Welcome to the film-related musings, complaints, and comments of Zack Clopton, an amateur film-critic, scholar, and screenwriter. Featured here are Director's Report Cards, essays, and other reviews. Enjoy!
Last of the Monster Kids
"LAST OF THE MONSTER KIDS" - Available Now on the Amazon Kindle Marketplace!
The “Rocky” series was hugely financially successful and beloved in the seventies and eighties. This, however, didn’t stop people from making fun of the increasingly unlikely story turns the series would take throughout the Reagan administration. Over the course of four films, Rocky Balboa went from a Philly mook who got a lucky chance to the man who defeated Communism with the power of his punching. Maybe Stallone was aware of the affect the series’ changes had on the reputation of the films and himself. For “Rocky V,” he endeavored to take his most iconic character back to his roots. John G. Avildsen returned to direct. The script, meanwhile, hearkened back to the original film’s character driven tone. “Rocky V” was meant to be the grand finale for the ever-popular series. Instead, it would become the lowest grossing entry in the franchise.
Following his punishing bout with Ivan Drago, Rocky Balboa begins to feel the toll the years of pugilism has taken on his body. Repeated blows to the head has caused him to develop brain damage, effectively ending his boxing career. Paulie’s mismanaging of the family’s finances, meanwhile, has caused Rocky and Adrian to loose their fortune. Soon, the family is back on the streets of Philadelphia. Rocky’s son, Robert Jr., takes this the hardest. Rocky resists offers to re-enter the ring and instead begins to mentor Tommy Gunn, a promising young boxer. Tommy, however, is not as loyal as Balboa is.
It’s clear that Stallone’s goal with “Rocky V” was to bring Balboa back down to Earth. Within the opening half-hour, he’s retired from boxing and has lost his millions. He dons his black hat and jacket again, the story returning to Philadelphia. This is a smart idea on paper, especially after the excesses of parts three and four. But the execution leaves something to be desired. To see Rocky go from convincing all of the Soviet Union to cheer for him to stammering his ways through the streets of Philly makes for a disconcerting contrast. Moreover, Stallone’s script reveals a previously unseen mawkish side. In flashbacks, we see Mickey detail his love for Rocky and give his student a pendent of a boxing glove. The film is primarily concerned with the relationships between the characters, fathers and sons, but handles this in an awkward, heavy-handed fashion. It seems, after a decade of fanciful overindulgence, Sly was unable to recapture the naturalistic elements of the original.
Removing Rocky from the boxing ring removes the conflict from the story. Instead, the protagonist shifts into a passive role. The actual boxing is done by Tommy Gunn, the young boxer Rocky mentors. The obvious plan was to shift Rocky into a Mickey-style role. This doesn’t work for a few reasons. Gunn is not a compelling character. Driven by anger based in an abusive childhood, Gunn is all bluster and little heart. Tommy Morrison’s acting as Gunn vacillates between ridiculously over-the-top and inexpressibly flat. The story bends in odd directions to justify Gunn’s role. Rocky inviting the kid so totally into his life, even into his home, seems unlikely. These factors cause Gunn’s eventual betrayal of Rocky to lack impact. He trades Rocky’s heart-and-soul approach for the money grubbing ways of George Washington Duke, a fight promoter obviously inspired by Don King. Gunn seemingly goes from being Balboa’s trusted student to his sworn enemy over the course of a montage.
That Rocky has a somewhat fatherly relationship with Tommy Gunn is intentional. This is meant to mirror the other main plot thread of the film: Rocky’s relationship with his actual son. Rocky Jr. has seemingly aged five years in-between movies, so the part could be played by Stallone’s own son, Sage. Sadly, Sage is nearly as awkward a performer as Tommy Morrison. His take on the character is petulant and whining. The audience is utterly apathetic to Junior’s adventures at school, which has him standing up to bullies and befriending a girl. (This includes getting a really embarrassing earring.) Rocky ignoring his son during a time of crisis, to support the brutish Gunn, seems out of character for the loving, family-first Balboa. The two eventually make up mid-way through the film, the script awkwardly disposing of the plot point early on.
In the years between winning a Best Director Oscar for “Rocky” and making “Rocky V,” John G. Avildsen had mostly occupied himself with the “Karate Kid” trilogy and flicks like “Lean on Me.” The documentary edge Avildsen brought to the original is almost entirely absent from this fourth sequel. You get occasional peaks of it, such as sweeping shots devoted to the streets of Philadelphia, set to then-modern rap music. Usually, Avildsen deploys a heavy handed style, making extended use of montages and flashing imagery. This is most apparent during the climax, a street fight between Rocky and Tommy Gunn. While down on the ground, Rocky sees images of Mickey cheering him on. It’s a technique that borders on obnoxious, being distracting at the very least.
