Last of the Monster Kids

Last of the Monster Kids
"LAST OF THE MONSTER KIDS" - Available Now on the Amazon Kindle Marketplace!

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Halloween 2024: October 2nd



Natalie Erika James's "Relic" was one of the first movies to come out in the wake of "Hereditary" and "The Witch" that actively seemed to be riding the same wave. The difference between that one and many of the other pictures in the "elevated horror" style is that "Relic" was actually a good horror film and not merely a maudlin drama with some jump scares welded on. When it was announced that James had her next film lined-up, a mysterious project called "Apartment 7A," I was intrigued. Details were kept secret as it moved through production until it slipped, shortly after filming wrapped, that "Apartment 7A" had been a prequel to "Rosemary's Baby" all along. We had fallen for the ol' "The Woods/Blair Witch" dodge again, which at least explained the lack of details about the story up to that point. I don't think we needed a follow-up to "Rosemary's Baby," as previous attempts to do so proved, but I assumed a talented director like James had a fresh angle on the idea. "Apartment 7A" then sat on a shelf for two years before dropping on Paramount+ recently, amid middling reviews and zero hype. It would seem producers still can't capitalize on Ira Levin and Roman Polanski's classic. Because I dug "Relic" so much, I decided to give it a look anyway. 

In 1965, dancer Terry Gionoffrio moves to New York City with dreams of being a star on Broadway. She seems on her way when she badly shatters her ankle during a performance. After healing up, she tries to impress at auditions but can't secure a job. Desperate, and developing a painkiller addiction, she shows up at producer Alan Marchand's apartment building. There, she catches the eyes of Minnie and Roman Castavet, a kindly elderly couple. They offer her an apartment and quickly get her a date with Alan. It would seem Terry's luck is turning around, as she gets cast in a big production and misfortune befalls her rival. At the same time, she begins to have disturbing nightmares and see weird stuff around the building. That's when Terry realizes two things: First off, she has been the target of a Satanic conspiracy and, secondly... She's pregnant. 

An early scene in "Apartment 7A" convinced me that it might actually be good. At an audition, Terry is identified as the girl who broke her ankle on stage and commanded to perform the pivotal dance move over and over again. Afterwards, Alan essentially asks her if she's willing to humiliate herself for success. Anybody watching "Apartment 7A" knows that the kindly old couple have ulterior motives. Terry suspects that their offers may be too good to be true as well. She stills takes them up on it, because she's desperate. When Alan gives her a part in the play after that seemingly sleep together, Terry feels lousy about it... But she still takes the part. In these moments, "Apartment 7A" outlines how a patriarchal society sets up a structure of control designed to debase and manipulate women. Participating in this system is a deal with the devil. (Literally in this case.) What other choice does Terry have though? By the time she realizes what is actually happening, it's too late. She's caught up in this system too. It's an interesting idea, one that expands on the points of "Rosemary's Baby." That James has Terry bring drugged before she's assaulted makes me wonder, perhaps, if "Apartment 7A" isn't a self-critical reaction to the original film or, at least, the man who directed it

There's other signs that James and her team know what they are doing. "Apartment 7A" is a good looking movie, with opulent costumes, lovely sets, and cinematography that is both warm and claustrophobic. You get the impression that James really wanted to direct a musical. The film delights in the stylized visuals and swooping camera movements of the genre whenever Terry is performing on-stage. The highlight of the film is a full-on Bugsy Berkeley style dance scene fantasy. James isn't ignorant on how to engineer some scares too. That dance sequence climaxes with a glittery faced monster appearing, a decent shock. Similarly, a moment when Terry looks down to see monstrous hands wrapped around her waist is an example of a jump scare done correctly. A sequence where an old woman with a pair of oversized scissors attacks Terry at night is the moment most similar to "Relic," the director operating in familiar territory for them with some skill. While "Apartment 7A" can never match the intensity of Polanski's original, its better moments do capture something of a sense of that film's paranoia and a conspiracy closing in on our heroine, especially during a pivotal haircut scene. 

