Halloween 2021: October 2nd

Jason X (2003)

“Jason Goes to Hell's” box office take – good, not great – did nothing to hasten “Freddy Vs. Jason's” journey to the big screen. Production was rolling along so slowly that Sean S. Cunningham, desperate to keep the franchise in the public eye, decided to do another Jason movie. A writers' round table was assembled and ideas were tossed around. Former Cronenberg effects guy Jim Isaac, who previously directed Cunningham production “The Horror Show,” really wanted to do Jason in the snow. Writer Todd Farmer, probably as a joke, suggested “Jason in Space.” By this point, the idea of franchises going into space as a desperate, last resort at relevance was already established. (It was already a skit on at least one sketch show.) Yet, the more everyone thought about the idea, the more they liked it. This was the beginning of “Jason X's” slow, embattled march to theater screens.

The most likable thing about “Jason X,” an amicably goofy motion picture, is that it mostly exploits its ridiculous premise to its maximum potential. “Jason X” does most of the things you'd expect to see in a “Jason in Space” movie. Jason rampages through a holodeck. He slices through a team of space marines and battles a super-charged android. Yet it's also amusing that, even four hundred years in the future, some things about “Friday the 13th” never change. Teens still do drugs, get in trouble, and have sex. In fact, the moans of youthful sexual exuberance is what awakens Jason from his centuries-long slumber. No matter its flaws, “Jason X” keeps the important stuff the same while shifting the surroundings around in fun ways. 

“Jason X” also features a lot of silly, self-aware humor. This was inevitable, as the premise of launching Jason into outer space is inherently ridiculous. This winking comedic streak mostly manifests itself as doofy puns. Someone is impaled on a massive screw and is said to have been “screwed.” Someone else is sucked through a grate into a space, quibbing that this “really sucks.” Before being run through, a space marine makes a dumb joke. These extremely obvious gags are paired with weirder jokes. Like a space stoner nearly forgetting his sliced off hand, an android's magnetic nipple popping off, or a student and her professors participating in some space bondage. I can appreciate kinky, surreal gags like this and they pair well with the dumber, more obvious humor.

The movie saves its most irresistibly fun spin on the slasher formula, and its best joke, for the last third. If you're making a movie that mashes-up sci-fi tropes with “Friday the 13th,” of course Jason is going to get a cybernetic upgrade. “Jason X” has malfunctioning nanites rebuilding the killer as a cyborg murder machine known as Über-Jason. The design is pretty slick, combining shining chrome with mutated flesh and black leather. It looks futuristic while still being identifiable as Jason. It would've been a great surprise for audiences but I can understand why New Line would splash the upgraded killer all over the posters and trailers. As “Jason X” was made in the post-”Scream” era of horror, it's naturally self-aware too. Über-Jason is distracted with a hologram of a stereotypical “Friday the 13th” scenario. It's such a fantastically dumb joke that you can't help but be amused by it. “Jason X” is having fun with its premise and wants to make sure that you, the viewer, is too.

This goofy streak of self-awareness extends to “Jason X's” cast of expendable characters. Even in the future, there's still recognizable archetypes: Like the horny couple, the tough black guy, the nerd, or the stoner kid. (Who is, somehow, not the character named “Stoney.”) Yet “Jason X” adds a reasonable degree of color to its 25th century Jason fodder. Lisa Ryder actually gives a decent performance as Kay-Em, the android who develops more of a personality as the film goes on. The robot's relationship with her nerdy creator, Tsunaron, is also kind of cute. Janessa, played by an amusingly bitchy Melyssa Ade, having a BDSM relationship with her professor is, if nothing else, something we haven't seen in this series before. I also kind of like the tough but funny Peter Mensah as Sgt. Brodski, the space marine who goes toe-to-toe with Jason. Also, one of the girls is left visibly traumatized by watching her boyfriend get murdered, which seems realistic. While lots of the characters aren't memorable, most of the actors are on the movie's wavelength. Only Lexa Doig, as heroine Rowan, is playing things weirdly stiff-lipped. 

