Halloween 2025: September 17th

 

The Toxic Avenger (2023)

Troma Entertainment has always prided themselves on being crude, ridiculous, offensive, salacious and independent. Despite that, a Hollywood-ized version of their trademark character has been in development for thirty years. Shortly after the hyper-violent and perverse “Toxic Avengers” films were inexplicably turned into a kid-friendly cartoon and toy line, New Line Cinema bought the movie rights to “Toxic Crusaders.” In 2006, Lloyd Kaufman would publish a novel version of the story that promised a big budget remake was in development. By 2010, Steve Pink of “Hot Tub Time Machine” had signed on to direct, Arnold Schwarzenegger was in talks to play Toxie's mentor, and a PG-13 rating was promised. Both had dropped out by 2016, with DreamWorks animation director Conrad Vernon now attached. Two years later, Legendary Pictures acquired the rights with Macon Blair writing and directing. The previously sanitized adaptations were discarded, as Blair promised to make a movie that was true to Toxie's roots. He achieved this too well, it seemed. Despite starring recognizable actors, the reboot's content made distributors nervous. After two years on the festival circuit, Cineverse put the movie in thousands of theaters without an MPAA rating. This did not replicate the unrated success the company had with “Terrifer 3” last year but at least Blair and company can rest assured that they made an uncompromising re-imagining of “The Toxic Avenger.”

The city of St. Roma's Village, New Jersey is owned and run by pharmaceutical mega-corp BTH. Their drugs give customers horrible diseases. Their factories pump chemicals into the water supplies. The townsfolk live in fear of the mob, who directly work with BTH CEO, Bob Garbinger. Winston Gooze is a humble janitor for BTH, a single dad trying to raise his step-son, Wade. Winston learns that he has a terminal illness. Treatment exists but, of course, his insurance doesn't cover it. Desperate, he tries to talk to Garbinger at a company event only to be kicked out. With no other options, he dips his mop in some caustic chemicals and tries to rob his work place. He gets mixed up with a whistleblower attempting to expose the company and winds up shot in the head by BTH's personal hit squad/nu-metal band. His body is dumped into the chemical infested lake, which interacts with his tumors in a unique way. Winston is transformed into a hideously deformed monster hero of superhuman size and strength. Acts of vigilante justice make him beloved among the populace and hated by BTH. Winston must team up with the revolutionary if he hopes to expose the company, stop Garbinger's evil scheme to steal his blood, and save Wade. 

That major studios were determined for so many years to make a proper superhero epic out of "The Toxic Avenger" is especially bizarre. The Troma brand is built upon a particular aesthetic and attitude that has grown only more willfully abrasive as the years have gone on. Despite having the backing of Legendary's private equity money, Macon Blair and his team have done a shockingly good job of maintaining the maximalist Troma tone. This "Toxic Avenger" is packed with bodily dismemberment, profanity laced dialogue, freakish practical creature effects, a fatal fisting, and includes one (1) urinating mutated monster dong. The movie is intentionally cheap looking, with a lot of janky digital effects interacting with all that fake blood and rubber intestines. The script includes the kind of anti-capitalist humor Lloyd Kaufman is known for, depicting its corporate CEO as a cartoonishly corrupt, self-involved man-child who is openly in cahoots with organized crime. There are vague shout-outs to hot button topical issues like cancel culture, police brutality, nerd entitlement, and social media. More than anything else, Blair's movie is unendingly loud, self-aware, hyperactive, and obnoxious. It's never as crude as a home-grown Troma movie would be. The reboot is noticeably short on sex, nudity, violence against women, paraphilias, and slurs. However, this still looks and feels like a Troma movie with some semblance of a budget that inexplicably stars actors you've actually heard of. 

