Halloween 2013: October 3

Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)

Of the eight primary Universal Monsters, the studio always cared the least about the Mummy. The original is an atmospheric classic but the sequels were strictly by-the-numbers, most following the same outline. Though not without charm, they never rose above the material. Knowing this, it’s not surprising Abbott and Costello didn’t meet the mummy until 1955, long after the duo had peaked and eleven years after the last proper entry in the mummy series

The movie is notable for one thing. It returns the mummy to Egypt. The plot concerns three separate groups interested in the bandaged corpse. A wily female tomb raider in search of treasure, the Followers of Kharis determined to return him to his home, and Bud and Lou who… Kind of just bumble into things. Considering Kharis has been in America for the last three sequels, his followers returning him makes perfect sense. Of course, Kharis is mispronounced “Klaris” through-out and Princess Ananka has become Princess Ara. There’s no mention of Karnak or Arkam. Maybe searching for continuity between films is a fool’s errand. Anyway, a medallion detailing the location of the tomb is the MacGuffin. When Costello swallows it, the two goofballs are forced to come along. Broad, occasionally mummy related shenanigans follow. 

This one isn’t up to snuff to the previous “Meet the Monsters” outings. Much of the slap stick is accompanied by annoying sound effects. The sequence where Lou swallows the medallion is especially grating. The bad guys reading the medallions inscriptions by x-raying Lou’s stomach is another dire element. The previous films were certainly silly but they were rarely this stupid. People running into each other or being catapulted through the ceiling are similarly embarrassing. Costello’s scaredy cat gimmick has long worn out its welcome. A long gag involves him running through the temple, encountering an incredibly fake looking skeleton and, bizarrely, a giant iguana. A late period joke with Bud and one of the villainous thugs both dressing as mummies, only to run into the real thing, is tired, overlong, and expected. This isn’t the boys’ best work.

Even the genuinely funny moments are recycled from previous films. The comedic stand-out, a discussion about picks vs. shovels, owes a lot to “Who’s on First.” Lou narrowly avoiding capture by thugs behind walls recall “Meet Frankenstein,” while sheepish discoveries of dead bodies are straight out of “Meet the Killer.” And this is the stuff that’s good. The funny moments that aren’t blatantly recycled seem a little more low-key, like an odd encounter with a verbose women or tomfoolery involving a record player. The laughs are there but everyone feels very tired.

Monster fans are going to be disappointed. Kharis doesn’t start shambling until near the end. The make-up is especially terrible, a rubber mask and non-convincing white bandages. Edwin Parker is no Lon Chaney Jr. He flaps his lips, yells all the time, and even runs at one point. “Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy” is a low-point in the comedy duos’ career. It’s no wonder it would be their last film for Universal and their second to last all-together. [4/10]

The Evil Clergyman (1988)

Full Moon Entertainment is uniformly shit these days. Films with bad actors, being murdered by crappy looking puppets, on cheap sets, with lousy make-up and digital effects. And it’s not like the Full Moon “golden age” of the early 1990s produced masterpieces of cinema either. Stripped of nostalgia, even their most polished films are guilty pleasures at best. “Pulse Pounders” was an anthology film shot in 1988, during the waning days of Empire Pictures, when Charlie Band made genuinely good films. The story of how the film was lost until VHS work prints emerged earlier last year is well-known by now. Since Charlie is so bereft of quality productions these days, and wants to milk his fan base for all their worth, instead of releasing “Pulse Pounders” as a whole, the individual segments are given stand-alone releases, first “The Evil Clergyman,” then “Trancers: City of Lost Angels” later this month, and “Dungeonmaster II” sometime next year.

“The Evil Clergyman” is a sexed-up take on one of Lovecraft’s lesser short stories. Taking place on one set with only a cast of five, a woman visits the home of her deceased lover, a clergyman, as you may have guessed from the title, who was of a less then virtuous nature. Over the twenty-seven minute runtime, she is accosted by the spirit of her dead lover, a spirit of his victim, and his human-faced rat familiar.

The scene in question

The movie invites open comparison to “Re-Animator,” featuring Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, and David Gale. In both films, Gale menaces Crampton while naked, her nude ass getting kissed by the man-faced rat. Charles Band isn’t as strong a filmmaker as Stuart Gordon but does a good job here, making decent use of shadows and space. The cast truly shines. Combs is at his sexiest, seducing Crampton, while his malevolent intent is obvious beneath the surface. David Warner has a fantastic cameo as Combs’ ghostly victim. The highlight of the film is a frenzied Warner monologue, making it clear to Crampton that her boyfriend isn’t a good guy. While Crampton is the lead character, her performance is probably the weakest, with her mostly screaming in fear. Richard Band provides a beautiful longing, sensual, sinister score that feels like it stepped right out of the late eighties.

A simple story, “The Evil Clergyman” prances along at a fine pace, producing some okay atmosphere and even maybe a scare. The ending is delightfully perverse, the moment when you could most be tricked into thinking Stuart Gordon actually did direct this. The presentation is less then idea, the picture grainy and dark, the dialogue sometimes hard to hear over the rest of the sound mix. This is sort of apropos though, considering so many Full Moon films were first watched as grainy VHS tapes. While ultimately a trifle, “The Evil Clergyman” should definitely be seeked out by fans of the studio, the cast, and the adapted author. [7/10]

So Weird: “Sacrifice”

Ah, the Bigfoot episode. Every supernatural mystery show does it eventually. While I usually enjoy Fiona’s theme-establishing monologue that opens each episode, this one is a bit of a spoiler. When the tour bus comes to a Washington state park, Jack and Fi go into the woods looking for Civil War-era ghosts. Instead, she finds Bigfoot. Lucky for her, it’s not one of the murderin’, rapin’ variety, instead a compassionate Sasquatch. So much that he helps her from falling over a cliff and, in the past, took care of a dying Civil War soldier, connecting the two story threads.