In order to bring its futuristic setting to life, “Jason X” acquired a budget of 14 million dollars, far more than any previous “Friday the 13th” movie. This is sort of amusing, as the movie's flashiest special effects have aged the poorest. The CGI looks dreadful, especially when physical actors have to interact with it. The sci-fi sets surely weren't cheap but still only look a smidgen better than what they had on “Andromeda,” the TV show Lexa Doig and Lisa Ryder previously starred on. Yet it almost doesn't matter as the most important special effects are still top-notch. With his shaved head, bumpy flesh, and mad starring eye, Jason looks more militaristic and unhinged than in Kane Hodder's previous appearances. The gore, meanwhile, is fantastic. David Cronenberg, doing his old buddy Jim Isaac a favor, gets gloriously impaled in the first scene. A face frozen in liquid nitrogen and then shattered frequently ranks high on lists of the franchise's best murders. I'm also a big fan of a kill where Jason shoves his machete through a dude one way before pulling it out the other way. Good shit. 

“Jason X” was completed in 1999 but remained unreleased until April of 2001. This was due to a regime change at New Line, that saw an in-coming exec burying an outgoing exec's pet project. Naturally, this meant the film was not supported by the studio and “Jason X” ended up with the worst box office take of the entire “Friday the 13th” franchise. Yet, in the two decades since its release, “Jason X” has become something like a cult classic. Novels, comics, and action figures were spun-off from the sequel. Though it remains divisive among “Friday” fans, these days I see more people defending the film than disparaging it. “Jason X” embraces its own dumbness in a way that is best described as charmingly goofy. I get why some turn their nose up at “Jason X's” dubious joys but I declare the film a good time. Oh, and by the way, fans eventually made that “Jason in the Snow” movie themselves. [7/10]

Equinox (1970)

The story behind “Equinox” is almost definitely more interesting than the film itself. In the late sixties, teenage monster kids and budding special effects artists Dennis Muren, Mark McGee, and David Allen decided to make a movie. Pooling their resources – which included a loan from Muren's grandfather and a friendship with effects pro Jim Danforth – they managed to assemble a 6500 dollar budget. Made on weekends over the course of two years, and partially shot in Muren's backyard, “The Equinox: A Journey Into the Supernatural” ran a little over an hour. The trio would sell the movie to Jack Harris, producer of “The Blob.” Harris hired experienced editor Jack Woods to recut the existing footage and shoot some new scenes to expand the film, whose title was now simply “Equinox,” to feature length. The movie became a cult classic and Muren and Allen went on to long, award-winning careers in special effects. 

It's a great story and one that totally eclipses the movie itself. But what is “Equinox” about? A reporter attempts to interview David, a college student who recently went mad. David recounts his story: Along with his friends Jim and their girlfriends, Susie and Vicki, they went into the woods to look for their missing geology professor, Dr. Watermann. What they found was a wrecked cabin, a mysterious appearing castle, and a cackling old man protecting a strange book. The book is full of strange symbols and arcane writing. An ominous park ranger named Asmodeus pursues the youth and attempts to seduce Susan. The quartet soon learns that Watermann used the book to summon demons, which still rampage through the woods. The teens try to use their newfound knowledge of the occult to protect themselves from the forces of evil.

“Equinox” shows the strange turning point the horror genre was at in the sixties, when it was made. The plot concerns itself with topics like demonology and devilish entities, predicting the wave of Satanic horror that would become popular in the next decade. Yet “Equinox” most resembles the cheesy, monster-filled B-movies of the fifties. This is most apparent in its cast of characters. David and his friends are the most clean-cut, aw-shucks, golly-gee youths imaginable. Even though they are looking for their missing professor, they still stop to have a picnic in the woods. The appearance, and then disappearance, of a castle doesn't seem to phase them. Nor does a cackling lunatic handing them an obviously evil book. Even after a dead body and monsters start appearing, David and his friends stay upbeat, remain focused, and are generally corny as hell. Susie even says “Oh gosh, I dropped my cross!” at one point.

Even after being cleaned-up and recut by Hollywood pros, “Equinox” is still a crude presentation. All the dialogue and sound was dubbed-in in post, which is very obvious. The length and style of the actors' hair changes all throughout the run time, depending on whenever the scenes were shot. It's obvious which scenes were shot by Woods, as he has a wildly different visual style. Muren's scenes are wide and simple, while Woods' features more close-ups and frantic camera movements. (His scenes are also sexier than the squeaky-clean plot Muren engineered.) “Equinox” is most crude in its writing. Whether a result of being recut after the fact, or because it was primarily made by teenagers, “Equinox's” plot is incredibly unimportant. The film's events are best summed up as “monsters, demons, and other weird shit appears in the woods, thanks to an evil book” and that's about it. 

