CHUCK'S ROUNDHOUSE: Firewalker (1986)

The Cannon Group was always happy to chase trends and cash-in on fads. When disco, poppin' and lockin', rapping, saucy Latin dances and Bo Derek all became crazes, they were there. They have their names on “Rambo” rip-offs, “Mad Max” wannabes, gladiator movies, barbarian flicks, sex comedies, slashers. Of all the blockbusters Golan and Globus emulated, it would seem to me that they were especially fond of Indiana Jones. The first would-be “Raiders” the company was involved with was 1983's “Treasure of the Four Crowns,” which had a giant boulder rolling towards the audience in 3-D. That movie wasn't very successful but it didn't stop Cannon from trying again in 1984 with “Sahara” and 1985 with “King Solomon's Mines.” Their 1986 movie about hunting for lost treasure in a booby trap laden ancient temple was “Firewalker.” The project was apparently at least partially Chuck Norris' idea, who wanted to show his range with a funnier flick. Whether that paid off in the long run is debatable, “Firewalker” does represent a turning point of sorts in the high-kicking star's career. 

Max Donigan is an adventurer fond of tall tales and Leo Porter is his more straight-laced partner, a former history teacher. The two are treasure hunters but they've found less gold than they have enemies that put them in death traps. A woman named Patricia seeks them out and hands them a treasure map, claiming whatever it leads to is valuable enough to kill for. They follow the trail to a cave in the southwestern desert, finding Aztec and Mayan artifacts and a jewel-covered dagger. They discover the dagger is connected to a Native American legend known as the Firewalker. A one-eyed villain named El Coyote, also obsessed with the legend of the Firewalker, is on their trail. The trio soon travel into the Mexican rain forest, on their way to a temple full of danger and rewards. 

The likes of “Invasion U.S.A.” and “The Delta Force” mostly had Chuck Norris squinting, beating up bad guys, and exploding thugs. However, his better films did show that this guy was capable of some folksy warmth or a half-way amusing one-liner, despite his sometimes stiff delivery. “Firewalker” sees Chuck go fully in this direction. Max Donigan is more of a light-hearted figure than the stone-faced killers he's played before. The guy jokes around, tells exaggerated yarns about past adventures, and has frequent belligerent sexual tension with Melody Anderson as the female lead. Some of these moments prove mildly amusing. Such as Chuck suddenly declaring Bigfoot's involvement in a past journey or randomly posing for a photograph. However, the humor in “Firewalker” is often more dire than this. An extended bit involving the trio disguised as clergy aboard a train drags on endlessly, with little wit or energy. Running gags about Max's fear of swimming or inability to shoot a target are listlessly deployed. Despite his best efforts here, Mr. Norris is still far better at cracking skulls than he is cracking wise. 

“Firewalker” would also team Norris with J. Lee Thompson. Thompson's days of directing relatively respectable films like “The Guns of the Navarone” or “Cape Fear” were far behind him by the eighties. He had become Charles Bronson's preferred director during his Cannon years, putting out increasingly misanthropic and sadistic films all throughout the decade. While this one is a lot more light-hearted than “10 to Midnight” or “The Evil That Men Do,” you can still tell J. Lee Thompson directed it. By which I mean there is an undercurrent of sexual menace throughout the film. Max repeatedly calls attention to Patricia's lack of virginity, behavior the film seems to consider charming and not off-putting. Later, while attempting to negotiate with some Central American revolutionaries, a man begins to undress himself and Patricia. While no less cartoonish than the rest of the film, these moments still stick out badly. Though at least Chuck also gets drugged, tied up and nearly murdered by an evil woman too, so at least the film is an equal oppretunity offender. 

Despite the repeated focus on the banter between Norris and Anderson, it never comes together. These two always seem more annoyed with than attracted to each other, their eventual romance being a contrivance of the story. Instead, Max's relationship with Leo proves a lot more compelling. Lou Gossett Jr. is also perpetually annoyed with Max throughout most of the movie. However, no matter how many times his partner gets them both in over their heads or fails to turn up some treasure, Leo comes back to Max. He always corrects Max's outrageous stories, further making the two seem like a bickering old married couple. In the last act, it is Leo that is abducted by the bad guy and most be rescued by the hero, confirming Gossett's role as the story's damsel in distress. A story line that concludes, by the way, with Chuck wrapping his arms and legs totally around Gossett, the two face to face and crotch to crotch as they dangle over boiling water. Gossett is a better actor than Chuck but still can't do much with the deeply corny jokes. However, the latent homoeroticism of the material does add a little more campy value to “Firewalker.”

Perhaps to differentiate itself from other “Indiana Jones” imitators, “Firewalker” sets its story mostly on the North American continent. Which means the film indulges in the ever popular trope of mystical Native American shamanism. On their journey, the heroes meet with an old medicine man. Will Sampson, looking sickly in what would be his final role, adds a little humor to the very stereotypical part. He is still called upon to perform some vague magic over a fire while chanting. The film's antagonist is also Native American, Sonny Landham cashing a check. Whether “El Coyote” is from the northern tribes or MesoAmerican is not specified. This is because the film never acknowledges any difference between the Aztecs, the Mayans, or any other groups. It treats all indigenous beliefs as one vague collection of magical woo-woo. The result is a script whose fantastical elements are never truly explained and never rise to more than plot devices. 

As an “Indiana Jones” knock-off, “Firewalker” is uninspired. There's some standard crawling through rocky tombs and temples. The magical properties of the main MacGuffin, or even what the Firewalker is supposed to be exactly, are never explained. This amounts to a handful of secret passage ways among the various altars. The more obvious “Jones-ian elements are the multiple chase scenes through desserts and jungles, sometimes via a camouflaged Volkswagen Bug. John Rhys-Davis – who was also in “King Solomon's Mine” – also shows up, affecting what I think is supposed to be a Southern or Creole accent in a part not too dissimilar to Sallah. It's no “Temple of Doom,” that's for sure. I imagine that was the main inspiration, given the bad guy's propensity for mysticism and human sacrifice. 

However, the film does not feature any heart-ripping or lava plunges. Chuck Norris was earnestly trying to reinvent himself as a more wholesome sort of hero, the film landing squarely on the PG side of things. He still gets some standard action beats. The bar room brawl is probably the action highlight of the film exactly because it features the roundhouse kicks and spin punches we've come to expect. Thompson seemed very fond of having Chuck do a flying kick towards the camera, something he does twice. The result is a film that ultimately reeks of cheapness and has little of the comedic spark needed to keep itself going. Nevertheless, Chuck trying out a less ultra-violent mood – plus the trappings of Native American spiritualism – would resurface during his “Walker, Texas Ranger” years. That makes the film significant to its star's career, I suppose. These exact qualities are also why my Mom always listed this one as her favorite Chuck Norris joint. Sorry, ma, I think I'll stick with the ones where he's shooting commies or rolling around in the dirt with Dave Carradine. [5/10]

[THE CHUCK OF NORRIS: 5 outta 5]
[X] Facial Hair
[X] Jumps or Kicks Through a Window or Wall
[X] Performs Spin Kick or Spin Punch to Enemy's Face
[X] Shows Off His Hairy Chest
[X] Sports Some Cowboy Getup