OSCARS 2022 LIVE BLOG!

7:45 - Welcome to Film Thoughts' 13th Annual Live Blog of the Academy Awards ceremony!

Has there ever been an Oscar season more chaotic, more fraught with stupid controversary, than this one? You had numb skulls out there arguing that movies that already made a billion dollars weren't rewarded enough by the Academy. You had Sam Elliot shooting his mouth off about "Power of the Dog." 

Of course, the most insulting of all the controversies this year are the ones the show producers themselves created. A few years back, ABC talked the Academy into cutting several categories from the live broadcast and introducing a "Best Popular Movie" award, both as desperate attempts to raise the ratings of the show. This year, they actually went through with it. Eight categories designed to celebrate the gifted artisans and craftsman that make movies possible and the short filmmakers who only get this one moment in the spotlight have been removed from the live broadcast. The award was given out before the show and edited versions will air during the broadcast. I really thought enough people in Hollywood would protest this that the people in charge would change their minds but they are really going through with it this year. 

Meanwhile, the Academy also introduced a dumb-ass Twitter poll thing that was immediately mobbed by insane fans and lunatics, meaning that Amazon "Cinderella" movie you've already forgotten about and whatever random shit Johnny Depp were in last year could win an award of some sort. Or them inviting TikTok influencers to the show or not inviting Rachel Ziegler at first. All of this bullshit.

If you're looking at this screen, you know all of this already. It's such a dishonorable, hideous series of events, so against the spirit of what the Academy Awards are meant to represent, that I seriously considered skipping watching the show altogether. But these monstrous changes were not the idea of the Academy themselves but rather of the ABC producers, who are desperate to bring up ratings for a show that only caters to a niche audience of film lovers. So technical categories are being pushed the margins to make room for a bunch of stupid bullshit. Yet I just can't quit the Oscars, so here we are. Hopefully, once this year's broadcast tanks even harder than the ones before it, ABC will just say "fuck it" and let the Oscars be 

And none of this is mentioning the fact that, across all the major categories, there's almost no clear front-runners. "The Power of the Dog" or "Belfast" were the likely Best Picture winners going into this Oscar season but now "CODA" has emerged as a possible dark horse winner. There's almost no clear choice in the Best Actress or Supporting categories. 

So I'm fully prepared for this year's broadcast to be a complete and total fiasco. Here we go, I guess.

7:54 - And apparently Hans Zimmer and "Dune" won the Best Score Oscar. I haven't seen the winners in the other seven categories yet. Sure would be nice if they just broadcast those with the rest of the awards!

7:56 - Jesus, I hate that I have to scroll through Twitter to try and see whose already won. Apparently "The Windshield Wiper," the worst of the Animated Shorts, won in that category and "Dune" is, unsurprisingly, sweeping the technical categories. Again, why am I finding out this way!!!!

8:00 - Here we go. 

8:01 - Starting with Beyonce in a desperate attempt to seem relevant. 

The tennis ball colored gowns is an... interesting choice. 

8:03 - Every attempt tonight to talk about the Magic of the Movies is going to be soured by the fact that the showrunners didn't care enough about the editors, cinematographers, and other artisans that MAKE ACTUAL FILM POSSIBLE to show them winning live. No, I'm not going to stop bitching about this all night.

8:05 - The bejeweled garter is a nice touch.

8:06 - Well, that was a better opening than an Amy Schumer monologue. 

8:07 - "Where movie lovers unite to watch TV." Alright, that's a good jab, Wanda. 

"Representing black women" as long as they aren't editors, composers, or cinematographers. 

8:09 - I saw "House of Gucci" and nobody got snubbed for that mess. 

8:10 - The Oscars: We're telling jokes about how little we actually watch movies!

8:11 - This is definitely a better use of our time than giving cinematographers their statues. 

8:12 - Sean "Diddy" Combs, definitely here for some reason!

8:14 - Didn't Amy Schumer get canceled for joke theft? 

8:15 - "I didn't see any of them." How many jokes are there going to be tonight about how the Oscars doesn't actually care about movies?

8:16 - "Don't look up reviews." Okay, that was a decent jab. 

8:17 - Aaron Sorkin totally deserves every dunk he gets. 

8:19 - Seventeen minutes into the show and we are finally getting to the first award. Yes, this was definitely a better use of our time than letting the Short Filmmakers and Cinematographers win. (Dune apparently swept.) 

8:20 - Anyway, I think DuBois is going to win but I think I'm rooting for Dunst. 

8:21 - Good performance, good for her. I'm glad this represents another instance of two different performers winning awards for playing the same character. 

