Scream 4

You know what I thought halfway through “Scream 4?” “Who directed this?” None of the “Scream” films really feel like Wes Craven movies. Especially when compared to a movie swimming in his trademarks like “My Soul to Take,” it becomes apparent how much the “Scream” franchise is Kevin Williamson’s baby.

If nothing else, “Scream 4” is consistent. The franchise hasn’t changed much. Ten years have passed but 1996 is still with us.

I have two major complaints with “Scream 4.” First off, for the most meta and self-referial of horror series, the movie barely acknowledges the changes in the horror genre over the last decade. There’s lots of idle talk of “reboots” and “remakes.” “Torture porn” gets one brief, blunt dismissal. But, generally speaking, within the universe of “Scream,” it seems like the horror landscape hasn’t changed. These days, slasher films are generally made by and for hardcore fans of the genre. Movies like “Hatchet” and “Behind the Mask” pay homage to eighties slashers and are made by genre-obsessed filmmakers for a niche crowd.

Slashers aren’t mainstream anymore. But, as the opening minutes of the film make obvious, self-referal post-modern slashers apparently never went out of style within the movies universe. “Stab” sequels keep getting churned out. Yes, the killers in this film are hooked up to the internet and the “rules” are similarly updated, but if you’re expecting Ghostface to start mimicking and asking questions about the “Saw” franchise or the J-horror movement, you’ll be disappointed.

In the last reel, it’s made obvious that the most modern aspect of the movie is the killer’s motivation, which are directly tied to reality television and young people’s desire to be famous for doing nothing. While it’s amusing and interesting when it comes, I was expecting “Scream 4” to be a bit more in-the-know. The other disappointment steams from a certain character surviving the entire film, despite being played flatly by a bored, over-the-hill actress and being easily the least interesting of the series’ central trio.

The best aspect of “Scream 4” is, surprisingly, its cast of young newcomers. It’s easy to forget that likable characters were actually one of the strong suits of the original. While there might not be any here as memorable as Randy, the cast is still strong. Hayden Panettiere, an actress I’ve never been impressed with, is easily the most charming and witty of the young girls here. Rory Culken, the most talented of all the Culken brothers, adds another strong performance to his quickly growing list. Erik Knudsen’s character uploads every single thing he does to the internet and is clearly the writer’s most boldfaced attempt to create a “modern” teen. It actually works though and doesn’t come off like a desperate attempt to stay hip. Knudsen’s amusing performance might be solely responsible for this. Emma Roberts, ostensibly the star of the show, doesn’t really get to shin until the end of the movie, where a vicious spitfire emerges from her boring teen starlet shell.

Among the older set, Allison Brie and Marley Shelton both get meaty supporting parts and ham it up accordingly. Courtney Cox does okay as an over-the-hill Gale while David Arquette isn’t given too much to do. As for Sydney… Neve Campbell was never much of an actress. She’s just as wooden as ever here. Sydney, despite being the franchise’s default protagonist, is still boring as hell.

The gore is supposedly amp up but I’d say it’s on the same level of the first movie, which is more violent then people remember. There’s plenty of decent throat slashing and stabbing. There’s really nothing to compete with garage door kill from the first movie, up until a dagger gets buried up to the handle in someone’s forehead. That was cool.

The intensity level isn’t very high but the parking garage sequence, barn house set-piece, and assorted moments in the last twenty minutes are uniformly entertaining. The fun sense of “who-dun-it” injects this entry with a lot of audience interaction. It honestly kept me guessing, trying to figure out who among the cast was the killer. (I still figured it out before the reveal.)

The movie continues after the obligatory “the killer reveals their motivation” scene with an extended hospital sequence. It’s extraneous and drags the end down. Honestly, if the movie had just stopped before that scene it would have taken the series in a daring, exciting new direction.

“Scream 4” is, honestly, the best of the series since the original. It certainly doesn’t reinvent the wheel, or even try to. Kevin Williamson doesn’t have any new tricks up his sleeve. But the movie is a fun, decent way to waste ninety minutes. As a relative non-fan of the franchise, I thought it was pretty good. To someone who is a fan, I suspect they will love it. [Grade: B]

Director Report Card: Wes Anderson (2009)

6. Fantastic Mr. Fox
In the months of production before any actual stills surfaced, I wonder how Wes Anderson was going to adapt his signature style to an animated children's film. Would “Fantastic Mr. Fox” represent a shift in style for the filmmaker? How would his trademark eccentricities stand up in G-rated form? Then a trailer premiered and it became apparent that Wes Anderson had made a children’s film without changing his style at all.

“Fantastic Mr. Fox” is a comedy about real-estate, partially anyway. It’s also a comedy about neurotic insecurities and accepting innate, unchanging attributes about one’s self. An important subplot revolves around a son’s jealousy over his talented nephew, that plays off in a far more petty fashion then a similar plot usually does in a kid’s movie. This movie is pretty much a typical Wes Anderson movie with furry animals instead, right down to the retro-soundtrack. He doesn’t even ditch the swearing, instead simply using the word “cuss” in place of all actual profanity. I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me Anderson would remain steadfast in his style.

I’m not sure what kind of kid this movie would appeal too. The comedy is mostly dependent on fast-paced, quirky dialogue and character interaction. The moments of big broad slapstick feel just as out of place as you’d expect. The plot features several convoluted schemes and most of the central irony will probably go over a typical kid’s head. (Though if your kid does get it, they’re probably pretty smart.) Taking the film on its own merits, I will say it ranks above “The Darjeeling Limited” but still comes in well below the rest of the director’s films.

The cast is uniformly excellent. George Clooney is pitch perfect in the title role, as is Meryl Streep as his wife. Jason Schwertzman plays a less confident version of Max from “Rushmore” as the son, Ash, in what is by far the film’s funniest moments. Wally Wolodarsky, seemingly Anderson’s real life sidekick, has a hilarious role as timid, easily fazed sidekick Possum. Anderson’s real brother Eric has another funny, understated role as the source of Ash’s petty scorn. Schwertzman and him play off each other nicely. Bill Murray shows up, of course, as Badger, in what is probably his liveliest role in years. William DaFoe shows up in a bizarre villainous turn as Rat.

The movie is beautiful to look at, bathed in warm autumn colors. The stop motion animation affords a unique feel, especially when swirling cotton is used in place of smoke, water, or fire. The movie, in many ways, feels like one of Eric Anderson’s illustrations brought to life in corduroy and tweed. The animation also allows for several clever camera angles, the beagle POV shots being my favorite. Beyond the sixties pop songs that naturally pepper the movie, the original score is quite good, especially the use of the “Boggis, Bunce, and Bean” limerick. The movie’s plot really flows nicely, and each inconvenience the story throws at the character is funnier then the last.

“Fantastic Mr. Fox” is standard Wes Anderson, which means, despite being typical, it’s charming, funny, breezy, and infectiously fun. Pretty good for a movie directed almost completely via e-mail. [Grade: B]

Director Report Card: David O. Russell (2010)

5. The Fighter

At this point in his career, David O. Russell seems to have alienated most industry people with his massive dickish behavior. His career was built on eccentric comedies so making “The Fighter,” a mainstream, true-to-life, Oscar-baiting film, was probably solely a business decision. (His next movie is a video game adaptation, so maybe it wasn’t…) I wasn’t anticipating the film, expecting a typical underdog story swiped from “Rocky.” Well, yeah, it is that, but it’s also the story of a normal guy’s relationship with his wildly dysfunctional white trash family.