Bigfoot, the Civil War, and deforestation might be a bit much for one episode to handle but “Sacrifice” balances everything fairly well. Fi’s one-sided dialogue with the Sasquatch is corny but amusing. The parallels between the soldier’s story and Fiona getting lost in the woods add an extra-layer to the episode. Patrick Levis gets another good moment when Fiona overhears a prayer for her, Jack unaware that she is eavesdropping. That pays off nicely at the end too. The emotion resolution to the episode is excellent, tying the series’ overall theme of family into the specifics of the episode. Though low on thrills, “Sacrifice” is easily the best written episode of “So Weird” thus far. [7/10]

Halloween 2013: September 26

Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff (1949)

Originally conceived as just another Abbott and Costello flick, after “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” was such a major hit, “Easy Does It” was re-conceived into “Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer.” To further trick people into thinking the film was a proper-horror/comedy, Boris Karloff was slotted into a small supporting role and his name was thrown up under the title. “Meet the Killer’s” horror content is ultimately minor. However, the duo were still on their game and the film is easily better then most of the later “Meet the Monsters” flicks.

The story is fairly standard. Bud and Lou play hotel employees. When a high profile guest winds up dead, Costello’s typically nervous bellhop is quickly pegged as the prime suspect, forcing the two to clear their names. Despite the below the title billing, Karloff’s role is fairly small. He plays a Swami, one of four red herrings. Karloff mostly just stands around save for one stand-out moment where he attempts to hypnotize Costello into suicide. It’s a very funny sequence, builds nicely, and one of the more memorable bits in the film. It’s also the only time Karloff gets to show off his considerable comedic chops. Of most interest to horror viewers would be the last act, set in an expansive cavern, with a masked killer (comically) stalking Costello.

As for cut-up comedy, “Meet the Killer” mostly satisfies. Bud and Lou have a solid back-and-forth and their verbal skills are top-notch. Notable moments include an early moment where Lou badgers a hotel employee, the two fighting over a girl, and comedic booby-traps. A repeated gag about Bud nearly getting hit with a fatal blow works nicely. An extended bit about Costello dressing in drag goes on too long and the entire movie burns out before it’s over. In general, Lou’s stuttering, frightened reactions prove to be unusually entertaining. Bud gets sold short some, playing a stale straight man. While it’s not as good as “Meet Frankenstein,” “Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer” is a solid slap-stick murder mystery, bound to please fans of the actors. [6.5/10]

Ugetsu (1953)

“Onibaba” led me to “Ugetsu,” an earlier, even more critically acclaimed film from the Japanese New Wave. Despite what a few websites and reference books told me, “Ugetsu” isn’t a true horror film. Instead it’s a simple moral fable that slowly reveals itself to have a supernatural element.

Also set during one of Japan’s civil wars, this one in the 16th century, “Ugetsu” focuses on a family trying to survive amidst the turmoil. Genjuro is a pottery maker, struggling to feed his wife Miyagi and his young son. Tobei dreams of being a samurai, even if his wife Ohama suggests he focuses on the here and now. After a particularly profitable day in the city, Genjuro returns home with a handful of silver and a beautiful kimono for his wife. “Ugetsu” heavy-handedly lays out it's themes right then and there, with Miyagi telling her husband it isn’t the gifts that make her happy. After soldiers raid the town, the family is forced to leave their village. The husband leave their wives on the river shore as they go off in search of profits.

Both men’s dreams end up coming true. Tobei stumbles upon the corpse of a high-ranking enemy general, claiming the kill as his own, and being promoted to a high-ranking position, finally becoming a powerful, respected samurai. Genjuro catches the attention of a mysterious princess. The princess adopts him as her husband, allowing the man to live a life of wealth and relaxation. Meanwhile, Ohama is forced into prostitution and Miyagi flees from village to village, narrowly escaping detection by rampaging soldiers.

The supernatural element of “Ugetsu” comes from the subplot featuring the princess. Always clothed in white and with distinctive facial make-up, she cuts an uncanny figure. The manor she lives in is weirdly isolated. Probably the film’s spookiest moment comes when a strange voice starts to reverberate out of an empty samurai armor, the ghost of the girl’s father speaking through it. When the townsfolk are freaked out by the mention of the princess’ name, it’s easy to figure out where this is going. Yep, Genjuro has fallen in love with a ghost, one that gets rather possessive. When he reveals to the princess that he’s married, the spirit reacts… Badly. That conclusion is “Ugetsu” at its best, the man chased by spectres through an abandoned home amidst a ravaged, ruined battlefield, his body painted with Buddhist symbols.

The film’s resolution is chilly and melancholy, the men returning home broken but perhaps better people. The messages of “Appreciated what you have,” and “Don’t be greedy” are simple and obvious. That’s not what makes “Ugetsu” memorable. Kenji Mizoguchi’s direction is moody, frequently bathing the stark tableus in fog and shadow. All the performances are good though the old woman playing the ghost princess’ servant is probably my favorite. Her monologue, imploring the man to stay and explaining their origins, is spoken musically, like a strange poem. So “Ugetsu” is quite good even if it’s not actually a horror film. I should do more research next time before Netflixing something. [7/10]

Bangers n' Mash 9: Monster Mashes!

Here's a belated Christmas present. The latest episode of The Bangers n' Mash Show was recorded back in October, where it was much more seasonally appropriate. But we have our own irregular schedule here! JD and I talk about the subgenre we dub Monster Mashes! Those films that take a bunch of unrelated horror characters and concepts and mash 'em all together. We spend most of the show nerding out over "The Monster Squad." We also spoil the shit out of "The Cabin in the Woods" so, if you haven't seen that one, you might want to skip this one.



We spent the last half-hour talking about the conventions we did earlier in the year. (Once again, when we recorded this, that was a lot more recent.) Blog-readers might as well skip that part, since I blatantly rehash everything I said during my two conventions reports here.

I don't know when the next episode will be out but it will hopefully be soon. Expect a flurry of end-of-the-year updates here at Film Thoughts very soon.

Halloween 2012: October 31 - HALLOWEEN

Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953)
Oddly, a surprising fraction of “Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” almost plays like a straight horror film. The character was an odd pick for a Meet the Monsters flick, since Jekyll and Hyde have no previous heritage at Universal. Perhaps this was the studio’s attempt to put their mark on the character. As an adaptation of the frequently told tale, it takes wild liberties with the premise. For starters, Dr. Jekyll is fairly evil as well. He transforms into Mr. Hyde, not out of an attempt to remove his inner evil and temptation, but instead to provide a proper alibi to commit murder! Mr. Hyde is an unrefined monster who never speaks, only growls. Instead of being a general doctor, Dr. Jekyll is specifically a brain surgeon, fond of swapping animal’s brains around. (Producing visuals like a roaring bunny or a mooing chimp.) There is a brief subplot about both Jekyll and Hyde being in love with the female lead that doesn’t really go anywhere. The film is a Victorian period piece and the female lead is a suffragette. Her journey for woman’s right is somewhat undermined by her night job as a can-can dancer. Many moments play like a normal horror film, like the open kill or the chase across the roof tops of London. Bud and Lou don’t even show up until about ten minutes in!