8:23 - That was a nice speech. What is with the weirdly close angles on her face?

8:24 - We Didn't Nominated Bruno but we're going to perform it anyway. 

8:26 - Looks like "Dune" won Best Score, Best Editing, Production Design, and Best Sound. "Tammy Faye" got Best Make-Up, which is definitely a case of Most Make-Up winning over Best Make-Up. "Queen of Basketball" won Best Short, which is nice, even if it wasn't my pick. 

8:28 - Looks like "The Long Goodbye" won Best Live Action Short. ("Please Hold" was so much better.) Did Riz perform his rap as part of his acceptance speech? 

8:30 - I don't know who this guy is. I barely know what "Euphoria" is. This stupid skit was definitely a better use of our time than giving out awards on this award show.

8:32 - Don't give up hope, Jason. "Aquaman 2" comes out next year. 

8:34 - These speed-run versions of the cut categories are not exactly seamless. 

Yes, that beloved classic of cinema... "White Men Can't Jump???"

8:36 - I'm rooting for "West Side Story." Incredible camera work.

8:38 - I kind of figured "Dune" was going to sweep the tech categories. 

8:44 - So letting people tweet about the cut categories and then presenting Chop-Slapped versions of the acceptance speeches during the show done to accomplish anything besides drain all the suspense and excitement from long stretches of the show? Anyway, I didn't know Lusia Stewart from "Queen of Basketball" had passed away. That's a shame. 

8:45 - "CODA" was a cute little movie but I really hope it doesn't win Best Picture.

Also, is Rachel Ziegler really short or is this guy really tall?

8:46 - "Free Guy:" A movie that got nominated for an Oscar for some reason. 

8:47 - "Dune?" More like Doing a Sweep of the Tech Categories. 

8:49 - Hi, Tony Hawk! I don't know why you are here either!

8:50 - I hope the James Bond montage has a string of clips of him drinking and smacking women. 

8:51 - They left out the slide whistle from that "Man with the Golden Gun" clip, really underselling the magnificence of that moment. 

8:57 - I do like this song a lot but "Waiting for the Miracle" was my fave number from "Encanto." 

9:00 - I like these dancers. 

9:01 - So glad they are celebrating the mediocre Disney live action remakes, instead of the actual voice actresses. 

9:02 - I know "Encanto" is going to win but "Luca" is my fave of this lot. 

9:04 - Every single person in Columbia, this award is for you!

Oh yeah, this stupid thing. The "Moment That Make You Cheer" Twitter poll thing. Looks like the Snyder Bros rallied and got that painful "Justice League" recut some recognition. 

9:10 - "BoxBallet" was hilarious and adorable. "Beastia" was disturbing and powerful. And the Academy gave the award to "Phone Bad: The Motion Picture."

9:13 - A pre-taped skit/advertisement for the Academy Museum is definitely a much better use of our time than giving out awards during this award show. 

9:15 - How much longer is this sketch going to last? 

9:17 - First genuine and adorable moment of the night. 

9:18 - Honestly, Best Supporting Actor is not a great line-up this year. I'm rooting for Kotsur, I think he'll win, and he's the best of the lot this year. But I don't know if Hinds, Simmons, and Plemmons really earned their slots. 

9:20 - Though I do enjoy Kodi Smit-McPhee representing skinny, pale, weird guys in "The POwer of the Dog," speaking as a fellow skinny, pale, weird guy. 

Signing his name after opening the envelope, that was classy. 

9:23 - See, this is a Cheer Moment. If everything else is fucked-up about the Oscars this year, at least they aren't trying to cut acceptance speeches short. 

9:24 - Also, for all the talk about wanting the show to be shorter this year, the pacing has been absolutely painful.

9:29 - Damn, I love Simu Liu's suit. 

"DRIVE MY CAR" GANG ASSEMBLE! BEEP BEEP YEAH!

9:31 - Hell yes. "Drive My Car" deserved it, though "The Worst Girl in the World" was a close second, in my opinion. 

9:32 - Oops! He wasn't done yet, you guys!

9:33 - "Four Good Days" was pretty meh and, uh, I love Reba but this song is generic as can be. Better luck next year, Diane Warren. 

9:40 - It feels like they blew the dancers budget on the opening Beyonce number. The other two song performance thus far have been weirdly subdued. 

9:41 - I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over the Academy deciding a six minute advertisement for their fucking museum was more important than giving the short filmmakers their moment in the spotlight. What a goddamn travesty. Also, "Please Hold" should've won.

9:43 - I fucking love Lupito's glasses. 