Right from the beginning, Russell spices up the story with racing cameras and other tricks. There’s a lot of training montages, obviously, but there are all dynamic and a few actually got me kind of pumped. The actual boxing scenes show Russell’s talent for action. The two boxing matches near the end of the film are, in particular, extremely exciting and rousing. Russell even visually quotes “Raging Bull” without it coming off as obnoxious or obvious.

As is expected of an awards courting production such as this, the performance take center stage over everything. Mark Wahlberg, seemingly the only person who can stand Russell, is a real hit-and-miss performer. He sleepwalks through action hero roles but, when given comedy, he does better. He does a decent job, undergoes an impressive physical transformation, making Mickey a sympathetic sad sack. Christen Bale and Melissa Leo both won Oscars for their roles here. Is it warranted? Leo plays Mickey’s mother and manager, a manipulative, selfish, narrow-minded, bitter old evil shrew of a woman. She’s always surrounded by her posse of five daughters, all of which are just as trashy and stupid as she is. Leo certainly makes this despicable human being well-rounded but, as far as I’m concerned, she stole the Best Supporting Actress award from little Haliee Steinfeld.

What about Bale? He’s got the juiciest role in the movie, as the crack head has-been brother that is pretty much directly responsible for ruining Mickey’s life and career. Oh, it’s a good performance, don’t get me wrong, and Bale probably deserved the award for it. It comes off a bit like an inner city trash minstrel show but Bale, naturally, commits everything to it. But Bale has given better performance and, personally, nothing will ever top Patrick Bateman for me. Amy Adams did better then Melissa Leo, as Mickey’s supportive girlfriend. She’s had a rough life but still has the ability to see the good in people. Adams is really a strong dramatic actress who will probably be doomed to stupid leading roles in stupid rom-coms for the rest of her life, simply due to the nature of the industry.

The movie is watchable character study through the first hour, but also a somewhat depressing slug through miserable human lives. But, after Bale’s character winds up in jail and Mickey cuts his asshole family out of his life, actually gets his life together, and starts to find some success as a boxer, the movie actually becomes a legitimately inspiring true life story. The family drama ties in dramatically in the last act. “The Fighter” doesn’t completely escape the conventions of the genre but there are a number of reasons its worth watching. If this represents the next step in Russell’s career, I guess I’m okay with that. [Grade: B]

Rango (2011)

Rango (2011)
Directed by Gore Verbinski

At this point, I was just about ready to jump Good Ship Gore Verbinski. In his attempt to balance a personal visual style with a commercial viability, he’s only managed alienate me. Most days I think of him as a slightly more talented Bret Ratner. Well, “Rango” has changed my mind, at least a little bit.

For what’s ostensibly a kid’s movie, it’s surprisingly smart. It’s a little on the, what you’d call, “meta” side. Within the opening minutes, our titular lizard is talking about acting and story-telling. Soon, a metaphor-speaking mentor is introduced. (In an amusingly surreal way.) Before you know it, this movie is cracking jokes about Joepsh Campbell and the Hero’s Journey. A mariachi band of owls function as a Greek chorus, telling us what's going to happen before it does, though this somehow doesn't spoil things. Before the main story proper even gets going, we get a visual shout-out to Hunter S. Thompson. In a kid’s movie! Crazy, right? It’s clear early on that “Rango” isn’t going to throw some celeb voices and fart jokes onto funny talking animals and call it a day.

By the time our hero wanders into the town of Dirt, the movie is well on its way to feeling like a real spaghetti western. The visual style here is impressive. While most CGI features these day focus on color and brightness, “Rango” is instead characterized by grit and detail. Though obviously cartoons, the animal characters are still designed to look as realistic as possible. Often, the character designs lean more towards amusingly ugly then cartoony cute. There’s a sense of lived-in reality to the setting.

The quirkiness extends pass the character designs. Rango is a captivating protagonist. Fancying himself a dramatic actor, his true personality seems rather meek. However, as soon as he gets into the flow of a story, he fashions a bravado, building a fantastic mythology around himself. It’s soon obvious that he’s really a coward but, as these things go, the townfolks buy his story. Through coincidence and luck, Rango is soon the hero of Dirt. It’s not the most original story. (The movie even lampshades that fact several times.) But Johnny Depp vivid vocals and the movie’s high comic energy sell it.

The rest of the cast is equally strong. Isla Fisher’s Miss Beans is clearly set-up as the love interest early on and, while that does happen, the character is a head-strong, independent woman… Uh, lizard. Her physical quirk seems to be an example of indie-movie wackiness trickling down to mainstream Hollywood, but Beans is far from a Manic Pixie Dream Lizard.

Abigail Brelins doesn’t have much to do as Priscilla, the mole/rat/schoolgirl thing, but the character is a good example of ugly-cute. Ned Beatty and Ray Winstone provide appropriate weight to their villainous roles. Later, Bill Nighy, his voice almost unrecognizable, shows up as Rattlesnake Jake, a villainous old gunslinger with a Gatling gun rattler. (He even has a pencil mustache!) Nighy oozes sinister dread and aggressive anger. It's the best performance of the film and one of the better performances of Nighy's recent career.

After a very funny opening act-and-a-half, the movie gets focused on regaining the lost water. A big chase scene, which then evolves into a bat-filled aerial battle, follows. It’s honestly a little disappointing. The movie drags a bit during these sections. Naturally, it isn’t long before a conspiracy against the town is uncovered. Our hero’s true identity is revealed, the populace’s trust is betrayed, and he’s run out of town. The movie’s self-reflective streak is forgotten as our hero (metaphorically) dies, journeys into a metaphorical cave, and encounters his mentor, Clint Eastwood. (Technically Timothy Olyphant doing a very good impersonation of Man-with-No-Name era Eastwood. But you don’t realize that until the credits.) You know what happens next. Its story-telling 101. Our hero journeys back into town and saves the day. The bad guys are vanquished. The legends of the west are eulogized. All is well.

Which isn’t to say that none of this isn’t incredibly satisfying. “Rango” knows the formula and follows it, but not without adding a lot of endearing quirkiness, strong characters, and a gorgeous visual aesthetic. Powered by Hans Zimmer’s amazing straight-out-of-Sergio-Leone score, it’s a kid’s flick that’s probably too smart, too dark, and too violent for most kids. But who even cares about that. Enjoy this treat for the surprise it is. Maybe Verbinski should stick to animation. [Grade: B+]

Oscar 2011 Live Blog

So, tonight's the night.

I've been eagerly awaiting the award show tonight despite the fact that it will probably be awful. I had an absolute blast live-blogging the show last year. The ability to immediately respond to something feels like some sort of nerdy take on gonzo journalism. I am literally hard with anticipation.

It's actually luck that I'm able to be here right now doing this. A tree fell on my house Friday, tearing down my power line. I got electricity back yesterday but still don't have heat. So it's very cold in here. But it's better then sitting in the dark. If I miss the show and the chance to blog it because of some cruel random stroke of nature, I would be seriously pissed.

Anyway, the Oscars. My local Alamo Drafthouse, God bless it, showed the nominated short films this past week. I thought this was really cool because I almost never actually get the chance to watch the nominated shorts. I only got a chance to catch the animated shorts. I'll reflect on those... Now!

