Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
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Showing posts with label giant monsters/kaiju. Show all posts
Showing posts with label giant monsters/kaiju. Show all posts

Thursday, September 17, 2026

Halloween 2026: September 17th

 
It begs the same question now as then: Why? Why remake "Psycho," one of the most hailed and studied films ever made by the medium's most lauded master? It will inevitably be compared to the original and found lacking. I suppose the same could be said for making sequels, which didn't stop Universal and produced some interesting results. If a filmmaker was compelled to remake "Psycho," surely it would be out of a desire to explore something unsaid in the original. To go deeper into Norman Bates' twisted world or to reinstate the elements from Robert Bloch's novel that didn't make it to the screen. Instead, Gus Van Sant came to studio head Casey Silver with a pitch for a shot-for-shot remake of Hitchcock's classic. Silver found this to be, quote, "a very strange idea." Van Sant, however, was still riding high on the critical, commercial success of "Good Will Hunting" and apparently could get any crazy idea green-lit. Upon release in 1998, Van Sant's "Psycho" was met with confusion and irritation. Most audience members seemed annoyed that they were presented with an almost identical but obviously inferior version of "Psycho." Critics generally found the project to be pointless, which was probably the consensus opinion. I mean, it would have to be. A 1-to-1 reenactment of "Psycho" could be achieved far more easily, and in a far more satisfying manner, by simply renting "Psycho" from the video store. Why spend 25 million dollars on that and several million more on releasing it? 

Now, Gus Van Sant is an artist, a reputation earned from his prominent position in the New Queer Cinema Movement of the eighties. He has been called upon to explain himself a few times over the years. While he's given vague answers that he remade “Psycho” “so no one else would have to” or by explaining that all remakes are merely “marketing schemes,” his true intentions are observable within the film. Van Sant's “Psycho” is a meta-experiment. If we take the screenplay to a great movie and shoot it in the exact same way as was previously done, will the results still be a great movie? The answer is obviously “no,” that you'll only get a rather literal pale imitation. You would think any filmmaker who has actually done the day-to-day work on the set would understand that. The alchemy happens because of who is there, the choices made in the moments, and copying that is not the same thing as doing it.
 
Nevertheless, I suppose it's an experiment worth trying, simply to prove if it could be done. Or as an expression of the filmmaker's obsessive fixation on the minutia of another work of art. If the stories of Van Sant and company keeping a VHS of Hitchcock's original on set and watching and re-watching scenes right before trying to replicate them are true, I suspect the remake is most a manifestation of that. He wouldn't have been the first nor the last die hard fan to attempt this. However, usually such an experiment is done by kids or students working with what's available to them and not the resources of a major studio with big stars on-screen. It's an exercise done more for the filmmakers themselves, to see if can replicate what made their favorite subject special, to push themselves to that level of greatness. It was presented to a mass audience anyway, with its own degree of pomp and circumstance and pretensions around it. 
 
But, okay, Gus Van Sant. I'll play your game. If the thesis of your “Psycho” is that the people making the film indirectly change it, even when slavishly following the blue print, what does the evidence say? Yes, Van Sant's “Psycho” is different from Hitchcock's, despite the fidelity to the source material. It is noticeably worst. Obviously, a wide released film in 1998 was going to be in color. Unable to replicate the original's stark black-and-white cinematography, the remake instead amps up the color. It makes the interior of the Bates Motel reds, greens, and yellows. The colors of Marion's bright dresses, the clean white of Norman's final prison cell, and Mother Bates' immaculately preserved bedroom are all strikingly colorful. It's not as creepy but it looks interesting, at least. 

Most of the other riffs on what came before are noticeable down grades. This is most obvious in the editing. Amy E. Duddleston cuts the remake faster than the original, managing to shave about three minutes off the runtime. Subtle though it may be, the result feels rushed. This “Psycho” feels impatient, unwilling to sit with its characters as much. I would say it sinks any chances for suspense but that was never possible, because we know every reveal and moment before it comes. The devotion to duplicating the exact camera movements, the smooth pans around Norman as he cleans up the murder scene or peering down as Mother is carried into the fruit cellar, feel less like an organic expression of the story and its themes. It's not careful choices to draw us in. It's choreography, Van Sant and his team doing the Groucho mirror gag with Hitchcock but failing to convince us that we are seeing the same thing. This is also true of the score, Danny Elfman and Steve Bartek brought in to tweak Bernard Herrman's music just enough that you notice it's different but not enough to feel like anything but a glitchy cover.

Despite everyone describing this as a “shot-for-shot” remake, it's not exactly. Minor updates are made to the story, Lila wearing headphones in one scene and the amount of money Marion steals being increased. The late nineties R rating is secured by adding stab wounds, more blood, and Anne Heche's ass in the shower scene. To show  equal oppretunity offense, I guess, Viggo Mortensen's modesty is barely maintained by carefully placed body parts in the opening scene. Most notoriously, we hear Norman tugging on his dick while looking through the peep hole. Imagine the fun the sound designer had trying to find the perfect fap-fap sounds for that moment. These additions certainly don't make the material more shocking or upsetting, while dragging away some of the original's subtly.

The other changes are even more intrusive. The sound design ups the discordant chatter in the background, which is only distracting. Lila entering into the Bates mansion occurs in daylight, rather than night, a choice that is significantly less atmospheric. She also lands a punch on Norman after he's restrained, some ill-made decision to make the character more proactive, I guess. The most baffling choices are surreal visual interludes during the murder scenes. Split-second cuts to a nude woman in some sort of mask or a cow in the middle of the road during Arbogast's face slashing do nothing but make the audience asked why they are there. The faster paced editing renders the tightly-wound frenzy of the shower stabbing to a rejected industrial rock music video. Why set out to make a shot-for-shot remake only to add these sudden swerves? That does nothing but cause the film to fail at its own stated objective, quite confusingly. 

One must be forced to ask another question: Is the “Psycho” remake a prank? Did Gus Van Sant giggle mischievously while burning through Universal's money, as he wankishly played a game of monkey-see-monkey-do with Hitchcock? Perhaps. Vince Vaughn adopts a loose-limbed, cocked hip physicality to Norman. His nervous prater projects more a sense of insecurity than under-the-surface instability. Meanwhile, his body seems squeezed into Anthony Perkins' tight-fitting turtlenecks. The impression is that the serial killer is now a swishy homosexual, giving his face-to-face confrontation with Sam Loomis a new layer. Norman now wears his mother's nightgown when acting out his murderous impulses, a sillier visual that seems to also point towards deliberate camp. The fruit cellar is now a bird-filled, curtain decorated chamber. That suggests a kind of giallo-esque, DePalma like exaggeration. If the remake had embraced that tendency more frequently, I be more charitable to agree with those that enjoy this film as a subversive act of queer parody. 

All the performances seem to have been ramped up a bit. Anne Heche adds a squirrely quality to Marion Crane, which feels like an attempt to reinterpret the character in the more openly neurotic nineties. While the film is ostensibly set in the modern day, William H. Macy is playing Arbogast as even more of a noir throwback. There's a recognizable character actor in most of the supporting roles. Robert Forester as the psychologist, James Remar as the highway patrolman, Phillip Baker Hall as the sheriff, Rance Howard as Marion's boss. All fine performers whose presence are never anything but distracting, a further indication to the viewer that we are watching an elaborate fan film rather than an involving work of art on its own. You really feel that way when Flea, of all people, shows up as Bob, the guy working in Sam's shop. Why, man? Why'd do that? 

