Halloween 2010: October 30

Yesterday was busy, as far as Halloween festivities go. First thing, my mother and I carved our Jack-o-lanterns. She made a surprisingly gruesome puking pumpkin that turned out surprisingly well. I carved a more traditional jack-o-lantern. I wanted to cut a Jason mask design but that proved a little more complicated then I had time for.

That night, after working all afternoon, I headed directly to the Apollo for a midnight screening of "Rocky Horror" with my hetero-life-partner JD, which you will read about below.

10/30/10:

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Knightly Murders”
This is a very dense episode. They pack a lot of characters and conjecture into this one. John Dehner is hilarious as a grandiose speaking police captain. He makes a nice contrast with the usually antagonistic police captains that butt heads with Kolchak. Carl also bumps into a flamboyant fashion designer (who name-checks David Bowie for some reason), a noisy butler, a jittery museum curator, an old man far too willing to talk about his younger days, and a couple running a store that sells family crest. (that name-checks Queen for some reason. Lots of seventies rock references around this one.) That’s a lot of guest stars and tails for Carl to talk to and follow. Maybe they were just trying to stuff up a flimsy story but I enjoyed following the mystery, convoluted as it might be. As for the mystery itself… The animated suit of armor has always been an odd horror cliché for me. I think the only reason you see it every once in a while is because people like to trot out maces and lances as modern day murder weapons. That certainly seems to be the reason it was chosen for this episode. I like the gag of Kolchak stinking of perfume for the entire second half of the episode. Despite some obvious flaws, I liked this one a lot. It builds and builds to an intense final confrontation, where Kolchak finds himself completely outmatched against a physical threat. The way the monster is dealt with is the only disappointing aspect here. (8/10)

“It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!”
Faith is on my mind a lot this Halloween. Considering how Schultz used the Linus character as a mouth-piece for his religious views before, it’s hard not to view some subtext into this special. It’s been denied, but you can clearly interoperate this as being about atheism vs. faith. (Or a mocking of the devoutly faithful. Or, as Kindertrauma put it, conformity vs. nonconformity.) Watching this for the uptenth time, I noticed how episodic this is. It’s clear that the writer is better versed in writing daily comic strips then a half-hour special, because this is clearly broken up in skits with clear set-ups and punch lines. Only one or two sequence feel extended enough not to fit into a daily comic strip. Though, when each strip is this cute and funny, you can’t really complain. This is a traditional for so many for a reason. (8/10)

“The Rocky Horror Picture Show”
Last night was my first time experiencing a midnight screening of this. (I got branded with a “V” and marched up on stage for my troubles. At least I didn’t get spanked on the ass like my friends.) I was a big fan of RHPS a few years ago, and still love the music, but grew out of my fandom, mostly do to my feelings concerning the Rocky Horror crowd, who I’ve come to find overly cliquey and kind of sadly pathetic. However, I can’t say any of those thoughts bothered me last night. Standing in a long line, in the middle of the night, in the cold, with a bunch of like-minded, clearly nuts people, you just get caught up in the feeling of fun. That I managed to convince some young hottie dressed as Columbia to stick a plush toy dolphin into to her cleavage for me really made the night. Anyway, this was a complete blast, no lie. You can’t even really compare watching the movie at home by yourself with the midnight experience, in a cramped theater, full of people, yelling, laughing, throwing crap, fully interacting with the movie on-screen. I understand now that’s its not the movie itself so much as the midnight experience that causes such a devout fan following. People, especially lonely people, must be eager to revisit that feeling of belonging and unspoken brotherhood that permeated this event. I can’t blame him. The two become inseparable after a while. One by itself is never as good again. Probably because of all this, I ended up enjoying the movie a lot more then I usually do. It’s pretty much a given that I’ll be back next Halloween. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Legacy of Terror”
I’m sure viewers of the series back when it was new were all wondering when “Kolchak” was going to get to The Mummy. It was the one major horror icon it hadn’t covered yet. The use of Aztec mythology instead of Egyptian adds an interesting variation to the idea. Of course, the mummy doesn’t even show up until the very end of the episode, probably also a wise decision. The opening murder is certainly a striking set piece. Having watched so much of this show in such a small time period, I’ve come to realize that just watching Kolchak go about the business of investigating the story, bumping into the guest stars of the week, and then fighting the monster at the end, is really effortlessly fun. Darren McGavin was so incredibly good in this part. Maybe “Legacy of Terror” isn’t the strongest episode but I can’t say I enjoyed it any less then the best episodes of the series. It handles the story in a really entertaining way. The sports stadium make is a great location for the final scene and, surprisingly, Erik Estrada actually does some acting in his guest role. The Mummy make-up, sparingly used, is actually one of the better creature design of the series. (7/10)

