Halloween 2021: September 27th

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

It must've played like the hackiest of stand-up routines even in 1985. Jason was so hard to kill that he even survived "The Final Chapter," a film marketed entirely around him finally dying for good. But commerce would not be denied and "Friday the 13th Part IV" made 33 million dollars against a 2.6 million dollar budget. Thus "A New Beginning" was conceived. With Jason dead, it was decided to focus Part 5's story on a shock-shelled Tommy Jarvis, the script constantly toying with the possibility that he may become the new killer. Yet the film still has to feature a murderer in a hockey mask, because what was "Friday the 13th" without that at this point? These competing impulses resulted in a film that pleased few fans. "A New Beginning" is usually regarded as the weakest of the "Friday" franchise. Though, as with all these films, some folks have appeared to defend it. 

I actually like the premise of "A New Beginning." Of a seventeen year old Tommy, still reeling from hacking Jason to death years earlier, being in a halfway home for troubled teens. This could've been a way to explore trauma, survivor's guilt, or at least introduce some colorful supporting characters. The film sort of does this but in the most half-ass way possible. Tommy has a couple of nightmares or hallucinations, of Jason looming ominously in the background. How Tommy feels about this, beyond being terrified, is never examined. This is because Tommy, as played by John Shepherd, is practically catatonic. When he isn't staring, with wide-eyed intensity, he's having violent outbursts directed at whoever triggered him. Tommy also isn't in most of the movie, making it hard for us to relate to or understand what he's going through. 

The reason Tommy is kept distant, violent, and obviously disturbed is because “A New Beginning” is attempting to create a mystery here. Much like the original, part five wants to be a whodunit. Also a lot like the original, the script completely fucks that up. There are a number of colorful supporting characters but none are convincing red herrings. While the obvious implications is that Tommy has donned the hockey mask now, you never believe it. That's because there's never any doubt about who our Jason impostor is. The minute Roy the paramedic sees the chopped-up body of Joey, and reacts to the sight with an over-the-top expression of shock and grief, it's obvious he's the killer. Even if the twist wasn't so obvious, it would still be a bullshit ending. Because would we even recognize this random paramedic if the movie didn't make sure we remembered him so vividly?

Most of the grievances directed at the movie hinge on the “imposter Jason” reveal. The movie promises us Jason and then gives us some random dude in a hockey mask, inevitably resulting in the feeling that we've been cheated. Yet this isn't the main reason I think “A New Beginning” puts so many people off. The movie's supporting characters are utterly grotesque. Early on, we meet a developmentally disabled young man – played by the guy who molested Corey Haim – whose quirks are immediately obnoxious. He's then violently hacked to pieces by a ridiculously angry young man, whose eyes bulge out of his head with rage. Shortly afterwards, we meet a backwoods mother and her son, who is also ambiguously on the spectrum. She screams colorful profanity at everyone and later chops up a chicken after fondling it. The son, meanwhile, rides around on a motorcycle while screaming in the most annoying manner possible. So many of the characters in the film are like this. An orderly, later axed while snorting some coke, makes fun of Tommy for no reason. Roy's partner is similarly mean-spirited. 

It's often been said that, in the “Friday the 13th” movies we root for Jason to kill everyone, but “A New Beginning” takes this too far with these annoying characters. Yet the sequel's cavalcade of grotesques are so over-the-top that it eventually kind of wins me over. Look at two key cast members: Demon, played by Miguel A. Núñez Jr. and his unique fashion sense, and his little brother, Reggie the Reckless. Demon is such a bizarre, ridiculous guy that him referencing enchiladas, and the horrible diarrhea it gives him, ranks among his least strange behavior. He sings a bizarre song with his girlfriend before Roy impales him. Reggie, meanwhile, gets a heroic sting on the soundtrack after running the killer over with a tractor. It's all so goofy and weird that I suspect humor was the intended effect. Why else do a pair of anachronistic greasers, who also have unnecessarily profane dialogue, wander into the story just to be killed? 

It's possible director Danny Steinman – previously of “The Unseen” and “Savage Streets” – just had a weird sense of humor. According to “Crystal Lake Memories,” he was also a raging coke-head during the entire production. This explains a lot about “A New Beginning's” manic atmosphere. There's more nudity than in previous installments, a frantic horniness characterizing these moments. (Steinman was also a former pornographer.) This coked-up energy extends to the visual design. Steinman often bathes scenes in neon light. When not doing that, he goes heavy – maybe way too heavy – on the thunder and lightning. Multiple murder scenes are punctuated with bizarre crash-zooms. That might've just been a way to conform to MPAA demanded cuts. Yet it also feels like a deliberate creative choice, that probably seemed like a good idea to a guy on his fifth or sixth line of the night. 

