop-motion effects for the film, I decided to add it to my December watch list.

Joe Mahoney is a circus performer whose latest act is Rupert, a dancing squirrel. Sadly, Rupert does not impress Joe's agent and is evicted, forced to set Rupert free. Immediately afterwards, the Amendola family moves in. At the same time, the landlord starts earning lots of money from a gold mine investment. Distrusting of banks, he puts the cash in the wall. Rupert returns to the house and takes up residence in the same alcove. So when the Amendola's run short on cash, Rupert coincidentally tosses cash out at the same time. Father Louie, also a performer, starts to spend the money extravagantly at Christmas. Daughter Rosalinda is romantically pursued by the landlord's artsy son. All the while, they are unaware that a little squirrel is responsible for this miracle. 

Apparently Durante was a last minute addition to “The Great Rupert,” which was written primarily as a vehicle for Terry Moore. Despite this, Durante seems to function well within this material. As the quirky patriarch of a destitute family, he's lovable in a goofy way. The film makes room for his trademark skills. During the Christmas party, he drops verbal comments and performs a comedic piece on the piano. These elements characterizes “The Great Rupert's” general wholesomeness. The love story subplot involving Terry Moore is pretty cute. Her intended getting jealous of the talent agent who is sniffing around her for a while but ultimately things turn out all right. The general premise of the story, the family's prayers being answered in the most unexpected ways, is cute as well.

As a comedy, “The Great Rupert” produces the occasional chuckle more often than big belly laughs. The best gag in the movie involves a bear skin rug that is also a radio, a joke that pays off well at the very end. Durante's performance of “Jingle Bells” is interrupted by the incompetence of his partner, a decent joke. A little gag involving an overly large pair of shoes made me chuckle. A milkshake with whipped cream is well utilized in one brief moment. Once the government becomes aware of the Amendola's sudden windfall, the different organizations come calling, each in their own amusing way. These are small laughs but I enjoyed them.

Despite being the title character, Rupert the Squirrel actually plays a fairly small role in “The Great Rupert.” In fact, the Amendola family is never actually aware of the squirrel's presence. That actually makes the story a little more meaningful, Rupert's acts of kindness going totally unrewarded. As for George Pal's stop motion effects, there's not too much to say about them. When Rupert is switched out from a real squirrel to a puppet one is very evident. Yet there is a creaky charm to the scenes where the squirrel awkwardly starts to dance to jump around. It's not exactly realistic or charming, as the animated Rupert has weirdly long limbs. But it is cute in its own way.

Filmed in 1948 but unreleased until 1950, it was Pal's first feature length credit and an early starring role for Moore. Afterwards, “The Great Rupert” would fall into the public domain, leading to a variety of home video releases. (Including a colorized version under the title of “A Christmas Wish.” Considering Christmas and the squirrel play about an equal role in the film, it's not the worst re-titling they could've made.) Though ultimately a bit on the forgettable side, “The Great Rupert” is a cute family film that will hopefully produce some chuckles or maybe even some warm-and-fuzzies during the winter months. [6/10]

Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire (1999)

Christmas specials are not the regular event that they used to be. However, a new one still occasionally debuts from time to time. I definitely recall seeing the ads for “Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire” on TV around 2002. At the time, I had no idea that this was actually a British holiday special that had been around for four years at that point. Even more strange, when aired on CBS, the British cast was swapped out with an entirely different American cast. Ben Still, Britney Spears, Jim Belushi, James Wood, and a handful of CBS stars would sub in for a collection of well known British comics and performers. While the American version has been aired again in recent years, I decided to watch the original British version instead.

Robbie the Reindeer is the son of the legendary Rudolph. He heads to the North Pole, at the insistence of his father. There he meets the other reindeer. Like alpha male Blitzen, who despises him, the female Donner, who loves him, and reindeer sexpot Vixen, who is indifferent to him. Robbie quickly discovers the deer's training regiment is not to his liking. Once he realizes he can't coast on his dad's reputation, he starts to train hard for a competition that may earn him a spot on Santa's sled team after all.

“Hooves of Fire” is fairly manic and not in an especially likable way. Only a half-hour long, the special attempts to squeeze in as many laughs as possible. Many of these gags border on the obnoxious. Within minutes of arriving at the camp, Robbie slides down a mountain on a tire and nearly gets his head bashed in. Blitzen's hatred of Robbie is overdone and exaggerated. So is Robbie's infatuation with Vixen. Santa is characterized here as an old man, desperate to be seen as hip. Once Old Jingle, the now senile elder that rains Robbie is introduced, the special gets especially grating. An especially painful bit involves his house sitting on a dangerously steep peak. The special even attempts to squeeze in some edgier jokes for the grown-ups, including a fairly blatant sexual reference.