“Rocky V’s” heart was in the right place. It probably would’ve been easy for Stallone to continue the crowd-pleasing formula utilized in the middle sequels. (Though Rocky was running out of mentors to avenge…) Instead, the star and filmmaker decided to get back to the franchise’s roots. Maybe Stallone was hungry for critical respect, after spending most of the eighties making glorious, populist trash. However, both Stallone and Avildsen lack the graceful touch that made the original a classic. The film was laughed at by critics and attracted a smaller audience. Even Sly later expressed disappointment in it. Originally meant to conclude with Rocky’s death, everyone got cold feet at the last minute. Can you imagine the punching bag of the franchise being the definitive end of Rocky’s story? That would’ve made “Rocky V” an even bigger bummer. [5/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 5 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [X] Social Outcast [Washed-Up Athlete] [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
Sylvester Stallone has had his fair share of hits and flops over his long career. For every career defining Rocky or Rambo movie, there’s been a “Rhinestone” or “Judge Dredd.” However, it’s rare that one of his movies totally slips from the pop culture consciousness. I mean, people still crack jokes about “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.” Yet “Lock Up” is a totally obscure Sylvester Stallone vehicle. It came and went with little attention in 1989. I had never even heard of the movie until, some years back, its trailers appeared at the front of a VHS tape I bought. How come the film has been so totally forgotten?
Frank Leone is a simple man, the owner of a garage who has a faithful girlfriend. However, an act of vigilante justice got him sent to prison. After escaping last time, he’s headed back to the pokey to finish his sentence. However, after a relatively stress free day in one prison, he’s transferred to Gateway Prison. A prison packed with violent criminals, Gateway is overseen by Warden Drumgoole. The warden has a personal grudge against Leone. He forces increasingly cruel acts upon Frank, hoping to make him snap and break the law once again.
You’ll notice that Sylvester Stallone often plays outsiders or outcast of some sort. Characters like Rocky Balboa, Marion Cobretti, and Lincoln Hawk were all eccentric misfits with few friends. Frank Leone from “Lock Up” has got to be one of the most genteel characters in Sly’s entire career. The guy is introduced coaching a peewee football league. Upon entering prison, it doesn’t take long for him to make friends. He’s soon helping other prisoners out with their group project of restoring an old car. While characters like Rambo or Cobra barely need provocation to start killing, Leone goes nearly the entire movie without even punching anyone. Stallone is a charming guy and “Lock Up” is a fine performance from him. However, the movie definitely feels like a project he agreed to without rewriting much.
While Frank is clearly the main character of “Lock Up,” the movie is nearly an ensemble project. His band of friends features a few familiar faces. Frank McRae, in his fourth appearance in a Stallone flick, plays Eclipse, the fellow mechanic. It’s another good-natured performance from a typically charming and laid back McRae. Larry Romano is memorable as First Base, the inmate who misbehaves most frequently. Tom Sizemore, in his debut role, plays Dallas. Sizemore has the least developed role in the script but still brings some memorable sweatiness to the part. Among the villains, Donald Sutherland nicely hams it up as the villainous warden. Sonny Landhum is all macho bluster and brutal physicality as Chink, the tough guy in the prison block. John Amos has a memorable role as Meissner, the captain of the guards. Though introduced as a hard ass, he eventually becomes an alley of Leone.
Maybe there’s a reason “Lock Up” didn’t impress audiences. The movie freely partakes in prison movie clichés. As I’ve already mentioned, the film contains a sadistic warden who delights in torturing the hero. There’s also the expected band of vicious guards, who also enjoy beating and harming the prisoners. There are plenty of shanks. Once Leone and friends are out in the yard, a number of fight scenes between gangs take place. Naturally, one of the innocent prisoners ends up dead. After displeasing the warden, Frank winds up in isolation, portrayed as an utterly hellish experience. Somehow, “Lock Up” doesn’t contain any shower scenes or dropped soap. There’s no prison riot either though the guards still slip on some riot gear. “Lock Up” is most charming when focusing on the least expected elements. Such as the prisoners having cockroach races or First Base’s joy ride inside the stolen car.
“Lock Up” is not exactly a cheesy eighties action flick for most of its run time. That is, until the very end. Only a few days before he’s supposed to be released, Frank Leone’s girlfriend is threatened with rape and murder. He, once again, has to escape from his cell. Naturally, the threats were all a scheme to enact this exact behavior. Once in the bowels of the prison - which includes plenty of steam and rusty pipes, by the way - Frank is suddenly fighting prison guards to the death. What had simply been a prison flick then becomes an action flick, Stallone beating down his opponents with typical bluster and ease. There’s even a few violent deaths. The ending is easy to predict, once Sly has the bad guy right where he wants him, though there’s certainly something satisfying about seeing it play out.