And “Why?” is the same question I opened this review with, meaning I'm no closer to finding any deeper meaning in this act of cinematic imitation. Van Sant inserts himself into the space in the original where Hitchcock's cameo was. He is now talking to a rotund man in a hat, a clear stand-in for Hitchcock who is supposedly berating the younger filmmaker. This furthers my feeling that  “Psycho” (1998) is not a legitimate attempt to retell this story. It's not an especially effective act of meta-commentary on the idea of remakes or authorial intent. As a prank, it's not that funny either. I can only conclude that this was some masochistic humiliation for its auteur, Van Sant doing a blasphemous act and luxuriating in how obnoxiously pretentious and pretentiously obnoxious he's being. If you're into that kind of thing, more power to ya but I got little out of it. [4/10] 
 


Ooe-yama Shuten-dôji
 
You might have noticed that I am fascinated by similar folkloric concepts emerging across different, far-off cultures. St. George slaying the dragon to save the princess was likely inspired by Ragnar killing the serpent for Thora. Or Perseus rescuing Andromeda from Cetus... But what of Rama's wife Sita being abducted by demon king Ravanna? Or Māui protecting the bathing Hina from Kuna, the eel god? These are comparable stories that developed independently of each other. The hero, the maiden, and the monster he must save her from is a narrative that resonates deeply within the human soul. In Japan, another island nation often isolated from the rest of the world, there are stories like this too. Susanoo dismembering Orochi for the sake of Kushinadahime is probably the most direct parallel. Consider, also, the tale of Shuten-dōji. A hard-drinking ogre who dwelt on Mount Oe and had a habit of snatching young maidens, actual historical figure Minamoto no Raikō is credited with decapitating the monster. The most famous beat of the story then occurs, as the not-quite-expired head of the beast takes one last chomp at the samurai. Luckily, Raikō wore a couple extra helmets that day, which is all the demon gobbled before it died. It is a beloved legend in Japan, often adapted and referenced across pop culture. One such example is the 1960 film "Ōeyama Shuten Dōji," a samurai-and-kaiju predecessor to Daiei's later "Daimajin" and "Yokai Monsters" series. Since we rubes overseas don't know what the hell a Shootin' DJ is, the film is internationally known as "The Demon of Mount Oe."

Princess Nagisa is the bride to the emperor. After a demonic ox attempts to abduct her, she is transported to the city of Genji and placed under the care of general Raiko. The princess reveals that she is cursed. Demons follow her to Genji. Tsuno, Raiko's greatest warrior, is attacked by a witch and slices off her arm. Bandits, some of whom possess magic powers, torment the village. Nagisa reveals that the emperor stole her from the mountain-dwelling bandit king, Shuten-dōji. He was once human, a disgraced samurai, and is now plotting to kill the emperor with his band of otherworldly cohorts. Raiko is tasked with assembling a team to scale Mount Oe, confront and kill Shuten-dōj, and bring this reign of terror to an end. 

"The Demon of Mount Oe" begins with a heavily stylized rendition of the Shuten-dōji tale as Japanese audiences in 1960 would probably know it. After that wild opening, the film then announced that it's going to tell you "the real story" behind this legend. Yes, the film belongs to that style of post-modernist fairy tale adaptations, an approach surely taken from Matsutarō  Kawaguchi's source novel. This is probably why the sake swilling demon king of the mountain is simply a guy in this version, played by Kazuo Hasegawa in a really cool wig. That approach also assumes the audience is already familiar with the traditional telling of this story. Minamoto-no-Raiko, Watanabe no Tsuno, and the rest of the Four Heavenly Kings are introduced with little preamble. The script weaves a few different legends into the plot, alongside various historical battles. The film stars Raizō Ichikawa and Shintaro Katsu, a few years before headlining two long-running samurai franchises for Daiei. Both actors are put in similar looking period garb, with the same style of make-up on their face. When this is combined with a plot that frequently leaps around in time and location and has a large cast of characters, "The Demon of Mount Oe" proves a little hard to follow for a clueless American like me. 

For the same reasons, it's a bit tricky for me to engage with what is obviously the film's attempt to deconstruct a famous folk tale. All the more so because director Tokuzō Tanaka and screenwriter Fuji Yahiro do not dismiss the otherworldly elements. Shuten-dōji may be human in this telling but he's still backed up by demonic henchmen. Like Kidomaru, who can teleport and turn into that hideous bull demon, and the ninja-like Tsuchigumo, who shoots silk from his fingers before changing into a big-ass spider. The plot concerns folkloric devices like a witch having her true form revealed in her reflection, disguising herself as an old woman to retrieve her detached arm, a sword that glows in the presence of demons, and a magical arrow being delivered by the gods in a dream. This back-and-forth between more grounded elements and blatantly fantastical ones throws me off a little. Maybe the Japanese don't feel the need to distinguish as much between historical fact and legend as we stiflingly literal Americans do. 

Of course, the monster stuff is what got me to watch “The Demon of Mount Oe” in the first place, so I can't complain about its presence too much. Indeed, the fantasy sequences are the best part of the film. Compared to the relatively grounded and black-and-white “The Whale God,” the previous Tokuzō Tanaka film I wrote about, this one is very far-out and colorful. The opening sequence is all surreal lighting and frantic movements. The first appearance of Kidomaru is proceeded by a swirl of colors in the sky. The sequence where Shintaro Katsu meets and fights the witch is lit in bright pinks and purples and shot on an intentionally artificial looking sound stage. When she ascends up into the air and takes him with her, that is achieved in an effect that clearly looks fake but in a playful, dream-like way that really sells that this is a reenactment of an old folk tale. This peaks during the confrontation with Tsuchigumo, whose web of entwining silk are usually accompanied by bright flashes of lights. The giant spider sequence does feature a fairly stiff puppet, whose awkwardly spurts sparks from its mouth and slowly kicks its eight legs. It also takes place on a back-lit night set, with interesting uses of pyrotechnics and cinematography. It's all very stylized and neat. 

For all the verve in its fantastical scenes, “The Demon of Mount Oe” still favors feudal melodrama more than monstery stuff. There are many scenes of court intrigue, two love triangles, and at least one dying declaration of affection. At about two hours, it gets a little long winded at times. Yet the film is also likable in its stylistic bursts. There are, in fact, three separate dance numbers as well, all of which are quite interesting. One of which involves Shintaro Katsu kicking up his heels, if that's something you want to see. “The Demon of Oe” is not as grimly intriguing as “The Whale God” and doesn't feature the crowd-pleasing kaiju destruction of the “Daimajin” trilogy. It's still scratch that itch for me, of seeking another corner of obscure Japanese monster movie action. Also, I've enjoyed how many times this review has given me a chance to type “Shuten Dōji.” It's a fun name! Shoe-ten Doe-jee! [7/10]
 


Thriller: The Double Kill

The episode of “Thriller,” Brian Clemens' British crime and murder anthology from the seventies that has nothing to do with someone whose name is surely Boris Karloff, I watched last year was pretty good. So here's another! “The Double Kill” concerns Hugh Briant, husband to rich heiress Clorissa. The two are fighting more often, as Clorissa uses sleeping pills to soothe her restless mind and Hugh spends all night at poker games. The man has developed a habit of bragging in public about all the riches and wealth in their home and also how they have no locks on their windows. He's hoping a burglar will enter the house, a common crook he can then blackmail into killing his wife. That way Hugh receives her significant inheritance and doesn't have to get his hands dirty. He thinks he's found the man in a shifty-eyed young thief named Max Burns. Max has other plans though, deliberately leaving clues behind that implement the husband. Now Hugh has to enact a new plan, that gets rid of the loose end and clears his name.