As well defined as the Troma brand is, most of the movies featuring their logo are also acquired productions made by lunatics far outside the Hollywood system. Films like “Redneck Zombies” or “Beware! Children at Play” are also packed full of bizarre digressions and weird in-jokes. The kind of dumb shit that makes the director and his friends giggle that anyone outside that social circle – the entire audience – will not understand. That would likely be removed by the creative process of a bigger production. Surprisingly, Blair's “Toxic Avenger” captures this feeling as well. The little brother of the main villain is a hunchback named Fritz, a Universal Monsters reference, that inexplicably manages an Insane Clown Posse/Slipknot-like rap/rock group. These guys are a surprisingly big part of the film, their individual band members getting defining gimmicks. Like the corpse paint wearing DJ who speaks in an indecipherable language subtitled with obscure symbols. Or the parkour dancer dressed like the Zodiac Killer. In his adventure, Toxie also meets a raving homeless man who is prone to elaborate rants or going on unrelated digressions.

It's weird and specific in a way a mainstream superhero movie assuredly is not. Did I personally find it amusing? Sometimes. Blair's script is so loaded down with screaming and swearing that it becomes overwhelming immediately. The reboot also replicates Lloyd Kaufman's nihilistic world view, in which the entire planet is a corrupt and stupid place pressing down on a handful of decent people. (Who are also ultra-violent mutants, usually.) However, there is enough pointed weirdness here that I chuckled a fair amount. A running gag that Winston's exact condition is never specified is well done. Toxie's pee having an acidic quality comes back around nicely. The comedic timing is too often off. Decent gags, like an attempted seduction going awry in all the right ways or the reveal of what's under a particular mask, feel off-balance in how they are delivered. However, I did laugh a fair number of times, so I suppose I got my money's worth.

What might keep the movie truly afloat is a cast trying awfully hard to invest this utterly manic material with some heart. Kevin Bacon, as the Peter Thiel-like villain, focuses hard on bulging out his eyes and being perpetually awful. That's the tone a lot of the supporting players go with, probably because it's what the material demanded of them. However, Peter Dinklage is utterly sincere as Winston. He's such a kind-hearted guy trying his best – if beaten down by a relentlessly cruel world – that you kind of don't buy his transformation into a blood-thirsty do-gooder. Jacob Tremblay, as the ambiguously autistic step-son, is game for the crazier elements of the script while acting like he's in a far tamer film. Weirdly, the relationship between Toxie and his kid is the heart of the film and that element works surprisingly well. It certainly works better than the subplot of Taylour Paige as the left-wing agitator seeking to expose the evil corporation. That entire element of the film is also played largely straight and never quite integrates with the rest of the story. 

What the film noticeably is not is a parody of modern superhero movies. The only time the reboot stops to comment on the formulas popularized by Marvel is in a piss-take on the entire concept of a post-credit scene. Which is also maybe the best joke in the whole movie. I can see why absolutely every big distributor looked at this film and passed on it. Not only because its content. Despite its proudly trumpeted unrated status, I only think two gags truly exists outside the boundaries of modern, R-rated gross-out comedies. No, the movie is also kind of a slapdash mess, never as funny as it wants to be or as bold as it needs to be. However, I'm still glad this motion picture exists. I laughed and smiled a good number of times throughout its runtime. If nothing else, the sheer unlikeliness of a “Toxic Avenger” movie starring actors that have been nominated for Emmys, Golden Globes, and Teen Choice Awards is a novelty that's hard to overlook. I would assuredly take this messy, off-balanced, and clearly personal take on Toxie over whatever a remake squeezed through the mainstream blockbuster meat grinder would've looked like. Better an off-kilter half-success than the face of independent adolescent punk-rock horror/comedy splatter becoming more slop for the streaming factory. [7/10]
 

Spellcaster (1988)

Recently, I had to make the extremely heartbreaking decision to cut SiriusXM from my monthly budget, deciding I can no longer justify paying for radio. This means I had to say goodbye to 1st Wave, the station devoted to “classic alternative and New Wave.” Truly, how will I get through my daily commute without hearing “Never Say Never” by Romeo Void and “Major Tom (Coming Home)” by Peter Schilling every morning? Jokes aside, I did grow fond of that station's on-air personalities during my years of being subscribed to the service. Especially recent Hollywood Walk of Fame recipient Richard Blade. Best known for his role as a DJ on influential and beloved California radio station KROQ, Mr. Blade did make a few attempts to break into other branches of the media over the years. Among his handful of mostly music-related acting credits is “Spellcaster,” a Charles Band production from 1988 that features most of the things you associate with Charles Band productions filmed in the eighties. In other words, the Halloween Horror-fest Blog-a-Thon has presented me with an unlikely chance to put a face to the accented, high-energy voice I'm now no longer hearing on a regular basis. 