“Lock Up” was released the same year as “Tango & Cash,” another Stallone movie partially set in prison. (This, weirdly, wouldn’t even be the last time Stallone made a film set in prison.) That film totally overshadowed this one, then and now. It’s not exactly shocking as “Lock Up” is a standards part flick that is fairly forgettable. However, that’s not always a bad thing. A decent supporting cast and an atmospheric location is sometimes all I need to like a movie. If you’re non-discerning and don’t mind seeing a script loaded with clichés, “Lock Up” is a decent time killer. [7/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 4 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [] Social Outcast [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
John J. Rambo’s story more-or-less concluded in “First Blood Part II.” When a Vietnam vet defined by his PTSD returns to Vietnam and kills everyone there, what else is left for him to do? Yet a film as hugely popular and immediately iconic as “Rambo” demanded a follow-up. It’s not as if Sylvester Stallone was unfamiliar with continuing the adventures of his characters past their logical end points. “Rambo III” blasted into theaters in 1987. While the sequel was still a sizable international hit, it suffered the indignity of being bested at the box office by “Crocodile Dundee II.” Being not quite as explosive a success as part two put John Rambo into retirement for twenty years. Knowing this, how does the third adventure of America’s favorite super solider stack up?
Following his disappearance at the end of “First Blood Part II,” Col. Troutman has tracked John Rambo to Thailand. His country needs him again. Troutman wants Rambo to assist the rebels in Afghanistan as they fight against the invading Soviets. John refuses at first. When he receives news that Troutman has been captured by the Russians, he changes his mind. Sneaking into Afghanistan, Rambo befriends the Mujaheddin. After witnessing an especially brutal attack by the Soviets, Rambo is motivated even more to rescue his closest friend and aid the revolution.
As I mentioned above, Rambo’s character arc basically wrapped up in the previous entry in the series. The script recognizes this. At story’s beginning, he’s competing in street fights for money, which he gives to a community effort to build a church. Rambo is, as much as possible, at peace. When Troutman shows Rambo evidence of the Soviet atrocities in Afghanistan, he states that this isn’t his war. So the movie makes it his war. As with the deaths of Apollo Creed in “Rocky IV” and Co in “First Blood Part II,” the loss of a personal friend is what truly motivates Stallone’s hero. The capture of Troutman, Rambo’s heterosexual(?) life partner, gets him back in the shit. Yeah, the movie has Rambo being disgusted by the Russian’s actions, furthering his transformation into a freedom fighter. Mostly, though, he’s fighting for love. Sweaty dude love.
The second “Rambo” film was barely concealed Cold War propaganda. Yeah, he killed a shit ton of Russians last time but his personal grudge against the Vietnamese took precedence. Part three dispenses with the “barely concealed” part. The Soviets are comically evil in “Rambo III.” They massacre an entire village, blowing away Afghanis with missiles and machine guns. Inside the secret camps are cages full of women, awaiting their fates as sex slaves. The Russians brutally torture their captives, with beatings and rope bindings. When they’ve gotten everything they can out of the prisoners, they burn them to death with a flame thrower. The reaction the film hopes to breed in its viewers is obvious: “Rambo III” wants you to hate the Soviet Union. It wants you to cheer at the death of every Russian psychopath on-screen.
Of course, reality sometimes has a way of intervening on fantasy. While John Rambo was decimating the Soviet military on the screen, Gorbachev’s policy of glasnost was opening the East more to the West then ever before in real life. The movie’s box office is sometimes blamed on this factoid. Yet other factors make “Rambo III” an even more uncomfortable watch in retrospect. In an early scene, Troutman says that most Americans can’t find Afghanistan on a map. In 2016, this is a less likely scenario. The real life equivalent to the rebels Rambo assist here would grow into the Taliban a decade later. As in, the guys who did 9/11. America covertly supporting its future enemies is an irony not lost on historians. It’s a circumstance Sylvester Stallone and his creative team clearly did not anticipate. It’s certainly makes “Rambo III” a dissociative watch, seeing the most American fictional character fighting along side future terrorists.
“Rambo III” was nearly directed by Russell Mulcahy, the genius behind “Highlander” and “Razorback.” Stallone and Mulcahy disagreed on the film’s direction though, causing Sly to give second unit man Peter MacDonald his first directorial gig. MacDonald hoped to soften Rambo’s image slightly, adding more humor to the script and giving the hero more friends. That humor mostly manifest as a few stray one-liners, which Stallone has no trouble delivering. As for the friends, they’re a fairly unobtrusive lot. Richard Crenna’s Troutman is given an extended role, allowed to blast Ruskies alongside his best bro. You can tell Crenna enjoys being given more to do. Rambo’s main Afgani friend is Mousa, played by an enthusiastic Sasson Gabai. The film even adds a little kid to follow Stallone’s ultimate killing machine around. Luckily, Doudi Shoua’s Hamid isn’t a totally annoying kid sidekick, as he often proves useful. He also exits the film halfway through, before he has a chance to get annoying.