To take the dance metaphor further... James and her team know the steps but can't quite nail the spirit of the work. "Apartment 7A" makes the classic mistake of showing us too much. In the same year as "The First Omen," another pregnancy centric prequel to a demonic classic, created some surprisingly startling scares, "Apartment 7A" ends up feeling far hokier instead. It would seem the Satanic infant Terry is carrying has some sort of magical powers. It bends her bitchy rival's body into a pretzel and keeps anyone from harming it. The original "Rosemary's Baby" operated with subtly, thoroughly putting us in the mind frame of Rosemary to the point where we could wonder if it wasn't all in her head, despite all of us knowing what the movie is about. The devil's offspring having telekinetic powers kind of spoils that, ya know? The prequel makes a bigger mistake later on, clearly showing us the demonic father of Terry's baby, a moment so wrong-headed that a corporate exec must have insisted upon it. Ultimately, "Apartment 7A" can't stop itself from following too closely in the footsteps of the film it's connected too. The prequel has a very similar structure to the original, at times feeling more like a remake than a follow-up. This eventually results in the movie limply reprising iconic moments from the original, feeling like desperate attempts to get a reaction out of the audience when we already have a clear idea of where all of this is headed. Besides, "Apartment 7A" leading right into the events of "Rosemary's Baby" means its story can truly only end one way. This satanic conspiracy is destined to fail in a way that's all too evident from early on, a structure the script makes no attempt to swerve away from. 

All of this is a shame since there's more than one suggestion that "Apartment 7A" could have been good. Aside from the decent cinematography and production design, a fine cast is assembled here. Julia Garner makes for a likable heroine, getting a lot of dramatic tension out of Terry feeling both lucky for the circumstances she finds herself in and increasingly trapped by them. When the girl expresses herself through dance is when the viewer feels most connected to Terry. Dianne Wiest manages to make Minnie, a little old woman with a high-pitched voice, into a surprisingly intimidating figure. How she can make an innocent sounding sentence surprisingly pointed and painful with merely her delivery gives you the impression that the writer/director is more than familiar with the power of guilting, manipulative mother. (When paired with "Relic," it suggests a good deal of mommy issues on the director's behalf.) In a film less beholden to following the template created by its predecessor, Garner and Wiest easily could have elevated the material into a fine horror picture. 

Unfortunately, "Apartment 7A" is ultimately a dud, a pale imitation of the classic it is linked too. It is another example of a decades-later sequel that operates more like a remake at times, dooming itself to follow a path we've traveled before without innovating in any way. While "Relic" had surprisingly well engineered scares, this film sees James falling victim to many of the same lame hallmarks of modern studio horror flicks, which turns up the volume and throws in weak attempts at freaky nightmare imagery when it has no other ideas. In other words, the film lacks the conviction that "Rosemary's Baby" had, not trusting its viewer enough and too eager to simply do what worked before. I guess a prequel is better than a remake – which is what Platinum Dunes first wanted to do back in 2008 – but "Apartment 7A" ultimately gives us an idea of what a modern day attempt to remake "Rosemary's Baby" would look like. In other words, it's not scary and ends up being kind of boring and goofy. Maybe Natalie Erika James should have made a full-blown musical instead. Like many attempts to follow-up an iconic original, "Apartment 7A" is destined to be a footnote, forgotten by all but the most committed horror fans while the original continues to be a classic for all time. [5/10]




Of all the directors to find a career in the proud Italian industry of ripping off bigger budget movies or cashing in on cinematic trends, Lucio Fulci is definitely among the most respected. His die hard fans might be unwilling to accept this but it's undeniably true. "Zombi 2" was a bootleg sequel to "Dawn of the Dead." "Conquest" followed in "Conan the Barbarian's" footsteps. "Warriors of the Year 2072" was inspired by "The Road Warrior." "Massacre Time" and "The Psychic" were part of whole waves of spaghetti westerns and gialli. Fulci himself was not above admitting what more famous films he was copying. He acknowledged 1987's "Ænigma" as inspired by "Carrie." The film also clearly took some elements from "Patrick" and Argento's "Phenomena." Being obvious copycats is probably why later period Fulci work like this or "Manhattan Baby" aren't as discussed as widely as his earlier stuff. Still, this one had enough of a positive reputation to intrigue me...

Kathy, a bullied outcast at St. Mary's all-girls academy in Boston, is the victim of a cruel prank. Handsome gym teacher Steve pretends to go on a date with her, before a group of girls come out to mock her. Kathy flees and is struck by a car, falling into a coma afterwards. Shortly after that, a new girl named Eva arrives at the school. Strange events follow, Kathy's tormentors falling victim to bizarre accidents. The philandering Dr. Anderson investigates, falling for Eva in the process. Slowly, people start to realize that Kathy, in her comatose state, has developed telepathic powers, possessing Eva and taking psychic revenge on her bullies. 

