Halloween 2023: October 13th

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

There hasn't been an “Exorcist” movie since 2005 and there hasn't been an especially successful “Exorcist” movie since 1973. Yet, with the fiftieth anniversary looming, it's not surprising that someone would decide to revive the possession saga. The path forward with this new iteration has been especially obvious. Universal paid big bucks to acquire the franchise rights. They partnered with Blumhouse and David Gordon Green was immediately given the reins to the series, coming right off the success of his “Halloween” trilogy. In fact, it really seemed like the idea was to do something very similar here, including inviting back a face from the original film for a new story.  No word on whether “The Exorcist: Believer” disregards the events of “Exorcist II: The Heretic” or “Exorcist III.” The legacy sequel opened to middling reviews earlier this month but that wasn't going to stop me from seeing it. 

In Haiti, photographer Victor Fielding and his pregnant wife are caught in an earthquake. She dies in childbirth but the baby lives. 13 years later, Angela is now a precocious teenager, eager to learn more about her late mother. She sneaks off with her best friend, Katherine, one night to go into the forest and perform a séance. The two girls then vanish, panicking their parents. Three days later, they are found, with no memory of their disappearance and burned feet. Soon, the girls begin to act strangely, their behavior escalating to disturbing heights. Katherine's highly religious family are convinced their daughter is possessed. Victor, an atheist, is skeptical. Yet reading a book written by Chris McNeil, about her daughter being possessed and the subsequent exorcism, convinces him to track McNeil down and ask for her help. Soon, a group of leaders from different faiths are brought in to save Angela and Katherine's souls from the grip of evil. 

For whatever it's worth, “The Exorcist: Believer” has a decent first act. The opening in Haiti blatantly recalls the original Iraq-set prologue. Once that passes, the film is allowed to do its own thing for a while. Victor and Angela's relationship is nicely established. He loves her daughter, she's close to her dad. The death of their mother still looms over them both, Angela doing what she can to reconnect with a topic her father is clearly still processing. “Believer” doesn't pile on the jump scares or cheap shocks too much in its first forty minutes, taking time to establish Victor as a conflicted protagonist. Once the girls disappear, and the different parents are tossed together in a panicked search, I was actually kind of feeling this one. I was genuinely intrigued to see where it might be going.

Where it was going, perhaps inevitably, is a fairly pale imitation of the original. Unlike some people, I have nothing against David Gordon Green. I was one of the few folks who loved “Halloween Ends.” Yet the simple truth is he's not as good of a director as the late, great William Friedkin. I mean, how many people are? So many of Friedkin's films have a genuine unhinged quality to them, a sense of real danger, that Green was never going to capture. This becomes abundantly clear once “Believer” starts going for scares. Most of the possessed girl business in this sequel are uninspired rehashes. The girls gain scarred up bodies and faces. They swear inappropriately, bleeding from various orifices, while demon faces will flash on-screen briefly. Once the actual exorcism begins in the last third, there really isn't anything too exciting happening. At least the sequel holds off on the levitation and projectile vomiting as long as possible. The same can't be said for the prominent use of a silver crucifix, which is easily “Believer's” most stilted and embarrassing moment. 

Yet a lack of fresh scares is not even the biggest problem with “Believer.” The truth is the sequel simply doesn't have the complexity of the original. “The Exorcist” is a movie about faith really being tested. It's about the question of good and evil, how it resides in us, and whether anything can be done to challenge it. Notably, the exorcism in the original doesn't actually work and a noble man making a sacrifice is what actually makes a difference. Even then, there is a question of ambiguity in the air, of what driving the devil out of this girl has actually cost. “Believer,” meanwhile, goes with a much simpler message about religious solidarity. Katherine's parents are Southern Baptists. The nurse, who was almost a nun, that assist Victor is Catholic and gets a priest involved. His next door neighbor is Pentecostal, while a local hoodoo practitioner is the main driving force during the exorcism. A rather loaded monologue points out that, though all these faiths are different, they all believe in the power of good, that people can make a difference.