“The Double Kill” is a twisty act of misdirection most made worth seeing by Gary Collins' lead performance. The prolific star of film and TV brings his resounding voice to the role of the scheming husband. Collins slithers through every scene, quite confident in his own ability to manipulate those around him. When he gives his proposal to the various home intruders he “auditions,” the certainty and smoothness in his delivery is quite convincing. The script, of course, is build around increasingly upsetting that sense of control. Watching this guy slowly loose his grip on the plan he's cooked up is worthwhile. His facial expressions as the cops reveal each new piece of evidence against him is almost comical in how on point they are. While watching this jerk slowly blow his cool as he's double-crossed at every turn would be fun, Collins' instinct as an actor are sturdier than that. A guy like this isn't going to slip up overnight. This is why Hugh is still toying with Max in their final scene together, still so confident that he can make this work. 

He can't, of course. “Thriller” has a fine twist ending coming the viewer's way. I can't decide if it's a cheat or not. It doesn't depend on misdirecting our attention so much as leaving a very key piece of information hidden until the finale. I didn't see it coming though, so I guess that means the writers got me. “The Double Kill” does keep you guessing, largely because Stuart Wilson as Max is so effectively unpredictable. You are left wondering which of these snakes will come out on top. While the twist is a good one, “The Double Kill” lacks a satisfying punchline of an ending. The implication is that the guilty party will get their comeuppance soon enough but they probably should have shown that on-screen as well. Nevertheless, this is a well assembled and nicely acted bit of seventies pulp, if a bit too stately in its presentation. I usually like the dryness of these British seventies shows but “Thriller” definitely feels a little more dry than the others I've seen. [7/10]
 

 
Friday the 13th: The Series: Shadow Boxer
 
 I love how literal the titles of "Friday the 13th: The Series" episodes tend to be. "Shadow Boxer" is about a cursed pair of boxing gloves that makes the wearer a champ in the ring... At the cost of causing their literal shadow to detach from their body and act upon their anger and resentment, beating the target of that rage to death. The Villain of the Week is Tommy, a wannabe boxer and current janitor at Manny's Gym. After coming across the gloves, he quickly starts winning matches. People around him also begin to die violently, including Manny himself who left the letters T.O. in his own blood at the crime scene. The Curious Goods team are on the case, with Micki pretending to be romantically interested in Tommy in order for Ryan and Jack to get into his apartment. This has unforeseen consequences. 

The rule I laid down last time, that any given episode of "Friday the 13th: The Series" is only as good as whatever baddie the heroes are chasing this week, holds true. If this episode had been made in 2026, the script would probably characterize Tommy as an incel. He's a loner, a smaller-in-stature young male that seems to simmer with resentment at everyone around him. In the gym, he's surrounded by bigger, stronger guys who are better at the sport of punching people into submission than the physically weak Tommy. He glares at Manny's favored student with jealousy and rage. Modern online Tommy would call this guy a "Chad," the Alpha Male that denies him access to that which he believes is his. (Or, since the rival is a black man, he would call him "Tyrone," because incels are also totally absorbed in the hyper-racist rhetoric of the terminally online right.) It's not being an outcast or shrimpy that makes Tommy an asshole. It's his unearned sense of entitlement. Tommy believes he deserves to be a champ. The magic boxing gloves allow him a short cut to achieve that dream of being intimidating and easily cutting his objects of scorn down. The same way an AR-15 does for any bitter, misogynistic manlet. 

While the plot is focused on the ultra-macho world of the gym and the ring, Tommy is still super weird about women. Micki is given the unfortunate task of charming the young psycho. The script doesn't go into it but Tommy is immediately enamored of Micki, presumably because womanly attention is something else he longs for that has been denied him. Probably because he's also a sexist jerk. After sharing one piece of pie, he assumes this female he's never talked to before, who knows nothing about him as far as he's aware, wants to sleep with him. "Shadow Boxer" takes an unexpected turn in the last act. The villain is defeated and the Cursed Artifact of the Week retrieved, the point where this show would normally end. Instead, it goes on for an extra act, Tommy breaking into Micki's apartment. He restrains her in bed and threatens her with a knife, a set-up obviously reminiscent of sexual assault. Denied access to the object he wants, he turns to violence, just like he did with the guys at the gym. Bitterness over not having what he's been taught should be his is the root of Tommy's evil. 

Josh Miller's script is not that deep and "Shadow Boxer" doesn't get into the web of toxic masculinity that births monsters like this. Tommy's rage manifesting as a shadow is a clever, Jungian image but the guy is also a sleazy ass in his regular life. His anger is not exactly repressed. It's mentioned that each of the boxers have nicknames like "Killer" or "Terrific," emphasizing that violence and triumph is what distinguished people in this world. Yet the gym seems pretty chill otherwise, the episode having neither the time nor depth to explore why prizing aggression and victory over everything else produces kids like Tommy. The script is also unaware enough that it depicts Ryan giving Micki a playful smack on the ass as charming male behavior. Which may just be another example of this show seeming to forget that these two are cousins and probably shouldn't have a will-they-won't-they dynamic going on. What's a little incest in-between solving weekly mysteries, ya know? 

As is typical of this show, it eventually gets bogged down in the nonsensical magical rules around its cursed object. Tommy's shadow is beaten back by bright light, leading to a goofy scene of Micki fighting it off with a flash camera. The exact link between the gloves' wearer, the shadow, and the object itself are not always clearly defined. The climax features an especially confusing turn of events, in how Tommy is defeated. Still, this is easily one of the better episodes I've seen so far. It shows that our modern day "crisis of masculinity" isn't anything new, that entitlement and might-as-right attitudes has been producing guys like this for a while. [7/10]
 

Monday, September 29, 2025

Halloween 2025: September 29th

 
Fritt vilt II
 
The entire point of my Horror Around the World themes is to expand my horizons as a horror nerd. To not only see films I've never seen before but to expose myself to cultures I'm not that familiar with. I want to learn what the words "horror movie" mean on the African plains, the balmy beaches of the tropics, or the frozen reaches of Norway. Which begs the question of why I'm watching the sequel to the Norwegian movie I watched last September for this year's entry from the land of the fjords. Especially since the first "Cold Prey" struck me as a somewhat middling attempt to emulate the American slasher remakes of the 2000. The mountainous nation has produced more horror films than you might think, after all. Well, I'm always willing to check out a slasher flick, even if it's a sequel to a movie I didn't like that much. Maybe doubly so, since the slasher subgenre is one of the few places where sequels are often improvements over the previous installment. That seemed to be the case with "Cold Prey II," which is widely regarded as one of the best body count movies of the 2000s. Any of my Norwegian friends, please forgive me for going with another obvious pick. It's simply too hard to say no to more blood on the snow.