The funniest gags in “Hooves of Fire” tend to be the smaller ones. As the team chiropractor, Donner just flattens out Robbie's clay out with a rolling pin. Santa discovers its hard to grill at the North Pole, as the hot grill just sinks into the ice. The reindeer games are commented on by a yeti and a snowman, a very bizarre pair of characters who may be a reference to some specific bit of British pop culture. When employed in the toy shop, Robbie creates some bizarre action figures, which made me laugh. Rudolph is never actually mentioned by name, presumably for copyright reasons, so the special writes around this in various amusing ways. The gag that made me laugh the most in “Hooves of Fire” is the surprise appearance of a pop star, playing the animal he happens to share a name with.

The animation is decent, though the character designs for the female deer are quite awkward. I didn't really dig “Robbie” but it was popular at the time. Two sequels were produced, in 2002 and 2007. Comic Relief was a co-producer on the film, meaning the profits went to charity. That's good, I suppose. The British voice cast at least features some okay performances, especially Steve Coogan as the villainous Blitzen. But I found this one overbearing and a bit obnoxious. I didn't watch the American dub but kind of doubt it significantly improves the quality of the overall project. I suspect it probably makes it worst. [5/10]

Christmas 2018: December 16th

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

From time to time, the topic of worst Christmas movie of all time has come up during these holiday marathons. I found the usual suspects – “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” “Santa with Muscles” – to definitely be bad but not entirely without merits of their own. A challenger has appeared. I first read about “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” thanks to the trash experts at Bleeding Skull. A few years later, RiffTrax – Michael J. Nelson's revival of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” – would choose the film for one of their live shows. This would expose the Florida produced film to a far wider audience. While I thought about watching the RiffTrax version, I instead decided the raw and uncut version should grace my eyes first. God have mercy on my soul.

You could explain the plot of “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” in three sentences. Santa's sleigh ends up stranded on a beach in Southern Florida. He summons children to help but nothing dislodges Santa's mode of transportation. That is when the children arrive with an entity called the Ice Cream Bunny, who drives Santa away in his fire truck. Yet this plot description does not truly prepare you for “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.” Instead, the film is largely devoted to a sweaty Santa sitting in a ratty sleigh on an empty beach. Dubbed in dialogue reiterates the same points, that Santa is hot and needs to get back to the North Pole. Midway through, Santa tells the children a fairy tale. We are then treated to a previous Barry Cohen production, either "Thumbelina" or “Jack and the Beanstalk” depending on which cut you're watching, in its entirety. (Including opening and closing credits.) Does that sound fun?

If you don't know who Barry Mahon was, let me explain. Mahon got his start in the film business as Errol Flynn's personal pilot. He would then directed dirt cheap stuff like “Rocket Attack U.S.A.” before largely making nudie cuties – non-pornographic pornography – for most of the sixties. When that dried up, Mahon moved towards Z-grade kiddie flicks. (A mysterious figure known only as “R. Winer” is credited with directing but Mahon is usually considered the film's primary author.) Mahon's touch makes you wonder what even classifies as a movie. The film is a series of repetitive events. The songs are tinny and meaningless. The dialogue was added in post and the sound design hisses constantly. The only truly cinematic touch comes when Santa uses telepathy apparently to alert the local children to his presence. They freeze whatever they are doing and then run off to meet him. Otherwise, “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” feels less like a movie and more like a slideshow.

Mahon's need to make movies as cheaply as possible, shipping them out to the most undiscriminating of children's matinees, is likely why most of “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” is actually an entirely different movie. I saw the “Thumbelina” version, as that's the cut available for free on Archive.org. Cohen's “Thumbelina” is essentially a filmed children's stage play. Actors roam in cheap animal costumes around areas that are home-made. A bizarre framing device, shot at defunct Florida theme park Pirates World, has a family witness the play as an audio presentation in the park. It's the most baffling of children's entertainment, with the central moral that a girl can't be happy until she marries a man. But there's a weird, home-made charm to it, I'll admit. Most notably in the scene of Thumbelina riding on a giant, talking bird's back.

Taking that hour-long presentation away and what are you left with? “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny,” in its tedium, occasionally presents a moment of unintentional humor or horror. The sand Santa's sleigh is stuck in is very shallow. Yet a procession of multiple animals are brought to dislodge it. Watching the sweaty Santa actor attempt to carole deeply uncooperative animals – a donkey, a horse, a pig, a cow, a sheep – is pretty funny. So is the clear boredom and even anger you see on the faces of the kids sitting on the beach. Clearly, this film was as much fun to make as it is to watch. Lastly, there's the Ice Cream Bunny himself. A white wraith, he appears on a droning fire engine. The costume is obviously unsettling. The dog he meets, for example, is clearly upset by it.