The winner of the Best Animated Short Film will probably go to "The Gruffalo." It's got an all-star cast and is based on a beloved children book. "Day and Night," the short that played before "Toy Story 3" this past summer, is also up for a nomination. Pixar is always a safe bet so it'll probably be the runner-up.

Personally, I'm rooting for "The Lost Thing," a sweet, surreal little fable from Australia. It's probably too quirky to actually win but I'm hoping.

"Madagascar, carnet de voyage" is a visually impressive, musical travelogue. The only nomination in the category I actively disliked was "Let's Pollute!" a pro-pollution parody of '50s educational reels that hammers its point home and overstays its welcome at only six minutes. The theater also showed two highly commended shorts, the heartbreaking short from Germany, "Urs," and Bill Plympton's parody of action films and advertising called "The Cow Who Wanted to be a Hamburger," both of which are quite good and either of which I would have preferred to have seen nominated.

So, anyway, the show itself. James Franco and Anne Hathaway, neither of which are comedians or professional hosts, will probably stumble through another dry, harsh three hours. The show itself is apparently making heavy use of green-screen and I can't wait to see that backfire spectacularly, which I'm sure it will.

Also, a technical note here, this isn't actually a real live-blog. I am not using live-blog technology because I'm not real keen on how it works. So, basically, constantly refresh your page. I will be.

Anyway, we've got seventeen minutes the counter on the obnoxious red carpet show is telling me. See you soon.

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8:17 - This is the first time, I think, I've ever actually bothered watching the red carpet show. The interviews with actual nominees are nice but the focus on mindless chit-chat and fashion is annoying to me. Who even gives a shit? We're here for the movies!

8: 20 - This is my second year live-blogging, as has long been established. But it's my fourth year watching the show all the way through. I use to just watch until I got bored and then watch the high-light reels the next day. I haven't started to regret my decision... Yet. We'll see.

8:23 - Oh Jesus fuck, who invited Halle Berry? If there was ever an actress who's pop culture cred plummeted after winning, it was her.

8:27 - I am literally quivering with antici...

8:28 - ...pation.

8:30 - OH SHIT! "SOCIAL NETWORK," son!

8:31 - I'm digging this remix of "In the Hall of the Mountain King."

The Academy has also been promising to do away with most of the time-consuming montages. Clearly, that doesn't extend to opening sequences.

8:33 - Nice jab at Alec Baldwin's crappy job last year.

Oh God, is the whole night going to be full of sub-SNL skits like this?

8:34 - Uh Christ, really? The eye-patch? Ugh.

8:35 - The Morgan Freeman gag would have been funnier if they didn't draw so much attention to it.

Oh Gawd, FUNNY COSTUMES! Holy fuck, this is awful.

8:37 - Back to the Future. That's... Relevant.

8:38 - Ah. See what you did there, Oscars.

8:39 - I actually have "127 Hours" with me right here. But I haven't had a chance to watch it.

This is stifling.

8:40 - Anne Hathaway's eyes disappear into a pool of blackness every time she blinks.

8:41 - "Black Swan" technically wasn't a lesbian movie. It was all in her mind, you see.

8:42 - What is this? I thought they said, no montages? So they drop montages in favor of slide shows?

8:43 - I haven't actually seen any of the movies Mr. Big just listed off. I'll get around to it, eventually. "Lawrence of Arabia" is long.

8:44 - "A best picture classic?" Really Tom? Because people remember "Titanic" so fondly these days.

I don't know how "Alice in Wonderland" got so many nods. It was crappy.

...Annnnd it's the first winner of the night. This bodes well.

8:45 - Check out that lady's neck wrinkles. You could loose change in there.

8:46 - "The Wacky World of Tim Burton." Indeed.

Hat on the Oscar. Cute.

A rushed, sweaty speech to start the night on. Still, could be worse. Could be Sandra Bullock.

8:47 - "Inception" winning cinematography? That's cool.

I don't think any of my predictions have been correct so far.

8:48 - "Where's that thing?" Awkward and rushed are clearly the secret words tonight.

8:50 - COMMERCIAL BREAK! I really hope Hailee Steinfeld wins Best Supporting Actress. She was the favorite to win after the nods were announced but now, for some reason, Melissa Leo has come ahead as the likeliest choice. Which is disheartening. Oscar, if you really want to be hip, cutting-edge, and with the youth audience, why don't you actually give an award to someone youthful? I'm not suggesting Justin Bieber should win something. (God, he won't be presenting tonight, will he?) But haven't enough old ladies won? Beside, Leo should loose just because of that glittery pantsuit she has on.

8:51 - And we're back. Take it away James and Anne!

Holy shit, Kirk Douglas! You're really fucking old!

8:52 - Oh this is kind of sad. They've got a stroke case reading lame jokes off a teleprompter.

8:53 - At least they aren't having him read the names. That would be depressing.

I like Amy Adams but I don't think she's delivered an Award winning performances yet.

Mrs. Tim Burton better not win. I mean, who even gives a shit? I haven't seen the movie yet but she's, by far, the least interesting nominee tonight.

8:54 - I haven't seen "Animal Kingdom" and do not know who Jackie Weaver is. So I support her being nominated.

Does everyone in "The Fighter" talk like that?

8:55 - Steinfeld is clearly the breakout star of the year.

Take the envelope, Kirk! I know you're an icon but, seriously, open the envelope.

8:56 - A spry icon at that.

8:57 - Pfffft. Whatever. This is clearly going to be a long night full of disappointment and boredom.

8:58 - I'm happy to see Kirk is healthy enough to be on-stage. But that was still more depressing then it was funny.

8:59 - I don't have anything against Leo but Steinfeld really should have won. I mean, really she should have.

OOPS! She swore!

9:00 - This acceptance speech is setting a high standard for awkwardness tonight.

9:01 - Justin Timberlake is at the Oscars. What is the world coming to?

The first of what is sure to be many Banksy jokes.

9:02 - And iPhone humor. Cutting edge! Mila Kunis' cleavage is weird.

9:03 - Hey! I've actually seen these! That's neat!

"The Lost Thing" won! Fantastic!

9:04 - See, guys. This is how you actually do an acceptance speech. Calm, orderly, thankful, sweet.

9:05 - "All lost things everywhere." Awwww! That was actually sweet! Quick, play them off!

It's such a foregone conclusion who will win Best Animated Feature that I don't even know why they bothered nominating other films.

Also, "Tangled" really should have been nominated.

9:06 - The Academy should have just given "Toy Story 3" best picture and let someone else take home best Animated Feature. "Despicable Me" should have been nominated too.

9:07 - The Pixar guys almost always give good speech, something I've noticed. Cleverness must trickle down to everyone there.

9:09 - Here's an Oscar drinking game. Every time the music awkwardly plays somebody off or steps on someone's toes, take a shot. You'll probably have to be drinking a lot to get through this night anyway.

9:11 - Last year my prediction were spot-on. This year I've been missing almost all of them. I'm glad I'm didn't bet money on these things.

9:12 - I just realized Hathaway worn one dress on the red carpet and is now wearing a different dress.

Really, this attempt to take the audience on a digital tour of film history is pathetic. I'd prefer montages.

9:13 - Nice tuxes, guys. Very white.

I really hope "Winter's Bone" wins best adapted script. But it probably won't.