As for the humor, once again, the biggest gags belong to Costello. This entry sees the guys in strictly broad slapstick mode. The funniest moment involves Lou stumbling into a wax museum and being threatened by wax models of Frankenstein’s monster and a disembodied head. The movie makes good use of Lou’s scared reactions. This is the movie’s high point and it starts to drag after this. An odd gag involves Lou drinking one of Jekyll’s potions and turning into a giant mouse. This leads to some amusing back-and-forth. Sadly, in the latter half, the movie starts to focus on the Hyde formula getting out to the general public. Random people dressed as Mr. Hyde jumping out and frightening folks isn’t funny to begin with and continues to be non-amusing when repeated over and over again. The movie trudges along in its second half to the seriously underwhelming ending.

Boris Karloff seems a little bored, playing the two-faced villain bit he’s done many times before. He’s never actually under the Hyde make-up and the stuntman who is really playing the part is as uninspired as the rest of the movie. The film doesn’t do much with the source material, aside from a doctor changing shape and the Victorian setting. Bud and Lou were dropped into the middle of a fairly run-of-the-mill mad doctor/monster on the loose flick. “Abbott and Costello Met Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” showed the Meet the Monsters series sliding out of quality. [5/10]

It Came From Outer Space (1953)
Would you believe I’ve never seen this movie before? I probably missed it simply because it never cropped up on the Friday Night creature feature show back in the day. Considered a classic by sci-fi fans, “It Came From Outer Space” was highly influential, at least at Universal anyway. It revived interest in monster movies in the studio by steering away from the traditional gothic setting towards space aliens and other science fiction concepts. It would birth a whole new wave of sci-fi themed monster and horror films.

With a script from personal idol and science fiction master Ray Bradbury, “It Came From Outer Space” is far from your typical 1950s alien invasion flick. An amateur astrologist spots an asteroid crash into the Arizona desert, what turns out to be an alien space craft. The locals are naturally skeptical and dismiss the guy as a crackpot. The incident even costs his girlfriend her job. He is, of course, right. Instead of reaping terror among the population, the aliens instead kidnap some people and assume their identities, only shopping for supplies to fix their ship and return home.

The film, considering its pedigree, reads more like a great science fiction short story instead of a B-movie. Aliens that don’t want to blow us up or eat us was a new, exciting idea at the time. The visitors might not be evil in intent, but they are monstrous in appearance. The entire conflict of the story steams from the fact that the aliens realize humanity isn’t ready for them, recalling Arthur C. Clark’s “Childhood’s End” or even a little bit of Lovecraft. The visitors are ambiguous, regarding humans the way we regard a spider. The design, with its twitching eyeball and slimy tentacles, a plume of smoke always encircling them, is rather grotesque. I’m sure keeping the creatures off-screen throughout most of the movie was a budgetary decision but it provides an air of mystery. The POV shots, parodied just the other day in “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra,” in which people scream as an unseen creature barrels down on them, is the movie’s main horrific element. Aside from a death ray and a laser shooting magic wand, there’s little visceral threat here. “It Came from Outer Space” is squarely a sci-fi movie.

It’s still good. Richard Carlson does a good job as the lead character. He’s frustrated that no one believes and seems as unsure of how to react to the visitors as everyone else does. He’s surprisingly nuanced as far as leading men go in films of these types. Barbara Rush is also good as his love interest, similarly conflicted by the situation. Kathleen Hughes’ screaming face made the poster even if her part in the film is quite small. She still looks gorgeous. The climax, which involves a trip into a creepy cave, is quite suspenseful and, like much of the film, undermines your typical expectations.

The short story style carries into the movie’s pacing. It drags a little in the middle. The premise isn’t quite extensive enough to support a feature. “It Came from Outer Space” made a crap load of money at Universal, almost certainly because of its then-innovative 3-D gimmick. (Watched flat, the 3-D effects don’t register much.) Director Jack Arnold would next direct “Creature from the Black Lagoon” which would really throw the floodgates open for the next generation of Universal Monsters. This film is important for that reason alone. [7/10]


And I'm cutting my Universal Mega-thon off there. It's a good stopping place, as the Abbott and Costello team-up flicks meant the end of the classic monsters and "It Came from Outer Space" ushered in the new era of sci-fi/atomic age monster flicks. "Creature from the Black Lagoon" and the rest of the fifties output will have to wait until next year.

Cabin Fever (2002)
Most of my movie-watching time is spent taking in new films. New releases, older movies I’m just seeing for the first time, so on. That’s one of the reasons why I enjoy Halloween so much. It’s a time for me to revisit stuff I haven’t seen in a while. Sometimes that’s like visiting old friends. Other times that means reassessing my opinion on films I haven’t seen a while. Thus: “Cabin Fever.” I loved it when I first saw it in the theaters and I don’t think I’ve seen it since then. With the possible exception of Rob Zombie, Eli Roth is the most divisive filmmaker to come out of the horror wave of the last decade. The tide of controversy his “Hostel” films ignited easily overshadowed his first feature.

Roth’s biggest problem is evident through all of his movies. The dude can not write genuine, likable characters. At best, they come off as simple sketches. At worst, they are intensely unpleasant assholes. Case in point: In “Cabin Fever,” characters are separated into two types. Rider Strong and Jordan Ladd are the main characters, defined solely by their relationship to each other. Strong’s Paul is trying to transfer from childhood friend to serious romantic partner to Ladd’s Karen. That’s pretty much it. Their personalities otherwise morph in accordance to the story’s whims. The rest of the main cast is obnoxious, deeply unlikable cartoon characters. Joey Kern’s Jeff spews homoerotic dialogue, does senseless things like shop-lift or shoot animals, and never lets the audience forget for a minute he’s a jockish bonehead. As bad as Jeff is, James DeBello’s Bert is even worse. An opportunistic asshole who doesn’t seem capable of caring for another person, he spends most of his screen time screaming profanity at his friends, begging the question of why he is on this trip with these people. Despite being a massive tool, the guy has an absurdly hot girlfriend in the shape of Cerina Vincent’s Marcy.