I don't know if that was a genuine slip or scripted but it made me laugh. Also, Costume Design is the one category where I think "Dune" really deserves it. (Which probably means it won't win here, lol)

9:44 - Told you so! That is so like the Academy to give Best Costume Design to the movie that's literally about the fashion industry. 

9:47 - First play-off of the night! Took them a while to get to that point. I liked her speech too.

9:48 - John Leguizomo should host the Oscars. 

9:49 - Disney outright apologizing for not submitting the break-out pop hit from "Encanto" for Best Song with this. Also, has anyone noticed that the sound mixing has been all fucked-up tonight? 

9:50 - A wild rapper appears! Got to love the gull of the Academy cutting categories from the broadcast and then changing "We Don't Talk About Bruno" into a celebration of their own show. Jesus Christ...

9:55 - what the fuck is this

why are BTS here??? What even is this broadcast? 

9:57 - Wanda Sykes is not bringing her A-game tonight. These sketches are fucking murdering me. 

9:59 - LICORICE PIZZA GANG RISE UP!

10:00 - "Belfast!" Ugh, no. I spit on you, Branagh! 

So many great films nominated in this category and they gave it to the most middle-of-the-road shit possible. 

10:02 - I'm rooting for "Drive My Car" in Adapted Screenplay but, like, it's gonna be "Power of the Dog," right? 

10:03 - Also, I didn't like "Dune" that much but this is probably the one category I might've voted for it in because they managed to turn that impossible to read book into something commercial and palatable for normal people.

10:04 - "CODA" won and I really hope it's not going to sweep because... It's a cute and harmless film, please don't make me hate it. 

10:06 - I love how the Academy went out of its way to find a reason to give "Spider-Man" an award and it came in fucking fourth place because Johnny Depp, Camilla Cabella, and Zack Snyder have absolutely psychotic fanbases. 

Oh apparently, they haven't announced the winner yet but I'm still pretty sure that's what is going to happen.

10:12 - Cutting Best Original Score from the broadcast was especially egregious, when they've made such a big deal about music tonight.

Also, ignore all the dumb-ass Twitter nontroversary around "Licorice Pizza." That shit is brilliant. 

10:13 - I didn't like the "No Time to Die" theme the first time I heard it but it's really grown on me over subsequent listens. In fact, I think it's now my favorite of the nominees. 

10:16 - This feels like the first musical performance tonight that wasn't fucked-up in some way, but that's probably because Billie Ellish knows what she's doing. 

10:19 - "Our final hour." That felt like a threat. 

10:22 - Joe Walker's acceptance speech sounds delightful. Would've been nice if we could've seen it in full!

10:23 - Ya know, "The Last Duel" was actually pretty good! Better than the Ridley Scott movie that actually got nominated this year! Yet another fucking joke tonight about how people don't care about movies. This is infuriating. 

10:25 - "Breathing raw dog." Okay, that made me laugh. 

10:26 - Oh awesome, the sound just cut out on my TV. 

10:27 - Did anyone else experience the sound cutting out just now or did I briefly clip out of reality?

10:28 - Also, it has no chance of winning but "Attica" is the best of the Documentary Feature nominees tonight. 

10:29 - "Summer of Soul" winning is fine and kind of a nice surprise. But apparently, Will Smith genuinely got mad at Chris Rock and threatened him lol and that's why the sound cut out for a minute. Moment of the night!

10:30 - Anyway, Academy Award Winner ?uestlove

10:32 - Questlove seems as confused by what just happened as much as everyone else. Lol, P. Diddy is going to work it out. And you know he's a real movie lover because he's on the "Godzilla (1998)" soundtrack. 

10:34 - Here's my thoughts on montages at the Oscars: I watch this show to see people win awards and to see spontaneous moments like Will Smith swearing out Chris Rock live on television. So not only do I feel shit like this drags the pace to the halt, it adds nothing to the show.

10:35 - But, hey, nice to see Francis Ford Coppela! Can't wait for "Megaopolis!" 

10:36 - R.I.P. to Robert Evans, whose memoir inspired one of my favorite Patton Oswalt bits. 

10:39 - Oh, is it time to see who didn't make it into the In Memory montage?

10:40 - Get close enough to the screen so I can see who the fuck we're remembering, Oscar!

10:41 - Aww, that was a nice tribute to Ivan Reitman from Bill Murray. Sonny Chiba gets a shout-out!

10:42 - Did I forget that Marvin Van Pepples passed away?

10:43 - Jamie Lee Curtier and a puppy paying homage to Betty White. That's nice. His name is Mac N' Cheese! 

