Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
"LAST OF THE MONSTER KIDS" - Available Now on the Amazon Kindle Marketplace!

Sunday, March 4, 2018


7:52 - Welcome Film Thoughts fans to my ninth annual live blog of the Academy Awards!

7: 55 - Nine years! Yes, that number surprised me too when I realized it. Time sure does fly. I'm happy to say that this year has been the most successful Oscar month for me. I watched over thirty movies this month, surpassing any previous number. It probably says a lot about me that I still wish I could have squeezed in more. But I'm happy to say I've seen all the Best Picture nominees, all the nominated films in the Acting, Director, Writing, Documentary, and Shorts categories. That's a pretty good spread, I think.

7:56 - As for the ceremony itself, I'm expecting a mediocre Jimmy Kimmel hosting job and lots of awkward attempts to acknowledge all the political turmoil in the last years.

All right, time for my first pee break of the night. Strap in. I've got a bottle of wine and some popcorn all ready.

8:00 - Here we go.

I like the idea of the retro opening but there's already a little too much crass humor here.

8:01 - Okay, the joke about Selma and the "Shape of Water" creature made me chuckle.

8:03 - Official drinking game: Every time the envelope screw-up from last year is mentioned, take a big ol' sip.

Annnd there's the first one.

8:05 - "State of limitation" made me chuckle. Oh shit, shots fired at Mel!

8:06 - Kind of impressed that Kimmel is going there as soon as he is.

All right, this opening monologue is killing me. Am I already drinking too much?

8:09 - Are Wahlberg and Michele Williams here? I'm really missing the awkward cutaways to their faces in the audience.

Ooh boy, that Trump joke landed with a thud. Don't say his name least you summon him, Jimmy!

8:10 - Christopher Plumber is great and are they really going to make him sit through this whole show?

8:11 - I'm really looking forward to some fish-fucking jokes tonight.

8:13 - I want del Toro to ride out of the theater on that jet ski.

8:14 - Best Supporting Actor is first. Rockwell will probably win. But I'm rooting for DaFoe.

8:16 - Is that his Vulko beard DaFoe is rocking? It's very regal.

8:17 - Jenkins was so fucking great in "The Shape of Water." If DaFoe can't take it, I'd go for him.

8:18 - I think Plummer got nominated mostly because of the reshoot hoopla. But he was genuinely great in that movie.

8:19 - I love Sam Rockwell but he's genuinely the weakest of this lot.

Rockwell's speech is genuinely pretty damn good. Love that anecdote about his dad.

8:23 - By the way, I also saw all the Documentary Short nominees. They were all pretty good. Heroin(e) was very powerful and Traffic Stop, my pick to win, filled me with so much righteous anger. (Knife Skills, also very touching, is my runner-up.) All the films are available on the internet and would definitely recommend checking them out.

8:24 - This gag is pretty weak but they get points for actually getting the actor from the movie.

I've got pretty much horse in the Best Make-Up race. I'm guessing Darkest Hour will get it?

8:27 - I like the noise Gal made as she opened the envelope.

8:28 - Awww, he thanked his cat.

8:29 - Saint's line about being older than the Academy was so sweet.

8:31 - "Phantom Thread" has gotta win Best Costume Design, right? It's a movie literally about costume design!


8:32 - PTA stealth rocking a great beard game.

8:37 - And we're back.

Jimmy, Marvel never gets nominated for anything outside the technical categories.

8:38 - Best Documentary Feature is a really strong category this year. "Faces Places" or "Last Men in Aleppo" would both be acceptable winners.

Greta and Laura are awwww-dorable here.

8:40 - Complete bullshit. You had four really good choices, Oscar! You fucked it up!

8:42 - I'm annoyed. Time to get sour-drunk.

8:44 - They are performing all the song nominees, right? It pisses me off when they skip any of them.

8:46 - I was digging this performance until she just started growling. That made me chuckle and I don't think that intentional.

I love how everyone stopped clapping because they thought the song was still going. That kind of shit is what live television is made for.

8:51 - Hey now, that's a "Frankenstein" reference and I dig it.

8:53 - Aw, they threw in Roger Ebert and now I'm sad.