If a lot of Italian horror movies can be criticized as being nothing but a series of stylized death scenes, Fulci's work is probably most guilty of that. I've always gotten the impression that narrative coherence was of least concern to him. That designing grisly and frequently dream-like Grand Guignol set pieces were what interested him the most about his horror films. If this is true, then "Ænigma" provided a rare chance for Fulci to essentially abandon story logic and focus entirely on weird ways to kill people. There doesn't seem to be any limit to Kathy's psychic powers. She can possess Eva, seemingly take control of her disabled mother, project elaborate visions into her victim's minds, manifest objects into reality, and control the physical nature of things. This results in elaborate, nightmarish scenarios, the bullies psychologically tormented before being offed. Sometimes, these visions are ironic. Such as when the narcissistic gym instructor is strangled by his own reflection. Others play on the girls' phobias. Sometimes, Fulci is simply having fun with the setting. My personal favorite scene in "Ænigma" has one of the girls wandering a classical museum, blood spraying at her from a painting of a heavenly scene. She's later dispatched when a Greek statue leaps to life, representing one of the few times "Ænigma" actually manages to build some suspense out of an overall hallucinatory tone. 

The movie often swings back and forth between tones that are artistic, cruel, and campy. When Eva arrives at the school, a stylishly lit scene follows, making it clear that her and Kathy are one and the same. The finale takes place in an isolated morgue, with marble walls and floors, a set that Argento would've envied. There's some cool shots from the perspective of Kathy's spirit while it floats above the town. The locations – the Bosnian city of Sarajevo standing in for Boston – and an at times ethereal score do provide a fittingly dreamy feeling. Other times though, "Ænigma" is nothing but low-brow cheesiness. The opening scene, where Kathy gets ready for her big date, is scored to a painfully schmaltzy pop song. The plot point of her mother being disabled in some way, lurking around the school with glowing red eyes, leads to some groan-worthy dialogue. One of the climatic death scenes features an obvious dummy tumbling from a window, proceeded by a repetitive montage of decapitated bodies laying in bed. No scene in "Ænigma" is more notorious than when one of Kathy's victims has a living nightmare of snails covering her body. Recalling the spider attack in "The Beyond," she lays totally still as the slow, slimy invertebrates cover her naked form, eventually smothering her to death. Maybe Fulci had simply ran out of creepy crawlies to feature by this point. Perhaps he saw "Slugs" and decided he had to one-up it. Either way, it's a laugher of a scene. 

The mean-spirited atmosphere of Fulci's work is what has kept me from getting more into him in the past. "Ænigma," perhaps, seeks to resolve this issue by making all the characters deeply unlikable. Kathy's targets are mostly mean girl victimizers who, within the twisted moral universe of a horror film, "deserve" the ghastly fates that befall them. We don't feel bad rooting for these people to die, as they show no remorse for pranking a fellow student so badly, she's in a coma now. At the same time, this approach leaves us with no one to root for. Kathy herself spends 90% of the movie unconscious and her revenge is so twisted that it's hard to relate to her. The girls school seems to be a university but the attendees act a lot like teenagers. That does little to make all the male characters, happy and willing to hook up with the youthful students, seem like anything but sleaze balls. The gym teacher – who hits on and sexually harasses his students, in addition to happily fooling Kathy in the first scene – is obviously unlikable. I'm not sure how Dr. Anderson, with his receding hairline, is meant to be any better, considering he woes two teenage girls throughout the film. Even if the girls are over 18, that's still sketchy behavior. If he's meant to be our hero, the film dedicating a steamy nightmare scene to a naked Eva clawing and biting him seems to suggest he deserves a ghastly fate as well. 