Honestly, I don't think this is an especially compelling angle. “The Exorcist” reflected the crisis of faith in the early seventies, when traditional religion was playing less of an important role in a modern, more cynical world. 2023 is a totally different time, when mass religion has been commercialized by prosperity doctrine shit-heads and weaponized by the right-wing outrage machine in a way that's certainly not new but definitely seriously insidious. How are we suppose to take a film with a heroic Catholic priest seriously in a world were the church's dirtiest secret is public knowledge? If the film is so concerned with a multicultural angle, why are all its represented religious faiths Christian denominations? Why wasn't a Rabbi or Muslim imam consulted? An ultimately feel-good message about how what unites us is stronger than what divides us, and that faith is essential across all belief systems, seems like a limp reflection of what “The Exorcist” is actually about.

Then again, it's not like an “Exorcist” sequel being disappointing or failing to live up to the original is anything new. It's actually standard practice for this franchise. At least “Believer” has a decent cast. Leslie Odom Jr. clearly invested some emotional depth as Victor. Lidya Jewell and Olivia O'Neill are convincing as peppy teenage girls, even if their demonic contortions feel uninspired. It's nice to see Ann Dowd as the attending nurse. Really, the only cast member who truly phones it in is the most hyped one. Ellen Burstyn doesn't seem especially interested to be here. She gets some of the sequel's most awkward, ungainly dialogue. Considering Chris McNeil repeatedly says she's not an exorcist, before attempting to perform an exorcism, you kind of have to wonder why she's in this story at all. 

But the answer to that question is obvious. “Believer” wouldn't be a real legacy sequel if it didn't have someone from the original film in the cast. The most obvious surviving cast member from the original is saved for the last-minute cameo, plot points floating around her clearly being reserved for a perspective sequel. (Which may or may not come to pass, now that this one opened softly.) “Believer” isn't terrible, like many have reported. It certainly doesn't hit the low point of “The Beginning.” Yet it is, at worst, unambitious and lacking in complexity. Say what you will about “The Heretic,” at least it had a lot of ideas on its mind. I'm sure William Friedkin would've hated it but I don't think the sequel deserves that much scorn. It's not that interesting. “Believer” ultimately plays things too safe, recycling old scares and refusing to engage with its ideas in any real way. [5/10] 

13 Frightened Girls (1963)

In Joe Dante's frequently overlooked gem “Matinee,” there's a scene where Lawrence Woolsey – a stand-in for king of gimmick horror, William Castle – is mistaken for Alfred Hitchcock. This, no doubt, references Castle's evident desire to be the American answer to Hitchcock. “Homicidal” was clearly inspired by “Psycho,” “Strait Jacket” featured a script from “Psycho” scribe Robert Bloch, and “I Saw What You Did” turned the famous shower scene on its head. Another attempt by Castle to emulate Hitch was 1963's “13 Frightened Girls,” which obviously drew inspiration from the Master of Suspense's many espionage thrillers. It's kind of like if “The 39 Steps” starred a bunch of teenage girls. And the film is just macabre enough to sneak into a horror marathon...

“13 Frightened Girls” is set at an exclusive school for diplomat's daughters, girls from all over the world gathered together in this one place. One such teenager is Candice Hull. Nicknamed Candy, she harbors an unrequited crush on Wally Sanders, a CIA agent and a friend of her father's. Wally is not an especially successful spy and is potentially facing termination from his job. Candy takes it upon herself to save Wally's employment. She begins to spy on the fathers and uncles of her classmates, mailing the tips to Wally under the code name “Kitten.” She soon uncovers a deadly Red China communist plot and earns the wrath of a master spy known only as “Spider.” Spider is the one who kidnaps Candy and twelve of her classmates.

Much like the original “Star Trek,” “13 Frightened Girls” represents one of those well-intentioned but somewhat misguided sixties attempts to showcase global diversity. On paper, the idea of a movie centering around characters from thirteen different countries is a great chance to showcase other cultures. Yet the film doesn't give much screen time to the majority of these girls. When they do, they are depicted more-or-less as stereotypes. The Russian girl is loudly proud of her Soviet strength. The Argentinean girl is a fiery Latina. The French girl is haughty. The Japanese girl is accompanied by a distinctive musical motif. You can guess the one. I suppose having Mai-Ling the Chinese girl, played by Lynne Sue Moon, be Candy's best friend was pretty bold in 1963. (She wears a qipao, of course.) Yet that's negated somewhat by Chinese agents being the main antagonists of the film. 