Halloween 2010: October 29

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Demon in Lace”
This one has a great supporting cast. Keenan Wynn as an antagonistic police captain is the best. Kirstina Holland is also quite good as an enthusiastic college reporter that develops a friendship with Carl. Crazy as it sounds, if the show had continued, I wouldn’t have mind seeing her come back as potential love interest. Holland and McGavin have good chemistry. You’ll also want to watch out for Mortica Addams and the voice of Frosty the Snowman among the minor parts. The episode certainly offers a different take on the succubus legend. I’m not sure if the wild variation on that legend was just the writers cooking up a version friendly to 70s TV or an intentional deviation. Either way, it works. Up until the final few minutes though, were things get seriously silly. Still, I liked this one, pruney face old woman demon included. (7/10)

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)
You mind be wondering why I gave this one a second view, considering how negative my previous review was. Well, that was a while ago, before I really grew to appreciate eighties trash-horror. The guys over at The Bodycount Continues really love this movie so I decided, if it was good enough for them, it must be good enough for me, right?

Well, I don’t know. I still don’t think much of this one. It’s obvious the director really had no interest in the previous “Friday the 13th” films. This one doesn’t feel anything like the films before or after it. The atmosphere it does have is one of sleazy eighties cheese, which does have its charms. The biggest issue is the characters, which are even more nondescript then is usual for these films. There’s stuttering kid, new wave girl, a brunette, a couple defined solely by their desire to screw. The final girl is completely bland and undefined. Tommy does almost nothing until the end. Often, characters, like the anachronistic leather jacket wearing hoods or the coked-up couples, are introduced just to be killed minutes later. The redneck retard son and his mom are easily the most despicable, obnoxious characters in the entire Friday mythos. Reggie and Demon are at least amusing but even they have the same, over-the-top shrill tone as everyone else does. Complaining about characters in a “Friday the 13th” movie might seem counterproductive but, I don’t know, is it too much to ask for?

This is the third or fourth time I’ve seen this movie and, only now, do I realize that Tommy is meant to be a red herring, hence his lack of presence throughout the movie. It is that obvious, right from the beginning, who the killer is suppose to be. Roy makes a wholly unthreatening killer.

The direction in this movie is really weird, especially the rough zoom-ins on people’s faces as they’re murdered. Many of the scenes in the house and forest have an odd, unrealistic feel to them, as if they were shot on a sound-stage. The movie does have plenty of nudity. The hedge-croppers-in-the-eyes chick has some nice ones. There are one or two decent kills, though too many are cheap machete stabs. “A New Beginning” isn’t as bad as I remember it being, but it is as awkward, off-center, and generally stupid. I can see the camp appeal here, but it’s not the good kind of down-home cheesy camp I like, but instead a mean-spirited, mid-eighties kind of “Different Strokes” camp that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. (5/10)

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
I really love this movie. First off, Angela, as presented here, might be one of the most sympathetic and generally likable slashers around. Sure, the viewers are usually on Jason’s or Freddy’s side, but Angela is different. Most slashers are either vicious unrepentant psychopaths or mindless brutes killing for vague, Freudian reasons. Angela just wants to make camp a nice place. She’s something of a tragic figure, clearly chewed up and spit out by the world and now she’s trying to reassemble her reality into something that’ll make her peaceful and happy. Of course, that just happens to involve killing anybody who rubs her the wrong way… She’s so delightfully demented, but there’s something sad about her too. Pamela Springsteen is perfect in the part.