Sequel escalation is a rule Sylvester Stallone definitely understands, as evident in the increasingly high stakes of the “Rocky” sequels. In “First Blood,” we heard about how unstoppable a solider Rambo was. In “First Blood Part II,” we saw how unstoppable he is. In “Rambo III,” he’s somehow even more unstoppable. He leaps into a mounted machine gun, blasting a helicopter apart at point blank range. Later, he one-ups this sequence by blowing up a helicopter with one of his exploding arrows. He beats the main henchmen, pulls the pin on the guy’s grenade, kicks him into a hole, and snaps his neck with a rope, upon which the man explodes. After being run through by shrapnel, Rambo cauterizes the wound by exploding gun powder inside himself. In other words: If you piss off Rambo, he will murder you and everyone who knows you. In addition to his higher body count, Stallone is even more buff then last time too.
For a time, the Guinness World Record book listed “Rambo III” as the most violent film ever made. There’s no doubt that part three somehow tops the previous film’s considerable carnage. The Russian raid on the Afgani village includes countless squibs and dozens of explosions. When Rambo retaliates against the Ruskies, he blows up an entire base. The conclusion has John and Troutman facing down an army by themselves. Naturally, the two have little problem with this. Rambo kills the main bad guy by ramming a helicopter with a tank. Holy shit. You can argue about the film’s aesthetic value all you want but, as far as hard-hitting cinematic action goes, “Rambo III” delivers in spades.
That’s the name of the game. For red-blooded action junkies, the third “First Blood” film may actually satisfies more then any of them. It’s a ridiculously macho experience. For example: There’s not a single named female character. As far as brain dead action fest goes, there’s certainly lots to like. This is, after all, the only movie you’ll see where Sylvester Stallone plays buzkashi. And I do like the movie. But it ultimately lacks the heart of the first and the freshness of the second. Maybe it’s for the best that Stallone would hang up his red bandana for two decades. [7/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 5 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [X] Social Outcast [Loner Veteran] [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
It’s hard to believe that Sylvester Stallone once envisioned “Rocky” as simply a three part story. The continued box office success of the boxing series, and Stallone’s inescapable connection with the character, meant Rocky would have many more matches. “Rocky III” saw the series graduate from naturalistic drama to theatrical action flick. “Rocky IV” would push the series even further in that direction. In the process, Sly would make the most notorious of the “Rocky” films, cementing the series’ somewhat unearned status as a campy relic of the Cold War era.
Rocky Balboa is happily retired from boxing, enjoying his millions with his wife, kid, and heterosexual life partners Pauley and Apollo Creed. Meanwhile, a challenger emerges from the Soviet Union. Ivan Drago is a result of Soviet engineering, the perfect boxing machine. Wanting to prove that he’s still got it, Apollo Creed agrees to an exhibition fight with Drago. During the bout, Drago beats Creed to death. Feeling responsible for his friend’s demise, Rocky agrees to face Ivan Drago in the ring. Will a rigorous training regime be enough for Rocky to defeat the towering titan of Soviet power?
“Rocky IV” was released the same year as “Rambo: First Blood Part II,” a film which put Sylvester Stallone’s Cold War politics out in the open. Inspired by the legendary Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling matches, Stallone thought up an unlikely scenario where Rocky would battle a representation of the U.S.S.R. For Stallone though, the struggle between democracy and Communism is indistinguishable from personal revenge. In “First Blood Part II,” the death of Co spurns on Rambo’s war against the Vietnamese. In “Rocky IV,” the death of Apollo Creed forces Rocky to face down Ivan Drago. This notion props up a blatantly, gratuitously jingoistic script, where Rocky’s goodness stands against the evils of the Soviet Union. His brave effort even, eventually, wins over the Russians.
Making “Rocky IV” even harder to swallow is how the film is easily the goofiest of the “Rocky” series. Within the opening minutes, Rocky presents Paulie with a birthday present: A robot. A robot which Paulie then programs to have a female personality, which raises some interesting questions. This is only the most obvious ridiculous element of the film. Apollo Creed rides into the ring atop a giant transforming golden calf. Simultaneously, James Brown sings a rousing rendition of “Living in America.” After Apollo’s death, we’re treated to a ten minute long montage of Rocky driving in his car, while flashing back extensively to the previous movies. Insanity like this makes the movie’s other silliness seem more manageable. In a world where Paulie has a robot, the montage comparing Rocky’s all natural training regime to Drago’s steroid and machine assisted training seem subtle. It makes Rocky winning over all of the Soviet Union seem plausible.
