Halloween 2020: October 28th

Scare Me (2020)

As I've pointed out roughly a hundred times already, the horror omnibus movie is alive and well in the 21st century. In fact, it's getting to the point where I'm almost tired of the idea. It seems like just about every spin on the genre has been done at this point. Interweaving stories? Dead and done. Famous directors handling each tale? Driven into the ground. Doing stories based on holidays/letters of the alphabet/found footage? Please. At this point, it must seem like there is no new variation on the “collection of macabre tales” premise. Yet, here in 2020, I think someone has cooked up a clever new take. “Scare Me” played some festivals earlier in the year and picked up decent buzz. Josh Ruben's film would arrive on Shudder a while back and, as Halloween creeps ever closer, this sounded like just the perfect spooky gift to myself.

Fred is a would-be writer, though he's never successfully completed a story. He rents a cabin in the rural countryside, not long after a snow has covered the land. He finds the isolation doesn't help him nearly as much as he hoped. While out on a run, he meets Fanny, an author of a recently published and critically acclaimed zombie novel. Later that night, there's a power outage. Fanny comes over and suggests, out of boredom, that the two tell scary stories in order to pass the time. They weave various tales – about werewolves, creepy grandpas, trolls, demon-possessed pop stars – and are even joined by an enthusiastic pizza boy. Yet, as the night goes on, some tension begins to grow between the two.

“Scare Me” finds a clever riff on the horror anthology premise by approaching it from the inside out. This is not a movie so much about a collection of scary stories. It's about the people telling the scary stories, essentially making it an anthology where the framing device is the main feature. Making this approach even more interesting is how the movie brings the stories to life. As Fred tells his werewolf tale, we hear the sound effects as he dramatically pantomimes. We'll see a werewolf claw reach out of the darkness but mostly it's just the actors, their voices, music and sound telling these tales. “Scare Me” has fun playing with this idea. Most of the stories are cut off before the end, so we never learn the exact details of Fred's werewolf hunter or Fanny's haunted granddaughter. When telling their tale of a troll inside the walls of a “edible basket” business, Fred crawls around and does a creepy voice. This elastic approach to storytelling reaches its delightful peak when a musical number breaks out during the demonic pop star story, a wonderfully unexpected occurrence.

The truth is, though, “Scare Me” isn't actually about its stories. It's about the interaction between the storytellers. From the opening scene, the film has a somewhat shrill sense of humor. Fred's Uber driver tells a rambling version of her own novel, repeatedly mispronouncing James Cameron's last name. Sometimes, Fred and Fanny come across as intensely unlikable people. Fred has some obvious hang-ups about women and a lack of original ideas. Fanny is a snobby hipster at times, dismissing other people's ideas and shitting on “Silver Bullet.” Yet their feuding personalities eventually reveal a mirror into the creative process. Fanny writes stories to attack the injustices she sees in the world, focusing her tales on abusive men and creepy authority figures. Fred writes stories to right wrongs in his personal life, giving himself a more interesting childhood origin or reorganizing romantic turbulence. Both, ultimately, are motivated by largely petty reasons. 

Inevitably, the tension between the two boils over. The differences between the two – Fanny is successful, Freddy isn't, Freddy is a bitter man, Fanny is a vocal woman – only grow more pronounced. At first, the two can be playful about it. However, that ugly discomfort can only stay hidden for so long. The film hints at a darker history for Freddy but backs away. No, he's not a serial killer. He's just a resentful, mediocre white man. Fanny's not entirely without fault either but the bubbling discourse between them effectively sets up a thrilling, uncertain final segment. “Scare Me” had largely been a goofy horror/comedy before this point yet it successfully generates unease in these final scenes. Befitting the structure “Scare Me” has set up before this point, this last act concludes on an uncertain and amusingly off-hand manner. 