By the way, Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer appear for no reason in the beginning. Why? Because Mahon also attempted a “Tom and Huck” adaptation, recycling the little bit of footage recorded for this project. This guy was, if nothing else, an economical filmmaker. I was really hoping “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” would be one of those amazing bits of Z-grade film, accidental outsider art that baffles and fascinates. Instead, it is pure kiddie flick Hell, a tedious experience that only fitfully entertains. The best I can say about “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” is that it's definitely ninety-five minutes of moving images. [2/10]

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Secret Santa

“Monk” was a fun series. As formulaic as any other detective show, its quirky sense of humor frequently helped patch over those cliches. (This style would largely dictate the USA Network’s style of programming for a few years.) The fantastic cast, especially Tony Shaloub as the titular character, also went a long way. Though far from the most realistic portrayal of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I still saw a lot of myself in the detective’s neuroses. It was regular viewing for Mom and I. Beginning in its fourth season, the show began producing holiday episodes in December. “Mr. Monk and the Secret Santa” was the first of these special episodes.

The episode begins at the San Francisco Police Department’s annual Christmas party, where Secret Santa gifts will be exchanged. A bottle of Merlot is gifted to Captain Stottlemeyer, who does not like Merlot. He ends up re-gifting the drink to Detective Terry Chasen. Upon drinking the wine, Terry dies, poisoned. Feeling guilty, Stottlemeyer let’s Monk figure use his particular skills to hunt down the killer. The investigation eventually leads him to a veteran with a grudge against the Captain. But is this the responsible party?

As always, a large part of “Monk’s” appeal is watching the exceedingly nervous Adrian Monk respond to extraordinary situations. He actually does surprisingly well when dealing with the Secret Santa party, receiving a dust pan with enthusiasm. Later, he’s less understanding of the gift of a gold fish. “Secret Santa” delights in placing the neurotic detective in Yuletide traditions. He decorated a tree a bit too meticulously. He stumbles his way through caroling, being repeatedly burned by the candle wax. When he ends up posing as a mall Santa, it’s contrived. It’s also pretty funny, as Monk is forced to react to a series of unruly kid. (And hilariously ends up crying in front of one of them.) As silly as this stuff may be, it’s exactly the kind of easily digestible laughs that made this show so entertaining.

Of course, the supporting cast for “Monk” was also aces. They get repeated chances to shine here. Traylor Howard is delightful as the bubbly and endlessly patient Natalie, Monk’s assistant. Her fleet footed comedic talents are displayed in moments where she dresses as an elf or has a conversations about Christmas sweaters. Jason Gray-Stanford plays Randy Disher, the frequently ridiculous sidekick to the Captain. His highlight in this episode includes jamming out during an acoustic rendition of “O Holy Light.” Lastly, Ted Levine also brought a quiet humanity and humor to Captain Stottlemeyer. This is best shown here turning an exchange with a nun, that starts tense but diffuses into sweet perfectly. “Mr. Monk and the Secret Santa” is so delightful that you don’t even mind the fairly bullshit resolution to the mystery, something this show did all the time. [7/10]

Christmas 2018: Christmas 15th

Miracle on 34th Street (1994)

Let's talk about remakes. More often than not, the films that are remade are not movies that had good ideas but flawed executions. That would just make too much sense. Instead, remakes are usually reserved for established classics. This reveals the cynical thinking behind far too many retellings, that studios are more interested in capitalizing on a recognized name than creative ideas. Being a seasonal classic, “Miracle on 34th Street” is a story that's been trotted out more than once around December time. The film was adapted as part of an hour-long anthology series, in both 1955 and 1959. In 1973, a feature length remake was broadcast on CBS. Yet the most well-regarded and well-known of the remakes is the one that graced theaters in 1994. I've even heard some people say they prefer this variation on the story over the original.

Stop me if you've heard this one before. A Thanksgiving Day Parade that climaxes with the appearance of Santa, but is definitely unrelated to any other Manhattan-based Thanksgiving parades, is derailed at the last minute. The hired Santa is an incompetent drunk. That's when the parade director, a single mom named Doery, finds the perfect replacement. In fact, this Kris Kringle is so good, he claims to be the actual Santa Claus. Soon, he befriends Dorey's daughter, a girl skeptical of Santa's existence. Hired by the department store, Kris becomes a huge hit with customers and kids. Soon, though, a trumped up offense has Kris Kringle – and the existence of Santa Claus – becoming a legal matter.