Stallone spent most of “Rambo” as a grim-faced killing machine until the final minutes, when he delivered a speech summing up the movie’s themes. This was in contrast to the humanistic qualities he displayed during his three previous bouts as Rocky Balboa. “Rocky IV” sees Sly’s other trademark character undergoing some big changes. Rocky was previously a mushed mouth simpleton. He spoke from the heart because he didn’t know any other way to say things. In “Rocky IV,” the Italian Stallion has suddenly developed a verbose side. While debating with his wife about whether or not he should fight Drago, he expounds on his side of things. (Compare this to the similar debate in “Rocky II” to show how far Balboa’s come.) After defeating Drago and winning over the evil Communists, he delivers a long speech about how anybody can change. It’s clear that Rocky can change too.
Along with the series’ general content, the villains of the “Rocky” films have gotten increasingly outrageous. Apollo Creed was just a braggart and a showman. Clubber Lang was psychotically obsessed with beating Rocky. Ivan Drago is a full-blown supervillain. We know nothing about his life other then he’s been created by the Russians to show Soviet superiority. Drago is played by Dolph Lundgren, in his first major role. At 6’5, heavily muscled, and featuring an exact Aryan appearance, Dolph perfectly inhabits the part. What makes Drago kind of interesting is his odd vulnerability. He seems frightened when asked about possible steroid abuse. When ushered into the ring with Apollo, his body language is clearly confused. After Rocky puts up more of a fight then expected, he breaks character, informing his managers that he fights for himself. Lundgren’s actin abilities rarely get praised but he does well here, playing an unstoppable juggernaut but allowing some humanity to show through.
You know what I miss the most about eighties action movies? Their economical pacing. “Rocky IV” runs a manageable 91 minutes. Its script construction is clear and concise. Once Drago beats Apollo to death, it’s not too long before Rocky is training, before we get to the fight. Stallone, naturally, also wrote and directed the film. The fight scene shows the way his directorial style has evolved. During the match, he continues to utilize slow motion and dramatic montages. An especially effective moment has both fighters being punched in the face, each face lingering in the frame. It’s still fairly ridiculous that someone of Rocky’s size could defeat Drago. (More so, once you read that a single punch from Dolph put Stallone in the hospital.) Still, that’s the magic of movies.
In addition to being jingoistic and ridiculous, “Rocky IV” is also blatantly derivative of “Rocky III.” In both, a powerful new adversary kills Rocky’s mentor, forcing him to come out of retirement to fight for revenge. In both, a powerful new training regiment leads Rocky to victory. Formula, sometimes, works. “Rocky IV” would become the highest grossing entry in the series and, thanks to its sheer goofiness, would develop a fond cult following. I think I love three a little more but four is certainly a massively entertaining flick. [7/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 4 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [] Social Outcast [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
Sylvester Stallone is a man who, more often then not, gives the people what they want. “First Blood” was a big hit for the star. Rambo, as an emotionally disturbed Vietnam vet, hardly seemed as commercial a character as Rocky Balboa. This didn’t stop Stallone from creating a sequel revolving around him. While the first film was a moody thriller, “Rambo: First Blood Part II” was a crowd pleasing action flick full of massive explosions and shoot-outs. The sequel would be an even bigger hit, overshadowing the original. It would also become one of the most iconic films of the eighties, producing countless rip-offs, parodies, and two further sequels.
Following his rampage in Hope, WA, John Rambo has been imprisoned, currently cracking rocks inside the walls of a penitentiary. That is until Col. Troutman comes to him with a proposition. Rambo has been selected for a secret mission, in exchange for a federal pardon. He’ll be sent back to Vietnam, looking for evidence of POWs still in the country. When he finds those prisoners, a government bureaucrat leaves Rambo behind enemy’s lines. Now the soldier must fight back again, rescue the men, and destroy a crap ton of Vietnamese and Communist forces.
When Troutman asks Rambo to go back to Vietnam, the soldier responses by saying “Do we get to win this time?” This characterizes “Rambo’s” philosophy towards the Vietnam War, a conflicts whose psychic scars were still felt ten years later. “First Blood Part II” essentially has John Rambo going back to Vietnam, killing everyone there, and retroactively wining the war for America. By rescuing the POWs – whose actual existence is largely discredited – Rambo is symbolically bringing home all the soldiers who never returned. In the film’s final minutes, the largely monosyllabic veteran delivers a speech reiterating the first movie’s themes: That this country needs to honor the sacrifices its men made in Vietnam. Like all forms of American populist entertainment, eighties action films were about healing the wounds felt in the real world. “First Blood Part II” takes all the Vietnam War’s baggage and blows it up with a bazooka.