When paired with an abrupt and typically Fulci-ian downbeat ending, "Ænigma" does nothing to discard my theory that most of the director's films are about providing sadistic punishments for unlikable characters. The unsteady mixture of cruelty, grindhouse sleaze, and late eighties cheesiness – there are so many crash-zooms – does not make this the most even-handed of his films. However, the dreamy vibes and cartoonish touches makes the film's ridiculousness and nihilistic writing a bit easier to swallow. Long since disregarded as minor Fulci, "Ænigma" does provide some stuff to chew on for fans of the director and of exploitation nonsense such as this. I can't dislike any movie that features an ominous shot of a snail oozing over a poster of Sylvester Stallone. To me, that is cinema, despite the movie around it is as uneven as can be. Amazingly, this isn't the only sleazy Italian horror flick inspired by "Patrick" but that, my friend, is a story for another day... [6/10]



Amazing Stories: The Amazing Falsworth

Of the various high-profile directors to work on "Amazing Stories," I don't know if Peter Hyams would be anyone's first choice. I'm a fan though and decided to check out his episode, "The Amazing Falsworth." The city is being stalked by a murderer known as the Keyboard Killer, who strangles his victims with piano wire. After a homeless man spots him while garroting a woman, the unidentified murderer ducks into a night club. There, a stage psychic named the Amazing Falsworth is performing his act. He wears a blindfold, goes into the audience, touches people's shoulders and tells them about their lives. When he brushes against the murderer, Falsworth gets a vision of the killings and becomes terrified. He attempts to report the evidence to the cops, who are incredulous. A prickly detective arrives as Falsworth fears for his life and tries to identify the Keyboard Killer before he finds him first. 

The opening shot of "The Amazing Falsworth" is a prowling view of a woman exiting a hotel and walking down a dark alley. A killer wearing black gloves stalks her, his face unseen. The subsequent murder scene focuses on her terror and continues the stylized lighting and cinematography of the episode. Falsworth later unravels the killer's identity through unconventional means that involve the arts, before a tense confrontation in a closet. In other words: "The Amazing Falsworth" is a giallo. As if you had any doubt about this intentional homage, the last act reveals the killer has a passion for Italian opera. And now that I think about it, the inciting incident might've been inspired by "Deep Red." 

Hyams – and screenwriter Mick Garris, no doubt – do a good job of imitating Argento too. Cinematographer Robert M. Stevens uses cool blues and moody reds in the backstage scenes. The attack scenes are quite tensely assembled, often focusing on the characters' terrified faces. The final confrontation, probably inspired by "Halloween," is surprisingly suspenseful. Gregory Hines makes for a fine lead, making Falsworth's number of ex-wives and his overall sweaty demeanor charmingly pathetic. It's easy enough to guess the true identity of the killer, though the reveal is still well done. Overall, I didn't expect an episode of "Amazing Stories," usually more whimsical, to be this tense. Also, this is the second murder mystery from 1985 to feature a singing telegram. What was up with that? [8/10]



The Addams Family: Thing is Missing

The writers of "The Addams Family" managed to find a story to tell about the least mobile character on the show. "Thing Is Missing" begins with the titular hand and Uncle Fester having a hair brush related spat. Afterwards, the handy helper seemingly vanishes. After Gomez interrogates members of the family, a ransom note appears. This leads to the Family hiring a private detective named Sam Diamond to deliver the funds. 

"Thing Is Missing" is a sturdy episode full of multiple fantastic gags. Such as Morticia being surprised when Gomez gives her a squeeze or Fester practicing his safe-cracking talent. Gomez's detective moment, including a deerstalker cap and oversized pipe, leads to amusing defensive remarks from Wednesday and Granmama. Sam Diamond, played by Tommy Farrell, is better than your usual "Addams Family" guest star because of how well his cowardly behavior contrasts with the hardboiled detective get-up. In fact, interactions with outsiders provide some good chuckles here. When the family puts a want ad in the paper for a "Thing," a guy brings them some hard-to-describe fuzzy object that the Addams naturally love. Earlier, Morticia attempts to explain to a cop what exactly Thing is, leading to much confusion on his behalf. 

It is a question worth asking though. "Thing Is Missing" continues to playfully expand the mystery of what the disembodied hand's precise nature is. It's shown in this episode that the boxes Thing emerges from are connected to long, seemingly bottomless tunnels. Later, however, it's suggested that Thing can fit in the glove compartment of the family car. Thing's legal name is Thing T. Thing, so he's not a full-blooded Addams, and his parents were also disembodied hands. Of all the pop culture things out there, I'm beginning to think this is the most accurately named. Either way, this episode shows how expressive a mere hand can be, if he's successfully a beloved member of this cast now. [7/10]


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