This movie is also a hilarious satire, not only of eighties slasher, but eighties pop culture in general. All of the kids are named after the member of the Brat Pack. Angela’s revulsion to sex seems to go along with Regan era attitudes, though she herself is obviously a lesbian, clearly in love with Molly. (The scene where Angela, in her frumpy nightgown, tells Molly they’re all alone in the cabin together and that they “can still have fun,” is Angela’s awkward way of hitting on her.) “Just say no!” even gets a name check. Further more, the whole premise of Pamela Springsteen, who probably weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, killing an entire camp full of older women, adult men, and wily kids is sort of hilarious and subversive in and off itself. Of course, the scene directly poking fun at the Big Two is fantastically sly too.

The gore is great and supports some truly creative kills. The outhouse murder might be the grossest kill in any slasher film. The movie is also loaded with sex and nudity. (Valerie Hartman should be inducted into some sort of Horror Nudity Hall of Fame. She must be nude for half of her screen time.) About the only negative thing I can say about this is the non-conclusive ending is pretty weak… and it’s way too short! We need more Angela! (9/10)

Halloween 2010: October 28

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Trevi Collection”
A pretty good episode despite several goofy moments. Kolchak’s office banter is stronger then usual. The mystery is actually pretty involving. It was surprising to see Kolchak get tricked for once. (Naturally, a pretty woman smiling at him was all it took to throw him off.) When a show is as formulaic as this one, it’s nice to see it willing to throw a few twists into the mix. Another interesting element here is Kolchak being pursued by the mob tough buys. The aftermath of them wrecking the INS office is a really funny moment. As for the goofy moments? I remember being kind of creep out by the moving mannequins the first time I saw this, but now that comes off as really silly. Equpally silly is the floating knife, Carl swinging a mojo bag around like it’s a magic shield, and the way the witch is dealt, which is hard to take seriously. Still, after two weak episodes, this one held up nicely. (7/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Chopper”
It’s not surprising to find Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale’s name in the opening credits here. The Headless Horseman being remodeled as a headless biker is exactly the kind of darkly whimsical element Zemeckis use when he’s at his best. The episode does drag a bit in the middle (The funeral scene is a pain to get through) and, while you can tell they tried, the central idea of the monster was a little beyond their budget. The motorcycle element does lead to a number of exciting attack scenes. Carl’s confrontation with the monster is actually the least exciting action scene of the episode. The new police chief giving Kolchak a hard time provides some great amusement, as does Carl’s chemistry with the widow. (7/10)

Dead of Night (1945)
An extremely British movie. I guess it wasn’t until the Technicolor Hammer films of the late fifties that British horror stop being so damn drool. The movie is credited with popularizing the horror anthology as well as the killer dummy bit. (As well as Hoyle’s Steady State theory) There’s a reason all anybody talks about in reference to this is the dummy sequence.

The framing story introduces a lot of characters quickly and, even then, doesn’t use all of them. The first story, about a race car driver’s brush with death, is over so quickly it doesn’t really register. The second tale is a traditional ghost story set around Christmas time. It does successfully capture the feel of those ghost stories but fails completely in being scary. The third story, about a cursed mirror, takes a long, long time to get to its pay-off but does okay once it finally gets there. The fourth story is by far the worse. It’s a comical tale about ghost and golf that feels incredibly long, revolves around an annoying pair of characters, and just repeats its central gag over and over until something resembling the punch line comes.