The sequel also re-contextualizes the conflict for the feel good eighties. In “Rambo,” the Vietnam War is no longer a case of a corrupt government sending regular people to die in a foreign country for reasons they do not understand. Yes, Charles Napier’s Murdock is a federal dirt bag who betrays Rambo’s – and, by extension, all the other vet’s – trust. Yet, once Rambo is captured again by the Vietnamese, Soviet soldiers march in. They torture him, showing a clear sadism, the red stars on their uniforms always visible. Once Rambo escapes, you sure as hell know he murders the shit out of these Commie bastards. “First Blood Part II” is a Cold War film, showing the conflict between the U.S.A. and the U.S.S.R. in big bold, comic book strokes. Is there any wonder Ronald Reagan, with his overly aggressive foreign policy, loved this movie?
As a character, John J. Rambo was a far more introspective man last time. “First Blood” grappled more actively with the mental damage the war reaped on Rambo’s mind. In the sequel, meanwhile, he is primarily a heartless killing machine. He doesn’t have very much dialogue throughout. For most of the film, Stallone stares ahead blankly, focused solely on his mission. This is the movie that would cause the public’s perception of Sylvester Stallone to change. Before this film, he was mostly known as Rocky Balboa, a common man with a simple mind and a gentle heart. Afterwards, he would stack up continuously bigger body counts in outrageous action flicks like “Cobra” and “Tango & Cash.” He was no longer an everyman. Now he was an unstoppable juggernaut, the eighties action movie incarnate.
Don’t think I’m giving “Rambo: First Blood Part II” a bad review though. The movie’s politics may be obvious or even reprehensible. However, as an action film, “Rambo” is almost unparalleled. The first film devoted some run time to explaining what a bad ass John Rambo is. While he was insanely tough last time, he was mostly on the run. This time, all of Rambo’s skills as the ultimate solider are on display. He remains unphased throughout brutal torture. Once unleashed, Rambo becomes truly unstoppable. He covers himself in mud, hiding from enemies. He drags victims off-screen, like a horror movie monster, dispatching them with ease. (For that matter, Rambo’s trademark giant knife wouldn’t be out of place in a slasher flick.) One of the film’s most absurd sequences has an enemy solider shooting at Rambo. He stands still, bullets avoiding him, before blowing the man up with an arrow. He’s not quite John Matrix but John Rambo is still one of the most unstoppable heroes to ever grace action cinema.
“Rambo” packs its last act full of big ass explosions. Rambo leaps out of the range of a giant fireball. He commandeers a Russian helicopter, resulting in a mildly tense chopper chase. After tricking the filthy Ruskie pilot, Rambo explodes it with a rocket launcher. He then turns the vehicle’s missiles and machine guns on the Vietnamese base, reducing it to ashes. Even before then, he’s leaping out of boats, narrowly avoiding other explosions. It’s not sophisticated stuff. Yet it undeniably tickles the lizard brain. As a fan of old school action, “First Blood Part II” is obviously a high water mark of the genre.
The film’s ability to entertain so easily with giant action is likely why “Rambo” would prove so irresistible to low budget filmmakers. Faux Rambos would emerge from places as divergent as Italy, SouthAfrica, the Philippines, and Turkey. They would all copy the formula of a lone solider blasting away entire armies worth of enemies, usually in some jungle country. These are lesser flicks but if a rip-off managed to grasp a fraction of "First Blood Part II's" entertainment value, it would be doing great. “Rambo’s” politics made it perfect for eighties America but the rest of the world loved it too. (Well, maybe not Russia…) If you wanna see armies of faceless goons get gunned down, and you can’t get a copy of “Commando” or “Death Wish 3,” rent this one. George P. Cosmatos directed and James Cameron co-wrote the script but this is undeniably a film straight from the psyche of Sylvester Stallone. [8/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 5 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [X] Social Outcast [Abandoned Soldier] [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
During the production of “Rocky II,” Sylvester Stallone gave an interview where he talked about the possibility of a third film. He said that “Rocky” was likely to be a trilogy, with the story probably concluding with Rocky’s death. Considering we now live in a world with at least seven “Rocky” movies, these comments come off as comical. By the time “Rocky III” was released, Sylvester Stallone’s approach had changed. It was now the big, bold eighties. Sly was now a superstar. “Rocky III” adapted to these changes, turning the franchise into the beast we now remember it as.
Following his victorious second bout with Apollo Creed, Rocky Balboa becomes the Champion. His reign as the best boxer in his field continues for six years. Rocky becomes a celebrity, buying a mansion for his wife and son. He’s also becomes an icon, thanks to countless merchandising deals. A new challenger emerges, far hungrier for the championship. Clubber Lang’s determination to best Balboa concludes when he soundly beats Rocky in a match. He also indirectly causes the death of Mickey. Beaten and broken, Rocky now trains with Apollo, looking to reclaim his desire to win.
