Halloween 2021: September 29th

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1987)

"Friday the 13th" remained a reliable money-maker for Paramount all throughout the eighties. Still, by the second half of the decade, box office receipts were steadily declining. After selling previous entries on gimmicks like 3-D, Jason's death, and Jason's return, the execs went in search of a new stunt to distinguish part seven. For years, I've heard rumors that "The New Blood" was originally meant to be the mythical "Freddy Vs. Jason" movie. That always sounded like bullshit to me, as Freddy had only appeared in two movies by the time part seven entered development. Yet "Crystal Lake Memories" and other sources confirmed it to be true. When New Line and Paramount obviously couldn't work something out, the studio went in search of a different new foe for Crystal Lake's resident maniac. 

But before we really get into the guts of "Part VII," I want to talk about this series' fucked-up timeline. The original takes place in 1979, as eagle-eyed fans have spotted dates in the background. Parts two, three, and four take place on subsequent days, explicitly five years later. So in 1984. After that, the series jumped ahead an indeterminate amount of time, Tommy aging from a young boy to an older teenager. Which puts us in about the late eighties or early nineties. "Jason Lives!" is sometime after that, usually accepted to be a year or so, putting the series into the Bush I era when reality was still wrapping up the Reagan years.

"The New Blood" begins with little Tina Shepherd killing her dad in a telekinesis accident on the dock of Crystal Lake. The film then jumps ahead an unknown amount of time but probably around ten years or so, as Tina is now a teenager. We see Jason under the water in this flashback, which means the majority of "The New Blood" happens around the start of the new millennium! This is hard to believe, considering the teens here are still rocking pastels, Crockett pants, and big hairdos. I don't think these kids know what the internet or a Pokémon is. It's easier to believe there's a weirdo time warp at the bottom of Crystal Lake than this movie happens during my high school years. Maybe this birthday party is retro-themed and these kids are really committed to the bit? Or maybe we can just accept the filmmakers didn't think this through, dismiss Jason's earlier appearance as a continuity error, and allow this film to take place in the decade it was obviously shot in. 

Anyway, none of that shit is important. "The New Blood" is often nicknamed "Jason Vs. Carrie" and that's about accurate. Like Sissy Spacek's traumatized teen, Tina's mind powers are triggered by emotion. Her attempts to raise her dear dead dad from Crystal Lake brings up Jason instead. This leads us to assume Jason somehow represents her trauma over her father's death. By using her psychic powers to fight Jason, she's learning to accept her strange abilities and overcome her grief. The movie tries to give this idea the proper treatment. Tina, played by an acceptable but unspectacular Lar Park Lincoln, does successfully reconcile with her dad to defeat Jason at the end. Yet it is, not surprisingly, pretty half-assed. Especially since Tina's dad is explicitly a wife-beater, which makes me think she was probably better off without him. 

The reason the sequel can't give Tina's arc any real depth is because it's a "Friday the 13th" movie and it has to introduce a dozen other youths for Jason to slaughter. Most of these kids are just bodies for Jason to destroy, with nothing much in the way of personality. Russell being a prep or Ben and Kate being the black couple is about par the course for this one. A few are a little more fleshed out. I like nerdy girl Maddie, who is so insecure that she completely redoes her look to get some male attention. The object of her affection is, for whatever reason, stoner David. (His attention is focused on the cute, redheaded but otherwise indistinct Robin.) Maybe she should've looked at sci-fi nerd Eddie, the sequel's most endearingly goofy character. If they had hooked up, perhaps she would’ve gained a little self-esteem and he would learn to respect women and not call them the c-word. I wish these sequels had the balls to just make characters like these the heroes, instead of generic hunks-of-meat like final boy Nick. 

"The New Blood" does do one interesting thing with its cast of victims. Jason, an inhuman zombie who kills on instinct by this point, isn't really the villain. Instead, Dr. Crews and Melissa are the real antagonists. Crews is Tina's manipulative psychologist, who drags her and her mom out to a pair of cabins on the lake. (I like to think it's the same homes from "The Final Chapter.") He's played with scumbag glee by Terry Kiser, otherwise known as the Bernie that weekend was at. Melissa, meanwhile, is the rich bitch mean girl who cruelly bullies Tina and manipulates Eddie. These are the characters in the film we really hate and it's satisfying when Jason weed-whacks or axes them. As much as I like Jason acting as a force of nature, weaving him in and out of the film to kill at random, the script cutting between the remaining characters gives the first hour of the movie seriously shaggy pacing. 

But why am I complaining about shit like character arcs and pacing in a "Friday the 13th" movie? That shows my priorities, not the movie's, are fucked-up. Truthfully, "The New Blood" is still highly entertaining. It understands that these movies are about Jason looking cool and fucking people up. The movie is directed by late great creature effects wiz, John Carl Buechler. And Buechler directs like an effects man. The murder scenes were severely cut back, so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of the MPAA. The uncut footage still survives, however, and it's glorious. A head crushing and sleeping bag smashing are fantastically over-the-top. Buechler makes sure Jason – rendered as a beautifully grotesque rotten zombie – always looks as cinematic and striking as possible. He mostly shoots Ol' Hockey-Head from low angles, to make him look as huge and powerful as possible. That's a great idea more of the sequels should've utilized.