After all of this, we finally get to the ventriloquist dummy. The terror the dummy inflicts is purely psychological and solely upon his master. The final twist of the story comes as quietly and uninterestingly as anything else in the film. The resolution to the framing story is the only moment the movie comes close to being creepy and the twist ending is clever, if expected. Like the Quatermass films before it, this is another highly respected piece of early British genre film that I really couldn’t get into. (5/10)

At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964)
The Coffin Joe films aren’t exactly like anything else around. This first film, in particular, Brazil’s first horror film, was made in something of a vacuum. It’s so wonderfully weird. It’s both hokey and brutal, sacrilegious and superstitious. Hokey in that the movie is covered with traditional horror clichés and they are all created in the cheapest forms possible. Black cats, foggy nights, toy hooting owls, paper mache skulls, cackling witches.

The movie is brutal in that its violence and gore probably would have been groundbreaking at the time (If anybody in outside of Brazil had seen it, obviously.) Fingers are cut off, people are brutally whipped, eyes are gouged out. There’s also a rape, albeit off-screen. The movie is a lot nastier then what was common at the time. What’s really crazy about all this though is Coffin Joe himself. He’s a sadist, murderer, rapist, general bastard to everybody, and the thing that horrifies the townspeople the most? He’s an atheist. In this small, improvised Brazilian town, religion clearly gives the people hope and here’s Coffin Joe, going around, yelling about how there’s no God, no ghosts, no spirits, no devil, only now, only “the continuity of the blood,” as he calls it.

What’s really dissonant about the film is its beliefs. Coffin Joe is our protagonist and, it’s clear that Jose Mojica Marins sympathizes with him. (I’ve often wondered how many of Joe’s beliefs Marins shares.) However, after spending the entire movie screaming about how ghosts don’t exist, those ghost do appear and Joe does indeed pay for his crimes. It’s a schizophrenic tone and one of reasons while the movie is so delightfully bizarre.

Also contributing to the charm is the micro-budget cleverness on display here. The director didn’t have the funds to create a ghost, so he just painted glitter directly onto the negative around the actor. It’s a bizarre, totally effective moment. After having mostly watched the myriad of Coffin Joe sequels and spin-offs this film spawned, it’s interesting to return to the original. In the sequels, Joe is obsessed with finding the perfect woman to father his perfect son with, to continue his continuity of the blood. In the third, recent, sequel, it’s becomes less about extending his life via child, and more about continuing his dark, Satanic legacy. The seventies era spin-offs are sleazier, more surreal, not as cheap but somehow cheaper looking, and turned Coffin Joe into some sort of netherworld dwelling spectre, a chronicler of strange tales. Here, he holds down a steady job, has friends, and doesn’t mention his Nietzsche-like quest to father a perfect offspring once. (He’s eyes also go bloodshot any time he flies into a murderous rage.) Anyway, “At Midnight, I’ll Take Your Soul” needs to be seen to be believed. (8/10)



Cornered! (2009)
A really fun addition to the slasher-comedy fold. It’s got a small colorful cast, all closed up in a single location, who are slowly picked off by a vicious killer one by one. It’s a classic slasher set-up. The characters actually get some pretty decent development too and have a nice repour with one another. The movie isn’t a wall-to-wall gore fest, but when blood does show up, it’s used in clever, nastily creative ways. This movie makes the kills it has count. The dialogue is pretty funny throughout and there’s a sense of absurd fun running under the whole thing. The identity of the killer is fairly obvious right from the beginning. (Hint: It’s the biggest name in the cast.) The ending is also a little meaner then I think they should have gone with. This is the fun kind of little slasher fare we don’t really get enough of any more. (7/10)

Candyman (1992)
I really love this movie for a number of reasons. I’ve always had an interest in urban legends and this movie gets deep into that. It’s all about the power of myth and is an incredibly creative modern update on the ghost story idea. The direction and, especially the music, are fantastically atmospheric. Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd both give phenomenal performance. (Considering the range, subtlety, and quiet command of presence Todd shows here, it’s sort of a shame that he’s basically reduced to turning in one-note cameos in the B-horror market.) It’s scary too. The death of the psychologist is a great horror moment. Read this brilliant Kindertrauma article for an even deeper study of the film. Basically, any film that generates that level of intelligent discussion is probably great, and I think “Candyman” certainly qualifies as great, one of the best horror films of the nineties, if not the best. (9/10)