In the snowbound town of Otta, near the Jotunheimen mountain range, resides a small hospital that is in the process of being decommissioned. The skeleton crew of a staff – Dr. Herman, Dr. Camilla, her ambulance driver Ole, a handful of nurses and security guards – go about their business. Their quiet night is interrupted by the arrival of Jannicke, the traumatized survivor of a massacre at an abandoned ski resort in the mountains. She claims a masked man with a pickax killed her friends and dropped them in a snowy gorge. The police investigate and discover this to be true, bringing the bodies back to the morgue... Including the burly murderer, who it seems Jannicke did not kill. The hospital staff are honor bound to revive the man, despite Jannicke's protest. It's not long before the lunatic is back on his feet, swinging pickax around again, and offing the hospital staff. Jannicke, finding a fellow survivor in Camilla, is determined to end it this time.

Having moved on to Norway's first disaster movie, original “Fritt vilt” director Roar Uthaug passed the reins of Norway's first slasher franchise over to Mats Stenberg. Stenberg hasn't directed much else but he does show a more confident visual approach than Uthaug did on the first one. While the Marcus Nispel-like washed-out lighting and grayish green color palette remain, the sequel ditches the thundering musical score, frantic camerawork, chopped-up editing, and overdone musical design. In its place is a humble slasher flick that utilizes its setting for some decent suspense. A sequence where a nurse hides under a gurney, clinging to the bottom at the killer walks over head, is genuinely suspenseful. The quiet and mostly empty building makes for a fittingly creepy setting. When the film does employ flashier visuals or loud jump-scares, they are better utilized. A pickax tossed towards the camera or a seemingly dead body leaping to life are distinctive exclamation points on the build-up of tension that came before. This is most apparent in the sequel's very last image, a moment of high-attitude that takes the audience out with a chuckle and a rush.

In general, “Cold Prey II” also has a sturdy grasp on what we expect from a slasher sequel. Namely, it does mostly the same thing as the first one but bigger, bloodier, and better. The script – from Uthaug, Thomas Moldestad and Martin Sundland – seems to pattern itself after two horror sequels that did exactly that. The hospital setting seems probably inspired by “Halloween II” while the story takes more than a few queues from “Aliens.” Namely, in forcing the deeply traumatized final girl back into a confrontation with the same monster. Jannicke displays a “nuke from orbit” reaction to the mountain man's reappearance. By the climax, she heads into the villain's lair, ready to take the fight to them. The comparison is most evident in a bad-ass scene where the local police enter the hospital, armed with SWAT gear, only to be quickly overwhelmed and taken out by the murderer's more guerilla techniques. While the first “Fritt vilt” was weirdly conservative with the bloodshed, part two is notably not. The movie features a gnarly neck snapping, a spurting slashed throat, multiple fire extinguisher bludgeoning, and plenty of pick-axe impalement too.
 
Probably the biggest improvement “Cold Prey II” makes over the original is by providing us with a more fleshed-out cast. Like the first one, the sequel takes a bit of time to establish the characters before sending the masked murderer after them. Unlike the first one, they aren't an indistinct batch of spam-in-a-van cliches this time. Having the cast be a group of young professionals, instead of your typical horny teens, ads a little more personality to them. It also makes one of the subgenre's oldest cliches – a girl stops to take a shower – actually make sense. Bringing Ingrid Bolsø Berdal back, now as a perpetually on-edge survivor with no patience for mistakes, is also a good idea. She's the only one who knows how bad it's going to get, adding a bit of suspense. The script is also smart enough to make the killer, nothing more than a big dude in a ski-mask last time, into a bit more of a mythic figure. We learn he has a history this time, having been killing people up in the mountains for decades, and seems to be developing a Jason-esque tendency to shrug off seemingly fatal injuries. 

“Cold Prey 2” still doesn't utilize its wintry setting nearly as much as it could. The hospital is less isolated than the first film's ski resort, meaning the sense of icy desolation is lessened. In general, it's hard to say if these movies are the Norwegian riff on the very American slasher archetypes so much as they are Norwegian filmmakers deliberately emulating American archetypes. Nevertheless, the second one is a big improvement over the first. The sequel had the highest grossing opening weekend of any Norwegian movie ever, which probably says more about the lack of popcorn blockbuster franchises in that country than the Scandinavian appetite for slasher shenanigans. The film ends in a fairly definitive way, which did not stop a third installment from being made. I liked “Cold Prey 2” a good deal but it has mostly encouraged me to seek out more Norwegian horror in general than watching the next installment right away. [7/10]
 


Space Monster Wangmagwi (1967)
Ujugoe-in wangmagwi


A while back, I wrote about “Yongary, Monster from the Deep,” which has the distinction of being the most iconic South Korean kaiju movie of the Showa era. By which I mean it's the most direct imitator of “Godzilla.” You might think that “Yongary” was the only giant monster movie made in that country during the sixties but you'd be wrong. The fire swallowing dinosaur was beat to theaters by a few weeks by “Space Monster Wangmagwi.” Not that there was much chance to verify this for many years. The Korean Film Archive held the sole complete copy for decades, the motion picture unseen because of copyright hang-ups. Once that was cleared up, festival screenings started to pop up in Korea in the 2000s. This finally cleared the path for a proper re-release of “Wangmagwi.” Now the formerly “lost” movie can be easily seen by anyone, because we do indeed live in an age of wonders and horrors untold. As a discerning kaiju head, what's my reaction to this rare piece of monster movie history?

Across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regard this Earth with envious eyes. Namely, the tin can clad conquerors of the world known as Gamma surely draw their plans against us. That plan involves dropping an ape-like monster onto the southern plains outside of Seoul, South Korea. The creature grows to enormous size within Earth's atmosphere and quickly begins to run amok. It stomps on people, wrecks buildings, and sprays a combustible gas from its forehead. This invasion is a big inconvenience to Ahn-hee, who intends on marrying her boyfriend, Oh Jeong-hwan, that day. Oh is a fighter jet pilot and called upon by the air force to defend his homeland from the enormous beast. Ahn-hee refuses to evacuate and, while still wearing her wedding gown, is abducted by the monster. She encounters a little boy who climbs atop the giant's body, one of several incidents happening around the city in the midst of this national emergency. 

By 1967, the giant monster movies made in Japan had already gotten very silly. This was the same year Godzilla found a son, King Kong fought a robotic double, Gamera gained a dizziness prone blood-sucking rival, and not one but two strangely chicken-like leviathans flattened Tokyo. This makes it unsurprising that “Wangmagwi” is more comedy than horror film. In fact, Hyeok-jinn Gwon's film is almost akin to a sketch comedy movie at times. After Wangmagwi begins its rampage across Seoul, the movie often cuts away to a series of farcical events happening during the attack. A pair of buffoons make bets against each other as the monster attacks, offering each other money and their wives should the other die. In a shelter, a man has to take a shit at the same time a woman is about to give birth. This is unrelated to a guy climbing atop a rescue vehicle in only his underwear. The humor in “Wangmagwi” is quite scatological and juvenile. A little boy, not unlike the kid heroes from “Yongary” or the “Gamera” flicks, climbs atop Wangmagwi's head. His actions include deafening the monster by stabbing at his ear canal and disrupting its radio connection to its alien overlord. He also takes a piss inside the monster's head, a truly unexpected sight. 