Presumably because they don't have parents, orphans Jackie and Tom are working in a crappy fast food restaurant. They recently entered a contest through Rock-TV, their favorite music video centric cable station, and are elated to see they've been selected. The two are flown out to an obscure corner of Europe, to a sprawling castle owned by the mysterious Mr. Diablo. People from all over the world have been invited to participate. Video jockey Rex seems to be hosting the event, partially as an advertising effort for pop star Cassandra Castle. (Whose career is taking a downturn lately because of her alcoholism.) A check for a million dollars has been hidden somewhere in the castle. The first person that can find it, gets to keep it. However, it soon becomes apparent that something unusual is happening here. People are starting to disappear or act oddly. As the weekend goes on, Jackie and Tom are witness to bizarre monster emerging from the shadows and attacking people. It turns out that the contest is connected to Cassandra and the unseen Mr. Diablo. 

If the internet is to be believed, “Spellcaster” would begin production in 1986. That's right around the time Charles Band bought an actual fucking castle in the countryside of Rome, a 12th century structure known as Castello di Giove. This is also around the same time that Empire Pictures, his then production company, started to collapse into financial disarray. This might explain why “Spellcaster” has what can be called a loose plot. The film is largely devoted to the various characters wandering around the castle, trying to have sex with each other until some sort of monster appears to kill or attack them. The biggest problem with this set-up is that none of the characters are all that distinct. The easiest way to tell the various players in “Spellcaster” apart is by their accents. There's a French girl, an English girl obsessed with hunting, a sleazy Italian guy. The difference in voices is especially important as several of the women are varying shades of blonde, making it easy to mix them up. Aside from their nationalities, the cast members are given few other defining characteristics. You know things are bad when the token fat guy, obsessed with food, is one of the more fleshed-out participants. 

The impression that “Spellcaster” was an almost improvisational production is also supported by its creature effects. John Carl Buechler was Band's go-to monster guy during this period, supervising the creation of many slimy, wrinkly, weird creatures for motion pictures ike “Ghoulies,” “Troll,” and “TerrorVision.” Those films had some sort of unifying visions behind their monstrosities though. In “Spellcaster,” the cast members explore the castle until some sort of threat emerges from the shadows or curses them. There are plenty of cool and fun ideas here. A sequence where a large, wooden throne springs to life and devours the person sitting in it isn't bad. A suit of armor comes to life. Upon being decapitated, a flying, flesh-y worm beast pops out.  A painting depicting a horned creature embracing a maiden leaps into reality, providing the film with its most comic book-like beastie. I can enjoy all of this stuff for its ingenuity, the gooey and slightly cartoonish latex and rubber being a joy to behold in its own right. But it would've been nice if there was more rhyme or reason to the how and why of these things appearing. 

Richard Blade plays the VJ, Rex, a character that is essentially a rather sleazy horn-dog who seems most interested in getting into the pop star's pants than the contest he's supposed to be hosting. Said pop star is portrayed by Bunty Bailey, most famous for her starring role in a-ha's “Take On Me” music video. The above-the-title talent in “Spellcaster” is Adam Ant, formally of the Ants and probably the most visible of the New Romantic style in the early eighties. All of which suggests that “Spellcaster” was designed to cash-in on the popularity of MTV at the time. This forms the closest thing the movie has to an actual point. Clearly, Cassandra Castle is miserable about something. She's so dependent on booze that she licks it up off the floor at some point. Throughout the film, people are tempted by the offer of money, sex, or fame. When Jackie finally confronts Diablo in the last ten minutes – the only time Mr. Ant is actually on-screen – he is quickly revealed as a Luciferian figure of some sort. Yes, he purchases souls in exchange for the fulfillment of fantasies in the most diabolical of ways. The observation that the entertainment industry, and the music world especially, is comparable to a deal with the devil is nothing new. “Spellcaster” certainly doesn't have any fresh thoughts on the idea, the epilogue leaving the viewer unsure of how these soul-selling agreements work. It remains the sole semi-coherent premise in a movie that feels more like a bunch of unrelated ideas tossed together.