Halloween 2010: October 26 and 27

10/26/10

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Ripper”
This first episode honestly feels like it could have come at any point in the series. The only indicator that this is the premier episode is that Miss Emily appears playing a totally different character. I can’t decide wither that’s a good thing or not. Having the characters and their interactions so definitely established right from the beginning is a strong point, especially since Kolchak’s relationship with his office mates would wind up saving many weaker episodes. Once again, the story here is highly derivative of the first movie, with the way the police is defenseless to stop the monster and how Kolchak eventually faces down the threat on its own turf. The way the killer has been killing in cycles over the decades is also similar to the second film’s story. The scenes set in massage parlors are surprisingly gritty for the time period. Out of the first three monsters that directly attacked the police, the Ripper is definitely the least intimidating. However, the final scenes of Carl hiding in the closet from the killer are quite suspenseful and redeem the weaker aspects of the episode. “The Ripper” isn’t a great way to start the show, but it still a pretty good hour of television. (7/10)

10/27/10

Tremors 4: The Legends Begins (2004)
Probably the best sequel of the series. It’s a return to the style of the origin, in that the focus is solely on the community and the characters’ relationships. Also, the Graboids are the only monsters around, no Shriekers, Ass-Blasters, or any more silly transformations. (The movie still can’t help but introduce some new critters: Baby Graboids.) The film has kind of a slow start but, by the time the defending the town last act kicks in, it’s good stuff. The biggest problems here are the same problems I often have with distinct past prequels revolving around the established character’s ancestors. I find it hard to believe that gene pools are so consistent that Burt’s great-grandfather looked just like him and also had a thing for redheads. Or that the Chang’s store has stuck around since the 1880s.

One of the strongest aspects of the “Tremors” series is the characters. By going back in time, of course, we loose the characters. It is a weakness for the film. The monsters are portrayed pretty inconsistently here. How much sound they can hear varies and I find it hard that turn-of-the-century floorboards would give them that much trouble. Also, the awful smell is back for the first time since the initial movie. The special effects are definitely the best since the first film. The final shot is pretty funny. The movie is really relentlessly nice. It doesn’t have a mean bone anywhere in its body. (7/10)

Spike (2010)
I picked this off the shelves at Blockbuster strictly because it looked like a monster movie, and how often do we get those, especially in the DTV independent horror market? Alas, never trust a DVD cover, because this is more of a “Phantom of the Opera”-style gothic romance then a traditional horror story. It’s about a guy with some bizarre birth defect that causes giant spikes to sprout all over his body and his obsessive love for his childhood girlfriend. It’s not a bad idea, and not as far removed from reality as you’d think. (If the Tree Man can exist, I’d say this is well within the realm of possibilities.)

The story is ultimately too sympathetic to the monster. His submissive, erudite tone never makes him threatening or frightening. Ultimately, he comes off like kind of a whiny hipster. The rest of the cast isn’t developed very well. The movies biggest problems is its theatrical dialogue, that never sounds like the kind of thing that would actually come out of a human mouth, much less from a person that’s being living in the woods for a long time. The characters in the movie also seem to think bonking somebody over the head is the first, best solution to any problem.