9:14 - Hey, I got one right! So, "The King's Speech"'s chance of winning Best Picture just shot up to about 100%.

9:15 - Get off the stage, Sorkin! So says the music. Take a shot!

9:16 - They should just turn the mic off once they want the person to leave the stage. Unsurprisingly, Sorkin likes to speechify.

The Guinea Pig line made me laugh.

9:17 - I really like the feature of the script lines actually appearing on-screen. Once again, I wish it was a standard DVD feature.

9:18 - Shit, really? Once again, I protest films being based on real events being nominated in the Original Screenplay category.

Where's the mic, dude? What an old British guy.

9:19 - "Quickly and often." Okay, that was funny. "I'M OLD, GODDAMNIT!"

It shall forever be known as the Melissa Leo F-Word from now on. And that was actually a good speech.

9:20 - Reflections so far: All of the dresses the actresses have been wearing have been ugly. What a weird selection of sponsors. Listerine? Coke? Because all of those scream "Oscar!"

9:21 - The show runners seem aware that the host are hopelessly unprepared for their job. So at least they got that much right. If only they knew that floating stationary images aren't entertaining or interesting.

9:22 - If Christian Bale actually wins an Oscar, I expect him to go on-stage and say, "Oh, is it good? Because it's fuckin' ruined now isn't it!" I would laugh. Besides, Melissa Leo clearly set the precedence for swearing tonight so all others must follow now.

9:23 - Anne is actually classier in that tux then she is in her dress.

9:24 - Because a song-and-dance number about how much Hugh Jackman sucks is clearly a proper way to use show time. And the show runners wonder why so many people tuned out after the half-hour mark.

Having said that, Anne does have a pretty nice voice.

9:25 - Jesus Christ, Franco is in a dress. Oh, and Charlie Sheen humor, very post-modern. This is just painful.

9:26 - Franco seems very embarrassed and not just because he's wearing a dress.

Russell Brand isn't very funny and looks like a caveman.

9:27 - I honestly can't think of what foreign language films I saw this year. I know I saw some but can't remember what they were.

9:28 - This Danish lady's skin is weird looking.

9:29 - Ha! The announcer just choked! Whoo! Reese Witherspoon looks pretty hot.

9:30 - I would be cool with Christian Bale winning but I'm just not sure it's going to happen. Also, it's very impressive that John Hawke, who was such a total badass in "Winter's Bone," actually got nominated. And to think, I was half-convinced the Academy would forget about that movie all together.

9:31 - Mark Ruffalo really didn't earn that nomination. His performance wasn't anything special. Also, I haven't seen "The Town" yet and am surprised it was nominated at all. Also, Geoffrey Rush is very old looking. His head is shaved tonight for some reason.

9:32 - And another one I got wrong. Jee-whiz I'm on a loosing streak tonight. I've always liked Christan Bale but, honestly, he should have won an Oscar for "American Psycho" before he won for anything else. Also, fierce neck-beard, Batman.

9:33 - "Where's my quacker?" I don't know what that means.

9:34 - Big "ooh" for dropping a URL. I don't know what that was all about. Bale has really well-defined cheek bones.

And, holy crap, Batman is tearing up! Batman doesn't cry!

9:37 - So do you think Banksy's really going to win best documentary? I would love to see him culture-fuck the Oscars but I'm not expecting it. The Academy knows better then to let some wacky guy in a monkey mask on-stage.

9:38 - Oh man, company presidents. Exciting!

9:39 - Riveting television here, folks.

9:40 - Annnd another dress for Anne Hathaway.

Clearly this is better then a montage.

9:41 - You know what would be a good show, Oscar? If you had some funny people come out, deliver a few brief funny lines, get the nomination and winners announced and handed out, have the songs and a few sparse musical numbers. And then, presto, in and out in two hours. Should be easy, right? You'd think that, wouldn't you?

9:42 - This is a clever way to showcase the music from the respective films and certainly a big improvement over the League of Extraordinary Dancers from last year. I will never get over how awful that was.

9:43 - Holy crap, the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails just won an Academy Award! And he got it without even having to shave first!

9:45 - I'm pretty sure most '90s NIN fans would think winning an Oscar is horribly uncool though. And they'd probably be right.

Scarlet doesn't look her best tonight.

9:46 - Gary A. Rizzo? I hope he wins just so Mr. Rizzo can walk on-stage. Is he a muppet rat?

9:47 - Yeah, Mr. Rizzo won! Looks like he isn't here tonight, which is the latest of several disappointments for me tonight. Oh, never mind, there he is. That's not a muppet rat!

9:48 - Take another shot!

I expect "Inception" to win this award as well.

9:49 - See, some time's I'm right.

It's good to know "Tron: Legacy" and "Unstoppable" are the latest in that proud tradition of random fucking movies that somehow managed to wrangle Oscar nominations in some minor category.

9:50 - A short, concise speech. I can handle that.

9:51 - Hate to say it, but this year's show has been horribly boring so far. The attempts to appeal to the youth crowd with inexperienced hosts hasn't produced the hilarious gaffs I was hoping for, just mostly boredom with a few really groan-inducing gags thrown in. And the "Digital tour through film history" hasn't been badly done, just really friggin' uninteresting. Banksy better win, just to liven the evening up some.

9:55 - Once, people couldn't believe Melissa Tomei could actually win an Oscar, thinking Jack Palance had been drinking heavily. Now, she's the classiest and nicest looking lady at the show.

Anne has some great cleavage going on right now.

Franco has worn a smug scene of distance throughout the entire show.

9:56 - Cate Blanchett is wearing a giant tea cozy.

9:57 - Yes, let's honor "The Wolfman" by showing the bad digital effects from that film instead of the practical effects that actually just won it the award.

"Legacy of Horror Monsters." Fuck yeah!

9:58 - That was a good speech. Rick Baker is probably use to being on that stage by now. Also, I'm still annoyed that "The Wolfman" didn't turn out better. With a tighter cut, that could still be a great film. Sadly, it looks like the time has passed for a superior director's cut DVD to come out.

9:59 - Not only is Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" the fifth highest grossing film in history, now it's the winner of two Academy Awards. What is everyone else seeing that I'm not?

10:00 - Wow, she's actually reading from a piece of paper. Can't say it isn't practical but, come on, you should have rehearsed, lady.

TAKE A SHOT!

10:01 - I mean, this is the Academy Awards. I would have preferred to have seen somebody stumble through a half-remembered speech then just read it from a goddamn sheet of paper.

Okay, so here's a montage anyway. Is this some attempt to connect with average folk or something?

HOLY SHIT, HEY MR. PRESIDENT!

10:02 - Hey, Academy, instead of having Kevin Spacey drunkenly wander through some old standard, why not just get right to the songs?

10:03 - I can barely hear Newman singing over that backing track.

Best Sound Mixing is a rightly earned award because clearly it's hard to do. *wags finger at Academy show runners*

10:05 - That was an abbreviated version of the song, yes? If so, FUCK YOU, Academy show runner!

10:06 - I hope the person responsible for the atrocious sound-mixing tonight gets fucking axed tomorrow.

10:08 - Wait, what? You cut those two relatively good songs short to make room for, what? More commercials? Is Gwen Paltrow going to bark through her crappy sub-Sugarland country song later in the evening? I bet she's going to get to perform her whole song, isn't she? Clearly these guys have got their priorities straight.