Considering how knowingly ridiculous “Space Monster Wangmagwi” is, the titular titan is not the most intimidating of movie monsters. Amusingly, Wangmagwi's arrival on Earth and march towards Seoul are not depicted on-screen, merely being told to us during a news broadcast. The urban destruction is fairly brief. The monster crushes some buildings, knocks over at least one recognizable landmark – Independence Gate – and sets a city block ablaze with its fiery spray. Wangmagwi notably steps on a human being, an act Godzilla is always implied to do but rarely actually depicted as doing. He also carries a maiden around in his hand, King Kong style. However, Wangmagwi's reign of chaos is short-lived. His ultimate defeat is rather anticlimactic. In general, he's a fairly silly looking monster. He's got big droopy ears and exaggerated fangs jutting out of his oversized jaws, making him resemble a cartoon bulldog. The creature's appearance is very human-like, with two legs and two arms. He moves exactly like a guy in a suit too. Whatever illusion Toho and Daiei's kaiju flicks created that these rubber creations were actual fantastic beasts is not all that present here. 

No matter how ridiculous the kaiju genre got, there were still fascinating reflections of the culture that birthed them. Ishiro Honda was a staunch pacifist and believer in world unity. Despite that, an undeniable nationalistic pride emerged from his “Godzilla” movies in the lengthy montages of Japan's definitely-not-an-army fighting the beast. Though made with a fraction of the budget and resources, there's a Korean vein of this same idea in “Wangmagwi.” The military assembles against the monster efficiently and bravely. Oh faces off against the monster without a trace of fear. Cops run through the streets and fire their pistols at the monster's feet. With the Korean War not far in the past, the film represents a pop culture depiction of the nation being strong, resourceful, and independent in the face of an outside invader. The possibility of using a nuclear bomb against the monster is also regarded as an absolute last resort, another reminder of how the atomic horrors of World War II float over every movie like this. The Korean national identity is also reflected in the melodrama of Ahn-hee being so committed to marrying her boyfriend, that not even a kaiju attack can convince her to postpone the ceremony. When the couple adopt the brave boy in the last reel, it feels like the Korean family unit being put forth as an unshakable institution. May no intergalactic goliaths tear it asunder. 

All of the above means “Space Monster Wangmagwi” is not exactly a lost classic. The special effects are fairly janky. Despite the oversized threat, the movie's ambitions strike one as rather limited. Nobody, down to the alien overlords orchestrating this plot, seem to take anything that happens as too momentous an occasion. Mostly, the extremely silly script makes this a fluffy, light-hearted affair. How am I to resist any giant monster movie that features a little kid pissing in the kaiju's ear though? There's an undeniable charm to “Wangmagwi's” weird tonal switch-ups and goofy creature effects. It reflects the Korean self-image in a way that the more generic “Yongary” simply did not. I am glad monster movie fans all over the world can see it now. By the way, “Wangmagwi” isn't the first Korean kaiju movie either. A 1962 fantasy about a bulgasari – an iron eating dragon of sorts – attacking medieval Songdo predates it. That film remains lost and probably always will but who knows. If “Wangmagwi” can be rediscovered, perhaps that one is still out there somewhere too. [7/10]



 
Amazing Stories: You Gotta Believe Me

I guess I didn't get enough of ominous visions concerning crashing airplanes when I watched “Final Destination” earlier this season. “You Gotta Believe Me” concerns Earl Sweet, an ordinary fellow sleeping in his bed. He has a vivid and distressing nightmare of an airline jet crashing right outside his house. He sees the ghosts of the dead passengers pass him by, the scorched remains of their bodies on his front yard. Earl awakens in a cold sweat, unable to shake the disturbing feeling the dream has left him with. He walks to the near-by airport, soon recognizing the possessions of the passengers awaiting the next flight in the lobby. This convinces the man that his dream was actually a vision of the future. He attempts to alert the authorities, who dismiss him as a raving lunatic. The man has to take matters into his own hands to prevent the disaster only he knows is about to happen. 

Like all the best episodes of “Amazing Stories,” “You Gotta Believe Me” ditches the Spielberg-ian whimsy or Dante-esque madcap comedy most of the show attempted. The episode, which aired eleven days before Halloween, is probably one of the eerier installments of the program. The opening nightmare scene plays out in still, slow medium shots. There's little music and a far-off sound design as we see the old man wandering through the burning wreckage. He centers in on the a charred Teddy Ruxpin, discordantly repeating a line of a childish fairy tale. It's a creepy moment and “You Gotta Believe Me” manages to make that feeling last for the rest of its half-hour. When Earl arrives at the airport, it is strangely empty. The announcements echo like far-off cries. He moves like a still, sleepwalking observer through a placid dreamland. It's surprisingly creepy, director Kevin Reynolds showing an aptitude for spookiness that his future Kevin Costner collaborations rarely displayed. 

The other element making this episode a good one is its lead performance. Great character actor Charles Durning plays Earl. While the temptation might have been to play the role as entirely hysterical and panicked from the beginning – think John Lithgow in “Twilight Zone: The Movie” – Durning makes the choice to underplay it. He is quiet and calm at first, allowing the sense of unease on his face to slowly reveal itself more and more. The entranced quality he goes for fits someone who has been startled awake, uncertain of the reality of what he's seeing. This allows for a slow build, as the feeling that the crash is destined to happen becomes increasingly certain. That makes the action packed climax stronger than it would've been otherwise, an exciting pay-off to what has come before. Like a quality short story, “You Gotta Believe Me” then orderly wraps up right after that. All these factors surely make “You Gotta Believe Me” one of the best episodes of “Amazing Stories'” entire run. [8/10]



The Addams Family: Lurch's Grand Romance

 
For the penultimate episode of the original “Addams Family,” we get a special guest star and a Lurch centric narrative. Morticia's previously unseen best friend Tiny Trivia is visiting the Addams household. Trivia has recently decided to devote herself full-time to her dream of becoming a singer and actress. Lurch is immediately smitten with the lady. The butler proves to be a little shy around women, however. The family goes about attempting to help him gain some confidence but it's no use. Grandmama decides to go a more direct path. She whips up a love potion and hands it over to Trivia. The concoction works too well and the woman is soon smothering Lurch with a level of affection he finds uncomfortable. In addition to that, the brew makes Trivia uncontrollably horny for any man she sees. Gomez, Fester, and Cousin Itt all become her next targets for romance in quick order. 

Bringing in a guest star to “The Addams Family” but having them do something other than run and scream has worked out in the past. Diane Jergens was a song-and-dance gal in real life and already a veteran of early television sitcoms by the time she played Trivia. It would actually be her final on-screen credit, the actress retiring shortly afterwards. She's an energetic presence however. Listening to her sing the same song repeatedly is kind of annoying but she's got a go-for-broke intensity that suits this show well. Especially in the last third, when she's gone guy-crazy and is kissing over every male she encounters. Seeing Gomez flustered and out-matched by a female for once is a good joke.