There’s also a subplot involving a pair of wacky lesbian wandering the forest that doesn’t really go anywhere. Considering the short run time and the director’s previous work mostly consisting of short films, I’d say, cut out that subplot, and this would become a pretty solid forty minute short. This is, generally, a well-made film, very nicely shot, especially considering what was probably a tiny budget, with some potentially good performances and, at the very least, the seed of a good story. While I can’t really say I liked the movie, its creative team has some definite talent. (Film Thoughts favorite Justin Paul Ritter is also thanked in the credits. So, you know, there’s that. The reviews on Netflix are also hilariously mean-spirited and acidic.) (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Mr. R.I.N.G.”
Another one of my first shows, which I saw during Trio’s “Brilliant but Canceled.” It’s actually one of the weaker episodes. Mr. RING isn’t much of a threat and the extended scenes of Kolchak talking to him are a bore. How the robot is dealt with is pretty anticlimactic and disappointing. However, once again, Kolchak going out and following leads, rubbing people the wrong way, and generally making a lovable nuisance of himself are the highlights of an episode. I do like Carl’s confused opening narration. This episode strays from the formula and is one of the weakest of the series. Coincidence? (5/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “Primal Screams”
Another weak episode. Mostly because the mystery unfolds in a really droll way and the creature itself is pretty silly. Carl confronting the creature in the red subway tunnel is an atmospheric sign that almost immediately gets silly again when Kolchak tries to make friends with the monkey. The confrontations with the police are pretty amusing. I really hope the rest of the series picks up before it ends. (5/10)

Honestly, why isn't there a "Tremors 5" yet? Is it because the TV show failed (And kind of blew?) I know those movies were pretty big hits in the video and cable market when I was a teenager. I feel those movies filled a void. Not just because there cool monster movies and we don't have enough of those, but also because they were (mostly) family friendly. There isn't a lot of quality kid-friendly horror out there today and, you know, the kids have to start somewhere. I guess if the series had continued, it only would have gotten sillier, introducing more variations on the title beasties. But I'd probably still watch. I obviously love these movies for some reason. (My idea for "Tremors 5?" Graboids vs. dinosaurs. Don't tell me that wouldn't be cool.)

Halloween 2010: October 25

My friend JD naturally joined me for another movie marathon today. Before settling in for a night of spooky sights and screams, we also stopped by My Little Horror Shop, a really fantastic local place. As unlikely as this is, but if they're are any readers in the Winchester VA area that still haven't checked this place out, you really need to.

Witchboard (1986)
As far as late eighties supernatural slashers go, I rank this one pretty highly. It has a legitimately interesting mystery, some actual character development for its cast, and very good pacing. The swooping, “Evil Dead”-style direction adds some tension to the attack scenes. The cast is pretty awful, admittedly. (Even if Tawny Whitesnake provides some fantastic eye-candy.) It’s really different from the rest of the horror output we’re us to seeing from this time, while also belonging completely to that decade. (7.5/8)

The Exorcist (1974)
There really is so much to say about this movie. First off, having just watched “The Omen” the other night, its fun to compare these two devil flicks. While Satan pretty much reigns supreme in “The Omen,” “The Exorcist” is much more hopeful. It’s a straight-on tug-of-war between good and evil throughout the whole film. Freidkin’s use of subliminal images is so successful. Moreover, this movie is really scary. I’m not exactly sure why or how it pulled it off, but many scenes continue to be legitimately unnerving. I honestly think the sound design has a lot to do with it, maybe more then anything else. As the countless rip-offs showed, it’s not so much a little girl getting possessed and vomiting pee soup that is disturbing, but add a truly odd, ravaging, clicking soundtrack and it becomes weird. How great are Max Van Sydow and Jason Miller? It’s sort of interesting to know that Sydow was only in his fifties but really pulls off being much older and frailer. I do prefer the Theatrical ending to the Extended cut, but the Spider Walk scene makes that cut very much worth owning. (Ouija boards seems to have unintentionally become the theme of the night.) (9/10)

Fright Night (1985)
Charley Brewster is really a nerd. Something I picked up on this time is his car. It’s a nice model, but suffers from a splotchy paint job. Even when he’s trying to be cool, he comes off as a total dork. Something the upcoming remake has all ready fucked up, is Amy. Amy actually looks like the kind of girl that would date a massive nerd like Brewster. I mean, in the opening scene, she’s wearing overalls, for Christ’s sakes. Making her resemble Jerry’s old love is a good idea. Being a vampire, Dandridge could obviously get any girl he wants (And does get much hotter woman throughout.) So why would he go after Marcy Darcy if for no other reason then to spite Brewster?