8:55 - This montage started out as an A+ but kind of lost me in the middle but won me back with Leatherface.

8:56 - Okay, we get it, Jimmy. Christopher Plummer is old.

8:57 - "Baby Driver" has got these in the bag, right?

8:59 - Meh. I mean, sound editing is not my area of expertise so it's entirely possible "Dunkirk" was stronger in that category than "Baby Driver" but that's not what my heart says!

That guy wants a jet ski.

9:01 - I was really rooting for "Baby Driver" in the sound categories. Seemed like a sure shot. I hope this doesn't mean "Dunkirk" will sweep the other categories.

9:08 - Spielberg does look like a pot dealer.

Keyans in the house!

9:10 - I hope Beauty and the Beast doesn't win. Ugly, over-designed film.

Hopefully the first of several awards "The Shape of Water" will get tonight.

9:12 -  I like this guy's sunglasses.

9:14 - I'm really glad they went with a stripped-down version of this song.

Never mind. I take it back.

9:16 - I mean the dancing and fireworks and skulls are cool and all but this song would've benefited from a more personal performance.

9:20 - This jet ski thing is genuinely a pretty good running gag.

9:22 - Rita has style to spare.

I only got to see three of the Foreign Language film nominees. I'm rooting for "The Square" but am betting "A Fantastic Woman" gets it.

9:24 -  Yep, called it.

9:26 - Final prediction for Best Supporting Actress: Janney will get it but Metcalf would be a pleasant surprise.

9:29 - I'm definitely a fan of Janney. First thing I noticed her in was "10 Things I Hate About You." I still think she's hilarious in that movie.

That bird did good work. Can't wait for the "Mom" advertisements to mention it stars an Oscar winner now.

9:31 - Is that how you say Sufjan's name?

9:35 - By the way, the new "Roseanne" looks fantastic.

9:36 - OH SHIT, BB-8!

9:37 - In Best Animated Short, I"m rooting for "Negative Space" but it won't win.

[sarcasm]Twitter is going to love Kobe winning this Oscar.[/sarcasm]

9:40 - I love these guys but they are not landing these jokes.

I mean, there was no question "Coco" was going to win Animated Feature but I'm still glad it did. I fucking loved that movie. Hugs for everyone!

9:43 - Good speech.

Give me that sweet Sufjan.

9:45 - That jacket Sufjan is wearing is glorious.

Great performance. That could've gone on a lot longer, in my opinion.

9:51 - Is this Overlook Hotel gag part of the show? Genuinely made me lol.

Tom Holland and Gina Rodriguez are super cute together. Would ship.

9:53 - Did not expect "Blade Runner" to win. It's a good choice though.

9:55 - So much for that promise not to play anyone off.

9:56 - Christ, "Dunkirk" is going to sweep the technical categories, isn't it?

9:59 - You're welcome, Jimmy Kimmel.

10:00 - I would probably be upset if someone interrupted my movie but I also really want to meet Guillermo del Toro sooo....

10:05 - What exactly is a hot dog cannon? It sounds dangerous. And messy.

10:08 - Everyone in that theater: "Who the fuck is Ansel Elgort?"

That bit was painful. Please get on with the award show now.

10:11 - Get Tiffany Haddish to host next year.

10:12 - All right, Best Documentary Short. I'm rooting for "Traffic Stop."

Okay, that's... Not the choice I would've made. "Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405" was quite good though.

10:15 - Rooting for "DeKalb Elementary" so hard.

Ugh. They picked the worst one in this category. This year's Oscars has been an emotional roller coaster ride.

10:17 - It seems the most maudlin, emotionally manipulative film usually wins Best Live Action short. Sigh.

10:19 - I'm fairly indifferent to this song but "Two time Oscar winner Common" has a nice ring to it.

10:21 - This performance is kind of overwhelmingly BIG for my taste.

10:25 - It's okay, Salma. You're still perfect.

10:29 - Including fish men in the diversity montage was an interesting choice.

10:31 - The fact that "Logan" even got nominated is insane to me. Five years ago, I never thought a superhero would receive an honor that big.

10:32 - I loved "Call Me By Your Name" and this will probably be its only win tonight, so that's nice.