10:11 - What a dire evening. I'm actually beginning to miss the gaffs of last year. Thanks for further lowering my expectations, Academy!

10:12 - Did anybody else see Franco roll his eyes when he mentioned Donny Darko's name? That was actually kind of awesome! He's barely containing his contempt tonight.

Despite being clearly teleprompted, Gyllenhall's little joke there was actually pretty clever.

10:13 - Yeah, I haven't seen any of these either. But good for those people who just won, I guess.

10:14 - Yes, what a great year for... Docs? People actually refer to them like that?

10:15 - Where are all the crazy people tonight? Is Melissa Leo's F-bomb really going to be the highlight of the night? I wish I had actually seen the short films. They all look very good. I'll have to look up and see if they're online somewhere after the show.

10:16 - See, this is how you read of a piece of paper, earlier Oscar winner who read off a piece of paper. That Jew-Fro kid was pretty entertaining.

10:17 - Wait, what the fuck is this stupid fucking shit?!!! Jesus Christ, Auto-Tune the Oscars! Holy fucking Christ, aw Jesus...

10:18 - And, hey, "Twilight" references. I am literally speechless at how much of a bad idea that was. Holy fucking shit.

10:19 - Also, take a shot every time Anne gets a new dress.

This is mostly unrelated, but I really fucking hate Oprah. I can barely contain my hatred for her. She's the Devil. She's the Satan-Beast.

10:20 - Holy shit, if Banksy gets up there and punks Oprah, that would make up for the whole evening. Please, please, let that happen.

10:21 - Damn. Way to ruin a potentially interesting event, Oscar. You are so lame.

10:22 - Oh no, this shit just got political.

10:23 - TAKE A SHOT!

"A peek at the first televised Oscars?" Because we really give a shit about that.

BRB, getting more booze.

10:26 - Okay, I'm back.

10:27 - Because bringing Billy Crystal on-screen is clearly the best way to liven up the evening.

I'm being sarcastic, by the way.

10:28 - Is Billy hoarding babies in those cheeks?

Crystal is killing, too.

10:29 - Maybe it's just because the evening has been so friggin' dry, but Crystal actually IS livening up the show. And here comes a moldy retrospective to murder that momentum.

10:32 - Robert Downey Jr. is, typically, kicking loads and loads of ass. I know they asked him to host and he said no because he's too goddamn cool for that but, damn, I wish he had hosted. That would have actually been worth seeing.

10:33 - Take a shot every time "Inception" or "The Social Network" wins something? Hey, any excuse to drink tonight!

10:35 - TAKE A SHOT! WHOOOOH!

10:36 - And another one! I am okay with this!

10:38 - I don't know if it's because I'm getting increasingly drunker or because the show has actually picked up some, but the show seems to be going quicker in its latter half. Couldn't get much friggin' dryer, that's for sure.

10:40 - Okay, we're back. Hey, another dress on Hathaway! SHOT! Great cleavage, too.

10:41 - I think you can actually see Franco's soul leaving his body as he reads these hoary jokes off the teleprompter in monotone.

10:42 - Jennifer Hudson looks really weird ever since she lost all that weight. Looks like her body is barely being held together by plastic surgery and packing tape.

10:43 - "IF I RISE!" This song kind of blows and this isn't even the version with Dido singing on it. Way to outblow Dido, guys.

10:44 - Gwen Paltrow and country's latest star, two phrases that make me shiver when combined. And not an erotic shiver either.

And, hey, they fixed the sound mixing just in times for the songs I don't actually care about.

10:45 - Paltrow's voice is skipping all over the damn place. Bitch shouldn't be singing. Egads.

10:46 - Well, I didn't see that one coming. Newman winning again for what was, honestly, a subpar effort is surprising and disheartening.

10:47 - "Randy Newman chicken?" That doesn't sound very appetizing.

10:48 - Oh shit, Newman is kicking ass. Dude is awesome.

10:51 - So, Halle Berry is doing a special tribute to Lena Horne. I really hate it when they give one person's death more attention then the rest. As if to say this other person's life and accomplishments were somehow more important than the other's. That shit has got to stop. They did it last year for John Hughes, which really pissed me off since I've always considered Hughes to be highly overrated.

10:52 - The stage is dark. You know it's time for taps. Oh Christ, who invited Celine Dion? Jesus Christ, way to dishonor everyone's memory, Oscar.

10:53 - Sally Menke's death really surprised and depressed me.

10:55 - I don't think I'm ever going to get over Dennis Hopper's death. Guy was a personal hero for me and his passing is just the shittiest thing possible. The world is less cool without him. Kevin McCarthy's death is also severely bumming me out. I guess he really was next that time.

10:56 - Hey, following up that "My Heart Will Go On" slut with Halle Berry. More hate for your buck! Thanks for that ulcer, Academy!

10:59 - I know it's not going to happen, and it's not like I've been having much luck tonight, but I really wish we lived in a world were Jennifer Lawrence actually had a shot at winning Best Actress. She gave not just the best performance in her category but the best performance of the year.

11:01 - Hey, Anne's got another dress on! And apparently it's made from blue wrapping paper! SHOT!

11:02 - Hey, great way to attract attention to your stupid horse face, Hilary. With that dress, I mean. And, holy fuck, Bigelow is tall!

11:04 - ARGH! Seriously, who even fucking gives a shit about Tom Hooper? What? Why? Goddamn it, David Fincher has been robbed again. This is complete fucking bullshit. I am raging so HARD right now! This is so fucking stupid! You don't know how much I am choking on my own rage right now.

11:05 - Look at this fucking douchebag. Listen to him yammer on and on about this stupid bullshit. I can't believe they gave the award to somebody absolutely nobody cares about. What a stupid, foolhardy thing to do. Goddamn. GODDAMN!

11:06 - I am still flabbergasted at Hooper winning. What a bunch of goddamn bullshit. I am so fucking angry right now. Goddamn it, Academy, you want to be relevant and interesting? You want to get the kid's attention? How about you actually give the award to the people who actually fucking deserve it? This is such absolute nonsense.

11:08 - I mean, what has that fuckbag ever done? Jesus Christ. Fincher's films will go on to be remembered forever. He's all ready far more beloved and respected then anybody else. And you give the award to goddamn Tom Hooper? I can't even perceive the faulty logic that would lead to such a decision. What a massive miscalculation. What a complete and total mistake. I just can't get over what a hugely bad idea this was.

11:09 - You hear that Tom Hooper? I just declared JIHAD on yo' ass! WATCH OUT, BITCH!

11:10 - Anyway, in other news that doesn't give me a hate tumor, it's cool Eli Wallach won a life time achievement award. The man has earned it and I wish he could have won an actual award in competition at some point in the past.

11:12 - Franco seems as bored and contemptuous of this show as the Academy voters are of who actually deserve to win Best Director.

Anyway, here's The Dude.

11:13 - You probably don't want to listen to me, considering how wrong I've been so far, but I'm still convinced Bening is going to win.

11:15 - The only way the Academy could make up for Hooper winning is by giving Best Actress to Lawrence. That might make me consider calling off my Jihad against that two-cent asshat hack.

11:16 - The part of Michele Williams is being played by Carey Mulligan and a pound of running mascara.

11:17 - I'm really surprised Portman won, which I guess makes me odd man out. But there is always such an on-going debate about wither or not she can even actually act. "Black Swan" was a good movie and she was good in it but it's not an Oscar winning performance.