Marcy best exemplifies the movie’s biggest issue. The characters lack any common sense. They make wildly bad decisions for no particular reason. If you accidentally shoot a guy, you take him to the hospital and apologize profusely. If a sick person comes to your door, call 9/11. Do not attempt to beat him to death with bats and crowbars. (And stop taking swings if you’re destroying your only mode of transportation.) Most definitely do not set him on fire. If a friend has contacted an aggressive flesh eating virus, locking her in a shed is not advisable. Marcy’s only defining characteristic is her overwhelming sluttiness. When it becomes obvious she has the virus, she decides random, enthusiastic fucking is the only course of action. I know Cerina Vincent is really hot but, if she’s infected with a vicious skin-eating disease, decline her sexual advances. It won’t end well. And, hey, what’s a natural thing to do when a horrible virus is drilling through your layers of dermis? “Shave your legs” is not an appropriate answer. If you see a dead body floating in a reservoir, do not climb down a rickety ladder just to poke it with a stick. Writing characters who are intentionally dumb is one thing. Having your characters do things that no human being would ever do is an entirely different faux-pas. Even the otherwise sensible humans make astonishingly bad decisions.

Roth’s strengths as a writer and director is his surreal sense of humor and an ability of craft sickening horror set-pieces. And that’s why “Cabin Fever” is worth checking out at all. The local redneck characters are bizarre enough to be humorous. Which do you prefer, the blonde hair kid who screams about pancakes and does inexplicable karate moves? The local deputy who highly moans about “parties,” in the face of all sanity? How about the kindly, folksy shop owners who engages in unexpected racist dialogue? (A gag that has a hilarious pay-off at the end.) Even Roth’s aggravating cameo gets a laugh or two. Later on, the harmonica man and a resilient deer appear, to choruses of laughter. As for the horror sequences, some of them are gleefully nasty, like the Bowling Alley Massacre or Strong turning on the trio of invading rednecks, the strong result of a mind weaned on seventies/eighties sleaze-exploitation horror films. Others are body-horror worthy of Cronenberg, like the snap of an ankle or red marks trailing down a back.

Angelo Badalamenti’s score is unnerving and gets under your skin in the same way the movie’s disease does. Roth’s direction is stylish enough. I’m not sure if his horror-nerd homages are endearing or annoying. All the songs on the soundtrack are from “The Last House on the Left.” In any other movie, a lingering shot on your actress’ plump ass would be just that. In a Roth film, it becomes a callback to “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” or “Friday the 13th Part II.” A screwdriver in the ear? “Dawn of the Dead.” Vomiting on somebody? “The Fly.” The Batcave puts in a cameo. Not to mention the entire premise owes a considerably amount to “The Evil Dead.” Roth’s homophobic dialogue is as tin-earred and hard-to-swallow here as it is in “Hostel.” Talking about a dog sticking its nose up your ass isn’t helping your case, Eli.

Still, the parts are greater then the whole. “Cabin Fever” is worth sticking around through for the wacky or sickening moments, even if Roth’s flaws as a writer are all too apparent. The “Thanksgiving” trailer is still the best thing he has ever done. [6.5/10]


So Halloween kind of kicked my ass this year. Aside from the hurricane and a falling tree dampening the festivities, it was a struggle all month to keep up with the daily updates of the blog. Still, I did, more or less, meet my goal. I watched a whopping 102 movies, 4 shorts, and 14 television episodes, dwarfing all previous records. And yet, still, there was a lot of stuff I wanted to get to that I didn't. Next year, my friend. The Jack o' lanterns, bowls of candies, ghoulish costumes and decorations are all put away for another year. Thanks for going on this journey with me, readers. As always, more stuff coming soon, as soon as I get the power turned back on.

Halloween 2012: October 30

Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man (1951)
Given that the Invisible Man series had wander into comedy once before, picking him as the next monster to team Bud and Lou with makes sense. “Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man” is nowhere near as funny as the previous film. It’s still pretty amusing.

Bud and Lou are well-suited to their parts as sham detectives, ones that profit off of entrapping customers. Their business quickly puts them in contact with a boxer, on-the-run and framed for murder. A friend of his just happens to have the invisibility formula lying around, apparently willed it by Claude Rains’ original. (Jack Griffin in the original, John Griffin here.) Despite being well warned of the insanity side effects, the boxer immediately mainlines the potion. As to be expected, Bud is drafted as a boxer, while the invisible man does all the actual work, until the real murderer reveals himself.

The movie strikes a decent balance between invisibility gags, Costello’s scared reactions, and the duo’s trademark back-and-forth. Costello’s reactions get the most laughs. When taking the invisible man his clothes, amid a beautiful fog covered forest, Lou slowly becomes aware of the unseen man’s presence. Big laughs come from an early moment where a shrink attempts to hypnotize the stout one, which doesn’t go as expected. The invisibility gags take center stage, as you’d expect. A funny dinner scene involves conflicting orders and floating plates of spaghetti. When a nosy detective walks in on their poker game, the guys take an unexpected route of hiding their invisible roommate. Oddly, most of the boxing stuff falls a little flat. Training in a gym provides some decent laughs but the finale’s boxing match is played surprisingly straight.

As you’d expect, the horror aspect take a backseat. This is a decidedly non-murderous invisible man. The insanity side-effects mostly show through loud speeches about how powerful invisibility makes him. (Which is, you know, true.) The movie gets the guy in bandages and goggles once, mostly out of obligation, since it doesn’t feed into the plot any. The ending is appropriately goofy. I wish Bud had a little more to do in this one. Aside from an early threat to smack Lou around, he’s mostly relegated to a supporting role. At this point, the Meet the Monsters series was still rolling along at an amenable pace. “Meet the Invisible Man” isn’t a masterpiece but is lots of fun. [7/10]

The Black Castle (1952)
One of the purposes of the Universal Classic Horror Mega-thon was to revisit movies I had seen before. Barely. Stuff I had watched in the middle of the night while dozing or while doing homework on my laptop, the DVD playing in the background. Some of these films, like the Inner Sanctum Mysteries or “Tower of London,” I found myself actually enjoying and appreciating far more then before. Some of the movies I found as unengaging and dull as before. “The Black Castle” falls into that category.