This episode, in general, has some amusing moments. The family coming together to teach Lurch some game is a decent set-up. His inability to use Fester as a stand-in for an attractive lady is a solid joke. “Lurch's Grand Romance” is most remembered as the source of the first Wednesday dance sequence, Lisa Loring attempting to teach Ted Cassidy some of her moves. Both of these scenes allow for Cassidy to stretch his comedic muscles, Lurch getting to say and do a lot more than usual. Seeing the Frankenstein-ian man-servant be awkward and stuttering made me chuckle. I like it when the whole family is involved in these scenarios. (Well, almost the whole family. Pugsley must be at school.) Those scenes are a little more amusing than watching Trivia act like a nut, though those aren't terrible either. An early sequence where Fester looks into a crystal ball or continued discussions about Gomez' reaction to hearing someone speak French also result in some solid one-liners. [7/10]


Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Halloween 2025: September 16th

 

After "Barbarian" became the surprise horror hit of 2022, Zach Cregger immediately went from merely a member of a cult favorite sketch comedy team to the hottest up-and-coming genre director in Hollywood. The press seemed incapable of not comparing Creggor's career path to that of friend Jordan Peele. Well, Creggor didn't win an Oscar for "Barbarian" but his next script – a so-called "horror epic" entitled "Weapons" – did result in a highly publicized bidding war between studios. Despite all the buzz around "Weapons," lips remained tightly sealed concerning the film's actual premise. As the marketing machine started to roll and trailers came out, only the inciting incident of the story remained revealed. I guess everyone realized that "Barbarian" prospered greatly from gaining a "go in knowing as little as possible" reputation online. Clearly, this mysterious approach worked, as "Weapons" became a proper blockbuster this past August. As with Creggor's first hit, I somehow managed to enter the theater without learning too much about it. Was the effort to avoid spoilers worth it? 

In the autumn of 2023, at 2:17 A.M., seventeen children in the town of Maybrook, Pennsylvania left their homes and never returned. All the kids were part of teacher Justine Grady's third grade class with only one, Alex Lilly, arriving at his desk the next day. The local police scrambled to undercover answers but found none. Justine becomes the target of heavy scrutiny and harassment from the parents of the missing children, insisting she must somehow be responsible, but she's as clueless as everyone else. She becomes concerned about Alex and attempts to reach out to him, despite being barred from doing so by the school principal. Archer Graff, father of one of the missing boys, begins to pursue his own investigation. He also determines that the Lilly household is at the center of the enigma. Justine's ex-boyfriend and local cop Paul, her boss at the school, a crackhead named James, and Alex's peculiar Aunt Gladys all become entangled in the mystery as well in increasingly violent ways.  

"Barbarian" started out as a writing exercise for Creggor who, dissatisfied with the direction of the scene, then introduced a wild twist. The rest of the film spun out of that swerve. "Weapons" has a somewhat similar approach, while also drawing from the novel-like structure of "Magnolia." The film is broken into seven chapters, each one following the perspective of a different character. The timeline traces back and forth, sometimes showing the same events from different points-of-view. Creggor often ends each segment with a cliffhanger or exciting reveal, each part of the film only giving the audience a little more information about what exactly is going on here. It is a script designed to draw you ever-more into this narrative, while always having another unexpected twist or shocking event up its sleeve. Two features in and it's clear that this kind of playful storytelling is Creggor's style. Maybe he's a writer with a short attention span who has to repeatedly shift directions in the story to keep himself interested. It's certainly a clever way to catch the viewer's attention and keep us off-guard. 

"Barbarian's" twists were outrageous in nature, a slow-burn battle of the sexes thriller suddenly becoming a monster movie and then shifting towards finding the parallels in the #MeToo era and small town horrors such as those committed by Ariel Castro. "Weapons" is much more of a mystery, presenting us and the characters with a haunting series of disappearances. The film gets a lot of mileage out of shadowy nighttime shots of kids Naruto running out of their houses and into the dark. Starting with Justine's perspective, a baffled bystander who is too empathetic to stop looking into what happened, allows the viewer to also come into the story from the side. We are also an outsider to what is happening here. Archer, meanwhile, is obsessed with uncovering the truth, pushing his wife away and failing at his job as he devotes every waking minute to finding his boy. He looks for clues, re-watching the doorbell camera footage of his son running away and badgering other parents for similar evidence. These are two people at odds with each other but they are both compelled by a search for answers. It's the kind of narrative hook that you can't help but get caught up in too, like any sort of puzzling true crime incident. 

Both of them are also haunted by nightmares centered around the crime. The most beguiling of which has Archer seeing a massive assault rifle emerging from the sky. When paired with a story involving a communities of parents who are enraged, confused, and desperate over the sudden loss of their children, some pressing real world issue come to mind. Is “Weapons” inspired by the unending wave of school shootings we have in this country? Justine being wrongfully targeted as having some sort of responsibility for what happened, meanwhile, brings stories of the mourning parents of dead children being harassed by unhinged conspiracy theorists. Archer's behavior certainly resembles the Sandy Hill Truthers and PizzaGate crowd, with the way he obsessively searches video and images for clues only he can see. There's other ideas floating around inside Cregger's film, concerning police accountability and abuse of power, which could also tie into these themes. Instead, after a fascinating first half steeped in mystery, “Weapons” turns towards providing concrete – albeit supernatural – answers to most of its questions, none of which address these real world parallels. As someone who was, just yesterday, complaining about how modern horror films foreground their subtext at the sacrifice of scares, maybe I shouldn't be complaining about this. Nevertheless, “Weapons” is more compelling when presenting its mystery than when resolving it. 

Which isn't to say that I didn't enjoy “Weapons.” I did, a lot. Creggor's film trusts the audience in a way that most horror movies released by New Line Cinema these days usually don't. Strictly through visual means, the mechanics of the otherworldly forces at work here are explained. This pays off especially nicely in the last act, when a child grasps the same system of sympathetic magic practically intuitively. Further more, there are hints throughout concerning the nature of parasites. It is briefly discussed in Justine's class room and a pair of supporting characters watch a documentary about ophiocrodyceps in ants. Both of which give us an idea of the villain's motivation without spelling it out via blunt exposition. In general, “Weapons” is a very assured film. Joe Murphy's editing is tight. Larkin Seiple's cinematography is moody. The soundtrack, from the Holladay brothers, is a little heavy on the discordant ambiance but works more often than not. Much like “Barbarian,” this takes some wild tonal turns in its second half. There's explosive moments of brutal gore, more painful and subtler scenes of bodily injury, before the film veers towards a mad cap sense of high-energy retribution at its climax.