Also, she's crying. Is it possible for an actress to win an Oscar without fucking crying? Buck up, ladies.

11:19 - Portman's speech was pretty good though. This has been a lousy night for me.

11:20 - Hathaway honoring Bullock is like Barrack Obama honoring the Grand Wizard of the KKK. The discrepancy between those two talents is staggering.

11:22 - Is something going to happen at the Oscar every year to make me have a rage heart attack? Bullock winning last year, Hooper winning this year. STOP PISSING ME OFF, OSCAR! Fuck.

11:23 - First off, a Facebook joke directed towards Jesse Eisenberg is weak. His performance hardly defined a generation. Secondly, I don't appreciate you, Sandra Bullock, speaking on behalf of me and all the other nerds hunched over keyboards. Fuck you, you don't know what you're talking about.

11:24 - Look at that smug bastard, James Franco. Yeah, forget James Dean and Alan Ginsberg in favor of some dude who got his arm crushed by a rock. STOP MAKING ME HATE YOU SO MUCH, BULLOCK!

11:25 - Hey, look at that, I called one. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

11:26 - Come on, Firth, dance! That would be exciting! Something exciting has to happen, right?

11:27 - Firth's acceptance speech is tolerable but stirs nothing in me. The entire night has been like that.

11:28 - At least Firth didn't cry.

11:29 - Also, Best Picture is coming up. Good, this night is almost over. You know, I know I've always cut the Awards a lot of slack but I am legitimately exhausted by this one. What a shit night.

11:30 - Bullock might have won for a completely excretory performance that was composed of nothing but cliches and fake spray-on tan. But it was a win we saw coming. Hooper winning is a surprise but the bad kind of surprise. Hooper winning is akin to opening the biggest box under the Christmas tree and seeing it filled with bird crap.

11:32 - Another new dress for Hathaway. SHOT!

11:33 - A massive thunderbolt just scared the shit out of me and my dog. It literally broke the entire fucking night in two. See? Even God is pissed about Hooper winning.

11:34 - So, "The King's Speech" is going to win best picture. Because this award show isn't done shitting all over my night.

11:35 - I think this storm is about to kill my TV. That would be the perfect ending to this craptactular show.

11:36 - Sigh.

11:37 - I am just so exhausted and pissed off right now, all I can do is shake my head. In the last few years, the Academy has gone out of its way to be exciting and new by actually honoring new, interesting films. This year represents a step back into the safe, boring, period drama closet. Fuck you, Oscar, for making me believe in you and then squandering all my hope.

11:38 - Taking another shot based on another person getting pushed off-screen by the music isn't making me feel any better.

Really, an amazing time, Franco? You sure didn't look amazed. Maybe amazingly BLAZED!

11:39 - Because a kid's choir is exactly what this show needs, goddamn it! I am going to drink this entire body of scotch and it's all your fault, Oscar.

11:41 - I love the eye rolling look on Franco's face as Hathway high-fived those kids. If he had actually said what he was thinking during this show, it would have been way more tolerable.

11:45 - All right, faggots, I'm calling it a night. This is by far the worse year the Oscars have had in a LONG TIME! The winners were all safe, boring, and expected at best and completely contemptible of art at worse. The hosts were bored and the skits they ecked out were train-wrecks that weren't even funny awful, just plain old awful. The attempt to take the viewers on a "Virtual tour through film history" was a total fucking snore and actually made me miss the montages. The show picked up some in it's second half but only because, I think, that meant it was halfway over. The absolutely only interesting moments were a handful of good speeches, Melissa Leo's saying fuck, and Hathaway's tits.

11:46 - Anyway, it's done. Thank God. About the only good thing I can say about this show is that next year has to be better, pretty much by default.

Thanks for reading to any of the people who might actually be reading. Better luck next year, cautious shrug?

2011 Oscar Nominations Official Report

Academy Awards? Who loves ‘em? What’s that you say? Not reflective of either the state of cinema or of the general public’s taste? It's a broken system? Who wins has more to do with hype then actual quality? The Academy Awards is a masturbatory ceremony of Hollywood bigwigs patting each other on the back?

Fuck you. That’s right, fuck all of you. I LIKE the Academy Awards. I recognize all of its flaws and when they screws up, boy howdy do they screw up. But I’m too much of an obsessive compulsive movie slut not to obsess over them. The guessing game is too much fun. The glitz, the glamor, it’s all great amusement. When compared to the Golden Globes, the Oscars still mean a lot more then cynics are willing to acknowledge.

Honestly, the saddest thing about the Oscar, more then anything else, are their desperate attempts to stay hip in the face of today’s completely ambivalent youth audience and constantly flagging ratings. This year’s hosts, Anne Hathaway and James “James Franco” Franco, were apparently chosen out of a hat completely at random. I’m eagerly looking forward to watching these two non-host hosts awkwardly stumble through a three hour ceremony. Seriously Academy, Stephen Colbert, Joel McCale or Tina Fey’s name didn’t even blip across your radar?

Anyway, the nominations have been officially announced. This year, out of the 40 films nominated in the major categories, I’ve seen 15, including 7 of the 10 best picture nods. That’s actually a pretty good margarine considering how far out of my interest the Oscars picks usually are. So enough yammering, here’s my OFFICIAL OSCAR PREDICTIONS!
BEST PICTURE:

I’m happy “Winter’s Bone” managed a best picture nomination. I suppose, with ten slots to fill, its chances were good but, considering its independent origins, lack of star power, and the Academy’s short memory-span, I was nervous it wouldn’t happen at all.

What surprised me was the lack of a nomination for “Blue Valentine.” I expected the Weinsteins to push it like a motherfucker but I guess they figured “The King’s Speech” was a safer bet. (It is.) The NC-17 sex probably scared the Academy. “The Fighter” took its slot. That movie has being getting more praise for its supporting performance then for its actual content but clearly the Academy loves an underdog story, doubly so if boxing is involved.

The race for Best Picture comes down to two movies: “The Social Network” and “The King’s Speech.” And honestly it could go either way. The Academy’s love for stodgy old costume dramas is well-documented. Once upon a time, the historical period piece was always a sure bet. However, in the last decade, they've shown a surprising willingness to go with more modern, character oriented films. Wither this has to do with quality or the aforementioned desperation, I can’t say. Both of these represent either side of that spectrum perfectly. (It would be harder to make a film more modern then one about Facebook. Unless it was about an iPhone 4’s adventures in Twittering. That would be pretty modern.) “The King’s Speech” is probably the surer bet but my gut is going with “The Social Network,” simply because not only is it clearly one of the most critically beloved films of the year, but has also been making away with best picture awards like some sort of best picture award bandit.

The rest of the noms provide little competition. Despite “Inception,” “Winter’s Bone,” and “Toy Story 3” all being the best films of the year, they won’t win. “Black Swan” is too dark and surreal. “127 Hours,” despite good reviews, doesn’t have nearly enough hype behind it. “The Kids Are All Right’ is ostensibly a comedy, so it won’t win either.