Once again: Not a horror movie. For a fact, it’s something of a companion to “The Strange Door” in that both are period revenge melodramas that relegate horror star Boris Karloff (and, in this case, Lon Chaney Jr.) to small supporting roles, with some minor atmosphere or a macabre element here and there. The horror fake-out continues to the opening credits which recycles the overturn from “The Wolf Man” for the umpteenth time. Set in a castle in the Black Forest, a mythic setting that the film doesn’t use much, the story revolves around a sinister count (You know he’s sinister because he wears an eye-patch) plotting revenge against some people who screwed him over in a war in African or something. Our hero, Richard Greene, wanders into the castle unaware of this and subsequently has to escape several death traps. When not having passive-aggressive conversations with the count, he’s wooing Rita Corday’s beautiful countess. Karloff plays a doctor who comes off as malicious at first but eventually is revealed to be a nice guy. Chaney plays a mute, brutish servant, a character type the actor would reprise repeatedly through the end half of his career, mostly because he was slowly dying of throat cancer at this time.

There’s some fog around the castle, especially in the early moments. The Count, in his various journeys through Africa, has amassed a collection of deadly animals. A memorable moment involves a fist fight above a dungeon mote full of crocodiles. Lions and jaguars also show up. The most horrific element involves a drug that induces a death-like state. People laying in coffins, thoughts bouncing around in their still heads is actually sort of frightening. Once again, the movie never really exploits this element. Karloff and Chaney aren’t given much to do. At least “The Strange Door” had Boris kicking some ass. Stephen McNally does all right in the villainous role. Director Nathan Juran would direct numerous sci-fi/fantasy classics in the fifties, like “20 Million Miles to Earth,” “The Deadly Mantis,” “The Brain From Planet Arous,” “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman,” “The 7th Voyage of Sinbad,” and “Jack the Giant Killer.” He was better suited to that genre. [5/10]

Final Destination 2 (2003)
I never would have thought that “Final Destination” would become one of the most enduring millennial horror franchises. The original wasn’t a bad movie. It was a clever update of the slasher formula and owed more then a little to “The Omen.” (Both series dispatch their victims through convoluted Rube Goldberg-style accidental death traps.) However, it was horribly earnest and, beyond the wacky death scenes, had nothing much else to offer. I think the only reason the “Final Destination” series has had such longevity is, unlike the “Saws” and “Paranormal Activities,” the series hasn’t burnt itself out with yearly installments. The movies are elaborate enough to force a few years between each installment. The reason I say this is because none of the movies are all that good. Except for this one. (And part five but I’m not talking about that right now.)

And it’s good the same way a “Friday the 13th” sequel is good. From a writing perspective, these movies are… Dumb. The entire premise is dumb. Lots of people survive near death experiences every year and most of them aren’t brutally killed afterwards in ridiculous, contrived manners. There’s a reason that, despite five films being made, none have ever attempt to build any kind of mythology, aside from throwing out more ways to escape “Death’s design” that most certainly don’t work. It’s never been said but can certainly be assumed that the psychic visions that open each film are provided by Death. So why does Death give people these vision with the intention of then brutally murdering them afterwards? Why does Death brutally murder people anyway? It’s Death! He can off you in any way! Why make such a show of it? The only real thing we can gleam from all of this is that the Grim Reaper has an utterly brutal sense of irony and is also a passive aggressive dick hole. Tony Todd’s character shows up every couple of movies to sinisterly hiss some bit of vague misinformation, as if he really knows what’s going on.

So the story is utter nonsense. Like “Friday the 13th," each entry in the series has the same blueprint. Character has vision of horrific accident that gorily kills shitloads of people, some how manages to avoid said accident, him/herself and friend proceed to suffer horrible accidental deaths… Or deaths that seem accidental anyway. Part two is no different. The characters aren’t great. They roughly break down into stereotypes: Final girl, an initially skeptical love interest, stoner guy, snarky chick, Mom, Son, Angry Black Man. Some of the characters get a smidge of personality. Angry Black Man panics nicely. My favorite moment is when Stoner Guy knows he’s the next in line to die. He tells Final Girl to, after he dies, go into his apartment and remove all his drugs and porn, anything that will “break his mom’s heart.” It is a surprisingly touching moment in a movie that otherwise dispenses with any character moments. None of the actors are bad, with one exception: Ali Larter, the returning survivor from the first movie. Holy shit, how did this lady become a star? She’s wooden, wears one slightly constipated expression throughout, and can never make a single line sound convincing. The “Resident Evil” movies clearly deserve her.

None of that matters anyway because the entire movie is built around the death scenes. And, holy cow, they are incredible. The opening freeway pile-up is hugely intense. The motorcyclist sliding across the glass is uncomfortably realistic to anyone who has survived a bike crash. The entire sequence will make you nervous every time you pass a truck hauling logs. It’s a hell of way to open the movie. The kitchen sequence is the first sign of the movie’s darkly humorous wit. It’s an over-the-top, extended game of misdirection that has an amazingly nasty, unpleasant payoff. Characters explode into ludicrous gibs with little provocation. A battering log smears a man into splattered meat. In the best kill in the movie, a teenage kid is squashed by a falling plate of glass, dissipating into an explosion of blood and gore. Person one second, puddle the next. Even for a seasoned gore fan like myself, it’s almost too much. The dark humor shows up again when the Jaws of Life have the opposite effect. My second favorite kills involves a flying barb-wire fence dissecting a guy into four parts. The stunted look on his face is almost hilarious, even if the globs of flailing intestine aren't. The movie never quite tops those moments even if the hospital-set last act rolls along at a decent pace. The gore comedy mentality continues into the final scene, which features a severed limb falling in just the right spot.

And that’s why “Final Destination 2” is awesome. The death scenes are some of the wettest ever put to film and any mean spirit intentions are grinned away by the movie’s dark wit. That’s one of the reasons why three and four disappointed me so much. They returned to the dead serious tone of the first entry. Only five featured the same sick kills and gruesome humor. Hopefully the inevitable part six will continue that tradition. [7.5/10]

Halloween 2012: October 29

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)
I wonder what hardcore fans (They must have existed) thought of this film when it was new. If “Jay and Silent Bob Meet Pinhead” or something similar was released today, you know the fandom would erupt into a shit storm. It was certainly a smart decision for Universal. The monsters were long in decline and Bud and Lou weren’t doing so hot at the box office either. Why not combine two flagging franchise and hope for the best?