The reviews of “Scare Me” have been mixed. How much you like the movie seems to depend on how much you can relate to the abrasive characters. I personally see too much of myself in both of these assholes to dislike them totally. Josh Ruben and Aya Cash's performances are studied and frequently hilarious. As a flip on a familiar genre format, “Scare Me” is clever. As a wacky horror/comedy, it got a lot of laughs out of me too. As an examination of male entitlement and toxicity, it's not as bright as it thinks it is but still manages to cook up an interesting conclusion. Two out of three ain't bad. If you're a head-up-your-ass writer type too, you should probably give this one a look. [7/10]

Daigoro vs. Goliath (1972)

Kaijû daifunsen: Daigorou tai Goriasu

By the start of the seventies, Japan's “kaiju boom” was essentially over. At that point, the only giant monster movies being released theatrically were part of long-running series like “Godzilla” and “Gamera.” And those series were becoming increasingly cheap and childish, furthering the public opinion that kaiju movies were primarily for little kids by this point. Perhaps this is because giant monster shows were popular on television, commercially diluting the idea as it were. In 1972, Toho would team up with Tsuburaya Productions, the creators of the wildly popular “Ultraman,” to make a brand new kaiju movie. That film, “Daigoro vs. Goliath,” would be pitched entirely at the grade school set, easily ranking as one of the goofiest of all Japanese monster flicks. 

Some time ago, a giant monster emerge from the sea and started wrecking Japan. The military successfully killed the creature with a missile... Only to discover that she was a mom and left behind a baby kaiju. Quickly named Daigoro, the infant monster became a ward of the state. Years later, Daigoro is growing larger and eating more food, starting to exceed the budget afforded to feeding him. Kids try to raise money for the monster, while an eccentric inventor hopes to win a contest and use his winnings for the same cause. When another monster falls from outer space, the weather controlling Goliath, Daigoro is recruited to help save the day. But is the still juvenile monster up to the fight?

Including “Daigoro vs. Goliath” in a horror movie marathon is stretching the definition of “horror.” This film is largely an extremely silly comedy targeted exclusively at young children. The slapstick antics of the inventor are often hard to swallow. A sequence devoted to him riding a rocket-powered bike he's made goes on for way too long, concluding with a farcical explosion. A later scene, where he tries to invent “magic shoes,” is similarly long-winded and ludicrous. (Though energetically directed, if nothing else.) “Daigoro vs. Goliath's” comedy isn't just based in kid-friendly wackiness. Several scenes are devoted to a supporting character, a portly alcoholic, trying to give up the booze. At one point, he imagines a beer billboard coming to life and handing him a drink. Later, he's so desperate for sake that he drinks hot springs water instead. That's the kind of subplot you probably wouldn't see in an American kids movie. 

“Daigoro vs. Goliath” was originally conceived as a Godzilla movie, in which he'd right a creature call Redmoon. Ultimately, I'm glad the King of the Monster was cut from this one as the kaiju action is fairly underwhelming. Daigoro is an exceptionally goofy looking beast, more hippo or dog than fearsome dragon. He spends most of the movie sleeping or rubbing his grumbling tummy. Goliath, who is only in three scenes, is an indistinct blue dinosaur with a big horn. His arms flop around in an unconvincing manner. Save for a few hilariously awkward drop kicks, the fight scenes between the two are underwhelming, with Daigoro's defeat of Goliath being especially anticlimactic. Yet “Daigoro vs. Goliath” does feature one or two clever gags. The scenes devoted to Daigoro's mother, who resembles both a cat and a snake, are cool. A close-up of Goliath's nostrils flaring is neat. Lastly, a sequence devoted to Daigoro using an enormous water closest the government has built him truly must be seen to be believed. 

Even Daigoro's kaiju-sized outhouse is not the craziest thing about this film. No, the wildest thing about “Daigoro vs. Goliath” is that, no matter how childish most of the movie is, it still concerns itself with the serious issues the rest of the kaiju genre is built around. Daigoro's Mother was awoken by a crashed nuclear submarine. When the idea of dropping a nuclear bomb on Goliath is considered, many express concern that this would destroy the biology of the ocean. A minor supporting character even questions if mankind will exist much longer on Earth, if we continue to disrespect the natural order of the world. Not to mention part of the film's plot involves the government's reluctance in paying to feed a giant monster. Which leads to little kids badgering a businessman into donating to their cause. Even a Japanese monster movie as childish as this one can't escape the spectre of nuclear annihilation and civilization being out-of-order that birthed the subgenre. 

