Halloween 2020: October 17th

Creepshow (1984)

In a pop culture landscape that is so influenced by the E.C. horror comics of the fifties, George A. Romero and Stephen King were somehow the first people to do a proper pastiche of these stories. Before the “Tales from the Crypt” TV series or a hundred indie anthologies around the same vein, there was “Creepshow.” Romero and King both acknowledged the classic horror comics as influences, so it was fitting that they would create a feature length homage. “Creepshow” would quickly become one of those defining films for eighties horror fandom, with its blend of gory special effects and sick humor appealing to a particular brand of weirdo. Naturally, I count myself among that tribe.

Since issues of “Tales from the Crypt” usually contained multiple stories, King and Romero pack “Creepshow” with five stories. “Father's Day” sees a murdered patriarch of a rich family rise from the grave to take revenge on his greedy inheritors. “The Lonely Death of Jordy Verill” has the titular country bumpkin discovering a strange meteor that causes an even stranger moss to grow on everything. In “Something to Tide You Over,” Richard Vickers cooks up an elaborate form of revenge on his adulterous wife and her lover. Yet the sadistic man soon learns turnabout is fair play. “The Crate” sees two college professors discovering a crate hidden in the university, uncovering the flesh-eating monster that lives inside. Finally, “They're Creeping Up on You” details Upson Pratt, a germophobe millionaire, at war with the cockroaches that seem to be invading his penthouse apartment. 

About a decade ago, spurned on by "Sin City," movies that replicate the colors and visual quirks of comic books became a brief fad. It's somewhat surprising to go back and see that George Romero did this first in the early eighties. Throughout “Creepshow,” moments are framed by comic book panels. Shocked faces are highlighted by colorful backdrops. Romero makes sure to include lots of bright, primary colors. It's not just the visual language of E.C. Comics that “Creepshow” so expertly recreates. King's screenplay features two tales of rotten corpses, spurned by injustices, returning from the grave. There's petty revenge, for infidelity and greed, as well as other types of comeuppance. King perfectly captures the tone, that twisted morality play feel, of those classic tales.

I can recall an interview where Romero actually credits E.C. Comics with teaching him that horror could be a medium for social commentary. On the surface, “Creepshow” may look like its all fun and ghouls but Romero's subversive politics run throughout. The Grantham are all idle rich, preoccupied with how to screw each other over in order to get a bigger slice of the pie. Though Nathan was no better than any of them, his grisly revenge acts as a judgement of all of them. Both the antagonist in “Something to Tide You Over” and “They're Creeping Up on You” are rich old white guys. Upson, the villain in the latter, is the most cruel of capitalist and blatantly racist. It's not too far of a leap to see the cockroaches that consume him as symbols of every person he stepped on, anybody he deemed undesirable. The anti-authoritarian attitudes even carry over into the framing device, that sees a put-upon son striking back at a tyrannical father. 

As smart and biting a movie as “Creepshow” is, it's also delightfully goofy. “The Lonely Death of Jordy Verrill” is “Creepshow” at its most comical. Stephen King's wide-eyed performance is hokey as can be, as his senseless yokel speaks exclusively in the kind of oddball folkisms King specializes. The fantasy situations Verrill imagines are even more exaggerated and cartoonish than the rest of the short. You can see “Creepshow's” prankish sense of humor in its other segments, where Hal Holbrook imagines being applauded for murdering his loud-mouthed wife. Or Leslie Nielsen's over-the-top screams as he faces down death. “Creepshow” maintains the same balance of cornball humor and gruesome horror that was present in the comic books, silly puns existing alongside rotting corpses.

Romero maintains that delicate equilibrium throughout, “Creepshow's” humor never draining its harshest horrors of their effectiveness. Even the silliest segment has a startlingly grim ending, as Jordy blows his moss-covered head off. “They're Creeping Up on You” ends with maybe the movie's most puke-worthy image, as cockroaches bursts from every hiding space... Including the human body. Yet “The Crate” remains my favorite segment. The furry crate monster – nicknamed “Fluffy” by Romero and Savini – is the film's scariest creature, with its yellow eyes and maw full of teeth. The way it tears its victims apart, with claws and jaws, is still viscerally brutal. There's something emblematic about the image of a monster hiding in a crate, victims being dragged into darkness towards a grisly fate. Not to mention the uncertain nature of the beast's origin peaks the viewer's curiosity. I love it.