The combination of strong direction, awesome make-up, and Kane Hodder's lumbering performance makes Jason more intimidating than ever. Which makes the last third, where Tina unleashes her psychic fury on the unstoppable killer, all the more exciting. Jason truly meets his match here. Tina electrocutes him, drops a porch on him, crushes his head with his mask straps, smashes a light fixture over his head, slams him through some stairs, shoots nail at him, and even sets him on fire. The sequel veering towards special effects-driven action mayhem is most evident in its decision to include a giant explosion. From a technical perspective, "The New Blood" is the most elaborate "Friday" yet. All of this stuff is executed beautifully and the movie earns a lot of points for its ambitions. I also like the synth additions composer Fred Mollen makes to the usual Henry Manfredini cues. 

I really enjoy the last half-hour of "The New Blood." Buechler turning "Friday the 13th" into an extended effects/stunts reel is probably a good approach, since that's basically what the movies were at this point anyway. I do wish it was a little tighter paced and invested a bit more time into its characters and mythology, like "Jason Lives!" did. Still, it's a good time for eighties horror nerds. The movie was divisive in the fandom for years, disliked largely by people who miss the series' grounded roots, but most have come around to it. If nothing else, it's generally agreed that this is the coolest Jason has ever looked. [7/10]

Eerie Tales (1919)

Unheimliche Geschichten

A couple of years ago, I reviewed “Waxworks,” an early example of an omnibus feature whose stories veered towards the macabre or uncanny. Yet that 1922 film wasn't the earliest horror anthology movie. In fact, it wasn't even the first horror anthology movie that starred Conrad Veidt! Robert Oswalt's “Eerie Tales” predates the more famous film by four years. (Which makes it 102 years old now.) “Eerie Tales” seems to be the first movie of this type ever made, meaning this is the humble well from which “Dead of Night,” Amicus, and “Creepshow” sprung. Despite its significant place in horror history, it's a movie not often discussed today. Let's take a look and see it we can figure out why.

After a book shop owner locks up for the night, portraits of the Devil, Death, and a Prostitute spring to life. They read stories of the macabre to pass the time. In “The Apparition,” a man becomes smitten with a woman he meets in a hotel. When he visits her room, he's shocked to discovered it's empty. “The Hand” follows a man who kills his romantic rival for a ballerina, only to be haunted by the ghost of his victim. In “The Black Cat,” a drunkard murders his wife and entombs her in the wall, unaware he's walled up her pet cat as well. “The Suicide Club” has a detective investigating a secret society where playing cards decide who will live and who will die. Finally, “The Spook” has an aristocrat engineering a haunting to scare off a visitor trying to seduce his wife. 

Though undoubtedly a minor work in the history of the movement, “Eerie Tales” is a silent film still dripping with creepy German Expressionistic atmosphere. The first two segments especially benefit from this. The scene where Conrad Veidt discover his would-be girlfriend's apartment is desolate and abandoned is full of wispy shadows and slanting architecture. Another moment, where the woman's deranged ex-husband peers through a train window, is fittingly nightmarish. “The Hand,” meanwhile, similarly uses lighting and early cinematic effects to make rather ominous visuals. Like a ghostly hand poking out from behind a curtain or footprints appearing spontaneously in the snow. These segments open “Eerie Tales” on a strong note that the other episodes are unable to top.

In fact, the second half of this anthology starts to drag pretty quickly. This rendition of “The Black Cat” is a bit too slowly paced and lacks the insight into the killer's mind Poe's story gave us. If not for the memorable visual of the cat clawing its way out of the wall, it would be altogether forgettable. Similarly, “The Suicide Club” – loosely adapted from a Robert Louis Stevenson story – does not have the spookiness of the earlier stories. Its plot relies on a ludicrous plot twist and we never get a bead on any of the characters. Save for a neat set featuring some skeletons and a giant clock, and some cool shots of Conrad Veidt grinning evilly, it's probably the weakest segment in the whole film.

The only story in “Eerie Tales” not adapted from popular literature is its concluding episode. It was written by the director and that's bold of Richard Oswald, to put his name beside Poe or Stevenson. “The Spook” is a farce told in rhyming verse, which is admittedly something I've never seen in a silent movie before. It's the shortest segment in the film, with some goofy period costumes and an amusing pay-off. Even that story contains the spooky image of ghosts in black robes entering a room. Still, “Eerie Tales” is kind of long for a silent horror movie, with most prints running around 100 minutes. If I was going to cut a segment, it probably would've been this one as it doesn't quite fit the feature's connecting theme.