Even though “Daigoro vs. Goliath” is technically a kaiju movie from the creators of “Godzilla,” it has never been officially distributed in the United States. You'd think somebody would've tried to stick this on DVD or Blu-Ray, seeing as how kaiju fans tend to be a comprehensive sort. Luckily, a subtitled copy found its way onto Youtube recently. It's probably among the more inessential kaiju flicks I've seen and certainly nowhere near as epic as you'd expect from a collaboration between Toho and the “Ultraman” studio. It does feature far less scenes of kids in tiny shorts running around and yelling than the contemporary Godzilla and Gamera flicks, which is a factor in its favor. (Though there are several juvenile songs instead.) I'm still glad I had a chance to check this oddball obscurity out. [6/10]

A Return to Salem's Lot (1987)

Stephen King movies are, of course, legion. I doubt the man himself could name all the adaptations of his work. Yet even stranger are the subcategory of sequels to Stephen King movies. With the rare exception of “Doctor Sleep,” most of the sequels to King-related works are barely connected to the famous author's words. The majority, like the roughly ten thousand “Children of the Corn” sequels or “The Rage: Carrie 2,” are purely mercenary cash-ins that attach a prominent name to an otherwise unrelated film. It's not like anybody was really asking for two sequels to “The Mangler,” ya know? Occasionally, a sequel to a King movie pops up that at least has a notable director attached. Whatever you may think of its quality, “Pet Sematery Two” is boosted by having Mary Lambert in the director's chair. Similarly, a second “Salem's Lot” movie – the unprecedented example of a television mini-series getting a theatrically released sequel – has gained some extra cult cred because Larry Cohen directed it. 

Documentary filmmaker Joe Weber is called away from a jungle adventure because his ex-wife and her new husband are tired of dealing with their delinquent son, Jeremy. Not knowing what else to do with the kid, Joe drives to his childhood home town: Jerusalem's Lot in Maine. Upon arriving, Joe realizes the town is different. The locals are hostile to outsiders. People disappear at night. Most of the townsfolks don't seem to come out during the day. Soon, the residents of Salem's Lot reveal their true vampiric nature. They invite Joe to write their history, while Jeremy quickly becomes integrated into the undead lifestyle. Yet the writer soon realize he's made a mistake and that the bloodsuckers plan to steal their lives and their souls. 

“A Return to Salem's Lot” has almost nothing to do with Stephen King's original book or Tobe Hooper's mini-series. No, the Nosferatu-like Mr. Barlow is not in the movie, despite being on the poster. What “A Return to Salem's Lot” does have is Larry Cohen's trademark social commentary. The vampires in Salem's Lot have been here for centuries, coming over at the same time as the pilgrims. They have amassed considerable wealth over the years. Any undesirables that wander through town are quickly killed and drained. Their human prey are directly compared to cattle. As petty revenge against Joe, the vamps begin to kill innocent passer-bys again. They justify their cruelty by trying to insist they were being “reasonable” before. By the way, the cops are also their mindless slaves. If all of that was too subtle for you, Cohen makes sure all the most powerful vampires are old white authority figures. (There are, notably, no black people in Salem's Lot.) Making the rich and powerful bloodsuckers simply literalizes what they do anyway. Cohen ends the film by impaling the master vampire with an American flag, making his opinion on capitalists and where they belong in the American tradition all the more obvious. 