10:35 - That was a nice speech. I also didn't know James Ivory was American.

10:36 - I'm prepping myself for anger now if "Three Billboards" wins in this category. Considering everything else in the category deserves it way more. (Well, maybe not "The Big Sick.")

10:37 - Or, you know, that works too. A horror movie just won Best Original Screenplay. What a time to be alive.

10:42 - Holy shit, it's Wes Studi!

10:45 - Oh my god, Jimmy, this Matt Damon gag is way worn out. The joke about cloning Barbara Streisand's dog was solid though.

10:47 - Is Sandra Bullock okay?

10:48 - Really looking forward to Roger Deakins loosing again.

Damn, I am eating a lot of crow tonight but in the best way! Long overdue.

10:50 - If this shitty fucking "Greatest Showman" song wins, Im'ma set some fires.

10:53 - Oh my fucking god, that was painful.

If that piece of garbage cat poster of a song win, it's yet another confirmation that the Academy frequently confuses "Best" with "Most."

10:57 - And, boom, out of nowhere, it's Christopher Walken!

I'm rooting for "The Shape of Water's" gorgeous score. If Zimmer wins, I'll be slightly annoyed. Not because the score is bad but because it's just so... Zimmer-y.

 Oh good. I am pleased.

11:01 - Okay, here comes the hurt. I am fully prepared to get angry. But here's hoping Sufjan or "Coco" gets it!

11:03 - Thank god it wasn't "This Was Me." "Remember Me" was fantastic! Would've preferred Sufjan but this is still very good.

11:04 - Mentioning a dead mom is apparently the easiest way to stop the orchestra from playing you off!

11:05 - So who's getting left out of the In Memoriam montage this year?

Robert Osbourn and Harry Dean. I miss both of them.

11:08 - So glad George Romero and Haruo Nakajima weren't left out.

11:13 - Emma looks stunning. "These four men and Greta Gerwig..." Oh snap!

Please, give it to del Toro!

11:14 - Yes!

11:16 - A romantic spin on "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" going this far at the Oscars is overwhelming for me.  I could not be happier about this. (Unless it wins Best Picture too, then I'll be happier.)

11:19 - Including Hannibal Lecter and Idi Amin in a montage of inspiring film characters was an... Interesting choice.

11:20 - Jane throwing out a "Barbarella" shout out!

11:22 - If anyone besides Gary Oldman wins, I'll be utterly shocked. I suppose Daniel Day-Lewis would probably be my choice?

11:25 - Yeah, no surprise there. I consider this a make-up award for "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy."

11:27 - I liked the shout-out to his mom but that was a bit long winded, don't you think?

11:29 - Oh great, another acknowledgement that shitty "Blind Side" movie won something.

Is Jodie okay? Is she just really short or is Jennifer Lawrence really tall?

11:31 - Frances McDormand gave a thunderous performance that I'll be fine with winning but I'm rooting for Sally.

11:34 - Frances deserves an Oscar for that opening line there.

11:36 - Frances is so wonderfully genuine. This has made the whole night worth it.

11:37 - All right, guys, we're just about out of the woods here.

11:40 - There was no way Kimmel wasn't sneaking in another joke about last year.

11:42 - The wave of applause that greeted "Darkest Hour" was surprising.

11:44 - Here's another reminder about what a strong crop of films this is, comparatively.

11:45 - If the fish-fucking movie wins, I won't forgive Oscar for everything they did wrong. But it would make up for a lot.

11:46 - A great end to a great awards season.

11:47 - Such a sincere, beautiful homage to monsters and fantasy winning the top film prize of the year is just outstanding to me.

11:49 - Someone getting cut off at he last minute is a much smaller screw-up than getting Best Picture wrong, that's for sure.

11:50 - That was a pretty good ceremony! Didn't drag too much. Lots of great speeches. Only a few of the gags didn't work and I laughed much more than expected. Dare I say, Kimmel actually did a pretty good job. Moreover, most of the winners actually deserved it.

11:51 - Thanks to everyone who joined me or glanced at this live blog. It was a really good Oscar season! 

11:52 - I'm going to take the rest of the week off but you'll see me again soon, faithful Film Thoughts readers. Thank you so much. Good luck and good night.

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