“Eerie Tales” does have a neat gimmick. The actors playing the three prominent figures in the framing device – Veidt as Death, Reinhold Schünzel as Satan, and Anita Berber as the Harlot – also star in each segments. From a modern perspective, the acting would be considered pretty hammy. Veidt and Schünzel vamp wildly anytime they express shock or fear. There's a lot of wide-eyed stares and expressive hand motions in this movie. Yet I find theatrical performances like this tend to suit silent movies, which are more dream-like than talkies by their very nature. In a sometimes comical horror film, this style is even more easily accepted. And if anyone can get away with an over-the-top silent performance, it was Conrad Veidt. His sinister smile and gazing eyes were made for the format.

Having more forgettable stories than good ones is probably why “Eerie Tales” has slipped into obscurity, even among cinema fans. It seems pre-1920s films just aren't discussed as much. Yet I found myself reasonably entertained by it. The spooky atmosphere of those first two episodes go a long way. So does the sight of Conrad Veidt camping it up as a gothy grim reaper. Director Oswald would create a loose sound remake in 1932, entitled “The Living Dead,” with “The Golem's” Paul Wegener stepping into the lead role. Even if “Eerie Tales” is fairly flawed, I'm intrigued enough to add that remake to my watch-list. The original has some spooky moments, enough to overcome its dragging second half. [7/10]

Thriller: The Cheaters

The sixties anthology series “Thriller,” hosted by the always astute Boris Karloff, is often overlooked but produced a few classic episodes. “The Cheaters,” based on a short story by Robert Bloch, definitely meets that criteria. The episode begins with a 19th century inventor creating a pair of spectacles from specialized glass. Upon putting them on and looking at his reflection, he went mad and killed himself. A century later, the glasses are rediscovered by a junk dealer. The glasses seemingly grant anyone who wears them the power to hear other people's thoughts. A series of individuals – the aforementioned junk dealer, an elderly old woman, and a man dressed up as Benjamin Franklin at a costume party – all discover people are plotting to kill them upon wearing the glasses. Soon, each one is struck dead too. At the finale, a man theorizes about the spectacles' ability and decides to try them on himself, with horrifying consequences. 

"The Cheaters" – the title seemingly comes from a sequence set around a poker game – is an anthology episode that is itself structured like an anthology film. We get three brief stories and even a framing device. (The episode begins and ends with people putting on the glasses and looking in a mirror.) The way the glasses' powers are depicted, by casting the actors' faces in shadows and having their thoughts play out as distorted echoes, is effective. There's an implication here that the glasses' ability isn't to make you privy to what people are thinking, as the inscription of “Veritas” – Latin for “Truth” – would have you assume. Instead, it seems the glasses curse the wearer to commit murder and then die themselves. Watching these three acts of violence play out, one after the other, gives you the uneasy feeling that all of this death could've been easily avoided. It's then followed-up with a hell of an ending, where a truly shocking sight faces the man who looks at his own reflection. I didn't entirely understand “The Cheaters'” ending but it's a chilling image to go out on. This is definitely the best episode of “Thriller” I've seen thus far. [8/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Erumpent

“Godzilla Singular Point” is starting to repeat itself. “Erumpent” – there's no way I'm not reading that title as "Elephant" – begins with Godzilla busting out of is cocoon, resembling his traditional form a little more. The JSDF drops some bombs until he encases himself in another cocoon and is removed from the story yet again. In a totally different location, Yun and Jet Jaguar attempt to fight off the horde of Kumonga while rescuing as many of the spiders' human captives as possible. In London, Mei goes to a video conference and attempts to explain her research about the Aisihara Catastrophe and super calculators. They then have to evacuate the London area, as Rodans begin to attack the city. 

I've given up on Godzilla doing anything important in “Singular Point” until the very end of the series. Instead, this show would much rather confuse and annoy us with its theoretical science and impossible lore. You know things are bad when the show devotes an extended scene to one of the characters attempting to explain what the hell is going on. This, of course, only managed to confuse me more. I've completely given up on understanding this show. “Singular Point's” unfailing devotion to its impenetrable ideas is best displayed in a moment here. In the middle of being chased by giant spiders, Yun gets a massive text message dump from Mei about whatever the hell she's learning. “Singular Point' then pauses in the middle of the action to focus on a lengthy text conversation in which its heroes dissect this pseudo-scientific nonsense in as dense a way as possible. Who fucking does that?

As absolutely aggravating as “Singular Point's” focus on its own bullshit is, this show has just enough cool kaiju stuff to keep me from totally hating it. The sequence of Jet Jaguar fighting off the Kumonga is fairly exciting. There's a well animated moment where the robot spins through the air, slicing through the spiders as they attack. The Rodan attack in London is mildly suspenseful, as Li attempts to rescue a cat in the middle of the monster attack. I wouldn't do that but I can understand why someone else might. I recently learned “Singular Point” was written by an actual physicist, which might explain the show's general structure. Lure the viewer in with the promise of monsters doing cool shit and slowly tease out all the neat ideas the series actually has, while bogging every other minute down with this hard sci-fi bullshit. The final image of this episode seems to suggest “Singular Point” may be arriving at its point soon but, frankly, I'm skeptical. [5/10]