“A New Beginning's” ambiance of excess is also noticeable in the sheer number of kills. While previous “Fridays” topped out at fourteen murders, part five packs in over twenty. Many of these characters are so incidental that, when their dead bodies tumble out of cars or are found spiked to a tree, you don't even remember who they are. Of the deaths, some are especially grisly. Garden shears shoved into eyes, a head squeezed with a leather strap, or a road flare shoved down the throat are amusingly fucked-up. Yet too many of the deaths involve simple machete stabs or meat cleaver swinging. (Some of these forgettable executions can probably be blamed on the MPAA.) It is a little hard to believe the ferocity of these slayings when the faux-Jason looks so scrawny... And so unlike Roy the paramedic, who was played by the beefy Dick Wieand whereas the masked “Jason” was mostly played by wiry stuntman Tom Morga.  

Like most “Friday” fans, I hated “A New Beginning” the first time I saw it. Not just because I thought the Roy twist was dumb but because I found the movie utterly obnoxious. Over the years, I've grown fonder of the movie's dumb-ass instincts. While most of the characters are unmemorable, especially the totally indistinct final girl, I kind of like some of the other victims. Like New Wave girl Vi, who does a hilarious robot dance in her bedroom, or stuttering Jake, who is just trying to get some attention from the girl he likes. “A New Beginning” is definitely too crass, too greasy to be easily embraced. It's still an inglorious attempt to keep the story going. However, I do think it's a little better – or at least more entertaining – than its reputation implies. I'm not sure I'd consider myself a full-blown fan but I do kind of enjoy hanging out in this fucked-up world for ninety minutes. [6/10]

Nightmare Castle (1965)

Two years ago, as part of a concerted effort to bring more Barbara Steele into my life, I watched and reviewed “Castle of Blood.” At the time, I noted that I had, in the past, confused that movie with “Nightmare Castle.” It's an understandable mistake to make. Both are black-and-white Italian horror films, made only one year apart from each other, in which Steele vamps around a spooky, shadow-filled gothic manor. (And, like that movie, it's also in the public domain.) In fact, “Nightmare Castle” resembles a few of the films Steele starred in around the same time. Like in “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock,” it sticks the actress within a gaslighting plot involving depraved science. It also recalls “Black Sunday,” by having Steele play both an innocent maiden and her evil undead lookalike. Despite these derivative elements, “Nightmare Castle” has earned a smattering of decent reviews on its own merits.

A mad scientist by the name of Stephen Arrowsmith marries Muriel, a rich baroness. After discovering she's having an affair with the gardener, he tortures both of them to death. In the process, he learns that Muriel has willed her entire fortune to Jenny, her sister who was just released from an insane asylum. Arrowsmith – who uses his twisted experiments to restore the youth of Solange, his servant and lover – hatches a plot: He marries Jenny and, with Solange's help, attempts to drive her insane. Once Jenny's locked away again, the riches will be all his. Yet, as Jenny lives in the castle where her sister died, she begins to feel Muriel's presence... And it might not all be part of her husband's fiendish scheme.

As I said above, “Nightmare Castle” is extremely similar in story to “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock.” (Which I reviewed last September.) Both movies cast Steele as naïve women being manipulated by evil old doctors, who are trying to drive them crazy within the walls of a spooky mansion. The difference is that “Nightmare Castle” is totally open about this plot point from the beginning, instead of trying to build a mystery around the question of whether Steele's character is imagining everything or not. We see Arrowsmith kill Muriel in the beginning. We see him conceive of his sinister plot and we see him carry out certain parts of it. “Nightmare Castle,” instead, draws suspense from the question of whether Jenny is just caught up in her husband's wicked plan or if something supernatural is going on as well. It's a pretty clever way to spruce up a storyline that we've seen before. 

Of course, the plot in a movie like this is almost secondary to the real reason people like me watch it. Does “Nightmare Castle” feature Barbara Steele, looking gorgeous and fiery-eyed, wandering around a spooky old building? As soon as I knew the answer to that question is “Yes,” I was satisfied. “Nightmare Castle” does not have the level of powerful gothic atmosphere we saw in “Castle of Blood” or “The Horrible Dr. Hichcock.” This is probably because director Mario Caiano mostly made spaghetti westerns or peplum flicks. He didn't have the mastery of shadowy photography that Antonio Margheriti or Riccardo Freda did. Yet “Nightmare Castle” still features plenty of cool shit. A nightmare sequence, where Jenny experiences her sister's affair being discovered but Arrowsmith is depicted as faceless, is the film's highlight. A shot of Steele entering a dark room, the candelabra she carries slowly lighting it up, is fantastic. In the last act, as the supernatural elements become clear, Caiano turns up the lightning and rain, allowing the titular castle to be bathed in contrasting bursts of shadow and light. It's cool shit.

Steele, of course, is fantastic. As Muriel, she's absolutely wicked, mocking her husband even as he tortures her. When she reappears as a ghost with a brutally deformed face, obscured by her mane of raven hair, Steele plays her as even more delightfully evil. As Jenny, Steele is a blonde innocent, often clad in a diaphanous nightgown. Those eyes of her's – which can be described with many different words but “iconic” most of all – peer through the night in wide-eyed intensity. Watching Steele gravitate between these two poles, finding a middle ground between them near the end, is highly entertaining. Paul Muller and Helga Liné are also entertainingly over-the-top as the utterly vile villains. I even liked Marino Masé as the good guy doctor brought in to pacify Jenny, even if he's playing easily the most boring character in the film.