Upon release, mainstream critics largely dismissed “Creepshow” as a lark. More than one wondered why respected fright-makers like Romero and King were wasting their time with material like this. Horror fans, meanwhile, immediately understood that the slightly campy, thoroughly gruesome tone were exactly what the director/writer were going for. Audiences came in, making “Creepshow” a surprise box office hit. Nowadays, it's an established cult classic. Romero's beautiful direction, a seriously stacked cast, Tom Savini's amazing special effects, and King's tongue-in-cheek script combine to make an ideal eighties frightfest. [9/10]

Species: The Awakening (2007)

Even though it sucked, “Species III” must've sold well. Two years later, production would roll on a fourth installment in the horny alien franchise. While each previous sequel directly followed up on the film before it, the fourth “Species” would focus entirely on new characters. This is what we call a “soft” reboot. It's usually what happens when a studio wants to keep a franchise going, realizes the original premise is burnt out, but wants to avoid the stigma associated with a total continuity reset. You can see this change-in-direction in the decision to switch out a roman numeral for a subtitle. I've probably just put more thought into this right now than the producers of the “Species” franchise ever did. Anyway, “Species: The Awakening” would land on video store shelves in 2007. 

Miranda Hollander is a college professor, teaching mythology and literature at a prestigious university. She lives with her uncle Tom, a biologist. After a birthday celebration, Miranda collapses and is rushed to a hospital. There, she transforms into a monster and goes on a killing spree. Tom returns her to normal and the two head to Mexico. Miranda soon learns that she was one of the half-alien embryos created back in the nineties, injected with human hormones her whole life to keep her from turning into a monster. South of the border, they meet with Forbes, a former colleague of Tom's that has created a whole community of alien/human hybrids in Mexico. Miranda learns that she is at the end of her lifespan. Drastic measures are needed to save her. The experiment meant to keep her alive instead awakens her repressed desires. 

“The Awakening” is an attempt at a more character-driven “Species” movie. The film isn't about tracking and destroying a horny she-alien and, instead, makes her the main character. Miranda thinking herself totally normal, only to discover her true identity, is an interesting character arc. You can tell some actual thought was put into “The Awakening's” screenplay. However, the sequel eventually collapses into incoherence. Instead of focusing on Miranda's struggle to keep her humanity, she's simply reborn as a predator halfway through the movie. The reveal that there are multiple alien/human hybrids running around, under the radar, strains believably. There's too many minor supporting characters complicating the story. At this point, I can't remember the specific abilities and weaknesses of the “Species” aliens and the movies don't either, as the consistency across the sequels have totally dissolved by this point. (Though you assume Miranda was born from one of the frozen embryos seen in the first movie.) The script is simultaneously rushed, half-assed, and convoluted. 

Even if the plot eventually becomes blurry, the people making “The Awakening” were clearly trying a little harder than the team behind “Species III.” Director Nick Lyon has since gone on to make numerous films for the Asylum but he shows a consistent visual sense here. There's a lot of dramatic lighting, some neon colors, and a certain likable grunginess to the surroundings. It's not memorable but it looks a lot better than “Species III” did. Part four's cast is also far more committed than the actors in part three. Helena Mattsson, as Miranda, convincingly switches between wide-eyed innocent and predatory seductress. Ben Cross, as Tom, takes the material one hundred percent seriously and makes sure the audience recognizes all the conflict his character feels. Dominic Keating is amusingly slimy as Forbes, the horny mad scientist that drives the plot in the second half.

“Species: The Awakening” is also an improvement over the third film in another way. It features far more of the series' trademark monster action. There's two sexy femme-beasts running through the plot. Inevitably, the movie concludes with a high-kicking fight scene between them. And that's kind of cool. A gag involving a large stone cross crushing someone is mildly clever. There's some not-to-hot CGI in the film. Shotgun pellets and alien barbs fly through the air in slow-mo, while the male aliens produce grasping tentacles from their mouths. Yet the effects are mostly practical and look decent. Even if the elegance of H.R. Giger's original design are long lost in same-y looking latex and rubber. Lyon's action direction sometimes includes an annoying shakiness but “Species: The Awakening” seems to have a better idea of what fans want out of this franchise. 

You'll notice my positive notes here definitely classify as faint praise. “Species: The Awakening” is only good in comparison to the dreadful previous two installments. A plot that is both too ambitious and lazily slapdash is eventually lost in steamy sex scenes and gory monster fights. Intriguing ideas are present here, especially in Miranda's situation, but the movie shifts gears to focus on other shit instead. At this point, I'm just happy that the alien babes look relatively cool and have a semi-coherent fight scene. I don't know if Frank Mancuso Jr. was hopeful “The Awakening” would spawn further sequels, as the ending is fairly final. Either way, no new “Species” movie have been born in the years since. But I bet they remake the first one eventually. The premise of amorous alien she-babes is too commercial to resist for long. [5/10]

The Hunger: Sin Seer

Anthology shows continued to find a comfortable home on premium cable in the mid-nineties. A big hit for Showtime was “Red Shoe Diaries,” which presented a new tale of softcore sensuality every week. HBO, meanwhile, had solid success with “Tales from the Crypt.” “Tales” ended in 1996 and “Diaries” concluded in 1997. Perhaps seeking to satisfied the audiences of both deceased programs, Showtime created “The Hunger” later in '97. Much like the 1983 film it took its name from, the series would combine horror with eroticism. (Also, the pilot episode was directed by Tony Scott and vampires frequently showed up.) The first season was hosted by Terrance Stamp while the second season furthered the connection to the film by bringing David Bowie on as host. Naturally, I had to pick an episode from that season to review. 