“Rocky III” represents the eighties-fication of Rocky Balboa. The public’s perception of the series, with its endless sequels and increasingly unlikely boxing matches, was cemented here. The surroundings are bigger. Rocky gets over the stage fright seen in part two, becoming a commercial star. He’s no longer an outsider, with a wife and kid, surrounded by friends and family. The shy Adrian of the original films is gone, replaced with a classy and outspoken woman. The stakes of the series have changed too. Rocky now fights an increasingly overblown enemy, to avenge the death of his trainer. The slow motion laden direction, more outrageous training montages, and even bigger fight scenes makes the transformation clear. The naturalistic drama of the original is long gone. “Rocky” is now a crowd-pleasing blockbuster, belonging totally to the decade.
If one believes that Rocky Balboa’s story arc is directly related to Sylvester Stallone’s career, “Rocky III” represents another major change. Rocky has won and is resting comfortably at the top. Following the success of “Rocky II,” Stallone’s status as a box office star was confirmed. Yet Rocky looses his initial fight with Lang because he’s lost the hunger. The Eye of the Tiger, as Apollo and the infectious theme song put it. An intense argument with Adrian and Apollo’s training regime allows Rocky to regain his fighting spirit. Stallone, meanwhile, was fearful of loosing the drive that got the first “Rocky” made. In time, Sly would sell out, making shitty movies for big paydays. But he wasn’t willing to compromise yet and that desire shined through in the script for ‘Rocky III.”
The first two “Rocky” movies had a colorful villain. Apollo Creed was definitely a showman and a braggart. He also had some common humanity, as shown by his regret and anger in “Rocky II.” The third “Rocky” film, however, has a comic book supervillain as an adversary. Clubber Lang snorts fire. All his dialogue relates to his desire to humble Balboa, except for a line about propositioning Adrian. He trains in a dungeon like basement, yelling as he does crunches. Mr. T, the once and future B.A. Baracus, is a flamboyant performer of limited range but intense charisma. He plays Lang as an iron-willed sociopath, whose entire life revolves around crushing his enemy. It’s not especially subtle or realistic. However, it’s certainly entertaining. (Despite his previous appearance in “Penitentiary II,” Mr. T gets an “And Introducing” credit.)
The decision to kill off Mickey also represents Sly’s need to continuously up the series’ stakes. Burgess Meredith’s exit produces a moment both saddening and comical, when Stallone blubbers unintelligibly. It also opens the door for Apollo Creed becoming Rocky’s trainer. Once bitter enemies, Apollo and Rocky soon become inseparable bros. He moves Balboa to L.A., training him a gritty gym. His attempts to teach Stallone rhythm stymies at first, rather comically. Before too long, Creed and Balboa are running on a beach in slow motion. Their tiny shorts and shirts ride up, revealing their glistening, buff bodies. They then leap into each other’s arms, amid the splashing waves. Yes, it’s pretty hilariously overwrought and properly homoerotic. Yet it still makes me laugh too much not to love.
As with the first sequel, Sylvester Stallone also directed “Rocky III.” The directorial style is similar, utilizing quite a bit of slow motion and plenty of quick cutting montages. This is most apparent during the film’s boxing matches. The first match is over quickly, emphasizing the punishing power of Lang’s punches. The climatic second round features more build-up to the actual fight. Once it begins, Stallone eagerly cuts between the inside of the ring and the outside. We see the struggle between the two fighters, the camera weaving around them. We also see Rocky’s friends, family, and the announcers watching from the audience. Clubber Lang, of course, doesn’t go the distance. Rocky puts him down in a few rounds, having regained the Eye of the Tiger. It’s slightly underwhelming, that the match doesn’t last longer. Still, after establishing Lang as the ultimate bad ass, it’s somewhat satisfying seeing Rocky defeat him.
“Rocky III” is a much sillier movie then its predecessors. The cameo from Hulk Hogan as pro-wrestler Thunderlips should make that much apparent. It lacks the dramatic soundness of the first one or the smart sequel writing of the second. Instead, it’s a cornball, crowd-pleasing bit of boxing spectacle. That gives it value in its own way. Any movie that brings us Survivor telling us to meet the challenge of our rivals can’t be all bad. [7/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 4 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [] Social Outcast [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
After the perpetual underdog Rocky Balboa, emotionally disturbed Vietnam veteran John J. Rambo is the character most associated with Sylvester Stallone. "First Blood," a film adaptation of David Morell’s violent 1972 novel, had spent a decade in development hell. Multiple notable stars – Clint Eastwood, Robert DeNiro, Paul Newman, Al Pacino, Powers Boothe, John Travolta – had been attached over the years. When Sylvester Stallone entered the project, he naturally rewrote the script. Buzz Feitshans and Mario Kassar were credited with the screenplay. Ted Kotcheff, whose other films include “Wake in Fright” and “Weekend at Bernie’s,” directed the picture. Despite his numerous creators, Rambo belongs the most to Sly. His rewrite made the character more sympathetic, his star power made the film a hit, and his devotion made Rambo into a franchise.