“Spellcaster” was directed by Rafal Zielinski. This was his first horror movie, as he seemed to specialize in ribald farces like the “Screwballs” trilogy or “Recruits” before this. You can still tell that titty comedies is what Zielinski had experience with. Aside from the many goofy touches in the film, an air of horniness floats over all of “Spellcaster.” Not the fun kind either. There's at least two sequences of a woman luring a man in with a sexy shower or bath before pushing him out of her bedroom, leaving him sexually frustrated. Later, one of the rejected men gets more insistent in demanding sexual services from a random female. There's also a scene where some rotting mummies yank down the top of a body double clearly bustier than the actress she's posing as. I guess we can assume the film is criticizing men who feel entitled to women's bodies. The entire movie is a bit too leering and corny to accept that. Yes, one can't help but declare this to be one of those old eighties movies that come across as rather “Rape-y” to modern eyes. 

Intended for release in 1987, “Spellcaster” got caught up in Empire's money problems. The movie would sneak out onto TV in 1989 before a VHS release followed in 1992. By which point, the extremely eighties aesthetic of the entire production must have seemed quite dated. I don't know what Adam Ant was up to by then but it certainly wasn't burning up the charts. Ant's character mostly appears as a set of hands vamping around a crystal ball, suggesting Band was only able to get the pop star for a day or two of filming. This exposes “Spellcaster” as another low-budget rip-off job. (Also apparent in the song that plays over the end credits, which definitely was not sung by Adam Ant but could be mistaken for him if you aren't paying attention.) There is a certain charm to its goofier touches and those rubbery monster effects. The film simply doesn't hold together as anything but a handful of set-pieces with a lot of padding otherwise though. Not Richard Blade's best work, in other words. [5/10]

In Search Of...: Moon Madness

Last year, I declared “In Search Of...” to be, for me personally, the most relaxing television series that could conceivably be called “horror.” Which does not mean that the show didn't tap into the same sort of hysterical paranoia and doom-saying as any of today's pseudo-scientific, quasi-documentary programs. A typical such example, identifiable as from the later seasons because of Leonard Nimoy's uneven mustache, is the episode “Moon Madness.” It sees “In Search Of...” examining the long-held belief that the full moon causes people to act in erratic ways. The episode presents Arnold L. Lieber's 1978 book “The Lunar Effect: Biological Tides and Human Emotions” as the main evidence for the scientific credibility of this often-discussed idea. Lieber presented the theory that, since the Moon's cycle can effect the planet's tide, it can also effect the level of water in our bodies. He supposedly correlated the crime statistics in his city with the new and full moons, as proof of this idea. 

For its credit, “In Search Of...” does bring on lauded astronomy professor, and founding member of the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, George Abell. Abell and his extraordinary beard expose this idea as bullshit. Humans are so tiny and minute that any conceivable effect the moon's gravitational pull could have on our brain chemistry is negligible. A mosquito on the shoulder exerts more gravitational weight on us than the moon does. Despite that – as Nimoy's most famous character would say – highly logical conclusion, “Moon Madness” is still packed with alarming recounting of homicides, robberies, and general criminal acts, that the script insists rises and falls with the waning and waxing of the lunar body. These factoids are paired with footage of erratic urban activity, emergency rooms, and newspaper headlines. Any kid watching this half-hour when it was new could conceivably be tricked into believing that the moon was coming to fucking kill them.