And Jerry is a fantastically petty character. While other vampires might be ancient, unknowable evils, when pissed off, Jerry destroys Charley’s car, tricks and fools the police and his friend, and then kills some bouncers in a dance club. He’s was the perfect vampire for the eighties. Maybe it’s easy to read the actor’s personal life into his performance, but Evil Ed is totally gay. He jokes about giving Charley a hickey, wears a woman’s wig at one point, and, when Jerry tries to talk him into becoming a vampire, gives Evil a speech about how nobody understands him. Reading too much into it? Possibly, but the subtext is pretty blatant. I love Charley’s hilariously clueless mom and when wasn’t Rodney McDowell fantastic? Chris Sarandon’s performance is completely over-the-top (“Ami-AH!” is a running gag with me and my friends.) and his death scene if fantastic. This is a vampire that’s actually hard to kill. I also love that instead of just turning into a regular bat, he turns into some sort of monster-bat the size of a Doberman. Basically, I like this movie a lot. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it my favorite vampire movie. (9/10)

Phantasm (1979)
First off, I think this movie might have more “Oh shit!” moments then just about any other horror film. In-between the sphere in the head, the graveyard nightmare, the midget in the bushes, and that final scare, this one has got scares in spades. What’s maybe most endearing about this film is its truly homespun feel. This really does feel like a bunch of friends just getting together to make a movie. (Probably because it pretty much was.) That slapdash feel both works for and against it. In the for column, it leads to an appropriately dream-like pacing, as pretty much any crazy idea Costerella had was thrown into the mix, from yellow blood, to evil jawas, to alien-flies, and much more. It also works against the film for much the same reason. (Just were the hell did the Tall Man’s thug come from? I guess the Tall Man can’t run a mortuary all by himself but him hiring someone seems pretty silly. Imagine the job interview…)

But it’s a smart movie too. Just read John Kennith Muir’s excellent essay about it in “Horror Films of the 1970s” in which he smartly deconstructs the symbolism. As the nightmare of a young boy, the movie is ultimately about that boy’s fear of death, abandonment, and equal revulsion and curiosity about sex. I suspect this was mostly unintentional on the director’s half but, whatever, it works. So “Phantasm” is a crazy, truly unique slice of homemade late seventies horror. “If this one doesn’t scare you, you’re all ready dead” indeed. (9/10)

“Kolchak: The Night Stalker” “The Werewolf”
The werewolf here is maybe the goofiest monster make-up from the entire series. (Which is saying something.) He looks less like a traditional werewolf and more like Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy (which I guess isn’t completely illogical, but still…) That the camera freeze frames during his attacks for some reason just calls more attention to the weirdness here. Despite the goofy monster, Kolchak’s interaction with the cruise passengers and captains almost makes up for it. This probably has the funniest dialogue out of any episode. It also features drowning as a way to kill the werewolf, something I’ve certainly never seen before. Hey, how about a Kolchak/Werewolf crossover? Surely that fanfiction exist! (6/10)

Halloween 2010: October 24

Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
My blatant nostalgia for this series will really start showing now. These movies used to be on constant rotation on the SciFi Channel back during my early teens and I watched them over and over again. Smart things part three does: 1. Make Bert the lead character. While he always seemed like the type that worked better as a sparingly used supporting man, Michael Gross really makes the most of his opportunity here. 2. The supporting cast. 3. Getting the government involved in the story, not in a paranoia cover-up way but in a supportive way that drives the story. One of the things I always really liked about these film si that the monsters are not only public knowledge but exploited and sold. 4. El Blanco. He’s basically the Slimer of the series, a former threat that quickly became a harmless mascot. Things part three does that aren’t so smart. 1. The Ass-Blaster. I thought the Shrieker was a pretty big departure for the series but letting the monster take to the air is getting really good. 2. The effects. Hand puppets galore! Shaky CGI! 3. The gag of a monster blowing up and the intrails raining down on the heroes has gotten old. Flaws, and their considerable and all, I still sort of love this movie. (7/10)