John Hughes, during his later in life return to primarily screenwriting, is credited with writing this alongside the original film's George Seaton. (Who had been dead for twenty years by this point.) This goes to show you how close this remake is to the original. It follows more-or-less all the same beats. Many of the adaptations are cosmetic. A video camera appears briefly. Macy's wanted nothing to do with the remake and is replaced with the fictitious Cole's. Gimbels was long gone by this point, so “Shopper's Express” was invented. The biggest change director Les Mayfield and Hughes makes is the ending. Instead of the Post Office lugging hundreds of letters for Santa into the court room, a dollar bill and an ethically dubious speech about the United States recognizing God provides our resolution. It's a mawkish ending and far less satisfying than the letters.

The remake doesn't change the story so much as add more stuff to it. This is evident in the run times. The original runs 96 minutes. The remake is nearly two hours long. So the romance between Susan's mom and her love interest – now named Bryan – is given much more attention. We are even treated to a hugely unnecessary montage of the two on a date. Her refusal to accept his proposal adds some more (rather limp) dramatic tension to the second half. Mostly, the additions beef up the movie's bad guys. Cole's is threatened by a buy-out from Shopper's Express. The rival department store intentionally sabotages Kris Kringle, sending an agent to antagonize him into violence. This is a largely unnecessary addition, adding a cartoonish dimension to an otherwise realistic film. About the only addition that matters is spending a little more time with Kris during his stay in the mental hospital.

If this remake's existence can be justified for any reason, it's the cast. Two performers are perfectly cast. After coming out of retirement to play an incredibly warm part in “Jurassic Park,” Richard Attenborough would play the ultimate warm character here. And Attenborough nearly tops Edmund Gwenn's original portrayal. Attenborough has that perfect Santa Claus quality, projecting generosity and sweetness with every glance or smile. He also brings a little more humanity than expected, as Kringle clearly has his doubts some times. While little Natalie Wood might've been hard to top, Mara Wilson does an amazing job as Susan. She perfectly captures the “wise beyond her years” aspect, projecting a truly unexpected intellect. Both are so good that they make the entire film worth seeing. 

Les Mayfield, previously of “Encino Man,” directs the film. His direction is seasonally frosty but unimpressive, relying heavily on montages and establishing shots. The film was not that successful in theaters, opening number eight at the box office, but would become a favorite on television and video. As a stand alone motion picture... It's fine. Well made and totally inoffensive, it comes to life when Attenborough and Wilson are the focus. Yet it's an utterly unnecessary film, making no improvement over the original and telling more-or-less an identical story. You can watch it and you'll be alright but, unless you're averse to black and white cinematography, you'll do far better with the original. [6/10]

The First Christmas: The Story of the First Christmas Snow (1975)

As the seventies rolled on, Rankin/Bass really started to crank out the holiday specials. The company would produce a new Christmas special at least once a year, frequently more, for the rest of the decade. (They created three Easter specials around this time as well.) With this many productions rolling out so quickly, some of these latter day specials have slipped into obscurity. I’ll admit, I had never even heard of “The First Christmas: The Story of the First Christmas Snow” before researching my watch list this December. Despite its obscurity, the special received a stand alone DVD release in 2012, meaning someone must have fond memories of it.

The title isn’t just repetitive but non-indicative. “The First Christmas” does not concern the origins of Christianity nor icy perspiration in December. Instead, it is set in a Catholic orphanage, long ago and far away. A trio of nuns, while painting Christmas cards (a modern invention for them), spot a little shepherd boy being struck by lightning. The boy, Lucas, is blinded by the strike. The nuns help him recuperate, as he continues to take care of his sheep and form friendships. As Christmas approaches, the boy is drafted into the nativity play. All the while, he dreams of a white Christmas.

“The First Christmas” is likely Rankin/Bass’ most down-to-Earth Christmas special. None of the animals - Lucas’ sheep, his dog Waggles - talk or dance. There’s no magic, bizarre plot turns, seasonal holiday icons, or obnoxious comic relief. There’s not even a colorful bad guy. The closest the special comes is a trio of boys that bully Lucas and even they are redeemed. Instead, the special is a lighthearted but fairly serious portrayal of a boy struggling with a disability and what happens at a church around Christmas. Lucas’ constant optimism in dealing with his condition, as well as the love he feels for his pets and those around him, is even somewhat touching. It’s a burst of seasonal good-feeling and surprisingly sincere about it. To the point where the sappy and miraculous ending feels totally earned.

“The First Christmas” achieves this while maintaining many of the Rankin/Bass trademarks. The stop-motion animation is creaky but cute. There are some songs. They range from forgettable, like “Save a Little Christmas for Christmas,” to pretty, like the title song, to anachronistic, like a 17th century nun singing “White Christmas.” Angela Lansbury plays our narrator, Sister Teresa, who actually plays a pivotal role in the story. I was utterly surprised by how good this was. Despite its overlooked status, “The First Christmas” ranks among Rankin/Bass’ best holiday specials. [7/10]