Part of why I felt “Weapons” dropped off a little in its second half is because I found its first two protagonists so much more compelling than its other ones. The script does a very good job of making Justine and Archer complex, layered human beings. Without tediously detailing her backstory, we learn that Justine is a recovering and often relapsing alcoholic. She's made some mistakes in the past but they are often centered around her desire to help people, in her own insistent way. Julia Garner – who is having quite the year – does an excellent job of creating this fail-daughter who is trying her best. Garner makes Justine's frustration and stubbornness amusing and relatable, rather than annoying. While Archer does some shitty things throughout the story, Josh Brolin's performance makes sure to center the pain he feels as a dad that's let down his only child. There's a deep-seated self-loathing to his actions, this sense that he's failed in his goals and now is desperate to make up for them. The rest of the cast is quite solid as well. Benedict Wong gets a few laughs as the person reacting to a lot of the unlikely shit. Austin Abrams is especially amusing as a tweaker always on the search for his next easy buck. Amy Madigan vacillates nicely between a seemingly harmless old lady and a much colder, more sinister figure. I just wanted to know more about Justine and Archer. They were really compelling and the film ends with their arcs both feeling a little incomplete. 

An element of “Weapons” that I did find interesting is the way the camera lingers on brand names throughout. A can of Coke is centered early on. Campbell's chicken noodle soup shows up prominently in the second half. The bedroom of Archer's son is decorated with recognizable athletes and other pop culture figures. The Batman logo makes an interesting appearance. I don't think this an example of product placement or cross-corporate synergy. Another element emphasized in the film is the presence of cameras and recording devices. Everyone in town seemingly has Ring devices on their door bells. Phones are used throughout. A police officer's dash-cam is a plot point. This goes hand in hand with the presence of familiar, comforting brand names and the small town setting. The characters in “Weapons” are surrounded by modern convenience and have their every move recorded. It still doesn't protect their children. It doesn't make their law enforcement any more productive. It does not actually make them feel any safer. This is, perhaps, where the lingering undercurrent about school shootings and conspiracy theories actually build to something. That there is something very wrong in the American psyche, that violence and tragedy can still strike at any point despite all the measures we've taken to make ourselves feel more comfortable 

Another element “Weapons” has in common with Creggor's debut is that, as soon as the story is resolved, the film more-or-less ends. That, combined with the naturalistic way it hints at back story and focuses on being a swiftly paced horror story over any thematic concerns, makes it feel like a very eighties style sort of movie. You can imagine both this and “Barbarian,” in different forms, being actually made in the seventies or eighties. (Instead of merely being an attempt to replicate that style, like most throwback films try to do.) Normally, that would be exactly my kind of thing but I left “Weapons” wanting just a little bit more. That's probably a sign of its high quality, that this two hour and nine minute long film felt like it could have been a little bit longer to me. If nothing else, if New Line Cinema ever gets around to actually making a new “A Nightmare on Elm Street” movie, Creggor's clear ability to get at the heart of darkness underneath a small town's pleasant exterior might make him the guy for the job. Instead, he's rebooting “Resident Evil” next. Anyway, “Weapons” will probably play a lot better for me on a second viewing but it's still definitely a very strong motion picture. [7/10]
 

 

1957 was, as far as I can tell, the year the overgrown creepy crawler as a cinematic trope reached peak saturation. Within that twelve month period, a giant praying mantis terrorized D.C., an enormous scorpion leveled Mexico City, gigantic grasshoppers descended on Chicago, humongous mollusks emerged from the Salton Sea, and the crab monsters threatened the Pacific. Probably the least loved of that year's big bug offerings is “Monster from Green Hell.” I've known about the movie for years and always thought its premise, of kaiju-ified wasps, sounded cool. Regular small wasps are already scary! Imagine how freaky a tank-sized one would be! The film's overall low reputation has kept it near the bottom of my priority list. However, I've now worked my way through the better known – or at least more notorious – jumbo arthropod features, meaning its time I travel into the Green Hell myself and encounter something nastier than some white Anglo-Saxon Protestants. 

Dr. Brady and Dr. Morgan are carrying out experiments for the government, in which they send various animals into orbit around the planet to see how living organisms respond to cosmic radiation. They've noticed that the returning creatures tend to grow at an unusually fast rate. Also, one of their rockets – carrying wasps – recently fell off-course and crashed in central Africa. Shortly afterwards, Brady reads a news story about monsters emerging from the “Green Hell” region of Gabon. They travel to the jungle and, after a perilous hike of many days, arrive at the clinic of Dr. Lorentz. After the doctor is discovered killed by a giant stinger, it becomes apparent that the wasps have grown to enormous size. Brady, Morgan, a guide, and Lorentz' daughter head towards an active volcano to destroy the monsters from Green Hell before they take over the world. 

I was warned by multiple sources. “Monster from Green Hell” is a prime example of what Dave Sindelar called a “Double-Stuffed Safari-O.” This refers to a weirdly prevalent style of jungle adventure movie that was common – I don't know if I'd go so far as to say “popular” – among B-movies of the fifties. Essentially, it refers to films that generously pad out their runtime with stock footage of animals and tribes in the jungles of Africa or some other far-off, distant land. Rather than focus on the exciting business about the giant mutant wasps, director Kenneth G. Crane instead occupies most of the 71 minute runtime with that long walk through the African jungles. (Perhaps unsurprisingly, Crane was more widely employed as an editor. His only prior directorial credit was the cut-up U.S. version of “Half Human,” which this film played on a double bill with.) Thrill at long, drawn out sequences of guys walking bordered on all sides by grainy stock footage of lions running around, elephants stampeding, African tribesmen performing ceremonies or go to war with each other, brush fires, and other thoroughly mundane nature footage. 

The writers responsible for “Monster from Green Hell” were duo Louis Vittes and Endre Bohem. These two would mostly write for television, with Vittes eventually tallying thirty-one episodes of “Rawhide.” He would also write “I Married a Monster from Outer Space” a year after this one and that movie is good. Whatever talent was at work there is not evident here. The script for “Monster from Green Hell” is dull stuff. Star Jim Davis is given a voice-over narration, flatly explaining a lot of what happens on-screen. Sometimes as it is happening. Every event that is going to happen is laboriously set-up in as obvious a fashion as possible. Hmm, I wonder if that rumbling volcano is going to be important later? Perhaps those special gas grenades that the characters spend a solid minute discussing will have a role to play at some point? When not laying extensive tracks down for future events, the script resorts to having people talk about stuff that happened off-screen. See how many times the African guide characters reiterate that the natives are not merely superstitious and that a monster in the jungle is real. 

It's utterly tedious stuff. A 1955 brief in Variety claimed that “Monster from Green Hell” had a budget of a million dollars, a luxurious amount of money by the standards of fifties monster movies. It's difficult to believe the finished production was working with that much cash. The movie keeps its star monsters off-screen for as long as possible. This is most painfully apparent in that volcano-set climax. After about a minute of screen time devoted to the giant wasps, the cast then get lost in a cave system, that taking up far more time than the big bugs! Yes, the giant puppets used to bring the wasps to life are fun. I like their big eyes and snapping mandibles. A couple of times, stop-motion effects are used to animate the beasts. Such as in a scene where a wasp fights and stings a giant boa constrictor. However, whatever grand vision the filmmakers had was clearly outside of their resources. You most associate wasps with flying, right? These oversized examples do much more hovering slowly over the ground rather than getting airborne. I guess they were too big for that...