Rambo enters Hope, Washington looking for the last living member of his platoon. Instead, he’s faced with the news that his friend has died of cancer. Wandering the town, distraught, he’s accosted by the local sheriff. Arrested for vagrancy, Rambo is abused by the power mad police officers. Triggering a PTSD flashback, Rambo becomes violent. He goes on a rampage through the countryside, using his considerable combat skills to evade capture and attack the cops. His old commanding officer, Troutman, is brought in with the hope that he can stem Rambo’s rage.
In the early parts of his career, Sylvester Stallone’s films outside the “Rocky” series weren’t successful. “First Blood” finally provided Sly with a non-pugilism themed hit. Rambo has some similarities to the simple-minded boxer. Both are outsiders, motivated more by instinct then intellect. Rambo, however, is unstable. He’s haunted by his memories of the war and is spurned by a modern America eager to forget. Though he’d eventually evolve into a commie-blasting action hero, the first film portrays Rambo as strictly an anti-hero. He has his honor, and he’s not as murderous as his literary counterpart, but he’s hardly a lovable guy. Stallone’s acting, meanwhile is sweatier, more intense then his performances in the “Rocky” films.
Another change employed to make Rambo more sympathetic is making the cops in Hope huge assholes. Brian Dennehy’s Sheriff Teasle endlessly badgers the guy for the crime of walking around town. Deputy Galt, played by Jack Starrett, is a straight-up sadist, actively enjoying beating Rambo. Dennehy is very good, managing to find some humanity in the part despite the character’s shitty behavior. The cops are pricks for another reason. Later in the film, Rambo screams about being called a “baby killer,” being spat on by protestors. (Reported events like this are more or lessurban legends.) This represents Stallone’s growing conservative politics, as he used the film to criticize an America that he believed didn’t honor the sacrifice of its soldiers. This streak would eventually grow out of control, manifesting in the boneheaded vigilantism of “Cobra” and the Reagan-era aggression of “First Blood Part II.”
As far as tone goes, “First Blood” balances between thriller and action. There are numerous exciting beats in the film. John’s acrobatic escape from the sheriff’s department, which involves both leaping and sliding kicks, concludes with an exciting motorcycle chase across town. Later on, a police car is tossed into the air after colliding with a truck. A bazooka is fired into a cave and Stallone makes a spinning jump into a valley. However, other scenes are more focused on generating darker thrills. Rambo kills three dogs, though thankfully off-screen, and spears a boar. A cop is sliced with a hand-made boobie trap. A long sequence is devoted to him crawling through a rat infested sewer. When he blows up half the town and goes nuts with a M60 machine gun, it’s decidedly not cathartic. The long scenes devoted to John’s silent brooding clarify the character’s ambiguous loyalties.
Its politics may be potentially ham-fisted but “First Blood” still features some steering stuff. Col. Troutman, played by a sarcastic but steely Richard Crenna, makes it clear that Rambo is a monster that was made, not born. As violent and unhinged as Rambo is, his behavior is brought about by his conditioning during Vietnam. The climax of the film is not so much the face-off between Rambo and Teasle. Instead, it’s when Troutman reaches Rambo. The soldier breaks down, weeping and bellowing. The shouting and yelling doesn’t help Stallone’s traditional mumbled delivery. However, the moment shows undeniable heart. When Rambo, so strong and unstoppable throughout most of the film, is huddled on the ground, a true vulnerability is shown. Though potentially ridiculous, what with the cried bellows about an exploded friend, Stallone’s acting makes the moment work. The scene is effective enough that it makes up for the movie leaving Rambo alive, when he probably should’ve ended up dead.
Further cementing “First Blood’s” classic status is Jerry Goldsmith’s unforgettable score, equally sweeping and mournful. The orchestration is good enough that even the overly earnest version of the main theme, sang by Dan Hill, works. “First Blood” lacks the discipline and relatability of “Rocky.” However, it’s an effective film in its own right. Stallone’s performance is good, the action direction is well done, and the British Columbia scenery is beautiful. Rambo would return, more roid-tastic then before, but “First Blood” remains an entertaining and emotional thriller. [7/10]
[THE STALLOWNAGE OF SLY: 5 outta 5] [X] Frank Stallone or Frank Stallone-esque Inspirational Music [X] Incapacitates or Kills Someone With His Body [X] Shows Off Buffness [X] Social Outcast [Traumatized Veteran] [X] Sweaty, Veiny Yelling