10:46 - Anyway, I hope Will Smith wins Best Actor now to prolong the awkwardness of this night. The magic of live television, everybody!

10:49 - So is Power of the Dog going to get completely locked out tonight? It's crazy how that went from the BP front runner to this in the span of a week. 

10:51 - Anyway, "Dune's" Production Design was excellent but that funhouse in "Nightmare Alley" was so good. It got my imaginary vote based on that. 

10:52 - So, wait, did Van Morrison not get invited? They just aren't performing the "Belfast" song tonight? 

10:53 - I was hoping he'd show up and it would be really awkward and I'd have an excuse to share this again. 

Better luck next year, Diane Warren! But Billie is winning again next year for the "Turning Red" soundtrack too...

10:56 - Welcome to the stage, the star of "Sizzle Beach U.S.A.!" What is Kevin Costner's opinion on "The Power of the Dog's" depiction of the western? 

10:57 - Okay, this rambling introduction is for Best Director. Jesus, Kevin Costner still doesn't know how to pace something...

10:59 - Is this going to be the only Oscar "Power of the Dog" wins tonight? Starting to feel that way. This has been a weird fucking night lol

11:00 - "Thank you, Kevin. That was very dramatic." Jane spitting straight fire. Just don't ask her about the Williams sisters...

11:02 - From someone on Facebook: "They had to cut all the technical awards bc Kevin Costner speaks so slowly."

"Brought to you by crypto.com" jfc

11:05 - If ABC wants the ratings to be better next year, just have Will Smith smack somebody randomly at the end of every hour.

11:06 - "The 28th anniversary of Pulp Fiction" crumbles into dust

11:07 - Alright, I'm an easy mark for "Pulp Fiction" homage, so I enjoyed that sketch.

11:09 - Okay, yes, I'm still rooting for Cumberbatch to win Best Actor.. But what if Will does win now? Wouldn't that be awesome???

11:10 - Oh shit, it's happening. 

11:11 - "A fierce defender of his family" lol

11:12 - People on Twitter are apparently genuinely mad at Will Smith tonight because nobody appreciate spontaneity anymore. 

11:13 - And now he's rambling about "disrespect." Oh man, this is awkward. 

"I just spit on TV." Okay, this is officially The Best Oscars now.

11:14 - Every single person in the theater and at home are incredibly uncomfortable. 

11:17 - The slap is all anyone is going to be talking about tomorrow, lol, but I want everyone to know that Will's win tonight was a career achievement award. "King Richard" was forgettable Oscar bait. This was a retroactive win for "Ali." 

11:20 - There's no way this evening is coming back from that but, hey, "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" won Best Make-up.

11:21 - Amy Schumer's first decent joke tonight. 

11:22 - And then immediately killed the energy of that joke... What the fuck were those random shout-outs to the Ukraine and the trans community about? The Academy is going all-in on awkwardness tonight. 

11:24 - Tony Hopkins is a better comedian than Amy Schumer. 

11:25 - I'm glad Anthony Hopkins dropped in to remind us "Hey, you thought last year's ceremony was awkward, didn't ya?"

Anyway, I'm rooting for K-Stew in Best Actress and the way this night is going, maybe she'll get it.

11:27 - And here's another "We're sorry" win tonight. Jessica Chastain is a wonderful performer but her acting in "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" was weird and off. The entire movie was tonally uneven. This is a win for "Zero Dark Thirty."  

11:29 - But at least "Being the Ricardos" didn't win...

11:30 - As America slides towards full-blown fascism these days, it's hard for me to feel too impressed when celebrities go on speeches like this.

11:32 - Lady Gaga's tux looks fucking amazing. 

11:33 - Alright, will it be a big upset? As if this night could get any stranger. 

11:34 - Yep, sure did.

11:35 - What a weird fucking night this has been.

Listen, "CODA" winning has taken it from being a pleaseant little movie that most people will remember fondly to this vastly overrated thing that will be looked back on with scorn. They fucked up.

11:37 - A middle-of-the-road indie weepy winning Best Picture is just the ideal ending to this completely chaotic night.  

11:39 - By the way, tonight's show still ran longer than last year's. So cutting eight categories from the show did absolutely fucking nothing. 

11:40 - I don't even know what to say about tonight's show. Started out extremely badly, with so many obviously bad decision, before a totally titanic moment of utter chaos derailed EVERYTHING in the second half and absolutely nothing could be done to get the night back to normal after that. The fact that the winners were all over the place and the night was full of upsets just goes in line with that. THis will forever be known as The Chaos Oscars. 

11:41 - Anyway, Happy Oscar Season! Haha!