It helps that “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” is genuinely funny. Costello’s build-in comic persona is perfect for a monster mash. His character is so oblivious of his surroundings that it becomes easy for him to stumble into crazy trouble. While his reactions start with bold cries for help, as the film goes on, they degrade into mumbled, helpless whimpers. Some things remain funny fifty years after the fact. Early highlights include Dracula’s coffin lid slowly opening and closing in reaction to Lou’s face. The film’s most famous scene is probably the sequence of the two guys running around the castle’s basement, flipping through a secret passageway, always just avoiding the creatures. A comparatively subtle gag near the end has the boys pushing a bed against a door, only for it to be revealed that the door actually opens in the opposite direction.

While the huge slapstick gags are the big cut-up moments, the comedians’ banter proves to be just as funny. The movie mines a lot of humor out of two different, beautiful women being interested in Lou. This causes a lot of jealousy on Bud’s behalf and he frequently asks to take one of the girl’s off his friend’s hands. This doesn’t go as well as he hoped. Of course, the root of the gag is that both ladies are only pursuing the fat guy out of ulterior motives. The straight man not initially believing his friend’s paranormal encounters would be drilled into the ground by the sequels, but the premise still provided a lot of sharp dialogue on the first go-around.

The movie stops shy of making fun of the monsters. Bud walks into Talbot’s apartment, unaware that the Wolfman is right behind him, narrowly avoiding getting slashed to death. The movie follows up on that scene during a forest chase where the werewolf is delayed by a tree branches. In the film’s only atmospheric scene, Bud stumbles upon the Frankenstein monster in a dark, foggy dungeon. None of the Monsters are in tip-top shape. Chaney is as sincere as always, trotting out Talbot’s threadbare nerves and suicidal panic for the umpteenth time. Jack Pierce’s handmade make-up gave way to rubber applications which is very noticeable. While I’ve got nothing against Glenn Strange as the monster, he’s easily the stiffest of all the actors to play the part. At least the film gives him more to do then the previous two outings. Bela Lugosi has aged a lot in the seventeen years between this film and the original “Dracula.” A wrinkly vampire is harder to take seriously, especially when his eyes are still so heavily focused on. Lugosi is allowed a little range here, playing a genial host and mad scientist a few times. It doesn’t exactly help that Dracula fits the mad scientist role a little awkwardly.

The monster purist in me can’t help but feel that Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman meet a somewhat unglamorous final fate here, this being their last canonical appearance. Of course, it’s the fate of all once genuinely frightening figures to eventual become the stuff of comedy. “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” is at least still very funny and treats the monsters respectfully. That’s more then some icons get. [7/10]

The Strange Door (1951)
By 1951, unless it was a comedy, Universal was seemingly done with the horror genre. The golden age of monster movies was long behind us. What passed for a horror movie from the studio at that time was something like “The Strange Door,” a period melodrama with minor horror overtones. It’s not a bad film taken on its own merits but I doubt it will satisfy any monster fans.

Based off a Robert Louis Stevenson short story, the film revolves around one of those convoluted revenge quests. An evil duke, played with over-the-top glee by Charles Laughton, has gone to great pains to torture a former friend. The reasoning behind this elaborate revenge? The guy stole the other guy’s girl. Bros before hoes obviously didn’t apply in the 1500s or whenever this is set. To further his revenge, the duke has chosen a hard-drinking, barroom brawling rapscallion to marry the prisoner’s beautiful daughter. The supporting subplots include a castle full of servants, among them Alan Napier, of Hammer horror and “Batman” fame, and a royal underling to Laughton who is not without guilt. While the captured man, the source of all this revenge, feigns insanity for the duke, his faithful manservant, Boris Karloff, is the only person who knows the truth.

“The Strange Door,” as far as swashbuckling action, royal romance, and castle atmosphere goes, does all right. The opening skirmish in the bar has some decent chandelier swinging, flint-lock firing action. The film’s best moment comes when Richard Stapley and Boris Karloff lay the smack down on a collection of castle guards, knocking them down a spiraling staircase. “Tower of London” had the same novelty of seeing the respected gentlemen of horror trading fisticuffs with random stunt men. Karloff’s performance, while not outside of his wheelhouse, is still pretty good. The heavy lids and shadows of his face play guilt and depression so well. The movie’s climax is when it feels the most like a horror film. Karloff, left for dead in a swamp, drags himself through the waters, the fog rolling overhead. The villain has placed our heroes in one of those shrinking, crushing room that only exist in old movies like this. Karloff confronts the villain, pushing him into the gears that run the machine. Surprisingly morbid stuff. The fog and the dark shadows of the dungeon make for good late night horror viewing.

The other strong aspect in “The Strange Door’s” favor is Charles Laughton’s performance as the baddy. Like many of Laughton’s villain roles, he goes way over the top, chewing the scenery with effortless glee. It’s a lot of fun to watch, especially the moment when he laughs hysterically while clenching the bars of a prison cell. Aside from Laughton and Karloff, the rest of the cast is less notable. Sally Forrest is beautiful as the love interest but the movie asks us to believe that two people who are designed never to fall in love actually fall in love with each other. None of the romantic scenes work. Generally, far too much of “The Strange Door” is composed of old British people talking in rooms. It’s ultimately not a bad film, with nice sets, okay atmosphere, and some fun performances. But it’s not much of a horror film. [6/10]

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2001)
Intentionally making a bad movie seems counterproductive. There have been a number of films over the years that spoof, make fun of, and play off of the low-budget sci-fi B-pictures of the fifties. Some are inspired, some are tedious. “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra,” which was made with the same budgets Ed Wood had minus inflation, falls on the entertaining side of that equitation, at least for me anyway.