Ultimately, most of the thirteen girls mentioned in the title aren't developed much beyond their accents. The majority of them are only identified by their countries of origin. Instead, “13 Frightened Girls” is mostly focused on Candy, her attempts to win Wally's approval, and her missions in the world of espionage. The latter is portrayed in a largely episodic fashion, such as in a mostly disconnected sequence where she brushes up to a Dutch diplomat. The former, meanwhile, is quite uncomfortable. Wally, played with a weaselly Murray Hamilton, has an age-appropriate love interest and shows no romantic interest in the teenage girl. Yet it is a little weird that a movie about a sixteen year old girl so obsessed with an adult man, to the point that she risks her own life to prove her love, doesn't make it clear that this is a hopeless infatuation for her. 

You might be reading this review and asking why am I discussing this film for a Halloween marathon. None of this sounds like a horror movie, right? “13 Frightened Girls'” marketing played up the spider connection and the girls in peril, probably because William Castle's earlier hits were horror. Yet the actual movie is on the marginal side of the genre. The opening sequence features a fun shock, of a tarantula crawling over a bus windshield. As Candy explores the mansion of Mai-Ling's family, she sneaks through a cobweb-strewn secret passageway. She discovers a dead body hanging over her head and there's a few more corpses later on in the film. Castle's film does generate a little bit of tension, largely because Kathy Dunn makes Candy a likable heroine that runs into danger throughout the story. Yet the tone largely remains light-hearted, often causing “13 Frightened Girls” to feel a little like the Disney version of a Hitchcock thriller. 

Being a William Castle film, “13 Frightened Girls” was accompanied by a gimmick. In this case, an amusing publicity stunt: A casting call was announced to locate the thirteen titular girls from each of their corresponding countries. Maybe not as memorable as skeletons flying through the theater or joy-buzzers in the theater seats but a neat idea. And one that was ultimately not fulfilled, as the Liberian girl was played by an American actress. Anyway, “13 Frightened Girls” mildly entertains during its brief runtime. A montage of “Kitten's” letters, set to images of a little white kitty walking around a globe, made me chuckle. Yet it definitely ranks among the more minor of Castle's films. [6/10]

Amazing Stories: Remote Control Man

“Amazing Stories” was an attempt by Steven Spielberg to bring theatrical quality to network TV. Many episodes were directed by noteworthy filmmakers. Spielberg himself made two. Other notable names include Scorsese, Dante, Zemecksis, Eastwood, and even Burt Reynolds. I don't know if Bob Clark was ever as respected as those guys but he's a cult favorite in his own right. Clark would direct the tenth episode of the series, “Remote Control Man.” It follows Walter Poindexter, an accountant with a hateful wife and two garbage sons. His sole escape is television. After his wife sells the TV, he is pressured by otherworldly salesmen into purchasing a high-tech new set. He soon discovers that he can replace the people in his mundane life with characters from his favorite programs. Yet this dream scenario soon turns into a nightmare.

Despite its high production values and talented directors, “Amazing Stories” veered towards whimsy too often. Unfortunately, “Remote Control Man” resembles Bob Clark's comedies far more than “Black Christmas.” From its opening minutes, a tone of shrill humor is established. Sydney Lassick – a character actor who had a great career but I probably most recognize as the loud-mouthed sheriff from “Silent Madness” – plays Walter as a sweaty loser. His wife immediately screams at him. His youngest son tries to grind his dad's hand off in the garbage disposal. His oldest son is a Hare Krishna, that frequent target of scorn in low-brow eighties comedies. Walter has to contend with a group of rabid dogs every time he steps out the door, even creating an elaborate dummy to fool them. Most obnoxiously, nobody ever takes his side. Even a random old woman on the street is mean to him. The universe exists to shit on this guy.