Why I singled out “Sin Seer” should be obvious. The episode stars Brad Dourif as Manos, a man with a unique ability. Every time he looks into someone's eyes, he sees the worst sin they have ever committed. This ability broke up his marriage and has ruined his every day life. Seems like he can't walk down the street with bumping into a random person and catching sight of an affair or atrocity they committed. Manos now works in the morgue, as the dead are increasingly the only people he can peacefully be around. He seeks help from a shrink but refuses to look into his eyes, fearful of what he might see. Eventually, Manos has to confront his ability as well as his own sins. 

The opening sequence of “The Hunger” depicts random flashes of text, distorted faces, and machinery while harsh, industrial music plays. Bowie's host segments feature similarly obnoxious visual quirks, with lots of color filtering, loud sound effects, and sudden zooms. That annoying style extends into the episode itself. Manos' visions, which usually involve steamy sex, are jittery visually with grating sound design. There's not much to “Sin Seer's” story. Manos has multiple visions and angsts about his condition, before the inevitable revelations that conclude the episode. It's a potentially interesting premise but very little is done with it. Brad Dourif's performance, which is as entertainingly high-strung as you'd come to expect from him, is about all “Sin Seer” has going for it. Is the rest of “The Hunger” this lame? Bowie must've been really bored if he chose to devote his time to unremarkable schlock like this. [5/10]

When Cars Attack (1997)

Those that weren't there probably won't understand. In the mid-nineties, the Fox Network had a hit with a series of prime time documentaries about animal attacks. The “When Animals Attack” series was such examples of trashy, tabloid television that they became punchlines for years to come. As much as we all had fun mocking Fox for its garbage reality programming, it was far from the only broadcast network airing shock-umentaries at the time. Supernatural-themed documentaries of disputable credibility often crossed airways in the decade of my youth. In 1997, stand-up comic Richard Belzer decided to combine both trends with a satirical mock-umentary called “When Cars Attack.” Presumably because they had nothing better to show at the time, “When Cars Attack” would air on ABC in February of 1998.

“When Cars Attack” is presented as a serious documentary, combining real car chase/crash footage with staged auto-recreations. The special claims that automobiles literally have minds of their own. That they sometimes operate on their own, as revenge against neglectful or abusive human owners. It even invents an elaborate alternate history, where an evil(er) sibling of Henry Ford installed a mysterious device in cars that can cause them to act erratically. Belzer – who has a real life conspiracy theorist persona, after all – presents the facetious evidence with a completely straight face. If it wasn't for the obviously tongue-in-cheek disclaimers at the beginning and end of the program, and the sheer ridiculousness of its claims, “When Cars Attack” would probably be indistinguishable from hundreds of specials airing around the same time.

In fact, “When Cars Attack” is playing things so straight-laced, that much of the humor is lost. There are obvious jokes here. Such as the clarification that the section about Henry Ford's brother was based on “undocumented conjecture and myths.” (Or how “Mortimer Ford” was one of 44 sibling.) Or a sequence where footage is magnified 1000 times. However, “When Cars Attack” is mostly acting totally straight about its goofy, made-up bullshit. Comedic lines, about cars wanting to retire in Florida or motorcycles having inferiority complexes, race by so quickly that the audience can easily miss them. The special's best gags occur when totally normal footage – like drivers being dizzy after a race car spins through the air – are presented as evidence of extraordinary claims. “When Cars Attack” is very silly but doesn't have nearly enough actual jokes to be an effective parody of '90s shock-umentaries. Even if it's an otherwise pitch-perfect recreation of that style of television.

So why the hell am I talking about this for Halloween? “When Cars Attack” only aired once and was considered lost media for many years. In the years leading up to the special's re-emergence, I've read more than one account of someone watching it as a kid, taking it seriously, and being freaked out. After all, cars operating on their own and meaning people harm is a common horror movie trope. The premise “When Cars Attacks” is sarcastically presenting is certainly horrific enough, if you miss the humor. Once Belzer starts suggesting that full moons have an effect on automobile's “moods,” “When Cars Attack” graduates to full blown paranormal parody. Okay, it's a stretch. I was hoping “When Cars Attack” would be spookier than it was. Though not as funny as it could've been, the mere fact that something this bizarre was produced and aired in prime time makes this obscure special fascinating. How much money did ABC spend on this dumb prank? [6/10]