The Ed Wood comparison is apt. Wood is notorious for his miniscule budgets and floppy, incoherent scripts. What actually makes his films preserve aren’t that we can laugh at their lousy production values and shitty scripts. Lots of movies nobody care about have that. What makes his films memorable was Wood’s ear for surreal, oddly quotable dialogue. “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” has a fantastic understanding of that. It’s fair to say the movie’s primary comedic device is the oddball, awkward, frequently hilarious dialogue. “Sometimes my wife forgets she is not a space alien.” “I’ve seen bears do things… Things a bear wouldn’t even do.” “Even as a child, I was always hated by skeletons.” And on and on. This is one of those films were visiting its IMDb quote page before watching it will ruin the fun. (But, in all likelihood, you probably will want to visit that page afterwards.) Unlike say, “Alien Trespass,” the filmmakers also had a grip on the pacing, style, and tone of those fifties B-movies, right down to lag at the end of the second act. The camera hangs onto scenes just a second longer then it should. Music cues cut wildly between scenes. Handheld close-ups are used whenever the monster is about. Clearly this was made by fans. The filmmakers weren’t just making fun of unconvincing special effects or visible wires. (Though it does that a few times as well.) They were trying to replicate the off-kilter tone of the time period and genre. The plot wildly masses together story elements from “It Came From Outer Space,” “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” “Invaders from Mars,” “The Blob,” “I Married a Monster from Outer Space,” “Plan 9,” in actuality some of the best films of the era. The score is composed solely of library music.

The movie is generally just fun. In a post-“Avatar” world, naming phlebotinum “Atmospherium” really doesn’t sound any worse then “Unobtainium.” The cast is amazingly game. Andrew Parks and Susan McConnel as the alien couple go for broke as far as physical comedy go. Their uniformly stiff posture and unblinking gazes never disguise for a minute that they are aliens, which is obviously the joke. I especially love how they “bend themselves in half” whenever sitting. Brian Howe as the mad scientist is especially hilarious, with his love-hate relationship with the Lost Skeleton. Jennifer Blaire, providing some decent eye-candy in a skintight body suit, has a lot of fun as Animala, carrying an interesting body language and pronouncing her lines in just an unusual enough way. The whole cast carries the film astonishingly well. The best character isn’t actually played by an actor. I love the Lost Skeleton. His booming psychic voice makes some of the simplest lines hilarious. “I sleep now!” There’s a deadpan to the monotone that makes the more absurd moments even funnier, most notably his passive-aggressive relationship with the mad doctor that brings him to life. (“Stop that giggling. It makes me uncomfortable.”)

Not all the gags work. The scene where numerous characters are giving Betty the housewife psychic suggestions goes on too long. Generally, the repeated gag of people laughing until they stop is repeated one time too many. The scenes of Betty and Paul sharing lunch with the aliens inside their ship is also a victim of the film’s intentionally static pacing. Still, “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra” squeezes enough hearty laughs into its short run time to certainly make it worth your while. Always agree. [7/10]

Halloween 2012: October 17

Hold That Ghost (1941)
“Hold That Ghost” is frequently called a precursor to the Abbott and Costello Meet the Monster series. And it is, sort of. But, at the same time, every comedy duo of the era made an old dark house comedy. The clichés and traditions of that genre were as ingrained in the culture in the 40s and 30s as the rules of the slasher film are to today’s world. So parodying them was natural. Anyway, the point: Is “Hold That Ghost” funny?

Yes. It’s very funny, in spots actually. The film takes some time getting to the not-quite-haunted house. Abbott and Costello are waiters in a fancy night club, featuring plenty of screen time for dancer/singer Ted Lewis and the Andrews Sisters. (And Lewis doing a rendition of “Me and My Shadow,” with a black guy dancing behind him. Ouch.) Cue skits involving grouchy customers and food orders, cummerbunds, and tumbling over dishes. The two quickly get fired, get work at a gas station, and, through some typically contrived circumstances, end up by a dying gangster’s side. Gee whiz, turns out that the gangster’s will gives his fortune and creepy old mansion to the people who just happen to be next to him when he dies. In the old dark house tradition, a group of other characters wind up at the dusty mansion with our bumbling duo. There’s a vitamins obsessed young scientist, a spunky young radio actress, and soon-to-be-scream-queen Evelyn Ankers as a woman who appears to be going blind. Hijinks, many of them involving people dressed as ghost, secret passageways, and dusty rooms, ensue.

Since pretty much all of my exposure to Bud and Lou comes from their later, monster mash flicks, it’s interesting to see how different their style is earlier in their careers. Abbott is solely a straight man. Aside from smacking Lou around a few times, he doesn’t have much back-and-forth between his stouter buddy. Some notable gags include a sudden dance sequence between Costello and Joan Davis, which quickly falls apart into slipping around in puddles, and a bedroom that transforms into a casino through a secret switch. Naturally, nobody believes Costello when he sees this because it changes back just in time. Another stand-out skit includes a pair of moving candles and, once again, no body believing Lou when he sees them moving. The movie seems to parody “Cat and the Canary,” perhaps, when a monster-claw hand reaches out through a curtain above a sleeping Lou. I also like the guy in the ghost sheet sneaking into beds. The story is almost total nonsense and all the horror/supernatural elements end up being unimportant. “Hold That Ghost” isn’t exactly a comedy classic and I don’t think he had much to down with the later monster pictures. But it is still fairly amusing and got several big laughs out of me. [7/10]

Put some pants on him.  His wolf dork will show

The Wolf Man (1941)
“The Wolf Man” is an actor’s film, a sophisticated affair. During a period when the studio was relegating horror to B-picture status, it’s a surprisingly classy film. Lon Chaney Jr. received considerable critical acclaim for his star-making role in “Of Mice and Men” while Claude Rains, Ralph Bellamy, and Maria Ouspenskaya were all Oscar-nominated actors. George Waggner’s direction is surprisingly atmospheric and classy, considering his previous efforts. (Among them the previously reviewed “Man Made Monster” and “Horror Island.”) The musical score was widely considered ground-breaking and influential. All of these factors contribute to making “The Wolf Man” a classic. I personally believe no factor was more important then Curt Siodmak’s screenplay.

