If you follow the independent horror scene, you've probably heard the name Joe Begos. Begos started to make a name for himself in 2013 with sci-fi slasher flick, “Almost Human.” By 2015's “The Mind's Eye,” his aesthetic started to emerge. Begos makes throwback horror flicks that are heavy on the gore, neon lighting, colorfully and profane dialogue, with soundtracks that alternate between synths and heavy metal. His movies are often frequent homages to Fangoria favorites of the past. “The Mind's Eye” was obviously inspired by “Scanners,” “VFW” clearly drew from “Assault on Precinct 13,” “Bliss” was his riff on “Driller Killer.” Unfortunately, I've yet to see a Begos movie I've actually liked, as I find his style to be self-indulgent and obnoxious. Yet when I read his next film was a seasonal slasher named “
Christmas Bloody Christmas,” I knew I would once again take a chance on a Begos joint.
Should we continue to discuss “Christmas Bloody Christmas,” we must accept the main facet of its premise: That military contractors have created highly advanced, humanoid robots for war-time operations and then, for some reason, re-purposed them as utterly life-like Santa Clauses for toy stores. One such robot is residing in a toy store, near the vinyl/video stores Tori and Robbie work at. On Christmas, they head out for a night of drinking and partying. That's when the Santa robot reverts back to its murderous programming. The machine goes on a killing spree, targeting Tori's friends before following her back to her sister's place. The ax-wielding mechanical Claus chases her to the police station afterwards, turning December 25th into a blood-soaked nightmare.
“Christmas Bloody Christmas” represents Joe Begos' style at its most self-indulgent. Nearly the entire first half-hour is devoted to Riley Dandy and Sam Delich, as Tori and Robbie, trading self-consciously vulgar dialogue. They talk about drinking, sex, music, and horror movies. To make sure the hardcore genre fans in the audience know Begos is One of Us, “Pet Sematary Two” and the Crypt-Keeper Christmas album are among the discussed topic. (Alongside oral sex, analingus, and Lemmy.) “Fuck” is seemingly every other word. Nearly the entire film is lit in neon and blurring metal and synth fill out the soundtrack. And, as in Begos' previous films, this is a blatant homage to a certified genre classic. In this case, it's “The Terminator,” which is obvious when the Robot Santa attacks a police station and then reveals a robotic skeleton under its human-like skin.
Now, it's a matter of opinion whether you find any of the above charming. Personally, I mostly find it incredibly irritating. Dandy and Delich do not make these broad, loud characters endearing. The non-stop profanity is just another facet of their aggressively in-your-face personalities. Horror movies don't have to have likable characters but, when trying to raise tension or create thrills, it helps. When you don't care about whether these people live or die, it's hard to be too invested in anything that happens. This means “Christmas Bloody Christmas” is mostly one of those slasher flicks that's just about gory special effects. Sadly, those aren't too impressive here either. The robotic Santa mostly executes people with simple axe swings, the dismembered bodies and crushed heads looking very rubbery and fake.
I can't help but feel like “Christmas Bloody Christmas” is not a film that's meant to be taken seriously. The robotic Santa premise is absurd, after all, and the plot is full of contrivances. The fake looking gore and loud-mouthed characters further suggests this is a horror/comedy of sorts. Yet if that's the case, the film is never especially funny. Its horror sequence are largely grim and downbeat, including the death of a child. The second half is a relentless chase scene that goes on and on, the robotic Santa pursuing Tori until the final seconds of the movie. In fact, I was left wondering why it's a killer Santa movie at all. The murderous Claus doesn't do anything festive or seasonal, not even speaking a ho-ho-ho. For that matter, why is this a robot movie either when all the murders are done with an axe? A regular person can kill people with an axe! Aside from robotic sound effects, the killer looks and moves like a normal person throughout most of the film. Kind of defeats the purpose of the idea, don't you think?
In other words, “Christmas Bloody Christmas” feels like a half-assed attempt at yuletide mayhem to me. It doesn't really utilize any of its defining gimmicks in meaningful ways. The story feels directionless and the pacing is meandering. Really, the entire film feels like an exercise in Joe Begos just putting random shit he likes into a movie, wrapped up around the loose theme of a Christmas slasher flick. And that's great, for Begos and the folks that share his enthusiasm for screaming fuck, debating the quality of horror sequels, and floppy fake body parts. I can't count myself among this crowd though. A lot of people seem to enjoy this one so to each their own. [5/10]
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