Yet despite its excuse plot and crude production values, there's still something kind of charming about “Equinox.” The special effects are, indeed, pretty impressive. The ape-like monster that appears prominently in all the advertising material is an expressive, well-designed beast. There's also a flying devil and a landlocked squid monster, which are equally impressive. I even like the scenes where the stop-motion creature interact with the actors. A green-skinned giant, played by an actor in caveman-like animal skins, is not as cool but still an effective sequence. Asmodeus is kind of an interesting villain too. All these scenes were inserted by Woods, the director himself playing the clearly malevolent park ranger. A demon trying to seduce and corrupt these squeaky clean kids is an interesting development. 

I first saw “Equinox” a long, long time ago on late night AMC. I thought it was just a crappy B-movie back then. When the movie was later added to the Criterion Collection, I was confused. At the time, I didn't know the movie was made by the special effects artist who would be a founding member of ILM, work on “Star Wars,” and win six Academy Awards. It's also often supposed that “Equinox” was an influence on “The Evil Dead,” which seems likely. There's a tinge of Lovecraft to the story as well, especially considering Howard Philip's pen-pal Fritz Leiber plays the professor. I still don't know if “Equinox” is a good movie, per say, but I have much more appreciation for its charms now. As an overgrown monster kid myself, I admire the spirit and craftsmanship of the film. Even if the behind-the-scenes story is far more compelling than the finished product. [6/10]

Night Gallery: Cool Air

Some people like “Night Gallery” and some consider it an inferior follow-up to “The Twilight Zone.” Yet I keep coming back to the show, so I guess I'm in the pro column. “Cool Air” is, of course, adapted from the Lovecraft story and was penned by Rod Serling himself. Serling changes the unnamed narrator into a woman but otherwise remains fairly faithful to the story: During a blistering hot summer, Agatha befriends eccentric Dr. Munos. They talk often of how mankind can resist death. Munos always keeps his apartment at a cold temperature, with an elaborate refrigeration device. When the make-shift air conditioner breaks down, Munos desperately attempts to keep his room cool. Agatha, who has fallen in love with him, soon uncovers the man's horrifying secret.

Lovecraft had no use for romance but turning “Cool Air” into a love story is actually a really good idea. It changes the meaning behind the narrator's nostalgic recollection of events, which Serling smartly maintains. Considering Munos has a dead wife in his past, it feels like these characters are trapped in a repeating cycle of their loved ones dying. Even though anyone familiar with the story – and even people who haven't read it – know where this is going, it's still a chilling payoff. The way “Cool Air” slowly builds to its final reveal is effective, the intensity escalating. Barbara Rush and Henry Darrow are excellent in the lead roles, while supporting roles from Beatrice Kay and Larry J. Blake add some additional color to the story. Overall, this is easily the best episode of “Night Gallery” I've seen so far. [8/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Explorer

In its penultimate episode, “Godzilla Singular Point” continues to move its subplots into place in the drollest way possible. In India, Mei and the other scientists finally meet SHIVA: The Super Calculator powered by Archetype that is going to cause the Catastrophe, I think. As the device warps reality around it, the scientists work to save the world. In Japan, Yun and Goro move Jet Jaguar closer to Tokyo and prepare for their final battle with Godzilla. The Orthogonal Diagonalyzer is delivered to them and they plan to use it to stop the kaiju and the spread of the Red Dust, which is changing the plant life around the city. 

Hey, do you know what this episode of “Godzilla Singular Point” is missing? Godzilla! Aside from his roar in its final minute, the titular character is once again absent from this show. The season is about to end and “Singular Point” is still fucking around! Instead, the episode tries to build tension by setting up the fight with Godzilla. Similarly, the news that the Catastrophe is drawing closer than ever before should excite the viewer as well. As is the sight of Salunga breaking through its restraints and approaching SHIVA again. However, this show has long since been consumed by its own bullshit. I don't care about these characters anymore. And I certainly don't care about the pay-off to all the who-gives-a-shit hard science fuckery. 

This is what happens to a sci-fi story is so concerned with theories and ideas: You loose sight of the human element. The cast members are now just plot devices, moving the story towards its conclusion. There's an attempt to humanize the material. Jet Jaguar, who is now exclusively babbling like a toddler, plays with some moths. (A far too late reference to you-know-who.) Pero-2 nearly suffers a fatal fall and then appears again, on-screen, in its adorable cartoon dog form. All of this feels like miscalculated comic relief, an attempt to add some levity to a story that has long since been eaten alive by its own bullshit. Listen, this is a Godzilla cartoon with no Godzilla in it and extensive conversations about branching timelines and temporal distortion. Only one more episode of this garbage show left. [3/10]