Christmas 2021: December 7th

Silent Night (2021)

There used to be a novelty to the idea of setting a macabre story around Christmas. The contrast between the holly-jolliest time of the year and acts of violence was considered ironic or even transgressive once. Lest we forget, people picketed “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” But since we’re in the tenth year of the "Die Hard is a Christmas Movie" wars, I think that idea is officially old hat now. Holiday horror no longer resides strictly within the realm of low budget filmmaking. "Krampus" was a big budget movie and, this year, Keira Knightley has lent her star power to "Silent Night." In fact, "Silent Night" may be the bleakest Christmas movie I've ever seen. 

Nell and Simon are hosting a Christmas gathering for friends and family, at their stately home in the British countryside. As everyone travels from far away to spend this holiday together, it becomes clear something is wrong. Everyone is edgy, the kids are swearing, and secrets from the past begin to emerge. There's a reason for this: A cloud of poisonous gas is slowly engulfing the entire planet, causing everyone who breathes it to die a horrible, bloody death. The British government has issued suicide pills to the entire country and everyone at the party plans to take them at midnight. But even dying is far from simple around the holidays. 

I was told to go into "Silent Night" without reading much about it. I simply knew it was some sort of horror movie set around a Christmas gathering. Until it becomes apparent this is an apocalypse scenario, we are simply presented with a group — too large a group to keep track of, really — of characters... Miserable, unhappy characters being awful to each other. The kids are foul-mouthed little hellions. People say mean-spirited things about the other guests behind their backs. Taking typical holiday party stress and ramping it up to eleven, on account of the world ending, has potential. Yet everyone in "Silent Night" is so hateful, that you can't care if they live or die. You especially don't care when the in-fighting and arguments about past romantic entanglements inevitably begin. 

"Silent Night's" premise does present an interesting dilemma. If you were in this same situation, what would you do? Would you take the pill and accept a peaceful death? Or would you risk the slim chance you could survive breathing in a gas that supposedly causes your innards to start bleeding all at once? Naturally, the characters do debate this themselves. Yet "Silent Night" is such a hopelessly bleak story, with such an air of futility and nihilism about it, that the question seems moot. All these characters, every last unlikeable one of them, are going to die. By the time the movie is showing us a child convulsing in agony as he bleeds to death, any interesting philosophical topics have been jettisoned in favor of being grim-for-grimness'-sake. 

This nasty streak almost serves a purpose. "Silent Night" is, you see, a dark comedy. The characters are exaggerated for the sake of humor, I suppose. (Not that this stops the movie from also trying to play their fate for occasional pathos.) A handful of times, a sick sense of humor does successfully emerge here. Mostly thanks to the cast. When Matthew Goode, as dad Simon, has to repeatedly march down to the basement and back to retrieve supplies for the end times, his exasperation made me chuckle. Keira Knightley deserves some credit, for trying to keep spirits high and festive as armageddon closes in around her. "Silent Night's" script is mostly trite and empty but its stars do their best to make it seem worthwhile. 

"Silent Night" annoyed me throughout but it officially pissed me off, right before the credits roll, by throwing in a half-assed suggestion that maybe things aren't as final as they seem. I have no problem with movies that are bleak or dark. But there has to be some justification for it, some reason to be around miserable people doing mean, stupid things in a hopeless scenario. "Silent Night" never provides that, ending up feeling like an empty act of half-sardonic provocation. Also, I can only assume the movie wasn't called "Last Christmas" because another flick got to that title first. [4/10]

A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (2008)

In my previous review of a Muppet Christmas special, I talked about how the Disney acquisition of Jim Henson's beloved creations is controversial. The reactions to the various attempts to reboot the property in the last decade have been mixed, to say the least. Before the latest movies, sitcoms, and web-shows, Disney seemed almost disinterested in the franchise they spent 75 million dollars on. The corporation did almost nothing with Kermit and the gang until 2008. That's when “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” debuted. (On NBC, instead of the Disney-owned ABC for whatever reason.) It was the first of several TV movies starring the characters, which were easy to ignore and barely promoted. I certainly didn't see it at the time. Now it's time for me to catch up.

Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo are standing in line at the post office, on Christmas Eve. That's when they get involved in some shenanigans, accidentally grabbing three letters that are destined for the North Pole. One of those cards is from a little girl Gonzo has befriended. Against the wishes of Piggy, who is spending Christmas on a tropical vacation, Kermit and the guys decide to travel to the North Pole and personally deliver the letters. Much wackiness ensues as the Muppets go on a journey to the frozen reaches of the globe, on a quest to make sure some little girl's holiday isn't ruined. But their Christmas wish may be closer to home than anyone thinks...

I had a reasonably good time with this one. There's a good mixture of laughs and sentimentality here. The laughs range from wacky slapstick, like Kermit slamming his nose in the door, and more absurd gags, like a scene being fast-forward through. The expected celebrity cameos are integrated with the jokes nicely. Such as Nathan Lane as a deeply neurotic airport security guard, who has an amusing back-and-forth with Bobo the Bear. Or an utterly delightful Uma Thurman reappearing as a helpful travel agent. One of the most unexpected jokes has Beaker using a wishing machine to create a girlfriend for him (played by supermodel Petra Nemcova), who also speaks in his trademark beeping sound. Probably could've done without that self-serving Michael Bloomberg cameo though...

Something that really makes “Letters to Santa” stand out is that Disney got the legendary Paul Williams – who also cameos as Santa's head elf – back to write the songs. While none of the music here is on the level of Williams' work for “A Muppet Christmas Carol” or the original movie, it's still pretty good. “Delivering Christmas” is upbeat and energetic, starting the special on a good note. Just like he did in the original movie, Williams smartly gives Gonzo the slower number, “I Wish I Could Be Santa Claus.” The climatic “My Best Christmas Yet” has the sixties Phil Spector Christmas sound, with rising choruses and some trembling sound effects in the music. As always, Williams' lyrics are diverse and clever and his melodies are soulful and surprising. 

Even within the annals of Muppet history, “A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa” is a minor affair. Most of the reviews on Letterboxd are negative, so I don't think it's especially well regarded. Apparently an 88 minute long extended version was included on the DVD but only the original television cut – which runs 50 minutes – is streaming anywhere. I feel like the short version is the superior cut, as this would probably get laborious at feature length. However, I liked it well enough. It's a cute and funny and the songs are pretty good. I don't ask for much more than that from my holiday specials. [7/10]