All of this is before “Remote Control Man's” main gimmick comes into play. That would be Walter transporting well-known TV personalities into his living room. This makes “Remote Control Man” a delivery system for then-relevant pop culture references. That means Gary Coleman, June Cleaver, and Dirk Benedict as Face all have prominent roles. Before the end, Richard Simmons, Ed McMahon, Jim Lange, LaWanda Page, K.I.T.T., and the Incredible Hulk (played by Body by Jake, not Lou Ferrigno) also show up. The significance of any of these characters is not established, the program assuming the audience must be familiar with them. I guess the makers of “Remote Control Man” didn't anticipate anyone watching it forty years later. I bet most of the jokes here would play as total non-sequiturs to a zoomer.

The humor is largely obnoxious, heavy on the screaming and physical battering. It's all so cartoonish, reflecting a truly hateful perception of people and the world. Of course, Walter gets to sleep with a empty-headed supermodel too, presenting this whole thing as a very ugly fantasy. Shit like this reminds me that Bob Clark also made the “Porky's” movies and “Baby Geniuses.” The story wraps up with an obvious twist ending and a moral – appreciate those you have and don't watch so much TV! – that is completely unearned. Especially considering that Walter's family is genuinely awful. Among the many cameos are also Professor Toru Tanaka and Sid Haig, though they aren't playing any famous characters. This is definitely an example of a story that's far from amazing... [4/10]

The Munsters: Herman's Lawsuit / A Visit from the Teacher

“The Munsters” remained popular throughout its second season but rating took a nose-dive after “Batman” debuted opposite the show. You'd never know the end was neigh from the last two episodes though. “Herman's Lawsuit” and “A Visit from the Teacher” are typical installments. While out on a walk, Herman crosses a street and is struck by a car. Naturally, the car is much worse for wear than he is afterwards. The woman's lawyer talks him into suing the family for repairs. This sends Herman into a panic, causing him to run away from home. “A Visit from the Teacher” has Eddie writing about his family for a school project. His teachers naturally assume that the boy's claims are wild fantasies, prompting a visit to 1313 Mockingbird Lane from the faculty. Of course, they are in for a surprise.

“Herman's Lawsuit” is one of those episodes of “The Munsters” that starts in one place before digressing into an even wilder place. By the end, we are greeted to a montage of Herman working all sorts of odd jobs. Such as a dock worker, a target in a carnival game, and seemingly joining the Foreign Legion. Which sets up an even stranger reveal at the end. This provides the kind of seriously wacky sight gags you expect from this series. Some more subtle jokes about Herman's other jobs – such as his stay at a morgue – made me laugh harder though. The interaction between Herman and the car wreck is probably most notable for the way Fred Gwynne's hair piece flops of his head as he falls down. There's also a surprisingly dark gag where the raven in the family clock tries to help the dad shoot himself.

“A Visit from the Teacher” is naturally built around normal people reacting to the Munsters' macabre appearances. At least it goes about it in a more restrained way than you'd expect. The principal and Eddie's teacher are slowly given a taste of the family, Herman's face even being kept in the dark thanks to a freak black-out. It's a better approach than going right to the exaggerated screaming and fleeing that we usually get. Most of the wackier gags come from Grandpa's attempts to generate electricity, causing the household appliances to go nuts. The final joke of the episode – and, in turn, the entire series – sees Herman sitting down to eat his breakfast as Grandpa causes water to explode from all the house's pipes. Certainly an inauspicious but representative way for the show to go out. [Herman's Lawsuit: 6/10 / A Visit from the Teacher: 6/10]

Even though “The Munsters” would only run for two seasons, its cultural legacy is greater than that implies. It says a lot that this two season show was still running in syndication thirty years later, when I saw it as a kid. There have been multiple attempts to revive it over the years: A reunion special, a late eighties revival that actually ran for three episodes longer than the original, two TV movies in the nineties. I thought Bryan Fuller's one-and-done pilot had a lot of potential. That Universal allowed Rob Zombie to make his glorified fan film last year suggests the “Munsters” brand still has some life in it, nearly sixty years after the fact. I gotta say, I enjoyed watching my way through this cheesy old sitcom. “The Munsters” remains a comfy, goofy program for this overgrown monster kid. I guess I've got to start watching “The Addams Family” next year?