There's exactly one scene in “Monster from Green Hell” that doesn't feel utterly compromised by a lack of money and imagination. When the heroes come across a native village that has been decimated by the monsters, we see a bunch of dead bodies laying on the ground around thatch huts. That's mildly effective. Otherwise, this is one long hour and eleven minutes with precious few scenes of common Apocrita mutated to enormous size by the effects of space radiation. Most of the big bug movies that followed stuck to the greatest hits, largely spiders, suggesting producers were quickly realizing how hard it was to make little bugs into creditable on-screen threats. Kenneth G. Grane would go on to direct “The Manster” before sticking to editing jobs up through the seventies. (One of his last credits was “Slaughter's Big Rip-Off.”) As for “Monster from Green Hell,” it would be forgotten by all but the most studious monster kids. Which means someone still made a model kit of its big bug but that's about it as far as the impact of this one goes. [3/10]
 

 
Scorpion Tales: Easterman

Here's another British thriller anthology, which ran for six episodes in 1978 and was so named because each installment featured a "sting in its tale." "Easterman" follows aging, alcoholic police detective Mavor. In-between his busy schedule of drunkenly badgering his coworkers and complaining about all the homosexuals in the world, he investigates the case of a man violently beaten. The man seems to connect to a crime he investigates years before. Soon afterwards, the assailant graduates from beatings to killings, sending taunting messages to the cops and calling himself "Easterman." In particular, he seems to be targeting Mavor personally. After a tense meeting with the gun totting murderer, he learns that "Easterman" wants revenge for the death of a romantic partner Mavor was responsible for years before. The cop's harassment of the local queer community has come back to haunt him. 

"Easterman" was a late starring role for beloved thespian Trevor Howard, of "The Third Man" and "Brief Encounter." And, oh boy, does he play an asshole. Mavor is introduced being giving a Breathalyzer test by another cop, which he rants extensively about. Not because he isn't drunk – he's very, very drunk – but because he considers it disrespectful for a man with as many years on the force as him to be under such scrutiny. This sets up the arc of a thoroughly despicable man who considers himself the arbiter of a world full of incompetence and sin. He later bitches out another officer for not taking proper evidence from a corpse. Pretty much everyone around Mavor is a victim of his withering glares and bitter speeches. He has no illusions about what a miserable bastard he is, not believing in God and expecting nothing but oblivion when he dies. It would seem his mission in becoming a police officer is based strictly in getting to tell other people what to do. This is obviously a vile protagonist and one that will surely get his comeuppance before the episode is over. "Easterman" would probably be a largely insufferable program if Trevor Howard wasn't such a compelling performer. He spits all of the old man's dialogue with absolute venom and seems to relish being given such colorful, elaborate paragraphs to read. He is a son-of-a-bitch but a very easy one to watch. 

For such a nihilistic fellow who regards the whole world as so contemptible, he's actually fairly quiet about his hatred of queer men. He does hate them, using slurs like "poofters" or "butt buddy" and regarding the owner of a gay bar with utter disgust. When saying any of his homophobic dialogue, Howard adapts a calm and matter-of-fact demeanor. As if gay men are so obviously worthy of scorn that it doesn't warrant special attention. This stands in contrast to the titular killer. When the Easterman states the motivating factors for his crimes, its largely the passion and love he felt for his fallen partner. As far as serial killers go, he's a fairly empathetic one. He outright refuses to kill the cop in the climatic moment, choosing to force him at gunpoint to drink himself to death, so his blood is not exactly on his hands. A scene where the killer forces the barrel of his shotgun into Mavor's mouth makes it clear that this is a transgressive attack by a cultural outsider against a condemning force of authority. I don't want to call "Scorpion Tales" progressive exactly. Our perspective is aligned with the homophobic cop and the gay villain is still rendered as a figure of fear. However, who is the more sympathetic character is self-evident. "Easterman" clearly has some thoughts on its mind about differing modes of masculinity, of who is the real honorable man in this situation. 

Based on the other episode of "Scorpion Tales" I've watched, the series does not fall exclusively within the horror genre. Intrigue seems to be the intended emotional response, not terror. However, "Easterman" is still creepy. When the killer first appears on-screen, he's wearing a skintight fetish mask that distorts the face in an uncanny fashion. That same confrontation takes place in an abandoned house on a windy moor, which certainly sets an eerie mood. That feeling is recaptured when the murderer confronts the cop in his home at the end. What exactly is meant to be the sting in this particular tale is not clearly conveyed. The ending is quite anticlimactic. The show also relies way too much on the otherwise extremely catchy theme music from Cyril Ornadel. The thumping, disco-influenced beat does not help build tension. Still, there is something to "Easterman" that is hard to dismiss. It reminds me a bit of "Cruising," which came out two years later, and similarly contrasts the violence of the hyper-macho world of policing with the private acts of gay men, albeit in a way much less suitable for broadcast television standards. [7/10]



The Addams Family: Uncle Fester, Tycoon

 
I reviewed the fifteenth episode of the “Addams Family's” second season, many Decembers ago as it was a Christmas themed installment. Let's jump ahead to the next one then, “Uncle Fester, Tycoon.” Love is in the air – or, more accurately, the mail box – for Fester again. He receives the photograph of a bearded lady he's been corresponding with. He likes her so much that he wants to marry her. Mortcia and Gomez are concerned about whether he can support a wife though. A wild plan ensues, Morticia dressing up as the bearded woman's mother to goad Fester into getting a job. He takes a by-mail course on business and, overnight, is seemingly transformed into a proper financial expert. Once again, one of the Addams' wacky schemes have worked too well and now Gomez and Morticia call in a doctor to get Fester's head checked... Right around the same time his new business partner is paying a visit to the home.

Yes, here's another episode of “The Addams Family” that starts out with one idea before rambling off in a totally different direction. The show has already done at least one episode in which Fester has a romance via writing letters. This is only used as a set-up for the actual premise of the episode, which is Fester deciding he's a business wunderkind after a few lesson. The final scene of the episode has the uncle admitting that he's forgotten all about his bearded love. (While also including a line that suggests Fester is open to same-gendered options. How progressive!) Uncle Fester suddenly getting way into business jargon, his family becoming concerned he's lost his original personality, is a fine idea for an episode, sure. However, I do think it's kind of odd that this change is spurned on by money concerns. It is true that Fester does not have a job but he's also part of a very rich family. Why would he need a profession? He might as well devote himself to his weird hobbies.

Perhaps picking apart this show for plot holes is not a wise decision. Instead, let's focus on the silly gags we are all here for anyway. This one has a couple of rich ones. Fester spontaneously answering his own phone call and getting into an argument with himself is some good ol' fashion clownery. The reveal that Morticia is going undercover as a bearded lady's mother – including her own little beard – produces a solid chuckle. The opening scene involves Gomez undergoing hypno-therapy from his wife and has nothing to do with anything but still made me laugh. The episode ends in a rather contrived miscommunication: Gomez and Morticia mistaking Fester's new business partner for his shrink. If nothing else, this puts a new spin on the by-now established joke of a normal person being unsettled by the Addams' macabre abode and freaky friends. Also, the epilogue features Cleopatra drinking milk from a straw and I declare that to be adorable. [6/10]