“Nightmare Castle” contains enough bizarre plot points to keep the audience surprised. The exact nature of Arrowsmith's mad science veers more towards alchemy than cutting-edge technology. The movie's opening barrage of torture is also a bit more explicit than I was expecting. Ultimately, “Nightmare Castle” probably ranks low on the totem pole of Steele's gothic shockers. Yet it still satisfied my desire for Exactly This Type of Thing, so I can't complain any at all. Caiano made two gialli (and a Nazisplotation movie too) but mostly stuck to the usual Italian exports of cowboys, Vikings, and gangsters. But I think he did a decent job in this territory. And if you're going to watch the movie, seek out the Severin Blu-Ray, as a lot of the public domain cuts floating around YouTube and the usual places are missing twenty minutes. [7/10]

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Breakdown 

While “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” is certainly a classic anthology series, many of its episodes fall just outside the horror genre. Luckily, there's lots of lists of the best episodes floating around which pointed me towards “Breakdown.” The seven episode of the series' first season, and one of a handful directed by Hitch himself, it concerns Mr. Callew. A high-ranking movie executive, he cruelly fires a long-time employee over the phone while on vacation. The man breaks down during the call, which disgusts Callew. As he's driving home, he wrecks his car during a jail break. He's left paralyzed, wedged between the steering wheel and his seat. Trapped inside his own body, Callew does everything he can to alert the people around him to the fact that he's still alive.

The best thing about “Breakdown” is the grim tension its presentation generates. The episode is almost entirely without music, Joseph Cotton's voice-over narration and the natural noise of the area filing out the soundtrack. When the sole movement Callew can manage – his finger tapping against a piece of metal – becomes a plot point later, that choice becomes especially important. Cotton has to be commemorated too, for managing to give a decent performance here despite his face being unmoving throughout most of the episode. 

What doesn't work about “Breakdown” is that its lead character is, very intentionally, an asshole. This half-hour is about humbling Mr. Callew. The story bends in somewhat unlikely directions, as escaped convicts wandered by his car and pillage his body. This rich man is slowly stripped of everything he has, to the point of emotional exhaustion. At which point “Breakdown” comes full circle... Yet I still feel like Mr. Callew didn't properly learn his lesson. Hitchcock went for compassion when a more gruesomely ironic ending probably would've better suited the material... Or perhaps watching too much “Tales from the Crypt/Creepshow” has rotted my brain. Despite its flaws, “Breakdown” is still a very well-done half-hour. And Hitchcock's droll, sardonic host segments count for a lot too. [7/10]

Godzilla Singular Point: Omniarch

After watching seven episodes of the show, I think I've figured out the formula used to create "Godzilla Singular Point." The series is made up of three or four components: attempts to explain the show's fairly straight-forward lore with the most convoluted, theoretically scientific gobbledygook possible; unimportant side characters intoning vaguely or pseudo-poetically about what's happening; and brief moments of genuinely entertaining kaiju theatrics. The mysterious fourth component is kind of cute or charming interactions between the characters but it appears less frequently. Let's break down how "Omniarch," the show's seventh episode, follows this trend.

In this episode, we learn that the red dust that accompanied the monsters is Archetype, the impossible molecule that seems to be the plot device driving the whole story. It's also what is allowing the kaiju to live in our world. The Godzilla bones seen in the first episode are broadcasting the mysterious song also from the first episode. This song, somehow, contains a mathematical formula that predicts the future. All of this, in fact, was predicted sixty years ago by this oft-mentioned but yet to be featured Professor Aisihara guy. More hard to understand phrases are introduced: such as the titular Singular Point, the fourth dimensional breakthrough that I think is causing kaiju to enter Earth. There's also the Orthogonal Diagonalizer, some sort of theorized device that looks a lot like the Oxygen Destroyer and can change the properties of the red dust/Archetype.

Got all that? Cause I sure as fuck don't. As if this shit wasn't hard enough to understand, Yun and Mei and other characters have to endlessly dissect this impenetrable jargon. When that's not happening, we have mentions of something called SHIVA, mysterious characters whose names I can't even remember doing shit mysteriously, and wannabe philosophical conversations that compare the show's events to the Book of Revelations. I just feel like none of this nonsense was necessary to tell a story about a dimensional rift allowing giant monsters to invade Earth.

That leaves us with those rare moments of Kaiju doing cool shit, otherwise known as the sole reason I'm still watching this show. Godzilla kills a Manda and splatters its blood across the Tokyo skyline. He emerges onto land, changes into an amphibious form resembling Varan... And then the episode never gets back to that plot point for the rest of its runtime. Meanwhile, Jet Jauguar gets another upgrade that includes a spear made from Anguirus' horn, which is pretty cool. Lastly, Salunga continues to climb out of the underground research facility but is captured again. It's harder to care about that monster because he's more entangled in the show's incomprehensible science. (And he's just not as cool as the others.) Anyway, I've given up on "Singular Point" ever satisfying me but there's only six episodes left, so I guess I'll finish it. [5/10]