Official Prediction: “The Social Network”
BEST ACTOR:

The films battling for best picture are also battling for best actor. Colin Firth is a beloved veteran, whose non-threatening Britishness has made him a favorite. Jesse Eisenberg is a relative newcomer who, until his star-making turn as Mark Zuckerberg, was most widely regarded as “The poor man’s Michael Cera.” (If things keep going the way they are, Michael Cera might soon be the poor man’s Michael Cera…) The hype machine is pumping heavily for both. I think Eisenberg gave the better performance. However, much like high school girls, the Academy tends the favor the more experienced, better looking, older man. If Firth wins Best Actor, the chance of “The King Speech” winning the top prize increases and vice-versa.

The Academy has the rare opportunity this year of one of its hosts also being nominated in a top tier category. How James Franco translated from pop culture punch line to Oscar Nominated Thespian properly involves a pact with the devil. After years of working as a well-respected but never high-grossing performer, Jeff Bridges is suddenly in position to win two best actor statues two years in a row. (He won’t, but he is in that position.) Javier Bardem was nominated mostly to steam Julia Roberts’ eldritch wrath.

Official Prediction: Colin Firth.
BEST ACTRESS:

Natalie Portman’s nervous, fragile, tragically graceful performance in “Black Swan” is both the obvious and favored pick. However, not so fast! Annette Bening has been nominated thrice before! Always remember that seniority and legacy have just as much, if not more, to do with winning as actual talent. Portman’s talent is far more divisive, and the Academy only likes conflict they themselves are responsible for. Bening’s role as a butch lesbian nurse might not be her best performance, or even the best performance in that film, but that might not stop her from taking home gold. (It worked for Al Pacino. The legacy part, not the butch lesbian part…)

Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone” is truly the best of the group and the best performances of the year. Her acting will be the most fondly reflected about in future years. She should win but she most likely won’t. Michele Williams’ part in “Blue Valentine” is arguably just as nervous and gracefully tragic as Portman’s. Williams also seems to be more widely liked Portman by the critical community. She’s the dark horse candidate for me.

Oh yeah, Nicole Kidman is nominated too. Seeing as how it’s not 1999, nobody cares.

Official Prediction: Annette Bening
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

I was totally off in my prediction for the Best Supporting Actor category. The only two I accurately guessed are the two most likely to win. Christian Bale’s method actor intensity has won him a lot of fans. His general intensity has turned a lot of people off too. Of all the nominated actors, he’s the one I’d least like to fight. (Even 90-pound “Machinist” Bale could probably kick my ass.) His turn in “The Fighter” is his most acclaimed part this side of Patrick Bateman. But will he win?

He might. But Geoffrey Rush, despite all ready having an Oscar, has more money and Hollywood power pumping behind him right now. If it was my decision, I would honor as many films as possible with a win. But with the Academy, if a film wins once, it’ll probably win a few more. Christian Bale has plenty of years left and will certainly be nominated again. If Firth wins, Rush will certainly win. Even if Firth doesn’t win, Rush has a higher chance of victory.

Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, and even John Hawkes’ nomination surprised me. They are all odd choices in my opinion and I’ll be shocked if any of them get it.

Official Prediction: Geoffrey Rush
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
All of that guess work and uncertainty present in the other categories? Not here in this one. Best Supporting Actress is one of the few categories where the Academy likes to honor newcomers and first-timers. Hailee Steinfeld has all ready won it. I’ve got no doubt. That’s why the studio campaigned her for this category despite her clearly being the lead character in “True Grit.” They knew she would win here.

Melissa Leo’s Golden Globe win increases her chances some but not enough. Amy Adams and Helena Bohnam Carter’s nomination probably had more to do with needing to fill out the category. I haven’t seen “Animal Kingdom,” haven’t even heard much about it, so I can’t comment on Jacki Weaver’s talent but it’s nice that the Academy threw a smaller film a bone.

Official Prediction: Mattie Ross, one hundred percent.
BEST DIRECTOR:

I don’t even really like David Fincher. I like all of his movies. I like some of them a lot. I even like “Alien 3!” But for some reason I’ve never been as fanatically devoted to him as many of his followers are. But he should win. “The Social Network” is some of his best direction and, generally speaking, Fincher has been under-recognized by the Academy. If he doesn’t win for a blatantly mainstream, critics-courting character study such as this one, he never will.

Darren Afronofsky is in the bucket that Fincher was previously in. His films are too weird, dark, nerdy, and cult-ish to get proper Academy love. “The Wrestler” was his bold-face grab for mainstream recognition and he wasn’t even nominated for that. The Coens’ have won before but won’t win for an impersonal genre exercise, David O. Russell is probably too much of an asshole to win, and who the fuck is Tom Hopper and why am I even talking about him?
Official Prediction: Fincher. Or else a million teenage boys with a screen-name copied from “Fight Club” will firebomb the ceremony.
BEST WRITING:

Why are films based on true events covered under the Written for the Screen category? “The Fighter” and “The King’s Speech” both took direct inspiration from true events, so why are they considered originals? That’s mostly unrelated but it’s something that’s always bothered me.

“The Kids Are All Right” is considered an indie film despite having several major stars and a medium range budget. It’s the kind of small film that usually wins the writing award because the voters like to pretend they care about “independent” film. I personally hope “Inception,” because it is such a meticulously constructed and hugely ambitious screenplay, wins. “Another Year” is another odd, one-off nomination.

The Adapted Screenplay award is a little more exciting. I want “Winter’s Bone” to win and this is the category were a win is most likely for it. However, “The Social Network” has two things going for it. First off, Aaron Sorkin is a rare superstar screenwriter. Secondly, that movie is likely to dominate most of the categories it’s nominated in.

“Toy Story 3” might just take it as well. The Academy has proved in the past it favored Pixar’s writing staff. “127 Hours” is unlikely to win in any other category, so it could happen here. “True Grit” won’t win since the Coens just took the 1969 screenplay and put their names on it. (I kid because I care.)

Official Prediction: “The Kids Are All Right” and “The Social Network.”
BEST ANIMATED FILM:

What’s most remarkable about this category is what films didn’t get nominated. The Academy seems dead set against there being more then three films nominated for Best Animated Film these days, probably as part of some wide-sweeping conspiracy to keep animation down. “Tangled” and “Despicable Me” both should have grab nominations, easily.

What did get nominated was expected. “How to Train Your Dragon” was beloved animation while “The Illusionist” was the sure-fire “serious art” animation pick.

Who will win is so obvious that I’m not even going to bother to mention it. Pixar is probably adding a new wing to their building strictly to hold all their Oscars right now.

Official Prediction: “Toy Story 3.” Duh.
BEST MUSIC:
Trent Razor, of all people, might win an Oscar. His electronic score for “The Social Network” is certainly the favorite to win because it is so evocative. But it’s also an electronic score, not something the old fogies at the Academy tend to go for. (Yes, fanboys, that’s the other reason Daft Punk’s boring score for “Tron: Legacy” didn’t get one.)

All the other nominations are far more traditional. Hans Zimmer’s work on “Inception” is certainly the most recognized of any of these choices and the most likely of the secondary choices to win. None of the other scores really strike me as particularly exciting or innovative, but Oscar likes boring shit sometimes. (Most times.)

None of the best song choices are particularly inspiring. The songs in “Tangled” were all pretty great but the love ballad “I Saw the Light” was easily the weakest among them. (No love for the funny and catchy “I’ve Got a Dream?”) Despite that, it might be the best of these picks. Randy Newman has written better songs for Pixar then his subpar contribution to “Toy Story 3,” “We Belong Together.” “If I Rise” from “127 Hours” and “Coming Home” from “Country Strong” both strike me as some real office-radio disposable boring nonsense. But, as previously established, Oscar sometimes likes that stuff.