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
I saw the anime movie a few years ago and thought it was pretty underdeveloped. (Haven’t read the manga or seen the series.) But I do understand why this would get adapted before better known, more successful series. The appeal of a Japanese schoolgirl chopping up monsters with a big samurai sword is universal. But, man, this is a shitty movie. The fight scenes are so ridiculous and over-the-top, but also serious and self-important. “Ramping” is abuse to such a degree that it would make Zack Synder look subtle. Everything is exaggerated but stylistically hollow. Bits are stolen from “Kill Bill,” “Wanted,” and the “Blade” films, to start. The saturated comic book look just ends up making the movie look even more unreal. Nothing ever has any weight. This isn’t real fighting, just people jumping around inside a computer. The rest of the movie feels similarly empty. The introduction of the general daughter is an obvious, and unnecessary, attempt to appeal to American audience. The ending is inconclusive and anticlimactic. The fake blood is really fake looking. I liked the gravelly voice fedora guy. Just to think, Ronny Yu could have directed this… (4/10)

Halloween 2010: October 22

The Omen (1976)
This movie also holds a special nostalgic quality for me. It was the first “adult’ horror film I ever watched, at the tender age of twelve. (I was a late bloomer.) The movie seriously freaked me out at the time. Having had the idea of the apocalypse drilled into my head by my fire-and-brimstone Southern Baptist grandmother for most of my childhood, the premise of the movie felt frighteningly real. And, I think, that childhood mindset, were you only half-understand the true implications, is really the best way to view this one. The film creates a profound sense of dread, one that sent me spiraling into deep existential despair when I first saw it.

Watching it now as a mostly-agnostic adult, I interpreted the story in a totally different way. This is as much a movie about the fear of parenthood as it is one about the Antichrist. “Kids are the devil” is one of the, I suspect, unintentional messages of the film. And, while this is obviously a movie dealing in religious paranoia and Christian fear, there’s something oddly Atheistic about this one. Less in the literal sense of “God never existed in the first place,” but more in that late-seventies “God has abandoned us” mindset. Satan is presented throughout as the clear victor, as powerful as the Christian God but obviously more active in our world. This is really a relentlessly grim film. After all, the best possible outcome to the story involves a father murdering his adopted son. Antichrist or not, that’s a pretty terrifying concept.

On a technically level, it’s brilliantly crafted. Donner’s direction and the editing are pitch perfect and Goldsmith’s music is rightfully legendary, truly one of most ominous, disturbing film scores ever composed. You can also trace the modern day “Final Destination” films specifically, as well as a great deal of later supernatural slashers, directly back to this movie. (9/10)

The Night Strangler (1973)
Better then the first movie. Kolchak’s character and personal voice are more definitely established. His interaction with Vincenzo and the supporting cast is juicier. The mystery is more intriguing. The Seattle Underground provides an incredibly atmospheric setting. Carl spends more time investigating, reporting, and encountering the monster in an up-close-and-personal way. The supporting cast is great, featuring terrific turns from Wally Cox, Scott Brady as a fantastically confrontational police chief, and the gorgeous Nina Wayne.

The only way it pales in comparison with “The Night Stalker” is that it’s just not as scary. The restaurant sequence is the only real nail-biter. The script is also largely derivative of the first film, especially when the police shot harmlessly at the monster and how Kolchak ends up confronting the villain in his lair. (Granted, pretty much every story involving Kolchak follows almost that exact same formula.)The way the Alchemist info-dumps a load of exposition on us at the end is also pretty lazy. But as the car-ride final sequence shows, I found this one to be considerably more likable and relatable then the first film. (8/10)