While Cohen's smart-ass subtext is as sly as ever, other elements of “A Return to Salem's Lot” are less compelling. This film would be a cap-off to the series of eighties collaborations between Cohen and Michael Moriarty. Moriarty, naturally, makes an impression in his opening scene. He refuses to stop the tribal sacrifice he's recording and punches out his cameraman when he calls him an asshole. When the boy is introduced, he's just as foul-mouthed and attitude-driven as his dad. Which is pretty funny. However, “A Return to Salem's Lot” soon looses sight of the father/son angle. Joe is seduced by his childhood crush, who never forgot about him and considers him age-appropriate now. Jeremy, meanwhile, takes a liking to his vampire neighbors without much reason. The father's decision to protect his child is a dramatic shift the script never justifies. Joe just arbitrarily changes his mind when it's time for the last act to kick in. Moriarty is compelling as ever, though Ricky Addison Reed – in his sole screen appearance – is a little wooden as Jeremy.

As a horror movie, “A Return to Salem's Lot” is fairly low-key. The vampires are immediately introduced sucking on some New Wave teens, so the slow reveal of Hooper's mini-series is not present. While some scenes are memorably off-beat – a group of child vampires attacking two men, a wedding between two of the young vampires – the film is never scary or especially gory. Midway through the film, Cohen introduces an elderly traveler named Van Meer, played by legendary indie director Samuel Fuller. Fuller soon reveals himself as a “not a Nazi hunter, a Nazi killer.” It only continues Cohen's point to discover that some of the vamps were Nazis too. At that point, “A Return to Salem's Lot” becomes full-fledged monster movie fun. The last act, devoted to Moriarty and Fuller traveling around town and staking vampires or dousing them with holy water, is gooey creature feature entertainment. Fuller is fantastically entertaining. The vampire make-up, which becomes more grotesque as the film goes on, are amusingly gooey. If the whole movie had been like this, it would be a beloved cult classic. 

Upon release, “A Return to Salem's Lot” was widely loathed. People were seemingly insulted that the movie was largely unrelated to King's novel. Much like 1987's other Moriarty/Cohen team-up, “It's Alive III,” “A Return to Salem's Lot” was intended for the direct-to-video market before Warner Bros changed their mind and gave it a limited theatrical release instead. Thanks to video rentals and countless cable airings, the quasi-sequel would acquire a cult following over the years. It's not the high-light of Cohen's career and one does get the impression that he wasn't terribly invested in the material, which is probably why he made it so completely his own. Yet, once it gets rolling in the second half, “A Return to Salem's Lot” is still an enjoyable time for fans of eighties horror flicks and vampire shenanigans. [7/10]

Death Metal (2017)

It's definitely time to introduce some metal into the season. “Death Metal,” an absurdist horror/comedy short from 2017, begins with a pretty funny image. That would be a death metal guitarist attempting to shred some doomy riffs for tips in the park. This, predictably, does not go well for him. That's when his dad presents him with an ancient family heirloom: A black guitar made from a pentagram and a battle axe. It was forged by the devil in exchange for their grandfather's soul. The guitar will gift its player with amazing skill but comes with three rules. You can only play it at night. You can't use it to make money. And you can't do that pose where you pretend the guitar is your dick. Lars immediately breaks all three rules, unleashing gory mayhem in the park. 

Only being five minutes long, there's not a lot to “Death Metal.” About half of its brief runtime is devoted to setting up its premise. The second half revolves around the carnage the guitar reaps in the park. The battle axe shoots off and gorily tears through random people in the park. This is the kind of outrageous gore comedy that horror fans love. “Death Metal” happily, sarcastically rips through a series of taboos. Each time the flying axe – shot in energetic close-ups as it soars through the air – collides with someone, bodies are torn apart and blood spews everywhere. It's elaborate slapstick special effects comedy. The best gag involving a huge hole being blasted through someone's chest only for another guy to have his face pushed through this hole. Naturally, the death metal guy's reaction to this is amusement. But don't worry, he gets what's coming to him. The special effects are obviously gruesome but cartoony enough that they amuse, instead of disturbing. “Death Metal” only has one joke but extends that joke as far as it can before wrapping up just in time. Rock on. [7/10]