Official Prediction: “The Social Network” with a cautious nod and “Tangled” with a shrug.
MISC. NOMINATIONS:

I haven’t heard much of anything about the Best Foreign Film nominations, besides “Biutiful” being underwhelming. “Dogteeth” has some favorable buzz behind it, so it’s my choice mostly by default. The documentary choices are mostly unknown to me as well. “Waiting for ‘Superman,’” the most popular documentary of the year, wasn’t even nominated. “Restrepo” and “GasLand” are critically beloved but “Exit Through the Gift Shop” is certainly the most buzzed about.

Best Cinematography is going to be interesting. “Inception” and “True Grit” both have a big scope that will win them a lot of points, while “Black Swan” had a sweeping, personal, fantastic point-of-view. Honestly, any of them could get it.

“True Grit” seems primed to win both Costume Design and Art Design, though the British movie about the king might get the former and “Alice in Wonderland” could grab the latter. “Inception” will probably dominate both sound categories, as well as best visual effects though, once again, Tim Burton’s mediocre latest film might win.

It’s kind of cool that Rick Baker’s underrated work on “The Wolfman” got nominated and, considering the low-key nature of the other two picks, the monster movie seems the likeliest to win. Rick Baker and the Academy do have a good track record when it comes to werewolves.

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On February 27, I will once again live-blog the actual show. I had a lot of fun doing it last year even if I’m sure nobody was following along. Look for it!

2011 Film Preview

So, it’s been 2011 for almost eight days now. I guess I should probably get around to announcing the films I’m most eagerly anticipating, shouldn’t I? Since me and everybody else on the internet love making list of things, here’s my top ten list for 2011!

1. Cobalt Neural 9

Am I the only one who recognizes the Wachowski brothers’ genius these days? Out of their five films, three of them are great. (“The Matrix” sequels… Not so much. Yes, I just called “Speed Racer” great. BECAUSE IT IS!) That’s a pretty good track record for anyone. Their latest film is described as a cinema verite story about the secret homosexual love affair between an American solider and an Iraqi insurgent and the political upheaval that follows, as recalled in the far flung future. Also, something about Jesse Ventura having a third psychic eye. This is exactly the kind of project I so eagerly anticipate. Is it just crazy enough to work, or will it be a complete and total clusterfuck? Either way, it’s bound to be more interesting then anything else that comes out this year.

2. Green Lantern

I’m reluctant to place this film so highly. Despite being a DC man these days, I’m not a huge Green Lantern fan. (Aquaman is my hero of choice.) Ryan Reynolds wasn’t anybody’s first choice for the role, I think, and the trailer curbs a lot more from “Iron Man” then I’d prefer in addition to being a little too goofy. What’s really riding on this movie, more so then anything else, is the entire future of DC Comics on film. If this succeeds, The Flash, Wonder Woman, and, yes, even Aquaman will follow. If it bombs, expect nothing but Batman sequels. In other words, I don’t know if this will be good, but I sincerely hope it is, less so for the actual movie’s sake, and more for the franchise’s sake.



3. Sucker Punch

Set in the 1920s, a bunch of barely dressed Loli sluts grab katanas and machine guns, and proceed to fight dragons, robots, Nazis, and a giant samurai with a Gatling gun. I don’t know how Zack Synder got a hold of my eighth grade sketchbook but, if the trailer proves anything, I’m glad he did. My opinion of the director is mixed at best but his juvenile slo-mo obsessed style might actually benefit a born guilty pleasure like this.




4. Captain America

I love 1930s pulp heroes almost more then I love traditional superhero. Captain America always seemed like he belonged just as much to the former genre as he does the latter. Joe Johnston obviously got this job based on “The Rocketeer,” a movie dim in script that nevertheless perfectly captured the retro-serial look and feel. The fantastic production art makes it apparent that the same can be said for this one. Hopefully, the script is up to snuff…


5. A Dangerous Method

Who doesn’t love David Cronenberg? Douchebags, that’s who. His non-horror output has never endeared me to him as much as his genre offerings. But this film, a story about the rivalry between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, seems perfectly in tune with Cronenberg’s sensibilities. The premise is interesting enough on its own, but Dave’s attachment is enough to shoot this one into the top ten for me.



6. Thor

Superhero movies are fucking everywhere this year, obviously. You can’t throw a rock around here without bumping one. Out of all of Marvel’s major properties, this is probably the trickiest one. Kenneth Branagh, as unconventional a choice for a superhero movie as Jon Favreau was, seems to have a handle on the material, if the impressive trailer is any indication. This has the potential to be the most visually striking of this summer’s blockbuster offerings.



7. Immortals

If you recall, Tarsem blew my mind a few years ago with “The Fall,” a visual smorgasbord destined to be retroactively recognized as one of the best films of the 2000s. Normally, yet another take on Greek mythology wouldn’t interest me that much, but this director’s involvement immediately promises a far more attention-grabbing approach to the material. Tarsem fits the epic scope and magical spectacle of Mount Olympis more then any other director around.


8. The Muppets

Yeah, I love the friggin’ Muppets. Of course I do. Jim Henson’s creations haven’t been in a really good movie for over ten years. The indie-comedy talent staring, writing, and directing suggest this will at least be more interesting then “Muppets from Space” was, if not funnier while also maintaining the classic muppet sense of bitter sweetness. And, hey, that list of guest stars is pretty cool too!

9. Paul

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the best comedy duo we have, right now. “Spaced,” “Shaun of the Dead,” and “Hot Fuzz” are all modern classics. Guess what? This has an ALIEN in it! Seeing these guys take on the UFO conspiracy sub-culture sure gets my nerd juices pumping. The lack of Edgar Wright causes me to approach with some caution, as does the goofy CGI title character, but I trust these guys.



10. The Tall Man
Pascal Laugier, madman behind “Martyrs” and one of the most talented young horror directors out there, is essentially making a Slender Man movie. Not only is that a great match of director and material, it also promises to push mainstream horror into creepier, far more artistic territory. Yeah yeah, Jessica Biel is in it. Don’t kill my buzz.
Other stuff of interest (hopefully) being released this year:

The Adjustment Bureau, Adventure of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn, Beautiful Girl, The Beaver, Bernie, Born to be a Star, Burke and Hare, Cabin in the Woods, Cars 2, Conan, Cowboys and Aliens, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Dylan Dog, F, Fantomas, Frankenweenie, Freeheld, Fright Night, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Green Hornet, Hanna, Hanukkah, Hobo with a Shotgun, The Hole, Hugo Cabret, Iron Sky, Jack and Diane, John Dies at the End, Kaboom, Killer Joe, Knights of Badassdom, Lovers of Hate, Machine Gun Preacher, Meek’s Cutoff, Now, Piranha 3DD, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Rango, The Raven, Real Steel, Red State, Rise of the Apes, The Rum Diary, Scream 4, Sherlock Holms 2, Source Code, Super, Super 8, Tabloid, The Thing, Tinker Tailor Solider Spy, The Troll Hunter, Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives, The Ward, Winnie the Pooh, The Woman, Woman in Black, X-Men: First Class, Your Highness

Yeah, I could’ve done write-ups for all of those but would you have read them? I mean, honestly, would you?

Here’s hoping for a great new year! MORE STUFF COMING SOON!