Like all of the best horror films, there’s a level of subtext and themes that resonate deeply. Larry Talbot is one of the most human protagonist out of all the Universal films. He comes back to his home town for the first time in years. I’m not sure if this was intentional but, despite being born in the Welsh village the film is set in, Talbot has spent so much time in America there’s no sign of an accent at all. It’s tempting to say the relationship between Larry and his father is the emotional backbone of the film. Any one who has had a tense relationship with their own father can find a lot to relate to here. Sir John and Larry shake hands, talk tensely, desperately trying to forge some kind of bond through years of separation and estrangement. As the story and their relationship evolve, they come close to something resembling a proper father/son connection. The scene were Sir John decides to tie Chaney down in a chair seems to be the father’s own, strangled way to reach out to his son, whom he sees as a very sick individual. Still, the finale, when father beats his own son to death, can’t help but be read in a tragic text. Sir John is so unable to connect to his own son, he becomes a wolf in his father’s eyes. Oddly, compared to his reaching out but still cold father, Maleva the gypsy cuts a clearly maternal figure. She seems much more caring and nurturing then his actual parent.

What really struck me about the film upon this watching was the romantic subplot. The writing and acting here rises above the genre and time period, were the love interest were usually little more then shrieking victims. Chaney and Evelyn Ackers have real chemistry together. She’s a small town girl, working in a business owned by her father. You get the impression she hasn’t travel much outside of her home town. Meanwhile, Larry Talbot is an exciting man who has traveled the world. He must seem highly exotic to Gwen. What makes the relationship truly unusual for the time period is that Gwen is a kept woman. She’s engaged to Frank Andrews, a detective and ruggedly handsome traditional leading man. Andrews is a good man and never shows any jealousy or resentment towards Talbot, something improved upon from the original script. But Gwen has difficult resisting Larry’s charms. The two even kiss, quite passionately. Like the Russian Wurdulac, the Wolf Man is compelled to seek out and kill the person he loves the most. It’s inevitable that the creature turns his claws towards the lovely maiden. The genuine chemistry Chaney and Ackers share makes up for the somewhat unseemly fact that Larry starts the relationship as a peeping tom.

After years of absence, the heavy English Fog makes a strong comeback with this film. The scenes of the Wolf Man roaming the moors, stalking a grave digger, are so singularly atmospheric. The forest is dark and deep, indeed. The town the film is set in is very much alive. The townspeople quickly ostrasize Larry, realizing he’s a bad omen. When he enters a church during the grave digger’s funeral, the entire congregation turns to stare at him. In another surprising scene, the mother of the first werewolf’s victim blame Gwen for her daughter’s death. After watching “The House of Seven Gable” so recently, you can’t help but feel there’s something Hawthorne-ian about this location. Rumors and guilt are certainly enough to bring a person’s reputation down.

Chaney’s performance truly is fantastic. In the first script draft, the film was more of a psychological horror story. Like the later “Cat People,” it was kept deliberately ambiguous wither Larry actually turned into a wolf or just thought he was a wolf. The movie actually spends a lot of time talking about psychology, self-hypnotism, and mass hysteria. While all of this adds depth and verisimilitude to the film’s world, what really holds it together is Lon Chaney. So care-free, chummy, and relaxed at first, Larry Talbot is shaken apart by guilt and doubt following his transformation. It’s easy to imagine that suppressed guilt is the real monster of the movie. Though the iconic make-up helps a lot, Chaney plays the Wolf Man as a totally distinct character, a feral, striking animal. His body language says a lot.

The musical score is very good and seems to intentionally invoke a wolf’s howling. (In addition to featuring a slight musical motif rather reminiscent of Danny Elfman’s “Batman” theme that has cropped up in several of these studio films.) On his audio commentary, Tim Weaver spends a lot of time deconstructing the film’s various continuity flaws and plot holes. Some of them you can’t help but notice as well, like Larry changing into a work shirt before becoming a wolf-man. However, the prestige cast and powerful story makes the film a true classic. It’s not wonder why the Wolf Man quickly ascended to the same echelon of horror icons like Frankenstein and Dracula, in addition to mostly forming the popular conception of the werewolf. [9/10]

The Wolfman (2010)
When I first saw the remake of “The Wolfman,” I was frustrated. Many of the sequences were fantastic. Everyone knew the movie went through a troubled production. While I admired many of the things it did, a much better film obviously existed in the editing room at some point. So I was looking forward to Joe Johnston’s extended director’s cut… Though only enough to wait until the DVD hit the five dollar bin.

The director’s cut is better, though barely. Over ten minutes are inserted. It expands on Lawrence Talbot and his relationship with Gwen. Max Von Sydow’s excised sequence, which introduces the famous silver cane, is reinserted. The new scenes add a half an hour to the first act, moving the first transformation to almost an hour in. After that, the film plays more or less the same.

The edit doesn’t fix the major problems. The jump-scares are maintained, as is the ramping. The over-the-top fantasy scenes in the asylum are even more protracted. The most incredulous element, the father-son subplot, is still here. The werewolf kung-fu fight, against the grain of the film’s gothic Victorian atmosphere, is just as goofy. Sure, that expands on the daddy issues present in the original but the whole thing is handed in an obvious, ham-handed fashion. It weakens the entire film. You could cut the entire subplot without changing the story much at all. (These changes should have taken place during the scripting stage.)

Benicio del Toro should’ve been great, given how animalistic he can be while having the same sad sack quality Chaney had. It’s such a gruff, unsatisfying performance. Del Toro is… Off. Anthony Hopkins does his scenery chewing villain shtick. It’s horribly out of place and gets worse as it goes on. Emily Blunt does all right while Hugo Weaving is the only one that really acts here. He has a lot of fun.

I maintain there are some awesome sequences. Larry Talbot’s werewolf coming out is great and features a wonderful decapitation but it’s not as good as the rampage through London, which starts with a fantastically gory asylum tear-up. It’s a shame so many of the awesome moments are undermined by half-baked CGI. I don’t like the bounding wolfman and there’s too much computerized playing around. Rick Baker’s practical make-up is extremely good and rightfully won an Oscar but we don’t get to see a lot of it. The CGI bear and deer are inexcusably bad. If nothing else, the film gets the foggy English atmosphere down successfully.

It’s not the best remake of “The Wolf Man” we could have gotten. Moving the story into the Victorian era was smart but I object to lessening the role of the gypsies and Maleva. I object to removing the pentagram and other mythological elements. I think the romance in the original was more entertaining. Overall the remake is too somber. It doesn’t work all the way and, on second viewing, the flaws start to overshadow the good moments. [6/10]