The interviews with Mr. Lieber are supplemented by footage of him looking at very important seeming charts, computers, and case files. Still, it's obvious that wouldn't make for much of an exciting half-hour of television. That's when “In Search Of...” does what it did best and bring up a bunch of barely related but fascinating digressions. A sequence is devoted to the idea that primitive men hunted better during the full moon. That their female counterparts noticed their fertility changing on a monthly cycle, not unlike the moon's. The story of 18th century Edinburgh cabinet maker William Brodie, who was a deacon by day and a burglar by night, is brought up. Especially his claim that his unseemly behavior was caused by moon madness. Even Nimoy's narration must dismiss this idea by saying the jury was unconvinced, while bringing up the unlikely possibility that Brodie had dissociative identity disorder. We can reasonably say that Brodie did inspire Robert Louis Stevenson to write “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.”  

To horror fans, that last point stems from probably the most interesting element of “Moon Madness.” Naturally, the episode must discuss the myth of the werewolf. This is paired with Nimoy lurking around a shadowy forest at night and footage of a hairy wolfman stalking the moors. As far as I can tell, that footage was shot specifically for “In Search Of...” and isn't from any movie. The episode also concludes with what I found to be its most amusing moment. That would be a digressions about Georges  Méliès' “A Trip to the Moon.” Nimoy strangely refers to the film as a cautionary tale, calling the famous shot of a face in the moon “demonic.” Really? You sure about that, Leonard? This leads to a hilarious monologue about the Apollo moon mission and how it was actually a moment of earthly peace and brotherhood, in opposition to the idea that moon causes madness. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I mean that in as complimentary a manner as possible. I love this stupid shit. [7/10]

 

The Addams Family: Morticia & Gomez vs. Fester & Grandmama

Awkward as this one's title might be, it does point towards this being one of the few episodes of “The Addams Family” that gives all the main cast members something to do. Gomez hears that a bad storm dubbed Hurricane Zsa-Zsa is blowing in on the cost. It's the perfect romantic circumstances for him and Morticia to have a second honeymoon, retreating to the same rickety hotel they visited years prior. A problem emerges, however. Recent incidents with dynamite and wrestling alligators has caused the parents to worry Uncle Fester and Grandmama might be spoiling Wednesday and Pugsley. They seek out a governess to watch the kids while they are gone. This greatly insults the uncle and grandmother, who enact a series of petty rebellions against the rest of the family. Upon arriving at their dilapidated vacation resort, Morticia realizes that she grabbed the governess' bag instead. Upon seeing what is in Miss Thud's bag, the parents begin to doubt her abilities after all. 

“Morticia & Gomez vs. Fester & Grandmama” – that makes this sound like a legal battle themed episode – does pack in some fine sight gags. After Fester and Grandmama get insulted, they paint a line down the middle of the house, separating the home in two. “The Munsters” did this joke too. However, this does set-up some funny moments. Such as when Lurch is asked to split the newspapers between the rival factions, which quickly proves overwhelming for the butler. I'm impressed with how long that joke goes on. There's also a good, throwaway gag where Fester thumps on his chest a few times, producing different sounds. Instead of the governess being horrified by the Addams' style, she is thoroughly into it. Ms. Thudd considers it cozy and, perhaps, might actually be more harsh than the Addams. She bosses Lurch around too. There's also a nicely random bit where a suit of armor starts coughing after Gomez tosses his cigar into its helmet. 

That suit of armor appears in an earlier scene, where Thing pops out of its hatch. I previously speculated that the boxes Thing appears out of contain portals of some sort, allowing the hand creature to leap around the house. Now I'm beginning to suspect that Thing can generate these wormholes itself. Another reoccurring observation I've had about “The Addams Family” is John Astin and Carolyn Jones' very real chemistry. The way she caresses his face here seems rather intimate. There's a great bit about him mistaking her cries of concern for pleas for him to embrace her. Once again, I'm a bit surprised at how clearly sexy these two's interactions were allowed to get. Finally, this episode reveals that the Addams' home has a mot with at least one alligator in it. I don't see the mot in any of the exterior shots of the house and a later line of dialogue confirms it being in the basement. Perhaps Thing is not an eldritch entity and it's the Addams' home itself that is non-euclidean in nature? [7/10]